#the rest of my dreams was my brain making shit up about world of warcraft that are blatantly untrue

[mbat]

i had a dream that i was being made to cook things i would, but mostly would not eat, and that i wasnt being told where to put anything. i was just being told what to make, and being watched while i did it, and i made everything wrong and put everything in the wrong places because i wasnt being told how to do anything, just what to do. i ended up putting burger ingredients in a paper bag not stacked as a burger, and there was 4 whole pieces of cotton candy in there somewhere, and i remember dropping a lot of things on the floor. i dont even like burgers. the people watching me did nothing but order me around and judge me, and at the end they just walked away while saying it was my fault i didnt do it right, despite the fact they never actually told me how.

so anyway for some reason i had a dream that summarized my whole life and what it feels like for me i guess

[violetsystems]

#personal

I ended the week in a very different financial state than what I’ve been used to.  To talk about stocks anymore on this blog would further pivot my move from musician to late night financial pundit.  I’m more of an amateur economist myself.  I’ve used the auction house in World of Warcraft enough to be dangerous.   But really there’s much more to the story than investing or job hunting.  More so my ambivalence to feeling completely invisible in the process.  Of course there are tons of jobs out there.  I found a Department of Defense job in Information Security.  The fine print being that males had to be registered for selective service.  I often like to remind myself and the government that I’m a registered Conscientious Objector.  My parents were tired of military recruiters hounding me in high school as was I.  I wrote a statement and filed it with a local church at the time in the presence of pastor.  I’m not extremely a fan of organized religion at all.  But this specific instance was about peace above all else.  One of my only contacts on LinkedIn was someone I managed years ago as a student worker.  They just so happen to work for such a job.  It is ironic as it is disheartening.  And as I scan and participate on LinkedIn as more of a social media platform than a headhunting site it becomes painfully apparent.  There are a lot of jobs out there but not a lot that respect my value as a human being outside of human capital.  The most important thing about the platform has been knowing what I’m worth.  The salary estimates are on point for the times.  I was undervalued at my old place of employment.  As of last week, the years of debt accrued trying to network overseas was finally paid off.  I tried everything to get away from this situation.  I played shows in Tokyo.  I travelled alone to Korea and China.  I connected with my extended family in Hong Kong.   And nothing else in terms of opportunities materialized.  Years later as I send the final payments to zero out the balances, it seems like it never happened.  You would think a person like myself would have a place to go from here.  And largely I do right now.  Sitting at my new laptop writing these as always.  Wrapping my brain around the tax law unique to my particular situation.  Listening to the news and realizing nobody really cares about me or my predicament.  Awaiting the final puzzle piece to my old life come September.  Wondering what really happened to all the shit in my old office.  Wondering if I really care at all about any of it anymore as the voice over my headphones announces the horrible truth.  That we’re about to get pummeled violently by a well known streamer and the developer of the game we are playing.  For a company that was at my doorstep a day ago inquiring about an uptick in package theft.  If I really needed a job right now I’d just ask if they were hiring.

The grand spoiler alert of my life at the moment is that I do not need a job right now.  My life is a work in progress.  One that I haven’t really lived or been allowed to live without constant critique.  Truth be told I have never had the opportunity to be back at zero.  There are things that are stable in my life that don’t really have a numerical value on the time investment.  I’m not on any social media here to look for a job.  But stranger things have happened.  I am out there and searchable.  Just not on anything like Facebook.  My bandcamp lately has been generating sales out of nowhere.  Nothing substantial.  But if people really wanted to find me they could.  The internet is a special place if you stay accountable.  The real world is far from that.  And I’ve spent a considerable amount of time lately in the real world navigating the change in my life.  There is a lot of cognitive dissonance when I think about my own value.  The way everything blinked out and disappeared is still puzzling.  I had no warning.  Or I was so antisocial that people were afraid to drop hints.  People drop hints all the time that I’m expected to read into.  Those are far easier to read now that it’s just me.  Part of being employable is that you are a valuable addition to an organization.  When you spend twenty years of your life growing to be just that it is a little jarring to realize you weren’t.  These days I’m very fearful of just being looked at as another productive body to slide into place.  Much of what I understand of salaried employment now is horrifying especially when it comes to working for a non profit.  You do get stability.  And some of the grandfathered benefits I reaped upon exit are unheard of in modern times.  A pension being one of them.  How someone like me deals with these unique circumstances is unprecedented.  Nobody has any advice for me.  Nobody even acknowledges I have a situation.  I always feel like people are just assuming I’d be ok without even knowing what I’ve done.  That’s a lot of mental baggage to sort through even beyond the finances.  The good news is I don’t really get depressed about it.  I feel free.  Free enough to start planning things out comfortably.  Free enough to wait for the job opportunity that values me instead of freaking out and taking the first thing.  Free enough to evaluate how much money I need to make versus how much money the job hunting site tells me I should be making.  Free enough to just sit here and opt out.  Pay my health insurance premiums and keep the future open for awhile.  Play games and enjoy them.  Ride my bike and lower my blood pressure.  Spend less money without thinking.  Plan where and when money is available in the future.  Be an adult and enjoy it for once without having to defend myself.  At the same time being just as vigilant and unstoppable as I always am effortlessly.  Because I no longer really worry about what my job, the community, society, or the internet thinks.  And I see the value of myself and my money beyond the American dream of freedom it seems that I’ve been exiled from.

It is a mindfuck for sure.  Like maybe the last three years over the course of time were too.  But what I still have is worth more to me than any history or resolution.  I just cut loose.  Five weeks later I’m sitting in a very different state of mind on paper.  My credit score went up.  I can lucidly explain my financial liquidity and plans for the next six months to a year if worst comes to worse.  But really the thing I can’t answer is this.  Why after all of this time am I so invisible outside of these small pockets of hope on the internet?  Why am I even bothering taking a conventional approach to my future other than my own logic?  One week I’m down.  The next week I’m up.  The next a little higher.  I start to think to myself when I look in the mirror.  I feel better about myself.  I feel sexier without having to project it.  I can imagine things outside of the box I was trapped in.  And there’s no real judgement as to why I stayed so long.  The end result was that twenty years was time to move on.  And while no one had the answers for me it all worked out.  The time spent with a financial advisor worth much more than sitting down with a therapist.  But what does it really mean for me?  When will I have my revenge!  When will I have my justice?  I mean I thought I already had it.  I never lost the things I cared about.  They just got amplified.  Nobody needs to know how deep it goes.  But everyone knows what motivates me deep inside my heart without me even having to say it.  I feel comfortable around people.  I’m open to talk and be present.  I’m not locked in a defensive posture fearing the inevitable.  I lost my job.  It will never be replaced.  The position is gone completely.  Nobody really remembers me or the position it seems at all.  And this isn’t something we should revisit five weeks later after my suffering in complete isolation outside of video games, tumblr and my secret desires.  Honestly I’m far more happy to be where I am now.  I can actually see a clear path to where I need to be.  And all I ever wanted to be was connected to people like myself.  We all desire that to varying degrees.  And after years of typing it out here I believe people understand me.  And it has become far more than that.  It’s special enough that it follows me wherever I go in my heart and out in the streets.  And it’s still a delicate balance that requires me to think for myself and maintain my identity above all.  That’s the freedom I have for myself.  The freedom I want to share with another person I love someday.  And that’s the freedom I’ve built up around me that isn’t beholden to anyone but me now.  Until I get hired by either TikTok, Microsoft, or Amazon.  Self employed taxes are the only nightmare I’m subjecting myself to for the rest of this year.  That and being on the wrong team in Closed Beta.  I’m on the right team in terms of keeping a secret.  It’s not a secret I care very much about all of you.  You particularly as always.  And I’d be more worried if I somehow jeopardized that future.  Which is still bright ass pink as far as the eye can see.  So I’ll be ok.  <3 Tim

[datingadviceonreddit]

Hello guys, and guess what?If you always have boring dates – you’ll have a difficult time getting laid or finding a girlfriend.You want to learn how to stop being a boring man? Well, I’ll explain how to do all that below.But first, consider this:Consider the girl’s perspective! If she’s smoking hot (read: very attractive), she most likely has a ton of guys desperately fighting for her attention and affection wherever she goes.She constantly gets approached by hundreds of guys and goes on a lot of dates with many different men. They chat a bit, flirt a bit, but most of the time she becomes disappointed and doesn’t really enjoy her time out.Most guys have no clue and are simply boring – and the girl very rarely has an unforgettable evening!Why? Because they end up doing the exact SAME boring, predictable, tedious things that just don’t work and bore her to death – just like the last 100 guys did on their dates!So imagine when she sits on a date with yet another random guy who she doesn't know – and he starts asking her the same questions she’s heard 1000 times before from every other guy that she met:“Oh hey, so where are you from originally?”, “So what is your dream job?“, “So why did you choose that college?“, “What do you study?“, “Where would you like to live?“, “Where would you like to go on vacation?“, “Are you from this town originally, or did you move here?“, or even about the fucking WEATHER!Yeesh! That last one’s definitely NOT the conversation topic of an unforgettable evening...The questions go on forever – I can think of a hundred similarly boring questions that most girls have heard many times over and are bored out of their tits… I mean Wits, from having to listen to them and answer. At least at the very start of the date!(Incidentally, here’s a hint: Those questions are okay, and they have a time and a place, but that time is NEVER at the beginning of the date when she’s not already very attracted to you or invested in you enough to be eager to share all that stuff.)Anyway, like a lot of guys, they think that asking these questions is a good way to initially connect with the girl, and find out some mutually interesting topics to talk about.Umm, sure! That’s a great idea if you want to make a friend! But if you want to fuck her brains out, especially that very same evening, then that’s the WORST way to start off a date! She will have another boring chat with you and then promptly forget you because you were just like everyone else she encountered.Also, a lot of guys end up talking about things they don’t even care about - like parties, shoes, fashion, and similar boring bullshit when they ask those questions and then desperately try to latch on to any topic threads when the girl dejectedly answers something vaguely interesting.What does that subconsciously tell the girl? That he’s a guy who doesn’t value his time and will talk about ANYTHING just to avoid awkward moments – even if he doesn’t give a shit about the topic.It’s all incredibly inauthentic.Authenticity – When you don’t pretend to like things that you don’t like, or feign interest in things that are not interesting to you, just to try to impress other people.So what do you do? Simple. If you want to stop boring your dates half to death, instead of trying to connect with her right away, do what most guys don’t do – start doing shit that creates an emotional rollercoaster!Forget about connection at first because the point is to get her emotionally invested in you and the conversation before asking her boring shit!Instead, play a game with her, tease her, or create a fun Role-Play moment.Make stupid, silly, witty, ridiculous comments.Flirt and tease in the beginning, relentlessly!Don’t be so serious! Dates are a place and time to have FUN and see if you click – they aren’t an interview!Talk about the stuff that YOU genuinely like talking about, and talk about it PASSIONATELY. If she wants to add something – she will!For example, I can’t count the times I talked about World of Warcraft, or Counter Strike and similar stuff, when I was deeply into that shit. Any topic will do, as long as you are GENUINELY passionate about it and they can see your passion through your body language and speech – and you can present it in an interesting way. They will get ENGROSSED in that shit! Just don't overdo it, obviously, making it the only thing you talk about - show that you're versatile or she will just label you as "the weirdo who talked about Warcraft for 45 minutes!"Keep the conversation fun and engaging, and get her laughing, many times over.The sillier the stuff she laughs about, the better!I’ll explain exactly what you can do to achieve all this, below.But first – here’s what all of this will accomplish:You will be DIFFERENT. You’ll instantly stand out from all the rest, which is incredibly attractive in itself.If you do all that and focus on just having fun, you will NEVER seem needy, desperate, approval-seeking or someone who wants validation from her and aims to please or suck up – everything that ruins your chances with women and is a complete turnoff.It will show the girl that you aren’t afraid to joke around, tease her, ruffle her feathers because you’re not afraid to lose her. Do I even have to explain to you how massively attractive that is?This is the best way to establish abundance, outcome independence, and general vibe of not-give-a-fuckery with the girl, without actually having to say anything to that effect and seem like you’re a try-hard braggart.As a side bonus – you’ll never have a boring date.And when she’s inevitably attracted to you after a while, you ask her a few personal questions, connect a little bit, then start ramping up the sexual tension and you’re good to go.Seriously, the number one comment I get on most of my dates with the girls I sleep with is that they absolutely loved the fact that I was simply there to unabashedly have fun with her, not caring about ANYTHING else, and showed off my sense of humor while not being afraid to tease her. They adored the fact that I focused more on witty banter, flirting and teasing, and never asked “regular boring conversation questions”. Even though I did ask most of these boring questions – once she was already very attracted to me!This last little crucial detail is KEY. She will want to invest more into your interaction herself, unprompted, and she’ll tell you more and more stuff about herself, once she really likes you. From there, you can go into more sexual territory and it’s a done deal.In any case, this is an excellent way to spike immediate and strong attraction and interest in the girl right away.And you’ll never be seen as a dancing clown monkey who’s only there to entertain her if the stuff you joke and tease her about are the things that genuinely make you laugh.So, listen carefully – it’s all about self-amusement!So here’s what you do:I realize that you may not be someone who’s naturally good at witty banter, at making funny and silly comments that get the girl laughing, at spiking emotions and all that jazz.So here are the two fool-proof ways you can use to easily create an Emotional Rollercoaster and take the conversation anywhere you want it to go. If you learn them both, you’ll never be seen as a boring man who’s just like every “nice guy” out there.They turn all boring dates into something that the girls will remember for a long time:One – It’s simply called Role-Play, and you can take it anywhere you want to, and even use it to make the girl incredibly aroused, horny, and up for banging you as soon as you get somewhere private.Essentially, it’s about creating a funny, absurd yet interesting scenario which you can incite the two of you to play out. It’s the perfect way to showcase your personality, because every mistake you make, every stupid thing you say will no longer be associated with you but with the CHARACTER that you’re playing out with her. It’s pretty much a free-pass to make stupid shit up and have fun with it. It’s like creating a SOAP OPERA that girls get to star in – with lots of fun, drama, excitement, and similar crap that’s ADDICTING to any and all girls!Most nice guys when they talk to girls are the equivalent of a boring movie where nothing exciting happens for the whole two hours. They ask boring questions, complement the girl, so that she feels very secure, very validated. Where’s the fun and excitement in THAT? Where's the fucking CONFLICT? Zero conflict creates zero emotions!I explain this in full depth at and give you examples: WHY ROLE-PLAYING ON DATES IS AMAZING! - Seriously, do yourself a HUGE favor and read the article on role-playing – it’s one of the most effective ways to spike ENORMOUS attraction and pretty much get to do what you want without consequences.And apart from creating massive attraction, it’s also a great way to create trust, rapport, and sexual tension with any girl that you’re on a date with – provided that you have a shred of imagination and a sense of humor. I explain it all in that article.And that’s the only caveat – If you have no sense of humor or zero imagination – it won’t work for you. But don’t despair, it’s a sign that you need to improve those two areas and add to your personality, until you can have fun with them. There’s tons of material on how to develop a decent sense of humor and imagination – just google it!Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, Role-Play is one of the best things that you can do on a date with a girl to get laid consistently, if you learn how to pull it off correctly.Two – This one’s easier to pull off because it’s something canned, and easy to use and do.Simply play a silly game with her: thumb-wrestling, patty-cake, make a game about testing her reaction, “stare into each other’s eyes until someone blinks first” game, and so on and so forth. There are literally dozens of silly funny games that you can do on dates, that are fun and lighthearted.And if you’re about to say “I’m not going to play some stupid fucking game with that hot, sophisticated, independent, confident, and smart girl – she’s not a child!”And that’s where you’d be DEAD WRONG!Get this – Before settling down with one of the most wonderful girls I’ve ever met – I’ve been dating around like crazy, had fuckbuddies left and right for the past 8 years while traveling around the world. During that time I went on several thousand dates with girls ranging from poverty-stricken slums and normal suburban girls, to daughters of millionaires and owners of their own successful businesses, professional fashion models and a couple of celebrities. And guess what?NONE of them were bothered by these silly games. Not. A. Single. One.Just don’t be a total weirdo and whip ’em out at weird and inappropriate moments – play them when you’re both focused on each other and having a chat. If you don’t make it weird and present it in a playful and fun way – it will never be weird for her!However, playing silly games is not the best option since it won’t showcase your personality to its fullest, like role-playing would do. But it’s by far the easiest thing to pull off, because you can just learn a bunch of them and pick the ones you like – and whip em out when you feel that things are getting boring. It’s the only “canned routine” that I regularly use. But only the game is canned – the reactions, the teasing opportunities and everything else that flows from playing the game is always unique.Plus, it will have the added bonus of establishing a lot of comfort and touch, since most of these games have a physical aspect to it. The more she gets comfortable with your touch – the faster she’ll be comfortable with your dick.What else to do on a date with a girl to have fun?In any case, there are a ton of ways to create an emotional rollercoaster – these are just two of the most effective ones that I use and see a lot of success with.So you now know what to do on a date with a girl and never be seen as a boring man. Just do the opposite of what most other guys are doing, and you’ll notice a huge difference in your results.The key concepts of what to do on a date with a girl are self-amusement, IDGAF attitude, abundance, being genuine and authentic, and unafraid to live, while being outcome independent.Not very simple things to achieve in practice until you learn how to initiate Role-Play!You show the girl that you’re not someone who’s desperate, needy, try-hard, aiming to please, seeking approval or validation. That you don’t give a shit about offending people, being different, unafraid to live. That you’re just being unabashedly you and are out to have fun with the people you meet – without expecting sex from them or with sex being your only goal. And you accomplish all that through your actions and words, as described above.And guess what, if the girls see that you’re just there, being genuine, authentic, and unfiltered – and not out with the sole goal to get sex from them – they’ll instantly realize that you’re someone who’s DIFFERENT, someone who’s sex-worthy, masculine, and someone who they WANT to fuck.Then it’s just a simple task of creating massive sexual tension, so that they quiver with lust and anticipation – and then taking them home to your bedroom, or even to the bathroom of the venue, if you’re brave and spontaneous enough 😉It works wonders, and after a bit of practice, it’s very easy to pull off. And this all is just a small sample of what you can do on dates - but one that is my personal favorite.Just don't forget that this is not about you becoming super wacky and silly right from the get-go, because that would be weird and seem needy. Just chill out for a bit, and then work this all in organically into the conversation once she sees that you're a chill and cool dude.Also, at the risk of sounding like a dick - this is my way to succeed on dates, and it's not something new - but it works perfectly fine for me and a lot of other people who make it work. It's not necessarily the best way because it may not mesh well with some people's personalities, but I can show you thousands of people who learned it and do it successfully - so don't start spouting that this is bullshit and save yourself the embarrassment.Also, I'm interested to know what YOU do on a date with a girl, and why aren’t things working out for you? Let me know and I'll try to help!Cheers! via /r/dating_advice