#the prison is only being able to see backwards in time on your infinite self's path

[eimearkuopio]

New model of organised religion: combination rehabilitation and education system, no longer a criminal trial.

[booksaremyoxygenn]

The Beginning of Everything: Best Quotes

By Robyn Schneider

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity and her flaming self respect and it’s these things I’d believe in even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all that she should be. . . . I love her and that’s the beginning and the end of everything.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald (pg 0) 

“Sometimes I think that everyone has a tragedy waiting for them, that the people buying milk in their pajamas or picking their noses at stoplights could be only moments away from disaster. That everyone’s life, no matter how unremarkable, has a moment when it will become extraordinary - a single encounter after which everything that really matters will happen.” (p 1)

“There is a type of problem in organic chemistry called a retrosynthesis. You are presented with a compound that does not occur in nature, and your job is to work backward, step by step, and ascertain how it came to exist - what sort of conditions led to its eventual creation. When you are finished, if done correctly, the equation can be read normally, making it possible to distinguish the question from the answer. Is still think that everyone’s life, no matter how unremarkable, has a singular tragic encounter after which everything that really matters will happen. That moment is the catalyst - the first step in the equation. But knowing the first step will get you nowhere - it’s what comes after that determines the result.” (p 12)

“The funny thing about gold is how quickly it can tarnish.” (p 16)

“If everything really does get better, the way everyone claims, then happiness should be graphable. You draw up an X axis and a Y axis, where a positive slope represents a positive attitude, plot some points, and there you go. But that’s crap, because better isn’t quantifiable.” (p 44)

“(Here) no one went looking for adventure: they chased it away.” (p 64)

“There was this philosopher-slash-historian called Foucault, who wrote about how society is like this legendary prison called the panopticon. In the panopticon, you might be under constant observation, except we can never be sure whether someone is watching or not, so you wind up following the rules anyway.” “But how do you know who’s a watcher and who’s a prisoner?” “That’s the point. Even the watchers are prisoners.” (p 69)

“Like Hamlet, my madness is fleeting.” (p 99) 

“There is this poem,” Cassidy finally said, “by Mary Oliver. ANd I used to write a line from it in all of my school notebooks to remind myself that I din’t have to be embarrassed of the past and afraid of the future. ANd it helped. So I’’m giving it to you. The line is, ‘Tell me, what is you plan to do / What your one wild and precious life?’” (p 114)

“And out of all the thing I wanted but knew I couldn’t have, part of me hoped that Cassidy would be the one exception.” (p 169)

“Because simply saying sorry was to normal for a girl like Cassidy Thorpe.” (p 174)

“The world tends toward chaos.” (175)

“But the point isn’t whether or not you believe in imaginary people; it’s whether or not you want to.” (p 175) 

“In French, for when you have a lingering impression of something having passed by. Sillage. I always think of it when a firework explodes and lights up the smoke from the ones before it.” “That’s a terrible word,” I teased. “It’s like an excuse for holding onto the past.” “Well, I think it’s beautiful. A word for remembering small moments destined to be lost.” (p 178)

“Wouldn’t it be incredible,” I said, “if you could send secret messages with fireworks? Like Morse code.” Why? Cassidy asked, her face inches from mine. “What would you say?” I closed the distance between us, pressing my lips against her. “ (p 178 - 179)

“All of our longings are universal longings.” (p 185) 

(Speaking of Banksy a graffiti artist) “He printed up all this fake money and threw it into a crowd. people thought it was real and tried to spend it in shops, and they were so angry when they found out it was fake. But now, those bulls sell for a fortune on eBay. It’s simultaneously real and not real, you know? Worthless as currency, but not art.” (p 187)

“All around us, strangers paired up and danced together, laughing. I was overwhelmed by the number of people recording video of the event, unable to be present in the moment. .  .but the flash mob wasn’t about the banana-suit guy, or the people standing awkwardly with video cameras, or the gawking crowds that had come out of the stores to see what was happening. It was about being able to dance like Cassidy did, as though no one was watching, as though the moment was infinite enough without needing to document its existence. And so I closed my eyes and tried.” (p 190)

“Going to the movies always makes me strangely exhilarated. . . it’s as though everything is more vivid, and the line between the probable and the cinematic becomes blurred. You think big thoughts, like maybe it’s possible to move someplace exciting, or risk everything for a chance at your dreams or whatever, but then you never do. It’s more the feeling that you could turn your life into a movie if you wanted to.” (p 206)

“How could it have been you? My God, Ezra, look at yourself. You’re a washed-up prom king who lost his virginity to some cheerleader in a hot tub. You take me out for burgers and Friday-night movies at the multiplex. You’re everything I make fun of about small hick towns like this one, and you’re still going to be here in twenty years, coaching the high school tennis team so you can relive your glory days.” ( p 244) 

“it was as though I’d gone off on an epic adventure, chased down fireworks and buried treasure, danced to music that only I could hear, and had returned to find that nothing had changed except for me.” (p 260) 

“By the time I packed up, I wondered if I’d really been looking for Cassidy after all, or if I’d been hoping to find myself.” (p 263)

“(You) forgot how to be awesome because you were too busy (trying) to be cool.” (p 270)

“Realizing she was the sort of girl who got upset when someone used an unfamiliar word, rather than learning what it meant.” (p 283)

“I left Jill��s party thinking that sometimes it isn’t worth confirming what we already know about people we understand so well. Because what Charlotte had wanted that night wasn’t me. It was some imaginary version of the boy she used to date but never bothered to really think about as a person.” (p 285)

“I realized there was a big difference between deciding to leave and knowing where to go.” (p 287) 

“Life is the tragedy,” she said bitterly. “You know how they categorize Shakespeare’s plays, right? If it ends with a wedding, it’s a comedy. And if it ends with a funeral, it’s a tragedy. So we’re all living tragedies, because we all end the same way, and it isn’t with a goddamned wedding.” (p 296) 

“We’d been so good together once, and then we’d rotted, like some corpse with a delayed burial. I read somewhere that the hair and fingernails on dead bodies don’t actually grow, it just looks like they do because the skin contracts as the body dries out. So it’s possible to lie even in death, to deceive people from beyond the grave. I wondered if that’s what this was. If I was staring at the rotting corpse of what Cassidy and I had once had, wrongly convinced there was still life in it, grasping onto an uninformed lie.” (p 301)

“Because the way I figure it, everyone gets a tragedy. And all things considered, I’m glad that car accident was mine.” ( p 329) 

“But I didn’t do any of that,” Cassidy insisted. “Ezar, the girl you’re chasing after doesn’t exist. I’m not some bohemian adventurer who takes you on treasure hunts and sends you secret messages. I’m this sad, lonely mess who studies too much and pushes people away and hides in her haunted house. You keep wanting to give me credit because you finally decided you weren’t content with squeezing yourself into the narrow corridor of everyone’s expectations, but you made that decision before we’d even met, back on the first day of school when you shot your mouth off in AP Euro.” ( 329) 

“The smarter you are, the more tempting it is to just let other people imagine you. We move through each other’s lives like ghosts, leaving behind haunting memories of people who never existed. The popular jock. The mysterious new girl. But we’re the ones who choose, in the end, how people see us. And I’d rather be misremembered. Please, Ezra, misremember me.” (p 330) 

“To Cassidy, the panopticon wasn’t a metaphor. It was the greatest failing of everything she was, a prison she had built for herself out of an inability to appear anything less than perfect. And so she ghosted on, in relentless pursuit of escape, not from society, but from herself. She would always be confined by what everyone expected of her, because she was too afraid and too unwilling to correct out imperfect imaginings.” (p 330) 

“I wondered what things became when you no longer needed them, and I wondered what the future would hold once we’d gotten past our personal tragedies and proven them ultimately survivable.” (p 333) 

“The finality of her leaving allowed me to reclaim the places that had once been ours as mine. . . rather than grasping for lost moments with a lost girl who refused ot be found.” ( p 333) 

“She was right, though, in the end. I never should have given her so much credit. It all got tangled together, her appearance and Toby coming back into my life and the first time I ever read a book that spoke to me, and the question of who I wanted to be in the aftermath of my personal tragedy. Because I made a decision that year, to start mattering in a way that had nothing to do with sports teams or plastic crowns, and the reality is, I might have made that decision without her, or if I’d never fallen in love with a girl who considered love to be the biggest disaster of all.” (p 335) 

“ The truth of it was, I’d been running the wrong experiment my whole life, and while Cassidy was the first person to realize, she didn’t add the elements that allowed me to proceed down a different path. She lent a spark, perhaps, or tendered the flame, but the arson was mine. Oscar Wilde once said that to live is the rarest thing in the world, because most people just exist, and that’s all. I don’t know if he’s right, but I do know that I spent a long time existing, and now, I intend to live.” ( p 335) 

[dfroza]

even writing from jail, Paul is able to communicate with us in his Letters

to unveil spiritual truth.

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 3rd chapter of the Letter of Ephesians:

All this is exactly why I, Paul, am a prisoner of Jesus the Anointed, His representative to the outsider nations. You have heard, haven’t you, how God appointed me to bring you His message of grace? And how the mystery was made known to me in a revelation? I briefly wrote about it earlier. When you read what I have written, you will be better able to understand the depth of my insight into the mystery of the Anointed One, a mystery that has never before been shown to past generations. Only now are these secrets being revealed to God’s chosen emissaries and prophets through the Holy Spirit. Specifically, the mystery is this: by trusting in the good news, the Gentile outsiders are becoming fully enfranchised members of the same body, heirs alongside Israel, and beneficiaries of the promise that has been fulfilled through Jesus the Anointed.

I became a servant and preacher of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace as He exercised His amazing power over me. I cannot think of anyone more unworthy to this cause than I, the least of the least of the saints. But here I am, a grace-made man, privileged to be an echo of His voice and a preacher to all the nations of the riches of the Anointed One, riches that no one ever imagined. I am privileged to enlighten all of Adam’s descendants to the mystery concealed from previous ages by God, the Creator of all, through Jesus the Anointed. Here’s His objective: through the church, He intends now to make known His infinite and boundless wisdom to all rulers and authorities in heavenly realms. This has been His plan from the beginning, one that He has now accomplished through the Anointed One, Jesus our Lord. His faithfulness to God has made it possible for us to have the courage we need and the ability to approach the Father confidently. So I ask you not to become discouraged because I am jailed for speaking out on your behalf. In fact, my suffering is something that brings you glory.

It is for this reason that I bow my knees before the Father, after whom all families in heaven above and on earth below receive their names, and pray:

Father, out of Your honorable and glorious riches, strengthen Your people. Fill their souls with the power of Your Spirit so that through faith the Anointed One will reside in their hearts. May love be the rich soil where their lives take root. May it be the bedrock where their lives are founded so that together with all of Your people they will have the power to understand that the love of the Anointed is infinitely long, wide, high, and deep, surpassing everything anyone previously experienced. God, may Your fullness flood through their entire beings.

Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us, to Him be all glory in the church and in Jesus the Anointed from this generation to the next, forever and ever. Amen.

The Letter of Ephesians, Chapter 3 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 7th chapter of the book of Jeremiah about the importance of honesty before God and others:

“But instead, you are clinging to lies and illusions that are worthless.”

[Jeremiah 7]

The word of the Eternal came to Jeremiah.

Eternal One: Go now and take a stand for Me at the entrance to My temple. Proclaim there My message. Tell all the people of Judah who enter these gates to worship the Eternal to stop and listen to the word of the Eternal. Tell them this is what I, the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies and God of Israel, have to say:

“Change your ways and stop what you are doing, and I will let you live in this land. Do not rely on the misguided words, ‘The temple of the Eternal, the temple of the Eternal, the temple of the Eternal,’ as if the temple’s presence alone will protect you. But if you genuinely change your ways and stop what you are doing; if you deal with each other fairly; if you don’t oppress foreigners, orphans, and widows; if you don’t shed the blood of the innocent in this land; and if you don’t practice the self-destructive worship of other gods; then I will let you live forever in this land I promised your ancestors long ago.

“But instead, you are clinging to lies and illusions that are worthless. Do you think you can steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, make offerings to Baal, and chase after other gods and still expect Me to protect you? Do you think all it takes is for you to run back to Me in this house, which is called by My name, and say, ‘We’re safe now’? Does this somehow make it all right to do these vile things in front of Me? Do you think this house, which is called by My name, is a den of thieves? I see what you’re doing.

“Go and take notice of what happened in Shiloh, the place where I first met your ancestors in the tabernacle that bore My name. See what I did in response to the wickedness of My people, Israel. Now, because of all the evil you have done, and because when I spoke to you time and again you never listened, and because when I called your name you never answered, watch what I will do to this house which bears My name, this sacred place I gave to you and your fathers. I will do to this temple, where you have put your trust, what I did to Shiloh all those years ago. I will throw you from My presence, just as I did to all your kinsmen in the Northern Kingdom, the descendants of Ephraim.”

(to Jeremiah) Don’t pray or plead for these people. No matter how badly you want to come to Me on their behalf, don’t bother. For I won’t hear such cries from you. Can’t you see what’s happening in the villages throughout Judah and even in the streets of Jerusalem? The children gather the firewood, the fathers tend the fire, and the mothers bake the bread for the so-called queen of heaven! The people pour out drink offerings in honor of other gods as if to spite Me. What they are doing doesn’t hurt me; it only hurts them, to their own disgrace. Now hear what I, the Eternal Lord, declare: “The heat of My anger will pour out on this land, on man and beast, on the trees of the field and the fruit of the soil. My wrath will burn through this place and not be quenched.

This is what the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies and God of Israel, has to say:

Eternal One: Treat your burnt offerings the way you treat other sacrifices. Go ahead and eat the meat yourselves. I won’t have any part of it. When I freed your ancestors from slavery in Egypt, burnt offerings and sacrifices were not something I required of them. I wanted them to trust Me and obey My voice. In those early days, I told them, “I will be your God, and you will be My people. Follow Me every step of the way into a life that is good.” But they didn’t trust Me. They didn’t obey My voice. They refused to listen to Me. Instead they followed the plans of their own stubborn hearts. Each step was a step backward, not forward. From the time your ancestors left Egypt until now, I have shown them the way to a better life. Day after day, I sent all of My servants, the prophets, to speak the truth. But did any of them listen or pay attention? Did they change their ways? No, they only hardened their resolve to go their own way. Each generation has done more evil than the generation before.

(to Jeremiah) This is how I want you to speak to the people—say it all, don’t hold anything back—but they won’t hear you. Your voice will call throughout the land, but no one will answer you. And so you will say to them, “This is the nation that dared not obey the voice of the Eternal, their one True God. This is the people who would not be taught.” Truth has died and disappeared from their very lips.

Shave your head and throw your hair away, for it is time to mourn.

Climb the hills and grieve for the darkness has gone too far.

The Eternal has rejected His faithless people;

He has forsaken this generation that has stirred up His wrath.

For the people of Judah have done what is plainly evil right in front of Me. They have brought their revolting idols into My temple! They have desecrated this place that stands in honor of My name. They have built shrines to other gods at Topheth, the garbage dump in the valley of Ben-hinnom, where they sacrifice their own sons and daughters and burn them in the fire to dark and pagan gods. I never taught them to do such unspeakable evil; it never even crossed My mind. But I tell you this: the days are coming when that place will no longer be known as Topheth, or the garbage dump in the valley of Ben-hinnom. But it will be called the valley of Slaughter, for they will bury the bodies of those who sacrifice children there until there is no more room. The remains of these wicked people will feed the vultures of the sky and wild animals of the earth because no one will be there to scare them away. I will silence the sounds of laughter and joy from the villages of Judah to the streets of Jerusalem. Even the joy of a wedding will not be heard in this land of ruin.

The Book of Jeremiah, Chapter 7 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, August 20 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about (A new covenant of grace):

The Torah of Moses teaches that a defect-free male lamb should be sacrificed and roasted at the appointed time every year, eaten with matzah and bitter herbs, as a memorial of the redemption from Egypt (Num. 9:2, Deut. 16:1-8) -- yet today, after the ministry and sacrificial death of Yeshua as the Lamb of God, we no longer perform the sacrificial rite of the Passover given to the Levites on behalf of Israel. We do not do this because we have a greater priesthood based on the sworn oath of God that predates the Levitical priesthood in the life of the Messiah (Psalm 110:4). This is explained in the Book of Hebrews, chapter seven, which explains that "if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood (for under it the people received the law), what further need would there have been for another priest to arise after the order of Melchizedek, rather than one named after the order of Aaron? But when there is a change in the priesthood, there is necessarily a change in the law as well" (Heb. 7:11-12). The bottom line is that the new covenant of God centers on the sacrificial ministry of Yeshua as our Great High Priest, and this covenant provided a new way that was "not according to the covenant made with the fathers at Sinai after the Exodus" to be in right relationship with God (Jer. 31:31-34; Heb. 8:1-13). "And when Messiah had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by one offering He has perfected forever those being sanctified" (Heb. 10:14).

So it is clear - if you believe the message of the gospel - that God has abolished the role of animal sacrifice in the law of Moses through the death of his Son as our eternal atonement (Heb. 9:12-15). "Because the law (of sacrifice) made nothing perfect, a better hope is introduced, and that is how we draw near to God" (Heb. 7:19). The veil of separation has been torn in the body of our Lord (Matt. 27:51; Mark 15:38; Heb. 10:12); and through the intercession and mediation of Yeshua, we now have direct access to the presence of God by faith (Heb. 4:16). The great prophesy of Caiaphas was fulfilled: " it is better for you that one man should die for the people, not that the whole nation should perish" (John 11:49-50). Yeshua himself is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only but for the whole world" (1 John 2:1-2; Rom. 3:25). As the Lawgiver of Reality, the LORD has the power and authority to introduce a "new covenant," and indeed were it not for that great blessing we would have no means of eternal redemption under the law. Yeshua "takes away the first covenant that he might establish the second" (see Heb. 10:4-18).

But what about other aspects of the law of Moses besides sacrifices? To begin answering that question, we must distinguish between the idea of "law" and the idea of "covenant." The law, or Torah, of the LORD means something more than the words of the covenant given at Sinai. Torah is rightly understood as God's direction or teaching regarding how to be in right relationship with him. That is the Apostle Paul's point in the book of Galatians where he points to Abraham as one who kept God's Torah 400 years before the time of Sinai. Abraham obeyed God's Torah before the time of giving of the covenant at Sinai! That said, there is a relationship between a divine "covenant" (or "agreement") and the law, though the idea of covenant is more basic, and Torah is understood as our response to the underlying covenant. Torah, then, is a "function word" of covenant, expressing our obligations - ritual, moral, spiritual, etc., - in relation to that covenant. Where this may get confusing is that while both Moses' teaching is Torah, and Yeshua's teaching is Torah, and while there is overlap and continuity in moral and spiritual application, the Sinai covenant and the covenant of the Cross at Zion are mutually exclusive ways to attain atonement before God, and that is why followers of Yeshua do not offer animal sacrifices for their sins, etc., even though the sacrificial system itself assuredly bore witness to the coming of the great Lamb of God (Rom. 3:21; Num. 28:3). The same point can be made regarding other aspects of the teachings of Moses such as various religious and civil laws, laws of warfare and capital punishment, laws regarding "clean and unclean" (ritual purity), dietary law, and so on. The "weightier" matters of the law given at Sinai are preserved and incorporated into the new covenant, as the law provided a "pattern" or "analogy" of what was to come (Heb. 10:1), yet the ritual laws of sacrifice are now abolished by the new and better covenant of the Messiah (see Heb. 8:6).

So you see, followers of Messiah must be philosophers of sorts, that is, those who think deeply about the underlying meaning and purpose of God as revealed in the Scriptures. After all, Yeshua often taught in parables and used metaphors in his teaching (Matt. 13:35; John 6:35, 8:12, 10:9-11, etc.). When he said that he was “the door,” he didn’t expect us to look for a door knob on him (John 10:7-9)! When he warned his followers about the “leaven” of the religious leaders, he chided his disciples for thinking about material bread (Matt. 16:5-12). Indeed Yeshua was often exasperated with his followers for missing the point (Matt. 15:6; Luke 24:25-26). He regularly spoke of the "mysteries of the kingdom of God" (Luke 8:10; Mark 4:11). He taught his followers how to see the meaning of the redemption, of true healing, and of God's kingdom. "The wisdom of God is given in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world for our glory" (1 Cor. 2:7; Rom. 16:25-26). We must learn to reason analogically and rightly divide (ὀρθοτομέω, i.e., "cut straight") the word of truth (2 Tim. 2:15). "We impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual" (1 Cor. 2:13). We discern the "weightier" matters of the Torah to center on God's love for his people and his salvation given in Yeshua our Messiah. He is the Light of the world, the Bread of Life, and our Good Shepherd. Amen: He is the way and the truth and the life of God given for us. [Hebrew for Christians]

8.19.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

August 20, 2021

The Lord Jehovah

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.” (Isaiah 12:2)

The English name usually written LORD in English Bibles stems from the Hebrew word Yahweh, the meaning of which cannot be fully put into words. Although scholars differ (some even claiming there is no real meaning to the word at all), the consensus is that it seems to be a compound of the three tenses of the Hebrew verb “to be,” implying the ever-living nature of God to which Christ was referring when He said, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty” (Revelation 1:8). Note also the similar implications in God’s announcement of Himself to Moses: “And God said unto Moses, I Am That I Am” (Exodus 3:14).

On 49 special occasions (seven times seven), the name Jehovah is contracted to Jah. Many consider this to be an abbreviation of Jehovah, but no satisfactory explanation as to why it is so used has been offered. Perhaps a better suggestion is that this name is the present tense of the verb “to be,” and therefore the name Jah emphasizes the present activity of the Lord. In nearly all occurrences, the passages are strengthened by noting the present work of God. The first usage of the term Jah is found in Miriam’s Song upon deliverance from Pharaoh’s army and the Red Sea. “The LORD [Jah] is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation” (Exodus 15:2).

On several occasions, such as in our text, we see that the two names are combined, celebrating both the present and future deliveries of Jah Jehovah. “Trust ye in the LORD [Jehovah] for ever: for in the LORD [Jah] JEHOVAH is everlasting strength” (Isaiah 26:4). JDM

[lefthandactivist]

The Beginner’s Guide

If you haven’t been able to tell, I play quite a few video games. My steam library has too many to properly pay attention to, and I have to be careful of how much time I spend gaming instead of other practical hobbies.

So when I say that I return to the same games over and over, there can be different reasons for this. Some (like skyrim and minecraft) offer a world where I know pretty much all the rules. I can do quite a bit just within those spaces, and it’s often how I cool down after a stressful day. Others, (darksouls and metroidvania titles) offer bite-size challenges that I can hit head on in my own time. 

But there are a couple of games that left me with something else, something that makes me return to them in the same way I return to certain books. One of these is “The Beginners Guide”.

Now, there are definately spoilers ahead, so if you have any interest in playing this game yourself, do so before reading please (knowing anything going in will probably color your experience, I’m not joking). Furthermore, if hundreds of words on a linear, minimal gameplay indie game doesn’t interest you, feel free to skip over this one. As always, this is mainly to get my own thoughts down (you’ll see why). 

Wow are all of my posts going to start with me telling my readers to not read from now on? Well now that I’m alone with my thoughts, lets discuss.

The Beginners Guide comes from the “same developer” as The Stanley Parable. A game that I enjoyed so much for what it does that when this new title was dropped on steam I bought it pretty much immediately, making it I believe my 300th title owned from the marketplace. I played through it not long after and then proceeded to listen to some sappy music to get myself back in order. If you let it, this game can hit you hard. But once again, I’m probably biased.

The game comes in chapters, each one a different game developed by the narrator’s friend, “Coda”. Nothing is left out of experience to suggest whether this is a true story so we’ll approach it as any other experience.

Chapter 1: Whisper. More establishing dialogue about how these games are incomplete or abandoned in most cases. The interesting points here for me are the labyrinth in the space station (reminds me of the quote “how will I ever get out of this labyrinth? Read Looking For Alaska read John Green!), and what happens when you step into the beam. floating up and seeing the whole level, I remember how these games are made, room brushes and objects, physics code and player camera. this game takes every chance it can to remind you that games have an author. 

Chapter 2: Backwards. I love the ideas in this level. the first time there was a definite “ohhh” moment when I realized what was going on. If I were to play a single level multiple times, this would be one for that, just so I can read the story written on these walls.

Entering, stairs, walls, exiting: I’m going to ignore what the narrator says about these levels. I do think they serve some connected purpose, but I like it more as an act of spite. These ideas are mine, better make the hard (or impossible) to access. as somebody who’s had story ideas floating around with them for a while, I’m always weary to share them, in case someone grabs it and runs away with it before I can do anything with it. Which probably means I should just write the stories instead of all of this..

Chapter 7: Down. The narrator finishes telling us that the engine is best at blocky empty corridors just as we enter an expansive cavern full of slanted geometry. This was the first hint to me that the narrator may not be reliable in all respects - he’s right about the engine, but that’s not what Coda decides to do with it. At the bottom we stay in a cell, which the narrator lets us out of before the allotted hour intended by Coda, which marks the fifth time he openly edits the levels to suit his need. Then we get to the puzzle.

I’m going to talk a little about this puzzle later, but when we get through it, in game dialogue keeps asking us about the puzzle, how we got through it, telling us it’s impossible. We can’t tell them how easy it is to pass through, and in some cases we have to lie to them. then the level ends with the first light post.

Chapter 8: Notes. It was replaying this level that made me want to talk about this game. Here we see a world Coda says is full of other player’s notes. The narrator reveals that they were all written by Coda. It’s convincing, they all sound like they came right from a youtube comment string or reddit thread. I immediately heard this as Coda saying. “your messages into the void are messages into the void.” In a way, he’s criticizing what I’m trying to do here, talking about the game, analyzing it. But the narrator reads this as some troubled artist who needs someone to connect to. The thoughts don’t seem to be written in Coda’s voice, but the narrator sees them that way. 

The level ends with the puzzle again. The narrator sees it as a cut off point, a end of a thought so Coda can move on. I get where he’s coming from, that’s what a lot of these posts do for me, but I think there’s something else going on. this puzzle is easy to the player, but the notes in this level and the talking characters in the last have no idea how you do it. It’s like a ski’ll that other people value and desire, that just comes naturally. I think Coda, if he’s saying anything here, is saying that. He’s able to make these games and say things with them, but he can’t explain how to do it, so the attention he gets about the process itself feels a bit misplaced.

Chapter 9: Escape. Coda makes a series of “prison” levels. each one is different, but they all hold the same idea, there will be some way to escape, but then the escape fails. The narrator hates these, he thinks coda is spending too much time on these prisons, and worries that it isn’t healthy. I think it’s natural, though. Someone described writing as choosing book after book from an infinite library, picking one that added the right next word or changing a previous one, until you land on the perfect book, one that’s always been there but nobody’s looked at before, and you leave with that one. Imagine seeing the room of previous books, would you think the author was obsessed? editing and refining is a natural part of the process.

Chapter 10: House. “You can’t stay in the dark space for too long, you just can’t. You have to keep moving, it’s how you survive”. 

I really like this level. I like how the chores loop but we get new dialogue with our cleaning partner. I like the calm music and how peaceful it is. I feel Coda would’ve had a similar reaction, which is why he made it and was so happy about it. And I hate how the narrator ends it. Describing this life as stagnation, as not living. This level is a lot like the nothing I wrote about last year, or how I feel when I’m doing work with someone and just being in that moment. The narrator takes that away.

Chapter 11: the narrator hits this one pretty much on the head, and I don’t have much to add.

Chapter 12: Theater. This level got to me. The pressure to say the right thing, the yelling at your own self to do better, the solution being to withdraw and hide away. 

This is a performance. Put on your mask and play the part assigned to you.

Chapter 13: Mobius. You can’t play this with your eyes closed, as instructed. you have to see to find out what’s going on, and you have to move. and then someone tells you to tell the truth. these games are draining you, you can’t make new ideas, you don’t know where else to go. and so the level stops.

Yeah, I’ve felt that before.

Chapter 14: Island. 

There’s a lie we tell that the work you do and claim t’o love has to be easy and worthwhile and enjoyable 100% of the time. we say that relationships are only true if they are effortless, that passion is only true if it is effortless, that stumbling blocks mean you were never going to succeed because it should be effortless.

So we lie. We all lie. Because there’s no truth to that. But it’s what we say to keep others from worrying.

Chapter 15: Machine.

But sometimes that isn’t enough, you have to stop. And when an audience demands you to keep going, but you can’t, they can turn on you. Feeling responsible for your audience, needing to meet their expectations because you know they demand it. It’s notable, that whether you destroy the machine or all the things it’s created, the result is the same.

The narrator doesn’t see this. He needs that social encouragement. Coda wants nothing to do with it.

Chapter 16: The tower.

. This level doesn’t want to be played, the narrator makes it playable.

. The narrator reveals that he had to add an end to the house level. it used to loop the chores forever.

. “I feel like a failure, I guess. When I can’t fix the problem”.

. an author isn’t his works. the works are not the author.

a hallway ends with a message on a wall. “Dear Davey, thank you for your interest in my games. I need to ask you to not speak to me anymore”.

And here’s where I stopped. There are other messages, about how the light posts were added by the narrator, how Coda didn’t want him showing his work to others. Messages talking about how the narrator had taken advantage of Coda’s work. And those messages are important, at least to the narrative. But those aren’t the messages that hit me.

These are:

“When I’m around you I feel physically ill”.

“You desperately need something and I cannot give it to you. I literally do not have it”.

“The fact that you think I am frustrated or broken says more about you than about me”.

Because I’ve been there. I’ve done exactly that. And that person pushed me away in much the same way.

And I had to let them. Because what I was taking was never mine to take. And I sure as hell wasn’t giving in return.

The end of this game, what comes after the tower, is important; you should hear it. but, maybe not here? This game is about authorship, and I find it important for that reason as well, but when I reach the end, all thoughts of that are replaced with thoughts on people. I had to write this one chapter at a time as I replayed it, because here I forget ever trying to see meaning in it other than this: “What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person”.

I cite Paper Towns and Ender’s Game and Catcher in the Rye, but this game was important for that, too. It put that thought into motion, let me control the tempo. playing through it again, I remember why I closed out of it the last time.

It serves well to remember, but “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

[lmjupdates]

Lauren for Vulkan Magazine

Lauren Jauregui become a household name from the moment Fifth Harmony graced our television screens on X-Factor US, but this young starlet has proven to be more than an entity of a girl group. From her strong views on women’s rights and politics to how she overcame the hard reality of fame, Lauren took a moment to bear all in this VULKAN Magazine exclusive.

You have been extremely vocal about your opinion towards women’s rights and human rights in general; what do you feel is needed to overcome the imbalance and how do you plan to contribute?

I think organization and a call to action from any and every voice of influence that cares is what’s going to drive this resistance. The imbalance exists because so many people feel too oppressed to believe their voices matter. Empowering these people and reminding them of their worth and abilities to overcome this imbalance is going to be one of the strongest tools in organizing properly. Education and TRUTH over alternative facts are also huge proponents to clearing the way for light in this smoke.

We NEED to talk about your open letter to Billboard regarding Trump’s win; it’s a beautiful, raw, and powerful statement that SO many people need to see. Have you received any backlash for speaking such truth? Do you think there is anything at all positive that can come from his presidency?

I think in a society where we even have to be talking about having someone like him, his administration, and cabinet in the office of “democracy,” a toxic environment has been created so, yes, I’ve received a lot of backlash. The truth is a hard fact to face in the midst of so much horror being done. The truth is a slap in the face, or a cold bucket of ice being dumped over your head while you sleep. People often respond to those sort of things aggressively if they a. don’t want to believe the truth and would rather stay comfortable or even worse, b. don’t need to know the truth and strongly support the system of lies. When someone like me, who is in the entertainment industry, which is a huge falsity of its own, tries to talk outwardly about politics, especially as a woman, I receive a lot of “shut up, just sing and dance for us, you idiot.” Societies have been conditioned to believe that entertainers are just that, but I refuse to be put into the box of a puppet, and I will continue to voice my concerns and knowledge about what is happening right now for anyone who needs this to feel stronger.

I think the only positive thing about this administration is that they are so blatantly dismantling the American ideals of democracy that those who see it and understand it have no choice but to be vocal about it and start to organize in opposition. I witnessed first hand the Women’s March in D.C. the day after the inauguration and I saw both crowds. The amount of people in opposition to hatred and the stripping of freedom was astoundingly larger than those in support of the regime; and not only in Washington but around the entire globe. They’ve woken up a revolution that I don’t really think would ever have happened if they hadn’t chosen someone who, again, blatantly does not care about our rights as human beings and sees us as walking dollar signs.

“I am proud to be a woman. Proud that the sex between my thighs provides a strength and resilience in me that only other women can feel, that my body curves in ways that allow me to create life within me, that my entire life is filled with adversity and doubt and people questioning my intelligence and my artistic potential and my expression of myself and my virtue and honor because I am too much woman. I am proud that I get to prove them all wrong.” This quote is so incredibly accurate and speaks to women everywhere. How can we continue to prove them all wrong, despite Trump’s appointment of so many backwards-thinking cabinet members? How do you do it on a daily basis?

Embracing yourself every day and not allowing propaganda and lies to discourage your soul from understanding it is infinite. Women have so much power when we harness it and see it in each other. We are the answer and cure to this sick world; our nurturing spirits, strength, and intuition were given to us to balance the dominance and strength of the man. The world we’re seeing right now is a result of the patriarchy oppressing the woman and her abilities and convincing her she’s nothing but her appearance and likability, which obviously leads a lot of women to think of each other as competition instead of counterparts in this fight for survival. They keep us divided for a reason…when we wake up and see things for what they are, it’s impossible to not understand the strength you have inside of you. I wish I could say this administration saw the woman’s worth but so many executive orders carried out target not only women as a whole, but especially target our minorities and the vulnerable. In a regime where billionaire profit takes priority and human worth and sustainability becomes obsolete, it is truly an important time to harness and speak up and find a fight you believe in and act. I have been working a lot with Fifth Harmony over the past month and writing as much as I can, using my voice as often as possible to shed light and update and bring all of the things happening to people’s attention. I keep myself informed, I donate to almost every cause I come by, I’m working with my team to figure out organizations I can begin to work more closely with, going to whatever rallies or marches that are going on around me that I can make it to. It’s hard when you don’t have any stability to consistently work on something so I try my best to just stay informed and do what I can. Calling and mailing letters to your senators is also a great daily action method.

Some would say that your push for women’s rights is contradicted by the sexualized image that you and your group portray. What would you say to counteract this notion?

I would say firstly, that the group’s image doesn’t really have anything to do with who I am as an individual, as I’m sure a majority of people can understand if they know me or the story of how we were put together on the X Factor. But secondly, I would say that regardless of how the brand has been created, we are four hard working women who have succeeded in making our dream to become artists a more possible reality through this. We’ve reached millions of people all over the world who watch our interviews and listen to the message beyond the sexualization, which is to love yourself first and to understand your worth. We had so many of our fans tell us how worthless they felt before they found out about us and watched our interviews and listened to our music. Within our music there are a range of topics that deal with growing up, love and understanding. A woman embracing her sexuality is something that shouldn’t be taboo; most of our songs that are popular are sexual for sure, but I would say that’s more of a result of what the culture in America propels and consumes. Our first singles, “Miss Movin’ On,” and “Sledgehammer Boss” all had to do with harnessing your power and love. Those unfortunately weren’t as successful as “Worth It” or “Work From Home” so I think it’s a clear trend of what people want vs. what we want to give them. Again though, women embracing their sexuality should never be a reason to disregard their intellect or ability to speak on topics beyond that.

Why do you think Americans so obviously underestimated the power of Trump’s hate-fueled, misogynistic campaign? Who do you think it resonated with the most?

I think Americans are so jaded in this hamster-wheel-life capitalism has them on that they prefer comfort and stability to the fear of prison or the unknown world beyond where there is understanding and love seeping from every corner of our culture and society. We’re told this is how things were, are, and will always be. We’re trained in America to only care about our personal future and endeavors, we aren’t taught to share or help or give. So, in a society that is so self-driven, it’s completely understandable why so many people would shut off their empathy and view what this administration is doing as what’s best for this country. Most industries that people work for exploit humans on a regular basis for profit, that’s how they earn their survival, so they don’t even really notice anymore; it’s normalized. People are profit and we’re taught to believe that if we look out for someone else, we’ll be stuck last place in the race of struggling to survive. That’s the type of propaganda this administration feeds its consumers: “immigrants are stealing your jobs and killing and raping your women!” If you shout that loud enough over their evident scam of a system, those enslaved to it would rather place the blame on the “threat” than the horrible truth that their own country is betraying them; so most people just push forward in the rat race. I think the only reason I even have the ability to see everything for what it is is because I was blessed to be able step out of it and live my life through art. There is such a freedom and exploration of human experience in it that most people never have the ability to explore. I also understand how people would rather not think about the misery that is their daily life because they’re taught that success and happiness is equivalent to the amount of money in their bank account, not human emotion, love, or worth. Escapism is always a better option than revolution; nationalism is too deeply rooted in the American mindset to really make someone critically think about what they’re pledging allegiance to. I think this hate-fueled campaign awoke all of the people who feel cheated by the system and need someone to blame that isn’t their America. It awoke all of the rightists who have a deep fear of anything different from them, it awoke people who had been feeling ashamed of the hatred in their hearts and had to be “politically correct” all the time around their friends. Most people who voted for him didn’t even claim to, just silently checked off his name in the booth. He gave hatred validation and is their champion: he’s delivering on all of the things he promised them, so they rise and unite in this hatred and the society falls victim to daily terrorism and tension among its people, keeping us distracted from the real problems that lie in our very flawed system.

Many have said that the Women’s March turned into a protest against President Trump…do you agree? What did you take away from the event as a whole?

It was, in essence, a gathering of people who opposed the hate-fueled rhetoric of the administration, the propaganda, the lies, the dismissal of scientific facts, the attack on women, the attack on the LGBTQ+ community, and the attack on our freedoms and rights. If you are pro any of those things, you’re technically considered anti the administration. I think the reason it became centric to hating on him is because everything that’s happened lately is related back to give him more publicity. Almost every speech he’s made, almost every press conference Spicer stands at that podium for relates everything back to his likability and poll numbers and how much everyone actually loves him. So when things are organized in opposition, the media takes it all and makes it about him, and I think that’s why there’s such confusion right now, because he does not care about the people, he cares about his popularity and the success of his businesses. He’s a trained celebrity who understands how to manipulate people for profit; he uses these things to promote himself. I’m actually a huge fan of changing every single “anti-Trump” sentiment to “pro-human rights” because they are synonymous.

In your opinion, how can the world move forward under this regime of narcissism and alternative facts?

I think education and organization is the only way we’re going to have a good chance of fighting this regime. The power of a book, the power of knowledge and words, I feel, are the only things that can truly change a mindset and a belief. Organizing, coming together, and actively working to oppose the things that are happening is also incredibly important. We can’t just watch from the sidelines-we need to be proactive!

Traveling has helped you experience the world from a different, much more simple perspective. Can you tell us about how it has enlightened you? What do you appreciate the most about your life?

Traveling has given me the opportunity to understand just how small this world is and just how similar human experience is. We are all little beings walking around with the ability to feel and think. What we feel affects the way we think, what we think affects the way we feel. I’ve met people I couldn’t even communicate with because of language barriers but I could look in their eyes and feel love. I’ve met people who look absolutely nothing like me but whose beauty I can recognize because they are human and have a beating heart in their chest, just like me. When you can experience different cultures outside of your own, you understand their validity. When you explore other forms of life and systems, you understand that there can be and are different ways to live. When you see how many of us there are running around aimlessly on the same planet of gaseous stardust, you notice just how small you are. In the life I was given, this is what I’m most grateful for. For truly being able to experience this phenomenon that I wouldn’t have if Fifth Harmony didn’t have the support we did around the world. That, and my ability to use my voice on a platform that reaches people beyond my immediate circle.

Who is Lauren, what separates her from the group and others currently in music?

I’m still trying to figure her out, actually. I’ve recently woken up from a stupor of pure absence of self. I had to abandon myself to be able to truly do this life of fame in the music industry. I was walking around like a zombie for so long and distanced from myself for so long, that I’m just now noticing that I didn’t take any time to think about who Lauren is and develop her. I know she’s passionate, I know she has a lot to say, and I know she’s working on herself and evolving every single day. So I’ll get back to you about this one through my music, hopefully.

For people who have never heard your music before, how would you describe it…without using genres?

I’ve only currently released a song with Marian Hill called “Back To Me…” I don’t know if I even have a genre I can use because I love music in so many different ways. I think I’m just trying to connect right now. When I listen to a track I need to feel it, otherwise I just won’t do it. My individual music will only resonate with my soul, no more songs handed to me to sing.

What’s the craziest thing a fan has ever done for you?

Fans are constantly doing incredible things but I remember this one time, a fan gifted me a trip to Italy because she knew how much I wanted to go there and her father was a travel agent of sorts. I haven’t followed up with that because I haven’t had the time to actually use it but I was so, so grateful that she even thought of doing that for me.

When you were auditioning for “The X Factor,” what was going through your mind? Did you ever think it would turn into this amazing journey?

When I was auditioning, I was in the cattle call audition so I remember being surrounded by around 10,000 people with my sneakers inside my backpack just in case I had to switch out of the heels. I went through three rounds before getting to the producers and I remember the whole time my only mentality was that I was going to make it through. Every time I opened my mouth to say or sing anything, even though I was nervous as hell, I made sure that I was giving my absolute all. It was my first time auditioning for anything and trying to get my foot in the industry door, I didn’t have any connections or know anyone at all in the industry and at 16, I felt like this was the once in a lifetime opportunity that people like me who wanted a career in the arts could only dream of receiving. So I treated every single moment with reverence and attention. I think that’s why I was so devastated when I got cut as a solo artist because I knew I had given my absolute all and the thought of that not being enough was truly heart-breaking. So when they called us back and told us we could move on as a group, I was apprehensive at first because although I was grateful for the opportunity, I definitely had never envisioned myself and my artistic path having anything to do with a pop girl group. Sometimes life hands you things you can’t control though, and I believe firmly that it’s to teach you all the lessons you need to know before you’re really able to fulfill your personal legend. I am beyond grateful for my experience in Fifth Harmony because I have learned so much and have also gotten to where I am because of the hard work we’ve put into this. I’d be nothing without them and where this journey has brought me.

Where do you think you’d be if “The X Factor” never existed?

I’d probably be in college right now in my junior year, maybe studying Political Science or Humanities and Music in some sort of way. I probably would’ve become a writer of some sort because I think that’s the art I have the most confidence and strength in. Definitely in college, though.

What would you consider your biggest accomplishment thus far?

My biggest accomplishment thus far would probably be having been able to travel as much as I have. That was a dream of mine since I was a little girl and to be able to travel the world and perform while doing it has been an incredible accomplishment for me. I’d say the accolades, but the more life happens, the more I realize that trophies aren’t what make things worth while, they’re the experiences that allow you to be in a place to receive them.

If you could say one thing to your pre “X-Factor” self, what would it be?

I would say to shut out the noise and listen to your heart more. Your gut instinct is really good and you should trust it.

What would you say is the biggest misconception people have of you?

That I’m defined by my role in my group. I’m so far beyond that small bubble of pop world, as are all the girls. I have so much more to offer and say than I’ve ever had the opportunity to. But I’m not too worried about it because soon enough, people will understand that.

Philanthropy has been a huge part of your career. Can you tell us about some the causes closest to you?

Chime for Change is a beautiful cause I contribute to often, the ACLU, UNICEF, A21, Planned Parenthood; there are sooo many, wow, but those are a few of my favorites. I love organizations that empower children and women and work to create safe environments for them to prosper and have a proper chance at life and education. All of those organizations work tirelessly to aid so many people all over the world; it’s refreshing to lose myself on their sites. I hope to work more closely with them and build relationships so I can really get first hand involved in the work they do.

What are you looking forward to the most about 2017?

Self-exploration and discovery. I truly can’t explain how amazing it feels to start breathing life into myself again and to do things for myself that make me happy and feel whole. I’m excited to write more, and paint more, and read more, and exercise more, really get in tune with myself so I can start to realize the potential I see inside of myself. I’m also very excited for the new Fifth Harmony project; we’re working on an album right now where we had the opportunity to finally write a few songs, so that in itself has been an incredible start. I’m excited to see where this next chapter takes us