#the same mini mission before they begin. it just all makes sense now; I’m building it step by step and am very happy with where it could go

[captaincleverusernamehere]

I’ve started thinking of campaign planning as a set of mini-adventures that can all be strung together in any order, each affected slightly by the outcomes of the other, each including hooks for each of the other ones, until the players pick a path, as opposed to an entire world and overarching story where I have to prep for every possibility and know what’s going on everywhere at all times and uh. It’s helped.

[coexiising]

west coast - anakin skywalker

SUMMARY ◆ you and anakin have just never gotten along and there seemed to be no way to get you guys to cooperate. hate sex basically. 

WARNING(S) ◆ smut, degradation, some bad names, rough sex, but there’s consent because consent is sexy, cursing,  choking, unprotected sex, fingering, anakin skywalker is a tease and a bitch, witty banter,  i pretend to understand the force and probably make up my own rules, unedited

WORDS ◆ 3.6k

»»————-　✼　————-««

THE EVENING LIGHT OF THE SUN SPILLED INTO THE LARGE HALL OF THE JEDI TEMPLE, BLANKETING EVERYTHING INSIDE WITH A SHEER COAT OF GOLDEN RAYS. coruscant was always so beautiful in the evenings, the way that the cars sped past each building with a low hum and the rush of traffic. it was a sound that you have grown to welcome these days, especially because it had been many years since you’ve lived here. the capital was beautiful, bustling with life and opportunities. 

your elbow was on the table, palm pressed against your cheek as you leaned against it lazily, poking at the food on your plate with a fork in your other hand. obi-wan was mouthing off in front of you, not that you were really listening anyways. you were too focused on trying to stay awake listening to this mission that he was assigned to bring both you and anakin on in a weeks time. though his speech was pretty much worthless since the other padawan was no where to be found. neither of you had seen him for a couple hours. 

oh well, you thought to yourself. it’s not like you missed him anyways. besides, he was probably with padme or getting in trouble somewhere like he was always doing. 

anakin and you . . . well, it was a complicated relationship. you had been assigned to work with master obi-wan after your master died on a freak accident, and ever since then, you were forced to work with anakin skywalker. you two didn’t get along, you never did. you were even surprised that obi-wan put up with it, but he wanted to train both of you. to say that you missed your life before you had to talk to anakin every day would be the understatement of the year, you longed for the days where you didn’t have to be in the same room as him and watch as everyone fawned over the chosen one. god, even your thoughts were going to make you throw up. it was better to bask in this non-anakin-ness the most you could before he came waltzing into the hall. 

unfortunately, right as you stopped thinking about him, anakin walked into the hall towards the food and would most likely make his way over and sit at your shared table with your master. you felt a groan go past your lips and looked down at your food, stabbing your starfruit and popping it into your mouth. 

a chuckle came from obi-wan in front of you. “you can at least act like you like him you know, might be easier to deal with it that way.” you shrugged, shaking your head and looking up to face your master. “I mean, saying that as your friend not your master.” 

“you’re one to talk, what did you call him yesterday? oh that’s right, insolent. if memory serves you said that to him pretty confidently,” you said. 

“well, yes, but I'm allowed to say those things,” obi-wan countered, popping up one of his expressive eyebrows as he looked at you. 

you stifled out a weak laugh, “I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of me liking him.” and that was the truth, there is no way that you weren’t going to do what almost everyone does here: allow him to get away with the things that he does. sometimes your master calls him out on things - but it was incredibly rare. 

anakin walked over in his usual fashion, which you deemed as strutting, but others didn’t see the humor in it. maybe it was just because every time he even was in the same room as you, you felt the need to insult something about him, you had to keep him grounded, right?

“good evening, y/n.”

“oh, it was,” you said to him, glancing in his direction and then instantly going back to your food. from the corner of your eye you could see as his face feigned hurt, then he immediately went to talking with obi-wan about the mission that your master had previously been briefing with you about. it was something about some trouble on the outer rim, separatists spotted trying to negotiate with the rulers of a planet that was vital for the republic to maintain peace with. a typical mission, one that you’ve been on one too many times. but maybe something exciting would happen, you never knew. 

dinner was, for the most part, uneventful. the only thing that happened was anakin threatening to throw his starfruit at you because you rolled your eyes at one of his comments, which didn’t end up happening because obi-wan gave him that look and a stern ‘anakin.’ 

for the rest of the night you retired to your rooms, telling the two you would meet them in the morning. 

you sat at the edge of your bed, kicking off your shoes and stretching your arms up. you set your comms down on the small nightstand you had and got dressed in something more comfortable for sleeping. the sun was fully down now, and the only thing that lit up your room was the tall lamp in the corner of your room and the distant lights of other buildings through your windows. 

as you slipped into bed under the covers, you allowed your mind to wander. first, to the mission, where you silently went over the details in your head to make sure you had them all memorized. you knew for certain that anakin didn’t, which could possibly give you a leg up in the future. and the more you pondered, the more they landed on anakin.

it was strange, thinking of him. typically you would be cringing at anything that included anything to do with anakin skywalker, but this time you allowed your mind to expand instead of bringing up the protective barriers like you always did. the calming effect of letting the force just make its way through every neuron and crevice of your mind was almost enough to lull you to sleep. 

that was until you heard a whisper, just the faintest, tiniest little sound that you were almost uncertain that you had even heard anything at all. 

your eyes stayed closed, again letting the force do what it wanted in your mind and waiting to see if it happened again. there was a presence there, just on the outer barriers of your mind. there was silence, complete and utter silence and you were about to call it a night when-

you’re thinking about me? 

you jolted up to sit, eyes snapping open and your head getting dizzy from the sudden shift in position. it was anakin’s voice, clear as day in your mind, that was what you were hearing. how could you be so stupid? it was like the force was trying to push that connection. and now that it was established, you knew that you would have to put up more barriers in your mind in order to keep him out. 

and the worst thing was that he was still there. you could feel it. you put your hands on either side of your head and closed your eyes, reaching him and saying, 

i was not. 

it was the weakest lie you had ever made in your life. 

you’re such a liar, anakin chided. you could practically feel his smirk. just admit it. 

you groaned to yourself, feeling a bead of sweat drop down your face from the focus. goodnight, anakin, you said to him and then immediately cut off the connection. 

now you were wide awake, you were sure that there was no way you could get any sleep after that. you weren’t even angry at yourself for doing that, but more embarrassed that your thoughts connected you to anakin - because you were thinking about him. you knew there was no way you were getting out of this tomorrow. 

you busied yourself at your desk with some books you had previously gotten from the archives, trying your best to basically bore yourself to the brink of sleep. and just as you thought it was beginning to work, you heard a knock on your door. glancing at the clock, you saw that it was a little bit past midnight. who the hell was at your door at this hour?

for a moment you stilled, thinking that perhaps it was a mistake and they would leave then you could finally try and sleep, but there was again another knock a few moments later. you finally stood up and made your way to the door, opening it and being greeted by none other than anakin skywalker. he was dressed in his comfort clothes and hair messy, like he had been awake for way too long. 

he didn’t give you any time to say anything, instead pushing his way past you into your rooms. your eyes widened and you took a peek outside into the halls to make sure that no one saw that. luckily, the halls were dead. closing your door and turning the lock, you faced him and stood there deadpanned, waiting for some kind of explanation. 

“well, don’t act all happy to see me,” he said sarcastically. 

you laughed. “im not. what are you doing here? do you understand what could happen if someone sees you and me in my bedroom alone?” there would be rumors spreading like wildfire, something that you definitely didn’t need to be confronted by the council about this. you hated to admit that you knew the exact reason he was here - because of your mini conversation through the force. but that still begged the question as to why he cared so much about it in the first place. 

anakin rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair. you took a second to look him over, seeing that the black shirt he was wearing was sheer enough for you to know what he was hiding under it. you shuddered, coming to your senses again and frowning. “you were thinking about me, and i think i deserve an explanation,” anakin told you, shrugging his large shoulders and cocking an eyebrow up. “you were thinking so loud.” 

“I wasn’t trying to, i was trying to go to sleep.” you countered. 

“you think of me while trying to sleep?”

damn. wrong thing to say. and now he was giving you a look, one that you’ve never seen before from him. his eyes were almost dark, filled with lust. you felt like your fucking legs were going to give out at the look that he was giving you. it was enough to make your face heat up and clear your throat, not having anything else to say, there really wasn’t anything to defend yourself with. 

and it all happened so fast. one second you were both standing there, staring into each other’s eyes, and the next you both were walking towards each other and colliding your lips onto each others. the kiss was hot and searing, instantly making your head go dizzy at the feeling. his lips were soft, albeit a little harsh as his tongue forced its way into your mouth and prodded against your own. anakin’s hand came to grip your jaw, the other on the small of your back. 

you attempted to grab onto him, get your hands on him as much as his were on you, but he didn’t let you, using the hand on your back to pull you closer to your bed. you were still kissing, lips starting to swell with the agressiveness of the kiss. 

you still hated him, you had to keep telling yourself that, even though just by kissing he was making you feel so good. no attachments were to be made, this was purely just acting on normal human instincts, right? 

soon enough the backs of your legs were hitting the edge of your bed, anakin pushed you down onto the bed like it was nothing and you were silly putty molding in his hands. he fell on top of you, instead of kissing you on the lips, he went for your neck, one of his hands came and grabbed a handful of your hair and yanked it down, exposing your neck for him. 

and he made sure that you would have to somehow cover all the marks he was making, because his teeth seemed to graze over every inch of your skin and lightly nip anywhere he wanted. and you felt dirty because you let him. you would let him do whatever he wanted to do to you. 

anakin pulled away from you for a moment to pull his shirt off, discarding it to the floor and helping you to do the same with your shirt. you took a moment to look him over, seeing that his body was practically sculpted and personally handcrafted by the maker themselves, basically knocking the breath out of you. he noticed and you didn’t even care, instead of cringing at his smirk, you found it incredibly hot. 

your hands came to his torso, wrapping your legs around his waist as his mouth began kissing along your chest. you pressed your hips up against him, trying to get friction against your already wet core. sadly, it wasn’t enough and you were left with whatever he decided to give you. 

“anakin, please,” you whispered out towards him, looking down to watch him slip one of your nipples into his mouth, your mouth hung wide open. he came off of it with a ‘pop’ and tilted his head, waiting for you to finish whatever you were going to say. 

“please what?” anakin asked, going back to kissing your chest until he landed on your stomach and started painting masterpieces on your skin. 

you made the tinest sound, feeling sparks send right down below. “just touch me already,” you stated, putting your hands in his hair and giving the curles a good tug. he groaned against him, the vibrations going through your entire body. anakin came up face to face with you, pressing yet another kiss against your lips and pushing down your pants and underwear to the ground. you were now all exposed to him, while he still wore half of his outfit. you pouted at the unfairness but you knew it would get you nowhere now. 

he held his hand out in front of you and for a moment you looked at him confused. he sensed this and said blankly, “spit.” you did what he asked and spit into his hand, watching as he took that same hand and touch your clit, feeling the wetness of your spit and your own mixing together. your mouth hung open as he rubbed his fingers around, experimentally pushing the tip of his finger into you then immediately pulled it out. 

you felt yourself almost whine, needing him to give you more or you felt like you would simply die on the spot. right as you were about to say something, anakin’s other hand came and grasped onto your neck, his fingers digging into your skin and putting pressure on your throat. 

holy fuck. 

typically, you would be angry with how much control anakin skywalker had over you, but now you were just giving into it, liking that he was being rough with you. it was like a form of argument without the words and you were becoming addicted to it. he was able to make you feel so good and you were completely in his power. 

finally, as if he was putting some pity on you, one finger slipped into you, curling up and hitting a spot inside you that made you moan loudly. the hand choking you became stronger against your neck, his mouth coming to your ear and whispering, “be quiet, you don’t want anyone to hear us and have this be over too soon, do you?” he was looking for an answer. 

you shook your head, understanding that this would not be the best time to get caught by anyone else. you tried your best to keep yourself quiet as one finger pumped in you, the thumb of that same hand pressing against your clit and making your toes curl in pleasure. you could feel how hard he was against you and that made the fire in your stomach ablaze, nearing towards that edge desperately wanting some kind of release. 

as soon as you felt yourself getting higher to that point, his hand came off your throat and his hand stopped moving, your eyes opened up and looked at him, who was busy pulling down his pants and grabbing his cock with his hand. 

it didn’t take long for him to position himself at your enterance, his tip teasing you by rubbing it up and down against your slit. “is this what you want?” anakin asked you, his other hand tracing down your body and coming to grip the side of your hip. 

you nodded your head fervently. “yes, anakin, please just fuck me already,” you said to him. 

and that was all he needed before he was ramming himself into you, giving you no time to adjust, which was expected. you took the pain that came with his harsh motions, both of his hands gripping your hips with such force that you were sure that you were going to have bruises there in the morning in the shape of his hands. 

anakin pounded into you, your voice was already hoarse from his choking and you made as quiet sounds as you could. all that anger you had for each other had bubbled up onto the surface and there was only the desire left, the sickly sweet feeling that you had only dreamed about with anakin in your deepest fantasies. you could never get tired of this, perhaps you should’ve initiated this sooner, or pushed his buttons so he would take it out on you this way. 

“god, you’re so fucking tight,” anakin said in that deep, gravelly voice that basically sent you into orbit the second that it came past your lips. you were so far gone, head empty of any incoherent thought other than anakin skywalker. and he continued to move into you shamelessly, neither of you caring about anything in the world except this feeling both of you were chasing. 

you were close, you could practically feel the tidal wave starting to form inside your stomach. his pace would not let up, practically tearing into you with all the energy and stamina that he had from years of training. and anakin looked so good like this, his mouth hung open and sweat forming on that tanned brow of his. his muscles working overtime and flexing with every single movement he made. and his eyes, which were so blue like the oceans of naboo, were staring right into your own, almost like they were telling you to give everything to him. 

you were so worked up, that it only took his hand to come down and rub down against your clit, the pressure enough to push you over the edge. it was like a firework went off inside and the scream you wanted to make died in your throat, wishing that you could be as loud as you wanted. your back arched up and your hips faltered against his own, cumming around him and squeezing, earning a moan from his lips as well. you looked so good coming undone that anakin basically was just sent into fucking orbit with no trace of coming back down. 

the second you regained your composure and came down from your own orgasm, you watched as anakin hit his own, hips shifting and releasing right inside of him. you felt him fill you up to the brim, anakin falling down with his chest pressed against your own. the room smelled of sex and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

the only thing was the sounds of your pants throughout the room, and soon enough anakin was pulling out of you. you frowned at the sudden loss of not being filled up anymore by him. just a second ago you felt like you were on fucking cloud nine and now you were crashing right down to reality at what you had done, and whom you had just done it with. 

you propped yourself up on your elbows, watching as anakin pulled his pants back up and started gathering the rest of his clothes in his hand. he was still shirtless, about to go towards the door when you said, “are you seriously going out there half naked?” 

“no one is up this late, trust me,” he said back. 

you bit the inside of your cheek. “well I don’t know about that after all the noises coming from here.” 

“that wasn’t me making all the moans,” anakin says in such a casual way you stare daggers back at him. he stifles out a laugh and then turns, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. you can hear his footsteps recede from the door and you are left here alone, thinking about what the hell you had just done. 

once you regained your composure and felt like you could walk, you stood up on your wobbly feet and made your way to your small mirror. the second you got there, you gasped at your appearance in the mirror. hair all messed up, marks all along your neck along with bruises from his hands, and the bruises on your hips. and to top it all off, you could feel what he left in you trickling down your thigh. 

that may have just been the best sex of your life. but you still hated anakin skywalker . . . 

. . . right?

[mnictasbcl]

I’ll be forever young (with you)

For #dbhcolorsofdeviancy, prompt:

June 13th: Forever young @connor-sent-by-cyberlife

Rating: Teen

Characters: Connor, Hank Anderson, Sumo

Relationships: Connor & Hank Anderson, Connor & Hank Anderson & Sumo

Additional Tags: Fluff, Birthday, First birthday, Presents, Detroit bridge, Swearing, Hank is the best dad

Summary: August 15th, 2039. Connor’s first birthday.

He doesn’t think Hank will do anything that big for his birthday…

 And is proven very wrong.

(The final prompt for this event! I’ve enjoyed it very much :) )

Story below! Or, read it on AO3

AUGUST 15th, 2039

TIME AM 07:40:02

 Connor awoke to a ball of brown and white fur catapulting itself onto his bed.

Opening his eyes and fully coming out of the stasis, he realised that this was Sumo.

He ran his hands over his soft fur, receiving the wet slobbery kisses over his face, smiling. The Saint Bernard seemed particularly affectionate and excitable, the reason why eluding him as he was distracted by the fluffy cuddles.

But then, finally pulling himself away from the great dog and scanning his surroundings, he found out the reason pretty quickly.

Loosely strapped upon Sumo’s head was a colourful party hat, the words ‘Happy Birthday!’ printed on it in bold letters. Deducing that it wasn’t Hank’s birthday, it wasn’t Sumo’s…

The only other person in the house was him.

He chuckled, moving to pull the hat off the dog but he grumbled and jumped off the bed before he could do so.

“I didn’t think you’d find that comfortable, Sumo.”

The only reply he was given was a snort as the dog sniffed at the floor, nosing slowly out of his bedroom.

Connor shrugged. It made sense. It was a year since his activation day. Strangely… he did recall Hank paying extra attention and asking questions when he had mentioned he was almost a year old since being activated.

But he hadn’t viewed it as a birthday. Merely the day after his testing was complete and he was finally activated and shipped out on the same day for his first mission.

Of course, with the development of android rights, birthdays had been allowed for androids, even encouraged. Markus had celebrated his, he remembered, as he’d created a painting for him as a gift. So had various other members of Jericho.

Still, it felt… different to view this as a human celebration, of him turning a year old. The body he was in was technically not even a year old because he’d fallen off the rooftop on his first mission. He shuddered. It hadn’t been a brilliant day of birth, if humans called it that, that was for sure.

However, with help from people like Hank and Markus, he was beginning to accept his new humanity. Perhaps embracing his birthday would allow him to really move into the next stage of his life.

Besides, it wasn’t like Hank would do anything massive for the day, right?

 He walked out of his room and was met with balloons tied to the curtain poles, a banner proclaiming ‘Happy birthday/activation day, Connor!’, presents piled up on the living room table and Hank standing at the kitchen counter, a birthday hat askew on his head.

“Here comes the birthday boy.” Hank chuckled as he walked in, taking in his bewildered expression. “I know I probably went a bit… a lot extreme on this, but it’s your first birthday. You got to have a nice first birthday.”

Connor continued to scan over the room. “It’s…”

“I know.” He took a step towards him. “I know you’re still getting used to all your new-fangled emotions. But this doesn’t have to be big and stressful. Just a nice day where you can open some gifts and eat cake.”

He quirked a brow. “Did someone buy me a biological stomach, Lieutenant?”

“Smartass. Fine, I’ll eat cake. You can watch and drink a thirium pouch.”

Connor nodded. That didn’t sound too different. He followed Hank into the living room, sitting beside him on the couch.

“Alright…” Hank hummed as he looked over the gifts. “We’ve got a few things- a lot of things- from your friends at Jericho. One or two from the guys at the DPD… and me and Sumo piled some stuff together.”

Connor looked over it all with confusion, hands reaching out before pausing, reassessing. Eventually, he looked over to Hank for help.

“What… exactly do I do?”

Hank smiled. “They’re for you. Open whichever you want, but make sure Sumo doesn’t eat the wrapping paper.” He threw a slightly dirty look at the dog who was laying in front of the table, waiting. Sumo glared back at him.

Connor nodded. That sounded reasonable. Picking up the first gift, which was from Markus, he found even the tingle of excitement building in his chest, wondering with gratitude what his loved ones had chosen for him.

Markus had gotten him a book about fish, along with a selection of classical piano sheet music for him to play. Seeing the care put in, the thought about what he was interested in… was touching.

Tearing through the next few gifts elicited the same feeling. Everything was so thoughtful, even the Saint Bernard plush Sumo had ‘bought’ for him.

“Full of himself.” Hank jerked a thumb fondly at the dog when he opened the gift.

“It is very sweet, Sumo. Perhaps not as good as the real deal…” He bent down to scratch behind the dog’s ears. “But very cute, thank you.”

After everything was placed neatly back on the table, he thought they were finished. But Hank looked to him and proclaimed:

“Okay. I have one last gift for you…”

Connor tilted his head. “But I appreciated the things you have already gotten for me, Lieutenant. They were very generous.”

“This isn’t a thing.” He replied, getting up off the chair. “Come on, follow me.”

The android was intrigued as he was led out to the car. Sumo was put in the back, so he assumed it couldn’t be another vacation or they would have left him with the neighbours.

Still, it seemed like Hank wished this to be a surprise, so he looked down at the mini Sumo plush he had brought with him, stroking his fingers over the soft fabric. He chuckled to hear Sumo whining with jealousy from the back.

Connor managed to distract himself as such until the car pulled to a stop. Looking up, he found they were in the park.

Hank strode ahead of him once Sumo was on the leash, and he hurried to catch up. It didn’t seem like they were in the mood for sightseeing today, the scenery rushing by as Hank continued on.

But, just as Connor was about to inquire where they were going, he found himself at a familiar place. Looking out over the Detroit bridge.

Hank sat down on the bench, holding Sumo’s leash and patting the spot beside him for the dog to hop up.

“I remember this place.” Connor mused, standing beside the bench. Earlier in the day now, he didn’t look out at the stars twinkling overhead but instead the crisp summer sky. “You almost shot me here.”

Hank laughed. “If that’s what you’re asking; no, I’m not going to shoot you. That would be a shit birthday present.”

“It would indeed be rather unpleasant.”

“And illegal.” Hank added. “But… that is partly the reason I brought you here. Not the almost shooting thing. Maybe just the… almost.” He sighed.

“I wasn’t even gonna think about it; you were getting on my nerves, there was too much going on in my head… I was just going to shoot you. But then- you didn’t kill those tracis. And you stood there and told me you were afraid to die. This was the first place I realised that you were actually alive… and all the better for it, otherwise, where would we be now?”

Connor mulled it over. If Hank had shot him, it would have… well, severely halted the growth of their relationship.

“But I don’t want to think about that.” Hank continued on. “I didn’t shoot you. You had a heart. And now it’s your first birthday. In that year, you helped the leader of the android revolution… You pulled me out of whatever rut I’d fallen into. And honestly? I couldn’t see my life without you right now, son.”

Connor glanced to Hank as he paused. He didn’t comment on the way his voice had choked up, instead placing a hand gently on his shoulder, a sign of comfort.

“It’s really helped me, living not on my own again—no offense, Sumo. But just having someone in the house, you… Even if you are a pain in my ass sometimes.” He chuckled.

“What I’m trying to say is… Well, I know you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. A long life. A life where you’ll always look like that, where you’ll be forever young- and a while from now, you’ll be living a new life, without—” he looked up to Connor. “But right now, where we are? I like that. I don’t want it to go away. So that’s why…”

It appeared Hank had hit his quota for sappiness, as he simply held out a piece of paper to Connor wordlessly.

Connor took it off him, quickly scanning over it. It was a form. Official looking, with Hank’s signature at the bottom, and room for his…

“An adoption form?”

“If it’s too much, just tell me. I don’t want you thinking I’m some clingy old man but—”

He handed it back to Hank, his signature printed on it. “Thank you… dad.” The word was strange. It wasn’t likely he’d always use it- but the meaning then, the feeling it brought… it was the best birthday present he could have asked for.

Hank smiled back to him. “Great. Now, what about we get out of here? The view’s pretty, but it’s gonna get hot as hell later in the day and that cake back at home isn’t going to eat itself.”

Connor followed after him, back to the car. “Of course. I have heard, however, about this new android update which can install human mechanics such as eating…”

“I’m not saving you any fuckin’ cake, Connor. It’ll go old.”

“Like you?”

 Connor wouldn’t have it any other way. The small moments of genuine affection and feelings let out into the air… The regular day-to-day life of working at the DPD and bantering with Hank… Being forever young, one day, that all might end. But for now, he would live in the moment, and he would embrace it. All the emotions that would come with deviancy, whether good or bad, or even a mixture of both… He couldn’t ask for a better Lieutenant turned father-figure to help him through it.

[swaps55]

Practice kissing?!

I'd love to read this for Sam and Kaidan, if the mood strikes.

...have a little mini-AU from Sonata. I picked up from where they practice hand holding and just...extended the scene a little. ;) 

~

“For the record,” Shepard informs him, “there’s no way you’ve saved my ass forty-eight times.”

“You’re right,” Kaidan agrees. “It’s definitely higher than that. Come on, let’s go.”

He heads for the entrance to his parents’ building. But a couple of meters from the lobby door it’s Shepard’s turn to hesitate. Kaidan looks back over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. “Are you having second thoughts?”

They're about to go walk into his parents' condo as a fake couple. One of them should probably have a few.

Shepard crosses his arms, brow furrowing, and rocks back on his heels. “Not a second thought. But. A thought.”

Kaidan’s eyebrow arches higher. Whatever the thought is, it’s under his skin now, and knowing Shepard, it’ll be hell getting it out. “That sounds serious.”

The furrows deepen.

Stop thinking it’s cute.

“What if they expect us to kiss?”

Kaidan nearly chokes. “Why would they expect that kind of PDA?”

Shepard shrugs, consternation growing while Kaidan stares at him, a little dumbfounded.

Kiss Shepard? Hell. Kaidan had been trying to talk himself out of a tree over a little hand holding. But kissing him? 

“No one’s going to expect you to kiss me,” Kaidan says, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Yeah, that’s what the current mission parameters say,” Shepard argues. “How many times have we gotten through a combat drop without changed mission parameters?”

“Changed mission parameters? We’re talking about dinner with my parents, not infiltrating a merc stronghold.” 

Shepard scowls. Yup. That thought is under his skin all right. 

Bringing the rachni back from the dead? No sweat. Finding a mind-controlling plant monster? All part of a day’s work. Oh, genocidal AI trying to end life as they know it? That had just pissed Shepard off. Kissing his best friend? Total panic.

It actually…stings a little.

“Shepard, you do not have to kiss me,” Kaidan says with a sigh. “That’s not part of the deal.” Thank god. It might actually be the end of him if it was.

“Kissing you isn’t what I’m worried about,” Shepard mutters.  

“Okay I don’t get it. What’s going on?”

Shepard starts to pace, getting more agitated by the second.

“Look,” Kaidan says, baffled now. “We can call this whole thing off if you—”

“It’s been a long time since I kissed someone,” Shepard says, coming to an abrupt halt and planting his feet, as though he’s finally identified his foe and decided CQC was his best option.

Kaidan blinks. “Okay. Um.”

Shepard crosses his arms again, defiantly now. “I don’t enjoy it. I find it boring and weird, so I don’t kiss people.”

“Then don’t…kiss me,” Kaidan says, shrugging off a sense of disappointment. So Shepard doesn’t enjoy kissing people. It’s not like Kaidan is eager to see him kiss other people. 

The gravity well shifts as Shepard toys with it, worrying dark energy into invisible knots like it’s a loose thread.

“Hey,” Kaidan says, softer this time. “What happened to ‘we’re pretty good at you and me?’”

Shepard huffs and jabs at the sidewalk with his toe. “We are. That’s the problem, I guess. You and I are good, but. I’m not…good. At that.”

“Kissing people.”

“Yeah.”

Kaidan swallows. “So you’re saying that now that we’ve mastered hand holding, you want to give kissing a go. To make sure we don’t fuck it up.”

He shrugs one shoulder. “Maybe.”

Along with his suddenly dry throat, Kaidan’s heart starts to pound. “Um.”

“Forget it.” Shepard sets his jaw and strides past Kaidan, through the door of the condo building and into the lobby. Kaidan almost has to jog to keep up.

“Wait a damn minute,” Kaidan says, still trying to wrap his head around how spectacularly this has gone wrong in the space of about a minute. “You’re pissed at me.”

Shepard looks left and right for an elevator. Kaidan heads left and goes straight to it, nearly running into a gentleman who’d just gotten off one. The door slides closed before they can get on it.  

“Are we really going to go up there and pretend to date in front of my parents with you pissed at me?” Kaidan asks. 

“I’m not pissed at you,” Shepard says, smacking the elevator call button with his fist and continuing to pace while they wait for it. “I’m inventing a problem and getting bent out of shape about it.”

In spite of himself, a small smile curves Kaidan’s lips. “You’re afraid you’re going to be a bad kisser. Even though there is no conceivable scenario in which you’ll be expected to prove you’re my boyfriend by making out with me in front of my parents.”

“See?” Shepard says as the elevator doors open. “You get me.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot who saved the goddamned galaxy.”

“With a few other idiots as backup.”

The elevator door slides closed when they step inside. Kaidan jabs the button to the 18th floor, shaking his head in bemusement.

Shepard scowls at him as the elevator begins its ascent. “You’d be taking me a lot more seriously if I was worried about my aim.”

“Correct,” Kaidan agrees. “I would be.”

“Well damn, the truth hurts, I guess. I just opened up and shared this massive insecurity I have and here you are—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Kaidan doesn’t give either of them a chance to think. He just acts, reaching across the elevator cabin and grabbing Shepard by the front of his uniform. Shepard’s eyes widen as Kaidan closes the gap between them with one swift yank.

This isn’t like that moment on the Normandy’s crew deck during the lockdown. There is no ‘almost,’ this time, no hovering mere centimeters apart, staring at Shepard’s lips and wondering what they would feel like against his.

He doesn’t have to wonder anymore because they are against his.

It’s clumsy. Awkward. How could it not be, with Shepard flailing just to stay on his feet. Warning bells go off in Kaidan’s head, but they’re both in it now, and he’s going to see it through if for no other reason than pure spite.

Bad at kissing, my ass.

Okay, there’s some truth to it. At first. Shepard’s lips move over Kaidan’s like he’s trying to stick the wrong side of an OSD into the slot, tentative and unsure. But then something happens, like an electric shock through Kaidan’s system.

They’ve shocked each other hundreds, maybe thousands of times over the years. Two biotics sharing the same space make it practically routine. But this time that static shock gets under his skin and stays there, low and humming, their biotic fields intersecting with an intensity they haven’t quite shared before. Kaidan inhales sharply as Shepard’s mouth settles against his like it belongs there, like it fits, kissing him back with an urgency that’s nothing short of alarming. And exhilarating.

They’re about five floors from their destination when Kaidan’s better judgement finally kicks in and he releases his grip on Shepard’s uniform, shoving him gently, reluctantly, away. Silence hangs between them as they catch their breath.

No. Not silence. Kaidan’s heart is pounding so loud he’s positive his parents can hear it from here.

“See?” Kaidan manages when he can get enough air back in his lungs. “You’re fine.”

Shepard draws in a shaky breath. “Yeah. Ok. Good. We’re good.”

“Boring anyway, right?”

“Yeah,” Shepard says, wetting his lips. “Never saw the point of kissing someone.”

The elevator chimes as it comes to a halt, and the door slides open. They stare at each other. It’s only when the elevator starts to close that Kaidan shoots a hand out to block it.

“They’re waiting for us,” Kaidan says. Fuck, they’re still so close to each other.

“Right. Yup.” Shepard’s eyes drift back to Kaidan’s mouth before he straightens and walks out of the elevator, tugging at the front of his uniform to smooth out the wrinkles left by Kaidan’s hand. Kaidan exhales slowly before following him. His parents’ door looms just down the hall and to the left.

Kaidan’s lips still tingle, Shepard’s invisible current lingering long enough that it takes every ounce of restraint he has not to spin Shepard around and do it again.

Fuck, he’d give anything to do it again.

What were you thinking?

That wasn’t blurring lines. That was plowing right through them with a shotgun. That’s Shepard’s MO, not Kaidan’s.

Four days. They’re going to put on this ruse for four days?

Fuck.

Shepard glances at him when they come to a stop in front of #1822, uncertain smile on his face. “Ready for this?”

No. No way in hell.

“Yeah,” Kaidan says, swallowing and pressing the door chime. “I’m ready.”

[come-on-shitty-boys]

// the king. oikawa tooru //

Warnings: mentions of death

Word Count: 1.9K

Notes: This is the final installment of the mini-series “Soldier, Poet, King” influenced by the song of the same name by The Oh Hellos.  I might make a second part to this or maybe just do a little drabble to finish it off?? i have to add the header later because my dumbass F O R G O T to make one and i wanna sleep ;-;

“You’re a monster.”

“I don’t care if you’re my husband.  I want nothing to do with you.”

“I refuse to sleep in the same bed as you.”

“You’re just like your father, only caring when it benefits you.”

Each hateful comment that you threw at him pulled the air from his lungs.  He’d never been talked to in such a way, but now, hearing those words drip like poison from the lips of his own wife was like a punch to the stomach.  Tooru knew going into the marriage that things were going to be rocky, but he didn’t expect it to be this bad.  He thought that given a few weeks, he’d be able to win you over with his charming personality and the two of you could enjoy a happy life together, ruling over one of the most powerful nations.

But, that was so far from the truth.  Any attempts at physical contact were shoved away.  Conversation was cut short by a snide remark from you, leaving the young king to sit with all of the gnawing guilt in his chest.  Because, every word that you uttered, he believed to be true.  He was a monster.  Well, maybe not him specifically, but his family was a completely different story.

There was a reason that the Oikawa family was the head of such an immense kingdom, one that stretched farther than one could ever fathom.  A feared kingdom and one with riches beyond your wildest dreams.  An intimidating military with ranks upon ranks of well-equipped soldiers.  Yes, that was the Riviere Kingdom, a kingdom that burned fear into its people and a king to match that scary demeanor.  The king that had worn the crown before Tooru, his father, was as ruthless as they come, building the once small kingdom into the powerhouse that it is today.  Smaller surrounding nations were on their knees, begging to be spared, but they were only swallowed by the overwhelming military force before there was even a chance to protest.  And that was the game for years.  Smaller nations were taken in, allowing the nation to swell in size and power, allowing it to move on to even bigger targets.  It was monstrous.  

But, it wasn’t like Tooru could do anything about it now.  What did you want him to do?  Give everyone their land back and let them break off into their own countries again?  They would starve and die.  People had become reliant on the aid of the kingdom, so who was he to just whisk that all away from them?  Everything was years in the past, he had barely been born when his father's rampage had reached its peak and he was only seven when the final obstacle was conquered, too young to think any ill of his father’s ways.

The Gledria Kingdom had been the goal from the very beginning.  It was the biggest and best, but late King Oikawa couldn’t have that, could he?  Tooru could remember that overwhelming swell of pride that his father carried as the royal family of the newly-fallen kingdom knelt before the king in defeat.  A king with weary eyes, dark circles and heavy wrinkles from years of stress, a queen with gentle features and lips that probably had the potential to carry the sweetest smile, and between them knelt a young girl, likely no older than the young prince himself.  Her eyes were puffy and there was a glisten of snot streaming from her nose, the fear evident in her body as she knelt there trembling.  

“I’d like to make a deal,” the fallen king states simply, his voice as commanding, steady, as if he was the one in charge.  “Your son, is he betrothed already?”

Tooru’s cheeks turned hot, the attention suddenly being turned to him.  “He’s not.”

“Then I would like to offer my daughter’s hand.  Before you refuse, I want you to think about what this could mean for you.  You are free of the burden of an even grander kingdom by letting us walk free and rebuild our home.  Not only that, we are now aligned with you, your majesty.  Our children will act as the peace treaty between our two kingdoms.”

It had been a tempting offer, one that was not refused.  And for ten years, the deal remained in tact.  The two lived in harmony, only engaging with one another when it was necessary.  But, things got boring and the death of King Oikawa was coming sooner rather than later.  It was his last mission.  Put an end to the Gledria Kingdom.

Tooru could still remember the look on your face when you were dragged into the castle on that fateful day.  You had been so eerily easy.  There were no tears, no pain, just emptiness hidden behind those deep eyes.  Your dress had been tattered, hair had been matted and tangled.  You looked like some kind of creature that Prince Tooru had only read about.  He could do nothing but watch as the handmaids took you away to clean the blood of your people off of your shell of a body.

Even now, years after the fall of your home, there was still hate and bitterness, but Tooru couldn’t even blame you.  On the night of your wedding, you had refused to speak to him, let alone consummate your marriage.  Shortly following the death of his father, when Prince Tooru was given his new title of King and you were crowned as his queen, there was nothing.  No words of celebration, no smiles were shared.  The tension in the air surrounding the young pair never dropped.  If you ever looked at him, it was only through narrowed eyes.  If you ever spoke to him, your words stung like a thousand wasps.  You were cold to him, refusing to even give him a chance, refusing to believe that he was not his father, refusing to believe that they were anything but the same.

The people noticed it in only a matter of months.  It was like the clouds had opened up and the sun was finally able to shine through.  After years of war, there was peace in the kingdom once again.  Aid was given to those who had lost everything and King Tooru was adament on purchasing his silks and fabrics from within the Riveire Kingdom to help support his people in an effort to get them back on their feet.  Festivals that had long since stopped from fear of the late king’s wrath, now filled the squares all over again.  From within the castle, there were nights where the merry cheers and laughter of people down in the village carried on the summer air as they rejoiced in a new sense of freedom that they hadn’t felt in a long time.  

And it was those nights that he was able to feel closest to you.  It wasn’t much, but every night that the music could be heard, he could find you on the balcony that extended from the bedroom that the two of you were meant to share.  Your hair would sway gently in the warm breeze, face aglow with moonlight, letting the night consume you in all of its beauty.  If he listened closely, he could hear you humming along to the tune of some song that he had heard you hum a million times, but would never tell him the name of.  Some nights, if he watched you long enough, Tooru could watch you slowly start to sway as you get lost in the song that echoed in your head.  

“We should go,” was all he had said to you.

It caught you off guard.  There was a sudden abruptness to his words, but the gentle tone that he always used when talking to you never left.  “What are you talking about?”

“A festival.  We should go sometime.  It could be fun, don’t you think?  Mother would never let me go when I was younger.  She thought commoners were filthy and when my father started his reign of terror, the festivals and parties stopped all together.”  Tooru leaned on the rail of the balcony a few feet away from you, giving you your space, while still being near you.  The fact that you didn’t immediately move away felt like a win in his book.  “Have you ever been to one?”

You simply nod.  You’re silent for a long time, he thinks the conversation is over until he sees your mouth open.  “We used to go all of the time.  If my father knew there was going to be a festival, he would take me.  We would dance and he’d lift me up and spin me around.  He would buy food and drinks for everyone there, so every single person could have a good time and not have to worry about expenditures.”  Tooru looked over at you as your words trailed off.  A soft smile graced your features.  It was the very first smile that he had ever seen from you, but it fell quickly.  “But that was before-”

“Yeah.  I know.”

“I really don’t think you do.  Do you really understand what your father did to us?  To every single kingdom that fell on their knees before him?  My people were slaughtered, Tooru.  I watched my parents die because your father betrayed them and you stand here and genuinely expect me to see you in a different light.  You may not be your father, but you’re still an Oikawa.  You carry all of that bloodshed on your shoulders now.  You could be the kindest king in the world, but nothing is going to reverse the past.”

“You’re right and I wish that there was something that I could do to fix everything.  If I could go back and stop him from doing what he did to your kingdom, I would do it in a heartbeat, but we didn’t know that it was coming either.  But, Y/N, we can’t keep living like this.  If you don’t want to love me, I can live with that, but I beg that you let me show you that I am more than just my father’s son.  I’m an Oikawa and that’s something that I can’t change, but I can change the feelings that come with hearing that name.  I wish nothing but the best for my people, our people, but that has to start here.”

“What are you saying?”

“Let me take you to one festival.  We can dance until your feet tire so much that I have to carry you home.  I’ll spin you around until you’re so dizzy that you can’t see straight.  We can eat and drink and laugh until your stomach hurts.  You don’t have to say yes, but I want to show you that I am King Oikawa Tooru and I am not the same person that my father was.  So, what do you say?  Will you do me the honor of being my dance partner for just one festival?”

[untitledtallgeesepodcast]

[TRANSCRIPT] EPISODE 12: SPACE IS (STILL) THE PLACE

Kat  0:03  

Hello and welcome to Untitled Tallgeese Podcast, a podcast where Kap, which is me, Mallory, Caitlin, and Cathy all get together and watch Gundam Wing and talk about Gundam Wing. This is episode 15, where we'll be covering episodes 23 and 24. 

Kat  0:20  

So I'm going to start off with an episode summary of Episode 23: Duo God of Death Once Again. We open with Sally Po salvaging Wing Zero from the bottom of the ocean with a band of rebels. In space, a now recovered Duo is hanging out, shit-talking OZ without even wearing a disguise, and that gets him noticed by newly-minted OZ soldier Hilde Schbeiker, who tells him to enlist. Instead, he steals a mobile suit, prompting a space battle with Hilde. During their own psychic hot pink moment, Duo realizes they're both fighting for the peace of the colonies! So he saves her from becoming collateral damage, and his capture conveniently gets him a ride to the moon. Duo is so hot that Hilde defects and helps him break into his target, the Lunar Base. Duo again allows himself to get the shit beat out of him and captured -- this time strategically -- and is thrown into the brig with Heero and Wufei, who are immediately jerks. He tells them the doctors have begun building a new Deathscythe and Shenlong. Lady Une makes Trowa listen to her monologue about Treize-sama and we fade out. 

Kat  0:21  

Episode 24: The Gundam They Called Zero starts with a mysterious Gundam attacking an OZ resource satellite, piloted by a traumatized Quatre, who then sets his sights on an actual colony. Lady Une orders Trowa and Heero out with the Mercurius and Veyeate, ignoring Chief Engineer Tsuberov's argument to use the mobile dolls. But with Une distracted, Tsuberov overrides her and orders the air to be cut off to the cells holding the pilots and the doctors, leaving them to die... slowly. Trowa is amped as hell to hang out with Quatre and get the band back together, but Heero is more cautious. Trowa loses half a suit in the ensuing battle and learns that Quatre may not be the ally he thought; he's decided the only way to stop war in outer space is to destroy the colonies themselves and Quatre and Heero prepare to face off as the episode ends.

Mallory  2:03  

Yeah, these episodes were really fun.

Kat  2:06  

They were really fun and I think they were really straightforward. There's, I don't know, there's like just everything was happening not symbolically. 

Caitlin  2:14  

Yeah, I love these episodes because they, they contain the entire spectrum of like, Duo eroticism. So 

Mallory  2:21  

[laughter] All right! 

Caitlin  2:24  

you have Duo being like cool, for a second, to Hilde. He's got the glasses, he like tries to break into the volunteer group or whatever, the soldiers. He does, he does get some like blows in and then he gets beaten up a bunch? You have cool Duo who we love and then you have beaten up Duo, who we also love. His voice is just so sexy to me throughout this entire thing. Sorry to like, confess my desires here but Duo is really like, working it. 

Cathy  2:56  

To add on to this in Episode 24 you get moe, cheerful-even-while-dying-but-also-resenting-his-death Duo. And then there's the little bit of like, almost flirtatious but also kind of serious fighting with Heero over who gets to go out of the jail cell and him calling Heero 01, which is a lot of fun. And you know, you get all the little pairings like Trowa beats up Duo so you get your 2x3 and then Wufei is stuck with Duo after Heero leaves you get your 2x5. Heero and Duo are the two that interact once Duo gets caught so you get your 1x2, like you got, you, there's everything.

Kat  3:37  

And you get a new female love interest with Hilde.

Caitlin  3:40  

Yeah, Duo gets a girlfriend at last he gets his own like mini. He gets mini Noin, as as we call Hilde.

Cathy  3:46  

I really had forgotten how much she is like Noin until I rewatched these episodes, like she seems like a younger Noin, including sort of her naivete, and obviously that she's part of OZ. She has the same kind of, you know, I know what's right, and I know what my morals are, and I know what my values are, and I know what my mission is, that Noin had when we were first introduced to her at the Victoria Training Base. And then of course, that gets turned on its head by a man the same way that she does with Zechs. 

Caitlin  4:19  

Mmhmm.

Cathy  4:20  

And then she sort of abandons that original kind of mission statement to seek her own meaning, which is also adjacent to the man's meaning, [laughs] but in a in a fun way.

Caitlin  4:32  

And I will say that, in terms of like convincing speeches about politics we see in the show, Duo's points to her do make a little bit more sense than the average one.

Cathy  4:44  

Yeah. And I I was trying to pay attention to the narration we got at the beginning, and I think this is consistent with the last two, but it felt more poignant here, where they were saying, you know, we're at this point where the Gundam pilots are trying to find a reason to exist in this changing world. And I thought that was a really great way of explaining, you know what Duo is doing and why I feel like that's so inspiring to Hilde, such that she essentially does a pivot and becomes a free agent in terms of how she is thinking about who she's fighting for. Because, you know, if you think about Duo and the other pilots at this point, the scientists who they've been getting missions from are captured. So it's been radio silent for months and months and months. Their Gundams are gone, they really have never been particularly good about organization or trying to get to a central mission, or if they even know what that central mission is. So they're working so hard and being so bad at it in terms of like, like doing to the best of their ability, something. And I really do think that that speech he gives like, there are some truths that he finds self evident. And it's just really hard for him to understand, like how to get there. And he is like, you can always feel him struggling with that while he talks to Hilde. And so I did find that really moving and really human.

Kat  6:04  

When he says, "You remind me of me when I was sent back to earth and decided to fight for the colonies alone," which was really poignant, but also kind of funny and brings up a common complaint, which is I have no idea how much time has passed between things. Sort of like, was that how many months ago was that? When you say months and months and months, they've had time to build all these mobile suits. So and it does appear that OZ now has a pretty good infrastructure on the ground. Hilde's part of like, the OZ Student Volunteer Corps, who I don't think they should be handing mobile suits off to, that seems not like the best way. [laugh]

Caitlin  6:42  

But you know, in the logic of this universe that 15 year old are the best piloting mobile suits so [laughs]

Mallory  6:48  

Right, you know, why not give a hot headed teenager awash with hormones and rage a mobile suit?

Kat  6:56  

I do think Hilde fulfills a really good role that we've been talking about in past podcasts about how we really don't see the colonists' perspective. And it gets very direct with that when she goes, "this is outer space's decision." Like nobody bullied us into arming ourselves and militarizing, we had to make the decision ourselves.

Mallory  7:16  

Yeah, we did it for our own protection. She says we weren't going to just sit back and let them take over. She feels. I think. like OZ is giving her some sort of agency in this like feeling of powerlessness that we've kind of talked about and how the colonies feel powerless and insecure, and so if they feel insecure, they want to be armed. 

Kat  7:38  

There's this phrase she uses, and she says the colonies have "a history of humiliation," that I thought was really interesting and a kind of a perspective that we haven't seen so directly before. 

Cathy  7:49  

Yes. And also the scientists at the very beginning, remember, I think it's Dr. J who says, basically, well, OZ is treating all the new space colonies just like, and I have in quotes, "old world colonies to be plundered." They were talking about the history of the colonies and how they've been treated and I think in Episode 23, you kind of get that whole spectrum of it, right? You get they're just being exploited. Well, they feel like they need to assert themselves by getting armaments. But no, actually, according to Duo, this is all just hogwash and propaganda. And, you know, this is like this whole spectrum of reasons and thoughts about why this sudden militarization is happening and who's really behind it and who it actually is serving.

Kat  8:29  

I'm gonna pick up a thread there when you said propaganda, because something we haven't mentioned, was Zech - er Milliardo Peacecraft inexplicably just hanging out in another conference room with a bunch of old colony dudes in suits. And they mentioned that the engineers or the, the Gundam doctors have been killed, and he thinks, oh, that's the kind of falsehood that could really do a lot of damage. Like he's already noticing that the OZ machine is running.

Mallory  8:54  

Right, it was a line that struck me because it's frankly, kind of a terrifying lie in the age of things like Qanon and sort of foreign misinformation campaigns that we are seeing on Twitter and Facebook. 

Caitlin  9:07  

Zechs pointing out the dangers of fake news?! 

Mallory  9:11  

Yeah, unmitigated rumor. And I don't know, I think as a journalist it just really strikes me that in a children's TV show there's this like, warning like, "Be careful of lies that you are being told by adults." We only really see, we see news but we only, really only see Une or OZ representatives speaking. We don't really see like, like an independent journalist standing with a microphone or whatever, which tells you where like news and what news is going out and the spin that is being put on that. Like when Une assassinated Septum early on, and she comes out and she's like, Oh, it was the work of those dirty Gundams, right?

Caitlin  9:53  

Right. We do know, so one of the, one of the notable like news sequences that we have seen recently is the OZ theatre of destroying Deathscythe, right? We see that they do it. And then we see Duo reacting to it?  So we know that like part of their like news cycle right now in the colonies at least is like expelling this, like the Gundams as terrorists,

Cathy  10:17  

I almost feel like, because all the players have, or are connected to the military or Romefeller or OZ or Alliance, and the reactions we see about these news documents, be they press releases or broadcasts, are from those players, it feels less like some sort of point about propaganda, or fake news. It feels like to me that OZ released that information to the colonies for a reason, even though there might be backlash from the colony, the individual colonists, but it really was about trying to get colony leadership to agree to the OZ takeover.

Caitlin  11:01  

Yeah, you think, you think it's about the people who are making decisions, not about trying to control public opinion? 

Cathy  11:08  

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Caitlin  11:10  

I think that might be true. Like, to a certain extent, that is what they're doing. But we also do see that public opinion has shifted, and that there is a real, a real effect to this. That's what, that's sort of what the point of Hilde is, to know that there are people in the colonies who have changed their perspective on how to fight, that they've joined up with the OZ Volunteer Corps.

Mallory  11:33  

Exactly. And sort of it shows the hold that OZ already has, and the sort of foundation that OZ has already built within the colonies, in that they already have, you know, like Kat was saying earlier, they already have a Student Corps. You know, like that these structures kind of pop up really quickly.

Caitlin  11:51  

The ease with which these structures arose, speaks to the, the things for which the colonies are usually used? Like they're already sort of like primed for manufacturer. They're primed for like the sort of intense sort of governmental control because you need somebody inside each of these colonies managing each moment. There's something about them that lends them very quickly towards this militarization process.

Mallory  12:18  

Right, like it's easy to trade one dictator for another one.

Kat  12:21  

Because the structure of the colonies is already so not necessarily militaristic, but -

Caitlin  12:27  

- authoritarian, maybe? 

Kat  12:28  

Yeah. 

Caitlin  12:29  

Just, just because like in order to keep a colony running, you have to have sort of an unquestioning -

Mallory  12:34  

- like a really strong hierarchy 

Caitlin  12:36  

Right, because if somebody starts questioning their orders, you could destroy the colony.

Kat  12:41  

When Quatre is, puts his actual Gundam inside the colony and is like, "colonies don't need things like this!" about a ferris wheel -

Mallory  12:49  

Right, or a playground.

Kat  12:50  

I feel like that's sort of underscores that that idea of like, colonies for one thing versus another thing, like the way people view the utility of colonies.

Cathy  12:59  

Yeah, and one thing to remember is that most of the population that are on the colonies are technicians and workers. So it's already built in, I think, to their history.

Caitlin  13:11  

So one thing that came to mind for me was that we know the colonies are mostly laborers, and mostly people who are working very hard to stay alive in this very precarious space. But they need that entertainment, they need that fun in order to actually do their jobs. Whereas like Quatre's model, besides destroying the entire colonies, has been is now to reject anything to do with that, like, glorious joy of life. Like he's now like, switched entirely to being like, No, we only need war, we only need destruction, we only need work. I think it's also very poignant, because like he must have grown up in the colonies, he must have gone to places like that.

Mallory  13:53  

But it felt out of character from the few, the previous episodes where he spends a lot of time saying like, but we were good to them. We we gave all these resources, we help people live and we wanted them to be happy and all of that, like we shared our resources and our wealth. And now he's like, Oh, they don't need these, like small pleasures! A Ferris wheel? Get out of here.

Caitlin  14:15  

Right. I think that's, I think that's exactly why this is the form his psychosis has taken. It's because he has this idea that his family really helped the colonists and like made their lives better. And now now that he's entered his like, crazy mode, which I love, that he's like, No, we don't need to help them. We all, I don't care about them anymore.

Cathy  14:35  

I love that scene where he rampages through the colonies and Caitlin knows that we had just finished watching Shin Godzilla. And 

Kat  14:44  

Oh!

Mallory  14:44  

Mmm.

Cathy  14:45  

- and this scene was extremely Godzilla-esque, right like, it really shows the sheer power and horror of how large the Gundams are and what they can do when you just want to be recklessly brutal and recklessly violent on anything and it is really, it's really interesting the kind of like care they take with this scene. Everything's quiet, there's no people, you just see this Gundam like, crushing things slowly, like destroying them, because Quatre wants to destroy them. And it's really good.

Caitlin  15:21  

You get really good shots of the colony's slope because like, those the colonies are curved and this is one of the distinctive things that makes you know that they're in a colony is that you can see like the city like rising up behind you because it's, it's circular or it's a loop. And so you get this sort of like extremely enclosed space that like because the colonies are shaped the way they are, it, it feels like they're, they're both spacious and claustrophobic. And so that that giant Gundam being there really interrupts the space. It really like, disrupts the perspective. 

Kat  15:42  

The animation overall, was I think, better. It like, it seems like slowly the budget is increasing, or... Everybody looked great enough.

Caitlin  16:04  

It's Episode 24ish. So they're, this is like the season finale. Sort of.

Kat  16:10  

Oh, true.

Mallory  16:11  

Right. So they're pulling out all the stops.

Caitlin  16:12  

Yeah, so they've saved money for this.

Cathy  16:15  

I think a really fun thing about Episode 24, especially the animation, is I think how carefully they construct it. Like you start off with this frame of what you slowly realize is a colony outpost, and it looks like this hideous floating horror thing with like tubes coming out of it and it's like vaguely alien and vaguely tentacled. And then this menacing shadow comes and you know, you can tell immediately that it's Wing Gundam. But because you don't see into the cockpit like you almost always do when a Gundam appears on screen, you don't know who's in it, and it feels very supernatural? like a vengeful ghost? And then it destroys this outpost. You spend that whole time as the audience thinking, Who is it? Who is it, it can't be Heero, you know, it's not Heero. And then that wonderful shot of Quatre, the utter silence as he breathes, and then they slowly reveal his eye. Like, that... Not only was the animation amazing, but just like this cinematic quality of that opening sequence. It just felt like a slasher film. It was so good,

Caitlin  17:22  

So good.

Mallory  17:23  

The pacing of that scene is so good. Like, I had really no idea what to expect. So when you see like the shuttle approaching, and then the music starts and it transforms into a Gundam and you're like, Oh my god, this is so cool! I'm 31 years old and this is still so cool to me! This would have blown my mind.

Caitlin  17:45  

Did you know about like the Quatre-goes-crazy plot.

Mallory  17:48  

I did know that Quatre has a turn but I didn't know that he goes crazy.

Kat  17:53  

We managed to not spoil it this entire time.

Caitlin  17:56  

That's really exciting.

Mallory  17:57  

Look, I thought he was dying of space tuberculosis, so. 

Cathy  17:59  

He could, he could still be dying of space tuberculous

Caitlin  18:03  

I have convinced several people that that is canon. [laughter]

Mallory  18:08  

So basically, we're just making up our own canon.

Caitlin  18:12  

Yes, as we do in fanfiction as well. I do remember like, there being like a genre of fanfic that sort of talked about Quatre's like, crazy phase. But then a lot of the like basic, 3x4 stuff would, would sort of gloss over it. [laughs] Just because it's a little bit too dark to deal with, for your happy flute playing romances.

Mallory  18:36  

I started reading one and just, I was like, Oh, no, this is too dark. I don't, this isn't the Quatre that I want, shoo. Not my Quatre. So I avoided those.

Caitlin  18:46  

And it's too bad because there's a lot of good three times for evidence sort of in these episodes where you have like, yeah, Trowa's the one who really believes in Quatre. He's the one who says, "Oh, if it's Quatre, we're we're gonna to be okay. He's an ally. He's, you know, my boyfriend from the, from the desert." [laughter]

Mallory  19:04  

Like, he just, he spends the whole first part of the episode just wanting to get to Quatre. Like, "I'm ready to go meet my space boyfriend."

Kat  19:12  

"It has to be Quatre and he's going to be on our side, and he's going to help us defeat OZ and everything is going to be great!"

Mallory  19:18  

And Heero has to be like "Oh, hold on. He just -- D-didn't you just see him destroy a colony? Like he might not be the dude you know. It's been a while since you play violins with him."

Caitlin  19:29  

What's funny to me is that we know, the audience, we know that Quatre has gone crazy because of, probably because of what we saw with his dad and his sister and all of that. We sort of remember that. But nobody else has any has any awareness of that. Like did it not play on like, the news or on like the radio or anything, that this major like colony financer was killed in like a horrific terrorist incident where he self-destructed a colony or a satellite? Like nobody else knows.

Unknown Speaker  19:58  

As it turns out his son is one of the five major terrorists that we consider the number one threat to the colony safety? 

Caitlin  20:05  

Yeah, it's like, it's like everything that happened in that situation is totally separate from the rest of the colonies. Right now. 

Mallory  20:11  

Right. But if OZ doesn't want people to know about it, then OZ just simply won't tell people about it. And so nobody would know.

Unknown Speaker  20:19  

I think that Une would know and then maybe Trowa would know, right?

Mallory  20:24  

Maybe Une is keeping it close 

Kat  20:26  

True.

Mallory  20:26  

to the chest.

Caitlin  20:28  

And so Zayeed Winner's sacrifice was all for nothing, which is what we thought when it happened.

Mallory  20:35  

Completely unnoticed. 

Caitlin  20:37  

Yeah, nobody even knows.

Mallory  20:39  

I had a question about a shot on screen where you see the.. each Gundam pilot matched with their engineer. 

Cathy  20:48  

Yes!

Mallory  20:48  

And I couldn't tell, is that an OZ record? Is that just the show reminding me that Quatre is the only one of these four that is unaccounted for? Like I really couldn't tell. 

Cathy  21:01  

I think it's an OZ record, and what is really also funny about it is, I don't understand why they would know... I guess they matched each of the scientists to the Gundam they developed so that's how they're perfectly in number order? But it was, it was really interesting. It was another one of those moments that felt vaguely like horror-esque. You know, like when you're trying to find the killer and you go through and you like, find a yearbook or group picture and all the pictures have been slashed, and you leave just one.

Mallory  21:28  

Oh my god yes!

Cathy  21:28  

 And that one is Quatre. [laughter] And like that's how I felt about that scene. [laughter]

Unknown Speaker  21:32  

Oh my god, he's even like sent in the like specs for Sandrock, so he could put a little signature on it.

Caitlin  21:40  

Yeah, it's clearly him. I don't think he's trying to cover that. 

Cathy  21:44  

No, no, no, he's not.

Caitlin  21:45  

But they don't, they don't even know who he is. They don't know who the pilot of 04 is. Like that's the point, they don't have his picture.

Kat  21:52  

They didn't realize that it was the Maguanac Corps.

Cathy  21:55  

But I don't think they have a picture of Quatre... Which is kind of weird because I feel like shouldn't the son of the Winner family have a record somewhere?

Caitlin  22:04  

I think they don't know that it's him. I think they don't know it's the son of the Winner family. Otherwise, they'd have the picture. He's the most prominent person out of the pilots. [laughter] He's the only one who had who would have existing photographs. 

Kat  22:15  

Well, you think somebody would have noticed Trowa Barton saying his name is Trowa Barton right since that family tree...

Mallory  22:21  

Speaking of Trowa Barton though, I do want to talk about how he's the MVP of these episodes, because he's the only one doing anything of sort of strategic usefulness? 

Kat  22:32  

Okay, Duo tried 

Mallory  22:33  

Well Duo tries, yes.

Caitlin  22:35  

Wufei tries! 

Mallory  22:36  

Okay,

Caitlin  22:37  

I know that everybody is a Trowa fan. But let's, let's stop with the Trowa exceptionalism. 

Mallory  22:44  

Wow

Caitlin  22:44  

Everybody is doing their best

Mallory  22:46  

Trowa is in a spot where he like, he's in a high ranking spot in OZ, he is so trusted by Une that he gets Heero to be allowed to pilot the Mercurius because Trowa's going to be controlling him. And he's feeding the engineers information and like finding things out. 

Caitlin  23:03  

He's just lucked into that spot. And he's doing the best he can. Anyone would do the same in his position,

Mallory  23:09  

But like, nobody else did that though.

Caitlin  23:12  

Duo tried. [laughs]

Mallory  23:15  

Well, very, unsuccessfully. Very stylishly, but unsuccessfully.

Unknown Speaker  23:19  

Wufei's big plan was to get captured. [laughter]

Cathy  23:23  

It worked! 

Caitlin  23:25  

Waitwaitwait, I think the capturing is an actual plan, like I feel like Wufei's received a mission from somebody. I was assuming that the scientists are still sending out missions to get them to all get captured, so they can give, give them their Gundams back,

Cathy  23:39  

I think Wu Fei

Kat  23:41  

No, Wufei got captured because he wanted to be taken to a place where he could destroy Treize.

Caitlin  23:46  

I think that's just what he thinks, like he still had a mission, right? He was he was given some instructions. 

Kat  23:52  

I thought he was working on his own and sort of like, "Oh, well, this seems like a strategic place that I should be."

Cathy  23:57  

I agree with Mallory, and that's why he's going around because remember, he attacks the Barge during Lady Une's weird thing.

Caitlin  24:03  

Duo had a mission too, right? Duo it was given some instructions at some point. 

Cathy  24:08  

When?

Caitlin  24:08  

I feel like Duo at least in these episodes, there was some line about how you're, Heero says to him something like, "Oh, you you tried to complete your mission."

Cathy  24:18  

I think it was metaphorical. Like I think Heero means, "Oh, you came here with an objective. And you didn't meet it." 

Kat  24:23  

Agree.

Cathy  24:24  

Yeah. And I always thought that was kind of funny, because I wasn't sure if he was being ironic, or if he was seriously asking this question. Like, I was wondering if it was like, "Well, clearly, you're here."

Caitlin  24:33  

Wait, I definitely thought that somebody was manipulating them to get captured. Like I thought that that was, this was a plan.

Cathy  24:38  

My understanding was that they're all there because they know that the lunar base is like a big manufacturing center and core for OZ. 

Kat  24:45  

For mobile dolls, yeah.

Caitlin  24:46  

Right. No, I mean, like there's, so there's their choices. And they're there to blow up the lunar base in their minds, but they've received instructions about that from somebody and the real goal of those instructions was to get them in the same place so they could get back with their Gundam. 

Kat  25:02  

No. 

Mallory  25:03  

No. 

Cathy  25:03  

I disagree. 

Caitlin  25:04  

Okay, then they just really lucked into that. 

Cathy  25:05  

Yeah. 

Cathy  25:06  

I was assinging them much more strategic planning

Kat  25:08  

'cause I don't even think there was like a full lunar base when Wufei got captured. He was literally just like, "Where might Treize be? This is a good try." But I think they're all independent actors who all... like Duo was there to destroy the base. I think Heero was there to kill the scientists. 

Cathy  25:24  

Yeah. 

Kat  25:24  

So they couldn't be forced into working for OZ.

Mallory  25:26  

Exactly

Kat  25:26  

He sort of assumed that's what Duo was trying to do. But Duo was just there to bomb the base. 

Mallory  25:31  

Right? And so his joke is, to him it's funny, like, "Oh, you came to do this too and you failed?" 

Cathy  25:37  

Yes exactly! [laughter]

Mallory  25:39  

And Duo's like, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

Cathy  25:41  

Well I thought it was really funny but I wasn't sure cuz he delivered the line so deadpan. Like, there was like no, there was like no joke emotions. Like it was just like, "you botched your mission. You tried to kill them. And you didn't." I was like, are you? Is this funny?

Kat  25:55  

He's making a lot of like those jokes when Wufei's like, "Oh, do you think they're gonna let us test out the suits?" and he's like, "maybe as the target." [laughter]

Cathy  26:03  

Oh god that's true, he's actually really funny. 

Kat  26:05  

The mysteries and vagaries of Heero Yuy.

Cathy  26:07  

I really thought that I would have a better grasp on his character as like a 32 year old person but I'm watching this [laughs] and I'm still like, I feel like Duo in a fanfic like, "is he joking? Is he serious? Does he like me?"

Cathy  26:18  

[laughter] Like that's how I feel about Heero in these two episodes.

Mallory  26:21  

"What does that smirk mean? 

Caitlin  26:24  

Wait, I had one more Quatre point, which was that his voice actress who is Orikasa Ai was really crushing it these episodes.

Cathy  26:32  

Yes! 

Mallory  26:33  

Yeah!

Caitlin  26:34  

This sort of like dead cheerful baby voice? He sounds really innocent and pure. But also, like he's about to kill a bunch of people.

Cathy  26:42  

Yes. And especially there is a line where he says, "Oh, you're afraid of dying, aren't you?" Which was so chilling.

Mallory  26:52  

I do want to talk about this because last episode, I brought up that there's a lot of talk of the noble sacrifice. And I feel like in these episodes, there's just, it is hammered over and over and over, you have to be willing to die for your mission. You shouldn't be afraid of dying, or why the hell are you fighting? It just seems like there's just this constant sort of theme of being willing to lay down your life for "the mission," you know, at the back of my mind, like, what are we teaching kids that you should be willing to die for your work and your job? [laughter]

Kat  27:31  

Like, bringing some feelings to this episode.

Mallory  27:34  

Like maybe I'm projecting here, but 

Caitlin  27:35  

Do you mean like Japanese children watching the show or like the kids in Gundam?

Mallory  27:40  

No I mean, like, in general, what is the message that this show is sending to kids? You know, because I talk a lot about how I think I would have related to Heero being like, "oh, I've messed up now I'm going to die." But like, that isn't really healthy. I guess I'm I'm just wrestling with this as the show goes on because I keep noticing it over and over the idea of the noble sacrifice and how that is like something that you should be willing to do if you are passionate enough, or you feel enough for your cause. 

Kat  28:14  

It's also very tied into the idea of being like a noble warrior, which keeps coming up, it's like, to me, those two things are very intertwined. And when we hear like Heero going, like, "space is crazy, I'll just keep fighting and believing in myself." It's not that he will believe in himself, he will keep fighting.

Caitlin  28:34  

I think that it's trying to show that this is the attitude you develop in war. That fostering these beliefs in young child soldiers is bad, and ultimately leads to a society that just perpetuates war because it's the only thing that the people involved can understand. And that ultimately, the goal of the show is to find a way out of that thing. That's the common Gundam universe theme is this, like, how the war machine like perpetuates itself and creates like this situation where you can never escape like an eternal war. I think it draws a lot on currents of like Japanese pacifism, and the idea of like, going against the Japanese militaristic approach of like, you must sacrifice everything for the country, for Japan. In order to like be a true citizen, you have to give up everything. Because that's very much like the military propaganda that was fed to the citizens during World War II and that feeds into the creation of the original Gundam and gets sort of like complicated, watered down in some ways, but also sort of like typified? :ike turned into a such like a, like a rote recitation of a theme in later versions of Gundam  that it's not always fully articulated. So I think Gundam Wing is sort of in between those where it's like, it's dealing with that like sacrificial concept. I think it wants to say, "No, there's a better way." But we haven't yet gotten to the point where it's like, "there is a better way."

Cathy  30:15  

The term that I keep coming back to is like the Japanese concept of junjou, which is like sort of pure-hearted, like a pseudo naive kind of feeling. A lot of child characters in this show are just so pure-hearted, that they don't have any way out, to what Caitlin was saying, other than just throwing their bodies and their lives into it? Like they're given no mechanisms to have any other agency or express their feelings or be able to achieve the goals that they want. And they're so pure of heart that they get essentially taken advantage of, and warped into thinking that the only way into it is to sacrifice their bodies. And I think like Hilde is a great example of this here and I think that's also why Duo says to her, "that you remind me a lot of when I first came down to earth," because when he first came down to earth, the only thing he felt like he had was his ability to pilot this Gundam and sacrifice him and his Gundam to serve the cause of why he dropped as part of Operation Meteor, and Hilde is the same way, you know, she feels like the only way that she can solve solve the issue with the colonies is essentially to throw herself into this war machine and give her whole life to it because what else does she have

Kat  31:25  

When Hilde at the end defects, but then says the same thing like, "I am ready to die for my cause," she still has this enthusiasm and has decided that there could be a different path but that different path is still just fighting? which I like. I mean, I like that it's it's complicated and thorny

Cathy  31:41  

To me, I don't really know if the die or not dying is good or bad. Like I don't know if the show is actually trying to comment on that at all. It's almost just like a shorthand to what you're saying Caitlin earlier ,to demonstrate that they really care about pacifism. Like that's really what this whole "I'm willing to die for my cause" thing is trying to say. 

Caitlin  31:58  

No, I think this is a really good point. Like a lot of it is like the show performing these sort of like typical archetypes, these typical themes in a way that the fans will recognize.

Kat  32:11  

So I did want to talk about 2x5, only because we've been talking about 2x5 this whole time 

Caitlin  32:17  

Yes 

Kat  32:17  

And this the first time they've really gotten to hang out.

Caitlin  32:19  

There's very little interaction you guys. I feel like I live in like a desert where I am just fantasizing 2x5, like did I hallucinate the whole thing? 

Mallory  32:29  

Yeah, it, was it a mirage? 

Cathy  32:30  

I had that exact same feeling, and then I remembered that this bit actually continues on and we are actually thinking of stuff that happens in Episode 25, so

Caitlin  32:39  

Yeah

Cathy  32:40  

there's for next time.

Caitlin  32:42  

Let's rehearse the 2x5 section that we got, which is Duo and Wufei are trapped in a cell together, while Heero and Trowa are going to do things, like, that's a fic!

Mallory  32:53  

As they're running out of air! 

Caitlin  32:55  

Yes! 

Mallory  32:55  

And Duo is complaining and panicking and Wufei is just like, "I need to shut you up and the only way to shut you up is to kiss you." That's what happened after the cutscene. 

Cathy  33:04  

Yeah, that's actually what happened [crosstalk, laughter]

Cathy  33:05  

That happened in the episode. 

Caitlin  33:06  

I remember that.

Kat  33:07  

Yeah, you're actually psychic. Wow.

Caitlin  33:11  

It's just good. They're, they're a good pairing because Wufei's kind of an ass

Kat  33:16  

Well Duo looked amazing. And it was really nice to see them hang out. His braid: great. Getting beat to shit: great. 

Caitlin  33:24  

Duo's voice actor Seki Toshihiko: really great these episodes, very charming [crosstalk]

Caitlin  33:25  

Wufei's voice actor's also very good I think and I think that he's underrated. Ishino Ryuzou, I think.

Cathy  33:33  

I think he's amazing, because you can tell, he's radiating in every single second of his lines, "Shut up Duo," but never actually says it. 

Caitlin  33:45  

And then I also found out that Midorikawa Hikaru who plays Heero had originally auditioned for Wufei. 

Cathy  33:52  

Oh that's interesting.

Caitlin  33:53  

Which I think would have been maybe a misfit. He auditioned for both Wufei and for Heero, but he didn't think that he'd get the lead role.

Kat  34:01  

I think we're now at the point where it's time to pivot. 

Caitlin  34:04  

Yes 

Kat  34:05  

to this podcast's fandom artifact. So Quatre flipping out and blowing stuff up. And then sort of dealing/not dealing with his trauma in the middle of space makes its way into Toonami promo, which was haunting me until Cathy came through and knew exactly which one I was talking about, so. You've heard us talk about the Toonami promos and commercials before on the podcast so I'm gonna kinda split this up into one, there's the pre-airing, like two and a half minute trailer:

Toonami Promo  34:40  

[rocket engine noises, space noises] In the distant future, mankind has reached the stars, but the galaxy is troubled. 

Kat  34:48  

[the commercial is still playing quietly, you can hear yelling and more narration] Which was like so popular that Bandai took it to use to promote it in Japan. And they were like, so happy with how like the Toonami people created the promos for it that they were like, yeah, you can run some other Gundam too. 

Toonami Promo  35:02  

[The sound of a Gundam laser weapon] Narrator: Battles are waged with mobile suits, the key to military dominance. [the commercial fades but is still playing quietly, you can hear muffled narration and sound effects]

Kat  35:14  

People have managed to remaster a lot of the Toonami bunkers and stuff because anime nostalgia cannot be beaten.

Caitlin  35:14  

That's what runs this podcast.

Kat  35:24  

[the beginning of another promo begins, quietly underneath] It's 100% true. But the promo that I was thinking about was not the long promo, but it was called "Spaces is the Place."

Toonami Promo  35:25  

[lo-fi beats begin, with a guitar riff] Narrator: Human beings leave Earth. 

Toonami Promo  35:27  

Quatre: To outer space, every one of us! [fades but contious to play, the music audible]

Kat  35:29  

And it's of part of a series of promos that Toonami did that sort of combined shots from different shows, to kind of create themes.

Toonami Promo  35:30  

Women's voice: It'll be, it'll be dangerous 

Toonami Promo  35:30  

Lady Une: Commence operation! 

Toonami Promo  35:31  

Man's voice: We'll commence operation in six seconds [?]

Kat  35:32  

But Cathy, you have some good thoughts on it so I want you to talk about Space is the Place.

Cathy  35:46  

[promo continues to play -- battle noises and yelling over more low-fi music] Well, so this should really go in the canon of anime music videos. I don't think we talked about it enough. I really wish we knew who edited it, because it's just this perfect pairing of all these disparate stories to like form this one coherence, really cool narrative that manages to say something without ever saying anything. [laughs]

Cathy  36:08  

And they have that moment with Quatre breathing.

Toonami Promo  36:19  

[Quatre panting heavily, a low thrum the only other sound]

Cathy  36:20  

And I have never forgotten it.

Caitlin  36:21  

[low music continues with long chords played by brass instruments, then speaking] What ,what it's basically like, what this reads to me as is like they have like, it's, the characters are essentially Gundam characters, and they fleshed out the Gundam Wing world with all these other like space shots. So it's addressing our complaint that we don't get enough space colony [laughs] in Gundam Wing, like it's like an it's like an alternate universe vid where they've like created more of a, of a world around a particular set of characters.

Mallory  36:51  

Yeah, I mean, I like them because, you know, as a kid watching Toonami, but not really ever catching those shows, because that's just not where I was, like, I saw those promos a lot. And they told me exactly what I needed to know, but actually didn't tell me anything about the show at all. 

Caitlin  37:08  

Yes!

Mallory  37:09  

Like absolutely nothing. But it left me with a really good impression of what Gundam Wing was like.

Caitlin  37:15  

One of the things that is like, kind of a kind of an issue in, like Media Studies, film studies, like trying to analyze film or anime or TV shows as texts is that when you analyze them in isolation from their viewing contexts, you lose a lot of what was going on in terms of their interpretation. So like, I mean, with film, obviously, you can talk about the audience and going into theater and the theatrical space. But with TV, you especially lose this sort of programming flow is like the like, the concept that's often brought up. It's like this idea that you have programs moving into each other. With Toonami, you have a block of programming, so there's all this marketing around the block. You lose the commercials. So it's very hard to sort of like, analyze a show in isolation, which is why I'm glad we talk about things like Toonami's Space is the Place because it's part of it's part of the context of how we were watching it, and how we watch TV, TV back then.

Cathy  38:16  

And for those of you who didn't watch the Toonami block, you know, the host of Toonami was, [sigh] it was either an alien or 

Caitlin  38:23  

TOM

Cathy  38:23  

TOM, I don't know what TOM

Cathy  38:25  

He was a robot.

Cathy  38:25  

was a robot or an alien or something like that. And 

Kat  38:28  

He was a robot, he lived in a space station. 

Cathy  38:29  

Yes. And so that's the other thing about Space is the Place is that it wasn't just about the shows that were on Toonami, in a way it was discussing 

Caitlin  38:38  

Yeah

Cathy  38:38  

the whole meta universe of Toonami. And the story behind Toonami. I mean, rather famously in around 2000, they had an invader of the total immersion event come in and kill TOM. 

Caitlin  38:52  

Yes!

Cathy  38:52  

And so we had a new host TOM II, so this whole idea of like Space is the Place, going into space, discovering these new things, you know, that that was speaking to the cohesiveness of that whole Toonami universe that we were living in as we watched it if you caught that block while it was broadcasting on TV. so when I watched this, you know, I'm not only seeing Gundam Wing, I am seeing all these other series and that host and his voice and the animation at that time.

Kat  39:23  

Shout out to the voice of TOM who is Steven Blum who is a great American voice actor 

Mallory  39:29  

Yes, 

Kat  39:29  

Spike Spiegel.

Caitlin  39:30  

Always been great. These extra programming touches like Tom, like the space station, like these music videos. They not only were they like, absorbing us in a world that we continue to want to see to keep us watching. But it also always signaled to me that there were like, fans behind the construction? Like at the very least sci fi fans, if not explicitly just anime fans.

Kat  39:56  

There's a good interview on IGN that came out this year with Jason DeMarco, who is, he's currently the Senior Vice President and creative director for Adult Swim. But at the time, he was working for Toonami and he was the one who wrote and cut the trailer before Gundam Wing aired. And he wanted to create like a cinematic film trailer, like, kind of elevate it from what they were doing to something that was really like epic. And he's definitely a giant robot anime fan. I will also link this interview, but I think it's really interesting to see kind of the fans that were working in the background, he talks about how you have to get fansubs at conventions and stuff. So you know, he's, he's got that sort of similar anime background. He also talks a little bit about how they had to edit Gundam Wing for the daytime block and how the unedited version was sort of the prequel to the Adult Swim block. [quiet midi music of "Just Communication" beginning to play] So Toonami itself changed a lot about the whole environment of animation and how that's played on television, I think in America. [midi drum break as the volume increases.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

[rhosyn-du]

Title: A Wonderful Institution Artist: @bidnezz​ Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, various background pairings Word Count: ~53k Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, discrimination against Downworlders, reference to rape, Clave-typical homophobia, implied character death, minor character death Summary: Magnus doesn’t have time for this bullshit. Warlocks are disappearing in New York City—five people in less than three months—and Magnus is determined to find them and protect the rest of his people from whatever took them. He doesn’t have time for politics, and he certainly doesn’t have time for whatever nonsense the Clave is proposing about marrying a Shadowhunter to a Downworlder as part of the new Accords. He doesn’t really have time for a pretty Shadowhunter who’s surprisingly kind to warlock children, either, but, well, he’s always been good at multitasking.

Alec always knew he couldn’t have what he wanted, but he’s spent the nearly four years since the newly-appointed Consul recalled his parents to Idris without explanation making the best of what he can have. When life suddenly offers up almost everything Alec actually wants on a silver platter, he can’t quite bring himself to trust it, especially when it comes with a million caveats and a side of impending disaster. But he knows how to handle disasters, even if the return of the Circle on top of Clave secrets that could destroy the Accords is way beyond the disasters he’s used to fielding. Hope, on the other hand? He doesn’t know what to do with that.

This fic was created for the @malecdiscordserver​​ Mini Bang 2020.

Chapter Three

Alec told himself he was just doing his due diligence when he spent what little free time he had in the week following his second meeting with Magnus Bane investigating the recent warlock disappearances. Demons were involved, which made it Shadowhunter business, he reasoned, and it was happening in New York, which made it his Institute’s business. Plus, it was an excellent distraction from his mother’s presence and the impending negotiations with the Downworld, with everything that implied.

It had nothing at all to do with helping Magnus, or worrying that Magnus might be making himself a target, or how very badly he wished he could have accepted Magnus’s offer to join him for drinks.

It couldn’t have anything to do with Magnus. He barely knew Magnus. Magnus, who was centuries old and quite possibly one of the most powerful living warlocks in the world and easily the most beautiful man Alec had met in his entire life. Magnus, who made his stomach churn in a way that was both exhilarating and terrifying. Magnus, who had probably only invited him for drinks because it made sense for the High Warlock of Brooklyn to get to know the Acting Head of the New York Institute, anyway.

Magnus, who looked at Alec like he could actually see him—and liked what he saw.

Alec got the names of the other missing warlocks from Catarina. He’d visited with Madzie three more times, all at Catarina’s request, and he and Catarina had formed a tentative sort of bond over their shared concern for the girl. Catarina didn’t mention Magnus, and Alec didn’t ask, and he ignored the small comfort he felt over the probability that if anything had happened to Magnus, Catarina would have mentioned it.

He didn’t mention the missing warlocks to his mother, or anyone else. Yes, she was Head of the Institute, and since she was actually in the Institute for once, she was also in charge of all ongoing missions and investigations. But she was busy preparing to receive dignitaries from the Clave and envoys from the Downworld, and Alec justified keeping it from her on those grounds. He had Jace and Izzy to help with investigation, and that was more than enough.

And Izzy helping with the investigation kept her from pestering Alec about his impending wedding. Mostly, anyway. He only wished it did half as good a job distracting him.

“According to her upstairs neighbor, Evangeline Grim is polite, fond of cats, and makes a great lavender shortbread,” Jace reported.

“Perfect,” Alec said. “Maybe whoever is kidnapping warlocks is hoping to start a magical bakery.”

“The couple who live next door thought she might have been keeping a cat in the apartment even though it's supposedly a pet-free building,” Izzy offered.

“Okay, we'll just forget about Evangeline Grim for now,” Alec decided. “Anything new on any of the other victims?”

“I confirmed that Bastian Pyre did several jobs for the seelies,” Izzy said, “but I don’t know if that’s helpful. A lot of warlocks do work for seelies.”

Alec felt a headache building behind his eyes. They'd been at this for a week, and they'd found nothing that gave any clue to where the missing warlocks might have gone. He was starting to understand why Magnus was so frustrated by the disappearances.

“Maybe we should call it a day,” Jace suggested. “Do some training, grab some dinner, maybe get a little downtime before tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, when the negotiations to finalize the revised Accords would begin. Tomorrow, when Alec would find out the name of the complete stranger he'd agreed to marry. Alec wasn't ready to think about tomorrow.

“I just,” Alec said, staring down at his assorted notes. “I just need a little more time.” He ignored the look that Jace and Izzy shared. “There's gotta be something in the information we've gathered.”

“Maybe,” Izzy said slowly, “you could try calling Magnus.”

Alec's eyes snapped up to look at his sister. “Why would I call Magnus?” He could hear the defensiveness in his own voice, and he hated it.

“Because he's investigating the same disappearances we are,” Izzy said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, Alec realized, it kind of was. “And he's been doing it longer. It makes sense to share information.”

Dammit, it did make sense. And there was a part of Alec that was desperate for an excuse to see Magnus again. But there was an even bigger part, the one in charge of important things like self-preservation, that knew it was a bad idea. He'd met Magnus Bane twice and had barely convinced himself to walk away the last time. Who knew what he'd do if he let himself see Magnus again?

“I'm sure Magnus has more important things to do than talk to me about the lack of information we’ve found,” Alec said in a tone that made it clear the matter wasn't up for discussion. “You two go ahead and take that break. I'll catch up with you at dinner.”

The look Izzy gave him as she left said he was being an idiot, but Alec ignored it. He was in no mood for his sister's well-meaning critiques of his life.

Jace paused on his way out. “Hey,” he said, laying a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Whatever you need to do, I’ve got your back. You know that, right?”

“I do.” It should have been comforting that at least his parabatai trusted him to make his own choices when the rest of his family didn’t. A week ago, it would have been. A week ago, Alec trusted himself. “Thank you,” he said anyway.

“Any time,” Jace said. “But if you work through dinner, I’ll let Izzy come find you.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “What happened to having my back?”

“That is having your back,” Jace told him.

With a heavy sigh, Alec turned back to the notes spread out in front of him. Come hell or high water, he was going to make sense out of this mess.

Magnus portalled himself and the three other Downworld representatives to the Institute for the negotiations, as they had decided it made sense to present a unified front to the Clave. This supposed unified front was of course somewhat undercut by the fact that the Downworld factions had sent representatives of wildly varying rank.

The Spiral Council had managed to convince Magnus that he should act as the warlock representative on the grounds that these final negotiations were being held in New York, and he couldn’t deny that it made sense for the High Warlock of Brooklyn to attend. The New York werewolf pack had sent their Second, a woman named Gretel who Magnus had only met in passing, and the vampires had sent Raphael, who held a similar position in the New York vampire clan.

The Seelie Queen herself represented the seelies in the negotiations, and while it made a sort of sense as it was a seelie who had finally been chosen to be married off to whichever Shadowhunter the Clave put forward (something about the woman having half-nephilim cousins she was fond of making her a good choice), her presence made Magnus uneasy.

Magnus thought perhaps the glass of whiskey he brought with him—his third for the evening, or was it fourth?—might also ruin the unified front a bit, but he'd promised the Spiral Council he would treat these proceedings with the respect and decorum they deserved, and they did not come close to deserving him sober.

The Clave representatives did not meet them at the entrance to the Institute. Magnus couldn’t help keeping an eye out—subtly, of course—for Alec as the two Shadowhunters who met the Downworld delegation led them to the room where the negotiations were to take place. He couldn’t help his disappointment when he failed to catch sight of him, either. Seeing Alec, even for a moment, would have vastly improved this trip.

The Clave delegation was already seated around a large cherry wood table when they arrived, looking for all the world like they’d been kept waiting despite the fact that he and the other Downworld representatives had arrived several minutes early. Magnus refrained from rolling his eyes at the obvious power play but did sip his drink with affected disinterest. And then proceeded to nearly choke on his drink when he spotted a familiar figure among the rest of the Clave representatives.

Alec's shoulders were taught with tension, and there was a furrow between his brows that Magnus wanted to reach out and smooth away with his fingertips. Instead, he banished the glass from his hand and straightened from his dismissive slouch. The Clave might not deserve his respect, but he could pretend for Alec.

He even made an effort to smile politely at each representative’s introduction. Even Inquisitor Herondale, who looked at him with the same distaste he imagined she might look at something she found on the bottom of her shoe.

Magnus's smile froze, though—along with every muscle in his body—at Alec's introduction. Because Alec was Alec Lightwood, Acting Head of the New York Institute, and now that he knew, Magnus didn't know how he hadn't seen it before. Standing there next to Maryse and Robert, Alec was so obviously their son.

Except Alec had done things Magnus never would have expected from a Lightwood. He’d protected Madzie. He’d thanked Magnus for healing him. He'd looked at Magnus like he was everything worth looking at. So maybe it wasn't that strange Magnus hadn't realized who his family was.

Their eyes met briefly as Magnus made his own introduction, but Alec kept his face carefully neutral. Magnus hated it, hated whatever had put that rigid tension in Alec's posture, hated the storm of emotion he couldn’t identify hiding in Alec's eyes.

After introductions were done and all representatives had seated themselves around the table, the negotiations began. This last session was really more of a recap of the terms all parties had agreed to in previous sessions than anything else, and Magnus was pleasantly surprised to find that the terms of the revised Accords were mostly minor updates to the current version. Given the Clave's insistence that the revisions happen now instead of at their regularly scheduled time and their demand that a marriage be included, he'd expected a major overhaul, likely with further ridiculous demands from the Clave. That it wasn’t should have eased Magnus's concerns, but it didn't. Instead, it just made him more wary about what the Clave might be up to.

In the end, though, there was nothing he or any of the other Downworld representatives had major objections to. There were a few disagreements over wording, but in the end, they had a document all parties were happy with.

Magnus couldn't help the way his eyes wandered over to Alec during the discussion. Consul Penhallow did most of the talking on the Clave side, so Magnus didn't have the best excuse for watching Alec, but it was like his eyes had a mind of their own, drifting toward Alec any time he wasn’t consciously looking somewhere else, cataloguing every word, every movement, every breath.

It didn’t help, Magnus thought, that Alec avoided meeting his eyes once they were seated. Oh, he wasn’t obvious about it. He simply watched whoever was speaking, and if that person happened to be Magnus, Alec watched his hands, or fixed his gaze at a point over Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus hated it almost as much as the furrow in his brow. The furrow that seemed to deepen with every passing minute.

“Which brings us to the final updated clause,” the Consul was saying, and Magnus once again forced himself to look away from Alec and pay attention to the proceedings.

A decision he immediately regretted as she launched into a short but pointed speech about how the union between Shadowhunter and Downworlder would symbolize the enduring peace between their races. As if there had ever truly been peace between the Clave and the Downworld. As if Shadowhunters didn't assume the worst of Downworlders in any given situation. As if there weren't, even now, Shadowhunters who kept trophies of the Downworlders they killed. As if two of the Shadowhunters sitting at this very table hadn't been party to Valentine Morgenstern’s attempted genocide.

Truly, he pitied the poor seelie woman who'd been conscripted for this so-called symbolic union. No matter how fond of her cousins she might be, it couldn't possibly make it any less loathsome to be married to a—

Magnus's brain came to a screeching halt as several pieces clicked together to form a distressing whole. Married to a Lightwood. Catarina had said the Clave was putting forward one of the Lightwood children. And Alec… Alec, who sat across the table, hands clasped so tightly together that his knuckles shone white. Alec, who protected Madzie from demons without a second thought, who protected Magnus from demons even though Magnus was more than capable of protecting himself. Alec, whose smile made Magnus feel things he hadn't let himself feel in nearly a century. Alec was Maryse and Robert Lightwood’s son.

Magnus wished, suddenly and desperately, that he hadn't banished his drink earlier. He wished he hadn't agreed to come to this meeting at all. He wished with every fiber of his being that he'd put those pieces together wrong.

As usual, Magnus's wishes went unanswered by a cold and callous reality.

“For a century and a half, the Accords have brokered peace between the Clave and the Downworld,” Alec said. He addressed the table, but when he finally—finally—looked at Magnus, their eyes locked, and they were both caught. “But they haven’t done enough. We bind ourselves to their rules, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, and it’s enough to prevent all-out war, but only just. There’s still distrust and even hatred between the Clave and the Downworld.”

There was something in Alec’s gaze that Magnus couldn’t quite place—conviction or resignation or both—and he almost seemed to be willing Magnus to understand.

“This union, along with the other revisions to the Accords, gives us the chance to open a bridge of understanding between Shadowhunters and Downworlders,” Alec continued, and there was a flash of regret in his eyes, just like there had been when he turned down Magnus’s invitation for drinks, before he looked away, “and I am honored that the Clave has chosen me to be a part of this union.”

Even though he’d known it was coming, hearing Alec say it aloud was a shock, and Magnus drew in a quick, surprised breath.

“I have to say I’m a bit surprised the Clave conscripted you for this, Alec Lightwood,” the Seelie Queen commented, “given your family history.”

“I volunteered,” Alec told her, frowning.

“Is that a formal objection to the Clave’s choice?” the Consul asked.

“Not at all,” the Queen answered with a small smile. “Simply making an observation.”

“In that case,” the Consul said, “would you like to share who the Downworld has chosen as a representative in this union?”

“Of course,” the Seelie Queen answered.

When Raphael asked him about it later, Magnus would blame the whiskey, but the truth was he couldn’t stop thinking about the regret and resignation in Alexander’s gaze.

“That would be me,” Magnus said.

[the-gunslock]

Amanda 3 - Hammer

Third canon-deviant fic about Amanda Holliday and her journey to being greater, from a mini-series of four.

"This one would be pret-tyyy cool…"

The burnt-blonde Shipwright scrolls through the 'Collections' of Exotics Guardians found in their journeys, analyzing their perks as she patiently waits to be called inside the most envied library in the City.

For some seconds, her emerald eyes fall on a pair of knightly silver Gauntlets that could be what she looks for. She ‘hmm’s to herself for a second, trying on some shaders, and nods in approval.

"Amanda, let's go."

Her head moves to pay attention to the Warlock that has just arrived at her usual spot at the Bazaar, greeting her with a nod as she stows her tablet away and is transmatted into the library. She makes a mental note of the name ‘Stronghold’. Shaxx would probably appreciate her dedication to swordplay.

Other pieces like Fr0st-EE5 and Transversive Steps, which do not require Light usage, would also benefit her while she fought. Good to know, good to know. So many loopholes to be exploited.

Ikora Rey had devoted the day to silent studying and rewriting of her books, still not completely updated after the Traveler’s awakening in recent times. In order to focus better, she does most of it quietly and alone in the library, save for the Hidden that appear to report to her on occasion. Today was an exception, for she allowed the Tower’s Shipwright to keep her company under the pretension that she wanted to learn, and there was no better teacher for that than Ikora.

Ikora’s library has dim, yellow lighting and a rustic aesthetic, with bookshelves and flooring made of dark wood covered with blue and white tapestry. The overall layout of the place was circular, the center having her desk and simple chairs and couches disposed about.

"So, Amanda." Ikora begins, making herself comfortable at the table and suggesting Amanda to do the same, across from her. "What do you seek?"

Amanda quietly taps her fingertips at the table, fidgeting as she tries to formulate a good reason.

"I wanna learn how to… to fight. Like y'all Guardians do."

Ikora doesn’t turn her head, but smiles.

“Is that so?”

“Uh… yeah?”

Ikora gives a chuckle as she finishes rewriting a page.

“I think not.”

“...Why not?”

Not faltering, Ikora turns her head to face her friend as she hovers her hand above the book. “Because if you wanted to learn how to fight, you would have asked Zavala. And, if the words I received are true... you already did.”

Amanda doesn’t have an answer to that, only looking at the desk and pressing her lips together, the inquietude only building up. She observes Ikora using an emanation of Solar heat to dry the ink on the pages.

“Ikora, I… want to be a Guardian. I thought I could ask you to teach me how to think like one.”

As the Warlock turns to the book again, she turns a page and looks at a previous version of the book, also spread open on another part of the table, for reference. “Okay. And why aren’t you?”

She is caught off-guard by this question. She struggles to let out her answer, and the next sentence comes out a bit more condescending than she’d hoped.

“Because I’m not a Lightbearer?” Amanda replies as if it was something obvious.

“During the Red War, we weren’t either.” Ikora says as she starts writing once more. “And I went through the same dilemma. I was lost. I looked to the ashes emanating from the City, and vowed… never again. And since I had nowhere left to go, I found myself on Io, in search for answers. As time passes me by, I realized I was left without answers, without Light, without my team... without anything to hold on to.”

“And then?”

“A Guardian found me. One of those who had made the pilgrimage to the Shard of the Traveler and recovered their Light. They could have refused, but they didn’t. They could have quit the fight, but even if they knew they were going to die, they didn’t. And their very presence reminded me that, while the terms are, indeed, very associable to the outside observer, they are not the same.”

The Shipwright listens intently as Ikora recounts her tale. There were many angles to this. Most, she didn’t consider. Multiple viewpoints are a virtue Guardians must possess.

“It took me some introspection and some... unprecedented incidents, for me to believe that I am more than just my Light, and in being greater than the Light, protecting it and the people who live through its influence is what made me who I am. So, as long as you strive to perfect yourself, you’ll always be one."

Ikora eyes her friend without turning her head this time. Her eyes are amiable, as fierce as they looked.

"A Guardian, Lightbearer or not... is always a Guardian.”

The Warlock delivered each part of that sentence in a very light, but thorough manner, a way that Amanda didn’t even think was possible. It was a nail she still had to hammer, that Guardians are more than just their Light.

During the Red War, Amanda had argued with Zavala after the Traveler was imprisoned and the Light lost. “There are thousands of people like me stranded down there in the City", she had said; “We're all the same now, Holliday. The Light is gone.” She was too angry to realize at the time, but looking back, she realizes she had taken the Guardianship for granted.

While she still didn’t like having to obey Zavala and leave citizens to die, it was paying off, in a way. Everything they did, they did for mankind. And it was beginning to thrive again, the best they could. She could feel it, even if her mission was far from over and new threats were still bound to come.

With a deep breath, she promises to face them gladly.

"Thank you, Ikora." The Shipwright says, eliciting a smile and a deep nod from the Vanguard that was still focused on writing the page.

Amanda pulls out her sketchbook and starts drawing over a sketch of herself. But before she continues, she has an idea for the final part of the 'secret-unnamed-project'.

"Can I, ah, look around for a book?”

“Do you need help with anything?”

“Yeah, actually. Wanna know where the name ‘Leviathan’ comes from.”

Ikora pulls up her own tablet, doing a query search for the word on the archive. It narrows down to multiple editions of a religious book from the old world, called ‘Bible’. Taking a break from writing, she hovers over to a particular section of the library, taking an intricate, gold-foil crafted book, meticulously turning its pages to where the query told her. “Job 41:1–34”, it said. She floats back to Amanda, laying the open book in front of her, before going back to her own seat.

She devours the verses, at first barely making heads or tails of what was on the pages. 'Why'd people back in the day write so weird?' She thought to herself. But eventually she managed to understand what it was about, and suddenly the name of Calus' ship made much more sense.

"Did you gather something new, my friend?"

Amanda recaps in her mind, making sure to try not to miss anything.

"Right, so- uh...” Amanda begins to explain her thoughts, trying not to let anything pass her by. “There was this man named Job, whose faith in this god couldn't be waived. In this part, the god is tryna teach Job how questioning a powerful being is futile by presenting him beasts so powerful that only he can control, one a them being a sea monster called, you guessed it, the Leviathan."

"How awfully appropriate."

"Yep. Apparently there were two beasts, a sea one, and a... land one."

Realization came into Amanda's mind as a name for her project finally snuck through her hands and into the paper.

"Reminds me of the World Serpent..." She adds nonchalantly, having doing some reading on the Edda in her free time back at Hiver’s place.

Ikora finally perks up from her book, stretching her writing hand. "You've been doing some homework."

"Hard not to, when you date a Warlock."

"And you are going to tell them about this… when?"

The one question Amanda dreaded, and it shows. Her 'Lightless Guardian' idea was nothing short of life-threatening, it's amazing she's got this far without being stopped.

Amanda had survived her whole life on the road, fighting off Fallen and hiding with hers and other families, but she would never, ever get rid of the pain of losing them. She survived and is happier than she's ever been, even if it's not a perfect life. Now, she was Hiver's family, and cannot bear the image of her lover having to go through the same — because of her own incompetence, nonetheless.

There was no telling how Hiver would react, the woman is already being a pile of anxieties, but of one thing she was sure.

It wouldn't be pretty.

“I don’t... know.“

"I can help if you'd like. But remember that this is your responsibility — and your burden."

She nods with a nervous face and gives a deep sigh.

“I’ll think of something. Can you take me back to the Tower?”

“Yes. And Amanda?”

“Yes?”

“Congratulations on finding love. Hold on to it. It is powerful.”

As nervous as she is, she nods smiling.

“Ophiuchus?” Ikora says to no one. Her Ghost, white and red and with spiking protrusions on the back of his shell, appears in the air next to her shoulder.

“One second.” He replies, spinning.

With a flash, Amanda is back at the Tower’s bazaar. Eyeing the drawing she has just finished, she runs to the Courtyard, in search of a person who could help her make it look much better.

Trying to ignore the built-up tension, she runs.

The Awoken woman stationed at the Tower Courtyard is, as usual, cleaning up dust and reorganizing her inventory, because it’s not home yet, but it would be. Then she hears a familiar voice calling to her.

“Tess!”

“Oh! Hello, Amanda. What can I do for you today?” Tess greets the Shipwright, assuming her usual hands-behind-back posture and giving her usual, welcoming smile.

“See, I got a lil’ project o’ my own, and wanted an expert’s opinion on how ta make it look the sharpest it can.”

Amanda presents the sketchbook with her sketch to Tess, who analyzes it meticulously.

It’s a suit of armor. Titan armor, to be more precise.

“Gothic knight inspiration… baroque decor… exquisite. Practical, but carries a lot of elegance. This looks incredible. Also, you draw extraordinarily well.”

“Thank you,” The Shipwright says, blushing. “But it lacks color. What would ya say works?”

“Excuse me.“

Tess takes the notebook into what appears to be a scanner, converting Amanda’s drawing into a digital projection that can easily be colored, and bringing it to the desk where they both could see it.

“Right, in my opinion the ornaments and trim should definitely be gold.” She says, quickly selecting the decorative parts of the plates and changing their colors to a light golden color. “The style reminds me of Gjallarhorn and the old Iron Lords’ armor. Maybe we can make it a bit more orange…”

“Would black fit with it, maybe?”

She changes the main plate colors to black. Tess and Amanda look at each other in disapproval.

“How about…” Tess changes the color to a deep blue.

“Can you try dark gray?” Amanda asks, and Tess obeys. However, it still seems to not fit, and they experiment with a midpoint between blue and gray.

“What do you think?”

“I like it.”

“Me too.”

Amanda scratches her nose, taking some time to think. The girls mix and match palettes for a while until finding one that fits the armor well.

Dark gray plates with crimson details, gold ornaments, and a white, gold-trimmed mark.

“Whew… Thank you, Tess. Anything I can do to repay ya?”

“The pleasure is mine. Although if you have some Silver on you…” Tess says, smiling smugly. “Just kidding.”

“My girlfriend does. She’ll probably come by again, she wants that duster you’re selling. Says she wants to look like a cowgirl.”

Tess laughs at this, eliciting a grin from Amanda, who picks her sketchbook and transfers the colored illustration file from the Awoken vendor to her own tablet, almost walking off and ready to send it to Crux/Lomar for forging.

“Oh, Amanda.”

“Yeah?” She turns back to face Tess.

“Does it have a name?” She asks in genuine curiosity.

Amanda smiles contagiously in pride, remembering what she read from the Bible in Ikora���s library. She had the perfect name for her project, given what was going down on the System — and how she’d fight it, if need be.

“The Behemoth.”

[vsullivan]

Lucky 7 | Steve Harrington x Reader - pt. 2

WARNING I haven’t finished season 3 yet, I’m on chapter 7 and am savoring the episodes so I’m trying not to binge them. But I’ll be writing more don’t worry! Sorry if I make plot errors. Also, I want to make it a point not to really describe Seven’s physical appearance (other than clothes, and I’ll probably make references of her having hair but not really describing the haircut), I feel like leaving it ambiguous really helps readers envision how they want Seven to look and I want everyone to feel included :^)

  Father had made it very clear to her that these memories she’s seen are not her own. They are not hers to act on, nor hers to replicate. She is simply recounting these scenes and relaying them back to the men in white coats. And for a long, long time, she complied to these rules.

 Chapter 2: Mall Trip

 Father had made it very clear to her that these memories she’s seen are not her own. They are not hers to act on, nor hers to replicate. She is simply recounting these scenes and relaying them back to the men in white coats. And for a long, long time, she complied to these rules.

 Another power of hers that Father discovered was the ability to force others to perform actions against their will or knowledge – just from a simple gaze. As she does to view memories, she can grasp that tendril and give the individual tasks that they will execute without question. She had not realized this discovery caused others to become wearier around her, for Father was an expert of concealing the truth. However, she did notice that she was forced to wear her eye mask more often, and the men in white coats began to wear sunglasses during experiments. When she asked the reason why, Father simply stated “For your safety.” She didn’t question it.

After her first successful attempt of controlling someone’s actions, similar experiments were thrown in amongst the usual memory exploration. She’d been told to make someone tie their shoes when they were wearing sandals; to make a bald man to brush the hair he did not have – simple tasks that would be unusual for the individual to do of their own will. Eventually, she grew bored of these experiments, and when she expressed this she was scolded and harshly dragged to her room.

When she was alone, she sometimes dreams of having a family who hug and smile at her without that layer of fabric that prevents her from seeing those eyes full of love and arms that stretch out to embrace her. She would use the faces of mothers and fathers she’d seen in others’ memories, of siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles, all to dream of her having the same simple life. She began to envy family life of individuals’ whose minds she explored.

And when she grew older, she began to envy their freedom.

-         

Seven already accomplished her first task of begging Hops to borrow his ride to the mall. It was a struggle each time, because despite him having taught her to drive a vehicle, the thought of her, without a license or any real identification whatso-damn-ever, scares the pure hell out of him. However, those puppy eyes get him every time, and he always winds up tossing her the keys, a frown on his face as he warns her to “Don’t kill yourself, my car, or others. In that order.” That makes her smile every time too.

 Once, Seven met Steve and Nancy’s ex friends from highschool. The girl, who had a pretty face but a nasty mouth, commented on how ‘good will’ Seven’s outfit was. At first, she didn’t know what that meant. Her response was to smile and utter a thanks, while the ex-friend’s face contorted into a look of confusion. The male who accompanied her snickered, eyeing Seven up before stating “Cute, but yeah, you look piss poor.” At that, Seven’s smile fell and she noted how Nancy’s gaze turned heated as she stared at the two degrading her new friend.

 “Let’s go.” Nancy said as she took ahold of Seven’s wrist, guiding her away from the mocking that ensued as she was pulled away. “Have fun with Nancy The Slut Wheeler, hobo.” The male shouted after them, and Seven’s couldn’t stop herself from turning back to meet the boy’s gaze. She grasped ahold of that tendril, and next thing you know he poured the slushy he’d been holding over his head and slinging the remnants on his companion who squealed in response.

 “What the fuck, Tommy!?” Once Seven looked away the boy snapped back to his senses. He made an “Oof” sound as he was smacked in the gut. “I-I don’t know, what just happened?” He stumbled over his words, the girl beside him began to berate him as he fumbled over how to explain what the hell just happened.

 Wiping the blood dripping from her nose, Seven smiled as she listened to the two’s heated discourse, knowing full well Nancy had the same little smirk as she continued to drag Seven away from the scene.

 From that day on, she never thought to change her wardrobe. Not only did she not have any money aside from the spare change Hops would give her to treat El to some snacks and pizza, but she really liked her oversized sweaters and faded denim jeans, thank you. Sometimes she did wonder if Steve also thought she looked like she’d come ‘straight outta good will,’ but he’s never given any indication that he did. In fact, he once complimented her on one of her father’s old leather jackets she’d worn to one of the group’s monster hunting meetings. She would never not appreciate Hops’ hand-me-downs, even if they were way too damn big. She made downsizing her clothes a hobby anyways.

              With that notion, she didn’t bother to change her outfit before hopping into the car and starting her drive to the mall. As always, she drove five miles under the speed limit – something Hops trained her to do. However, she always wondered why the cars behind her honked sporadically and drove only a centimeter distance between their vehicle and her own. When she asked her dad he said, “Don’t worry about it, they’re the ones that wind up in the ditch.” And because she didn’t want to wind up in a ditch, she sometimes drove another five miles below when the road was crowded. For some reason, this made even more honks sound in the distance.

She parked as far away from the building as possible, fearing someone might scratch the car up – or something that would undoubtedly get Hops’ panties in a twist. Turning off the engine, Seven sighed, anxiety had been building the whole ride there – and not solely because of the stream of honks that followed her during the drive. She threw her head back against the seat, her heart pounding as she envisioned the same chipper grin he’d given her the beginning of the summer, despite the red of his cheeks that she later discovered was a result of embarrassment. The kids told her that he was embarrassed of his uniform, but she herself thought it was adorable – she’d never seen that kind of outfit before, and really didn’t know what a sailor was until someone explained. When he first shouted “Ahoy, young lady.” Her eyebrows furrowed and struggled finding the words to respond with. When Steve’s face flushed an even brighter red, the kids she’d came with snickered.

She closed her eyes and spoke a silent promise to herself; I will not embarrass myself. I will not embarrass Steve. I will not be the cause of Robin calling him a dingus. As a matter of fact, I will not go in the store. Her eyelids then fluttered open, finally grabbing onto the handle of the car door and getting out the mini sauna it quickly became under the summer sun.

Marching to the automated glass door of the building, something that still fascinated her to this day (although this time she did not feel compelled to step in and out of the building to entertain herself for thirty minutes before Hops found and asked her what the hell she was doing). Her pace quickened as she strode across the brightly lit store fronts, her eyes staring straight ahead. Her mission was Scoop’s Ahoy, and it wasn’t long before she neared the neon ice cream signs and slowed her pace.

Wanting to relish her drive-by, she slowly carried herself across the space, side eying the interior of the store. A frown found its way to her lips when she didn’t see that beautiful big head she’d come all the way here to see. Actually, no one was at the counter. Disappointment settled in the pit of her stomach as she passed the storefront all together. Sighing, her pace slowed even more as her gaze drifted to the floor. That is, before she her name being called.

“Hey, Sev!” She recognized that voice as Robin’s. Looking up, said girl strode to her, a big grin on full display. “Come to see your favorite dingus?” She winked, causing Seven’s face to heat up. “N-No, I-“ She stammered, “I-I was just passing by.” Robin hummed as an eyebrow of hers perked up. “Oh really, where were you heading exactly?” It took more seconds than it should have for Seven to come up with an excuse, for she really didn’t know any of the names of the other stores in the mall – she hadn’t even been in any aside from Scoop’s.

Robin giggled at Seven’s struggle, a knowing look present in her gaze. Seven didn’t even need to grasp a tendril to know what the girl was thinking. “Right-“ She cooed, the playfulness in her tone rising drastically. “Well, I had just gone off the girl’s room, but now I gotta get back to work.” She then stepped forward and turned her head back to Seven. “You know, the dingus is here too. Why don’t you come say hi?” She winked once more before scurrying back into the store, likely a tad late after her extended break.

Seven’s stomach flipped repeatedly, knowing Robin would undoubtedly declare her presence to Steve. The mischievous teen would likely tell him that Seven seemed to want to come to Scoop’s Ahoy specifically, and she worried if she didn’t show then he’d wonder if she didn’t want to see him – which she did, very much so, but also didn’t want him to think she wanted to very much so. Oof, she really needs to work on how to counter Robin’s tricks.

Taking a breath, Seven exhaled as she leaned her shoulder against the nearest wall. She might as well get it over with. Then, she lifted herself and took her time walking towards the neon signs once more. Her heart was racing as she turned her head to peek in, and she was instantly greeted with the big grin on Robin’s face and a head of hair with a white little sailor’s cap on top sticking out from behind an ice cream display shelf.

She watched as her friend said something Seven couldn’t hear over to the same sailor hat wearing figure looming next to her. Next thing you know, Steve’s pretty face came into view, a grin of his own tugging at his lips as he spotted Seven still peeping inside. Her stomach was doing summersaults as she dared to step into the store, but his smile still coaxed her in. Once she was near the counter, he rejoiced, “Ahoy there, pretty lady.” He spoke, her face flushing at the compliment and her heart racing from just being within the same room as him. “You too.” She said too quickly, immediately regretting her choice of words as her blush spread.

However, it seems as if he’s gotten better used to her anxiousness. “Why thank you,” His eye contact never faltering. “My bad day just got better.” She smiled and added, “Why’s that?” Robin snickered then, shaking her head as she began looking over the register. Steve threw his coworker a quick scowl before turning back to Seven, the smile back on his handsome face. “Well, seeing a pretty girl like you always gets me back into the swing of things.” Seven’s smile grew wider, and he noted to himself that he needed to compliment her directly, otherwise it goes right over her pretty little head.

“You made my day better too.” She added, now picking at the buttons of her shirt to try and relieve some of that nervous energy. “Oh really,” He quirked a brow, “You know how this day could get even better?” She picked her head up from where they were focused on her anxious fingers to that endearing set of brown eyes that looked back at her. “What?” She asked sweetly. “If you would be so kind as to accompany me to a movie at-“ Suddenly, the shout of his name caused Steve to look past her, Seven turning to see too.

A set of pearly white teeth, curly brown hair, and what seemed to be a boy scout uniform greeted them as the boy waltzed his way right up to the counter next to Seven. It took Steve a moment to double back to reality, slightly annoyed by the interruption, but he couldn’t stop the grin from forming as he shouted “Henderson! I missed you buddy.” Seven smiled as she watched the two reunite. Hugs ensued before Dustin turned to give Seven a hug of her own. “Missed you too, Sev.” He said, and she smiled. “Same her.” She stated, not noticing the way Steve looked at her and younger boy – a mix of contentment and slight, and I mean very slight, jealousy written on his features. He’ll have to get back at the little shithead for interrupting him asking out the girl he’s been trying to score a date with for nearly a year.

Sensing that she should probably leave to let the boys catch up, she backed away and cleared her voice. “I’m really happy to see you again, Dustin.” The boy grinned at her before she turned to look at both Steve and Robin. “And you two, but I guess I should get going.” Steve nearly sputtered as she turned to walk away, Dustin throwing him a bamboozled look as the older boy nearly toppled over the counter to reach out to her.

“Oh, wait uh, hey!” He called out, causing Seven to stop in her tracks. Steve swallowed nervously as he watched her look at him in surprise. “Do you, do you-“ It took him a moment to think, “Uh, want to go with the movies with me tonight?” He said, a nervous smile gracing his lips. “It’s a comedy!” He added, and she smiled back at him, and he braced himself for another round of anxious rejection she always served him.

However, this time nothing stopped her from saying what she always wanted to. “Of course,” She stated simply, “What time?” Don’t be fooled, her heart is about to burst from how fast its beating and she even surprised herself with how she so easily accepted his proposal. His eyes widened, bewilderment adorned his face from the surprise acceptance as his brain scrambled to answer back.

“Hm, how about 7?” He grinned, mentally patting himself on the back at his smooth recovery. She nodded quickly, this time she knew better than to answer back as if he was saying her name instead of a time. “That’d be great!” Hearing that, he had to resist the ‘hell yeah’ that resounded in the back of his mind as he said, “I’ll pick you up around 6:40 then.” She nodded once more, sealing the deal and neither of them could be happier.

“Wow, so you finally got that date, huh?” Dustin sounded once Seven had left the store, his arms crossed as he watched Steve continue to stare in the direction in which she left even after she’d already disappeared. “Uh, um, yeah.” He snapped out of his thoughts and turned to his good friend who seemed annoyed, yet happy for him at the same time. “I’m impressed,” Robin suddenly stepped in, apparently Steven hadn’t notice her go in the back and get the white marker board that presented “You Suck, and You Rule” on either side.

There were at least 10 tally marks on the side of “You Suck,” all of which indicated how many times he’s tried and failed to get Seven to go out with him. But now, finally, he watched as Robin slowly opened a marker and mark that first tally under “You Rule.” She smirked as she put the cap back on.

“Now let’s see how many more you can get, if any.”

              Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Tag list: 

@a-girl-who-loves-disney <33 

idk what happened i tried to edit the post and then everything was gone rip. 

[parkersharthook]

Come Back To Me

(Bucky Barnes x female!reader)

Warnings: brainwashing, winter soldier appearance, mentions of choking, angst with happy ending

8.5k+ words

“What do you mean he didn’t come back with you? Where is he?”

“Y/n...”

It had been a stressful few weeks. You and Bucky never really worked well when you were separated for too long. You got too antsy and worried, he got uptight and frustrated. It’s just better for all parties involved for you two to at least be in contact with one another.

And maybe that type of relationship isn’t great when one of you is a highly trained spy and the other is a highly trained assassin. Your jobs aren’t the most stable and one of you is almost always being whisked away on one mission or another.

But typically you can still at least talk to each other. A phone call here, a facetime there, texts in between. When those missions do come around, you both cling to whatever you can get. And it works… for a short bit. But then you begin to miss each other, and want each other around. Which is understandable. You guys are in love and all that nonsense.

But this time was different. This mission was high high high up on the secrecy level which means no communication to the outside world. At all. And maybe you could’ve dealt with this if you were the one on the mission, been able to focus on the task at hand. But you weren’t. He was. He was the one, while still thinking of you, got to preoccupy his mind with strategies and information paramount for the mission. You were stuck back at the tower doing nothing. Sure the occasional villain popped up but being the sharp shooter you were with the teammates you had, they disappeared rather quickly.

So no, nothing too big was keeping you busy. And for once in your life, you wish it weren’t the case. You wish you didn’t have time to read that book or watch that show. Because when you sit down with the book in one hand in your mug of coffee in the other, you don’t actually read. You stare at the pages blankly and fill them with thoughts of your Bucky. Good and bad thoughts, naturally. You think of the amazing memories you guys have together and the ones you’re ready to make. But then you also think about not being able to see him again and losing the chance of a future with him. More often than not, you put your book back on the shelf with a few more tears stains than it started with.

And this was the pattern, the trend that continued on for 3 long weeks. 3 strenuous, tough, exasperating, maddening, infuriating, irritating, desperately lonely weeks. Sure you had your other teammates. Tony was still around, but often busied himself with his lab. Same went for Bruce and whatever major scientific journey he was on. You didn’t keep up with that stuff. Natasha and Clint popped in every now and then but mostly enjoyed this time off to be ordinary people. Vision and Wanda were away on some sort of mini vacation. Sure you could call them, but this was their time to relax as well and you didn’t want to be a burden. So you sat in the large rooms of the tower by yourself wearing your boyfriend’s shirts.

Sam, Steve, and Peter had all left with Bucky. Made sense. Sam, Steve, and Bucky were the trifecta. A well-oiled machine that could take down a ring of drug lords that spent a decade building their fortune in one… two minutes flat. Peter… well the boy needed some training. And this was a good learning opportunity. He’d be exposed to stake outs, long nights and days, disconnecting with everyone else. It’d be hard on him, but you knew he’d appreciate it. To be honest, you kind of missed your boys.

Sam and Steve had filled that sort of brother role to you. They teased you for almost about everything, Bucky included or not. But they also wouldn’t let anything even touch you maliciously, whether that was a bad guy or a bug. You loved them

Peter, though like a brother to you, was more like an annoying little brother. He’d protect you in any way he could but you were also protecting him a lot due to your experience and knowledge. He would train or bake with you all day if he could. He was a good kid, you liked him. He put a smile on your face.

So without your boys here to keep things lively and exciting, you were a little bored. And a bored y/n is a dangerous y/n. You found yourself going to the gym a little more because you had nothing to do. You found yourself sleeping a little more because you had nothing to do. You found yourself eating a little more because you had nothing to do. You found yourself thinking a little more because you had nothing to do.

But mostly, you found yourself missing Bucky a little more. You missed him and his smile. You missed his warm embrace and the cool touch of his metal arm. You missed sleeping in the same bed as him and waking up to his morning kisses. You missed his short hair that he lets grow out. You missed his perfectly chiseled jawline and abs, like that was fair. You just missed him.

You had been marking down the days on your calendar until he was due to come back. 3 weeks. They left May 3, they should return by May 24. That’s how math works. Fury had kept you updated, as much as he could. They were still on schedule, they should be here in 4 days.

4 days. 4 days. 4 days.

You grew more restless the closer it came. You had four days to entertain yourself, shouldn’t be too hard. Except that it was. It was impossible. You couldn’t focus on anything but those fucking four days. Those 96 hours that needed to pass. Those 5760 minutes you couldn’t stand. Those 345600 seconds that you were counting down.

The night before they were supposed to come home you got a call. Nick Fury.

It took you a moment to collect your breathing and swallow the pit in your stomach before you could answer. “Yes sir?”

“Stark won’t answer his phone. Tell him to prepare the landing pad for 2 tomorrow.”

You let out a shaky breath of relief, “They’re on their way?”

“They should depart in a few hours.”

“Thank you sir.”

You ended the call and let a small smile form on your face as you made your way down to Tony’s lab. Your Bucky was coming home.

~.~

You didn’t sleep the night before and you certainly weren’t getting any rest now. You sat at the kitchen table, mug of coffee in your hand, knee bouncing aggressively.

“Y/n, would you calm down? They’re fine.” Tony said with a hint of annoyance. He had been just as antsy due to Peter’s absence.

You chewed on your nails and began to ramble, “We don’t actually know that. Nick just gave us a time, no details. They could be dead and the plane could be auto piloted.” You glanced up from the table to see Tony glaring at you. You ran a hand through your hair, “sorry sorry. You’re right, they’re fine.”

You suddenly heard the whirlwind of the jet engines and the mechanics of the landing pad fill the air. You stood up quickly and walked over to the window. Tony followed suit. You guys watched the jet land gracefully and slowly be pulled into the tower by Tony’s genius technology. You both swiveled on your feet towards the garage door, waiting with stilled breath for your teammates to walk in. Clint and Natasha joined you guys in welcoming them back home, but were still relaxing on nearby chairs. The two of them not nearly as pent up as you and Tony were.

The door seemed to open in slow motion and soon enough the tall, tanned muscular body of Steve Rogers walked in with a duffel over his shoulder. Nat smiled and got up to meet her boyfriend with a hug and a small kiss. You don’t know how the two of them did it so easily.

Sam walked in next and gave Nat a quick hello before coming over to give you a hug. You gladly reciprocated the hug and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek. He threw his arm over your shoulder. You chuckled slightly, “Glad to see you made it back in one piece. How was the mission?”

“It was good if that little asshole didn’t keep getting in my way.” Sam picked up his voice as Peter walked in. The kid rolled his eyes at Sam, obviously used to his playful insults by now. You laughed slightly at the two before noticing the pointed gazes from the boys that just returned.

“Where’s Bucky?”

“Y/n….” The tone of his voice killed you. Your heart instantly sank and your vision blurred even if you didn’t actually know what had happened yet. Your knees buckled beneath you and you felt Sam tighten his grip around your waist to keep you upright. The whole room wore concerned expressions, surely for both you and the missing avenger.

Steve took a few cautious steps forward, “he… he didn’t come back with us.”

Tears threatened to spill over, “What do you mean he didn’t come back with you? Where is he?”

“Y/n...”

“No, Sam! Where the hell is Bucky?!” You pushed him away from you, anger dominating your actions.

“Y/n.” That was Steve’s voice. Calming and smooth. “Bucky is in Wakanda.”

You let out a gasp of both relief and worry. “Why would he be in Wakanda?”

“Something happened….” Peter’s voice was small and almost guilty. You noticed how he tugged at the collar of his hoodie, keeping it high up on his neck.

Everyone was staring at you. You in all your white hot rage and sadness. Your confusion was obviously evident. They were all scrutinizing you. Trying to figure out what you’d do next. Even you didn’t know that.

“I’m calling him.” You were out of the room before anyone could stop you but that doesn’t mean they didn’t follow. Sam and Steve were hot on your trail as you ran to your room to grab your phone.

“Y/n he isn’t going to pick up.”

“He probably won’t talk to you.”

“Y/n let us explain.”

You didn’t listen to them as you dialed the number and pressed the phone to your face. The phone rang out for what seemed like forever before the tone of the voicemail came through. You ended the call and dropped the phone onto your bed, turning on your heel with red eyes and tears running down your cheek.

You stared down his two best friends. “What. The. Hell. Happened?” You spoke slowly and your voice was low. Sam gulped but continued to explain.

“When we got to Mosul, everything was going as planned. We infiltrated the Hydra base and took them out fairly easily.”

“Why does this matter?” You just needed to know about Bucky.

Steve spoke up next, “When we moved to Kirkuk to take out the next base they were more than ready. We were trapped, Bucky was separated from the three of us. There was nothing we could do.” more tears fell onto your cheeks, “we tried y/n. We really did. Bucky tried but it was too late.”

“What happened?” Your voice broke.

Sam looked down and rubbed the back of his neck nervously before looking you dead in the eye, “he was activated.”

Your hand covered your mouth wordlessly as you shook your head in shock. “No… no. That’s- that’s not possible. Shuri wiped it all out. It was gone.”

“That’s what we all thought.” You sat down ceremoniously onto the edge of your bed.

Your hair fell around your face. You whispered, “What happened when he was… you know… the winter soldier.” You had to force back the physical gag at the thought of him being that.

“After he was activated, they opened up the barrier between us and he attacked us. We tried to contain him so we could get Bucky back but with Hydra on us too, it was nearly impossible. Me and Sam were stuck dealing with all the agents and Bucky…” Steve sighed heavily, “He went face to face with Peter.”

Your eyes widened significantly.

“They were a pretty even match. Peter is stronger than Steve so we weren’t too worried but… when a super soldier is being brainwashed, they become even stronger. Me and Steve were pretty much done with the agents and we saw that Bucky was holding Peter up by his throat, strangling him. It took all of our strength to pull him off.”

Your eyes darted to the door, “peter. Is he….?

“He’s okay. He knows it wasn’t Bucky but it was still a scary experience. Once we got Bucky back, he wouldn’t even look the kid in the eyes and he barely talked to us. He blames himself.”

You finished the thought, “so he went to Wakanda to see if they could fix it.”

“Yeah…” Sam and Steve shared a look, “There’s one other thing. Bucky said that this activation was different from the rest.”

“How so?”

“Well they used different words, so it was a different programming all together.”

“So even if the winter soldier was wiped out, this other thing wasn’t.”

You sighed and ran your hands over your eyes, “So it wasn’t that Shuri missed it. It’s that they didn’t even know it existed.” You looked at the two boys, “so hydra programmed him twice…”

“Not actually.” Natasha’s voice was sharp as she entered your room with a tablet in hand. “That second base wasn’t Hydra.” Everyone looked at her confused, “they were disguised as Hydra. They knew you guys were out wiping out the bases and used the cover of a hydra agency to lure you in. That was Leviathan, the original red room. It was the thing that made Dottie Underwood the first black widow even though that wasn’t their official name.”

You looked to her, “the first black widow? When was this?”

“The 1940s.” Steve’s breath hitched. Natasha continued, “There are 20 years unaccounted for when Bucky was supposedly kidnapped to when the first winter soldier siting was.”

“You think he spent those twenty years with this Leviathan?” Sam asked

“No, not all of it.” Natasha projected some numbers and files from her tablet onto your wall, “He was first captured by Leviathan and then brainwashed and established as a tool after 5 years. They called him the Recluse.”

“How do we know this?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at Sam, “because I know everything. And…” she flipped through another file, “Peggy Carter had a run in with him.” Steve’s eyes widened. “She had an encounter with a younger girl named Eva who killed some of her agents, she followed Eva secretly alone for a while and found that she was one of 3 ‘assets’. Bucky being the first and the oldest.”

“Why isn’t this on any files or anything?” Sam asked.

“It was. But as she tried to find and rescue him, he was gone. We don’t know exactly how Bucky went from that to Hydra but he did.”

“And then when Hydra was SHIELD, they wiped the file.” Sam guess and Natasha confirmed that.

You didn’t speak for a while. “Does Bucky know this?” Everyone’s head snapped towards you, “Does Bucky remember that?”

Natasha shrugged, “if he did he didn’t tell anyone.”

“But he knew this one was different, right?” You looked back towards Steve and Sam and they nodded. “So we need to get this information to Shuri and T’Challa.” you moved to grab the tablet but Natasha pulled her hand away and Sam stood in front of you. You narrowed your eyes, “What are you doing?”

“I already sent the information to them. Now we just need to wait.” Natasha leveled.

“Wait?!” You repeated, “You expect me to wait?! My boyfriend almost murdered his best friends and now is getting his brain tested and you expect me to sit and wait?!” You didn’t wait for as response as you stormed out of the room and towards the training room, needing to blow off steam and knowing that they wouldn’t follow you.

You spent hours crying and destroying a punching bag before anyone approached you. You heard them the minute they walked through the door but waited til they were a step behind you to turn around and swing. The boy ducked. Peter.

You breathed heavily as you stared at the young adult. 20 years old now. You shook your head, “What do you want?”

“I want to go help Bucky.” You froze.

“What?”

“The guys told me what happened and I agree with you. He deserves to have people there with him who know him and share memories with him. Obviously they won’t agree to it and I can’t fly the quinjet. So I need you to take me to Wakanda. Ready?”

You walked over to the bench and began to unwrap your hands, “look peter… I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I’m not going to take you to Wakanda.”

“But you are going, right?” You looked at him out of the corner of your eye. He barked out a laugh, “y/n you can’t fool me. I know that look, I’ve had that look. I know you’re going so might as well take me. Oh and Wanda.”

“Wanda? She’s not even here.”

“Yeah she is. She and vision just got back and I filled her all in and she thinks that they are crazy. She’s getting packed as we speak.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “peter we are NOT going to Wakanda tonight. And that’s that.”

~.~

“Ready to go?” you whispered as both Peter and Wanda crawled aboard the quinjet.

“Yep!” peter said with a big smile as Wanda nodded with a yawn.

“We have less than two minutes to get this bird in the air before the others will be notified.” you looked to peter, “that means I need your help. You have to wait outside the quinjet and manually open the door. Once we are out, Wanda I need you to cut the holds on the wheels with your powers and then Peter swing on up to us and we’ll let you in. Understood?” they both nodded, “Awesome. Let’s go get our Buck.”

~.~

The alarm sounded too late for the sleeping avengers too do anything. Natasha was the first one up and in the common room, being a light sleeper due to the dangers of her job. Steve was right behind her, trailing a little slowly but still active.

“Friday what’s going on?” Tony asked as he bounded into the room

“It seems that Ms. y/l/n, Mr. Parker, and Ms. Maximoff have stolen a quinjet.” Everyone let out a small sigh of relief knowing that at least no one was in immediate danger.

“You couldn’t stop them?”

“They did not activate any machinery until they took off, therefor I was not notified of any suspicious activity.”

“Can you track them?” Steve asked while running a hand over his eyes

“Unfortunately not. They seemed to have gone incognito. I will not be able to find them until they want us to find them.” Stark slumped slightly and looked at Steve, Natasha, and Sam who just came in.

“Any idea where they would have gone?”

Sam and Steve shared a look. Natasha answered for them, “Wakanda.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Friday call T’Challa.”

“Yes sir. Connecting you to him now.”

“Stark?”

Tony ran a hand through his hair, “yeah hey cat man.” T’Challa scoffed, “We have some people on their way to you to visit a certain Popsicle.”

“Sergeant Barnes?”

“Yeah. Y/n, Wanda, and peter are on their way in a quinjet.” Steve said back.

“But Sergeant Barnes requested no visitors.” Shuri’s voice came through. “Steve he told you that directly.”

“I know that. I told them not to go, they just took off in a quinjet.”

“And you cannot summon it back?” Shuri lowered her voice, “some technology you have.”

“They’ve gone incognito, princess.” Natasha explained, “We aren’t entirely sure they’re even headed to Wakanda. It was just a guess.”

“Well, Sergeant Barnes is still awake and moving. We haven’t begun treatment yet. I’m letting him rest for a few days. Should we send them back?”

“I think that’s Bucky’s call.” Sam supplied.

“Well any and all of you are welcomed here any time. We will call you back if they make an appearance.”

“Thank you T’Challa, Shuri.” The phone call ended with an audible click and the avengers all looked to each other.

“What are we gonna do?”

Tony put his tablet on a nearby table and stalked back towards his room, “I’m going back to bed. We can’t stop them now. We’ll get a good night’s rest and head out to Wakanda tomorrow.”

“Alright fine. Everyone be ready to leave by 8 in the morning.”

“Sir yes sir capsicle.”

~.~

“What can I do for you princess?” Sam asked groggily as he answered his phone

“They never arrived.”

“What? Who?” Sam pushed himself into a sitting position and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Y/n. She never arrived.” That woke him up.

“Shit. Okay thanks Shuri.” Sam jumped out of bed and bounded towards Steve’s room. He knocked aggressively and waited rather impatiently outside the door for Steve to open it, wearing nothing but sweatpants.

“What do you want Sam? It’s 5 in the morning.”

“Shuri just called saying that y/n never arrived. Where else would they have gone?” his words came out panicked and scared.

Steve’s eyes widened but he remained calm, “let’s talk to Tony. I’m sure there is something we can do.”

The two of them walked quickly to Tony’s sweet and knocked on the door. He arrived a little too quickly for him to have just woken up. He walked past them wordlessly.

“Follow me, I just got the call.”

“How can we find them?”

“The only thing that I might be able to do is tap into Peter’s suit but even then… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Steve asked waving his hands around, “don’t you track that boy?”

“I used to but when he became an adult, he’s free to make his own decisions.” Steve groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “Calm down cap, I’m still gonna try.”

Tony sat down on the swivel chair in front of a computer and leaned back casually. “Friday. Look alive baby, we’ve got work to do.” he stared up at the projections that were appearing in front of him. “Fri, start the coffee machine… this is gonna be a rough one.”

~.~

“Y/n!” Wanda whispered harshly as the plane touched down in what was not Wakanda. “Y/n! What are we doing here?”

You stormed past her as you holstered a few guns, “getting answers.” Peter grabbed your arm as you hurried past, forcing you to face him.

“Y/n this isn’t the way to do this.”

You snarled at the boy, “let me go Peter. I have things to do.”

Wanda stepped forward, “Like what? What on earth could this possibly achieve?”

“Closure!” you screamed back, tears threatening to spill over. “Fucking closure! The knowledge that there isn’t anyone out there who could cause Bucky to go through this all over again! He’s had enough.”

“We know.” Wanda’s voice was soft, her eyes filled with sorrow for you. “Y/n… we know.”

“That’s why he’s in Wakanda. So they can help him. That’s why we need to go to Wakanda.”

“But they missed it before!” you thrashed your arms around violently, “who says they won’t miss it again?”

“Is there anything else to miss?” Peter asked, his big brown eyes looking into your y/e/c ones.

“That’s the thing Pete, I don’t know.” Your voice broke slightly, “And Bucky doesn’t know. And neither of you know. And Natasha doesn’t know. Even shield doesn’t fucking know! Nobody but those people that put this evil in him know that it’s there.” You took a calming breath, “There is no other way to be sure.”

Wanda frowned but nodded, “you’re the one in charge here. I’m not happy with it but…” she hesitated slightly, “I’ll still follow you.”

Peter groaned and threw his head back, “well I won’t! I don’t want to do this. I just wanted to see Bucky and tell him that I forgive him and that it’s alright. I didn’t want to do this. My abilities are practically useless here!”

You had flown the quinjet back to Iraq, where the boys had been previously stationed, and where you tracked him down. Yesikov Makrovich. The last known operator of this Leviathan.

You bit back your anger towards Peter. He was right in a sense. You had lied to your friends and dragged them along on a dangerous mission for your own selfish purposes but you couldn’t help it! You just wanted to sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend without fearing for his sanity. You looked to Peter, “fine then. You stay here with the quinjet. Protect this with your life and we’ll be back within the hour.”

You and Wanda departed the jet and watched as peter closed the door. Wanda moved some trees around it with her powers to hide it better now that they weren’t incognito. You turned and began to walk quickly towards a crumbling building. You pulled the mask over your face and pulled the guns from your built. Time to shot shit down.

~.~

“Where could they be?!” After hours of trying to reach peter’s suit Tony was unsuccessful. The three boys sat hopelessly in the room, struggling to find another solution when a red dot suddenly pinged on the world map. It was the jet. Tony shot into a standing position and zoomed in on the location marker.

“They’re in Iraq.” Tony said confused, “Why would they go to Iraq.”

Sam scratched his head, “Well that is where our mission took place.”

“You think y/n would track down that guy?” Steve asked as he leaned against the desk.

Tony shook his head slightly, “I mean it sounds like her but… Wanda and Peter would never agree to it.”

Sam closed his eyes, “maybe… maybe they didn’t agree to it.” He opened his eyes to see the other two men looking on in confusion, “We all know how y/n gets around Bucky so it’s not that farfetched of an idea that she might lie about where they’re going to satisfy her own agenda.”

“Let’s call the jet.” Tony stated and turned around to face a control panel. He clicked a few buttons and waited with heavy breath as it connected him to the aircraft.

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony let out the breath, “Hey kid. Glad to see someone picked up.”

“Are you mad?”

Tony let out a humorless chuckle, “no no… I’m very mad but I’m glad that you’re okay. Where are y/n and Wanda?”

“They left the ship about thirty minutes ago.”

“To do what?” Sam asked sternly

“I’m not entirely sure. I thought we were headed to Wakanda.” Sam gave a smirk to Steve, “but I know she’s after the guy that did this to Bucky. I don’t know who it is though and she didn’t say the name.”

“What are you doing in the quinjet by yourself then?”

“I didn’t want to help this way, plus I really can’t do much out here.”

“Okay well I want to stay on the line with you until y/n comes back, I don’t want to miss her.”

“Yeah… sure.” A few minutes of silence passed before a lot of noises exploded inside the cabin of the jet.

“Peter?” tony asked worried, “you alright?”

“Y/n!” Peter ignored Tony, “What the hell do you think you’re doing.”

You glared at the boy and dragged the unconscious man to a corner of the quinjet. “Getting answers. Peter, I’m gonna set the jet to autopilot and you are going to stay up here.”

“What? Y/n?”

You passed by him to the controls and quickly set it up. You glanced back at the young boy. Too young. “Peter. I mean it, stay here.” Peter just nodded as you headed back into the large ship and found yourself hidden behind a wall.

“Peter?”

“She’s back.”

Tony sighed, “Yeah I figured. She has that guy with her?” Peter just nodded into the video call. Tony shook his head.

A loud grunt and bang came from the other room causing Peter to cringe and fight his instinct to go look at it. He settled into the large pilot chair and just found solace in his mentor’s presence.

With you in the other room, it was a frightening scene. You had tied up the man and placed him on one of the seats. His bloodied face lolled to one side and then the other as he slowly woke up. He blinked a few times before a sinister grin broke out onto his face. Wanda stood a few feet behind you with her arms cross, eyes narrowed. You stooped down to the man’s eye level and forced him to look at you.

“James Barnes.” Your words came out harsh and cracked.

The man clicked his tongue, “What a good soldier that man was.” You blinked back harsh tears and forced yourself to look at the man.

“Tell me what you put in his head.” The man just smiled larger. Your fist connected with his face before you could ask him again. He groaned lowly but eventually looked right back up at your face, the only new addition being a small dribble of blood running down his forehead. “What. did you. put. in his. head.” You spoke the words between clenched teeth. The man didn’t speak.

You were tempted to throw hands again, to literally knock both some sense into him and the answers out of him. But instead you stood up, wiping your hands on your suit and looking to Wanda, giving her a small nod.

“You made the wrong choice.” You spoke softly, “I was the good cop.” You saw the brief flash of fear in the man’s eyes as Wanda stepped forward, her eyes beginning to glow red.

The man fought against her powers for a brief second before giving in. Wanda smirked as she was given a clear search through his head. She stopped it a moment later and the man let out a deep breath, panting heavily. She turned to you and whispered, “He was the first one who found Bucky and he actually passed them off to Hydra once they got the Black Widow program started.”

You let out a breath of relief. This was it. This was the last thing inside of his head. You finally began to breath properly again. You turned on your heel and took a few steps towards the man who looked winded. You smirked at him, “thanks for the help.” And with that you socked him across the face, knocking him out cold. You grabbed a small rag and wiped your knuckles clean of his blood, walking back to the cockpit. Peter was chewing on his thumbnail nervously.

“Stark.” You gave the man a curt nod before taking your place behind the wheel.

“Y/n, what were you thinking?” You didn’t answer the man. “Are you gonna answer me?” Your eyes flitted to the picture of Tony Stark before going back to the controls where you took the plane off of autopilot.

Peter spoke up slightly, “Why don’t we call you back later?”

“No, Peter we need to talk about this. Y/n what you—“ You turned off the video with a small sigh and relaxed back into your seat slightly. Peter timidly looked behind him, barely seeing the form of the slumped over man.

“He’s just unconscious, don’t worry kid.” You said knowing what his unuttered question was. You sighed slightly and flipped the autopilot on once more. You turned to face peter, “I don’t think I was ever going to kill him. I just wanted some answers and for him to be brought to justice.”

“What are you going to do with him?”

“I’m gonna let T’Challa deal with him. Speaking of…” You glanced at the map, “We’re about thirty minutes out so get ready.”

~.~

Bucky sat on the edge of his bed, his fingers fiddling with his phone. He had meant to call you the minute he got it back, he had been thinking of it the entire time he was on the mission. But then that happened and he just felt so… dirty. He didn’t deserve you. You deserved the world and all you got was some lowlife criminal who brought death to everything he touched. He sighed and tossed his phone onto his pillow, running his hands through his tangled hair. He needed to get it cut.

He smiled slightly at the thought of you running your hands over his scalp before tugging gently and commenting on how long it had gotten. Are you gonna keep it? You always asked for his opinion before passing your own judgment. Bucky was undecided on his hair. He used to always keep it long, not wanting to risk showing his face to any professional. But now… now he had the safety and the time and the want to take care of it.

There was a light knock on his door. He sat up and walked to it, unlocking the door and opening it. His eyes widened at the sight of Queen Nakia and Okoye on the other side.

Bucky smiled politely as the queen got straight to business, “There is a situation.”

Bucky fought back the grimace, not wanting to get involved in anything serious before he goes back in cryo. “How can I help?”

“Y/n is on her way. She’s about ten minutes out.” Bucky’s eyes bulged out of his head.

“What… what? Why is she coming here?”

“She found out from your colleagues about what happened. We actually expected her last night but she never arrived. We just got word from Stark that she…” Nakia hesitated. Okoye stepped up.

“She tracked down and captured the man that caused all this damage. She has him in his custody and is turning him over to us.” Okoye sighed slightly, “We are telling you this because she has requested to see you.”

“Do not worry Sergeant Barnes, if you do not wish to see her then you will not. However, I doubt Shuri will continue on with Cryo until she knows more about this. It may take a few days, even weeks.”

“Thank you Queen Nakia. Okoye.” Bucky nodded to both of the women before shutting the door and flopping onto his bed. He wanted to see you, he really did but not when he felt like this. He heard loud turbines and looked out the window to see the quinjet landing smoothly on the flight deck. You were driving. His heart strings were pulled as he saw you through the small dirty window swipe some hair out of your face. You stood up and strode to the back of the quinjet. Bucky sighed once more, not knowing what to do.

It boiled down to like three options: he could go out and greet you on the small runway with the royals of Wakanda, he could wait and see if the guards can keep you from his room, or more likely you would show up at his door anyways. Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

He watched through the clear glass as Wanda exited the plane, a small backpack thrown over her shoulder. Bucky’s chest tightened as Peter stepped out next, his mask dangling between his fingers as he followed behind Wanda closely. Bucky waited with stilled breath as his eyes searched for your frame. A startled gasp escaped his lips as a man stumbled out of the jet, his hands bound behind his back and traces of blood across his face. You stepped out next, the top of your uniform folded down around your hips, a thin tank top covering your torso. You kept pushing the man forward until two of the Dora Milaje stepped forward and took the man out of your grasp. Bucky watched as you and Shuri shared a small hug before you went to shake T’Challa’s hand in greeting. He gestured for you, Wanda, and Peter to follow him into the palace. Bucky felt his breathing pick up as he thought of the fact that you were suddenly going to be in the vicinity of him.

His chest moved up and down rapidly as he thought about what happen. What happened on that dreadful mission. How he lost control, again. How no matter how much help he seeks he will never be normal. He will never be safe. He’ll hurt you. Just like he hurt peter. Oh god, Peter. Bucky’s hands gripped at his hair as he couldn’t get rid of the image of peter struggling in his grasp and choking for air. The bruises that peppered the young boy’s neck caused tears to fall out of Bucky’s eyes. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else. He just wanted to rest, to be free. To be actually free. To have nothing, absolutely nothing, inside his head. He was tired of being someone else’s soldier instead of being his own. He had already hurt too many of his teammates, his friends, his family. And he would kill himself if he ever hurt you. You were the best thing that ever happened to him and he’d be a wreck if he ever lost you, let alone if he was the reason you were gone.

Bucky let out a shaky breath. She’s probably disgusted by me. She’ll never want to touch me, to have me touch her. She’ll want me dead for hurting Peter. She’ll be so angry and disappointed that I let-”

A light knock on the door broke Bucky out of his train of thought. Bucky didn’t respond, too afraid of who was behind that door. Another small knock came, this one just a tad louder but nowhere near aggressive. “Bucky?” it was you. Bucky sucked in a sharp breath of air, his eyes fluttering to the door. His vision was blurry with unshed tears. He heard you sigh, “Bucky, I’m not going to come in if you don’t want me to. Just know that… sigh, I’m here. Okay? I’m right here for you.” A heavy pause, “I’ll be upstairs in the guest quarters if you need me, okay? If you need anything.” You waited a moment to see if he would respond but nothing came. Bucky just stared at the door until he heard your footsteps disappear slowly. He waited until you were out of ear shot to slowly get up and move to the door. He rested his flesh hand on the doorknob, contemplating if he should open the door or not. Should he go after you? Should he stay? Bucky let go and slid to the floor, his back pressed against the wood. He dropped his head into his hands. He didn’t know who he was anymore.

~.~

You didn’t see Bucky that entire day. You knew he was shaken up and maybe it wasn’t the best idea to sneak away to Wakanda but you’d be damned if you weren’t there for your boyfriend in every way possible. Wanda and Peter spent most of their time in the lab with Shuri, after they had showered and napped of course. You however, you hadn’t even sat down yet. You stole some light sweatpants and with the dirty tank top you were wearing earlier you took to the palace’s gym. You had wrapped and taped your hands tightly a few minutes ago and now you were pounding away at a punching bag. You grunted with each punch and hair flew out of your ponytail every time you moved.

“I see you have found the gym, Ms. y/l/n.” You sighed lightly and pushed the fallen strands of hair out of your face.

You nodded your head at the new person that entered, “Queen Nakia, how are you today?”

She smiled and took a few steps forward, “I’m wonderful. The sun is shining brightly, and the crops are being harvested as we speak, it is a good day in Wakanda. How are you doing?”

You continued to avoid her eyeline, walking over to the wall where your phone and water bottle sat. You shrugged slightly as you crouched down, beginning to unwrap your hands. “I’m doing okay.”

Nakia scoffed slightly and walked over to you, standing near your body. “Oh I can see that. It’s been six hours since you’ve arrived, and you still haven’t showered.”

You threw the sweaty wraps onto the floor as you stood, now standing eye to eye with the young queen. “why would I shower if I wanted to work out?”

She countered you easily, “Why workout when you could take care of yourself?” You just looked away, grabbing your bottle. “I know you are upset and stressed at the moment but think about what Sergeant Barnes is going through.”

You forced yourself to calm down and nodded, “I know I’m trying to. It’s just hard to see someone you love going through something this hard.” You looked at her with watery eyes, “I just didn’t want him to go through it alone.”

She smiled at you, “I understand completely. However, you cannot speak to me and say these words as if you were not acting on a selfish thought as well.”

You huffed and ran your hand through your hair, “of course I was acting on a selfish thought! I wanted to see him before he went into cryo. He’s my boyfriend for god’s sake! I just… I thought he would want to see me as well.”

She laid a gentle hand on your upper arm, “I promise you that he wants to see you… he’s just a little lost at the moment. The mission took its toll on him.”

You sighed, “I know.”

“You know, sergeant Barnes is a wonderful man.” You smiled and nodded at her words. You did know. Nakia continued, “I talked with him for a few minutes when he first arrived, trying to make sure he was comfortable. Of course, he is very familiar with our palace due to the time he spent here a few years ago but I was just being friendly.” She gestured to a bench nearby, “would you like to take a seat.”

You nodded and followed her to the bench, sitting down carefully and taking a sip of water as you listened to the graceful words of the queen.

She smiled at you, “He ended up opening up to me mostly out of pure exhaustion from keeping it in. He was embarrassed that he was activated again, and ashamed. He was mad at himself for hurting Mr. Parker and putting his friends in danger. He was also mad that there was yet another thing out of control, he thought that he finally had a handle on his life.” She sighed slightly, “he was also scared. He was scared that he would hurt you or that you would hate him for what he did.”

You shook your head furiously, “I could never hate him.”

Nakia smiled at you, “he knows that, he does. It’s just… not his most thought of idea at the moment. Right now, anger and confusion cloud his brain and his judgement. You just need to give him time. However… while you are waiting you need to take care of yourself. That way when he’s ready to talk to you, you’re ready to listen.”

You nodded and smiled at Nakia, “thank you so much Nakia. Who knew that talking is a much better way to clear your head than punching something.”

Nakia laughed gently, “while I think Okoye would disagree with you, I am very happy that I could be helpful. I’ll have someone send up a fresh pair of clothes for you, so you can get out of that dirty shirt.”

You looked down at the sweaty tank top and laughed slightly before grimacing, “yeah when I get frustrated I tend to not care about appearance.” Nakia laughed as the two of you walked out of the large gym.

~.~

Bucky did come to you later that night, when you were up reading a book you found in T’Challa’s extensive library. It was a small knock on the door, one you almost didn’t hear until his heavy breath made his presence known. You unlocked the door quickly and pulled him into a hug.

You quickly pulled away though, “I’m sorry I should’ve asked first. How are you—” Bucky cut you off as he wrapped his strong arms around you and held you close. You reciprocated the hug with as much love as you could. You felt his cold tears drip onto the top of your head and you pulled away slightly to cup his face and wipe them away.

You spent the next three hours just listening to Bucky talk, wiping away the few stray tears that fell or pushing his hair back behind his ear. He sometimes would trail off and you would just reassure him that everything was okay. That he wasn’t scaring you away or pushing you from him. That you were right here, and you were gonna stay right here.

It ended with the two of you cuddled close on the bed, his arms wrapped protectively around you as you laid your head on his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He said for what was probably the millionth time.

You huffed slightly and pulled away to look at his face, “stop apologizing Buck. You know I don’t blame you.”

He nodded tightly, “I know… I just feel the need to apologize.”

You sighed and cupped his cheek gently, “okay then. I forgive you. Even though I don’t think there is anything to forgive, just know that I forgive you 100%. I’m not mad at you, I’m not angry with you. There is no frustration or resentment in my heart. I just want you to be okay.”

He smiled at you and pressed a light kiss to your palm, “I’m getting there. Much better now that you are here though, Doll.”

You smiled and ran your hair through his scalp tugging on his locks gently. You bit your lip, “it’s getting so long.” He smiled at you and your predictability. “are you gonna keep it?”

Bucky shrugged and squeezed your hip slightly, “I don’t know yet.”

You smiled and ran your hand through it again, “well just know that I think you are handsome either way.”

He pressed a loving kiss to your lips, “thanks doll.”

You pressed another one to his in return, “of course. It’s a yes by the way.” He raised his eyebrow in confusion as you giggled slightly.

You didn’t want to bring it up, wanting instead to let him think that he would surprise you, but you couldn’t hold it anymore. You just loved him too much.

“what’s a yes?” He asked, confusion still evident on his face.

You rolled your eyes, “to your proposal. It’s a yes. I will marry you.”

His eyebrows shot up, “how did you know about that?”

You giggled again, “you aren’t very good at hiding the ring.”

He laughed with you before kissing you passionately, “it’s a yes?”

You laughed and nodded, kissing him again. “It’s a hell yes.”

He sighed as he pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes contently. You frowned slightly, “I didn’t mean to give it away or take away your proposal. I just got really excited.”

He laughed, “it’s okay. I was pretty sure that I was gonna botch the proposal anyway. I always get so nervous. Plus, if this wasn’t the most us way to propose then I don’t know what is.”

You laughed and nodded again, “very true. I love you James Barnes.”

He smiled and kissed you again, “and I love you future Ms. James Barnes.”

You scoffed, “that’s Ms. James y/l/n-Barnes.”

He smiled and nodded, “you’re damn right it is.”

~.~

You, Wanda, and Peter ended up staying in Wakanda for a week before Bucky was scheduled to go back into cryo. You stood in a long corridor with him, the two of you looking out a large window at the beautiful Wakandan scenery.

He nudged your shoulder with his, “it’ll only be four months.”

You sighed, “that’s easy for you to say… you’ll be asleep for three of them.”

“two and a half but I’ll still miss you.”

You glanced up at him with watery eyes causing him to pull you into his side, pressing a soft kiss to your head. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“Do me a favor and wear the ring while I’m gone.”

You gave him a watery laugh and smiled, “of course.”

“Bucky, we’re ready for you!” Shuri called from the end of the hallway. Bucky nodded at her and turned to walk, pulling you with him. You held onto his flesh arm tightly as the two of you went to the medical wing. The two of you paused as you came across the machine.

Bucky stopped and turned to look at you, cupping your face in his hands. “I’ll see you soon okay?” You nodded. He leaned down and pressed a loving kiss to your lips, your hands resting on his waist and gripping his shirt tightly.

He pulled away before pressing another small kiss to your forehead. You smiled at him, “how about when you come home you can propose to me for real and we’ll get your hair cut.”

He smiled at you as he shook his head fondly, “sounds like a plan.” He pressed another quick kiss to your lips as Shuri cleared her throat. “I’ve gotta go. Dr. Shuri is getting impatient.”

You laughed slightly as Shuri rolled her eyes. You nodded sadly as he let go of your face and walked over to the machine. You knew that this was for the better and that he was safe but a part of you was scared of losing him again. You waved to him as he stepped in and waiting until the door closed, and the small window was covered to turn around and walk back to the quinjet where Wanda and Peter were waiting for you.

Wanda smiled gently at you as you walked on, “you doing okay?”

You sighed as you sat down in the pilot seat, “I am, because I know he’s gonna be okay.”

~.~

“is that an engagement ring?!” Sam’s shriek filled the entire tower. You just facepalmed.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Force #3 Thoughts

Fucking Awful.

This story issue and mini –series as a whole was a fucking mess.

Let’s get some pleasantries out of the way.

The art was nice but a downgrade from Siquiera’s from the first 1.5 issues of this mini-series. The fact that we couldn’t maintain a consistent art team for THREE ISSUES speaks to how poorly thrown together this mini-series was.

Also a nice thing. The concept of Spider-People fighting in zero gravity where a lot of their powers would be undermined, especially their agility and webbing. Too bad the idea isn’t explored at all and downright contradicted.

Finally not exactly a pro or con here but something I forgot to mention as a problem in Spider-Geddon #4. I made a mistake in my thoughts on it where I said that I didn’t get what Ben Reilly had to do with Otto’s bargain with the Inheritors, but re-reading it I evidently forgot that it was stated that by absorbing his life essence the Inheritors would learn how his cloning tech would work. The problem with that being...the Inheritors don’t gain knowledge from their victims last I checked. Maybe I missed something else but I’m pretty sure that was never a thing before issue #4 and if so what lazy writing my God.

Why is that relevant to this issue though? Well because we’re diving into the problems of this issue of which there are numerous and I thought I’d start at the end instead of the beginning.

Sooooooo...the ending of this story doesn’t jive at all with Spider-Geddon #4.

When I read Spider-Geddon #4 I complained that it ruined the resolution of this mini-series. Now in fairness I wasn’t being exactly fair in that point as readers could still wonder of course what had become of the other Spider-Force members sans Charlie and (not that anyone cared) how precisely they got a hold of the Solus crystal.

Well if you did care about any of that prepare to be disappointed. Turns out Verna just gave the crystal to Jessica without her knowing and we don’t know WTF happened to any of the other characters. In fact the start of issue #1 is chronologically the last time we see them. What a fucking waste of time.

Worse is that as I said it doesn’t jive with Spider-Geddon #4 at all. Jessica’s body language and dialogue not match between the two issues.

Speaking of Jessica Drew not only do all the problems I cited before stand with her character, but Priest compounds them by implying she has like animal keen senses, as though she’s Wolverine or something??????????

She also claims everyone’s wall crawling powers are useless in zero gravity because there is no friction. I’m no scientist but I’m pretty sure friction would still exist in zero gravity. Even that aside...that...that isn’t how their powers work. I can’t entirely explain it but it’s about electricity not friction.

The same thing applies to her concerns about their other powers. I get that agility is at least less useful in zero gravity...but super strength? Gravity isn’t going to affect your gripping potential? Besides it doesn’t matter. The story has Verna speedily grab John Jameson and earlier on John viciously stab Verna in the throat and then plays like the characters are making a hasty retreat as though they were moving quickly but...they weren’t obviously because no one can run or jump in zero gravity.

By the way as we’re on the topic we reinforce the stupidity of Jessica being immune to the Inheritors because her powers come from radiation. They don’t and even if they did...so does Spider-Man’s but he can still be eaten so what gives?

Let’s talk about Jameson and Verna.

Let’s put aside how the recap page refers to John as the Spider-Man of this world (fuck Uncle Ben I guess). What a waste of an interesting concept. And Verna? So apparently she can...heal by eating people? Okay maybe I’m forgetting something but I don’t remember that being an ability either. But then again this mini-series has given people all sorts of random powers. For example not only are the Inheritors vulnerable to radiation but apparently it’s basically kryptonite to them. It’s not that it’s something that hurts them like it hurts everyone. No, no, no they’re MORE vulnerable to it than regular people. Which raises the question of why the fuck didn’t anyone in this entire mini-series arm themselves with radioactive weaponry? Like Peter Parker injected himself with radiation in the very first Morlun story, couldn’t you make a big ass gun to shoot radiation at these guys?

More confusing to me is the idea that she stashed away Solus’ crystal to keep it safe from members of her own family; with artwork so bad I couldn’t tell it was even her until dialogue clarified.* This is the first time the idea of the Inheritors backstabbing one another has ever been raised, it comes out of nowhere and is just a cheap aspect of the story to justify some of the plotting. Because if the Inheritors had the Solus crystal in their homebase then at the very least this mini-series wouldn’t exist.

An inconsistency with the crystal I noticed is that Charlie figures out that Verna set up a beacon nearby it in the train station and that was the unique energy signature John first zeroed in on because the crystal isn’t emitting an energy signature. Ummm....how does he know that? I get he’s Peter Parker who is smart but how would he be able to deduce this without examining the crystal? He just seems to know this stuff.

Speaking of Charlie there is little more I can add to his character or indeed Ashley’s. They’re storyline goes nowhere in this mini-series. At least Scarlet Spiders from Spider-Verse had something of an emotional payoff as their mission was a success, Ben died and this propelled Kaine into vengeance. Here the mini-series doesn’t end so much as stop it might as well be Spider-Geddon #3.5. Except at least the main book has been building towards a pay off for it’s central characters of Miles and Otto. This mini-series was clearly most invested in Ashley and Charlie and it goes nowhere, we don’t even get details on his past. Apparently he appears in Spider-Geddon #5 but I have little hope we’ll find out what his past is exactly.

The nicest thing I can say is that he displays intelligence via his trap for Verna. Where this plan becomes stupid though is in the fact that Kaine has a big ass gun out of nowhere and for some reason they were walking around without their radiation suits for awhile....why? Why would you do that???????? Has it got something to do with Charlie’s confusing Pokemon reference?

Consequently we find out that the radioactive water they flooded the subway with back in issue #1 is corrosive which....again not a scientist, but would radiation make water corrosive really?

Let’s talk about Kaine. He’s an out of character jerk who is dissed as not having a soul and who lied to his team for no reason. I don’t get it? And he was supposed to be the lead character? Maybe? It’s unclear because this mini-series is so badly put together.

Priest also makes some bullshit statement about how Jameson’s telepathic trick last issue boned them all but that’s talked about more than it is shown. We only saw 3 flashbacks last issue after all but now we’re talking about how Jessica didn’t get anything from Kaine because he’s a clone who has no soul maybe.

And yet we do get a random flashback from her in this issue to the brith of her son and...Skullls(????????????) are there???????????????? Maybe this synchs with her solo-book but maybe contextualize that for the new readers who’ve not read that Priest? Jesus Christ.

This series is a turd. Don’t bother reading it.

*That scene also had this weird pointless caption box about iron phosphate power cells which went nowhere.

[lastbluetardis]

Chemical Potential (8/11)

Summary: Slightly homesick and stressed about her abysmal chemistry grade, Rose Tyler meets quirky James Smith, the boy who sits in front of her in their chemistry class. They become fast friends as James makes it his personal mission to help Rose get through the semester.

Ten x Rose University AU

This chapter: ~5200 words, teen

Notes: This was written for the lovely @thegreenfairy13 as part of the @dwsecretsanta gift exchange. Also tagging @doctorroseprompts.

I foresee about two or three more chapters after this one.

AO3 | Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | epilogue

“Hey Mick! Come on in!”

Rose moved back and let her oldest friend step through the threshold into her flat. He was in town for a conference, and had promised to stop by for a visit before flying back to New York.

The scent of grease, cheese, and bread wafted from the large cardboard box in his hands, making her stomach gurgle hungrily.

“Make yourself comfy,” she said, taking the pizza box from him to set on her cluttered kitchen table. “S’cuse the mess.”

Rose grabbed plates from her cabinet, then opened her fridge for two bottles of beer. After she and Mickey plated their pizza, they sank onto her couch.

“How have you been, babe?” he asked, knocking his knee against hers. “How are you enjoying America?”

“I’m good,” Rose answered. She took a bite of pizza but winced when the hot cheese and sauce scalded the roof of her mouth. “America is fine, I suppose. Different from London, but I like it.”

“And school?” he prompted.

“It’s… okay,” she said carefully. “I’m taking a chemistry class. Stupidest decision of my life. I’m rubbish at it. But my other classes are all right, I s’pose. I’ve only got one art class. Well, I mean, I’m also in an art history class, but I don’t particularly count that. My art class is a painting class, which isn’t really my specialty, but I like it well enough.”

“What have you been working on?” Mickey said, slouching back against the sofa. He took a lazy swig from his beer, then used the bottle to point to Rose’s opened but sleeping laptop which was perched atop various loose papers and her sketchpad.

“I was touching up a few photos before you arrived,” she answered vaguely.

“Can I see?”

Rose bit her lip. Mickey had always supported her art. While she knew he thought it was a difficult career path to try to follow, he’d never voiced his doubts aloud. He was always game for taking a look at her work, especially if she was trying a new technique.

But she knew that James would be the only thing he’d see on her computer screen. The two of them had gone on a walk during a sudden snow squall a few days ago, and Rose had taken photos of him and the two of them walking around the snowy campus. The snow hadn’t lasted longer than a day, but it had been beautiful as it came down.

“Oh, come on,” Mickey goaded. “You’ve never been shy before.”

“Shut up,” Rose said lightly, smacking his thigh.

“Were you working with a nude model?” he teased.

“Shut up!” she said again, laughing. “No, I haven’t worked with a nude model.” She gave him a sly smile. “That’s not ‘til I get to the advanced courses.”

“Well then, lemme see,” he said.

Rose bit back a sigh and stood up to grab her laptop. She woke it up, logged in, then pulled up the photos she’d been touching up. The first one made her heart squeeze. James had his head tilted back, his eyes squeezed shut, and his mouth wide open as he caught snowflakes on his tongue. It was a close-up shot; bits of snow clung to his lashes and she could easily see the smattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose. He was utterly beautiful.

The next photo was of James crouching beside a mini-snowman he’d made. It had taken him ten minutes to scrape up enough snow to build the six-inch-tall snowman. Nevertheless, he was beaming proudly as he squatted beside his creation.

“And who’s this?” Mickey asked, raising an eyebrow at her when he realized her subject was the same man.

Her cheeks burned as she muttered, “James.”

“And who’s James?”

“Nobody,” she lied. “A kid in my chemistry class. He’s helping me study.”

Mickey stifled his grin around a swig of beer. “Uh huh. Sure babe. ‘Cos study buddies definitely go on snowy walks together.”

Rose’s face was on fire, but she couldn’t quite get the denial out. She knew she and James were more than friends. Well. She felt more than friendship towards him. But she still didn’t know where he stood, or what he thought or felt about her.

The buzzing of her phone gave her the distraction she desperately desired. It vibrated again, then again. The texts came through in rapid-fire succession that immediately told her it was James. It was endearing that he sent a series of back-to-back texts rather than one long message.

A smile crossed her lips when she saw his name on her phone, then she read his texts and her smile grew after each one.

Hey! Hope you’re having fun with your mate. Sorry if I’m interrupting. Ignore me ‘til you’re free, if you want.

But I’ve got a question. Well. An invitation. Thanksgiving is the week after next.

I know you’re not American and probably don’t give two shits. But still, when in Rome, y’know.

Anyway, I was gonna have a few mates ‘round my place for dinner. Mates who live far enough away that they aren’t going home for the break.

Turkey and potatoes and stuffing and veggies and pie. Basically it’s Christmas, Part One. Gluttonous Americans.

Oh, the dessert-y pie btw.

There’s gonna be loads of food.

What d’you say Rose Tyler?

“Is that him then?”

Rose jolted, then her cheeks flamed. She’d forgotten she wasn’t alone, and she was painfully aware that she had the daftest grin on her face.

“Maybe,” she said. She grabbed her bottle of beer and took a long pull from it, hoping the motion would help get rid of her smile.

“What’d he want?”

“To invite me to Thanksgiving dinner in two weeks,” she said. Mickey waggled his eyebrows, and she reached over and pinched his arm. “He invited several people, Micks.”

She turned back to her phone and typed, “That sounds great! Count me in!”

Woohoo!!

Then he sent three grinning emojis and three thumbs-up. She smiled and sent back, “Can’t wait! I’m excited to see what the hype is all about.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

Rose whipped her head around to face her friend, who was watching her closer than she was comfortable with.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” she mumbled, but her voice was thin. “We’re just mates.”

But Mickey was looking at her dubiously, and Rose didn’t bother to deny it again.

“Have you told him?”

“Course not,” she scoffed.

“How come?”

“Because what if he doesn’t feel the same way? Or what if he turns out to be another Jimmy?” That was her biggest fear. She was already so in love with James, even more than she’d been with Jimmy. It was exhilarating and terrifying. The stakes seemed much greater this time, and she knew that if things went badly with James, it would hurt even worse than last time.

“Has he given any indication that he’s a lying, cheating wanker?”

“Well, no, but neither did Jimmy at first,” Rose argued. But she couldn’t picture James becoming like Jimmy. She was sure there were warning signs with Jimmy, but her stupid teenaged self had been too besotted and naive to see them. She knew better now, and yet James wasn’t showing any signs of being anything other than his adorable, goofy, kind, lovable self.

“Are you gonna go through life assuming the worst about people?” Mickey asked carefully. “That’s not the Rose Tyler I knew.”

“You knew the Rose Tyler who didn’t have her heart broken,” she sighed.

Mickey gave her an appraising look. “You’ve got it bad,” he said softly. “For someone who’s insisting you’re ‘just friends’.”

Rose sighed as she began gnawing at her thumb cuticle.

“Maybe a bit,” she admitted. “He’s just… he’s amazing, Mick.”

“Then why haven’t you snogged him yet?” Mickey asked.

“We’ve gone over this,” Rose huffed. “Jimmy sort of put a sour taste in my mouth regarding relationships.”

“That son of a bitch wins if you let yourself be miserable and alone. Do you really want to be moping about that wanker when he’s out there shagging that bimbo he left you for?” Rose winced. “Sorry, babe. But you know what I mean.”

“Yeah. And no, I don’t. I’m not miserable, Mickey. And I’m not lonely.” She hissed as she bit her cuticle down too far and it began to bleed. “I just… what if it doesn’t work? Or what if he’s not attracted to me and things get awkward. He’s my best mate. Apart from you, of course,” she added hastily when Mickey let out a grunt of protest. “I love being around him, and I love our friendship. I don’t want that to go away.”

“Have you ever considered the idea that he’s as in love with you as you are with him?” Mickey asked.

“I… no, not really. Because that means getting my hopes up.”

“What wrong with that?” Mickey shrugged. “Rose, I know you’re scared of being hurt again. I know. But think about what you might be losing. Eh? What if you’re both in love with each other and are perfect together? Remember how happy you were with Jimmy in the beginning? Imagine that, but deeper. And forever.”

“Being with Martha has made you soft,” Rose teased, even as a lump lodged itself in her throat.

“Oi, don’t knock it,” Mickey said, jabbing his elbow into her ribs. “Being in love is the best thing that’s happened to me. I want that for you, too, Rose. I want to see you happy.”

“I am happy,” she stressed.

“I want to see you happier,” he amended.

Rose loosed a long, low breath. “I never thought I’d see the day when Mickey Smith gave me dating advice.”

Mickey chuckled, but sensed that Rose was done with the conversation, and stood up for another beer.

He stayed for another few hours before calling a taxi to take him back to his hotel room.

Even after Mickey had long gone, his parting piece of advice still rang in her head. Instead of imagining the worst-case scenario, imagine the best.

oOoOo

Rose was eager to go to her chemistry lecture on Monday morning. She hadn’t talked with James much over the weekend, between hanging out with Mickey and working a ten-hour shift at the grocery store on Sunday.

But when she sat down for class, James was nowhere to be found. He didn’t stroll in at the last minute, like he sometimes did, and when she checked her phone after the period was over, there were no texts from him letting her know he wouldn’t be in.

She headed to the library to pass the time until her noontime class, and when she sank into a plush sofa, she pulled out her phone and sent James a message.

“I hope everything’s all right.”

She spent the next fifteen minutes opening and closing various apps, waiting anxiously for James to reply. It wasn’t like him to go suddenly silent.

Yeah. Fine. Why?

She exhaled with relief.

“You weren’t in class today.”

Am I not allowed to skip class just because I feel like it? I didn’t realize I needed your permission. Or to check in with you.

Rose started, then her chest caved at his un-James-like rudeness.

“Of course you can. Sorry. Didn’t mean to nag.”

Tears burned behind her lids and she pressed her palms to them. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in the library. But she was self-conscious and upset by James’s behavior.

Towards the end of their ill-fated relationship, Jimmy had used to tell her to stop nagging him. That she was being paranoid and suffocating him. That she shouldn’t have been surprised he found another girl who was more trusting and less paranoid.

Her phone buzzed on her thigh.

No, I’m sorry. I’m being rude. Really. I’m sorry. I appreciate you checking in. For all you knew, I was dead in a ditch. I’m sorry.

Rose sniffled and wiped her stinging nose against her sleeve.

“If I’m being overbearing, please tell me,” she said, even though it would hurt if James asked for distance from her.

You’re not. I promise.

I’m just. Not feeling well.

“Sick?”

No. Emotionally. Having a shit day.

I’m actually gonna go back to bed now.

I’ll see you Wednesday.

Sorry I was an arse.

Rose frowned at her phone, but didn’t reply.

She was worried about him for the rest of the day. He must be having a truly awful day if he skipped school. Sure, she’d seen him on the days when he was short-tempered or sullen, but he was always pleasant and polite with her, even if he was sometimes quiet and withdrawn. And she’d always managed to make him smile on those days.

But this seemed different. She didn’t know why, but she felt it deep in her gut.

Finally, she was done with classes for the day, glad that Monday was her early day. At two in the afternoon, Rose stood at the bus stop, but rather than catch the bus to her apartment, she instead rode it to the stop near the grocery store. She had a list running in her head, and it was a quick trip in for the ingredients to make her Nan’s old homemade chicken noodle soup. As a little girl, that had always been one of her favorite meals, and as she grew older, Rose often made it as a comfort food.

While James wasn’t physically ill, she hoped the soup would cheer him up even a tiny bit. Or at the very least, it would be a quick meal for him if he wasn’t in the mood to do any cooking.

For the next two hours, Rose slaved over an enormous pot of boiling chicken, adding seasonings and chopped vegetables and lastly noodles to the pot. Her flat was filled with the scent of the cooking soup, and it made an ache of nostalgia ping in her chest.

The soup was eventually ready, and Rose ladled half of it into a different pot. Then she called for an Uber and made her way to James’s house.

She argued with herself for the entire ride. Was she crossing some sort of boundary? Would he be annoyed that she showed up? Would he think it was weird? Would he think it was overbearing and suffocating, no matter what he’d said earlier?

Her heart thudded rapidly against her ribs as the driver pulled into James’s development. Well, there was nothing to do but go for it. At the very least, she’d drop off the soup then go back home.

“This house here?” the driver asked.

“Yeah. Could you wait for a few minutes? I’m dropping off food for a friend. I dunno if he’s even home or anything.”

Even though Rose could plainly see James’s car in his driveway.

“Sure thing.”

Rose clambered out of the back of the car, vat of soup in her arms, then she walked to the front door. Her hands were full, so she pressed the doorbell with her elbow.

Long seconds passed, and Rose was about to try the bell again when the door opened. James looked awful. His hair was unkempt, his eyes were red and glassy, and he was still in his pajamas.

“Rose?” he asked, his voice hoarse. He blinked rapidly a few times, as though he didn’t believe it was actually her standing there.

“Er, hi. I- I just wanted to check that you were okay.” Then she raised her arms a little, showing him the pot in her hands. “I made soup. If you want.”

“Yeah. Thanks. Haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

Rose frowned. “It’s nearly six o’clock.”

He shrugged.

“Are you… all right?”

He shrugged again.

“Do you want to be alone?” she asked quietly.

“Why would anyone want to be alone?” he asked bitterly. She’d never heard him use that tone before, and the combination of anger and agony made her stomach twist into knots. She wanted to drop the soup and take James into her arms until that haunted look left his face.

“I meant… do you want me to come in and hang out for a while?”

“You don’t have to,” he said wearily, rubbing his fingertips into his eyes. “I’m not going to be good company.”

“You don’t need to be,” she said. “We can sit on the couch in complete silence if you’d like. I’m actually here to see your cats, anyway.”

The tiniest of smiles tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah. Okay.”

She grinned. “Kay.”

Rose turned towards the idling driver and balanced the pot of soup on one hip to free up a hand. She waved him off, and he raised his hand in recognition before pulling away. She then turned back towards James and followed him into his house.

“Hi, Pip,” Rose said as the tabby zoomed straight into her legs. Pippin chirped and wove between her feet, nearly tripping her as she walked to the kitchen. “I’m gonna start heating this up, if that’s all right? It shouldn’t take long. I just made it so it’s still warm.”

James nodded and followed her as she set the pot of chicken soup on the stovetop and turned on the burner.

“We’ll let that heat through, then we’ll eat,” she said, more to fill the silence between them than anything.

With the soup beginning to warm up, Rose had nothing else to keep her attention. She turned and rested her bum against the counter and looked at James.

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently.

James had mirrored her position and was intently watching little tufts of steam rise from the pot.

“Today’s the day my parents died,” he said, his voice flat and toneless. “It’s always a hard day. Usually my aunt comes by, but she couldn’t get the time off this year.”

“Oh, James.”

“Don’t,” he bit out. “Just… don’t.”

Rose tried not to let her hurt show on her face.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pajama bottoms as he scuffed his socked toes across the floor.

Rose tentatively stepped up to him, and she reached out to touch his arm. The muscles of his forearm stiffened, but she kept her hand on his skin and rubbed her thumb through the fine hairs on his arm. After a moment, his muscles loosened.

She leaned back against the counter and moved her hand to link her arm through his. She hugged it to her chest and rested her head on his shoulder.

He sighed, then rested his head atop hers.

“It’s been nine years,” James murmured. “And I’m still… so angry. I’m furious with them. Both of them. Why did my mum have to bother with our stupid dogs? Eh? And why did my dad go back in? Why did he just… leave me? He left me outside. He left me alone.”

James’s voice broke, and so did Rose’s heart. Her eyes burned, but she squeezed them shut, forcing her tears back.

“Why did they leave me?”

Rose shuffled until she was standing in front of him, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She lifted onto her tiptoes until she could set her chin on his shoulder. His cheek scraped across hers, then his ear pressed into her cheek as he hugged her back tightly. He was trembling slightly, and Rose stroked his back in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

“I’m so sorry, James,” she whispered. “So sorry.”

He didn’t say anything, but he tightened his arms around her.

Rose didn’t say anything more, nor did she drop her arms from around James. She’d hold him for as long as he needed it.

Eventually, he gave her a single squeeze then straightened. Taking his cue, she dropped her arms and took a step back.

His eyes were red-rimmed, but she pretended to not notice. She gave him a tentative, tight-lipped smile, which he returned before he turned away from her to find a tissue. As he blew his nose, Rose went to the stove and stuck a ladle into the pot of soup to stir it.

“I think it’s done. Want some?”

“Yes please,” he said, his voice somewhat raspy. He cleared it. “I’m starved and it smells amazing.”

“Bowls?” she asked, gesturing to his cabinets.

She skated to the one he pointed to, and she grabbed two bowls for them, and scooped soup into it. She then grabbed spoons and walked to the dining table.

“Pippin,” Rose sighed when the tabby leaped gracefully onto the table and lifted himself onto his back legs to try to see what was in her hands. “You’re gonna burn your little nose.”

James lifted his cat into his arms. Pippin nuzzled into James’s chest, but then began to cry when he realized James was walking him out of the kitchen. Rose giggled at the pathetic cat while she set the bowls onto the table and slid into a seat.

“The idiot acts as though I never feed him,” James grumbled when he walked back into the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink? Water? Wine? Beer? Other?”

“Water’s fine,” Rose answered. “Thanks.”

James grunted in acknowledgement, then passed her her beverage and sat in the chair opposite her.

They slurped at their soup, and apart from James complimenting the meal, he didn’t say anything. The silence was only somewhat uncomfortable, but Rose didn’t want to force him to make conversation if he didn’t feel like it. So she simply stared at her own bowl, pushing the contents around after each bite.

Rose was pleased when James ladled himself a second albeit smaller helping. He finished the entire thing, then cleared their dishes and stacked them into the empty sink. That task done, he turned to her and stared intently at her for a few uncomfortable seconds.

“Why are you here?”

Rose frowned.

James’s eyes widened. “I mean, obviously I’m glad you’re here. You’ve made today as bearable as it can be. But… why?”

Her face softened. Because I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you, and my God, my heart is breaking for you today and I can’t bear the thought of you being upset or lonely.

His gaze was on her, expectant, as she swallowed down the words she wished she could say.

“Because you’re my friend. You’re my best friend,” she modified. “And it hurts me to see you hurting. And I know I can’t erase all the pain you’re feeling, but the least I can do is be here so you’re not alone.”

James’s expression was unreadable and his eyes were glassy. But he blinked and they cleared, but the unidentifiable gentleness remained on his face.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “You’re… I…” He clicked his teeth shut, then ran his hand through his limp hair. “Do you want to watch a movie or something? Or do you need to be getting home?”

“I can stay,” Rose said immediately. While she had a stack of work to do, she knew it would be there for her tomorrow.

Rose followed James into the living room, and she lowered herself onto the couch beside him as he turned on his television and opened the Netflix app.

“Find something for us to watch,” he said, giving her the remote. “I’m gonna free Pip from his prison.”

Rose chuckled and scrolled through the list of films, unsure of what James was in the mood for. Probably something light and funny.

She finally settled on a rom-com, hoping James wouldn’t mind. She’d never been able to watch those kinds of movies with Jimmy. He’d always moaned until she flipped it to a superhero or action movie.

“Excellent choice,” James said, making her jump. She hadn’t heard him return. Pippin jumped onto the couch and into Rose’s lap, kneading her in a rhythm she thought too quick to be soothing. But he was purring loudly and blinking lazily.

James plopped down beside her, then she hit the play button and they settled in to watch a woman travel to Paris to try to win back her fiancé’s heart.

They didn’t speak at all though the movie, but they each laughed to themselves at certain scenes. Rose was pleased whenever she saw James smile out of the corner of her eye.

“Wanna watch another?” Rose asked when the end credits rolled.

“We don’t have to,” James said quietly. “It’s getting late. You can go home if you’d like.”

“I’m up for another movie if you are,” Rose answered. “Or if you’re subtly trying to tell me you want me to leave, you’re gonna have to be a bit more obvious.”

James snorted and rolled his eyes, but she saw his entire body relax as he picked up the remote and sifted through the movies. He landed on a Disney film—Tarzan. She was a little surprised by his selection, considering how the movie began.

As they watched the flames eat up the ship and Tarzan’s parents flee in their lifeboat, James began to speak.

“That night was the worst night of my life. I can still remember everything perfectly, no matter how hard I try to forget.

“My dad came into my room and shook me awake, saying the house was on fire. None of the alarms were going off. The batteries were probably shot. I don’t ever remember my parents checking or replacing them. Half the house was already in flames. The police still don’t know what caused the fire. Anyways. Dad grabbed me and ran. He literally… He hoisted me over one shoulder and carried me outside.

“He waited with me for about a minute. But he was terrified for my mum. So he went back inside. He hadn’t been in for more than five seconds before the whole house just… exploded. Literally. Blown to bits. I got knocked to my arse and hit my head and passed out.

“When I came to, I was in the hospital and couldn’t hear anything. I think I started screaming, ‘cos they knocked me out. Then when I woke up, Aunt Sarah was there. When my head was healed, she took me home with her to Croydon.

“It was hard for both of us at first. I hated her. It wasn’t fair, but I resented everything about her. I hated her house. I hated Croydon. I hated my new school. I hated myself. I hated my parents. I hated my stupid, fucking, arsehole dogs. And I especially hated my mum for wanting to save them instead of herself, and for making my dad go back inside.

“Bless Aunt Sarah, though. She let me rage, but she also held me accountable and told me off when I was being a bit too dramatic. She made me go to counselling, which I grudgingly admit helped after a while. Eventually I woke up one day and my anger was gone. More or less. But then the depression set in.

“It scared my aunt to death to see me go from emotional to numb seemingly overnight. But I worked through that, too. It took a damn long while. But funnily enough, moving to the United States helped. Aunt Sarah had wanted to move here for so long, but put it off because she didn’t want to upset me with too many changes too quickly.

“But when I was sixteen, she asked if I might like to come to America, and I jumped at the chance. I figured I could remake myself. I didn’t have to be the boy whose parents died. I could just be James, the cool kid with a cool accent.”

James blinked, then his cheeks turned red. “Sorry. I kinda word-vomited there.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Rose said, reaching over to thread her fingers through his. “I don’t mind listening.”

He gave her hand a squeeze, then kept their fingers interwoven as they lapsed back into silence.

About half way through the movie, James’s fingers began to twitch in hers. She glanced over and saw his head was tipped back and he was half asleep. He jerked himself awake half a dozen times before he fell into a deeper sleep and didn’t stir for the remainder of the movie.

It was almost eleven o’clock, and Rose was drowsy but still awake. James, however, was completely out and snoring softly. She carefully lifted herself up off the couch, then took the blanket they’d been sharing and tucked it higher up on his chest. He didn’t stir.

She straightened, then chewed on her lip as she tried to figure out what she should do. Should she stay with him? Or should she call an Uber to take her back to her flat? She wanted to stay, but perhaps that was too presumptuous. But she also didn’t want James to wake up and not know where she was.

After she tidied up the house—putting the leftover soup in the fridge, washing up the few dishes in the sink—Rose went back into the living room. James was still dead asleep, though Pippin had curled himself into his side. The cat chirped, then the sound morphed into a yawn as he rolled closer to James and went to sleep.

Rose smiled. Then, making a potentially rash decision, she took the blanket that was draped along the back of the couch and sat down in the recliner. She pulled the footrest up and leaned back to get comfy. She curled up on her side to watch James.

His chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed. The deep lines that had been present all night on his face her smoothed over. He looked like any other untroubled twenty-two-year-old boy.

A warm ache bloomed inside of Rose, swelling through her chest and stomach as she watched him sleep. She could get used to this.

Instead of imagining the worst-case scenario, imagine the best.

Unbidden, Mickey’s piece of advice clanged through her head.

What was the best-case scenario?

She would profess her love for James, and miraculously, he would admit he felt the same way. She would kiss him, and he’d kiss her back. She would promise to love him forever, and he would give her that same promise, and they both would uphold the vow for the rest of their lives. She would find her soulmate in him, and he would find his soulmate in her.

Rose yearned for that fantasy to come true. She wanted so badly to tell James how she felt. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, she found that she didn’t want to hold anything back. In fifty years, she didn’t want to look back and regret not saying anything to James and potentially miss out on her great love story.

After finals, Rose vowed to herself. Let me get through this class. Then I’ll tell him. Let me get through this semester, and I’ll talk to him. It’s only four more weeks.

A sense of calmness settled over Rose, and with her resolve strengthened, she slipped into a dreamless sleep.

[fangirlfiction]

Out of Time [7]

vii. witchcraft in your lips

Pairing: Stucky x reader, Steve Rogers x reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Description: The Howling Commandos launch their first attack on one of Hydra’s European bases, and unfortunately things rarely go to plan. 

Warnings: Explosions, injuries, blood, war. Do I need to warn you about angst?

A/N: My little angels, part 7 is here and marks the beginning of a lot of angst, so I hope you’re ready! I finally outlined the last few chapters and it looks like 15 chapters will be the final count, so still a lot to go! I’m so so so excited for y’all to see where this is going. This chapter is unbeta’ed (this is definitely not a word), so all mistakes are my own! Let me know what you think! Check the end for additional notes.

eta: the masterlist for the series will be in the comments until tumblr fixes the link issues.

March 10, 1944, somewhere in Italy

You stand hidden in the tree line, the Hydra base looming large just ahead. Nerves eat away at your insides, and one glance at the men around you, you know they’re feeling the same. A bitter gust of wind blows between the trees, biting at your exposed skin. You turn away from it, your back now to the facility, and your eyes land on Bucky and Steve, huddled over a map. As if they sense your gaze, they both turn to you, each giving you a soft smile. You smile in return and they turn back to the map, Steve’s gloved finger tracing over the surface, outlining a plan, Bucky nodding his head in agreement.

After a moment, Steve folds up the map, tucking it into a pocket on his uniform. He heads over to the other men, relaying the plan to them, while Bucky makes a beeline for you. He eyes your hunched up shoulders, smirking as he stops in front of you. “Cold?”

You nod. “I thought it was supposed to be spring.”

“Almost.” He glances down at his jacket, before undoing the buttons. “Here, I’ll get warm once we go in there anyways.”

You smile in thanks, and hesitate before asking, “What’s the plan?”

“Steve, Falsworth, Dugan, Morita, Jones, and I are all storming the front. Dernier is going to lead a team of some of the 107th around the back and make sure no one escapes out there. You’re going to be here, hidden in the tree line, sniping anyone that comes this way. Just keep this path clear so we can come back out.”

You let out a shaky breath, “Okay.”

“Hey,” he whispers, reaching forward to place his gloved hand on your cheek. “You’re gonna be fine. We’ve been running mini missions with the 107th for months, and you’ve always pulled through. And this sure beats the frontlines.”

You smile, nodding. “Yeah, you’re right about that.”

Steve whistles softly from behind you and quietly asks, “Everyone know their orders?”

The men all nod, and Steve continues, “Get in position, meet back here once the explosives are in place.”

Everyone starts to grab their gear, and you turn back to Bucky with renewed fear. He pulls you in for a kiss, the pressure of his lips on yours instantly calming you down. He pulls away and smiles at you. “Knock em dead, Red.”

You giggle just as Steve approaches from behind. “Ready, Buck?”

You turn and smile at Steve as Bucky gathers his gear. “Be safe, Stevie.”

You glance at the “A” on his cowl, the small letter providing you a strange sense of comfort. Before you can contemplate your actions, you yank off your glove, and kiss your pointer finger, transferring some of your red lipstick to your fingertip. Rising to your tiptoes, you press your finger to the “A”, leaving a red smudge on the small letter.

He smiles at you and whispers, “You have witchcraft in your lips.”

You smirk in response, “Is that Shakespeare, Captain? Trying to impress someone?”

He laughs, “Yes. Trying. Mostly trying to say thank you for the good luck kiss.”

You start to respond when gunshots sound in the distance, and Bucky yells to Steve, “We gotta go!”

They both turn and give you one last smile before disappearing through the tree line and into the base ahead. You watch from your location, taking out anyone that attempts to escape from the base. You try to ignore the bursts of gunfire that make your heartbeat stutter with fear, and you keep your eyes focused on the front doors, waiting for Steve and Bucky to make it out okay.

A crescendo of sounds hits you all at once: the staccato of gunfire, the yelling of men, the perfectly placed explosives taking down the base, piece by piece. You burst through the tree line and run towards the base as a swarm of familiar faces runs towards you, and you scan every face that passes, searching for the men you love. You finally see Steve coming towards you, his arm thrown securely around a limping Montgomery, and you yell towards him. “Steve! Where’s Bucky?”

Steve glances over his shoulder quickly before turning back to you. “He was right behind me! The last explosive wasn’t triggering so he had to manually detonate it!”

Steve continues past you, helping Montgomery back to the rendezvous point, while you stand in the doorway, waiting for Bucky. You hear the sound of the explosions growing closer, and you know the bombs are timed to detonate at the entrance last. Finally, you see Bucky round a corner up ahead, a smile splitting his face as soon as his eyes land on you.

The explosions continue to tear through the building, the resulting fires now visible from the corner Bucky just appeared from, and he’s now a few yards ahead of you. You gesture wildly in an attempt to speed him up, only to watch as Bucky suddenly falls to the side, the momentum from a bullet knocking him off his feet. You look up and find the shadow of the Hydra operative, before firing blindly at him and running to Bucky, screaming his name.

You are within feet of him when a nearby explosion sends you flying backwards, landing on the ground with a harsh grunt. Adrenaline pumping through your body, you pull yourself to your feet, wiping the blood from your vision and running towards Bucky again. You hook your arms under his and pull him backwards towards the door, talking to him as you go.

“Bucky? Bucky, can you hear me? Bucky, are you okay?”

You pull him through the door and halfway across the base before the final explosion hits, and you drop down on top of him, shielding his body with your own. Debris rains down around you, pieces of wood thudding on the ground, dirt bouncing off your clothes like hail on a roof. There’s nothing but eerie silence when the debris stops falling, and you lift your head and look around, scanning the area for any movement. Finding none, you ease off of Bucky, leaning back to look at his face. You press your fingers to his neck, sighing in relief when you feel his pulse drumming beneath your fingers.

The thundering of approaching footsteps causes you to whip your head up quickly, pistol drawn and pointed at the sound. You lower it when you see Steve and Gabe pause, hands lifted in the air. They close the space between you, Steve dropping to the ground next to you. “Is he okay?”

“Yes. Alive and breathing. Took a beating though. Help me take him back to base and I can look him over better back there.”

Steve nods and scoops Bucky up in his arms, Bucky’s head rested firmly on Steve’s chest. The walk to base only took a few minutes, and you hold the flap of the tent open as Steve steps inside with Bucky still in his arms. He places Bucky on the pile of blankets you all use as a bed, and you grab your first aid kit.

You scan Bucky’s body for injuries, cleaning the few scrapes and cuts, and taking note of the bruise darkening on his ribs. You settle next to his right arm, ripping open his shirt from the neckline over to his right bicep. The bullet went through the front of his bicep and out the back, leaving everything important intact. You clean the two bullet holes before stitching them both and bandaging them with gauze.

Exhausted, you lean back against a chest nearby, the adrenaline dump finally wearing off. You wince at the pounding in your skull, and you gingerly touch the gash on your head, your fingers sticky with drying blood. Steve breaks the silence after finally watching you work. “He’s gonna be okay, right?”

You nod and pull your first aid kit towards you, digging around for antiseptic. “Yeah, bullet went clean through. It’ll scar, but he’ll be alright.”

You start to dab the antiseptic on your cut blindly, hoping you’re getting the blood off. Steve moves closer, kneeling down in front of you, whispering, “Here, let me.”

You smile in thanks and pass him the antiseptic, smiling as he lightly cleans your cut. He searches your first aid kit until he finds the butterfly bandages, which he uses to carefully close the wound. He leans back slightly when he’s done, smiling down at you. You whisper, “Thanks.”

He glances down at your lips before his eyes lock with yours, and the atmosphere in the room shifts quickly, becoming electric. He leans in slowly, giving you time to pull away, before crashing his lips to yours, tongues instantly fighting for dominance. You pull away when a voice croaks out behind Steve.

“Shouldn’t you both be kissin me instead? I am the one that got shot after all.”

You look at Steve and giggle, and he blushes slightly. You both slide towards Bucky. “How ya feeling?”

“Oh, I’m alright. Practically no pain.”

He tries to sit up, only to wince and lower back down. You roll your eyes, “No pain, huh?”

You give him a serious look. “You bruised your ribs pretty badly and you have bullet hole in your bicep. You’re gonna have to take it easy for a few days.”

“Yes, First Lieutenant. Whatever you say.”

You smile down at him, “And don’t you forget it.”

-

endnote: Howling Commandos Montage (youtube), minute mark 0:05-0:20 is the scene I have in mind for this mission. 

Thank you to @evanstar for sending me the incredible timeline by @end-o-the-line, which I used as a reference for the mission. This mission is loosely based off her reference:  1. A Hydra facility raid, #2.

-

taglist (open): @slender--spirit ⋆ @amoonagedaydreamer ⋆ @kypriot ⋆ @stiles-is-my-only-defense ⋆ @misplacedorphan ⋆ @thetimidsarcasticcat ⋆ @kaylaphantomhive ⋆ @mcu-owns-my-ass ⋆ @americasmarauders ⋆ @supernaturallover2002 ⋆ @thequirkypeach ⋆ @ilovethewayyourheartbeats ⋆ @ailynalonso15 ⋆ @littlelunaticfringe ⋆ @pandabearisaunicorn ⋆ @lokilvrr ⋆ @maddie-laufeyson ⋆ @gloriousbanananana ⋆ @zoayyy ⋆ @mrsdeanwinchester19 ⋆ @aesthetic-avaline ⋆ @grimmlytimelord ⋆ @kat-lives ⋆ @scarlettsoldier ⋆ @slytherinqueenie ⋆ @annielovebug22 ⋆ @sergeantliz ⋆ @sweetlydecaf ⋆ @thewaythewildthingslive ⋆ @mxgicmoonz ⋆ @softthanos ⋆ @sthorkronstrangy ⋆ @kiss-the-baguette ⋆ @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 ⋆ @part-time-patronus ⋆ @csigeoblue ⋆ @stargeek727 ⋆ @capandbuck  ⋆ @silverconduit ⋆ @unapologeticallymimi ⋆ @cptnrogerssteve ⋆ @darkblueeyedperson ⋆ @spidey-babe-parker ⋆ @honeylbear​

[listoriented]

Caesar 3

Ancient History

Ah, can you smell it? The dew on the grass? The vacuum in the office? It’s the games, they begin with a different letter now, so everything seems different. A completely superficial kind of different, sure, but that’s what we’re all about. And yet, C commences with perhaps the oldest (intact from manufacture date) game yet to hit the list, a game which also happens to be set two and a half millennia ago. Artificial newness meets two kinds of old in this heady, confusing stretch of an introductory paragraph.

Handily for me, I was just on a bit of a city-builder/management games kick last month, dabbling in Islanders, nodding my head at Surviving Mars, glancing nervously at Oxygen Not Included. Unhandily, these tooltip-heavy games could only skew my expectations wildly for the difficulty that was to come.

In the background this week, cake. Also The International, my annual re-engagement with Dota, at the same time as finals approaching for the ASL - a mini e-sports glut, basically, which I’m hoping to keep half an eye on while trying to crunch through a thing for uni. Oh bountiful electronic joy.

Where/When/Why: Caesar 3 is our first encounter with the expansive Humble Sierra Bundle, from August 2016. At the time I was playing the Batman games and starting to consider how much of a long-term problem ad-hoc adding thirty old adventure games to the library might one day be. But I wanted the Gabriel Knight games (they were faves of Charlie, my housemate at the time) so I did it anyway, dumping $15 on the whole lot.

Who/What: This third iteration of the Caesar series came out in 1998. The series was developed by Massachusetts-based Impressions Games, and is apparently considered to be part of a broader City Building series that included games set in ancient Greece and Egypt. Impressions went through a series of acquisitions and folded in 2004, though wikipedia suggests Tilted Mill (who are still operating, I think), are something of a successor in terms of employees and game style.

Prior experience: Though I'm pretty sure I would have enjoyed it as a kid, I don't think I've played any of the series before. AJ mentioned having repeatedly played a demo on his family's PowerMac 180 back in the 90's, so it's possible I encountered it then (both our families were Mac families, but his were the first to have colour). Roy also claims Caesar 2 was a game he grew up with, something of a replacement experience for Civilization. I more recently remembered Caesar 3 mentioned on 3MA's deep dive through the best strategy games of '98. But it's otherwise an unknown to me, and its apparent historical popularity and current familiarity to everyone else is weird and unexpected.

Veni Vidi VVVVVV: We begin with an isometric screen of grass, trees and rivers. This makes sense, because it was made in the 90s, back when life itself was still isometric. Actually before that we begin with a comfortably awful CG intro vid, giving us a rose-tinted overview of Rome's rise to power. I would expect/want nothing less. The campaign begins in tute mode, handing us the role of colony-planner during Rome's expansion in Italy in the 400 BCs - supposedly we answer to Caesar, even though IRL it’d be another few centuries until Julius Caesar happens and the name 'Caesar' becomes a term for ruler. Of course we're only pointing this out because we're a pedantic knob looking to fill some space, and we want you to know how smart we are, and we’re persisting in writing as though we are plural.

The first mission is tick-the-boxes easywork, but from there it gets tough quickly, withholding info in a way that just wouldn't fly two decades on. In the second I got stuck in a strange loop, constantly some hundred citizens short of the mission requirement and no understanding of how to break out. It seemed that even though I'd run out of arable land, my city wasn't making enough food due to a lack of labour, yet not having enough food also seemed to mean that more people wouldn't move to my town. It took me a few restarts to crack this threshold, with no real understanding of what I'd done differently other than build some extra granaries (did the game mean I was producing enough food, I just wasn't storing it properly?), and opting to not build a lot of the extra luxury buildings that became available suddenly halfway through. Rinse and repeat in the third mission, just with different problems on a larger scale, ad infinitum.

The game has an usually hectic cadence to it, for a city-builder. Things go wrong frequently, buildings collapse and burst into flames, people get sick, gods get angry because you forgot to build shrines to them, the months canter by, taking your denariis with them, and there's no functional pause so no way of stopping the ongoing collapse while you go hunting for problems or work out where the best place is to put this senate or farm or next row of houses. Little cartoony figures rush up and down the roads, moving goods around or putting out fires, something visually akin to an ants nest. The eponymous Caesar is constantly angry and disappointed because we haven't met his expectations. Everything is always on fire, for reasons that are not always clear.

If I was a little smarter at this point, I would have remembered that the internet, well, exists, and I would have gone looking for help a little earlier. One of the first tips this LP suggested was to bring the game speed down, which was something I didn’t even know I could do, because it’s an option tucked away in a menu rather than front and centre in the UI where, as a 21st century player of games, I usually expect it to be. 

I've played Caesar 3 for four hours or so and I still feel like I'm a long way from understanding it. Every time I open it I make a new and important discovery about how things are meant to work, and then I feel like a fool for not realising this earlier. Progress is incremental, barely visible. Experienced players make Roman towns that look very different to mine. The systems are there, complex and surprisingly extensive but hidden, and the game doesn't seem to have much interest in making things easy. It's no bad thing that we expect games to be better at teaching us how to play them than we did in '98, just IMO. But it's a fun city-builder, if a somewhat stressful and difficult one for someone who grew up with the more forgiving Maxis variants, and in a parallel life I stick with it and learn a valuable lesson in patience and persistence, if not anything particularly useful about history. 

next is Caesar 4

[defensemechanism]

Careful to avoid making any noise, you pressed down on the dull gold lever. Once the handle was pressed as far as it would go, you pushed gently on one of the deep walnut wood doors. Sherri and a few of the other wives sat together speaking in low careful tones, but fat joey was late as you’d hoped he would be.The bakers would have fresh bread out on the same day each week. He wasn’t about to miss that.

Dropping all pretense, you turned the inner lock, shut the door behind you and grinned.

“Good Morning.” You called to the women, eager to get the heck outta dodge.

Hazel eyes gave you a once over, pausing at the sight of the old flannel you had on over your dress. You’d found it buried at the back of negan’s closet. It fit him too big around the middle which meant it fit you just right.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Alma asked sternly.

“Where ever the wind takes me on this fine day, Miss Alma.”You didn’t mean to be rude. You knew that all of these girls had to put up with the boss man same as you. Only, they were scared of him, which must feel awful, but you couldn’t risk getting caught just to be polite to someone.

“He’ll be angry.” You heard her call after you, but Negan was always angry about something or other. So you didn’t let that stop you.

There was no way of knowing how long you had, but you intended to explore as much of the sanctuary as possible. You had been out of the room before, sure, but had only seen flashes of the place as you ran past. You had gone on a mini-mission two months ago to find out what was making Fat Joey late. Once you figured out the day of the week it was like clockwork. Third day of every week, Fat Joey left his room at 7:35am. He headed straight for the bakers and stood in line for a good half hour. You left when they handed him the sweet bread and found it took virtually no effort to beat him back to the room. That was the most you had seen of the sanctuary since your arrival and was not the best way, you were convinced, to get to know and appreciate the beauty this place might hold.

The Sunlight felt nice for the first few seconds after you stepped out of building A, but soon enough the humidity ruined the moment. You untied the blue bonnet colored ribbon from around your wrist and tied your hair back into a low ponytail. It was your scarlet letter. Negan said you had to wear it because you misbehaved. Apparently it identified you as a flight risk.You weren’t supposed to take it off, but then again, you weren’t supposed to leave the room. You choose to stay on the greenery beside the road to avoid burning your feet and followed it to the make shift market.

************************************************************

“Excuse me?” You narrowed your eyes daring him to repeat himself.

“You don’t have credit.”

“The hell i don’t.”

“How many more times do you need me to say it?”Eugene repeated a smirk on his lips. He leaned back in his chair looking entirely too pleased with himself.

“How fucking dare -” You started to shout, your voice ringing out through the warehouse. Calling attention to yourself was the last thing you wanted to be doing. You felt the corners of your mouth pull up into a practiced grin that you never thought you’d have cause to use again.

“My my,” Injecting sugar into your voice, you leaned across the table until you were nearly close enough to touch him. “Look at you! You’ve been runnin’ with the big dogs long enough to do a halfway decent impression, Eugene.”

Eugene’s shifty eyes widened. “You know my name?”

“Negan only ever talks about one genius with a mullet.” You lowered the volume of your voice conspiratorially, “How fortunate you are that my darling husband hasn’t seen through you yet. Maybe, I ought to help him see you for what you really are?”

“He will never believe you.”

“No. He would never believe anyone, but me. It wouldn’t make any sense for me to lie about a man i have never met. All i have to do is call into question your history with the pple of Alexandria and make it seem like i feel genuine concern for his safety.”

Metal chair legs scraped against cement as Eugene pushed his seat back and stood.

“I’m g-going out for a smoke.Th-Them shoes better be the only thing missin’ when i get back.” His trembling lower lip killed any affect his wrathful tone might have had on you.

Your white dress fanned out behind you as you half jogged half ran, brown leather contraband on your feet, eager to begin your self guided tour.

Building after building of industrial rot, a few rusty tin shacks, and a sad row of tomatoes later, you found yourself in front of the main building itself. The Sanctuary’s weather beaten concrete face was made of cruel sharp angles. Her broken windows were yellowing jagged teeth.She stared brutally down at you until you couldn’t bare to meet her eyes anymore and turned walking brusquely away from her frightening visage.

You turned the corner only to freeze in your tracks.The wet raspy growling filled your ears before the smell hit you. Walkers.

Your eyes swept from left to right a few times trying to count, to keep track and then you realized, that they weren’t coming for you. There was a chain link fence separating you.Your brow knitted and were they tied down? Yes. They were stuck. Some chained up, some tied up, some stuck through with pipes.

Had this been Negan’s doing?

Your stomach wrenched at the thought.

The man was all smoke and mirrors.You shook the thought away and made for the only corner of the god forsaken place you hadn’t yet visited.

The stolen too-big boots kicked up loose bits of gravel behind you as you headed for the backlot.

Little did you know that you had an audience. Dark eyes followed your trek down the road from the loading dock behind you.

Broken wood pallets, a rusted up old mercury with bullet holes along the side, some old crates,a busted up head board, ruined tires, and tin sheeting lay rotting in the grass.

Nearer the chain link fence, lay the final resting place for the few men who managed to stay on good terms with Negan until their last moments. Crude wooden headstones marked with spray paint stuck out in a bad attempt of making a row.

You slowed down as you reached the end of the pavement and waded into the living green sea of grass hoping not to encounter any snakes.The damp blades were staining the skirt of your dress, but it’d be worth the scolding.

A long jagged claw snagged at your dress. You cursed as you pulled it loose and to your relief found it was a foot and a half of wood that likely came off of one of the pallets.You tossed it aside. Now you’d gone and torn the thing, he would be extra pissed.

He was following you, keeping far enough away not to draw attention. That idiot, Joey had let you loose. Flannel shirt or not you were ruining your dress, you had taken off your bracelet and gotten your hands on a pair of shoes and that triple fucking pissed him off.

He imagined you attempting to clamber over the high fence again, face full of determination fueled by spite. After all, your last attempt made it clear you didn’t give a shit about your own well-being anymore. He cursed under his breath. God help you if you were stupid enough to pull a stunt like that. Yet he knew, Negan knew from the first second your eyes met his that he was going to keep you with him till the day he died. After three years and fifteen failed escape attempts, Negan had come to the conclusion that he had to do everything in his power to make you want to stay.

Despite the show and the accusations he had made, alternately burning and bashing some person or another, everytime you fucked up, Negan went easy on you. The second he’d laid eyes on you, he’d chucked his personal rule book out the fucking window. He was afraid that this made him look soft and that burned his pride like nothing else could.

However, women with your body type had always been his preference and God knew, a figure like yours was a rare find these days. He wanted to fuck you, he wanted to fuck you so damn badly. Charming women had always come easy to him, but you weren’t easily charmed. He found himself smiling a little at the memory of your first meeting.

Long hair pulled back into a braid, a lovely face, enough cleavage showing to catch his eye. Your faded jeans had holes in the thighs and your face was flushed from your attempt to out run The Saviors.

You looked so darn pretty kneeling before him. You’d had the audacity to meet his gaze. It pissed him off and turned him on in equal measure. Your eyes captivated him. They were burning with resentment, but no tears. You didn’t cry, didn’t beg, and didn’t flinch at the sight of Lucille. Not even after he’d dirtied her up a bit. Near the end of his speech , some traitorous switch inside him had flipped.

“Darlin’, You have got a look in your eyes that says you haven’t been fucked right in years.”He drawled smiling his slick easy smile.”Why don’t you come on home with me, I’ll show you how good it can be with a real man.”

“You expect me to believe that a bean pole like you can handle curves like mine? Honey, I would eat you alive.”

He laughed low and long.The genuine mirth startled everyone,but you.

“Come on, baby. Don’t be like that.I just want to love you right.”

“Well, I am sorry, Mister Real Man, but your pick up lines are bad jokes at best and that mouth of yours...” You shook your head in disapproval. “So dirty.”

You were meant to be his. No doubt about it.

“Mmm, there are plenty of good things i can do with this dirty mouth and you are curious to find out, I can tell.”

Negan’s big strong hand fisted into the collar of your jacket pulling you toward him. You stumbled quickly onto your feet to keep from being dragged. Before you could catch your balance, his lips were on yours.

Unlike Negan’s bat and savior show the heated kiss he gave you impressed you. He was warm and firm and God he smelled good. He nipped at your lower lip and turned back to what was left of your group.

“We are gonna do just fine, Darlin. As for the rest of you sorry shits, i want you to bring me my stuff and then go out and get me something nice.”

His dark brown eyes gleamed down at you. “We’ll consider it a wedding present.”

Your exclamation was drowned out by the saviors’ hearty laughter as you were picked up and carried to his truck.

From the moment Negan made you a wife, you vowed that you would get away from him even if you died trying. After three years and fifteen failed escape attempts, you had come to the conclusion that making him unhappy was the only way out of the wives club.

You rummaged through the crates and found quite a few empty glass bottles. They would do. You put them all in the same crate and carried it with you as you counted your steps. You waited until you were at least two yards away to throw the first one.

Thunk

What in the hell? He frowned wading into the tall weeds and grass.

“Well i’ll be damned.” You murmurred to yourself as you bent to pick up another bottle.

You glared at the mercury, closed your fist around the neck of the bottle, and swung. It grazed the roof, but landed on the other side of the car.

“Have you lost your freaking mind?”

Your shoulders tensed at the familiar smooth baritone of your husband’s voice. You stood there clenching your teeth, frustrated with the intrusion.

You schooled your features for the man in charge and turned to face him.

“Hey there, Sugar. What are you doin’ out here?”

Negan came to stand before you, but

he didn’t ask the questions you had expected him to ask. Perhaps, Where in the hell did you get shoes? Or How in the hell did you manage to escape a locked room with a savior standing watch? Maybe. Instead, Negan swallowed his anger and made himself the very picture of patience.

“I could ask you the same question, Sweetheart.” He replied.

You stared at him, curiosity battling the wrath within you.

“Well?” Negan prompted after a minute or two of your silence.

Your thoughts raced What the fuck?! Why was he being nice?! He should be letting you have it right now! He should be cussing up a storm! He should -

“Just... keepin’ busy.”

“In the junkyard? Playing with glass? That’s a hell of a thing for a Queen to do.” He murmured, trying to reign in his rage.”You could have hurt yourself.”

You were disgusted by how genuinely concerned he sounded. For weeks now, you had been working on him, from picking fights, to ruining belongings, to giving him the cold shoulder. Until finally you’d been able to break out again. You wanted him good and mad and he was not cooperating.

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

“Actually, I haven’t been here long.I walked the whole Sanctuary first then ended up here.”You shrugged and made to pick up another bottle.”not much to do. Anyway, it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Who do you think you are?”

Oh thank God.

You should have known his anger couldn’t stay contained for long.

“Excuse me?” You snapped, knowingly pressing one of his many buttons.

“I said,” he growled pulling you toward him by the front of the collared flannel shirt, “Just who, in the fuck, do you think you are?” His dark eyes glowered down at you.

“Y/F/N Fucking Y/L/N.” You declared fiercely and kicked him.

The shock on his face quickly escalated to fury. Familiar though the expression was, Negan had never turned it on you.

Adrenaline spurred you into action. You yanked out of his grasp and tore through the field.You didn’t dare look behind you as you pushed yourself to run. All too soon, You reached the chainlink fence. Your gaze strayed up to the newly replaced rings of wire on top. The sight made the scars on your thighs ache with remembered pain.Your weight had pushed those sharp blades so deep into the soft flesh of your inner thighs.You never knew anything could hurt so much. Oh but who had you been kidding. With that dumb ass plan you hadn’t had a snowball’s chance in hell.

“That is enough!” Negan growled, “Don’t you think you pushed your luck enough for one day?” He wrapped his arm around your middle and heaved you backwards. You elbowed him in the side.He made a pained noise, but held on tighter. You used your weight to buck away from him, but he held on tightly and took you down onto the damp ground with him. You yelped in surprise and tried to roll off of him, but he held you in place.

“Don’t.Fucking.Move.” He panted, his arms locked around your tummy. You lay there, catching your breath, feeling Negan’s chest raise and fall as he did the same.

When your breath came more easily, you rolled onto your side away from him.

“Don’t you dare run.” He warned, sitting up, behind you. “We are going to sit here until we both calm down. Then we are gonna get up and I am going to take you back to where you belong. End of discussion. Nod if you understand.”

You nodded.

He let out an unmistakable sigh of relief.

You burst into tears.

He grasped your hand gently, and interlocked your fingers with his.

The frustration you had been feeling since he brought you here never went away. The days and months that passed didn’t make it easier to adjust, they only served to mock you. Time melted into a meaningless forever. You spent your days alone. When he cam back at night to sleep beside you. You wished you could spend your nights alone too. Every breath he took irritated you and those emotions had reached a height of intensity that overwhelmed you. There was nothing you could say that would make him understand. Even if Negan was capable and willing to listen. You made a sound of derision at the thought.

Neither one of you spoke as you rose from the grass. Still holding onto your hand, He led you out of the field and back onto the gravel.

Now where in the hell did you get those old boots?”

“I stole them.” You decided you liked the crunchy sound they made against the gravel.

“Why?”

You laughed dryly.

“So that i wouldn’t burn my feet.”

“That’s not what i’m asking.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

He put on an earnest expression as if to encourage you to explain.

“You go wherever you want.You interact with people all day. I am caged up in that stupid freaking dollhouse you call a home and i am always always alone.”

“Y/n, i have been coming to see you nearly every night since you got here. You don’t speak to me unless i ask you a direct question and even then you give me the shortest possible answer.” He watched your face carefully as he spoke. What he was looking for, you didn’t know.

“And just what would you like to talk about? I don’t do anything or see anyone all day and you don’t tell me anything about what you do or who you see. From what you have told me, we don’t have anything in common.”

“Because you’ve tried so hard to get to know me?” He scoffed. “You are so good at pretending i don’t exist that sometimes i wonder if i am a fucking ghost.” He shook his head. “Don’t you remember how it was when you got here? I tried, to let you have a little freedom. You had all day to make friends with the other girls. But you decided to abuse that freedom time and time again. You left me no choice, but to punish you.” He grimaced in distaste.

“I hate it here.”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“I’m not being dramatic. I mean, i spent a good part of the day around here and it’s almost as depressing as being locked in that room all day.”

“Oh? Well i am sorry, that I didn’t get you a nice big colonial on the best side of town, Princess! I guess I just didn’t realize, that a wrap around porch and a garden were more important to our damn survival than, heat, water, and electricity. Jesus y/n” There was a hint of defensiveness cutting through his sarcasm.

“Fuck you, Negan.”

He raised one dark eyebrow, his lips parting with the intent to say something biting. You beat him to it.

“Sincerely, Fuck You. You would rather make fun than listen to what i am trying to tell you. That is why i would rather ignore you than get to know you.”

His expression sobered as a man you didn’t recognize at first came toward you.

“We’re about finished unloading, boss.”

Negan stared at you, hard. You looked at the gravel.

“Boss?”

“Simon, I need you to take this,” He put his hand on your shoulder, “back to my room. I doubt if Fat Joey even realized she’s missing.”

“I’ll deal with him.” Simon promised, cocking an eyebrow at your disheveled state.

Negan gave you a gentle push in his direction. You watched as he walked away without so much as glancing back at you. The swagger in his step was getting on your last nerve.

“The way you look at him is downright pervy.”

You raised your eyebrows at this observation. “What?”

“You want him.” Simon said simply.

Your sharp intake of breath made Simon smile.

You made it as far as the main building’s stairway before He spoke again.

“Take ‘em off.” He ordered.

“Wha-“

“Take the fucking shoes off.”

You did as you were bid, then followed him up the stairs and down the long corridor.

“You’re wrong, you know? I don’t want him.”

“Mhmm” He didn’t believe you.

You sighed.

Simon led you through what felt like a maze until you saw a door you recognized.

The wives would be staring daggers at you when they find out how pissed he was. You felt warm embarrassment coloring your cheeks, but held your head high just the same.

Simon pulled the door opened and there was a collective gasp.

“Hello Ladies, long time no see.” He called semi-cordially and continued on to the bedroom’s double doors currently flanked by the guard you had eluded.

“Care to explain this to me?” He asked putting you front and center.

“I didn’t...I don’t... know how she got out.”

Simon decked him mercilessly.

The man grabbed at his nose, moaning in pain.

“She gets away from you again, you’re getting promoted to (outer fence?) security. You dig?”

Joey nodded slowly.

Simon took a key out of his pants pocket and unlocked the door.

You expected him to close the door behind you, but he followed you into the room.

[galivantingg]

Behind Those Eyes

Chapter 1

If I hear the word essentially one more time I'm going to riot. It's my English teacher's favourite word, and she had used it three times in the past sentence. Three times. That word is ruined for me now. And it's a good word too. My teacher stood at the front of the room, the first day of class, lecturing after saying she didn't want to lecture on our first day back. She was going to briefly tell us what books we'd be reading this year, and what our theme is. Every year we get a theme, last year's was a dystopian world. We read a few books, but the main one was Brave New World. That book freaked me out a little, and I'm secretly a superhero.

About 100 years ago, an anomaly was discovered in some humans. An anomaly that gave us powers. Some could heal, some could manipulate gravity, some could even teleport. It was chaos. That's when we discovered that some people had some really terrible powers. Able to spread sickness and disease with a single touch. Things went badly. We went into what we now call the Second Dark Age. Until the remaining governments put some laws in place. Laws that dictate that nobody is allowed to use their powers outside of their homes, nobody. Not even the Queen.

We rebuilt after that. People were scared so they followed the rules. Until about fifteen years ago. Some villains came out of hiding, using their powers for bad. Heathen, he could change people's faith with a single thought. He usually went after spiritual leaders, and convinced them to condemn what they believe in. Mime, you never heard her coming, and then you'd never be able to talk or move again. She turned people into living statues, and they stayed that way either until she grew bored or they died of dehydration or starvation. Peculiar, she slowly turned people insane with a single kiss, anywhere. It would start out small, then you'd become more and more peculiar, until you turned insane. They was no cure. And the worst one of them all, Genocide. He could kill hundreds to thousands of people by way of disease, or natural disasters.

We didn't know there was a person behind the large groups of bodies, not until we realized their connection and Genocide announced himself. They all went to the same church, had the same shade of hair, were the same ethnicity, or had the same name. We don't know how to stop him. The only consolation we have is it takes him extremely long to work up a genocide. It requires more power than you can imagine. It should take more power than you can imagine, these are people's lives we're talking about. You shouldn't be able to just snap your fingers and be done with it.

Ms. Varone snapped me out of my thoughts. "Nessa," she was looking right at me. I hate that look. "Anything you'd care to add to the conversation?" She leaned her weight onto one leg, still looking at me. Uh oh, I thought. Better think of something quick. She isn't your biggest fan, not after the debacle last year.

"I was just wondering what this year's theme is, and how it relates to out culminating task," I responded smoothly, hoping she hadn't covered that when I'd been distracted by my thoughts.

"Excellent question," she said, looking around the class. "This year's theme is loss. Loss in family, in friends, in religion, loss in whatever. We'll be reading The Heart and the Bottle, Norwegian Wood, and Book of Mutter." We all groaned, they sounded like extremely emotional books and no sane seventeen year old would want to read a nonfiction book about loss.

Soon the bell rings, and I pick up my bag and head for History. One of my more interesting courses. This teacher is one of my favourites. He gets so excited about what he's talking about he starts jumping around. It helps that his projects are very easy and fun too. His class is a breeze, and he has a Powerpoint to go over what we'll be reviewing this year. The bell rings again, this time sooner than I thought, and I headed off for lunch. My friends and I always sit outside the library, our large group driving everyone further down the hall because of how loud we could get.

There were sixteen of us in total, but we all had our own mini groups. The Bio Buds: Jay, Quinn, Maria, Kiki and Miele. The Writer Worshippers: me, Roan, Kieran, and Tommy. The Engineer Squad: Penny, Elizabeth, Jake and Noel. And the Gym Gang: Dani, Oscar and Luca. Most of us have been friends since high school started, and some of us even before then. We had our middle school groups, me, Penny, Roan, Dani and Jake coming from St. Peter's, Jay, Quinn, Kieran, Tommy, Elizabeth and Noel coming from Wellington Junior High, and Maria, Kiki, Miele, Oscar and Luca coming from Manuel Public School.

We had a large group of friends, maybe the largest in the school that regularly hung out. The Bio Buds and the Engineer Squad had a lot of classes together, taking the sciences and maths. The Writer Worshippers took all the available English courses, and the Gym Gang of course took all the phys ed and health courses. There was some overlap, here and there, but those were mostly the small groups. We'd all meet at lunch, and sometimes The BBs and ES would go into the library together, comparing notes and working on assignments. I can tell you the WWs brain's melted almost every lunch whenever someone asked how our works in progress are going. Mine certainly did.

This year, however, our group is halved. The only ones left are Jay, Quinn, Roan, Penny, Dani, Kiki, Kieran and Oscar. The others had graduated and gone to university, or were taking a gap year. Some here in the city and others at different universities. Our friend group seemed so small now. It was even quieter.

. . .

Despite knowing Dani and Penny for a good decade, my best friend's name is Martha. She's tall, and has the prettiest brown hair and green eyes. She also happens to be a superhero, and my partner of three years. She had air powers, she used to tickle me with the wind, tease my hair, caress my hands. She doesn't do as often now, what with the villains making a sudden reappearance. She's known by the rest of the world as Aella, meaning whirlwind. I suggested that name. When she joined the Agency, right at the beginning, she would walk around with a bubble of air protecting her, pushing people standing too close back and lifting up everybody's hair. She's gotten friendlier over the years, and she's one of the few people I idolise. I want to be just like her when I'm older, except I won't have her powers. They're so cool.

After school I went home with Noah and Nellie, two other girls who live in the orphanage with me. I'm the oldest in the orphanage, at seventeen, with Noah at fifteen and Nellie at 13. There are thirteen of us total at the orphanage. Lucky number, I know. Not so lucky situations. Most of our parents had died, with no next of kin, or we had been abandoned at the doorstep. I wish I had been abandoned.

Memories of that night invaded my senses, making me shiver. I tried to push them back, but small glimpses of orange and black and the stars twinkling high above me. The smell of smoke invaded my lungs, and I bent over, coughing my heart out. Nell and Noah stopped beside me, pulling back my hair and rubbing my back. I felt something small and cylindrical brush my lips and I latched onto the straw, gulping down as much water as possible. I hated when I got attacks.

It took me a few minutes to calm down, and it was then I realised the smoke wasn't coming from my imagination. There was a building on fire a few blocks away, the thick black smoke billowing out and up into the sky. I stared in horror for a few seconds before Noah pushed me a little.

"Nessa go!" she said. "They need Chameleon."

I dropped my bag and sprinted off into an alleyway, looking back and forth for anyone before shifting. My legs got longer, my chest got flat and wings sprouted from my shoulder blades. My clothes shifted too, covering every inch of my face and body, with a cape unfurling and snapping behind me in the wind. I pushed off the ground, beating my wings, catching the air. I rose high above and shot off towards the fire, surveying the scene.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted movement, and looked to the left seeing a fire truck roaring down the street and an ambulance hot on its trail. Looking closer I noticed that Aella and Waya had hitched a ride on the top of the truck. Good, I thought, not wanting to go at it alone today. I dropped beside them on top of the truck, casually dropping a "Hey" as if we weren't about to go charging into a burning building and I hadn't just dropped out of the sky.

"Okay," Waya said, ever the strategist. "Chameleon, Aella, get the people out of the building. I'm going to conjure rain to help the firefighters. I'll make you guys cold so you resist the heat for a little. Take these masks," he passed them over. Waya also had a cool power. He had the Word of Command. It was a singular word that held power, like saying rain and then it starts raining. He couldn't use more than one word, so he was also a walking thesaurus.

We nodded and Waya and Aella pressed their foreheads together for a moment. They did this every time we were on a mission. They were the cutest couple I had ever met, and I spent half my time teasing them for their cheesiness. What are friends for? Aella and I launched ourselves off the truck, heading straight for the burning apartment building. There were people streaming out of the front and side doors, and some using the fire escape on the side of the building. There were a few people leaning half out of their windows, gesturing towards my partner and I. I heard Waya say "Rain," behind us and the sky darkened, rain falling in heavy sheets. It beat heavily on my wings, dripping down the feathers and onto the ground.

The fire seemed to almost want to rage against the rain before It slowly got a bit smaller. The water helped with the smoke too, and people turned their faces upwards with their mouths open. Aella and I systematically dove towards the windows, pulling people out and dropping them next to the ambulance. The firefighters got the flames under control, and they were working on killing it completely. Aella stood on the ground with her legs planted, and created air bubbles around small parts of the fire, sucking the air out of it. The fires would go out, and stay out. Looking at the scene from high above, it was cool. I loved my job. It's hard sometimes, really hard, but I wouldn't trade it in for any other job in the world. The others at the Agency were my world, and I don't know what I'd do without them.