#the sex in published romance is like. oh ok. that’s nice i suppose

[orchidego]

I say misleading stuff all the time with no real recourse because sometimes the truth is simply not Revealable. For example, every time someone tries to talk to me about trad published current romance novels I have to be like, ah sorry I don’t really read those. And the reason is not because I’m a sophisticate who wouldn’t deign to read genre but because if you hand me a romance novel I’m going to eventually hit a sex scene and be like. Wish I were reading my illicit pdf of the fallout instead.

Over my dead body will I be telling this to people. So solidifies an incomplete reputation as a prim book snob (which I absolutely am, I’m just also a feral moron).

disclaimer: I don’t think fic and books are at all comparable. just because something falls under the header category of “reading” doesn’t mean it should be held to some universal standard. I have separate standards for all my consumed media. what I’m saying here (beyond the joke) is that my reading preferences are very distinct between categories.

[parkitinmyseonghole]

Nameless ~The one thing you must recall~ Spoiler Free Review (Lance’s Route)

okokok.

Let me preface this by saying while this is a review of the game, I’ve only played Lance’s route, so I’ll also be review his route in the second part. I’ve included my spoiler free opinions in the first section, and the second section will have spoilers about Lance’s route, so if you don’t want to read them, don’t read that section.

Ok leggo

So.. Lance.

Looks wise, Lance is not my ideal. I just have this weird thing about long hair male characters. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because usually, the pretty, long hair fellas are not my ideal in the personality department. 

BUT

His personality is one of my ideal types. My first choice in any otome game is usually the arrogant asshole. Usually has a lot of money. Usually is a super genius. Usually treats me like garbage on the surface. But is actually a cinnamon roll underneath that tuff exterior, and Lance is no exception. There’s a reason why they call him the “Ice Prince”, but is fluffiest.

I thought the story was good, although lacking in some areas. I was a lil iffy about the whole “doll” thing at first though, tbh, but it surprised me. I definitely thought it was going to be creepier. (I don’t like dolls) Some people were saying that the endings in this game were very similar to the endings in Dandelion (if you haven’t played that, stop reading this and play it. While the endings kinda suck, it’s still an A+ game). However, I disagree, at least as far as Lance’s goes. I’ve only gotten the good ending thus far, but I thought it was pretty fluffy. It did leave a lot, and I mean A LOT, of questions I had unanswered, but romance wise, it was good. I don’t know if I have to play more routes to have them answered, but I still have NO IDEA what is going on with the actual story. It’s a little frustrating. At least in Dandelion they completed the story (mostly) so that I didn’t feel (as) lost.

My other.. “problem”, if you even want to call it that, is the art style. It wasn’t my preferred art style, but really, like anything, it comes down to personal preference. I found that while it was well done, it still felt unfinished. Depending on the angle, their hair looked like it was plastic and all one solid piece or their noses just looked like, way too pointy. Again, this is all just comes down to personal preference, and overall, it was still nice to look at.

Really, my only other big issue with this game comes from comparing it to Cheritz’s other games. That is, that it’s a boring game. Wait wait wait.. before you say anything let me explain. If you’re anything like me, you got your first taste of Cheritz from Mystic Messenger. Now, I could go on and on and on and on and on about MM. It’s a great game, and if you haven’t played it, stop reading this and... wait. I already said that. But I mean it this time. Don’t even bother with Dandelion. Play Mystic Messenger first. Anyways, if you aren’t familiar, Mystic Messenger takes otome games to a whole new level, and as far as I know, it’s the only one like it. BASICALLY your phone gets hacked by a ~mysterious~ hacker and you get this app.. thing.. installed on your phone and you’re kind of forced to interact with the characters. The interface is like you’re actually in a chat room, texting, emailing, and even calling these people. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s really great. Like I said, I could go on for days about it. Dandelion, which was their first published game, also has a really unique game play. Not only do you make conversation choices that influence which ending you get, you also go out on dates, choose interactions, level up character traits, and basically manage MC’s life to make sure everything runs smoothly and you “win” the game. Nameless, really only has the conversation choices. The only other things you have are texts, and even that I could take or leave, because you don’t actually make any choices with texting and you don’t get notifications or anything. If the conversation doesn’t happen during the story, then you have no idea it even happened. You have to constantly open the phone and check for new texts. Not that it’s a big deal, but if you forget to do it, you miss out on some fluff. You also get your diary (which again, I could take or leave because it’s just a recap of what happened in the story) and exams. The exams, by the way, are so unnecessary. I’m not even sure why they included them. They just ask you questions about the game to make sure you’re paying attention, and then every once in a while they throw a random fact that you’re just supposed to know. Overall the “extras” they add into this game, don’t even come close to the extras in their other two games.

To summarize my spoiler free opinions:  My main cons are that I’m still lost as to what the hell is happening in the actual story and that it’s boring. My main pro is that overall, it’s a well made fluffy romance VN.

SPOILERS BELOW

Ok, so let’s get into the nitty gritty of Lance’s route. Like I said above, Lance has an icy exterior, earning him the nickname “Ice Prince”, but it’s actually the biggest cinnamon roll on the inside. He was your first ball-jointed doll you bought so he hold’s a very special place in your heart. He was there when your grandpa died and is the only one that remembers him. Since he was there with you from the beginning, it’s very obvious from the beginning that while he acts cold towards you, he doesn’t really mean it. Any time Yuri hits on you (which happens all the time) Lance comes in and saves you, usually while acting like he’s not at all doing it for you, it was just becoming an annoyance to him (lol ok). The main thing about Lance is that when he was created (as a doll), he was made without a personality so that his owner could make him whatever they wanted, which is actually kind of sad. Like, imagine having no personality and relying on the person you were closest to (in his case, his owner) to shape you into their ideal person. All the other dolls have their own unique backstories and personalities, but Lance does not, and he’s very aware of this. 

Throughout the whole game, there’s a feud between him and Red, because Red is one of a kind and was made to have a very alluring personality and can make anyone like him, while Lance, having no personality and being mass produced, is his opposite and Lance is very unsure of himself because of it. At some point, Lance becomes jealous because you’re in a play with Red and you have to kiss him, so instead of letting Red steal your first kiss, Lance does it instead, forcefully. Not that MC hated it or didn’t want it, but he just kinda, did it. And somehow she still didn’t understand that Lance loved her as a man loves a woman, which baffled me. It actually took them having special at home tutoring sessions (which I still have no idea what happened in those, I need to know. It must be something incredibly fluffy because MC always said how embarrassing it was...) and him eventually just flat out saying “I like you” and “marking her” in what I can only imagine ended up being a sex scene. (Again, I have NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED THERE.) He just started to take off his clothes and starting talking about marking her and if it became too much that she should just keep saying his name (oh boy). And after all that *BOOM* they were magically a couple. 

The ending was really fluffy and cute. Amusement park. “You’re pretty the way you are”. Kissing. “I love you” END SONG. And then WAIT there’s more! He got off a ride and she was gone?? I don’t really know what else to say about it considering I don’t really know what happened...??

To sum Lance up, on the surface, he’s rude and cold, but underneath he’s actually incredibly loving, clingy, possessive, and self depreciating. He’ll constantly tease you, but he’ll always love you. (d’awh)

[mysticdragon3md3]

finally watched Dr. Stone ep6

[There’s supposed to be a cut here. *glares at Tumblr mobile*]

2:35 PM 12/3/2019

Dr. STONE Episode 6 – Two Nations of the Stone World

Oh, so Senku was the one who purposefully put Taiju in the cave.

"Rolf"?

I like how they're addressing loop holes.  Why just swallow birds and humans petrified?

"I"m standing in the face of an uncharted branch of science."  This shot looks like a motivational poster for mad scientists.  And I love it.  ^____^

"What's the difference between me and the rest of them?" Please don't say "shonen protagonist". LOL

I like this whole scene just showing Senku thinking through the petrification problem and trying to solve it.  It's got as much tension as a mystery or a battle tactics series or something.  But also, since it's a flashback and we already know how he solves the problem, it's relaxing for me, someone who doesn't like tension/drama.  So what's the point of this scene?  To show how difficult the challenge is to problem solve, like a duel in a "battle anime"?  Are Taiju and Yuzuriha going to have to go through the same process?  Can they do it, without being geniuses like Senku?  Maybe that's the point of this flashback.  Or maybe it's characterization portrayal for Senku.  

Maybe it's supposed to show the Resolve needed for most Shonen battle anime. That's a common theme in the genre, and I love it.  

"You don't know when to give up!"  "I'll believe in you and wait for as long as it takes.  I"m hopeless without you!"  There we go.  The characterization.  And I like how they split the screen to show parallels between these 2 friends and transition into the present.  

"I’m sure you know not to, but don't go thanking me for every little thing. I won't thank you either."  I know I shouldn't think it's cool to act cold, but that sounded cool.  I don't even like the preformed abrasiveness of tsundere!  And I certainly hate the trope of "shojo love interest is attractive because he's never nice, always cold, and unemotive except for anger and possessiveness".  I hate that stuff.  But maybe because we already know Senku is a good guy (regardless of his intentions), these lines don't come off as just abrasive cold.  

I remember Kikyo saying something like that in Inuyasha.  I thought it was logical, but Kagome's reaction framed it as really offensive.  I'm glad Taiju and Yuzuriha are such cinnamon rolls that they don't take Senku's "cool act" the wrong way. 

3:09 PM 12/3/2019

Well, commercials made Crunchyroll crash again.  I guess I'm done watching Dr. Stone for now.  -_-;  

----------------------------------------------

5:54 PM 12/24/2019

Dr. STONE Episode 6 – Two Nations of the Stone World

The subtitles aren't working again.  While I was just watching Ascendance of a Bookworm, I'd just have to pause and unpause the vid, and the subtitles would return.  But it's not working with this Dr. Stone ep.  Luckily it looks ilke a recap. ...Or have I seen this ep already? 

Yeah, I've seen this ep before and the subtitles still haven't returned even after 10min.  

I reloaded the page and the subtitles returned.  But after the commercial break, they're gone again.  The universe really doesn't want me to watch Dr. Stone right now.  ^^;

----------------------------------------------

7:19 PM 12/25/2019

I think this is my 3rd time trying to watch Dr. Stone ep6.  Let's hope Crunchyroll doesn't crash this time...or have that glitch that made the subtitles disappear again.  

7:40 PM 12/25/2019

Finally made it to the 2nd half of ep6.  ...but I might have to stop watching because I've got other things to concentrate one.  Meh.  I think I can watch for 15min more.  

I can't figure out if her eyes are too far apart or something else is wrong with her character design.  But something seems off about her face to me.  

Ah, she saw the hostage situation.  

Woah.  Vocal song.  

Oh, Senku is the "sorcerer gentleman".  LOL

This music takes me back to Bleach.  Is this the same band?  

Ah, greasing the gears.  

Here it comes.  Everything about her character design says "love interest for Shonen manga/anime protagonist".  ~.~;  Now she's stating her awe of Senku's characteristics....  And...There's the love confession.  

Omg.  I don't think posted about this before, but I've finally gotten tired of this trope.  Not just the "Shonen series female who exists primarily as a love interest/sexy eye candy", but the whole "sexy eyecandy female character" thing.  Which is weird because I've been trying to be sex positive for a few years now, and for decades I liked the sexy eye-candy character designs.  It's fun, cheeky, and cute.  And I can see the confidence as a female, owning her own sexuality. So I really don't understand this sudden feeling myself.  ...But more often I've been thinking:  If MCU fans can get tired of the "sky beam portal" trope becoming cliche after less than 10 years, then I'm allowed to become tired of the "sexy for no reason other than to lure in the Shonen series target audience" after FOUR whole decades.  And it's not like the "sky beam portal" limited to only superhero movies.  But the "girl sexy for no reason" cliche is in EVERY genre, every medium, and ads all over the place, in real life, the internet, etc.  It makes sense that I've gotten tired of it.  It probably makes less sense that I've been ok with it all this time, watching harem anime for decades and such.  ...But maybe I haven't been ok with it all this time. I mean, the trope of "female character who primarily exists in story to center around romance and her crush" has always been a tired cliche to me. Not just because that made her shallow, uninteresting, and most of all unrelatable to me, but also because it heavily alluded to the misogynist aspects of society, who already want to insist everywhere in real life that females are objects solely for their benefit and not autonomous people. If I’m reading/watching/listening to a fiction story, one of my reasons is to get away from all that type of ugliness in the real world.  Maybe “sexy girl” tropes wouldn't imply all that, if such phenomenon wasn't already so prevalent in real life societies.  Meanwhile, female characters owning one's sexuality and wielding sexual expression as power and/or pride, and part of one's identity, has never been a problem with me.  What's bothered me is that implication that the sexuality is more about making them objects in service to someone else, vs for themselves.  And let's face it, it's been many centuries of fictional characters where that has eluded most officially published authors.  ~o~;  It just makes me tired.  And I'm at that age where I'm going to get tired.  I think after 4 decades I'm allowed to get tired of a cliche.  Especially compared to how short the "sky beam portal" lasted before it was vilified.  

But hopefully Kohaku will prove to be more an autonomous person who happens to respect Senku while coincidentally being sexy.  We'll see which aspects prove more prominent.  

8:03 PM 12/25/2019

Well, after 3 tires, I finally finished ep6.  No crashes or long/frequent buffering this time.  And the times the subtitles disappeared, all I had to do was pause/unpause and they returned.  

[chrismaverickdotcom]

The Melodrama Between Us (The Mountain Between Us Review)

So a big movie was released today and I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for me to talk about it. I’ve been waiting for it for quite a while. Ever since the trailer first came out and it just looked awesome. Obviously I’m talking about The Mountain Between Us. What else were you thinking? Wait, there was another big movie that came out today? Bah, who cares about that? Ok, fine… I saw it too… I’ll get to it later. But I’m going to do them in the order I saw them in.

So yeah, I actually was looking forward to this one from the moment I saw the trailer. It just seemed like a cool concept. Based on the book of the same name, it is the story of two strangers, Idris Elba and Kate Winslet, are trying to get home when their flight is cancelled. He’s a doctor with a very important surgery scheduled in the morning. She’s a photojournalist trying to get home from assignment because her wedding is tomorrow. So they charter a plane only to have it crash in the mountains and then they must rely on each other for survival. Drama ensues.

Or melodrama.

This is one of those films that it is more or less impossible to review without spoilers. I usually hate to give spoilers, but really the basic premise of the movie is pretty much right there in the marketing material. I already gave you the basic concept. Except for the “twist.” Honestly, I don’t think most people who bother to read my reviews are going to go see this anyway, so i figure it’s ok to spoil it. But this is your last warning. So if you don’t want to know, I’m about to tell you. Are you ready?

They fall in love.

Stunned, aren’t you? You’re not? You expected it all along by virtue of the fact that the movie stars Idris Elba and who’s not going to fall in love with him if you’re trapped on a  mountain? You expected it all along by virtue of the fact that the movie stars Kate Winslet and pretty much every movie she’s ever been in has been about someone falling in love with her. Yeah… well, that’s kind of a problem with the film.

See, it’s not really a survival thriller. That really should surprise anyone, even though it was kind of marketed that way. The film just sort of screams “chick flick” even though it’s pretending not to be. And it’s not just a chick flick. It’s damn near a Lifetime movie. Only it’s a lifetime movie produced on a $35million budget. It probably didn’t need to be.You didn’t need stars of this caliber to make the movie work. In fact it would have been fine with some aging stars from 90s, like any other Lifetime movie. In fact it might have been better.

Not better acted. The nice thing about the film is that Winslet and Elba are really fucking good actors. And they give it everything they’ve got for this movie. It’s just that script isn’t up to it. It’s not bad or anything. It’s just that there’s not much to it. The plane crash happens pretty early on and then there’s a lot of exactly what you might expect from a  survival movie. You know, a lot of man (and woman) vs the elements with quite a bit of “we need to move or we might die” vs. “we should stay here so that the rescuers know where to find us” and throw in a dose of “but no one is looking for us because no one knows we were here since we didn’t file a flight plan.” This might be a little compelling except for its all just overly obvious and convenient and was all ruined but the trailer. So you pretty much just see it all coming and it seems kind of forced. And two lesser actors could have gotten away with it maybe. But part of me just couldn’t help feeling that Elba and Winslet could both do better than this, and it kind of distracted me from he film. In fact, I had a hard time forgetting that I was watching those two actors, which is why I keep referring to them by their real names and not their character names.

On top of that, they’re both very very attractive, and so you spend a lot of the movie just waiting for them to fuck.

See… I say stuff like that a lot. I’m all about fucking. I think everyone should fuck. Really, fucking is great. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it. And see, from the moment the plane crashed and they were stuck together just sitting in the snow with nothing to do for several days, I found myself asking “why aren’t they fucking? God knows if I were trapped one a mountain with that dreamy Idris Elba, I’d fuck him… I mean, that dreamy Kate Winslet… yeah, that’s what I meant… really… I’m straight, I swear…”

But see, I think stuff like that all the time. I’m always looking for sexual tension. And a lot of times people say I’m just writing sex int things where it has no place.

And then they fuck.

Yep. Did you see that twist coming?. You did? Yeah… I thought so.

It’s sort of unsatisfying really. It feels a little artificial. They’ve been trapped together on this mountain for like a month. Becoming friends and growing closer as they rely on each other. But not really romantically. The film actually does a pretty good job of not making it all about sex for the first half. But after a month of being bored, they have a small argument, and the Idris says he needs to get some firewood. But instead Kate kisses him and then he forgets all about firewood and they have some nice grimy, haven’t showered in a month mountain sex. You know, as you do.

Then they make their way down the mountain and are rescued. The lesson here kids, is that if you’re ever trapped int he wilderness with someone, fuck right away. It gets you back to civilization faster.

Really, they have to make it down the mountain… because if they don’t how else will Kate be reunited with her fiancé? Because that totally has to happen so that there can be some new drama between her and Idris’s relationship. Oh yeah… he loves her now. Did I mention that? Apparently because she fucks real good. Seriously, we’re not really given much more reason than that.

This is kind of a thing with movie sex. Movies want sex to always be about a relationship. And I mean, fine, I get that some people need a relationship to want to have sex. But they’re not the same thing. And this movie, like many others (I complained about it in my Wonder Woman review), uses sex as sort of a short cut to say “and so they’re in a relationship now.” “They’re totally in love!” “They must be together because of how they had sex that one time!” It doesn’t work like that. Seriously, someone volunteer. I will totally fuck you. You’ll have a great time. And yet I assure you, we won’t be in love… at least no more than we were before. Or at least I won’t be. And that might have made the movie better. If they had gotten down the mountain and Idris was totally in love because that was some quality fucking and Kate had just said “Dude, sorry… I mean, the fucking was great and all, but I had been trapped on a mountain near death for a month and I just got really horny. So I’m going to go get married now. See you when I see you!” And roll credits. Now THAT would have been a good twist.

But that’s not what we get. Instead, the film decides that as an audience we need a romantic subplot that resolves in a happy ending. So when they get down the mountain, Idris wants to profess his undying love. But the fiancé is there, so he doesn’t. So Kate goes off with fiancé and Idris never returns her calls because he doesn’t want to get in the way of the marriage. And this shit goes on for another half an hour at least. It’s supposed to be dramatic. We’re supposed to feel torn up because these star crossed lovers can’t be together. Instead, I just kind of feel bad for her fiancé because dude seems kind of nice and he really has no idea what’s going on. After Kate eventually leaves him, she meets up with Idris for dinner so they can discuss their relationship and how they fell in love on the mountain — yes, they both say it in these words because apparently they saw a different movie than I did — but they can’t be together because… umm… reasons? Like, I guess… I mean, there’s no good reason at all, Kate just announces that they’ve both moved on even though they haven’t, and when Idris tries to say that he hasn’t, she walks away from him… so they both walk off in opposite directions lamenting the love they lost (you know, from that one time they fucked)… and they get a block away from each other before they realize that this is stupid and there’s actually nothing stopping them from being together, so they both turn and run back to each other so they can finally be together! I think… the film cuts to black and rolls credits just before they kiss each so they probably got together… or maybe an asteroid destroyed the earth. It’s actually not totally clear.

That said, I didn’t actually hate this movie. It’s hard to say it’s bad because Elba and Winslet really do a  good job with what they have to work with… at least up until that their act where they’re off the mountain and there are no stakes whatsoever. It’s a melodramatic waste of time, but they do their best to sell it without overacting. In fact, their performances are almost subtle given what they’re working with. If you’re a survival movie fan, it’s kind of by the numbers, except for the last act which will annoy the hell out of you. If you’re romance melodrama fan, its probably a little slow and you might feel like it drags a bit. But on a good note, you get to see Kate Winslet and Idris Elba fuck, and that’s worth something, isn’t it?

★★⅖☆☆ (2.4 out of 5 stars)

I promise I’ll review that other movie when I wake up.

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The Melodrama Between Us (The Mountain Between Us Review) was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom

[beyondforks]

Tour! A Review & Excerpt of Perfectly You by Robin Daniels

Perfectly You (Perfect #2) by Robin Daniels Genre: Young Adult (Contemporary Romance) Date Published: August 24, 2017 Publisher: Bluefields Publishing

Ivy Nixon is the student body Vice President at Franklin High School. Each year, the school holds a date auction to raise funds for the senior class graduation party, and this year, Ivy’s in charge. Planning the event is a huge task and Ivy is determined to prove she can get the job done right. Unfortunately, she’s still one participant short and her deadline is looming.

Andy Walker, her cute but socially reclusive art class table mate, is her last resort. He may not be popular, but he’s funny, talented, and full of surprises. With a makeover and some major social marketing, Ivy is sure he could fetch a decent price at the auction.

Andy reluctantly agrees to help, but the more time Ivy spends with him, the more her feelings shift from professional to romantic in nature. To top it off, she’s done her marketing so well, that other girls are starting to notice Andy too. Come auction time, will Ivy be able to let him go to the highest bidder? Or will she find a way to keep him for herself…

Content Description: This is a stand-alone YA contemporary romance with companion novels set at the same high school. It contains minor language, innuendo, and crude humor, some steamy kissing, a party scene where underage drinking is taking place, and a brief but tasteful conversation about sex. The author has attempted to write characters who make good choices in questionable situations, in effort to keep the content appropriate for teens. This book contains no sex, written or implied, and no explicit language. Recommended for ages 14 and up.

Perfectly You is the second book in the Perfect series by Robin Daniels. I haven't read the first book in this series yet, but this one stands alone just fine. And now, I want to go back and read that first book too. I wasn't too sold on Ivy in the beginning. She was pretty shallow and had a lot of maturing to do, and I think she's well on her way. Andy, on the other had, was the kind of guy I'd love to have hung out with in high school. He had depth and character. He was who he was, and he didn't need or want an audience. I'm not really sure what attracted him to Ivy to begin with, but he was definitely good for her... much better than she was for him. He could make your belly flip a time or two too which I wasn't expecting from him. So, that was a fun surprise. All in all, I liked this story. It was fast paced, entertaining, and I had a hard time putting it down. 

Perfectly You by Robin Daniels was kindly provided to me by I'm a Reader for review. The opinions are my own.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” I lunged forward in an exaggerated show of gratitude and threw my arms around his waist, embracing him tightly. He flinched and tensed up for a moment. I’d caught him off guard. Eventually he relaxed and put one arm around me, awkwardly patting my back in some semblance of a hug. For a moment, I forgot what I was doing and leaned into him. Wow, he smelled unbelievably good. Like soap and dryer sheets and something a little sharper that I couldn’t identify. I needed to ask him what cologne he wore, because it was incredible. I could smell him all day. Not to mention that his chest was a lot firmer than one would guess, since he hides it under baggy button-down shirts all the time. Andy cleared his throat and I pulled away. He looked embarrassed again. He really needed to get over that, and I was going to help him, starting right now. “Sorry.” I grinned. “You smell amazing. Your cologne is yummy enough to eat. I could sit here and sniff you for the rest of the class.” He choked on his spit and quickly put his fist over his mouth to stifle his laughter. “Please don’t.” He was trying to sound horrified, but his face gave him away. He appreciated the compliment. “Ok.” I threw my hands up in surrender. “But fair warning…if I’m having a bad day, I may lean over and smell your neck to induce a calming effect. When that happens, don’t punch me.” Andy shook his head, bewildered by the turn our conversation had taken. “I’ll try not to punch you, if you decide to randomly press your face against my neck.” “When you say it like that, I sound like a psycho stalker.” “Psycho and stalker are your words, not mine. But, if the shoe fits…” He trailed off, and I smacked him on the arm. “Ouch!” Andy rubbed the place I’d just hit. “I’m only kidding. I don’t think you’re a psycho stalker. I’ve never seen any indication that you’re a stalker. You’re more likely a plain old psycho.” He was grinning nice and big now, and I couldn’t help but grin back.

Robin Daniels is a wife, mother of five and avid consumer of books. She loves reading SO much that she was actually grounded from it as a twelve year old. No Joking! Her mom caught her reading when she was supposed to be cleaning, which was a common occurrence. At that point mom took the books and instructed her to go watch TV or play outside like a normal kid. Robin is a sucker for home design shows and magazines, watches way too much Netflix and has a very codependent relationship with with a certain diet soda who’s brand shall not be named. (Though anyone with a similar problem could probably guess which one.) To learn more about Robin Daniels and her books, visit her website.You can also find her on Goodreads & Facebook.

Ends 9/25/17 Open only to those who can legally enter, receive and use an Amazon.com Gift Code or Paypal Cash. Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded. No purchase necessary. You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent enter for you. The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway is in no way associated with Facebook, Twitter, Rafflecopter or any other entity unless otherwise specified. The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning. Giveaway was organized by Kathy from I Am A Reader and sponsored by the author. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. a Rafflecopter giveaway

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week twenty-five

capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 30 June 2007 and 1 July 2017

30 June 2007

87) "Teenagers," My Chemical Romance

Y'know, I find Welcome to the Black Parade mostly disagreeable, but heck if this song ain't a bright spot, insofar as a song about bringing concealed weaponry of some kind to school is a "bright spot." (Hey, I dunno, if you have to add a disclaimer to the video saying "violence isn't the answer," you should consider a different song for the single? Just a thought, don't wanna backseat record executive, here, but that seems bad.) Like, apart from the "under your shirt" line, it's kind of a perfect angsty vibe, not Linkin Parky fml angst, more angsty in that eternally adolescent sense of "all adults are robots and I will never conform," it channels that really well, and it has a dope guitar solo. I don't think I've mentioned a guitar solo being fun, and I can't tell if that's because I don't typically care about guitar solos or this is the first memorable guitar solo we've gotten, but either way, best guitar solo of the project so far. I am spending a lot of time on this song because I'm like 60% sure it's gonna be the only song I like this week. (spoilers: it isn’t!)

93) "Imagine," Jack Johnson

You know what's another thing about "Teenagers?" Like, even before I ever listened to Welcome to the Black Parade, I could draw a line from "Welcome to the Black Parade" to "Teenagers." I could make sense of how "Teenagers" would fit in a narrative that began with "Welcome to the Black Parade," how that kid would become angry and sullen and start scaring adults. I wish more singles had some sort of thematic throughline, like I don't necessarily mean Future should write a rock opera, I mean that I should be able to get the sense that like "Shape of You" and "Castle on the Hill" are from the same album. But maybe I'm just projecting, maybe I'm stuck in MUSIC WAS BETTER IN 2007 mode when, as seen here, it clearly fucking wasn't.

94) "Shawty," Piles ft./T-Pain

wait hold up is that the "shawty, yeah-e-yeah, yeah" from the start of "i'm on the boat." did t-pain start all his features with "shawty yeah-e-yeah yeah" and i'm just noticing it now, or did t-pain reuse a run. anyway, piles is the goat: grossest of all time. he drops bars that would make yachty wince. like, this is just the first verse: "i pointed at the donk & told her this s'posed to be yours/showed her a couple stacks and told her i'd let her blow it" what body part is the donk in this context. if piles calls his dick 'the donk' i might throw up, especially since he believes being able to suck on it is a wonderful privilege. "i taught her how to talk to me while she take pipe" well, communication is key to any healthy relationship, i'm glad piles understands its importance "i gotta train her, now she suck me with ice" oh okay that's cool, yeah no, women need to be trained to give pleasure, i get it, totally, chill attitude that was the first verse. piles is the worst. i can't believe we squandered this hook and the "bust it baby, pt. 2" hook on this gross gross boy. oh hey second verse "member she used to run from me, now she like pain" cool. coooooooooooooooooooooooool. what a song!

no updates to the 2007 top 20 week but we’re gonna publish the top 20 because i didn’t last week and you may have forgotten 20) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 19) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 18) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 17) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 16) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 15) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 14) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 13) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 12) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 11) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 10) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 9) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 8) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 7) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 6) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 5) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 4) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 3) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) i still enjoy all 20 of these songs. alright, 2017, low bar for ya. maybe you wanna clear it?

1 July 2017

16) "2U," David Guetta by ft./Justin Bieber

There's something I really don’t like about Justin Bieber saying "Watch me speak from my heart when it comes to you," and then having that line immediately followed by an EDM drop. Like is the drop supposed to be a substitute for words? Is the drop supposed to communicate what's in Justin Bieber's heart? Because all I hear from the drop is "what a nifty drop I am!" But this feels less like a criticism than it does like pedantry. It's OK. David Guetta is a proven programmer of pop music, and this is another solid song that he has made that I wouldn't have been able to pin to David Guetta if I listened to this blind.

70) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott

Worth pointing out that the first autocomplete result for love galore is "love galore travis scott," which is cool. I'm also gonna cop to having this album in my library but letting it sit because there's so much else I have to get to and this wasn't a priority. This song doesn't move the album higher in my queue, but it does have me excited to get to it. This is a dope song, this portrait of an awful relationship neither party much wants to be in, but are staying together because they love each other, whatever that means. SZA regrets hooking up with Travis Scott, Travis Scott admits he was only looking for ass and titties, they both operate independently of one another, but there's love, so there's that. And then the end, when that extremely pleasant bass line disappears, there's that single note on the keyboard and SZA going "woah," then that beat switch into SZA saying "I came here to have sex with you, and if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here," that's just so cool, like this song is complex and intricate and it does the thing "4 AM" did last week where the music occasionally goes out of tone and it does that thing to great effect. SZA's dope. I'm excited for whatever time I get to spend with her in the future. ...OK. OK, fine, I'll fucking leave this nice dark place and go to countrydudetopia.

79) "Do I Make You Wanna," by Billy Currington

Time for a YAS REWIND, because remember last week when we talked about how many people have made it from the 2007 Hot 100 to the 2017? THIS IS RELEVANT TO THAT, because Billy Currington just became the 29th member of the Decade Dance Party! We will share the full list later in this post, because there are only 10 songs this week and most of them blow so I'ma give you some other #content this week, but it's worth noting right here that 9 of the 29 members of Decade Dance Party are country dudes. You drive down enough dirt roads, you're gonna get stuck in the mud at some point. This is a song in which Billy Currington asks his girlfriend if he makes her feel complete and safe, which is either incredibly arrogant or pathetically needy.

89) "Escapate Conmigo," by Wisin ft./Ozuna

HELL YEAH LATIN POP. Gosh, the renewal of Latin pop as a thing we listen to has been one of the best things about doing this silly thing. Like, all the Latin pop is my second favorite thing about YAS, just ahead of Kendrick week but, let's be real, a million miles behind Ashley Tisdale's cover of "Kiss the Girl." This is such a nice song. The beat bounces nicely, Wisin's flow is like "what if Lin-Manuel Miranda rapped in Spanish and was also good" (like maybe it's been a while since I heard that dude rap, but they sound so very alike), and it has one of the best mis-translated lyrics of the year with "My supergirl/The one whose smiles steal me/Tremendous wolf." Tremendous wolf. I adore that.

93) "What Ifs," by Kane Brown ft./Lauren Alaina

I see you, dude. First off, this dude's voice is incredible. Like, after listening to dude after dude either whispering softly over EDM or bleating twangily over the country beat, hearing this dude belt was An Experience. I wish the production would calm down a little bit, like this dude and Lauren Alaina could have made this song an epic ballad on their own, but nah, gotta have the electronic drums spoil a perfectly good opening guitar line, gotta have the standard pop/country things choke the life out of what could've been some cool moments. This dude's a lot like that Luke Combs fella from a few months back, not stylistically or anything, just in the sense that I bet he's cooler than he is on this song, and I trust he's not just some bro country yutz, but I'm not in any rush to check out what else he's got, despite how appealing the song title "Used to Love You Sober" is.

95) "It's a Vibe," by 2 Chainz ft./Ty Dolla $ign, Trey Songz & Jhene Aiko

This was also OK! As stated, this song was a vibe, and gosh darn, if it didn't do much more than vibe, though. A fun way to kill three minutes, a less than fun thing to listen to if you're charging yourself with the task of coming up with some unique point to make about it for to generate likes and the whatnot. S'a'ight, y'know? I'm supposed to write, what, 100 words about something thats'a'ight? I mean, I don't have to, no one ever asked me to and they clearly don't want me to, but like. It's a vibe! It's another one. Fuck it, I don't, sigh, just give me the country dudes and let's get out of this actually-pretty-decent week.

100) "It Ain't My Fault," by Brothers Osborne

OK. OK! OK, hell yeah, no, I'm sorry for calling you country dudes, 'cuz hot damn, this was great. Like, Chris Stapleton gets a lot of hype for making classic country music, but he only makes the sad slow acoustic country music, and like Johnny Cash had "Folsom Prison Blues" and "A Boy Named Sue," y'know? Not to compare this song to those, but this is uptempo classic country, this is classic country with got damn STOMP, and it's dope as hell.

Two new songs in the Top 20 for 2017! 20) "It Ain't My Fault," by Brothers Osborne (7.1) 19) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 18) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 17) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 16) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott (7.1) 15) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 14) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 13) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 12) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 11) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 10) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 9) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) I bumped “Selfish” this week. I have no idea how that happened. 2017′s slowly becoming stacked, and/or I’m an idiot.

Who won the week?

2017. Like? 2017.

2017: 13 2007: 12

Yooge opportunity for 2017 to widen this gap, too, so I’m stoked for a solid two weeks of Chainsmokers songs and memes. Anyway, THE IMPORTANT THING.

The Decade Dance Club

30 people have made or been featured on songs that charted in the years 2007 and 2017. They are: 1) Daddy Yankee (”Impacto,” “Shaky Shaky”) 2) Dierks Bentley (”Free & Easy,” “Black”) 3) Luke Bryan (”All My Friends Say,” “Fast”) 4) Gucci Mane (”Freaky Gurl,” “Make Love”) 5) Jason Aldean (”Johnny Cash,” “Any Ol’ Barstool”) 6) Lil Wayne (”Sweetest Girl” (feat), “Running Back” (feat)) 7) Missy Elliott (”Let it Go” (feat), “I’m Better”) 8) Maroon 5 (”Makes Me Wonder,” “Cold”) 9) Nick Jonas (”Year 3000″ (w/jobros), “Bom Bidi Bom”) 10) DJ Khaled (”We Takin Over,” “Shining”) 11) Beyonce (”Get Me Bodied,” “Shining”) 12) Jay-Z (”Blue Magic,” “Shining”) 13) Linkin Park (”What I’ve Done,” “Heavy”) 14) Rihanna (”Umbrella,” “Selfish” (feat)) 15) Josh Turner (”Me & God,” “Hometown Girl”) 16) Rick Ross (“We Takin Over” (feat), “Trap Trap Trap”) 17) Faith Hill (”I Need You,” “Speak to a Girl”) 18) Tim McGraw (”I Need You,” “Speak to a Girl”) 19) Miranda Lambert (”Famous in a Small Town,” “Tin Man”) 20) Enrique Iglesias (”Dimelo,” “Subeme la Radio”) 21) Flo Rida (”Low,” “Cake”) 22) Kenny Chesney (”Beer in Mexico,” “Bar at the End of the World”) 23) Paramore (”Misery Business,” “Hard Times”) 24) Miley Cyrus (”Nobody’s Perfect,” “Malibu”) 25) Blake Shelton (”Don’t Make Me,” “Every Time I Hear That Song”) 26) Shakira (”Beautiful Liar,” “Me Enamore”) 27) Rascal Flatts (”Stand,” “Yours if You Want It”) 28) Trey Songz (”Can’t Help But Wait,” “Nobody Else But You”) 29) Billy Currington (”Good Directions,” “Do I Make You Wanna”) 30) Wisin (”Sexi Movimento,” “Escapate Conmigo”)

Shout out to Wisin for making the list, too! So that’s 30, out of hundreds, who have had a career on the pop charts that spanned a decade. Specifically, the last ten years, there’s a few folks who’ve charted in 2017 that didn’t chart in 2007 despite being things back then, such as Darius Rucker, Eminem, John Legend, Mariah Carey, and Pharrell Williams. There’s also some folks who hit in 2008 that have hit in 2017, your Katy Perries and Ladies Antebellum, that cannot make this list because, hey, it’s kind of a dumb list. But music is dumb, and this list should illustrate how hard it is to last in the music business (unless you’re a dude who makes country music), which is why it’s vitally important we spend hours and hours dissecting Lil’ Yachty lyrics.