#the picrew isn't in Russian

[mintbecrazy]

Thanks for the tag!

Open tags

Let's all be in a TV show!!!

> Do this quiz

> do this picrew (Based on urself + quiz answers)

> tag ppl

> profit.

Tags (/nf ofc):

@mxlilly @circus-of-horror @yourleastfavoriteguyinthechair @microsoupmouse @the-firefly-jar-system @punkrockinchair @theplushiesystem @coded-pup @florasolarsystem + ANYONE else who wants to join

[dorkus-mcdingus]

Fun facts about my TWST prefect, Rosalie

No real story here. I just wanted to share some facts about the girl you'll see in some stories I write. Also, I am a HUGE OC yapper so if you're ever curious, feel free to ask in the ask box! :D

1.) She's had her pink hair since she was 15 but she often used box dye much to Vil's horror. She also cuts her pixie cut herself too but originally (and much to Vil and Crewel's horror) she used kitchen scissors to get it and later school scissors. Thankfully Vil and Crewel HEAVILY drilled in the importance of proper hair care and they gave her a razor and barber sheers.

2.) Her original design looked a lot different and she was originally supposed to have more of a timid personality. I ended up going with a more boyish design so she wouldn't get detected considering that NRC is an all-boys school (No shame to anyone who has a more girly design for their OCs or Prefects. It's just a personal preference of mine and I just get super stubborn about canon details and what would work for her)

This was her prototype design (Like a lot of characters, I used a Picrew for the design). Some things remained the same like her pink hair, olive eyes, her round glasses, and her beauty mark near the corner of her eye but she is definitely a far cry from her original design. No lie, she looked really cute with it but she's definitely the OC that went through A LOT of changes both in looks and in personality. I do think Canon!Ro would definitely want to befriend her but Proto!Ro would be terrified of her.

3.) Both in English and in Japanese, her voice HC has always been Doll from Black Butler. Matter of fact, I always imagined Rosalie with a very heavy Cockney accent that would slip out whenever she would get angry, or whenever she's around her brothers, sister, or her old caretaker. Whenever she's talking with friends or speaking a little quicker than normal, you can hear her drop her common RP accent she had to learn and you can hear the little traces of her actual accent slip through.

4.) She's a composite character so there isn't really a certain Disney character that she was based on. I will say though, Haruhi Fujioka, OG Mickey Mouse (the shorts where he's a chaos gremlin), Mary Poppins, and Thomas O'Malley were big inspirations for her personality.

5.) Minus Grim, Ace was actually the first person to figure out her gender followed by Deuce and Malleus. Ace and Deuce were completely by accident (during the Heartslabyul sleepover in book 1, Ace walked in on her changing and Deuce followed suit after hearing them screaming) while with Malleus, she was the one who slipped out her real voice and he heard her in Ramshackle's garden in Book 2 (curse the fact that fae have better hearing!).

6). Rosalie has been dancing ballet since she was a little kid but quit taking classes when she was 15 do to schooling reasons. The style she does is a bit more on par with Russian style due to her teacher being from there. She still has a bunch of spare pairs of pointe shoes and she always makes sure to practice as well as do her stretches to keep her body well-conditioned.

7.) Originally, Rosalie never had much of an interest in photography but playing around with the ghost camera fueled her interest in it. Of course, Rook was always happy to give her tips to help with getting the right angle and waiting for the proper moment. Now she acts as the school newspaper's photographer. Her favorite subjects to photograph are her dorm, abandoned ruins whenever Malleus takes her on night walks, and Grim when he's in a food coma.

8.) Her brothers are based off of Scat Cat and his band from The Aristocats. The five of them are also in a jazz band as well and Ro herself learned to play the trumpet from the ringleader of the gang, Sergei (unfortunately, I don't have artwork of any of them! 😭). Their names are as follows, Sergei, Jamie, Alfie, Jialun, and Misha.

9.) Aside from the first years and Diasomnia, Rosalie also has a pretty strong bond with Vil, Rook, and Azul. Vil often gave her tips to care for her hair, skin, and health especially since he found out that she's a ballet dancer. Rook bonded with her through trying to hone her skills in photography. As for Azul (despite the very odd friendship they have and the fact that he repoed her dorm in book 3) he would sometimes see Rosalie studying in the lounge while she's having tea but due to merfolk's love of music, they would recommend each other music since they're both fans of jazz and they both listen to a wide variety of music.

10.) Some of Rosalie's favorite dishes (especially her favorite, bulalo) are from The Philippines. While she herself isn't Filipino, the woman who looked after her since she was a child is half-Filipino and before the O'Malleys adopted her, she gave her a notebook containing all of her recipes so she could make them herself.

11.) Her original surname before being adopted by her first family was "Bess" (her bio mother's surname). She unfortunately went through five more last names before the O'Malleys became her forever home.

12.) Speaking of her mother, her bio mother was twisted from Edgar Balthazar. Only, thing is that I did make her a lot more arrogant and greedy compared to him especially when her ex-boyfriend (twisted from Madame Adelaide) gave his daughter all of his inheritance when it comes time for him to pass away.

13.) I actually NEVER intended for her and Malleus to be a couple and I originally just had them be close friends. Still, whether it was through events or the canon story, I really loved the dynamic Malleus and the MC had. What's also funny is that her sister met the same fate when I began shipping her with a certain con-man fox. Although alternate partners I thought of for Ro were Sebek and Ace.

14.) If you were to ask her about her gender identity, she has a very "eh" opinion of gender as a whole and feels like anyone should present themselves in a way that feels comfortable, but she's always viewed herself as a cisgender girl. Although, due to her rather boyish looks, she does sometimes get mistaken for a guy but she just shrugs it off.

15.) As for her attraction, she's on the AroAce spectrum. More on the grey sides for both but unsure of the proper microlabel. Malleus was the first (and in the future only) person she's ever felt any romantic affection towards.

16.) Out of all of the teachers, she trusts Professor Trein the most while Crowley, the least (especially after the events of Book 4 and all the times he made her do his dirty work while trying to survive in the musty, dusty, dilapidated dorm that HE placed her in!)

17. Although if there is one thing she's glad the headmage did for her even if it was to save his ass from a scandal of accidentally summoning a girl into an all-boys school, it was to prepare ALL the stops so make sure she's never found out by the entire school as well as give her special "care packages" every month. Thank goodness Trein's a single father and knows about what it's like dealing with teenage girls...

18. Rosalie is a MASSIVE fan of thrifting and antiquing. Back when she was still in Second Star (the first foster home she stayed in), clothes from charity shops were all that she could afford but she likes mixing and matching different styles and patterns to make something her own. I would say the decades she dresses the most often are the 60s (mostly taking a bit of inspiration from the Teddy Boy subculture), 70s, 80s, and early to mid 90s as well as copying some of the makeup styles from those eras. Matter of fact, one the thing she wants to do with Vil is take him thrift shopping in the rich neighborhoods since you can get some amazing authentic pieces there.

19. Ro can actually see somewhat okay without her glasses but it's not as good compared to when she has them on. I'd say her vision is around 20/40

20. Grim is definitely the person she cares about the most (as much as she lovingly refers to him as a stinky cat and playfully pokes fun at him) but as much as Grim often gets her into trouble, she really developed a huge soft spot for him and same could be said with him. It was to the point where even the thought of being without him or him being taken away again is enough to keep her awake at night.

[retrobr]

Finally decided to remake my intro post since the previous one was quite outdated!!

Greetings everyone!! This is my blog which I've been running since September 2022. I reblog things that I like sometimes and post my artwork, headcannons and thoughts – pretty much random stuff

👤 A little about me: my name is Nia, I'm 18 years old and my pronouns are she/her. I really love to draw fanart and my ocs sometimes, so I can say that drawing is my main hobby! I speak Russian and English, but since English isn't my first language I might make some misspellings sometimes.

✏️ I really like getting asks; if you want to ask me something, share your interests or just tell how your day was, then my askbox is open 🕺

✏️ I really love to make new friends as well, so I'll always be glad to talk! I'm always open to new people

✍️ I also write fics! If someone is interested, here are two of my Jedtavius fics (not finished at the moment):

I Wish I Had Blue Eyes (Just Like Yours);

Please Don't Take Him Just Because You Can.

✨ Media I'm currently interested in:

Кухня (The Kitchen)

Последний Богатырь (The Last Warrior)

Guardians of the Galaxy

Men In Black trilogy

Night at the Museum

X-Men (exclusively movies)

Lazytown

🧩 Some tags for stuff that I post/reblog here:

My stuff:

#my art; #my sketches; #my ramblings; #my ocs; #my fics; #my moodboards; #my edits; #asks; #favorite.

Fandom stuff:

#gotg; #guardians of the galaxy; #mib; #men in black; #xmen; #natm; #night at the museum; #lazytown.

Others' Stuff:

#not my art; #others ocs.

Tags for my buddies and moot "games":

#friends; #moots; #tag game; #reblog game; #picrew; #ask game.

Additional tags that I use quite often:

#reblogs; #random; #shitpost; #memes.

🌍 Where else you can find me:

Discord – retrobrrrrr

Instagram – retrobr__

AO3 – retrobr

🔊 In case you want to repost my artwork or set it as a pfp, please ask my permission first.

*There used to be a self-portrait here, but now it's gone*

I guess that's all I needed to mention. Thanks for yall's attention if you read it till the end and have a good day 🫂

[regulusstarz]

pran oc ?? question mark?? tell us more pls :33

also any spare oc lore?? i love hearing about ppl’s ocs

im gonna assume its abt Lyra. I've been cooking up more and more of her lore, so heres my cutie:

Name: Lyra (miyasaki, though im debating on a different last name)

Identity: cis female and bisexual. Uses she/her but is alright with they / them

Ethnicity: half russian and half chinese, though theres alot of other things mixed in there cause of her parents

Information abt her and Pran: the two start dating with around 16. Its not the best at the start because of Pran tendency to ignore people when he's upset. She HATES being ignored (triggers her sense of abandoment and can even send her into episodes), though Pran works on being more social when hes around 17-18 and continues to as he gets older so their relationship isn't all bad. Lyra's main way of showing affection is physical touch so her and Pran can accommodate eachother pretty well in that regard, even if Lyra has to remember he might not be too comfortable with PDA.

Other info abt her: joined SSB when she turned 16 (somehow got into a relationship with pran in the first 5-6 months of being there). She's in the unfriendable group, and gets along pretty well with JB later on. (If JB is dating jeremy then theres a chance they can become really close friends). Lyra is still pretty good acquaintaned with the popular clique.

Lyra is RICH. She was two fathers and multiple siblings. Her father is a sorta self-proclaimed doctor and scientist, but makes pretty okay money. Her dad/papa is a banker. She generally doesn't think much about her family except for her papa and youngest sibling. She stays in somewhat regular contact with the two.

She is diagnosed with BPD later in life. I do not have a picture of her but just know that she has blue hair, red eyes and very pale skin. I'll make a picrew for her perhaps.

Adult Lyra: Mostly helps Pran out at the tatoo parlor, but also works anywhere else she's needed. Doesn't rely on her parents TOO much anymore, but still happily takes money if she can. (A lot of parallels with Pran's mother im noticing right now??), the other small jobs she does is basically doing anything around a small cafè near her and Pran's house. Since i live laugh love transfem pran, Lyra happily accepts Pran as her awesome Girlfriend.

——

I don't have much more abt oc's that wouldn't make this into an hour long post. Another small oc that i have is Jamie and Juliette. Juliette was my Baxter MC and Jamie a Cove MC.

Juliette was a cishet girl (she/her. First heterosexual and cisgender oc lmao), and i jokingly made her the girl Jeremy's parents forced him on a date with as a teenage lmao.

Jamie is non-binary (they/them), dated cove since step 3 and i don't have much abt them sadly </3

[illegally-blind-and-deaf]

Meet the writer tag!

I was so kindly tagged by the lovely @emeraldhazeart, thank you

Rules: use this Picrew to make yourself and answer the questions

HEEHEE IT'S MEEEEEE-

Moving on

Three facts about me:

I am immune to cholera. Not through the vaccines or through getting cholera, but through genes. It's complicated.

I have moderate-moderately severe hearing loss, but I've gotten top of my music classes 3 years in a row, play several instruments, have almost perfect pitch, I conduct my church congregation and the junior school choir and I'm weirdly good at accents. Rather ironic, isn't it?

I can't see stars. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but I genuinely cannot see most stars. Even in the countryside I can still only see a couple. Only the really bright ones (Venus?) are visible; everything else is just a dark canvas mostly. That's on having a rare genetic disorder :D

Favourite season: Autumn or Winter. Where I live the majority of native trees don't change colour, so when I finally see a cluster of beautiful autumn trees I get ridiculously happy. Summer here is also hell (quite literally, a third of the country burnt in the summer of 2019-2020) or it's flooding, so I hate it. I adore the way the sunlight is so golden and warm in the colder months and how the shadows are always long. It's sonoretty and refreshing and I don't get dehydrated or heat exhaustion, which is nice.

Continent where I live: Australia/Australasia/Oceania whatever it's called idk anymore (no I do not walk on the ceilings here, in fact, I would go so far to argue that I'm not upside-down because there is no up or down in space, there is just space. "But Bea, there's a North pole and a South pole" GUESS WHAT IT CHANGES EVERY HUNDRED MILLION YEARS OR SOMETHING YES THE POLES FLIP AND THERE'S ACTUAL EVIDENCE THAT THEY MIGHT BE DOING THAT NOW SO YOU COULD BE UPSIDE-FOWN AND WE'LL RIGHT SIDE UP)

How I spend my time: mostly school because school, or doing extra-curriculars like music and ballet, but in my spare time I like to think about people and the world and humanity and behaviour and minds and life and many deep things that often intimidate people. Oh, and I write. Obviously.

Are you published? Not yet. I'm currently writing a book that I'm really really proud of and I want to finish and publish. The only thing is that it's technically a fanfic, but the only thing that really makes it that is the character, so if I change a name or two and maybe switch up the outfits, then it will easily pass as another historical fiction book

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert, all the way. Sometimes I'm an extrovertedbintrovert, which confuses people when I say I don't have the social energy because I'm "usual l y so bubbly and full of energy" yeah that's honestly a bit of a play I'm like that when I'm at 5% social battery, when I'm at 0 I'm either laughing my head off like a madman or completely blank and dead

Favourite meal: honestly no clue. I like a lot of food, I like a lot of Asian foods, but I think my favourite would be a lot of European cuisine, especially French and Italian and German and English. I'd love to try some Russian because that's not very common here. Honestly, my current craving is apple juice and a juicy, cool cucumber

No pressure tags: @kaslynspeaks @navstarlikestaylorswift (honestly tempted to tag Neil Gaiman lol) @speckleddandelionicecream-blog @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @laneynoir

[pissmoon]

I live like 2 hours drive away from the ukrainian border and today i was taking a train to another city. 90% of people on railway station today are ukrainians, many of them being moms with toddlers that seem all confused & crying. Theres a lot of ukrainian immigrants here (since 2014 at least, like huh wonder why is that!), but this is exceptional imo and they havent learned basics of the language yet and dont have much baggage like they ran away overnight. I opened this app and one of first things i see is some picrew icon claiming 'russian invasion isn't a thing american news outlets made this up anyone who believes it is a cavemen who never read anything about either azov battalion or american imperialism in south america'. Betting literal money on the fact this picrew icon fuck is an usamerican

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Brother': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Brother"

"You need to stay strong...a warrior believing in our Greater Russia..."

Chapter Summary: The investigation at Peter's place put Yirina's mood in a bad way, impossible to express how she feels to Park and to talk to her, now trying to forgive herself about that and just trying to forget things...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

What I saw inside Peter's apartment didn't actually give me a better mood from earlier today, acting a bit different than I usually am and finding myself rude at some point with Park when she was forgiving herself to me again for what she did. Peter was leading his own investigation against the Collective and hidden from the MI6 sight and I found out that even to him, I couldn't be fully trusted because of my past of having been 'Perseus child' and that, I should have known that even some people around me could still not see me as an ally because of what happened.

I came back to the car alone, wanting to have some relief and trying to think about myself as some cars were arriving on the street picking my curiosity and preparing my M1911 in the case of a surprise, ready to open fire before realizing that it was just the MI6 cleaning crew that was coming after Park made her call to them, me staying in the car as a witness of the scene while Park was supervising that part outside, guiding the others who were transporting card boxes outside to their car's trunks...all of Peter's work landing right into the MI6 hands and it was a lot at seeing those filled up boxes in their hands.

Once that this little cleaning was done in more than 20 minutes, the agents left the place, Park going back to the car to drive away and return to Century House for the car and then, walking back to the apartment but during those moments, I didn't move my lips once to start a discussion or to respond to Park who was trying on her own to do so with me, wanting to talk about things that weren't linked to what she did and our pasts but even with that happening, my lips stayed sealed during the drive and our walk back to the apartment until arriving in our bedroom.

Undressing and removing myself from the clothes I took with me as Park was looking sad, still trying to talk to me but nothing wanted to come out, not a goddamn word would be wanted to escape from my mouth despite that I would have like to do it, my mood wasn't just allowing me that to happen as it just wanted me to lay down on that bed in front of me and that's what I did, doing it without saying a word and looking away from Park, blank stare at the wall on my side of the bed.

Deep inside of me, I was feeling so bad for leaving Park without telling her what was wrong with me...everything was wrong, it was easy to think & guess but saying was harder...always been harder. To try to forgive me to her for this, I managed to turn around on the bed to look at her uncovered back, seeing those scars from her days in prison and the only thing I could do...was a cuddle with my arms, wrapping them around her and her reaction...I didn't want to know what she was going to think about it as I shut my eyes, drifting into sleep.

Two knocks...two knocks were the first things I could hear when I found myself standing upright in front of Zasha's apartment door in Moscow, dressed in my civilian's clothes: a dark green denim jacket, a black buttoned shirt, grey fingerless gloves blue jeans, and a pair of black boots, going over the bottom of my jeans. I was looking a bit worried about something I couldn't know before I starts to hear some footsteps coming through the door before it opened slowly but not entirely.

"Oh," I heard someone gasp at my sight before I could see Dedov behind the door, his body covering the space between the door and its frame. "That's...that's you, Yirina," He said, a little smile on his face.

"Hey, Dedov," I waved at him with my left hand, smiling too. "Is there Zasha here?" I asked him, trying to look inside but it was impossible as Dedov was on the way.

"Zeze?" I nodded at him. "No, they aren't here, they left to have a date with Portnova," He replied at me, his hands getting on the door.

"Oh okay, I thought that they will be here," I said, sounding a bit confused about it, scratching my right arm with my left hand.

"Well, that wasn't planned but the two didn't see each other since you & them...you know, left for your job in...Solovetsky, right?" He demanded, sounding curious.

"Yeah, it was more complicated than we thought and our work didn't allow us to make personal calls," I responded, my left hand crossing along my upper body to join the back of my head, scratching it. "I'm sorry about this," I apologized.

"No worries, it's okay if it was for your job," He exclaimed, accepting my apologies before a little weird silence got itself between the two of us as if it was impossible to find something to talk about.

"Uhm, since that Zasha isn't here...I guess that..."

"Oh no, you can come in," Dedov offered, getting the door open for me before leaning on the ground to catch the little Beans that was going for a run outside. "As for you, you can't come out, I told you that," He said, pointing at the cat who meowed at him, sounding a bit not understanding why she wasn't allowed to leave the place.

"Oww," I moaned at this scene, seeing Beans' eyes going into a cute mood focused on Dedov. "That's so cute," I affirmed, grinning as Dedov got Beans in his arms, holding her like a baby and giving her cuddles.

"Come in, I insist," Dedov insisted, gesturing at me to enter the apartment and seeing that there was nothing that was going to make me occupied, I decided to agree on his proposal and stepped inside the apartment. "You maybe want something? Tea? Coffee?"

"No, I wouldn't want to steal from Zasha's coffee reserves," I scoffed, him closing the door behind me while still holding Beans in his left arm before he laughed about it.

"Got lucky that the reserves didn't go down during the days you weren't here...well, until now," He added, releasing a friendly laugh at that remark from him. "The first thing they did when they come back after hugging me was to take one coffee...no, two...or three,"

"Put the blame on the coffee machines back at Solovetsky," I proclaimed, moving with him to the living room who was well cleaned up, a little TV turned on. "Coffee over there was awful, had to spit it multiples times, that's explaining why Zasha needed some...necessary caffeine in them," I continued, taking a breath as I walk next to the couch.

"I'm pretty sure that right now, they're arguing with Portnova about having another cup of coffee during their date," Dedov presumed, arriving in the room after me as he was just closing a door from the hallway leading to the living room.

"Them & their coffee," I muttered, rolling my eyes around before deciding to get sit on the couch.

"Go on, Beans, I'm letting you go," Dedov whispered as he leaned down to let Beans go back on the ground on her paws, directly taking the direction of the kitchen. "To say, it's nice to have an animal with me,"

"Sounds nice, shame that I didn't have the same luck on that part," I expressed, putting my hands on my lap, Dedov turning around to me with a curious face. "I can't have any animals with me at my apartment and because of a lot of things,"

"Why that?" He asked, starting to move towards a seat near the main couch. "Is this because you're not allowed to have animals in the place you're living?" I nodded.

"That but also because I can't let a little cat or puppy alone at my place while I'm away, my position isn't really helping me," I started, staying positive in my voice and gestures, feeling a bit sad to talk about it to him. "And also because I would have trouble to take care of an animal,"

"Like, you need someone else with you for that or...you want to have one but your current life isn't helping?" He guessed, me nodding at the second part of his question.

"Freya is there...well, not always here but our lives aren't allowing us to do that and even, I have to convince Freya about having either a cat or a puppy,"  I fully answered, my fingers tapping over my legs in a slow pace. "She's like me but she doesn't see the interest of having an animal with us, you know?" I added. "I don't want to force her much about this,"

"I understand," Dedov agreed, us both getting on the same line of thinking about that subject as he got himself comfy on his seat. "You know, I never thought that Freya was Norwegian, her name wasn't sounding very Russian to me," He commented.

"Yes, she is, Norwegian at heart," I smiled, just by thinking about it. "Even if she's been working with Perseus since we're been raised together by him, she's a patriot, she doesn't want to see Scandinavia getting caught in the Cold War," I continued, giving a part of the vision on her actually.

"I see, seems normal," Dedov simply told, his face telling that talking about Freya wasn't in fact the best idea of the moment, maybe thinking that he wouldn't want to have her name pronounced. "To change, why...Uhm...why did you want to see Zasha?" They asked me, turning his head to perceive Beans coming from the kitchen and in my direction.

"To give them..." I moved my right arm to reach the inside of my jacket, grabbing a sort of white envelope in my hand. "To give to you two some money," I revealed, handing over the envelope to him.

"Uhm..." He was looking a bit hesitating to take it in his hands before he resigned himself to do so. "Why?" He asked, starting to open the envelope to see the money inside.

"Money isn't my reason to live and if I can secure better tomorrows for you & Zasha, I will," I admitted, joining my hands together while Beans was starting to caress herself along my feet. "I don't need too many things to live with,"

"Like...why you don't try to pleasure yourself?" He demanded, putting the envelope on the little brown table that was separating us, the sounds of the Soviet National Anthem emitting from the TV in a low tone. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't do this but...why you don't try to...you know what I mean..."

"I'm not a person that wants to show what she did, I just want to have a normal life," I replied, feeling Beans around my legs and prompting me to take her over my lap as she was insistent to get petted by me. "I can understand that my actions aren't the best for me, you ain't the only one who told me that: Freya, Perseus & even Zasha at some time," I added, gesturing with my left fingers for counting while my right hand was stroking Beans' head. "I know that I should profit from my life but can I really enjoy it when the person I'm working with is a terrorist?"

"I...I don't know," He said, having no answer to it as I thought, he couldn't tell me how. "Me, I know that living here in Moscow isn't the thing I want to do for the rest of my life," He proclaimed, Beans moving her head towards him. "I want to go to Yale, Havard or better, Oxford," He told me.

"Western Universities?" He nodded at me.

"Hard to say but that's my dream," He claimed, smiling. "Zeze wants the 'best for their brother' as they sometimes said to Portnova but about that, it's a bit hard to make it true," He confessed, staying silent to listen to him. "What do you think about it?" He asked.

"I'm not the one to ask about something like this but yeah, I hope that you'll live your dream," I responded, trying to give my best opinion on the surprise question he asked me.. "Don't worry, Dedov, we'll find a solution for that," I said with a little smile to him before I looked at Beans, still caressing the top of her head as she was laid down on my lap.

"What do you think about it, our little Beans?"

I tried to not think about what was Park's reaction when my arms wrapped around her to give her cuddles to forgive myself but when I slowly opened my eyes in her direction, I was already feeling that something was wrong...my arms were both against the bed, wrapped around just nothing, my brain taking seconds to realize that Park wasn't here in the bed with me and in the seconds I realized that I was mixed between getting panicked or not...maybe that she was already prepared and taking breakfast, the time saying 8:24 AM.

Panic, not panic, panic, not panic...that's what I thought, and honestly, I shouldn't be panicking for that. So, after a bit of calming myself down a bit, I got up from the bed to get inside my clothes, using the same one I used last night when we had to move away in an emergency. Thinking about that while putting on my jeans was making me wonder how Zasha & Portnova will take the news, the bad having happened: Peter was missing and may be dead while Sarah was abducted by Perseus.

With a big deep breath once I put my light green jacket around me that I walk to open the door, getting out of the room to join up the others in the dining room but then...as I moved to the room and entering it, there was only Zasha present at the table with only their side of the table filled with cutlery and food as the other place were empty.

"Uhm...are you alone?" I asked them, looking around the room and to the living room part behind me, having seen no one except them here. "Where's Park? Portnova?"

"Portnova is still sleeping, she got a bad dream and I had to give her some water at 4 AM," They replied at first, sounding a bit low in their voice. "Very bad dream," They added.

"And...and Park?" I continued, my voice breaking down for that but also for hearing about Portnova, seeing that memory when I talked with her alone near the Moskova.

"You should sit down, okay?" Zasha proposed. "Have breakfast, will you?"

"Where's Park, Zasha?" I demanded, insisting on it despite their pleas before they moved away from their chair to face me.

"She's...she left earlier," They revealed, looking impossible for them to look at me in the eyes. "I tried to convince her to wait for you but she said that she got a call from the MI6, had to go before us," They added to their response, making me think that she probably didn't like my attitude with her last night.

"Shit, fuck," I cursed, shaking my head about that. "I'm going in too now," I said, starting to move to get to the front door before Zasha stepped in front of me.

"Yirina, you need to take breakfast and..." They started, moving their hands above my shoulders, wanting to say something else than this but..."Just sit down and eat something, would you?" They demanded at me, our eyes meeting again and pleading with mine.

"Fine," I sighed in a bad mood, turning around to walk towards the seat I'm always using, Zasha staying at their spot. "Did...did she told you about..." I sit on the chair, looking at them.

"Peter & Sarah?" They guessed, nodding at me. "Yeah, she did...fucking bad to hear that," They moved away to go back to their seat, my eyes crossing around the food they were having near them. "I just can't believe it,"

"I'm sorry," I apologized, my hands getting on the top of the table before crossing my arms. "Did you know if the two had families?" I asked them

"No, the two were mostly discreet in their personal lives, Peter was the one doing it the most," They responded, making me do a silent sigh away from them by looking down at my lap. "Even if we know each other since I became an MI6 agent, the two weren't willing to talk about them," They continued, crossing their arms like me.

"I'm sorry about having to make you learn that, Zed," I apologized again, tapping my fingers on my arms at a slow & silent pace, a silence coming between us that someone needed to break. "Uhm...I've got two memories back last night, you...do you want to know?" I changed the subject for the moment, unsure if the subject I chose was better.

"Tell," They simply said.

"The first one was talking with Portnova along the Moskova, only with her," I started, concentrating myself to remember it well. "She was scared about how things were happening days after...Dedov left," I added, seeing them froze in place at hearing their brother's name. "That's the first time I saw her cry in tears, it was troubling,"

"I know...she's never like that," Zasha exclaimed, their voice sadder than ever at saying it.

"The second one....it's Dedov," I admitted, thinking that I shouldn't be talking of Dedov with Zasha, knowing the current state of Dedov now. "We talked about you, things and...yeah, we talked," I breathed, stopping myself in my words, looking at Zasha who was saddened of hearing more & more about Dedov, remembering the moment I told them of Dedov's state. "My night was hard to live, things are still shitty, I didn't talk to Park at all since we left Peter's place and I'm feeling bad about a lot of things, a fucking lot," I said, holding back my tears inside of me and moving my arms on my lap.

"You don't need to..."

"Feel bad? Why shouldn't I be good?" I asked them, cutting them straight in their words. "No, I can't, I'm just trying my best to not convince myself to end the misery that I call my life," I told them like that, going up from my seat, without having eaten anything. "I want to save Dedov, to make Park & everyone happy and that we can destroy Perseus but my life is just getting resumed at reliving almost each night something that is saying that my life is filled with trauma, I'm going to live with that for months, even years," I raised up my voice as I moved to the front door, Zasha this time doing nothing to stop me.

"Yirina, I...you don't need to feel bad," They insisted, finishing their sentences that they couldn't finish. "I know the pain you're facing with...that brainwashing bullshit, we're all here for you,"

"Yeah but...I can't feel myself alone and each day, I'm getting lonely inside myself, discovering about who was 'Yirina Grigoriev' before she was left for dead on an airstrip in Turkey," I muttered, putting my hands on the front door handle to open it. "I'm holding my promises, don't worry, Zasha," I then opened the door, ready to leave for Century House before I turned around to look at them, a look of sadness on our both faces...

"I'm trying my best but I'm holding my promises to everyone,"

[figmentera]

Sometimes picrews alone in the dark are a fine way to unwind and sometimes they just let you fall into bad thought spirals and are a Mistake™ and isn't that a fun russian roulette to end the day with