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dianapocalypse · 3 years ago

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Alright y’all, with the release of Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, it’s time for me to share my playlist for the entire trilogy.

I’ve refined this over like six years so scientifically speaking it’s probably good right. oh also it’s four hours long. so if you have a road trip or a boring job, this one’s for you. disclaimer, it’s entirely possible I have garbage taste in music. I also missed some characters and moments because there’s 65 songs here and I am merely human.

If you don’t have the patience for four hours, I recommend starting at track 45 and listening to the end, as the Mass Effect 3 portion is the strongest in my opinion.

UNDER THE CUT FOR DESCRIPTIONS WE GO!

FIRST MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 1

1. Atlas - Coldplay Eden Prime

“Sometimes the wire Must tense for the note Caught in the fire, say oh We're about to explode“

I really like the atmosphere of this song. It’s ominous, but also somehow hopeful, and makes me feel like Something Huge Is Coming.

2. I Will Not Sing A Hateful Song - Constantines Paragon Shepard

“But I was also born and raised To always speak and listen clear To know the last sound that I make Could be the last sound that I hear“

OK, listen, I think this song is about vampires, and I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a metaphor or not. But I think this is a great song about controlling one’s temper, about knowing that you have to Rise Above the parts of you that want to lash out sometimes to get things done and have peace. Seeing as how paragon Shepard, to me, always seems like they’re three deep breaths away from snapping, but manage to keep it in check, it fits them to a T.

And also maybe they’re a vampire.

3. Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley Renegade Shepard

“So I let the rumors Turn me into a legend 'Cause I'm only human But a good myth is hard to kill”

This one’s a recent addition, but holy cow, I love it for Renegade Shep, particularly an Earthborn or Ruthless, but it works for any of them.

4. We Own the Skies - Five Iron Frenzy Joker

“My hands are bleeding where they often crack The stars will sometimes burn with longing Through the choking black Of night shifts piling each against the next”

This really vibes with Joker’s backstory for me, his super driven serious self in flight school, contrasted with who he is when he can fly a ship. He’s the best pilot in the goddamn fleet and I love him.

5. I Just Wanna See - Smash Mouth Kaidan Alenko

“Mister moon checkin' on how y'all livin' The stars all winkin' at the day that's dimmin' I just wanna see”

This song fits into his reactions to first showing up at the Citadel and his former romanticism about living in space. Ironically, it’s a song about Earth, but I feel like it works well for him. Also, Smash Mouth absolutely sounds like the kind of music Kaidan would listen to, no I will not be taking questions or constructive criticism.

6. Don’t Give Up - Noisettes Ashley Williams

“She's got a talented face and a suitcase Ain't got no desire to go no place In her case she's got no desire with her hand in the flame say's she don't feel the fire “

The energy of this song is just perfect for Ashley’s no-nonsense chip on her shoulder attitude.

7. About As Helpful As You Can Be Without Being Any Help At All - Dan Mangan The Council

“I was thrown in the boat/Cast out to sea Friendly with waves/There were sharks below Hungry for me/So I dangled my leg”

I mean, the title says it all.

8. The Captain - Guster Anderson

“Courageous, just like the captain Marching forward with no doubt in his head”

I have adored this song ever since my friend played it for me, and it’s the ultimate mentor-protégé jam for me.

9. Secret Agent Man - Johnny Rivers Garrus Vakarian

“Here's a man who leads a life of danger To everyone he meets he stays a stranger Oh, with every move he makes another chance he takes The odds are he won't live to see tomorrow”

I have to poke a little fun at Garrus and how seriously he takes himself in Mass Effect 1. I romanced him across four playthrus, I’m allowed!

10. I’m Getting Too Old For This Shit - Kill Lincoln Urdnot Wrex

“This random apathy/I swear it's killing me But I guess it's all the same, till the devil knows my name”

I don’t know ANYTHING about this band, but this song fits Wrex’s disillusionment with the Krogan well, plus, like. The title. (And also, that he secretly DOES care what happens to the Krogan.)

11. Bird Song - Juniper Vale Tali’zorah nar Rayya

“I want to dance on the horizon line But there is something I am caged behind I have a heart made for take flight But I'm low, so low”

I adore this song and the sound of Juniper Vale in general. The etherealness of this one, combined with the youthful optimism, feels very Tali. The line about ‘something I am caged behind’ works well for the suits, too. This one’s especially good if you’re a Talimancer!

12. 11. Green Garden - Laura Mvula Liara T’Soni

“And I’ll fly on the wings of a butterfly High as a tree top and down again Putting my bag down, taking my shoes off Walk on the carpet of green velvet”

I really like this song’s vibes and I feel like Liara fits it well, particularly in ME1, before all her youthful optimism is stripped from her. The scenery descriptions feel very Thessia, too.

13. Feed Me (Git It) - Little Shop of Horrors The Thorian

“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!”

Do you get it. Do you get my joke. It’s because the Thorian is a plant that eats people. (I’m not funny)

14. Blindness - Metric Matriarch Benezia

“I was a blind fool, never complained All the survivors singing in the rain “

I don’t love the use of blind here as a negative, albeit metaphorical, descriptor, but I think this song fits Benezia’s indoctrination and death well. If you have suggestions for another, though, let me know!

15. Technologic - Daft Punk Saren

“Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it”

I just think it’s Neat

16. Watershed - Vienna Teng The Reapers

“ While you were building your empires I was still sleeping”

I think this is the song that inspired the entire playlist. Vienna Teng sat down and decided to write a song from the perspective of a natural disaster, and it’s so ominous and gut-wrenching.

17. Hourglass - The Hush Sound Virmire

“This is how it ends We believe every lie and say we'll be friends How long will it last? Before we scratch all the scripts and we rework the cast “

hahahahah rework the cast get it because you have to pick who DIES

Seriously tho I really like this song for Virmire and that moment of choice that feels like it lasts 100 years on some playthroughts.

18. Pompeii - Bastille The Siege of the Citadel

“ And the walls kept tumbling down In the city that we love”

Throwback to when this song was on the radio like three times an hour. Which is around the time I made the first draft of this playlist, incidentally! It’s such a good Final Battle Jam for the Citadel, and the part about “if you close your eyes/does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all” I think work really well for Shepard in this sequence. Shepard knew the Reapers were coming, had been fighting them all along; this attack on the Citadel is just retreading familiar territory for them, as horrifying as the war being brought to their doorstep is for the Citadel’s citizens and the council. James Vega has some good dialogue about that kind of thing in ME3.

INTERLUDE THE FIRST

19. Starships - Nicki Minaj The Normandy Crew

Starships were meant to fly Hands up and touch the sky

I like to have a little fun OK

20. Gravity - Yoko Kanno The Death of Commander Shepard

“Am I alone? is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet still the road keeps on telling me to go on”

Welcome to mood whiplash, it’s my specialty! This is the part where you die. I think it also works for her coma very well, when she’s just drifting between life and death, not sure what’s going on, but something keeps trying to pull her back to the world.

SECOND MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 2

21. The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy The Lazarus Project

“Hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out? I'm gonna change you like a remix Then I'll raise you like a phoenix “

this song has no right to go as hard as it does and if you think it’s melodramatic shut up

22. My Body Is A Cage - Peter Gabriel Commander Shepard

“I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving Still my heart beats so slow “

This works particularly well if you romanced The Virmire Survivor, but this song captures the energy of Shepard freaking out bc they are trapped with Cerberus, because Cerberus rebuilt their body from the ground up. That jarring, caged feeling is so palpable in ME2 that when they gave me back Joker the first time I played, I BURST INTO SOBS from relief.

23. The Lady is a Vamp - The Spice Girls Miranda Lawson

“That's all in the past, legends built to last But she's got something new”

Listen. She’s a bond babe. Handbags, heels and pistols rock. She’s got class. This is a song about Miranda. That is all.

24. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down Jacob Taylor

“ I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you “

This one’s about the Vibes for me. Also can apply to his past relationship with Miranda. I’m also super showing my age on this song, oof haha.

25. Stable Song - Death Cab For Cutie Colony Abduction

“Rows of deserted houses all Our stable mates highway bound “

I really like the mood of this one for showing up on the very first abducted colony, the eerieness and sadness of it all and Shepard’s resolve to do something about it.

26. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn Kasumi Goto

“I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion You ain't call the cops, you call the fire station”

THAT COUPLET ALONE MAKES THE ENTIRE SONG. I love how playful and cheeky it is.

27. Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix - The White Stripes, Glitch Mob Zaeed Massani

“And I'm talking to myself at night Because I can't forget Back and forth through my mind Behind a cigarette”

Pretty sure we all had this on some playlist or another when it came out, and it’s the perfect Badass With A Grudge song.

28. Science is Real - They Might Be Giants Mordin Solus

“ And when a theory emerges Consistent with the facts The proof is with science The truth is with science “

This one actually got added by my wife to replace a song that wasn’t on Spotify, but that has the same energy; Hank Green’s “I Fucking Love Science”. I get more into the emotional side of Mordin in the ME3 section, but I also really just love his Hamster On Coffee energy and this song captures it really well.

29. Prove Yourself - Radiohead Garrus Vakarian

“I can't afford to breathe in this town Nowhere to sit without a gun in my hand Hooked back up to the cathode ray

I'm better off dead “

The absolute rock bottom mental state Garrus is in when you get back to him in ME2 is so heartwrenching. Might not always agree with my boy’s methods, but he’s one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

30. Rat a Tat - Fallout Boy Feat. Courtney Love Jack

“We are professional ashes of roses, this kerosene's live You settled your score, this is where you come to beg”

It helps that Courtney Love sounds exactly like Jack to me, NGL.

31. Defeat You - Smash Mouth Grunt

“Hey I know what you've done It makes it that much better to defeat you “

Only I am brave enough to put two songs by Smash Mouth on the same playlist, to be shared in 2021

32. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Horizon/The Virmire Survivor

“If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand Hope you find out what you want Already know what I am “

Hits harder if you romanced the Virmire Survivor. Mostly from Shep’s perspective. This is a Shep that feels Bad after that encounter rather than Mad, so Your Mileage May Vary.

33. Violet Stars Happy Hunting! - Janelle Monae Tali’zorah vas Neema

“I'm an alien from outer space I'm a cyber-girl without a face a heart or a mind”

I just like the vibes of this one for Tali! I know it’s more about an actual AI but...IDK. I like it. So there.

34. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Thane Krios

“There is no pain you are receding A distant ship smoke on the horizon”

This song works both on a Literal level with his Kepral’s syndrome struggles, but also Metaphorical re: his Battle Sleep. Plus, Thane is a dad, so he gets Dad Rock.

35. My Medea - Vienna Teng Samara

“For I have made her prison be Her every step away from me And this child I would destroy If you tried to set her free “

Mom of the year award, here

36. Toxic - Britney Spears Morinth

“There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit, baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm loving it”

If Morinth weren’t so under-utilized after recruitment and didn’t get killed off in the background of ME3 I’d probably actually recruit her sometimes. I almost did on my most recent playthru bc that Shepard just HATES SPACE COPS. Anyway the song explains itself

37. Turn me On - David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj EDI/The Collector Attack

“My body needs a hero Come and save me Something tells me you know how to save me”

I know this song is a metaphor but also it works really well both literally and metaphorically for Joker saving EDI

38. Robots - Dan Mangan Legion

“Robots need love too They want to be loved by you “

The Geth just want to live peacefullyyyyyy

39. Be Still - The Killers Love Interest Theme

“Be still / someday you’ll leave fearlessness on your sleeve”

This song works so well for the night before Omega-4. If you had an ME2 love interest, anyway. Also “fearlessness on your sleeve” is one of my favorite set of words ever written.

40. No Cars Go - Arcade Fire The Omega-4 Relay

“We know a place no spaceships go We know a place where no subs go “

This one’s pretty literal.

41. Rocketman - Elton John Suicide Mission

“ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home “

I like sneaking some Classics onto my playlists, and I think this is how I generally approach Shepard’s mindset during the Suicide Mission, mostly the chorus. I’m also a sucker for ballads during action sequences. This one isn’t a perfect 1:1 but the Vibes check out.

42. Blast Off - David Guetta feat. Kaz James The Normandy Crew

“Got all my people with me And none of us give a fuck So put dem hands up higher Let's smash this party up”

You have to imagine they partied HARD after recovering from Suicide Mission, but before Shep got arrested, right??? This is the Starships for ME2.

INTERLUDE THE SECOND

43. I’m Not Your Hero - Tegan and Sara Liara T’soni

“ Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart Learning all I know now, losing all I did I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead “

This feels like a good coming of age moment for Liara, as she copes with the choices she made in the 2 years of Shepard’s death (giving them to Cerberus), losing Feron, etc. This is her coming into her own as the Shadow Broker. She’s not meant to be an uncomplicated Big Damn Hero, but she can do good from this position.

44. The Well and the Lighthouse - Arcade Fire The Alpha Relay Incident

“I'm serving time All for a crime I did commit You want the truth? You know I'd do it all again“

These opening lines I feel capture the Alpha Relay Incident really well, and how Shepard did what they HAD to do there, and would do it again, but it still feels like shit. I always wished there was more choice on that mission, but also, having something like that happen without player agency is interesting. Shepard is at their most interesting, I think, in times where we DON’T have a say in what happens to them.

45. Reignite - Malukah Commander Shepard

“Crush my heart into embers, and I will reignite”

Is it cheating to use a Mass Effect fan song on my playlist? I certainly don’t think so, and this is the best Mass Effect fan song ever written.

THIRD MOVEMENT - MASS EFFECT 3

46. This Is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars Leaving Earth

“It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie The moment to live and the moment to die The moment to fight, the moment to fight To fight, to fight, to fight “

It feels Too Easy to use this here but I’m gonna anyway. You’ve seen AMVs of this set to everything. It’s the ending song of DA:O. It’s the quintessential World At War song.

47. Battleborn - The Killers James Vega

“Up against the wall There's something dying on the street When they knock you down You're gonna get back on your feet”

James Vega is massively underrated and I will love him til I’m cold in the ground. Aro icon.

48. Handlebars - Flobots The Illusive Man

“I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let 'em all die of exasperation Have 'em all healed of their lacerations Have 'em all killed by assassination”

The way this song escalates fits TIM and Cerberus’s fall back into being Just Full On Evil really well. Perfect song for a power trip.

49. Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - The Decemberists The Virmire Survivor

“And I am nothing of a builder But here I dreamt I was an architect And I built this balustrade To keep you home, to keep you safe From the outside world”

I like this song for how the Virmire Survivor feels about their survivor’s guilt and also about Shepard. I honestly wish they were both more heavily utilized in ME2 and 3, but I realize it’s hard to write a ton of content for characters who just aren’t in half of all peoples’ playthrus.

50. Heaven Knows - The Pretty Reckless Grisson Academy

“One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie Show your life with your head held high“

This song is so perfect for Jack and her biotic kids that she’s one of the only returning characters that gets her own song on this playlist

51. The Great Fire - OK Go Javik

“But when the flames die down, and everything is gone, Will there be fire under the ashes still?”

Self explanatory. Javik is the fire remaining under the ashes.

52. Bring the Hammer Down - Paragon Priority: Tuchanka/Kalros

“ Hammer strikes the anvil A rage that breaks the chain Strikes down like a lightening In our ranks “

KALROOOOOS

53. Wake Up - Arcade Fire Curing The Genophage/Mordin Solus

“If the children don't grow up, Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up. We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms, turnin' every good thing to Rust I guess we'll just have to adjust”

I just really love this song as an image of Mordin’s spirit looking out over Tuchanka as the genophage cure is dispersed, and watching over future generations. If you didn’t cure the genophage, how dare you. No song for you.

Anyway started tearing up listening to this one while writing the description don’t look at me

54. Ballad of a Politician - Regina Spektor Councillor Udina/Priority Citadel 2

“A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men This is how it happens/Our carefully laid plans”

traitor

55. Cyborgs vs. Robots - Ludo The Geth-Quarian War

“But your iron fist will never knock me down 'Cause I'm powered By a conscious right to conduct my life without fear.”

This is probably a bit silly for this awful war. But also. It does fit. You can’t tell me it doesn’t. Just save them both at the end and you can feel fine having some fun with it!

56. Artificial Heart - Jonathan Coulton The Geth

“It's not a real heart It is a real artificial heart”

Just a little fun with the Geth! This works best with Reaper Upgrades.

57. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess The Citadel DLC

“What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you, but I know it's mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends”

I happen to prefer this version to any other because of how much fun it sounds like they’re having

58. Dark In Here - The Mountain Goats Priority: Earth

“Steal away at sundown, pick a place to hide Check for signs of ambush, hunker down inside Tired of running, tired of never standing still Hear them riding up the hill“

You know I had to get the Goats in here. Would it be a fan playlist if there wasn’t one?

59. Adieu - Yoko Kanno Leaving your Love Interest/Shepard and the Beam

“My love for you burns deep inside me / So strong Embers of times we had And now, here I stand / Lost in a memory I see your face, and smile”

...do I need to say more than that?

60. My Way (Minor Key) - Chase Holfelder The Indoctrination of The Illusive Man

“Regrets, I've had a few/But then again, too few to mention I did what I had to do/I saw it through, without exemption“

This cover takes this song from something I tolerate when I hear it to one of my FAVORITE songs. The frenzied way he sings the “through it all” verse is PEAK Indoctrinated TIM.

61. I’m Alive - Disturbed Refusal

“There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice To change myself, I'd rather die/Though they will not understand”

Honestly I didn’t “get” the Refusal ending until I heard this song, then I was like, OH, I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY NOW. This is my favorite in-universe Shepard take on the Refusal ending. I always got it from the player’s perspective of being dissatisfied with the options, but this one puts it into the world for me. This is a Shepard who does not trust the Starchild. This is a Shepard that chooses to end things on their own terms rather than submit to their designs.

62. Machine - Regina Spektor Control

“I collect my moments Into a correspondence With a mightier power Who just lacks my perspective And who lacks my organics And who covets my defects “

I used to have Adieu here, actually, because like Refusal, I didn’t used to GET the Control ending. Now, I do, in part thanks to hearing this song. I mean, just go look at the full lyrics. If this song hadn’t been written years before the end of Mass Effect 3, I’d swear it was a fan song for it.

63. Maybe Tomorrow - Yuki Kajiura Destroy

“The moon is gone And the night is still so dark I'm a little bit afraid of tomorrow“

I’m a Destroy Ending person, I won’t lie. Full on “the starchild is a liar and my synthetic friends are FINE” indoctrination theory level destroy ending. But this song is not about that. It’s about the canonical destroy ending, and if you prefer a Shep that survives it, this song’s for you.

This song captures the exhaustion and melancholy of the end of a long journey so well. Shepard is afraid of what comes next, the collateral damage resulting from their actions. But they know that, at least, it’s over now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

64. Waiting For the End - Linkin Park Synthesis

“ I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got”

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. The hardest part of ending is starting again. Oof. Gets me every single time. Shepard finding the resolve to sacrifice themself for the hope of something better, of things not going how they planned, ever, of learning to make peace with that and the people who loved them learning to carry on without them? OOF.

65. Shine - Vienna Teng Epilogue

“Shine with all the untold Hold the light given unto you Find the love to unfold In this broken world we choose“

Vienna Teng is a master of capturing life’s softer emotions, and this fits perfectly with the epilogue scene for me. Tell me again about the Shepard.

“Find the love to unfold in this broken world we choose” has to be one of the greatest lines about the human experience ever written.

#mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #no one's gonna listen to this #but i need the world to know it exists #it took me as long as the playlist is to put this together

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 4 years ago

Text

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7.

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k.

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020.

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want! slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

#ayri writes #tw drug mention

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backtobackbakubabe · 5 years ago

Text

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 4)

Bakugo x Reader

ANGST HOLY SHIT ANGST.

Words: 2613

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

Today was your first day on the job with your new partner. You couldn't exactly say you were disappointed with who you chose. Izuku had gone to school with you and he actually had known Katsuki longer than you had. He was just as surprised as you when Katsuki had recommended that you team up with “Fucking Deku” Shocking you further he finally decided who he was going to team up with... He picked... Denki...

Bakugo claimed there were no good options and he didn't want to talk about it. But you got the feeling that he was a little excited about fighting with one of his UA pals again.

Izuku insisted that you call him by his hero name while on duty, but you just felt wrong calling him Deku when you knew the origin. But you complied and told him he could call you by your hero name if he wanted. You told him about how you had gone back and forth on names for a while but you had finally landed on Adsum.

“Oh cool! If you don't mind my asking what does it mean? I mean it sounds pretty but I don't think I’ve ever heard it before.”

You had forgotten how adorable Izuku’s little nerd mumbles were, “It’s latin for I am here. You know because I teleport so its like one second I’m here and the next I’m there... It’s kind of stupid...”

Deku’s jaw dropped, “WHAT! Thats the coolest name I’ve ever heard! THATS ALL MIGHTS CATCH PHRASE! Oh wow I’m so jealous. I wish I would have thought of that. That would be so cool to have All Might’s catch phrase in a different language as your hero name. Latin is such a beautiful language....”

You tuned him out as you opened up a new text to Bakugo.

y/n: I’ve spent all of 15 mins with Deku and I’ve already gotten him to nerd mumble twice lol. I’m totally going to make this a game! See how many times I can get him to do it in a day.

Babe: Fucking nerd...

Babe: His records 12 by the way.

y/n : Oh Yeah? And how would you know that?

Babe: Same reason I know he’s mumbling right now and you’re totally ignoring him... I'm observant.

Your head snapped up. No way. Where was he hiding? Was that asshole really watching you on your first day apart?

“Oi Deku!”

Deku stiffened a moment out of habit before he schooled himself to turn around and face Bakugo, who had somehow managed to sneak up on both of you.

“Oh hi Kacha... I mean Ground Zero!” As much of an asshole as Bakugo was to Deku, Deku never really seemed to let it get to him. “What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Kaminari?”

Bakugo walked past Deku without so much as a glance as he stood in front of you, feet firmly planted, arms crossed over his chest, and eyes boring into yours. “Deku I’m only going to tell you this once. Keep an eye on her. She’s sneaky and will run off on her own. So try to keep up for once in your life.” He smirked at your irritated glare before he continued. “I’ve honesty thought about putting a bell around her neck. But if you listen carefully you can hear her gasp as she goes to hold her breath so make sure you’re fucking listening!”

He softened just a bit before he leaned over and gave your forehead a quick kiss “Oh and I think this goes without saying... if anything happens to her I will fucking kill you. Got it?!”

You both look over and Izuku is studiously writing everything Bakugo was saying in one of his many notebooks mumbling about all the new facts he just learned about you. “Kill me.... Got it...”

Bakugo smirked at you, “There, now you’re at three. Only ten more to go to beat my record.” He gave your ass a quick swat before turning to leave, “I need to go find dunce face before he gets himself into trouble. I’ll see you at home. Please be safe.”

And just like that he was blasting off, literally blasting off, creating quite the scene as he went to go find his new partner.

You rolled your eyes at your dramatic boyfriend and went about you day as usual.

When you got home that night you couldn't help but teleport right into Katsuki’s lap. “Alright I knew the first day was going to be hard. But seriously working with Deku is sooo much different than working with you. I missed your little quips and the way you pushed me to always be on my A game. I royally fucked up today and Deku was all, ‘Oh it’s fine Adsum... Don’t worry about it Adsum... Everyone makes mistakes Adsum...’ Which I mean is nice and all but I messed up! You would have torn my ass to pieces! You kno-”

Bakugo slapped his hand over your mouth, “New house rule. I don’t want to hear about anything that has to do with Deku. Unless he did something that put you in danger, in which case I would need to kick his ass, I don't want to hear about it.” His scarlet eyes bore into yours, his hand still covering your mouth so you just nodded. “Alright. Good.” He removed his hand, “Now about you royally fucking up... Do I dare ask what you did?”

You instantly blushed, “Well you’re not going to like it.”

He sighed, “Yeah I gathered that when you said I would have torn your ass to pieces. Y/n what did you do?”

You leaned into him, hoping if you were snuggling with him he would be less angry. “Well you see it’s not totally my fault. There was some sketchy villain who was selling hero tech illegally and Deku and I were following him to see if we could catch him in the act. He ended up catching on to us and made a run for it. He turned down an alley...” You started running your hands up and down his arm mindlessly as you got to the part you knew he wasn't going to like. “So I was supposed to teleport ahead of him and cut him off. No big deal, I do that all the time. Except you know how I have to visualize were I’m going? Well we weren't exactly on a street that I knew too well. So instead I ended up in the building he was running into and... well.. it was some kind of headquarters. So I unintentionally popped into a room full of villains without backup and I panicked and teleported right back out to the street where Deku was, but they all had seen me and now the place has been cleared out. The police had been watching them for months now and were preparing a bust, but I went and tipped them off and fucked everything up.”

You threw your head in the crook of his neck so you didn't have to see how disappointed in you he was.

He wasn't having any of that though, he gripped your chin and made you look at him. “If you’re waiting on me to yell at you its not going to happen. Sure you made a mistake today. But you also did something very right. You assessed your surroundings, knew you were outmatched, and you got to safety.”

You pouted, “Yeah but you would have stayed and kicked all their asses.”

He smirked, “Well you aren't me. And I’m thankful every day that you're not. I’m reckless and impulsive and proud. I also have a quirk that can blow people up and you don't. I’m very proud of you for getting yourself to safety. Deku on the other had is a pussy for not going in there. He totally could have handled that on his own.”

You slapped his chest, “Hey are you saying I couldn't have handled it?!”

He grabbed your hand before you could slap him again, “I’ve never lied to you and I’m not going to start now... No. I don't think you could have right now. There is not doubt in mind that in a few years you will though. You improve every day and you have this drive to do better that almost rivals my own. Just give yourself time. You’ll get there. I know you will.”

******

After that first day you settled into a routine. You’d come home and shower while Katsuki made dinner. Sometimes he’d be on night shift but he would leave food ready for you in the microwave. You’d tell him how many times you got Deku to nerd rant and he would tell you how many times he got Denki to short circuit. It was nice.... Until one day it wasn't.

It had only been three weeks since you changed partners. You and Deku had a graveyard shift and so far it had been pretty quiet. You were just about to text Bakugo to see if he was awake and if he could bring you some coffee, but then you heard it. A blood curling scream.

It sounded pretty close and out of instinct you started teleporting around to try and find its source. You don't even remember saying anything to Deku, You just acted. This is exactly the kind of thing Bakugo begged you not to do. But you couldn't help it. Someone out there needs your help.

You teleported two or three times before you found the source. The sight made your stomach sink. Human traffickers.

There was at least 12 goons by the look of it all trying to shove girls of all ages, shapes and sizes into a truck. And standing off to the side was Dabi and Shigaraki. Shit this is connected with the league of villains. You sent your location to Deku with a short “need backup. LOV threat 12+.”

You knew you needed to wait for backup but you also couldn't let them leave. Another scream rang out and you saw a crying girl probably around the age of fourteen on the ground trying to crawl away as one of the goons grabbed her ankle and roughly dragged her back. That was it. You couldn't watch this.

You teleported over behind the goon who was dragging her. You tapped his shoulder before teleporting to the other side of him. When he turned back around you punched him in the throat before brining your elbow down on his forearm with a loud crack breaking the arm that was holding the girls ankle. You scooped her up quickly, “RUN! Get out of here!”

You teleported into the truck and grabbed another girl before teleporting her as far as you could and telling her the same. You continued to do this three more times before they caught on to you.

You weren't even ready as a strong arm wrapped around your waist pulling you out of the truck, “I GOT HER!”

You were pinned to the hood of the truck by someone who was incredibly strong and you began to panic.You started to struggle, trying to hit anything you could. “Let go of me!”

Your attacker grabbed the back of your head and slammed it into the truck and you vision blurred. NO! You need to stay awake. You continued to try and squirm out of his grip when suddenly it was gone completely.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!”

You would know that irritated voice anywhere. You were forced to turn around to face a very angry blonde. “You’re lucky Deku called me! You were about thirty seconds away from being one those poor girl chained up in that truck. Fucking Stupid! Do you even now what you just ran into. Look around.”

You looked around and saw that there was actually a lot more than 12 villains and it was now an all out battle. There was at lest five other heros that had shown up to help.

His hand came up to your head to check the now bleeding wound on you’re forehead, “You need to get out of here. You have a head wound and I don't want you to try to use your quirk with it. You’re probably already a little dizzy and I don't think holding your breath is going to help.”

You gritted your teeth, “No! I started this. I’m going to keep getting these girls to safety.”

An explosion rang out as he blew up a villain that had tried to sneak up on you, “Y/n would you please for once fucking listen to me!”

You shoved him away from you, “No you fucking listen to me! I’m going to get these girls out of here. Now how about you let me do my fucking job and and you do yours and watch my back.”

His nostrils flared but he knew now wasn't the time for an argument, “UGH FINE!” You nodded before hopping back into the truck and grabbing the first girl you could grab and teleporting away. There was already a hero waiting for you when you appeared on the other side to make sure the girls got away safely. You kept doing this over and over again.

You honestly were getting dizzy, and a little nauseous. But you just kept telling yourself it was just a concussion and to push through it. You had successfully gotten all thirty seven girls out but when you came back what you saw made your blood run cold. The heros were losing. There was just too many villains.

You heard a frustrated growl to your right and you saw Katsuki being tossed into a wall. He was taking too long to get back up.

He was exhausted. His leg was likely broken. His head was spinning from the exertion of having to constantly use his quirk. It had been nonstop fighting for the past half an hour. He had to keep going though. He had to protect you. He struggled to get up after that last blow, but he was only up to his knees when he looked up and saw a gun pointed at his head. “Fucking coward! Hiding behind a gun!” He heard the gun be cocked into place, he heard the trigger being pulled not once, not twice, but three times, but worst of all, he heard that noise. That noise he usually loves. The one that means you just teleported into his apartment...

“NO!” But it was too late. You had teleported between him and the gunman. Taking the bullets in the stomach. Bakugo sent an explosion that was so large it likely killed the bastard who shot you. Then you were falling backwards, your vision starting to blur.

You were in Bakugo's arms but you don't know how you got there, “Hey baby look at me. Hey open your eyes y/n. You’re going to be okay... I’m going to get you out of here. Y/n please! Y/n...”

Your hand came up to cup his cheek, “I.... got them.... out....”

Tears were streaming down his face now, “I know you did baby, you did such a good job now I need you to just hold on for me okay! More heros are on their way! You just need to hold on a little longer...”

You started to slip away, a single tear running down your cheek, “I... love you Katsuki.” And then you closed your eyes.

But before you were completely unconscious you heard the most gut wrenching, angry scream.

#bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #bakugo #katsuki bakugō #bakugo katsuki #bakugo imagine #bhna #bhna bakugou #bhna imagine #bhna x reader #my hero academia #mha bakugou #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines

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yoongisbars · 5 years ago

Text

Samusil | myg | P R O L O G U E

summary: It was always known that you were the family disappointment. So naturally, you fled. With a looming school debt, alcoholic tendencies, and no luck whatsoever in keeping a job for more than a month, you were at your wits end until you finally cave into working at Bang-Lenzo. You’ve only ever heard horrors of the place and its manager. But maybe, just maybe, that office would become your safe haven.

pairing: myg x reader genre: strangers to lovers au | office!yoongi au | future angst? fluff? word count: 7.5k tw: alcohol as coping mechanism, subjects that might hit close to home note: inspired by The Office US, this is only a teaser, a taste, of a project im working on, i wont release anything besides this until its ready, so pls endure !! <3

Life was a bitch to everyone, and ever since you flunked out of Business School, it’s proven you weren’t the exception. It was an already supersaturated field with bright minded, innovative entrepreneurs. And you? Realized halfway through that the business world wasn’t cut out for you. With an overwhelmingly expensive college debt for an unfinished degree that your parents refused to pay for, you became the official family disappointment. After two years of being done with their bullshit, you finally packed your stuff and moved as far away as possible, hoping to start anew in the small town of rural Yangpiji.

Just because you had some level of education, didn’t mean it would get you quite far. It’s done the opposite, in fact. Jobs with higher wages frowned upon your incomplete studies, and jobs that didn’t give a fuck if you finished high school, didn’t pay enough to deal with their idiocies or take care of the bills for that matter. One heated argument with the owner of the last food joint you worked at was the final straw. Throwing your dirty apron at his face, you walked out of there without a single care in the world, and for the moment, you felt powerful. At least until you waltzed into Slack Jack’s and sat at the bar that night, head buried into your palms.

“Rough shift?” Your eyes peered from behind your fingers, focusing on a shot being placed in front of you. And boy, were you thankful for it. Without speaking, you threw that shit back and let it burn your throat, the only consolation for the situation you were in. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Jackson, I quit.” Feigned shock played on the bartender’s face as he cleaned a beer mug. You weren’t the only one who searched for new beginnings in Yangpiji. In front of you was Jackson Wang, owner and proprietor of Slack Jack’s. He had moved there from abroad no more than ten years ago in hopes to reinvent himself, and against all odds did. He had been your close friend for the past three years since moving. Quite frankly the only good thing this area had to offer was Jackson and his cheap drinks that get you hammered quick.

“Really? I wouldn’t have thought!” His hand shot up to cover his mouth, chuckling at your bland reaction. Rolling your eyes so far into your skull, a heavy sigh escaped from within.

“I’m serious. I quit. I quit work, I quit life, I quit Yangpiji- I’m tired… I hate that I’m a jobless 28-year-old drunk, with nothing to offer this world besides how to survive on garlic noodles and rum.” Your hands traveled the air around you as you searched for words, “I can’t even afford to make them Jjajang Noodles, Jack. JJAJANG!” A small shriek spewed out as you downed another shot, you stopped counting after the third one. Dread and sorrow pooled around you in a matter of seconds. You were at your wits end. And you couldn’t say you were past your peak, since frankly you never took off the ground to begin with. “I’m a failure, Jackson.”

Widened eyes traveled the room trying to find any words of consolation, but the bartender couldn’t find anything other than pity. His hands moved quickly, putting away the bottles before he was tempted to offer you anymore. He usually served you on the house because he knew of your struggles, but you also drank your weight in alcohol, and he didn’t want to go broke any time soon.

“Listen, chief. There’s still an option…” Oh no… You didn’t want to hear it; already knowing what was coming. “The Bang-Lenzo Yangpiji Branch is still hiring for a secretary; you should test it out.”

Ah, yes. Bang-Lenzo Inc. Somehow a successful company in the dying paper industry. One of the first to drop their deforestation contracts for their supplies and switch entirely to recycled paper. Since most companies didn’t believe in the Save The Trees movement, most of their major clients dropped them and signed contracts with Bang-Lenzo instead. Working for them would be an achievement… If only the branch in your city wasn’t a nut house.

“Jackson…” Elongating the last syllable, you groaned. “I’ve heard horror stories of people that have tried to work there, it’s chaos. No one ever lasts a full week…” The idea of even bothering to work there was dreadful. The workers there were a nightmare, so you’ve heard. But their manager? A complete lunatic. Unprofessional, immature, inappropriate, and other negative connotations have been used to describe the young manager, Jeon Jungkook. Rumor had it he was the top salesman for 4 years straight before the old manager died. When the company crunched the numbers and stats, he was technically the most qualified for the manager position and had managed to keep it for the past 5 years.

Amidst your internal struggle, Jackson raised an eyebrow and cut you straight. “It pays $15 an hour, plus benefits.” On instinct your hand shot up, doing quick maths in the air. Holy cow. You shifted your attention to Jackson so fast you almost snapped your neck.

“That’s almost $30k a year!”

“More than you’ll ever make busing tables, that’s for sure.” He had a point. And, you were desperate. Maybe not so much at first, but $15 is $15 and if it meant sacrificing your sanity for survival, well damn it, you were down for the count.

“Guess I’m speaking to Jeon…”

On Jackson’s commands and with a set of instructions, you left the bar early. ‘Prep for tomorrow, rest and sober up.’ Three things that you were never quite well doing at the very last minute. Bits and pieces of information were fed to you, in order to try and snatch the job at its core.

‘From what I’ve heard, he likes to go in on Saturday mornings to catch up on some work.’ All that meant was that you had to wake up early, and your suspected hangover did not like that. You did what any ‘sane’ person would do and popped in a pain killer and a nausea reliever, an old family remedy to wake up fresh and ready.

‘At the breakfast buffet two blocks over, I once saw him obliterate the cheddar biscuits… And I think he has a thing for sausages too.’ Really, it seemed like Jackson knew Jungkook too well, but honestly so did the town through word of mouth. That last bit of information is what made you scour the nearest convenience store for the necessary ingredients to make the piece of resistance, the key to securing your assets. With this bread you were going to get your bread.

---

Morning came quickly, as you had gone to bed late baking and sorting out your clothes for the day. Sporting one of your finer ensembles just to make a statement, you were ready to take life by the throat. A dark gray, tight pencil skirt above the knee, a light beige button up blouse with pearled buttons, and a blazer to match the skirt. You applied a fair amount of neutral colored makeup in order to rejuvenate your features to not look like you’ve been miserable for the past 10 years. You finished off the look by slipping on some classic, black Mary Jane’s.

For the first time since inheriting this 1999 Verna, you were glad the aircon was a hunk of junk and only blew hot steam. Of course you drove with the windows down to receive actual fresh air, but you angled the conductors towards the biscuits, keeping them toasty and warm as if freshly baked that morning. Jeon Jungkook would be in the palm of your hands and the job would soon be in your possession. Financial stability: here I come.

Parked outside of the building, you painted on a mask with all of the false confidence and determination you could muster, before any ounce of regret could slip in. Once the clock hit 8:55am, it was time to go. You grabbed the biscuits, which you had ever so ‘lovingly’ placed in a basket upping the charm factor, and headed for the entrance.

I need money. I need money. I need money. It was the mantra of your choosing as you took the unnervingly long elevator ride up to the Bang-Lenzo office where your unannounced meeting with Jeon Jungkook awaited. Yes, unannounced. Obviously to anyone with common sense of time, 9:00pm wasn't a viable hour to schedule a meeting for the next morning, so you decided to take the determined approach and show up like you already owned the place. For the first time you had a goal and were dead set on obtaining it. Nothing would stop you from getting that income. I need money.

‘Bang-Lenzo INC.’ read the door sign in front of you. For a moment you closed your eyes, fighting off the urge to walk back to your car and forget this place. But your mantra was quick to erase such thoughts. I desperately need money. Overpowered with feigned confidence, you strutted into the main office. Immediately you were faced with your soon to be desk. It was large and crescent shaped, spacious and tall. In a room to your right, you heard a muffled voice. Surely that was Jeon’s office. With a huff of air, you went to knock on his door.

“Huh? C-come in?” Faint and hurried clattering was heard from inside. With suspicion, you went for the door, revealing behind it the manager, and possible future boss: Jeon Jungkook. Sporting nothing but a set of gray sweats, disheveled hair, and a headset placed around his neck. “Did you need something?”

The scene in front of you made you lose focus for a split second. You had never seen him before, and by personality description you expected many things except him being viciously attractive. And also a gamer, noted by the Overwatch screen on his computer. The thought left you in a split second, you only had one goal and it did not include sleeping with the manager to reach it. You learned that only works once and it’s never rewarding.

“I’m here for the secretary position? I figured since it’s early and unannounced I’d bring in a little something to eat.” A sweet and charmful voice oozed from your throat, foreign to your body unless it was summoned. The confused manager’s doe eyes lit up once they set intensely on the basket making way to his desk. “I hope you enjoy warm biscuits.” Before he could even question what was going on, you were already sitting across from him, placing your intricate resume in front of his grubby self, you were ready to snatch this job from his hands. He had already fallen victim to the biscuits. You could see the revival in his eyes as soon as he took the first bite. Butter and cheese were the key, but it was the mini weenies hidden inside that sealed the deal.

Jungkook didn't bother to offer it much of a glance. Instead he redirected his attention to you. “Are you good with computers and organizing?” Bread crumbs and cheese lingered on the corner of his lips as he spoke, you could have sworn some spittle came in your direction as well. Upon further inspection, the food stains on his sweats may have started a whole community of bacteria. Any office fantasy of getting railed by a manager quickly died with this individual, and some word of mouth started to make sense.

“Yes. Anything document and spreadsheet related I can handle, not to mention emails, and of course scheduling agendas-“

“And you made these? From scratch?” He held a biscuit in awe, and you couldn’t help but feel success in your future.

“I did.” You offered a soft, shy smile. Another desperate attempt to charm him for the job.

“Do you think you can bring them in on Monday mornings? Starting this Monday? Tell you what, I’ll raise you to $16 an hour if you do.” You choked on your saliva, instantly entering a coughing fit. He really might be off his rocker, but in this economy, who cares? Not you, because for simply baking Sunday nights you get an extra $40 a week. With this bread, you get your bread.

“I certainly can! It would be my pleasure.” “Great! Then let’s sign the paperwork and make it official.” He rummaged through his files to retrieve the contract. “Gosh, I can’t wait to tell the other managers all about my new beautiful secretary who cares for me, and cooks for me, and, who knows; maybe even have a secret romance with me?” There it was, the inappropriateness everyone talked about. Jungkook didn’t give you time to come out of your confused state. “Ha! I’m kidding! It’s just a joke. We’re professional. Professional. We’ll of course report our relationship to HR.” A noise seemingly from The Grudge escaped you. There was an ungodly uncomfortable silence before he decided to kill the awkwardness of the situation.“KIDDING AGAIN!”

You didn’t question the lacking interview, or how Jungkook was quick to hire you. It was the most unethical thing in the world and yet? You didn’t care. You were one step closer to financial stability, and that was all you could ever ask for. With the contract filled out and already added to the payroll, you had officially signed your soul over to the white collar world. Serving as the official secretary of Jeon Jungkook. He truly was an oddball, and somewhat inappropriate, but he didn’t give any indication of being an asshole of a boss. Too friendly and annoying, but you had the gut feeling he might just be a decent enough boss. Or at least not so much of an idiot that you can tolerate working for. Besides, the money’s good.

Walking out of and looking back at the building, your eyes spotted his office windows, with him behind, cheerfully waving you off as he ate the remains of the biscuits. A subtle reminder, you needed to prep your baking game.

---

With a more dressed down version of what you wore to the impromptu interview, you drove your car over to the office building. Only this time, pulling up to the parking lot as you were now an employee. Jungkook’s car was already there. A sleek, black Equus. In comparison to its ancestor, your Verna, it exuded upper management presence. He clearly was a successful 27 year old, and you aspired to be able to reach as much coin as he probably had some day. Really, all you ever wanted in life was money. Were you willing to work much for it though? Probably not, but you didn’t have a choice. It was time to get in gear and make up for lost time. 10 years of your life, in fact.

You stopped thinking about past mistakes before you could let them affect your first day. Taking the biscuits and purse in a hurried manner, you rushed up to the office. Only an hour earlier than the rest, but you still had things to prove, if only to yourself.

Upon arrival, Jungkook was busy fiddling on your computer. Documents and folders were neatly spread out on a corner of your desk, waiting to be filed and sorted.

“Hey Y/N, You’re early! I hope you don’t mind, I’m setting up your company email so you can quickly get started.” His quick fingers stopped abruptly, for just a moment, his hand reaching for the biscuits. “And thank you for these, I didn’t think you’d actually make them.” He cocked his head in surprise and took a bite before finishing setting up your computer and programs. The comment left you with an odd feeling.

“Of course I would, I promised it.” Truthfully you only agreed because of the pay raise, but you would still hold up with it. No complaints. “Why did you up my pay grade if you didn’t think so?”

“I don’t know, incentive? I figured this would be an easier way to have someone stay for longer than a week at least.” Shaking his head for only a brief second, he continued. “But there’s something about you that tells me you’re going to be the perfect fit here. You have potential, Y/N. That’s why I hired you.” What the fuck was he talking about, ‘Potential’? You were a 28 year old deadbeat, a failure and a degenerate according to your relatives. You had anything but potential. Noting the hesitation to answer, Jungkook changed the subject swiftly.

“And it’s done. I’ll give you a quick rundown of things on the machine and then we can work with organizing my schedule, I am so out of sync with this company and I haven’t a clue when my next meetings are.” With a clap, he stood up and motioned you to the seat. He continued to peruse through the biscuit basket, searching for the ‘cheesiest ones’.

After a tour throughout the company programs and where supplies and files were around the office, the other workers started to arrive in a timely fashion. Some didn’t bother to give you the time of day, but others decided to greet you as soon as they walked in. Particularly a few of the guys from accounting and sales were quite enthusiastic to greet you. If you remembered correctly, the younger pair of them were from Accounting; Jimin and Taehyung, they were really nice, a bit shy as were you, but very polite and warm. You watched as they sat at their corner and bickered slightly, but it seemed to be in honest fun. The one from sales, Hoseok, was the opposite in terms of shyness. He welcomed you with the most charming of smiles and emphasized that if you ever needed a helping hand around the office to not hesitate to ask him. He cheerfully chatted your ear for a few minutes giving you a small idea of what a day in the office might be. “It’s not that bad once you get used to it, you just need to give us a chance.” You heard his hidden pleas. Many people came and went from this place and their tongues never ceased to express their distaste for it. Even most of your coworkers gave off an air of annoyance with the place. You couldn’t blame them, but basing your experience on first impressions only, it could be worse. Only time will reveal the shithole everyone else claims this place to be.

It was 20 minutes past 8:00am and the once empty office was now filled and working. Jungkook came out of his office ever so often, glancing over the the desks, ‘tsk tsk tsk’ is all he ever spoke before going back behind his door. You thought to ignore his manner and focus on organizing his schedule based on the emails he forwarded you. He had plenty of meetings, webinars and conference calls to attend, and they were all scattered around. On your shared calendar, you added the event reminder and description for each and every one for the next month, even going an extra step to add reminders on your own calendar the day before, just to make sure he’s up to date.

A new email displayed on the screen, an impromptu conference call for Jungkook in 10 minutes labeled ‘URGENT’. You were about to head to his office to notify him, but you remained seated as the entrance door swung abruptly, startling you just enough to make you forget your name and the company you now work for. All you saw was a coat being placed on the rack next to you with an exasperated sigh escaping the core of the individual. Right away, it was clear that if there was anyone in the entire building that hated having to wake up early in the morning just to show up to work in this unfortunate place more than you, it was him. Like the majority of the employees, he looked straight up miserable, even behind dark colored sunglasses. The freshly made venti Iced Americano, the slow paced walk to his desk and his disregard to show up on time were, in your opinion, strong indicators of his likely hatred for his job.

Settled in his desk, he removed his shades. His narrow, cat-like eyes drew you in like magnets, there was no telling whether or not his iciness was natural, or a ruse to limit his interactions with the rest of the staff. Yet somehow they were still fitting for his rounder, chubbier cheeks. His lips were already pursed downward, but they seemed to curl even further and remain that way almost permanently as Jungkook peered his head out. You tried calling out to him, but your voice was muted by his own exclaims.

“Yoongi!” He shouted, you could say enthusiastically, towards the late addition in the office. He released another sigh, this time accompanied by an eye roll.

“Not now, Jungkook.” His voice was deep and low. Eyes never abandoning his monitor as Jungkook approached him.

Whatever conversation they were having was nothing but whispers and subtle head shakes. Yoongi was it? Didn’t seem in the mood for whatever chatter the manager kept going on about. You noticed bow everyone in the office was trying to work, but not being able to steal sudden glances from the conversation. Judging by those, especially Hoseok’s since he was sitting right at the situation, you assume they all had an idea as to what was unfolding. You, however, could only assume was an odd scolding in Jungkook’s manner for him showing up late.

A ringing alert brought your focus back to your own desk, the incoming call you guessed was from Corporate due to the email. Jungkook had previously requested that you warn him first before answering any calls from them, and you remembered what you were ready to do before Yoongi walked in. Not wanting to bring in any attention to yourself you debated quickly which was the best option, calling him over or going straight to him, but you didn’t even answer yourself before your legs started moving on their own.

“Jungkook.” You tapped his shoulder gently, and spoke softly. The young manager startled a bit, and you were unsure if the other man’s expression was relief or annoyance, but you let it go quickly.

“Yes? Oh! That reminds me. Everyone!” What you wanted to avoid was exactly what he gathered: attention.

“This is Y/N, office secretary. I want you all to make her feel welcome, be kind.” He kept going on one of his badly timed speeches until no one paid him any mind.

“Jungkook, you have-”

“Would you both excuse yourselves and talk elsewhere?” The deep voice that spoke seemed to command more authority than Jungkook did.

“Sorry,Y/N. Yoongi’s a bit on edge due to his divorce trial.” The last phrase he tried to utter as a whisper by leaning close to your ear, and although he made it sound like such, it was still loud enough for people to hear.

“Do you really have to tell people about my personal life? Where does it end with you?”

“I felt like I needed to excuse your attitude, she’s part of our family now anyways, she can know.”

Their bickering picked up again, Jungkook defending the reasoning for his declarations and Yoongi countering with how he always oversteps fine lined boundaries and doesn't have any common sense. Although you very much agreed with what Yoongi was saying that it was an invasion of privacy, you were still caught in the middle of their crossfire and all you wanted to do was inform Jungkook about the god forsaken call.

“JUNGKOOK.” Your raised voice silenced their bickering, and the room came to an onlooking halt. Anxiety started creep behind you due to shouting over your manager on your first day, causing flashbacks of previous outcomes due to this similar situation to roll like a montage in your head, but your patience was running thin.

“What, what is it?” Jungkook, unphased by the situation, cocked his head at you in slight confusion.

“You have a call from Corporate.” You maintained your stern tone, but you were wavering internally. His demeanor took a turn, eyes so wide you feared they would pop out.

“Did you answer?” Whispers gave an undertone of fear. With the phone still ringing in the background, you shook your head.

“Good. Tell them I’m out with a major client. I’m not here.” He hurriedly walked you back to the phone. The glint in his eyes says you should worry, but you swallowed and answered with the same feigned confidence you used for the interview.

“Bang-Lenzo, this is Y/N.”

You successfully got rid of the Corporate call in the morning, but you were unsure how long that might last given the urgency they requested it with. And Jungkook’s behavior regarding any calls from Corporate today, or the rest of the week from what he stated, was worrisome. It was a concern you’d tuck to the back of your head, it wasn’t your business anyways.

As the day went on, you saw that life in the office was quite eventful, so to speak. After the ordeal of Yoongi’s divorce proceedings this morning, and Jungkook avoiding Corporate like the Black Plague, an array of unusual things for a normal day to day office routine continued to happen.

Mainly, Jungkook was entirely distracting. To you, the staff and mostly to himself. He would constantly try to make conversation with anyone, and the topics were always painfully awkward. Anytime he was actually in his office, more time was spent playing Overwatch with Taehyung than doing any kind of work. Not to mention he eventually ventured over to the conference room, with Jimin and Hoseok in toe, for their “twice a day dancercise routine” as their official 15 minute break away from their computers.

If you thought the nonsense would end there, you were soon to be corrected. It in fact continued in the numerous times Taehyung and Jimin came by your desk asking for copies. And not even official work copies- they were asking you to print out different versions of invitational flyers for their ‘seasonal crop party’. To your surprise, Taehyung had inherited the only strawberry farm in the region due to his grandparents passing, not like you had bothered to ask anyways. The only question you cared an answer for was if Jungkook had approved of using office supplies for this. It shouldn't have shocked you like it did that the man himself had designed the flyer and organized such an event, but still.

Lunchtime couldn’t arrive quicker. Some of the staff beelined with their meals over to the lunchroom area, while the others went out to eat. You half expected Jungkook to take advantage of the lunchroom crowd for his shenanigans, but he opted for eating in his office with Jimin and Taehyung instead. You could hear their incessant planning murmurs as you passed by to heat up your meal.

“Y/N!” Jungkook exclaimed once he caught your movement. “If the others give you the cold shoulder, feel free to join us here for lunch.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I planned on eating at my desk,” You chose your next words carefully, feeling the party planners’ gazes. “But I’ll keep it in mind in case I get too lonely, thank you!” The soft smile that spread across your smile was enough to comfort them from the small rejection. They went back to their discussions and you headed for the microwave.

Peaking your head into the lunchroom, it was filled with the younger, unwelcoming faces from earlier. It’s not like you planned on sitting down and chatting with them, you were there just to heat up your lunch, but upon entry you noticed how their conversations volumes lowered all the way down to whispers and snickers. You focused your attention on the whirring noises and beeps the microwave offered as a mere distraction. It was a curse you carried for as long as you could remember. Any giggle, whisper, snicker, or anything of the sort you heard in your perimeter, you felt was directed at you. As if they could see the list of failures and misfortunes displayed on your back.

You took your bowl and offered the room a nervous smile and nod before leaving, hoping it came across as a ‘sorry to bother, enjoy your lunch’. As you exited the room, Hoseok, tailed by Yoongi, was heading with his food over to the conference room.

“Y/N, come join us if you want.” Hoseok was beaming, if the sun was human it would be him. Contrary to the one walking past him, not bothering to stop. He could be truthfully considered the dark side of the moon. Although with his back to you, you could make out his unrelenting scowl reflecting in the conference room’s glass wall. “Ignore him, he’s still mad over this morning.”

“All things considered, I can’t blame him. But I think I’ll pass.” Hoseok hooked his free arm around yours before you could continue.

“Nonsense, you shouldn’t cast yourself out on the first day.” In truth, Hoseok’s friendly manner and joyous attitude couldn’t be denied. You felt his genuine interest in making sure your transition into the office was a smooth one. In the room, Yoongi was already gulpin down his food, not bothering to glance up until he spoke.

“Shut the door so I can tell you…” Words escaped him, replaced by a sigh as he spotted your presence, and Hoseok’s sudden realization of what this lunch reunion entailed. Surely, they were meant to discuss the divorce proceedings, but Hoseok forgot upon trying to welcome you.

“Right… Y/N, rain check? Alone on your first day though...” He sighed as he flushed with embarrassment and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Don’t worry,” that was directed more at Yoongi if anything, a small assurance accompanied by the subtlest of nods. The rest was for Hoseok, as a dismissive joke to calm his worries. “I’ll probably join the Crop Festers and their shenanigans.” He cocked his head in confusion, a sharp ‘hm?’ caught in his throat. You brushed it off, leaving them with a wave. Wishing them a nice lunch and closing the door behind you, it was unknown to you that the Crop Festers had overheard, and were expecting you at Jungkook’s door excitedly.

“So you’re joining us then?” Taehyung assumed overjoyed, and Jimin couldn’t hide his giddiness. Jungkook was at the back at his desk, shaking his head in tune with soft chuckles before waving you in. It was clear that there was no way to have an unbothered lunch for the next 45 minutes, so… You joined.

Tae, as he now urged you to call him, and Jimin made space for you between them. Rice, meats, noodles, and an array of veggies were spread across the desk, now along with your own addition of food and in no time you were all eating and sharing your meals. Jungkook even offered up the few remaining biscuits, causing Tae and Jimin to fuss over why weren’t they brought out sooner and how good of a cook you were. Now they were expectant for next Monday morning for a pleasant cheesy boost.

Unknown to your conscious self, you were having a nice time. Further into the lunch, you became more involved with the Crop Party planning, and were even getting a bit excited for the day to arrive. A paid work day for a strawberry picking party? Who could say no to that? You weren’t ready to admit it just yet, with it being the first day and all, but… You were starting to like this place, even if you weren’t ready to acknowledge it. Once lunch was over, and everyone was making their way back to their desks, they eyed you with slight annoyance as you walked out of the office along with Tae and Jimin, still laughing at one of Jungkook’s impressions of some of the staff. Unaware, Yoongi and Hoseok exchanged a suspicious glance. Who was to blame any of them? It was a first for them to see someone new being friendly, or accepting the office shenanigans as they transpired.

Afternoon was a milder version of what the morning turned out to be, everyone was calmer now, and as the hours passed you noticed they worked harder. Even Jungkook was filing reports and taking work calls, as long as they weren’t from Corporate. One of your last tasks was to send out some notice of change in policy emails to clients, it was the most time consuming, but it helped the remaining hours pass by in a flurry.

Bags started to be packed and coats began to be thrown on as the clock got nearer to 5:00pm. Everyone was ready to put an end to the odd Monday, and you could tell by their soft smiles and shy ‘See you tomorrow’s. Hoseok dropped by your desk with a “Lunch tomorrow, for sure!” before leaving and wishing you well. Yoongi followed behind him, not offering anything at all. More than likely still fussy over his personal issues being announced in the office. Jimin and Taehyung each went for a goodbye hug, as they were more than excited to have you aboard. Often they carpooled, you found out that they live together on the farm. After being friends for so long, they decided to run it together. Only you and Jungkook, who was still stuck in his office remained. With your things on hand, you peered through his window to give him a small wave which he returned, followed by pointing to the phone and making mocking expressions of talking too much. With a shake of your head, you went to clock out, putting an end to the first day on the job. You would call it a success, for it being your very first 8-5, and it deemed celebration. So once you hopped on your Verna, and peered out of the parking lot, your destination was clear: Slack Jack’s.

You had never once been there on a Monday, much less after 5:00pm. Late weekend nights were what you had grown accustomed to due to your old odd jobs here and there. But much to your surprise, the ambience at this hour was much more tranquil and up your alley than what you were used to. You hated crowds and loud groups of people, and there was none of that here. Eyes scanned the bar for your favorite and only owner, who upon noticing your arrival called you over to an empty stool up at the bar. Eager steps made their way over as he placed your favorite shot on the counter: a water moccasin. You paid no mind to the individual next to your stool as you sat down, eyes trained on the peachy, sweet and sour whiskey shot glass before you. Widened eyes stared, unknown to you, as you drank it in one big gulp, placing the now empty glass on the counter, snapping and pointing at Jackson with finger guns as you exclaimed “Hit me again”.

A smirk played on the corners of his mouth as he placed a second one just as you finished asking. Knowing your habits, he made two as soon as he saw you. “I’m guessing today went... ?” He was expecting you to tell him all about your day, as soon as you finished fighting off the burning feeling down your throat. It was always the second one that got you the most. Hissing for only a few seconds, you spoke.

“Honestly? Honestly honest? I can’t complain.” Alcohol was slowly starting to take effect on you as you rambled on. “At first I was kinda freaked out? Because everyone was kinda weird? OH! And then Jungkook decided to out a guy’s whole divorce or something?” In the background, next to you, someone cleared their throat as Jackson bit his bottom lip, trying to hold in a chuckle, but you went on. “I don’t know, it was weird. But like afterwards, it was pretty chill. Jungkook ain’t that bad. And lowkey? I can’t wait for the strawberry season, dude.” A snort escaped you as you thought back on the Crop Party. You couldn’t wait. Tae mentioned something about making fresh milkshakes, and right now you were wildin’ at the thought.

“So I’m guessing you’ve met Yoongi?” Jackson’s hand motioned you to look to your right. Lo and Behold, Mr. Divorcee was magically there, a citrus whiskey on the rocks in his hands. And that’s when it hits you, you have a loud mouth.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” Eyes like a deer in headlights, pleading for forgiveness. Yoongi waved it off. You finally heard his voice without a hint of annoyance.

“It’s fine.” Bringing the glass to his lips, he took a long sip. Which reminded you.

“Jackson, may I please--”

“Have another?” He chuckled as he went to prepare a fresh shot. “Don’t get carried away tonight, though. You work tomorrow, remember?”

“Hey, I have self control. I won’t drink past 6:30, I swear.” To even prove such control, you didn’t rush to down the shot. Instead you tried to build a conversation with the man in charge of the drinks, but he cursed silently at a reminder.

“Fuck, excuse me for a sec. I have to call my parents.” You remembered him mentioning something about an upcoming anniversary as he rushed to the back, leaving you alone with Yoongi, a shot and your thoughts.

Allowing your mind to travel far for a moment, the waterfall of bitter memories with your family started to cloud your field of vision. Forgetting where you were and who was around, you brought your hands up to either cheek and gave yourself some quick, small smacks in an attempt to distract your tear ducts from doing their job. A groan escaped you as you reached for the shot in front of you, disappearing it in an instant. So much for self control.

The man next to you watched in awe. He already knew far more about you than whatever first impressions you thought you gave, courtesy of Jackson. But he was one to always doubt the extent of the things he said, and since forming odd suspicions of you at the office, he figured now was the time to see if anything added up.

“Escapism?” The sudden voice shocked you, and brought you back to reality. Another snort made its way out your nose, in an endearing manner.

“You can say that. No, you know what? Life is a bitch.” In your drunken manner, you broke. You vented, you ranted, and you rambled. You laid out your entire life in front of this man, this stranger, revealing more than what was necessary, but you couldn’t stop yourself. “And now here I am.” Fingers tapped the counter, antsy. Waiting for Jackson to come back and serve you yet another shot to calm down.

“I see, I’m sorry for all that. Things are looking up now, at least?” Yoongi shrugged, a winced expression since your story was still fresh in his mind. “But, if it makes you feel any better, I have some fucked up shit going on myself."

“Oh really? A divorce? Family exile beats loveless marriage any day, boy.” Another side effect of your alcoholism was straight up competitiveness. Even though it stung him, he couldn’t help but laugh. For him, it even felt like the first time in a while he had done so earnestly.

“My wife is pregnant.” Whiskey glass was brought back to his lips for a moment, barely touching them. “And it’s not mine.” He finished off the remainder of the glass, while you stared in silence, jaw dropped.

“Whoa, that sucks... How do you know though?” You brought your face closer to him, in curious intrigue, not knowing what personal space was; but he didn’t mind much as he inched in a bit closer to speak.

“I had a vasectomy.” A sighed escaped his core as he too revealed his life to a stranger. “Before we got married, we were clear that we didn’t want children. At least not for a long time, so I got the surgery done. If we ever wanted kids we would have a talk and take out time to decide how to go about it. But one day,” he shook his head, thoughts lost in the memory “she was very persistent that I go get the reversal done. Like, that I had to get it done that week. And I found that suspicious, so I pretended to get it.” His fingers now mimicked yours earlier, lightly tapping on the counter. “We waited the recovery time, had sex, and a few days later, she was pregnant. So I filed for divorce. Do I win now?” His usual serious pout curled into a smirk as you shook your head no.

“Nah, I still win. You can always get a new wife, I can never get new parents. I don’t make the rules, chief.”

The mood was starting to liven up, but the universe often threw curveballs in your direction. Text alerts distracted you from your office chatter with Yoongi, and again, you soured. It wasn’t often when you received messages from your cousin, but you never talked about the elephant in the room. This time, however.

‘Your dad’s been asking about you lately. Anything worth mentioning?’ You watched the words fade from the pop-up screen, and debated in silence. The shift was visible, and Yoongi caught it as it happened. “Is everything okay?” he asked. Instead of answering, you simply opened the chat and showed him the message. Grabbing your phone in his hands he stared.

“Do I answer? Do I just leave it for tomorrow? What could I even bother telling?” Complaints continued to spew out of your mouth, muting the light clicks of Yoongi’s rapid fingers working on the keyboard. You’re only brought back from your rambles when you feel him pressing your phone still in his hand, back into yours, a message already written out in the text box.

‘I just started at a new office job. Safe, secure. It’s working out.’ Short, simple and to the point. A quick nod was enough for him to press send. As he pulled away, leaving you with the chat which was instantly read, you expected to feel a bit better, but your worries and anxiety remained as your fingers drummed at a quickened pace, itching for yet another shot.

Right on cue, Jackson’s presence made its way to you. Catching your tells, his hands moved straight to the Schnapps.

“Actually, I think she might be better off with water instead.” You shot daggers at him, annoyed at such an assumption. “Same for me. You said you won’t drink past 6:30. I don’t make the rules, chief.” You couldn't grumble out much, because as much as you desperately wanted to be irresponsible and drown your sorrows in waves of alcohol, you had a new, very decent, job to uphold. And that required showing up sober.

The rest of the night went by pretty decently, ending with a new weird routine of going home early instead of waiting until Jackson finished closing off, to drag you all the way to his car. The nights you drove to your home from the bar were less than the ones he posted you up at his own apartment.

“You’re good to drive, right?” This time, it was Yoongi who was nice enough to walk you over to the beat up Verna at the end of the lot.

“Surprisingly enough, I am. Thanks.” Sticking the key into the lock, you jiggled it around. The only sure way to open the door these days. “What about you?”

“Considering I only had one glass of whiskey, I think I’m alright.” He motioned over to the Genesis next to you. “I’m gonna head out. Drive safe.”

You nod and make sure he's at least safe besides his car door before entering yours. Turning back briefly to look at you, your goodbye wave stops halfway as his words reach your ears.

“Lunch tomorrow.” Is all he says. he doesn't even bother waiting for a confirmation, he simply gets inside his car and drives away.

Starting up your car was always a hassle but you got it kicking in no time. As you pulled out of the lot, you spotted the Genesis still at the empty intersection. You flashed your headlights twice before heading the opposite direction, and from your rearview saw him continue on his way. Despite all the characters and particular personas inhabiting the living bodies of your coworkers, you couldn’t help but think: Yoongi's just might be the most intriguing to you after all.

#yoongi fanfic #yoongi scenarios #yoongi imagines #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts x reader #office!au

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themoonstarwarrior · 4 years ago

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PLAYLIST SHUFFLE TAG!

Okay, so @viterbofangirl tagged me in this and I need to start learning to post my own shit, so what the hell, why not?

Rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 15 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

(I couldn’t stop at 10 so I added 5 more, sue me)

I have very random music taste and I listen to my music on shuffle alot, so I made a playlist of the ones I like the most (that way I don’t hafta skip 150 songs to get to the one I feel like) so I’m gonna use that one.

1) History of Violence - Theory of a Deadman

Hoo boy starting off light huh?.... Yeah so, I was in the drive thru at Sonic when I first heard this on the radio and was immediately like “holy shit”. Instead of like metaphors and poetic subtlety, it’s just straight up like “here’s a poor abused woman who resorted to murdering her shitty boyfriend/husband cuz she couldn’t take it dum dum dum”. Even though the actual situation is not the same, this song is perfect for getting across the internal issues and turmoil of my character Mikey. Its so perfect I’m even planning to animate something for it...... if I ever get around to learning animation that is.....

2) The Vengeful One - Disturbed

Two songs in and I look kinda emo.... But hey this song is soooooo cathartic! I love me a good heavy rock song, and the drums and electric guitar are perfect for my ears to absorb. This song gives off a feeling of overwhelming power mixed with a coldness and disdain for the bad in the world. Obviously, thats not my usual temperment, but its an interesting one to explore! Especially when I’m trying to get into the head of characters that exude that like my OCs Spark or Ryu. Plus its fun to sing in the car X)

3) Enter Sandman - Metallica

Okay this one is just a classic! Same thing with the drums and guitar they both slap SOOOOO GOOD. I don’t really associate this song with any of my characters or fandom favorites, but it DOES give me a super strong urge to learn the drums. EXXXXXXXXIT LIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! OFF TO NEVER NEVERLAND!!

4) We Are Giants - Lindsey Stirling ft. Dia Frampton

I don’t really to listen to music by band or artist, but I LOVE Lindsey Stirling!!! She’s probably my favorite musician! This is such a good song, especially for someone like me. Its a positive song that talks about feeling alone in a crowd and unimportant to the world, but how you really do matter and shouldn’t be afraid to dream big and shoot for the stars. It really speaks to me and the vocalization is so good (especially for singing), not to mention the official music video is animated and AMAZING!

5) Cetus - Lensko NCS

I dunno if anyone knows this song, but damn its good. Its one of those Royalty-Free songs that people look up for their channels, which is how I found it in the first place, but I loved it immediately. Its a peppy 8-bit electronic bop that turns a little Irish jig at the end and honestly I think if I ever start an animation channel I’m totally gonna use it! (Also go support Lensko he make good beats!)

6) Sanctuary - Utada Hikaru

I did not grow up with Kingdom Hearts, and only played KH2 within the past year n’ a half. But good God, the moment that Cinematic Opening came on and this song started playing I swear I astral projected into a daze of feelings without names. I know that “Simple and Clean” is the quintessential Kingdom Heart song that gives everyone feelings, but IMHO Sanctuary blows it out of the water. As beautiful as the animation was, or how curious the occasional backwards lyrics are, or how weird it is having high-res Goofy and Donald in what is essentially an anime opening, I really can’t be distracted from this song when I play.

7) Chemical Plant Zone (Rock Remix) - Zerobadniks

Chemical Plant Song is like, one of the TOP Sonic songs by popular vote (and we know how awesome the Sonic series is musically so thats saying something!), but I could never quite vibe with the normal 8-bit version. I think I first heard this as someone’s ringtone and was immediately like “THATS PERFECT THATS EXACTLY HOW I NEED IT!”. The rock makes the song soooo much better and honestly gives the song the perfect vibe. Unfortunately, it took FOREVER to find cuz none of the Rock Covers of this song were the right one. In fact, tbh, I’m not even sure whether Zerobadniks is the correct artist..... that’s just who everybody was crediting when I found it.

(imma include the link i found since its a little hard to find: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqJiZEM6aPI )

8) The Wolf - SIAMES

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEOS???? THIS IS A GOD-TIER ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEO. I found the video first, and seriously, if you haven’t seen it YOU NEED TO!!! The beat works perfectly with the images on screen and the story being portrayed is really intriguing, with the lyrics adding to atmosphere without necessarily describing the visuals shown. Even without the animation, the song itself is a banger. It bring to mind the feeling of intense motion forward, but unable to decide whether its movement TOWARD something or AWAY from something. I love listening to this on a nighttime drive.

9) Burn the House Down - AJR

If you ask me, the best way to make a pop song better is to add either violins or trumpets. For this song, it was definitely the trumpets that first caught my attention, and the rest of the song kept me listening. I don’t really know how to describe the vibe of this song, and I don’t have a specific character or story in mind when I listen to it, so its a little hard for me to talk about it. I think the best way I can describe this song and what draws me to it is a feeling of nonchalant go-with-the-flow attitude to shenaniganry. Almost an undertone of “We’re hooligans in a situation that we probably should get out of, but hey we’ve got life and each other so why worry?” At least that’s the closest I can get to a verbal description heh...

10) Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell - The Offspring

DANCE, FUCKER, DANCE, LET THE MOTHERFUCKER BURN!!!

So this also has a KICKASS animated music video, but its technically combined with the song “Dividing by Zero”. Now the video works SO well with both, and the shifting artstyles reflect the differing tones of the songs PERFECTLY. However, I have a preference for both the animation and the song on the Slim Pickens half. Its fun to listen to and sing at the top of your lungs and its SO CATHARTIC. Again I cant really describe what my head does when I hear it, but I think you can probably feel a similar vibe if you watch the music video.

11) No Heaven - DJ Champion

The first time I finished the original Borderlands, I had been playing for days on end, had just finished a long battle with the Destroyer, and sitting back relieved to have beaten it and reflecting on how much I had enjoyed the adventure. Then this song started playing. For what I believe was forty minutes this song looped on my TV while the credits rolled. By the time the credits finished I was pulling up the song to listen to again! What an absolutely PERFECT cherry to add to this experience. This song perfectly encapsulated the chaotic, trigger-happy, morally ambiguous craziness that I had enjoyed and absorbed in this game. Every time I hear it now, I imagine myself in the wastelands of Pandora, driving haphazardly across the sandy dunes as my companions and I shoot and blow up everything in sight. You know, living the dream.......

12) Hit & Run (Wolfgang Lohr Remix) - The Electric Swing Circus

I fucking LOVE electro-swing! The electronic beats and rhythm blend so well with the wild and energetic freedom of swing. A lot of electro-swing gives me a vibe of wild movement, reckless abandon, and freedom from constraint. I think this song melds all of these feelings the best! As the last song might have indicated, despite my general nice and sweet temperament, there is a part of me deep down that is an absolute gremlin secretly enamored with chaos, insanity, and a general disdain for law and authority X). But whereas anything Borderlands related has a more “morality is an illusion blowing shit up is real” air about it, this song is far more peppy. More of a “good-hearted but insane” type of chaos, like an 100mph car chase where you end up sailing over the train tracks JUST as the train passes.

.... I may have gotten a bit off track lol

13) Kickstart my Heart - Motley Crue

I love this song, but I have to be VERY careful when and where I listen to this. I love songs that make me feel like I’m going a million miles per hour, like I’m gotdam Sonic the Hedgehog. Unfortunately, I may or may not have had multiple instances of listening to this song in the car and abruptly realizing that I’m going like 15mph above the speed limit...... So yeah, regardless of absolutely perfect it feels to play this song while speeding down a nearly empty highway, please be careful and drive responsibly!!!

14) I’m Born to Run - American Authors

Imma just up and say it. This song is a Sonic song; like not like actually from the series but a song for the character. This song encapsulates Sonic as a character better than some of his ACTUAL THEMES (and remember Sonic music are bangers!). Its a song about freedom, living life as it comes, and not letting anything slow you down. Frankly I’m surprised they didn’t make this song FOR the Sonic series, or even the movie! Speaking of which, ironically I heard this song right after watching the Sonic movie in theaters, so yeah there’s no way I can associate it with anything else.

15) Opa Opa - Antique

Oh, what a PERFECT way to end this list! This may be one of my absolute favorite songs of all time! I don’t remember exactly how I found this song... I think I had just relistened to Dalar Mehndi’s “Tunak Tunak Tun” and was looking for other catchy non-english songs and BOY HOWDY I found one! I know nothing about the band or what the song’s about (its in greek and i dont speak it), but this song is just a masterpiece of retro, pop, and dance sounds. This song feels like the musical and lyrical manifestation of dance and movement. I really REALLY wish I could dance JUST so I can express how happy and free this song makes me feel! This is the BEST song for me to end this list with!

***********************************************************************************

JESUS, this got long..... Sorry about that XD. It was fun though, and hopefully somebody was vaguely interested in my ramblings.

Guess I need to tag people now? How about @tharkflark1, @rockmilkshake, @neonbuck, @drawingsdrawingseverywhere, @birthgiverofbirds, @puccafangirl, @kalcat, @biblestudybussybopsbabey, @monstrous-milktea, and @memecage! I think there are a couple of people here I haven’t talked to though soooooo..... hi, I hope you don’t mind the tag X)

Anyway hope you enjoyed and/or want to do this too! This took for-fucking-EVER to type, so imma go fuck off and watch youtube or something now...

#music and remixes #viterbo i was gonna add you to the bottom list and then i was like SHIT SHE TAGGED ME XD so oh well #i may or may not have cheated just a bit but shut up these are the songs i had something to say about #moonstar wont shut up

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lvllns · 4 years ago

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20 otp questions!

i was tagged ages ago by @goblin-deity, @lavellane, and @rosebarsoap and i’m finally getting around to it lmao. i’m p sure everyone has been tagged but if you haven’t and you wanna do this, you’re tagged now.

1) who can out drink the other?: sparrow doesn’t drink so mason for sure. i feel like even if sparrow did drink, mason has the whole “vampire biology” thing going on which would still let him out drink them.

2) who says “i love you” more?: verbally, sparrow. mason definitely shows his love in other ways. (he sneaks steals books from the warehouse library for sparrow constantly.)

3) who has trouble sleeping alone?: absolutely sparrow. after everything with murphy and then the trappers and they’ve just always been prone to nightmares. they don’t sleep well ever really. and then mason stays the night for the first time and they actually get good sleep. after that, sparrow has an incredibly difficult time sleeping by themselves.

4) who swears more?: oh they are evenly matched here. sparrow is like......nobody expects them to swear like they do but holy shit, the mouth. you’d think they grew up with pirates. also, sparrow knows like a dozen languages. it’s fun to swear in welsh when nobody else knows what you’re saying. (it’s because rebecca was never home and sparrow’s tiny act of rebellion was to swear fucking constantly.)

5) who does more of the housework?: another even split. sparrow is the only one that does the dishes though, they insist on that bc there’s no reason? for mason? to wash the dishes? that’s sensory hell for most people anyway, and they’re not gonna let him deal with All That with his hypersenses.

6) who forgets their anniversary?: it’s either neither of them or both of them tbh. they either remember every single year or they’re both so fucking busy with work that it blows right by them without either of them realizing until mason looks at the calendar on his phone and goes “oh shit” and then sparrow is laughing too hard to say anything. (next year they take the day off and then that becomes a Thing.)

7) who steals the duvet in their sleep?: oh mason. poor boy is cold like all the time. sparrow just keeps buying comforters and quilts until there’s like 6 on the bed and they actually get to keep one. helps that sparrow tends to run a little warm.

8) who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring?: i don’t think either of them would snore. sparrow maaaaybe when they’re absolutely fucking exhausted, so when that happens they might keep mason up i suppose.

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?: sparrow, sparrow, sparrow. they told mason, they told him that they will stop and pick up injured or missing animals, and i’m sure he thought that was adorable until sparrow walked through the door of their apartment with a fucking injured crow. sparrow hasn’t kept anything they’ve brought home though........Yet.

10) who usually makes dinner?: definitely sparrow, since they’re the only one of the pair that actually eats food. mason usually sits on the counter and they talk while sparrow cooks.

11) who plays their music out loud?: sparrow used to, but they’ve switched to headphones. they will sing out loud, usually softly under their breath while they do things, and mason finds that absolutely endearing.

12) who hogs the bathroom?: neither of them. sparrow is very much “throws hair into a braid and GOES” and mason is “fixes his hair and dips” so. like they clean up nicely, but they don’t put a whole bunch of extra effort into it.

13) who gives the most compliments?: MASON. sparrow is very easily flustered and he knows that and he’s a BASTARD who likes making them blush. sparrow compliments him too, but mason just. runs with it.

14) who usually starts/causes arguments between them?: it’s a pretty even split tbh, more sparrow. but it’s mostly from misunderstandings or sparrow saying the Wrong Thing when they meant something else. they don’t really have like, big arguments. whatever happens is easily talked through and worked out.

15) who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?: fucking mason. he’ll just shoot sparrow The Look and they light up bright red immediately. he’s very careful not to overdo it though, there’s a line between just enough and too much where sparrow is genuinely upset.

16) who gives the other cringe worthy pet names?: they both give each other nicknames but sparrow is definitely the champ at throwing really just awful ones at mason. mason comes up with cute ones, like songbird.

17) who fusses over the other when they get sick?: mason, mostly bc i don’t think the vampires in wayhaven can get sick? he definitely gets protective and a little overbearing and there’s probably a small part of him that is like “hey humans are fragile and not immortal” that makes him panic More until sparrow very gently kisses his forehead and calmly explains that it’s a cold, they will be fine in 2 days.

18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long?: they don’t really get angry with each other. frustrated and annoyed, sure, but truly angry? nah. what they might think is anger is probably more likely fear, especially in their line of work when they’re running into danger headlong and sparrow impulsively Goes and does something.

19) who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared?: eventually i think sparrow. at first, they’re very used to relying on themselves and only having themselves for comfort, but at some point, that shifts. and when they get upset, they seek out mason and just lean on him.

20) who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…): even split again! sparrow is a VERY tactile individual. they are constantly taking mason’s hand, kissing his cheek, wrapping their arms around him in a hug. and mason is.........mason. touchy and flirty.

#caiti.txt #long post #c: sparrow kingston #mason x sparrow #me eventually doing things i've been tagged in?#amazing what a concept #anyway here's some Facts about these two fucking NERDS

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relationshipsandpolitics · 5 years ago

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Part 3

Since I last posted, we’ve gotten word that a certain rich asshole is going to enter the race. Now, I could do 500 words on why this guy is awful, but it would sort of go against my belief that just because someone is really rich does not mean we need to pay extra attention to them and their thoughts. This guy is not winning the nomination, won’t even poll about 3% in most states, and overall is not worth the amount ink that will surely be spilled on his campaign. Next.

Joe Biden. Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders

So we are down to the final 3. One of those 3 objectively should have been culled much earlier. If I was doing this purely based on the level of support for each candidate, this guy would have been cut about 8 candidates ago. But Joe Biden is still the front runner, consistently leading national polls and absolutely killing it in several early primary states like South Carolina. Biden remains popular among black voters, who serve as the lifeblood of the Democratic party. Even though his policies and personality suck, he is unique from all the other shitty centrist candidates. So he gets his own takedown.

Joe Biden is a very old man hoping to blind the voters with his connection to President Obama. And for the most part, it’s working like a charm. Forget the fact that he is a rambling, incoherent mess during campaign stops. Forget his abysmal views on race, including his support for segregated busing and racist colleagues. Forget the fact this guy railroaded Anita Hill and still can’t sufficiently apologize to her. Forget all the bad parts of Joe Biden. That’s what he is banking on. Biden is trying to win not based on policy or his strategy for improving the lives of everyday Americans. No, he is trying to win by painting a false image of who he is and how electable he would be. Biden is basing his entire campaign on appealing to low-key racist white suburbanites who don’t want to pay more taxes. That’s his base. And it’s not an awful strategy. But it highlights something terrible about the Democratic voter.

The average Democratic primary voter appears to support progressive causes. They want to see Social Security expanded. They support a $15 minimum wage and gun control. They support paid family leave and some form of universal health care. But the average Democratic voter of a certain age, race and class level doesn’t want to fight for those things. Because while they agree with those policies in principle, they won’t be that affected by them, and more importantly, would have to pay more in taxes. So they say they support these goals yet refuse to put any skin into the game to achieve them. The other possibility is that they would support enacting these policies and paying a bit more, but they don’t think anyone else would and thus think we need to support the least-controversial candidate. No one really likes Joe Biden, or if they do, no one can really identify what exactly he is running for. Even though health care remains a joke in this country, Biden isn’t arguing to make it better. He isn’t supporting a wealth tax. What is this man running on except a vague idea about returning dignity to the American worker. Yet voters still support him, either because they know he actually won’t change anything (except make it ok to be gay again) or because they think not changing anything is the only way for a Democrat to win.

The American voter (not just Democratic voters) collectively is a stupid person. They personally want a politician to enact massive change to better their lives, yet believe the ideal candidate is a moderate who won’t do anything major, and still someone in doing nothing substantial, will improve their lives. Then, just to double down on that stupidity, they will vote the opposition party into power in Congress to ensure nothing happens, all because they love compromise. Of course, the last thirty years of politics have shown that bipartisanship is a myth.

The American voter is both very ignorant and very naïve. We accept that. But it’s tougher to accept that from our politicians. At a recent fundraiser for millionaires, Biden touted his sincere belief that when Trump goes, Republicans will have an epiphany and start working with him to make our country better. Folks, this is disqualifying. The sheer insanity of that belief needs to be a deal breaker. Biden, in the very same speech to the very same contingent of rich assholes, said that he personally called dozens of Republicans to get Merrick Garland on the Supreme Court. The Republicans said no and pulled a move so disgusting and unprecedented that we will never see something worse in our lifetimes. And this was all before Trump was even nominated.

Joe Biden is an idiot. He also is in the bag of the rich. He regularly attends fundraisers hosted by lobbyists for some of the most nefarious industries. His campaign is mostly funded by Wall Street and Health Insurance. And how do you think he’ll govern once in office? Will he go after these bad actors? Or will he appoint them to his Cabinet? Remember, this is the guy who worked in an administration that wanted Larry Summers as Fed Chief. He appointed Timothy Geithner as Secretary of the Treasury.

Joe Biden would continue the worst aspects of Obama’s administration without all the good stuff. He’d be in his late 80’s by the time his second term ended, too. For the love of all that we hold holy, we cannot nominate Biden.

It is now time for the top two candidates. I would happily vote for either of these candidates, so my choice for one is not a slight on the other. Each candidate has issues, but they are minor compared to what they bring to the table. So I urge you to vote early and often for either of them.

Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders

A presidential candidate should make you excited to vote for them. It can’t just be “I can’t vote for the other guy so I guess you’ll do.” It’s a recipe for disaster. People need a reason to take a couple hours of their day, find parking, wait in a long line, deal with eighty-year old volunteers who yell at you to close the curtain more, and then go into work and deal with their daily amount of shit. People need a reason to see the process of voting as exciting.

I think Bernie and Elizabeth are the only two candidates one can reasonably get excited about. I’m not saying everyone will be excited by them because a lot of people don’t support their policies. I call these people assholes. But can anyone honestly say they are excited to vote for Amy Klobuchar or Joe Biden? Even if you support their bland policy proposals which consist of “we need better jobs but fuck if I know how to do that.”

But which one to choose?

I’m going to start with Bernie. The negatives against him are one of perception rather than reality, but in politics its not the truth that wins out but what you can convince people the truth is. And Bernie will definitely be portrayed as an out-of-touch Socialist. While the youngins like the word “socialism” the majority of the electorate is still scared to death of the term because they equate social democratic government as the Soviet Union and bread lines. In other words, most people are stupid. Sanders best hope would be to hammer home how amazing European countries are, the benefits they enjoy without all the negatives that Republicans conjure up in places like Venezuela. Unfortunately, Republican messaging still rules the day. Even if you could strap a person in a chair and explain point by point why Sweden and Denmark work as social democracies, they still wouldn’t get it.

Trump will absolutely attack Bernie for being a socialist, and the problem compared to the other candidates he would attack for being a socialist is that the suburban Democratic voters would actually believe him. Bernie absolutely will upend the system, and a lot of people are still benefiting from that system. People like my parents. They have a good amount of money but are not rich. Taxes going up on them will impact their daily lives, and most of the benefits Bernie is advocating for would not benefit them. There is a lot of good research out there that suggests the key for Democrats to win across the board is to get the suburban moderate vote. And there is a legitimate argument that Bernie will not get that vote. Now, one can say that those voters would never vote for Trump. But you must remember a very important thing about politics: white people can get pretty racist when they think you’ll take money away from them.

But here’s what I love about Bernie. He is entirely genuine in his advocacy for the poor and working class. Most politicians say they care, of course. They give a speech supporting raising the minimum wage or not cutting Medicaid. But they also tie themselves with rich donors and businesses whenever they can. They support the poor until there is a good reason not to. Not Bernie. He’s been singing the same tune since the sixties. He doesn’t care if it isn’t popular. He’ll make it become popular. Bernie almost single handedly shifted the conversation on universal health care. We are talking about paid family leave and free college because of him. And the man deserves credit for that.

Bernie has been hit a lot from the Democratic establishment. People are still sore that he had the audacity to challenge Hillary Clinton. Even though he endorsed and campaigned heavily for her after dropping out in 2016, there is still a narrative that he sabotaged her campaign. Let’s be clear, though. The reason why the establishment Democratic contingency dislikes Bernie is because he thinks they are just as corrupt as the Republicans. Which is true. Democrats work out of the same bubble as Republicans. They rub shoulders with the same Wall Street donors. Try calling up your Democratic Senator to get an in-person meeting. Now look at who does get those meetings. I support Bernie because he actually is trying to change our corrupt political system. A politician can’t work within the given system without being corrupted by it. The system is a cancer that needs to be destroyed.

Bernie has said some dumb things and has held some dumb positions. This can’t be denied. He’s been accused of being a racist, sexist and homophobe. Some of this is absolute bullshit and some of it is based on dumb things he’s said. But judging by the policies the man has supported, the votes he has taken, and what he has said during the 2016 and 2020 campaigns, does anyone honestly believe him to be a racist, sexist or homophobe?

If you are having a tough time getting behind Bernie, I’d ask yourself the following questions:

Do you honestly believe he would pursue anti-women and anti-reproductive rights policies?

Do you think a more robust paid family leave policy, along with a policy promoting affordable childcare, would significantly benefit women?

Do you think Bernie would restrict LGBTQ rights or would he expand protections for this group?

Do you genuinely believe Bernie would support or champion policies that would discriminate against black people?

Do you think health care is a crisis in this country and everyone should have access to it? If so, do you think Bernie makes the situation better or worse?

Do you think a president should fill his administration with people from the financial and insurance industries? Do you think Bernie would do this?

Do you think millionaires and billionaires should be taxed more and more money should go into programs that help the poor and middle class?

Should college be free or at least much more affordable?

Ask yourself these questions. Don’t worry about whether he can get them passed. Truth is it will be tough for any Democrat to get anything passed. I’d be looking at which candidates are most willing to use executive orders (hint: it’s Bernie).

We can’t keep hedging our votes on what’s practical because the truth is everything is doable with enough willpower. Think about how insane Social Security is as a legislative success. We taxed everyone, rich and poor, to provide money to senior citizens for the rest of their lives. That’s insane, and we did it. Same with Medicare. If you think are country needs massive changes to secure our future, vote for the candidate who is advocating for massive changes. That candidate is Bernie Sanders and…..

Elizabeth Warren. Everything good about Bernie can also be said about Elizabeth Warren. This is a person who literally created an agency designed to help consumers go against corporations. Warren has correctly diagnosed the problem for wealth and income inequality and a lot of the bad shit that’s been happening to the American worker. Corporations suck. Rich people suck. They both need to be taxed way more and we need to use those funds to give benefits to the poor and working class. Warren has a plan for pretty much everything, and that is a great thing. She doesn’t talk in platitudes about restoring dignity to the working class. She identifies the problem and comes up with an actual solution.

And for her efforts she gets skewered by her opponents and the media. When Pete Buttigieg says we should invest more in affordable housing, no one pushes back on exactly what that means. But when Warren releases a comprehensive plan to pay for Medicare for All, she is eviscerated. Her plans should be critiqued, but they should also come with the acknowledgement that she has put in the work and is way more open with the American people than the other candidates. The media and voters need to start making candidates pay a price for not articulating actual plans for their policy goals.

Warren is fucking smart and driven. She has the brain and energy to do the job. She’s not a crackpot; she’s an advocate for the little guy. Honestly, there isn’t much to criticize Warren on outside of how she will pay for her policy proposals. But the media will attack what little they have while giving Trump and the more moderate Democrats a pass. When Trump or Biden talk about strengthening the military, no one will ask what that means and how much it will cost. But when Warren comes up with a tax plan to pay for free childcare, every single pundit will pounce the second some study comes out that her funding is off by a few million.

Of course, the dumbest part is the idea Warren needs to fully fund any proposal. Right now, the economy has been doing great for about five years. And in that whole time, we’ve been running huge deficits. Maybe government spending without offsets isn’t such a big deal. Warren can’t say that because the media won’t allow her to. It would be great if Warren could just say “things are going great now despite a trillion-dollar deficit, so why not get free healthcare for a $2 trillion-dollar deficit?”

That’s what I love most about Warren. The lines of attack against her are so shitty. Bernie has legitimate concerns that the Republicans will easily exploit. The best they can do with Warren is attack her policies, which are broadly popular. And with Warren, you get a bunch of different contingencies that will come out for her. You have women and those who want to see our first female president. You get progressives excited about finally having a candidate who advocates for them with a fighting chance. And because she is being so careful not to raise middle class taxes, I think you get a lot of the suburban vote.

I think Warren can win this thing. She articulates the message well, she lacks genuine baggage and when compared to Trump, she comes off even better.

So who is my final pick? I’m going with Elizabeth Warren. Not only does she hold most of the same policy positions as Sanders, but she also is fundamentally opposed to the corporate interests that got us to this point. And I think she can better cajole moderate Democrats to support her agenda. Finally, I think she comes with less baggage.

What I would love to see, based on the polling, is for Warren to either win or come in second by a close margin to Biden or Buttigieg. Sanders would drastically underperform, at which point if New Hampshire was also going poorly, he could drop out and swing all his support to Warren. That would make her the clear front runner. Let’s see what happens.

Elizabeth Warren

#elizabeth warren #bernie sanders #joe biden

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annacwrites · 4 years ago

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the wip list

Alright, gang. Buckle up. This is going to be a long one, and at this point I can’t even bring myself to be sorry about it. I meant to put this off but then I started thinking about it, so here we are (at 1:05 in the morning when I have to work at 8:30, what am I doing?).

I’m going to break this down in a couple of ways—fanfiction vs. original fiction, fandom (if it’s a fanfic), series/universe (if it’s in one), and then the individual books themselves (if I have the ability to do that, because quite frankly, for some of these I don’t because I have no idea what the titles are or where I’m splitting the story yet).

Also, “WIP” is an incredibly broad term here. In some cases it means I’ve already written the whole thing but I plan to 100% rewrite it (and haven’t started yet). In some cases it means I’ve written half of the thing but haven’t finished yet. In some cases it means I have it all outlined but haven’t started writing yet. In some cases it means I haven’t really touched an outline on paper yet but I have it all worked out in my head. Take the “in progress” part of WIP with a grain of salt.

(Putting this whole thing under the cut because it is so freaking long. I apologize if the read-more doesn’t work on your dash. Idk what tumblr is doing.)

Starting off easy—the fics:

Harry Potter: (JKR can fuck off with her transphobia and cultural appropriation and all the other stupid and fucked-up shit that she’s done/promoted but, as I said to my friends, she can pry my next-gen fanfics from my cold dead hands. Cursed Child is not canon in my life because I’ve never read it and I don’t care what nonsense she came up with.)

The “In Your Arms I’ll Stay” universe (Tedtoire/Scorose):

The first fic in this universe is the first fic I ever finished. 110k words followed up by a ~137k word sequel. It is a disaster and a half but it’s also my baby and I fully intend to rewrite it one of these days. It is full of standard Tedtoire trope-y nonsense—best friends since childhood! two-year age gap! jealousy about other relationships! obliviousness!—and at 15 I thought it was a really good idea to try to turn it into a mystery too, which is a mistake that I have every intention of rectifying because it was unnecessary and I just didn’t know how to do drama and tension back then.

Anyway. It will probably be two parts again when I rewrite it because one part per school year just works, yeah? We’re covering Vic’s fifth/Teddy’s seventh year and Vic’s sixth year/Teddy’s first year out of school over the course of these parts.

Within this universe we also have Heartbeat and Bone, which is a Scorose fic that I’ve written probably 75% of already but have no intention of actually finishing before I rewrite it. I want to get the stories in the right order so that I can get details straightened out, so Teddy and Victoire get the rewrites first and then I’ll be revisiting this fic. Also full of trope-y nonsense (and my continued acceptance of the headcanon that the Heads have their own dormitory at Hogwarts, because it’s just too much fun that way).

some things were meant to be (Tedtoire):

Oh god, another fic with a cliché title taken from Can’t Help Falling In Love. I have zero regrets because it fits them perfectly.

This one is... half-done? I fully intend to finish it but I need to finish the outline first. It was my 2019 NaNoWriMo project and I am 100% just writing it for the lols (and because Teddy and Vic are like... my comfort ship where writing is concerned). I wanted to play with a different universe and change up their relationship and roles at school a bit, but once again... trope-y nonsense. It’s unavoidable with them. There is obliviousness everywhere.

Star Wars: (it’s Reylo, okay? It’s Reylo. I don’t want to hear it about how the ship is ~so terrible.~ That is literally the furthest thing in the world from a hot take, you can’t say a single thing that I haven’t heard before, and I’m a grown adult and can do what I want. Bite me.)

looking for the map that leads me home (Reylo):

Stole the title on this one from We Take Care of Our Own by Bruce Springsteen, because why the fuck not, right?

To put it simply: musician AU. To put it a little less simply: he’s got a dead career, she wants to have even the slightest shot at one, Rose is the best, Poe’s a singing heartthrob, Finn is a love-struck goofball. You know, all that fun stuff. The entire thing is based on a playlist that I made and every chapter has a song that acts as its theme. I haven’t touched it since January 2018. I want to finish it eventually but it’s not really at the top of the priority list.

There’s a few other fics from other fandoms that I’ve started and never finished but the odds of me touching them again are like... nonexistent, so I’m not including them here. I’ll update this post if anything changes on that front (but it probably won’t).

Now for the complicated part—the original fiction:

Maker’s Magic

This is a trilogy (or at least, it’s supposed to be). This is also a rewrite of the first story I ever finished—the fantasy novel that I wrote for my first-ever Camp NaNoWriMo back in August of 2011, when I had literally no clue what I was doing at all and essentially stole the plot structure from The Obsidian Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey and built my own story around it. This is not a good way to write a piece of fiction that you want to publish, kids, but it is a damn good way to get your feet wet when you’ve never really written before.

I am reworking this story entirely from scratch. The characters are... kind of the same as the original story. Kind of. Maybe. I’ve changed a few names and merged a few people together and scrapped some others and entirely shifted the backstory of pretty much everyone, but... they’re definitely still the same, right?

Basically, at this point the plot is really only similar to The Obsidian Trilogy in that we’ve got a trilogy, we’ve got some elves, and it’s your standard good vs. evil fantasy story (in its own unique fashion, of course). I’m still working out the details of this rewrite, but this is kind of the Holy Grail of all of my writing projects and the one that I’m most concerned about getting right, so I’m anticipating that I’ll be in it for the long haul on this one. I’m hoping I might be able to get a draft of the first book done this year, but... we’ll see.

(I also don’t want to give too many details about this project, ‘cause it’s the one that I’d really like to maybe publish one day, so...)

The Willow Hill universe

This started as a single story plus a standalone sequel set in the same universe, conceptualized when I was fourteen and missing horseback riding terribly (so yes, it is a story for all those Weird Horse Girls™ out there). I wrote a good portion of it, then deleted it, then rewrote the entire thing, then deleted it again a few years ago because I was no longer satisfied with the writing quality (after hitting top 100 on the Teen Fiction list on Wattpad way back when, so... I didn’t do too badly as a 16-year-old, but the writing still sucked). I’ve been promising a rewrite to my Wattpad followers since 2016 or something like that (2014? Whenever the hell it was that I deleted it the second time) but haven’t delivered at all.

I now envision this universe as a duology plus the aforementioned standalone sequel, except it’s not entirely fair to call it a YA duology in that the first book is definitely YA, but the second is more romance-y?

I originally just revealed the main character’s endgame relationship in the epilogue of the story, but I love both her and her boyfriend and their relationship so much that I decided that I’m going to be self-indulgent and write the story of them actually falling in love with each other, so that’s book two (so really, you don’t actually have to read book two to understand anything, I’m just writing it because I want to and it’s also kind of a present to anyone who read the original story when they were also a teenager and is now an adult who wants to read other stuff).

Book one is now about the teenage struggle of crushes and trying to figure out what it is that you actually want out of your life and what you value (I say “now” because it was definitely way more self-insert-y the first time I wrote it and it is decidedly not at this point). It’s also sort of a love letter to trainers who are amazing and the kind of person we should all be so lucky as to be coached by.

These characters are my comfort characters where original fiction is concerned since they’ve been bouncing around in my head for the last ten years or so, and I’m hoping I can get at least the first book rewritten in the next year-ish, partly because I’ve been promising it for so long, and partly because I just really enjoy this world and I want to get back to it again.

The Coffee Shop Chronicles

AKA, I lived in one coffee shop on my university campus for pretty much the entirety of my college experience and it was a very inspiring place to be, so this has less to do with coffee shop AUs and more to do with the fact that I met several of my favorite human beings on this earth over a vanilla chai latte and mutual sass with the baristas.

(One of said baristas is very near and dear to me and introduced me to another regular who is now a very good friend with the statement “You’re both sarcastic assholes. You’ll love each other.”)

None of the characters in this universe are based on actual human beings whom I know, but I liked the idea of the campus coffee shop serving as this thing that tangentially connected all of these people to one another, much in the way that I am tangentially connected to god knows how many people via my barista friend. Essentially, the idea is that the stories in this universe are all standalone, but the characters sometimes cross paths with one another at Caffeinated, so it’s sort of... Easter-egg-y in terms of who pops up where in which story.

Currently I only have two stories in this universe that are legitimately plotted out, but there is room for any number of spin-offs based on whichever characters show up in those stories (or don’t—that’s the fun of it being a coffee shop. The barista is the only reliable character). Those two stories are as follows:

Chance Encounters (title so totally subject to change, also stealing the terribly summary from the Wattpad draft that never saw the light of day):

For Bennett McGuire, things with guys just didn't seem to want to go her way. From the disasters that were her attempts at dating in high school to the problem that had been Elijah Becker, she hadn't exactly had the best luck. With all that in mind, it made perfect sense to swear off dating until she finished college—that is, it made sense until one frozen day in February when Gordon Evans walked into her life. After that, who was to say what would happen?

What’s Your Metaphor? (once again, enjoy the terrible summary from the Wattpad draft that never was. I am cringing reading it but also too tired to come up with anything better):

"What's the point?"

It's a question asked widely, for all sorts of reasons, and it's one that April Hayes didn't know the answer to any better than anyone else. All she knew was that she had her plan, and she was going to stick to it, because it was the only thing that seemed to have any sort of logic to it in her life. The things she thought, the things she believed—well, they all fell before the plan, because she didn't have time to ask herself "What's the point?"

That is, she didn't have the time to know the answer—her answer—until one guy by the name of Drew Collier showed up and made her consider things that she had never even thought of before.

High Blood

Yinz can go read my WIP introduction post for this one. It’s a fantasy story. Just for the hell of it, here’s the summary from said WIP introduction post:

At the age of seventeen, Thessaly of Averak had a choice—take the crown of her people and her place as her father’s heir, or set it aside to become one of the High Warriors, dedicated to protecting their people and the country that her long-dead ancestor Enred built after leading its citizens out of a long and bloody war. Amidst raids and famine at the borders, she gave up her crown to better serve the people that her family rules.

Ten years later, all is quiet. At least, all is quiet until Beca’s pendant is stolen by a thief who disappears into the night on the journey back from the summer palace, Tess gets herself stabbed, and the discovery is made that the rock-solid foundations of their family’s claim to the throne—and the peace that depends upon them—are laced with hairline fractures.

(I didn’t write anything to speak of for Camp NaNo July 2020 and actually wound up deleting my project for this on the NaNo site because my dad was hit by a car while cycling the Friday before the weekend when I was planning to write like... 30k words to catch up, so obviously I gave up on that plan (he is doing well now, thank you for asking). I’m hoping I’ll get around to this one eventually because this particular universe arguably has the most potential for having multiple stories set in it, fantasy-wise.)

Emerson’s Lights

Natalie Flynn has been best friends with Evan Acheson practically since birth. They've stuck together through thick and thin, from her braces in seventh grade to his jump to stardom as a singer-songwriter their freshman year of college.

She’d do anything for him, but spending a week with him on tour involves a lot more than she bargained for, culminating in the turn of events that is Caleb Blake, lead singer and primary songwriter of opening act Emerson’s Lights, moving into her house for the better part of a month.

She always knew there would be complications being the best friend of a rock star, but this? This was one that she didn’t bet on.

(Aka, girl meets boy in a band trope. Yay.)

(NaNoWriMo 2020 project)

The famous musician story (this thing doesn’t have a title right now and I’m not even going to try)

Stupid, trope-y nonsense idea that I came up with for my own personal amusement and nothing else. I’ve written a few chapters of it but genuinely have no idea where this falls in the hierarchy of things that I want to get done. Long story short, she’s in grad school for history, he’s a famous musician in town recording for a new album, they meet in the library, she pretends she has no idea who he is, and shenanigans ensue.

And that is where I think I’m going to leave it. There’s four other stories that I can think of off the top of my head that I could theoretically add to this list, but they are legitimately just ideas right now so they can be added at a later date when they’ve manifested themselves a little more strongly. There’s also another quartet in the Willow Hill universe that I came up with in high school that could theoretically be added but I think I might just steal those character names and give them their own little world instead. We’ll see.

Basically, if you didn’t get the point from this list: I am working on a lot of things, and when I say I’m writing, it could mean literally anything on this list (or any of the other ideas that I have floating around). The stories/universe here are the most likely candidates for my time, depending on whether I’m doing a deep dive into my writing or just playing around with something fun, and hopefully (god, hopefully) I’ll be able to move one or two of these to a “completed works” list in the next year(ish).

(Or at least, as complete as a draft ever gets before you start going in on it again.)

#the wip list

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rezdogsyonder · 5 years ago

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Not Like You Think

Pairing: The Powered!Reader is married to an OC the marvel characters come in later.

Summary: You and your family are in trouble. What lengths will you go to keep them safe? Go against the Avengers? A gang infamous among CIA?

Warnings: Robbery, breaking the law, lying, murder, cheating

A/N: the reader is like early 20’s, married young to high school sweetheart. With a 3 year old. The reader has super strength, is bulletproof, and is influential. Like kilgrave but can turn it off. Also: didn’t expect it to be so long.. sorry! Couldn’t get back to present day in this chapter

**********

You don’t know how it got to this.

That’s a lie. You do, but you didn’t mean for it to get this messy.

They’re almost here. You need to leave. They’re not close to being done though. The car is waiting. It’s running. They’re probably gonna see you leaving if they’re here quick enough.

We could hide. Blend in. Yeah, that could work.

**********

2 weeks before.

“Honey? What time you gonna be home tonight?” You yelled from the kitchen. Your preparing your babies diaper bag for daycare.

“Right around 8:30 ish? Maybe 9. They pretty much don’t let you take more overtime after 9.” He peaked out the door while doing his tie. He walked over to the counter and began eating the food you prepared for him.

“I’ll keep some food in the fridge for you.” You walked by kidding him on the cheek.

You walk over to the bedroom and to the bed, “Come on baby, time to wake up.” She just rolls over and shoved her face in the covers. “Come on sleepy buns, it’s early enough that you can have cereal.”

That got her sitting up, she reaches out to you and you oblige, bringing her to the kitchen.

“How’s my nakey baby?” Christopher smiles poking her belly. She giggles a little bit but she’s still trying to fight it, still wanting to go to sleep.

You put her in her chair and pour some cereal in the tray. You grabbed her soft little brush and put her hair in two little pigtails.

“See you tonight. Love ya. Love you too my little bean.”

“Love you. See you.” You say halfheartedly, grabbing Leia’s clothes for today.

You hear the door slam. Getting her dressed quickly and grabbing her diaper bag and an extra outfit, you’re soon following.

**********

“Leia is at daycare, they close at 4:30, so I’ll need to leave at 4:15, drop her off with Joey, and head back to work.” You say to yourself in your car. You park in the one employee parking spot that is left and walk inside.

It’s not much, but this restaurant has been the only place that would hire you. It’s kinda like a subway, but for burritos and tacos, and the place tips well. Especially in the Summer, which is approaching right now. Pretty soon you’ll have to find a different place for Leia to stay. The daycare you go to only works during the school year.

You have your apron on and hat to cover your hairnet, but you see your day going down the drain when you see your least favorite person. The store owner. The one person you hate because, for some reason, he sees you as a threat. Maybe because the franchise owner almost gave this place to you. Yeah, gave. Guessing he found out from another manager in another store, he went to the franchise owner and laid down daddy’s money.

Why was he even working here if he was rich? Honestly you think he just has a personal vendetta against you. He has hated you since junior year.

“Ugh what are you doing here?” He said in disgust.

“How professional, Jamie.”

“I don’t need to be professional, I’m the boss Y/N.” He smirked smugly. “Just in case you’ve forgotten.”

A customer walks in, saving you from having to speak to him. You try to serve them fast, but slowly too because once they’re sitting at their table, Jamie is just gonna berate you for nothing. Like always.

“Who is the one that worked shifts last night? Hmm?”

“That was me and Matt.”

“What is this?”he holds his hand up.

“A bill?” It was 100. We catered a small party yesterday, probably about 20 people but that 20 brought guests.

“A counterfeit.”

“Well we used the pen thingy on every big bill that we get.”

“No you don’t. Cause then you would have realized it was counterfeit.” The door swings open and you expect a customer but Matt walks in.

“Matt tell him we always use pens on big bills”

“We use the pen on big bills. Every time, a habit we’ve gotten from you docking our pay a billion dollars.” Matt said immediately jumping on your side. A bit monotonous and you suspect it’s because of the bags under his eyes.

“If you used the pen then you would have known it was COUNTERFEIT.” He’s starting to lose his shit. Unprofessional as always. “I will dock you both 50 from your paychecks.”

“You’re so... ugh. You know that $50 is nearly a full shift.” You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Give me the bill.” Holding out your hand. He looks at you suspiciously before handing it over. You grab the pen from the register and write over it.

You hold the bill out in front of you mockingly. “Did you use an actual marker?” Showing the yellow marks.

His face goes beet red and Matt is about to laugh, trying to hold it back. Jamie just took out his own marker and marks the bill, the color turning a dark blue.

“See?”

“Well then this is on you. Maybe you should quit being cheep and get us more detector pens.”

You cross your arms, and Matt can’t can’t hold it back and he’s giggling quietly. You know Jamie is trying to find a way to pin it on you.

Jamie opened his mouth to say something, but he sighed and walked away. Matt fist bumps you.

“You know one of these days he’s gonna get what’s coming to him.”

“That would be the dream. But right now he is our boss so we gotta dream while we work, come on. We gotta prep the pico and quac.”

The two of you continued your days work in peace, getting a couple regulars. It was a bit busier today than usual, you don’t know what caused it though. You even had to ask Christopher to pick up Leia.

Pretty soon the last group of people left their table and were leaving the restaurant. These guys were really polite, cleaning up after themselves too.

“You get front, I’ll get kitchen and food?” Matt offered.

“Yep, I’ll get the ice ready for you.” You grab an empty bean bin and a plastic knife from your station and walk around to the fountain machine. You jam the knife in the ice dispenser and go to get the mop bucket from the back.

Once back there you hear arguing, they’re shouting and it sounds like they’re through the back door. The door to drop off garbage. You try to hear better by pressing your ear against the door. One of the voices is Jamie.

“Excuse m—”

“JESUS!” It was just Matt. He has a bag of garbage.

“Huho sorry Y/N. ‘Xcuse.” You put your hand on his chest stopping him.

“Here I can take it.” You hold your hand out, he shrugs and gives you the bag. It was warm from the unused meat from today. You scrunched your nose for a second before heading outside.

The arguing stopped as soon as you opened the door. You saw Jamie and a man you recognized as a regular. He’s kinda too attractive to forget. Long brown hair, but it suited him, especially in the man bun he has right now. He was actually apart of the group that just left.

“Hey.” You wave to the customer, “what are you still doing here Jamie?” You said in a less enthusiastic tone. You walk over to the garbage can. Quickly before the meat burned through the heavy duty bag. It wasn’t fun to clean up.

“Just dealing with business Y/N, just head back in.” He snapped. You heave the heavy bag over the edge and into the garbage.

“Whatever you say,” you put your hands up in mock surrender. “Have a good night.” You say to the man with him.

“You too, ma’am.” He took his hand out of his pocket to wave, his shiny glove glinting in the moonlight. ‘It’s nearly summer.’ You thought, but he was still in a long sleeved jacket and gloves apparently.

You went back inside to continue your work, but that weird altercation stayed in your mind. Consuming your thoughts. Matt has the beans cooled back down, good thing because you had forgotten about the ice, he caught it before it started overflowing.

You’re done with the food heaters, the steamer, the tips, and the till. You’re pulling out the garbage from by the front door when you hear a loud bang outside. You go in the kitchen to see Matt.

“What was that?” You keep walking towards the back.

“Y/N I don’t think you should go out there, they’ll probably hit you in the face with a fircracker... Shitkids.”

“Well, yeah but the garbage.” You open the door, or try at least. Something was blocking it.

“Matt? Can you open this?” You push on the door to emphasize your need, even though he can’t see from where he is. Whoever it was probably stacked stuff on the other side. Garbage most likely.

“Yeah, coming.” He walked around you and tried pushing on the door. Even he struggles with the door, which kind of surprised you with him being kinda buff.

The door is open just enough for you to get out and the two of you hear a groan. You and Matt exchange a glance before you squeeze through the door, him trying to pull you back in.

It’s too dark to see anything, the moon had moved higher and maybe behind some clouds, you can’t make out many shapes. You’re holding the heavy bag with two hands so you swing it into the garbage can and grabbed your phone.

“Turn on your flash, cause holy fuck I can’t see anything.” Matt asks, he’s just getting through. The door closing behind him, making it even darker than before.

“K just a second.” You get it on but the phone is having trouble reading your fingers. Whatever liquid was on your hand preventing it. You wipe your phone on your boob and your hand on your hip, it finally reads.

Once you see, the sight has you and Matt standing in shock. It was a body, face down and covered in blood. A good ten seconds has passed before Matt reacts and jumps to the other side of the person.

“Y/N call 911!”

“Yeah.... right.” You dial the number while keeping the light on the two of them. Your slow with your actions, this situation feeling as if it weren’t real. Not paying attention to the monotone voice at the other end, “Get to TacoTacos on main please hurry, send an ambulance.” You keep them on the line, answering the woman’s questions absentmindedly.

“Does he have a pulse?”

Matt’s hands were already on his throat feeling for one. After a couple seconds he shakes his head.

“No, he doesn’t.”

Matt tucks the man’s arm and rolls him over. It was Jamie. He begins cpr.

“It’s my boss. His name is Jamie Ness. I.. I think he was shot.”

“Don’t worry ma’am help is on the way. They should be there in a couple minutes.”

Yep, this wasn’t real. You look away. At the far corner of the shop is a man standing there. He was the man that Jamie was arguing with. He brought one finger to his lips, smiled, and disappeared behind the corner.

**********

“Do you know anybody that would want to do harm to Mr.Ness?” The police officer asks.

“Who wouldn’t?” You look at the paramedic then at the officer, “Sorry, I know it isn’t good to say, but I haven’t seen one person that got along with Jamie.” You pull the blanket tighter around you.

“Do you know what Jamie was doing back there?”

You look the the corner where you saw the man. The paramedic straps that tightening thing around your arm. “No, he might’ve been coming back, but after yelling at us I wouldn’t think he would.... he’s not the kind of person to apologize or say he was wrong. Yenno?” You feel a stethescope being pressed to your chest.

“Mmhmm” he hums, writing in his notepad before slapping it shut, “I should let you go for now, here’s my card. If you remember anything, call me.”

His card said Carl Cohen, and had his number. You nod and tuck it into your apron.

“You’re good to go. I thought you had shock, and you’re blood pressure was a little low and your heart rate was a little high, but nothing too bad.”

The paramedic takes his cuff off of you and you hand him back the blanket. You walk over to Matt who was sitting on the curb. He was looking at the blood on his hands.

“Come ‘ere.” You pull at his elbow. He looks up, you see the tears looking in his eyes. He stands up reluctantly.

You lead him back into the shop. Through the front this time. Bringing him to the sink. You wash his hands for him. It seems he’s the way you were earlier. The blood stained his skin. You do what you can for now.

You lead him back out the front and tell him to get in the car. He usually hitched a ride with you anyways. You run back and switch off all the lights, also writing a note for the opening crew that said call you and you’d explain why the closing didn’t close all the way.

Running back to the car you’re heart breaks when you see him. He’s just looking out the window as tear roll down his cheeks. You shut your door and his attention switches to you, before switching back to the window.

“Do you want to come over to my place?” You offer, thinking he shouldn’t be alone right now.

He nods back to you.

The ride was quiet.

You get to your driveway and notice that an unfamiliar car is parked in front. You park beside Chris’s car.

You open the door for Matt and usher him to the closest bathroom. Grabbing hydrogen peroxide from the mirror, you spray his hands with it. The stains washing away with it. You could tell he feels a little bit better now that he can’t see it, but it’s still bad.

“Hold on.” You rush to your room, upstairs, as quietly as you can so you don’t wake up Leia. You burst into your room, only to find Christopher and a woman in bed.

You stop for a second and you’re shocked, honestly, but Matt is downstairs. You glare and point at your stammering husband “You’re fucking lucky that I can’t deal with this right now.” You grab the shirt you stole from Matt when you were roommates a couple years ago and a pair of your pajama pants from when you were pregnant and huge.

You run back down to Matt. He’s still in the same spot you left him. You place the clothes in his lap and step past him to turn on the shower.

“Clean up. Take as long as you need. I’ll just be outside. ‘Kay?” You kiss him on the forehead.

You leave and softly close the door. Upstairs, the first door on the left is Leia’s room. She’s still in her crib, sleeping face down. You grab another blanket and place it on top of her. She’s practically in a coma if she’s warm.

You close the door softly before going back to your room.

“Well good to see you clothed!” You gesture to the other woman. You know it’s not really her fault, but you’re angry. You pull her closer. “Did you know he was married? Tell the truth.” Using your powers on her.

“No, and I’m really so sorry. He just told me he was a single dad.” She rushed past you, seemingly embarrassed.

“Are you serious?” You’re trying to stay calm. Not wanting to get to angry. “In our house. In our bed. With our baby in the next room?” Each sentence accentuated with one step closer to him.

“You said you couldn’t get out of work, that you were gonna have a late close.”

“So this is justified?” You gesture to the bed.

“I—ugh, I—“ he steps back for every step you take closer.

“Spit it out.” venom lacing your words. He’s backed into the corner.

“We—ugh—we haven’t been together in a while. Um and just, I—”

“Get out.” Not wanting to hear more. You’re backing away now, knowing what happens when you get too angry. Not even he knows, but now you guess he never will.

“What?”

“Get out. It’s that simple. Leave”

“Where will I go? What about Leia?”

“I don’t care, and if you cared about Leia so much then you wouldn’t have done this.” You said matter of factly.

“But—“

“Nope!” You cut him off. “Get out, and don’t you dare think of waking her.”

Knowing him, he’ll stomp throughout the house just to make things hard for you. He seems to always do that when he loses the argument. You watch him step past you and out the bedroom door. You follow, making sure he actually leaves.

Once downstairs you can see he heard the shower going. He grabs his keys and turns to you.

He points to the door then back to you, “Youre such a fucking hypocrite.”

“No, I am not.” You whisper yelled. You began pushing him out the door.

Once he’s fully out you close the door behind him, trying not to slam it, and lock it. You turn around and lean against the door, you hear his car start up and leave. You feel tears welling up in your eyes, you shut them tightly.

This isn’t going to be easy.

#marvel #avengers #powered!reader #marvel fanfiction #not like you think #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes

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sunflowercandie · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @atreefullofstars and @feral-anarchy ! Thank you guys!

1. Do you make your bed? Usually no, only after I clean my room or when I have company coming over. Other than that, to me, there really is no point I know I’m just going to mess is up again.

2. Favorite number? Number 10! 10 has been my favorite number since I was three, I think. Don’t ask me why it’s my favorite, I don’t really know I just like it a lot.

3. What’s your job? I’m a cashier at the local grocery store.

4. If I could would I go back to school? Absolutely not xD. Doing school work and having to sit for too long and tests and studying honestly freaks me out and gives me anxiety, despite the fact that I am in college. I would if I could relive the fun moments of middle school and high school, but the stress and depression and ptsd that comes with it is just not worth it.

5. Can you parallel park? Nope, i avoid it like the plague. I probably could be really good at it if I tried, but I know that if I do everyone is going to be watching me attempt to get into this tiny space and asdfghjhgfds and honestly its just better to find another spot, even if it’s two blocks away.

6. A job people would be surprised I had? I worked at a day care center for a summer in 2015.

7. Do you think aliens are real? Of course! What, do you really think that in our universe, with billions of different galaxies that are home to trillions of different planets, out of all of those our earth is the only one that has life on it’s surface? Yeah, right, sure xD

8. Can you drive a standard car? I’m not really sure what this means by ‘standard’ but if you mean automatic then yes, I can. But if you mean a stick-shift no I absolutely can not. My cousin gave me my first car, which was a Honda CR-V, but I couldn’t drive it because it had a stick-shift. I tried really hard to learn and get it down but I could just never figure it out. I was so sad when we had to sell the car for an automatic, mainly because it was a really nice car. It had a table! In the trunk! How many car’s do you know of that comes with a freaking table?

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? Sleeping 12+ hours. It’s a love hate relationship, really. Cause I can sleep for a really long time and it’s nice and I have crazy dreams and I catch up on some missed out sleep but suddenly it’s 3 pm and I’ve missed half the day and didn’t even wake up once. I could probably miss a whole day by sleeping if I tried hard enough. It’s both a blessing and a curse, and I secretly love and hate it.

10. Tattoos? I don’t have any tattoos yet, but I have a plan to have tattoos of outlines of tiny stars and constellations on my shoulders with invisible ink inside the stars that only show up in black light. I think that would be really cool, like “I hold the weight of the universe on my shoulders, but I can still find ways to shine bright despite dark circumstances.” I think a tattoo like that would describe me and my life perfectly. On the other hand, I also want to get a tattoo of like something really dumb hidden on my body and then to show a bestie one day and be like ‘look at this ehehehehe’ and then burst into laughter or smthn.

11. Favorite color? I remember fighting with my brother about this when I was like 3 or 4, that my favorite color was yellow, and he said it couldn’t be because that was his favorite color and we couldn’t have the same favorite color. So I caved and gave it to him and since then I could never figure it out. well guess what turns out he lied and blue has been his favorite color for like ever now SO GUESS WHAT YELLOW IS MY FAVORITE COLOR NO ONE CAN TAKE IT FROM ME LMAO

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? I ABSOLUTELY HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME. I knew this one bitch in high school. I won’t get super into it, but basically the only thing that ever came out of that ugly moth of hers was shit about herself and how great she was (she was homophobic and racist and looked down on everyone may I add) or just straight up negativity. I don’t think I have ever heard her say something nice about someone or anything in the 7 years I went to school with her. She was such a negative person that it made me realize that I hate people who are negative all the time like??? I really don’t get how people can be so negative all the time??? I really can’t get through the day without making someone laugh it’ll physically hurt me if I don’t make someone’s day better and I can’t understand that some people don’t think that way.

13. Any phobias? I don’t get scared of pretty much anything. You can’t scare me, try your hardest, but you can’t xD. I love watching horror movies and going to the theater to see peoples reactions. I think the only thing that actually freaks me out is Greg Yates from the Law and Order SVU and Chicago Fire crossover. Dude fuckin freaks me out I literally can’t look at Dallas Robert’s face without cringing and i just asdfghjklsa i tried to fix it yo, I watched him in the walking dead (Milton Mamet) and Insatiable (Bob) but honestly it only made it worse. I just can’t do it. I see him and I recoil i just have to get far away. Other than that I don’t get scared of anything else.

14. Favorite childhood sport? Psshh, sports??? What are those??? Lmao

15. Do you talk to yourself? All the time, and they’re nothing wrong with that.

16. What movie do you adore? I have lot’s of favorite movies that I love so Imma just list em. Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (This movie is just straight up my personality), Rise of the Guardians (my first ever fandom), Kung Fu Panda 2 (IT’S A GOOD MOVIE FIGHT ME ON IT), Kubo and the Two Strings, the IT movies.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? Not really? I am really good at solitaire and Mancala tho

18. Favorite type of music? I don’t really have a type of music I like best. If I listen to it and it makes me go ‘holy shit this is great I love this’ then that’s pretty much it... I did go through a huge dubstep phase in freshman year of high school but let’s not talk about that.

19. Tea or coffee? Neither xD yeah yeah I know how terrible but honestly both are just gross. I tried liking them but I just don’t. oops.

20. What’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? If I am correct, I wanted to be either a veterinarian or an ‘orphanage manager lady’ when I grew up. Obviously neither of those happened, now I’m aiming at something film related.

Thank you guys for tagging me! This was really fun! I guess it’s my turn now so I’m tagging:

@lizard-15 @moonshadow-memes @readingisthenewcool @ezio-demonI don’t know who else to tag xD so partake if any of u wanna

#ask #fun #yay #questions #brush ask me more shit honestly xD #i don't care

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etherealwaifgoddess · 5 years ago

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What He Wants (Pt. 21)

Main Characters: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced Reader

Summary: On going series of Bucky getting his shit together and falling in love with you.

Warnings/ Content beware: more lemons!

Word Count: 2048

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I know ya’ll are thirsty for more lemons and not gonna lie, it’s pretty lemony from here on out. Enjoy darlings :)

If you missed the first few parts, you can read them here: 1 2 3 4 5 67 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

XOXO - Ash

What He Wants, Pt. 21

“Everything okay?” you ask him as he joins you in the living room.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “I had to call Pepper back. My email gave her a fright. She just wanted to make sure I’m okay.”

“That’s nice of her. Is everything sorted out then?”

“Yep, I’m officially out of the rotation. I can go back whenever I want or I can be done permanently. She’ll let the others know today.”

“Are you going to miss it? Maybe not the missions, but your friends?” You had mulled this over a few times since he agreed to come back with you. You were pulling him into your world without anything from his own; his friends, his belongings, his life back at the Avengers compound.

“I was only really close with Sam and he has my number. I’m sure I’ll be getting a call as soon as Pepper tells him I’ve gone off with some mystery woman. I’ll see the others eventually and they know how to reach me if they need something.”

“But you had a life back there, Buck. I want you in my world, I really do. I want to give this a real chance. But don’t you want some of your stuff at least?”

“I don’t have much but I was thinking after we give it some time we could take a little trip out to get what’s left. You know, if I decide this hiatus is going to be permanent. Everyone is going to want to meet you anyway, if you’re willing.”

“We could do that at some point. And I met Sam once on a mission a few years ago, he’s a good guy. He’s taken over Steve’s old shield and title, hasn’t he?”

“Yeah, he has. It couldn’t have gone to a better person. He reminds me a lot of Steve but he is such a smart ass.”

“I remember he had a sense of humor. I’m okay if you tell Sam you’re with me. Not where, of course, but you can let him know we’re… together. I don’t think he’ll tell anyone if you ask him not to.”

“Nah, he wouldn’t blab. And I would like to tell him about us.”

“What are you going to tell him?” you tease, your tone shifting to low and suggestive as you walk over to him to wrap your arms around his solid waist.

Bucky runs his hand through your hair and kisses the spot on your neck that makes you moan softly. “Well, I’m gonna tell him I’m staying with you. That you’re unbelievably kind, and soft, and so sweet. And you make the most amazing little moans when I…” You shove him away and he trails off laughing at your incensed look. “Come on, mouse. I was teasing. I’m just going to tell him we’re together and then, knowing my dumb ass, I’ll probably bore him to death telling him how completely wrapped around your little finger I am.”

“Mmm, smooth recovery.” you pull his head down for a kiss. His hand is rubbing circles along the curve of your hip and it’s driving you wild. You run your hands over his chest, giving yourself ideas of how you want to spend your morning. You press your body against his and your arms snake around him, your hands tracing the hard planes of his back.

He makes a throaty noise as your hands move lower, stopping to cup his shapely backside in your palms. “Careful there, mouse.”

You raise your head up to meet his eyes, “Oh, I know what I’m doing.” you tell him.

“And what do you think you’re doing?”

“Well, Mr. Barnes, I’m seducing you.” You’re cheering internally at your display of confidence. He had been so giving yesterday and while you know he came too, it’s not the same as you being an active participant in giving him pleasure.

Bucky groans a little, “Doll, you can do that just by standing there.”

You swat his butt lightly, “Come on, Bucky, let me show you what I mean.”

You take Bucky’s hand and lead him to the bedroom and you’re pleasantly surprised to find your bed made. You position him at the foot of the bed and push him lightly so he’s sitting down. He is watching you intently, waiting to see what exactly you have planned. Excited just at the thought that you wanted to do something for him, regardless of what it is. You nudge his knees further apart so you can stand in between them, close to him but not quite touching. It’s nerve wracking, but you’re determined to carry out your plan. Bucky genuinely seems to appreciate your body and you tamp down the anxiety that he may find something unappealing about you naked.

Giving Bucky the sultriest smile you can manage, you pull the hem of your night shirt up slowly and toss it on the floor. You’re standing between his legs, bare except for your pink striped panties and you do your damnedest not to make your discomfort known. You chance a glance at Bucky and it stops your internal monologue. Bucky is staring at you like you’re water in a desert.

“Holy shit, mouse.” He says like a prayer.

Your inhibitions evaporate and you smile at him genuinely this time. Your confidence restored, you lean in to kiss him and he wraps his arm around your waist, locking you against him. His kisses are reverent and his hand trails up your side to your breasts which he alternates kneading in his wide palm. “Fuck doll” he murmurs between kisses and you shudder under his touch.

“Hey,” you press a palm against his chest but he’s a wall of muscle and doesn’t budge. “Hey,” you try again “This is supposed to be about you.” you remind him.

He lets you move back but looks confused, “Doll, believe me, I was doing that for me.” he says and glances down at the tent that has formed in his sweats.

You blush and pull on the waist of his sweatpants to remove them. Bucky leans back and props himself up on his hand, lifting his hips off the bed so you can pull them all the way off, and damn if it doesn’t turn you on as his bicep and ab muscles all constrict and flex as he moves. You get his pants completely off and stay kneeling between his impossibly thick thighs. You look up at his eyes before slowly trailing down his body to the erection that you’ve freed and is now arching out and slightly up. You knew it was going to be impressive just from what you felt pressed against your thigh the day before but nothing could have prepared you for this.

You’re not a virgin by any means but it’s been quite some time and with significantly smaller men. Bucky is long and girthy, his skin smooth and soft, with a large blunt head which is currently purpling from the rush of blood. “Wow.” you whisper to yourself, amazed.

Bucky hears you and groans. “You keep lookin’ at me like that, doll, and things are gonna be over before you lay a hand on me.”

“Sorry,” you mumble, “I just… you’re just… wow.” you smile up at him like a drunk and you don’t even care. He is absolutely magnificent and you’ve gone from wanting to do this because you want to bring him pleasure, to wanting to do this because you need to taste him. Carefully you reach out and take him in your palm, quickly realizing you can’t wrap your fingers all the way around his shaft. The thought worries you for a moment, hoping you can fit enough of him in your mouth to make it pleasurable for him. You trail your hand lightly along his shaft, tracing your thumb over the ridge of his head and he gasps. Not willing to wait, you slide your hand down to the base of his shaft and, watching his face closely for his reaction, you lower your mouth and swallow as much of him as possible. You’re pleased with yourself that you manage to take in more of him than you expected and his reaction is better than you could have imagined. Bucky’s whole body shudders, his eyes rolling back in his head, and litany of mindless endearments fall from his lips. When his eyes snap back open his pupils are blown wide with lust and his breaths are coming in ragged gasps, every muscle in his body is coiled tight and you can see he’s barely holding on.

You are spurred on by his reactions and you start moving your hands in tandem with your mouth, focusing on laving your tongue along his shaft and swirling it around his swollen head. His body continues shaking at your every movement and you wonder how long he’s going to be able to hold out. You snake one hand down from his shaft to cup his balls and are not surprised that they are also large and weighty. You knead them gently as your continue to worship his cock which is leaking precum steadily now. You wouldn’t say you enjoy the bitter saline fluid but you’re lapping it up like it’s ice cream because it’s Bucky and the thought of bringing him to this point turns you on beyond comprehension. Your jaw is starting to ache and you pray that you’ll be able to hang on long enough to finish him. The way he’s shaking though, you think you stand a chance.

Bucky is consumed by the need raging in his body and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore. He knows it’s mix of doll, baby, mouse, a variety of curse words, and prayers, but he can’t think straight when you move your tongue like that. The sight of you almost completely bare between his legs with your sweet mouth on his cock makes him want to come right away and he’s holding on for dear life, trying not to spend himself so quickly. It’s mildly embarrassing how quickly he came in his jeans yesterday from nothing more than watching you fall apart in his hand and rubbing against your thigh. He needs to make this last just a little bit longer and he pulls on every bit of strength in his body to hold off. He barks out your name when you cup his balls and he knows he’s on the losing side of the battle with himself. He can feel his balls constrict, the pressure building rapidly and he prays silently that you give him a chance to prove he can go longer than this later.

You can feel his cock thickening yet again and you gasp around him, amazed it can swell anymore and knowing it means he’s so very close. His balls pull in tightly and you move your hand back up so they’re both pumping in rhythm with your mouth and you can focus your tongue properly on the top of his shaft and head. You flick it against the bottom ridge and watch as his body shakes violently as he tries to keep himself supported by his one arm. His eyes are half open and you wait for them to meet yours again. When they do, you give him a small smile around his cock and then hollow your cheeks increasing the pressure as you give his head several rapid flicks with your tongue. Bucky makes an animalistic sound and his body goes rigid. Abruptly he spends himself in your mouth and you are quick to gulp it down, taking care of your man like you want so desperately to do.

Bucky has barely finished coming when he collapses back on the bed, every muscle in his body trembling and weak. He’s gasping for air and trying to let his brain turn back on so he can ensure you’re okay. He feels you move away and is concerned momentarily until he feels your weight press down on the bed. You slide up next to him on his left, lying on your side and smiling down at him. He smiles back, trying and failing to find the words he wants to say to you.

Tag List Lovelies: @my-current-fandom-is @blacklightguidesnic @amazonianbeauty@ladyemofhousestark@abswritesfandoms@rupestria @dark-night-sky-99

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fandom #marvel fangirl #marvel avengers #post endgame #post avengers endgame #what he wants #series #part twenty one

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boaws · 5 years ago

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BOAWS Top Records of 2019

20 – Control Top – Covert Contracts (Get Better)

Sometimes you sit around and you try and think about what makes an album good or why you like it as much as you do and it's not entirely easy to narrow it down to one or two things. Usually there are some distinctive parts or sounds that strike me, but occasionally there are albums like Covert Contracts that bring together a number influences and pull them off quite nicely...and it just simply rips. I guess the three years between their debut EP and this first full-length were well spent refining whatever they were ingesting musically at the time, as what came out is a wild blast of post-punk that spans decades worth of sounds/eras that all fit along snugly next to one another on Convert Contracts. Is it going to reinvent the genre? Absolutely not. But is it kind of dance-able while also trying to smoothly hide that black eyeliner? Yup. It sure is. But it's also really good at doing it too. Control Top - Unapologetic (stream) BUY IT! 19 – Spotlights – Love & Decay (Ipecac)

Spotlights ride the fine line between post-metal and shoegaze, which I'm usually a little weary of because boy oh boy is there a lot of those bands and all those big riffs generally amount to a big old snoozefest. However, Spotlights caught my attention awhile back when their named popped up when playing alongside Hum on one of their many sporadic appearances. Turns out Spotlights weren't too shabby and their album Seismic was a bit of a winner too. They've since released their second album for Ipecac records and it takes the balance between the two aforementioned genres and toes that line even further. Love & Decay tweaks things a bit closer to the metal side of things, but still with some Midwestern flair and creativity in the realm of melody and definitely has the layers to appeal to the shoegaze crowd. Spotlights - Xerox (stream) BUY IT! 18 – Spit-Take – Falling Star (Dead Broke)

Spit-Take have been scattered around these pages plenty of times before, usually good for churning out two or three songs per release that make me appreciate them all that much more. Falling Star would mark their third full-length effort and it's about as consistent of a record that I've heard them release that sees them navigate though a pleasant balance of classic indie-rock/power-pop vibes while also throwing out some very Midwestern-ish clanky emo run throughs (“How”), which is usually always a good way to work your way into my memory. Short and sweet and available on both cassette and LP. Spit-Take - How (stream) BUY IT! 17 – VR Sex – Human Traffic Jam (Dais)

This is basically an alter ego of Andrew Clinco of Drab Majesty, wherein he typically goes by the alias of Deb Demure...here he opts for Noel Skum. I'm taking a guess that it's supposed to reflect the shift into a grimier/noisier side of the dreamy landscape that Drab Majesty typically inhabits. VR Sex contain much of the same undertones of something that Mr. Clinco would be associated with, remaining vastly catchy and rhythmic but now the game is a disassociated future where technology has apparently ruined society and now it gets darker, louder, and muddled in filth. Skum indeed. I'm not so sure the message is as conveyed as the presser would like one to believe, but I enjoy the tunes from a standpoint that it sounds like a slightly more modern Sisters of Mercy, Red Lorry Yellow Lorry or something along those lines. Not bad. I guess Human Traffic Jam will gain another level of appreciation years from now if it ends up hitting the nail on the head and we do in fact find ourselves in some type of Black Mirror episode. VR Sex - Sacred Limousine (stream) BUY IT! 16 – Cave In – Final Transmission (Hydrahead)

The trajectory for Cave In over the years has been one of the more interesting ones. Once a premier metalcore/hardcore band, they pulled the rug out from just about everyone and released their second album Jupiter, which sounded nearly like a different band...showcasing big hooks, melodies, and definitely a large infatuation with space-rock themes. I naturally loved it and was actually kind of excited for some reason when I saw that they had landed on a major label for their third album Antenna. Sadly it didn't go as planned and it was pretty much over after that album came and went without moving the needle a whole lot. Fast forward a handful of years following major label disappointment, the band suffers the tragic loss of bassist Caleb Scofield. The band had been in the process of recording/demoing for their first album in 8 years up until the point of his death and the recordings on Final Transmission are a collection of those. Andrew Schneider and James Plotkin did a nice job in smoothing out some of the rougher edges around what were mostly unfinished recordings, cause honestly I can't really tell in most places and the songs stand on their own for the most part. Final Transmission is, or likely would have been, an album that plants itself right in between Jupiter and Antenna, circling back to some of the spacey atmosphere and guitar tones that fed greatly into both of those albums sound. Possibly the album they would have made if RCA hadn't come knocking? Although it's unknown to me whether this is an actual final statement for the band, if it does indeed end up being that, it's a good'n. Cave In - Night Crawler (stream) BUY IT! 15 – The Bismarck – We Will Never Be Young Again (Self-Released)

The Bismarck have been around long enough to still have an actual website that hasn't been updated in years. As someone who still pays yearly hosting costs for some dumb reason and haven't quite convinced myself not to anymore, I guess I get it...but I know that's gotta be costly. The band is firmly in the PRF rock stable of bands, so that right there should give most of you an idea of what The Bismarck bring to the table. Over a run of what I think is five albums now, We Will Never Be Young Again seems to be an album that wants to prove defiant of its title, coming with full fire and energy and holy shit...anthems? Yeah. A song title like “Fuck You, Let's Boogie” certainly seems like something you could easily write off, but ends up being a bona fide gem of a tune. Solid album all the away around and if it ends up being to your liking, they have a rather deep catalog to pull from if curiosity strikes. The Bismarck - Fuck You, Let's Boogie (stream) BUY IT! 14 – Crumb – Jinx (Self-Released)

First album for the Brooklyn based Crumb and I'd thought I'd heard an EP or something before this, but upon further research, it would appear I hadn't. This introduction is fine enough anyway, wherein they combine that niche of slacker ethos that worked its way through a number of indie bands in the 90's and spin it with a chilled loungy/psych thing. Maybe a tinge of jazz influence here and there, but more or less it sticks to the poppy psych side of it all, leaving for a very breezy and smooth 28 minutes of music. The ambiance, or I guess mood, of Jinx is pretty heavy throughout, likely forcing the album to be something that is relegated to particular times of which it strikes just right, however when it does...it certainly works. Crumb - The Letter (stream) BUY IT! 13 – Razorlegs – Skip Skool (Self-Released)

Latest cassette from this improvisational noise/psych outfit, each side consisting of its own roughly 18 minute long descent into fuzz, pummel and blown amps. Side one is “Transistor Love” and gets things going with a rapid paced drum explosion that contends to outpace the entirety of the track, leaving me seemingly off balance for the duration. There are faint voices coming and going as the track progresses into its squalls of feedback and I'm left to envision that this is to mimic the joys of still using the radio dial (FM mute OFF...no cheaters) and then it promptly ends...picking back up with another steady drum beat that steers pretty much the rest of the track from one critical guitar injury to another. Flip the tape, you have “Skip Skool” and we're off with a death march of drums and the sputtering flare ups of distortion before turning into a full fledged burnt out psych mantra, sounding like it's trying to rip and tear its way off the tape that it was laid on to. Razorlegs - Transistor Love (stream) BUY IT! 12 – Breastmilk – Bliss (Chicago Research)

Chicago Research put out a variety of things this past year that I thought were all very solid in their own uniquely bleak and disturbing way, however Breastmilk kind of wins out of for things to play in the background if you genuinely want someone to be creeped out while being in your house. An interesting take on downtempo, that reaches its grimy fingers into the same head spaces of Throbbing Gristle, Nurse With Wound or the likes. An ebb and flowing bass churn scrapes along for 18 minutes of whatever hellscape this may be, the opener “Transient” using a ring-back tone to voicemail sample to unnerving ability. Not to mention a woman sobbing to the background of glass shattering and various other noises on “Jesus Piece”. Breastmilk provides the soundtrack for the horror, however part of the fun of Bliss is the open ended scenarios of whom and what it's playing for... Breastmilk - Transient (stream) BUY IT! 11 – HTRK – Venus in Leo (Ghostly International)

It sure doesn't feel like it's been roughly five years since HTRK released the excellent Psychic 9-5 Club, but that's the case. Following the death of co-founding member Sean Stewart, HTRK continued forward as a duo and have seen their sound venture further into the electronic world; relinquishing the heavy low end found on early recordings while cold pulses of bass and synth have since flooded over. Remaining consistent has been Jonnine Standish's vocal presence throughout, one that dictates the miscues, misery and loneliness in hushed breathy swoops. On their fourth effort, Venus in Leo, Standish and guitarist Nigel Yang return to the same nighttime introspection of regret, however with Yang's shimmering guitars coming back into play more so than we've heard in quite a while...fading in and out of the background. I kind of miss the heavy minimalism, almost deep-house vibe, that Psychic 9-5 Club had...but melancholy plays out in many different ways...and Venus in Leo seems to be the way HTRK wanted to tackle it this time. No matter, it's still immensely enjoyable. HTRK - Dream Symbol (stream) BUY IT! 10 – Jessica Pratt – Quiet Signs (Drag City)

Funny note, Quiet Signs was one of the first albums of 2019 that I really liked and accordingly I included one of the tunes from it on that respective months mix. My now fiance listened to it and then sent me a picture of the name of the song that was on and simply said “hate this”. Noted. It's OK though, we still love each other. How could you hate something as serene as Quiet Signs? Anyway, Jessica Pratt has been honing in her sound for several years now and took the plunge with her third album to record in a proper studio, which resulted in an album that sounds really far removed from being recorded in a proper studio oddly enough. The sparseness in instrumentation and the dreamlike echoes of Pratt's voice feel like both are in the same room with you, but still somehow a million miles away...or if that I'm not careful enough the whole thing will disappear entirely. It's the indescribable feeling of distance and brief lapses of clarity that make Quiet Signs so beautiful sounding. It comes and goes all too quick however, so I'll be anxiously awaiting the next appearance from Jessica Pratt. Jessica Pratt - This Time Around (stream) BUY IT! 09 – Notches – New Kind of Love (Dead Broke / Salinas)

Was blown away by Notches and their debut record High Speed Crimes around three or so years ago. It was pretty much everything I could ask for in a pop/punk record, bringing plenty of fuzz/distortion and a heaping fuck ton of melody. While New Kind of Love doesn't necessarily register on that same scale with me, it's still a fantastic record from a band that continues to peel off some of the catchiest material within the genre. It being the bands third album and all, it's kind of fun noticing them “growing older” of sorts and moving away from the turned up to “11” mindset. It's about the song now man, I mean it's always been I'm sure, but now it's no longer buried underneath a sheet of distortion. Can't blame them. I entered my listening to public talk radio in the car phase of my life here not too long. Totally feel ya. Give these guys a listen please. Notches - Funny How (stream) BUY IT! 08 – Dry Cleaning – Boundary Road Snacks and Drinks (It's OK)

From the opener “Dog Proposal” Dry Cleaning establishes very quickly that Boundary Road Snacks and Drinks is exhausting. I don't mean that in the negative sense either. The second EP from the UK based post-punk group is merely informing all of you out there that life is just extra fucking exhausting. Because it most certainly is. Singer Florence Shaw takes the six songs on this EP and crams so much of our current day-to-day nonsense in it that I'm basically getting an anxiety attack listening to this sucker. However, the honesty is appreciated and the contradicting jauntiness of some of these tunes is an excellent way to remind that no matter how tired I am that everything else is going to keep rolling as it always has. While there are much bigger issues at hand that Dry Cleaning tackle throughout, it's the debilitation of everything as a whole that Boundary Road Snacks and Drinks really conveys the most. After two excellent samplings from the band, it's pretty terrifying to think of the destruction on my nerves that they could cause with a full-length. Time will hopefully tell. Dry Cleaning - Viking Hair (stream) BUY IT! 07 – Kim Gordon – No Home Record (Matador)

It had never really occurred to me that Kim Gordon had never released a solo album up until this point of her lengthy career. I was kind of blown away by that to be honest. I guess it's just that Thurston Moore seems to fart one out here and there, so I'd assumed Gordon had done the same. However, as it stands, No Home Record is Kim Gordon's first solo effort and completely took me by surprise. Maybe I'd expected it to sound much like her material in Body/Head? I don't know. Or for it to be closer threaded to Sonic Youth? That's unfair, I know, but it is what it is. The good deal is that No Home Record is completely left field of about anything I expected; that takes equal parts no-wave and drags it through the glitch/industrial minefield. Gordon's voice fits right in with it all, adding to the instability and jarring nature of practically everything on this record. I'd never thought I would have wished for a Kim Gordon experimental electronica record, but it's 2020 baby and things are apparently really fucking different now. Fantastic stuff. Kim Gordon - Don't Play It (stream) BUY IT! 06 – Joshua Abrams Natural Information Society – Mandatory Reality (Eremite)

I somehow wish I could have this album playing practically the entire time I'm at work (it's almost long enough), but unfortunately my boss sits perched only a mere few feet away from me to ensure that maximum stress is achieved. Joshua Abrams and the NIC have created an absolutely astonishing collection of work on Mandatory Reality that is likely easier to zone out to than to deliberately ignore. You'll want to, because wherever Mandatory Reality exists, the grass is most certainly greener and I'm frantically waving my ticket to hop aboard whatever space-age craft is going to take me there at any given time. But really more to the actual music, Joshua Abrams and the NIC have laid out 4 slow moving, borderline minimalist, pieces of avant-garde jazz that sooth and calm the bludgeoning attempts of our actual mandatory reality sometimes. It's pretty brilliant and perfectly recorded/captured by Greg Norman. Played on a proper stereo, it's a variety of nuanced sound that demands repeated listens simply on that alone. Joshua Abrams Natural Information Society - Shadow Conductor (stream) BUY IT! 05 – 55 Deltic – You Could Own an American Home (Kingfisher Bluez / Strictly No Capital Letters / Barely Regal)

I love the title of this record so much, because here sometime in the next year we're going to have to start looking for a house and having been through this rodeo once before...I know how utterly dreary that's going to be. The only fun part about it right now, is the non serious part where I'm just cruising Zillow listings at work and seeing the inside of all these cool houses I can't afford. And what better of an idea to center an emo/slowcore record around? In actuality I'm pretty positive that's not what 55 Deltic are even remotely channeling here, but I would imagine there is a definite longing/nostalgia for a time when working towards a successful future was something not increasingly hard to obtain. The songs on You Could Own an American Home weigh heavily through a slow but sturdy pace, that lines up well with bands like Bedhead or Codeine, who both seemed to pull at a lot of the same strings that 55 Deltic are equally bummed out about no longer being commonplace in society. Really enjoyed this one, as it touches upon a lot of the aspects I like about the genre and isn't afraid of getting a little raucous here and there. 55 Deltic - Tangen (stream) BUY IT! 04 – Cherubs – Immaculada High (Relapse)

I guess the rumor of Cherubs signing to Relapse finally came true...albeit for their second album, fourth overall. Not sure why that took so long, but whatever...here we are...Cherubs consuming roster space on the same label that I remember receiving some pretty wild catalogs from years and years ago and lots and lots of pretty bad cover art. Or really good cover art if you were into grindcore. Either way. I guess it makes sense, Cherubs were, and are, fairly extreme in the realms of the noise-rock world, being a band that released one of the true classics in Heroin Man. When they got back together, there was a level of fear that the burden of having to follow that sucker up would be a bit hard to do, but 2 Ynfynyty wiped away any concern of that as I foolishly had mistaken the band as a group of people that would even remotely worry about something like that. The album ended up being nothing short of amazing and sounded like a band that had a little regard as to what they “should” sound like and just made a record that they wanted to. They returned this past year with Immaculada High and did exactly the same thing, producing a record that isn't simply a repeat and pushes their sonic explorations of marrying noise/melody even further into the grandiose murkiness. At this point, I'm calling it good. I mean, this is two more Cherubs albums than I ever thought I would get already, so I'm not really willing to push my luck here. However, if more is to come...then I'm here for it. Cherubs - Full Regalia (stream) BUY IT! 03 – Clear Gash – Replenish (Iniquity)

Knew nothing of Clear Gash when listening to Replenish and still know nothing about Clear Gash. They are from Germany and apparently have a very sparse web presence other than releasing this album on Iniquity Records, which have graciously provided it on their Bandcamp site or in the form of a....CD? Beggars can't be choosers I guess and at least Replenish got out there one way or another. Clear Gash are a bit of an oddity in this day and age, as there just aren't too many people out there really trying to bring murky moodiness of grunge back to the forefront, however that's not too far from what they are attempting on their debut (I'm assuming?) album. It's fuzzy, down tuned and pretty filthy sounding stuff. The interesting part is that they are taking the tone/sound and partially playing it like slowed down hardcore. Odd, but it jams sure enough. The production almost lends a bit of a raw Born Annoying/Strap it On era feel, which is definitely appealing to me. Replenish rips and is a distorted mess of riffage that has sorely gone missing in the past couple or so years for some reason or another. Clear Gash - Ode to Discrepency (stream) BUY IT! 02 – USA/Mexico – Matamoros (12XU / Riot Season)

Considering the players involved that make up USA/Mexico, I would be really really bummed/surprised if they managed to put out a record that was crap. It just doesn't seem possible when bringing together members of Butthole Surfers, Shit & Shine and When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth...three very very fine purveyors of completely fried and distinctive noise-rock. So, it's relatively safe to say that Matamoros falls within that same realm of noise and dives deep into the red at the drop of the needle with the title track opener and spots some extra guitar ugliness from Spray Paint member George Dishner, which seems ridiculous that an extra amount of mangled feedback would seem necessary...but listening to Matamoros one gets the sense these fellas operate in a world unbeknownst of limitations. This then segues right into a grossly heavy cover of Cherubs' “Shoofly” with guest vocals by Mr. Kevin Whitley himself. Even he can't really crawl above the heaping amounts of distortion that USA/Mexico uncompromisingly continue to pour on, as his voice is repeatedly swallowed up by the mass. Matamoros carries on much in the same manner for it's duration. “Vaporwave Headache” cranks up the RPM's some and rips through two and a half of minutes of chugging maxed feedback and alien vocals as a possible representation of a vapor wave song if it were dubbed over on the same cassette roughly 400 times and then played at five times the speed. In the end, Matamoros greatly out performs the bands debut Laredo and is essentially the exact product of which could be expected through this collaboration of sorts. Well worth the risk of potential hearing loss. USA/Mexico - Matamoros (stream) BUY IT! 01 – Possible Humans – Everybody Split (Hobbies Galore / Trouble in Mind)

Yeah, this is my kind of thing. I'll never shy away from bands that want to continue hoisting that Homestead/Flying Nun flag and pumping out those type of jams. Possible Humans have apparently been lurking around Melbourne for a handful of years now, playing shows...etc. However, just towards the beginning of last year put out their first full-length through Hobbies Galore and it's been nice to see it gain some traction over the past few months. Enough so that Trouble in Mind picked up the record after the initial pressing of 200 sold out lightning quick. I got hooked after hearing the sprawling psych flavored “Born Stoned”, which despite being eleven minutes long it makes good on every single second of it, masterfully combining the Homestead or Athens sound with something that could have been an absolutely smoking Blue Oyster Cult deep cut. It quite simply rules and will undoubtedly be the best track I hear for a very long time. Definitely not trying to sell the rest of the album short, because Everybody Split is front to back a fantastic listen and piece of work that encapsulates a general feel/sound so well. If you haven't heard it yet, please make this one a priority. Possible Humans - Born Stoned (stream) BUY IT!

#top20 #bestof

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enniewritesathing · 5 years ago

Text

Part 8

(Beginning)

(Three months have passed since the incident in Granite Falls. Those who were present during the surprise blizzard, it was dubbed a mystery. It didn’t matter to either John or Brian, but they both knew they needed to find information before the impending supermoon.)

(Leads were few and far in between. Noelle had salvaged what she could, offering a singular brown box full of files. The files themselves were full of redactions, but Brian’s keen eye and stubbornness noted small mistakes. Names. Places. Dates.)

(The name of the hospital that John was held. The research team in itself -- the occult specialists. Brian dug around for names, leads. Most of them resided in Forgotten Hollow with the vampires, but there has been a small migration to San Myshuno and Newcrest. It’s an easy way to blend in, open up speciality practices.)

(Those places always had a vibe to them. One that Brian couldn’t comprehend, but John understood, even as a human. A question has lingered in the back of Brian’s mind ever since he saw John transform in front of him, but he remembered that his other side made some clarifications -- is there really separation between the two?)

(He knows that John has been relatively quiet since then, as if he doesn’t remember at all. Or doesn’t want to. Brian hasn’t pushed him for anything that may bring up bad memories -- and if that does happen, John cuts him off.)

(It’s... been a frustrating three months. Information wise. Behavior wise. He wants answers as well. Piece together this new-found situation and adapt to it as much as they can.)

(Even if he has to take drastic measures.)

(Brian makes his way to a part of the hospital that is woefully underused.)

(He enters the small lab room and locks it behind him.)

(Brian has spent weeks scouting this place out, in lulls of his shift. Night time was the better time, given time to file paperwork and work on research, but his absence is noted; during the day time, when things are hectic it was easy to slip away, but staff is already on the short side as it is. Especially since there’s a Llama Flu epidemic.)

(He better make this quick.)

(Brian looks up.)

(Hmm, the sign’s changed. Could also be a security camera, but it would be useless from how it’s angled. And he didn’t need to worry about the door or windows -- the door in particular that it’s frosted from the outside. He can have more time to react.)

(What luck that this computer isn’t connected to the hospital network. He can work with piece of mind.)

(Brian turns on the burner phone and activates the VPN service, along with bringing up the addresses and specific directions.)

Brian: “Okay... this better work.”

(His fingers work the keyboard. Three different addresses. A string of numbers, letters, and symbols. Gibberish to most people’s eyes.)

*click!*

(Several windows pop up, but the window with the red bar catches his interest. A download bar. It’s slow but, it’s going.)

(His phone pings.)

(Brian smiles. It’s John. He’s at home.)

(Hopefully, he won’t tear through the streets with the Jeep, but given that he’s said he wanted to try out the new snow tires, well... he better not see him come through the ER doors.)

(Come on, come on... Brian wiggles the mouse back and forth to make the bar load faster, even if he knows that that never works.)

Computer: *chime*

Brian: “Oh shit, that actually worked?”

(Okay, next step... drop them into the cloud account he set aside. The previous data he gotten was at least ten gigabytes worth, and most online services offered free accounts half or even a quarter of the size.)

“Oof, twenty-six gigs? Must not know how to compress things...”

(As he moves the files into the cloud, he notes some of the name files and extensions. There’s footage, too? But... why...?)

(He’s about to click on a file.)

*beep-beep! beep-beep!*

(Shit. A page.)

(It’ll have to wait until he gets home. Four more hours. There’s a nagging feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. Maybe should have brought something to eat here too...)

(Brian exits out of everything, and makes a final sweep of the room. Everything’s back the way he’s found it.)

(Time to go back to work.)

(After a delay caused by a combination of the weather kicking up more snow than forecasted and John forgetting the slip itself, the highly anticipated files from Strangerville were finally in their hands.)

(The packages even included a laptop. It’s old and a little wanting as a whole, but at least it was functional.)

(Most of the boxes contained thin books organized neatly into volumes. This was only the first set of records. Might as well ease himself into this information. There’s no telling what’s in all of this, even if it’s about him.)

(John grabs his reading glasses and settles in for the long haul.)

(The pages are thin. It’s even handwritten. At least it’s neat and understandable -- segmented and dated entries. But what he doesn’t understand, why go through the trouble of handwriting it when there’s computerized entries too? Some of them were just one line, and others were multiple paragraphs and pages, signed off with various letters but no real names.)

(Some entries contain his name -- formal name -- and others simply as ‘Subject’. That’s odd... he scrutinises further. The language with his formal name is casual, but the ones with Subject contained words that he recognized to be medical in nature.)

“1.9.0X -- Conduction of tests on Subject and Subject’s mother. Confirmed affliction of Lycanism, also known as Lycanthropy, slang term Werewolf via heredity. Subject’s mother is a confirmed Grade 1 out of Grade 4. Subject is confirmed Grade 2 out of Grade 4. Posthumous confirmation of Subject’s twin is confirmed Grade 2 out of Grade 4. We could not confirm Subject’s father’s Grade, but we can conclude his father was of Lycan nature. This means that Subject is youngest confirmed Lycan in seventy-five years. - C.”

John: “Holy shit...”

“1.10.0X -- I can’t believe it. A lycan this young. And survived early transformation. We informed his mother. She’s... in shock. Lycans are extremely rare now. She didn’t know that about herself, let alone her son or deceased son. Wish the other one survived, but, he turned far too early. With this, we can study and get better information about lycans! However, we did have to answer for why we put him in a coma... for safety reason. It was because he attacked T. Mangled his ankle pretty good. - F.”

(”Mangled?”)

“1.13.0X -- Johnathan wakes from induced coma. He is mostly confused, but otherwise fine. Doesn’t quite understand what happened. The last thing he remembers is feeling hot and then passing out. Confirmed with mother that his fever was getting worse with time. Not a coincidence that it was in time with the moon. I asked Johnathan if he remembers anything else before passing out. He replies with, “just a wolf staring at me, wanting me to ‘turn’.” I ended the interview to let Johnathan and his mother rest. - K.”

“1.15.0X -- Subject is alert. Very alert and combative. He calls for his mother. It takes us a full hour to calm him down. We tried to inform him why he is here, but he is borderline belligerent. It’s best that we contact his mother. - C.”

“1.15.0X -- Okay... that didn’t go as well as we’d hope but what do you expect, he’s like twelve years old! You tell a child his age that he’s an occult! C’s bedside manner sucks. It broke my heart to see little Johnathan’s reaction to the news that he’s a lycan. He thinks he’s a monster... - R.”

“1.16.0X -- The moon as waned enough that John’s not capable of turning, so we’re discharging him today. I gave some contact information to his mom to keep in touch, and instruct her to come straight to us the first sign of turning -- and I instructed John to keep a journal. Daily if he can. We can’t let the public know about this. There’s still occult hunters around. Vampires have strength in numbers so it’s not big of a deal to them; they know their shit. Lycans are so few and far in between, they’re critically endangered. Not only that, they’re elusive. It’s our job to protect this boy and his mother. But it’s also our job to learn who and what they are. - O.”

(John sighs. Not the information he’s quite looking for... but he is curious about these people’s perspective and conceptions of him. It seems like they’re looking out for him at the time. He wonders what happened for them to completely stop all of this. He’s also interested in finding the journals he was asked to make... he doesn’t remember doing that at all. Maybe it’s with the stuff Mom has.)

(A few hours into reading the sixth notebook, John’s eyes grew unfocused and he decided to rest them. That ‘rest’ turned into a two hour nap with him snoring away on the couch.)

(Spaghetti looks on and meows.)

John: (in sleepy voice) “What, honey?”

(She meows again. That tone.)

John: “Alright, alright... don’t eat too much this time, okay?”

(After he feeds the cat, he decides to stretch a little bit with some light boxing drills. As much as he wants to read more, vegging out on the couch isn’t something he can do for long.)

(Something bugs him though. He doesn’t remember any of the times he’s spent in the hospital. Just passing out and waking up in them. Not even turning.)

(What the hell happened?)

(Brian scrolls through another entry, but he doesn’t bother with the attached video. The majority of them were simple observations, going over vitals and John’s condition. Nothing out of the ordinary... yet.)

(Then...)

“9.25.1X -- Going over this data, these tests... they’re not enough. We have to start taking measures. After all this time, we don’t know his exact triggers aside from the moon. They’re all over the place. Once it was caused by moonlight contacting exposed skin, another by looking at it for more than 15 seconds... here’s the odd part of this, it’s only on supermoons, every 3-4 months. We’ve compared it to Grade 3 and 4 Lycans and... well, John’s different. He’s in his were-state for much longer. Last time, it was a week and a half. Grades 3 and 4 only lasts 1 night, 2 at the most. We’ll try something else. I’ll suggest to monitor his vitals before and after letting him turn. That is, if he doesn’t resist. - I.”

“9.26.1X -- Subject has been brought in. He is close to turning, but is resistive and combative. He refuses, stating that ‘it’ will kill someone, maybe more. In the past, Subject has been instructed to resist ‘it’, but it’s starting to put strain on his body. We locked Subject down and let him turn. As suggested, we monitored his vitals and made observations and baseline measurements for the next time. See attatchment. - A.”

(Brian is about to click on the link, but John enters the kitchen. He eyes him from beneath his brow as John rummages through the refridgerator, whistling a tune. Something tells him he better not look at it right now.)

John: “Found anything yet?”

Brian: “Hmm, nothing that’s really... how to I put this. Nothing that we don’t know about yet. I’ve taken notes these past few days based on what you know, what I know, and what your mom’s told me. And there’s still a lot from the stuff we got from Strangerville that we need to go through... what about you?”

John: “I found some things back when I was a kid. Back when it first started.”

Brian: “Really? That’s great!”

John: “I wouldn’t call it great... it’s interesting for sure. Weird too. These people were taking notes on me like some kind of animal...”

(Brian clears his throat.)

John: “I’ve read some entries and... most of them seemed they weren’t creepy. Except this person, ‘C’. They don’t even call me by my name. To them, I’m ‘Subject’.

Brian: “I just read something refering you as Subject, but this person went by ‘A’...”

John: “When you have to study someone, what do you refer to them as?”

Brian: “Usually by ‘patient’ and non identifying markers for privacy reasons. Something like, Mr. H, Mrs. Y, Ms. W, Mx. B... ‘Subject’? I’m not too keen on. Too cold. It’s likely that they’re older.”

John: “Hmm... that can explain it. I still don’t know who’s the lead researcher. Or why it was stopped. I know my mom said she ended it, but there’s got to be more to it than that. And, I don’t remember most of this happening.”

Brian: “Oh? What are your thoughts on that?”

(John chews on his food thoughtfully. His mouth is becoming more sensitive by the day.)

“I think... maybe they were drugging me.”

Brian: “What?”

John: “Think about it. How else were they able to do all of this? I’ve read that I had to be put into a coma. For ‘safety’; I attacked someone and messed up their ankle. Mangled.” (He pauses.) Someone else said, while it was their job to protect me, they also needed to know who and what I am. But I don’t remember anything. Do you think--”

Brian: “--Let’s not think about that right now, John. We still have a lot to go through all of these things. What we have, and go from there. I know that may be a possibility, but I like to think that these people were ethical in their methods.”

(John hoped Brian didn’t hear the spike of frustration in his sigh. Something isn’t adding up at all.)

(John finishes his dinner in silence. Brian knows exactly what he’s implying and he hope that isn’t the case. That’s going too far. ...Maybe he was right to tell off his contact.)

(Brian watches the video. It’s in black and white and medium quality. A ceiling camera is focused on John. He’s on the exam bed with electrodes on his chest, oxygen mask on his face. Wrists and ankles in restraints. His eyes covered. He’s still, but he’s breathing fast. There are two other people with him, on each side, watching. They’re wearing all white scrubs and other things he doesn’t quite recogize, but they are not identifiable in the slightest. In the bottom corner of the video, a monitor displays his vitals.

One grabs his arm. Injects something. They both stand back. His vital spikes into dangerous levels as they watch. They watch him turn before their very eyes. John’s fighting those restraints, but they don’t give. He’s screaming and then goes limp. His vitals crash. The video cuts out after that.)

(Brian... doesn’t know what to do. No, they didn’t. No, they did.)

“9.16.1X -- Baseline obtained. Subject locked down after turning. He nearly crashed on us, but I surmise that survival instinct kicked in. His or the lycan’s side, not sure yet. He’s young, so he’ll be able to take what we can dish out. We don’t have much data on Grade 2 Lycans, so if there is a time to push for it, it’s here. This may be our only opportunity, so, let’s make the best of it. (see attachment) - C.”

(Brian scrolls down. The files with attachments have a common name -- “Test”. A particular set was labeled HF. A close up of John’s arm, restrained. A scalpel in someone’s hand. A timer in the lower right hand of the video. Scalpel meets skin and cuts down his arm. It takes two minutes for the cut to heal. No mark left behind.

That’s how John’s other side knew he can heal. But... John himself doesn’t. He’s scared to think what else they did to him.

12.14.1X -- C’s been made the lead. Ambitious fucker. We’re all being put through the wringer, but with so little information on this type of occult... I feel sorry for John. I really do. But, as C says, emotions have no place here. They don’t have a heart at all. John’s just a kid, y’know? -- F.)

(Brian closes the laptop and heads for the bookshelf. Where is it, where is it...)

(He remembers taking notes on healing factors, but they were vague at the time. With this evidence, he can piece together information. Baseline vitals...)

(It’s simple really.)

(They were occult specialists. That much is true, otherwise, there’s no telling what would have happened to John.)

(It’s an awful truth. It confirms his suscipion. But, does he want John to find out for himself, or should he tell him? Or even tell him at all? It’s his turn to protect him and that’s a silent promise he made to himself. But he also needs to know.

This sucks.)

(The next few nights, snow fell as much as it did when they stayed in Granite Falls. Only this time, they were in a familar place. They weren’t snowed in, and while both were on-call, they considered it a mini-vacation of sorts.)

(Brian is snuggled between thick blankets and the fireplace, fast asleep.)

(John is careful going up the stairs. They creak under his weight. The last thing he needs is to interrupt Brian’s sleep -- he needs it far more than he does. And while snuggling with him when there’s a snowstorm out is about the most perfect he can do in this situation, he can’t. Not right now. He wants answers.)

(John’s been sneaking up to the office these few nights. Papers, files, notebooks...)

(...boxes, packages, X-Rays, CT scans, EKG and EEG papers. Tapes, memory cards...)

(...strewn all over the floor.)

(In the back of his mind, he knows that Brian would give a stern talking to about the mess he’s made. This isn’t much different when he did it back in college, how he would stay up studying until the sun rises and then some.)

(John stares at the mess he’s created. What’s bad about all of this, he still doesn’t feel he’s gotten any answers. Not even when he read through the journals -- all five of them he was asked to keep -- made sense.)

(He picks a book that had some interest to him when he last picked it up. From what he can tell, this was closer before everything stopped.

“2.19.1X -- John’s checked in. He’s showing signs of pre-shifting. Fever at 105.3. Pale. Agitated. A little combative. Complaints of body aches and headaches. Mouthache too. Fangs are coming in. I interviewed him, asking if he’s had any wolf related dreams. He answers, “Yes.” We have given the informal name of “wolf dreams”. They reach their peak around each supermoon. It wants him to turn, but he is still resistive. The result of the resistance is severe flu-like symptoms... and nightmares. Heart rate is elevated at 130, tachypnea present. When he got him settled, heart rate spiked to 160. John reached 180 (The Point of No Return) fifteen minutes later. His control has been slipping lately. Perhaps, he knows he’s safe here and allows himself to give in. Or, it could be something else...? I’ll take it up with C. - F.”

“2.20.1X - I think... he can hear us. John reacted to V’s voice. She was about to check eye function when he opened them and looked at her. Stared at her like she was prey. Scared her, dropped her clipboard. He followed that too. But only for a moment. There was nothing behind those eyes. Freaky shit. - P.”

“2.20.1X -- John’s... spouse? Boyfriend? Whatever relationship he has with him, they’re obviously pretty close. Name’s Brian. Cute. Anyway, he came by for questions. We told him what we could, what we were allowed. I don’t think John’s told him. I have mixed feelings on that, but that’s not my place. Did some sleuthing, he’s a recent nursing graduate from San Myshuno University. Honors. Smart. He was asking some pretty indepth questions. We did a soft observation and John reacted to Brian’s voice. Didn’t open his eyes like he did with V, but we saw movement in his fingers when he left. Hoo boy. I don’t think locking him down will be a viable option for us much longer. We still have tests to conduct. Some we’ve put off for years. - F.”

“2.21.1X -- Based on anedoctic evident, the individual who visted Subject was his significant other. F and D noted a peculiar response Subject made in his presence, or rather as he was leaving. It’s also noticed that there’s a mark on his neck... confirming that he is his bondmate. V and P had an incident yesterday that Subject opened his eyes and focused on them, showing he can hear who is present with him or even outside the room. Is Subject beginning to build resistance to our methods? I’ll have to push up those trials. He’s strong enough to withstand them. - C.”

(John raises his eyebrow. Trials? There’s a note.

“2.22.1X -- We still need to test the full extent of John’s HF. We’ve only done surface tests. No visible marks or scarring on skin, no matter how deep the cut is. Muscle function is fine. The million dollar question is how will his organs fare...? - P.”

“2.22.1X -- I’m looking forward to the reversal trial. Stop that pretty heart of his and see what happens. - E.”

“2.24.1X -- We’ve prepped Subject for the HF trials and the reverse trial. The HF trials will probably not take that long. The reverse trial however... I must admit I am apprehensive about this. Subject may die, and with that, our chances of studying lycans. I did perform a pre-check via ultrasound. It is my understanding that when Subject resists turning, it puts a strain on his body, mostly his heart. It is confirmed that transformation starts around that ‘point’. To surpress it also means supressing the heart. He has done this several times, with a 80% success rate. The reason he’s doing this is because of social pressure -- if one is to find out Subject is an occult, and being a lycan, hell would break loose.

Heart structure is enlarged, but otherwise normal for a lycan in human state. No signs of strain or structure problems. Valves normal. Blood flow normal.

The reversal trial is to see if we can reverse Subject’s lycan state once he has turned without risk of death. The ways, methods, that are known are via silver bullets -- one to the head and one to the heart, decapitation, severe blood loss... Lycans can heal mortal wounds while in their state of wereness. I would like to think of this as... testing and developing a tranquilizer, some sort of medicine for Subject if he wishes to remain in society.

We’ll start tomorrow. - C.”

(What the fuck? Reversal trial?)

(A feeling of dread creeps up on John. He stares at the page. He... he doesn’t want to read anymore. But he has to, for him and his sanity. What is he? What happened?)

(He shakes his head. I need to find out.)

(John sighs as he steels himself to read the next page. He hears... footsteps. His name called. A frustrated noise, and footsteps. The stair steps creak under weight.)

(He looks up.)

Brian: “John! What are you doing up here?”

John: “What does it look like? I’m reading this stuff. I think I’m about to make a breakthrough here. Relax, it’s only eleven o’clock.”

Brian: “It’s one in the morning. Almost two.”

John: “Hm.”

Brian: “John... I’m getting worried about you. You’re getting obsessed and... I’m not sure if this is a good idea anymore.”

John: “Since when did you have a change of heart? You know I need answers and I am not backing off until I get them. You said that we both need to know everything, to be better prepared when I turn again. And I believe ‘again’ is coming in a few weeks. Right? You want me to turn.”

Brian: “Yes, I do, but John, I’ve done some reading myself and trust me... I don’t think you wanna know. Hell. I... I think it’s just better to drop and let it happen.”

John: “Drop it and let-- are you kidding me?”

“I just read a passage about starting trials. Trials! I’ve heard that word before. They did something to me! These papers, these... files and books are all on me alone. I read another that I have a point of no return and it has to do with my heart rate. I didn’t know that before! Or the dreams I have before it’s time to turn.”

(He jabs at the page.) “Someone mentioned a ‘reversal’ trial and apparently it involved stopping my heart.”

“I want to find out!”

(Brian groans. It’s never a good thing that John gets stubborn. He’s not gonna let this go.) “John... listen to me.”

“I... I don’t want you to get hurt from all of this. This? All of these files and information? It’s a lot. It’s a fucking lot! Like I said, I’ve read some of it and... there are some things that you should never read.”

“I know you want to understand what happened. I want to also. But, I’m afraid of what will happen to the both us. We know more about lycans as a whole more than ninety-eight percent of people. One percent are specialists, the other are hunters. We’re approaching dangerous territory here, John.”

John: “Then what should I do, Brian? I’m lost. I don’t remember any of this. I need to know.”

“I need to know... I’m not dangerous. I may be a lycan, probably the last one, but I need to know at least that much. That I can control this on my own without any problems. When I turned, I was scared what I was going to do. That I’d harm you or worst.”

“According to these notes, I already done that a few times to other people, accident or not. They didn’t take it personally, thank god, but the fact that I lashed out doesn’t sit right with me. I... I have a feeling that I may have done something really bad.”

Brian: “You mean... killed someone?”

John: “Yeah.”

Brian: “John... what would you do if you did that? What if you killed one of the researchers? Or more?”

(John doesn’t answer. He has no answer.)

(Brian... mulls on the silence.)

Brian: “I... should probably tell you how I got all of these files. The ones not redacted to hell and back. Including your scans and xrays. I’ll preface that I’m not proud of what I did or said.”

(Brian kneels and John looks at him expectantly. He can’t hold anything back. It’s time to rip the bandaid off.)

Brian: “After we got the files saved from your mom, I went through everything for any clues that we can use. Mostly names. The hospital you were at doesn’t exist anymore, or rather, it never did. Not to the public eye. The notes, as you guessed, doesn’t contain any other name except yours. I’m impressed by the consistancy, but then again, they may not be the same people with the letter they signed with.”

“But... I found a name. And a number on the back of it. I looked it up on the ‘net, and sure enough, it’s them. They’re still working in the occult field. Looks like they’ve been promoted.”

John: “What did you do?”

Brian: “It took me a few days to get the courage to actually speak to them. I did it through professional means. I frame it in a way to pique interest -- a patient with a lot of anomalies. I gave them all the classic symptoms. I told them that, while farfetched, I had a lycan on my hands.”

John: “You set them up.”

Brian: “Yeah. And they asked if it was you by first name.”

John: “And?”

Brian: “I told them everything that they needed to hear for them to loosen up. They were so excited to hear that you were still alive. Hell, they even offered to pick up the research back up, that I’ll be made lead.”

John: “What?!”

John: “Brian, don’t tell me--”

Brian: “Let me finish. The offer was made solely based on the fact that I am close to you. It would be easy to gather data and make observations and you’d be none the wiser.”

(John shakes his head.) “Did... did you tell them I turned?”

Brian: “Yes. And no. I told them that you turned and then disappeared for a few days; when I found you again, you were back to normal but unconscious. I said nothing of being in Granite Falls, that was mere coincidence.”

“They begged me for information. Where we lived, our status. They became belligerent. Told me I was missing out on all the riches and fame of chronicling a lycan’s life.”

“And you know what I said?”

John: “Brian, please tell me you didn’t.”

“Tell me... you didn’t.”

Brian: “I’ll tell you what I told them.”

“I told them they can fuck off; if they ask that of me again, if they even think about harming you again for the sake of science, I will find them them, and I will kill them and anyone you send after us.”

(John gulps. He’s serious. He’s very serious.)

Brian: “I’ll never forsake you. You know that. Hell, I wanted to go after them right then and there. When they asked where we lived, that gave me a thought -- it appears that they didn’t put any tracking implant in you. And trust me, I would have figured that a long time ago.”

“John...” (Brian sighs.) “I want to protect you, but I know you want answers. The things I’ve read, the videos I’ve seen... if you read them, if you watch them, you’ll become vindictive. Angry. Wrathful, maybe. I don’t want that to happen. But, I’ll tell you anyway. You need the truth.”

“You were tortured under the guise of research. The reason you don’t remember any of this, because you were placed in comas the whole time. The medicine that kept you under had an amnesia effect. Your nightmares... are the products of what happened to you during those times.”

“John... I’m sorry.”

(Brian stands up.) “You’re not a monster. You never were.”

“They are.”

“And if you decide to go after them...”

“...I know where to start. Good night, John.”

(John watches Brian leave.)

(The dread is still there.)

(Should I stop?)

(John turns the page with a trembling hand.)

“2.25.1X--”

(A week later.)

(John works the heavy punching bag. He keeps errant thoughts away as he concentrates on his strikes.)

(He ends a combo with a slashing elbow. The bag nearly comes off the wall from the force.)

(That was a bit too much, and he decides it’s time to stop. He’ll have to adjust the mount later.)

(Even with a window cracked to let the winter air in, John’s feeling hot. He’s been like this for two days. He knows that his body is giving him a heads up, but he wishes it wasn’t a fever that gets worse in time, the sort that just sticks to his bones.)

(He hears a soft, rising meow.)

Spaghetti: “Poppi?”

John: “Huh? Wh--”

Spaghetti: “Poppi! Toppi told me to get you!”

John: “Oh, did he now? Do you know what he wants?”

Spaghetti: “Nah~”

(John reaches down and gives Spaghetti some scritches. This is the only enjoyable side effect of slowly turning.)

(John crosses the house, expecting Brian to be in the kitchen. No, he’s in the bedroom with a smile on his face. There’s something’s up.)

Brian: “There you are. I got something for you. Consider it an early Christmas gift.”

John: “Christmas is in like, what four days. Can it wait?”

(Brian lifts a finger) “I know, I know, but I think this is something that will benefit the both of us.”

John: “And you’re not gonna tell me what it is, huh?”

Brian: “Nope, but I will say that you’re already dressed for it. Hang on a second, I’ll be right back.”

(John stares into the mirror.)

(This... was something he did not expect.)

(Brian hears the low noise that John makes when he’s worried.) “John, there’s nothing to worry about.”

(Some gift this is.)

“What’s on your mind, big guy?”

John: “I’m not a fan of this...”

Brian: “What, is it too tight? Too bulky? I can loosen it up just a little, but then accuracy goes down...”

John: “That’s not what I mean.”

“What are you doing anyway?”

Brian: “I’m syncing that monitor on you and this watch on me to my phone.”

“Honestly, I forgot that I bought it for running... and you know how long ago that was? Look at us now, we have a legit use for it.”

John: “Oh... so you’re going to track me?”

Brian: “Mmm, sounds bad when you say it like that.” (The phone and watch beep.) “There should be a icon flashing; press it, okay?”

(John makes another worried noise.)

Brian: “Listen... I know you have questions.”

John: “Well, yeah. You can’t just strap this on me and not expect any.”

“What made you do this anyway?”

Brian: “Well, I’ve been thinking. I’ve taken some notes and there’s a behavior and physical pattern that lycans seem to follow. In retrospect, I should have known something was up with you every supermoon, but that’s here nor there. Anyway, about a week or two before turning, you show signs. Fevers that get worse with time. Right?”

John: “Right.”

Brian: “I would track that instead, but I couldn’t find any hard numbers or any range. That and you have a tendency to hide your sickness in general.”

John: “That’s because I know how you get sometimes...”

Brian: “Well, I’m taking an alternative approach to my care plan. Something a little less intrusive.”

(Brian holds up his wrist.) “I got to thinking what else I can track and that’s your heart rate and that fact is consistent. Your ‘limit’ is 180bpm. Once you reach that point, you have about fifteen seconds before you start to turn -- the Point of No Return.”

John: “Fifteen? That’s not much of a warning.”

Brian: “No, it’s not. It seems that this doesn’t apply to any other point in time, which is great.”

“But with this, I can get an idea of when you’re gonna turn, and that way, we can be prepared this time. I’ve already scouted out a few places where no one’s gonna see, and you’ll be safe. You’ll have space too.”

John: “That’s good and all, but that means I can’t really train or be stressed out. And not trying to be stressed out about all of this is... stressful.”

Brian: “This is the best I can do, for now. I’ve set two alarms with different vibration settings so it can wake me up when I’m sleeping. This is gonna be a process... bit of trial and error and a lot of cooperation. Don’t want any more surprises--”

(The watch beeps.) “What-- John, why is your heart rate so high?”

John: “What? What did you set it at?”

Brian: “The first one’s at 120.”

John: “That’s because I’m still recovering, and I’m really nervous and, I dunno, stressed out that this thing is on me. It feels like I can just go at any moment just by accident and who knows what’ll happen then!”

“It’s making me self-conscious.”

(Brian looks up from the watch.) “Hm...”

(He reaches out and touches John’s shoulder.)

John: “Sorry... it’s just...”

Brian: “...I know.”

John: “I’m not sure if I can go through turning. I’m... still scared from last time. I’m getting bad dreams again and...”

Brian: “John?”

John: “Yes?”

Brian: “The only thing we can do is to be patient and wait. Like I said before, we’re going to be prepared this time.”

“In the meantime...”

“Why don’t we just... relax instead of worrying? Do something mindless for a change? We’ve been tense for the last three months.”

(...he’s right. He didn’t even think that that much time has passed just thinking about all of this. This... was something that needed to be taken one day at a time.)

(John gives Brian a small smile.) “Have I told you that I love you and you have the best ideas?”

Brian: “Oh, please.”

“Save the sugar for later.”

(After that, John set his mind on being calm as possible. Be normal. Yeah, he can do that.)

(A nice, homecooked meal will do a body and soul good...)

(...as well as much needed laughter.)

(John hasn’t laughed this hard in a while. Tears rolled down his cheeks.)

(It was decided that movies were in good order. Didn’t matter what genre -- though John made a soft ban on horror.)

(John busied himself trying to catch popcorn thrown in the air while Brian quoted the scene from memory.)

(Good thing it was a movie they saw about twenty times.)

(Being snowed in naturally made them a little stir crazy and well, a little frisky. Brian’s hand drifted down to grab John’s ass.)

John: “Mm-- wait, wait...”

Brian: “What?”

John: (slightly out of breath) “You think... you sure this is a good idea?”

Brian: “I don’t see why not... are you okay?”

John: “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I think?”

Brian: “Mm. How ‘bout we play it by ear?”

(After some adjustments and some test movements, Brian deemed John well enough for some much needed fun activities.)

(Later that night.)

(John sits on the edge of the bed. His body is shaking.)

(The tears... they don’t stop.)

(They can’t stop. They won’t stop. No, not after what happened. He... wants to scream, but he can’t. He can’t breathe. That lingering feeling that he’s going to snap and all hell will break loose. He needs to get away. Right now. But something’s... something’s making him stay.)

(No, no, he has to go. Now. Or else--)

(The watch goes off.)

(Brian stirs awake.) “The hell is that nois--”

(The alarm!)

(Brian looks at the watch. 164bpm.) “Oh, shit.”

Brian: “John--”

(John takes a shuddering breath.) “I’m fine.”

“I’m not... turning. Or anything like that. I...”

Brian: “You don’t sound too good--”

(He hesitates.) “I had a nightmare.”

Brian: “Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to tell me everything.”

John: (sniffs) “No. Not really. But I have to. You should know too.” (He sniffs again.) “I should have never read the rest of that file.”

“I remember... laying there. I was conscious, but I couldn’t move. My eyes weren’t open but I saw the ceiling lights. I heard others around me. Voices, but I don’t know what they’re saying. I can’t see their faces, except their eyes. They’re wearing surgery clothes and masks.”

“Then, I’m at a room with a door. Nothing else. On the other side... is my other self. He’s... angry. He kept saying that if I didn’t open it, we were both going to die. I was always told to never open it under any circumstances, but this time... he was desperate. He told me all the things that the specialists did to him -- to us.”

Brian: “What did you do?”

John: “I... I didn’t believe him. A-at first. Then, he told me to listen. I didn’t understand... I was back in the room. There’s other noises besides voices. I felt my arms and ankles being strapped down. Why would they do that...? I kept hearing ‘reverse trial.’”

“My chest started to hurt and I couldn’t breathe. I felt... my heart stop. I blacked out. I... died.”

(John pauses to collect himself.) “Then... I’m alive again. Everything’s quiet, except something beeping.”

“I’m weak. It’s like... recovering from getting knocked out. I see faces, the masks over me. Checking. I hear someone say the reversal failed and someone else told them to go ahead again.”

“It happens again. And again. And again.”

“I hear my other side. He’s desperate. The fourth time... he’s gotten out. Busted the door down. Shaking me awake. We’re both weak. He doesn’t know if we can take another hit. We have to make them stop. I asked him how the hell are we going to pull that off.”

“He told me that he’d have to take over. He knows exactly what he needed to do, but we had only one shot, and that shot... required me dead so he’d have full control. I told him... I told them that I just want them to stop. I may have said it outloud, who knows.”

“By now, the specialists have figured out we’re getting weaker. They started bickering. I started to move my fingers. Not enough for anyone to notice.”

“My eyes were open. I was looking at some of the monitors. But I don’t remember blinking at all, just stared. That’s just want my other side needed.”

(Brian doesn’t say it, but he’s in awe of this plan. No wonder they had him locked down...)

John: “After the sixth time, the specialists called the whole trial a failure. Then, I hear someone... disagree. That there wasn’t enough time in between resets to truly try and reverse it; they even said they’d have to cut me open if this fails.The seventh time...”

(John shakes. Everything -- his breath, his hands, his body.) “I saw myself flatline. And that noise. Everything started to fade and time stretched. The voices panicked that it was taking too long to bring me back. One of them got near me. They noticed that my eyes were opened. And look at them. Dead. I heard them call a time. Started taking things off. The oxygen mask. The straps, ankles, then hands.

That’s when he took over. The very second those straps were loose...”

(He turns to Brian. Renewed tears fall down his cheeks. He can’t bring himself to say it.) “Brian, he killed them. We killed them.”

Brian: “Oh... John...”

John: “When I came to... I was standing over someone. The lead specialist. My hands were covered in his blood. I tasted some in my mouth and... his throat was torn out. By me. By us. The room was... destroyed. The others... were bleeding out and crying.”

“This is the first time I’ve had this dream in full. It was always in pieces, but ends with blood on my hands. Sometimes... it’s yours. That’s why... that’s why I don’t turn. I’m dangerous. I’m scared that I’ll kill you. And you wanna know the worst part of it? It felt good. But...” (He falls silent.)

(Brian doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know if he even has the words.) “John... I’m so sorry this happened. It’s... not your fault.”

John: “Don’t start with that.”

Brian: “I mean it. You and your other side protected yourself.. You would have died if they kept going. You... had no choice. That’s that.”

“John, I never told you what happened between me and your other side. The lycan... never harmed me. He’s not that different from you at all. He protected me. From a grizzly bear, of all animals. He told me everything he’s experienced while the both of you were locked in those comas. He... he doesn’t want separation anymore.”

“John?”

(John shakes his head. Brian sighs.) “John... please listen.”

“If you’re scared of turning... This may sound wild, but you should talk things out with your other side. In fact, he told me to tell you that. He wants to and honestly, I think he deserves being... ‘out’.”

“Was that time the only time you actually talked to him?”

(John nods.)

“Two years. That’s a long time not to be talkin’ to anybody.”

John: “I don’t... I don’t really trust him.”

Brian: “Why?”

(John shakes his head.)

Brian: “If it helps... I trust him. And you know me. That doesn’t come easy. Hell, I can easily say I trust him with my life, just as I trust you with mine.”

(John wipes away what tears are left.)

Brian: “John...”

(Brian reaches for John’s hand.)

“...it’ll be okay. It’ll take time, but I promise you’ll heal, and you’ll never have to go through anything like that ever again.”

“I promise.”

“Talk to him. For me. Okay?”

John: “Okay.”

“I will.”

“...I promise.”

(After that night, things calmed down. John got it in his head that he’ll talk to his other side. He doesn’t know when he’ll be able to do it, but he assumes that he’ll present himself when the time comes. For now...)

Brian: “Ooh! John, is this what I think it is?”

John: “Hey, babe.”

Brian: “Hm?”

(John dangles the mistletoe with a shy smile.)

(... but that lingering feeling, those tendrils of change...)

(They stand beside each other....)

(...and they realized, time’s almost up.)

(John stands at the door.)

(He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing there; he just knows that he should be here.)

(He hears footsteps from the other side. Prowling.)

(John takes a deep breath. It’s now or never.)

“Okay. Here goes.”

(He stops turning the knob, and the prowling stops. He feels the presence on the other side shift.)

(Can’t let him know you’re scared, John tells himself. As long as he has control of the door, he’s fine.)

(He tries again.)

(The door creaks opens as he pushes it.)

(John sees nothing but darkness. Hell, even the light stops at the doorway.)

(This is a bad idea...)

(...but he stands his ground. Better to be patient and let him approach.)

(A clawed hand grips the door.)

(It stays there for a moment before sliding away.)

(The Werewolf stares back at him from the darkness. His expression is surprisingly neutral.)

(John stares back.)

John: “...we need to talk.”

(The Werewolf snorts.) “Just like that, huh? No ‘hi’, ‘hello’, ‘how are you doing?’. How rude.”

“I know why you’re here. I heard everything.”

John: “Then you know.”

“I want... to turn.”

The Werewolf: “After all these years... you want to turn. Just by asking nicely? Aren’t you worried about what will happen?”

“Twice you lost control. You don’t know how to control me. It’s risky.”

(The Werewolf growls.) “It’s d͙̥̖̠̲ͅͅa̬̙̕ng̙er̥̱͚̝͝o̙͎͍͜ṷ̶̪͖͇s̢̪̗̠. You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen, right?”

John: “No...”

(The Werewolf laughs low and dark.) “You’re worried. You’re scared like a little child. Ha, don’t worry about our mate. He talked to me, healed me... no harm will ever come to him.”

John: “Mate?”

The Werewolf: (laughs) “Oh, he must have glossed over that part. Him and I? Bonded. Let me put it this way... you better find a ring.”

John: “The hell does that mean?”

The Werewolf: “You know damn well what it means.”

(John looks to the floor.)

(The Werewolf steps out and leans against the doorframe.) “You’re that worried? Are you sure you want to turn?”

John: “Yes.”

The Werewolf: “You don’t look sure. You’re still afraid. Why?”

John: “I don’t know... I thought...”

The Werewolf: “Hmph. I feel like I should apologize for putting you through so much shit all these years. I also feel like you should apologize for suppressing me for so long. In your terms, that cancels out. So for now, we’re even. Got that?”

John: “Yeah.”

The Werewolf: “That said... may I ask why all of a sudden you want to let me out? Aside from Brian convincing you.”

John: “Well... that is a reason. He told me... to talk to you. Maybe get some answers. He told me that you weren’t dangerous. That you protected him.”

The Werewolf: “Uh-huh.”

John: “And because... I’m tired of fighting you. I’m tired of running. I don’t know how much I can take. I’m tired of... feeling like I need to hide. I read... things about you, about us, about who and what we are. We’re rare. Maybe the last of our kind.”

The Werewolf: “Everything, huh?”

John: “Except turning. There... wasn’t too much that I found. And the ones I did didn’t exactly apply to us.”

The Werewolf: “Well... you’ve come to the right place.”

The Werewolf: “I’ll teach you, but under one condition.”

“Do not resist me. When I want out, you better let me out, got that?”

John: “Go it.”

“What do I need to know?”

The Werewolf: “It is a process, and you are correct that we do not need to fight each other anymore; we must live in harmony and balance. Is that not a philosophy you have learned and practiced?”

(John nods.)

“Not only the body changes, but the mind does too. You don’t have either of that down. It’s easy to panic and that causes more pain.”

“What you have to do is breathe.”

(The Werewolf demonstrates.) “It will be chaos to you, but as long as you remember to breathe, you’ll be fine.”

John: “And what do I think about?”

The Werewolf: “Whatever you deem appropriate. I’ve heard of things that ‘flow’ helps. Something simple. You can imagine yourself changing. You can even imagine the energy spreading out from your heart and through your limbs. The choice is yours.”

John: “How long will this take? The transformation.”

The Werewolf: “It was quick last time because I simply took over when I had the chance. I can’t say the same for this time because you’re going to be conscious of the whole thing.”

“All I can say is ‘don’t think about it’. The pain is only temporary.”

John: “Temporary...”

The Werewolf: “We have to stop fighting. For our mate’s sake. He trusts you... but he trusts me as well. To him, we are no different from one another.”

“My question to you is: do you trust me? Will you trust me?”

“In time, we will be one, and this is the start.”

“I’ll ask you again: will you trust me?”

(John’s made up his mind. There’s no turning back.)

(John looks up.)

John: “Yeah. Let’s go.”

(The Werewolf laughs again and flashes his teeth.)

“Excellent. G̤e҉t̵͍͍̰͙ ̤̖̬͠r̞e͉ad͓̰̻̳͟y̩̪̻̯̤ͅ!̶̣̬̠̯̬”

(Bee-bee-beep! Bee-bee-beep!)

(Bee-bee-beep!)

John: (breathing heavily) “Br... Brian.”

“Wake...”

(Brian stirs.)

(Bee-bee-beep!)

John: “Brian...”

“W̧a̮̞̘̦̦ke͔̬̜.̖ ͓̬̦͖̠̜ͅT͓̰̥h̖̺̙̥̦̀ḙ̰͕͇̤͔̠ ̡͚f͍͈̜̹u̶͉̪̫c̠̦̙̮͎k.̟ ̣̹͉̹̳̺̝U̳͓̘̖͇p͔̠̤.̦́ Now.”

(Brian makes a sharp gasp.) “Uh?”

“Oh shit!” (He checks the measurement and notes the rising spike.) “161. Is it time?”

John: “Yes. We don’t... have much time.”

Brian: “Do you think you can hold him off?”

(John shakes his head.)

“Maybe. He didn’t... give me a time frame. Just told me...”

“...to get ready.”

Brian: “Okay. That eliminates three places--”

(John growls.)

“Just... keep it brief.”

Brian: “The Bluffs.”

John: “Fuck, really? I’ll turn before we get there!”

Brian: “Don’t worry. I already have the car packed. And I have a boat stowed away and ready to go.”

(John growls again.)

John: “Fine.”

(Brian assists John getting out of bed. He feels the sheer heat off of him before touching bare skin and wonders what his actual temperature is. It’s definitely something a person can’t survive let alone still be conscious.)

(Guess clothes would be out of the question... but the weather...)

John: “I’ll... I’ll be fine. I... just need pants. No shoes.”

Brian: “What?”

John: “I heard... your thoughts. Trust me... I just need pants. I don’t... wanna tear anything up.”

Brian: “Since when... you were able to do that? Can you read minds?”

(John laughs.) “No. It’s... my senses kicking in. I can’t read minds but I can hear them. You think way too hard, mahal. Since we were kids.”

Brian: “Oh. Oh. So you mean--”

John: “Yep.”

John: “I know... everything’s happening at once. My senses... my body’s changing... I... talked to him. Wasn’t anything heartfelt... he was mad at me but... he mentioned something. He said, you’re bonded. To us. I’d better get a ring.”

“What does that mean? Is... that what I think it means?”

Brian: “Yes. It does.”

John: “Get outta here.”

Brian: “That’s what I said too. I’ll tell you later.”

“But we do have to get out of here.”

(It’s 2 in the morning. The journey to The Bluffs was quick thanks to no traffic and the route Brian planned out days prior. The hardest stretch was getting the boat to work; he didn’t count on the motor to seize up or John showing signs of being boatsick.)

(Snow blankets the ruins of this remote island. It’s quiet and peaceful.)

Brian: “We’re almost there.”

(John nods. He’s concentrating on breathing and nothing else. His body is on fire and the winter air isn’t giving him the relief he needs.)

(He’s not feeling too much of anything at all. It’s hot...)

(Brian leads them to the open spot and steadies John.) “Right here. Okay?”

John: “Brian? I’m... I’m...”

(He can’t bring himself to say it.)

Brian: “Are you starting now?”

John: “No. Not yet.”

(He pauses. Just say it, he tells himself.)

“You better get this thing off.”

Brian: “Right...”

(Brian fumbles with the strap.)

John: “What’s... the number?”

Brian: “175. You’re close. Hell, I can feel it.”

John: “It’s... not a great feeling. Feels like... I’m gonna faint.”

Brian: “You were going to tell me something. It sounded important. You better say it now.”

(That tone. Brian’s used it before. He’s... preparing himself. For the unknown. He’s going through his feelings. Fear.)

Brian: “John?”

John: “Brian...”

“I’m...”

“I’m scared.”

Brian: “Me too.”

John: “I’m not ready... but... I have to let this happen.”

(Brian kisses John’s forehead.) “I know.”

“It’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.”

(No matter how many times he’s said it, those words bring him relief. His words are true. He’s not alone. Brian’s here. That’s all he needs.)

(John smiles and laughs softly.)

“Brian... thank you.”

Brian: “You’re welcome, John.”

“You ready?”

(John nods.)

Brian: “I’ll give you space. Take all the time you need. Remember, I love you, okay?”

(Brian turns to go, his hand slipping away. It doesn’t feel like a goodbye, or even a ‘see you later’; ‘just a moment’ is more fitting.)

(Yeah, that’s it. He’ll be right back. Slightly different, but he’ll be the same. Maybe... this won’t be so bad after all.)

(John directs his attention to the sea and himself..)

(It’s time.)

(John closes his eyes...)

(....and breathes.)

(Something... stirs.)

(Just keep breathing.)

(It’s barely started...)

(You can do this.)

(Get it under control.)

(Stirring again. It’s stronger.)

(He falls to his knees.)

(No. I can’t--)

(John bares his teeth. There’s a growing pain in his chest.)

(He wants to fight it.)

(That’s what he was asked to do for all these years.)

(He can’t just let it happen.)

(He pitches over. No, it’s coming. It’s coming.)

(Something’s happening.)

(It feels like he’s tearing apart...)

(Just...)

(No. No no no.)

(G͓̼̲e͎͈̹̪̗͕̟t̮͕ ͖̟̦͟a̕ ̰̦h̸̺̝̦͎͎o̬̞̖l̨͇̙͇͔͉̪d̖̯̮̼̪ o̲͔f̵̱̭ ̣͇̝̦͇y̠̫̘͖̲̹̝o̪͚͙͍̜̟ͅu̙͚̱͎̗ͅr̦̖̤̬̖s҉̫͈èl͉̼̥̫͖̜f͎͔!͏̲)

(John’s hands shakes.)

(He can hear bone. They want to...)

(Claws erupt his fingertips.)

(Oh no.)

(There’s no going back.)

(John reaches out, grasping at thin air.)

(Each breath grows panicked. He can’t take it anymore.)

(He’s dying.)

(He can’t do anything about it.)

(What are you doing?)

(The stir knocks him down.)

(A strangled cry escapes his lips.)

(I can’t do this...)

(Y̛̩͕̤̙̗̭̲è͖̟̩̪s̠̤̯̲̙,̳̙̯̗̖ͅ ̹͖͢y͎͚̰̬̪̲͇o̪u̜͕͝ ̺̙͙͙͍̞̮̀c͖̩̱̕aṉ̭͕͍̼͠.̝̫͓̖)

(I’m sorry...)

(L̖̺̘I͓̻͖͍̳͘ͅS̷̛͈͇̖͈̤̕T̷̴̪̠̤̙E̯̮̺͢N͢͏̖̩̫!̧̺̪̲͎͎̥̦͢)

(John doesn’t want to.)

(But he has to. He screams.)

(There’s something in the recesses of his mind. A voice. No. A feeling. Like... a ghost of a hand touching his shoulder. It’s... kind.

“Breathe. It’ll be okay.”)

(John’s in pain. He wants it to stop. He’s screaming himself hoarse. Torn apart...)

(No. No, he’s not being torn apart.)

(G̨̗̠͔̫͍̘͕̲̣Ę͇̩̘͙͕̪͎͎͜T͙̻̙̲̺̥͍̯ ̡͝͏̫̻U͇͔̬͓̰̦̯̭͘͝P̴̢͎̦̗̻̮̯̖̕ͅ!̨̢͈̳̗̝͍̺͚͞)

(He struggles to get up. His breaths are wild and fast. But he’s listening. John’s listening.)

(Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.)

(Breathe.)

(John’s teeth shifts. He tastes blood in his mouth.)

(That doesn’t matter.)

(Power... courses through him. His veins. His body. Everything.)

(He wants it. It’s there. It’s right there.)

(It’s his.)

(And all he has to do...)

(...is...)

(...let go.)

(John roars at the moon.)

(John feels the snow beneath his fingers.)

(He opens his eyes and allows them to focus under the moonlight.)

(Snow, huh?)

(Has it been that long?)

(He sits up and takes the view before him in.)

(Water... far off mountains. He hears the waves breaking the shore below him. This is far different from last time.)

(The cool air is wonderful on his skin.)

(John looks up at the moon.)

(There it is. It’s as beautiful as he remembered.)

(As much as he wants to stare at it all night, there’s something to be done.)

(He stands up. John feels his body winding down from the change as he breathes deep and slow.)

(There’s something missing...)

(...but what?)

(He’s not sure if he should approach.)

(John hears footsteps fall behind him.)

Brian: “John?”

“Are... are you okay?”

John: “...”

Brian: “John, it’s me. Brian.”

(...his mind is still cloudy, but, he is familiar. He sounds familiar, he looks familiar.)

(...but his scent?)

(It snaps him out of his daze.)

John: “Brian? Is that you?”

Brian: “Yes.”

(John runs his fingers -- carefully -- through Brian’s hair.)

(He’s real.)

John: “Am I ...back?”

Brian: “Yes, John, you are.”

“Welcome back.”

(They bow each other’s head, just to take each other in.)

(It’s nice to breathe again.)

Brian: “How are you feeling?”

John: “Hungry. Tired. Mouth hurts. Thirsty. A little cold. Not bad.”

(Brian chuckles.) “You’re in luck. We’re about to go back home. Eat. Get some sleep. Peace and quiet.”

John: “I’d like that.”

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#ts4 simblr #ts4 story #ts4 #sims 4 story #the sims 4 #ts4 story telling #sims 4 #oc: john #oc: brian #oc pair: healing hands #werewolf!au #story tag: the werewolf

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