#the quotable catton

[leiflitter]

The Quotable Catton

Putting some of this one under a cut for NSFW reasons. Felix is a yappy fucker in more ways than one.

“Clean bill of health. Apparently I am a little deficient in vitamin D, but I'm sure you can help with that.” [...] “Also had a delivery notification, so how about I be a gent and carry those bags for you? And you can make a big fuss of me when we get back to the car for being awfully brave. I didn't even complain when they took my blood- well, complain much… Then, when we get home, I can stab you a bit.”

Chapter 53

“That's a risk I'm willing to take. I've got very good lawyers, Ollie.” [...] “They'd get me off, but I'd far rather you did, you little tease.” 

Chapter 53

“Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a tiger by it's toe, if he squeals let him go…” [...] “Cock out, boyscout.” 

Chapter 54

“Oh, come off it, Oliver. You think you're subtle? I see you looking, you know.” [...] “I know you're bent, mate. I must say it'd be nice to get a blowie from someone who actually likes cock.”

Chapter 54

“Don't play coy, Ollie, it's a cock. We both have ‘em, and we both know you're about ten seconds away from begging for me to stick it in one of your holes. What was I saying…? Oh, right. So. If Lu comes home and I'm balls-deep in your arse on the bloody dining room table, then what chance do either of us have of getting away with it? But… Well, that's what you want, isn't it? Fucking hell, are you always this much of a shameless slut, or is it especially for me?”

Chapter 55

“Ollie, you're too bloody sexy and it makes it very, very hard for me to be a twat to you.” 

Chapter 55

“Right. Where were we? I promise I'll be so impolite, Ollie… Alright. You're a shameless slut. Right.” [...] “That's… Oh, shit. Line, Olls?”

Chapter 55

“You can leave, you know. I'm just going to follow you. Easy peasy… and I think I said that you can leave if you get sick of us, so unless you're sick of me…”

Chapter 56

“Me and Ollie are up to his parents’ for New Years, so you can all have a ghost party if you'd like. No snogging any long-dead Cattons, Venetia, I don't care if you're dead, it's still incest. I, um. I miss you all.” [...] “I wish you could, you know, give me a call or pop back for a visit in the summer? If you can, then… Let me know, but not in a spooky way. I love you.”

Chapter 56

“Look, Olls, I know I'm not divorced yet, and it's been… a month since Oxford, and not even two weeks of you being here, but I want to. I'm sorry I don't have a ring and I'm not on one knee, and it's not romantic but I really, really mean it. How about it?”

Chapter 56

[writerswritecompany]

Quotable – Eleanor Catton

Find out more about the author here

[leiflitter]

The Quotable Catton

Aka: More Felixisms from You're Almost Home!

“Now, Lu, are we going to add Childish Gambino to the little list for the DJ? I know he's Farleigh's pal or whatever, but fucking hell it's awful when all the Alexanders try to rap.”

Chapter 36

“You're not allowed to leave my side tonight, okay? Unless you want to- but you don't want to, right? If you have to piss I’ll cover my eyes, I promise, or I can wait outside the door... And you are so fucking cute with my kids, Oliver, they love you so much and I love you and them and-”

Chapter 38

“Go on, then... This should be our song, Ollie, you do make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world- but that's silly. I want us to have a song, Ollie. Can we have a song? What song was playing when we kissed on the stairs? It can't be I love It, that's Harry's Girl Party song, we can't steal that.”

Chapter 39

“Right. Firstly- we’re going back and fixing things, yeah? So that's another thing to clear off, while we're on a roll. Secondly- fucking hell, Ollie, you can't just hide from your parents forever. What are we going to tell our future dog? You can't see your grandparents on Ollie's side because they don't know that he's into fellas? Which goes into point the third. You can't hide me from them either. Not just because I'm an absolute catch, Olls, but because I refuse to sneak around once we've gotten this whole mess sorted out.” 

Chapter 40

“He's five foot eight, actually."

Chapter 41

“It's been good to have him back. Someone who'll tell me off for being a prick and actually make sure I pay attention- he's a professor for a reason, you know…" [...] "Plus he sucks cock like a bloody professional. So, y'know, I'm probably going to try to move him in once Lu's out of the way.”

Chapter 42

“Oh, calm down, Farls- you can give me a smooch too if you're feeling left out." [...] "Come on, totally platonic- please, Doctor Start, help a fellow out? You aren't scared of Ollie germs, are you?”

Chapter 43

“I, er, voted Green last time.” [...] “What? The lady running for MP popped round and she was lovely. And I like recycling.”

Chapter 44

“What the fuck is a Grindr? Like... an angle grinder?” 

Chapter 45

[leiflitter]

The Quotable Catton

These chapters needed their own section because Felix’s Bedroom Brain means he's extra quotable. I don't make the rules.

"Technically I'm a Baronet, but that's not really a job, it just means ol’ King James the first went to… I think it was Thomas Catton? Anyway, Ol’ King Jim said, Hey Tom, you're a well-off fellow, if you lob me some cash for soldiers I'll give you a hereditary title. So here I am.”

Chapter 50

“Venetia did ‘em, and I did hers. Mum decided to get us this learning experience with a tattoo artist pal of hers when I was sixteen- christmas prezzie. Of course, we were meant to just use the fake skin stuff, but we got a little squiffy at that year's New Years do and oopsie daisy.”

Chapter 50

“Whoa. If you showed my dentist I bet he'd know I did it."

Chapter 50

“But Ollie, how can I Carpe the Diem if I'm busy behaving? It's simply not possible, I've got to be a bit naughty.” [...] “It's on me forever, you know, so I have to live up to it.”

Chapter 50

“Aye aye, captain.” [...] “Okay. That's out of my system, I promise.”

Chapter 50

“I have been paying attention, you know. Useful stuff- I'll have to buy shares in the company.”

Chapter 51

“Gonna knock you up, you little fucking- Oh, Christ-”

Chapter 51

"I might be ridiculous, but you're in love with me.”

Chapter 51

“Fine. I did warn you, you little ragamuffin.” [...] “Nope, can't get out of it. You're having a fucking bath, Oliver.”

Chapter 52

“Please stroke my ego, Ollie, it's taken a fucking beating this last week.” [...] “Had fucking Farleigh tell me I was shit in bed, and he wasn't the cousin I got a little too friendly with. Pretty, pretty please?”

Chapter 52

“Oh, Olls, not the eyes, the spirit is incredibly willing but the flesh is weak.”

Chapter 52

“I told you, didn't I? It's all because of your eyes, because I was absolutely normal before I got up close and you looked up at me and… Christ, Ollie, it made me absolutely stupid. What sort of prick assumes that a stranger'd wheel his bike back to college instead of just chaining the fucking thing up and getting it later? And shit, you know what I was like- I was looking for you, Olls, else I wouldn't have spotted you in the pub. I'd have blown you off like everyone else who did things for Felix. ” [...] “Because Ollie… as soon as you looked up… And of course I had to kiss you… And you drove me absolutely bonkers that whole term… Couldn’t understand it and I swear to God, Oliver, if you'd… I was trying so hard…”

Chapter 52

[leiflitter]

The Quotable Catton

Yeah, I'm still at this. He's just very funny, okay?

“Farleigh called me a Size Queen yesterday. I suppose he's got a point.” 

Chapter 46

“Feels pretty liberating, actually- reckon I'd wander round starkers all the time if I wouldn't scare away the staff. I pay enough to heat the place- may as well enjoy it properly.”

Chapter 47

“Don't feel too bad for me, though, I've been trying to get Ollie here out on a date since we were freshers.”

Chapter 48

“Still no maps? I'm trying to remember what I learned doing my Duke of Edinburgh award about navigating, but I think I mostly smoked crappy weed in a tent. I should have gone for the built-in satnav instead of thinking I could rely on fucking mobile phones."

Chapter 49