#the picrew isn't in Russian

[mintbecrazy]

Thanks for the tag!

Open tags

Let's all be in a TV show!!!

> Do this quiz

> do this picrew (Based on urself + quiz answers)

> tag ppl

> profit.

Tags (/nf ofc):

@mxlilly @circus-of-horror @yourleastfavoriteguyinthechair @microsoupmouse @the-firefly-jar-system @punkrockinchair @theplushiesystem @coded-pup @florasolarsystem + ANYONE else who wants to join

[happy--prince]

OOC // I just felt like working on a oc x canon fanchild and it led to me writing this, it isn't official so please keep in mind this is all for my own enjoyment and a little self indulgent :)

🍎 Lyubov Fyodorovna Dostoevskaya-Wilde 🍎

ᡣ𐭩 MBTI… ENTJ . ENNEAGRAM… 8w7. ᡣ𐭩

— Oscar calls her Aimeé (a reference to her inspiration's real life pen-name) and Fyodor calls her Lyuba (affectionate diminutive of Lyubov in Russian).

— Lyubov is slightly evil and manipulative like her parents <3 she isn't exactly pure evil but definitely is a little more on the morally ambiguous side.

— She probably has spent most of her life under Oscar’s care. Considering Oscar is by technicality a government agent and Fyodor is a literal terrorist, I'd say both Oscar and Fyodor agreed that she’d stay most of the time with Oscar so she’d live safely.

— A complete daddy's girl, I can see her convincing Fyodor to read some books in Russian for her and just imitating him whenever they are together.

— On that note, she is multilingual - Russian, English, and French are only some of the languages she knows how to speak.

— She definitely is a little…detached if that makes sense. She always seems slightly apathetic and bored, and her facial expressions are usually neutral.

— Sickly like Fyodor, she is the type of sickly person who wouldn't care much about their health and still would push forward without any regard for it…which is an issue also because she is awfully clumsy due to being so detached from her surroundings.

— Ironically she definitely has a bit of a “lady-like” demeanor, being polite and courteous if not a little blunt at times, she has great manners but frankly it mostly is due to Oscar and the environment she grew up in around him lmao

— She loves aesthetics and like Oscar, has a tendency for hedonism which leads to her ability..

— Her ability is “The Gambler” - named after a story the real-life Fyodor wrote. The ability makes it so she can quickly assess the risks and dangers of each situation she finds herself in.

For a visual representation of how I picture her...

Picrew utilized is this one

Tagging...

@onionhaseyeoo + @paintedgrilledcheese + @starlitomens

[retrobr]

Finally decided to remake my intro post since the previous one was quite outdated!!

Greetings everyone!! This is my blog which I've been running since September 2022. I reblog things that I like sometimes and post my artwork, headcannons and thoughts – pretty much random stuff

👤 A little about me: my name is Nia, I'm 18 years old and my pronouns are she/her. I really love to draw fanart and my ocs sometimes, so I can say that drawing is my main hobby! I speak Russian and English, but since English isn't my first language I might make some misspellings sometimes.

✏️ I really like getting asks; if you want to ask me something, share your interests or just tell how your day was, then my askbox is open 🕺

✏️ I really love to make new friends as well, so I'll always be glad to talk! I'm always open to new people

✍️ I also write fics! If someone is interested, here are two of my Jedtavius fics (not finished at the moment):

I Wish I Had Blue Eyes (Just Like Yours);

Please Don't Take Him Just Because You Can.

✨ Media I'm currently interested in:

Guardians of the Galaxy

Последний Богатырь (The Last Warrior)

Men In Black trilogy

Night at the Museum

X-Men (exclusively movies)

Lazytown

🧩 Some tags for stuff that I post/reblog here:

My stuff:

#my art; #my sketches; #my ramblings; #my ocs; #my fics; #my moodboards; #my edits; #asks; #favorite.

Fandom stuff:

#gotg; #guardians of the galaxy; #mib; #men in black; #xmen; #natm; #night at the museum; #lazytown.

Others' Stuff:

#not my art; #others ocs.

Tags for my buddies and moot "games":

#friends; #moots; #tag game; #reblog game; #picrew; #ask game.

Additional tags that I use quite often:

#reblogs; #random; #shitpost; #memes.

🌍 Where else you can find me:

Discord – retrobrrrrr

Instagram – retrobr__

AO3 – retrobr

🔊 In case you want to repost my artwork or set it as a pfp, please ask my permission first.

*There used to be a self-portrait here, but now it's gone*

I guess that's all I needed to mention. Thanks for yall's attention if you read it till the end and have a good day 🫂

[f4t4l1ty]

🍷-{ [OC Introduction] 》☆

(1st image; Ezra) (2nd image; Full body) (3rd image; Original Design)

Name: Ezra Parker Age: 15/17 depending on rp Pronouns: He/Him Closeted Pronouns: He/Rot/Ghost/Xe/It/Ey/Em + All/Any neos and Xenos Gender: Transgender Male ; Closeted Relation: Friends with Travis Birthday: 15/06 Favourite Food: Chicken Parmesean with Mashed Potatoes Favourite Drink: Ponyo Milk Drink Favourite Person: Travis Phelps Friends: Travis Phelps, Phillip Volcker Sexuality: Uranic ,, Closeted Favourite Hobby: Drawing, Running Nationality: Russian/English Crush: Travis He hides his identity from Travis and just says that he's a cishet so that he can remain friends with Travis. He's highkey a bitch, lowkey scared of everything. He throws slurs as though they're food and he's an 11 year old in a cafeteria fight. He throw hands sometimes. When Travis asks him about the fact that he looks feminine he shoots back with the old ''I have a testosterone deficiancy'' excuse. He binds unsafely with tape and bandages because he can't afford binders. His parents aren't dead, but they also aren't in the picture. He lives on his own, he provides for himself. He works at an icecream parlour in the Nockfell shopping precinct. He moved to Nockfell when he was 14 to give himself a fresh start after his parents abandoned him. His facial hair isn't actually caused by testosterone entirely. He can't grow proper facial hair so he uses mascara to draw it on. When it smudges, he laughs it off and tells Travis he ''just wanted to look cool''.

The eye colours are different because in the younger version I forgot that I gave him heterochromia, which actually annoys me a lot, because his heterochromia is apart of his lore toohe wore an eyepatch in his original design because Travis found heterochromia to be a sign of the devil corupting someone So he would wear an eyepatch over his green eye to hide his heterochromia so that Travis wouldn't label him as a sinner The last image was his original form, because at the time of creating him the picrews I use now didn't exist. I had to fully edit in the background because I wanted there to be some sort of Sally Face aspect. But he wore that eyepatch because beneath it was a green eye that he hid from Travis -- From everyone -- Because he didn't want to be seen as someone being corrupted by the devil. He wanted to stay by Travis's side as much as he could because Travis was all he had. Travis and his father was the only reason he had a reputation at all around Nockfell, so if he did anything that could potentially ruin their friendship, his entire life would be ruined. The cult would kill him. So he would do ANYTHING to keep himself on Travis's good side, even if it meant hiding everything about him

His entire life, quite literally, revolves around Travis…

[regulusstarz]

pran oc ?? question mark?? tell us more pls :33

also any spare oc lore?? i love hearing about ppl’s ocs

im gonna assume its abt Lyra. I've been cooking up more and more of her lore, so heres my cutie:

Name: Lyra (miyasaki, though im debating on a different last name)

Identity: cis female and bisexual. Uses she/her but is alright with they / them

Ethnicity: half russian and half chinese, though theres alot of other things mixed in there cause of her parents

Information abt her and Pran: the two start dating with around 16. Its not the best at the start because of Pran tendency to ignore people when he's upset. She HATES being ignored (triggers her sense of abandoment and can even send her into episodes), though Pran works on being more social when hes around 17-18 and continues to as he gets older so their relationship isn't all bad. Lyra's main way of showing affection is physical touch so her and Pran can accommodate eachother pretty well in that regard, even if Lyra has to remember he might not be too comfortable with PDA.

Other info abt her: joined SSB when she turned 16 (somehow got into a relationship with pran in the first 5-6 months of being there). She's in the unfriendable group, and gets along pretty well with JB later on. (If JB is dating jeremy then theres a chance they can become really close friends). Lyra is still pretty good acquaintaned with the popular clique.

Lyra is RICH. She was two fathers and multiple siblings. Her father is a sorta self-proclaimed doctor and scientist, but makes pretty okay money. Her dad/papa is a banker. She generally doesn't think much about her family except for her papa and youngest sibling. She stays in somewhat regular contact with the two.

She is diagnosed with BPD later in life. I do not have a picture of her but just know that she has blue hair, red eyes and very pale skin. I'll make a picrew for her perhaps.

Adult Lyra: Mostly helps Pran out at the tatoo parlor, but also works anywhere else she's needed. Doesn't rely on her parents TOO much anymore, but still happily takes money if she can. (A lot of parallels with Pran's mother im noticing right now??), the other small jobs she does is basically doing anything around a small cafè near her and Pran's house. Since i live laugh love transfem pran, Lyra happily accepts Pran as her awesome Girlfriend.

——

I don't have much more abt oc's that wouldn't make this into an hour long post. Another small oc that i have is Jamie and Juliette. Juliette was my Baxter MC and Jamie a Cove MC.

Juliette was a cishet girl (she/her. First heterosexual and cisgender oc lmao), and i jokingly made her the girl Jeremy's parents forced him on a date with as a teenage lmao.

Jamie is non-binary (they/them), dated cove since step 3 and i don't have much abt them sadly </3

[illegally-blind-and-deaf]

Meet the writer tag!

I was so kindly tagged by the lovely @emeraldhazeart, thank you

Rules: use this Picrew to make yourself and answer the questions

HEEHEE IT'S MEEEEEE-

Moving on

Three facts about me:

I am immune to cholera. Not through the vaccines or through getting cholera, but through genes. It's complicated.

I have moderate-moderately severe hearing loss, but I've gotten top of my music classes 3 years in a row, play several instruments, have almost perfect pitch, I conduct my church congregation and the junior school choir and I'm weirdly good at accents. Rather ironic, isn't it?

I can't see stars. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but I genuinely cannot see most stars. Even in the countryside I can still only see a couple. Only the really bright ones (Venus?) are visible; everything else is just a dark canvas mostly. That's on having a rare genetic disorder :D

Favourite season: Autumn or Winter. Where I live the majority of native trees don't change colour, so when I finally see a cluster of beautiful autumn trees I get ridiculously happy. Summer here is also hell (quite literally, a third of the country burnt in the summer of 2019-2020) or it's flooding, so I hate it. I adore the way the sunlight is so golden and warm in the colder months and how the shadows are always long. It's sonoretty and refreshing and I don't get dehydrated or heat exhaustion, which is nice.

Continent where I live: Australia/Australasia/Oceania whatever it's called idk anymore (no I do not walk on the ceilings here, in fact, I would go so far to argue that I'm not upside-down because there is no up or down in space, there is just space. "But Bea, there's a North pole and a South pole" GUESS WHAT IT CHANGES EVERY HUNDRED MILLION YEARS OR SOMETHING YES THE POLES FLIP AND THERE'S ACTUAL EVIDENCE THAT THEY MIGHT BE DOING THAT NOW SO YOU COULD BE UPSIDE-FOWN AND WE'LL RIGHT SIDE UP)

How I spend my time: mostly school because school, or doing extra-curriculars like music and ballet, but in my spare time I like to think about people and the world and humanity and behaviour and minds and life and many deep things that often intimidate people. Oh, and I write. Obviously.

Are you published? Not yet. I'm currently writing a book that I'm really really proud of and I want to finish and publish. The only thing is that it's technically a fanfic, but the only thing that really makes it that is the character, so if I change a name or two and maybe switch up the outfits, then it will easily pass as another historical fiction book

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert, all the way. Sometimes I'm an extrovertedbintrovert, which confuses people when I say I don't have the social energy because I'm "usual l y so bubbly and full of energy" yeah that's honestly a bit of a play I'm like that when I'm at 5% social battery, when I'm at 0 I'm either laughing my head off like a madman or completely blank and dead

Favourite meal: honestly no clue. I like a lot of food, I like a lot of Asian foods, but I think my favourite would be a lot of European cuisine, especially French and Italian and German and English. I'd love to try some Russian because that's not very common here. Honestly, my current craving is apple juice and a juicy, cool cucumber

No pressure tags: @kaslynspeaks @navstarlikestaylorswift (honestly tempted to tag Neil Gaiman lol) @speckleddandelionicecream-blog @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @laneynoir

[kamyru]

Me as an OC

In the past, I mentioned that I wanted to write a fic where Ukyo Senkawa and MC go to Romania & Republic of Moldova. I still have a part of that fic in my drafts. However, lately, I thought about creating an OC from my culture and putting her in different situations. So, here's Sanji, inspired by my friends from university & me. I took my appearance as a base for her, and the explanation for why she looks so different in the two photos is that I didn't find the colors to show what exactly my hair looks like. It is blueberry black and dark red underneath. The rest of her profile will be explained lower.

Also, her purpose is to show a little bit of my culture through my writings. I will probably romance her with someone, but I'm not sure yet with whom. She is a comedic relief that will interact with all the characters I write for, even my OCs. In some cases, her behavior will be inspired by me, in others by my friends.

Here you have the links to the picrew I used: 1 & 2.

Real name: Sânziana Casperschi (I wanted to give her a Romanian first name. In many countries, there are names after flowers or hope, and we have them too. However, Sânziana is something only Romanians have. It's inspired by good fairies specific to Romanian mythology. And her surname is an allusion to my surname - the Romanised version of a Polish surname. Her surname in Polish is Kasperki. It sounds nothing like mine, but has the same background. Mine comes from a Polish president, and for years I have been trying to convince the government to change my name to its Polish version.)

Japanese name: 川崎燦士/Kawasaki Sanji (Kawasaki because it's a popular Japanese surname, as Kasperski is also a popular Polish surname. Sanji because that's how Sânzi would most probably be pronounced by a Japanese person. And I know that it's a boy's name.)

Nicknames: Sânzi (by family), Anime girl (by friends, due to her name)

Love interest: Probably someone from Irresistible Mistakes or Romance MD. 

Age: 25/26

Date of birth: January 1

Height: 176 cm/5'9

Weight: 65 kg/143 lb

Ethnicity: 1/2 Romanian, 1/4 Moldovan, 1/4 Hungarian (People from Europe, or at least the Balkans, know why she's so mixed. It's hard to find someone here who is not a little bit of Russian, a little bit of Ukrainian, a little bit of Greece, a little bit of god knows what else. Fun fact: I was born in Moldova, have a Polish surname, and my mom's nee surname is Ukrainian. From my mom, I have some German ancestry because my grand-grand parents were Germans deported to Moldova at the end of the 19th century or the beginning of the 20th. This grand-grandmother wanted to teach my mother German, but it was in the time of the Soviet Union, and they were afraid to do it. And that's why the newer generations of my family don't know German. The fact that she is Hungarian isn't random either. One of the largest ethnic groups in Romania is Hungarians.)

Nationality: Romanian

Languages known: Romanian, Russian, Hungarian, English, Japanese

Unique traits: Seven earrings, colored hair

Dominant hand: Left

Job: Clinical pharmacist in the Psychiatry Department

Hobbies: Playing piano & guitar, writing, reading, anime

Qualities: Empathy, humor, calmness, chillness

Defects: Lack of organization, lack of motivation, rudeness

Fears: Fail, heights, slimy animals (frogs, jellyfish, snails)

Special skills: Listening to others, knowing random things, not understanding when someone flirts with her

Alumni: Bachelor in Pharmacy from the University of Debrecen, Master in Pharmacy from Kyushu University (Debrecen because I have two close friends who went on an Erasmus exchange in there. Kyushu because I have another close friend who studies pharmacy and applied to get her Master's degree in clinical pharmacology at Kyushu University.)

The happiest moment in her life: When she got accepted to study in Japan.

Childhood dream: To help people. 

Goal: To be a safe place for the people dear to her.

Motto: If not me, then who?

Family: Older brother Obi (his name is a Japanese adaptation of the Latin name Ovidius, used in Romanian as Ovidiu), cat Felix

Story: She was born in a city in Transilvania, Romania, to a Moldovan father and a Hungarian mother. During her childhood, she tried every extracurricular activity available at that time. However, she decided that her goal in life was to be selfless and help as many people as possible. After high school, she moved to Hungary to study pharmacy at the University of Debrecen. Later, she applied for her Master's Degree in Japan and got accepted at Kyushu University. Now, she is working as a clinical pharmacist at the psychiatry department in a hospital in Tokyo (Probabpy in Seimei, the same one from Romance MD: Always on Call) while thinking about doing her Ph.D.

[pissmoon]

I live like 2 hours drive away from the ukrainian border and today i was taking a train to another city. 90% of people on railway station today are ukrainians, many of them being moms with toddlers that seem all confused & crying. Theres a lot of ukrainian immigrants here (since 2014 at least, like huh wonder why is that!), but this is exceptional imo and they havent learned basics of the language yet and dont have much baggage like they ran away overnight. I opened this app and one of first things i see is some picrew icon claiming 'russian invasion isn't a thing american news outlets made this up anyone who believes it is a cavemen who never read anything about either azov battalion or american imperialism in south america'. Betting literal money on the fact this picrew icon fuck is an usamerican

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Brother': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Brother"

"You need to stay strong...a warrior believing in our Greater Russia..."

Chapter Summary: The investigation at Peter's place put Yirina's mood in a bad way, impossible to express how she feels to Park and to talk to her, now trying to forgive herself about that and just trying to forget things...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

What I saw inside Peter's apartment didn't actually give me a better mood from earlier today, acting a bit different than I usually am and finding myself rude at some point with Park when she was forgiving herself to me again for what she did. Peter was leading his own investigation against the Collective and hidden from the MI6 sight and I found out that even to him, I couldn't be fully trusted because of my past of having been 'Perseus child' and that, I should have known that even some people around me could still not see me as an ally because of what happened.

I came back to the car alone, wanting to have some relief and trying to think about myself as some cars were arriving on the street picking my curiosity and preparing my M1911 in the case of a surprise, ready to open fire before realizing that it was just the MI6 cleaning crew that was coming after Park made her call to them, me staying in the car as a witness of the scene while Park was supervising that part outside, guiding the others who were transporting card boxes outside to their car's trunks...all of Peter's work landing right into the MI6 hands and it was a lot at seeing those filled up boxes in their hands.

Once that this little cleaning was done in more than 20 minutes, the agents left the place, Park going back to the car to drive away and return to Century House for the car and then, walking back to the apartment but during those moments, I didn't move my lips once to start a discussion or to respond to Park who was trying on her own to do so with me, wanting to talk about things that weren't linked to what she did and our pasts but even with that happening, my lips stayed sealed during the drive and our walk back to the apartment until arriving in our bedroom.

Undressing and removing myself from the clothes I took with me as Park was looking sad, still trying to talk to me but nothing wanted to come out, not a goddamn word would be wanted to escape from my mouth despite that I would have like to do it, my mood wasn't just allowing me that to happen as it just wanted me to lay down on that bed in front of me and that's what I did, doing it without saying a word and looking away from Park, blank stare at the wall on my side of the bed.

Deep inside of me, I was feeling so bad for leaving Park without telling her what was wrong with me...everything was wrong, it was easy to think & guess but saying was harder...always been harder. To try to forgive me to her for this, I managed to turn around on the bed to look at her uncovered back, seeing those scars from her days in prison and the only thing I could do...was a cuddle with my arms, wrapping them around her and her reaction...I didn't want to know what she was going to think about it as I shut my eyes, drifting into sleep.

Two knocks...two knocks were the first things I could hear when I found myself standing upright in front of Zasha's apartment door in Moscow, dressed in my civilian's clothes: a dark green denim jacket, a black buttoned shirt, grey fingerless gloves blue jeans, and a pair of black boots, going over the bottom of my jeans. I was looking a bit worried about something I couldn't know before I starts to hear some footsteps coming through the door before it opened slowly but not entirely.

"Oh," I heard someone gasp at my sight before I could see Dedov behind the door, his body covering the space between the door and its frame. "That's...that's you, Yirina," He said, a little smile on his face.

"Hey, Dedov," I waved at him with my left hand, smiling too. "Is there Zasha here?" I asked him, trying to look inside but it was impossible as Dedov was on the way.

"Zeze?" I nodded at him. "No, they aren't here, they left to have a date with Portnova," He replied at me, his hands getting on the door.

"Oh okay, I thought that they will be here," I said, sounding a bit confused about it, scratching my right arm with my left hand.

"Well, that wasn't planned but the two didn't see each other since you & them...you know, left for your job in...Solovetsky, right?" He demanded, sounding curious.

"Yeah, it was more complicated than we thought and our work didn't allow us to make personal calls," I responded, my left hand crossing along my upper body to join the back of my head, scratching it. "I'm sorry about this," I apologized.

"No worries, it's okay if it was for your job," He exclaimed, accepting my apologies before a little weird silence got itself between the two of us as if it was impossible to find something to talk about.

"Uhm, since that Zasha isn't here...I guess that..."

"Oh no, you can come in," Dedov offered, getting the door open for me before leaning on the ground to catch the little Beans that was going for a run outside. "As for you, you can't come out, I told you that," He said, pointing at the cat who meowed at him, sounding a bit not understanding why she wasn't allowed to leave the place.

"Oww," I moaned at this scene, seeing Beans' eyes going into a cute mood focused on Dedov. "That's so cute," I affirmed, grinning as Dedov got Beans in his arms, holding her like a baby and giving her cuddles.

"Come in, I insist," Dedov insisted, gesturing at me to enter the apartment and seeing that there was nothing that was going to make me occupied, I decided to agree on his proposal and stepped inside the apartment. "You maybe want something? Tea? Coffee?"

"No, I wouldn't want to steal from Zasha's coffee reserves," I scoffed, him closing the door behind me while still holding Beans in his left arm before he laughed about it.

"Got lucky that the reserves didn't go down during the days you weren't here...well, until now," He added, releasing a friendly laugh at that remark from him. "The first thing they did when they come back after hugging me was to take one coffee...no, two...or three,"

"Put the blame on the coffee machines back at Solovetsky," I proclaimed, moving with him to the living room who was well cleaned up, a little TV turned on. "Coffee over there was awful, had to spit it multiples times, that's explaining why Zasha needed some...necessary caffeine in them," I continued, taking a breath as I walk next to the couch.

"I'm pretty sure that right now, they're arguing with Portnova about having another cup of coffee during their date," Dedov presumed, arriving in the room after me as he was just closing a door from the hallway leading to the living room.

"Them & their coffee," I muttered, rolling my eyes around before deciding to get sit on the couch.

"Go on, Beans, I'm letting you go," Dedov whispered as he leaned down to let Beans go back on the ground on her paws, directly taking the direction of the kitchen. "To say, it's nice to have an animal with me,"

"Sounds nice, shame that I didn't have the same luck on that part," I expressed, putting my hands on my lap, Dedov turning around to me with a curious face. "I can't have any animals with me at my apartment and because of a lot of things,"

"Why that?" He asked, starting to move towards a seat near the main couch. "Is this because you're not allowed to have animals in the place you're living?" I nodded.

"That but also because I can't let a little cat or puppy alone at my place while I'm away, my position isn't really helping me," I started, staying positive in my voice and gestures, feeling a bit sad to talk about it to him. "And also because I would have trouble to take care of an animal,"

"Like, you need someone else with you for that or...you want to have one but your current life isn't helping?" He guessed, me nodding at the second part of his question.

"Freya is there...well, not always here but our lives aren't allowing us to do that and even, I have to convince Freya about having either a cat or a puppy,"  I fully answered, my fingers tapping over my legs in a slow pace. "She's like me but she doesn't see the interest of having an animal with us, you know?" I added. "I don't want to force her much about this,"

"I understand," Dedov agreed, us both getting on the same line of thinking about that subject as he got himself comfy on his seat. "You know, I never thought that Freya was Norwegian, her name wasn't sounding very Russian to me," He commented.

"Yes, she is, Norwegian at heart," I smiled, just by thinking about it. "Even if she's been working with Perseus since we're been raised together by him, she's a patriot, she doesn't want to see Scandinavia getting caught in the Cold War," I continued, giving a part of the vision on her actually.

"I see, seems normal," Dedov simply told, his face telling that talking about Freya wasn't in fact the best idea of the moment, maybe thinking that he wouldn't want to have her name pronounced. "To change, why...Uhm...why did you want to see Zasha?" They asked me, turning his head to perceive Beans coming from the kitchen and in my direction.

"To give them..." I moved my right arm to reach the inside of my jacket, grabbing a sort of white envelope in my hand. "To give to you two some money," I revealed, handing over the envelope to him.

"Uhm..." He was looking a bit hesitating to take it in his hands before he resigned himself to do so. "Why?" He asked, starting to open the envelope to see the money inside.

"Money isn't my reason to live and if I can secure better tomorrows for you & Zasha, I will," I admitted, joining my hands together while Beans was starting to caress herself along my feet. "I don't need too many things to live with,"

"Like...why you don't try to pleasure yourself?" He demanded, putting the envelope on the little brown table that was separating us, the sounds of the Soviet National Anthem emitting from the TV in a low tone. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't do this but...why you don't try to...you know what I mean..."

"I'm not a person that wants to show what she did, I just want to have a normal life," I replied, feeling Beans around my legs and prompting me to take her over my lap as she was insistent to get petted by me. "I can understand that my actions aren't the best for me, you ain't the only one who told me that: Freya, Perseus & even Zasha at some time," I added, gesturing with my left fingers for counting while my right hand was stroking Beans' head. "I know that I should profit from my life but can I really enjoy it when the person I'm working with is a terrorist?"

"I...I don't know," He said, having no answer to it as I thought, he couldn't tell me how. "Me, I know that living here in Moscow isn't the thing I want to do for the rest of my life," He proclaimed, Beans moving her head towards him. "I want to go to Yale, Havard or better, Oxford," He told me.

"Western Universities?" He nodded at me.

"Hard to say but that's my dream," He claimed, smiling. "Zeze wants the 'best for their brother' as they sometimes said to Portnova but about that, it's a bit hard to make it true," He confessed, staying silent to listen to him. "What do you think about it?" He asked.

"I'm not the one to ask about something like this but yeah, I hope that you'll live your dream," I responded, trying to give my best opinion on the surprise question he asked me.. "Don't worry, Dedov, we'll find a solution for that," I said with a little smile to him before I looked at Beans, still caressing the top of her head as she was laid down on my lap.

"What do you think about it, our little Beans?"

I tried to not think about what was Park's reaction when my arms wrapped around her to give her cuddles to forgive myself but when I slowly opened my eyes in her direction, I was already feeling that something was wrong...my arms were both against the bed, wrapped around just nothing, my brain taking seconds to realize that Park wasn't here in the bed with me and in the seconds I realized that I was mixed between getting panicked or not...maybe that she was already prepared and taking breakfast, the time saying 8:24 AM.

Panic, not panic, panic, not panic...that's what I thought, and honestly, I shouldn't be panicking for that. So, after a bit of calming myself down a bit, I got up from the bed to get inside my clothes, using the same one I used last night when we had to move away in an emergency. Thinking about that while putting on my jeans was making me wonder how Zasha & Portnova will take the news, the bad having happened: Peter was missing and may be dead while Sarah was abducted by Perseus.

With a big deep breath once I put my light green jacket around me that I walk to open the door, getting out of the room to join up the others in the dining room but then...as I moved to the room and entering it, there was only Zasha present at the table with only their side of the table filled with cutlery and food as the other place were empty.

"Uhm...are you alone?" I asked them, looking around the room and to the living room part behind me, having seen no one except them here. "Where's Park? Portnova?"

"Portnova is still sleeping, she got a bad dream and I had to give her some water at 4 AM," They replied at first, sounding a bit low in their voice. "Very bad dream," They added.

"And...and Park?" I continued, my voice breaking down for that but also for hearing about Portnova, seeing that memory when I talked with her alone near the Moskova.

"You should sit down, okay?" Zasha proposed. "Have breakfast, will you?"

"Where's Park, Zasha?" I demanded, insisting on it despite their pleas before they moved away from their chair to face me.

"She's...she left earlier," They revealed, looking impossible for them to look at me in the eyes. "I tried to convince her to wait for you but she said that she got a call from the MI6, had to go before us," They added to their response, making me think that she probably didn't like my attitude with her last night.

"Shit, fuck," I cursed, shaking my head about that. "I'm going in too now," I said, starting to move to get to the front door before Zasha stepped in front of me.

"Yirina, you need to take breakfast and..." They started, moving their hands above my shoulders, wanting to say something else than this but..."Just sit down and eat something, would you?" They demanded at me, our eyes meeting again and pleading with mine.

"Fine," I sighed in a bad mood, turning around to walk towards the seat I'm always using, Zasha staying at their spot. "Did...did she told you about..." I sit on the chair, looking at them.

"Peter & Sarah?" They guessed, nodding at me. "Yeah, she did...fucking bad to hear that," They moved away to go back to their seat, my eyes crossing around the food they were having near them. "I just can't believe it,"

"I'm sorry," I apologized, my hands getting on the top of the table before crossing my arms. "Did you know if the two had families?" I asked them

"No, the two were mostly discreet in their personal lives, Peter was the one doing it the most," They responded, making me do a silent sigh away from them by looking down at my lap. "Even if we know each other since I became an MI6 agent, the two weren't willing to talk about them," They continued, crossing their arms like me.

"I'm sorry about having to make you learn that, Zed," I apologized again, tapping my fingers on my arms at a slow & silent pace, a silence coming between us that someone needed to break. "Uhm...I've got two memories back last night, you...do you want to know?" I changed the subject for the moment, unsure if the subject I chose was better.

"Tell," They simply said.

"The first one was talking with Portnova along the Moskova, only with her," I started, concentrating myself to remember it well. "She was scared about how things were happening days after...Dedov left," I added, seeing them froze in place at hearing their brother's name. "That's the first time I saw her cry in tears, it was troubling,"

"I know...she's never like that," Zasha exclaimed, their voice sadder than ever at saying it.

"The second one....it's Dedov," I admitted, thinking that I shouldn't be talking of Dedov with Zasha, knowing the current state of Dedov now. "We talked about you, things and...yeah, we talked," I breathed, stopping myself in my words, looking at Zasha who was saddened of hearing more & more about Dedov, remembering the moment I told them of Dedov's state. "My night was hard to live, things are still shitty, I didn't talk to Park at all since we left Peter's place and I'm feeling bad about a lot of things, a fucking lot," I said, holding back my tears inside of me and moving my arms on my lap.

"You don't need to..."

"Feel bad? Why shouldn't I be good?" I asked them, cutting them straight in their words. "No, I can't, I'm just trying my best to not convince myself to end the misery that I call my life," I told them like that, going up from my seat, without having eaten anything. "I want to save Dedov, to make Park & everyone happy and that we can destroy Perseus but my life is just getting resumed at reliving almost each night something that is saying that my life is filled with trauma, I'm going to live with that for months, even years," I raised up my voice as I moved to the front door, Zasha this time doing nothing to stop me.

"Yirina, I...you don't need to feel bad," They insisted, finishing their sentences that they couldn't finish. "I know the pain you're facing with...that brainwashing bullshit, we're all here for you,"

"Yeah but...I can't feel myself alone and each day, I'm getting lonely inside myself, discovering about who was 'Yirina Grigoriev' before she was left for dead on an airstrip in Turkey," I muttered, putting my hands on the front door handle to open it. "I'm holding my promises, don't worry, Zasha," I then opened the door, ready to leave for Century House before I turned around to look at them, a look of sadness on our both faces...

"I'm trying my best but I'm holding my promises to everyone,"

[figmentera]

Sometimes picrews alone in the dark are a fine way to unwind and sometimes they just let you fall into bad thought spirals and are a Mistake™ and isn't that a fun russian roulette to end the day with