#the real housewives of faerghus thread

[egittae]

Lambert really didn’t want to- but he facepalmed. What’s with this severity? Sure, he didn’t wish to lose and he did face the situation they were in seriously, but in the end they were at a beach doing all sorts of weird activities for some people’s amusement, not unlike circus animals and clowns. “Matthias we did not even begin the events…at the very least wait for things to start if you are going to go out of your way to try to antagonize me- and why? Why do this now, when we are meant to work together?”

And yet the guy didn’t stop, which only made Lambert frown more. The upset in being dealt with in such fashion, and the hurt from his heart that begged him to regard the man as a friend- and that felt the jabs of his every word more than anything else. It was a tough spot to be found in.

He frowned, crossing his arms. “Then do tell me, why should I be doing so much to earn your precious trust? If you refuse to even respect me? Has me throwing a crustacean at you injured your pride that badly to the point you cannot even put our differences aside for the team?”

It was unsure if his words were meant to hold venom or anger, because to Lambert they only felt painful- even if he was burning up with irritation. 

“Besides, what do you seek by going out of your way to tell me this? Do you have nothing better to do?”

@cielenruine

the real housewives of faerghus | lambert & matthias

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[egittae]

He heard Matthias’ voice, and then a burst of pain in his jaw that knocked him onto the ground. The punch wasn’t anything especially brutal, but the way it caught him off guard left him slightly disoriented even more considering the situation at hand. Though the skin didn’t break, it would surely bruise as time went on which…wasn’t ideal. It was hard to hide a bruise on such an obvious spot, even more as Lambert’s skin seemed to be quite inclined to flourish in bruises of all colors.

Matthias’ words registered in his mind as he slowly urged himself to sit up, fingers brushing against the painful spot on his jaw, his eyes staring at nowhere in particular- a bit empty, a bit lost. Hurt, so very hurt.

Lambert couldn’t even find it in himself to nurture wrath at this point, being subjected to the words and tears of a man grieving his lost friend- all because of him. Because of his faults, his actions, his words. He wasn’t enough as he was. He wasn’t himself- he wasn’t Lambert, he was someone else that his supposed loved ones didn’t recognize. And even if they did, if Matthias’ words were real…then Lambert went out doing something horrible.

He got himself killed and dragged others with him, almost doing it to his son in the process.

‘Don’t call me a friend’, Matthias had said. Lambert understood why and wouldn’t question it, simply accept the clause and do what he could. Lambert cried and grieved at the statement, heart bleeding as there was nothing he could do but watch as his old friend got away because of him.

All because he wasn’t the right version of himself.

All because he wasn't himself.

-end.

the real housewives of faerghus | lambert & matthias

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[egittae]

It felt like things had truly gone way over their limit for both men, but Lambert was caught off guard by Matthias’ reaction. There was a list of things he expected- perhaps a punch to the jaw, or either of them storming off leaving the other fuming in place. But instead came a punch that hit him in the chest, in a way Lambert truly couldn’t register as an attack.

Not when he noticed the other man was shedding tears over this.

“What….what are you talking about?” A suicide charge- in which he dragged others along with him? Where did that even come from? “You are speaking nonsense…” Lambert didn’t want to look for a place to die- he wanted to live. He wanted to retrieve the life he once had and enjoy the second chance he was given. Even if it felt unearned. He wanted to say he’d never do such madness, to drag others- including his own child as well as another man’s son, into something like that.

But Matthias didn’t seem to have any reasons to lie. Not when he was hurt by his own words to the point of tears, a man Lambert assumed would never allow himself to do that before others.

Why did he do that, then? Why did he jump into the jaws of death and dragged others along? And if Dimitri was involved in it all- the tears, the apprehension, the denial. Did he force his son to watch him die?

Why would he do something so vile?

There was nothing Lambert could say to comfort the other man, not when he found himself stunned by his words- trying to decide on whether they were to be believed or not…and yet looking back at himself, at that treacherous trail he still struggled to hike, and feeling bits of snow slowly fall against his clothing, slowly blanketing him with the unfortunate fact that his heart did believe Matthias’ words were true.

And yet he couldn't cry. Even if his throat burned and wanted to force a sob out, it just wouldn’t come out. It was almost laughable how it felt like his body was punishing himself for something he barely understood was his fault, weaponizing his sorrow against his own being. He stared down at Matthias’ head, only seeing his mop of red hair. His hands rose as if deciding on whether to hold him or not, freezing in the air for a moment before he closed them into shaky fists.

“Forgive me for not being the person you wanted me to be.” It had been one of his biggest fears so far. To completely go against who he was supposed to be and be faced with rejection from his past friends and family as they were left to deal with a stranger. “For not being able to see your side of things…nor the gravity of my own actions in the past.”

Gods, he really was trying. But every new discovery seemed like a setback.

“But I…I won’t let this defeat me. I can’t. Not now. Not when I can’t even understand why you hurt so much or why Dimitri behaves so oddly around me.”

“Curse me if it comforts you, but know that I don’t…I don’t hate you. I can’t. Because something- or someone in me, holds on to you tighter than hatred ever could.” He placed his hands on Matthias’s fist, still against his chest. The touch was surprisingly careful. “And the fact that I can’t understand where it comes from hurts me more than your words ever could.” Because it was simple. 

The realization that yes, he had a second chance at life- but it felt like this life wasn’t his’ at all. His body and his self simply didn’t agree with each other, both remembering different things and choosing different priorities- his brain far too confused to settle on a path to follow and instead locking itself in a perpetual loop of trying to reach a middle ground that didn’t exist. Lambert had been fighting himself all this time with no winner in sight.

“I’m sorry that your friend is dead, and that I’m not him.” And probably never will be, even though he wanted to.

Lambert gently took Matthias’ fist off his chest and took a shaky step backwards, putting some distance between them. “But I will keep going. I must. If I am to have his body but not its person then…then I should at least get as close as I can.”

@cielenruine

the real housewives of faerghus | lambert & matthias

continued from here

[egittae]

It was getting ridiculous, on the verge of insanity at this point. Yet the situation had reached a point that it became hard to diffuse- even if ideally the best way to end it was by walking away, a nasty, stubborn little part of him refused to for the moment. It wanted to stand there and win, either out of some odd sense of pride or out of the thin hope that he might be able to cause Matthias to have a change of heart.

It was just not going to happen. Not like this. 

Not when the other man’s next words caused Lambert’s blood to boil, overtaking any and whatever ounce of mercy his heart still held for his supposed ‘friend’. He jabbed a finger against Matthias’ chest, azure pools sharp and blazing- teeth gritted tightly. “Don’t you dare to bring my students into this. Don’t you dare. Call me names all you want, express your disappointment for me all you want- but do not drag my students into your personal issues against me!”

Once more, there was no venom. But now his anger was much more pronounced, the vagueness from before having given way to a force plain and simple: fire. “I do not want your tears! This may be too difficult for you to understand seeing how you are literally watering yourself before me like a domestic fern, but understand that I did not ask for any of this!”

“And I didn’t ask to be dragged back to life either!” 

He blinked for a moment, considering what he had just blurted out. Lambert had never verbally acknowledged his death- until now. And the feeling wasn’t comfortable.

@cielenruine

the real housewives of faerghus | lambert & matthias

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[egittae]

The reminder- almost accusation of the status he currently sported almost earned a flinch from the professor. Only very recently was when he began to allow the dust to settle and accept the possibility, or rather certainty, that the life he led now was a post-epilogue and not a continuation. Once dead, but for whatever reason and through whatever methods, dragged back to life but deprived of his own sense of self, like a punishment.

Yes, a punishment indeed. As much as Lambert would protect this new life of his, a part of him wondered if this was punishment.

Lambert watched, listened to Matthias’ less than savory actions and words. The flurry inside him a mixture of seething irritation and stabbing sadness, yet it all only manifested as something quite simple- outrage. 

“What is your problem? What did I ever do to you that led you to act like this towards me? Is I asking for a minimum of decency and civility that repugnant to you that you feel the need to immediately regard me with harshness? What is wrong with you?” Whether his words had venom or not was hard to tell. The upset was clear, but the tone behind it all was murky at best. Defensive perhaps, holding himself to not lash out- either because he was mindful that such action could potentially hurt their team’s performance and image-

-or perhaps because despite all the jabs, all the insults, all the flames, his heart still desperately wanted to reach out for Matthias as a friend. Even if it felt simply impossible, the habit was far too ingrained in his soul by now, having defied even death.

@cielenruine

the real housewives of faerghus | lambert & matthias

continued from here