#the pyramid of light from the song of dreams game gets a pass because it's constructed to open a portal to the egyptian afterlife

[non-cannon]

The Touchstone of Ra is stupid. Like mythologically so.

Like why would Ra's special stone be capstone for a pyramid. Pyramids were Old and Middle Kingdom tombs. Generally the realm of Osiris and Anubis and other gods related to the underworld.* I think the writers just went like "Ra and pyramids, those were big in Ancient Egypt, right?"

*not to say Ra and his nightly journeys weren't connected to the souls' journey through the underworld, but I still wouldn't connect a pyramid with Ra.

You know what they could have done instead? You know what other tall pointy things Ancient Egypt had a shit ton of that were also capped with a special piece and were actually related to Ra and his light?

Obelisks.

Obelisks had their points topped with special electrum* covers which could be the capstone/touchstone. Obelisks are generally thought to be representative of Ra's rays. Obelisks were also big and pointy and very Egyptian.

*apparently electrum is an ancient mixture of gold and silver and isn't just that weird D&D currency that no one uses

The gold for statues thing still makes no sense, but a Obelisk would still be better than a Pyramid.

[prismatica-the-strange]

It’s Just Chemicals (Daniel Jackson x Reader)

In which Daniel acts a little needy and selfish as an ascended being missing his S/O (Inspo. song: Chemicals by Echo Black)

“But in my dreams, I’m allowed to love you

And I’m allowed to care

A chemical reaction, I know you're not there”

Warnings: Angst, fluff, mentions of sex (Under 18 Do Not Interact), and swearing

Word count: 1418

                                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was about four months after Daniel had ascended that the dreams started.

It started off as normal, everyday things. 

Washing the dishes together in the little kitchen of your shared apartment. You would wash and he would dry. After a while, you would flick water at him and he would laugh, set the plate he was drying on the counter and reach into the sink to splash you back. This would go on until you reach for him with wet hands and pull him in for a kiss, smiling against his lips.

Next, it was grocery shopping. He would follow behind you as you pushed the cart through the aisles, hands in his pockets. He’d stop and grab a box of overly sugary cereal, turning it over in his hand to look at what was in it. You would call his name, asking for help grabbing an item that was just out of reach. Of course, he’d grab the item, but not after dropping the box right into your cart, giving you a look of feigned innocence as you teased him for his choice in children’s breakfast food.

Then came the quiet nights at home. Some would be spent laying each other’s arms on the couch as you watched re-runs of old tv shows, and others would consist of him snuggled into your midsection, your hand playing with his hair as you read to him.

Some nights the dreams weren’t quite as simple and innocent. Some nights you would fall asleep and your mind would conjure images of passionate touches and wet kisses. The feeling of his fingers running over your heated skin, his lips on your neck trailing hot and wet felt so real that you were sometimes sure it was. But then morning came and you would wake up alone in the bed you and Daniel once used to share.

For months these dreams plagued you. At first, they seemed a godsend, a light in your darkness of loneliness and sorrow. But then you realized they were merely a fantasy of what could have been had the man you loved not been exposed to the radiation that would kill him and cause him to ascend.

No matter how you tried you couldn’t stop the dreams of Daniel from coming. The Months turned into a year, and the dreams became a sort of normal to you, until that day on Abydos. 

                                                        ~~~~~~~

He would only do it once, that’s what he told himself the night he let himself into your subconscious mind. 

Four months of being stuck with the same ascended beings who refused to do anything. He missed your touch, your laugh, the way you would smile when you kissed him. He would only do this once. 

Well once turned to twice, turned to three times, turned to every other day, turned to every night. 

You just looked too perfect laying there and he wanted to be wrapped in you. Being an ascended being with all the knowledge of the Ancients wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. 

He knew it was wrong, to keep you to himself like this, to not give you the chance to move on, but he craved you so much. The feel of your skin on his, the sound of your laughter mingling in the air, the way you would writhe under hot kisses that he’d litter all over your body.

Sure, submerging himself in your subconscious was toeing the line of what was allowed, but he would take any punishment the Ancients could dish out if it meant he had you. Until that day on Abydos.

                                                         ~~~~~~~~

Your eyebrows furrowed as O’Neill told everyone that the information he was relaying about Anubis attacking Abydos was from Daniel.

Confusion filled the room as the team asked questions, then Teal’c confirmed that while he was sharing his symbiote with Bra’tac Daniel had come to him in a dream to help him stay alive.

“A dream?” You asked, “He can fucking do that??” 

Teal’c gave a nod and your eyes went wide. The next time you saw Daniel there was going to be Hell to pay. Speaking of which-

That Day on Abydos

You were helping Jonas translate the walls of the pyramid as Anubis’ forces bombarded the desert above and Jack yelled for Daniel to show his ass and help.

“Jack, it’s here, I know it is,” His familiar voice said as he appeared from nowhere. He gave Sam, Jonas, and yourself a quick greeting, eyes lingering on your form longer than was necessary.

As Jack and Skaara went to help Teal’c the rest of you contemplated and searched for a way to get into Ra’s secret treasure trove.

“So uh,” You glanced at Daniel as you scoured the wall in front of you, “You can manipulate dreams now?”

You asked in such an off-handed tone that he faltered for a moment, blue eyes studying your profile.

“Y/N,” He reached for you momentarily before withdrawing as he realized he wouldn’t be able to touch you here, “I swear I didn’t mean to.”

He watched in confusion when you bent down and undid your boot.

“You bastard!” You yelled, throwing it at him. His eyes went wide as it passed through him and hit Jonas in the hip.

“Ow!”

“You ascend to a higher plane of existence and you couldn’t just let me move on!” You shout.

“Y/N I-”

“It’s been a year, Daniel!”

“I know that. I just-”

“Do you get how much I hate having to sleep?” You ask, tears starting to fall from your eyes, “Because every time I do I see you? Why can’t you just let me go?”

“Because I love you!”

His words echo off the walls of the pyramid, Sam and Jonas standing awkwardly ten feet away.

You shake your head storm through him, silent, angry tears still streaming down your face as you try to find the switch to the secret room.

“Y/N.”

You ignore him and jab your finger at a section of text on the wall, “Jonas, this part says something about sunlight.”

You step back while he and Sam try to use a few tools to get the door open, and you can feel Daniel’s eyes on you as you scrub the tears from your face.

Using the laser sight from her P90 Sam was able to get the room open.

You stood watch outside the entrance in case Anubis’ Jaffa managed to get past O’Neill and his team, but the word “I need to go” caught your attention. 

You looked in just in time for Daniel to disappear in a ball of light similar to the way he originally ascended.

When he showed back up on the other side of the room, Skaara had ascended and he realized that Oma had been watching him. He was ready to throw the rules out the window because he found out Anubis was also an ascended being of sorts.

He convinced Jack to give the Eye Ra to Anubis and with Oma’s help, the people of Abydos were able to ascend before Anubis destroyed the Pyramid from space.

You stopped dreaming about Daniel after that and you weren’t entirely sure if it was because of your encounter on Abydos, or if Oma had done something to him for interfering.

Two months later Jonas came running into the briefing room, claiming he had found the Lost City Daniel had spoken about before leaving. So you and the rest of SG-1 got geared up and stepped through the Stargate.

The nomads occupying the ruins were kind enough, offering to guide you through the parts they themselves had explored and allowing you to see the rest for yourselves.

You were currently occupied with a group of children who wanted to teach you a game of some sort when Jonas radioed that SG-3 had found something you might be interested in.

You left the group of kids and you made your way back to your team.

You froze in your tracks when you saw him pushing confusedly past Carter.

“I’m sorry I don’t-” His word cut short when he saw you.

“Daniel?”

“You know me?” He asked with cautious tones.

You nodded as he stepped closer. He gently set his hands on the sides of your face and it felt as though all breath had left your body. His brow furrowed as his eyes studied your own.

“I’ve dreamt of you.”

~~~~~

Taglist: @mysg1spacemonkey 

Masterlist

[ayma-nidiot]

In the White Light - Prideshipping fic Chapter 1

Also on AO3 -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875060/chapters/57390967

Summary: In a war against dark forces, most of the Nameless Pharaoh's High Priests have died. Yami Yugi travels to modern day Domino City, desperate to find a soul strong enough to help him turn back the hands of time. He just might have found him - in the form of one of his priests who supposedly had died - and he doesn't fear the curse that has made Seto Kaiba so powerful. After all, he wields the power of an ancient Egyptian song.

Notes: So this will be a pseudo-crossover of Yu-Gi-Oh with Fire Emblem Fates and Fire Emblem Awakening.

The order of events in this fic will be slightly different from the anime. In reality, the Pyramid of Light happens after season 3 but before season 4. In this fic, it will interrupt the Battle City Tournament of season 3. Also, the duels in the Battle City Tournament will have different opponents against each other than in the anime.

The fic starts at the end of season 3 and will end at the end of season 5.

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated, especially if I am not portraying the rules of Duel Monsters correctly. I am fairly new to the game and am quite confused by the rules.

Chapter 1 – The Bane of Your Existence

“Now you’re the one who’s defenseless!” Seto Kaiba, duelist extraordinaire, laughed as he dramatically put one of his most powerful cards on his Duel Disk. He now played in the semifinals of the Battle City tournament – unsurprisingly, held by him. To add a bit of a twist to the tournament, he decided to hold it on top of his KaibaCorp blimp. “Behold, the bane of Yugi’s – and your – existence: the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!”

“Hah!” Yami Yugi, a spirit from ancient Egypt, was not impressed by his rival’s haughty behaviour. “It was the bane of your existence. Or do you not remember our very first duel?”

“Oh, I know whose existence will be banished on this day, Pharaoh. Now go! Blue-Eyes, finish off that-”

“I don’t think so, you rich punk!” Joey Wheeler, Kaiba’s current opponent in this duel of the Domino City Tournament. “You’ve activated my spell card, Scapegoat, negating the attack from your Blue-Eyes White Dragon!”

“Oh no…”

“Oh, yes!”

“Grr…” Kaiba, not only irritated from this surprise attack, now began to feel pain in his shoulder blades and in his lower back. “Be that as it may, most of your good monsters are still gone. How are you going to counter it?”

Joey drew his next card. “I place these two trap cards face down to end my turn.”

“What, you’re just going to not play any monsters, and have these puffballs be the only thing to defend your Life Points?” Kaiba drew a card and cackled. “Hehe… Okay, Blue-Eyes, attack his second Scapegoat!”

“That’s right! Savin’ the best for last is my specialty.”

“So is mine, Wheeler, so is mine.”

Two more turns passed, and now it was Joey’s turn; his Scapegoats were now all gone.

“Unless you draw a god card, Wheeler, you are toast! Oh, that’s right, you don’t have any!”

“Or unless I draw this: Monster Reborn! I use it to summon Jinzo from my Graveyard! And that’s not all… I’ve got the Swords of Revealing Light!”

That same spell that Yugi used in our first match! Wheeler didn’t have it before… Kaiba now glared at Yami Yugi. So… You lent it to him, and not me, an actual worthy duelist?

He returned to his normal composure. “So what? All it’s going to do is buy you time. Unless you’ve got a deck full of Monster Reborn to bring back your actual good monsters, then you still don’t have a chance.”

Kaiba laughed with each card he drew over the next three turns. His back pain grew even more as well, but he ignored it in favour of what he believed would be his imminent victory. “So, you didn’t summon anything good, did you? Just a few useless spell cards?”

Joey simply slammed a trap card face-down on his Duel Disk in response.

“I judge from your silence that you’ve run out of tricks.” Kaiba held two cards in his right hand. “I will first use Polymerization to bring forth Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon! And if you thought I was done, I’m going to tribute this Ultimate Dragon…”

“Uh…” Tristan stepped back. “He’s not done? But isn’t Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon his best monster?”

“…No, I’m afraid not,” answered Yami Yugi. “Don’t tell me he’s going to summon-”

“Now behold! I will tribute my Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon! Come forth, Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon!”

As this beautiful beast, made of pure white armour and sapphires, roared up a whirlwind, Joey’s belief in himself began to wane. “Impossible… I thought you lost that card after Yugi beat Anubis! This can’t be real!”

“Oh, it’s real, Wheeler! I have four dragons in my graveyard, so my new dragon gets an extra 1200 Attack Points, for a grand total of 4200! Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon, attack Jinzo and wipe out the rest of this loser’s Life Points!”

Joey fell on his knees in shame and in pain from this loss. “Yug, I’m sorry… It looks like it won’t be you and me in the finals after all… And after you sent that Marik packing, too. I really wanted to see all your god cards in action.”

“So now it’s time to finally beat you, Yugi!” Kaiba set his sights on Yami Yugi now.

“Before we do, I’ve got something to ask you, Kaiba… When Joey summoned his Scapegoat, I noticed a twinge of pain in your face. Are you feeling all right?”

Kaiba didn’t expect this level of concern from Yami Yugi. “Why are you concerned about me? Shouldn’t you be more concerned about the guy I just crushed?”

“Make no mistake about it, I am. But just because you’re my rival doesn’t mean I wish you harm. You know what, we should take a break and then resume with the finals in an hour or two.”

“And just in time for lunch, too!” Teá exclaimed. “Yes! Perfect chance to show my cooking sk- Hey, where did you go, Tristan and Joey?”

“Hahaha…” Yami Yugi now turned back to Kaiba. “See you at lunch?”

“I prefer to eat in peace, thanks.”

“Oh… Well, then, at least let us cook for you?”

“…Fine, then. You should serve me, after all.” Kaiba headed for the lower deck.

To avoid having to mingle with this band of doofuses any more than he had to, Kaiba decided to make a stop – a conveniently long stop – to the loo and wash his face and hands. “Tch. I don’t need this friendship bull from you, Yugi,” he spoke to the mirror. “My money is more than- Huh?”

Kaiba had been so busy lauding his own riches – and admiring his own looks. But that didn’t stop him from noticing two giant wings coming out of his back in the mirror’s reflection, wings that looked similar to those of the Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon.

“What the fu-” Kaiba looked at his back again, but this time, the wings were absent. He blew off his “vision” as just being absorbed in his victory. “Ha. I knew it was just my imagination.”

He dreaded having to do it, but he hadn’t eaten all day, and the match with Joey tired him. So Kaiba took a deep breath before entering the kitchen – which to his relief, had not a spirit of the Pharaoh, but an ordinary Yugi Mutou instead. He had expected the boy to be annoyingly cheerful when he entered, and not reclusive as he was now.

“Thank you, my humble servants.” Kaiba smirked as he took some of the food that everyone – who, like Yugi, had chosen to ignore his presence – back to his room. Before he could finish his lunch, he heard a knock at the door.

“Go away, you dweeb.”

“Seto, that’s not very nice.” Mokuba frowned as he opened the door. “I was just here to give you your favourite dessert – and to see if you’re okay.”

“Oh, uh… Mokuba. Sorry about that. Why wouldn’t I be okay? You saw me win, didn’t you?”

“Did Yugi and those obnoxious friends of yours give you a hard time again?”

“I’m… not sure I want to talk about it.” Kaiba gave his empty plates back for Mokuba to wash. “I would like to rest before my match with Yugi, so you may leave.”

“Okay… Big Bro, I’m here for you all the time. Don’t you forget that.” So spoke Mokuba as he quietly shut the door.

“I wish people would stop caring about me…” Kaiba drifted off, even more tired now that people around him wouldn’t seem to get off his case.

_______

“Mind Crush!”

At the mercy of this mysterious spell, Kaiba cowered, and remaining as such as his VR equipment lowered to the ground.

“May you eventually learn the heart of the cards, Kaiba.” Yami Yugi walked over to where Kaiba knelt and offered helping hands. “Now come, up you get.”

“You don’t have to help me. I just absolutely squashed your grandfather. Why show kindness to an enemy like me?”

Yami Yugi didn’t accept Kaiba’s refusal to help him, and knelt down at his eye level. “I told you, I want you to learn the heart of the cards. Have fun playing this game, instead of seeing it as just a way to make money and hurt people.”

Kaiba had no words for this seemingly new gentle attitude from Yami Yugi.

“What’s wrong, Kaiba? You’re blushing.”

He could feel it in his face, and that Yami Yugi didn’t lie. Kaiba could hardly bear to look at the face – the very handsome face – of this stranger who had just beaten him flat. He wanted to run his fingers through the other man’s bangs – he was close enough to see every strand – and he didn’t even bother to resist doing so.

“K-Kaiba…” Yami Yugi, to Kaiba’s surprise, didn’t flinch at all, but instead leaned into the hand that touched him. “I’m… I’m so glad… to finally see-”

___________

“AH! FUUUUUUUUCK!” Kaiba sprung awake at this… interesting dream, in more ways than one.

“Jesus, Kaiba… What’s gotten into you? Did you have a nightmare or something?”

Kaiba was not pleased to see Joey standing at the door to his room. “What the hell are you doing here, Wheeler? And yes, if you must know, it was a nightmare.”

“Ooh, I like scary stories!” Tristan showed his face, too. “Care to tell?”

“No, but I do care for the both of you to get the fuck out of my room!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Joey waved his hand horizontally. “We just came here to tell you that Yugi is feeling up to your match now. I don’t know if you are; you certainly don’t look it.”

“O-Of course I’m up to it. Just… Uh, I’ll be there in a minute.”

[heysnowflake]

Oh boy...

I do these types of ‘questions blogs’ every once in a blue moon as they’re interesting to read back on and cringe over. Without further ado, let’s embarrass myself further 

1. What was the last thing you googled?

I googled ‘questions tumblr’ to find these questions but if that doesn’t count, I googled ‘snowfall’ in google images 

2. You have to listen to these songs:

Shadowland- The Lion King Broadway OST

and whilst we’re talking about The Lion King

The Circle Of Life- The Lion King OST

As The World Falls Down- Labyrinth OST

Within You- Labyrinth OST

In A Crowd of Thousands- Anastasia Broadway OST

I’m Still Standing- Elton John

For A Moment- The Little Mermaid 2 OST

Be Somebody- Paula Cole

The Handler- Muse

Mambo No.5- Lou Bega

I Like It Heavy- Halestorm

Thunderstruck- AC/DC

A Dream Worth Keeping- Sheena Easton

Sandy’s Song- Crimson Doves

What You Feel- Once More With Feeling OST (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

In The End- Black Veil Brides

and just to add even more to the list, I’m going to add scores as well as I listen to movie and game scores just as much as I do songs, if not more (also piano pieces)

Harry In Winter- Goblet of Fire OST

Paintings On The Wall- Layers of Fear OST

Waterfall- Undertale OST

Transformation (Piano)- Beauty and the Beast OST

One Day- Pirates of the Caribbean OST

The Nightmare’s Beginning (Piano)- Final Fantasy 7 OST

Swan Lake- Tchaikovsky

Now We Are Free- Gladiator OST

Song of the Stream (Piano)- FIrefly

Fairy Dance- Peter Pan (2003) OST

Basically every piece from the Abzu OST

Aslan’s Camp- The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe OST

Okay, okay, okay, if I name any more, I’ll bore both you and myself to death. But hey, you can’t say I haven’t given you a solid list to both listen to whilst also completely judging me based on my taste of music 

3. Do you chew on your straws?

Depends on the day

4. Have you ever been awake for 48hours straight?

Pffftttt I’ve been up for 62

5. Will you get married? Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years?

Absolutely! As for the next five years, I highly doubt it :P 

6. If you could move somewhere else would you?

Yeah. For sure. Though I would miss being two minutes away from the beach

7. Read on a Kindle or paperback book?

A paperback every time, if I can

8. If money was no object, what would you do all day?

Yo mAM- no. Disneyland. All day. Everyday of my life. 

9. University or life experience, which do you feel best prepares you for life?

LIFE EXPERIENCE, I can’t stress that enough. However, I do find that, if you do particular courses at Uni, it can be highly beneficial also. For example, Business Management

10. What is the one thing that should be taught in school that isn’t already?

General Life Skills. It still baffles me that this isn’t a compulsory subject from day one of secondary school, let alone not being taught at all. 

11. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

1743 to see if I can find Jamie Fraser 

12. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time?

Writing, composing on the piano or reading 

13. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received?

Assuming we’re talking about physical gifts, it would have to be either the personalised Harry Potter letter that my best friend made for me who also played Hedwig’s theme as I opened the envelope (quite the magical moment), or it would be the envelope my dad gave to me, inside of which was the confirmation letter to my very own dog business that I’ve been dreaming about for as long as I can remember. It was made even more special as he combined my first two dogs’ names to make the business name. 

14. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?

I imagine it was a Freddo, back when they were the reasonable price of 5p and not the ridiculous 25p that they are now

15. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you?

There really isn’t anything my parents don’t know, to be honest. I’ve always been extremely open with them.Bit of a boring answer, I know, but I literally can’t think of anything my parents don’t know.... well anything I can say on here anyway ;)

16. Apologize or ask permission?

... eh?

17. Beach vacation or European vacation?

Europe!

18. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?

One. My best friend. Don’t need anyone else. 

19. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?

THE ROCK!!!

20. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Telekinesis, hands down!!!

21. What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?

My fantasy romance scenarios playing over and over in my head, the face changing on whoever I’m ‘crushing on’ at that time

22. Ever been addicted to a iOS/android game? Which one(s)?

Where the fuck do I begin? Disney Magic Kingdom, Dragon City. My Singing Monsters, Pyramid Solitaire, Candy Crush Saga, Piano Tiles 2, Angry Birds, Angry Birds Go, Hearthstone (I’m aware it’s a  Battle.net game and didn’t come onto iOS until much later, I just preferred playing it on my phone ssshhhh)

23. List 5 goals on your life’s to-do list:

1. Go to Disneyland in Florida, 2. Buy my own Newfoundland puppy, 3. Eventually grow my dog business that I have the domain name for, 4. Move in with my best friend, and 5. Publishing my own book would be pretty neat

24. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to?

I have two in mind that I can’t decide on. Crysta (from FernGully, one of my all time favourite films) or Odette (from Swan Princess/Swan Lake). Fun fact: these are also the names I have picked out for a baby girl, if I were to ever have one 

25. What is one thing you will never do again?

Read Fifty Shades of Grey

26. What words of wisdom would you pass onto your childhood self?

Being ‘cool’ in secondary school literally doesn’t mean anything, the adults weren’t lying about that one. 

I know your temper is out of control now but eventually you’ll see the light and change your ways for the better as you reach your 13th birthday.

Never stop believing in magic, it makes the world more wonderful. 

That girl Ellie? Hold onto that one because she’ll become the bestest friend you could have ever dreamed of. 

Speaking of dreams, write those down. 

Those stories you’re thinking up in your mind, write those down too. 

Most importantly, have courage and be kind. Also, say ‘fuck it’ to decisions most of the time, they make for the best memories. 

27. If you could speak another language, which would it be and why?

French, easily. I can already read and write Ancient Runes though, does that count?

28. If you were head of a major TV station for one day, what would you play?

Spongebob Squarepants 24/7

29. Which one of your friends would make the best U.S. President and why?

I like how you think I have more than one friend 

30. What’s your favorite holiday and why?

Christmas because everyone turns into a little kid again

31. How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

I wouldn’t 

32. In what ways are you the same as your childhood self?

I watch and irrevocably love Disney. I think Spongebob Squarepants is quality content. I still order my pieces of a chocolate bar by size... honestly the question is ‘in what ways am I different from my childhood self?’

33. If you could master one skill you don’t have right now, what would it be?

Painting

34. What was your dream job growing up?

Working with, caring for and training dogs. Spoiler: dreams do come true :) 

35. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

Reading

36. If you could bring one musician back from the dead, who would it be and why?

Freddie Mercury because good lord, the man had talent and could everything from rock to opera. One of the best voices to have ever graced this earth

37. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

A picture of one of the dogs I look after, his name is Maxwell and I want to steal him 

38. What kind of sickness have you lied about so you wouldn’t go to work?

Not exactly a sickness but menstrual cramps. It’s a great excuse because it makes the men uncomfortable and women are completely and 100% sympathetic of you 

39. What was the last lie you told?

‘I wasn’t watching Tinker Bell, it just flicked onto that channel when you turned the TV on’

40. What is your perfect pizza?

Pepperoni with extra cheese

41. What question do you hate to answer?

Questions that are like ‘if you could one thing about yourself’ or ‘if you could change one thing in your past’ etc. because I just wouldn’t

42. What keys on a keyboard do you not use?

On a computer keyboard, the function key because who uses that? XD 

43. Who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with?

Russell Howard so that not a single moment would be dull and plus, he’s easy on the eyes

44. Is there anything purple within 10 feet of you? What is it?

A purple candle next to ONE of my series of the Harry Potter books

45. When was the last time you ran/went for a jog?

I don’t like this question because i can’t remember and, even if I did, it probably involved food 

46. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

No :(

47. What after school activities did you do in high school?

I did art club in primary school. Then, in secondary school, I didn’t really join any clubs but I did used to love sneaking into the music room and playing on the piano 

48. What ice-cream flavours do you love/hate?

Love Vanilla and I don’t necessarily hate it but I’m not the biggest fan of chocolate 

49. What is your secret recipe?

For scrambled eggs, I put paprika and other assorted spices in it. For pasta, I cook it with a little bit of chicken stock mixed into the water 

50. What channels do you have subscribed on YouTube?

I CAN’T NAME ALL OF THEM!!! XD to name a few favs (which probably won’t surprise anyone), jacksepticeye, Markiplier, Dan and Phil Games, Dan and Phil’s separate channels, CalikoKat, Glam&Gore, Jenna Marbles, Carrie Hope Fletcher, Matthew Hussey- they’re the main people I watch

[flairina]

Flair’s Dreams, February 2018

Separating this into two parts, because it was just way too long otherwise. Here’s my dreams from the past month.

2/2/18: (1:11-7:00) (Sick) (Powers Dream) (Continuation Dream)

I have the powers of The Simurgh (Worm), due to being designated by her as her replacement. This blurs my vision- a lesser version of her inability to see the present?- but I could make certain parts of it (single columns of a transparent "grid") clearer with focus. This may have affected something else as a result when I made use of it. If The Simurgh is hurt, I have the option of repairing it (from afar, through the bond), but if the damage is too severe I will have no choice but to take over.

I'm in an auditorium with many other teens/children, who've been enlisted/recruited by a cult-like group. The group requires them to complete schoolwork in a very odd way, and shows them a "Tomato Surprise" fighting game, the setup of which is familiar to me, but better through out. I allow the guy on the left of me to rest his hand on mine because he likes the contact, and he then becomes a black girl with braids named Jupiter. The auditorium is suddenly empty, leaving us alone. Underneath the cloak she's wearing are oxygen tubes and four green bottles attached to her belt/waist. I then wake up (for real), and think to myself that I need to hurry up and finish the dream before falling back asleep, whereupon the dream resumes. Kaneki (Tokyo Ghoul) takes my place, and Jupiter's skin melts. She survives, if barely, which may have been part of "Kaillou's" plans.

I and a few others are near a large farm-like complex where the Nichijou characters are running around. I'm quite convinced that you don't get hurt falling off of stuff in dreams (without actually being aware this is a dream, somehow), and attempt to prove this by jumping off a tall tower, three separate times- once, with large plastic box lids in my hands for drag. This does not, in fact, hurt me. Another guy, on the other side of the farm, can't seem to bring himself to do it.

Upon waking up to my alarms over and over, I repeatedly had the same impression of the end of a dream involving DDLC, many small rainbow squares, and my having the ability to manipulate reality. I kept using this ability to change the "ending" (of the dream) to be simpler, because the alternative just seemed too complicated.

2/3/17: (Sick) (Repeated Wakeups) (Powers Dream)

After being stuck and unable to move for the longest time, I somehow turn this into a literal weapon (large pyramidal shaped metal object). Others are in the same situation as me, and they do the same. We're in some sort of containment area/underground enemy base, and upon emerging into a golden room (the view is 2D), I hear a huge "thrumming" noise. It turns out that I have superpowers (telepathy and spirit sight), and that was the thoughts of something huge. Later, I'm sitting in a room with two of my captors looking at me. Either they send forth an enormous red energy lance that spears through my right eye, or something behind me sends it out, spearing through my head/eye from behind, but through my captors as well.

2/5/17: (10:30-6:15) (Sick)

There is a large white hotel/conference-like building where we (Northrop Grumman?) are holding a food banquet. I pass Marion at the vegetarian table, and go upstairs to the things I'll actually eat. I somehow end up in an entirely different building (the basement of a house in a residential area), where I eat with several people I don't know. I exit, and find that the world has a very surreal feel to it, and everything is tinted slightly golden yellow. A floating, grinning white mask stares at me from behind, which I laugh at before strolling down the street towards a downward slope. As I head down it, I tug at my legs, which are pale metallic yellow, and made of pointed symbols and machine parts. There are weird creatures made of white orbs that look sort of like snowmen called "natives". The scene then zooms out to show Akko (LWA) holding up a charm of one.

There is a "mentor" Kuzuhamon (Digimon) who cares for/trains a "Flaredramon" (actually a Flamon, who may or may not have been me) inside of Dad's house. Kuzuhamon gets extremely angry at Flamon for some reason, and starts "training" him by attacking him with brown energy construct versions of various Digimon. Flamon tries to run away, de-digivolving step by step with every hit, until he de-digivolves all the way down to "Kuramon" (actually a Dorimon). Kuzuhamon suddenly becomes much nicer, which Dorimon enjoys, but he's experiencing time much faster now, to the point that several days go by without his mentor moving. He runs away for real, re-digivolving as he does, and encounters a field full of Digimon. They point out Piedmon in the other direction (was a goal of Flamon's to hunt him down?), but he doesn't care, and just keeps running into the sunset.

Me, Dad, some guy with bluish hair, and some girl with sort of bronze skin and brown hair have a real treasure map, which we set out to discover the treasure of. After passing through a city at night and a mall (where I have a frustrating interaction with a "pen-phone"), we come to a twisting path under a pitch black sky, which passes through areas of tall brush visible basically only in outline, everything is so dark. This place is utterly terrifying, to the point that there is a literal SAN meter in place, and all of us are certain we are going to be eaten. Despite that, we make it through the path with no incident, until we reach the end and accidentally step into a lake we can't see. All of us feel a sharp, cutting feeling on our feet that makes us think we just got bitten by snakes, and hurriedly pull back. Our eyes begin to adjust, and it becomes apparent those were not snakes, but pirahnas, which share the lake with anglerfish, _____, and mermaids. We debate over their gender for a little while, as we're not quite sure where to go right now. Eventually we decide we need to go underwater after all, despite our reservations. Again, this goes better than expected, as it's not really underwater beneath the lake surface, leading us to end up in a fascimile of my room. We again find ourselves at a loss for what to do, and after several minutes I end up digging at my carpet, which is covered in pictures of tiny penises. It turns out there are small pieces of black plastic and metal that look like part of some larger component beneath it, which we gather together with plans of reconstructing it. We then decide we're done for the day, put some recycles in a large bag, and leave... to the rest of the house. It's still light outside (only 2:00 PM), and Dad has disappeared. The three of us look in a mirror and a song is sung, followed by a rendition of Namae no Nai Kaibutsu, as a love song.

A large, muscled black woman throws two giant sword "fish" to shore from underwater. She becomes famous as the first ____, transgender weaponsmith over time, who does commissions, but none that are just for the sake of the user "looking sexy". I'm a bit confused by this, as the line between "cool" and "sexy" is rather indistinct, and ponder it for a bit.

2/7/18: (???-5:45)

I and some others are on a colorful (fluorescent) island, trying to get off of it. There are many obstacles and dangers on the island, such as a tribe of people who ambush and turn us into trees if we wait in one scenario. It is possible to "outbid" the chief however, and stop them. If not, I'm left as the last to be revived/untreed, by which time everyone outlevels me (9-10, as opposed to 4).

I start taking gymnastics again at a center with a bunch of exercise bikes. This time, there is archery mixed in (at the same time), making it far more difficult. I'm told I was born under the "sign of the vine", which is an apple. Usually archery is apparently a girl's concern, since it's the main method of attack/defense if her wedding turns into a fight. I become a girl with short, dark hair halfway through explaining this, complaining that the "apple" basically just means on the wedding night "do not eat unless clean/unstained". I am now IN a wedding dress, standing on a table while I talk to a guy sitting at it.

2/9/18: (1:??-8:45) (Powers Dream)

Subtly eldritch hallway course, with stuff like a book which dark purple hands emerge from that grab you, which you need to shake off, sentient exits, and other inanimate-but-not stuff. I accidentally seal off the exit because I looked at/used a binder in the wrong way, which is bad. Others gather in the other room at the end, as do I. If the hallway can no longer be completed in a single bout/one long stretch, I'll be turned into a toy car. This does in fact happen when I can't fix things, but thankfully Amethyst (Land of the Lustrous; not the one we see in the show) still knows about/remembers me despite time/the world readjusting, and builds an intricate addition to the hall for me, consisting of a series of spinning, polished blocks built into the walls that send a ball rolling down to "complete" it, turning me back to normal.

I start out the dream as a gem (Land of the Lustrous), talking to someone about how we've surpassed the need for gender, in an apartment building. I exit it, and encounter large drops of honey on the road, which I find strange. I'm now just me, heading down the road towards the "Little JJ" (Jean Jacket) shop to get clothes. There are some people talking about a real Zero Escape style event, who I call out to and talk with briefly before moving on. I then go to a museum/park or something with many sandstone buildings. I recycle a root beer bottle I brought with me, and enter. Near a building, I hit my head somehow, and accidentally use telekinesis on a huge block of something out of my immediate sight but nearby. I know someone is unhappy about that, as I'm supposed to keep my abilities secret. Annoyed by this, I start levitating another large rock and wing it around in eight different directions. I then mass manipulate a bunch more, right out in the open. The organization that wants me to keep things secret won't let me turn myself into a girl for some reason (which I could), so I'm feeling vindictive. I cackle inwardly.

2/11/18: (1:??-6:45)

There is a "blossom festival" celebrated by monks, wherein they carry giant iron discs down neighborhood streets. Others can also run back and forth between their homes and the temple multiple times to receive enlightenment. Their temple is more of a wooden complex, and when I get there, someone in the back tries to stop me from moving further in.

There are "feminine timelines" for Ranma, wherein he is or becomes a girl at least semi-permanently for various reasons. In a mall, she chases after Happosai, who is threatening to use the "Yowl of the Demon Cat". Ranma corners him in a window, whereupon he blows everything up. The severed rainbow tail of a god (looks like a mermaid's) lands in the wreckage.

A ship pulls into port. Ranma drives a motorcycle through shallow water to Wolverine and a girl training to be Wonder Woman. Ranma threatens Wolverine into training with rocks.

All "planes" of magic have been based upon a single one, that made them all for fun/fiction. Its inhabitants look like cloth creatures and puppets, with a ruler named "Lord Lubrante". We manage to beat him, and progress to the next area.

2/12/18: (1:01-6:45)

I am playing a game that is actively trying to kill me, where every step/necessary action is dark and creepy in some way. One of these involves going outside my house to find thousands of tiny black creatures with bright white eyes staring at me. They giggle, and try to fade me out of existence. Another is to go out into the driveway in the dark and dig blindly in the soil with a knife for something that it turns out is actually in the mail.The package is in Chinese, and contains a question, the answer to which is written in the sky ("____ cloud computing"). There is only one step left after this.

2/13/18: (12:??-4:19, attempted SSILD, 4:30-6:45) (Powers Dream)

I'm an anime-girl with curving pink hair down to the small of my back, which narrows at the end and looks almost like it was painted with watercolors. I'm named "Sayori", and probably was in fact some version of the Sayori from DDLC. Inside of a giant, lengthy structure that looks still partially under construction and floats a few feet off the ground, I do some stuff for others involving pictures of me ("lessening"/thinning the number thereof?), then slide down a large, chunky red triangular thing that looks sort of like a tongue to get to the bottom. I transform/turn into a girl with long purple hair, wearing a dress of some sort. I use my hair to glide into the "girl's side", which is a section at the very back of the structure with a pale and royal purple color scheme. I really like how convenient it is to glide places like that, and really don't want to give it up, even though I know I should. I find Yuri (DDLC) in the area, and talk to her, now myself again but wearing pink jeans for some reason.

Taylor (Worm) is on a deserted island, by her own choice. Leet somehow gets in contact with her over the phone, which she's pissed about, and she consequently threatens Number Man for letting Leet do so or giving him her contact information. He replies that "thinking in real time" is rare, which is something Leet possesses, hence why he allowed it. Leet is annoyed the "latex" (webs) Taylor sold him have stopped working, which is clearly his own fault. Taylor gets fed up and tosses the shoes of the two mercenary guys Leet sent as proxies into the water, just past some playground equipment I'm hiding near. She retreats to a nearby cave where a velociraptor mother nests, and one of the guys follows. I quietly follow both of them, wanting them to notice me but also wanting to be mysterious. The cave is mostly puddles and pebbles at first, but becomes a dull, dusty auditorium. Taylor talks to the guy off to the right, while I settle down a little further back. Taylor then leaves to find one of the two baby raptors, and the guy calls out to me. Perry (Phineas and Ferb) abruptly pops in, and I recognize him as such only because his eyes widen. I laugh, and talk with someone on the other side of the room, as tons more people from Phineas and Ferb pour in from nowhere. This makes me laugh even more, as this is supposed to be a deserted island, and I can't figure out how they even got here. I mention to someone offhand that none of them even asked about me when I showed up, as the auditorium renews, gaining red carpets, bright lighting, and gold walls. A "light fight" conducted with flashlights ensues.

2/14/18:

Mall, time travel allows us to save a laser ray exposure victim, flies and maggots saved someone else by way of Trelawney (Harry Potter), there's a short, long sleeved, purple and white jacket with stars on it that I want, Mom refuses to believe the house is going to be set on fire by a drier explosion (which we time travelled back to avoid) without details.

2/15/18:

After some sort of accident, four people are reconstructed in bodies not their own. They were based on pictures from a manga/light novel someone in the group had been writing, as well as a picture of a parent in someone's case. Mine (I wasn't part of the group at first, but then was) looks kind of like Ashley from EGS, and was based on the "dark magic" sister from the manga who wore long, ornate dark dresses and kept her hair in a fancy updo. Later, we wander through a Japanese city, where zombies are wandering around, though we only see two. Japan apparently did this to itself. We enter a building and go into a top secret room in the back, where a lady we know is waiting at a table for us. She was partially responsible for the body reconstruction.

2/16/18: (2:00-9:00) (Change Dream)

I'm Mia (La La Land), but with red hair. Apparently I'm getting married, which I formerly wanted, but am now quite unsure about. 800 demons will be attending as my guests (what was I doing BEFORE this?). I try on a dress (THE wedding dress?), which is a shiny green "culture doll" (or "culture thief"?) design. I'm concerned I don't know how to dance, because I'm NOT Mia, I'm me, and I know I am. Earlier, I was on an island covered with wheat, stick bugs, and many other animals. My "husband" gave me honey flowers, which smelled great, and we walked down a wooden "bridge" on the ground. Later, a giant whale creature and a small "1/1" beluga thing are on my side as Hex-like troops/creatures at the edge of an island of ice, where the ceremony is going to take place. The giant whale goes nuts when attacking, crashing through EVERYTHING, the ice and the ceremony area included, in just three lunges. It turns pink and cartoonish, and a woman's torso sprouts from its forehead, yelling "It's mine, all MINE!". The whale then leaves, leaving everyone in shock, besides several of the demons who foresaw this. I can't help but be a bit relieved by this, as the wedding will at the least be postponed (and possibly outright cancelled) by this, silently thanking the woman I assume was my stepmother-to-be for her intervention.

2/18/18:

Oneshot-like game, inside an old house, return later to find a previous mini-boss, a woman with long ears/hair extending to the sides, a koi-like color scheme (white, black, and orange), and tubes coming out of her, she has turquoise/pink/yellow colors on the overworld map (while not fighting her), "one of the few things to give me hope" (a quote from her), secret ending involves her, to get it Undyne (Undertale) and a wizard ghost must first be appeased, followed by her.

2/19/18: (Powers Dream)

There are time travel watches, which I have one of, but seem to have lost. As a result, I resort to "rewinding" by simply dying instead. I and someone else go to live at an apartment, which is a "fixer upper" (a gray, crumbling, destroyed concrete complex). Later, I sneak into a building with a group of others (including Mineta from MHA), going through two of the five special "hub" rooms (they have energy lines going out from their centers and interconnect with the others) in order to get to a normally inaccessible area. Mineta goes into the hall, sticking to the ceiling in order to scout, but we get caught anyways, and Ectoplasm enters the room we're in and attacks. He demands to know (from me) who killed "Scarlet", a girl with long red hair in a ponytail who used a sword to fight, telling me that "I know you know". He's right, as I know from a previous timeline, which I try to explain but don't do a very good job of. Eventually I do get to the point and tell him it was "Laokhen" (Laoshen? Laorhen?), a man with a child's appearance and wearing yellow robes, who uses many short blades to fight. I explain the time travel and my missing watch, returning to Dad's house to try and find it. I THINK that I took it to my house and left it in my room.

I'm Taylor (Worm), with a power similar to Sundancer's, but the sun is created around me, protecting me while also serving as offense. I'm practicing my powers with the Travellers, who attack me (while I float with the sun around me) with some sort of sparkle beam and some other ability, noting that "she still hasn't moved" when I remain still. I continue to not move even after that comment, because I'm feeling tremors for some reason, which I continue to feel even after waking up for a short period.

2/23/18:

After I try to enter a bathroom, I end up falling through a giant vertical rock tunnel into the Earth, back down towards the "Green" (as in the Pokemon game) area. There is a girl "falling" (floating) alongside me, possibly Ciel from Hero Oh Hero, who explains why we are falling, but not in a way that makes much sense or satisfies me. We pass by a Yugioh duel occurring on a rock pillar on the way down.

There is a regenerating man/entity with a weird, organic sort of black/green shell body. He can turn parts of himself separated from his main body into other parts of himself, including those with more mass than they have (miniscule pieces into full sized organs and such) so as to fix himself, and can reconglomerate by using them. The tiniest piece left over means he'll just come back- a robot guy disguised as human by artificial skin pounds his head practically out of existence, only for the pieces that splashed everywhere to turn into lungs, then snakes, which lunged at robot guy before recongregating and becoming the man again.

2/26/18:

There are giant Pokemon in the style of the Pokemopolis episode, one of which we confront in a clearing in the woods. The other is an enormous Abra with wings, which we see through a hole in a cave's ceiling. The same "clear/block the river" plot is being used here.

By brushing an electronic chip with a toothbrush given to me by the Steven Universe gems, I can teleport anywhere I so desire. I use this to freak out people/my new neighbors by teleporting into the middle of their group at a canyon.

A robot replaces Dad, which I instantly become aware of despite its attempt to disguise itself. I can't turn my head, and ask Robot-Dad for help, whereupon he reveals himself, and I tell him I already knew that. He builds a wireless phone (for me?), but I will have to get through a barrier first and absorb a near-equivalent of Sauron, which terrifies our maid (we have a maid?).

2/27/18: (1:45-6:45) (Powers Dream)

In a building (in space?), I descend a staircase into a dingy corridor, with many doors on both sides. All of them have monsters behind them, which I have to take on with nothing more than an iron sword. It takes me a while to actually enter the corridor, because I'm thinking how to approach the task before me. I can earn skills by beating different monsters, associated with their species/type. Unfortunately, in the throng I incur, I beat a samurai-esque guy who grants a "sense everything in a small radius" skill, followed by another monster who grants a "heighten senses" skill, which is a very bad combo because it makes wounds excrutiatingly painful. Still, I manage to make it through the fight, and exit the corridor to a giant, metallic green complex/building, which I need to get to the bottom of (or at least near). There's a mayor-like guy in an alcove on the way down, and killing him will let me evolve. Later, I'm on a bridge/rectangular platform affixed to a wall (with no obvious way to get on it), which bends at a right angle in the middle and extends out into midair. It's set up to be mostly linear for a Hebiko-esque boss with over 10 arms (in a circle around her body), who emerges from a large, electro-globe like machine atop a pile of screwed together metal at the end of the platform. I personally want to fight her AS Hebiko, and may be able to become her eventually, what with the evolving ability. The "game" had planned extra features for replayability, but they were never implemented, so the "Faux-Hebiko" fight doesn't have any variants.

[larksinging]

James Cd Case Packet: Mix Notes

alright here’s another long post about my song choices for this mix

THE HARDEST THING

i wanted another sh2 mix that was less industrial/hard rock than those tend to be so i made this. i have less to say about some of these songs because i feel some of it is a little bit more... self-evident?

i. the view - modest mouse

“If life's not beautiful without the pain / well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again / Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer / And it feels pretty soft to me [...]  For every good deed done there is a crime committed”

 i feel this one is just a good mood setter for how like... overall fucked up james’ situation is. his situation does stem from getting hit with something awful and tragic and struggling to deal with that. what really sold it for me was the “for every good deed done there is a crime committed” with the radio static-y distortions

“You loved her, right?”

ii. satin in a coffin - modest mouse

“Are you here right now  / or are there probably fossils under your meat? [...] Are you dead or are you sleepin'?  / God I sure hope you are dead. /  Well now the blow's been softened / since the ocean is our coffin / Often times you know our laughter / is your coffin ever after.”

“ Or maybe... you hated her." 

i wanted to do some more messing with duality via song choices, so here we have two songs by the same artist back to back. besides the fixation on death in this song, i chose it as the flip side of the love/hate issue with james and mary. after all, there are times james wished she was dead, weren’t there?

iii. my secret friend (remix) - IAMX

“Oh take me to the river / My secret friend / So we can swim forever”

setting up another duality, but this one is mostly mood. think of it as james entering silent hill - the eerie and vaguely foreboding mood of the song sort of captures the fogworld. also, water themes. 

iv. vices - brand new

“Those days are dead / (forgive me) / We need vices to wave to the good old days / She said goodbye to the ground / She said goodbye to the ground”

wow it would be SURE NICE if this song could ACTUALLY PLAY ON THE MIX. anyways. this song starts out soft and gentle, like some old style song, and then shifts very suddenly into a much harder rock. that felt very appropriate. anyway the concepts of something lost and a need for vices, or sin/something carnal seems... very appropriate for james

v. kettering - the antlers

“I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you”

it’s the first in a series! honestly you could probably just put on the antler’s hospice album and practically call that a sh2 mix, but, you know. a lot of the themes are similar - the struggle of losing someone, dealing with the slow death of a loved one, the strained relationship that follows and abuse. while james and mary are nowhere near as unhealthy as the couple in hospice, at they end things definitely got bad. it still works very well

vi. get out (acoustic) - circa survive

“I can't get started from the part where I left off yesterday / Should've spent my time a little wiser / I sat alone guilty as sin waiting for words to come / From out of my head still making sense to anyone [...]  Lock myself up in a room without a window just to see / If it was any easier to breathe / I was wrong”

i like this song for the sense of confusion from the weight of the burden. there’s a kind of self-destructive desperation in the pursuit of understand that honestly characterizes james’ pursuit of “mary”. also, suffocation themes. while the original version is more energetic and jarring, i felt the slightly subdued acoustic version was more appropriate here

vii. daisy - brand new

“I'm a river that is all dried up / I'm an ocean nothing floats on [...]  Well if we take all these things  / and we bury them fast [...]  Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain / Like he knew it was time / to start things over again / It'd be all right, it's all right / it'd be easier that way” 

james is a... conflicted person, and i like the chaotic mood of this song to represent this. there’s a sense of self-loathing and uselessness that really speaks to the heart of james’ character. the mix of wanting to move forward and also being stuck on the past and the easy route. also, water themes. also, another duality, since there are two songs by brand new 

viii. my secret friend - IAMX (feat. Imogen Heap)

“My secret friend/ I'll take you to the river / My secret friend / So we can swim forever / In your skin / To die a little death / This time there's no code word / When everyday frays in hollow ends / Dream sweet love submissive”

the original version of the remix from earlier. this one feels a bit darker, more subdued, which i feel reflects how one’s perception of the town as you go along. i also like that this is a duet, which seems... appropriate. also, water themes.

ix. against the tide - celldweller

“Under the waves we're sinking like a stone / I'm sorry son, you're reaping what you've sown [...]  This sorrow weighs down on my shoulders / This fear is getting harder to hide / You'll leave me alone in this darkness /Left to hold out /Against the tide” 

james is crushed by the weight of his own actions. “you’re reaping what you sow” - this is, ultimately, james’ doing. maybe a song for pyramid head? anyway i feel the theme of this is pretty clear in its relationship to james. also, to beat a dead horse, water themes! this may also be the closest to the sh vocal track sound as this mix gets

x. holocaust - jordaan mason (original by big star)

“Your mother's dead / You're on your own / She's in her bed” 

replace “mother” with “wife” and... well. the mood and feeling of this song is the most mary-ish of them all, and i chose it to capture the quiet misery and hopelessness of that whole situation. listening to this song doesn’t feel good in a really purposeful way. 

xi. epilogue - the antlers

“I think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift) / But you return to me at night / Just when I think I may have fallen asleep / Your face is up against mine / And I'm too terrified to speak / You're screaming / And cursing / And angry / And hurting me / And then smiling / And crying / Apologizing”

another song off of hospice. the scenario of seeing a dead loved one in a dream as a nightmare is... basically james’ silent hill experience? anyway i feel this captures more than anything the complexity of emotions going on between them during mary’s last day. as if the lines i quoted above aren’t basically the hallway conversation

xii. kings of medicine - placebo

“Don't leave me here to pass through time / Without a map or road sign / Don't leave me here, my guiding light / 'Cause I, I wouldn't know where to begin / I ask the kings of medicine / But it seems they've lost their power / Now all I'm left with is the hour”

this mix needed a song that was completely and purely just james’ grief. kings of medicine is an expression of - a healthier kind of grief, maybe? it comes at the end of the mix as james’ grief through the lens of the truth. or maybe in the past? but the explicitness of being lost without mary. i like just the pure power of this song

xiii. vindicated - dashboard confessional 

“I am Vindicated / I am selfish / I am wrong / I am right, I swear I'm right / I swear I knew it all along / And I am flawed  / But I am cleaning up so well / I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself [...]  Just one touch and I'd be in / Too deep now to ever swim against the current / So let me slip away [...]  Slight hope / It dangles on a string / Like slow spinning redemption...”

the thing about silent hill - about james’ story - is, at the end of it, there is a sliver of hope. i mean, more or less depending on the ending, but there is always the possibility of growth. of... healing? james reaches a point where he has the opportunity to move forward. mary forgives him, mary asks him to do what’s best for him/live for himself. that’s what this song is - the flicker of hope, the ability for james to become a better person. also: water themes!

xiv. wake - the antlers

“It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin / because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else / it's letting people in [...] Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you.”

how could i not end with another song from hospice? wake is the song that likewise has that glimmer of hope, but in this case it represents a move towards self-forgiveness. after all, mary is dead, her last will and testament is just the letter. it’s ultimately james who has to forgive himself. while uh there is a bit more legitimate blame in mary’s death, her illness was something that was never his fault. if the last song is the final boss battle and mary cutscene, this is mary’s letter

i could have included something to indicate at all of the endings (none of these, for example, really gesture towards in water or maria). there might be a slight lean towards leave, but i like to think it matches just the games’ mood in general. i have a few songs that were cut - most notably fever dreams by circa survive (replaced with get out), but most of my ideas made it on. 

[our-lucid-minds-alter-egos--blog]

Sometimes I think, sometimes I feel

Sometimes you can see life as a game of monopoly. We are all just players investing into ourselves and others... picking moves to make, unaware of what the next player will do to impact the game. I mean, at some point the game has to end. We all live and breathe, don’t we?   Sometimes, I feel an immense gratitude for the love and kindness I have seen or yet, chosen to.  My lecturer said something about when you look at someone or something long enough, it starts to break. It starts to become fragile. In some sense, you either see something objectively breaking apart or in contradiction just beginning to come together into something immensely curious. He chooses to see objects and people as breaking apart. I differ. I see potential. Neither perspective is wrong or right. Can we even say a perspective or vision has the property of wrong and right? It just is, why question it? Well... 

Well, it's human nature to question something we find curious. Does it matter that two people can never objectively agree, on something for instance which only  ‘exists’ in the mind or demonstrated by causal relationships such as those between EEGs, fMRI and predicted attitudes or behaviors? Even in psychology, though, many of the journals have so many flaws regarding such things as ESP where even through statistical means, they are only testing the null hypothesis & type 1 error -  not necessarily for the type 2 error. This just makes many things flawed and biased. I mean, science has so many flaws when you think about it. Like, Hookes observation on flys. You can see fly's eyes in two different ways. Is either right? You can see them as a lattice or a pyramid depending on who is looking at it or from what perspective. Are our observations really beneficial to science? Most of them are just our own projections anyway. We project onto the world what we want to see. If we are having a really bad day, we tend to see everything as dim and tragic. We are inclined to think ‘oh what next! what is it now?! something surely ought to make things even worse than they already are!’ 

I think it is really important to take a step back. Be mindful of who you are and what you are doing. Sometimes simply sitting down on some grass with your feet on the grass and being mindful of your emotions is what we truly need. Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves to breathe through our heart and stomach. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to express your emotions. Allow yourself to cry. Release yourself from the trap of anxiety and expectations. Remember the little moments from your past that bring you sweet gratitude if you like. My embarrassing examples: 

- When you built that awesome tree hut and showed it off to your friends where the tree hut had a cool wee tarpaulin roof, a bridge and pee platform.  

- That time you were running around with cool water pistols and trying to find the best hiding spots to brutally attack your brothers. 

- That time when you made a film and decided to post it on youtube. That time when you used bamboo sticks as swords to practice your cool as sword fighting.

-  That time, you saw your dad cry for the first time in your life. That time, you texted your Dad about how much you appreciated him and how you understood him. He needed to hear that. 

- That time when you spontaneously made out with that super Christian dude for the first time: just cause you felt it’d be interesting and fun... and then you ended up making out for hours on end cause you were a raging teenager who didn’t really think much about her actions and expectations placed on her by society. 

- That time you all you and your friends went to the beach to release all the grief. You connected. It was 2 am in the morning. The car ride back seemed forever. The way the lights passed by you and cast shadows. The look in his eyes. The smiles of vulnerability. The trying not to think because at some point all of you are about to crumble into a million pieces again. 

- Your first motorbike ride. Hydroslides man. Daisy chains. Drawing for hours. Writing songs and singing them in private in the forest. Having depression as a kid. Dreaming of a better world and creating art to help heal. 

- Hugging your first love. Hearing his story about child abuse and his dad cheating on his mother with another man. That time he took the blame for his brother and got so badly whipped he had to lie to the hospital. Him having panic attacks every time something went wrong. Him remembering past memories. Never able to get past it.  Having passionate sex afterward and trying to fuck the pain away. Laughter and sandwiches afterward. Shaking and wobbling knees. Those stars had never looked so bright that night. Love. Cigarettes. 

This is a long tangent. I am grateful for the connections, love, and kindness I have in my life. I’ve never felt more connected than I do now. I am blessed. One thing I do need to do is allow myself to feel uncomfortable I usually avoid topics of suffering because I don’t want to feel like my words have impacted them in a bad way. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to get off my high most of the time and feel anxious because it is bloody uncomfortable. I usually feel uncomfortable expressing private unwarranted feelings externally. Hence, why I am writing this in a comfortable space where I can think and choose the words I want, without judgment.