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wornoutmouse · 4 years ago

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Im making this gender neutral cause I feel like I did pretty damn good here. And it had a bit of a fairytale ending but I couldn't figure how else to tie it up prettily

Also tried of tumbler adding gaps to all the paragraphs when i copy and paste from docs to here so y'all just gonna have to deal. this fic is way too damn long for me to fix it like i normally do

Also i went over the aparent limit so just look for the words "pt2" in green for the extension

Letting go is one of the hardest things one can do. But understanding why you had to let go is harder.

You and Izuku knew each other for the longest time. Hell you were the one that lifted him back up when Bakugou knocked him down. So why…. Why after all that were you not good enough?

He never said you weren't, he'd never do that. But the worthlessness you felt as you watched her hand him a love letter. You thought, he won't accept, afterall she's one of the many girls and guys that had confessed since the beginning of U.A. Hell you were surprised Ochaco even had the guts to confess.

But the small blush and smile that overcame his face as he finished reading the letter, was one you've never seen before. In that moment you wished you'd decline coming with him for support.

The sick feeling in your stomach grew larger as they hugged each other tightly. That sickness translated into a smile when he looked back at you.

From then on, your sunny disposition was a fabrication of what once was. You didn't hate her, you even saw the appeal, having the slightest crush on her as well. You just hated that he chose her. Was the years of companionship worthless?

As the two grew closer, you grew farther and buried yourself in training and school work. Days went by, months, and by the time graduation came, you were all 3rd years. You and Deku had become nothing more than aquaintences.

The others tried to stop your descent into isolation, Including you in everything they did, ut it wasn't the same.

"Hey Y/n." You wiped your sweat with the towel around your neck. You'd been at it for most of the day and had shed most of your clothes. Izuku was dressed casual for once and looked gorgeous in the setting sun.

"Yes Midoriya?" Ouch. When did you start calling him that? You couldn't quite remember. Deku looked over the trees, green hair blowing with fall wind. "You know we haven't hung out in a while." You took a drink of water as you sat on a fallen log. "Oh really?"

That came out harsher than needed and you both knew it. "Since we are graduating tomorrow, I was wondering if you would join us for once as a last farewell.

You didn't miss the undertone in the last comment. Deku watched in silence as you put your tank top back on. "I don't think I can make it."

Izuku's fists clenched as he glared at the floor. "Why?" You eyed his fists,"I have other things to do." Deku scoffed, "Give me a break, school is over what more do you have to do?!" "More important stuff than partying."

There was a change in the air and at the last minute, you jumped back as Deku's foot slammed down in the floor causing a sizable crater. "Stop lying Y/N! What could you possibly have to do that's more important than hanging out with your friends?! Don't you understand that this is the last time we'll have this much free time to see each other!?"

A small smirk crawled onto your face. 'Still a crybaby huh?' tears trailed down Deku's face as he looked at you, "We haven't talked in years y/n." You would not break, this was for the best, you would not fall back into this cycle. "We talked this morning." "Hello is not a conversation y/n"

"What do you want me to do then Izuku?"

Nothing, just like you expected. "Listen Deku, Sometimes, people grow apart and..." You have to take a deep breath, cause if you don't you'd break all over again. "Sometimes we just have to accept it."

Izuku says nothing more and leaves, heartheavy. During the party, Izuku spent his time with Uraraka, both day-dreaming about their future, though Izuku wasn't as engaged as he usually was. You sat alone in the common room, looking down at the feastivities below. Mr. Aizawa was the only one who noticed.

As a pro hero you stayed in a moderate range in regards to popularity. About the same level that Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods used to be.

Watching Bakugou and Midoriya's ranking teeter back and forth like hot potato was amusing as the fiery blond would call you to complain since he knew you would simply listen.

Your love life was non-existent besides the occasional fling with a cute chick at a bar or a himbo™ at the local gym. You weren't looking for anything sold anyways and that was not only due to your hero work, but because no one peaks your interests.

The gang of course flocked together in regards to their love lives. Kaminari and Jiro were finally a thing. Momo and Todoroki were dropping hints to each other but they are both a bunch of oblivious bimbos and that is not going to change anytime soon.

Tsu and surprisingly Mineta prefered the bachelor life and worked hard on building their teams. You were greatly surprised when Mineta asked you to come to his house and genuinely asked your opinion on trainees.

Unlike the rest, Mina, Kirishima and Bakugou, were trying to figure out the ins and outs of a poly relationship. Bakgou of course being the word if reason as the other two goofed around.

All was in its place as you all conformed to your new adult lives. You had no faint clue where the other boys were besides Kouji's and Satou's engagement.

It was a Thursday evening when you walked into your condo, shuffling through your mail until a white envelope with gold trimming for your attention.

You are invited….

Of course how could you forget Deku and Uraraka. When was the last time you saw those two? Most likely the last day of school. How the hell did they get your address?

You tossed the envelope on the couch and walked to your kitchen to get a bottle of wine. You spent that evening drinking the petty thoughts away, altering between cursing Ochako, to reminiscing on how they were truly a match made in heaven.

By 4 in the evening, you were beyond tipsy and could barely stand to answer the door when the bell rung.

"Whatdoya want Midoriya?" You said, leaning a little too far to the left. Deku looked at you with concerned eyes. "Are you drunk y/n?" Your roll your eyes and turn around, walking back into your home. "What does it look like?"

You slump on the couch as Deku walks throughout your home. He was alot bigger than you remembered. His curly green hair was almost touching your ceiling as he looked at your disheveled body.

"I'm just here to make sure you got my invitation." You tug the envelope from where it fell between the cushion and wavs it in front of your face. Izuku acknowledged it as he sat down, "Well are you coming?"

You shrugged your shoulders as you reach for your glass. Izuku tried to take it away and you smack his hand. Even though you could taste the unresolved tension, you wanted to make things a bit lighter. "I don't know deku, what's the theme? If it's green then I can't come, you know that clashes with my complexion."

He doesn't laugh, not even a smile. Oh well not your problem. The bottle is empty much to your disappointment as you held the opening over your mouth. Deku sits there, fists on his knees as he makes a conflicted face. "How many bottles have you drunk?"

You slap his back, slightly impressed that his solid form didn't move. "Oh calm down worry wort!" A lazy grin comes over your face and a teasing tone slips into your voice. "I'm not an alcoholic...mmm, yet."

You both sat in silence, Deku swirling in his own emotions for seeing you this way. You looked completely fine on the surface but he knew you better. They all knew you better. Bakugou's weekly gossip visits were nothing more than a check on your personal health. Even Mineta had to pitch in.

"Hey Deku?" You looked off into thin air as you spoke but Izuku hung off your every word.

"Can you kiss me?"

Deku didn't mean to stand up the way he did. You didn't react, you expected it if anything. "Y/n, you know I can't do that. Why would you even ask!?" You rubbed your eyes to rid yourself of the smallest threat of tears. You weren't an emotional drunk and you weren't going to start being one now.

"Mm just thought that if you did, maybe I could get over this fuzzy feeling in ma'chest." Deku blushed, from what you. didn't know, but you did notice how he sat back next to you, closer than before. "If I do…..will you come?"

I was going to come either way idiot

"I'll think about it."

Your lidded eyes picked up on the smallest movements and you shivered as Izuku held your chin between his fingers. The kiss was gentle and nothing more than a simple press. You would have been fine with that, that's all you wanted. What you weren't expecting was for Deku to continue.

You could feel your chest flair with the familiar discomfort of things being out of your control. His rough hands came home to your face as he deepened the kiss. You couldn't help but let out a small whimper as his tongue swiped against your bottom lip and he took that chance to delve deeper.

You pushed him away and stood. You both looked at each other, darkened eyes and veins fluttering with adrenaline. "Why?" you whispered, voice betraying you as it cracked. Izuku held his fist over his heart where you pushed him. "I..I did what you asked." You shook your head.

No, no this is wrong

Izuku stands up and tries to console you. The words that left his lips unrecognizable.

It's over isn't it?

"Y/n calm down please and let's talk." You put your hands over your ears. "You're so selfish." You wheezed. Why was the room getting darker?

It's over isn't it?

Strong hands grip your arms and you scrape them off. "Get out."

You won and he chose you

As a last resort, Deku tries to kiss you again, holding you close back your lower back, even daring to nibble your lips as he pulls away. "Y/n can you please focus!?" Why was he making it worse? You are not a home wrecker!!

And he loves you so he's gone

Izuku helplessly watched you fall into your own thoughts as you gripped the wall so hard your knuckles turned white.

It's over isn't it?

You blindly stumble into your room and close the door, falling against it.

Why can't I move on?

Izuku tested his forehead against the door, trying to listen for any sign of life, even a heart beat. On the other side you fall into a dreamless sleep.

War and Glory

It rained on their wedding day. And in the worst way possible or made the ceremony even more beautiful as light drops of water tangled itself in Uraraka's veil.

The pictures were to die for and so was the food. "Y/n come on, take a picture with me!" You sip some champagne and prepare yourself for your sin free facade as you walk over to the new bride.

Her dress was gorgeous yet modest, one would confuse this gathering for a party since you were forced to wear white with her and Deku despite you explaining how weddings worked.

You kneeled to adjust to her height as she held the camera the highest she could. "You want me to do it?" You took the phone and held it above you. Ochaco pouted as you dwarfed her and gripped her small hands on the front of your clothes.

She smelt of strawberry's and soap.

Reinvention

Before you could pull away, she tugged your down as she came to whisper in your ear. "I know." She pulled away with the same small smile she wore since the day began. Your face mirrored one of fright and she quickly noticed.

She raised her hands in surrender as she tried to calm you down. "Hey what's that face for, it's fin-" you flinched as she reached out to touch you. Backing up, you ran into Deku who quickly held onto you to prevent you from falling.

You do your best to calmly untangle yourself from him, but subsequently jumping away as if you were on fire. The newly weds shared a look and you shivered as they both narrowed their eyes at you. Focused the same way they were when on a mission.

Fusion

Walking through the crowd of fans and distant family was no hard feat as you headed to the hotel the wedding was taking place behind. The two followed you and you tried your damnedest not to simply run.

You had almost made it out conservation free but Deku's hand quickly slapped on the side of the door before you could close it and he forced his way in as a limping Ochaco followed behind. "Come on Y/N, these heels are uncomfortable!"

You could feel tears falling down your face as you backed away from the two. It wasn't out of fear, but shame. Shame that you had feelings for your friend. Shame that you kissed a taken and engaged man. Shame that his wife knew.

"Y/n calm down it's fine, I don't mind!" You looked at her with confusion and bristled as Deku came closer. "I told her the day after it happened." You focus on Ochaco, preparing yourself for any physical attacks the small woman might deem necessary. "I'm sorry Ochaco, I-I didn't mean for it t-to happen."

Anger at the memory filled your brain and you almost didn't notice small hands taking hold of yours.

Her attention

"It's okay Y/N." Ochaco smiled warmly at you, bringing your hands to her lips as she kissed them gently. "I don't mind, infact this was the goal for a long time." You look at Deku for some coherent conversation, "What is she talking about."

Izuku blushed, "We've been trying to get your attention since highschool. We knew how you felt and didn't mind you joining us like Kachan, Kiri, and Mina." A steely gaze with the power of Aizawa's death glare, casted over Izuku's face, "But you kept running."

Ochaco waved her hands to divert the sudden hostile energy. "Anyways, we were planning on announcing it at the flower toss." Ochaco reached into her bussom and pulled out a small jewelry case. Inside it held a silver ring, strikingly similar to the one she now wore on her left hand.

"I know we really haven't got to get to know each other that well. And I know your feelings don't lie for me but, if you would like…" Deku gingerly plucked the ring from Uraraka's hands and the both lowered to their knees. (Ochaco with more effort as the fluff of her dress almost tipped her over)

Oop looks like i went over the limit?

#black y/n #blackreader #bnha headcanons #mha #bnha x black reader #bnha #deku x reader #deku x ochako #bnha ochaco #ochaco x reader #gn reader #mha x male reader #x male reader #poc male reader #male y/n #gender nuetral reader #poly love #mha angst #bnha angst

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anodymalion · 3 years ago

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Please expand upon your rant about things have gotten worse since we last spoke if you feel like it! I was so disappointed by that book!!

I absolutely do feel like it! I'm putting it under the cut because this will be long. (includes many spoilers for Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke)

There are a lot of things about this novella that disappointed me and I don't know how to organize them, so I'm just going to throw them all in. Part of the problem was that I saw it being realllly hyped up by people claiming it was fantastic extreme horror and I went in with high hopes, which I shouldn't have done because I always expect too much... but I wouldn't have liked it anyway, so whatever.

A big part of horror is about tension and anticipation and in my opinion the story did a terrible job of using those effectively. There was one solid gut-punch moment for me (the bit with the salamander) but then the story immediately released all of the tension by having the characters break up over it and it never got any of that tension back. And there was SO MUCH opportunity for it! Like, why make it a point that Zoe took control of Agnes's financial accounts and then never use that again? The story kept promising that it was about to get super dark and twisted and then every time it started to get close it immediately backed off. Like how every time Zoe asked Agnes to do something fucked up, and then Agnes did it, instead of doubling down on the fucked-up-ness Zoe would go "oh wait I didn't actually want you to do that I thought it was a joke". Then the story tried to correct that in the last, like, 5 pages by going off the rails but by that point it was totally unsatisfying because there had been no actual build up to the moment.

It was also hard for me to get a sense of the characters or really care about them in any way. That was in part because of the stylistic choice - it's harder to get in the mind of a character when the entire format is emails/texts/IMs, but dang it I've seen other books do this format effectively! Maybe it just needed to be longer - a slower build up with more time for character development would have benefited the story a lot. If a character is going to make nonsense choices (like, idk, infecting themselves with tapeworms to simulate being pregnant) I at least want feel like it's a believable choice for that character to make even if it's ridiculous. Instead the story just went the lazy route with Agnes instantly descending into madness because she couldn't have children or whatever the fuck that was. It's lazy writing and it's boring to read.

I got the feeling that the author wanted the twist to be subverting the expectation that the "master" in an unhealthy master/slave kink relationship has to be the malicious one, and so purposefully made Zoe be reasonable and normal about things... but frankly it just didn't land for me. Even if it would have been a less original choice for Zoe to be manipulative and abusive, at least that route had a lot more potential for story development and horror. There's a version of this story that lives in my mind where, instead, Agnes becomes slowly isolated from her friends and family as Zoe convinces her they are bad, where Agnes becomes increasingly financially dependent on Zoe, where eventually she tries to log into her bank accounts to change the passwords only to find that Zoe has already changed them, where she realizes that Zoe has been following her around IRL despite never having given Zoe her address, where she finds out that Zoe has been logging into her accounts to send hateful messages to her friends pretending to be her... there is so much opportunity there for actual narrative tension! And, yeah, maybe it would be a more stereotypical financial abuse story but at least it would have some god damn horror in it. I genuinely want to spite-write that story for the hell of it, but I can't convince myself that it wouldn't be considered plagiarism or that I wouldn't get sued to hell and back, so instead I'll just be mad about it on tumblr. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#literary critique #or something like that #also what bugged me (and this isn't the fault of the novella itself) is that I wanted to read criticism of it but every negative review is #either mad about it containing kink or mad that it's about manipulative relationships instead of ~pure~ and healthy ones #like no I want to read actual literary criticism of this thing damn it #not people clutching at their pearls because the story contained Thought Crimes

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mynameisntburgerpants · 7 years ago

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URC log: Mettaton Needs a Better Antivirus 4

((warning for suicide under the cut))

MTT_Official started an IM with grimalkinGreasejockey

MTT_Official: ..I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON'T GET THIS. I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF YOU'RE OKAY. BUT.. I WANTED TO SAY I'M SORRY. MTT_Official: ..THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN SAY OR DO TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE ME. I'VE COME TO ACCEPT IT. IF YOU HATE ME, IF YOU TRULY.. WANT ME GONE, I WON'T DISRESPECT YOUR WISHES. I CARE DEEPLY FOR YOU- BUT IT SEEMS WHOEVER I MEET, THEY'RE.. HURT, SOMEHOW. I SUPPOSE IT'S JUST MY 'CROSS TO BEAR.' MTT_Official: .. EITHER WAY. YOU'RE LOVED. SANS, PAPYRUS, GRILLBY, CASEY, GRANS. THEY ALL CARE ABOUT YOU. A LOT. MTT_Official: SURE, I HAVE MY FANS. BUT. THEY'RE NOT.. THE SAME? AS BEING LOVED, BEING CHERISHED. SURE, I HAVE B ALPHYS- BUT THINGS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN.. ROCKY, SINCE HIM. YOU WERE ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT KIND, THOUGH. YOU AND SOME OF THE OTHERS IN THE CHAT. MTT_Official: I.. GUESS THAT DOESN'T MATTER NOW, THOUGH. WHAT I DID WAS INEXCUSABLE. I KNOW IT WAS A VIRUS, AND THEY'RE SAYING IT'S NOT MY FAULT. BUT.. I CAUSED YOU THIS MUCH HARM. SO MUCH PAIN, UNNECESSARY HURT. FOR WHAT? TO DESTROY A CHANCE AT MAKING TRUE FRIENDS? MTT_Official: ..IF THIS IS WHAT FAME IS ABOUT, IF THIS IS WHAT IT CAUSES... MTT_Official: ..THEN I DON'T F--KING WANT IT. MTT_Official: I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. THE OTHERS. EVEN IF THAT MEANS REMOVING MYSELF IN ANY WAY NECESSARY. I CARE ABOUT YOU, JON. SO, PLEASE.. BE OKAY. SUCCEED. I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. YOU ALWAYS HAVE. YOU'D MAKE A GREAT PERFORMER.

[[ Messages unsent: Recipent offline. Messages will be sent once they come online. ]]

MTT_Official started an IM with skeleton. MTT_Official: ..YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME HURTING ANYONE, EVER AGAIN. skeleton.: good. MTT_Official has gone away!

間違い has signed on. 間違い: Sans.

skeleton.: what?

間違い: You know, I could understand you being a little bitter about what happened. I could understand you shunning him a little. I'd be angry too, yeah?

skeleton.: right

間違い: But you've gone too far. I saw what you said to him. He's damaged, Sans. Emotionally. It's not just about Jon, or about the fact that the virus happened. He's been hurting for a while now. 間違い: Do you have ANY IDEA how hard I worked to build him back up? To 'fix' him, and not just physically? 間違い: He says something worrying to you, and your thick, stupid, IDIOTIC BRAIN CAN ONLY F**KING SAY 'GOOD'?? Instead of you know, getting OVER YOURSELF AND MAYBE TRYING TO BE NICE TO HIM? 間違い: He didn't mean ANY of this. And yet you make him feel as if he's the worst GODDAMN monster in the world?? 間違い: Not only were you thick headed enough to need PRESSURE to help Jon, but you DRIVE MY BEST FRIEND to basically the same point??! 間違い: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS, RIGHT NOW, SANS. HE COULD BE DEAD. 間違い: Are you REALLY that insensitive? 間違い: It wasn't easy for him to deal with his own BP's death. He wasn't stable. I had to watch him 24/7 to make sure he wouldn't self-destruct his own body. He'd tell me all the GODDAMN time that he regretted everything.

StrongFish91: Not only did you need me to guilt you into helping someone you should've been in the first place! StrongFish91: You're fucking it off and trying to make it someone else's problem! StrongFish91: I saw that Undernet post!

間違い: He never meant to hurt anyone. And he tells you he's going to END HIS LIFE, AND YOU SAY GOOD???? 間違い: You're disgusting, Sans. I'm not going to stoop to your level. But...

StrongFish91: I'm at my wit's fucking end here, Sans. If you mess up one more time. If you step an inch out of line, I am going to raise hell on you and everyone who ever knew you.

間違い: You need to stay in your own GODDAMN line. And carry your own weight, not push every problem you come across onto others. Because you're too lazy to deal with it yourself. 間違い: So sit back and revel on this. If you care about your friends, if you care at ALL. 間違い: Because not only have you almost lost a friend- but I may lose mine. One I worked years to keep alive.

StrongFish91: And you're on a fast track to losing your job.

間違い: I'm done. 間違い has signed off.

間違い started an IM with skeleton.

間違い: And if you needed further proof? 間違い has uploaded 'chat_log_mtt_official_grimalkinGreasejockey.txt’.

skeleton.: oh

#clocked in (ic)#v: hi welcome to grillby's #arc: mettaton needs a better antivirus #74897148761287421 #s7iw43567896235867 #suicide cw /#URC logs

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buggerjagger646 · 8 years ago

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nobody is going to like this and i just dont care at all.

alright.

im gonna rant

because my head hurts and maybe this will make it a little less terrible.

How very not buddhist of me, but fuck you “fat acceptance” or “mental health acceptance”. fuck. you.

allow me to introduce myself in a way that makes me cringe at my very core, for this is the way that so many talk about themselves these days and i find it fucking deplorable to define yourself not by the content of your character or the achievements which you have brought to yourself, but instead these fucking bullshit words which hold little to no meaning of who YOU are. fuck that. but for the sake of the argument of this rant, ive been seeing a therapist for several months after what i can only think of as a fairly serious break and im being monitored for some variation of depression and suicidal whatever, and also for anorexia, apparently.

to the “accept my mental illness” bullshit - screw off. just screw off. it was suggested at my most recent session that i might need to enter a hospital facility for the apparent severity of my thoughts. i have to go to a long, pain in the ass diagnostic session in a couple of weeks to see if theyre going to medicate me, and that session was very difficult to get because hey apparently very few prescribing mental doctors who take my insurance deal with people who have eating issues. so fuck that first of all.

“accept my mental illness, i dont need to see a therapist.” go to hell, quite frankly. i force myself to be honest with my therapist. i keep a stupid log of my “emotion states” because she asks me to even though i think is ridiculous. i read and listen to many psychological figures and ideas and force my own self to do everything i can to try to figure out some way to get around all of this. fuck you and your “accept me as i am because i dont want to/am too scared to do any real work for my own wellbeing”. fuck you. get fucking help, do some fucking work, get the hell over yourself for the love of everything. stop moaning and telling ME, ME who is working herself raw to figure out what the hell to do, that you dont have to do the same damn work as me. get off it. get yourself together, damnit. do some damn work.

moving along,

“fat acceptance” can fuck. the hell. off. right off. so far off that i never have to see that bullshit again in my life. they weigh me once per month at my doctor. the doctor who i had to sit in front of like a little kid and admit that i was barely eating and watch THAT look. you dont know THAT look unless you know THAT look. the doctor who i was given the (appropriate) ultimatum of ‘go to the doctor to be sure youre not dying or we cannot continue’ by the therapist i already mentioned. i just happened to find and like the one who had a specialization in eating disorders. lucky me. i keep a food journal on and off where i have to describe my feelings around what im eating. and when i hand them off i get to watch her get that little look of repressed concern, going ‘this cant be all that there is’. they primarily consist of the feeling “i hate this” and “im forcing this down my throat and i feel terrible”.

so fuck your fat acceptance. dont give me bullshit about “glandular” this and “hereditary” that. the overwhelming majority of you who are fat are so because your food intake is complete and total shit and entirely more than it should be, and you dont fucking care. or, frankly, youre lazy. and dont sass me, ive had a number of fat people admit to me directly that they are too fucking lazy to learn to cook or to cook for themselves or to eat within healthful bounds.

fuck. you.

you know what? if you want to destroy your body and your general well being and youre somehow content there, fucking go for it. but dont fucking demand that i accept the fact that youre too stubborn or lazy to do well for yourself. fuck you. if i have to shove food into my mouth and i have to be fucking uncomfortable and i have to fucking deal with this, fuck you, you can fix your diet and stop being an ass. and for the record, anyone who is pushing this shit for children is absolutely, sickeningly, deplorable. children should not be fat. they have every metabolic and physical reason to not be fat unless their jackass parents are too ignorant or arrogant to do something. and yes, thats fucking child abuse. if your kid is fat, its almost certain that you are doing something wrong and you need to either seek assistance or have some kind of repercussion. fuck up your life if you must but dont try to bring kids into this.

fuck you. if i have to force myself to eat, if i have to make myself be honest with what not eating does to me, then you assholes should be held to the same accountability. you know that the food you eat is shit and/or too plentiful. you KNOW it. dont give me this shit about “fat acceptance”. get your shit together and learn how to accept yourself and you might find that in most cases, youre well aware that youre fucking killing your body and you really dont actually like it. if anorexia is an eating disorder, then most of the overeating is so as well. your relationship with food is just as unhealthy as mine is, stop fucking lying to yourself because youre too lazy to be honest and to find the better solutions.

fuck your acceptance bullshit.

almost no one knows whats broken in me right now and im damn well going to fucking keep it that way. because i will be fucking damned if i am going to be defined by this shit as opposed to the things that i have done or will do or the person who i am or my long thought and pondered ideas. and even better, ive been completely betrayed by one person i trusted with this information of me who was so enamored with these labels. and ill tell you, it certainly hasnt helped my view of these label lovers.

get over yourselves. figure yourselves out, give therapists something to do. if youve got problems, fucking address them. if you want something, fucking go and do the work for it. you dont get things just because you think that you somehow deserve them. work for it. and be someone worthy of what you want. dont be a weak little cowering barely person who demands things from people to try to fulfill something youre not willing to work for. and jesus fucking christ, dont just sit there being broken and insist that we have to take you as you are broken or accept your delusions.

i force myself to eat. i work my mind in circles trying to figure out how to be in a better mind. you “accept me” people are so full of shit i can barely stand it.

#mental health #depression #anorexia #eating disorder #social justice #fat acceptance #health #rant

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svtskneecaps · 3 years ago

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im actually curious now... ive never played the game myself but ive seen ads floating around... why Are you so heated abt hogwarts mystery if u dont mind me asking?? --💕

OH BUD, YOU'RE GONNA REGRET ASKING

i've ranted before on here and i'm too lazy to read it over and make sure i don't repeat points so if you want to hear me say the same stuff a different way then this post is the main rant i did before (although some bits are out of date, like the stats rant; they fixed that some), basically i have a few big problems

gameplay is frustrating

energy is required to do almost all things story related, except like. the occasional duel.

energy recharges one point at a time, every four minutes. there is an energy maximum that you can increase at certain points during the story. as far as i can tell, everything is divided between things that are "1 hr", "3 hr", and "8 hr". this goes for classes, story moments, etc. you use the energy to tap highlighted shapes and fill a star meter and if you collect all the stars you need, you pass

the 1 hr stuff requires a full energy meter, no matter how big your meter is, as far as i can tell. my meter is 33 max energy. it takes me 2 hrs to fill this meter. THE ONE HOUR STUFF TAKES ME TWO HOURS TO COMPLETE. SO NATURALLY, I THINK THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT.

either way, waiting for the energy to recharge is fucking boring, especially when the story is progressing at a snail's pace (it's a mobile game, they're trying to make you pay money to complete the game faster, which i GET. i play idle games. i have the patience of a god. BUT AT LEAST FUCKING BAKERY STORY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING)

duelling used to be worse (it uses a rock-paper-scissors mechanism and it used to be if you lost the rock paper scissors you just didn't get to go, so you could get stunlocked by the enemy and lose just because you suck at random chance rock paper scissors, which was fucking frustrating. now the rock paper scissors just decides who goes first, which i'll admit is better)

i guess they've been trying to fix it and make it less. shitty. so a while back they added "clubs" which is pretty much just another incentive to complete events. the highlights you tap on to fill up the meter to complete events are a different color sometimes and it gives bonus club exp that gets you rewards sometimes. clubs aren't terrible, like they're a bandaid fix but i mean they did at least add some measure of satisfaction to the experience. even if it's like. not enough.

they also added a "memory log" which i guess the idea was that it would be fun to revisit scenes from past years and quests and ~view your memories~ but. it doesn't work. like i try to play a memory and it loads for infinity. so. that's a useless feature

they also added "pages" which are just. pieces of paper you can bind into a notebook (used as a form of special currency in the game; you buy animals with it). apparently you can also use them to buy another chance at the timed quests but i hate timed quests very deeply so they're useless to me. not sure if that feature works but considering it's triggered using the memory log it's really anyone's guess. so that's pretty. awful.

(it's much harder to get genuinely heated when i'm taking the time to list the faults i take with the game one by one in an essay like format but this game sends me into rand mode 90% of the time i'm just apathetic to it right now, i'm being clinical)

it's ugly

this game is more glitch than graphic. i cannot count on my appendages how many glitches and weird moments and gross graphical choices there are. maybe this is just because it's a mobile game and it's a hardware limitation, i have no idea. that's probably the case. doesn't make me hate the game any less. doesn't make me hate how ugly it is any less.

now i don't record the quidditch matches so i don't have many examples of that but those cutscenes are glitchy as all fucking get out and that's one of the things you can use to grind stats, energy, etc. there's not a quidditch event going on so i can't get images of the tail end of my broom EXTENDING OFF INTO THE TREELINE FOR FIVE MILES OFFSCREEN in certain cutscenes so you'll have to take my word for that one, but it's a thing that happens in two separate cutscenes and it's fucking bananas that it's still a thing that exists and hasn't been FIXED or NOTICED do they not have quality assurance????????????

AND WHY DOES MY WRIST LOOK LIKE THAT. WHY. I WANT TO HOLD MY FROG. I LOVE MY FROG. BUT GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY HAS TWISTED MY WRIST LIKE A WET TOWEL. WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT???

I'M PRETTY SURE THE QUAFFLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER MY ARM, WHY IS THIS WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS CLIP PLAYS IN EVERY QUIDDITCH MATCH I EVER DO.

WAIT THERE'S NOT EVEN A FUCKING BROOM THERE I LITERALLY NEVER NOTICED THAT THERE'S NOT EVEN A BROOM. I WAS SO DISTRACTED BY THE QUAFFLE I DIDN'T NOTICE THERE'S NO FUCKING BROOM.

THEY'RE HANGING OFF THE BACK END OF THEIR BROOMS. THIS PLAYS EVERY MATCH. WHAT THE FUCK. (don't mind the image quality that's coming from me screenshotting a screen recording)

i don't feel like editing video clips right now just for a shitty rant post about a shitty app game so you'll have to take my word for it that there is more shit and it is egregious and barely a scene goes by where something ugly doesn't happen. half the time they're like "cast this spell!" and i cast it and there's supposed to be a sweet little animation of your character casting the spell but every time i do it, the game glitches and my character freezes, and then the spell has been cast. no animation. which is awful. half the time it loads in such a way that you think you blinked, but no. the screen just glitched everything into place. i don't know how to describe it honestly. it's awful.

it's boring

the story COULD be good, if it wasn't fed to you in tiny chunks over the course of several years. it's an okay plot, the usual harry potter chasing after some mystery (in this game it's the Cursed Vaults, usually there's a specific vault you're chasing in every year to hopefully find your brother and save hogwarts from the curse in the process). that's a pretty solid start

but there's so much FILLER. like there's a bit in year 3 where you go fucking around trying to make an extra sweet butterbeer for madame rosmerta while she's trying to track down your brother's journal in her back room (which is apparently as organized as my fuckin bedroom) and like. it takes so fucking long to actually progress with ANYTHING related to the story after that. like the entire plot STALLS while you try to make the butterbeer. LIKE IMAGINE IF A HARRY POTTER NOVEL STOPPED FOR A CHAPTER TO DESCRIBE HIM DOING SOMETHING SO FUCKING BORING. like at least in there you might get some character development or something, there's no shit like that in this fucking godawful shit of a game. hell there's barely character development, for you, for your friends, for the professors, fuckin NOTHING

they bloated their cast out. there's way too many characters and they waste their time on filler rather than actually developing the characters (for reference, i'm halfway through year 4). ben's personality is "cowardly gryffindor". rowan's personality is "books and socially awkward". tonks's personality is "prankster" (which, incidentally, i've heard is also the entire personality of another character you meet later). they aren't developed. i think they're blowing their character development budget on the "enemies to friends" arc they're trying to pull (i'm guessing that based on a christmas theme side quest and her uncharacteristically spilling her tragic backstory, that's a prediction)

year 1 was entirely wasted time. they could have done so much more with year 1, and they just. didn't. year 1 is disproportionately short and it only involves three friends (rowan, ben, and penny) plus your main enemy. it lays the base bones for your rivalry fairly well, all things considered, and starts the chase for the cursed vaults, and lays some bases for your friendships (wish they would have done more, since the characters are still a little one-note), and then they fucking drop the ball in later years. like i haven't seen ben since year 2, but there was SOMETHING going on between him and the vaults, what the fuck was that? why is no one acknowledging that?? there is a mystery that they're just fucking ignoring and i'm going to go fucking crazy

i went into greater detail on this in the other rant so i'm not going to do it again but it pisses me off. that and how useless the house is. and the fact that it presents you with choices like they'll do anything, but they don't really affect anything (at least not where i'm at in the game). like, i've been presented with the option to take different characters with me, but the friend i took with me didn't get any meaningful dialogue at all so what even would the difference be if i'd taken someone else?? what was the point?? it's stupid. it's dumb. i hate it. i hate it.

anyway there's 1600 words on it. the only reason i'm still playing it is because i plan on reworking the whole damn thing using the "each house gets a different storyline with a few constant story beats", but to do that i need to know the plot of the stupid fucking thing. so that's what i'm doing for the moment. it might take me a couple years to finish though. this game sends me spiraling into burnout at speeds only rivaled by public school, even when it's NOT forcing you to stop and wait eight straight hours.

#not kpop #shut up vic #goddamn app game #hphm #'goddamn app game' is the filter for harry potter hogwarts mystery rants btw #💕 anon

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