#the season had a full wc in the middle and many many other top 4-6 teams underperformed

[whitehartlane]

something i’ve seen frequently in football circles especially with the rise of social media (where ppl engage with the sport in absolutely bizarre ways but that’s another topic for another day) is this longstanding obsession with ‘(winning) mentality.’ how is it quantified? how do you prove its existence? how consistent must it be for a club to acquire this ��mentality?’ it’s just bonkers to me because you’d assume that every club and every fanbase would want to win, just some a) have better resources to do so or b) some overperform/underperform as is the case with any sport which leads to drawing some kind of conclusions about this ‘mentality’ or c) some fanbases just have a better time rationalising a potential loss within the external factors which of course also leads to drawing conclusions about this ‘mentality.’ i guess my problem with it is just that it’s become such a buzzword where teams get either praised or insulted for their mentality when it’s so subjective and influenced by other factors too (doing well, doing badly, general trajectory of the club, personal satisfaction with individual achievements, media opinion, etc).

[miraculousturtle]

to you, i thee wed (chapter 8)

They didn’t know they were marrying each other until the bride got to the altar. And then panic ensued. Married at First Sight AU.

(AO3//FF.net)

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

WC: 7.6K

Thank you so much @sarahcada and @booksfullofme for the lovely edits!

"I told you," Tikki gloats. "Ladybugs and Chat Noirs usually do end up getting married."

"Uh-huh, Tikki."

"It's true, Plagg! Look, isn't this about the third time I've been right?"

"Sure is," he mutters.

Tikki beams and pats the top of his head. "Don't worry, Plagg. We still have the reveal and I'm betting on your boy to spill the beans!"

Plagg laughs and shakes his head. "You're on, you crazy thing. Though I bet Ladybug is way more brazen. Adrien, well--he's only brave if he's with me. Your girl is always brave it seems."  

Tikki grins proudly. "That she is. That she is."

Marinette only opens the bedroom door a fraction before checking the hallway again to make sure the coast is clear. Looking to her left, then her right, she’s positive she’s alone as she hears nothing aside from the chatter in the kitchen floating up the stairs. Relief pours through her as she enters the bedroom.

“Tikki!” she sings, a smile rounding out her call.  

There is slight shuffling somewhere high up in the room and then Marinette hears the little kwami groan, not wanting to wake up. She isn’t surprised. Tikki isn’t the biggest fan of the cold, and when she told her they’re staying here for a week, she almost blew their cover. Marinette sits on the bed and waits, grinning to herself, pondering the snacks she’s gathered. In her hands, she snuck some of Tikki’s usual favorites: cookies, a danish, some jelly and bread. Sweet things for the sweetest little god of good luck to ever exist, if she does say so herself.  

But, there was one thing...that was not as usual. An odd, and quite random, request for cheese. Savory cheese, more on the smelly side than sweet, much to Marinette’s confusion. It didn’t really go with the rest of the sweets that she brought up from the kitchen.

Not that she’s following the train of thought that whispers that Tikki is having a midlife—blink of a life?—crisis because of Marinette’s marriage. That would be absurd. Her kwami is a professional. A bonafide god that is used to people getting married because that’s what Ladybugs do, right? She can get married and she’s positive that Tikki has been to a billion weddings along the way because Tikki—

And here is where she reminds herself to breathe because that’s what people do and she reminds herself of the task at hand. Ha! As if Tikki’s going to just leave her because she got married. That’s absurd.

“Tikki, I’m only supposed to be up for a little bit,” she scolds. “Come out and eat!”

To that, the little god finally peeks out from atop the bookshelf near the heat vent and glares .

“Look here, little missus , I am an all powerful god who has been the companion to humans for thousands of years bringing good things, and you repay me by bringing me to the freezing cold…”

Marinette stills for a moment before giggling in complete amusement,  ignoring the outburst. “Who in the world are you impersonating? A new Korean drama love interest?”

“What? No!” Tikki protests, flying away to zoom around the room.  “Jun is the sweetest love interest I’ve seen this season. He’s like—a dorky guy who just wants to be a vet, but of course, he falls for the girl who is allergic to pet dander—”

“Uh-huh.”

“And Kimi is just—she loves animals too! But insects because she’s not allergic to them, but Jun has this huge phobia of beetles, which of course I’m only slightly offended by, and—”

“Tikki.”

“Honestly, Marinette, they’re such losers and it’s wonderful and have I told you lately that I’m so happy you bought me my own cell phone to—”

Marinette nods quietly as Tikki continues to babble. Jun this , Kimi that , we should watch a kdrama together— Tikki doesn’t get to finish that sentence as Marinette pulls Tikki away from her fluttering flight around the room.

“You’re crazy, Tikki Tikk,” she says. “If not your new loverboy, then who were you pretending to be?”  

Tikki smiles when she’s caught and eagerly nuzzles her charge’s cheek. “A friend, actually. You’d be surprised who you meet when you leave France,” she giggles.

Marinette stills as she gives Tikki a little squeeze and absentmindedly ushers her to eat. “I didn’t know you had friends. Is this…?” she pauses, unsure how to finish that thought.

“Another kwami?” Tikki says between bites. “You bet!”

You bet , she says. Like it’s nothing. Like she meets with other kwamis all the time. Maybe she does. Maybe she always does, but there are only so many little gods that Marinette knows of and most of them are in Paris. Minus one. Or two.  

“Uh...um!”

“What is it, Marinette?” Tikki asks, putting down her cookie.

Marinette gives the little god a good stare. “I’m just wondering, Tikk. Just…who’s the other kwami?”

Tikki pauses for a moment before wrinkling her snout. “The one who likes cheese.”

Well, that solves one mystery, but then adds another , Marinette thinks.

Leaning forward, she takes a cookie and almost whispers. “Could I...could I...maybe... meet them?”

I thought they were always meant to be together. But here’s one kwami by themselves. Away from Paris. Away from us and the others. I...I wonder.

Tikki stops chewing entirely and swallows, looking up at the spot atop the bookcase and hums. Seconds tick on by as the little god looks torn. Marinette knows that all things kwami related are a bit fuzzy and there are many things she doesn’t know , but she wonders—even hopes—if Tikki is willing to bend her rules.

After taking one more bite, Tikki wipes her little nubs on a napkin and nods. “You know, why not. Besides, I won a bet, so he has to do what I say.”

Marinette doesn’t get to ask her new question this time. She’s learned long ago that sometimes talking with Tikki provides more questions that it does answers. And sometimes the best thing is to just go along with it because that’s what little gods of creations do. She wonders if other Ladybugs have ever felt the same bizarre confusion as often as she does.

Tikki flies to the spot atop the shelf and starts chattering to her companion.

“You heard her, Plagg, she wants to meet you,” she says. “And I’m pretty sure she got you cheese . As I requested. For you. Come tell her thank you.”

A new voice pops up, a mix between raspy and squeaky . “Nope! No way, Tikki! I’m all for breaking rules—”

“This isn’t even breaking a rule! She just wants to meet you!”

“And that’s fine!” the other voice, Plagg, yells. “That’s totally!—fine!. But look. I’m already bursting at the seams trying to keep the secret from my kid and now you want to formally introduce me to Ladybug? Are you crazy?!”

“This is my prize. If you win the next bet, then you get to pick yours,” Tikki finishes stiffly.

From her stop on the bed, Marinette hears a loud groan. “Argh, never should have introduced you to betting. Biggest mistake I’ve made this millennium for sure.”

“There’s cheese,” Tikki singsongs, happy that it seems she got her way.

Marinette stifles a giggle behind her hand as she prepares to meet Plagg when—

The door opens and Adrien pops his head in. “Marinette, everything okay in here?”

And she jumps, a small scream escaping her at the sudden intrusion, and places a hand over her racing heart. She almost knocked over the plate of food, but luckily catches it in time. Breathing a sigh of relief, she smiles weakly at him, feeling fluttery when she thinks of him as her husband.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Was just thinking.”

“Well, I’m ready to go anytime you are. See you downstairs?”

Marinette nods and waggles her fingers in a small goodbye. He smiles warmly at the gesture and closes the door just as quick as he came. Sighing to herself, Marinette hoists herself up and grabs a jacket.

“Well, it was nice to almost meet you, Plagg,” she says when she’s at the door. She’s looking over her shoulder, smirking. “I’ll meet you later, right?”

It takes a few seconds, but a little black figure with bright green eyes peeks over the top of the bookshelf with big pointed ears. He blinks once, then twice before giving a hesitant wave.

“Yeah, next time, Ladybug,” she hears him call.

She’s out the door—excitement tapping on her heart—as she follows the same path her husband took moments before.

Ice crunches quietly under her feet as the sun warms the frozen little lakeside town. The heat feels good on Marinette’s face, and she finds herself following the sun’s rays like a sunflower. The world is bright and merry, much unlike last night—gone is the the darkness of the blizzard, the biting chill of the bubbling frustration, and the bitter taste of everything seemingly going wrong.

Yet today is a new day and she’s had a cup of coffee or two plus good company to lift her spirits high as both she and Adrien meander down little streets. Her tensions have all but slipped away as Adrien’s smiles plant seeds of joy to bloom in her heart. They take root firmly, digging slowly through all the dread in her heart.

His enthusiasm is just as charming as his hands move through the air, telling his story, but she can’t help but be distracted by the way the glistening, freshly-fallen snow illuminates the sunny highlights of his hair, making it shine like strands of gold. From the center of her chest to the tip of her soul, warmth blossoms through her being, still walking on the precipice of surrealism and reality.  

“So, like, this one day, my dad and I decided to go sightseeing in New York and since I was no longer modeling full time, I decided it would be a great idea to get a half kilo of jellybeans…”

“Oh no...Adrien, this doesn’t end well, does it?”

He laughs, ducking his head and raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. “No, not at all. I downed the whole bag in an hour, and fifteen minutes later I’m upchucking all over the sidewalk in the middle of summer. And here’s my dad, muttering under his breath the whole time how he told me so and that this wasn’t what fashion designers were supposed to do blah, blah blah.”

Marinette digs her hands into her pockets of her borrowed coat, the hand warmers seeping through her mittens, pinching back a wide smile. “Mr. Agreste always seemed...a bit serious.”

They’re not too far from the lake now, the breeze skipping across the water and fanning the wisps of hair that fall from her hat around her face. It’s like inhaling mint, feeling the calm from the coolness that spreads.

Adrien rolls his eyes. “Gravely serious. All the time. But,” he starts, his voice going softer and his lips thinning, “sometimes it was easy to coax him into having fun. Like the Christmas party when we lived in France.” His lips quirk into a devilish smile. “Or one time I got him to go skydiving!”

“Skydiving?!” Marinette gasps, her eyes going wide at the idea.

She thinks of freefalling, of the air hugging her body, of the Earth’s gravity working. She thinks of the trust she had in her yo-yo, of the way she would grab Chat Noir’s hand, of never knowing when everything would end. She thinks of longing and excitement and wonders if Adrien knows what that feels like, if he felt like that too in the moment where you can touch the sky and let your fingers caress the blue.

“Yeah!” he answers with a laugh. “My English was awful then, but I knew what swear words were. Because, you know. Movies and stuff,” he says offhandedly. “But there’s my dad, swearing like Samuel L Jackson like no tomorrow as we’re plummeting to our apparent doom. Spoiler alert: we both lived.”

They lived , echoes between them. A statement that is only true for the past moment because Marinette knows that the true ending is that father’s story ended far before the son’s. It settles over them, a feeling of slight melancholy despite the sun’s rays that create a halo around Adrien’s profile as he stares out at the water. Pristine white snow surround the edges of the lake.

Marinette...doesn’t know what it’s like to miss a parent, she realizes. She doesn’t know at all and the way that Adrien quiets after speaking about his father makes the air hard to breathe because he…does he always feel this way? Do all good things remind him of sad things? Do—

“Okay, enough about me! Your turn, ask a question!”

He says it so brightly and warmly and in one nanosecond, it’s as if the air between them was never heavy, as if he wasn’t caught up in memories, as if she wasn’t caught up in not knowing. As if everything that transpired was okay and fine and supposed to happen because that is the course of life.

And Marinette takes the easy way out and plays along because she doesn’t know how to broach the topic of what’s it like to miss your parents and does it ever get easier and what do I do when you get sad and it makes sense but it sucks anyway . She rolls her eyes and huffs because that’s part of the show.

“Oh my god, Adrien, do I have to? This game is...so...high school!”

Adrien holds a hand up in pause and whips out his phone. While he fumbles with it, he says, “Marinette Dupain-Cheng-maybe-one-day-Agreste, are you saying that you’re trying to get out of homework because it clearly says right here, and I quote,” he tells her as he reads an email. “Congrats on getting married, kids! Your homework is to learn more about the other. Ask questions! The sillier, the better. Besides, everyone knows that this is the best part of dating. Getting to know the other person. You both just have the security of knowing you’re already married. You’re in this for the long haul, so there really isn’t a wrong answer!”

He says it all in one breath as if he’s in class reading for the first time and they’re about to play popcorn and he needs to read it as fast as possible. She tries her best to ignore how adorable it is to watch him gasp.

“I feel like Doctor La Cour wrote that…” Marinette says at last as she leans over the rail. Water laps up from the lake and splashes on the concrete below.

He shrugs. “She probably did. They’re all a bit wacky. But do your assignment, Marinette,” he playfully chastises. “You married a professor, after all. You can’t get out of this!”

She sighs. “Uh, okay. Let me see,” she ponders. Something that isn’t overdone, but still easy enough to answer. Something that tells you a lot about a person right away. Something good. “Ah, an oldie, but a goodie: Ladybug or Chat Noir?”

“What?!” he balks. “No, you go first.”

She twirls to face him and waggles her finger. “No way. It’s my turn to ask, as you wanted, professor !”

Adrien makes a face, but slumps in defeat easily. “Ugh, fine. On three?”

“Sure.”

“1.”

I wonder who he’s going to say.

“2.”

If he says Chat Noir—I’d be really pleased.  

“3!”

But if he says Ladybug, oh—

“Ladybug—”

“—Chat Noir!”

Both pause at their conflicting answers. She, of course, said Chat Noir, and, well—a part of her has always hoped that Adrien would choose Ladybug.

(She’s just gonna ignore the fact that her fourteen-year-old self is having a dramatic moment squealing and enjoying this.)

Adrien is stunned for a moment before laughing with disbelief. “Chat Noir? But that guy was super lame! Definitely not as cool or heroic as Ladybug!”

Okay, so Marinette has decided to chalk that up to preference and is going to pretend that that didn’t sound like a jab at one of the most beloved people in her life. Because. Well, she just got married and she really doesn’t want to break out that old powerpoint from forever ago about how her partner was literally the best thing ever.

Instead, she focuses on what she can with the truth and gives Adrien the benefit of the doubt. After all, he’s not totally wrong. Chat Noir was one weird cat.  

Clearing her throat, she makes sure she doesn’t look away from him. She wants him to know just how much Chat meant to her. She refuses to get embarrassed. “I, uh, I was there...the first time Ladybug and Chat Noir saved Paris,” she starts. The words feel heavy on her tongue because she doesn’t get to tell people this often, but it’s important. “And...Ladybug wasn’t that cool that day at all. She was really skittish and scared and she only became heroic after Chat Noir said something to her. Because of that, she was able to stand up to Hawkmoth time and time again and, well, protect the city.”

This time, she starts rushing because Adrien doesn’t break his gaze away from hers. All she sees is green and sunshine and gold and good things and she just can’t stop talking and babbling and—

“Besides! I met him a couple of times actually and he wasn’t so bad! Silly, yes, but very eager to help and kind! He really laid on the charm when I had to help him and Ladybug that one time Nathaniel became an akuma, but it was cute in retrospect!”

There’s the smallest of grins tracing his lips, but his eyes look happy. “...I’m sure he would have been honored if you ever told him that,” he says quietly. “I know I would be.”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” she replies, finally looking away. In the distance, she creates an outline of Paris and of her youth. It makes her heart feel tight, to remember what isn’t anymore. “It was a long time ago...though, if I ever met him again, I would tell him I’m his biggest fan in a heartbeat...and that I loved and admired him very much...but, um….Ladybug, right?”   

“God,” he groans. His head thuds against the wooden railing. “Okay. Don’t make fun of me.”

“No promises,” she laughs.

“Marinette,” he whines. “You vowed in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.”

Turning to face him, she cocks an eyebrow. “I mean, yeah. So?”

A few seconds tick between them when Adrien finally tosses his hands up in the air. “Argh, I can’t believe I feel so embarrassed,” he says. “But I was like—super madly in love with Ladybug when I was younger. Like hardcore she-was-my-wallpaper kind of love. Stalked-the-Ladyblog kind of love. Would-have-stalked-her-if-possible kind of love! It’s honestly gross.”

Marinette awkwardly smiles at her blushing husband. Is it wrong she finds it endearing that he would have kinda stalked her if possible? Because she kinda gets that. In more ways than she’d like to explain.

She can’t help herself from asking. “And?”

“It’s true. I was totally head over heels for her and she didn’t even really know me? I mean, she kinda did? She—um, well she had to watch over me a few times so I got to spend some real one on one time with her and she was— Like wow. But really, I just wanted senpai to notice me.”

Dear Lord in Heaven, what good deeds in my life have I done to deserve this?

Marinette rolls her eyes and laughs instead. “Oh my god, Adrien. Talk about being lovesick!” She’s enjoying every second of this. Because she gets it. Like a lot.

“I was...it was...it was really bad!”

He turns away from her then, but she tugs at his shoulder until they’re face to face once again. His expression is priceless. A mix between a frown, a pout, and a grin because he knows that she’s being silly and he knows that she knows that he’s being silly. Everything feels whirlwind-like and light and Marinette loves it.  

“Well, I think that’s okay,” she tells him, her hand patting his upper arm. “She was a celebrity. Not like...you were super creepily crazy about a classmate. I mean, I was serious when I said I had pictures of you all over my room.”

“That’s totally different, Marinette! You’re anything but crazy!”

“I had magazine cutouts of you all over my room!”

Marinette can feel herself flushing across the bridge of her nose and her cheeks. It helps her forget the cold, but only reminds her of all the secrets she’s already told. This is insane. She’s married her childhood love and she’s told him of her deep dark feelings like it’s nothing and—

“So?” he scoffs. “Chloe, my best friend, had multiple signed autographed things from me when we were teenagers. When she had this odd crush on me? It’s normal for people to have pictures of people that they like. I did. It’s cool though. Besides, I think it’s kinda cute.”

She peers up through her lashes. “What’s kinda cute?”  

“Well,” he pauses. He takes one of her hands in his and gives it a tight squeeze.  “That my now wife had pictures of me all over her room. That she thought I was cute enough or whatever to even post them and more than one of them at that! If I had known then about your feelings, maybe I would...have...I don’t know, asked you out on a date years ago!”

“What about Ladybug?”

Marinette has walked into a surreal reality where Adrien says a) that he was in love with Ladybug and she was Ladybug. And b) tells her that he would have asked her out on a date had he had known she liked him. Though she’s across the ocean right now, Marinette is pretty sure Alya’s so-called “Adrienette” meter is going haywire.

He laughs. “Well, she totally occupied my heart when I was fifteen, but I was really...drawn to you. I really wanted you to like me after we first met and, well, looking back on it, a lot of things make sense.”

“That I was an awkward dork?” she remarks.

Without skipping a beat, Adrien deadpans, “No, that you had a crush.”

Well, that did it. Marinette can no longer deal with anything so she just buries her face in her hands. “Oh my goodness, I never should have told you…”

“No, no! I’m glad you did,” he says, prying her hands away. His voice is soft and kind, much like the breeze that swirls around them.

When she looks up at him, he smiles and the seeds he’s planted in her heart take stronger root and grip the soil of her soul. “So glad. It makes me feel warm and happy and, well, no one has ever made me feel like this before you, Marinette. I’ve never felt this happy before because of a woman. Maybe a girl when I was younger, but definitely not because of a woman.”

Marinette blanks for a moment and—wow. He can’t just say things like that, right? That’s totally unfair. But he did and she feels warm too and happy so she leans her head against his chest and doesn’t care about the consequences.  “This is the exact reason why we needed professionals to even get married. We’re...kinda terrible at dating.”

He wraps an arm around her slowly, hesitant but willing to go forward. “Yeah, I’m awful at it, but...I’m really glad you’re my wife. Makes it a lot easier that I know you.”

“I’m glad you’re my husband too, Adrien. Makes it less scary.”

He rests his head against hers and they both enjoy the view of the shimmering lake for a couple of minutes together in the silence.  “Okay, I think enough of the mushy stuff. It’s my turn to ask a question, I believe.”

“Mmmhmm. Shoot.”

He pulls back slightly and averts his eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

Marinette balks. “I thought you said no more mushy stuff!”

Fishing into his pocket, Adrien grabs his cellphone again. “But the extra credit says that if we work on physical intimacy, we’ll get gold stars.”

“Oh, so you only want gold stars, huh?”

“No,” he admits. “I also want to kiss you again. We...we only kissed on our wedding day and I really liked when you pulled me down for a kiss. That was—well, that was,” his voice dips lower, “attractive.”

Marinette forgets to breathe before breaking out in giggles, from nerves she’s sure, when she hears ringing echoing not too far away. Looking to the source of the sound, she sees some school aged kids with big signs further down the dock and people jumping into the freezing water. A mischievous idea strikes her then.

“Sure, husband,” she says. “You can kiss me again. On one condition.”

Adrien grins. “What?”

Gesturing to the lake, she smirks. “Take a dip lakeside, why don’t you?”

“Wh-what?”

Marinette laughs. “I’ll even do it with you! It looks like it’s for charity! C’mon! The first one in gets a kiss for their reward!”

“Um! I don’t really think this is actually for charity, Marinette!”

She beams over her shoulder and shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not, but look at the sign! People jumping into the lake. Put money in the jar and bam, off you go! That’s why there’s a polar bear. It looks fun! ”

“...a polar bear?”

She shoots him a look. “Uh, yeah. Because you plunge into the freezing water like a polar bear.”  

They approach the kids—two boys, dressed warmly in their winter coats, sitting in lawn chairs with the big sign—as Marinette struts confidently while Adrien relishes how his wife is definitely fire—always changing, roaring bright and sometimes dim.

Ironically and comically enough, it’s easy for a fire to snuff out when the four of them realize they don’t all speak the same language. Even an odd game of charades doesn’t help, for neither Marinette nor Adrien are great at Danish and really aren’t understanding these “sounds like” cues. Like at all. But a lightbulb goes off as one boy takes out his phone and starts typing away.

Through a swift exchange of Google Translate, they do learn that it’s kinda for charity: to help get the kids to Ireland for a school trip. And names. The taller one is Emil while the smaller one is Jakob. Adrien didn’t need a translation to see that they thought Marinette was pretty, both boys grinning madly and speaking a few phrases in English.

“Beautiful girl.”

“Pretty lady.”

Marinette blushes and combs some air behind her air, whispering to Adrien. “I hope they know I don’t speak English.”

Adrien nudges her playfully. “Yeah, but you know what they’re saying is true.”

Taking pity on their very empty jar, Adrien pulls out his wallet, trying to find some krona—or really, any type of cash—when a very folded piece of paper slips and falls to the ground. Emil picks it up and gasps, thrusting it into Adrien’s hands just quickly. At the sight of bright purple, Marinette pokes him.

“What in the world are you doing carrying around a 500 note?!”

“I, uh...I forgot it was in there?

“You just...keep 500 notes in your wallet. Like whatever?”

“...Father always said never to leave the house with less than a thousand euros?”

Marinette takes a deep breath of air, not knowing exactly what to say, her mouth pinched together and she looks likes she’s forgetting to breathe. After a few seconds, she lets out a shaky breath. Holding up the finger to the boys to wait for a few moments, she pulls Adrien further down the dock out of earshot.

“It...it didn’t hit me till now that I married a very rich man…”

Adrien plays with the hair peeking under his hat, “Yeah. I don’t...I mean, I thought the private plane was enough to tip you off, but yeah.”

She shoots him a confused look before realization strikes. “You own that plane?! Like you have enough money to own. A. Plane. Your own plane. I knew you hired the pilot, but when you said he’s an Agreste family pilot, I thought you meant one you used often!”

“Uh, I do? He flies our planes?”

“Planes?”

“Well...I own a few...actually. Like, I think… five?”

He counts them in his head. There’s the one with the red stripe, the all-white one, the one with super nice black seats, the super old one, the—

“You think?”

After careful consideration, he nods. “Yeah.”

“I married someone who doesn’t know how many planes he owns,” she breathes, her hands winding to twist her hair. “What in the world?”

“Is that a bad thing?” he asks.

He has to know. His heart is beating faster the more Marinette becomes bewildered and he didn’t realize that money would be an issue because he was taught that having money was a security. She should feel safe, right?

“No...just very baffling!” she says. Her tone is shrill as she starts to rant. “I own a Vespa and my parents have two cars: a delivery truck and a personal car and—we own no planes!”

“Marinette—”

“You own a fashion empire, Adrien. Of course, you’d have planes! You own an empire and I only have a little boutique and—”

“Marinette.”

His wife is like a flame, sometimes larger than life and her fires burn her skin. Sometimes gentle and kind as she warms you on cold nights. And now, sometimes low and about to be snuffed out because security usually comes when you’re not comparing two entirely different situations.

“You’re just always so—so—”

He touches her elbow. “Hey, please breathe.”

She snaps her attention to him, her blue eyes hazy with adrenaline before she sucks in a deep breath. Slowly, she lets it out and swallows.

“I’m breathing.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. She isn’t upset at him, he realizes. She’s overwhelmed and that’s understandable. He thinks he would be too if learned he married someone extremely wealthy. After all, she has a point. He doesn’t even know how many planes he actually has.

“How about we pay these kids handsomely, jump for some god awful reason into the freezing water, and first one gets a kiss. We can talk about my finances anytime, but let’s have fun for now, ‘kay?”  

She nods slowly and tugs on her braid that’s flopped over her shoulder. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. This is our honeymoon. Let’s have fun.”

Feeling brave, he steps forward and presses his lips to her forehead. “Good.”

Before she can say anything, he steps away and walks back over the lawn chairs, the boys watching his every move like hawks. Flashing them a grin, he unfurls the 500 note from his hand and tucks it into their very empty jar. Emil and Jakob stare more intently at the money than they did at him before they rush to try and take it out, attempting to put in Adrien’s hands. He laughs, resisting by shoving it back in the jar.

“For Ireland,” he says.

Silence envelops them for a few seconds before the boys start jumping up and down, hollering with glee. They grab onto Adrien, then Marinette as she comes back over, making them both partners in a victory dance.

“Okay, okay!” Adrien says. He gestures to the sign. “Polar bear?”

“Polar! Bear! Polar! Bear!” Emil and Jakob chant, rushing to grab some spare clothes from the boathouse a few feet away.

It’s haphazard and random, but a few baggy tshirts and some trunks later, both Adrien and Marinette stand at the edge of the dock, starting to shiver in the freezing weather. The lake is grey, the water moving calmly in one direction.

“This was a stupid idea,” Marinette’s teeth chatters.

“Wife, this was your idea.”

She bumps into him. “And you’re my supporting my idea!”

“Eh, I’ve always been more a support character than a true tank.”

“Was that—did you—” Marinette begins to question, but—

—Adrien pushes her in, her screams accompanying her as she splashes into the water.

He jumps right after her, the water biting in his skin like a million needles. This was a really stupid idea , he thinks, finding it hard to breathe.  He aggressively kicks to the surface and grabs hold the first ring of the wooden ladder. Marinette, to his surprise, is already almost over the ladder when the boys hand her a big fluffy towel and usher her inside the little boathouse. They do the same for him just as quickly, bringing him inside too to join his bride to escape being sopping wet and freezing cold

Thankfully, there are a few heaters set up, and their dry clothes are warming next to them. The boys swiftly close the door to not let any of the heat out. Needless to say, he feels like maybe 500 was a tad bit too much for the experience, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

They stand alone in the boathouse, the heaters crackling with warmth. There is a silence that stretches between them before she speaks. “You pushed me in.”

He freezes, hoping that she isn’t too mad. “Yes. Yes, I did,” he affirms before stepping closer. “I really wanted to kiss you.”

Marinette’s huddled sopping wet under her big fluffy towel, pulling it closer around her neck. “You were going to kiss me regardless of who jumped in or not.”

Adrien shrugs his shoulders before letting his towel drop. He’s still cold, but it doesn’t matter. Clothes sticking awkwardly to him like a second skin, but it doesn’t matter. “I wanted to give you that kiss.”

Gently, he rests one hand on her hip before cupping her cheek with his other one. His heart thuds in his chest when she leans into his touch. His thumb absentmindedly strokes her cheek as he leans in. “Can I?”

Marinette’s words puff against his skin. “Can you what?”

He grins and moves closer still, his nose brushing against hers. “Can I kiss my wife, please?”

Her breath ghosts against Adrien’s. “I would like that very much…”

Her lips are chapped from the cold, but under her touch, he feels like there is a sun circling his heart. It’s new, it’s his. This feeling—well, it’s really hers. She was chosen for him. To maybe fall in love with. And maybe he might because—

He finds himself falling into her kiss, the way her towel drops as she throws her arms around his neck and nips at his bottom lip. He pulls her closer to his body, pressing as close as possible, wanting her warmth to spread over him like how the sun inside him dances in his veins.

He breathes and she’s his breath. Marinette is filling his lungs and he squeezes her tighter, wanting her to hold him just as closely because he doesn’t want to breathe at all if she’s not his air.

Her tongue strokes the part of his lips and—

There’s a knock at the door.

“Hello? Bonjour?”

Adrien groans as he feels Marinette shake with laughter. He buries his forehead in the crook of her neck while she shouts. “Be right there!”

Marinette smooths her hands over his wet hair, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Pulling back she cups his face and grins.

“Let’s get dressed and head back, ‘kay?”

He nods, his face flushed and his heart pounding because—

—wow, she’s really his.

They awkwardly say goodbye to Emil and Jakob, the two kids who can’t help but making kissy noises as they walk back towards the inn. The couple wears matching blushes, but it doesn’t matter. This time they are walking hand in hand, enjoying peaceful company and stolen glances as snow starts to drift from the sky and the sun sets in the early afternoon.

It’s wondrous and new, the way the pink sky reflects off the glowing snow.

“Tell me a secret,” Adrien says.

Homework and extra credit buzz in his mind, but he needs no gold stars to motivate him this time. Not when there’s something happening. Something magical. Something wonderful.

Maybe it’s because the sun is setting and it’s barely past three in the afternoon and maybe it’s because it’s the second time he’s kissed Marinette and maybe it’s because nothing makes sense and that’s the best thing to ever happen since he was a superhero.

Because being a superhero didn’t make any sense either.

Not by a long shot.

Through her mittens, her fingers drum against the back of his hand.

“A secret?”

“Yes. I’ve just been talking about me and, well, I want to know more about you too.”

Adrien catches their reflections in a store window and enjoys the way they look side by side. His tall frame next to her smaller one, her hand in his. He feels his heart skip a beat.

“I mean, compared to you, what would there really be to tell? I’m just...Marinette,” she trails off, her eyes fixated on the ground.  

He shakes his head. “No, you’re not just Marinette . You’re more than that. And you’ve got to have some sort of secret.”

She smiles and it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I mean, I do, but the only thing I can think of is something that you might be mad about….”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

She hesitates.“It’s not an issue anymore, but important. You’ll know why when I tell you...but do you promise?”

She says it so seriously, but he doesn’t know what she’s thinking, her gaze back on the ground. He feels a little cold without her eyes on him.  

“I..of course, I promise,” he says, giving her hand a little squeeze. “You know I didn’t mean like a deep dark secret, I was just being silly.”

“Oh.”

She says it so quietly, his heart twists. Tugging on her a little bit, he says. “But, if you want to tell me, I’d love to hear.”

Marinette opens her mouth, but then closes it, shaking her head. “Can I tell you another time then...I just...it’s a big one and wow, I didn’t realize you meant something small and ugh, I’m awful at this.”

“No, you’re not!” he tells her, stopping them. Around them, snow starts to fall, but this time they don’t have an umbrella to break the tension. They only have each other. “You’re awesome at this,” he says. “This is really new and really fast and I don’t need to know your whole life story right now. We’ve been married for like...two days. If even! So, can you at least answer this instead?”

Marinette’s mouth twists, like she’s being stubborn.“What?” Well, Adrien thinks, she is kinda stubborn.

Without letting it deter him, he asks her with a lopsided grin. “Do you like spending time with me?”

She stills for a moment. “Wha—of course! Of course, I love spending time with you!”

And there is she is, back to being a roaring flame that’s gentle and kind and refuses to be snuffed out for whatever reason. This is the Marinette that Adrien likes best, he thinks. He’s still learning, but so far she’s his favorite.  

“See, then everything’s okay because I love spending time with you too.”

She ducks her head away and doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t either, so they enjoy the comfortable silence that falls over them as they turn the corner. Up the street, Little Faroe Inn is in the distance, but instead they zigzag through the streets and take the long way around.  

Marinette hums, breaking the silence with her spoken thoughts. “You know, when we get back to France, I think...I think I’m going to introduce you to my most precious person sometime.”

“Are...are you talking about Alya? I know her. Like really well.”

“No, silly. I love her even more than I love Alya. She’s...she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Um.

What?

“...Not that I’m saying I have a problem with this at all,” Adrien treads carefully, because is she saying what he thinks she’s saying? Because if she is, oh god . “But you know how curiosity kills the cat?”

“Yes?”

“Are you, maybe, kinda, possibly,” he gulps, “talking...about a child?”

Marinette doesn’t say anything, her expression falling flat. Her mouth moves as if she wants to say something, but nothing comes out. Like she doesn’t know how to explain...

Marinette has a kid. She had a kid. A child. Her own child—

“Uh. What?”

“Because if you are, that’s totally fine! I just need a second to process that because—”

“Adrien, hold on a second!”

“—kids are super cool. But a lot of work and holy shit, does that mean I could be their dad? Oh my god, Marinette...I think I’m having a panic attack.”

He’s totally having a panic attack, he thinks. His stomach is twisting into knots and he feels like he’s about to throw up. Just this time no jellybeans were involved in the making of this meltdown.   

“Hey, hey, hey!”

“I don’t have to be their dad right away, right?” he asks urgently, his eyes going wide. “I could just be like—a cool Uncle Adrien married to their mom because, Marinette, I hate to break it to you, but my track record with families is kinda...well, it’s fucked up and you have a whole kid and I’m just—I still eat cereal at midnight, Marinette!”

Seriously, the night before the wedding he was doing just that!

“Adrien, just let me explain so—” her hands are tugging on his, but it’s no use.

"A whole kid. Oh god. Am I hyperventilating?  I think I'm hyperventilating.  I can't be a dad, I'm not even thirty yet, oh god, what are we going to do?"

“Oh my god, Adrien,” she snaps. “I don’t have a kid!”

“...you...don’t?”

She lets out a frustrated sigh and rubs her forehead. “Not that I know of! I just—I’ve been talking about my friend who is like…let’s say a very hip old lady and she’d love to meet you. That’s all. And also, I don’t think you noticed this, but I’m the type of person to sign up for an arranged marriage study because I suck at dating.” Absentmindedly, she adds with a mutter, “And one night stands.”  

That catches his attention.

“What? One night stands?”

And this is when he realizes that they’re sitting on a bench. Marinette is beside him and props her elbows on her thighs, looking off into the distance.

“...Maybe a handful of times. They weren’t my thing, you know. And they always ended  terribly!” she laughs. “Like once, before anything happened, I punched the guy by accident and had to take him the ER. When we got there, I forgot his name and basically just called him like...John Doe.”

“You punched your...hook-up?” he asks, his head tilted to the side.

“Yes. Totally square in the face,” she sighs. “He went to get a glass of water and I went to undress but I was drunk, right? And I forgot that I was supposed to be hooking up with this dude and so when I heard the door open as I’m taking off my top, my gut reaction is to freaking attack people.”  

“Oh my god, Marinette. I swear I’m not laughing at you, but oh my god this is hilarious! My wife is a weapon.”

“Yeah, so,” she rolls her eyes and leans back against the bench seat. “Alya banned me from racy hookups after that because I was not to be trusted with strangers. For their safety!”

Leaning against her, he asks. “Do you think I’ll be safe with you?”

She gives him a sidelong glance and grins. “Ah, I think you have a good chance of not getting obliterated. I mean, it’s not like I’m like a black belt in wing chun or anything.”

“You’re a black belt?!”

“I said I’m not! Silly, I’m a blue belt,” she says. “Anyway, do you feel better? Not freaking out anymore about my nonexistent kid?”

“Yeah, I am. Sorry I freaked?” he apologizes.

“Don’t be. I have… Well, I’m anxious too, if you can’t tell. Like all the time. So, it’s whatever..”

“Then maybe we should relax when we get back, yeah? Watch a movie or something?”

“Maybe watch the snowfall too?”

“Anything you’d like. This is our honeymoon after all.”

She blinks before standing up and reaching for his hand. Adrien can’t help but follow.

“You know, my dad said something really sweet before we left.”

“What did he say?”

“He said that he always knew that I was going to marry you. Somehow, some way. Ever since you came to my house to play video games. He just knew.”

“Really?” he wonders, feeling happiness bubble inside his chest.

“Uh-huh,” she nods and swings their arms wildly. “My dad also knew he was going to marry my mom the moment he saw her. They went to the same culinary school, but were always in different classes. It wasn’t until there was a school wide competition that my dad finally got the balls to talk to her. He asked her if she wanted to compete with him and my mom was like…’um, do I know you?’

“And here’s my dad, grasping at straws and he just blurts, ‘I heard you’re really good at making pies’ and my mom was so flattered because pies are her speciality and that’s how they started talking. A few years later they got married and opened up the bakery. And then I came along eventually.”

The story sinks in, the warm feeling expanding to his bones.“Your parents are really happily married. It’s nice.”

Really, really nice.

“Yeah,” she hums. “It is. They’re real proof that marriage is totally worth it and, well, I hope maybe we can have what they have...if we’re lucky,” she adds quietly.

Adrien feels like he’s going to explode when he wraps an arm around her, trying to keep her close as they walk up the steps of the inn.“I’d like that.”

And Adrien has never felt more at home when she snakes an arm around him too, answering in kind.

“Good. Me too.”

Me too.

Wow! So much happened in this chapter. It sure was thought rambally. like dear lord. I would like to thank my betas @sarahcada and @booksfullofme for their wonderful work per usual.

I couldn't get these two kids to stop talking. LIKE AT ALL. at all. No reveals this chapter, but now you know that this is the next bet that Plagg was talking about last chapter. Yay!

Anyway, for a life update, my mom is doing better! She's getting treatments for the next few weeks so I'm very happy and excited. Work is crazy but I've settled into my roll being an opener. Waking up at five am isn't fun, but I do get to get off work early lmao.

Thank you for all the likes and reblogs!

Until next time!

P.S. Here's a hint for next chapter (hopefully): #drunk_reveal

next

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW22 - Happy New Year Edition

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

Extra long lambs this week because it’s a podless GW and I guess we have many things to say as well as many doubts. Ok here we go :)

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lukaku GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TEAM, Paul, and RLC

IN (For -4 points): Quaner, Alli, and Eriksen

The Jesus injury gave me some pause over the plan to go heavy on Spurs attack for the double but in the end decided meh fuck it. I can always go for Aguero after he plays Liverpool if it seems a prime thing to do. A little bit worried about City scoring for fun without Dilva and possibly without Kevin. My team would still have the same problem of being thin if I did go for Aguero in for Lukaku so am gonna restructure and get in there with a big move this week for the double.

Alli was automatic as I've been feeling how he's been looking lately. Eriksen v Son was a close one for me. Son explosive, but has the slight shout of being rested whereas Eriksen seems pretty nailed regardless. Going to go for the minutes play here. Little bit of nostalgia for me as well getting in Alli and Eriksen who were in my GW1 squad and did me well back in the day.

I am a bit worried about Quaner playing this GW but at this point I just want to get the cheapest guy possible and he seems a good first choice lad. Also feel like Huddy aren't the hugest shout to significantly reinforce in the transfer window in attack so hopefully he keeps it up.

I'm keeping Stephens over RLC for the simple reason that RLC could be knocked and miss out. Points this GW feels enough of a reason to keep Stephens over RLC. RLC looks like a really bad FPL pick with Benteke in and him playing in a more reserved role anyway so he's off. Had a couple of tidy returns for me so thanks bro but see you later.

GK:

Adrian goes. Woah. First non-Pope time at GK for me for a long fucking time. Feels weird but also good. DGW keeper always a good guy to have and WBA at home seems as good a clean shout as you can have at this moment. If he gets 8 or so points it would be very nice.

DEF:

Five at the back again for me. Triple Chelsea defense are in as per....Christensen, Azpil, and Moses....which much to my fucking nightmare was only 1 Chelsea defender in GW21 after Conte subbed Moses before 60'.... it’s their first difficult on paper fixture since I've gone with the treble. But, looking at how fucking shit Arsenal have been a clean doesn't seem that insane here.

Phil Jones god and legend of the baps is the most auto thing of life. Preached patience with United defense on the last pod and it came in straight away which was tidy. Everton are the worst attack possible so fuck them. Clean seems likely.

Last guy is the Dunk of Lewishire. Dunk and BHA defense has been a massive unheralded star of the FPL season for me and any of you who have been rotating a BHA defender for some time. They welcome the completely rudderless and injured to fuck Bournemouth side. Get in Lew my absolute son.

MID:

New old friends Alli the middle fingering diving cunt is back in alongside Eriksen. Not sure how long I'll keep, or who will get fucked off first, but Coutinho will be coming in soon for one of these lads. Just bought lottery tickets in Spurs attack and if they are able to put in between 5-7 goals over the two games I'll be absolutely BUOOZZINNNNN and also probably flying. Kill to fly, fly to kill.

Salah looks like he's a little bit dead, but since I bought him at 9m removing him was not even a small consideration. Will just have to rely on the bench if he doesn't go.

Finally, Raz is in and looks a dead cert for a start after not featuring today. Good guy Raz.

FWD:

Just the solitary Harold this GW. Standard 541 here at FMLFPL HQ nothing to see lads.

BENCH ORDER:

Quaner, Stephens, Niasse.

Bunch of lads. Who knows who will play and who will not play but I have three guys on the bench so getting a full team out looks very likely. Good job by me.

CAP:

TRIPLE CAP Kane.

It's time for me. I want to use the chip on Kane and the fixtures are as good as you can hope for. No assurances that Spurs will have another DGW and even though there is 1 day off between I am willing to take the risk using the chip this GW. It will allow me to pump the WC the week OF a future DGW instead of the week before which is pretty tidy and honestly I think we overrate the chips a LOT. Sure they are good, but it's not the end all be all of life.

I think illness whatever is dumb and I'm willing to risk that he will make it for both games. He's on fucking form and has just had a nice rest. Harry will Harry, triple cap will triple cap. Let's go Kane drink the nectar of the hat trick gods and keep pumping the goal with your jizzum.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Richarlison my love and Lejeune the fuck

IN (For my second -4 of the season): Arnie and Ogbonna

Are you not supposed to have a bevy around a recovering alcoholic? I’d imagine not. Or smoke fags around someone trying to quit? Probably poor form, that. But here we are. I’ve been enabled... :)

I took a hit, my first hit of the season last week, and it resulted in a net +6 points (including the -4) and a nice green arrow. MY BLOOD IS PUMPING IN THIS MOMENT!!!!!!!

Hit #2 quickly followed today and oo baby I’m feeling nice... My hands were shaking and I had the cold sweats with a beautiful woman in the nude calling out to me... but I slighted her and instead looked up West Ham defensive statistics and compared Arnie to Lanzini for a couple of hours and took the -4; the only thing that’s real...........!!!

Richar my beautiful Brazilian lover our fling has flung. Obrigado for the points mate but you have City and there’s a double gameweek on the cards. Two fixtures, albeit one of them bad vs. Spuds, and I just had to go for Arnie.

Lejeune being dead in what will be the most heavily rotated GW of the season with Salah already ruled out and RLC probably missing out lead me to the second transfer and the -4; I just needed some fucking guys. The upside is there to make up the -4 so I’m tagging along with everybody else and it leaves me with four doublers for the DGW which feels pretty nice. So let us go.

GK:

DDG and United up against the Eve feels like as easy a cleansheet fixture as you can get. Tidy 7 pointer from him last GW and faith restored.

DEF:

Kicking off with Jones up against the same blues of Eve should be easy workings. And you know he’s Phil Jones king of the fucking BONES. 9 pointer what else is new. Good to have you back Philip.

Otamendi straight the fuck in last week with an 8 pointer as he seems to do every week. Took the shittiest ass pen from Milivojevic but I will happily cash those points in. Ota such a great pick - maybe a double up on the way soon with Stoner. Would make a lot of sense to not keep clean here with like a Richarlison brace or something since I transferred him out but ya know, whatever.

Christensen I have starting but who knows if Conte will follow suit. No one knows a thing about Christensen our Chelsea darling boy and if he can find a way into the 11 but we can hope. He’s top quality but blah - it’s concerning - getting another Chelsea defensive asset is at least 1 million away so it’s fucking hard to do. Come on BOD get in there bro. I don’t care it’s Arsecast, you start Chelsea defenders confidently in all fixtures. That’s how they do it.

Lastly new lad Ogbanzo beans should go twice for me. If they clean against West Brom will just be suuuuuch a huge boost of life. If he’s on 2 or less points going into Spurs will feel sad and bad. Meh. Never know. Two bites of the apple get me something Oggy.

MID:

Gonna start with the man the myth the Egyptian fucking god legend Momo Salah. He’s in - of course he’s in would be foolish and disrespectful to bench him - but Klopp has ruled him out for 2ish weeks which is a bummer. So he’ll probably be back for Man. City but we’ll get more autosubs in this week. At the end of Lambs we’ll each post our benches too since it’s going to be rotational hell.

Raz goes straight in Home Watford sexual fixture on the table - didn’t start earlier today so should be in vs. Watford and hauling as usual. Although we’ll see how good/bad City’s attack looks with no Kev and no Daveed (who knows with Daveed).

SUON my Korean boo, my differential treater, been a huge part of my run of greens these Heung-Min points. Got a double fixture on the cards for this GW and I’m just hoping for a combined more then 90 minutes - that’s all we can realistically hope for. And he’s been fantastic. Love him. Should bring in some points.

And Arnie the new guy in the squad. Scary to transfer in a guy who you might want to transfer out very very soon - never feels quite right - but he’s got a double this week and is bang on form starting OOP up top. Lots of shots and big chances and creating shit and touches in the box - TIT ME ARNOLD ARNAUTOVIC!

FWD:

Two guys leading the line in this moment. Alvy Morata the absolute shit-house I don’t know how fucking hungover he must’ve been to not get anything in a 5-0 thrashing but fucking hell. At least I didn’t cap him and avoid that nightmare but I still rate him - but it’s troubling. He might have to go soon. For now I’m just chilling he’s still a good pick and nailed and whatever. Arsecast can’t defend much.

The other guy is Lord Harold of Kane. He’s an absolute must this week - the most must of any guy in any week that I can remember. He was sick a few days ago he’s probably fucking fine. Maybe I’ll be awake until 5-6am and see some sort of additional news but even without the news I think Kane is fine. I expect somewhere around 150 minutes from him this GW and with those fucking fixtures that is pretty insane to think that he will not at least double return... I mean no one is guaranteed points but fucking hell Harold is a great horse to bet on.

BENCH ORDER:

I’m sat on Duffy, Quaner, RLC in this moment.

RLC is a problem and think he should be third on most benches. Duffy good shout at a clean probably coming in for Mo and then Quaner likely to get some minutes even he doesn’t start for a one point cameo if anyone else is rested/rotated in my team. Feels fine.

CAP:

DON’T YOU MEAN..... TRIPLE CAP!?!?!!?!??!?! OOKKKKKKKK LET’S FUCKKKKKKKK IT’S ON BABABYBABBBABABABY!!!!!!!

You already fucking know. Kane the most nailed cap of any life but Triple Cap - I’m going there - fuck it. I’m here I’m there...

Earlier today I really wasn’t feeling good about the triple cap - mostly just apprehension that everything is coming too fast and I’m gonna fuck something up. It’s been a crazy festive period and I’m just like ok, I need to chill, the green arrows are flowing, I just need to fucking chill.... But fuck that shit.

I struggle to come up with any STRONG arguments to NOT triple cap Kane and that’s where we’re left. The only two arguments to not triple cap Kane are:

1. Only one day off between fixtures - can he really play significant minutes in both with one day off.

2. Illness gate / yellow flag / no news.

But those are fucking REEEAAAALLLY weak arguments for me. Illness gate I mean that was a few days ago now. He’s probably fucking fine and not sick anymore like an asshole - and he has Monday off as well to rest up. And speaking of rest up I think he’ll just have to play 70ish in both (maybe more if they’re not winning) and tough it out because he’s not a fucking baby he’s a fucking man. And he’s resting now and he’ll rest after.

The arguments FOR triple capping him in my opinion are pretty overwhelming. Best guy, check, incredible form, check, most important player for the team, check, on pens, check, exceptional fixtures, check... What more do you want? Goal involvement, check, mouth breather, check, childhood GOONA, check, one season wonder, check, golden boot merchant, check.

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW11

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

*Warning* By far the longest lambs from Walsh that he's ever written. Lotta action - read at your peril or delight.

WALSH (on Bench Boost)

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Jesus, Morata & Chlobah

IN (for -4 points): Vardy, Firmino & Sane

I'd like to think this slate of moves is a compromise of sorts. My best friend Alon initially was very strongly backing Vardy for me. I'm not 100% convinced, but, with Jesus on for yet another mid-week price drop I fired on it. Would wait to figure out what else to do another day.

As options continued to be bandied about, a fork in the road was approached. My best friend Alon cautioned me against taking a -4 and instead preferred I hold Morata and get Zaha instead of Sane. Instead, I took a -4 because I don't think I wanted to live with myself another GW in not owning Sane. He has emerged as potentially the best midfielder in the game and I want to have fun with everyone else. If I went for Zaha in that spot, I'd have no real way of getting to Sane unless I did a lateral City mid to City mid swap which doesn't feel good....since they are all great.

I needed to make funds somewhere, and my eye was cast upon young Alvaro. I still think Morata will come good with goals in the medium term - but - with that said, I don't think he represents great value since I will never captain him. Chelsea are also kind of a fucked up mess so I don't feel that bad getting rid, and it's also a nice time to dodge his likely 2 pointer against United.

I am not in love with Firmino in this moment, especially since he will be out wide tomorrow with Sturridge starting, but basically I am still just backing Liverpool on the incoming run of good fixtures. They look to be approaching full fitness from a squad perspective after the international break and I think Firmino at 8.5 is still value. His stats haven't been great but he is still usually around most of what they do... I said when I took him out in GW6 that he would be back and that day has come. The fixture doesn't get better than at an injury ravaged West Ham so hopefully Liverpool fucking dismantle them and he pays back the hit straight away.

I now am completely in love with the way my money is spread in the front 7. I have Kane and 6 players all at 8m and up so it feels likely that I will be raking in points from some places each week. This is the by far the happiest I've been with my team all season.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No lineup decisions to make this weekend since I am on BENCH BOOST. I have been shouting on the pod throughout the season here and there that I was going to use it in a single gameweek and so I will try to articulate my thinking now:

For one, I think the free hit chip will be better used in a DGW rather than the blank GW. When we get realistically 2 good DGWs per season and the triple cap is obviously to be used in one of them I'd rather use the free hit on the other one instead of the bench boost.

Blank gameweeks are easy to navigate. We generally know what fixtures will be on and off well in advance of the given blank gameweek, for one. Because of this we are able to plan accordingly to get at least 8 guys out. Additionally, the teams that are usually involved in the blank gameweek are shitty teams as any sides who have advanced in the FA Cup are those whose fixtures get postponed. I'd rather focus on getting in players who will play in the blank around the fringes of my side with free transfers rather than use the valuable chip to get in a bunch of WBA and Stoke players who are all bad anyway. In my personal experiences over the past two seasons, bench boosting during a DGW has come in with a horrendously low point total. We already are pissing into the wind guessing who will start both games of DGWs, and, I found myself WCing into teams with the bench boost in mind to set myself up to look "good" for the BB DGW but then not look as good for the coming weeks - blinded by getting in only players who have two fixtures on the double. It hasn't worked well. Often times the cheaper guys available late on in the season who are involved in the DGWs do not have two good fixtures. Maybe 1 good 1 bad or 1 good 1 decent. 

Then there is the question of which fixture that player will play in if not both. The bench boost gives you your 2nd GK, 5th mid, and 4th and 5th defenders in. To me, if you get 8 points or more the bench boost should be deemed a success. Realistically we will always have 2 defenders who are under 5m - and so on mid-table sides - when we'd be lucky to pick a clean sheet up. 2nd GK also, generally a 4.0 guy..in this case Elliot..where we'd also be lucky to pick a clean sheet up. 5th mid is a spot with some more upside if you spend 5.5m or something, but then is it worth spunking extra funds on that spot later in the season on WC just for 1 week? I have found no. It takes money off the pitch for the subsequent weeks. I am not saying this is "correct" or that there is a right way to use this chip. It is entirely possible that you BB into dreams of 20 points on the DGW if you hit it right. I have 15 fit players right now, and the fringes of my side this week - the aforementioned spots on my team - all have good fixtures. So I think I have a reasonable chance of getting somewhere between 10-16 points off the chip this week. Additionally, after the international break is when fixtures start to pileup with midweeks coming in and Europe still in effect for top sides. This GW feels like one where there will not be much surprise rotation or omissions from a side's best XI. The timing feels good to me. We'll see how it goes when the games have been played.

For those keeping score at home, the players who will be coming in from my bench this weekend are: Foster hud, Dunk swa, Francis newc, and Stephens swa. I have 3 clean sheet shouts there. If 1 comes in - I'm golden. If 2 come in - I'm flying. If 3 come in - it's dreamland.

Full team with writeup below.

GK:

Elliot and Rafa welcome Bournemouth. The Cherries look pretty fucked injury-wise with Stan out...and hopefully King still out. Rafa has been tight at home so a clean feels pretty good here. Foster goes to Huddy. West Brom have also been a fucked up mess but I still back Pulis to go play tight on the road against a team I still think is shit. Huddersfield should have a hard time finding space and playing against West Brom so it's another game where I think a clean could come in.

DEF:

Phil Jones love of my life auto. Suddenly becoming a bap machine he is the best defender in the game by miles to me.

Naughton welcomes Brighton to the Liberty. Swansea have been a bit unpredictable but they are still playing well defensively and I don't think a Glenn Murray led attack really inspires much fear into anyone. He might be playing as wingback if Clement goes three at the back which would be nice, although he hasn't done so much at home. Either way, a clean feels good here.

SWard at Soton is a dream fixture. Soton are utter shit.

Dunk going at Swansea too - so obviously hoping for a 0-0 in that one. Swansea are pretty bad at scoring goals, and I think this game will largely be played in the middle third with plenty of turnovers in the final third since both of these team's kinda suck at attacking.

Lastly, Franno at Newc - another 0-0 I would kill for - could come off. Bournemouth have been poor, but not awful. They haven't been conceding boatloads, but just enough 1 goalish type games to not hit on cleans. Joselu is bad, Newc are bad at scoring goals, and I think this game will look very similar to Swansea v Brighton. A lot of middle third, a lot of throw ins, a lot of fuck in the final third.

MID:

Triple City mid is finally in place. Dilva, Raz, & Sane here we go. It is realistic that one of Raz or Sane may be rested, but realistically, I expect him to play his best lineup and that includes both of them. Their pace against Arsenal's high line should be on the pitch. Another cheeky look at the three City mids is if/when they all start I'm on for 3 clean sheet points which is nearly like having a defender in as well when they keep cleans. Love that.

Salah is to my midfield as Jones is to my defense. Good lad.

Finally, piece of shit Stephens goes. Hopefully he doesn't pick up a card and just trickles in a couple of points for me. Wish I had someone like RLC in here but meh. 5th mid is shit.

FWD:

New faces and new friends off the back of my transfers. Alongside Kane go Vardz and Bobby Firm.

Leicester looked electric under Puel last weekend so I get where Alon is coming from with being high on Vardy. The new formation really looks perfect at getting the most out of the personnel at his disposal. Stoke are generally a shambles, although they do not tend to let up many at home. Vardy still feels good, though, and someone who I think will represent great value at his price over the near term.

Firmino discussed above, just hoping that Liverpool fuck Bilic upside down. 4-0 not out of the question in that fixture to me.

CAP:

Salah. As you know, dearest reader and friend, I don't cap against Palace so Harold does not get my armband. Salah has looked on form and I think West Ham will have a hard time dealing with him. Risky week to go off Kane but at least I own him so as long as Salah stays within a few points of him it won't be the end of the world. Of course, a Kane hat and Salah blank will leave me in the dumps, but decisions like these are always on a knife edge. It could go the other way and I go up five million places. Not quite, but you get the idea. Let's go.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lacazette

IN: King Harold of Kane

Thanks for nothing Laca flocka flame. Simple move and my Wildcard team was always designed for this swap as I kept the money in the bank for it. Not much to say on Harold, he’s the best player in FPL, just titted Real Madrid, home against Palace. Yep.

GK:

DDG will never leave this spot. I should just copy and paste it. All fixtures are good for Mou and his buses.

DEF:

So my kiss of death lives on. It was hard to imagine me killing all 15 players on Wildcard last week so I duno how my kiss of death works but it seems that Toby is the only one who I kissed.. or killed? I’m confusing myself with language... Anyway he is fucked and out but hopefully he can return to me after international break but for now I’m starting a 3-4-3 which is a bummer because that means I’m starting Jordan Ayew. But ok on to defenders:

Phil Jones just rinse and repeat what I said above RE: de Gea. All fixtures are good defensive fixtures for this team and he’s a BAP magnet and still fucking cheap too. It’s ridiculous how good he’s been this FPL season. Wish I’d’ve capped him every week.

Lejeune I’m very enthused about - he was a post-lambs change to my wildcard team in for Daniels. He’s really fucking good. He is going to score some goals this year by nature of winning every fucking header on the pitch. And his baseline bonus points are out of control. He’s just really really good and watching him closely vs Burnley (despite no clean) last week got me even more pumped for him. He might be the best 4.4 defender in the game but we’ll see. Don’t feel great about Bournemouth this week but hoping...

And lastly Duffy go on. Another good cheap guy and a testament to this price structure / formation. Brighton are a tight outfit and at Swans is a terrific fixture so let’s get some fucking cleans and BAPs. Duffy is just the better version of Dunk RE: attacking potential and bonus for 0.1 more. He’s a good lad.

MID:

My midfield feels very very strong. Only guy “missing” is Raz but ya know, I can’t have 6 midfielders so I feel great with my five (starting four).

Leading the line is Salah’s salad and Liverpool taking on West Ham. I think Walsh is spot on to highlight West Ham and their defensive frailty. Could fuck’em sideways this week but who knows. No Phil, Mane (off bench maybe), Gini, Lallana.. Missing a lot of guys. But Salah has been MoTM in more matches then not this year - he’s just fantastic. He will tit again.

Silva / Sané and Man. City should continue to thrill. And as you heard on pod I’m not deterred by back to back blanks from Silva I still think that he’s a completely fantastic FPL pick and has the stats to back it. He’s nice and rested from UCL and will keep ticking I believe. Sané just have to hope starts, as he should do. Just go look at that third goal vs. Napoli holy fuck what a run by him. Let’s.

Lastly Richarlison. Richarligate. Profarligate. Profligate. Heh... Sorry Rich just taking the piss. Yeah he fucks up good chances for fun. Many sitters and misses and whatever. He’s still really fucking good though. And still the standout budget mid I’d say with great fixtures to boot. Love him and Watford at Goodison running at Jags and Ash. Should shred’em. Go on Rich.

FWD:

Jordan Ayew gets a rare start but ok he does a job. At least it’s a “good” fixture. If Brighton and Duffy fail to keep it clean like I want then hopefully it’s Jordan who undos them. His stats are... Oookkaaaaayyyy but maybe in dog years (AKA for a Swansea player) that’s good? Like 2 shots on target in the last 4 Swansea matches in dog years means he’s actually shooting a lot. What am I talking about? Moving on...

Kane and Kun. Kun and Kane. Best two guys in all of FPL future and past. I gave my Kun sermon on this week’s pod and in last week’s wildcard lambs. TLDR I think he’s the main man at City and firmly ahead of Jesus. And when Kun is the main man you get Kun in FPL.

Kane looked energetic and good in what I saw / read of the Real Madrid match. And then good Poch news putting the injury behind feels good. Kane is auto.

CAP:

Unfortunately for people in my same situation I offer you no clarity here on cap. I just don’t fucking know yet. I need to maybe actually flip a three sided coin. Or ask somebody dumb. Kun vs. Kane vs. Salad. Really really tough. I need more time. I can’t decide now. Who are you going with? Fucking hell.