#the reason I like Hanai and Momoe’s thing so much and don’t mind at all the messiness on Hanai’s side is that if I’d had that kind of mentor

[daisyachain]

the chemicals in the momokan are making the frogs gay.

[pagsys-writings]

Dreams Are the Paths We Wish to Take

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can play together all night.” - Bill Watterson

Coincidence. That's all dreams were to Hanai. They held no special meaning aside from offering replays of the day or strange imaginative scenarios. His dreams were sometimes just that - his dreams for the future. Many of his friends and family members were cast to be a part of it, and sometimes if luck ran his way, the occasional celebrity would make an appearance.

There was never any real reason behind any of it. Dreams were just something that happened now and again. They were just a way for his brain to wind down and sift through the crazy days. That's all they were.

So the first time he dreamed of Tajima he passed it off as coincidence. He'd been spending more time with the third baseman lately. Momo-kan had paired them as hitting partners for the week and he spent most of the time carefully watching Tajima’s movements and approach at the plate, so it really shouldn't have been a surprise when the other appeared in Hanai’s dreams.

And honestly, it really was just a roll of the dice. He'd been spending more time with Abe as well, working on ideas to better the team. Hanai wouldn't be surprised if the next dream featured the catcher instead of Tajima. Besides, he’s dreamed about many of his teammates before. Just because this one left him feeling a bit embarrassed and flustered didn't mean squat.

Everything was the same. Normal. Classes were boring and long as per usual. Lunch came and went too quickly. And finally it was time for practice. His sanctuary of the day, where he worked hard without a care in the world. Nothing could bother him there.

Their warm ups were simple. Run, stretch, throw. They took a few grounders and fly balls. Then they split into pairs like all the other days and Hanai was once again with Tajima. Once they were paired off, Hanai began watching Tajima’s approach to hitting like he'd done so many times before, but this time it left him feeling odd. The more he focused on Tajima, the weirder he felt. He was being too self conscious, and he knew it was because of the dream.

Tajima turned to Hanai and motioned for him to take his swings at the tee. He tried, but he could feel Tajima gazing at him and watching his every move. Was the third baseman always this observant or was Hanai just being too aware?

“You're too stiff,” Tajima bluntly stated.

“Sorry,” Hanai mumbled, attempting to breathe. He could feel his jerky movements and the tensed muscles of his shoulders and arms. This practice was supposed to benefit him, but if he kept going, he was going to end up with some horrible habits.

“Switch with me.” Hanai didn't need to be told twice. He took a step back and let Tajima forward to take a few swings. “You need to relax your body more. Even if we're different, that needs to be the same. Watch.”

Hanai watched the way Tajima’s body swayed with ease. His muscles were loose and ready to go at any second. His eyes gazed out at an imaginary pitcher with such intensity that it made Hanai’s skin crawl. But when he swung, it was with such control of his body you'd never expect him to be the spontaneous and impulsive person he was any other time. Here Tajima was truly in his element.

“See?” Tajima turned his sharp gaze on Hanai, and he felt heat creeping up his skin at its power. How could he forget just how serious Tajima could become when baseball was involved?

“Yeah,” he said weakly.

Tajima’s head fell to the side slightly. “You alright? Your face looks red.”

“Fine.”

He didn't look convinced, and the teasing that had been in his eyes died away. “Go get a drink. We can switch after.”

Shit. Hanai needed to collect himself. This disaster wouldn't do. He needed to focus on baseball and learn from each practice. At this point, he was just making more work for himself. Grabbing a drink, he returned to Tajima and took his swings. This time he pointedly ignored the eyes boring into his back and focused on the ball. His swings felt great. His body moved much better than before.

When he finished, he turned to Tajima, whose gaze had shifted to a mixture of excitement and admiration. The respect was more than Hanai had expected to see and he felt his stomach tighten in knots. “Better?” He asked.

“A lot better!” Tajima exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. The sight took Hanai’s breath away. He never really knew how much it meant to get Tajima’s seal of approval. “I wanna go again!” He exclaimed with an air of competitivity.

Hanai let him. He needed a breather after the mess he was feeling. He watched Tajima take swing after swing, using every bit of his body each time. It was amazing to see the way his body moved. Focus, Hanai berated himself before he let himself get too caught up in the moment.

It was like that the majority of the practice. He found himself watching Tajima even when he didn't need to, but Hanai told himself it was simply because the other always made fantastic plays even during practice. It was exciting to watch. Who wouldn't want to watch someone like Tajima play all the time?

The second time it happened Hanai woke flustered. Simply having Tajima in his dreams was one thing, but this was something else entirely. It hadn't been the friendliness from the previous dream. No, this one had been more… intimate to say the least.

After a cold shower and the trip to school, he thought he'd gotten everything under control. School was the same as ever. Nothing weird or uncomfortable there. Everything was fine until practice because all through the day, Hanai had not seen Tajima once. Yet now… now his teammate was standing before him and he just couldn't let go of the dream he'd had the night before.

It was awkward and weird for Hanai especially since Tajima had no idea what had him so wound up. The whole thing somehow made him feel guilty even though he had no control over it. To top it all off, practice felt excruciatingly slow. Hanai was hyper aware of everything Tajima said and did. He couldn't keep his eyes off the third baseman and he knew if he didn't change something soon, someone would notice his behavior.

I could ask for another partner, he thought on his walk home, but dismissed the thought as quickly as it came. Momo-kan would want to know why, and he didn't know how to explain it without making a fool of himself. Lying wasn't an option either. She would see right through him the moment he tried.

Hanai felt like he was trapped. He couldn't act on what he saw in his dreams. Besides, he didn't even know if he really liked Tajima that way or if his mind was playing a joke on him. Thinking about it, Tajima was a good baseball player and he was good looking. A lot of people liked him. Then there was the fact that Hanai always tried to get his approval, but that was just baseball related, right?

Right?

He wished it was that simple, but now Hanai wasn't so sure. He found himself daydreaming about the most ridiculous things. Like the way Tajima’s muscles contracted in his arms as he swung or his concentration when on the field. Hanai even found himself thinking about Tajima’s eyes or his grin when he was overly pleased with something.

What straight guy even thinks about that? He wasn't stupid, so he couldn't deny the way he was feeling these days. The problem was that it was getting in the way of baseball. He might have a small crush on Tajima, but it was getting out of control over a few dreams. He needed to block it out. Whatever he was feeling it had to come to an end. Baseball came first. His lack of focus and control wasn't fair to his team, Tajima, or himself.

So he buried down whatever he was feeling.

Maybe when everything was over - high school and baseball - he'd open up those emotions and thoughts again, but for now, he'd keep it hidden. He knew it would be difficult, but he had to try. He wasn't doing anyone any good the way he was now. Besides, he couldn't even guess what Tajima's reaction would be to anything, and he didn't want to bring it up.

So no matter how tough it would be, Hanai would try to forget or at least ignore what his dreams wanted him to do. All he knew was that now was not the time to be chasing his dreams.