#the ppl on twitter dont know about my delusions

[p1x1x]

what indeed…!

[damagedcoda6669]

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

[traceofexistence]

After reading your post about Faye, I almost got a sense of deja-vu because I also had a similar rant about it.

Like that woman has been publicly out for a few years, privately even more (imo it was probably an open secret before she publicity came out). And no matter how "open" Thailand is for lgbtq ppl it's always a risk to come out, especially if you are already in a public light.

It's not Faye's, Yoko's, or 9star's problem that some people got "tricked" by other gl couple, and now in their opinion everyone is being fake and just doing it for "money."  And no matter how open and transparent any of them are (9star/fayeyoko), nothing is good enough for those people. Because like I've said they have been too delusional and were fucked over by other gl couples and their companies/studios.

So now that you have a openly out woman who is with a company that actually treats her and Yoko like human beings and doesn't rely on some stupid tricks so that they earn more money some people don't know how to behave. And in some instances are jealous because why couldn't my faves have company be like that. But that's just my opinion.

this

and because I'm weird like that I dont block the trolls I try to study their behaviour (knowing your enemies type of tactic on my party)

one particular on twitter was yapping about how Faye is in secret relationship with her salon partner (the way these assholes bullied that poor woman🤬) and she's cheating on her with yoko and yada yada yada, and how they are an excellent investigator. and their whole proof was couple of photos she had with Faye doing literally nothing LOL

so I looked at their older tweets, and boom they were a fan of another GL couple, and then they saw one of those actresses in pictures with a guy (again nothing explicit) and they started going off about how they were lied on, but to my understanding that other loveteam were like "we are single, we are phi-nong" the same way fayeyoko say (and I personally believe them because I simply dont ship)

so whether these people had "their dreams crushed" or they built a whole ass delusion to be mad about when it didn't come true is unclear to me.

and all the trolls I have seen look like they are disappointed from other GLs and apply the same bs on our girls

to conclude, I really do thing FayeYoko are nothing currently beyond phi-nong as they say

Faye has been saying she's single for years, that falling in love is hard for her, and be with people because she works too much, so I believe that

and Yoko doesn't care enough to lie about her status and she's been saying shes single since day one, and funnily enough the same trolls got mad that she said so again recently and called her names etc.

last but not least according to thai people, only very recently Thailand became somewhat open about LGBTQ. and still old people are conservative. coming out is coming out.

as for Faye, her family knew she was dating a girl early on. she said she didn't have to tell her mom, because her sister who (was very little at the time, asked her mom, and mom said "Faye is old enough now and she knows what she's doing" something along those lines and her baby sister told Faye back LOL so the cat was out of the bag soon, and her GF at the time was close to Faye's mom and sisters. her coming out to the public was around 2021~22 and after she got permission by the MGT boss, not to mention that with her coming out she paved the way for other MGT girls to be open up as well (two of her friends Lux, and Engfa for example)

[meili-sheep]

(i cant spell at all so ignore the nicknames for il dottory and anything else lmao)

meili_sheep, the chilucer supreme, after the 3.1 demo, i started thinking. now i am not a very clever guy and cannot think for long periods of time but i got a brainworm and it wont leave me alone so now youve to deal with it too.

il dottory, the weird lil guy that he is, clones himself every year ya? but what it he cloned someone else... 👀

picture this, diluc gets captured during his trip to shnez by the funky doctor guy and he see that not only does diluc wield a dillusion with no (major/notable at least) issues and he also knows that diluc has a vision, which isnt on him (cause like, one of the clones interacted with di in the manga when he had a vision on him (i think anyways, might be misremembering that)) that also doesnt seem to affect him so instead of dorey being a good loyal harbinger and bringing him to the big icy woman, he clones diluc 2 times, one to send to The Cryo Lady™ and the other to send to Mondstad.

i dont have any idea what to do with this little brainrot but all i know is that

1) potential to make a load of chiluc angst eg. good ol tartaglitits finds out about dr crime and watchs experiments and maybe he says, "hey fuck it why not join in? could be fun" and sometime during that luc says something about kaeya referring to him as his big brother ((kaeya bigger brother, cant pry that from my cold dead hands)) and child(e) feels stupid guilt about whats been happening to luc cause ✨family ✨ and they become jailbreak bfs or smth idk.

and to

2) hurt diluc at the same time! (i love him but he needs to suffer, he too much like me fr).

im not a writer so i need other ppl to work with me on this one please i am begging this concept wont leave me alone lmao.

(if i ever come back to annoy you with more of my brain ideas ill sign off as "🌙🫀" :) )

Meili underscore Sheep the Chilucer Supreme.

I also want to make that my Twitter bio.

Anyway. I actually do like this idea quite a bit. I had an idea a while back about Diluc being captured and brainwashed to be a Harbringer. Childe who had fought with Diluc before his captures, hates this new Diluc because he'd admired the old Diluc. He admired the wild passion and the fiery strength and with this new Diluc. All of that was gone. So Childe was secretly trying to break Diluc free. And I can see a similar angle here. When Childe finds Diluc trapped by Dottore.

Maybe even finding Diluc in a delusion state and Diluc called out for his big brother.

And Childe is instantly hit with guilt cause... that could be his little bother. So again that combined with knowing how firy Diluc was before Childe sets to getting ride of the Diluc Clones and breaking free the real Diluc.