#the schooling system as it stands is so fucking pointless and it's even more prominent after leaving school than it was during it

[an-absolute-nightmare]

man what the fuck i spent fifteen years of my life in school and i somehow came out not knowing how to handle my emotions OR balance a chequebook

[mitakamirai]

Aoi always had strong feelings for Kiiro. Kiiro is the densest of the dense. He isn't really the person who'd know what the word "love" meant.

"Aoi!" Kiiro raised his right hand when he spotted the familiar girl walking down the hallway.

Aoi covered her mouth as she coughed into her hand, clutching it and immediately pushing her fist into her pocket. "Kiiro-kun."

"Do you have the notes from last week's chemistry class? I was visiting my parents last week so I couldn't attend the lecture. Can I borrow them?" Kiiro flashed a shy smile, scratching the back of his head. Right, Kiiro was absent last week. And also, fuck that smile of his.

Aoi tried her best to hold back another cough. "Ah, yeah, I do. But it's in my locker. I'll hand it to you in the classroom. Is that okay?"

"It's alright. I'll see you there!" Kiiro said before he walked away and Aoi ran straight to the bathroom once he was out of sight.

Pushing through the empty stall, Aoi locked the door behind her and started coughing and coughing. Her throat felt dry and her chest felt heavy, but she knew she had to keep coughing them out. The flower petals.

It was just daisy petals last year, when it was nothing but a small crush on Kiiro. Now Aoi was coughing up sakura petals. She reached into her pocket and dropped the sakura petals she coughed up earlier when she talked to Kiiro, flushing it down the toilet once she felt okay.

"Stupid fucking disease." She muttered under her breath and unlocked the cubicle door, walking towards the sink to wash up. She sighed and splashed water on her face, slapping her cheeks while doing so. "Stupid fucking feelings."

Aoi was diagnosed with Hanahaki disease in her senior year of middle school but it wasn't prominent until her junior year of high school, when Kiiro transferred into her school. Hanahaki is said to only be felt or seen when the person having the disease starts falling in love with a person who does not reciprocate the feeling.

Nobody really knows the origin of the disease, or how the person is able to produce flower petals. Aoi's case was extremely rare as some people only produce one flower throughout their experiences, but Aoi seemed to be producing more than one. The more her feelings got deeper, the flowers in her respiratory tract changes, the more it got painful for Aoi to breath and cough the petals out.

There is no known cure for Hanahaki but surgical removal, or if the person the disease carrier loves, loves them back. Worst case scenario, the carrier dies from respiratory complications.

Aoi has considered to get the roots surgically removed from her lungs, but aside from it being risky, to completely remove the virus, will completely erase the ability of the person to fall in love.

Aoi was skeptical about it and kept having second thoughts. Sure, unrequited love sucks, but she felt that to forever lose the ability to love again was worse.

Aoi sighed and places her hand over her chest, closing her eyes for a moment and just listened to herself breathe, making sure there were no more petals threatening their way out of her lungs.

Before going back to their classroom, she stopped by her locker to grab her notebook to give to Kiiro. She pressed the notebook on her chest and sighed, mumbling to herself, knowing she was at risk of coughing petals again when she sees Kiiro. "Please, don't pile up during class again."

"Kiiro-kun. Here are my notes."

"Ah, Aoi! Thank you. This is a big help." Kiiro took the notebook with both hands gratefully and showed Aoi a smile. Aoi could only hold back a cough and bow her head slightly before she waved him off and walked to her seat, two desks in front of Kiiro.

She covered her mouth again and coughed into the palm of her hand, quickly chucking the petals into her pocket before anyone could see them. Except maybe for one.

"Sakura, huh?" Aoi could only grumble and bury her head in her hands. Midori.

Midori sat down on her desk in front of Aoi's and held out a sakura petal that must've slipped out of the latter's hand. "You forgot this."

Aoi whined and quickly grabbed the petal, chucking it into her pocket. "Since when did you start coughing sakura petals?"

"Last week." Midori snorted.

"Last week? How are you breathing?" That sarcastic tone again.

"Screw you. I'm breathing just fine." Aoi grumbled against her forearms and Midori gestured to Kiiro, even though Aoi couldn't see. "Still Kiiro?"

"Still Kiiro." Aoi said as she sat up straight, her hand over her chest. "We're gonna graduate anyway. I'll get over him soon. Now shoo." She said a-matter-of-factly while fishing for her notebook from her bag.

Midori pouted and turned to face her desk after Aoi sent her off.

After the bell rang, Aoi packed her things and picked her bag. As she stood up, Kiiro hopped in front of her and held out her notebook with that stupid grin that Aoi has a love-hate relationship with. "I finished writing! But don't tell Ishii-sensei I wasn't paying attention. Thank you, Aoi."

"It's no problem." Aoi smiled to hide the urge to cough. "I— uh.. I gotta get going.." She felt her chest getting heavier. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kiiro-kun!" And with that, she sprinted out of the room.

She kept coughing while running and stopped halfway down the staircase to catch her breath, the sudden adrenaline and the petals was restricting her breathing.

Aoi managed to crash into the bathroom and locked herself in a stall, hovering over the toilet and started coughing, choking in between. After she was done and her airways felt clear, Aoi sniffled, leaning back against the cubicle door and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her uniform. "Stupid fucking disease." She muttered before flushing the toilet.

"I'm home." She announced rather weakly as she entered her home. Her little sister popping her head out from the kitchen to greet her. "Welcome back!"

Aoi walked towards the kitchen to see her little sister, Shian, cooking dinner. "Hey, Shian. Where's mom?"

Shian pointed the knife she was holding up. "Upstairs."

Aoi gave her a nod and walked upstairs to their room where her mom was, changing the futons.

"Aoi. Welcome back." Her mom smiled at her and Aoi crashed onto her newly made bed, taking a few seconds before she flipped over to her back to look at her mom.

She sighed and closed her eyes. "Sakura petals."

Her mom paused for a moment before she set down the basket of dirty beddings to sit beside Aoi. "Are you breathing okay?" She asked calmly despite being worried about her daughter.

"Yeah." Lies.

"Is it painful?"

"Not really." Lies. "I'm fine, mom. In a few months, I'll graduate. I'll forget about this soon."

Although her mom was curious, she didn't want to pry on her daughter's privacy on who is responsible of the flowers in her system, knowing well enough that the love Aoi is experiencing is one sided.

"Any special requests for dinner?" Was all her mom could say after a defeaning few minutes of silence.

Aoi opened her eyes and looked at her mom in the all familiar innocence. "Katsudon, please."

"Katsudon." Her mom nodded and gave her a smile, standing up with the basket in arms. "I'll call you when dinner's ready."

As her mom left the room, Aoi turned to her stomach and buried her face in her pillow.

For the next few weeks, Aoi had only coughed up sakura petals and prayed to God that it will stay with sakura petals until she would graduate. But Kiiro was making it impossible for her. In the following weeks, he had made his presence more prominent to Aoi.

Stupid Kiiro.

"I just wanna be friends with everyone before we graduate. Plus, you've helped me a lot throughout the year. Lending me notes and stuff." Kiiro says to Aoi while sipping on his orange juice. They were alone in the classroom cleaning after they were assigned to finish some paper works.

"But you're so dense, Kiiro-kun." Aoi tried to speak through the petals piling up.

"Huh? Dense? Me?"

"Who else. So many girls here want to be more than friends with you." Me included, Aoi thought. Kiiro could only shrug.

"I don't see the need to be romantically involved with anyone. It seems pointless." Yep, he's dense alright.

Aoi fished for her handkerchief from her pocket and started coughing into the fabric, putting it away almost immediately before the petals could fall

"Are you okay, Aoi?" Kiiro looked kinda worried for the girl.

Aoi looked away and continued to sweep the floor. "I'm fine. It's just.." Pause. "My allergies. That's all."

"Ah, I see. Well, we don't have to sweep every little bit of dust here. Should we go?" Kiiro stood up straight, his hand on his waist. It was getting late as well.

"Let's go." Aoi said before returning the broom behind the door, grabbing her bag from the table. She was ready to leave when, "Wait, Aoi!"

She looked back at Kiiro and tried her best not to cough. Kiiro's hair was messy, some of it sticking to his forehead from the sweat. "What is it, Kiiro-kun?"

"Let's have dinner together! My treat!" Kiiro says with a smile and Aoi felt her chest tighten.

She didn't want to refuse, but she knew she had to.

"Please, Aoi?" She really wanted to go with Kiiro, but she's thinking about the consequence that's going to arise throughout dinner.

"Sure." Stupid, stupid brain, Aoi thought to herself.

"Great!" Kiiro beamed. "I'll go to the bathroom for a bit. See for me at the gate?" Aoi nodded, and Kiiro disappeared.

Aoi desperately made her way to the bathroom, crashing down into the open stalls and started coughing. She didn't bother to lock the door this time, she was alone anyway.

She shakily flushed the toilet and washed up, mustering up her courage to face Kiiro even after what she had coughed up. Hibiscus petals.

"Kiiro—"

"Aoi! I know a great place we can eat!" Kiiro excitedly greeted Aoi, taking her hand and ran before Aoi could even say anything.

Aoi felt her chest tighten and her heart beat faster. Kiiro was holding her hand. It was just them. Going to dinner. Aoi knew this was trouble.

Kiiro lead them into a tiny restaurant that was a little hidden from the busy streets of Shikisai.

They sat down at an available table after ordering their food, Kiiro bringing the tray to the table and served Aoi her meal.

"Thank you." She says, rather breathlessly. Her hand over her chest.

"Sorry for running. I was afraid they'd close up." Kiiro says apologetically to the latter, Aoi waved him off.

"It's okay." She says, lips curving up to a small smile.

Aoi and Kiiro spent the next hour and a half at the restaurant, with Aoi excusing herself to the bathroom countless of times. Kiiro was worried, but didn't want to seem too pushy to Aoi — he had already convinced her to dinner.

"I'll send you home." Kiiro says as they exited the restaurant.

"No th—"

"Please, Aoi. I can't let you go home alone at this hour."

Silence.

"Aoi?"

Heavy breathing. "Okay."

Kiiro smiled and Aoi felt her chest tighten once again.

It was only a month shy from graduation. Aoi had hoped Kiiro would stop paying attention to her and focus on other people too, but he didn't. Well, he did, but also didn't. Because he was still making himself known to Aoi, still trying to get her attention at times and always greeted her with a smile when they met.

Aoi really hated that smile. She wanted that smile gone. At this state, Aoi felt pain in her chest but she decided to brush it off. Only a month left, she thought.

Aoi and Kiiro were assigned next to each other for their graduation rites. Aoi hated it, but she couldn't find the guts to speak out. Their surnames were next to each other in the records after all.

Though from the weeks that had past, Aoi learned a lot about Kiiro as so did he. Kiiro really liked chess and apparently really good at it, but he wasn't very confident in joining competitions. Kiiro also liked to play the drums. And a whole lot of little to major details about Kiiro.

She had hoped to find a reason to erase her feelings for Kiiro. A trait that would come off as a red flag for her and uncrush him almost immediately. And for once, Aoi hated having a heart so big that Kiiro's imperfections didn't matter to Aoi. That it only made Aoi fall for him even more.

Everytime Kiiro stood next to Aoi during practices, Aoi would feel a sharp pain on her chest and her heart race, making her palms sweat. Kiiro was unaware of course, the guy was dense as a wet sponge.

Kiiro had asked Aoi to stay behind after their practice. Aoi wanted to refuse, she needed to refuse, or else, it's going down.

Aoi had a mental debate in her head. Aoi was afraid of the consequence, as she knew what had happened last time, and she knows that the pain in her chest is from the disease. But at the same time, Aoi felt as if Kiiro was worth the risk. She felt as if the decision was life oe death.

But she showed up nontheless. Kiiro was in his designated seat, beside Aoi's, and she walked up to sit in hers. Her hand was on her lap, trying her best not to tug her skirt as she felt her chest tighten again.

"Aoi, listen." Kiiro started. Aoi closed her eyes and nodded once. "Yeah?" She says, almost quietly.

"I don't know how to say this, but thank you for being an amazing friend. You and a lot of our classmates were really kind to me, despite me being new and awkward and really don't know how to handle social situations. And I felt so comfortable with you. You always helped me with class notes and studying if I was struggling."

When Kiiro took a break, Aoi was close to crying, the pain in her chest becoming unbearable.

"You're one of the best people I've met in my life, Aoi." Kiiro turned his head to look at Aoi and smiled. "Thank you."

Aoi knew it was a mistake to look at Kiiro being illuminated by the light of the sunset gleaming through the gym, but she did it anyway. And with that, she stood up and tried to sprint to the door, but she crashed onto her knees and started violently coughing.

Tears trickled down Aoi's cheeks as she continued to cough, one hand supporting her body as the other clutched onto her chest. She could hear Kiiro's voice but couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Call Midori, please.." Aoi choked on her words while coughing. She could hear Kiiro running out of the gym while calling Midori and she caught a glimpse of the "mess" on the floor.

Rose petals, floating in the pool of her blood.

Aoi was shaking and panicking, but she couldn't stop coughing. Her head was in a blur and could no longer comprehend what was happening.

She felt herself being lifted up and transported rather quickly. She was still coughing, and couldn't tell if there were still petals in it or just plain blood.

Her ears were ringing but she knew she was in a vehicle somewhere and kept blacking out. The next thing she knew, she could hear multiple people discussing and could hear her mother crying in the background. She couldn't comprehend what she said, all she heard was "save" repeated multiple times.

Aoi was groggy and could only register three dots of lights directly over her head and before she blacked out entirely, she could feel the pain slowly going away.

A month had passed and nobody had seen Aoi, only getting updates from Midori from herd mother.

It was a tough decision for Aoi's family, but Aoi had grown roses in her respiratory tract and the thorns were scratching and tearing up her airways. If Aoi had not been rushed to the hospital right away, she would have died.

It was graduation day and Aoi had fully recovered from her surgery. They were excited to see Aoi, even though they knew Aoi was now incapable of loving, at least Aoi was saved. That she's now alive and well.

Everything was great, except for Kiiro. He had just thought that he had developed some allergies and just brushed it off.

Kiiro was excited to see Aoi again. He did consider her dear to him. They stood next to each other during the rites and Kiiro could feel a strange sensation in his chest and had asked to meet Aoi by the school gate afterwards.

"Kiiro." He turned around to see the person the familiar voice belonged to.

"Aoi. Congratulations."

"Congratulations, Kiiro. Are you headed off for college?" Aoi smiled and Kiiro felt a pang.

"Mhm. I leave for Niji tomorrow."

"I see. Good luck!" Aoi beamed and Kiiro had his hand over his chest. Silence.

"I'm sorry, Aoi."

"Kiiro-kun—"

"I'm gonna miss you." Kiiro said softly before he coughed into his hand, clenching it into a fist afterwards, smiled at Aoi before he left.

Aoi was a little dumbfounded and kept her attention to Kiiro.

Her jaw dropped when Kiiro slowly opened his fist as he walked away. She knew it all too well. It came crashing down like an asteroid.

Sakura petals.

Kiiro fell in love with Aoi, but now that she was incapable of loving after losing her ability to the surgery,

It was Kiiro who is stuck in an unrequited love this time.

And when Kiiro was no longer in sight, Aoi felt no love, but everything was painful.