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frozcnhcart · 4 years ago

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Task 001 : Getting to Know You ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

What were their best subject(s) in school?

Literature, History, and Geometry.

Do they have any allergies?

She’s not allergic to anything specific, but her allergies every spring and summer can be fairly intense.

What is their opinion on Mystiques and Supernaturals?

Elsa regards them cautiously. She can’t control her own powers as a Mage and doesn’t understand how others not only have full control, but also show off their abilities without any fear. She actually might be a little jealous. When it comes to Mystiques like Fae and Merfolk, Elsa finds them fascinating and beautiful. Supernaturals are darker and often dangerous, but she sees many of them as just misunderstood. After all, is she not dangerous as well?

How they react to being flirted with? How do they flirt?

While she is very intelligent in most all areas of life, Elsa is completely dense when someone is flirting with her. She doesn’t understand the concept of someone being romantically or sexually interested in her and will almost never read someone’s actions towards her as flirtatious. For that same reason, she herself never flirts.

Do they prefer white, milk, or dark chocolate?

Intensely dark chocolate is the only kind she doesn’t like. She thoroughly enjoys both milk and white and struggles to pick between the two.

How are they with children?

Around children she tends to be rather distance/awkward at first, but if the child is sweet then she all but melts.

Are they religious?

Elsa considers herself to be Agnostic.

Which of the seven deadly sins do they most embody? Which virtue?

None of the sins really align with Elsa’s personality, but if I had to pick one I would probably say Envy? Not that she’s a jealous person, she just constantly wishes for something she does not have (control over herself). As for her heavenly virtue, I think she best aligns with temperance. Her whole life has revolved around self-restraint - though it isn’t exactly a good thing.

What’s their sense of humor like?

Elsa isn’t the type to crack jokes, but she can be heard making little sarcastic comments under her breath every now and then.

How do you know when you’ve upset them?

Concealing her emotions is something she’s become very good at, so if she looks/acts upset then you know you really hurt her. She often has to remove herself from situations where she knows she is becoming upset.

What does their room look like?

Back home in Norway she has a nice size room that she moved into after the accident - she used to share a large room with Anna. The walls are covered in a lilac colored wallpaper on all sides of the room. On the opposite wall from the door there’s a large, triangular window with a widow seat. The color scheme is blue, purple, and white. On the left wall is her bed, a nightstand, and her desk. The right wall is covered in bookshelves with dozens upon dozens books from her childhood into her teenage years. Here in Porthaven, her apartment is very sleek and minimalist. It’s modern, but has a slightly rustic feel to it.

Do they have a favorite color?

Blue. More specifically: icy blue or teal. Though she really likes purple as well.

What do they usually eat for breakfast?

Since taking over the company she’s found herself increasingly more busy in the mornings and often skips breakfast. She often picks up a cup of coffee and a muffin or danish on her way to work. On the weekends when she actually makes an effort to have something substantial for breakfast she enjoys a small fruit and cheese platter with some sort of bread and a soothing cup of tea. Or crepes!

At what time of the day are they most productive/have the most energy?

Elsa doesn’t have much of an issue with being productive except for in the evenings when her energy begins to drain.

How do they handle money?

Elsa is very careful with her money and prefers saving to spending. Outside of necessities she doesn’t often shop for herself. The only time she “indulges” herself is when she occasionally buys herself an expensive clothing item for a formal event. Anna’s spending habits are more difficult to control, but Elsa doesn’t often reprimand her sister about it.

When a craving kicks in what’s the first thing they go for in the kitchen?

Macarons! As a child she used to sneak into the kitchen late at night and bring some back for her and Anna during their midnight adventures. In her current apartment she keeps a small container of them in a cabinet for whenever she needs a sweet pick-me-up.

Are they patient?

Incredibly so, though she does have her limits.

What’s their favorite kind of weather?

Elsa may not like that she has magic, but she truly does love the snow. It’s the weather she feels most comfortable in and she finds it absolutely beautiful.

If they were to attend Hogwarts which house would they be placed in?

Ravenclaw! Once Elsa begins questioning something, she develops an intense need to understand and learn more about it. She also loves learning for the sake of learning and loves to read classic literature. Elsa has incredible creativity, but she puts restraints on herself that limit her expressiveness and individuality.

What is their voice like?

That depends on who she’s talking to. Those closest to her are see a side of her that is gentle and soft-spoken. She sounds lighter and more genuine. At work, around people she finds gruesome, or when she is feeling cautious her voice becomes cold and formal. She can take on a very authoritative tone. For Anna, it’s often a mix of both. Elsa tries to be as gentle and warm as she can to her sister, but often has to become more firm if Anna begins acting out or starts getting too close.

Do they feel like their astrological sign is accurate?

Certainly not. Elsa doesn’t know a whole lot about astrology, but from what she’s heard about Sagittarians remains entirely confused as to how she could be classified as one. She feels much more connected to the star sign that comes the day after her birthday: Capricorn.

Which of the four elements do they feel the most connected to?

Water, of course. Though she does sometimes feel an odd pull towards the other elements. Like she’s drawn to them somehow. She’s not sure if it’s just her mind playing tricks on her or something to do with her being a Mage.

What’s the easiest way to annoy them?

Push her beyond what she’s comfortable with or is willing to permit. People who repeatedly questions her gloves also tend to irritate her.

Can they dance?

She can, but won’t.

What’s their personal style? What do they most often wear?

Multiple layers. Lots of turtlenecks and long sleeves. Color palette consists of blue, teal, dark purple, white, and black. Hair in a neat bun whenever she leaves the house. Minor gold or silver accents. Always gloves.

Are they affiliated with any political groups?

Elsa tries her best to stay out of politics, both for the sake of her company and because she just finds them exhausting.

What is their favorite hobby?

Reading! It’s what she spends a great majority of her free time doing.

Where were they born?

Arendelle, Norway (fictional city located along one of Norway’s many fjords)

What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?

“Why was I born with magic?” Her parents never found any trace of Mages in their family tree, nor any other reason as to why Elsa was born with magic.

How do they sleep?

She’s a very light sleeper and is prone to waking up to any noise outside her room. Often has trouble sleeping as well and takes melatonin on the nights she’s most restless. Usually wakes up in the same position she fell asleep in.

What’s their favorite game?

Chess, and she’s very good at it.

Are they a very private person or, for the most part, an open book?

She is incredibly private. The only person who’s really seen a deeper side of Elsa is Anna. If she shares something personal with you without feeling obligated to, then you are a special person. It takes a while for that to happen though. She tends to keep to herself and doesn’t like discussing private matters with anyone outside of her sister.

Have they ever had or currently have any pets?

Anna and Elsa always wanted a pet when they were little, but their parents didn’t think it was a good idea. She currently believes herself to be too busy for a pet of any kind.

Do they have any reoccurring nightmares and/or dreams?

It’s rare that Elsa dreams. Or if she does, she never wakes up with an idea of what it could have been about. On various occasions she does have a reoccurring nightmare - the night when she almost killed Anna. As she’s gotten older the nightmare hasn’t occurred as frequently, but it still makes occasional appearances. On days when she isn’t feeling good she often goes to sleep with her gloves on in case her negative emotions follow her into her dreams as well. As a child she would sometimes wake up from a bad dream to her room covered in ice. It seems like even when she drifts into her subconscious she still can’t control her powers.

Is there a music genre they prefer over all others? How about one they can’t stand?

She adores classical music and often has it playing quietly in the background whenever she’s home. Doesn’t care for most other music genres, as she prefers instrumental songs over those with lyrics.

Have they ever played any sports?

Never on a team or competitively, but she does have a talent for ice skating.

What things make them feel the most comfortable/relaxed?

Being alone (oddly enough), reading, a mug of hot chocolate, and being somewhere high above the ground.

How intuitive are they? Can they read people easily or are they oblivious?

Elsa is pretty intuitive. She’s very wary of people so she looks into everything way too much. She isn’t oblivious to other people’s feelings either, but often feels like she has to ignore them for the sake of keeping her formal composure.

What are their eating habits/typical diet?

Elsa doesn’t eat much. She doesn’t intentionally avoid meals of course, she just often forgets to eat. She’ll get absorbed by work or a book that it’s not until a while later that she feels any hunger. Most days she just has a cup of coffee and a muffin or some other pastry. Lunch is usually whatever she can get ordered to her office. If she’s home then she tends to just lightly snack throughout the day rather than sit down to have a proper meal. She used to be a picky eater, but boarding school helped force her to expand her diet.

Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

Winter! Nothing matches the excitement she felt as a child when she would wake up to the first snowfall of the season. She and Anna would rush outside and spend all day making snowmen and sledding, then cozy up by the fireplace in the evening with their parents drinking hot cocoa. Even after those days were over, she still enjoyed watching other children play in the snow outside. She considers the icy patterns on her window during the winter to be one of the most beautiful things in nature. Her favorite holiday, Christmas, also happens to fall within the winter season.

Are they ruled by logic, emotion, or some combination thereof?

Elsa considers herself to be a very logical person. She thinks with her head before her heart and tries not to let her emotions get in the way of her life. However - whether she’s aware of it or not - many of the important decisions she makes are driven by fear. Fear keeps her from letting people in and being open to new possibilities.

How do they feel in regards to their sexuality and/or gender?

Elsa has always felt comfortable being a woman, but her sexuality is something she’s uncertain of. She tries to never actively think about or question it, but as a teenager it was something that sometimes took up the residence in the back of her mind.

What’s their most distinguishable/noticeable feature?

Definitely her hair. It’s incredibly light - almost unnaturally so - and she keeps it very well taken care of. Unfortunately she usually keeps it up in a bun, so no one really knows it’s true length or volume except for Elsa herself and probably Anna. She also has piercingly blue eyes and very fair skin that help people instantly pick her out from a crowd.

Do they have any particular speech patterns or mannerisms?

She tends to fiddle with her gloves whenever she’s uncomfortable and is prone to keeping her arms crossed at all times. When a stray lock of hair slips out from her bun she is often seen repeatedly tucking it back behind her ear rather than trying to place it back in her updo.

Can they speak more than one language? Do they have an accent?

Elsa is fluent in Norwegian, Danish, French, and English. Since she is from Norway she has a Norwegian accent, but it is slight since she’s been practicing her English since she was a child.

What’s their opinion on Porthaven, Maine?

Her opinion on Porthaven is not yet conclusive, as she’s trying to give herself more time to warm up to the city. However, she does miss Norway and prefers the old cities and fjords of her home to the rocky beaches and modern buildings in Porthaven. She isn’t a fan of how warm it gets in Maine compared to Norway and seeing so many Mystiques and Supernaturals living openly is quite a culture shock.

#task ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*#phqtask

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spartanchick6 · 5 years ago

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Testimony

Ever since I was a little girl, I had a deep desire to know God. At first, I had to be convinced that there was a God and that He cared about me. I wanted to know that when I talked to God, I wasn’t just talking to the air. I needed to know that God really did hear me and love me.

My story begins from a point in time when I was carefree, curious, and wondering how God fit into my life. It began for me when I was about five years old. Each night as I would lie in bed and say my prayers, I asked God to come down and touch me so that I would be assured that He really was there and could actually hear me. I also wanted to know that He cared enough to not only listen, but also answer me. I would end my prayers each night with a similar request for God to touch me, indicating His presence. I repeated this prayer night after night with the determined persistence of a young child. I never felt defeated or ignoredto the point of quitting. Instead, I kept praying the same prayer night after night as I patiently waited for God to respond. I never gave up asking God, as children seldom do when wanting something bad enough for a genuine answer to my prayer. I seemed to have an endless supply of patience and trust that my prayer would be answered. I’m not sure exactly how long I continued with my persistent prayer, but I am convinced that it was over a year.

Suddenly, one night after repeating this prayer and while drifting off to sleep, I was awoken by a sweet, gentle, calming touch on my back. The touch was applied with just enough pressure to awaken me, yet not alarm me. I immediately thought of my prayer to God and knew it was Him. To reinforce my belief that it was His touch, I looked at my sister, who shared the bedroom and saw that she was sound asleep. I then went to my parent’s bedroom door and opened it quietly and saw that they were both asleep too. As I climbed back into my bed, I was elated with the warmest feeling knowing that God had finally answered my prayer. I now knew that He really was there and He really heard everything I said. My faith had begun, and my love for God could now blossom.

My family consisted of my Dad, Mom, and older sister. When going into second grade, we moved to Chicago, Illinois. My Dad had just graduated from medical school and was selected to complete his residency in a large hospital situated right in the downtown area of Chicago. We lived in a high-rise apartment right across the street from “my dad’s” hospital. It seemed everything in our apartment was white, including the tile on the floor, the cupboards, and the walls. It was not homey but had a rather sterile feeling to it. I attended a little two-room schoolhouse. Second grade was in one room, and third grade was in the other. My sister, who was in the fourth grade, and I would ice skate every day after school. We skated on a basketball court that was flooded during the winter and would freeze solid. I remember us walking home from school with our ice skates slung over our shoulders. These were good memories, but at this period, I distinctly realized that something in my family started to change.

My Dad was gone a lot of the time, because he was very busy with his residency. It was during this year that my sister and I started noticing some very strange things. My Mom would periodically “blackout” and faint for no apparent reason. My Mom became very critical of my sister and me and would incessantly yell at us. It reached a point where she seemed to be yelling at us all the time. Sometimes my Mom would hit my sister and cause her to cry. When my Dad would come home, I would “tattle” to him and tell how mean Mom was to us. I especially emphasized her actions following the times that she struck my sister. My Dad would get very upset over these reports and have what seemed like serious talks with our mother. Sometimes, when I tried to tell my Dad what Momhad done, she would stand behind him, so he wouldn’t know she was there and shake her fist at me, indicating that I had better not tell. On those occasions, I would tell Dad that we had a good day, thus being too afraid of what Mom would do to us if I spoke the truth. It took my Dad a while, but he finally discovered that her excessive drinking of vodka caused my Mom’s bad temper and blackouts.

When my Dad’s residency was over, we moved back to our original home. My mother continued her excessive drinking. Her problems were inflamed by the fact that my Dad was now a fulltime doctor and working extremely long hours. In fact, he was one of only a very few doctors that still did house calls. He would come home from a 14-hour day only to be called out again, leaving us alone with our mother. It seems that the long hours of separation within the family took its toll. We would find indications of our mother’s loneliness in her empty Vodka bottles, which she had hidden throughout the house. My sister and me were left unsupervised most of the time.

One night, I remember hearing my Dad crying. He had received a call that his father died from a gunshot wound to the head. My Dad had previously lost his mother to a long, drawn-out battle with breast cancer. His father had helplessly watched as she agonized through the pain and side effects from treatment therapies. Recently, my Grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and chose to commit suicide as opposed to what he believed would be a long, drawn-out battle.

The pressures on my Dad compounded with the loss of both of his parents, long hours from a rapidly growing medical practice, and the hardships of an alcoholic wife. This led to him having excruciating migraine headaches, which would not abate with simple aspirin. He medically diagnosed himself and treated his migraines with prescription painkillers. These medicines worked for a time, but the migraines continued. He increased the strength of the painkillers until he was using the very addictive narcotics. The narcotics made him very tired and started him on the use of amphetamines to keep him awake. At night he used barbiturates to counter the effect of the amphetamines.

My sister and I noticed that our Dad began to sleep late in the mornings, which was very unusual. His medical answering service would call urgently requesting to speak with our Dad. We would attempt to wake our Dad to answer these calls, but he would tell us to say that he was not home. I hated lying to the people at the answering service and could tell by the tone of their voice that they suspected I was not telling the truth.

My sister and I had the nicknames of “Toothpick” and “Stringbean” because we were exceptionally skinny. I remember havin such bad hunger pains. There were a lot of nights that we spent eating frozen dinners in front of the television. We were very fortunate that our mother’s parents lived close enough to take my sister and me for the weekends. They helped in our care as much as they could. My grandparents were the ones who took us to amusement parks and fishing. They are a big part of my good memories.

Each morning, my sister and I would get up by ourselves and leave for school. Our hygiene was a problem without assistance from our mother. In addition to being skinny, we had long blond hair with huge snarls from neglect. Each weekend our grandmother would wash our hair and, demonstrating exceptional patience, spend hours combing out the tangles. To this point, I was never instructed on the necessity of washing my face and brushing my teeth. It was not until an extremely embarrassing Moment when, in fourth grade, a teacher pulled me aside and explained the reasons why I would want to wash and brush. Once the alcohol took hold of our mother, our existence and necessities became irrelevant.

Initially, the night was an escape from the realities of the day, although as time progressed, the nights grew worse. Often our mother would roam the house in a drunken stupor. Other times she would lie in bed moaning so loud that sleep was impossible. I can remember getting so frustrated after being kept up for hours that I would initially plead and then scream at her to “shut up”, yet even my actions were no avail. Numerous times our parents would call, waking my sister and I, for us to come and lead them to the bathroom. My Dad was so numb with narcotics that he couldn’t even walk to the bathroom. He would lean on my sister and I as we guided him down the hallway. Also, my mother was routinely so drunk that she also had to be led to the toilet. Sometimes we would even have to take them to the bathroom at the same time. We would wait outside of the bathroom door while they used the toilet. Sometimes they even passed out in the bathroom and we would have to rouse them from their daze and guide them back to their bed. The stress of these escalating situations came out in me in the form of nervous ticks. I was known for unconsciously twitching my eyes and making noises in my throat. Also, I sucked my thumb long beyond what is considered normal for a child.

The tribulations at home were making my life at school exceptionally difficult. I experienced continual fatigue and reoccurring headaches. Unfortunately, no one knew of our plight and we didn’t feel we could confide in anyone without risking our Dad’s reputation. We didn’t want to destroy our Dad’s career as a doctor.

The problems at home were directly affecting my relationships at school. I never felt like I fit in or was a part of the group. I was continually thinking about what was happening at my home. I wondered what my mother was doing at home, instead of paying attention in the classroom. I never invited friends home after school or on weekends for fear of what I would find when we walked into the house. Each day I shuttered to think what was going on beyond the front door when I returned home after school. Some days my Mom would be more or lesssober and at other times it was like walking into a nightmare. My own personal struggles compounded when I began to be drawn to the “cool” kids in order to fit in and have friends. I was drawn to the “cool” kids who applied subtle pressure to mimic their actions. I spiraled into a world of drinking, smoking and experimentation with drugs. I did not even notice my own slide into a mental and emotional hell. I continued to experiment with marijuana and hashish. I remember several times when I stayed “stoned” for several days at a time. Surprising as it may sound, I was only twelve years old when I was hopelessly harming my physical, mental and spiritual body with alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Around this time, when looking back, I must have been the kind of unlovable and hardened child that others wanted their own children to avoid. One day, a very wonderful woman who lived next door, reached out and invited my sister and me to accompany her to a place called the “Gospel House”. That night I heard some pretty awesome stuff. They told me that I could know God as I had never known him before. They said that I could be a part of God’s very own family and when I died I could be sure I was going to heaven. They showed me where in the Bible it states that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. No matter how hard we try to be good, it’s not enough. We all have sin. It says that the penalty for sin is death. But it also says that God loves us so much that He gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for our sins that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but will have eternal life. By repenting of our sins and asking Jesus into our hearts, we could know for sure that we are a part of God’s family and that we would go to heaven. I went back for a number of weeks, because I had finally found the answer in my quest to know God more. It wasn’t something that you just said or did. It was the beginning of a life long commitment to love God. I would become totally dependent on God and trust Him with all aspects of my life. I could begin a relationship with God where I could grow closer and closer to Him the more I began to know Him. I remember praying and asking Jesus to forgive me for my sins and to come into my heart and life. I thought I should feel a little “saintly” or experience some great revelation, but in truth I didn’t feel any different. I did feel confident, though because now I knew that God had a purpose for everything I was going through and that He was going through it with me. My Dad tried to break the chains of addition by enrolling in several rehabilitation programs but his attempts to quit his addiction always failed. There were numerous occasions when one of our parents would overdose and fall into a coma. Mom had begun supplementing her drinking with amphetamines to wake her up and barbiturates to allow her to sleep like my Dad. One time my Dad fell into a deep coma that lasted for over a day. My mother and grandparents were very worried and argued over calling taking him to the hospital. The argument revolved between saving his life and whether he would lose his medical license if drugs were discovered in his blood. They couldn’t agree so they pulled my sister and I into the bedroom and told us to decide what to do. Rarely is a child left with making so traumatic a decision for adults. My sister and I were crying and didn’t know what to do. After about another half-hour of not knowing what to advise, my Dad awoke from the coma and appeared all right. Thus, we didn’t have to inform anyone about his condition and jeopardize his career, although our family’s personal hell would continue.My mother’s alcohol addiction and drug abuse caused numerous psychological and physiological neuroses to take hold and come out in unexpected forms. She appeared to have episodes resembling full-blown paranoid schizophrenia. She would tell us elaborate stories of how she was being watched by people who wanted to get her and destroy our Dad. Also, she believed that our house was bugged with listening devices. She drew arrows in blue chalk on the walls of the basement indicating where she had found wiretaps into our phone lines. The blue arrows were all over the walls. One night my Dad verified our mother’s claim that a car actually attempted to run them off of the road. My sisterand I lived in constant fear of our mother and the supposed “people” who were after us. At the time, we didn’t fully realize that our mother was no longer rational and was totally controlled by alcohol and drugs. The terrible downward spiral of life continued when on one night in particular my mother became mad at my sister and started burning all of her clothes in the basement incinerator. My Dad slapped my mother on the side of her head with such force, that it burst her eardrum. On another occasion, my mother was so mad at my sister and me that she beat us on our bare bottoms with the bristled side of a hairbrush. Our baby-sitter neighbor told us that she heard us screaming but for some reason, no one came to our assistance or attempted to intervene. As such young girls, my sister and I were helpless to change our situation. Sometime later, when my sister was fourteen and I was twelve, we were thankful because our Dad told us that he had finally overcome his addictions. One evening, a short while later, our Dad said he was going out to the garage and my sister and me became suspicious from something in his voice and followed him. We found out that he had hidden some drugs in the garage and he was planning on taking them. My sister and I threatened that if he took any of the drugs that we were leaving for good and going to live at my grandparent’s house. Dad went ahead and took the drugs, which caused my sister and me to pack our bags and walk to our grandparent’s home.We decided to stay at our grandparents for a few days to see how things progressed at home. The next evening, my sister and I attended a service at the Gospel House. Suddenly, our grandparents rushed into the service and asked us to leave. They said that our Dad had a terrible accident and hit his head by slipping in the bathtub. We rushed home only to find that our Dad wasn’t in the bathroom, but that he was laying face down halfway out the back door. My Mom was standing over him screaming that he was dead and that we had done this to him. Again came the argument between our grandparents and mother as to whether to call the ambulance. I looked at my Dad and knew something was terribly wrong. I went into the house and called an ambulance, while my grandparents and mother continued to argue. The ambulance came and took not only took my Dad, but also my Grandfather. It was all too much for my grandpa and he had started having chest pains. He had had previous heart attacks. Mom ran and locked herself in the bedroom and kept screaming that it was our fault dad was hurt. My grandmother called a mental institution where my Mom had spent some time earlier in the year. The institution people came and handcuffed my Mom and dragged her screaming out of the house and into a waiting car. I didn’t like the way they were dragging my mother and I remember feeling bad for Mom, but due to her continual screaming at us, was also glad to have her taken away. Sometime later that evening, my sister and me learned our Dad had died. We spent the rest of that night at our grandparent’s house. Grandpa spent the night in the hospital and came home the next day. My sister and me assisted our grandparents in arranging for the funeral. Grandma called the mental institute and they allowed our mother to attend the funeral, but she had to return for additional observation and treatment. I was too numb with shock and grief to even cry at my Dad’s funeral. It took a long before I could openly cry from the grief. My sister was very angry with God for taking her beloved Dad. I personally told God how bad I hurt inside, but also thanked Him for being with me. I was comforted by the fact that I believed that He had a purpose for everything. I was 12 years old at the time and felt as if I had lived a lifetime of tribulations. Mom finally came home from the institute and my sister and I moved back home. Life went on, but slowly began to change for the better. I wanted to quit smoking and lost the desire for drinking. In addition, I totally stopped smoking marijuana and hashish. The need to fit in with the “cool” crowd evaporated and I decided to find real friends. I began going to the Gospel House on a regular basis and even joined the choir. I felt very loved and accepted by my Christian brothers and sisters. Our choir traveled to other churches and I loved going on those excursions with them. The time spent with the choir was a saving grace to me, as I loved to sing. I spent two additional years trying to quit my pack a day habit of smoking cigarettes, but to no avail. Finally, in desperation, I confessed to God that I just couldn’t quit on my own and that if He wanted me to, He would have to quit for me. From the point of that prayer request, I have never picked up another cigarette. The total desire and urge to smoke was gone.Time progressed and my sister left for college. It was now just my mother and me at home. I told my Mom about my relationship with Jesus and she surprised me by showing up at a gospel house meeting. She was drunk at the time and I was very embarrassed of her, but she prayed at that meeting and no one seemed to care that she was intoxicated. I prayed with her at home too and she prayed asking to accept Christ into her life. I sincerely believe that she tried to quit drinking on her own, but the claws of alcoholism were set too deep. Her drinking slowed down substantially, but there were still times of significant drinking binges. Mom and I spent our summers in Canada on an island in Georgian Bay that my Grandfather had purchased in 1948. It’s a remote place in the wilderness about a twenty-minute boat ride from the marina in town. There was no electricity, running water or means of communication. We had a two-seat outhouse some distance behind the main cabin, which was creepy to use at night. You had to avoid all the huge hanging spiders. We used kerosene and Coleman lanterns for light and our only transportation was our 19-foot aluminum starcraft powerboat. .Mom continued to drink and would tell me stories of how she would see and talk to my Dad. My Dad had been dead for over four years. These stories caused me to lay awake at nights so afraid that I would see my Dad, a walking corpse, peeking in the windows. Each night I would ensure that the curtains were tightly closed after dark. During the school year life continued to be tough for me. Mom would go on drinking binges and keep me up with her moaning and ramblings. I had to get up for school on many mornings after little or no sleep. I went through a daily ritual of continual headaches and fatigue. Fortunately, I started dating my future husbandin the eleventh grade. He was a saving grace for me and seemed to always be there when I needed him most. He picked me up from home each morning and drove me to school so I didn’t have to trudge through the snow, rain and cold. Time passed and I entered my senior year in high school. I applied to attend college the following fall. Mom’s drinking became less frequent through my senior year and she continued to invite my boyfriend over for dinner. The two of them would spend the evening debating politics and discussing current events. This was a very pleasurable time for me and I enjoyed that my mother got along so well with my boyfriend. My mother hosted an exceptionally nice party following my graduation from high school. Three weeks later she hosted another major event, which was my sister’s marriage. At this point I believed that the future was bright and nothing could go wrong, unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Mom and I planned to spend the summer together in Canada before I left for college. My mother invited my boyfriend up to Canada and he arranged a week off of work to accompany us and help open the cottage. Unfortunately, Mom had binged the weekend before we left in memory of her and my Dad’s June anniversary date. This time though, she became very sick and we thought that she had the flu. She stated that she felt good enough to make the 10-hour drive to Canada and said it would be good to recuperate out on the island. After the long drive, and once out on the island, she took a downturn and became even sicker. She threw up multiple times and would then drink huge amounts of water. Just as we thought she was getting better she started acting peculiar. It was 3:00 AM when I awakened to her screams that Dad was dead. I went to her room and tried to tell her that Dad had died five years before. Then she insisted that our dog had died. I brought our dog to her and showed her that he was all right. She settled back into bed and quieted down. After I went back to my room I heard her rattling a pill bottle. I didn’t think much of this because I was so used to her taking a lot of pills. In the morning, Mom seemed much worse. She was incoherent, physically weak and unable to walk. I told her that we were taking her off of the island and into the hospital. On the drive, my mother’s eyes kept rolling back in her head. My heart was pounding as I continued to ask her if she was all right. She answered but continued to go in and out of consciousness. We arrived at the hospital and rushed her into the emergency room. After speaking with the Doctors, they commenced an examination of my mother. The doctors started the examination by asking my mother questions. When they asked her what the date was she said, “page number 238”. When asked what time it was, she smiled at the doctor and told him that he was asking too hard of questions. I told the doctor that I had heard my Mom taking medicine the night before, but that it was a normal occurrence. I also mentioned that she was an alcoholic. The emergency room doctors spoke with me and stated that my mother was either going through alcohol withdrawal or that she was going insane. Either way, he said that she would need to stay hospitalized for a couple of days, but that she would be all right. While I was talking to the doctor, my Mom came out of her dementia long enough to ask my boyfriend to take care of me. The nurses told us that we should get a hotel room and get some sleep. My own personal struggles compounded when I began to be drawn to the “cool” kids in order to fit in and have friends. I was drawn to the “cool” kids who applied subtle pressure to mimic their actions. I spiraled into a world of drinking, smoking and experimentation with drugs. I did not even notice my own slide into a mental and emotional hell. I continued to experiment with marijuana and hashish. I remember several times when I stayed “stoned” for several days at a time. Surprising as it may sound, I was only twelve years old when I was hopelessly harming my physical, mental and spiritual body with alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Around this time, when looking back, I must have been the kind of unlovable and hardened child that others wanted their own children to avoid. One day, a very wonderful woman who lived next door, reached out and invited my sister and me to accompany her to a place called the “Gospel House”. That night I heard some pretty awesome stuff. They told me that I could know God as I had never known him before. They said that I could be a part of God’s very own family and when I died I could be sure I was going to heaven. They showed me where in the Bible it states that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. No matter how hard we try to be good, it’s not enough. We all have sin. It says that the penalty for sin is death. But it also says that God loves us so much that He gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for our sins that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but will have eternal life. By repenting of our sins and asking Jesus into our hearts, we could know for sure that we are a part of God’s family and that we would go to heaven. I went back for a number of weeks, because I had finally found the answer in my quest to know God more. It wasn’t something that you just said or did. It was the beginning of a life long commitment to love God. I would become totally dependent on God and trust Him with all aspects of my life. I could begin a relationship with God where I could grow closer and closer to Him the more I began to know Him. I remember praying and asking Jesus to forgive me for my sins and to come into my heart and life. I thought I should feel a little “saintly” or experience some great revelation, but in truth I didn’t feel any different. I did feel confident, though because now I knew that God had a purpose for everything I was going through and that He was going through it with me. My Dad tried to break the chains of addition by enrolling in several rehabilitation programs but his attempts to quit his addiction always failed. There were numerous occasions when one of our parents would overdose and fall into a coma. Mom had begun supplementing her drinking with amphetamines to wake her up and barbiturates to allow her to sleep like my Dad. One time my Dad fell into a deep coma that lasted for over a day. My mother and grandparents were very worried and argued over calling taking him to the hospital. The argument revolved between saving his life and whether he would lose his medical license if drugs were discovered in his blood. They couldn’t agree so they pulled my sister and I into the bedroom and told us to decide what to do. Rarely is a child left with making so traumatic a decision for adults. My sister and I were crying and didn’t know what to do. After about another half-hour of not knowing what to advise, my Dad awoke from the coma and appeared all right. Thus, we didn’t have to inform anyone about his condition and jeopardize his career, although our family’s personal hell would continue.My mother’s alcohol addiction and drug abuse caused numerous psychological and physiological neuroses to take hold and come out in unexpected forms. She appeared to have episodes resembling full-blown paranoid schizophrenia. She would tell us elaborate stories of how she was being watched by people who wanted to get her and destroy our Dad. Also, she believed that our house was bugged with listening devices. She drew arrows in blue chalk on the walls of the basement indicating where she had found wiretaps into our phone lines. The blue arrows were all over the walls. One night my Dad verified our mother’s claim that a car actually attempted to run them off of the road. My sisterand I lived in constant fear of our mother and the supposed “people” who were after us. At the time, we didn’t fully realize that our mother was no longer rational and was totally controlled by alcohol and drugs. The terrible downward spiral of life continued when on one night in particular my mother became mad at my sister and started burning all of her clothes in the basement incinerator. My Dad slapped my mother on the side of her head with such force, that it burst her eardrum. On another occasion, my mother was so mad at my sister and me that she beat us on our bare bottoms with the bristled side of a hairbrush. Our baby-sitter neighbor told us that she heard us screaming but for some reason, no one came to our assistance or attempted to intervene. As such young girls, my sister and I were helpless to change our situation. Sometime later, when my sister was fourteen and I was twelve, we were thankful because our Dad told us that he had finally overcome his addictions. One evening, a short while later, our Dad said he was going out to the garage and my sister and me became suspicious from something in his voice and followed him. We found out that he had hidden some drugs in the garage and he was planning on taking them. My sister and I threatened that if he took any of the drugs that we were leaving for good and going to live at my grandparent’s house. Dad went ahead and took the drugs, which caused my sister and me to pack our bags and walk to our grandparent’s home.We decided to stay at our grandparents for a few days to see how things progressed at home. The next evening, my sister and I attended a service at the Gospel House. Suddenly, our grandparents rushed into the service and asked us to leave. They said that our Dad had a terrible accident and hit his head by slipping in the bathtub. We rushed home only to find that our Dad wasn’t in the bathroom, but that he was laying face down halfway out the back door. My Mom was standing over him screaming that he was dead and that we had done this to him. Again came the argument between our grandparents and mother as to whether to call the ambulance. I looked at my Dad and knew something was terribly wrong. I went into the house and called an ambulance, while my grandparents and mother continued to argue. The ambulance came and took not only took my Dad, but also my Grandfather. It was all too much for my grandpa and he had started having chest pains. He had had previous heart attacks. Mom ran and locked herself in the bedroom and kept screaming that it was our fault dad was hurt. My grandmother called a mental institution where my Mom had spent some time earlier in the year. The institution people came and handcuffed my Mom and dragged her screaming out of the house and into a waiting car. I didn’t like the way they were dragging my mother and I remember feeling bad for Mom, but due to her continual screaming at us, was also glad to have her taken away. Sometime later that evening, my sister and me learned our Dad had died. We spent the rest of that night at our grandparent’s house. Grandpa spent the night in the hospital and came home the next day. My sister and me assisted our grandparents in arranging for the funeral. Grandma called the mental institute and they allowed our mother to attend the funeral, but she had to return for additional observation and treatment. I was too numb with shock and grief to even cry at my Dad’s funeral. It took a long before I could openly cry from the grief. My sister was very angry with God for taking her beloved Dad. I personally told God how bad I hurt inside, but also thanked Him for being with me. I was comforted by the fact that I believed that He had a purpose for everything. I was 12 years old at the time and felt as if I had lived a lifetime of tribulations. Mom finally came home from the institute and my sister and I moved back home. Life went on, but slowly began to change for the better. I wanted to quit smoking and lost the desire for drinking. In addition, I totally stopped smoking marijuana and hashish. The need to fit in with the “cool” crowd evaporated and I decided to find real friends. I began going to the Gospel House on a regular basis and even joined the choir. I felt very loved and accepted by my Christian brothers and sisters. Our choir traveled to other churches and I loved going on those excursions with them. The time spent with the choir was a saving grace to me, as I loved to sing. I spent two additional years trying to quit my pack a day habit of smoking cigarettes, but to no avail. Finally, in desperation, I confessed to God that I just couldn’t quit on my own and that if He wanted me to, He would have to quit for me. From the point of that prayer request, I have never picked up another cigarette. The total desire and urge to smoke was gone.Time progressed and my sister left for college. It was now just my mother and me at home. I told my Mom about my relationship with Jesus and she surprised me by showing up at a gospel house meeting. She was drunk at the time and I was very embarrassed of her, but she prayed at that meeting and no one seemed to care that she was intoxicated. I prayed with her at home too and she prayed asking to accept Christ into her life. I sincerely believe that she tried to quit drinking on her own, but the claws of alcoholism were set too deep. Her drinking slowed down substantially, but there were still times of significant drinking binges. Mom and I spent our summers in Canada on an island in Georgian Bay that my Grandfather had purchased in 1948. It’s a remote place in the wilderness about a twenty-minute boat ride from the marina in town. There was no electricity, running water or means of communication. We had a two-seat outhouse some distance behind the main cabin, which was creepy to use at night. You had to avoid all the huge hanging spiders. We used kerosene and Coleman lanterns for light and our only transportation was our 19-foot aluminum starcraft powerboat. .Mom continued to drink and would tell me stories of how she would see and talk to my Dad. My Dad had been dead for over four years. These stories caused me to lay awake at nights so afraid that I would see my Dad, a walking corpse, peeking in the windows. Each night I would ensure that the curtains were tightly closed after dark. During the school year life continued to be tough for me. Mom would go on drinking binges and keep me up with her moaning and ramblings. I had to get up for school on many mornings after little or no sleep. I went through a daily ritual of continual headaches and fatigue. Fortunately, I started dating my future husbandin the eleventh grade. He was a saving grace for me and seemed to always be there when I needed him most. He picked me up from home each morning and drove me to school so I didn’t have to trudge through the snow, rain and cold. Time passed and I entered my senior year in high school. I applied to attend college the following fall. Mom’s drinking became less frequent through my senior year and she continued to invite my boyfriend over for dinner. The two of them would spend the evening debating politics and discussing current events. This was a very pleasurable time for me and I enjoyed that my mother got along so well with my boyfriend. My mother hosted an exceptionally nice party following my graduation from high school. Three weeks later she hosted another major event, which was my sister’s marriage. At this point I believed that the future was bright and nothing could go wrong, unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Mom and I planned to spend the summer together in Canada before I left for college. My mother invited my boyfriend up to Canada and he arranged a week off of work to accompany us and help open the cottage. Unfortunately, Mom had binged the weekend before we left in memory of her and my Dad’s June anniversary date. This time though, she became very sick and we thought that she had the flu. She stated that she felt good enough to make the 10-hour drive to Canada and said it would be good to recuperate out on the island. After the long drive, and once out on the island, she took a downturn and became even sicker. She threw up multiple times and would then drink huge amounts of water. Just as we thought she was getting better she started acting peculiar. It was 3:00 AM when I awakened to her screams that Dad was dead. I went to her room and tried to tell her that Dad had died five years before. Then she insisted that our dog had died. I brought our dog to her and showed her that he was all right. She settled back into bed and quieted down. After I went back to my room I heard her rattling a pill bottle. I didn’t think much of this because I was so used to her taking a lot of pills. In the morning, Mom seemed much worse. She was incoherent, physically weak and unable to walk. I told her that we were taking her off of the island and into the hospital. On the drive, my mother’s eyes kept rolling back in her head. My heart was pounding as I continued to ask her if she was all right. She answered but continued to go in and out of consciousness. We arrived at the hospital and rushed her into the emergency room. After speaking with the Doctors, they commenced an examination of my mother. The doctors started the examination by asking my mother questions. When they asked her what the date was she said, “page number 238”. When asked what time it was, she smiled at the doctor and told him that he was asking too hard of questions. I told the doctor that I had heard my Mom taking medicine the night before, but that it was a normal occurrence. I also mentioned that she was an alcoholic. The emergency room doctors spoke with me and stated that my mother was either going through alcohol withdrawal or that she was going insane. Either way, he said that she would need to stay hospitalized for a couple of days, but that she would be all right. While I was talking to the doctor, my Mom came out of her dementia long enough to ask my boyfriend to take care of me. The nurses told us that we should get a hotel room and get some sleep.

The next morning, my boyfriend and me were going to go back to the island to get a nightgown, books and some things for my Mom to do but we decided to go and check on her first. One of the nurses came running up to us and asked us where we had been. I was told that my mother’s heart had arrested 8 times during the night, yet the doctors had been able to revive her each time. When we rushed into my Mom’s room we found her lying naked on the bed with wires and electrodes attached to her chest. I covered her bare breasts with a sheet. Her eyelids were taped shut and she was on a ventilator machine. The doctor had assured me that she would be all right the night before and now I had such a growing fear inside of me. To loose my mother would be the worst possible thing that could happen to me, as I would be an orphan. At that moment, I felt so alone and very scared. Even though my mother was an alcoholic, I still loved her with a deep affection that only a child can know. I wondered who would take care of me and where would I go? Just three weeks prior, we were celebrating at my sister’s wedding. I thought aloud, “No God, not my Mom!” The yellow light on the oxygen machine shut off right in front of our eyes indicating that my mother had stopped breathing on her own. I told the nurse that the yellow flashing light had gone out and she then explained the machine’s operation. I exclaimed that the yellow light in fact was now off and that my Mom had stopped breathing! The nurse turned, and with a shocked look, asked my boyfriend and me to immediately leave the room. Doctors came rushing to my mother’s room and many hospital personnel entered and left the room in rapid succession. After what seemed like an eternity, I was told that the doctor wanted to see me down in his office. My heart sank, as I knew what this meant. Indeed, I was told that my Mom had died. My world was utterly toppled. After breaking the news to my sister, she immediately got in the car with her husband and started the 12-hour drive to Canada.

My sister reached the hospital in Canada eight hours after our mother had died. We both looked at each other in a state of shock. We returned to the Island, closed the cottage and began the long drive home. My sister, who was only 19 at the time, and I struggled through the funeral preparations like zombies. They had me view my mother’s body before anyone else and I was outraged to see that they had bright red lipstick on her with bright red nail polish. We buried her in the same dress she had worn only three weeks previously to my sister’s wedding. For three long days we endured the funeral process. So many people expressed their condolences, but nothing helped the ache I felt inside. I knew that I would never see either of my parents again. They would not be here to see me start college, get married or know my children. I felt so devastated and cheated. My boyfriend was by my side throughout the entire time. I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t been for him. I cried my heart out to God and couldn’t understand why He had allowed this to happen. It was a strange feeling, but I truly felt His presence with me and I could feel His tears alongside of mine. I knew there was some purpose in all this, but I was too numb to ponder it very much. I had never felt such sorrow in my whole life.

Two days later, my boyfriend’s Dad died from cirrhosis of the liver. I assisted his family with all of the funeral preparations. My boyfriend’s family was overcome with grief, as was I. Life seemed unbearable as my boyfriend and I trudged on side by side. God had given us each other for support, comfort and friendship. My boyfriend was only 18 and I was only 17 at that time. My Dad was 39, my Mom was 44 and my boyfriend’s Dad had been 43 when they all died. Everyone was so young and experienced such needless and avoidable suffering.

I never got to sleep in my own bed again. I never got to live in my own house again. I stayed with my boyfriend’s family for about two weeks and then my grandparents took me in for the rest of the summer. We put our house up on the market and began the long task of going through everything in it. My grandpa was in the flea market business and loved selling things. It seems everything I cherished was sold, including most of our furniture and belongings. Even my own bed and childhood toys were sold.

I started college in the fall and cried throughout the whole first few months. I had an 8x10 photograph of my Mom, sister and I sitting on our couch just before my sister’s wedding. We were all dressed up and looked so happy. I shed many tears while looking at that picture and thinking that I would never get to see my Mom again; until heaven that is. The Bible was my lifeline. I had a little King James Version of the Bible that I had received when I attended the gospel house. The pages became well worn as I continually sought refuge in the pages of God’s word. God was always there with me, and as I poured my heart out to Him, I knew He cared and hurt right along side of me. I also knew that He would help me to persevere and keep on going.

My boyfriend and me were married after our second year in college. We graduated two years later. I was a nurse and my husband joined the army as a Second Lieutenant. We were stationed in Germany for the next three years. We lived among the German people and I took classes to learn how to speak with them.

I was at the Army post one day when I noticed a sign in English for a coffeehouse across the street. I had heard that coffeehouses were sometimes Christian places so I decided to continue with my adventurous spirit and check it out. I am sure that God planned that day, as I met my best friend. She took me under her wing and really taught and explained the Bible to me. Together, we spent hours in prayer and memorizing scripture.

My best friend assisted me in overcoming a serious burden that I carried. This burden was my fear that God would throw me out of His family because I still had sin in my life, regardless of how hard I tried. I struggled with a lot of anger as my husband was gone so much of the time and I was left home alone in a foreign country. I tried not to be angry with my husband over this, but sometimes I didn’t succeed. I had a constant battle going on inside of me. I battled with what I knew I should be like and what I was really like. It seemed my anger always won over faith and caused me significant depression and guilt. My friend was able to show me through scripture that God would never ”kick” me out of his family and that he had provision for sins. All I had to do was confess my sins to God and ask for His forgiveness. In turn, I could know for certain that I was forgiven. Once I asked forgiveness, I could then invite the Holy Spirit to control me and help me be the person He wanted me to be.

My friend showed me where in the Bible it said that I could know for sure that I was going to heaven and that I had eternal life starting way back on the very day I had asked Jesus into my heart. She showed me scriptures where it said that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and is there to help, love and guide me. This helped tremendously as I was able to rid myself of the guilt that plagued me. Also, the fellowship with my friend was instrumental in my growing closer to God. I no longer had to fear His disapproval of me. I was free to learn, grow and even started sharing my testimony and teaching bible classes.

This testimony and life experiences is why I share my story with you. I want you to know God as you have never known Him before. You can know without a doubt that you have eternal life. You can know that you are a part of God’s family and that He will never leave you or forsake you. You can be assured that God has a plan for your life. No matter how terrible the situation, you can know that God has a good purpose for placing you in the situation. I know that I will see my parents in heaven again some day. I prayed with my Mom and know that she believed in Jesus. Also, my neighbor informed me that she prayed with my Dad six months prior to his death and that he asked Christ into his life. Their lives were shortened, because of sin, yet your life doesn’t have to experience the same tribulation. The answer is so simple, yet so life-changing; all you have to do is pray and ask Jesus into your heart and life,

“Jesus, I’m sorry for all of my sins. I believe that you died to pay the penalty for my sins. I ask you to forgive me for all of my sins, past, present, and future. I ask you to come into my life and my heart. Please give me your Holy Spirit to comfort, guide, and teach me. Please help me to know you in a way that I have never thought possible until now. I thank you that I now know for sure that I have eternal life and that I will live with you in heaven forever. Show me these truths in your word and open my eyes so that I can see them for myself. I love You,God. I commit my life to you and give you all that I am. I pray this in the name of Jesus, Amen.”

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stunudo · 7 years ago

Quote

There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.

Napoleon Hill

That Got Away: A Criminal Minds Fan-fiction Part 11

Inspired by: Katy Perry’s “The One That Got Away”

Pearl Jam’s “Last Kiss”

Featuring: Spencer Reid x Reader Setting: Season 4 Rating: Teen

A/N: Hang on! Warning: 3500+ words xoxo Stu

Warnings: Bodily functions, violence

I do not own any of the characters, quotes, images or lyrics.

Part 1 Part 9 Part 10

Michelle was laughing now, a laugh that made you think about drowned puppies and debased children. You gave in and dry heaved into the corner you had peed in a few hours ago. Captivity was not as pretty as they made it look like on television. She tapped her heeled toe in annoyance.

“I am helping her because I finally get to do this, Y/N!” Michelle kicked your chest with all her strength. The back of your head crashed into the brick wall seconds before your shoulders, knocking the breath from your lungs. Your vision wavered, then you were weightless once more. Through the blackness your ears became clouded and you drifted away from the smells on the cold floor.

Penelope Garcia was ransacking public records like it was a sale on Pop! Figures. She was digging through building plans and notation of purchases on the buildings connected to the hotel and convention center. Her fingers flew and her brain pushed on.

“Greetings my League of Heroes!” Her voice called over speaker phone. “So it turns out that Y/N’s father wasn’t the source of all their wealth. It was from the family of the late wife, her mom. Once she died the businesses and money were run without the family involvement, directly. Apparently our unsub number 1, “Auntie Miriam” was on the board of directors for one of the companies, ‘Prokopios Costa Holdings.’”

“Alright Baby Girl, coming back from behind! How does that give us motive?” Derek pushed the skilled analyst.

“It means, that when Dr. Y/L/N, the first one, died,” Garcia took a pause for effect.”

“Y/N Y/L/N became the majority share holder.” Hotch concluded.

“That’s why you’re the boss, boss!” Garcia agreed.

“So why kill Dr. Y/L/N in the first place?” Spencer asked confused, a nearly disgusted look on his face.

“Maybe she didn’t know until Y/N showed up and spoke with the lawyers?” Rossi mused.

“Uh, guys?” Garcia’s fingers were still flying. “Costa Holdings owns the hotel and the connected storage facility.”

“Of course they do.” Hotch acknowledged. “Good work Garcia.”

We were out on a date in my daddy’s car We hadn’t driven very far There in the road, up straight ahead A car was stalled, the engine was dead

The drive to San Francisco was tedious, causing you to swear often and without direction. Your hands cramped with the amount of tension they had supported through clenched fists. California freeways were perfect avenues for your heartbroken rage to pour out. Driving through up the 280 and branching onto the 1 put you on track to reach Auntie Miriam’s by dinner time.

You had never driven the hills of the city before, your dad always insisted on driving when you had visited for the holidays. The trolley’s added to the anxiety of driving through an unfamiliar street system. You silently wished your dad was behind the wheel, then refuted the wish because your father was a banal dictator.

There was a girl running sprints back and forth between your aunt’s driveway and the neighbor’s. She wore Umbro shorts and a sports bra as if she was in a Gatorade commercial. Her sweaty skin was sinuous, mild offense at her athletic body registered internally. You had enough experience with jocks and scholarship athletes at school to groan at the sight of one in their natural habitat.

You pulled into Miriam’s driveway, honking your arrival because you felt like pissing someone off. Spreading the misery around. You sighed and climbed from the VW, time to face the nunnery.

Miriam’s conditions resonated through Spencer’s mind. No weapons, no tricks and no wires. He could do that, in fact he would do that. While Hotch, Rossi, Morgan and Prentiss were coordinating with Garcia, Detective Change and local SWAT. JJ led Spencer to the hallway she had crawled into the hour before.

“Spence, you know this is going to end badly.” JJ gripped his bicep forcefully. “Whenever we split up one of us gets kidnapped.” Her melancholy laugh a poor attempt to break the apprehension they both were feeling. Spencer looked into the concerned face of his colleague and friend. His lips twitched while he wrestled with how to explain the real reasons he had to save Y/N. How this whole nightmare was his fault and it went back farther than Saturday morning at 1 o’clock when Dr. Y/L/N was murdered.

“I think we’re even now,” Spencer teased, the light not reaching his eyes like it normally would. “JJ, get some rest, I’ve got voluntary confinement to get to anyways.” He wrapped her smaller form in a slight hug as he slid past her into the miserable closet. JJ watched his lean body climb down into the darkness. She shoved the stone hatch back into place, securing it beneath its camouflaging mat once more.

The even spacing of the ladder rungs allowed Spencer to focus on counting. His steps, his breaths, his heart beats. His hip felt lighter from removing his holster. He measured time in his journey to understanding why Y/N had been the target of Miriam and Michelle’s unchecked rage. Revenge for petty unrequited love had past the usual time frame for serial stalkers. Power and money for Miriam were more probable motivators. Though he doubted them, as killing her brother was an illogical way to begin the lengthy legal processes of property transfer.

His seething anger at the damage and fear inflicted upon Y/N was buried. Instead he mentally measured the length of the slope in the small hallway. Spencer’s long legs had walked 207 feet at an incline of roughly 9 degrees. Upon reaching the knob-less door, Spencer noted his surroundings. The walls had fresh paint on them, the fumes lingered. The wooden door had not window nor sight glass. The security camera mounted on the wall showed no signs of power until it whirred to life after he knocked to the old rhythm of “Shave and a Haircut, Two bits.”

I couldn’t stop, so I swerved to the right I’ll never forget the sound that night The screamin’ tires, the bustin’ glass

It was the sixth day of your banishment to your aunt’s Parkside home. You were dusting her second office from the daily list of chores she left for you. Michelle was over because you weren’t sure how to get rid of her, like a reoccurring nightmare or pimple. She was relentless and continually made her presence known.

The week had started off fine. Auntie Miriam had meetings and usual adult weekday work stuff. Unfortunately she was under the impression that your stay was a punishment, so she confiscated your keys. Which was slightly confining, but you could handle it. You had only had the car to yourself for the past year, anyway. When Michelle started hanging around, she was a friendly distraction. You had nothing in common with her besides age and gender; absolutely nothing. You were just so lonely that you made nice.

She asked about school (Ancient Greek was not something worth studying, as if physical therapy was for everyone?) and what you did for fun (listening to rockabilly music and reading were for old people). Eventually your love life came up and you gave in and told her about Spencer. It was hard to talk about him because you were still angry and raw. You may have focused on the romantic stuff, just to impress her. You did not ask nearly as many questions about her life, you only realized after your short stay in San Francisco ended.

It was on that sixth day, the tipping point was reached. She wore her dark hair in a high pony tail and just nosed into ever object left out. “When do you think you’ll be done with the list today?” Her impatient voice asked as she sifted through a stash of paperclips. You had no idea, the lists were becoming more specific and time consuming the longer you were there.

“Probably not until I need to start dinner. Why?” You watched Michelle, her restless body pacing. “Were you planning on me being out of jail today?” You laughed forcibly. Michelle’s arms flopped down in frustration. She huffed.

“Why did you have to get in trouble to visit?” She was really pushing your manners with her accusation. “I mean, we could have had the whole summer and now I just have to watch you clean.”

“One, I didn’t get in trouble. Two, you don’t have to watch me do anything, Michelle.” Your voice was rising now. “I mean, who just hangs out in their neighbor’s house watching their family do chores. Get a clue. I am stuck here for another week and a half: then sayonara !”

Michelle’s gasp told you that you had gone too far, but you didn’t care. She wasn’t anyone important to you. If you were being honest, it felt oddly satisfying to get that off of your chest. She stormed out of the room letting the bird fly at you. When she was presumably out of the house, you went to turn up the radio.

As JJ returned to the conference room and temporary BAU headquarters, the team was strapping on their vests. Rossi and Hotch were conversing with Detective Chang, who was holding blueprints. Morgan caught JJ’s eye, his defined eyebrows umbrellas of questions. She shrugged her shoulders, the lingering feeling of failing Spence twice in one day floating in the back of her mind. Derek felt her dismay, he crossed the room to grab her in a quick hug.

“He’s going to be fine, JJ,” Derek soothed. “That kid is not going to let anything happen down there. Neither are we.” Her blue eyes looked into his dark ones, nodding. The tears gathering in their corners were quickly brushed aside.

“Hotch?” JJ turned. “Mind if I sit at the security station? I am in no shape to go with you guys, but I want to make sure you are covered up here.” Hotch eyed his young agent warily, he nodded, giving permission solemnly.

Rossi patted Derek on the back after the muscular man had holstered his second weapon. Prentiss walked JJ back out into the lobby. She made sure JJ had a seat and could see the monitors that the team had watched her captivity on. “You sure you’re okay watching us? The locals can handle this, JJ. It might be too much right now.”

JJ shook her head, “Emily, I’m fine. I will have Garcia on the line if I need anything. Besides, I will hear everything over the comms either way. Go get Spence and his “lady friend” back.” Her bad joke had both women exchanging awkward grins.

“Never thought I would be hearing that one.” Emily walked back to join the BAU and SWAT, rolling her eyes.

I found the love that I knew I would miss But now she’s gone, even though I hold her tight I lost my love, my life that night

Spencer was trapped in a cliche. There he sat at his kitchen table with crumpled pieces of paper lying in small piles around him. He was attempting to apologize to Y/N for missing her send off. He didn’t feel he could justify his absence. Besides his mother was a person, not an excuse. The words were not forming, thoughts and longings were burying him in guilt. He just missed her.

He decided to start with short, clear, honest sentences. That didn’t work, Spencer began to ramble onto the paper, his abundant thoughts overflowing and clouding his apologies once again. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, trying to remember their last kiss. It was a peck as he leaned back into the VW, his bottom half getting soaked in the downpour. She had grinned at him and he had smiled back without teeth, his eyes dancing in the streetlights.

It wasn’t enough. That shouldn’t be their last kiss, it was a quick goodnight. Not a goodbye. Spencer closed his eyes behind his glasses, shook his head for clarity and began writing his dearest again.

Spencer stepped back to allow the automatic door to open fully before stepping into the next bare, freshly painted hall. He saw the set of desks ahead, just 100 meters to go. Miriam Y/L/N eyed the tall man with quiet amusement; he had barely changed in years. Spencer tucked his hair behind his ear in slight self-consciousness. This woman resembled her late brother with her wide face and imposing presence. But the similarities ended there, Graham’s kind eyes and jovial air were not shared. Her cold stare and disdain kept with the chill of the surrounding brick.

Spencer stood with his hands in his pockets, nodding at his soon-to-be jailer. “Miriam.”

“Dr. Reid, at last!” Miriam stood quickly. “Arms up, young man. I need to check you followed my instructions, for once.”

Suddenly there were strong hands frisking Spencer’s narrow sides. He flinched away, seeing Kurt Hansen, the bellhop, in the flesh. Spencer held back his field training and let the man finish his search. He cleared his throat and calmed his breathing. “Satisfied?” Spencer spat as he glanced between Kurt and Miriam.

“Quite.” Miriam smirked. “Now if you would kindly follow Mr. Hansen, he will show you to your room.”

“Not until I see Y/N.” Spencer crossed his arms in defiance, his head tilting slightly.

“Oh, pish.” Miriam waved at him, “She’s just next door. Let’s all go and see what Michelle and Y/N have gotten into!” Spencer’s eyes popped in surprise, he had not thought she would let him near her niece. Her true target. He followed Kurt as Miriam marched behind them both. The hall was quiet, a small row of doors began, Spencer counted four before a wide metal garage-like door ended the hall.

“After we give you what you want, you’ll just what? Release us?” Spencer asked.

“After I have what I need and am far far away, yes.” Miriam specified. “I swear I will let you and your little minx go.” She nodded to her cohort. Spencer’s instincts were not accepting her vow as trustworthy just yet.

Kurt unlocked the large steal bolt on the first room. The sound reverberated through the small space and rattled Spencer’s bones of hearing. Standing on the other side of the door was Michelle Braxton, with her large hands on her hips. “It’s about time!” She huffed. “Princess over there has been out for five minutes. I thought you forgot about me.” She sounded like a child whining to a spoiling parent for more sweets. Spencer had to hide his instant annoyance.

As Kurt grunted back, “Deal with it, Mickey. We had another guest to attend to.” He held the door wider, baring Spencer to the scene before him. Y/N was laying face down on the damp cement floor, her mouth open and one eye swollen shut. Spencer’s arms flew from his pockets and he rushed to check on her limp body. Kurt and Michelle each grabbed one of his flailing arms, holding him just inside Y/N’s cell.

Miriam cleared her throat behind Spencer, “That’s enough, now let’s get down to business.”

Spencer knew not to argue now, his body walked dejectedly backwards as his eyes remained on the slight movement of Y/N’s torso. She was breathing! Once he was back in the narrow hall, he shook off the strong grips of the suspects. He held his hands up in surrender, following to his own captivity. Miriam was waiting for him in the dank space, almost smiling in anticipation.

“Dr. Reid, as I am sure you have deduced. I need your mind to access my brother’s fortune. I have a series of riddles, puzzles, what-have-yous that Graham designed for you. I also have a set for my impetuous niece. Now I must have both of you complete your parts to get what I deserve.”

Spencer was insulted by the trivial reasoning behind her fratricide. He huffed at her request. “How do you know your errand girl didn’t beat Y/N beyond reasoning? How is she going to complete her part unconsciously? You should let me check on her, ensure she can do what you need her—”

“That’s enough, Dr. Reid.” Miriam interjected. “Y/N will be fine, Michelle knows what she is doing. A brain like Y/N’s tends to prove more resilient than one might hope.” She approached Spencer with a sheet of paper and a simple number 2 pencil. “You may begin.”

The two guards at the door watched Spencer as he stood in the center of the room. Miriam left first, followed by a smirking Michelle and a bored Kurt. The metal lock shuttered into place.

When I woke up, the rain was pourin’ down There were people standing all around Something warm runnin’ in my eyes But somehow I found my baby that night

You arrived on campus just one day before classes started. The VW had handled the trek like a champion, but you were ready to leave her in the student lot for the remainder of the semester. After you had unloaded the last of your boxes, you decided to grab some dinner before the real unpacking was required.

You took your i.d. and keys to check the campus managed mail system on the way to the crowded eating/ studying space. Your box was jammed full. There were notices about x, y and z organizations, a couple of credit card applications and five letters from a certain scrawny guy with ridiculously soft lips. You sighed deeply, ‘Well, at least he’s not dead.’ You thought bitterly. You shoved your haul under your armpit as you headed to the cacophony of the cafeteria.

You quickly skimmed the fliers and advertisements, ripping the debt-magnets in halves. Finally, after your soup had cooled, you opened one of Spencer’s letters. According to the postmarks, they had begun arriving four days after you had left Pasadena. So he was thinking about you while you were gone, but he couldn’t bother to actually send you off. You tried to keep the negative thoughts away, but you were still hurt from his apparent abandonment.

When you shut off your attitude and read his letter, you began to weep. His gentle kindness begged for your forgiveness. Spencer knew facts and figures, but he also knew how to diffuse your temper. His message was simple, yet honest. You didn’t make it to the last paragraph before disregarding your meal tray to return to your room to call him.

“Hey, Sir-sir,” You smiled shyly into your suite phone.

“Y/N? Oh, how are you?” Spencer asked genuinely concerned.

“Better, I got your letters,” You cooed, “I only got through most of the first one before I had to talk to you again. So, it is safe to say you are forgiven.”

“You had every right to be angry,” Spencer admitted. “But know that I would have been there, giving you a more deserving farewell, if I could have. You must know that.”

You nodded your head, holding the lump in your throat as the bittersweet tears began to fall. “I miss you so much, how are we going to do this?”

“Just like this, mon cher.” Spencer’s voice softened at your distress. “As long as we can talk and write, we can do this.”

Spencer read through the riddles on the sheet before him. Why had Graham mentioned Spencer when he devised this seemingly juvenile test?

Why did I divide sin by tan?

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? AND

What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza? There were seven blanks at the bottom of the page, with the decimal going into the ten thousandths place. After all of this anger, frustration and happenstance: Spencer was sitting cross legged in a cell chuckling at math puns. The gentle hand of grief constricted his throat as he efficiently finished the problem.

201.0966

Spencer stood, clearing the dust from his trousers. He walked calmly to the camera nestled above the doorway. He held the paper to the screen, awaiting his next assignment.

Someone said you had your tattoo removed Saw you downtown singing the Blues It’s time to face the music I’m no longer your muse

The first months of the fall semester flew by as Spencer dove into the new classes he helped facilitate. That with all the lab time to get through for his doctoral level chemistry courses, he was as busy as ever. He made a point to write to Y/N on Tuesdays over lunch, because it was now such a tradition for them. They also tried to have a consistent phone date on Friday mornings. But Y/N decided it was time she get a campus job, therefore the phone calls were usually brief or just short messages left with her suite-mates.

Spencer’s birthday was approaching and he was counting the hours until he could finally be recognized as an adult. This also meant that he would have to finally decide what he should do for his mother. The paperwork from the lawyers, (Diana’s doctors had recommended to Spencer after her incident over the summer) was hidden in his book bag, in a plain manila folder. He felt as if he were carrying thirty pieces of silver around with him at all times.

When his birthday arrived, his mother was lucid. She sat him down and told him his birth story, again. She was so proud of her brilliant boy and at long last here he was, a man. He didn’t have class or lab until the afternoon, so he stayed home and took turns reading and being read to by his mom. It was guilty conscious more than birthday tradition, but she seemed none the wiser. Spencer slowly relaxed for the day.

Y/N called at eight o’clock that night, just before he had to get his mom her night time medications. She sang a boisterous Happy Birthday having somehow convinced the other girls in her suite to sing along. Spencer blushed at the attention, even over the phone and across state lines. “Well, now you’re legal, Dr. Reid. Maybe I won’t get arrested for seducing you after all.” Y/N joked over the phone. They had never gotten to that level of intimacy, it was just her usual banter.

“It’s a good thing, too. Since my mother is very protective of me.” Spencer teased back. “I do need to get going though, Y/N/N. Talk to you on Friday?”

“Can we scoot it up to 9 am?” She suggested evasively.

“Ugh, I suppose, I don’t need sleep or anything.” Spencer chided, his grin fading as his mother called from her room. “I really should go, goodnight mon cher.”

“Nighters!”

Part 12

@sparkle-dinosaur, @dontshootmespence @reiding-and-writing @speedreiding @reid-my-fortune @sapphire1727 @holagubler @cherry-loves-fanfic @lookingforgalifrey @miss-gleek-freak-geek@criminal-minds-fanfiction @reidbyers @sortaathief @imagicana @milkandcookies528

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metawitches · 5 years ago

Text

In this episode, Ulrich follows Helge from 2019 back to 1953 and we’re introduced to a generation of new characters. Most shows wouldn’t introduce an entirely new cast just 2 episodes before the season finale, but most shows aren’t Dark. I love this show so much. It takes no prisoners.

The new characters are an intriguing bunch, including middle school Helge, Jana, Ines, Claudia and Tronte, and some of their parents. Tronte’s mother, Agnes, who comes to town as a single mother, wearing a red dress and a confident, flirtatious air, is particularly worth noting. She’s hiding something.

This episode also begins to explore Helge’s origin story and to explain why Egon has always been suspicious of Ulrich. But, while he’s had some good reasons to dislike Ulrich, he’s also always been an incompetent investigator.

1953 Winden alternates with the Stranger and the Clockmaker in 1986, having a physics discussion that starts with wormholes and proceeds through time loops and the creation of time machines.

Recap

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here!” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

The quote is from Act 1, scene 2, as everyone abandons a burning ship. This does not bode well for Winden. Though we’re near the end of the season, 1953 would be Act 1 of this three part time loop cycle.

Helge Doppler 1953

Egon Tiedemann 1953

In 1953, the power plant is nothing more than a construction site and a nightmare dream. Young Helge rides his bike along the unpaved road to the site, while Egon drives past him, blue police light and siren turned on, in his Volkswagen Beetle police cruiser.

Best police car ever. Whoever decided to put Egon in a car that could be mistaken for a clown car, you have my admiration.

When Helge gets to the site, he stays on the edge and watches. Egon gives Helge dirty looks on the way there and after they arrive at the site. The site spokesman shows Egon to the bodies of two boys found buried in shallow graves in a pile of sand. Their clothing is from one of the future time periods, so it looks like strange costumes to the people of 1953.

A billboard looms over the construction site, showing Bernd Doppler and his family looking toward the future. The message reads: An Important Investment- Nuclear Power for Every Household!

One of the dead boys has red hair.

After the opening theme, the Stranger visits the Clockmaker to talk physics. They’re continuing a previous conversation, and pick up with the Einstein-Rosen bridge.

Clockmaker/Tannhaus: “That is a passage between a black hole, the entry, and a white hole, the exit, which connects the two, coupling time and space. To pass through it is to travel through time.”

Ulrich follows Old Helge deeper into the caves. He uses his lighter to guide him. He soon finds Ariadne’s red thread, and follows that to the time travel doors. Tannhaus continues speaking as Ulrich becomes a time traveler.

Tannhaus: “Our way of thinking is shaped by dualism. Entrance, exit. Black, white. Good, evil. Everything appears to us as opposite pairs. But that is wrong. Have you ever heard of the triquetra?”

Stranger: “You mean the trinity knot.”

Tannhaus: “Nothing is complete without the third dimension. There isn’t just only going up and down. There’s a center as well. When describing the Time-Space continuum, Einstein and Rosen overlooked something. A wormhole connects not just two, but three different dimensions. It connects the past, present and future.”

Young Helge rides his bike back home, which is the mansion that in 2019 has become Regina’s hotel. Inside, he stops at the bottom of the grand staircase and waits for his mother, Greta, to come down and judge him. She’s young, attractive and stern, a dominatrix if I ever saw one. She finds Helge’s condition unacceptable and commands him to strip down to his underwear right there in the foyer, before he spreads his dirty filth to other parts of the house. She tweaks his ear, hard, when he doesn’t acquiesce to his public humiliation quickly enough.

At this point, at would be a shock if Helge didn’t grow up to enjoy torture and death, and we’re only 8 minutes into the episode. He stops, with his hands held protectively over his crotch, before he takes his pants off. Greta orders him to finish. Then she walks away, leaving him standing alone in his underwear, in front of the front door.

While Greta’s upstairs getting clothes for Helge, Berndt comes home. He already has a limp and uses a cane, so it’s likely from a war injury. Before he talks with Helge, he glances upstairs, like he’s a little afraid of Greta, too.

Were the money and the house hers before the marriage, so she has more power than normal for that era? Bernd dotes on Helge, but he doesn’t rescue him from Greta’s abuse.

Helge tells Bernd about his trip to the construction site. Somehow, it’s the first Bernd’s heard of the dead boys. He races back out to supervise the situation. Greta brings Helge a pair of short pants and tells him he’s going to be late for his tutoring session with Claudia. She left Claudia’s money on the table.

Greta Doppler 1953

At the morgue, the coroner tells Egon and the construction site manager that he’s never seen burns like this before. He suggests that they could be from a phosphorous grenade. In addition, both boys’ ears were destroyed. And he found coins from 1986 suspended on red cords around both their necks.

The coroner goes on to say that dark haired boy appears to be of Mediterranean descent, while the redhead has a strange tattoo of a unicorn. But possibly the weirdest thing is the tags in their clothing which say “Made in China”. It takes Egon a minute to remember what China is.

Ulrich wanders back out of the cave, into another time. There’s a metal gate across part of the entrance that wasn’t there in 1986 or 2019, so it’s safe to say he’s in 1953.

Before going to his lesson with Claudia, Helge goes to the cabin. The bunker has already been built. Helge pretends a stick is a gun and plays war with it. He plays his way down into the bunker. Noah’s chalk dates are on the wall. The room isn’t wallpapered, but there is a cot and shelves with food and other items stored there. Helge keeps looking over at the numbers.

Back to the Clockmaker and Stranger.

Stranger: “You write about Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence. A universe that expands and then collapses again. A universe that repeats itself endlessly.”

The Stranger shows Tannhaus the book A Journey Through Time. He’s surprised to see it, saying only 500 copies were ever printed. Stranger brings up the 33 year cosmic cycle which Tannhaus describes in the book.

Tannhaus: Every 33 years, the cycle of the moon is synchronized with that of the sun. But that number. It reoccurs in our world everywhere. Jesus performed a total of 33 miracles. There are 33 litanies of the angels. Dante’s 33 cantos in purgatory and 33 more in his paradise.”

Stranger: “It’s also the age at which the AntiChrist’s rule began.”

The screen flashes to:

Well, that can’t be good. Noah’s holding the leather bound log book which Tronte and Peter had in the bunker, and looking shifty, as the church bell rings.

Egon wonders aloud why someone would commit such brutal acts of murder. He and another man (possibly Daniel Kahnwald?) muse about what causes someone to become a murderer. The other man says that if they knew that, they could lock up the murderers before they hurt anyone.

Sort of like what Egon does with Ulrich in 1986.

Helge leaves the cabin to meet Claudia for their tutoring session, but he’s stopped by two teenage guys. They steal the money meant to pay Claudia, physically assault Helge, then urinate on him. Ulrich comes out of the woods just in time to scare them away.

Ulrich asks if young Helge has seen old Helge, not realizing who he’s speaking to. He also tells Helge that he has to defend himself, or bullies will never stop bothering him. He suggests biting them, really hard, since they’re so much bigger than him.

The Clockmaker: “Imagine you’re standing in an infinitely large, dark room, and you’re shining a light to the left. That light should then continue in that direction, to the left, indefinitely. There’s no reason to make the assumption that it could come back at you from the right. But a wormhole changes the topology of Space-Time. It bends it. Nothing is where it belongs anymore.”

To illustrate this, Tannhaus turns a flat piece of paper into a tube, so that the lightbeam which he drew pointing to the left curves back around behind itself to the right and forms a loop.

Ulrich runs toward town. He’s surprised at the old cars and dirt roads. A young woman pulls up in front of him and asks directions to his own house. She says she’s looking for Egon Tiedemann’s house, then introduces herself as Agnes Nielsen, and her son as Tronte- Ulrich’s grandmother and father. Ulrich is confused and asks what year it is. Agnes tells him it’s 1953.

The Clockmaker wonders whether time travel to the past can alter events or if it’s not possible to change what’s already occured. He tells the Stranger that scientists believe that causal determinism won’t allow us to change the past, but it’s human nature to believe in free will to determine our own fates.

He’s always dreamed of time traveling, to see the past and the future. Stranger asks if he’s done with dreaming of time travel. Tannhaus says his dreams have changed. He doesn’t belong in yesterday or tomorrow. Now his place is in the here and now.

In 1953, Ulrich visits the clock shop, where a younger HG Tannhaus works. Ulrich shows Tannhaus the book A Journey Through Time, with the author’s photo on the back, asking it he’s that HG Tannhaus. Tannhaus is decades younger than the man in the photo and hasn’t written the book yet, so he tells Ulrich that he isn’t that Tannhaus. But he looks like the book confuses him. Ulrich confirms from Tannhaus that they are in the year 1953. Now Ulrich is confused, muttering that it’s impossible that he’s in 1953.

The Stranger says that in the book, Tannhaus wrote that the number 33 could be the time difference between the planes of a three dimensional wormhole.

Older Tannhaus tells Stranger that the 33 year time difference is a theory of his, but it could be the crux of the matter.

Gretchen Tiedemann 1953

Claudia Tiedemann 1953

Tronte Nielsen 1953

Doris Tiedemann 1953

Agnes Nielsen 1953

1953 Claudia plays with her sweet little dog, Gretchen, then both go to answer the door. It’s Helge, who’s late again and doesn’t have her money. She lets him in anyway. They do math problems at the table.

Claudia’s mother Doris shows Agnes and Tronte around the house. They are renting the upstairs apartment. Doris explains that there are two bedrooms and a kitchen in the apartment. The water in the apartment isn’t working properly and the plumber hasn’t arrived yet.

Doris introduces Claudia and Gretchen to their new tenants, and tells them about Egon. She mentions that he’s a police officer who isn’t home much. “Sometimes it seems like he thinks he alone is responsible for our town.” So he was always a busybody.

Agnes says that her husband has passed away, but Tronte gives her a strange look when she says it, so we should question whether it’s true. Doris is mortified that she brought it up. Agnes, in her red dress, with her hat at an angle, screams Femme Fatale, rather than bereaved widow, but she accepts Doris’ apology.

If Mr Nielsen (if that’s their real name…) is dead, Agnes and/or Tronte killed him.

Doris leads Agnes upstairs, and asks Claudia to show Tronte around the neighborhood when she’s done with Helge’s math lesson.

Over in the clock shop, Tannhaus has sat Ulrich down and given him some water, probably to keep him from passing out. Young Ines and Jana enter the shop wanting to pick up Ines’ father’s watch.

Ines can’t wait to share the news that two dead boys were found at the Doppler construction site this morning. Jana heard the news from a teacher, but Ines must be the bigger gossip. Word on the street is that they were killed by aliens. Ulrich jumps out of his chair and gets in Ines’ face, making her repeat what she said. Then he leaves in such a hurry that he forgets his jacket.

Ines Kahnwald 1953

Jana Nielsen 1953

Bernd Doppler 1953

At the construction site, Bernd holds a press conference on the wonders of nuclear power, the energy of the future. In the background, the police erect signs and mark off the crime scene to keep people out. He says that the miniscule atom will change the world and Winden will be the sit of the first German nuclear power plant, bringing stability and prosperity.

Later, Egon asks him for a list of all of the workers who’ve been on the premises. Bernd tells him that investigating disgruntled employees is a waste of time. He believes the bodies were planted by the Big Coal people, who are anti-nuclear because it will put them out of business. It’s no coincidence that the bodies appeared the day after he went to the city council for a permit.

Egon doubts this theory. Bernd explains that the success of nuclear power means wealth will change hands. The people who are going to lose, like the coal plant operators, don’t want that to happen.

Claudia, Tronte and Gretchen walk through the woods. Helge follows at a short distance. When they reach the cave, Claudia tells Tronte, “These are our caves. We’re not allowed to go in very far, but sometimes we do anyway. As a dare, you know?”

Tronte is about to accept the dare when Claudia decides it’s time for Helge to head home. She and Tronte walk away. Helge throws a stick into the cave for Gretchen. She chases it in, but doesn’t come out, even when Claudia calls.

Ulrich finds Egon at the police station and demands to be told whether one of the dead boys is his son. Egon describes Erik and Yasin, then asks if he’s reported mikkel’s disappearance to the police. Ulrich realizes that Mikkel isn’t one of the bodies. He asks about Helge, looking for the 2019 version. Egon tells him that the older Doppler is Bernd. Ulrich makes the connection.

Older Tannhaus asks why Stranger is so fascinated with time. Stranger replies, “I want to understand if I can change it.” He wants to know if everything has a purpose. If it does, then who decides the purpose? Do we have free will? Is the universe just random coincidence? Does God decide our destiny? “Or is it all created anew, in an eternally recurring cycle? And we slaves to the laws of nature and nothing but victims of space and time?”

Sounds like his travels haven’t gone well, if he’s considering the eternal recurrence, the ultimate time loop, as a strong possibility for how the universe works.

When Egon returns home from work, Doris tells him that their new tenants have arrived. She tells him that Agnes is odd, but nice. Doris thinks she’ll take the rooms. Egon has forgotten all about it.

On the English dubbing, it really sounds like Doris says that Agnes is hot (instead of odd). Pretty sure she’s thinking it.

Egon acts tired. Doris asks if something bad happened, but Egon denies it. Then Doris introduces him to Agnes. They have a polite, friendly conversation, but Agnes spends much more time looking at Doris than Egon. Egon questions her like she’s under suspicion, while Doris tries to soften his “curiosity”. Agnes tells them that her grandmother was from Winden and always spoke highly of it.

Egon asks her grandmother’s last name, but they’re interrupted before Agnes answers. Claudia and Tronte rush in, frantic that Gretchen is missing. Doris suggests she’s with Helge and sends Egon to check.

Which makes you wonder if she’s just fine with Egon’s long hours. (She does ask him not to be late, right after she’s given him a new case to solve.)

Older Tannhaus: “Time loops have a significant impact on the principle of causality, the relationship between cause and effect. As long as a wormhole exists, there will be a closed time loop, which means that inside of it, everything is mutually dependent.” Inside the time loop, the past and the future influence each other. Everything is connected.

Ulrich seeks out Helge at the mansion and finds him looking at dead birds he’s collected in a box. Charlotte will do the same thing 33 and 66 years later, as an investigator. Ulrich confirms that this is young Helge, then shows him one of the pfennig coins from the bodies. He asks if Helge has seen it before. Helge hasn’t.

Helge asks if Ulrich found who he was looking for. Ulrich says he has. Helge notices that Ulrich looks sad. Ulrich asks what’s in the box, then asks if Helge killed the birds. Helge says, “They fell down dead from the sky. They just plop down. I just collect them. They’re beautiful when they’re dead.”

Ulrich tells Helge that eventually, in the future, he’ll become a killer. But Ulrich can change that. If he changes the past, then Helge can’t kill the others. Helge figures out what coming and runs. Ulrich catches him at the cabin, where he uses a rock to beat Helge’s head until he’s bloody and unconscious.

Egon goes to the mansion and speaks to Greta Doppler about Gretchen. Greta is certain the animal didn’t come home with Helge, since they don’t allow animals in the house. After Egon leaves, Greta goes outside to call Helge. She finds his box of birds.

Ulrich drags Helge into the bunker and closes the door, leaving him to die alone.

Montage time.

youtube

Doris and Agnes make the beds in the apartment together. As they work, Agnes runs her hand over Doris’. Doris is… unsettled. Each woman eyes the other when she thinks the other isn’t looking.

Claudia is despondent over Gretchen.

Tronte makes sure no one’s looking, then checks the cigarette burns on his arm.

Egon stops on the forest road and looks at his rosary.

Another version of the bunker is stockpiled with weapons such as grenades, fuel, and possibly booby trapped to shoot anyone who tries to enter. It’s the version with the murder board. Sometime in the future?

Future Claudia Tiedemann

Claudia’s Bunker Board

Aged HG Tannhaus

The Stranger

Clockmaker’s voiceover: “All of our lives are somehow connected. One fate inextricably bound to another. Every deed is a response to some previous deed. Cause and effect. Nothing but an endless dance. Everything is connected to everything else… But that’s merely a theory.”

The Stranger asks what Tannhaus would think if he told him that everything in his book is correct. Time travel is real. His theory that wormholes are formed through gravitational impulses is true. There’s a wormhole in Winden. The Stranger has traveled from the future, through the wormhole, to 1986.

He takes out the wooden box with the gears that he had in his hotel room and opens it in front of Tannhaus. Tannhaus is shocked to see it. He built it, but it seems like he didn’t think it worked. Stranger tells him that it opens a portal 33 years into the past or future, but it’s currently broken. He needs Tannhaus to fix it.

Tannhaus asks if the device created the Winden wormhole. Stranger explains that a few months ago, the nuclear plant released a blast of energy that created the wormhole. The device is capable of repeating the process and creating new wormholes. Tannhaus assumes that Stranger intends to create another wormhole, but Stranger wants to use the device to destroy the existing Winden wormhole.

Tannhaus orders him out of the shop. Stranger insists that Winden is a festering wound and the townspeople are part of it. With the device, he can change that. Tannhaus asks him to leave, again. Stranger packs up his suitcase, but leaves the device. On the way out, he stops. “I’ve seen the future. I know what will happen. Things have to be set right. And you have to help me.”

Once Stranger is gone, Tannhaus pulls an identical wooden box from the back of a tall shelf. It’s a pristine version of the time machine.

Young Tannhaus closes up shop for the night and notices Ulrich’s jacket on a chair. He hangs it on the coat tree and takes out Ulrich’s phone. When he examines the phone, he pushes the button that turns it on.

The future is now. What would Ulrich have downloaded into his phone and how much of it would Tannhaus get through before the battery ran out? Probably not Stephen Hawking, but maybe some modern scifi that makes assumptions and has exposition based on current theory.

Ulrich sits in the dark and watches the bunker door. Eventually, a knocking comes from the inside.

HG Tannhaus 1953

Time Machines

Commentary

My previous discussions of Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence, the symbolism (and pretend science) of the number 33, and Ariadne’s thread are in the episode 5 commentary.

Bernd’s theory that the Big Coal producers’ were killing children and planting their bodies to discredit nuclear power as a viable energy option was way too out there to be real. He was trying to distract Egon away from something. Probably whatever is in those yellow barrels in 1986 and 2019. Barrels full of dead children is still a distinct possibility.

I have to wonder though. How much did Egon eventually figure out? Did he start drinking because of the time travel and the cases that didn’t add up? Did he remember enough about Ulrich to know who the teenage Ulrich would grow up to be? His daughter and his grandson in law both became directors of the power plant. They were let in on the secrets, and this is a world with time travel. Did someone come back and give him hints?

Now that we’ve watched Ulrich and Jonas stumble onto the red cord and follow it to the time travel doors, it’s much easier to understand how others, like Mikkel, are accidentally finding their way through.

Watching multiple people find the center of the maze by following a cord that’s permanently tied down also makes me wonder how many men Ariadne sent to the Minotaur with a thread and a promise that they’d never leave her. Maybe Theseus was just the first one who actually beat the Minotaur and came back. All signs point to Ariadne being the brains of the operation and Theseus merely being the muscle with a nice car ship.

Who is responsible for the time travel version of Ariadne’s thread? The implication is that there’s a woman involved in the background somewhere who’s the brains of the operation. Is it Claudia? Charlotte? Is Noah the Minotaur? Ulrich? Does this make Jonas/Stranger Theseus? If we’re going through 3 repeating cycles, that would suggest that there are at least 3 versions of each, one for each generation.

Everything comes back to Dante and alchemy. See The OA, season 2. Or A Discovery of Witches, the books or TV series.

Now that we’ve seen a few of these bodies show up, because they all have the same wounds and and other attributes, this looks like a serial fetish killer, or a cult. Egon thought of Satanism in 1986, because he has no imagination or ability to do research, and he hoped he could pin it on Ulrich. His idea was in the right general direction, non Christian groups based on vaguely ancient, paganish ideas, but that was only by chance. The 1953 scene in the morgue reveals that he’d seen bodies with destroyed ears before he came across the sheep in 1986, but either forgot or didn’t make the connection.

Tannhaus panicked when Stranger said he wants to close off the connection between 1953, 1986 and 2019. He knows more than he’s sharing with Stranger. Is he afraid that the entire loop will collapse and their timeline will cease to exist if Stranger breaks it? Did he have something to do with the wormhole’s creation? Did he actually do some time traveling and have a child in the wrong time period, so that Jonas isn’t the only one who shouldn’t exist and will theoretically disappear if the wormhole is destroyed? Or it could have gone the other way, a female time traveler found him and had his child while she was in the wrong time, similar to the way Jonas came to be born.

Phosphorus grenade= Munitions have been made since World War 1 using white phosphorus, which is self-igniting, highly flammable and produces copious amounts of smoke. Bits of burning phosphorus stick to the skin, then continue burning until the phosphorous is consumed, producing particularly nasty burns. Egon’s guess wasn’t out of line, since the dead boys’ burns fit the description of phosphorus burns, as long as the boys were wearing protective clothing everywhere but around their eyes, or they were protected in some other way so that only the area around their eyes was exposed. White phosphorus continues to be used in weaponry to this day, for holy hand grenades and much more.

Einstein-Rosen bridge= A more serious sounding name for wormholes , which honors the scientists who first theorized about their existence.

In the episode 7 commentary, I wrote about my theories on the colors blue, yellow and red in Dark. Briefly, yellow is the color of reason, logic, science, curiosity, and selflessness, but also doubt and closedmindedness. Blue is the color of time, mystery, transition, loyalty, devotion, fear and loathing. Red is the color of pain, death, loss, love, passion, stong emotion, Ariadne’s thread, and Martha. Red is desire and what comes of desire, good or bad, but it’s usually not joyous in this show.

After watching this episode, I want to add dark forest green to my color theory. It’s associated with Helge, Egon and the forest. I’m not completely sure what it means yet, but all three are dangerous without intending to be. I think there was an association with Ultich and dark green earlier in the season. He would fit this pattern of unwitting darkness. Maybe forest green is the Dark. Danger that comes from ignorance and lack of control, the 7 deadly sins, since we’re now talking about Dante and deep cosmology.

The many shots of the forest and the discussion of why Helge took the forest road on that fateful night in 1986, just like the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood taking the forest path, can’t be ignored. The ongoing themes of children walking through the forest, meeting strange men in the forest and disappearing in the forest, while surrounded by the evergreens, seem to be pointing to big bad wolves. So far we have three, plus Peter and Tronte as suspects. But Noah, the leader of the pack, wears black, and mostly stays in dark caves and black cars.

What was that reference Stranger made about the Antichrist when Tannhaus was listing connections to the number 33? That came out of the blue, and it seemed to be more than just random knowledge. Foreshadowing alert! Since the screen flashed to Noah to suggest he’s the AntiChrist, I wonder if he was born in one of the years when the wormhole was open, probably 1921, then began his work/rule in the next round of the cycle, 1953.

The triquetra, or trinity knot, has a history spanning Europe and Asia which covers the last 5,000 years. It has had many meanings to many different cultures over the course of time. Symbolism is derived from the shape of the knot, the fact that it’s a knot, the geometry and math of the triquetra, the artistry and craftsmanship of the finished product, its connection to the number 3, the fact that it’s made using one line, and it’s connection to other cultural symbols, such as women, a three part deity or the moon. This is a thorough overview of the triquetra.

In Celtic symbolism, the triquetra represents eternal life and the human connection with both the natural world and the divine. Clearly on Dark, the most direct connection is the most obvious-with time- past, present and future.

“This symbol also suggests three different but interlocked levels of the mental, spiritual, and physical or phases of time, as in the past, present, and future. Finally, the Triquetra is a symbolic representation of triple deities, such as a lunar goddess called the Great Mother and the war goddess Morrigan.”

We can now say for sure that birds drop dead out of the sky with their ears and inner navigational systems destroyed, whenever the Windham wormhole is in use. In Celtic mythology, birds represented freedom and acted as intermediaries between the Gods and humans. Not only are the birds dying, but their method for navigating between earth and sky, Heaven and the Living, is being systematically destroyed. If the AntiChrist and Celtic mythology are involved, Winden is being cut off from Heaven/Paradise/the Deities, possibly so the people can be enslaved by the AntiChrist:

“Celtic birds represented freedom and transcendence as birds can soar up into the heavens. They also symbolized the liberation of the human soul and were believed to bring messages, guidance, and prophecies from the gods to humans. In this way, birds were seen as mediators between the human world and the world of the gods.”

Among the obstacles to me writing more quickly: My goldendoodle, Koko, thinks every dog and horse on TV is real and tries to get to them. She was VERY taken with Gretchen. If Gretchen doesn’t come out on the other side of the wormhole, Koko may be writing a letter to the producers. The needs of the doggie audience have to be considered, too.

How Ulrich (and 2019 Helge) Got to 1953

youtube

Stranger and Tannhaus explained in this episode that the 33 year cycle is a universal constant in the Dark canon. They explained that time travel uses wormholes as tunnels through time, but because wormholes are a distortion, the tunnel fractures into 3 directions rather than just two, as humans tend to imagine. So each wormhole will allow the time traveler to go forward or backward 33 years, as symbolized by the 3 part triquetra that’s repeated throughout the show’s imagery.

When starting in 2019, the choices would be 1986 and 2052. Helge will have chosen 1986, just as Mikkel and Jonas did. In order to go further back in time, he can briefly exit the tunnel (or maybe just turn back, but there isn’t really room to maneuver) then re-enter from 1986. Now his choices will be 2019 and 1953.

Since the show is being called a trilogy with 3 seasons/cycles and this season has been spent in 1953-1986-2019, I’m considering 1986 the center of this cycle. It’s the pivot point of the three time periods focused on this season. Ulrich, Mikkel and Jonas are the pivot points of the story, especially Mikkel. Mikkel stayed in 1986 and had a child who shouldn’t exist. Jonas, that child, became a time traveler and does something important that hasn’t been revealed yet.

(Charlotte and Helge are also important, and either may be without a native time period, like Jonas.)

Because Mikkel disappeared, Ulrich, Mikkel’s father, went to 1953 and attacked young Helge. This has affected the rest of Helge’s life in ways we don’t understand yet. We do know that episode 7 opened with Helge, still bloody from Ulrich’s attack, awakening in the torture room, which connects him to Noah and the Lost Boys from a very young age. And we know that Helge has another “accident” in 1986, based on Charlotte’s conversation with Peter. That sounds like Ulrich tries again to kill him, when he discovers that Helge isn’t dead.

As the video shows, a time traveler could, theoretically go forward or backward long distances in time by exiting and re-entering the tunnel. At about 8:25 in the video, the narrator describes a theoretical Infinity Tube, which allows one to transfer from small time machine to small time machine within a larger machine, until the desired date is found.

Characters

New characters will be added at the bottom, as they’re introduced.

Cast from the Episode 1/Secrets murder board:

Charlotte Doppler in 1986 and 2019. Married to Peter, mother to Franziska and Elisabeth, daughter-in-law to Helge. Police Chief.

Hannah Kahnwald, in 2019 and 1986. Mother to Jonas, widow of Michael, daughter-in-law of Ines, having an affair with Ulrich. Massage therapist.

Helge Doppler, in 2019, 1986, and 1953. Son of Bernd and Greta, father of Peter, father-in-law to Charlotte. Nuclear power plant guard.

Ines Kahnwald, in 2019, 1986 and 1953. Daughter to Daniel, adoptive mother to Michael, mother-in-law to Hannah, grandmother to Jonas. Hospital nurse.

Jana Nielsen, in 1953, 1986 and 2019. Tronte’s wife, mother of Ulrich and Mads.

Jonas Kahnwald in 2019. Son of Hannah and Michael, grandson of Ines. High school student.

Katharina Nielsen in 1986 and 2019. Wife to Ulrich, mother of Magnus, Martha and Mikkel. High school principal.

Mads Nielsen, 1986, age 12. Missing since then. Ulrich Nielsen, 1986 and 2019. Son of Tronte and Jana, husband of Katharina, father of Martha, Magnus and Mikkel, lover to Hannah. Police officer.

Michael Kahnwald, 2019, husband to Hannah, father to Jonas, adoptive son to Ines. Deceased artist.

Regina Tiedemann, 1986 and 2019. Wife to Alexander, mother to Bartosz, daughter of Claudia, granddaughter of Egon. Hotelier.

Magnus and Martha Nielsen, 2019, children of Ulrich and Katharina, siblings of Mikkel. High school students. Franziska Doppler, 2019, daughter of Peter and Charlotte. High school student. Aleksander Tiedemann, 1986 and 2019, husband of Regina, father of Bartosz, son-in-law of Claudia. Director of Nuclear Power Plant in 2019. Bartosz Tiedemann, 2019. Son of Regina and Aleksander. High school student, aspiring drug dealer.

Tronte Nielsen in 1953, 1986 and 2019. Son to Agnes, husband to Jana, father to Ulrich and Mads.

Claudia Tiedemann, 1953, 1986 and 2019(?). Director of Winden Power Plant in 1986. Daughter of Egon. Mother of Regina and mother in law of Aleksander. Grandmother of Bartosz. Had extramarital affair with Tronte Nielsen in the 1980s. Appears to be a survivalist at some point in the future.

Egon Tiedemann, 1953 & 1986. Winden police officer. Husband to Doris. Claudia’s father and Regina’s grandfather. Aleksander’s grandfather in law. Bartosz’s great grandfather. Teenage Ulrich’s nemesis. Alcoholic.

HG Tannhaus, 1953 & 1986. Clockmaker, inventor, amateur physicist and author of the book A Journey Through Time. Charlotte’s grandfather. Advisor to the Stranger.

Murder Board:

Jürgen Obendorf, maintenance worker at the nuclear power plant, and Erik Obendorf’s father. And Erik Obendorf, high schooler and drug dealer, missing for 2 weeks. Both pictured in 2019.

Peter Doppler in 2019, therapist, married to Charlotte Doppler (police chief), son of Helge Doppler, father of Franziska and Elizabeth Doppler. Bernd Doppler in 1986, founder and first director of the Winden Nuclear Power Plant, husband of Greta, father of Helge, grandfather of Peter.

The Stranger, a time traveler who appeared in 2019 and is living in the Tiedemann’s hotel. He is investigating the Winden wormhole and time travel, hoping to correct the timeline.

The Stranger

Elisabeth Doppler, 2019, daughter of Peter and Charlotte, granddaughter of Helge, sister of Franziska. Yasin Friese, 2019, best friend and classmate of Elisabeth. Missing. Both communicate using sign language.

Torben Wöller, 2109, detective who works under Charlotte. Benni, 2019, prostitute who works out of a trailer parked on the edge of Winden and who Peter has frequented in the past.

Sebastian Krüger, 1986, Hannah’s father, drives van for dry cleaning business.

Noah, 1953, murder suspect. Noah, 1986, parish priest at St Christopher’s Church, Winden. Noah, 2019, priest and Erik Obendorf’s drug supplier.

Mikkel Nielsen, 2019 (and 1986). Michael Kahnwald, 2019. Mikkel Nielsen changed his name to Michael Kahnwald when he was adopted by Ines Kahnwald in 1986.

Images courtesy of Netflix.

Dark Season 1 Episode 8: As You Sow, So Shall You Reap Recap Ulrich follows Helge from 2019 back to 1953. In 1986, the Stranger and the Clockmaker talk physics, from wormholes to time machine repairs. #Dark #DarkNetflix In this episode, Ulrich follows Helge from 2019 back to 1953 and we're introduced to a generation of new characters.

#As You Sow So Shall You Reap #Dark #It&039;s all connected #Karoline Eichhorn #Louis Hofmann #metacrone #Mystery #netflix #Oliver Masucci #recaps #review #science fiction #Time Travel

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