#the point is that it wasnt fucking worth it man. i dont care if it means i havent gotten all the monsters

[lokh]

the leshen is the most thankless fucking quest in the whole game

[inviso-bill-strikes-again]

best thing about our specific Memory Issues is that mac can buy stuff while someone else is fronting and they won't remember it by the time it gets here so it's like a little surprise gift every time

[ma-lark-ey]

Lark Liveblogs Literature: THE SUNSHINE COURT BABYYYYY LETS GO JEAN

to begin: THE COVER???

The fucking NARCISSUS/DAFFODIL. Stop stop stop. Nora stop. She said it wouldn’t be a sun but I WASNT READY.

RESILIENCE. FIRST BLOOM AT THE END OF WINTER. NEW BEGINNINGS AND REBIRTH.

warning in advance for how many reaction images will be in this post. Miss Nora Sakavic has a way of making me unable to verbalise how devistated I am so I turn to goofy photos.

Also, just so we’re all on the same page:

it’s 1:20 AM. My roommate IS asleep. I am fighting the demons (downloading this book) but i am winning (it is queued on my kindle)

ITS DOWNLOADED LETS GO

Okay so context is that my Kindle is at 10%

I tried to go to bed and read this in the morning but I am

SO NOW I HAVE FRANTICALLY FOUGHT A WAR (figured out how to get this book) AND I AM READY FOR BATTLE (to cry over Jean)

ONE, TWO, THREE, LETS GO BITCH!!

Also my kindle cord is too small for me to properly lay in bed so im literally about to lay on my stomach kicking my feet like a middle schooler WISH. ME. LUCK.

CHAPTER ONE:

oh we’re jumping right in okay. god. hi baby :((

OH. I am just adding onto my #1 Riko hater agenda right now.

“The golden rule— not where the public can see” DIE. LITERALLY DIE TETSUJI

“The lack of broken fingers this time” THIS TIME??? JEAN. JEAN.

im so.

RENEE!!!

“and he had wasted them texting Renee a heads-up.” Nora please we’re only four pages in bro

Renee i love you im marrying you please give me a kiss. Mwah Mwah Mwah. She said “Bitch. Lay back down.”

currently also reading a batshit raven!neil fic and just. on the ground. about all of this.

stop the way I literally went “who the fuck is Nathaniel” Im too transgender for this.

Me, seeing the Abby content we need in this world:

Jean dont call that hellscape home bbg

Renee beating self worth into this man. ily

“Jean couldnt remember the last time he was allowed to wear color” LITERALLY KILL ME

Nora I need you to be less good at describing pain please and thanks

NOT THE BITING

DADMACK DADMACK DADMACK DADMACK!!

he fr be moving this man like a doll. love you wymack

tied him up with racquet laces I. h. lays on floor softly crying.

NOT THE DADDY ISSUES

Jean fr out here plotting 50 ways to kill his brother. he fr though Neil was the problem. no girl Neil just has no tact and autism rizz. Kevins the fucking snitch

no one:

Jean @ the Moriyamas;

“that man is years overdue for a head-on high-speed collision” YOU TELL EM DADMACK

CHAPTER TWO:

Jean please just sleep like a normal human man. God.

Even Jean be out here like “Kevins a little Chihuahua ass drama queen. Bitchboy. Wet cat man.”

Kevin: look, bro, if the 5’3 twink with enough daddy issues to make riko blush and chugs ‘fuck around and find out’ juice for breakfast can escape the moriyamas and not die, so can you.

Testuji. Testuji when I catch you. Tetsuji

Jean what the fuck makes you think anyone but Andrew Minyard will ever tell Neil what to do. Girl.

“If I am not a Raven, who am I?” A MOTHERCUCKING TROJAN BABYYYY

“I have to go to my next class.” I forgot they were in college deadass. Neil is straight up my age im gonna throw up.

Okay. It is. *checks time* 3 AM. I cannot keep my eyes open, which means i must put Jean away for sleep.

ITS IS NOON THE FOLLOWING DAY. I HAVE SLEPT. I HAVE TAKEN MY MEDICATIONS. TIME TO HYPERFOCUS BABY.

KINDLE SAYS WE HAVE 8 hrs 27 mins LEFT IN THIS BOOK. IM SAYING GOODBYE TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I’LL SEE Y’ALL AT DINNEE TIME. ITS JEAN TIME.

Hiiiiiii Thea….

“Good morning, Paris.” Now, the average man will see this as a reference to his frenchness. but real ones know Paris is prince of Troy, the man who married Helen of Troy & started the Trojan war.

do y’all think Jean has a french accent wait wait wait. obviously itd be very slight at this point but is it there. necessary question.

Assessing Thea like a fucking state exam right now. Neil could not have cared less about your ass I am gaining so much information

Hate of my life Riko moriyama.

CHAPTER THREE:

JEREMY FUCKING KNOW HI BAYYYBY

the way I literally got up and had to pace and stim for a moment even though I fully expected this. autism. my roommate is concerned. not really. she’s used to this she watched me read TKM and dramatically reenact the Ichirou Car Talk.

wow??? AFTG team actually seems happy and well-adjusted and friendly with each other??

Random Note: I’m currently watching Blue Exorcist & one of the main characters is a girl name Moriyama and I’m literally just sitting here like “This girl is way to nice and innocent to have that name.” Because she literally is the nicest girl to ever exist. Why is she cursed with the same name as my mortal enemy (Testuji)

“Tonight’s experiment was the icing on the cake, an invaluable experience no matter how it ended.” Jeremy, my love.

He has empathy… Never before seen footage. Y’all get the cameras!!

He’s so shaken about Jean,,, holding you so gently Jeremy. Here as a guy who knows nothing at all about Jeremy since I’m. so new here. but god.

Jeremy: are you sure a Raven can abide by Troja—

Kevin: Bro Jean is so pathetic he’s a bottom fr. He never disobeys an order

Jeremy: I. Okay you didnt have to say it like that, bro.

I will literally never stop respecting the Trojans strat in the final they really said. “If these fucks can win the championships with nine players, surely we can.” and then willingly got their asses handed to them.

“Xavier stumbled when he got the next serve off, and the Fox guarding him gamely hauled him back upright before running for the ball. It was a simple gesture, but it endeared Jeremy to them” I dont remember if this bit was described in tkm so i’m going to guess that’s Nicky or Matt. Aaron would fucking never.

Nah because like. Yes this proved to the Trojans how resilient the Foxes were, but it was also a message to the audience, yk? Like we know the Foxes were getting shit for their quick rise to the top after they pulled their shit together, but I personally think that the Trojans did this both for their improvement & for Foxes’ publicity. This game proved to the public at large how devastatingly *good* the Foxes were, because of their small size. The second best team in the league crumbled playing the same conditions the Foxes did *every game* and got to championships with. They proved that Foxes were, in fact, a D1 team who earned their keep.

oh hes got daddy’s money. Well. not. officially. yo what I mean.

“it was always best to have a paper trail” Neil Josten would have an anuerysm hearing those words.

Bye Jeremy I’m. Love you so much. Why do you feel like a sixty year old man in your early twenties.

“between seven and twelve students.” yikes.

“unfamiliar and accented voice.” I WAS RIGHT I FUCKING CALLED IY HES GOT AN ACCENT BABY FUCK YEAH

“you ever feel like— like you’re making a choice you cant come back from? But even knowing everything could go completely sideways, you’d make that choice every time?” okay so coming out allegories i could make aside, Jeremy is so… where to start with him. He reminds me of Percy Jackson. Endlessly loyal and selfless to the point its a bit stupid but endearingly stupid.

CHAPTER FOUR:

Okay so we’re alresdy hateflirting. noted.

Its also extremely sunny today in Podunk Hicksville where I live so it feels very On Brand.

“Jean had seen that smile in a half-dozen broadcast… He could picture it too easily, and he dug his fingernails into his own face in vicious warning.” Awww you think you can best the gay worms in your brain. goodluck with that Johnny.

“isn’t that reason enough to keep living? To rediscover simple delight one moment at a time,” keeping this quote for eternity

“enough sunlight to chase away Evermore’s shadows. They are willing to take a chance on you. Aren’t you?”

Kevin Day autistic king. taking this hesdcannon to my grave .

“the conspiracy theorists were working overtime” no girl they just aint stupid.

THEY DESTROYED HIS POSTCARDS…

CHAPTER FIVE:

I want to start keeping record of all the times Jean is like “[name] wasn’t decent enough to [thing]” because its SO funny. We LOVE a petty king.

also keeping track of all the insults he throws at Neil.

Neil likes to think he’s SUUUUCH a loner boy no friends angsty “dont speak to me” resting bitch face ass motherfucker. In reality he is a jack russell terrier — ceritifed jack russell owner who’s dog thinks hes soooo big and bad but said dog literally cries when you dont let him in the bed or say hi to people on the street

Jean is SOOOOOO dramatic 😭😭

Jean: Why would you let Kevin do this.

Neil: let him?? He did that on his own.

Jean: you’re proud of him for being a problem, arent you?

Neil: oh you fucking know I am, bitchass

“but other than his outstanding murder charge there was nothing interesting about that Fox.” i’d consider that very interesting information, Jean. Youre just deranged

“with milk, juice, and vodka dominating one shelf” that’s Aaron, Nicky, Andrew/Kevin in order. Im correct.

“There was an entire drawer dedicated to cheese.” Yeah that sounds like Nicky.

“Half the drawer was full of mini candy bars. Jean threw them all into the trash” bro Andrew is going to kill you in cold blood and not even Neil can save you.

Jean is SO dramatic. Give him Kevin’s crown.

Jean @ Neil during the final: ARE YOU WITHOUT INTELLIGENCE????? ARE YOU STUPID??? DO YOU WANT TO DIE??

Seeing the media coverage of the championship is the food I needed thank you Nora for this. I am eating it up. om nom nom

The sportscasters referring to athletes with their first name is batshit. What. why. huh. Absolutely not.

CHAPTER SIX:

Renee protecting Jean from discovering Riko’s death through media & not through them…

Everytime boys start fistfighting in this series I hear Roxanne from Megamind. “Ladies, ladies, you’re BOTH pretty.”

a) Jeans reaction to finding out was exaclty what I expected

b) I’m FASCINATED to know who called campus security. Jeremy?? Renee?? Someone in Fox tower???

Neil was gentle with someone other than Andrew? I didnt know he knew how to do that…

NEIL. NEIL JOSTEN. YEAH BABY

HES ROOMING WITH CAT AND LAILA??? YES YEA YES YESY

the Jean-Renee dynamic is so fucking important to me. MLM/WLW solidarity. theyre besties.

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME BRO.

Literally snuggling Jeremy

Oh he’s got Fox potential. Hiiii Jeremy. Give me the traumadump bbg

THEY/THEM??? DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME OR IS THIS AN HONEST TO GOD THEY/THEM PLAYER OH ILL CRY. ILL CRU RIGHT NOW

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Oh Jean. you’re about to have such a gay awakening babe i can feel it in my bones.

A FUCKING YOYO??? I LOVE HIM

“A mite bit hecked up” PLEEEASE JUST SAY FUCK /ref

OH HE WAS IN LOVE WITH KEVIN. INTERESTING INTERESTING INTERESTING.

autism coded lookingg motherfucker (stares at Jean.)

The chaos of Cat and Laila’s house is so fucking cute. Its about to be two lesbians and their distrustful pitbull rescue in this bitch and im ready for it.

CHAPTER EIGHT:

watching normal people discover the cult that is Evermore. Finally someone having a normal response to that madness. What the FUCK.

wait theres actually a cardboard dog i thought it was fanon joke.

oh my god there is actually a fucking cardboard dog. i.

jeans brain just got actually shattered by this living room. he cannot comprehend this.

Cat & Jeremy, realizing the cult rumors are real: I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING! I thought it was joke! I even wrote it down in my diary! “Kevin made a very funny joke today!” I laughed at it later that night!

Okay, last night; I went to bed at 2:30 AM 45% through (college my beloathed). we’re back in business.

Jeremy is so disturbed all of the time. goofy ass.

“Loving something is not enough,”

“When was the last time you enjoyed playing?”

“ Irrelevant.”

Whats his shirt look like Jeremy. Jeremy whats the shirt look like. Jeremy. Whats the shirt look like.

Okay so I’ve reached my image limit for this post and I dont have fun reaction images on my laptop. so now I will post this & reblog with the rest of this book.

[echo-of-damnation]

im not feeling good so im going to rant about the book Dead Men Walking by Steve Lyons because none of my irl friends will know what im talking about and i need to get it out of my system.

apologies in advance for anyone who ends up reading this

first things first. absolutely love the funky little krieg guys. i love that they just fucked their entire sick ass planet because the loser guys on top were like " yeah nah fuck the big man who is def not a god and fuck da rules". i applaud theyre blinding loyalty. one of their best traits imo. i love their quirks of not having standard names and the absolute crippling disappointment and need to atone for a sin so hard they send theyre young off at an unnatural amount. I love their hehe dont care about casualties front everyone thinks they have but they do and will take their lives in consideration. that some of them will feel fear at running head first into an unwinnable fight and some will flee. its so. human. like deep down in their gene code, no matter how much they reproduce these soldiers, there is a part of human nature that will always and forever be there.

I enjoyed Krieg by him and wanted to see more of their silly little lives in action. (this was before the siege of vraks book came out so at the time it was just those two books and pieces of lore scoured from the internet)

now! with that said!

i went into this book excited to see my funky little gas mask guys. what i ended up getting was a weird sub plot line about my guy Gunthar and the goveners daughter (ah forbidden love. a tale as old as time) and a little bit of the funky little guys.

after shit hits the fan our boy Gunthar gets separated from his one and only and ends up drafted into the PDF and gets to hang out and do really fun things train and fight with the kriegsman who came to "help" the planet from the shit that hit the fan.

spoiler alert. it was the funny robots hitting the fan.

while there is some really good parts in the book going through some of the fights with the dkok and ol'gunt it always ended up going back and bringing up his little crush. (who we find out is all in a shit hitting the fan situation but ends up fine at the end with the guy who liked her from afar and who shows up halfway through the book and this book wasnt about them okay. it was supposed to be about my cool guys.)

we get some super cool dialog from one of the krieg colonels saying something along the lines of "you just want to use us kriegers cause you think our lives are worth less than your own peoples lives. go fuck yourself." and some great moments when we actually get to see a kriegsman without his mask and its painful how young the boy is. it was great! more of that!

at some point all of gunny's krieg friends end up dying/they peace out because they cant contain the necron threat and its up to our love sick boy and this last baby krieger to do something.

so they blow the robos the fuck up. kinda.

beby krieger sacrifices himself(who didnt see that one coming) and gunthar does his thang.

NOW. I MUST CLARIFY. I MAY BE GETTING THESE TWO EVENTS SWAPPED IN ORDER. BUT IT REALLY DOESNT MATTER TO MY RANT.

at one point, and this is were i got frustrated and its kind towards the end ish, all of the important people of the planet are getting evaced which includes the govoners daughter and the lost puppy guy she found along the way.

what happened to the gov? the krieg colonel fucking shoots him for being a little bitch colluding with the enemy. so treason.

ANYWAY, the girl and the guy are getting onto the ship to leave when op! who is in the crowd! gunthar! hes there! he finally made it back to her! now to just tell her and oh who is that man touching her? hes kinda close and is she getting comforted by him? well i guess she didnt really love our boy in the end and his whole life is crumbling down around him. whats there to live for now? guess he'll just go die.

(now that im think about it i think this all happened before they blow up the necrons)

in the end i just kept getting reminded at every turn that yes this book is about the dkok but we are never in the pov of them. we watch and interact with them through gunthar who also wont stop trying to prove himself and find the girl he liked.

im not saying romantic plotlines shouldnt have been in the book but i feel like they should have taken a backseat. i didnt want to follow around the daughter as she leads a little revolution with some slave humans against the necrons. i wanted kriegsmen. i wanted to see how they lived and fought. how they interacted with each other and those around them. its fine that we had gunthar as our guy but i wanted more of him with them. at one point he ends up seeing them as brothers and finds comfort with them and the kriegsmen also end up respecting him a lot for his efforts. that could have been built on! that is an interaction that is never really seen and it would have made the story so much more. idk. i dont want to say better but like. more cohesive?

in this conclusion i will like to say i did like the book. it had really enjoyable parts but it wasnt great. its not a book i would pick back up and read of go and recommend to someone new to the fandom. it just never felt like a krieg book. just a book with funny gas mask guys sometimes.

thank you for coming to my ted talk. if you did enjoy this word vomit of a rant please like and subscribe and hit that bell for notifications so you know when i lose my mind about another thing in warhammer that no one else cares about. idk how to end this.

sincerly,

a sick little guy

[transyurikatsuki]

not that anyone really will see this BUT if i dont talk about this man I will fucking explode, anyway this is one of my tavs Azrael and i have about a million and one feelings about him because he has an overly complicated back story and I just think hes neat.

anyway hes a high elf sorcerer draconic bloodline (cold) and he used to be a fairly chill (ha) 'adventurer' for hire in baldurs gate, he wasnt super passionate about helping people but his power allowed him to work and that was that for him. anyway heres where we turn a little ridiculous but thats okay because I love him. basically he was killed (see scars: slit throat) and he doesnt know who or why, but he does have some fleeting memories to know that they then took his body and raised him from the dead and used him/controlled him as a puppet for years, and he woke up again on the nautiloid, in control of himself for the first time in years with basically no memories of all that time. basically hes got this story because I wanted him to have a lot of parallels and connections with the companions and these themes of trying to have control over yourself for the first time etc.

well when he woke up he definitely had some more necromantic powers whereas his original magic was mostly related to ice cause of his bloodline. and anyway because of the whole being a possessed corpse for years he kinda has a bit of a sore point with necromancers and the death gods and i hadnt even finished act 2 with my first character when I made Azrael so I had no idea just how relevant and bad act 2 would be for him. needless to say he immediately slaughtered balthazar upon meeting him. and also he felt calm and ready to fight with ketheric until ketherics line about killing you and raising your corpse and using it. at which point azrael went ummm a little berserk mode. all this to say he was in a very bad place at the end of act 2 learning about who is actually behind all this plot and so even though he was initially very anti tadpole, because of the whole "my body just became mine again and i have been dead before and I refuse to do it again" deal he has going on. well lets just say he was scared and not thinking straight and decided to eat a certain tadpole. he possibly regrets this already because people already thought he looked a bit scary and dead but whats done is done. hes a bit numb as we have entered the city.

anyway hes romancing astarion it was a bit of a rocky start for those two and they had a huge fight about the necromancy of thay but they eventually worked their way through it. and now they bond about being scared of their former masters finding them and a strange mixture of fear and gratefulness that the tadpoles broke the control. also for what its worth he had a hard time with gale initially but the scene where gale helped him reach into the weave like a wizard would was incredibly healing for him, considering he was a little scared of the way his magic had changed when he woke up.

now were in act 3 and hes a bit freaked to be in the city and his new camp best friend (he barely talks to her his emotional intelligence is not very high) is isobel because he is so excited to have someone to bond over being dead and then raised against their will.

if you read all this im giving you a kiss on the face and im telling you to please ask me questions about him because i care him so much

Edit: guess what I also want to show you all how he looked alive. I've made myself sad creating this. Note: more freckles, alive person skin tone, bluer eyes.

[gayspock]

yeh last one

my honest truth is i have never gone back on a thought ive had during whatever the fuck you want to call my little Moments as it were. like ive never had a screaming, crying, throw-up fit about how much i really need to hurt myself and looked back on it and thought i dont any more or regretted feeling like that. idk. embarrassment over the fact i might , when lucid enough to do so, end up going on a little whinge on here (ironically as iam now). cuz god shut up. but i dont rlly take any of that shit back ever. like i can carry that certtainty fucking with me that nothing ive ever been upset over has been something ivve come to think otherwiseon. and idk idk i say this bc idk. something something. i think abt how so often its like yeppp its a mental breakdown, but fucking is it. like is it actually. is it ever. am i irrational. i feel like the only ways in which its truly irrational isthinking it mattered enough to get that worked up in the first place like its ever going to mean something or going to be different . io genuinely wonder how many hours ive spent of my life just spiralling how its never meant anything how it keeps just getting worse how its never going to matter how much it hurts to anyone at all but me, really, how amny times have i been to the brink or tried really hard or done any number of fucking things and its never made a single difference not even slightyl for so so long. and the only thing there is between that and this is jsut pushing it forward to tomorrow and it sitll doesnt help im still not like a fucking person or whatever . i ts just been non fucking stop it never fucking stops no matter what i do or try or how long i do something or try something and people wont even believe it . youre not doing it enough youre not trying enough and you keep on doing it you keep on but more and more doors shut inyourface and you still can neverjust find anything . anything at all. not a single fucking thing even for once and youre not astrong fucking person or whatever i dont fucking know you just want to curl up and die like why do i keep doing this what difference is it ever going to make where am i going im going nowhere and who for who fucking for for ME i dont tink ive ever been worth it to anyone and certainly not to myself and even if it was i cant get anywhere and i dont think i mean anything and i dont know i keep thinking would it happen if like even/ for second to have something thats worth it for a second like o if i wasnt entirely alone if it was real if something jst. it doesnt even have to be a passion ro an interest just something that isnt fucking nothing butif you had that you wouldnt be here in the first place . thats the conceit of it. im not fucking depressed im not fucking clinically unwell im jsut a fucking useless piece of shit and no i cannot fucking cope with that its fucking horrible theres nothing and i cant manage it i cant manage being alone every wakinghour of my life i cant imagine feeling so isolated and alienated and doing things on my own i cant manage the constant fucking failures and inadequacy i cant

and i think . respectfully its fucking reasonable to want to killmyself because why why why the fuck would i want to be alive thats not a fucking chemical imbalance wat is the fucking point and theres nothing you can fucking Say to unfuck that thats the natural fucking rejection that respectfully everyone else can also fcking understand because god knows i dont know i dont know whats wrong with me or why i just cant do enough to do anything i dont fucking know i dont know why im never enough for anythingand . and what ma i trying oto prove and i dont know why it matters i dont know why i keep caring as if it fucking matters, man, thats the embarrassing thig that really is it i feel so fucking ashamed of myself because i feel liek im still setting ym expectations so so fucking hgih for myself getting upset in the fucking first place lik e come on dude its long long long past the point why come on just shut up and you know like god what are you doing iits so fucking desperate and pathetic to keep fucking going and i wish i never existed or whatever i wish or whatever ugh or whatever who saidthat oh was it me i dont fucking know i hat ebeing alone thats what i hate the most i hate how its just alwayslike this i hate being near people sometimes i hate fucking talking to people because it justfeels like everything i cant fucking manage all of the time i keep getting so so fucking upset over dumb fucking shit getting so fucking sad and jealous and miserable and its not fucking fair i jsut i dont know why eveyrone else has had something or someone even jsut once i feel like im just floating through everyone and even thats such a fucking stretch i just . i cant do it any more i feel so ugly adnd unwanted and i feel like i cant do anything to ever help it i feel like i jsutcant blamepeople i can tblame anything but myself for existing and ijust feel like the only way to fix it is out and WHATEVER

[oh-archivist]

Hi Fox!!

I hope this is okay to ask and doesn't make you uncomfortable but as a very long time follower who is also taking T I've started experiencing hair loss and have been wondering what you did and how it went for you ?

OH MAN DO I GOT AN ANSWER FOR YOU

First off, yes. I experienced it. It took me YEARS to get over the lose of my favorite thing/way to express myself.

I started losing hair in 2017 but didn't think anything of it (foolish)

I was losing hair in the shower but my logic was that I'd see a lot of hair after my sister showered, so that's normal, right? WRONG.

That wasn't normal /for me/. Anyways, I ignored it when I should have gone on meds and rogaine. The hair loss hit hard and fast for me at around 3 years on T.

Lost A LOT of confidence and self worth for many years to follow

After trying meds and rogaine (those are preventative measures and should be taken BEFORE hair loss gets too bad) I tried out hair pieces! For a whole year I had one and it was nice, until the glue got all gross and stinky and then, it was 2020 and I wasn't going out at all and I just stopped wear it, and didn't have much self confidence in myself but whatever, I wasnt going out anymore and I wasn't acting anymore, so what was the point!

Slowly grew my mohawk out a couple of times but it still wasn't the same. Then I started wearing wigs regularly in 2022 and it's been great since!

I used to feel like I was "lying" to the world when I wore wigs but after 6+ years of HATING myself over something I cannot control, I finally come to terms with the fact that I wear wigs now to feel myself again. I no longer feel worthless when I look in the mirror when I don't have a wig on. I'm me, with or without hair. And I have friends in my life and I open up about that part of myself to new friends and they're chill about it and literally dont care LOL

It's literally just me who was making a big deal of it all. The people I've since met and knew pre and post natural hair, don't give a fuck about my hair and cherish me for ME. Which is that kind of people I want around.

It was HARD AS FUCK and took YEARS to come to terms with losing the #1 form of expression I've had since I was 12, but, now I just wear wigs! I have my main one that you see in all my selfies and then I have a long blue one! Both are human hair and lace fronts and, well, yeah.

Hair loss is a really hard thing to over come mentally but once I came to terms with it and stopped being so hard on myself, it was actually really fucking easy to just put on my wigs and be like yeah its a wig, and? anyways I feel good and have my confidence back and that's all that matters.

[butchpeabody]

ok i finally feel coherent enough to post my spiderverse thoughts. theyll be under the cut and ill tag this post "atsv spoilers!" (as well as anything else i rb.) if you havent seen the movie id advise against checking the notes as well jic someone replies

so like. first of all what the fuck. i was fucking slackjawed from the last 30 minutes of the movie starting to getting home and sitting down. absolutely MASTERFUL movie in every way imaginable. i dont have the words in my head rn but its just. GOD. fuck. i will be buying the artbook when it comes out

individual points:

-i really really do love the curtains are blue style gwen trans allegory good fucking god. WHAT THE FUCK shes so good. by no means the main character (i was actually kind of worried when thebmovie started like i do love her im glad she got some shit but ibwas like...is this gonna be from her pov the whole time when miles is here...it wasnt!) but i adored her in this shes so ficking full of issues

-HOBIE. HOBIE MY FRIEND HOBIE. i really enjoy his presence in the movie- when hes mentioned once or twice before appearing i thought hed have a rivalry with miles but that was absolutely not the case. in retrospect its really funny that miguel grabbed him for his fucked up spiderverse shit giving that his entire MO is anarchism but if he were not there miles would absolutely be hurt or worse. im INCREDIBLY excited to see what they do with him in the next movie- especially because i can kind of see him as a parallel to aaron in a way? such free spirits ...artistic .... also i dont have as much to say about him but god pativr is so good i love him. i LOVE HIM

-peni was my favorite character in the first movie when i was younger but i had since grown like...worried about her showing up in future movies because of her stereotypical portrayal. its probably too early to give a clear for now nor is it my place to comment on the actual content of that BUT for what its worth she seemed much more faithful to the comics' tone in this movie- it seems that the implication was that peni experienced her comic run in between movies? her mech and outfit are far different. she was fucking HAGGARD when she first showed up. ham and noir coming back in the next movie will be nice but i do hope that they replace hams voice actor.

-miguel is so fucjing fascinating. people either seem to desire him carnally or hope he dies and im definitrly not in the former and im like.....nnnot entirely in the latter. intetesting character excited to see where he goes! what the FUCK was his problem though. you are a GROWN MAN trying to tear a 15 year old asunder because hes like hey i dojt want to stand idly by and watch my dad perish dude. he sucks and is horrible and i want to study him. jessica also really but she seems less fucked up and more like...willing ti take care of her responsibilites despite the emotional toll. excited to see if they clash more in part 2

-i dont even have the words to describe the animation but everyrhing is so beautiful. a few characters have sketch guidelines on them despite being 3d! the first fight scene of the movie contains a chararacter from a fucking da vinky world and hes in sepiatone and its fucking GORGOEUS.

-miles. ohhhhhh milesmilesmilesmiles saving the best for last. what do i even say man the progression of his arc, the way the smallest action of his from the first movie set off a massive chain of events, the turmoil he goes through and comes out stronger. his PARENTS. HIS RELATIONSHIP TO THEM HIS WORRY FOR THEM. i nearly screamed when he went in the wrong universe and aaron was there, AND HIS DAD WAS DEAD, THE THING HE WAS TRYING TO PREVENT. AND THEN ALTERNATE MILES BEING THE PROWLER. IS THE IMPLCIATION THAT EARTH 42 MILES WOULDVE BEEN THAT UNIVERSES SPIDERMAN BUT BECAISE THE SPIDER LEFT HE BECAME THE FUCKING PROWLER???? FUCK MAN!!!!! i need to see him thriving i hope he gets home okay. amazing movie amaaasizinngngnnn

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[lifeoflustandwonder]

Just a vent - ignore me (or don't).

Ive got such heavy imposter syndrome right now.

I am so very in love with my boyfriend, I love him so much it actually hurts my soul. He knows this, I know this. I know this to the depths of my being that nothing has ever felt so right so fast and I just cant believe it.

But i've been alone for the last year and a half, I am so very sure of myself when im alone its ridiculous. I have anxiety, but when im alone or not in a relationship I still have the anxiety, but it isnt there as heavily as there isnt any pressure.

Right now? I feel rife with it. Not because there is a problem, but my god the pressure of being with someone again is unmatched.

There is nothing this man does wrong, he dotes on me, he cares for me, he thinks of me in everything he does and vice versa, and I him. Ive been in two long term relationships. The first was 4 years, I left that relationship to be with my ex of 6.5 years.

The last year and a half is the first time ive been truly single and I have THRIVED. And its wild because I was ready to pack it in with dating until I met this man. Like id been fucking around and having a lot of fun, but id always been searching for a spark. Like I know I am happy on my own, so finding someone wasnt the end goal. Sure its nice to be with someone, I am a lover relationship girlie after all. However I enjoy dating and chatting and meeting people, Im also a huge nympho. So the random sex was always fun too. But I guess in my head I was like yeah i'll click with someone, itll happen. It got to the point where the meaningless sex was actually getting kind of boring. I was sick of explaining to people where Im from 1-3 times a week (Im currently living across the continent from home). I understand it comes with the territory of dating, but I was getting bored regardless because no one ever stuck.

But This man was actually my last stab at it, my thought process was 'go on this date, if it doesnt work out you can just continue to be on your own and itll all work itself out, its no stress, you're 27'. Naturally and weirdly it worked itself out with him being what feels like the literal love of my life.

I was going to delete all the apps and call off anything else I had going on after this date if it absolutely bombed or just wasnt anything special. It was the opposite, it was the best date Ive ever been on.

I've never been happier. But what I've discovered comes with this after being on my own and really thriving in being alone is that I just dont feel like I deserve him. I dont understand how someone like me, managed to get someone like him.

I am very sure of myself, I have so much love for myself and I know my worth. But its almost overwhemling how well he treats me, and maybe its because I dont feel like i've been in a healthy relationship until now. My last relstionship was pretty toxic by the end. So having him treat me this way I feel like I dont do enough for him.

Its actually fucking wild because I really pride myself on being a 'strong independant woman' as it was. One of the first times we met was because he didnt want me to walk home from work at 11pm in the rain for 40 minutes. He told me to stop being a 'strong independant woman for 10 minutes and let me come and pick you up and drop you home'. So I did, I let my guard down, and im really glad I did.

It just means Im in this really fucking weird headspace of whether or not I actully deserve this man. Like I KNOW I do, I deserve this kind of treatment so much. Much I just worry I'm not good enough for him because he's that good.

How backwards is that? Imagine not feeling good enough for your man because he treats you so well that you know you deserve the treatment but also he's so fucking great you don't think you deserves someone like him? like wtf is that? The heaviest conflict in my brain ever.

I would give him the entire world on a platter if I could. He gets princess treatment too. And rightly so, he deserves nothing less.

But that still doesnt stop my brain from telling me I dont deserve someone like him, even when I know I do.

I just hope I can gain the confidence in this to recognise that I do deserve this.

This is just my anxiety making me doubt if im treating him well enough, if he feels loved enough. Im going to ask him later for sure because I need to hear it from his mouth myself.

Honestly I dont have any doubt in the relationship, like I know he wants to be with me and I him. But I just want to know Im doing enough for him.

Im afraid of him leaving me, maybe thats what it is.

Every other man in my life has left me, why not another you know?

[spiked-mall-goth]

oh my godddd i forgot to give you all the stupid silly life updates after i came backkkkk ugh okay long post now.

these are out of order and i do not care.

went to my favorite used bookstore and came out with some really fun stuff! the lady at the counter is kinda new there and she is just so sweet i love her.

same day i went to half price books and got the first season of the muppet show on dvd!!! i was so excited abt that. i took it up to the counter and the guy working there was like 'shucks, i knew i should have bought it earlier lol. i want to get the whole show on dvd' and i may or may not have autism blasted this poor man with my extensive knowledge of the muppet show dvd releases. he was certainly not expecting me to go on for like two full minutes but he was nice about it :3 (i was killing myself forever for like two days bc whhyyyyyy cant i just be normal to people)

flea market!

very nice lady invited us out to her storage shed bc she recognized me and my brother, and asked if we wanted to go look at her old electronics before she put them out in the front of the store. guess what? i finally got a new vcr dvd combo playyerrrrrr!!!!!!!!! FUCKING YAY. the one in my room has been down since last JULY. so i am no longer menace in the living room!! it was for sure a gamble bc she said she had no idea if it worked or not, but thankfully it did and i got it for ten bucks!

was at my usual dvd store and got a good handful of movies! he recently started selling other things too, like old collectables and shit, so he has a nice glass counter set up. so i go up to the counter to pay and i look down to see an elvira midnight madness giant gila monter tape. so i was like uhhhhhmmm.. how much is she.? and he was like four dollars you interested? and i was like um yea yes please. problem is i always pay in quarters and i need to get some bills out of my wallet. so i just kinda plop my handful of quarters (like five dollars worth) on the counter like sorry about the quarters... and as i was pulling out my wallet he goes 'oh no i dont mind. they all spend. besides i put all of ur quarters in a jar back here' AND THEN PULLED OUT ONE OF THOSE BIG ASS MASON JARSSSSSS. OH MY GOD. anyways... he also started telling me about the two SEPARATE times hes met cassendra peterson.

also i got a coca cola drinking glass. this is not really exciting but it is to me so im mentioning it.

i went to go see the new ghostbusters in theaters! it sucked really badly! also i forgot that ghostbusters is just always lying dormant in my autism brain. please help i am drowning in ghostbusters rn

I GOT A VERY FUN BOOK IN THE MAIL!!!!!!!! ITS A BEHIND THE SCENES MAKING OF BOOK ON HELLRAISER III HELL ON EARTH!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE ITS SO MUCH FUN TO READ OH MY GOD!!! PLUS IT CAME WITH A HELLRAISER BOOKMARK WITH A FILM STILL IN IT!!!! SO COOL EXPLODING FOREVER

speaking of hellraiser iii, my older brother is going to help me digitize my vhs tape so i can then burn it on a cd so i can watch it forever!! i cannot handle the concept of my tape wearing down and losing my special version forever. so i would like to have him preserved b4 it gets to that point.

had birthday dinner last night lol. (my birthday was in january). but it was good!! i went to this little china cafe i grew up eating at, and then we went to the most specialist grocery store!! yayyyyy!!! i got a donut that im eating tonight and a cherry coke and it was so much fun <3 <3. i came home and finished btvs s5 while eating my left over cream cheese rangoons. it was such a good night <3 <3

while i was out last night we went to the dollar store (to purchase said cherry coke) and there were these two sisters in line with their mom, doing sisterly things making fun of each other yada yada. i really wasnt paying attention i was waiting for my younger brother to meet me upfront so i could pay. and then i hear 'noooo!! its not emo!! shes a goth!!' and the older sister is like 'its all the same!' and then younger one was like 'NO ITS NOT!!! i know shes a goth i know it!!!!'. it was so funny i started like laughing in the store, they were like 10-14 and possibly making fun of me but idc. made my day

at one of my favorite thriftstores, they have a new employee. the first time i met her i wasnt quite ready for her to just walk up to me and be like. 'your cool i can tell, i saw a pair of shoes earlier i think you might like' and then walked me over to show me these like fucking gorgeous black studded boots and i was like mouth agap like nooooooooo i wear a size TWELVE in womens shoes :(( and she was like ugh me toooooo i woudlve bought them myself but i wouldve had to remove a few toes lol. and then just walked off ?? i am getting better about talking to strangers in public, but i am still never like ready for it. so anyways, i come back a few weeks later and she sees me and is like HEY! and came over and started chit chatting with me, sh ewas telling me how she used to dress like me in the 80s and how much fun she had and stuff. and im just sitting there looking at this like 50yo christian woman like 'hwuh' bc i cannot stress to you enough that this woman talks faster than light and is so full of energy. and she was telling me about all of her old favorite clothes diys because 'you look like you make your own clothes' and all this stuff. and then she walked off and a few minutes later she came back with her phone and showed me a picture of her in like a full steampunk get up???? like corset and goggles and hat and very large hair and makeup and was like 'yeah this is what i dress like in my spare time, cant commit to full time dress anymore'. idk i just want to all to know that i love this woman so much shes the best.

far less fun my depression nest is back :(( i wanna clean it out but OUCH my legs have been hurting for like eveeerrrr

house sat :Db !! was locked up in a house by myself with a bottle of wine, half a bottle of tequila, a flask of whiskey, a vibrator, and tubi.com . i had a very good time! (also i got paid $130 and food for my four day total stay)

uuhhmmm trying to think if anything else fun happened while i was gone...

i had tacos for dinner! mmm yum!!

OH YEAH I HATE LIVING IN THE SOUTH WHAT THE FUCK. our sink water has smelled and tasted like wet dog for almost a month now. we have a water filter that at least makes the water not smell or taste but there is no WAY that is safe to drink. we had to buy on of those big ass water jugs to wash our dishes with. showers have to be kept to a minimum and we've been relying on hand sanitizer to keep our hand as clean as possible. yes we have called the water company MULTIPLE times. they insist our water is fine <3

i finally got new glasses!!!! i can see now! my prescription doubled in my right eye only! my left literally went up just enough to need a new lens.

okay i think thats long enough lol. love yooouuu mwah mwah mwah

[ghost-of-the-machine]

just saw a button that says "im not myself today. maybe im you" SHUT UP....... dont remind me!!! theres a specific shame in it that no one seems to grasp, which makes sense, when do i ever explain it?

it feels so. shameful, even though i know i cant help it, even if its just my natural tendency, its like. i want to RISE ABOVE my disorder, but.. i cant. its a personality disorder, it defines my personality. having back to back personality/dissociative disorders is so fucked up man i do not know who i am!!!! my only worth of myself comes from what other people tell me. am i sweet? am i kind? am i funny? at surface level i believe it, thats how i seem to others so it must be true... but beneath that i detest it, i feel rotten to my core. it feels disingenuous since its coming from others instead of within, so i feel like im hiding something. like theres some part of me thats so indescribably ugly and vile, and i cant let anyone i love see it. even when theyve already seen it, i hide it further, i pretend like its not real. i forget long conversations full of understanding and love, i embrace the fact that i need to hide this thing, this monster. there is no monster!! its just me, and that makes it worse.

isnt it horrifiying, though? i take the voices of others, take their mannerisms, sometimes i even take their skin, i shape myself in someone elses image. realistically i know why, mimicry keeps you safe from rejection, people are less likely to throw you away if you act like them. you are more likely to be accepted into a group if you mask and mirror. you pick up on their vocabulary, their personalities, and you display it back to them. but theres more to it than that, i spend too much time abusing myself over things i cant control, in the hopes that itll fix me. its not like i do it just to endear myself, i do it because i like it. is that worse, then? i like when i copy, i like the way people are!! i wanna be like the people i like, is that bad? i cant tell, i see it from both sides. it makes me feel dirty. i really dont know who i am

am i still the angry boy i was in middle school? that was me right? maybe it wasnt me, maybe im new.. if im new then who am i? am i the me i draw? the me i project out to others? who would that even be?? it seems no matter what, i remain dissatisfied with how everyone sees me, like theyre not seeing ME... but how can i know what that should be if i dont know myself? its like its locked somewhere within myself, but ill never be able to open it up, never be able to wear the skin i was meant to wear. i think it has nothing to do with the usual suspects, nothing to do with gender dysphoria, social anxiety, no. my mind is made of barriers and walls, im hiding from myself. i want to see it, dont i deserve it? its me after all.

to other people i must be someone right? so why does it feel so wrong? its not me, its wrong! surely its wrong? idk man. it makes me tired, i remember a couple years ago i managed to completely convince myself that i existed in a box and the box wasnt real, the whole time i was completely dissociated from my body, imagining one of my self inserts instead, crying and panicking because i wanted to get out of the box it was. MESSY, but when i calmed down i realized i was so worked up cuz i didnt know myself

for years ive worn the clothes my family picked, i didnt even know i could change my hair, i thought it wasnt allowed. i didnt have any self expression whatsoever. i was a husk, a shell of a person. to the point where now when i buy a piece of clothing, or i do ANYTHING with my appearance, i feel this.. it feels like such a big deal to me, and no one else really cares cuz hello? yr supposed to do that i guess, but i was 18 years too late. i have no sense of self cuz ive never explored myself, i thought it was against the rules. i dont know why i thought that, but its fucked me up i guess. i feel lost, i feel aimless. and im sucked back into that familiar feeling, i feel empty

[gayspock]

la la la

whatever im being a sour git again. ifeel like its just getting harder and harder every day not to be a jaded, bitter fucking asshole over eveyrthing and i feel sick with myself or whatever. and wah wah wahhhh its not fair. who give a fuck. i dont know. like its just cuz even if u try rlly hard not to be what is even the point in the end. whats the difference any more when youre so insignificat nobodys ever going to notice.like itslike even if u try not to be its just hard. fighting back just fucking being angry and upset all the fuckingtime because it just comes at you so fucking fast over nothingggggg. and trying to stop it . just maes yourself more miserable and exhausted as u reppress it all into some deep fucking hole inside of you .

and its sort of funny and ironic cuz u knowwwww it'd be more of a reason for people to say oh this is why youre alone and no one likes you cuz u dont try hard enough when trying hard never gets anyhting .etc. etc. just another reason for people to not come near you but like thatslike the crux of it rght. like wah wah wah woe is me itwould be so much easier to jsut try if any of it mattered when i but it never means anything so what IS the difference. alone and fucking exhausted or alone and fucking resented whats the point anymore in any of it . i tried to enjoy myself over the weekend but i jsut kept spiralling more often than i wasnt and sort of regret the wholefucking thing because its just a lot of wasted money . and yes i feel worse and fucking lonelier half the time out there. and man i wish hanging yourself was like actually easy to do effectively amen or whatever

wherewas i. hm. speakingof being a bitterjaded asshole this week. i just know people mean well by it but do you ever wanna scratch someones fucking eyeballs out every time they open the can opener on fucking mass produced platitude of the week to make everyone with sometihing tolive for feel better. i dont know. i thinkagain just. somethingsomething i odnt fucking care about trying with that any more my god the patronising way people fucking look down on you when you dont fucking submit to what they say immediately and have a different genuine fucking reaction that isnt what they want because no . no if that was something that meant somehting to me or mattered to me then yes i wouldhappily care but it doesnt. does anyone feel wrongin the head but like not in a sickk evil twisteddd way justin a god im not fucking worth it as a person and i wish iw as deadbecause i wish i could fuckingrespond to this in a way that wasnt with fucking existential fucking dread but no matterhow many fucking tiems i choke on it i m telling you its never going to fucking mean anything to me why do i have to pretendjust to be taken seriously when thsts not even taking me seriously at all i feel so fucking angry and upset osmetimes cuz i dont know like

just like the end truth or whateverthat yeah dying is just the right thingfor me it always is always gonna be and theres never been anything anyone can actually say tothat . not really . but you cant even have that you know . im spirallingagain imagining the fucking years stuck in thishouse doing this fucking timeloop for forever i always on about this the fuckingneverending cycle of fucking mental breakdown thats never resolved and stacks on top thepiles of other shit never anyhting fuckingother than the fucking downward trajectory ofbullshti with no fucking hope of getting out. "oh theres always a way!" says the cunt and if you like analogies so much lets look at me down the bottom of a hole with no ladder, smooth walls, and no one in a 500 mile radius . yesss my positive outlook will save me . i keep imagining slitting my wrists in a funny way like can i open it upad stick a fortune cracker slip in there . i'd probs pass out before i get the chance but maybe the mere suggrstion?

the anywaysburger . lastthing . something soething ive been so detached from reality for fuckingyears at this point sorry i always feel like a fucking cunt blagging about it i feel like everyone made disassociation into uch a funny fucking bit at some point i just feel humiliated to even fucking . whinge about it cuz its probs not even realistc and im jsut falling on my fucking ass trying to come up with shit to spin to justify im like a fucking braindead rpick i don t know i feellike i cant even conceptualise my surroundings any more itslike whenever i get high its obviously so much worse but its like. i realise its like a constant, keyed down version of that that i dfont rememebr ever not having i keep waking up in the dead of night and forgettingwhere i am i go to work i come out its like ntohing else ever existed andthis isnt exisitngrigh tnwo and the second i tune in im gonna throw up and fucking try to chuck myself down the sdtairs in 3, 2 1

[tvranny]

.

[pufflocks]

Ok ok lady kuroo oneeeeee..

Kuroo fucking bottom male y/n in the school bathroom by pressing y/n again a wall and just fucking his brains out

Summary: Skipping with your boyfriend sounds fun. Right ? You were being rather bratty during lunch.. Maybe some discipline in those dirty stalls would whip you up straight. ♡

"-Come on, speak up. You were just saying how you'd much rather be doing something else." -T.K ❣

An: Please excuse errors. I most definitely rushed this out my drafts.

Warning: Degrading • Dacryphilia • Minor Gagging • Minor Slapping • proof read

Cast: Bottom!M!Reader x Tetsurou Kuroo

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

It was lunch time. Or passing time some others call it as for some people would play on their devices or talk to their friends.

That's exactly what you were doing earlier, you decided to drag out the topic of how you think your boyfriend is just so protective in your conversation.

"Sometimes I wanna fuckin' breath-"

That's what you said, no ?

You were sitting next to and telling this to your boyfriends bestfriend, Kenma. He however just gave a light sigh saying something how could he help. Fingers diddling with his switch frantically. He obviously wasn't much help in situations like this, you know, but your mind was side tracked with your boyfriends glare.

'Hm..'

He was eyeing you down word for word as he silently watched you across your guys' table with your friends.

Watching you move shy hair strands from his bestfriends face and giving Kenma tips on his game. Not tha you had any particular idea in the game.

Why are trying so hard to be buddy buddy with him ? If you didn't even interest Kenma in any sexual form or other.

Tetsurou most definitely wouldn't let this just go by easily.

Lev only looked at his friend beside him then back at you in awe.

Yaku on the other hand had his eyes darted in his lap to his phone. No need to be in this conversation.

'Did he actually say that-?' He thought.

The chopsticks in Kuroos hand slipped from his fingertips as he chuckled under his breath. He didn't think you were this fucking down bad to get some dick.

All you really had to do was just ask. How fucking hard could that task be ? Could have easily fuck after school or at one of your guys' house. Gladly.

No doubt you would be coming back to this table with a dazed expression.

"Meet me in the bathroom, bubs." He whispered to you as he got up from his seat his dark aura following him out of the lunch room doors.

Yaku rose his head from his lap as his eyes darted your way, in disbelief, you were giggling happily as if you weren't about to get folded in half.

You got up from your seat leaving your barely eaten meal and two stunned friends, and one who's eyes were glued to his switch.

'Which one did he go to-' Thought unable to finish as you got pulled into a hard warm chest of someone you could only guess your lover.

You sensed his tense form as you shyly looked up to his face to only be met with dark pools of jealousy known as his eyes.

A shiver transferred to your head all the way down to your toes as a boner slowly began to form in your pants. Even when he was jealous and frustrated he could always be seen getting flat out drunk on his cat like existence alone.

And right now all you wanted from his noir existence was a dead. Good. Fucking.

"There something on my face or something ? Or are you imagining me as my bestfriend instead of me ? Your fucking boyfriend."

His words felt cold with a tinge of heated anger. He couldn't be truthfully angry at you could he ?

The only response he got from you was a shy shake of your head 'no'.

Gotta play like you didn't want your arse pounded like a dog in heat just a second ago.

You thought about your next moves as your pants got tighter by the second and your now playful and mischievous boyfriend glared down at your form.

'Ah–'

Not all the time did you see the man get hot and bothered up front like this, not in school at least.

Close within eachother faces, hot tension in the air. The heat coming off his body specifically was close to a bonfire in the summer, and you were his slightly charred marshmallow being close to the heat.

Melting into something deliciously horny.

" 'M just horny 'n wanna be fucked really hard today-" You whined. Never being the one to exactly whine and beg, but the last time you masturbated was about half a month ago !

It wasn't your fault he was so busy and such with volleyball though. He msdevsyre to have time for you every so often. Outside and inside of school he was the best boyfriend.

"Oh. Didn't notice you were so greedy. Why not ask me after school ?" He bluntly stated. Funny his he asked this and your erection is straining against fabric as you speak.

You tugged on the bottom of his uniform catching him off guard slightly. "If you don't fuck me right now, Tetsuro Kuroo I might just consider getting with Kenma !" You barked.

Tetsurou only smirked like the mischievous damn cat he was.

Leaning closer down to your face, "Alright then. When we get back from the stalls, I dont wanna here a word about the cum leaking out of your abused ass." He whispered for your ears only as he flicked a slightly erect nipple outside of your school flannel shirt.

¤ y.p.o.v ¤

"Yes, yes." I mumbled. My nipples were being stupidly played with.

"Bathroom.." I said. He only nodded, retreating his hands.

Making our way down to the bathroom was audibly quiet. Only our footsteps being heard throughout the silent halls.

My eyes skimmed his posture and tall stature as I noticed his bulge. Soon enough it was going to be forcefully filling me in some dirty stall.

I look up at Tetsu and see his unusual stoic face fall into something familiarly mischievous as he caught on to me.

The sexual appeal and aura was never lost as we made our destination. Thankfully, we made it to the bathrooms without me jumping on him right there and then.

"We're here and let's hurry this up, pretty boy. I dont feel like getting in trouble for fucking you between classes again." He stated. I only scoffed and chuckled lightly.

At this point I dont care if we skipped a few minutes just to fuck. Did it once, I'm sure we wouldn't get caught twice.

Walking in the bathrooms, the first thing I do is pull him down for a kiss. Reminding him that I'm still feeling it.

He chuckled in the kiss. Wrapping his rather long arms around my waist, picking me up as I tossed my legs over his waist. His muscular body holding me up as if I weighed like air.

"Bubs.. About fucking you into these stalls. You know why I'm gonna go rough right," I nodded slowly. Giving him a few small hickies on his neck.

Faking my innocence for a better fuck is always worth while. He took that as a thumbs up as he once again let out that noir chuckle of his.

"That's good to know babes~"

Further movements were heated skin to skin touches and kitten licks and bites of each other. Some movements pornos could never mimic.

His calloused fingers gripping my throat, forcing eye contact as he smirked on how wrecked I already looked. I would say it was embarrassing if my mind wasn't attracted to his knee gliding across my tight pant front.

"Looks like you need to get that attitude fucked out of you from earlier, hm ?"

My mind barely focusing on his wolfish voice as he licked a long strong underside of my jaw, making me visibly shake and quiver slightly. The contact we shared in this cramped stall has me gasping for air the more I think of someone barging in. Any second I could literally bust thinking of how he would fuck me harder, the two pairs of feet on ther other side of the stall merely nonexistent to us.

"Tetsu please- I want it really bad~ I was bad wasnt I ?" I was becoming desperate as I slithered my hand down to his own very visible, erection.

He groaned lightly before chuckling and kissing me once more. I know he knows that my actions with his bestfriend weren't intentionally to hurt him, but what if I had fucked his bestfriend-

My thought was intruded as he flipped me over the stall door and shucking my pants off my body. Doing the exact same to his own as he harshly pushed into me.

I choke out a long groan of surprise as he held me against his clothed chest. "Ah-! Wait Tetsu!~" I was hushed by long fingers. Poking and prodding on my tongue to my throat.

He whispered in my ear, "Shh, now what if we get caught and I get in trouble for fucking you ?~", nibbling on my earlobe tantalizingly slow.

Hot breath we shared as his dick ushered in and out of my puckered hole. Minding you that we had no lube so the burn of him dragging himself in and out of me was a blinding pain.

My hands made attempt of pushing him away. Drool just at the corner of my mouth, fingers still at work.

He got the idea, pulled out to the tip, and lazily drooled on his shaft. His shape successfully returning to it's desired place.

"Can't have you hurting too bad. Even though this is a well deserved punishment~" He smirked at his own comment.

Right. I got myself in this situation and every second of it I loved. So close to the spot aswell-

"NGH–! Hah~ Shit Tetsu~ Right- Right thereee~!!" I shut my eyes closed tightly. My dick dripped precum as every few thrusts directed to my prostate.

"I found your spot, hm ?~ My baby finna cum soon ?~ Want me to jack you off or should I not, keep in mind your not off the hook, love.~" He mocked as his hands gripped my left leg, sandwiching between the stall door and my lover.

His other hand on my dick refusing of ejaculation. The new angle and pressure on my cock making my head fall back.

God I felt like I was going dumb and on his dick !

"PLEASE— I NEE- AH!~ I NEEF TO CUHM!~" I babbled. I doubt he heard me clearly though

Tetsu spat in his hand as his hand rapidly started to glide across my shaft. The slick palm feeling heavenly on my member. It was all so overwhelming !

Drool finally making it's way down my chin and hicked up throat.

"Bubs- Fuck-! Babe I'm finna cum in this sweet ass. Better keep in too~ Let Kenma and everyone else know you have a boyfriend~" He grunted near my ear as I frantically nodded my cockhead probably a pretty red now, completely swollen and wet.

"Cu- Cuhminggg!!~" I slurred as a particular harsh thrust shoved me off the edge and the knot in my stomach grew and snapped.

I felt a gush of his semen flow in my abused hole as he grunted and stilled ministrations. His cock head snug on my sore prostate.

"I- I hope you remember my words from earlier bubs. Wasn' playing." He scoffed as he checked out my blotchy neck and slobber slicked face.

The sight, I'm sure was obscene as he spread my cheeks. Cock head only inserted by the tip in hopes none of his hit substance fell on the bathroom tiles.

"Fuck Y/n.. Do this shit again I might just have to fuck you in front of Kenma~" He said tauntingly, slapping my ass aggressively as I eeked I surprise.

"I'm gonna leave first and you get cleaned up alright ? Don't want people to notice that we fucked like rabbits in the stalls." He said helping me with my clothes back on my body. I was too braindead to do about anything.

" Kiss.." My words coming out slurred. He looked up at me as he was helping me put my slacks on now. Leaning in giving me a long kiss.

My body leaned into his as I dragged my arms around his neck. Humming in satisfaction as I parted the sensually deep contact.

"You're so cute after sex !" He exclaimed as I ruffled his hair giggling now off my high.

He cleaned up after a few more shared pecks and left first as I sat on the toilet for about 6 minutes.

I checked my phone fir the time and I saw that it was nearing the end of the lunch hour.

'Fuck !'

I splashed some water on my face quickly before ushering to my next period. Being early wasn't so bad I suppose.

[localvoidcat]

putting them under cut :3 a lot of these have been mentioned before im just putting them all here

any pronouns + tech neos, arospec gay transmasc. he's whatever he wants to be

he's pre-t/no-op. mustache is fake he loves it. maybe he uses a voice changer hes silly like that

in college he used to wear a lot of fun glasses he'd have silly colored shaped ones

speaking of college! i think he thatcher and ruth all went to the same school and i think they were drastically different back then. so many pictures of them as completely different people

her glasses are both prescription and for light i think tech has sensitive eyes. mix of staring at computers constantly and also just because they're just like that

has chronic pain but doesn't acknowledge it and if they do they just. dont care enough to fix it

this is from an offhanded thing said on a stream once but wire has ten cats :] the cat names are the ones ant headcanoned

im an uncle dave truther (mark and sarah's mom is his sister) but i dont actually think he was able to be too present in mark or sarahs lives due to. the next thing im gonna list

dont think his relationship with his family was too good, got disowned later in life (fuck the heathcliff family me and my homies hate the heathcliff family). he stays in touch with sarah when she gets older but he wasnt able to be there for mark during that time. sad!

uhhh i think she gets to be gnc . cause i love her. i drew dave lee in a dress once and it extended my life span

snatching this from moonlightmasquerade but i think they should have sectoral heterochromia. as a treat. he gets to be silly

likes sci-fi movies a lot. i think he'd also like those really shitty movies they love those

wont stop eating wires. bbygirl whats wrong with you

isnt as close to thatcher as ruth was to him but i think tech really tried to be after vol 333. went out of clacks way to try and help thatcher out but theres only so much you can do for someone that wants to shut people out. before all of that though i think they were pretty good friends they did dumb stuff together. probably got arrested together once

i think he and ruth were close too!! ruth canonically called him "poor thing" and i think thats just how she treats click IUHYGTF that's her babygirl #2. dial looks up to her on some level

has a lot of colorful shirts. probably wears the worst hawaiian shirt + khakis combination ever

mullet dave truther. sorry

i think they have a very funny dynamic with evelin where he's just like. the worst possible boss ever but in a whimsical way. shes so tired of putting up with him but they also hang out on the weekends. strangest non-related uncle/niece duo ever

missing a tooth and claims its from a fight he got into years back. in truth he slipped and ate shit on a sidewalk as a kid

had a lot of cats as a kid! kind of ties into the having a bunch of them currently one, i think shes just used to being around them

canonically says he's not a man of god. points at that guy religious trauma be upon ye. questions it when he gets really anxious

has so so many issues that he just doesnt get checked out. dave voice everybody has horrific breakdowns that they bottle up for decades on end i dont know what you're talking about

tries to be very positive, ESPECIALLY after vol 333. i made this a key point in my lovely city but i think that he equates his worth to how much he's able to help people, and sees being able to make people happier as part of that. imagine how crushing it must have been to realize that the thing he was doing to help people all those years was the thing that brought about the downfall of his home and potentially the world. Oh Well!

i need to just make a list of my dave hcs. do you guys just want a list of my dave hcs