#the sense leaving y’all’s bodies when not everyone is a hyperabled fantasy guy .

[archivestarlyht]

“gale can’t be in his 30’s, he complains abt his knees too much !!!!” i must not be in my 20’s ig

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 4

Note: I will be editing parts of the quotes from the original preview to reflect the way they appear in the final product. So if something is written like this it means it’s no longer in the book, and this indicates that something’s been added. This is so that I don’t have to explain in complex detail how things have changed if the changes are minor.

Don’t worry, this will stop once we get to more new content. 

Girls shouldn’t be space pirates.

Those were the last words Dex had said to his ex, and, well, look how that turned out. He was eating those words now.

Fike, the irony stung.

What’s with female authors constantly writing meaningless sexism and then have their characters PROVING THE MENZ WRONG.

Like I get that it’s a bit of a power fantasy and everyone wants some payback for being underestimated, but it’s always dumb bullshit like this that serves no other purpose than to impress or prove the male characters wrong by DOING MANLY BADASS THINGS.

I can’t articulate what I’m feeling properly but you get my point, right? The MENZ always end up being proven wrong, but only when the female characters do traditionally masculine-coded things, because not only do female characters need to prove themselves to men, the only talents worth respect are those that men are “supposed” to have.

Whatever, moving on.

Update: That whole chunk of text has been removed. Thankfully.

Dex is a dude who used to teach/date (???) Andi and is now hunting her because ... she ... lied to and cheated on him? Something like that. I guess we’ll find out. He’s the one in charge of the hunt and he’s NOT PLEASED.

A female captain was one thing. But a whole rutting ship full of girls?

You need to settle on your dumb conlang curses or on old-timey curses you saw used in [some SJM series]. You can’t have both “fike,” whatever that is, and “rutting” in the same book. I mean you can, but it’ll look like this, aka garbage.

Update: This comment has also been removed. 

Leave it to the Bloody Baroness, the most ruthless space pirate in the galaxy, to get the best of the best.

[...]

Also leave it to the Bloody Baroness, Dex thought, as he stared at her photograph, to get me to work with the Arcardian Patrolmen.

BLOODY BARONESS WILL NEVER BE INTIMIDATING, I’M SORRY.

And yeah, for some reason, in this HYPER-TECH FUTURE, they still have photographs?

Also, why does Dex think that wanting good people to work for you is somehow unique or particularly impressive?

Whatever. We have a quick flashback to Dex’s latest meeting with Andi. Y’all need to see this so I’ll just post the entire thing:

She was standing in the shadows of a pleasure palace, a Holo cyborg dancing in the window behind her. Androma’s pale, ghostlike hair was streaked with purple, which was new, and peeked out from beneath a black hood, pulled low over her face. He could just barely make out her glowing grey eyes and the smooth metallic plates on her cheekbones, a defensive body mod she’d had done years before. But he could make out the rest of her: perfect curves beneath a sleek, skintight leather bodysuit; the hilt of a knife sticking out from her black boots. And, of course, outside of the hooded cape, her trademark glowing katanas swords strapped across her back like an X of death.

I was gonna make a remark about how people Sasha’s age probably should know better than to write garbage like this, but then I remembered that her KWEEN SJM is 30+, so nevermind.

And yes, Andi has fucking KATANAS. And they are AN EXXX OF DETTHH.

I’m cackling.

Update: So um ... Let’s talk about those edits, shall we? Andi’s eyes are no longer glowing, and as much as I’m happy they toned it down (I wish), this is really the last of their starshined problem.

She has metallic plates on her cheekbones now, which ... let’s examine some official art (from the book trailer):

The art is kind of inconsistent, but those are not on her cheekbones, but on her cheeks. And frankly it looks terrible, as a concept. I would guess it’s the result of miscommunication, but since this is on the official website, I’m assuming Shinsay approved this.

And how is this a defensive mod? She couldn’t have her skull reinforced with titanium or some shit? Ah, yes, the most vulnerable part of the head: the cheek/bone. You gotta protect ‘em! 

Also, I don’t wanna shit on a fellow artist, but I have to say: Idk who this artist is that they got this job but I thought Shinsay would have enough money to hire someone who understands perspective and facial anatomy.

Dex Dogtective is having a BAD TIME trying to catch the Marauder, so he complains about their own ships.

Here I am, the ship seemed to say. Large and in charge and as slow as a rhinoceratops.

I just wanted to include this so y’all could see RHINOCERATOPS.

Update: This line has been changed and is now: Here I am, the ship seemed to say. Large and in charge and as undercover as a Xen Pterran carriage slug.

Also here’s what Dex apparently looks like (from the artist’s Instagram): 

That’s the face of someone who sniffs dirty underwear.

Dex then wanks on about how hot the Marauder is. No, really:

A sleek, beautiful beast that looked to be made of the stars in which it swam.

Deadly and delicious, all varillium glass in the shape of an arrowhead, now concealed by metal shields to protect it during the chase.

He probably has a secret porn stash of plane schematics.

Some little dork comes up to Dex to declare that the Marauder is “making an interesting move,” because I guess the carrier pigeons are dead.

He looked up at the youngest Patrolman on his dedicated crew, a boy just barely of age, who’d never seen battle. Who didn’t know the feeling of blood on scarred hands.

He doesn’t seem like he’s there for battle anyway, considering the fact that he’s near the captain at the moment, is the one delivering the update, and likely isn’t a part of the ground troops.

Update: He looked up at the youngest Patrolman on the ship, a boy no older than fifteen with slitted reptilian nostrils. A boy who’d never seen battle. Who didn’t know the feeling of blood on scarred hands.

Why does he have slitted reptilian nostrils? Is he a particular type of alien? A mutated human? Voldemort? Why do you explain Lira’s whole deal for three paragraphs and then just go “meh, he’s got a weird nose” for this dude? You couldn’t even just throw in a random collection of letters and pretend it’s the name of a type of alien? 

Effort who?

But what is this “interesting move?”

“We aren’t able to catch up to them, as we’d previously hoped.”

Their “interesting move” is ... outrunning them? Like I know what the “interesting move” is, but the way it’s written is so stupid and makes no sense. Who would say this? Dex asks the guy specifically to “use his words” to explain their “interesthing move,” and all he gets is “shit shit we can’t catch up.”

Seriously, who edited this?

Update: Someone edited this as best they could, I guess, because his reply has been changed to “It seems they’re charting a course for the asteroid belt.” 

Does this change anything? No.

The boy asks for orders and Dex tells him to fuck off.

“The rest of you,” Dex said, unbuckling his harness and standing up from his seat, voice rising to a roar, “will catch me that fiking damned ship!”

The glory of his rage was lost in another explosion.

I suspect the glory of his rage was lost some time before that.

Can we just take a moment to go over the dialogue here?

Boy: They’re making an interesting move!

Dex: What’s the move?

Boy: We can’t catch up to them like we hoped! They’re heading towards the asteroid belt!

Dex: I KNEW IT!!

Boy: What should we do?

Dex: GO CRAP YOUR PANTS SOMEWHERE ELSE. THE REST OF YOU: CATCH UP TO THAT SHIP AND GET IT FOR ME!

That was a nonversation. Who put Dex in charge? Is he the Captain of Redundant Orders? He was literally told that they aren’t able to catch up and need to rethink their strategy, and he’s like CATCH ME THAT SHIP.

One of their engines gets fucked.

Dex tumbled into the metal siding, his anger tumbling with him.

Multi-level tumbling.

Update: This has been changed to: Dex’s temper rose as he unclasped his harness and toppled against the metal siding.

Why did he unclasp his harness twice? Or is there a difference between unbuckling and unclasping?

Dex thinks it’s time to take matters into his own ... claws?

Dex squeezed his fists. The pilot flinched back as a triangular blade sprung out of each of Dex’s gloves, just over his knuckles. “Move the fike over.”

Or he’ll scratch you to death with his kittycat claws.

Update: Dex squeezed his fists. The pilot flinched back as four crimson triangular blades sprung out of each of Dex’s gloves, just over his knuckles. “Move over.” 

I’m so fiking mad that they removed fike, so I’ve decided to bring it the fike back, just like we all fiking deserve.

And obviously one blade isn’t enough, you gotta have FOUR, and they gotta be CRIMSON, like the BLOOD OF HIS ENEMIES. How else will you communicate that he’s HARDCORE. 

He could hear commotion in the background, the sound of the pilot’s whining voice as he phoned Cyprian, a glorious tattle-tale.

Yet another Smaas-ism. And this sentence is a trainwreck.

Update: He could hear a commotion in the background, the sound of the pilot’s whining voice as he commed the general. Pathetic tattletale.

Did Shinsay read my first snark or what? So many of my favorite bits have been changed and I hate it.

“You were right,” [the co-pilot] said. “They’re heading for the Asteroid Belt.”

Of course I’m right, Dex wanted to say. Androma always runs until she finds a place to hide.

Damn that wily Androma, always running when she doesn’t want to get caught and hiding when she doesn’t want to be found! Only she could come up with such outside-the-box, wild card strategies!

Update: The copilot, a man covered in purple spikes, stared at Dex openmouthed. “You were right,” he said, his massive canines visible. “They’re heading for Gollanta.”

Shinsay, are you gonna explain your random aliens or what?

Dex sets up a trap for the Marauder in the asteroid belt and we end on this:

Androma was good at what she did. But so was Dex. 

And besides, a prodigy protégée could only outrun her master for so long.

Androma has literally nothing to do with the ship moving too fast for them to catch, but ok, whatever.