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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years ago

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aaaand we are back back again with malec livewatch! you can read the first and second parts before if you wanna, or filter out “malec livewatch” if ur tired of this absolute bullcrap

yes i know it’s been years. not my fault okay i was studying

today: post-wedding 1×12! and finally freedom from the terrors of s1

forever a slut for that scene where Magnus just does that hand movement and a bunch of shit starts showing up in the conveniently empty table ugh we stan. imagine if the special effects had been this good all the time they really used up 10 out of their 15 dollars and all the two favors from cousin Mike for this one. 1×12 was so inspired tbh only valid episode

Alec's clothes look so much better without the stupid ugly blazer? could do without the high waisted pants (why) but he looks so much better and also more comfortable. again i hope the costume department staff got a big, fat paycheck because the difference we see in him during the wedding vs post-wedding alone is just insane. he looks so much better and more comfortable and more himself, the blazer made him look stiff and again DOESNT MATCH THE REST. also nice touch that the blazer is the only part of his clothing with gold, the sh wedding color. he gets that off and everything looks so much better

Magnus looks even better post wedding too. like the clothing is already *chef's kiss* but he looks even prettier afterwards somehow. the hair is a little softer and he's less stiff as a whole (for obvious reasons), and aaaa hes so beautifulllll he's so prettyyyy look at his perfect soft little hair falling softly over his head and the PINK STREAKS possibly the best Magnus look i said what i said. especially with him all soft and smiley like that i big love him

sexiest thing about Magnus is how Jace does anything and hes like NO BITCH

the way he says "warlock tracking is stronger" with that smile......... hes so prety

that's a deep inhale he makes before using the tracking spell lmao u ok buddy?

oof i can only imagine how he felt when he was doing the tracking and he was suddenly hit with an image of Camille screaming and hitting in his direction,,,....,,,,,,, Fuck

love how Raphael just locked her in the basement thats so sexy of him we stan

"i punched her there's no way she'll help me" ugh still salty that clary of all ppl got to punch her but not Raphael or Magnus fuck this tbh

STOP MAKING ME LOOK AT CLACE

they both look so giddy and happy to be talking after the whole wedding thing + camille drama like don’t look at me. alec can barely look at magnus because he’s so agitated but you have the smile on his face and magnus is also smiling disbelievingly and i just doaudjsuoiadsa i love they

seriously tho the way magnus smiles..... so private and disbelieving but also so obvious and he’s even looking down like he never expected stuff to go down this well..... bro i stan

i had forgotten about the specific cadence in which alec talks? lmao. there’s a certain tilt to his voice when he says “it’s so INTENSE” that i really love

also that’s a really funny line like honey who the fuck are you to complain about anything being intense. ur the most dive or die bitch in this entire building. and we stan

alec’s WIDE ASS SMILE when magnus says “you certainly know how to make a statement” I CRY. magnus looks so proud of him and still disbelieving that alec went this hard for him and alec is just still on cloud 9 that he really Did That and came out and magnus is just proud of him and wow he really gets to have this and duahdsudhsadajsas???? i adore everything about them

the way maryse shows up and magnus immediately recoils and alec immediately straightens up like magnus is lowkey expecting rejection and alec is just bracing himself for one of the hardest fights of his life

also their expressions are so funny like maryse is LIVID she’s absolutely losing her mcfucking mind with anger homegirl’s head is about to explode and robert is just looking like he pissed on the carpet or something

the way alec doesn’t back down at all is so admirable too like!!!! it’s one thing to make a big fuck you gesture, it’s another to still hold your ground against your abusers after that fact. but he really stands there and goes “this isn’t about you” “i’m the same person i’ve always been” and doesn’t give her an inch of room for clownery. like again once alexander gideon lightwood makes up his mind there’s no stopping him and there’s no going back and he’s just so fucking strong??? he really said “from now on i’m out and you’re going to absolutely deal with that and i will not compromise a single thing” and the lightwoods just had to deal with that lmaoooo

you can see it in maryse’s face too, like after the “i’m the same person i’ve always been” she just pauses, realizing that she lost this battle without even knowing, she was on top of it a second ago and now there’s nothing she can do anymore and she’s just shook. and all that’s left for her is to scoff at magnus and leave, because that’s it, she lost every hold she had on him

alec’s little mouthed “what?” at “and all for a downworlder” too. i think part of him was like “wow she’s backing down already?” because you know he expected this to be a lot harder i think lmao. but i also like to think that there’s a side of “mom what the fucking fuck have you seen him he’s gorgeous and kind and smart and amazing and literally the best person i could have fallen in love with but go off i guess”

robert going all “just give her time” like he doesn’t understand what’s happening here at all. he clearly plays the “good cop” in the lightwood’s abusive dynamic tbh, like people often brush him off as being just spineless but i honestly think that he’s just the other side of her manipulative coin. specially with izzy, like, when izzy said fuck it and completely let go of maryse’s hold on her? that’s where robert came in, being the accepting, “nice” parent who listened to her and cared, and making sure she’d keep her loyalties. because he didn’t really stand up for izzy either and in the end he kept her still glued to the lightwood family through that, and kept defending maryse and izzy listened to him because he was robert. and i think that’s what’s happening here too, him trying to frame this as “don’t worry, she’ll come around” because he knows right then that alec is absolutely going to turn their back on them if that’s what it takes for her to be happy so he immediately slides in and reframes this under an affection light where everything will be alright! even if honestly i don’t think that’s what alec is really thinking about at all, i think he was 100% ready for a showdown

and robert is clearly so disapproving and yikes at the whole thing too but he pretends he isn’t and like lmao

shoutout to their faces when robert asks “are you two in love?” like magnus just turns around like oh hell no we’re not gonna have this conversation and alec lights up for just a second with a small smile before he’s like wait wait no shit shit shit we’ve just met no of course there’s no love (and like... i don’t think there is per se, because i think love is something that takes longer to settle in, specially for alec, but i think the idea that he could talk openly about being in love with a man and even fall fully in love with magnus one day makes him super happy you know?) lmao dorks

tho tbh i think magnus shuts down that conversation immediately to avoid heartbreak. because i think that for this whole thing he was expecting alec to say something he’d hate hearing to get his parents’ approval, you know? like like i said it’s really unexpected and surprising/inspiring that alec didn’t back down an inch there, and i think he was expecting alec to kind of fall back slightly now, like, he played his cards and now he would negotiate with them, you know? find a place to make them comfortable. instead alec gives them a complete fuck you and he’s like... damn obviously super pleased but also waiting for the other shoe to drop

he just steps in like “pls no” and stops that conversation right there

the way alec takes a deep breath and magnus opens his mouth then closes again quickly not knowing what to say and then changes the subject.... he’s really so scared of this talk and i just aaa

alec literally never fucking stops going from magnus’ eyes and lips in quick succession like alec. alec please. stop being horny for just a second man. please alec i’m begging you

it’s so cute how magnus mentions a date and alec is immediately like “hell YEAH we should do that” no hesitation like he’s 100% ready to leave immediately right now (i see his pause between “wanna... i don’t know, get a drink?” and “....sometime?”, i see it, you can’t fool me alexander) and also the fact that his first suggestion is something that he hates but that he knows for a fact magnus likes is so cute, like he immediately goes for magnus’ interests here and we stan

i also think that he’s come to associate drinking = dates after 1x06 and the way magnus called him specifically for a drink before he showed up too, like... it’s cute how he immediately came to associate those things because of magnus and just jumps into that because that’s what he knows. he’s so eager and like good for him

magnus’ SMILE when he says that like bro he can see how stoked alec is to go on a date with him they are adorable he is so fucking HAPPY i doubt he expected such a great outcome from this and yet here they are

ALEC DOES THE WHOLE LOOKING AT HIS LIPS IN QUICK SUCCESSION THING ONE LAST TIME BEFORE THE SCENE ENDS SHUT UP OH MY GOD HE NEVER STOPS. MATT DADDARIO THANK YOU FOR MY RIGHTS

next part

#malec livewatch #sh #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #abuse tw #maryse tw #camille tw #anti clace #meta

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50cyg · 8 years ago

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Taiyama sexuality Headcanons continued/ Anonymous ask

I got an anonymous ask (more of a statement in this case) in response to my answer to what I think Taichi and Yamato’s sexualities are but it was in 2 separate parts so I’m putting them together here (I wish we could write more in the ask box):

Anonymous said:

I love how ppl have such different hc based on their views on love and experiances! My Tayama hc are so different lol. For me, Taichi is hetero with Yama as an exception while Yama had feelings for Taichi for a long time(blame tri)and is bi/undefinable. I can easily see Yama in one-night stands(before taichi) cause I see his shyness as centred around personal/emotional things rather than bodily ones. kiss but not tell kindof person. and I can only see Taichi making him blush(seems true in canon). gabumon made Yamato blush too, but in all three seasons it was almost exclusively Taichi who Made Yama go red XD. I hc that it's just that Taichi is the only one who knows Yamato's buttons well enough to make him blush and because Taichi is the only one for whom Yamato has feelings strong enough to be willing to jepordize his "cool" and drop his guard. I don't know how I feel about themhaving crushes though. Yama is loyal to a fault and will never stray but having the occaisional crush is human.

My response:

It’s true experiences as well as the way you see the world can have a huge impact on how you view character sexuality. For example, as I pointed out in my reblog discussion between @ladamitadelaluna and myself on the original post, because I do not fully understand the concept of Pansexuality I am unable to Headcanon any character as said sexuality. It’s really fun to see different people’s views of characters and it can even shape your own view, for example, I can totally get behind ladamitadelaluna’s headcanon that Taichi is Demisexual (a sexuality I was not previously aware of) and could even see Yamato as Demisexual as well (although this was not my first interpretation of the characters’ sexualities, thinking on it I can certainly get behind it).

My views of characters are always changing as I see new sides to them or read other people’s interpretations, and am especially flexible regarding sexuality as I subscribe to the belief that sexuality in real life is fluid and can change over time.

The concept of being hetero with an exception has always puzzled me because I just see that as being on the Bisexual scale, or it could also be Heterosexual and Bisexualy Demisexual... it’s a really interesting idea that I’m not sure how to interpret. I guess if we are using the Kinsey Scale it would put them at a 1. Would love to someday have a discussion with someone about this concept so that I can try to gain a better understanding of it. I’d also be curious to hear why you interpret Taichi this way?

I can get behind Yamato being Bisexual but only if I link it into the Demisexual thing, he can love whomever as long as he has a very close bond to them, I can’t picture him ever having a basic crush on a girl... not sure why but I just don’t see it. I love the idea of Yamato having feeling’s for Taichi for a long time and I agree that Tri definitely makes it seem that way. I find it really interesting that you picture him as being able to have one night stands, I doubt I will ever be able to view him that way :P I honestly picture Yamato as kind of sexually innocent lmao.

Regarding Yamato blushing, I remember Gabumon, Takeru and Jyou all making him blush out of awkwardness and/or shyness but I can only ever remember Taichi making him blush out of a sort of embarrassed anger. I actually cannot remember a single instance of Taichi making Yamato blush in the soft cute way he blushes with other people. I am referring strictly to Adventure and 02 though when I say this because it is true Taichi made him blush that one time in Tri out of awkwardness/ shyness/ all other headcanons people have for why he blushed in that scene.

Basically this:

Vs this:

The first one is Yamato getting embarrassed and lashing out at Taichi for mocking him while the other is Yamato getting shy and awkward. I see these two as very different blushes.

But I could definitely be forgetting something because I have yet to re-watch the series in its entirety since Tri was announced, so let me know which instances you are talking about. I do agree with the second part of your headcanon though, Taichi is deffintely the only person who knows how to really push Yamato’s buttons and he is also the only person, with the exception of Gabumon, who can get Yamato to drop his cool façade. If I recall correctly only Taichi and Gabumon ever see Yamato cry.

Yamato is absolutely loyal to a fault. He would never stray but I still really like the idea of him getting crushes on people. I just think it’s a really cute headcanon and I love it when Yamato acts cute.

Like look at this picture, look how fucken adorable this kid is!!

#yamato ishida #taichi yagami #digimon #digimon adventure tri #digimon adventure #taiyama #Taiyama headcanons #taichi yagami headcanons #yamato ishida headcanons #digimon headcanon #taichi x yamato #taichi x yamato headcanons

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ineedrelationshipadvice · 8 years ago

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One Last Post About Identity

Yeah yeah, I’ll get to proper advice in a bit. But the conversation around identity has clearly sparked something in folks, and I like seeing discussions to their completion. Here are a few more posts on the topic. Then back to the regularly scheduled advice.

Well… it’s not really regular… I mean, I’m pretty busy lately… ANYWAY, DISCUSSION.

(PS: I probably won’t respond to further polyamorous questions for a minute, just because this debate has gone on sufficiently. Again, if you want to be further informed, I recommend you check out polyadvice or the multitude of other poly-centric forums and websites out there; their content is catered specifically for polyamory, so it’s way more of a suitable venue than this is.)

I’m an athlete. That’s part of my identity and it’s chosen. Why do you think chosen identities aren’t real identities? (Ppl choose poly but it isn’t an identity?)

This is just a semantic discussion about the word “identity.” Or in other words, what you’re suggesting here is that there is no distinction between a person’s social identity compared to their gender/sexual identities. So let’s break this down.

Essentially, you’re suggesting that because you are athletic - you live an athletic lifestyle - that you are therefore an athlete. You identify as an athete, and therefore you are one. Then you ask why a chosen identity, like your athelticism, cannot be an identity on the grounds of my argument.

Firstly, this is a misunderstanding of my argument. I never said people cannot choose their identities. On the contrary, it’s important that people find out their identities. I am bi, for instance. I didn’t know that growing up, but I learned over time. It was important that I learned that, and leapt through the hoops of both discovering and then accepting that identity for myself, for my own comfort and perception of the world.

I am also mixed race. I share two races, although I was raised in a hetero-normative white environment. This meant that I grew up with privileges of being white that I wasn’t aware of, and because of my looks, I can pass for white, meaning those privileges at least physically are magnified. I didn’t even understand that I was a second race for a very, very long time. I had to learn about and then accept that identity as I grew up. It was a confusing process, since I was taught by society to dislike my non-white lineage (welcome to Texas, systemic racism sucks). I had to overcome those hurdles and make myself understand, actually, I’m not just one race - I am two, and both are important to who I am.

Those are two examples of me choosing an identity. Except, I didn’t ACTUALLY choose those identities. Because it wasn’t as if I woke up one day and said, “Aw shit fam, I like the pussy and the dicks!” I - deep in my psyche - was always that way, but because society told me that gayness was bad, and that I wasn’t “allowed” to be gay, I repressed that in myself. Same for my race, as I didn’t wake up one day saying, “AW SHIT FAM I AIN’T WHITE NO MORE.” I was always not white, but through a lot of strange factors, I thought I “should” be white, and that being “something else” was not good.

These identities are ones I accepted over time, but whether I accepted them or not, they were always a part of me, at a deep, fundamental level.

Now compare that to my other identities. I identify as a gamer. I love video games, and play them daily. They’re an important part of my life, and I “identify” as a gamer. But I wasn’t ALWAYS a gamer; there isn’t a part of my brain that is the “gamer” deep within. Games are a hobby, and I have built a lifestyle around the hobby. In another example, I am a foodie. I love food, and am willing to go out of my way to eat good, delicious food. I identify as a foodie because of this. But there isn’t an inherent part of me that makes me crave particularly unique or interesting foods based around their creativity, tastiness, or locality; that’s simply not a thing that exists at a biological or psychological level in the human mind.

This is why I distinguish very explicitly between choice and not a choice. Your sexuality and your race are not choices, they’re part of you. Science proves that empirically, so there’s a basis of academic literature to make that claim. Your interests and hobbies, although I identify strongly with them, are my choice - my lifestyle - I choose to enjoy these things in the way that I do; there is no biological necessity for me to like these things, but I do, and therefore I associate with them.

Which comes to the overall argument: is polyamory a choice? Some people say no, it’s not. That they’ve always been that way, and that they associate in such ways throughout their lives that they have seen personal, anecdotal experiences that illustrate to them that they’re happier living the way they are now. Although they can’t really provide empirical, peer-reviewed research to prove these feelings they feel about their lifestyle, they feel it, and that’s all that really matters to them.

Or, is polyamory a choice? I argue that yes, it is, and as I listed in our previous posts, I have quite a bit of evidence to back up that claim. My suggestion based on the facts we have is that polyamory is not a “sexuality” like bisexuality - something with actual mental/neurological, empirically testable reactions - and is instead something that people enjoy, like gaming, or like eating good food. Or for a better analogy, like BDSM or abstinence, both sexual/romantic lifestyle choices. There is no neurological part of the brain that makes someone want to partake in BDSM; it’s simply a thing they enjoy, and therefore they do it. There is no provable, acute reason to be abstinent - in fact, it goes against literally all of human evolution to not have sex with things - yet people do it for a huge variety of lifestyle reasons, including religion, lack of desire (not even speaking on asexuality), moral values surrounding sex, or waiting for a lifestyle change like “meeting the right person” or “waiting until marriage.” Again, wanting these things and being abstinent is NOT part of these people - there is nothing “making them” act this way - they simply choose to be abstinent, and it is simply part of the way they live, their lifestyle.

That is the essential talk: choice or not a choice. Those against me say it’s not a choice, and that they are “insisted upon” by some physiological, neurological, biological, or psychological reason to be polyamorous, despite having no evidence to prove this. I say it is a choice, they they do it because they enjoy it and it makes them happy, and list a swathe of evidence to back up that claim. These people can certainly “choose” to identify themselves as polyamorous, in order to relate with other poly people on a shared lifestyle choice. But that doesn’t make polyamory “part of them” - instead, it makes it a thing they enjoy and do because it gives them joy.

By insisting that polyamory is an identity, it does a disservice - in my opinion - to actual identities where people don’t get a choice, where it IS part of their very being. And because I try to not opinionate here, and because I like to stick to academic research, that’s where my opinion stays. If the science changes, then I’d glad switch my opinion. But it hasn’t changed, so I shall not, for the betterment not of myself or my argument, but for everyone who has an identity and who didn’t have the option to choose whether or not to have it.

I think the problem (poly wise) is that in regard to the original post showed your bias - it felt like your were basically like ‘its all your fault’ when the reality is far more complex and when your poly you hear that so much. Then when people pointed out that it wasn’t that sympathetic you seemed to disregard these concerns. It really hurts when your on an advice blog and you get the same 'your experience doesn’t count because science/personal preference/morals’ that was my personal understand

dfBut again, this misrepresents my statement. You suggest that I am biased in my opinion, and on an inherent level, I am. I can’t NOT be biased, because I live a monogamous lifestyle, and it’s the lifestyle I prefer when compared directly to polyamory. That means if I enter this discussion, I am naturally going to lean in favor of one thing over the other, and that’s not fair to everyone who is poly.

That’s why I stick to the facts on the ground. Opinions are biased and subjective; facts are, inherently, objective and neutral. Facts don’t care what you think or feel; they simply exist.

And as the facts exist, right now, they lean toward polyamory not being an identity as related to sexuality/race, and more of a lifestyle, as related to vegetarianism or athleticism as the previous anon said. These are choices they make in the ways they feel like living their lives because it makes them happy. And because the alternative - polyamory being inherent to ones being - does not have good, scientific evidence to say that this is a possibility, I cannot in good faith inform the public that this is an identity when it has not been proven. It would be like me telling the world the earth is flat, even though there is evidence that proves that it’s not; it would be like me claiming that there are aliens on another planet: sure, it’s POSSIBLE, but the science isn’t there to confirm it, so you can’t say for certain it’s true.

And y’know, maybe there ARE aliens on a different world, and we just haven’t seen them yet. That’s a fact that doesn’t have enough information yet. Maybe polyamory IS an actual, biological/psychological/neurological imperative for some people, and the science hasn’t been conducted, so we just don’t know. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But at this present time, because I want to stay as objective as possible, I have to follow what people smarter than me - who are also not biased - have said, and they are leaning in the direction that this is a lifestyle.

Furthermore, you seem to interpret my saying “polyamory is not an identity” as an attack on yourself. Which is exactly why I’m against claiming identities that aren’t based in reality, and are instead based in anecdotal opinion! Because once someone identifies as something, they feel as if they are under attack when ANYTHING counteracts their confirmed beliefs or biases, just as you say that you were “hurt” by my statements. Even though I NEVER insulted anyone who was polyamorous, and in fact applauded those who were strong enough to be able to go through with that lifestyle.

I ACTIVELY HONOUR AND COMPLIMENT PEOPLE WHO ARE POLYAMOROUS, and support them in their choice. But I do say that it is a CHOICE, it is not an inherent part of their being. And I make that claim based on evidence. That is not a “wounding” thing to say; it is a fair thing to say, because there is a basis for having said it. It is the same as saying, “The Earth is round,” which is a factual statement. But a flat-earther would become insulted, because they identify strictly on the belief that the earth is flat, and how dare anyone question their reality, because you’re questioning LITERALLY their everything by suggesting something that is “not true,” no matter how easily proven false it is. Polyamorous is much more complicated than this example, but it is the same reality: you can’t be upset or hurt when you are told a fact, because the fact does not care about your perspective, or the person who is saying the fact’s perspective. The fact is unbiased, and that’s why it’s important to listen to it.

And again, facts change. And people have to be willing to adjust their opinion. So if polyamory is better researched, and is confirmed as a real, inherent identity, then good! People who are of that identity can finally have a factual basis for which to show others that, hey, we need special representation beyond acceptance of our lifestyle. But that simply does not exist at this present time, and I refuse to lie to people and say that it does just to make people feel better.

This is a blog about education, and that education has to be based in reality. That means I have to teach people about polyamorory, and let them know it’s an acceptable relationship style. But that it is also a style, a choice that one can make, and that they are likely not restricted to the potentiality of polyamory from the moment they are born, because there are no facts that back that claim up.

can any identity be chosen, or do they all have to be born with it?

Kinda fits into the larger discussion, and I’ve kinda explained it already. But essentially, both, depending on what you consider an identity.

To rephrase though: if your identity is about living a certain way - a “lifestyle” - then you can choose this. If your identity is something you fundamentally are - your race, gender, sexuality, etc. - then this is often not a choice.

You really have to distinguish those two things, because one is a matter of social grouping (aka self-categorization theory), and the other is a literal way of perceiving the world based on the way your life exists. You can be a vegetarian among vegetarian, or a gamer among gamers, or an athlete among athletes, but this doesn’t make you those things. You have a choice, whether to not eat meat, or spend your time playing games, or spend your time exercising and being sporty. You identify by these in-groups via self-categorization.

Compare that with Identity: a form of personal understanding that denotes inherent things about the way they wish to exist in the world, ideally based around who and what they are. These are based on facts about who they are: they ARE actually gay, so thus they are gay; they are black, so they accept their race. It doesn’t care about their social cliques or groups, and it doesn’t care about their lifestyle; their “identity” is built on the facts of their personhood: they are human, and beyond humanity, these are their fundamentals. It’s obviously way more complex than this, but I ain’t writing a novel here. Gotta do your own research.

Compare this to something that has BOTH an identity and a lifestyle choice. BEING GAY. Gay is a fundamental part of who people are. We know factually that it is not a choice, and we can prove that with physiological, neurological, and psychological responses in people who are actually gay. At the same time, their is a community built around queer identity. People have formed an in-group around being gay, which involves larger concepts like pride, sexual awareness and liberation, and association with other sexual groups (hence LGBTQ).

Being gay is both a factual identity AND a lifestyle choice. Because you can be gay without every having sex with a gay person, or ever attending a pride parade, or every doing anything “gay.” You can be gay your whole life and not even realize it; that doesn’t make it less true.

However, you cannot be - for instance - an athlete from birth. You can be physically active, sure. And you can enjoy it, and want to maintain that lifestyle. But it doesn’t MAKE YOU an athlete; your choices make you the athlete, and if you ever wanted to stop being an athlete, you could choose to do so at any time, unlike someone who is gay, who will ALWAYS be attracted to the same gender, or like someone who is Latinx, who will be of that race until the day they die whether they like it or not.

That is the fundamentals. Can people choose their identity? In a social context, yes. Can they choose their fundamental way of being? No, not if that’s the way they are.

Which is why I stand by my explanation that, at the moment, polyamory is a lifestyle and not a fundamental part of a person’s being. Polyamorous people choose to be polyamorous.

Yeah yeah, but what does that all mean. Essentially, nothing. Because there is nothing wrong with being polyamorous, and it’s an awesome and healthy way for people to romantically associate with each other. Nobody should take offense to this statement, because there’s no offense intended. If it doesn’t seem like a “sympathetic” statement to say that polyamory is not an inherent part of the human condition, well… I mean, if you came here to have your personal beliefs and opinions justified, that’s not really what this blog is about.

However, if you came for advice and support for your polyamorous lifestyle, I will help you, and support you, and care about your choices just as much as anyone else I help out. And if you are confused, or need insight about your current predicament, or whether a lifestyle is right for you, then I will help educate you with the facts available to me. This is all I can offer.

Also, PS, if you made it this far, you’re cool. Here’s a stampede of puppies.

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chrisfox · 8 years ago

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One last post about identity.

Well... it’s not really regular... I mean, I’m pretty busy lately... ANYWAY, DISCUSSION.

I'm an athlete. That's part of my identity and it's chosen. Why do you think chosen identities aren't real identities? (Ppl choose poly but it isn't an identity?)

These identities are ones I accepted over time, but whether I accepted them or not, they were always a part of me, at a deep, fundamental level.

I think the problem (poly wise) is that in regard to the original post showed your bias - it felt like your were basically like 'its all your fault' when the reality is far more complex and when your poly you hear that so much. Then when people pointed out that it wasn't that sympathetic you seemed to disregard these concerns. It really hurts when your on an advice blog and you get the same 'your experience doesn't count because science/personal preference/morals' that was my personal understand

That’s why I stick to the facts on the ground. Opinions are biased and subjective; facts are, inherently, objective and neutral. Facts don’t care what you think or feel; they simply exist.

can any identity be chosen, or do they all have to be born with it?

Kinda fits into the larger discussion, and I’ve kinda explained it already. But essentially, both, depending on what you consider an identity.

That is the fundamentals. Can people choose their identity? In a social context, yes. Can they choose their fundamental way of being? No, not if that’s the way they are.

Which is why I stand by my explanation that, at the moment, polyamory is a lifestyle and not a fundamental part of a person’s being. Polyamorous people choose to be polyamorous.

Yeah yeah, but what does that all mean. Essentially, nothing. Because there is nothing wrong with being polyamorous, and it’s an awesome and healthy way for people to romantically associate with each other. Nobody should take offense to this statement, because there’s no offense intended. If it doesn’t seem like a “sympathetic” statement to say that polyamory is not an inherent part of the human condition, well... I mean, if you came here to have your personal beliefs and opinions justified, that’s not really what this blog is about.

Also, PS, if you made it this far, you’re cool. Here’s a stampede of puppies.

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