#the second time i was going through a period of severe anxiety and eating american food was just too much for my body to take

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

.

Just remembered how I've been accused of having an eating disorder in the past and at two totally separate times

[living-with-pmd]

11 Women With PMDD Share What It's Really Like

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is the evil cousin of PMS. They share the same types of symptoms—moodiness, increased hunger, cravings, fatigue, cramps, pain, brain fog, and depression, among others—but for PMDD sufferers, those symptoms get so bad they can cripple a woman's ability to lead a normal life.  

While up to 85 percent of women get PMS, according to the US Department of Health, only about 5 percent of women experience PMDD, according to the American Journal of Psychiatry.

We asked women with PMDD what it's really like living with the disorder. Here are their stories:

"I was diagnosed with PMDD last summer. Six months prior to my diagnosis, I started taking a certain birth control and soon every month I was experiencing severe PMS issues. I am a generally happy person, but during those few days I was someone entirely different. I was extremely depressed and anxious, having much more frequent panic attacks, and was super sensitive and lonely. I was even suicidal, which was terrifying. And the worst part was I was convinced that I had always been this miserable, and that I would always be this miserable, and it was never going to change. It felt as if someone had completely burned out the light in me and all happiness and joy and hope was gone. I didn't make the connection that it was related to my period but thankfully a close friend did. I have since switched birth control, which helped a lot, and increased the dosage of my anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds. Most importantly, I am aware of the way I feel those few days so I know to expect it, and I can logically remind myself that I will stop feeling that way soon. Looking back, I realize that I've probably always had pretty bad PMS or PMDD. The birth control worsened it but it was also causing a lot of issues I wasn't aware of previously as well." —Katherine H., 22, Edmonds, WA

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"PMDD is out of control. I cry really easily for about a week. My biggest issue is that I am convinced that I am failing at everything—being a wife, a mom, work projects, fitness, my whole life! And even though it feels so real I constantly have to question if my feelings are valid or if they are amplified by my cycle. I just set an alert in my phone to remind me to consider my hormones the next time I feel that way." —Krysten B., 32, Toronto, CA

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"A week before my period, I become a complete psycho, completely unlike myself. I'm tearful, want to eat everything that's sweet or salty, have absolutely no tolerance for anything other than perfection, and prefer to be left completely alone. I already take an antidepressant but my PMDD was a complete nightmare so my doctor gave me Prozac to take for just 10 days a month. Basically, I start it when I start to get that irrational feeling and keeping taking it until my period starts. And that's just the emotional stuff. On the physical side, I have debilitating cramps, backaches, and headaches that last for days. Yep. I'm a peach." —Kristen L., 40, Knoxville, TN

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"In the past, PMDD almost made me suicidal and totally broke my spirit. Yes it wasthat bad. Every month. Eventually I got tired of being a 'crazy PMS woman' and decided I needed to fix this. Since I don't like to take pharmaceuticals, I branched out to homeopathic remedies and I discovered St. John's Wort and essential oils, especially clary sage and Doterra Calm-Its. It's a lot better now but I still have my hard days." —Amy S., 43, Zebulon, NC

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"My PMDD got so bad I had to go to a psychiatrist and be put on Prozac along with another antidepressant I was already taking. I was a mess—anxious, crying randomly over the smallest thing, and eating everything in sight. One example is someone made a YouTube mashup of the Age of Ultron trailers with Pinocchio footage and the 'I've got no strings on me' song and that wrecked me for weeks. Every time I thought about scenes from Pinocchio I would start panicking and crying at my work desk. It's been a few years and I'm better now. I'm off birth control and weening myself off the Prozac. I notice a week before my period I will sob during any sad part in a movie or book I'm reading, and a day or two before, I notice I'm more likely to be anxious." —Kate W., 36, Alaska

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"This has impacted my ability to work effectively. My pet peeve is when people say 'it must be close to your time of the month' when they simply don't like what I'm saying. I have run into that problem a lot at previous jobs and it makes it really hard to be taken seriously. It's bullshit because my feelings are valid regardless and also PMDD is not a joke. I am so lucky now to have a male boss who understands but it wasn't always that way. I have also have found a lot of relief with naturopathic and herbal remedies." —Amalia F., 28, Vancouver, Canada

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"My PMS was tolerable until my second child was born and then everything went off the rails. I'd be looking forward to plans with others, happy, and then about 10 to 14 days before my flow would start, my mood would turn on a dime. I'd be horrible—crying, screaming that ~nobody understands~, just so much emotional pain. I'd basically lock myself up in the bedroom for a full day to cry, get angry, and feel sorry for myself. It took three doctors before I finally found one who would listen to me before I was finally diagnosed with PMDD. I took Prozac for three years for it but it made me feel numb, like a zombie and not like myself. So I quit and my family just deals with me now. As I've gotten closer to menopause the PMDD is not as bad, but can be very unpredictable due to hormonal swings from perimenopause. The worst part now is I feel like my friendships have suffered. I always seem to have episodes around major holidays and events and I end up bumming everyone out if I do show up so I end up staying home a lot." —Colleen T., 50, St. Paul, MN

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"I'm overly emotional for the week before my period. Saying that makes it sound like it's not that bad but I get so distraught that my fiance has actually scheduled it in his phone as 'blood sport' to remind himself what's coming. I'm thankful that he's patient because I also feel like everyone hates me that week, too." —Kenlie T., 36, New Orleans, LA

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"All month long I'm fine and feel even and calm and then suddenly, the week before my period, I can't handle even the tiniest little thing. My irritability goes through the roof (which is not great since I have a 5-year-old) and I feel like I have no friends. It really makes me sad." —Jessica S., 28, Broomfield, CO

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"I know my period is coming because all of a sudden all of my joints hurt, especially my knees and ankles. I also get crazy gnarly cramps and once I even had a cyst that ruptured while I was on a date and the guy had to take me to the hospital! It was so embarrassing. Thankfully my husband now is very understanding when this time rolls around each month. The worst part is people who just think I make this stuff up. Some months are better than others and sometimes the pain is completely debilitating! My emotions are also a rollercoaster. Anytime I see something cute or inspiring, I burst into tears." —Ivie C., 21, Rexburg, ID

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"My PMDD manifests in both mental and physical symptoms. From the time I got my period at age 12, I've had extreme cramps and heavy bleeding. I'd leak at school through a super maxi pad every class so I'd tie sweatshirts around my waist and have to scrub my clothes when I got home. It was super humiliating. I'd have to take six to eight ibuprofen at a time to deal with cramps, and if I didn't I'd end up on the floor sweating like I had the flu. Sometimes I'd even throw up. This meant I ended up spending a lot of time sick in bathrooms and knew where every restroom was at all times. Birth control helped manage the PMDD and other issues, but as soon as I was done having kids, I had a hysterectomy. That was the best thing I've ever done." —Mandy P., 39, Mendon, UT

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a19972132/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder/

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Lost Boy (Chapter 3: New Friends)

Summary: When his family moves from San Francisco to the town of Shadyside, T.J. thought his life would change. And it did. He just didn’t think it would come in the form of the ghost of a boy who haunted his new bedroom.

Prologue

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Tag list: @delicatesleeper, @ibroughtachallah,@frenchtohste,@alittletooliteralleah, @tyrusmagocious,@tjskipping, @mirrorslover, @opatrickr, @lesbianrelateddeath, @mirrorslover, @opatrickr, @justkimberley, @burning-hot-pan, @green-lemonboys, @anotherangelfromspace, @thebisexualweirdo, @likelightning-inabottle, @thedampjofangirl, @fizasdr, @awkward-bisexual-alien, @lydibug1304

.......

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, T.J. turned to the left. Then the right. Then the front. 

Groaning, he pulled off the gray hoodie he was wearing and threw it across the room. It probably landed somewhere along with the other ones he had tried on. He, then, grabbed a blue-green one and put it on, doing the same routine of checking how he looked from all angles.

“I like that one,” chirped Cyrus from his favorite perch on the desk. “The color matches your eyes.”

The compliment made T.J. blush. “You think so?” he asked, ignoring the burning in his cheeks.

“Definitely! Trust me, I have an eye for these things. I was a fashion icon when I was alive!”

T.J. chuckled, adjusting his collar. “Okay, I trust you.”

“Ohhh, trust! A positive step forward in our relationship!”

T.J. snorted. 

What relationship? Sure, it had been a week since they met and have gotten used to each other’s presence. But, at the end of the day, they were still just a human and a ghost who happened to live in the same room. The blonde barely knew anything about him.

“So, are you excited for your first day of school?” Cyrus asked.

But, T.J. did learn he was incredibly chatty and overly curious.

“A little nervous,” he admitted. “It’s hard to make friends.”

“You can make friends with my friends.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Your… friends?”

Cyrus laughed. “My alive friends. They’re really nice! And the best friends you can ever ask for!”

T.J. walked over to his bed to put the rest of his new notebooks inside his backpack. “How do you know if we’re even going to the same schools?”

“Well, you’re going to Grant High, right?”

“Yeah.”

Cyrus smiled. “I was gonna go there, too. With them. You can’t miss them, they’re the kids with the really great hair.”

T.J. let out a chuckle. “Well, that narrows it down.” He slung the backpack over his shoulder. “Well, I’m off.”

Cyrus waved. “Have a great first day!”

“Thanks.”

With one last nod, T.J. stepped out of the room. When he briefly turned to close the door and caught a glimpse of the desk, Cyrus was gone.

……

The first day of school went as well as it possibly could. And by well, he meant that the moment he stepped through those doors, no one knew who he was so no one spoke to him. He got a few stares but no one approached, and he pretty much made his way to his locker by following people and using his eyes. He needed to check his locker number several times to make sure he got the right one and it took him a good five minutes just to open it. 

By the time he found his homeroom and got a seat, he was already exhausted… and school hadn’t even officially started!

When the bell rang and the homeroom teacher arrived, T.J. sat up as straight as he could and forced himself to listen. 

The teacher, who introduced herself as Mrs. Harris, welcomed them to their first year at Grant High School, talked about the rules and regulations, and then introduced a getting-to-know-you exercise with their seat neighbor.

They were to talk about three fun facts about themselves and then their partner would follow up with another three and keep going until they knew a lot about each other.

It was weird and kind of useless, where T.J. was concerned, because everyone was going to end up forming cliques anyway and probably not even talk to anyone else unless there was a dire need to do so.

Nonetheless, he turned his desk to face his seat neighbor – an Asian girl with a pixie haircut and wearing a very colorful headband. She smiled at T.J. in a friendly manner and he smiled back, politely.

“Hi, um, I’m T.J.,” he introduced himself, holding out a hand. “T.J. Kippen.”

The girl took his hand and shook it. “I’m Andi Mack. So…want me to start?”

“Sure.” He leaned back in his seat.

“So… I love making arts and crafts… I’m an only child… and… my favorite color is red.”

T.J. nodded. “Cool. Uh… I have an older sister… I play basketball… and I just moved here from San Francisco.”

“Really? That’s so awesome! How do you like it in Shadyside?”

“It’s pretty cool. Definitely different from San Francisco. I like it.”

“Have you had the chance to look around yet? Like, have you checked out The Spoon Diner? They have the best baby taters!”

And, just like that, their teacher’s exercise was thrown out of the window.

T.J. listened as Andi talked on and on about the town, about the places to eat, places to spend your extra time at (apparently, her dad owned a music store and people hung out there all the time, just trying out instruments or listening to old records), and a bit about the town’s history. 

She was perky and enthusiastic. He had no doubt Amber would get along well with her, if given the chance.

“We should hang out sometime!” Andi chirped.

T.J. wondered if he just made his first friend.

“Sure,” he agreed.

“So, which part of Shadyside do you live by? Maybe we’re neighbors.”

T.J. rattled off his new address, surprised and a little proud that he managed to remember without peeking at the slip of paper his mom had placed in his wallet for emergencies.

Andi’s smile fell. “You… live where the Goodmans used to live…”

It was more of a statement than a question.

T.J. nodded. “Yeah. The psychiatrists, right?”

“Psychologists,” Andi corrected, sounding dazed and far away now.

T.J. didn’t really know the difference but okay.

Meanwhile, Andi was starting to look kind of pale.

“Are you okay?” he asked, feeling concerned.

She shook her head and nodded before putting on a smile. “Yes, sorry. Caught off-guard.”

T.J. flashed her a questioning look but before he could ask further questions, Mrs. Harris called everyone’s attention to make another announcement.

He didn’t get to talk to Andi again for the rest of homeroom. But, when the bell rang to signal first period, she did give him a smile and a wave and told him to find her during lunch if he needed someone to sit with.

The rest of his morning classes went well. He met a few friendly kids in his classes who were curious about the new guy. He was all too happy to talk about San Francisco and how much Shadyside was already looking better than the big city he grew up in.

When it was time for lunch, instead of looking for Andi or some other kid to sit with, T.J. decided to head out to the courtyard. He sat on one of the picnic tables and ate alone. He preferred it that way. The nerves and anxiety that filled his body all day have all dissipated now but he still felt utterly exhausted.

At the end of the day, he was ready to throw his backpack down and nap for hours. On his way out, he spotted Andi standing at her locker, her hands moving in various gestures as she talked to a blonde-haired girl.

She saw T.J. and waved. He waved back.

He walked home alone. 

Amber didn’t join him since she wanted to stop by a Diner she saw was hiring – she wanted a job to help out their mom and T.J. was kind of considering it, too, but he had no desire to wait tables.

Cutting through the park, he calmly reflected on the day.

It wasn’t a terrible day. It wasn’t awesome, either. But, his mother was right. He could start over here. He had spotted some flyers for the basketball team on the bulletin board earlier, so he could try out. He could even join the school orchestra and put his mom’s piano lessons to use.

His musings were interrupted by the sight of a basketball court and felt himself perk up. Before he could register his own actions, his feet were already walking over. 

It was empty except for one African-American girl with curly hair. Pausing by one of the benches, he watched her dribble the ball around and shoot. The ball went in, flawlessly.

Impressive.

The girl chased after the ball and caught it. As she turned around, she caught sight of him, watching.

“Hey,” she greeted, breathing deeply.

“Hey,” he returned. “Nice shot.”

She beamed. “Thanks. You play?”

He shrugged. “A little.”

“Cool.” Smirking, she bounced the ball in his direction. “Come on.”

T.J. caught the ball and stared at it for a few seconds, not comprehending what was going on.

“What? Afraid you can’t beat a girl?” she taunted.

Oh. A challenge. T.J. could never resist those.

Dropping his backpack on the bench, he dribbled the ball a few times before running onto the court. The girl wasted no time chasing him, attempting to steal but T.J. dodged her. He took a shot and let out a cheer when it went right in.

The girl wasn’t one to be let down by one basket. She immediately ran forward, grabbed the ball and made her way towards the net. She shot the ball and it bounced once before going into the ring. She cheered for herself and flashed him a smirk.

He may have just met his match.

T.J. wasn’t sure how long their game went but, if he was honest, it was the best time he’s had in weeks!

Whenever he played basketball, he could forget everything else. Forget his dyscalculia. Forget his ability. Forget the ghosts in the surroundings. It was just him, the ball, and his opponent.

When they’ve had enough, T.J. lost by 5 points but he wasn’t even mad about it. Sure, he felt all sweaty and gross now but it was also rather refreshing.

“You’ve got game,” he complimented, making her grin.

“Thanks! You’re not bad yourself. Are you on a team?”

“Not yet. I’m thinking about trying out, though.”

“You should. Where do you go?”

“Grant.”

“No way! Me too! I’m planning on trying out for the girls’ team. In fact, I was the founder and captain of the Jefferson Middle School girl’s basketball team,” she boasted a little before tilting her head to the side. “I’ve never seen you around before, though.”

T.J. shrugged. “I’m new in town.”

The girl nodded. “Cool. Well, if you wanna hang out and play again, hit me up.” She extended a hand to him. “I’m Buffy.”

He took her hand to shake. “Buffy… like the vampire slayer?”

She rolled her eyes. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

He chuckled. “I’m T.J. Just moved here from San Francisco.”

“Whoa, that’s a big change.”

He shrugged again. “Yeah, well, it is what it is.” His phone beeped and he took it out to see the time and a text from Amber, asking if he was on his way home. “I gotta go. Uh, thanks for the game.” He picked up his backpack. “I’ll see you around!”

The girl, Buffy, nodded with a smile. “See ya.”

T.J. turned on his heels and jogged all the way home, feeling cheerier than he did that morning.

……

With his hair washed and himself changed into a clean hoodie, T.J. busied himself with homework.

It was kind of mean of teachers to already give homework on the first day of school but what could he do? And just because he was dyscalculic and got into trouble a lot back in San Francisco didn’t mean he was dumb or had no regard for his education. Ghosts just wouldn’t leave him alone until he helped them and, sometimes, they would rudely interrupt his study sessions.

“Hey, Ghost Whisperer.”

Case in point.

He turned his head to look at Cyrus, perched on his desk. The boy was beaming, as he always was. 

T.J. wondered if there was ever a time when Cyrus didn’t smile. Then again, it didn’t really fit. Despite being dead, Cyrus was cheery and optimistic and T.J. had no doubt he had that same personality when he was alive.

“How was school?” the ghost continued.

T.J. put his pencil down and stretched. “Tiring. But, not bad. We already have homework, though.” He gestured at the open notebook in front of him. “I bet you don’t miss this.”

Cyrus laughed. “Not one bit,” he stated, peering at the numbers and calculations. He frowned and pointed. “You got this one wrong.”

T.J. looked down at it and huffed. “Of course, I did.” He pushed the notebook away. “They don’t have a tutor for me yet. So, I’m on my own for the week.”

Cyrus scrunched his eyebrows. “Why do you need a tutor?”

The question made T.J. turn away. He hated talking about it. He had made peace with it but that didn’t mean he was happy about it.

Again, he wished he was just normal.

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me,” Cyrus said, kindly. “But, I’m pretty good at math. I can help you for the week... if you want me to.”

Tempting. But, no, T.J. wasn’t about to ask help from a ghost. Even if they were good at math. How come a ghost got to be good at math but he couldn't do a simple equation?!

“Nah, I’m good,” he stated, closing his notebook and pushing it to the side. “I’ll do the rest later. I need a break.”

He got up from the desk, walked over to his bed, and flopped onto his back on top of it. He closed his eyes, pressing an arm over them.

For a while, it was silent.

And, then…

“Did you make any new friends?”

T.J. moved his arm and opened his eyes, ready to tell the ghost to leave him alone but paused.

Cyrus was sitting cross-legged next to him, smiling and looking excited to hear T.J.’s answer. He was practically vibrating with anticipation. And it occurred to T.J. that maybe Cyrus just needed someone to talk to. Maybe… he was lonely.

A lot of ghosts were lonely but sometimes, they had other ghosts to fall back on. T.J. had been looking around Shadyside for the past week and he did spot a few wandering spirits.

Letting out a breath, T.J. sat up and crossed his legs.

“I guess,” he started. “The other kids are nice. And I might join the basketball team. Sign-ups should start sometime this week and tryouts are next week.”

Cyrus’ eyes lit up. “Oohh, you know, one of my friends played basketball in middle school. In fact, she was the Captain! I used to make all these cool signs for her and I’d bring megaphones-.”

“Wait, you were friends with Buffy?”

Cyrus paused. “You met Buffy? How is she?”

The boy’s face was smiling but T.J. could clearly see the pain in those soft brown eyes. He missed her. He missed his friend.

“She seems good,” T.J. carefully answered. “She was playing basketball.”

Cyrus let out a breath. “That’s good.”

T.J. cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. “I met this cool girl in my homeroom. Her name is Andi. She was really nice and…” He paused again, seeing the fallen look back on Cyrus’ face. “Did you… know her?”

Cyrus smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. She was my other best friend. Buffy and Andi… they were my best friends. We were the Good Hair Crew. Cause we had great hair. I was gonna make us t-shirts.”

“Oh.” T.J. felt his chest twitch in guilt, even though he didn’t mean to make Cyrus sad. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

Cyrus just shrugged. “It’s okay. I wanted you to meet my friends, anyway.” He bit his lip. “Did they look okay? Are they talking to each other?”

“Uh, I saw them at different times so I don’t know. But, they looked okay.” An image of Andi during homeroom floated in T.J.’s brain. “Though… now that I think about it, Andi did look kind of upset when I mentioned I lived here.”

Cyrus groaned, pulling his knees up to his chest before burying his head in his arms.

T.J. had never seen the ghost look this upset before. “Cyrus? What’s wrong”

“They’re still living with it…” Cyrus mumbled.

“Huh?”

Cyrus lifted his head, revealing sparkling sad eyes that couldn’t cry. “The g-guilt.” The ghost was shaking now. “They still feel guilty… they think it’s their fault that I… died.”

Thunderstruck, T.J. could only stare.

Cyrus told him he didn’t like talking about how he died. Yet, here he was now, sharing a little bit of it. 

He swallowed, his voice shaking as he asked, “Is it…?”

“Is it what?”

“Their fault?”

Instantly, Cyrus’ face turned angry. “No! Of course not! It’s…” He paused, swallowing. “It was an accident. It wasn’t their fault. But, they… they keep thinking it is…” He sighed. “They drifted apart after it happened. I was hoping that since a year has passed, they would move on and be friends again but… I guess I was too naïve to believe that.”

With a choked sob, Cyrus buried his face in his arms again.

His cries tore at T.J.’s heart.

And this was the kind of thing that often got him in trouble back in San Francisco. His empathy for ghosts. Feeling sorry for them as they cried and moaned about their deaths. This need he had inside him to help in any way he could because he was the only one with the ability to do so.

Slowly, he scooted over to the crying ghost. He gently wrapped an arm around him, trying not to shiver at the coldness of his skin. He rubbed his arm, hoping to bring him some comfort. The boy tensed in his hold for a moment before relaxing. His shoulder pressed up against T.J.’s side and the latter was really glad he was wearing a hoodie.

“I… I hate thinking about them not being friends because of me,” Cyrus cried.

T.J. pursed his lips. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to say it out loud.

“Maybe that’s your unfinished business.”

Cyrus’ cries stopped. He lifted his head from his arms so he could look at T.J., confused.

“My… unfinished business?” he questioned, his eyes wide.

They looked almost doe-like. And his mole only made him look even cuter.

T.J.’s throat went dry at that sudden thought. He decided to ignore it in favor of nodding.

“Yeah, you want your friends to stop feeling guilty and go back to being friends with each other, right?”

Cyrus nodded. “Y-Yes. I do. But, how do I that? I’m a ghost. They can’t see me. And contrary to what the movies say, I can’t just haunt their dreams or write them a message on a mirror. Well, I could do the latter but that would probably give them a heart attack and I don’t want to do that and it’s so poltergeist that I-.”

“Cyrus,” T.J. interrupted his rambling. “I’ll help you.”

Cyrus’ mouth fell open, slightly. “I’m sorry, what?”

T.J. sighed before offering a smile and spoke before he could change his mind. 

“I’ll help you, okay? I’ll make sure you fulfill your unfinished business so you can move on.”

[a-soul-among-the-stars]

All Mixed Up - Chapter 1

Stereotype Switch AU

Warnings: Anxiety, Bullying, Depressing Thoughts, Overuse of Italics

Notes: This is based on @romantichopelessly‘s Stereotype Switch AU

Summary: It’s the first day of the second semester, and Virgil is just trying to survive High school. It’s not easy when you only have one real friend and one not-so-real personality.

Chapter 2

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If you want me to add you to the taglist, just shoot me an ask or a message!

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Chapter 1

Virgil Prince

Virgil loved his family. He really did. But why did they have to be so loud?

He had four… exuberant siblings (for lack of a better word), and every morning was the same. They’d all wake up at 6:30 in the morning, clamoring around the house, attempting to get ready. Well, most of them did. Virgil rolled over to look at his baby sister, Mia, who was standing up and looking at him, waiting for him to get her dressed. Virgil and Mia shared a bedroom while his other sister and brothers shared another one. Their parents slept by themselves.

Virgil huffed, sitting up to smile at his patiently waiting sister. Sometimes Virgil thought Mia was the smartest of the whole family. He stood up to pick her up from her crib, bouncing her on his hip while he picked out clothes from her side of the dresser. He then set her on his bed to get dressed quickly before carrying her downstairs to the kitchen.

Downstairs was chaos, but that was no different than usual. Setting Mia in her highchair, Virgil grabbed five bowls, spoons, a carton of milk, and an array of cereal options. Sometimes he would make eggs, but he was too exhausted for that. Some idiot on the football team was goofing around and got them all in trouble, causing his practice to run late, causing Virgil to be late picking up his siblings, causing his parents to go off on a rant about ‘responsibility’ or whatever. Virgil loved his parents, he really did, but sometimes he wondered if they were ever kids. They were probably born adults.

Humming in amusement and satisfaction with this idea, he called everyone for breakfast.

Quicker than lightning at the mention of food, three, now angel-looking, children appeared in their seats. Virgil rolled his eyes, pouring out everyone’s choice cereal options. Eating his breakfast, Virgil thought about his upcoming day. 

He had a new project he had to start in science today. Every semester, students switched some classes (a part of one of the school’s “brilliant” ideas to help students make new friends, Virgil was sure) and Virgil’s science class had been one of his that had changed. The new semester started today, and Virgil knew that Mrs. Owens always assigned a group project to a new class. He hoped he’d get a better group than last time. He had gotten two of his teammates and a kid that didn’t talk much. His teammates spent the whole class time teasing the poor kid while Virgil secretly helped with the work, the quiet kid coming over to his house after school. He had eventually learned that the kid’s name was Elliot, and they were actually pretty sweet. Virgil hated that the people he was so-called “friends” with meant he couldn’t talk to people like Elliot.

Shaking off his anxiety for the project, Virgil collected everyone’s dishes, loading them into the almost-full dishwasher.

He made sure everyone was fully dressed and ready before telling them to get their backpacks on. He waved goodbye to his mom, who was coming out of the bedroom, already on the phone and looking stressed.

Virgil walked his siblings to the bus stop, Telling them all goodbye when their individual busses came. Aiden and Annalise, Virgil’s brother and sister (they were twins) left first, waving as the bus pulled away, on its path to the elementary school. Carter’s bus arrived next, transporting him to the middle school. As he waved goodbye, Virgil started his path to the daycare center a few blocks from his house. He was only able to drop Mia off because it was on his way to school.

Once she was checked in with Cora, the daycare supervisor, Virgil put in his earbuds to listen to music and help pass the time. It certainly helped, and in what felt like no time at all, Virgil arrived at the horror show often known as school. It was only a few minutes before the warning bell so he went straight to his locker. He checked his schedule to make sure he had stuff for the right classes and all of his homework, because, while he might not care too much about grades (except for athletic reasons), public humiliation from his peers and disappointment from his parents were two very real possibilities. While sports may have helped to boost his outward confidence, on the inside, he was still a small, scared person, all too influenced by what his peers thought.

A locker near his slamming shut brought his thoughts out of the hole they had started to spiral down. Focus, he told himself. They’ll never know if you fake the confidence. Do you want to go back to your previous social status? No? That’s what I thought. 

He sighed tiredly, shutting his locker tightly before walking to class, backpack thrown over one shoulder. He glanced around, spotting a tall boy in a red sweatshirt. “Hey, Jake!” Jake perked up and grinned, running to catch up to Virgil. They talked on the way to their first class, American History. Virgil was nervous the whole time that he would say something wrong, but Jake was definitely one of the nicer jocks. They were talking about the science project, how Jake also hoped for a better group, when they arrived at the classroom and took their seats in the back. 

They joked around until class started, then passed a sheet between them to continue a silent conversation. They took notes when necessary, but since it was a new semester, it was mostly going over the rules of the class. It was a good way to start the day, letting Virgil relax a bit and actually feel some of his previously fake confidence.

Of course, that was when it went wrong.

Class had just ended and Virgil and Jake were leaving the room when there was a slam from down the hallway, along with a shout of, “I’m talking to you, fairy!”

The two friends sped up a bit to see what was going on, only to see Trey Tanner walking next to a short boy. Trey was the tallest boy on the football team and was practically the leader of all of the jocks; a group Virgil regretted to admit he was a part of. The kid that Trey was teasing was very small. He couldn’t have been much taller than 5 feet, and it didn’t help that he was hunched in on himself, shoulder forward and head ducked. He wore a grey and white sweater with rainbows on the sleeves, a grey skirt, and grey and white converse with rainbow laces. A butterfly clip held his hair out of his eyes. He was clutching a book to his chest.

Trey kept blocking his way, taunting him and pushing him. He was clearly looking for some sort of reaction but he got none, and it was clearly frustrating him. He finally blew up, grabbing the book out of his hands, throwing it down the hallway towards Virgil and Jake. He whispered something in his ear that made him flinch and stormed off.

Virgil sighed, glad that Trey had left. He hated that he didn’t feel comfortable helping people with Trey around, but it was a habit by now. 

He bent down and picked up the book that had landed at his feet, smoothing out the cover. Matilda, he read. He walked over to the kid and handed it to him. The shorter of the two looked up in surprise, beautiful, deep blue eyes shining with fear and confusion behind his thick-rimmed glasses. His face turned slightly pink and he took the book quickly, muttering a quick thanks before rushing off.

“What was that all about?” Jake had caught up with Virgil without him noticing. The latter shrugged, not knowing how to answer the same question he was currently asking himself.

——————–

The next few hours passed rather quickly, Virgil silently thanking whoever created the schedules that he shared several other classes with Jake. He also shared a class with Trey (which sucked), and he heard him laughing about the “fairy” he was teasing earlier, saying he might beat him up later if he felt like it. It was disgusting, honestly, how Trey treated some of the people in this school.

Finally, it was time for science, the last class before lunch. He was quietly excited for this class, wanting to know his group for the first couple weeks of class. The group also decided who you were going to sit with for the remainder of the semester. If you got a good group you were lucky. Mrs. Owens usually assigned groups using random methods, such as picking names or spinning a wheel. But Mrs. Owens was a very creative soul, you never know what might be up her sleeve.

Arriving in the science room, Virgil saw several students were standing around the outside of the room, most likely having been instructed to do so by Mrs. Owens, who was standing behind her desk, shuffling through some papers. He joined those standing, picking a spot near the corner, next to another dude on the football team. They exchanged a fist bump as a greeting before each taking out their respective phones. As more people filed in, Virgil’s excitement and anxiety peaked. Most of his thoughts centered around two main points; Who will it be? and AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Yeah, he was a bit anxious.

The final bell finally rang, signaling the end of the passing period. One last student ducked through the door, a tall kid in a too-big hoodie. They sighed, probably in relief, before closing the door behind them. 

Mrs. Owens smiled at everyone, starting the hour with a greeting of, “Good morning, everyone!” most people chorused their own ‘good morning’s back, others rolling their eyes in annoyance. 

“So,” she began, eyes sparkling behind her glasses. “Today is the first day of the new semester, and all of you know what that means!” There were a few groans and mutters, both excited and otherwise, from the class. Mrs. Owens smiled at the class, a knowing look on her face.

“I know that many of you may be anxious for your groups, so I have devised a plan that may change things a bit. If not, it will at least level the playing field a bit. As much as most adults may try to ignore it, I am well aware of the cliques and groups inside this school. Thus, I am, along with picking groups for the project, conducting a sort of social experiment. Every group contains people from different defined cliques in the school, and I have done my best to get a variety of personalities in each group as well. So, without further ado, I will announce the groups for this semester’s group project!”

Mrs. Owens’ speech didn’t do much to ease his anxiety, but it did pique his interest. At least it meant he wouldn’t get stuck with other, less productive jocks. She pulled a sheet from the stack next to her, beginning to read it off. As he listened to the list being read, he listened to names he knew, not hearing many. Once in a while, he saw someone he recognized from the halls or football practice move to a table.

“Group 4: Patton Algarotti, Roman Crofter, Logan Perez, and Virgil Prince.” There it was. He didn’t recognize any of the names, which was probably a good sign. He steeled himself, moving over to sit at the table. He caught Trey’s eyes from across the room, and he was looking at him with a pitying smirk. Virgil shot a confused look back, before turning back to his table, finally seeing his group mates.

Oh.

The boy next to him was the same one that Trey had been bullying before. He still had the book clutched to his chest, seeming to hold it a bit tighter than before.

The other two people he didn’t recognize much other than from passing them in the hall. One of them was the kid who had come in late, the one in the too-big hoodie. His hair was dyed a light blue at the ends and he had bags under his eyes, most likely from lack of sleep. His shoulders were slumped slightly and he looked ready to drop. The other kid was wearing a short-sleeved black button-up and a red tie. He didn’t have glasses, but he looked like the kind of person who would buy them just to complete the look. He had a serious, almost bored expression on his face and he seemed like he’d rather be anywhere else at the moment. An interesting group. He thought, suppressing a sarcastic smile. He sighed; best to start by breaking the ice.

“I’m Virgil Prince. I’m 17, and I play football.” He smiled tightly, almost a smirk. “Who’s next?”

The boy across from him sighed, introducing himself. “Patton Algarotti, 16. I write sometimes.”

The nerdy-looking boy went next. “I am Roman Crofter. I’m 17 and I enjoy reading.”

The boy next to Virgil went last. “I’m Logan Perez. I’m 15 and I like music.”

Virgil raised his eyebrows. This boy must be pretty smart. He was surprised that Logan was the one who had apparently skipped a grade and not Roman; he looked more like the type who would have. 

He shook off the thought. He should know by now not to judge a book by its cover, but it was difficult. High school was full of stereotypes that ended

“Okay everyone,” Mrs. Owens spoke from the front of the room again. “I trust everyone has at least greeted their tablemates, so we’re going to get started! We won’t begin the planning process until later this week, so today we’re going to play a getting-to-know-you game!”

Everybody dragged their chairs in a big circle in the middle of the room to their teacher’s instruction. She stood in the middle of the circle, turning to look at every one. “Alright, this is a classic get-to-know-you game. One person stands in the middle and says something that others might relate to. For example, I could say ‘I like playing soccer’ and everyone who enjoys playing soccer would have to get up and switch seats. If you get caught standing with no other seats, you go in the middle. Who would like to go first?”

They played the game for the entire hour, Virgil actually learning some things about his groupmates. He found out that both Roman and Logan had an enjoyment for musicals, Patton liked comedy, and all three of them loved Harry Potter (a thing Virgil lied about when he didn’t stand).

The bell rang after a while of playing, signaling the end of the period and the beginning of lunch. Mrs. Owens called out a reminder to brainstorm project ideas over the ruckus of chairs being put away. The crowd of high schoolers pushed through the classroom door, jostling and shoving each other to get to their tables. There were technically no assigned seats, but everyone had them anyways. It was kind of cool sometimes. Virgil just wished he had a better seat.

Virgil sat a table that mostly consisted of the football team. The star players sat at one end, and their friends and teammates filled the rest. Every table went under a different stereotype; the jocks, the preps, the nerds, the misfits, and the outcasts. Every clique stayed to themselves and rarely did someone belong in multiple social groups. There were two tables for jocks (the football and soccer teams respectively). There was only one table for nerds, about three for preps (based on popularity and status), and two main tables for the misfit groups. The outcasts were spread throughout the rest of the cafeteria. 

While standing in line, Virgil easily located where his groupmates sat. Patton and Roman were sitting across from each other at the end of the nerd table, a space next to each of them that disconnected them from the others. Logan sat in the back of the cafeteria, sitting alone and reading his book. Virgil felt a twinge of guilt toward the three. Then he realized the line had started moving forward again, and he, once again, shook himself out of his own head. 

A few minutes later, now armed with a plastic plate of poison, someone got his attention.

“Yo, V” Virgil internally cringed. The only person who called him ‘V’ was-

“Hey, Trey, what’s up?” Trey scared him, but Virgil still forced himself to act casual. Trey saw him as a friend, an ally, even though Virgil actually hated him. But Trey didn’t need to know that.

“Me and a couple boys are gonna beat up this kid after school. Wanna join in?” No matter how many times Virgil declined, Trey couldn’t take the hint that bullying others wasn’t his thing. He didn’t want to hurt others, unlike Trey. 

“No, my parents are making me take care of my siblings.”

Trey groaned, “Again?”

“Well, I do have four of them.” Trey sighed and rolled his eyes.

“That makes sense. Another time then.” And without waiting for another answer, he walked away.

Virgil shook his head, half in confusion, half in exasperation. Trey never listened to him before, he didn’t know why he expected anything to change. Virgil collapsed down next to Jake, pushing his lunch forward to hit his head on the table. Jake just calmly pat his back as he took a bite of his sandwich.

——————–

At the end of the school day, Virgil found himself wandering around the school. His siblings didn’t need to be picked up for an hour or so, so he had time to spare. He was lost in thought, wondering how his project was going to go this semester. It was only the first day; they wouldn’t even be picking a subject for a while, but Virgil still felt anxious. Then again, when wasn’t Virgil anxious? It seemed like a common presence in his head.

Not that he could let anyone know about that. Not even Jake, his only friend in this Hell of a school. Virgil didn’t want to risk the only true friendship he had with his stupid feelings. 

There was, however, a tiny voice in the back of his head. Barely more than a whisper, like the sound of a feather falling to the earth. Like a cat’s whiskers rubbing together. Nothing more than a breath being let out. It was rarely heard, and even less often was it listened to. This voice told him it was okay to feel these things. It was normal and perfectly fine to have negative feelings. Virgil loved this voice, but it was never the loudest one. The black shadow of fear usually clouded over it, nearly erasing it altogether. 

So Virgil listened to his fears, and in doing this, became the very thing he had feared most. Being a tall, lanky emo kid, he was often bullied. His insecurities took over, pushing him to join sports. He found he was actually quite good at them. So he dropped his hoodie and makeup, adopting a new look, and a new personality. He scored with the right people, making it to the top. And yet, sometimes he wished things could go back to the way they were in middle school. He’d had friends. Good ones, too. But high school changed them, leaving him behind. So he did the same.

Virgil turned another corner, coming to an empty hallway. He sighed and turned around, going the other direction instead.

Until he was hit by a small moving wall.

It didn’t knock him over, but the student who had walked into him was walking at a quick pace, knocking him back slightly. The short boy looked up at him, surprised.

It was Logan again, looking like he was about to fall apart. Virgil held back a joke ‘we really have got to stop running into each other like this’, instead going to ask if he was okay. Logan had a blossoming bruise on his cheek, under his left eye. His hair was slightly messy and he looked a bit disoriented. But before Virgil could even start, Logan turned around and ran off. 

As Virgil watched after him, worried, a realization hit him upside the head, knocking all previous thoughts loose. 

‘Oh no, he’s really cute.’

——————–

All Mixed Up Taglist:

@romantichopelessly

@acompletemusicalnerd

If you want to be added, just let me know!

[alexiosuniverse]

The Exercise You Need During the Coronavirus Pandemic

You can exercise outside while still adhering to social distancing guidelines. Even under California’s “shelter-in-place” order, going outside for a walk or exercise is allowed, as long as you keep six feet apart from other people. No matter where you live, whether walking, running, or cycling, if you come upon another person on your path, move away to maintain a distance of at least six feet as you pass. Avoid touching things like jungle gyms, parcourse equipment, or gates that could have come into contact with someone carrying the novel corona virus.

You should definitely avoid group activities, but it’s okay to go biking, running, or hiking with another person if you prevent all physical contact and maintain that six feet of distance from one another the entire time, Wen says. Social distancing takes some practice, so you might periodically need to remind yourself not to pass a water bottle or snack to your companion out of habit. During this pandemic, it is crucial to avoid sharing food, drinks, or equipment of any kind.

Also, don’t allow kids to play on playgrounds or touch objects like railings or playground equipment. Wen has a two-and-a-half-year-old and says there’s simply no way to prevent kids that age from putting things in their mouths. “Children are vectors for diseases. They are not capable of observing hand hygiene,” she says.

The best workouts to stay healthy

The intensity and duration of your exercise should be considered. A body of evidence compiled in a recent review in the Journal of Sport and Health Science suggests that being physically active makes you less vulnerable to getting sick. “Our data show that physically active people have a 40-50% reduction in the number of days they’re ill with acute respiratory infections,” says David Nieman, director of the Appalachian State University Human Performance Lab. But more is not better. Last year, Nieman published a review that he says indicates “beyond a doubt” that engaging in sustained and prolonged high-intensity exercise (think a long, hard run or multihour endurance event) provokes an increase in stress hormones, inflammation, and oxidative stress. Usually this effect is transient, and you can “snap back and carry on,” he says. But some people are more susceptible to that stress than others, and if you’re under mental or emotional stress, eating poorly, or not sleeping enough, you will become even more vulnerable.

Nieman’s research team recently studied Colin O’Brady’s immune function during the adventurer’s controversial ski trek across Antarctica. Using fingerpick blood drops O’Brady collected over a 28-week period, the researchers measured immune-related proteins in O’Brady’s blood. “He went through an extended bout of high-intensity effort, and we saw a sustained dysfunction of his immune system,” Nieman says.

When there’s a novel virus like Covid-19 and no vaccine or cure available, athletes—yes, athletes—tend to be in the vulnerable category as well, Nieman says. If you’ve been marathon training or preparing for a century bike tour or pushing yourself really hard, doing long training sessions of two or three hours, “you are in the group of immunocompromised individuals,” he says. And even though your immune system is only temporarily suppressed due to the taxing exercise you just put your body through, “if you’ve been exposed to the new virus and your immune system is down due to the hard effort, you’re at risk,” Nieman says.

There’s a history here, Nieman says. A paper published by Dorothy Horstmann in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 1950 showed that during a 1948 polio epidemic in North Carolina and southern California, patients who had done vigorous exercise, such as riding a bicycle or laboring in tobacco fields, during the first three days of the onset of symptoms were more prone to the severe paralytic form of polio.

One of the lessons here is to avoid vigorous exercise if you’re feeling even a little bit sick.

So what kind of exercise intensity and duration is sufficient to push you from helping your immune system to hobbling it? Nieman says that it’s when the effort is hard enough to force your body to dig deep into its muscle glycogen — the stored sugar that fuels muscles. “In our lab, the stress starts after 60 minutes of intense efforts and gets really bad after 90 minutes,” he says.

Even for elite athletes, now is a time to think more about your health than your fitness.

A good rule of thumb is to limit sustained exercise (greater than 60% effort, which means 60% of your max heart rate) to no more than 60 minutes at a time. One way to do this while still getting in some harder exercise is with intermittent intensity, where you mix some high-intensity efforts with rest or low-intensity exercise. “You get your heart rate up for a little while, then back off,” Nieman says. For instance, you might jog or cycle at an easy pace, then do a few near-all-out 30-second sprints. This approach allows you to improve your fitness while avoiding the immune suppression you get when you don’t back off.

Specific advice for athletes

While the coronavirus pandemic continues, Nieman advises athletes to take extra caution to avoid overtraining. This is not the time to push yourself to your limits, he says. Even for elite athletes, now is a time to think more about your health than your fitness, he says.

Whether you consider yourself an athlete or are just trying to stay healthy, consider regular, moderate exercise a vital part of your coronavirus self-care plan. “We have great data that that kind of exercise is immunoprotective,” Nieman says. But you’ll get the most out of it when you’re taking steps to ensure that your body can recover from exercise and the other stresses in your life. That means getting enough sleep, eating well, and finding ways to manage your stress. If you feel tired, take a rest day, and avoid exercising if you feel even a hint of an illness coming on.

Running outside is one of my favorite ways to release stress, and it’s also favored by public health warrior Anthony Fauci, head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

“Getting outside in the day and hearing the birds and smelling the grass is kind of a very pleasing thing for me,” 

he’s quoted as saying in a Wall Street Journal article that reports the Covid-19 crisis has kept him so busy that he hasn’t been able to get out for his normal lunchtime run. That worries me because we need him to stay healthy so he can continue doing his important work. In this time of danger and uncertainty, we all need to engage in self-care, and exercise is one of the best tools we have to keep ourselves well.

As a science journalist, following the latest Covid-19 news is both part of my job and a source of great stress and anxiety, so making sure I get outside for some fresh air and blood-pumping exercise has become more important than ever as we watch this pandemic unfold.

[insession-io]

What Is Postpartum Depression? Getting Help in Couples Therapy Boca Raton

Shortly after she gave birth to her son last May, Meghan Reddick, 36, began to struggle with depression. "The second I had a chance where I wasn't holding [my son], I would go to my room and cry," says Reddick, who lives with her son and husband. "And I probably couldn't count how many hours a day I cried."

Reddick is among the many women who suffer from depression during pregnancy and after childbirth.

"There's this kind of myth that women couldn't possibly be depressed during pregnancy, [that] this is such a happy time," says Jennifer Payne, a psychiatrist and the director of the Women's Mood Disorders Center at Johns Hopkins University. "The reality is that a lot of women struggle with anxiety and depression during pregnancy as well as during the postpartum period."

An estimated one in seven women experiences depression during or after pregnancy. Among some groups, such as teenage moms and women with a history of trauma, the rate can be even higher.

Left untreated, depression during this time can have serious consequences on the health of the mother, the baby and the entire family.

"I always say if mom's not happy, no one's happy," Payne says.

So, it's important that women seek treatment, says Payne, because depression during and after pregnancy (called perinatal depression) is treatable, and women with the right treatment do recover.

We have compiled a list of five things you need to know about perinatal depression, its symptoms and treatment options. These tips are also for spouses, parents, siblings and close friends of pregnant women and new mothers, because you can help your loved one find treatment.

1. Depression and anxiety are complications of pregnancy and childbirth

More than 300 women wrote to NPR about their experiences with perinatal depression — many said that they blamed themselves for what they were going through. But mental health problems aren't the mother's fault, or failure, Payne stresses. They are complications of pregnancy and childbirth, like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes.

"Postpartum depression is actually the most common complication of childbirth," Payne says. Anxiety sometimes goes hand in hand with the depression, and for many women, the symptoms kick in during pregnancy.

Researchers don't fully understand what causes these symptoms, Payne says, but like all mental illnesses, biological factors and life circumstances are at work.

Hormones likely play a big role in this case. Levels of certain hormones — mainly progesterone and estrogen — increase over the course of a pregnancy. Once the baby is born, the levels of progesterone and estrogen fall dramatically. That drop in hormone levels is likely responsible for the mental health symptoms many women experience during this time.

Women who have previously struggled with anxiety and depression are at a greater risk of developing depression or anxiety during this time period, Payne says. Other risk factors include poverty, marital stress, birth trauma and a history of abuse.

Big life transitions — like pregnancy and childbirth — are also major triggers for symptoms, because they add a lot of stress to people's lives.

2. Know the symptoms to look for

The postpartum period is an emotional roller coaster for most women. An estimated 80% of new moms experience the "baby blues," says Payne, which is different from perinatal depression and anxiety. "Baby blues is really a natural phenomenon that occurs in the immediate postpartum period."

So how do you know whether you're experiencing baby blues or depression? Here are the key symptoms of depression:

*Symptoms last every day for two weeks or more: Baby blues usually go away after a couple of weeks, but if you're depressed or have an anxiety disorder, you'll experience the symptoms every day for more than two weeks.

*Sadness, crying, trouble concentrating: A persistent low mood is a classic symptom. "Many women, when they're depressed, have low mood, can't get out of bed, have trouble concentrating, trouble eating properly, don't sleep well," Payne says.

*Struggling with everyday activities: If you're struggling with simple everyday tasks and feeling disconnected from your baby, it's a sign you need help. "What I tend to look for are women who are barely getting themselves together and taking care of the baby," Payne says.

Boca Raton Therapy

Christiane Blanco-Oilar, Ph.D., ABPP is a Board Certified Counseling Psychologist, specializing in Boca Raton Therapy. Dr. Blanco-Oilar has expertise in helping you through life transitions, grief and loss, intimacy issues, relationship difficulties - Couples Therapy Boca Raton - and in supporting your goal to achieve vibrant relationships with yourself and others. Offering therapy in Spanish.

Many women who wrote to us said they felt detached from their baby. "I was afraid I would never love him," says Reddick, "and thought that this bond between a mother and child, that love that's so infallible, I was afraid I would never feel that because I didn't feel it in the beginning."

* Anger can be a symptom: "Many women will get angry that the baby's waking them up again or will not settle down," Payne says. "And ... it's a vicious cycle, because then the woman feels guilty, thinks she's a bad mother. And it just goes and goes in circles." Women who are depressed can also feel angry at their spouse, she adds.

* Severe anxiety: "Anxiety disorders are common in pregnancy as well," Payne says. "Those can look like generalized anxiety or having panic attacks. Many women will also develop OCD [obsessive compulsive disorder] ... and those symptoms are usually focused on kind of the health and safety of the pregnancy and the baby." So the anxiety and OCD symptoms often appear as heightened parenting worries.

"The thoughts for me were like, 'Is my daughter's room too warm? Is she going to stop breathing?' " says Angelina Spicer, a comedian who also reached out to us with her story.

Family members and friends can be on the lookout for the above and following signs, Payne says. "When people are depressed, they look different," she says. "Their eyes look different. They look sad and detached. If they smile, it doesn't go up to their eyes. Many people will become kind of slower in their thinking and their speaking process."

If you see any of these signs in yourself or someone you love, it's important to seek help.

3. Ask for help

Boca Raton Therapy

Christiane Blanco-Oilar, Ph.D., ABPP is a Board Certified Counseling Psychologist, specializing in Boca Raton Therapy. Dr. Blanco-Oilar has expertise in helping you through life transitions, grief and loss, intimacy issues, relationship difficulties - Couples Therapy Boca Raton - and in supporting your goal to achieve vibrant relationships with yourself and others. Offering therapy in Spanish.

Recent medical guidelines, including from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, recommend that physicians proactively screen pregnant women and new mothers for depression and help women at risk get treatment.

While not all physicians are doing this, there's growing awareness — especially among obstetricians and pediatricians — about the need to address perinatal depression.

So Payne suggests that women with perinatal depression reach out to their doctors.

OB-GYNS, pediatricians and even primary care physicians can screen for depression and help women get treatment.

Payne suggests being direct about your symptoms.

"I think talking straight is probably the No. 1 tip I have," Payne says. Tell them, "I'm feeling depressed. I'm really struggling. I can't sleep when the baby is sleeping. I'm not getting enough to eat."

Your doctor can refer you for talk therapy, which medical guidelines suggest should be the main course of treatment. The physician can also prescribe an antidepressant if needed. (Antidepressants are considered to be effective and safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding.) Payne notes that antidepressants in combination with talk therapy have been shown to be more effective than medication alone.

One of the hurdles that many women face in seeking treatment is convincing their families that they have an illness and that they need help.

This can be more common in communities of color, says Leena Mittal, a psychiatrist with Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. "I hear that over and over again," she says. "I hear that it can be really difficult to engage in conversations about mental health or that 'we don't believe in that kind of thing in my family or in my part of the neighborhood' or that 'we don't talk about those things.' "

Spicer, who is African American, struggled with this after she had her daughter.

"I would tell my family members that I was feeling disconnected, I was feeling scared and anxious — they all dismissed it," Spicer says. "They were like, 'Oh, it'll be fine.' ... Or, 'Why do you keep saying you're depressed? Why do you keep saying you're sad? You have this beautiful family.' "

If you run into a similar situation, Mittal suggests starting a family conversation around a goal you share with your family. "The goal is to have a well mom, a well baby, to have the mom be able to be engaged with the baby and in the care of the baby."

Help family members understand why your mental health is keeping you from taking good care of your baby, she says. She also encourages women to help family members understand that depression is a medical problem and to consider taking a family member with you to your doctor's appointment.

"That way, some of the myths can be dispelled too," she says. And the doctor can help your family understand the consequences of untreated mental illness in the mom.

Ideally, Mittal says, the health care system should be engaging women of color about these mental health issues, because research shows that women of color have more limited access to care for postpartum depression.

She and some other providers and patient advocates are working on that. But in the meantime, she suggests talking to your obstetrician about depression during prenatal appointments and asking about your risk factors, services available for you and how you can be proactive about prevention.

4. An alternative place to look for help

We heard from women who said that they went to their doctor — some even got the depression screening — but their doctor did not help them find treatment.

If you run into a dead end at your doctor's office, what do you do?

You can turn to an organization called Postpartum Support International, a nonprofit that helps women and their families find support for postpartum depression, says Ann Smith, the director of the board of the organization. "We will talk to them and give them support."

The organization also connects people with treatment. Its local coordinators keep a list of providers experienced in treating perinatal depression and anxiety, and they can also connect you to local support groups for new moms, which have also been shown to be important for recovery.

So if you or someone you know is struggling with perinatal depression or anxiety and your doctor isn't able to help you, try calling Postpartum Support International's help line at 1-800-944-4773, or you can text the organization at 503-894-9453 and a trained volunteer will get back to you within 24 hours, Smith says.

The volunteers will also stay in touch with a family until they are sure the mother is in treatment, she says. "Without it, people fall through the cracks all the time."

5. Build self-care into your routine In the meantime, there are some things you can do on your own that should help improve your symptoms, Payne says. (And these steps can also help all new moms feel better during the exhausting, sleep-deprived first year of your child's life.)

Self-care is key. Now, before you roll your eyes at the term, let us explain. We aren't talking about fancy pedicures or getaways. When we say self-care, we mean the absolute basics: diet, hydration, exercise, sleep and social support.

They might sound simplistic, but Payne says they have been shown to improve mental health symptoms by improving your overall health, so you can cope better with the stress of taking care of a newborn.

* Make sure you're eating regularly and hydrating: "I've had a number of women who weren't eating because they were breastfeeding all the time or changing the baby," says Payne, who also treats women with postpartum depression at her clinic. "And so I had their spouses set up eating stations for them so that when they're breastfeeding, they can eat a granola bar, for example, and have water available.

* Take a break every day: "I think getting a break from the baby regularly is key for women with depression and women without depression," Payne says. "And so arranging family support for that or social support for that is really important." Get your spouse or a relative to keep an eye on the baby, or if you can afford it, hire a babysitter. Prioritize sleep: Research shows that chronic sleep deprivation increases one's risk of all kinds of mental health symptoms. So, catch up on sleep, and sleep when the baby is sleeping, Payne says. "When baby's taking a nap, that's not the time to do the laundry," she says. "That's the time to sleep." Also consider sleeping in a different room than the baby, she adds, so you aren't waking up every time you hear the baby move or cry.

* Exercise: Studies show that exercise improves mental health symptoms. So, build simple exercises into your daily routine. This doesn't require a new gym membership or a yoga class. Just go for walks with your baby in your neighborhood.

* Find community: Social support is known to help in recovering from mental illness and improve one's sense of well-being. And it is particularly important for mothers struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. "I cannot tell you how many mothers I've seen that think they're the only person who's gone through this," Payne says. "And it's just so not the case. So meeting other moms going through something similar can be really rallying for four people who are down on themselves."

If you're struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety, remember you're not alone, that help is available and you can recover. The path to recovery might be slightly different for every woman.

What worked for Spicer was "child care, Spanx and Zoloft."

"Child care was a huge relief for me because I had time to myself every day. Zoloft ... it lifted the fog," she says. "And the Spanx, I mean, come on! You know, your uterus after you have a baby just will not let you be great."

BY RHITU CHATTERJEE

PHOTO: Pexels

[the3flamingos]

8 Things You Will Benefit From If You Do Before 8am Every Day

Life is busy. It can feel impossible to move toward your dreams. If you have a full-time job and kids, it's even harder. How do you move forward?

If you don't purposefully carve out time every day to progress and improve, without question, your time will get lost in the vacuum of our increasingly crowded lives. Before you know it, you'll be old and withered,  wondering where all that time went.

As Harold Hill has said,  "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays."

Rethinking your life and getting out of survival mode This article is intended to challenge you to rethink your entire approach to life. The purpose is to help you simplify, focus on what's meaningful, and live and work with intention. To live your life BY DESIGN.

When you orient your life around intentions, you can live every moment on your own terms. You are the designer of your destiny. You are responsible. You get to decide. You must decide, because if you don't, someone else will. Indecision is a bad decision.

With this short morning routine, your life will quickly change. It may seem like a long list. But it's really quite simple:

Wake up; get in the zone; get moving; put the right food in your body; get ready; get inspired; get perspective; and do something to move yourself forward.

Let's begin:

1. Get a healthy seven-plus hours of sleep Sleep is just as important as eating and drinking water. Despite this, millions of people do not sleep enough and experience insane problems as a result.

The National Sleep Foundation conducted surveys that revealed at least 40 million Americans suffer from sleep disorders, more than 70 kinds. In addition, more than 40 percent of adults experience daytime sleepiness severe enough to interfere with their activities at least a few days each month -- with 20 percent reporting problem sleepiness a few days a week or more.

On the flip side, getting a healthy amount of sleep is linked to increased memory, longer life, decreased inflammation, greater attention and focus, and lower stress. And much more--Google it.

The rest of this post is worthless if you don't make sleep a priority. What does it matter if you wake up at 5 a.m. if you went to bed three hours earlier? You won't last long.

2. Prayer and meditation to facilitate clarity and abundance After waking from a healthy and restful sleep session, prayer and meditation are crucial for orienting yourself toward the positive. What you focus on expands.

When you start your day grateful for everything you have been given, you start your day with an abundance mindset. When you think in terms of abundance, you stay open to limitless opportunity and possibility. And when you start with that clarity, you will attract the best the world has to offer and not get distracted.

3. Hard physical activity Despite endless evidence of the need for exercise, only one-third of American men and women between the ages of 25 and 64 engage in regular physical activity, according to the Centers for Disease Control's National Health Interview Survey.

If you want to be among the healthy, happy, and productive people in the world, get in the habit of regular exercise. Many people go immediately to the gym to get their bodies moving. I have lately found that doing yard work in the wee hours of the morning generates an intense flow of inspiration and clarity.

Whatever your preference, get your body moving. Exercise has been found to decrease anxiety, stress, and the chance of depression. It is also related to higher success in your career. If you don't care about your body, every other aspect of your life will suffer. Humans are holistic beings.

4. Consume 30 grams of protein Donald Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition at the University of Illinois, recommends consuming at least 30 grams of protein for breakfast. Similarly, Tim Ferriss, in his book The 4-Hour Body, recommends 30 grams of protein 30 minutes after waking up.

Protein-rich foods keep you full longer than other foods, because they take longer to leave the stomach. Also, protein keeps blood-sugar levels steady, which prevents spikes in hunger. Eating protein first decreases your white carbohydrate cravings. These are the types of carbs that get you fat. Think bagels, toast, and doughnuts.

Ferriss makes four recommendations for getting adequate protein in the morning: 1) Eat at least 40 percent of your breakfast calories as protein; 2) do it with two or three whole eggs (each egg has about six grams of protein); 3) if you don't like eggs, use something like turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese; or 4) you could always do a protein shake with water. For people who avoid dairy, meat, and eggs, there are several plant-based proteins. Legumes, greens, nuts, and seeds all are rich in protein.

5. Take a cold shower Tony Robbins starts every morning by jumping into a 57-degree-Fahrenheit swimming pool. Why would he do such a thing?

Cold-water immersion radically facilitates physical and mental wellness. When practiced regularly, it provides long-lasting changes to your body's immune, lymphatic, circulatory, and digestive systems that improve the quality of your life. It can also increase weight loss, because it boosts your metabolism. A 2007 study found that routinely taking cold showers can help treat depression symptoms, often more effectively than medications. That's because cold water triggers a wave of mood-boosting neuro-chemicals that make you feel happy.

So jump in. Your heart will beat like crazy, and then, after like 20 seconds, you feel fine.

For me, a cold shower increases my willpower and boosts my creativity and inspiration. While standing with the water hitting my back, I practice slowing my breathing and calming down. After I've chilled out, I feel super happy and inspired. Plus, it's healthy to do something in the morning that kind of freaks you out. It gets you feeling alive and sets the tone for living outside your comfort zone.

6. Listen to or read uplifting content Ordinary people seek entertainment. Extraordinary people seek education and learning. It is common for the world's most successful people to read at least one book per week. They are constantly learning.

I can easily get through one audio book per week by listening during my commute to school and while walking on campus. Taking even 15 to 30 minutes every morning to read uplifting and instructive information changes you. It puts you in the zone to perform at your highest.

Over a long enough period of time, you will have read hundreds of books. You'll be knowledgeable on several topics. You'll think and see the world differently. You'll be able to make more connections between different topics.

7. Review your life vision Your goals should be written down -- short term and long term. Taking just a few minutes to read your life vision puts your day into perspective.

If you read your long-term goals every day, you will think about them every day. If you think about them every day, and spend your days working toward them, they'll manifest.

Achieving goals is a science. There's no confusion or ambiguity to it. If you follow a simple pattern, you can accomplish all of your goals, no matter how big they are.

A fundamental aspect of that is writing them down and reviewing them every single day.

8. Do at least one thing toward long-term goals Willpower is like a muscle, because it depletes when it is exercised. Similarly, our ability to make high-quality decisions becomes fatigued over the course of the day. The more decisions you make, the lower their quality  and the weaker your willpower.

Consequently, you need to do the hard stuff first thing in the morning. The important stuff. If you don't, it simply will not get done. By the end of your day, you'll be exhausted. You'll be fried. There will be a million reasons to just start tomorrow. And you will start tomorrow -- which is never.

So your mantra becomes: The worst comes first. Do that thing you've been needing to do. Then do it again tomorrow.

If you take just one step toward your big goals every day, you'll realise those goals weren't really far away.