#the pineapple didn't help either lmao

[afniel]

Well, I still get horrifically motion sick.

[drabbles-mc]

Ohhhhhh ok for the ask game can I get a perspective flip for the fic fineapple? I think it’d be hilarious

Omg you certainly can! Plus this gave me an excuse to go back and reread Fineapple again and I'll never say no to that! 😂🍍

Also, shout-out to @withmyteeth because her response to this fic when I posted it forever ago has lived in my head rent free ever since and definitely made the cut into this version of the fic lmao 😂💕

Perspective Flip: I’ll write a scene from [that fic] from another character’s point-of-view (Find the ask game Here)

(This got away from me a bit, so I put it under a cut hahaha. Hope you enjoy! xo)

Angel had never been a morning person the way that you were. For a little while, he tried, but eventually came to the conclusion that it was no use. So when he'd woken up to an empty bed that morning, he wasn't surprised or worried, especially not when he could hear the faint sounds of the shower coming from down the hall. He knew that by the time the evening rolled around the roles would be reversed--you'd be passed out on the couch while he was still sitting next to you, wide awake and losing feeling in his arm because you were leaning against it cutting off the circulation.

By the time you were finished with your shower and dressed, he was already cooking. He'd never been a great chef, but he could handle breakfast. He could handle French toast without burning the house down.

Most of his focus was dedicated to the stove, but once he saw you out of the corner of your eye, swaying to a song that was only playing on the inside of your head, he couldn't help but to let himself get a little distracted. He could barely hear the sound of the blender in the background as he watch you on the brink of dancing. The smile that stretched across his face was involuntary, one that almost made his face hurt because of how much happiness and love was bubbling up in his chest, even if he hadn't figured out how to tell you that yet.

"What?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

Shaking his head, he still couldn't tone down his smile as he said, "Nothin’. Just, you look so happy with your fruits over there, that’s all."

He was perfectly content to listen to the laugh you let out at his statement. He was able to divert enough of his attention to you and the smoothie you'd made him, strayed from the stove just long enough to try it and figure out that he liked it before going back to cooking. Even when he wasn't looking at you anymore, he still joked with you, gave you grief about leaving him out of the smoothie loop for so long, making it seem like you were keeping some grand secret from him.

"Pineapple is good for you, you know," you told him.

He laughed at the seemingly obvious statement, feeling like maybe you were just getting on his case for never eating healthy foods. "Isn't all fruit good for you?"

"Yea, but..." you trailed off, which got him to spare a look over at you just long enough to see the confusion on your face. "Do you not know what they say about pineapple?"

He didn't. He had no fucking clue what people said about pineapple. He couldn't hide that from the expression on his face, either. "The fuck do they say about pineapple?"

You laughed, not in a way that was mocking, but just in amusement. "Google it later."

He shook his head as he looked back at the stove, taking the last of the food off of it and killing the flame. He didn't say it out loud, but all he could think was "I WILL Google it later."

After breakfast, when the two of you had decided what you were doing with your day, Angel watched you disappear out of the kitchen and head towards the bedroom to get changed. The second you were completely out of sight, he instantly pulled out his phone and opened up Google.

He frowned in thought as he typed out, "what do they say about pineapple?" He felt utterly ridiculous, but he was too curious now to bail on finding out. Part of him was expecting to see a bunch of search results talking about vitamins and clear skin and whatever the fuck else people always said fruits could do for you.

What he wasn't expecting was the first article in the search results to be titled, "Here's the Truth About Pineapples and Oral Sex". His eyes nearly popped completely out of his skull as he clicked on it. He was skimming over the article, already charging to the other end of the house to find you as he did.

"Babe!" He all but threw himself into the room and across the bed to reach you and put the screen of his phone uncomfortably close to your face. "Is this true?"

He saw the way that you were fighting back your laughter, shoulders trembling with effort, but you weren't denying it. He felt like there was so much that he was supposed to be doing with this newly-found information, but he didn't know what.

Tossing his phone onto the bed, he grabbed your shoulders, looking dramatically into your eyes as he said, "We need to buy every pineapple at the store today. I’ll eat a whole one every day."

He could tell by the look on your face that you thought he was exaggerating, but he really was ready and willing to figure out how to eat a whole pineapple every day without losing his mind. He moved his hands so that he was cupping your face instead. "It's for science, querida. We gotta do our research."

You just laughed, nodded, and gave him a kiss as you agreed with him. When you returned to the task of getting dressed, he turned and quickly snatched his phone off the bed, opening up the group chat he had with the rest of the guys in the club and dropping the link to the article into it.

He sent the follow-up text, "You guys see this shit? 🍍=👍🏻🍆??"

He vaguely heard you ask the question about what he was doing. His eyes were still glued to his phone, watching the three little dots appear as everyone started typing out their replies. "Puttin' this shit in the group chat. The guys gotta know about this."

He could hear you laughing at the lot of them, but he was too busy watching all of the replies come in one after the other.

Coco: "I don't buy it. Old wives tale."

Gilly: "Too bad pineapple sucks bro 🙄"

EZ: "You guys just figuring this out? 😂"

Gilly: "Too bad you still can't get fuckin laid boy scout"

Angel shook his head at all of them as he replied to all of them in one fell swoop, "Losers. I'll let yall know after i get my dick sucked FOR SCIENCE. 👍🏻🍆🍍"

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

I have a horrible cold, the sleep meds are hitting, but it's been two and a half months and htis feels like a good day for making questionable choices so HERE I AM TO SEE HOW WELL THIS FUCKING POST HOLDS UP HUH LET'S SEE HOW IT HOLDS UP, MAGGOTS, AHAHAH.

"signals foir help" lmao bitchboy you THOUGHT.

i mean tyeah we're all queer it's trUe of this entire hellsite not just the show but yes so queer oh my god it's more queer than a pineapple-platypus fanart

oooooh yes they likey and then we all see them likey and we think me likey

fuck you pasta asmi it's black literally anything can be silver or white if you make it reflect enoguh light is that phislosophical maybe

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH CROWLEY BEING EMO AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA BITCH HE WISHES HE COULD BE THAT COOL AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OMG THAT DISASTER

listen. listen. it's true. but you doN'T HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING UPPITTY ABOUT IT OKAY YOU'RE NEARLY THERE YOU'RE GOING TO BE A CHILD OF DIVORCE TOO WAIT AND SEE.

i think gabriel causes problems just be existing tbh but big mood anyway fuCK YOU GABRIEL LOVE YOU JIM OR SOMETHING IDK

no no that's true that's true that's fair marriage is a social construct and theyre so married fr

shut the fuck up DON'T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT DON'T STAND AND WATCH EVERYTHING CROWLEY LOVES BURN FIRST THE BOOKSHOP WHICH WAS THE ONLY PLACE HE WAS SAFE FROM HELL AND THEN THE BENTLEY AND THEN HE HAS TO STAND AND BURN IN THE BODY OF THE ANGEL HE LOVES OKAY SHUT UP PAST ASMI SHUT UP

I--HOW DID YOU NOTKNOW ABOUT TDAVID TENNANT LIKE OKJAY YOU WERE JUST TWO WEEKS INTO THE HELLSITE BUT EVERYONE HERE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HUIM (REFER BAFTA INCIDENTS)

NO HE ISN'T FICTIONAL, TERRY GNU

Is Neil fictional? Am I fictional? I mean I still haven't evaded all the I'm Delirium from Sandman accusations so like. Um. ANYWAY GONNA ASSUME YOU'RE PROUD OF ME NEIL OKAY SINCE YOU'VE NEVER SAID OTHERWISE K COOL THANKS.

Uhhhhhh two preteens actually well I mean depends I mean. I mean. Why am I trying to make sense of either my rambling or the show. Why am I trying.

The baby delivered was the son of satan and became the preteen idk what to tell you man it do be like that sometimes

diSCo TonYyyYYY he even has a stripper name (NO HE DOESN'T, BY THE WAY. WHY DID YOU ALL LIE TO ME ABOUT THIS I WATCHED THE SHOW WAITING FOR THE DISCO TONY STRIPPER ERA.)

....what

you enver understand anything what's new (neither do i, it's ok)

and just like it's mascot.

like the book says "every little bit helps". I mean the book also says "right mumbled crowley suddenly feeling very alone" so like AAA

is there anything they DONT do with homoerotic undertones tho IS there because i haven't seen it yet

man y'all were right i really did make crowley sound like a stripper in this post i'm sorry crowley i love you but your disaster ass could never actually go through with that career stick to being in love with aziraphale as a full time occupation okay

WHICH FUCKING HAIRCUT ARE YOU INSLUTING ASMI CME FACE ME WHICH ONE HUH BECAUSE THEY LOOK GEOGROUS IN THEM ALL FUCK YOU

stop saying queer it's so redundent queer and good omens are the same ffs

i feel fucking called out by MY OWN PAST SELF OW OKAY FINE MESSAGE RECEIVED DID I EVER BLAME NEIL NO SO STOP BRAINROT-SHAMING ME PAST-ME, OK? I KNOW. I KNOW I'M THE PROBELM.

NIOPE JUST GONNA LEAVE THAT THERE NOPE

*nasally front bench student voice because yes* ACTUALLY, it was both oF THE--i forgot what the point i was making was but uh it was both of them is generally a safe point about everything in GO

children. THE THEM,MMMMM AND TY TENNENT AND IM JEMBIMAN AND I MADE THIS POT /NOT DRUG

oh wow really was there nearly missed that apocalypse damN NO I DIDN'T THE APOCALYPSE WAS COOL YOU ALL REALLY CONVINCED ME IT DIDN'T EXIST HUH no fair you were brainroted i exucse it

WE'RE ALL SAD AND AZIRAPHALE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN EITHER AND AZIRAPHALE IS SAD TOO I MEAN NO WAIT CROWLEY IS SAD TOO IDK OKAY I AM SO ILL RIGHT NOW

shut THE FUCK UP I'VE NEVER BEEN CALLED OUT SO HARD BY MYSELF. FUCKING BITCH-SLKAPPED BY THE PAST. WHO LET YOU HUH. WHO.

HAHAHAHAH SANIOTY WHAT SANITY WHUICH SANTY HEY MAGGOTS YOU SEE ANY SANITY BECVAUSE I SURE AS FUCK DON';T

holds up pretty wrlll methinks i'm just shocked that you all didn't instantly punch me in the face klike that's so wiLD.

oh i am so ill and wozozy i may have covid who knows i'll go to a doc but mainLY I'M IN LOVE WITH CROWLEY. just gonna run with the assumption that neil is proud of me and that you maggots are proud too because i am so dazed that i do not entertain alternate thoughts i barely entertain thoughts at all love you xoxoxo

Pt III good omens but i STILL SOMEHOW haven't watched it (and i'm increasingly passive aggressive)

i'm now basically held hostage adopted as mascot by this fandom. it's fine i'm fine *SIGNALS FOR HELP DESPERATELY*

Alright fuckers I swear this time I'm going to get some shit right. Without further ado, here's my third attempt at a good omens summary:

Everything everywhere is queer all at once

Angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley on earth likey each other

The car is a bentley and it is BLACK not silver and everyone is very upset about this. my bad yall it was reflecting light therefore i guessed more silver than black but I'm not Anish Kapoor take your black.

Then it is yellow, and aziraphale likes it. crowley preferred the black because he's a flamboyant emo.

God is a deadbeat absentee parent and you are all children of divorce.

There's a naked archangel and they cause problems for the husbands somehow. By being naked? By being an archangel? By being at their doorstep? Who knows not me

They were actually married for 6000 years, they just are the last to know about it.

Crowley is on fire. Like, he's slaying for sure, but also he is literally on fire, like Aziraphale's bookstore.

The actors like I said before are Michael Sheen and David Tennant but this is the place where I finally admit that I don't actually know who is whom. I'm going to assume Michael is Aziraphale because Michael sounds angel-y and David is Crowley because uh Michaelangelo made David and was gay for him.

Terry Pratchett is not fictional.

He co-wrote the book with @neil-gaiman, who IS fictional, because he does not have social media. Several of you have assured me that he is in fact a fandom inside joke. I like to think he would be proud of me.

They adopt a preteen and Crowley gives him bad advice.

At some point a baby was delivered to someone and was exchanged for the son of Satan. Idk if the baby is the preteen, or the son of satan is the preteen, or neither. This could be a fanfic, I have no way of differentiating the fanfic from canon on tumblr, except that the canon is weirder.

Crowley does not go down a chute. He goes down a telephone cord after making himself microscopic to pole dance on a pin with shroom-induced backgrounds.

During this his stage name is Disco Tony. Get it king go slay you're making better life choices than I am tbh.

Aziraphale is a biblically accurate angel, and you have all gone to extensive lengths to prove this to me. I understood nothing, but there you go.

It's all very queer, just like the fandom.

Crowley is a retired demon but he still sins by breaking the speed limit.

They eat at fancy restaurants and bicker but like in a sexual undercurrent way.

Crowley gives Aziraphale a private dance that is not a lap dance, it is an apology dance, but not in a kinky way, until it is.

Their haircuts keep changing and range from 'this is acceptable and gay' to 'i let a drunk chimpanzee take gardening shears and a blowtorch to my hair'

It's all ineffably queer my good fellows

Everyone keeps trying to convince me Neil Gaiman is the villain yeah no guys I know it's really you. Y'all be like 'SEASON TWO BROKE ME' and then you're making headcanons to make it sadder yeah I see you mmhm.

There is a final fifteen. It is sad. What is it? No one told me.

The demon turns goats into crows and the angel turns them back and then children are turned into newts (does the angel turn them back? who cares not yall) and the demon was the snake in the Eden garden and everyone's furry game seems to be on point.

There are a rather lot of children. I have not seen them. But I am assured they are there. They are, guys. I assume they were turned into the alcohol Aziraphale and Crowley drink or something.

There was an apocalypse plotline. It was averted. It is not important. You don't talk about plotlines in this fandom, no sir.

Crowley doesn't want to go to heaven. Aziraphale is sad.

The kiss is not nice, just like this fandom. It is queer, just like this fandom. It is sad and desperate and masochistic, just like this fandom.

Aziraphale doesn't want to stay back with Crowley. Crowley is sad.

Season 2 ends. Fandom is sad.

Everyone's sanity is hinging on the promise of a happy ending in season 3. Good luck guys.

Y'all better appreciate this. I can't even boast to my mother about this legacy of mine, hey mum your son has been held hostage kidnapped inducted into a cult adopted by a fandom he's not part of look he's winning at life.

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

I shall offer a bowl of nice fruit for Cass and Velora hanging out / being Vesper's cool aunties? :3

I hope the fruit includes pineapple bc that sounds so good rn lmao

Velora has never held a baby before. She's never even seen one before Vesper. It's strange how much her life has changed in mere months. She was kidnapped by a would-be god, died, and now is an aunt. All at eight years old.

For the first time in her life, Velora was allowed to travel without either one of her parents. It's probably because he big sister is the savior of Tal'dorei and Syldor can't really think of a reason to keep them apart anymore. But along with her sister and her fancy husband, Velora has also met Cassandra.

The older girl is fascinating to Velora and has spent many dinners the past week just staring at her. She thinks that Cassandra is so pretty, especially with her streak of white hair.

Currently, the two girls are sitting in the library, Velora holding Vesper in her arms under the watchful eye of the baby's other aunt.

Velora looks over at Cassandra and tips her head to the side, "Are you going to have a baby someday?"

Cassandra laughs immediately, "Gods no, Percy and Vex can have all the babies and I get to be the fun aunt. Well...as fun as I can be."

Velora looks down as Vesper, the baby sleeping soundly in her arms. "Vex told me that you and I are similar. We both died because of Vecna."

Cassandra's face grows sad as she looks down at the child, "She didn't tell me that. It must have been scary for you."

Velora shrugs, "I don't remember any of it, just waking up in the battlefield. And Vex and Vax crying. But I get nightmares sometimes, flashes almost. They might be things that happened but I'm not sure."

"I don't remember much of it either, like you said," Cassandra tells her. "Just waking up when they brought me back." Velora smiles and Cassandra finds herself stunned by the girl's resilience. "There are four of us on the planet who understand what we went through."

Velora nods, "Vex says that I should talk about it and that talking to you about it would help the nightmares."

"As much as I don't like to admit it, Vex'ahlia is usually right," Cassandra chuckles. "And whenever you want to talk about it, I'm here for you. Us aunts need to stick together." Cassandra winks at Velora who grins, absolutely delighted.

She doesn't say it aloud, not sure if the sentiment would be welcome, but in that moment Velora begins to consider Cassandra as another sibling.

[yehet-me-up]

*emerges through one of those pretty curtains with the colorful beads* Guess who's back? It is I! The Theatrical Gay Anon! Back to once again ramble endlessly about various things (expect multiple asks in a row, you know the drill lmao)

WELCOME BACK!!!! omg i am so blessed by the abundance of messages from you 🥰😭 I hope you’ve been well sweet bean! 

I LOVE your ideas for fics omg. Right now I’m just doing ones for exo mall so we can wrap this baby up with a bow 😂 but I’ve got them saved for later!

And I just kept worrying "what if every member is like that? what if they all suck? It's all parasocial interactions anyway, it's not like you actually KNOW anything for sure!" (I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to 12 member songs again though). I think what helped was realizing that while yes, I don't know for sure if any of the idols I like are good people I ALSO don't know for sure if they're bad people either. It's a 50-50 shot.

This is such a huge mood, after the K**s situation happened, I totally feel you. It was such a mindf*ck and reminder that while we KnowTM them we don’t know them in that way (and can we ever REALLY know anyone, anyways?!) but that’s an existential crisis for another time haha. I’m glad you’ve made your way back, and I hope exo and the bois can provide you the entertainment, comfort, and joy that you are hoping for once again <3

*going under a read more since I have so many great things to respond to 🥰*

To clarify, I have a personal nickname I use for every OTP in the EXO Mall universe. Baekhyun and Hitchcock are The Idiots for obvious reasons, Zitao and Double Shot are The Philosophers, Chanyeol and Bijoux are Necklace and Bracelet (because they can be on their own but having both together completes an outfit, yes I AM always this sappy), Sunshine and Soo are Pineapple on Pizza, Jongdae and Chip (ya know, like a computer chip? They didn't get a nickname so I came up with one) are Wine and Cheese (cuz Jongdae is known for whining lol), Minseok and Bookworm are The Yearners, Lavender and Yixing are Chocolate Covered Strawberry, Sehun and Bicker (another made up nickname by yours truly!) are The Angry Fucks, Jongin and Liz are Kelly and Cyd and Jane and Junmyeon are Morland and Tilney (I know Darcy and Bennet is the more obvious choice but think Northanger Abbey is a super underrated Austen novel, which is weird considering it's the first one she wrote so you'd think it'd be more well known)

;oiasjdflkdjsaf these are so great omg i love it!!! 😂

ALSO I've come up with more songs that fit The Idiots. Lmk if you agree with my picks! I just think the lyrics and the general sound of these ones fit them well. "115万キロのフィルム" by Official髭男dism, "The First Time" by Miki Fiki and "Good Morning Beauty Queen" by Jacob Sigman - Theatrical Gay Anon

the first one is SO fun i am loving the soft romantic pop vibes PLS. the second one is legit like high school friends who are honestly in love with each other but neither of them have the nerve to say so hahaha. and the third feels like baekhyun trying to get hitch’s attention in THAT way and when she’s finally like ???? he’s like ‘oh nothing’ and we all collectively yell how they need to wake up and date already.

"One of the hundreds of subtle nods to that fact that while your entire group of friends are close, you and Baekhyun are just a little bit closer" *yells in megaphone* JUST FUCK ALREADY!!! - Theatrical Gay Anon

😂😂😂😂

"Or his mouth, remembering the one and only time it was pressed to yours." WHEN, HOW, WHERE!? I really, really, REALLY, hope you provide the backstory for this because I'm dying to know - Theatrical Gay Anon

oh we ABSOLUTELY will 😉😉😉😉 I briefly mentioned it when I posted the teaser for hitchbaek AGES ago and i’m stoked to write the full thing soon for their longer fic. 

They share clothes and it's NBD to them goodness gracious they're so cuuute, I bet they both subconsciously enjoy this cuz it makes them feel like they'll always have a place in the other's life 

pls, I am WEEPING, this is it exactly. #relationshipgoals fr

I know this sounds odd but Mall AU Baek feels like an old friend? And this is how I'd assume he'd be. Introspective like a holiday. Not often but inveterate and memorable

ME TOO. writing this series feels like a hug each time. and YES you’re picking up what i’m putting down re: this baekhyun. a holiday is the perfect metaphor 👌🏻

“Even Johnny the new fry cook thinks you belong together and he’s been here less than a month.” OMG is this NCT's Johnny!? If so that's cool, I love that dude. Can he have his pretty long hair in this universe?

YES I was thinking of that Johnny. Kind of like the other SM universes are all colliding in seattle and the pacific northwest 😂

He might as well be carrying a big neon sign that says "I will love you forever"! I also think it's sweet that he admires their idiosyncrasies most of all. I feel like he's known them for so long that the most obscure things about them will bring him joy. Like, the "honeymoon" period of his crush is long gone. He doesn't get flustered at the thought of them naked anymore but he'll giggle like a schoolboy when Hitchcock gets annoyed at the same line of dialogue from a bad movie HE got annoyed at when he saw it before them. Or when Hitchcock, without a second thought, will give him the biggest slice of pizza when they go to Barada.

Final thoughts: incredible as always. No joke, no hyperbole, I hope that my writing makes people as happy as your writing makes me. That's my goal. There's just so much life to your work! I can always picture each story in my head perfectly. I can see it all, I can hear it all, it's just *there*. It makes me feel like I just watched a movie and that's a compliment because I'm a huge film dweeb. As you can imagine this is one of the reasons why I'm very pumped to read more of The Idiots hehe. Seriously, this was amazing and I'm looking forward to seeing those lovable fools finally get together (prediction: Baek is going to somehow trip and fall like a dumbass when they first have sex and it's gonna leave a nasty bruise and when he's asked about it afterwards he'll be like "it's a hickie ;P" even though it's enormous and on his elbow)

;lakjsdfoisadj i am so touched. i can’t wait for you to read the rest of them! I hope you like them too <3 your messages honestly made my MONTH, i hope you know how much i appreciate them and how much your kind words mean to me 💕 i hope you’re doing well and having a great year and that ALL of your wishes come true on this magical 2/22/2022 day 🌟

Also, just a tip for the future, I've noticed you'll do this in your stories sometimes and I'm sure it's not intended but when you make note of the reader's "pink" skin it makes it tougher for dark skinned readers to see themselves in the story since not everyone blushes bright pink, ya know? 

ahhh a fantastic point, thank you!!!! making things vivid enough for folks to imagine but non-descript and universal enough so that anyone can picture themselves in the story is so important to me, thank you so much for letting me know!

*gets so hyped that I'm launched into space, killing Jeff Bezos in the process thus making me Earth's hero*

;ajoisdjfaklsdjasf YOU’RE MY HERO 😂 i hate Jeff Bezos with a FIERY passion ugh.