#the reading rush 2020
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flamboyant-king · 1 year ago
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I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.
So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.
#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate#cause i only got prescribed adderall this year#dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test#i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you#like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY#that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat#i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120#like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner#and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing#average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too#babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down#i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing#although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing#i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem#when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like#he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate#and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse#i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing#and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles#and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest#dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom#he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again#he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold#so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15#but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself#brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man#look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive#so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho#doodles#the binding of isaac
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nabaath-areng · 1 year ago
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I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)
All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof
#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long#i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022#and then since then i havent had the means to play#like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse#and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back#because returning from past breaks have felt weird#which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up#but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own#rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others#im glad for the increased single player options tbh#at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes#and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me#finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too#my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years#but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever#and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education#so honestly? i think itll be fine#i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form#i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole#both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other#anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended#peace signs and sparkles
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coconut530 · 1 year ago
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some songs by The Score that I’ve been coming back to and loving ❤️🖤💙🩵
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jubilantscribbler · 1 year ago
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that moment where you genuinely enjoy a kdrama again
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vulpinesaint · 2 years ago
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how are people finding my fic series from three full years ago. dkfjghs. who put me on a fic rec list be honest
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anemoiashifts · 4 months ago
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what to do if you’ve been trying to shift since 2020.
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if you haven’t shifted yet & you’ve been here since 2020 or for a long period of time, waking up in your bed the following morning after a method & your doubting that shifting isn’t real then that’s simply not true. you are not doubting in shifting, you are doubting in yourself. if you doubted in the belief of shifting or subliminals or working towards a goal, you would have walked away from it a long time ago. you wouldn’t still be here if it was really all for nothing. you still have hope. there is something keeping you here.
you are looking for exterior validation that you shifted & that’s normal. it’s human to look around for confirmation for our manifestations. it’s hard to believe in something we cannot see. what you have to do is recognize that you are the creator of everything you have ever achieved, done & acquired in your life. because you are waiting until you are in your desired reality to recognize your progress, you are giving your “failures” attention.
when we give our failures attention & dwell on what we lack & what we want, we start to see it more. i mentioned this a while back in one of my very first posts but i really wanted a volkswagon beetle & i started seeing them everywhere. this is because your subconscious is showing you what you desire. the cars (your desired reality & manifestations) were always there, the issue is you don’t believe they are yours yet. shifting is a success other people have achieved. not you.
so what’s the issue ? how do we fix this ?
let go of wanting to shift. why ? because you have it. people who have things already don’t sit around & say “i want a million dollars in my bank account” because they already have a million dollars in their bank account.
instead of focusing on what you don’t have, see what you do have. you were born into a life where shifting was brought to your attention. a lot of people don’t even know what shifting is & half of the people that do know what it scoff at it & don’t ever try. be grateful that you are not letting yourself become one of those people. the fact you are trying & attempting this is a testament to you bettering your life & by extension bettering yourself. if you look at your shifting journey, what is working for you ? what methods do you like ? recognize that the universe may be trying to help you out by delaying you being in your desired reality.
people seem to not like to acknowledge the concept of divine timing & how important it can be. there is a time & place for everything we do. between when you first discovered shifting to now, you would have missed out on so many lessons & experiences that are needed for growth. majority of us look at our first script & cringe. if your someone who scripts, reflect on how many’s scripts you had. did you look at how much your desires & maturity changed through those ? the universe — god, your spirit guides, whatever higher power you believe in — may be protecting you. there could be something in your script that you could not handle, there could be a toxic relationship that you may have suffered from if you had shifted successfully & it would’ve done more harm then good.
shifting will always be there; no matter your age, what you go through. you have all of eternity to figure it out. there is no time limit. nothing is worth rushing into. if you want something don’t well, take the time to do it correctly. while there is no “correct way” to shift take a look at yourself. are you nurturing yourself ? are you depressed ? are you in a stable headspace ? the only thing you have is this moment. the moment you are reading this on tumblr or tiktok, this is the only point you have control over. are you going to scroll away ? have you already gave up on reading this long of a post ? are you thinking about the past & your past shifting attempts or mistakes ? why are you thinking about them if they have nothing to do with your future ? if you know you will shift or manifest a job or money or whatever it may be — why are you giving something attention that goes against that ?
what’s the conclusion ?
look at what you have & how you’re still here. start small, recognize that this post came to you for a reason. recognize that this is something you manifested based on content you’ve put energy towards. this post is proof that you are capable of manifesting shifting, even if it isn’t your desired reality directly.
also, this reality is a desired reality. maybe not in the same way as another desired reality you may have but you have manifested plenty in this reality & that’s what shifting is. if you think you haven’t, guess again, because I’m sure there’s one thing you can find that you truly believed in & it became physical right before your eyes.
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beachboysnatural · 2 years ago
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I should NOT have reread that. oh my god
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tmmyhug · 1 year ago
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i miss the dsmp, she says. i miss technoblade, she means. i miss the suspended timelessness of quarantine, she means. i miss the adrenaline rush, she means. i miss lmanberg, she means. i miss 2020 clingy duo daily streams, she means. i miss what the dream team used to be. i miss crimebois. i miss sbi. i miss jackbox. i miss reading pages of meta on a dashboard that wasn’t bristling with lore discourse. i miss the fanartists. i miss the community house. i miss manhunt. i miss the reckless joy. i miss sadist. i miss the dsmp, she says. i miss feeling like a kid, she means.
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oofthwoods · 10 months ago
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INTRODUCTION! ── ˙ ̟ the echo !!
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 :: get to know porsche's bet for the newest legend in the making in formula one, dubbed as the echo.
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 :: i've been absolutely hooked in @disneyprincemuke vettel reincarnated's series and i have always loved fem!drivers so i decided to give my own take on this <3. | can definitely be read as a reader insert, but the driver will driver under a specific flag and related to a famous driver! even so, physical descriptions will not be given, so you can definitely picture yourself
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our fem!driver has a few titles to her name! the most well known, echo, comes from her championship winning f3 & f2 seasons, where she was consistently the fastest driver in the grid, leaving behind only a faint trace of her presence for the other drivers to see.
other nicknames include "lightning" due to her great performances on wet races (as the media says, the only thing faster than the rain is the lightning.), "pg" (stands for both princess of the grid, which is an old karting nickname, and parental guide, given due to her young age), and the legacy.
she is the daughter of ex- formula one driver, rubens barrichello. she drivers under the brazilian flag. i picture her as the middle child, so that would place her date of birth between '01 & '04.
has a streak of four consecutive championship winning years: the italian formula 4 in 2019, freca in 2020, formula 3 in 2021 and formula 2 in 2022.
art grand prix girlie! has been with the french team for both her f3 and f2 seasons.
she was a red bull junior, but was suddenly cut from the team after her formula 3 season. helmut mark claimed that she wasn't consistent enough to justify a contract renewal, which was clearly bullshit as she had literally won the championship.
competed in formula 2 without an academy, but was in talks with porsche to join their team.
committing to her lightning nickname, she chose 95 as her number!
grew up in the paddock! her dad loved to take her around the world with him, and she became a familiar face to all crew and drivers. although she is the youngest of the current grid, she is closer to the oldest guys due to knowing them since she was very young.
outside of formula 1, her closest friends are gabriel bortoleto, felipe drugovich, frederik vesti, liam lawson and clément novalak.
within formula 1, she is closest to fernando alonso, lewis hamilton (both who met her when she was a baby), mick schumacher (her teammate at porsche), lando norris, alex albon and oscar piastri. but she is friendly with everyone, and tries to know them better — it does help that she is a social butterfly who could talk to the walls even if they don't answer.
about porsche: have been in the talks of joining the grid for a long time, and finally got their approval for 2023. they could go for veteran drivers but decided against it, placing their bets of mick schumacher, who had just been dropped from haas, and y/n barrichello, the f2 champion.
when the news dropped, it was the talk of the town! not only she would be the first female to compete in formula one in several years, but the duo barrichello-schumacher would be present again in the grid!
actually loves doing grill the grid and other challenges. some people think it's the rookie rush, but she has always loved playing those games.
has the biggest fat girl crush on susie wolff. would kiss the ground she walks if she could.
still needs a lot pr training due to amount of cursing and off-pocket things she says. apparently saying "i'll throw myself in front of verstappen's car and change the trajectory of his entire life" is not socially acceptable, neither is saying that she's plotting his accidental death.
sponsored by vivienne westwood, which she claims is probably the coolest thing to happen to her.
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81folklore · 1 year ago
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older - LECLERC
pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)
summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about
authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song
authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything
authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭
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we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022
'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album
the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other
capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself
this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes
older is now yours
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im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x
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thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall
looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough
performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night
thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas
to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible
thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy
thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music
thank you for letting me do this x
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user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️
user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??
user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??
user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??
user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live
user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️
ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel
user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??
user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST
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after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.
charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you
thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you
i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love
life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you
merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)
yn x
tagged: charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)
charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)
yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)
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gucciwins · 6 months ago
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A Family of Three Grows
A/N: Thank you to the lovely Nonnie who brought back inspiration for this story I wrote in 2020 and last gave an update in 2022. Who knew 2024 would be the year I brought it back. This was fun to write and go back to this family's dynamics. Hope you enjoy, my sweet friends 💜
Word count: 3234
Adore You / Three Time / Leather and Lace / Family / Ask
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Harry loved his family. 
Y/N and Atticus were everything to him and when Y/N broke the news their family was going to be growing, he was over the moon. It’s something they talked about but never rushed because they had Atticus, their sweet angel who would not stop growing. 
Atticus was the smartest boy. He was the top of his class and loved to read chapter books with Y/N. Each night, they would read a chapter and discuss their thoughts over breakfast in the morning. Harry’s input was asking questions so he could stay in the loop. Harry still remembered a summer day where he went to run errands, leaving them at home reading in bed and came to find them cuddled with ten books laid on their bed. He knew his son valued this time with the woman he called Mum. 
Life had treated them well. Y/N was writing, going to the studio when Atticus was at school. Harry adhered to the schedule and was open to working extra hours. Y/N and Harry were the perfect team. She helped create the entirety of Harry’s house. It was an album he felt captured their life in their own way. The grammy’s that year were a pleasant bonus to round out the amazing year they had. 
Y/N and Harry were in the studio today while Atticus was at school. Harry was in no rush to push out a fourth album. He enjoyed being in the studio with Y/N. It made him fall in love with her all over again. The ideas she brought were something he didn’t take for granted.
Y/N was sitting at the piano wearing her favorite oversized Ferrari sweater. The girl clung to her worn-out shirt, despite its tears. Not that he would ever make her. He had his fair share of tattered shirts in his closet. 
She was beautiful. How lucky he was to have her as his partner for the past five years. Their family is everything he dreamed of when he was a young boy. Without looking, she called for him to sit beside her on the bench. He did so without a second thought. 
“I wrote a song–well, it’s unfinished,” she tells him as she plays the soothing lullaby she wrote for Atticus when he was six years old and was having a hard time sleeping through the night. It’s something she played repeatedly until Atty would fall asleep. 
“Can I hear it?” 
Y/N shifts. She seemed reluctant to reveal it to him. 
“Well, it might not be any good,” she defends, and she pulls her notebook. 
Harry frowns. Y/N being insecure in the studio is unheard of unless it’s something she’s been holding in her chest for a long time and is finally letting it out. She passes him the notebook. There’s a picture holding the place she wants him to read. One look at her is all the encouragement he needs to open up the book and read the first words: For Atty.
He reads line by line and by the time he reaches the last words, there are tears fighting to fall from his eyes. Y/N wrote a song for their song. It’s a rough draft, and he knows she wants him to help her finish it. 
“Atticus knows how much we love him–how much I love him. But I want him to hear this song and know that my love isn’t something that will ever go away. If anything, it’ll only get stronger.” She tells Harry. 
It takes everything in him to not break down because he never expected to be loved this much in life. He expected to be content, but this was beyond anything he could ever dream of. “It’s fucking perfect.”
Y/N shakes her head. “No, it’s not even–” 
Harry stops her, reaching for her hand. He brings it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on her hand. “It’s amazing. You wrote a song for our boy. Sure it’s not finished, but you wrote those lyrics calling our sun the light of our life. The reason the world turns. I have never been able to put into words how much he means to me, but you did it.” 
“I love you,” Y/N reminds him.
“Love you, too. So fucking much.” 
“Will you sing it?” Y/N asks. Those beautiful eyes are staring at him and there is no way he can tell her no.
After so many years together, Harry understands how Y/N writes songs. He can see the melody written out. It’s something that frustrates Tyler because he doesn’t pick up on her cues. Harry tells him not to sweat it, it’s something only they have. Something they have as the perfect pair. 
Y/N plays the melody on the piano as Harry sings the lyrics. The longer he sings, the more he feels his throat close up and by the final lyrics, he’s got tears streaming down his face. “I don’t think I can sing it without crying.” 
She laughs. “You’ll have to try. I want us to record it for Atty. Maybe get it on a record for him.” 
Harry gives her a long kiss. “That sounds like the best idea.” 
Y/N and Harry spent the rest of the day in the studio, knowing Atticus was with Anne for the day allowed them the extra time to be in the studio. By the time dinner rolled around, Harry had ordered them food from her favorite Chinese food restaurant. Y/N reminded him three times not to forget her spring rolls. Over dinner, they discussed the song and how they might want to surprise Atticus. Y/N made him promise not to tell him until they could have it produced by their good friend, Tyler. It would take some time, but it would be worth it. 
Y/N had a last surprise for Harry. They were back to sitting side by side on the piano bench when she passed him her notebook again. “There is one last surprise,” Y/N tells him. She flips the notebook a few more pages. There is a paper. He thinks nothing of it until Y/N turns it around for him.
A sonogram. 
It’s a black photo with a small gray blob in the center. Harry isn’t sure what to think. It can’t be true. Can it?
He squints, picking up the paper, and in the corner has Y/N’s hyphenated name.
“Baby, is this?” He gets out.
“What is it?”
“Are we–are you?” Harry lifts his head to meet her eyes that are brimming with tears. “Are you pregnant?” 
Y/N lets out a joyous laugh, one that finds a place deep in his heart. “Yeah,” she confirms. “I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.” 
“Oh, my goodness.” Harry looks back down at the sonogram. He wants to know everything, but all he can do is cry. Y/N stands up from the bench to move closer to him. Harry turns his body, resting his head on her stomach, Y/N settles her hands on his shoulder. She lets one run through his hair as he takes in the news that they are going to be giving Atticus a sibling. Something he would ask for constantly. They were making a dream come true. 
“Hi, little pea. I’m your Daddy.” 
Harry pulls away from Y/N when he hears a loud sob. “I’m sorry,” Y/N apologies for startling him. “That was–I don’t even know how to explain it, but fuck, you’re so amazing.” 
He drags Y/N to sit in his lap. Harry holds her close, rocking her back and forth, kissing her neck, whispering, I love you. This is something they talked about endlessly. Atticus was their boy. They had always said their family was perfect. Whether they added to their family or not, they are happy, but getting this addition into their life felt right. 
Y/N isn’t sure how much time passes, but she is ready to go home and be with Atticus. As they’re packing up, Y/N steps towards Harry, knowing he might be upset with the only downside to the news of her pregnancy. “H, we can’t tell anyone. Not Atticus. Not even Anne.” 
“But love, how do you expect me to resist?” 
Y/N’s smile is sincere. She knows he wants to scream it from the rooftops. “It’s early,” she stresses. “I want us to make sure everything is okay. That we make it past this first trimester. I know that’s asking a lot for you.”
Harry shakes his head. “Not at all, Lovie. I understand. Your health and the babies are important. I respect that.”
She gives him a kiss. “Thank you.” 
“Let’s get home to our sweet boy.” 
They leave the studio with their hearts full. 
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It’s been three months and Y/N’s doctor gave them the all clear. Their sweet bub is growing at a good rate and Y/N is doing spectacular. No morning sickness, no weird food cravings (yet) and is glowing. Harry was excited because that meant it was time for them to share the news with their family, but most importantly, to Atticus. 
Harry spent the day getting the surprise ready. The vinyl was in a special box ready to be opened and then played. They’d be doing that first, then give Atticus the news. While Harry ran around getting everything perfect, Y/N laid in the hammock in their backyard with Atticus. They each had a book in hand. Atticus at 9 was reading the Percy Jackson series, something Y/N was excited about because they were some of her favorite books when she was growing up. Now she got to see her son experience everything she did at his age. It helped that she could answer questions he had, without spoilers, of course. 
Y/N set her book down, running her hand through Atticus’ brown locks similar to Harry’s. She knew he’d made a great older brother. She also feared he’d think she’d loved him less with a baby around, which was far from the truth. Atticus was hers, he was her baby boy and nothing or no one could take that from her. Harry likes to joke and say Atticus is her twin instead of his because he takes after her. Atticus has all of Harry’s looks but is everything her child for he has her love of reading. He loves the ocean and could spend hours in there with them. Atty was charismatic and had everyone’s attention as soon as he walked into a room. He exuded confidence and skillfully commanded attention with his voice. Y/N liked to say he picked up on both of their traits, but Harry assured her Atticus was a piece of her. It never failed to make her cry. 
“I love you Atticus.” Y/N told him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 
Atticus bookmarked the page he was on. “I love you too, Mum.” 
Y/N wanted to blurt out the news to Atticus, but knew Harry would be upset she did it without him, so she held it in. 
“Forever going to be my sweet boy?” Y/N asks. 
“Course. Going to take care of you all my life,” Atticus promises. 
Y/N smiles. A very Harry answer. “Much appreciated. I think your dad has got you covered.”
Atticus shrugs, “two of us looking out for you isn’t bad.” 
“Glad I’m in safe hands.” 
Atticus goes back to reading but Y/N stays lost in thought, waiting for Harry to announce his arrival. It isn’t much longer when Harry rushes through the backyard, box in hand. Y/N sits up, eager to give it to her son, but Atticus doesn’t seem concerned about his reading. 
“Hi bud, got you something?” Harry shakes the box softly. 
“Two pages left,” Atticus mumbles. 
Harry frowns. “This is your fault.” He points at Y/N.
Y/N gasps. “Please, who bought him an entire library?”
“Again you,” he defends. 
“Technically, your money.”
“Our money,” Harry corrects. 
Atticus is entranced in his reading and Harry uses the time to steal a kiss from Y/N. They refrain from anything too much for Atticus’ sake, but he never minds seeing them give a bit of affection. 
“Chapter done,” Atticus shouts. “Gimme. Gimmie.” He makes grabby hands, but Harry shakes his head, telling him they had to head inside. 
Y/N holds onto Harry’s arm as Atticus rushes inside to the piano room. It’s his favorite room in their Malibu home. The view is perfect. You can see the tides rolling in, one landing on top of another. The sounds perfect to lull someone to sleep. 
Harry sits next to Atticus while Y/N kneels in front of him, her hands pressed together under her chin as she watches him tear the paper. Y/N remembers doing that as a child and knows her mother was a saint for the patience she had. Y/N is close to ripping it herself, but when she sees the brown box, she settles down for a single moment.
Atticus pulls out the record. It’s in a sleeve with a beautiful print of Y/N, Harry and Atticus running through the sand a few months back. Anne had taken it and it became their favorite picture as a family. Harry
thought it would be the perfect fit, and it was. On the top of the cover it read “Atticus��� Song”. His small hands ran over the words as he sounded it out. 
“Is this us?” 
Y/N stroked his cheek. “Yeah, bubs. It’s for you.” 
“Can you play it?” Atticus asks Y/N. 
Harry knew Y/N was nervous. Hell, he was too. There was no worse critic than an honest nine-year-old. As Y/N placed the record on the player, Atticus fiddled with the string of the bracelet he made the other day with Harry. They all had a similar one on their wrist, Atticus having made Y/N’s matching them. Y/N walked back, squeezing next to Harry. Atticus closed his eyes to focus on the opening notes of the song. He was just like Harry, a true critic and admirer of all music. This time was no different. 
The song was slow and had the melody of a lullaby. Harry’s voice welcomed them into the song, with Y/N’s joining him in the chorus. Y/N saw Atticus’ lip twitch during her solo and she couldn’t help but squeeze Harry’s arm. The song ran its course, and they waited patiently for his thoughts. 
“Nice. It was really nice.” 
Y/N let out a deep breath she was holding. Atticus cries, and Y/N panics as she swoops him into her lap before Harry can even move. She holds him tight to her chest as she meets Harry’s worried stare.
“Darling, my darling boy. I got you. I always have you.” Y/N whispers, brushing his hair back, trying her best to soothe him. Y/N rocks him back and forth, letting him get out all his emotions. 
Atticus pulls back, his sniffles the only sound in the room. “Promise I like it.” 
Harry laughs. “Tears would say otherwise, bud.” 
“It–I–I” Atticus isn’t sure how to explain what he felt. “Can we play it every day?” 
Y/N presses a kiss to his temple. “Anything for you.” 
“You wrote it Mumma?” 
Harry scoffs in defense. “What if I did? Huh?” 
Atticus giggles. “Okay, Dad.” 
Harry pouts. Y/N is the stronger song writer, there is no fighting it. “Fine, she wrote most of it.” 
“We did it together,” Y/N answers. 
“It’s my new favorite.” Atticus declares proudly. 
“Good. That’s good. We do have one last surprise.” Harry is eager to share the news.
He stands up and goes for the frame they put the sonogram in for Atticus to keep in his room. While Harry steps out, Y/N settles Atticus in the middle of the sofa for Harry to sit next to him. Honestly, she wants to record this moment but decides it’s better to keep it private between them. Harry comes back with his dimples on display and Atticus is quick to be suspicious. 
“Now close your eyes,” Harry orders. 
Atticus looks weary but does as he’s told. Harry places the frame in his hands and when Atticus opens his eyes, he is looking at their most recent sonogram. It’s clear there is a baby in the middle with its head and body. Atticus would be quick to put it together, but even if he didn’t, the frame reading “Best Brother” would be a dead giveaway. Atticus’ jaw drops at the news. His eyes were not leaving Y/N’s as if he was waiting for them to say “just kidding” because he had waited a long time for this moment. There was a baby in his mum’s stomach. He was going to be an older brother. 
“Is that why you’re always snacking?” Is the first thing Atticus says. 
“Atticus,” Harry shouts playfully. Harry spares a glance at Y/N, unsure how she will react. She’s been a weeping mess, even if she denies it’s the pregnancy hormones. Instead, she surprises him by laughing. It’s a full belly laugh that makes her tear up. 
It is true Y/N had been snacking recently, always something in her hand from a mandarin to banana chips. Harry had stocked up on different snacks on his weekly run to Tesco. He was sure Y/N had almost finished them, but he didn’t mind making all the extra runs out. Anything for his wife. 
“How long do I have to wait to meet them?” Atticus asks when Y/N’s laughter has died down.
Y/N places her hand over her stomach. She hasn’t popped yet, but her doctor told her it would happen soon. Harry had taken photos every day, so she had seen the difference. “About six months to go, Atty.” 
His eyes widened. “Too long.” 
Harry laughs, pushing back Atticus’ growing curls. “Trust me, I know. But we’ve got an important job during this time.”
Y/N smacks Harry’s shoulder. “You don’t have a job, baby. We want you to keep being you. You can talk to us about the baby, about anything.” 
“Can they hear me?” Is his follow up question. 
“Mmm, you can talk to them all you like. Your Daddy certainly likes to do so.” 
“Hey,” Harry pouts. “Thought you liked it.” 
Y/N gives Harry a kiss. “I love it. One of my favorite parts of the day.”
“Okay. Can I do it now?” Atticus asks. 
Harry nods and gestures for him to settle on the couch with Y/N. He sits on Y/N’s lap while Harry is quick to try to move him, wanting him to be careful with her. Y/N simply pulls him closer, and it reminds him of how perfect of a mother Y/N already is. 
He joins his family on the couch, all snuggled close, while they listen to Atticus talk to his sibling. It’s one of the best days of Harry’s life and he can’t wait to make more memories in a few months’ time. For now, he will enjoy these special moments. 
286 notes · View notes
devine-fem · 1 year ago
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i am BEGGING you to make that jondami ship guide. not because i need anything to make me ship them more than i already do but because they deserve to have their good moments highlighted
Jondami/Damijon shipping guide.
A collective guide to any cute moment between Jon and Damian in DC comics or motion pictures. Any moment that could make a reader like them more as a ship will be put all here in one Tumblr post.
• Superman (2016) Issues #10-#11
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This is the first time they meet each other and they immediately knock heads. Jon’s lighter than life personality clashes with Damian’s cold personality and they don’t seem to get along but you can tell there’s something growing behind the eye rolling and tongue clicking… a friendship?
• Superman (2016) Issue #20, #21, #25, #26 (mentioned), and #43.
• Super Sons (2017)
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This is the first of the Super Sons series, the series is really short but gold nonetheless. No Super Sons comic that I don’t like but this one is my favorite. They still are knocking heads and refuse to call each other partners but they grow and learn to be heroes together.
• Adventures of the Super Sons (2018)
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They slowly start to get used to each other and this comic shows that Damian isn’t just straight up mean but is starting to somewhat ‘like’ Jon.
• Challenge of the Super Sons (2020)
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The last main Super Sons comics. This one is fine but I love the others so much. These comics are essential to know Jon and Damian period, it’s the main comics of each others story and in a way they are important to each others development.
• Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022)
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Now after all that reading treat yourself to a movie because Jon and Damian got their own movie. This is what started Jon and Damian for a lot of people and this is probably where a lot of you are from. This movie is great and fun. They made Damian wayyy nicer than in the comics and their friendship easier.
• DC Rebirth Holiday Special (2016)
Please find and read this. It’s so cute. I love it so much.
• Dark Nights: Metal issue #3 (2017 -2018)
They make a rock band in the beginning, its so cute.
• DCeased (2019)
• DCeased: The Unkillables (2020)
• DCeased: Hope at World’s End (2020)
• DCeased: Dead Planet (2020)
• DCeased: War of the Undead Gods (2022)
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This is such a good series, and story in general please read it. DC peaked with this one and its so angsty. I don’t care what comphet was happening, Jon was there for Damian like no one else. I think Damian ends up with Cassie which is weird to me because Damian has never shown interest in anyone before but I excuse it since it’s not really gonna happen again since they were in a relationship just for the story to be more high stakes and sad. Jon and Damian’s relationship was at the forefront and for comic book readers DCeased made people see the potential in Jondami.
• DC’s Terror Through Time (2022)
This is so cute, please read this. It’s a halloween special and they switch uniforms <3!!
• DC Saved by the Belle Reve (2022)
They help a nonbinary person navigate school and it’s so damn cute.
• The age up incident.
(Disclaimer: You can pretend this never happens and I wouldn’t blame you for doing that.) A writer named Brain Micheal Bendis comes into the writers room for DC and ages up Jon in short. The story is that Superman goes missing (He travels to War World and gets stuck there) and Jor-El comes back to meet Jon and he takes him on a trip to explore space, then they get trapped in a wormhole, Jon gets stuck on Earth-3 and has to fight Ultraman. He’s stuck in a volcano for five or six years and becomes seventeen (we think) when he comes back. This was sad to me because it took away all the potential interactions for Jon and our ability to see him grow up, it was rushed and purposely so. Jon takes up the title of Superman somehow and starts to date some guy named “Jay Nakamura.”
• Superman: Son of Kal-El (2021) Issues: #1, #6, #14, and #15.
He does get a boyfriend here and I think it’s amazing the fact he simply gets a boyfriend but no one really likes his bf so… and the are real reasons why Jay as a character is problematic BUT if you just don't want to see him with someone else than every time you see a pink haired twink, quickly skip.
• Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent
• Super Sons (2017) Special
This is them reuniting after the age up and it shows how Damian reacts to it. I can’t actually find this and if anyone can please let me know where it is. I can only find bits and pieces of it scattered across the internet. All you need to know is that he doesn’t like the age up anymore than us since he says “I miss my friend.” which is really sad to me because the age up ultimately really hurts what people like about their dynamic as well as tarnish Jon’s character almost completely.
UPDATE: found it, it got attached to
• Dark Crisis (2022) till Issue #5
This is fine, after issue four Jon and Damian are not there anymore and if you read half the story just for jon and damian you might as well finish it.
• Green Lantern: Blackstars (2019) issue #2
They hug here. You’re welcome.
• Action Comics (2016) issue #1030
This is the best thing to come from the age up. This is so cute of them.
• Teen Titans (2016) Issue #43, #45, and #46
i didnt really like this, im not gonna lie but it has some damian and jon interaction worth noting with jon being protective over damian.
• Flash (2016) Issue #797
jon defending damian. this is such a cute moment for them. jon talks damian up and says how hes the strongest person he knows and how hes misunderstood.
• Legion of Super Heroes (2019) Issue #2 & #3
dont read this. its rlly bad but this is full of jon being the number one damian apologist, quality jondsmi moments over quantity. worth mentioning • Trinity Special: World’s Finest literally them raising a child together but their ages are a bit wonkey, i still dont personally know what age either of them are supposed to be there...
DC MEETS HANNA-BARBERA - Super Sons x Dynomutt
I’d say they aren’t exactly written right, well over all they are but their personalities are more relaxed and they care about each other a lot and will go out of their way to make sure the other is okay and protect them from danger, make them laugh etc, theres nothing wrong with this, its really cute but you can tell its not the typical jon and damian writers is all. I like it.
• Dark Crisis: The Dark Academy (2023)
• Wonder Woman (2016) Issue #800
- Fandom
Artist that draw Jon and Damian:
(I don’t know any of these accounts intimately so if they’re problematic in any way than I am sorry in advance)
Sheiya Vlad
Pechaghtlecha
Corinthianrm0
Hobiiiebrown
spider-jaysart
arunneronthird
Twitter
Hokke
Gozer
@_1209E
YouTube
Justice Lords Animation
Japanese Animation
Super Sons Meme Animation
- Fanfics
Trust fall by Ididloveyou_once
Those Who Wait by InsaneTrollLogic
moving in stereo by TheResurrectionist
Reasons to Not Fall in Love by nanami
Growing Pains
These are fics I read and liked, I don’t have much. I don’t read a lot of Jondami fan fiction so I insist that you recommend your own fanfiction in the comments. (Don’t hate me for the self promo)
- Music (A silly lil playlist I made for them)
END
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555 notes · View notes
kurokens · 5 months ago
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Everything I Love Will Make Me Cry | Satosugu
anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen
character: gojo satoru & geto suguru
words: 1.5k
pronouns: they/them
request: none
notes: part 3 of In The Middle, my first satosugu piece. trying stg new by including some texts in the middle but idk if i'm a fan, just didn't know how to convey it better than this way.. don't judge the quality of the text this is an app i used to use back in 2020 and i didn't want to try and find a new one. also thank u to 🪼 anon, ur message helped me get out of writer block, this one for u!!
not proof read
song rec: Everything I Love Will Make Me Cry - Movning
genre: hurt comfort, fluff, slowburn, a little bit angsty, poly?
warnings: satosugu are in a loving relationship, misunderstanding, pinning, a lot of pinning on satosugu's end, reader is so oblivious, insecure and self conscious reader
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Taking all of your clothes and getting out of the apartment was probably one of the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life. Especially what forced you to do it. But what else could you do? You no longer were welcomed there, and you knew it, the longer you stayed and the worse it would hurt. So you took advantage of both of your roomates being gone for the day to pack your essentials, write a note and get out of there. Not without your vision blurred by your tears. You didn't really plan your next moves but it felt like an evidence to just go and crash at Shoko's, such an evidence that you refused to do it. After all she was just as close with these two as you were, well, as you used to, so it would be quite an awkward position for her, and you refused to impose this on her. That's how you found yourself at the door of an old friend of yours, looking like a kicked puppy. "What are you doing looking like a sad little puppy?" Namami said after opening the door.
"Please don't, I already told you, and I don't want to cry any more than I've already did." You replied in a whine, to which he just gave a roll of his eyes, stepping aside to let you in.
"Haibara is in the kitchen, he is making some food for you. He thought you could use a warm meal right now." The blonde man told you, leading you towards the kitchen.
"M'not really hungry though..." You sighed, following him without another complaint.
"Ah! Don't say that, I've poured my soul into this meal. You better eat and appreciate it!!" Haibara exclaimed, popping his head through the door after hearing you two coming his way. "I made your favourite!"
"It smells wonderful Yū, I'll eat it, just for you. And enjoy it, that's for sure." You giggled, seeing his enthusiam and the effort he put into this, pulling the younger boy in your arms.
"You can stay here as long as you need. And I promise I won't say a word to Satoru and Suguru about your whereabouts." Nanami chimed in, a soft smile on his face at your interactions.
"Haha, you don't have to worry about that. They're probably not gonna look for me at all, on the contrary." You whispered the last part, tears starting to well up again.
"Just, don't rush yourself to find a new place okay? You're more than welcomed to stay there. And I'm sure all of this must be a big misunderstanding." He gently answered.
"Thank you so much. It means a lot, even though I do doubt your last words." Was all you could muster as an answer.
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To say the lovers were frantic was an understatement, they need to find you, they needed to tell you what they felt and how all of this was a misunderstanding. There was no way they were about to lose you over this, no not like this, not before you knew what you meant to them. It couldn't end with you thinking they hated you, lord, it was so far from the truth. They would never forgive themselves.
"Try calling them!!" Satoru shouted, pacing around your empty room.
"I already tried Toru, they're not answering, I go straight to voicemail." Suguru replied, his heart sinking at the potential meaning of his calls going straight to voicemail.
"No, no, no... You have to try again, please Sugu, try again!" The white-haired man begged, his voice breaking as the tears made their way up. "Sugu, this can't be it. Sugu we need to find them, this can't be it, please this can't be it."
All Suguru could do was take his lover into his arms, letting him break down and cry on his shoulders. Words stuck in his throat, as his own tears made their way down his cheeks. He never felt this helpless.
"Maybe..." He began slowly, "Maybe we should try and text them. So they can read it whenever they feel like it and not feel pressured to answer right away."
"Let's do that." Satoru grundgingly said, his pout never leaving his face.
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Both of them let out a breath seeing your answer, it wasn't really positive one but at least they weren't blocked, and right now it meant already a lot for them. They would give you all the time in the world you needed, they were ready to wait an eternity if it meant that you would come back to them in the end. Well, at least Suguru was ready for that, Satoru was a whole other story. "M'gonna die Sugu. M'gonna disappear from the face of the earth if I don't see them soon." The youngest whined, holding onto his lover for dear life. "Why don't we call Shoko? I'm sure they're with her. Even better, we could just go there and tell them how this is just a misunderstanding, and we can tell them how much we love them and how we want them in our space forever, and never out of it."
"Baby, we have to wait and you know it. We don't know what they heard, and why they're so hurt. It made them leave our place Toru, it's not something we can fix that easily. We probably lost their trust, and winning it back won't be an easy task. That's why we can't force this on them. We have to be patient, and wait for them to come to us, no matter how much it hurts." The dark-haired man explained, not fully convinced by his own words, but one of them had to be rational in order to mess this up further.
"I know you're right, but knowing we hurt them and that we can't make it better is so hard. I never wanted to hurt them in the slightest, and now we drove them away. At least, I'm glad I have you in all of this." Satoru confessed, hiding even further in the crook of his lover's neck, hoping this wouldn't last too long.
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You couldn't help the small smile that made its way on your face after reading your conversation, but it didn't stay for long. After all, you heard what you heard, and there was no way you could have gotten it wrong in any way, it was pretty clear who they were talking about, so this all misunderstanding thing seemed like a lie to you. But why would they lie about that? What was the point in hiding the truth now that you knew about it? Wouldn't it be easier for them now to get rid of you? Not having to go through the burden of telling you directly to leave and everything?
You were confused, a part of you wanted to believe they were telling the truth, that all of this was a misunderstanding, and your best friends didn't hate you. But at the same time, another part was scared because what if they really did hate you, and they were doing all this just to be able to humiliate you even further, and have the satisfaction to tell you in your face how much they wanted you out of their life. You were kind of used to be the odd one in friend groups, and ultimately being left out, so why would it be different this time?
"You realy should hear them out." A voice suddenly said, making you jump.
"Gosh Kento you scared me." You squeaked, hand on your chest in a futile try to appease your beating heart.
"I'm sorry, but really. I'm not the biggest fan of these two, and I think that's why you decided to come here, but I know they would never hurt you." Namami chuckled softly, sitting down next to you.
"Well, look at that, for once in your life you're wrong." You tearfully laughed.
"I've been wrong a lot of times in my life, but not on that. I promise you, they would never intentionally hurt you, especially not with their words." Your blonde-haired friend affirmed, and the look in his eyes told you there was no convincing him otherwise, almost as if he knew something you didn't.
"I don't know, I need time, I don't think I can face them yet." You explained, curling into a ball next to him.
"Take all the time you need." He simply replied, petting your hair as if to comfort the crying child you were. And for now it's all you needed, some time and a comforting friend, you would deal with all of this later, maybe.
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oki here it is!! sorry im not quite satisfied with this part, i wanted to make it longer and have them maybe meet to talk it out but i also didn't know if it was the mood of this part or not... also, yes, don't worry there will be a part 4! part 4 here!!
163 notes · View notes
ebaylee422 · 2 years ago
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I Want Your Video
Steve x Fem!Reader
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Author’s Note: Steve won the poll, when I first started really reading fanfiction on tumblr early 2020-2021 there was a fic with mutual masturbation with BestFriend!Steve Harrington and this plays into the very heavy. I’ve been wanting to fuck you forever part for inspo. Also just love Djo’s music so a lot of my WIPs have titles of his music. Requests are open if you want more sexy Steve, thank you for reading!
Summary: Family Video just became a little less family friendly with the new addition of the 18 and older erotic video room. You are more curious than your co-workers about what a dirty movie includes, the sexual tension between you and dreamboat Steve Harrington does nothing for your pent up frustrations. 
Characters: Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley, Family Video Worker!Reader, Dustin, Lucas, Mike, Max, El and Will love to pester Steve at his jobs, and gross mentions of Keith. 
Warning/Tags: SMUT (Minors DNI), Steve has a huge cock, dry humping, marking, fingering (f receiving), blow job, overstim, small nubbins of insecurities with reader and Steve, Steve and reader share playful banter, a ruined Armchair, dirty talk, pet names, riding (save a horse ride Steve Harrington), we all love boobies, creampie, cum play?  As always lmk if I forgot anything!
Word Count: 6.2k
"Well I knew they called it Family Video for a reason, I just never thought they'd take it so literally." You said as the three of you looked to the closed door with the new 18 plus warning sign, taking away your break room.
"Please stop mentioning it.” Robin pinches at the bridge of her nose
"What? At least people don't like, deal porn or try to find it at a public library." Steve adds setting the return tapes on the counter.
"Why would someone go to the library for PORN?" Robin boasts turning to her best friend,
"I don't know Buckley, people are stupid when horny." Steve admonishes
“Does that mean your always horny?” You tease, Steve opens his mouth to retaliated but Robin stops him. 
"No, now we just have Keith, who was already always in the back room. Potentially watching adult films on the clock and putting them back." Robin shakes in disgust.
"Like a trial run, he’ll be able to give great recommendations." You add nose scrunched with laughter bubbling in your chest.
"Ew gross." Robin said nauseated 
"Look he's creepy, but Keith is not that brave. Any one of us could walk back there." Steve says pointing to the ever closed office and backroom where Keith either naps or throws together a schedule. 
"Maybe he wants to be caught?" you nod, taking new tapes to stock in the romance section.
“Maybe he wants you to catch him?” Steve wiggles his eyebrows following you,
"Maybe you want me to smack you in the face-" You turn to find him closer than you anticipated only a few inches separating your body from his. 
"What? Don't be a prude now, you're the one who made the conversation interesting." Steve cut you off, chest puffed in challenge. His woodsy, ash, and vanilla smell intoxicating you as the spearmint on his breath floated you back to reality.
"That's because I'm interesting." You dare with a raised eyebrow, as his eyes flicker to your cherry lips.
"God please stop flirting in front of me or I'll get a cavity." Robin whines behind the counter. 
"We're not flirting-" You scold, "Okay-" Steve holds his hands up in defense at the same time. You huff and continue down the aisle to stock, red in the face with embarrassment. 
Towards the end of your shift the school rush dying down, you sit on the counter with Robin inventorying returns in the computer. Steve is holding the door open for a blonde girl popping her bubble gum with glossed lips. Giggling as Steve makes a fool of himself her chest rising with the laughter, over a Star Wars joke she didn’t understand. Explaining how she had been looking for the film in Alderaan places, and how he was always happy to help a pretty girl like her. 
You understood the joke, just because he didn’t know what Ewoks were didn’t mean he never paid attention when you talked about your favorite sci-fi series. 
“Stupid.” You mumbled under your breathe, rewinding tapes.
“Huh?” Robin asked, her doe eyes floating along the computers interface confused her mouth hung open. 
"Robs, have you ever watched an adult film?" You asked, aggravated and pent up.
"Yeah but there's not a lot in my area of attraction so I just stick to the magazines." Robin motioned toward herself, still clueless to your annoyance.
"Uh-huh, well I want to watch one." Finally being decisive on the embarrassing topic,
"Are we seriously still talking about this?" Steve chips in
"Did you seriously just strike out? You talked with her for like 30 seconds." You said infuriated, turning around to see him leaning over the counter with his stupid fluffy hair and tight polo. Sans a phone number written on his arms or a torn piece of notebook paper.
"Just remember Y/N that's all a man can give sometimes, porn isn't realistic." Robin added knocking her head into your leg in frustrated groan.
“How would you know that?” Steve scrutinized his best friend,
“Is it true?!” Robins eyes were blown wide in astonishment, they immediately started arguing with you the only barrier between them.
"Okay, I'm just gonna go back there and pick one." You slide from the counter, move Robin out of your way, they paused mid-argument to poke at you.
"Go for it, have fun." Robin called
"But not too much!" Steve yelped when she pinched him,
Opening the cliché room, of neon lights with each film had it’s own space on the shelves you began to read some of the titles. Private Teacher, Taboo, I Like to be Watched, Educating Nina, Talk Dirty to Me 1 and 2, 8 to 4, there's honestly too many. So let's just say that the first one, Private Teacher, sounds like it has some plot. You slip it into your vest, walking out of the room to find Steve surrounded by his children.
“Please Steve what’s back there?”
“We just want to take a quick peak!”
“For the millionth time, no. You’re barely 13!”
“We’re actually 14 and or older Steve.” Max says deadpan standing arms crossed next to a girl you think was named Jane or El you weren’t 100% sure. 
“Yeah kids leave the guy alone just because he would sneak you into the movie's at Scoops does not mean you get free rain of the porno’s.”
“Porno’s?!” Dustin yells as the rest of the kids shush him, looking around the other Family Video patrons.
“Yeah that’s enough Steve’s posse, your scaring away paying customers.” You shush them out the door, 
"Come on, I bet you have some criticism about at least one of these dirty movies." Robin asks Steve who is using every fiber in his being not to embarrass himself in front of you.
"Actually, I haven't watched any of them yet," Steve says while he re-faces the horror films the kids probably messed with earlier.
“Bullshit-” You butt in, Steve turns to defend himself but is saved by Robin’s blabbermouth. 
"I do but mostly for the... well you know, porno's aren't progressive in my territory yet." Robin held up the one, where the woman's boobs were almost completely out of her bra and there was a string of spit from her mouth to them.
"Well we could change this week's movie night at my place? This one seemed well loved. 3 rents already, and it’s only been a few weeks." I grabbed 'Private Teacher' walking over to Steve, the man had the woman bent over the desk, one of his hands pulling her hair so show her face for the camera. Her school girl costume left a tasteful amount of skin on show just for the cover. The tagline read ‘Sometimes A Little Private Instruction Is All You Need To Make The Grade’
He only glanced at the cover, "Yeah I'm good, I get my fill with my right hand and watching sappy some romance movies over and over again."
"Ewwww," Robin drones behind the counter. You laugh at his in response holding onto your sides while walking back over to her.
"Obviously, not in that order!" He follows, you pull out some rental money setting on the counter as Robin rang it up.
"Oh come on now, Stevie don't be the prude of the group. Robin will be there too and I know you don't have anything better to do. Since you're always at my house anyway." He scoffs hiding the tape under his elbow when another customer walks in.
"Yeah to get away from my asshole Dad, not to watch porn with you." 
"I think he would enjoy the fact you're actually finding a hobby," Robin says, putting the tape into a plastic bag, brushing some hair out of Steve's face. He sticks out his tongue mocking her. 
"Yes Robin, you're a truly hilarious comedian of the century. What do I have to do for you both to drop this? Especially as my best friend and basically my boss." You giggle at the obvious answer.
"Just come by tonight, Steve. I don’t wanna watch this alone. And like always bring your tissues for the movie," Robin almost falls over laughing, when you lean over the counter pressing a kiss to his heated cheek before waving goodbye. You spend the rest of your night picking up the apartment, filling the fridge with your friends favorite snacks, and vacuuming. You thought about lighting a candle, debating if that was too romantic to watch a Porno with your co-workers. Lighting it against those thoughts because it made the place smell nice. A knock at the door took you away from the sink of dishes from your breakfast.
“Come in! It’s open guys!” You yell turning off the faucet,
“What if I was a serial killer, Y/N? You’d let me wander about your living room?” Steve brushed his front past you setting a six-pack in the fridge.
“The only serial thing you are Steve is a serial pain in my butt.” You stick you tongue out, head lurching towards the direction of the living room only to find it empty.
“Ha-ha, ha.” Steve mocked, taking off his grey jacket to lay it across the counter before nose diving into the fridge again.
"How was your day? Where’s Buckley?" You pondered wiping your wet hands, the moving his jacket to a chair at the small four person dining table.
“Hanging out with a girl. And other than this chick at work begging me to watch porn with her, it was actually really busy." He threw a grape at where you were at the table, tossing a handful into his mouth with a crunch.
"I totally forgot about it until I was grabbing my wallet at the store, I was kinda embarrassed when I rediscovered it. The lady probably thought I was high as a kite!"
"Because you are," he drooled a little bit, speaking with a full mouth, raiding the fridge full of groceries.
"There's nothing wrong with blowing off some steam with a bit of erotica. Everyone does it," you turned tossing the soiled grape back at him, joining him in the kitchen again.
"Yeah that's gross, it's unspoken. Even creepy old men who can't get it up do it." He swallowed his mouth full then making an obscene gesture with his hand.
"Ew, gross Steve.” You say hands held up in disgust,
"See-"
"Well I'm not a creepy old man," You argued, taking the tape out of your bag. "Besides, it can't be that good or bad. Almost like a true neutral, just people going at it like animals." Walking into the living room, you closed the blinds and navy curtains before setting the tape into the already plugged in VCR.
"Okay hang on a minute, there's way better ways at blowing off steam." Steve interrupts, the fridge slams as his steps grow louder.
"Name a few for me, Lover Boy." You scoffed still bent at the waist, setting everything up at the entertainment center. Round shape of your ass in those acid wash jeans begging to be released. The sight made Steve’s own tighter around his crotch.
"I don't think you want to know mine," he says breathlessly, voice a bit deeper. You stood up and turned to where he stood, his back up against the archway that separated the two rooms. The tape started playing in the middle of the stars going at each other, extremely loud feminine moans rang from the Television. It broke you from the stare down, rushing to turn it down. He came up behind you on the rug, turning everything off altogether. After a pause of shock, you rolled over laughing against the entertainment center, covering your red face with your hands. Steve huffed sitting back on his calves, laughing at it as well. Eyes drifting to the swell of your chest as the laughing made it rise a fall. Dragging the hands down your face, leaning against the shelves. You clocked his stare immediately, his pupils are blown wide, lips slick as if he just wet them. Polo tight across his shoulders but untucked showing off a flash of his soft tummy. You swallowed hard catching your breath.
“Steve?” You reach out to him, his arms grip back at your elbows pulling you up on your knees towards his knees. “I wanna know, I want to know.” His nose pressed to your cheek, lip grazing over yours as he spoke. 
“I can show you.” His voice broke, husky and deep exhale along your skin. Your resolve faltered lips fitting like a puzzle against his. You pulled far enough away to split for air, only Steve followed pressing you closer together. Hand resting along your neck, holding you to him. 
"What's wrong?" You looked at him worried a line creasing your forehead he reached out to soothe.
"Nothing, you're just so...beautiful." He let his eyes wander, admiring that you’d even gave him the time of day.
“I want you. I want you to show me.”
“Okay.” Connecting again fireworks exploded behind your eyes. He pulled your top lip between his, you returned by licking the slope of his bottom lip from an open mouth kiss. Steve groaned, allowing you in. He tasted of the grapes from moments ago and spearmint of the gum he chewed to stop smoking, it was sickly sweet. My hand from his thigh came up to brush away the free fallen hair from getting in our way, the strands of hair were so soft, surprising, no matter how many times you’d wished to touch them. Pushing your chest against his, raising up on your knees deepening the kiss. He sunk down to a seated position, crossing his legs and leaning his head back to a lower level. It gave more access, he kept his hands in nice places like; nape of your neck, tangled hair, cheeks, small of the back and waist. You nipped his bottom lip, pulling gently then watched it fall back in place. He gripped one of your thighs, sending shocks of anticipation up your core. He kneaded, silently wanting for sometime. Everything was too good to break away and use words. You just obediently moved one leg at a time to sit on his lap. Using his shoulders to steady, lowering onto his lap. He whimpered in anticipation in you mouth, your heat grazed the zipper of his jeans. At the friction you gasped, lips swollen and lungs out of air, as you pressed foreheads together. Eyes opening to see him staring with hopefulness, eyes wide open. You teased lightly trailing lips over his. Waiting for a reaction, but he stayed firm. Hands on the ground by his sides holding you upright. Breathing as one for a moment before he spoke,
"I've thought about this moment for a very long time," He said only for the two of you, your fingers rubbed the five o’clock shadow of his jaw in your waiting hands "I want to, so terribly. I don't know where to go from here..." 
He smiled a dorky smile into your skin, keening at the contact of you against him.
"Then stop talking and kiss me again." He obeyed, trailing his lips down to your jaw, throat and to your collar, moving the fabric slightly he started softly sucking and rolling his tongue over the area. Your hands desperately clung to the back of his head, he moved closer to the pot of your collarbones and throat leaving wet kisses. He stopped his mouth looking up, with those caramel eyes so full of devotion. Mind going fuzzy, seeing the way he not only looked but saw into you. The way he always has. "Don’t stare at me like that,"
"Like what?" He let the collar of the shirt scrunch back in place the movement made you squeeze your thighs around his middle, eyes rolling back in his skull.
"Like you want to kiss me or something." His hands both came up to brush his thumbs along your ribs, fronts pressed against each other.
"I will never stop looking at you like that, no matter what happens.” He smiled, “I gave you my heart long ago." You kissed him more primal this time, needing to taste him and etch the feeling of him into your mind. He was moaning into the embrace, he still barely touched as you tugged at his shirt below, when he broke contact to pull it over his head you stopped the kiss to admire his chest.
"Steve..." You wheezed through bloated lips. "Touch me, it's okay. You can't hurt me" He kissed back hard, slipping his hands underneath your tight work shirt, his hands cold against the hot skin covering your spine. Breaking free from his lips pressing kisses on his face, down his throat cooing into him when he unclasped your bra with one hand in a single fluid motion. Running his hands over your bare back, unknowingly while you rotated your hips in small circles against his wanting more. Craving the contact and friction of him against you. He daintily ran his hands down your body hesitantly gripping the plush of your ass adding more pressure to the growing friction. His zipper felt so good against your own, letting go of your lips on his neck throwing your head back. As the feeling of his hard-on pressed up against your clit. Putting both hands on the floor behind you while he moved your hips against each other in sync, panting and grinding seeking release. Steve's abdomen flexed as he twitched under you, he was cumming loudly moaning your name from his pink lips. It sounded like a song when he said it, his release came fast, his chest heaving heavily as he pulled your body back against him. Hugging each other till lips grazed, as he came down from his high. You tried to suppress the giggle as his hands traced shapes along the small of your back.
"What are you so giddy about? You just made me cream my pants like a middle schooler." You shook your head tracing at the mark I left on his shoulder,
"Well since we're already past the point of no return. I didn't think you would be so loud." you pulled back lip bitten between teeth,
"Maybe if you weren't mauling me like a hungry lion, I could've stayed quiet." He tucks his head under your chin,
"I told you, I’m a lion girl not a ninja.” He laughed across your throat warming you as he kissed the flesh again. “Maybe I should pounce effectively, so I can really hear you scream my name." Steve stopped abruptly to meet your eyes, pupils blown wide, you felt immediately self-conscious blabbering out an apology before he could turn you down. "I’m so sorry, was that too much?"
"No...” He purred, this close you could tell the scent of him was distinctly cedar.  “I've actually never been more turned on." He pushed his lips to mine, rolling our tongues against each other, knowing exactly what you liked. He tightened his grip on on the fat of your hips and making you moan into him, pulling away his lips, forehead glistening, his eyes full of lust. He trailed his fingers up to help the offensive fabric of your shirt off, the bra slowly falling the rest of the way off your shoulders. His length twitched against the inside of your thigh again, he was entranced by the image. Still as a statue until guiding his lips down to the spot on you chest that made the world melt. He kissed everywhere, you kept each hand in his hair scratching at his scalp pleasantly. Leaning forward he placed your back against the carpet, hovering on top of but keeping himself slotted between your legs. Involuntarily moaning when he licked at erect nipple, he mirrored the same to the other one. His dick throbbed against the stain of cum, straining against the fabric. Kissing each while he unzipped the high waist of your jeans. You bucked your hips and helped him pull them down, he took them off your trapped ankles, restarting his descent to kiss down the length of your body again. Wet open mouth kisses making shooting sparks through your body at the intimate contact, grabbing his hand on the ground. 
“You are even more beautiful than my dreams ever allowed. Everything, you are everything.” His eyes silently asking for permission. As he slid a hand under the fabric of the green panties. You gasped loudly at the unbridled new contact of his palm, lowering to gather the dampness, trailing it up to your clit. He circled twice as his other fingers began to slowly plunge inside. You keened, calves dug into the bare flesh around his waist, “You're so wet for me,” sighing, hands finding purchase on his biceps, he hissed as his face fell into your neck.
“Uhh… Harder.” You held his arms with such intensity, leaving crescent marks into the skin digging hard into his muscle. Turning you chin down to find his lips to kiss, and silencing moans together his thumb began to swirl faster, his middle and ring finger able to go a little deeper with the changing hand position. Not being able to control the heat coursing through, you squeezed his hips harder. He whimpered, pressing himself up against your thigh rutting the fabric against himself for some contact. “Your fingers feel so good…” Moving lower, spreading wider to move your hips against his fingers, they worked expertly to consume all your senses. He pushed in a little further and harder, forcing you to look at what he was doing so wonderfully between your legs. Moaning obscene words, as your back arched further his fingers scissoring to stretch your walls. Clenching around his fingers that disappeared inside. “Holy shit- don’t stop.” Your hands fell to the floor grabbing the shag of the rug underneath, as muscles tensed unlike anything you’ve felt before. You came hard without warning, the orgasm spread through you, completely overwhelming, your legs shook out your high as he kept going, pressure building through your bladder before you felt a light gush.
"Fuck" He whispered in you ear, you could feel the shit eating grin off of his body language. 
"I haven’t done that before," you tell him.
"Yeah me either, ya know to a girl… I do that every time," he said into your neck, your cheeks instantly flushed. Laughing at his dorkiness, he moved your panties back in place. His fingers parted his lips, licking them clean of your arousal. You felt him throbbing against your thigh as you lightly pushed off the ground. Taking Steve's hand, you pushing him back to climb on the Lazy Boy you'd recently bought.
“What are you thinking, Sweets?” his voice was dark, he moved up the chair and sat. Spreading his legs for you, like the good boy he’d been.
“I just want to clean up my seat, Lover Boy.” You knelt down unbuckling his jeans, pulling them down and his ruined underwear. Letting him finally be free from the confines of the fabric, his cock flung back up pre leaving a pearlescent trail on the course hair of his happy trail. Steve was massive, how he’d fit into those jeans daily made your head spin. You would make him fit, even if his cock impaled your insides. 
“You don’t have to, no one’s been able to take all of me before.” He took your wanderlust as fear, and shit now you had to prove him wrong too. Your nails ran up his thighs as you collected some spit in the front of your mouth. Letting it drip onto the head, nails gripping his thigh to hold him in place you took the other hand and ran it across his length. Hitting the large vein along his shaft with your thumb, he pushed his head back against the plush chair. Fighting to buck up into you with everything in his body and mind not to blow his load again or buck up into you. He was breathing extremely heavily now, you gently kissed his red tip and watched as his fingers dug into the armrests. He held his breath a bit before you squeezed his thigh, then he exhaled. You then licked a long stripe down his shaft, you came back up to the tip flicking it with your tongue.
“Jesus, stop with the teasing Sweets,” You smiled like a siren, before holding him with a hand stroking up and down with your lips wrapped around the tip. He accidently to bucked his hips, you pressed his pelvis down taking in his full length.
“Holy shit!” Steve gasped. Hollowing your cheeks, you worked him to a pulp as your jaw went slack. His hands reached out to grab the hair that fell covering how you looked sucking him. Pulling it all to one hand, he didn’t need to guide your head, you were able to bob your head down him with a fair amount of ease with how wet you’d gotten his shaft. Tearing up and gaging if you went too slow, but it was well worth the noises coming from his beautiful lips. He watched in awe as you swallowed around him, eyes watery and spit slick chin, moving your second hand under his heavy sack you massaged them with each upstroke. HIs eye closed tightly as he twitched inside your mouth throwing his head back warning you. You took it all with a delightful swallow, helping him ride out the rest of his high with a hand. The only time he pulled his makeshift ponytail was when he could’ve cried from the stimulation. You relented with a pornographic pop, wiping your chin with the back of your hand and slowly stood going to straddle him, he playfully grabbed your body and pulled you to him on the lounge chair.
“That was way better than any other girl or me just watching porn.” you looked at him mouth agape, he was eye level with your bare chest.
“See, I knew you watched porn. A shit ton of it.” you slapped his chest.
“Yeah, but nothing compares to the real thing,” he began to kiss the marks he already started on your chest, in places only he’d only been allowed too. Your hands cupped his face for him to look at you. He smiled his beautiful heartfelt smile,
“Why didn’t we do this sooner?”
“I don’t know but Robin is the best wing women ever. She told me if I didn’t kiss you tonight I shouldn’t even bother showing my face at work tomorrow.”
“Wait, what is Robin doing?”
“She cancelled so we could in her words ‘either fuck away the tension out or kill each other’ .”
“Well she is definitely my favorite lesbian. That multi-lingual B is a genius. I would’ve let you do this even if you’d just. I don’t know asked me on a date.”
“Bullshit-, really?”
“Are you kidding?! You are so out of my league Steve, I’ve never been in your ballpark ever in my life.” He grimaces, thumb tracing idling along your hip bone.
“I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful, smart and caring girl. I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, and I selfishly want you all to myself.” he whispers with affection you’d never heard from him before. Adam’s apple bobbing with his thick swallow of emotion.
“Then you have me.” he bit back a smile as his lip clashed with yours passionately kissing you, he faintly pulled your hair. You moaned at the action, spine tingling as you roamed your hands around his frame. Mapping out ever mole and divot along his heated skin. Trailing them back and forth on his chest like a sensual massage. He moved his hands to get a better angle on your hips, and began rowing them against himself. You both groaned at the friction, “Look who’s the tease now,” you pouted at him as a finger inched it way  to your clit tracing tight consistent circles. Your nails tear at his shoulders with pleasure, making him shudder under you. ‘God how many rounds could you go with him’ “Please… uh. Tell me you're ready.” you push your head into his neck, his fingers had already fine-tuned your pleasure. He stopped, fingers yanking your scalp to crash your lips to his. He still rowing you against his length, until his lungs screamed for air.
“I’m always ready, how do you feel about this?” he stops his motions, you felt unfulfilled when the movement ceased. You brain finally grasping some clarity, Steve would stop everything here if you wanted him too. Helping you re-dress and seeing himself out. Never telling a soul if you’d asked, he’d be celibate if you’d ask. Buying you the finest ring until your wedding night then ravishing you in your honeymoon bed. 
“This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re perfect to me Steve.” he gave you a sinful smile, reaching his hand under your adjoined hips pushing you up onto your knees. While he finished working himself up, you waited as patiently as you could by marking his neck.
“God you're so wet for me, these panties are drenched after sucking me. We should’ve gotten rid of them, already.” His eyes were playful, and needy for more and all of you. He helped you stand, putting your hands on his shoulder to balance you as you took them off. Just the sight of you fully naked made his heart ache, he kissed your arm lips too far for his liking. Wanting even more contact, he grabbed your waist again leaning back into the chair. You kissed him lazy, you both were fucked out of your minds already. Now it was just comforting, you had all the time in the world. It was slow, sweet, his lips were so soft you still felt them all over your body. His hands roamed but craved to rest on your chest above your heart. You pressed your forehead against his, catching your breath. His hands on your hips, guided you gently down as you felt him at your entrance.
“Take your time, Sweets. I want us to enjoy this,” nipping at your forearm while sitting himself farther up the chair, feet still planted on the ground.
“You want me to top, you?”
“Is that a problem?”
“I haven’t done that… Before.” You told him shyly, 
“Well, well. Looks like we're about to enter a new realm of pleasure for you…” Licking his lips, “just take me in your hand and guide yourself down at your own speed, Sweetheart.” His comforting words sent a tingle down your spine, you put your hands on the soft skin where his pelvis lies. He just observes your movements gripping your hips like a steering wheel, mouth awestruck as you lower yourself down onto him. His hands dig into you, as you let him fill your insides. Immediately he’s touching things you’ve never felt, it’s painful in the most remarkable way.
“Shit, babe. Oh my god. Didn’t-Didn’t think you’d take all of me on the first go.” he shifts pulling your chest so he can latch on to his dark purple mark there. It causes a rush inside you even just the slight motion making you want to explode.
“Feels so full, god your fucking humongous Steve.” You whined, high pitched and needy. The ach of his cock started to morph from a burn to a stretch faster than you thought as your arousal dripped down your thighs. In brief circles you moved your hips against him, keeping him completely sheathed inside. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, he moves his hands to your thighs squeezing hard making you grind faster. He comes up for air from you chest and lets out a gracious moan,
“Stevie, pull the handle.” you whimper at him,
“What?” he mutters breathlessly.
“Holy shit, just…” you're on the brink of another powerful orgasm, pussy gripping him like a vice ”pull the handle back, trust me.” he lets go of one of your thighs frantically looking for the handle on the side of the recliner. He finally finds it and pulls hard, sending his lower body up into yours and your upper body over his. You both moan in ecstasy, his hand going back to your thigh. Sitting back up, you place one hand on his lower abdomen and the other on his hairy thigh behind you. He continues to groan affirmations and your name at the changed position, sending you over a small cliff. Only adding to the larger knot in your stomach, running up your body.  
“Keep going I want you to cum, cum around my fat cock.”
“Don’t stop, stay right there. I want it all.” You pant feeling him twitch inside you, moving your hips with his.
“God you're so wet, and you ride me so good Sweetheart.” he playfully smacks your ass, you change your position again to bring your lips to his. He moves your body up and down while kissing you, letting you dominate his mouth while he starts to push harder into you. Propelling himself up, while his hands push you down into him in an erratic give and take. This is what you’ve needed, this was perfect but not even the start for both of you. He continues to praise you through breaths of pleasure “I got you” , “I can make you feel so good, Sweetheart.”, he gets filthier and louder and you keep moving, riding each other to passionate oblivion. Your mind ventures to his lips all over you, yours on him, the coil in between you wraps him tightly inside you. Your body starts to shake from the high, you press your upper body against his chest the hair rubbing against your hardened nipples.
"Good girl, milk my cock. Feels so good, gunna cum. You gotta move Sweets."
“Want to feel you, feel you dripping out of me Steve.” He mewls, clinging to you.
“Shit. Beg me for it, tell me how bad you want me to cum inside you.”
“Oh Steve,” you open your eyes, pressing your forehead down to meet him, his open too. You clutch your walls around him harder as he tries to finish riding your orgasm, “Please.” You whimper. That’s all it takes he gasps and finally bursts in you. Lips soothing against yours for that other contact. You feel the hot liquid inside you, wringing him dry of everything that he could possibly have left.
Separating for air out of the kiss, feeling his hot breaths against your cheeks, he groans, swallowing hard at the sensitivity. You brush your hair off of your sweaty face, holding onto the back of his neck to see him better. His eyes gleamed with passion, you smiled back.
“My legs are jelly,” you laugh in his face,
“I’ll take that as an answer to my question then,” he smiles, lifting your hips up. He easily slips out of you, you groan in frustration at the emptiness between your legs. Hissing at the loss as well, his abs quiver against the softness of your soft tummy. He pushes the foot rest back, so he can sit upright in the chair. Capturing his lips in yours, leaning you back as he holds you manhandling your hips, rotating you forward to help you stand.
“I could kiss you forever.” He admits kissing your shoulders as you put your feet on the cold floor, pushing off of his knees. You wobble slightly, 
“See,” you turned to face him again, pulling him up to stand together face to face. He stumbled a bit too, “completely fucked out of my mind.” He wraps his arms around your waist swaying you slightly in an embrace.
“You did so good, Sweetheart. We should get cleaned up.”
“I did good, how did you not run out of cum? Three rounds your insatiable.”
"Told you, I don't joke about my porn." He winks, kissing the corner of your mouth as he picks up your discarded clothes on the floor of the living room. 
"No wonder you're idolized by 14 year old boys." You roll your eyes, picking up your panties. This time when you bend own he can see his spend dripping down your slit. He chuckles from behind you a free hand, coasting down your stomach to your heat. You gasp as his fingers collect his cum from your thighs, you spin in his hold to meet his eyes.
"Open." Steve commands, eyes clouding with lust as he watches you stick your tongue out for him. His fingers slide along your tongue covered in each other's spend. It's comforting, salty, and heady against your tongue. You moan around him, sucking the taste clean from his fingers. He fingers slip out tongue replacing them, as he tips your chin up to meet his lips deeper, tongue kneading yours as he memorizes you. Inside and out.
“You know,” You murmur into his mouth as his mouth strays from yours coasting to mouth down your jaw. “I have a camcorder somewhere in my closet.” He freezes lips parted and eyes wide.
“Yeah? You don’t want to finish the movie? I was just starting to enjoy it.” You pout your lips, while he picks up all of the clothes from various places you threw them.
“Yeah... We could or..?”
“Or?”
“If you wanted we could make are own video?” Steve doesn’t even dictate your question with a response only hoisting you over his shoulder and burying you in the mattress for the rest of the night. 
Masterlist
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cmdrfupa · 2 months ago
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Balance
“Life is a balance between holding out and letting go.” —Rumi
3rd installment of Upheaval
cw: all chapters and content warnings are listed in this post.
an: My chest burned while writing this chapter but I had a wonderful time creating domains that I really resonate with. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading!
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May 20th, 2020
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
The wind picked up as you cleared the second story of the school. Your decided approach of coming in from the ceiling was proving to be a fine one, fortunately. 
2, 2, 3, 4, 5
A cold gust blows through the cracks in the walls, sending a chill through the hall. The dampness of the air produced a clammy feeling on your skin. 
Heavy rain collided against the side of the building as the wind picked back up, creaking floors creating a more intense eeriness that filled the space. There is a sense of desolation, amplified by the cold weather and the vacant feel of the once-thriving primary school.
“Service is horrid out on the island. But I'll send confirmation once I'm heading back into the city.  And can someone tell Kento I know he's calling? We’ll talk when I'm back.” You stepped down to the middle of the stairs, Sliding your phone back into your pocket when your ears popped simultaneously. 
3, 2, 3, 4, 5
You activated ocean requiem, summoning a tight, shimmering barrier of water around you as a shield. This didn't feel like a grade 2 curse in the slightest and knowing Mei Mei…  caution was a necessity in this situation.
The air felt like it was being taken from your body in a snap as the gravitational pull increased, attempting to crush you under immense force. 
The walls crack, and debris falls,  the sheer panic thickens your water barrier in response to the stress. Your emotions—fear, determination, anger—fuel the cursed water. As you push forward, the water pressure increases, forcing the gravitational force to push harder.
“You can't breathe. You can’t move. Let it kill you.”
“What the fuck are you!! Where are you!!” 
A tentacle lashes out, stretching to pierce through the barrier. The immediate moment of contact and the curse violently reacted. You stepped forward, waving your hand counterclockwise, splashing back at the curse and sending it across the room with a thud. 
Your frustration grew with each heaving breath— you're fighting a special grade curse. An opponent beyond your usual limits. You couldn't even pick this up from your sweep. They were hiding, fluctuating their energy until you were within their reach. 
“You fucking pussy.” Emotions spiked, and your water barrier began to churn wildly. The abandoned corkboards flung to the floor as you approached your mark. “Hiding in the shadows until you could grab me?” eyes wild with rage-induced panic as the pressure inside the barrier is so intense that even touching it would cause immediate damage. Staking a chance to grab you again, a tentacle is pulled into the barrier’s vortex. The water wraps around it, dragging it deeper as if to drown it. “All over fucking Mei. That two-faced, bitch.” The dangerous parameters of overwhelming emotion caused the barrier to become unstable, allowing Arkugetsu to find a weak point. 
4, 2, 3, 4, 5
Regardless of your attempt to drown it, it retaliated with something that increased the gravitational force to near-unbearable levels. The floor beneath you both shatters and your barrier starts to buckle under the intensity. Arkugetsu looms larger, its body shifting and writhing as it prepares for what seems like a final attack and panic like no other sets in until you hear a familiar voice calling you. 
“Dove!” 
“Kento!“ 
The rushed sound of heavy footsteps approaches the wide-open basement floor as Kento goes in for a direct slash. 
You close your eyes, feeling the tentacle wrap around your torso with a vice-like grip but take the distraction as an opportunity to take a deep breath as you envision the tentacled beast. 
“Silence the World.” gently spilled from your lips and instantly the atmosphere is changed. 
The air grows thick with static-like energy, and suddenly, all sound vanishes. Arkugetsu’s screeching and rumbling of its gravity-induced destruction are silenced. The battlefield was swallowed by complete auditory stillness as if the world itself had gone mute. 
Dark, hazy mist rolled in, trapping You and Arkugetsu within. 
All is dark for Arkugetsu as it twirls around swinging its tentacles, the usual sound of air rushing past is absent, throwing off its sense of direction. Without sound or spatial awareness, the curse is unable to precisely aim its strikes as you take note of the silence surrounding the curse. 
An inaudible whisper flowed from your mouth as a silent, focused whirlwind of energy surrounded Arkugetsu’s body. 
“He doesn't love you. You're just... Comfortable for him. And he can find comfort anywhere.”
With precise control, you direct the whirlpool toward the curse, increasing the pressure on its massive form. The thickened cursed water presses down from all sides, trapping the curse in a suffocating vortex. It writhes, trying to break free, but the silence disorients it.
“If you die. He’ll move on pretty quickly. Mei Mei seems to have always had her eyes on him.”
5, 2, 3, 4, 5.
There. 
“Silence.” bellowed across the hazy plane, you stared down the curse, giving your final command in the soundless void. 
The whirlpool tightens around Arkugetsu, and your water barrier condenses into a seven-prong harpoon made entirely of cursed water. You launch it toward the curse’s core, focusing every ounce of energy on its demise. As the spear pierces through, the silence deepens. 
For a moment, the curse freezes in the water, its form warping and breaking apart under the immense pressure as you pull it back towards you as if you'd lassoed a bull.
Arkugetsu tries to let out a final roar, but in Eternity’s Silence, that sound is swallowed whole.
Falling to the ground with utter exhaustion coursing through your body, puffs of water vapor shakily leave you as your domain comes to an end. The silence fades and the sound of the heavy rain pouring brings you back to the ruined school. 
Cold. Hard to breathe. Stuck. 
“And when he’s done with you, you'll know.”
“Dove.” Kento rushed to your side, wrapping his jacket around your shoulders before he helped you to your feet. His attempt at looking in your eyes failed. 
“I'm sorry. She told me you could handle it and I-“ 
You saw Ijichi standing nearby, ignoring Kento to make your way towards the car.
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  August 13, 2021 (Present Day)
  Saying you felt exposed would've been the understatement of the century. Your second couples therapy session started so calmly, promising. This felt like your diary being read in front of the class.
Ootaishi gave you a moment to gather your thoughts, pouring both you and Kento glasses of water as she asked her first question.
“You okay?” 
“Yea. I'm alright.” your voice was dry, uncomfortable from your memory. 
Kento looked over at you as he took in what he just witnessed. He'd never seen your domain, for obvious reasons. But to have seen it and heard what made you push through that fight. That's where you go when everything else is too much. 
“The counting. May I ask what that’s for?”
“It's a time signature.” 
“Any particular reason why you use time signatures to keep your anxiety at bay?”
There was a time you could answer this question and it made your heart skip a beat. Where you could start the story and let Kento tell the rest. 
“I suffer from panic attacks when I find myself in questionable situations. Kento noticed this back when we were just dating and of all things, numbers being absolute helped me reel myself in.” 
Kento looked down at the wing tips of his shoes as you stared off into the distance.
“When I told him I suck at math, he told me to use my favorite song or time signature to keep calm and keep me from overloading myself to avoid my barrier buckling.”
Ootaishi made a quick note as she listened intently. The room began to shift energy as you silently watched her pen scribble. “Mr. Nanami?"
“Yes?” He came back from his own passing thoughts, looking at the therapist who was now holding the talisman in her hand. A purple glow radiated from the stone as she ran her fingers over the grooves.
“Do you mind telling me who Mei Mei is? To you exactly.”
The talisman seemed to really enjoy the mention of her. It flickered a hue of silvery blue. 
Kento should be use to the bluntness of the words Ootaishi spoke but every syllable made him want to jump off the couch and throw the damn talisman into a pit.
“Mei Mei was an acquaintance of mine.”
“Was or is? Do you still keep in contact with her?”
You turned your torso towards Kento, not knowing the answer to this yourself.
“Yes.”
 Nose flared like a bull, you gulped to keep yourself from overreacting.
“What does she have to do with the incident on Ikijima Island that your spouse was sent to?”
“She was assigning missions that day as it was part of her role.”
The side eye you gave him was lethal. You could only laugh to keep the immense amount of energy from allowing you to combust. 
“She gave the assignment. She told me it was a grade 2 after a few locals reported some disturbances that aligned with recent incidents on nearby islands.” 
The antsy energy began to build and you couldn’t sit anymore. “But even those weren’t grade two. And you know who went to handle those? More than one person.” The room felt like it was only growing smaller as you leaned against the built-in bookshelf next to the door. 
This memory being the first time you felt the shift in your relationship wrangled up a slurry of emotions you didn’t expect. 
It was your first solo mission after Kento expressed discomfort with Yuuji and you being on the same mission. His alleged rationale was that he didn’t think you’d work well together but he didn’t have it in him to say the true reason then.
Ootaishi watched you with a close eye. The energy began to fluctuate in the room as her barrier hazed every time you stepped closer to the walls. Trying her best not to alarm you, she brought the talisman to her chest, prepared to curtain if the opportunity arose. 
“Do you feel she sent you there with ill intentions? Or simply miscalculated the situation at hand?”
Kento should’ve been smarter about his way of handling this conversation. He grew to see Mei Mei as someone more of an acquaintance who knew him at every pivotal moment of his life. Part of his past that kept him there. Where he was comfortable.
  Every suspicion you had since the moment you met her built up inside you like a volcano waiting to erupt. And Kento being honest about who she was to him could’ve saved you the trouble of feeling this way.  
“She didn’t know it would be that bad. I even ripped into her about the poor communication and lack of information. If she knew a special grade curse was in that school-“
“She would’ve sent me there just the same and had you out to dinner by her side before my body even began to go cold.” 
“Don’t. You don’t know Mei like that. That isn’t the kind of woman she is, dove.”
“Don’t dove me, Ken.” You stepped towards the couch. “When I’ve tried being cordial she is incredibly cold. And for fucks sake, she ran at Shibuya. Ran and made a profit while you almost lost your life. And you can take up for her?” 
“She had reasons and you can’t be upset-“
“Like hell, I can’t.” The pain in your voice made him Kento hurt. Your eyes were glossy fighting back tears. “Don’t tell me that when I had to watch you struggle to live in a fucking hospital. Don’t tell me shit.”
Silence fell across the room. Your heart beating in your ears as you felt it . The lingering pain of what you knew would come next. 
Ootaishi placed the glowing piece down on the table and Kento knew lying would be the worst choice. “Do you confide in her, Kento?”
 He stood up, the desire to grovel pending as he reached out to you. He held your hand firmly.
“She has known me since I was a student. She and I are different in every single way but she knows me and has seen my evolution from some teenager with no idea of the potential I had to a man who found himself.” 
“Just say yes or no. Do you or have you ever confided in her more than you have with me since we’ve been together?” Your eyes pleaded as Kento fought internally.
Searching. He was searching for grace. Where if he told you everything, would you still have the same grace you had with him before? His lips parted, but Kento could only nod. 
  You pulled away as if you’d been touched by a plagued man. 
“Nothing is going on more than talking. I haven’t ever slept with Mei Mei, I have never even thought about it, it has never been something I have ever wanted. I swear.” He saw the display of discomfort and didn’t take a step toward you. 
“This feels just as bad.” 
“Honey I swear. I haven’t ever spoken ill about you to her.”
“That doesn’t even matter, Kento. You tell her everything else. That feels like...” You blinked profusely, losing to the tears that fell down your cheeks. ‘Do you not trust me? Have you fallen out of love with me?”
  His worst fears came to life as he watched you second guess yourself with each moment that passed. He reached out for your hand not allowing you to pull away. “I trust you with my life. You have my heart, my soul. I would give my last just to have you look at me the way you do. Please. Look at me, dove.”
  “Have you ever expressed unhappiness in your marriage to your spouse, Kento?” Ootaishi tried to get your session back on track as the tension didn’t have an end in sight. “Since you both separated earlier in the year.”
“No. I was never unhappy. Happiness was never a question.” 
“Does Mei Mei encourage you to work out your problems at home?”
“She is more of a listening ear for the things I don’t want to burden them with.” Kento drug his hands down his face, his body was still in a numbing shock as he mindlessly sat back down. “When I was a salaryman, Mei reached out to me. We reconnected then and it’s just me getting out the frustrations of my life. But my limit is the intricacies of my marriage.”
  “Ken, what do you mean burden me? We’re married. Your burden is mine to carry with you and defeat together.” 
“The night we met. We went to the late-night diner and talked. I mentioned my reason for leaving sorcery behind the first time.”
“Of course. Your friend Haibara. You told me how much that affected you then.”
Kento brought his hands to his eye, breathing deeply as the emotions rushed back to him. The feeling of existential dread nipping at his sanity if it was that day all over again. 
“It still does. That burden is mine to carry and I think about him so much. Every single day.” He finally looked at you. “I almost died in Shibuya and I accepted death because the guilt of surviving this long. If I died, it would no longer consume me.” He shook away the thoughts. “I see Yuuji and see success and he doesn’t need me. I see you in combat. I see you in how you teach your courses and I tell myself you don’t need me. I didn’t think Haibara needed me but here we are.”
 “Kento,” you scoot to his side, bringing his hand to your lap and running your thumb across his palm. “You were children. Children who were given very little to be successful in that mission. You can’t fault yourself for a mission that was flawed from the beginning.”
His free hand clawed his knee. His jaw clenched as he stared at the floor, eyes glassy, unfocused. He blinked rapidly, trying to push away the burning sensation behind his eyes, but it only made the tears well up more.
“Kento. Is this why you push your wife away? Have those memories been coming back?” Ootaishi placed the box of tissues closer to you and you pulled a few out, ready in case he needed them. “When you’re ready, talk to us.”
  “Yes.. No..” Kento drew in a shaky breath, the weight of everything crashing down on him all at once. His chest tightened, and he shifted his weight, trying to find a distraction, any distraction. But the room felt too small, the silence too loud. The thoughts he'd been burying for years now clawed their way to the surface, too strong to suppress anymore. 
“Take your time, Ken.”
 “Yu is eternally 17 and I’m 31 and losing the only thing that has shown me grace in my life because I’m stuck.” His shoulders trembled slightly as the first tear slipped down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly, almost angrily, as if he could stop the flood by sheer force of will. “I didn’t want pity or a solution. I just needed someone to listen. Mei Mei just listens and doesn’t say anything and that's what I needed. To just have a wall that knows me and listens.”
 You kept your reservations to yourself about Mei Mei, seeing that this is the vulnerability you’d been begging for. “Did you think I couldn’t handle your turmoil?”
He shook his head “I know that you can. That’s the problem.”
Searched and searched his face for what he meant. “The problem?”
‘You were forcing my peace to be disturbed so I couldn’t be complacent. You were forcing me to heal when I wasn’t ready to move forward.”
He leaned forward, pressing his palms against his eyes as if the pressure could stop the emotions from spilling out. But it was useless. Kento’s breaths became more labored, hitching in his chest. His body began to shake, and before he knew it, a soft sob escaped him.
 You offered a quiet but powerful gesture of support by placing your hand over his heart as you gently rubbed his back. “Kento. You’re needed, but not for your strength or agility. We don’t need a warrior out of you. We. I.. I just need you and who you are.”
It was quiet, almost imperceptible. But it broke the dam. “I came back to try and prove a point that I’m needed. But I’m tired of carrying it all. I want to grieve and finally move forward.”
The weight of his words settled in the room as Kento let out soft, quiet sobs that seemed to seep from deep within. 
For the first time in weeks, he let himself feel it all—every bit of pain, sorrow, and regret that had been gnawing at him. And as he sat there, his quiet sobs filling the room, Kento realized how tired he was of pretending to be strong.
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August 19th, 2021
The familiar comfort of your once shared home made your heart feel light. Photos and furniture were still in their place as you walked down the hallway and to the kitchen.
Ootaishi suggested taking a few days separately to think and then talk outside her office about what the next step could look like before your upcoming session as you’d officially had a “breakthrough.”
Borderline emotional cheating and survivor guilt. Kento wrapped his head around two concepts he would’ve written off as some type of empty psycho-speak if he was ignorant to the practice. But there it was. Avoidance, guilt, pouring his emotions into someone else, heightened sense of fear.
He planned on finding a way to implement therapy into the jujutsu world when he could do so. But for now, he was looking forward to dinner.
The automatic lights came on in the kitchen as he thanked you for the 5th time since agreeing to cook dinner for the both of you.
“You really don’t have to do this. I would’ve been fine with grabbing leftovers or ordering takeout.” He unbagged the groceries onto the counter as you took the opportunity to look inside the refrigerator.
A six-pack of beer, a third of a steak with two Brussel sprouts, and a sliver of Guinness cake sat on the top shelf as the rest was filled with various condiments and half-eaten leftovers that had met their end. “No offense Ken, but this is not enough food for a grown man. You’re eating like a university student.”
His hoarse laugh filled the kitchen with yours as he began to wash the vegetables while you grabbed the cutting board and knife. “I haven’t been eating at home as much the past few weeks. It’s been either grabbing dinner with the guys or a late-night concoction that I half eat at 2 in the morning.”
“I can tell. Thank goodness for today.”
The sounds of the kitchen being brought to life were the background music to your conversation. Small talk that led to being taught to quick pickle for the best side of pickled garlic you could make. Kento glimpsed at you as you julienned the carrots with deep concentration. Your hands move with care and precision with each slice. Hips acutely swayed as you hummed a tune he knew all to well and he felt the emotions he once swore off for eternity now rushing back for the now fourth time this week.
There was no doubt in his mind that you saved him. And the only thing he had to show for it was how cold he had been to you over the last year. Your spirit never wavered as you stayed patient. He didn’t deserve you.
“Dove?”
“Hm?” Not one to look away from your cutting, you hummed to show your attention being given.
“May I have a hug?” His voice was soft, shy like a youthful schoolboy.
You sat the knife down, looking up to find his warm eyes as you dried your hands. “A hug?”
He nodded with slight hesitation. “Yes. If you feel up to it. I know it’s an odd request, but I’d really like a hug.”
There it was.
Vulnerability looked you in the face as Kento stood there feeling uncertain and anxious for the first time in years. Shifting on the balls of his feet as the night stood still.
You opened your arms, welcoming him in like the warmest sweater that money couldn’t buy. His face immediately went to your hair as he engulfed you like a flame. His warm chest greeted you with his tightening hold around your waist. “I’m so so, sorry.”
“Ken.”
“You’ve given me all of you. For so long without question because you’re an angel.” His large hand came up to the nape of your neck, gently cradling your head as he staved off the part of him that wanted to shut you out.
There was the feeling of unquestionable love that was shared in your embrace. His eyes were tired, showing remorse, grief, and pain all at once. “I’m not an angel by any means. I let this go on for too long without talking about it until I couldn’t even be in the same room as you. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t come to me. I’m your partner, your wife. I knew what I was signing up for when we met.”
“You didn’t sign up for holding me while I drunkenly cried in our bathtub.”
“To be fair, we were both drunk and crying that night. And it was my idea to get in the tub in case I couldn’t make it to the toilet in time.”
Kento huffed a laugh at you as a tear rolled down his cheek and onto his shirt. You wiped the trail away with your thumb. “I want to make us work. I don’t care how long it takes to get through every session with you. I want to spend the rest of my life making up for the past 135 days of being away from you and 483 days of being a complete fuck up.”
“It won’t be easy or kind to either of us.”
“I don’t expect it to be. And I don’t expect you to forgive me for my transgressions. I can only hope to earn your friendship and love again.”
  Kento went downon his knees, those brown eyes that held pain and desire looked up to you. He no longer contains his emotions but allows the floodgates to release all that he felt. 
“I’m so sorry.” lips like hot coals pressed right about your belly button, his hands bruisingly at your hips as he nudged your shirt up with his cheek.
“Please forgive me.” you ran your fingers through his hair as the languid brush of his tongue across your torso made your body tense up. “I will grovel.”
“Ken. This isn't necessary.”
Disagreeing with your comment, he shook his head. “Yes. It's more than necessary.” A puppy lost, needing his owner, his tired eyes looked to find you looking down on him like the goddess of forgiveness. “Every breath I take is a gift from you. You are my way of life. My breath. The beginning and end of my being. I will withstand the depths of hell to have your forgiveness. Faust harbors my soul if it’s you I have in return.”
He unbuttoned his shirt as he slowly rose from the floor. The soft, blonde hair that was sparingly spruced on his chest caught the light as his weight pushed you against the counter. Breathing hitched, you tried to remain exceptionally placid. “Kento. Only if you’re ready.”
  “179 days.”
Your brow furrowed as you tried to comprehend his words.
“The last time I was inside of you was 179 days. And I don’t want it to become 180. But only if you’re ready, my angel.” His husky voice made your thighs instinctually squeeze together. “I want to start my apologies while I give you every part of me.”
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lovely graphics by the lovely @/saradika-graphics! <3
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centrally-unplanned · 4 days ago
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Okay a bit surprised at this one! Back during the July Crisis I had a very clear logic in mind. I thought Kamala was a weak candidate, she was a very bad pick in 2020 for all the wrong reasons and being BIden's VP was bad baggage. Biden stepping down and having a process where a strong candidate with none of the Biden stain could emerge seemed ideal to me - US campaigns are way too long anyway, it being "rushed" could be a blessing in disguise.
However, that was impossible - the Democrat's org structure is just too sclerotic to throw that together. If it hasn't been approved by eight committees over the course of two years of debate, it can't be done. So in practice, Kamala was the only bet. She is the VP, that is literally their job and why they exist, so we could all default to Kamala, throw Biden into an early grave, and sail off into the tail end of Brat Summer to go down actually putting up a fight.
(And she did better than I expected! Props to her, pity about that last bit)
What all this means is that my assumption was that Biden endorsing Harris was something everyone was on the same page about! It was the only option, and so who would bother dissenting? But now Nancy Pelosi is out here telling me it was a fait accompli and she was actually discussing having an open primary? Was that really in cards?
So Pelosi is definitely a bit of a schemer, so I wouldn't be shocked if this is a bit of a white lie to burnish her rep. Still, she is also very much a schemer, and so maybe she actually could have pulled off getting the DNC to commit to an open primary? My respect for her would go way up in that case - way to really understand the problem at the critical moment.
And my respect for Biden would go way down. We all know Kamala was a mistake at this point as a VP choice, the entire logic behind it was backwards (Why was the candidate earning the overwhelming support of black voters feeling compelled to choose a black woman to double-represent them? Oh, she didn't, she represented the white vote? Uhhhh). But it was a mistake of the past, and so you had to deal with it. Now, though, it comes off as doubling down on that mistake! Just not acknowledging the political errors of the past four years.
Which is a recurring theme of this year - constant whining from the Biden camp that their record wasn't being "sold hard enough" to a voting public that fucking hated him. I can almost imagine it as a moment of stubborness - fine, you don't want me? Then you get my VP; my choice, *I* get to decide.
I don't want to read too much into one article of course, but it is one more datapoint for my already strongly held prior that the Biden team just completely lost the plot in 2024.
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