#the personal property list is so fucking FUNNY too god i love the details that s1 had!!!

[theseancekid]

YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH i won my bid on Klaus' rehab props from the TUA pilot episode!!! Out of all the props from s1, I'm so so excited to get the original sobriety chip that he's given. I feel like these props represent the core of his character arc that first season and I'm so excited to get everything framed on my wall next to all my autographs from the s4 premiere :)

[theladyofdeath]

Kinky Cliché {Nessian}

31 Days of Halloween: Day 19.

All installments co-written with @snelbz​

Based on a prompt sent in by anon :  "”Is it too cliche to visit a cemetery on halloween?" For nessian pleaseeee“

Warning: language, sex.

Autumn/Halloween 2020 {Collection}

It was Halloween and Nesta sat on the couch, watching a scary movie for the tenth time that week. It wasn’t that it wasn’t a good movie or that she didn’t like Halloween.

She loved Halloween, and for that reason, she watched scary movies year round. So her favorites, as great as they were, had become predictable. And since they were the original great scary movies, all scary movies tried to be like them.

She sighed, just as Cassian walked into the living room from the hallway, freshly showered after a long day of patrol. “That was a big sigh,” he noted, heading into the kitchen and grabbing two beers. “What are you thinking about?”

“Is it too cliché to visit a cemetery on Halloween?” She asked, pausing her movie.

The movement in the kitchen paused. “No, but it is illegal.” She heard the fridge door reopen and closed and then he reappeared.

Nesta noted he didn’t have the beers in his hands anymore. She snorted. “No, it’s not.”

He sat down next to her. “Most cemeteries are on private property. That’s illegal to trespass on, no matter what day of the year it is.”

She pursed her lips and thought for a minute. “What about a community cemetery? That’s owned by the city? The parks owned by the city are ‘open’ all night.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but paused. His brow furrowed. “I guess you’re right.”

“So I ask again,” she said, turning towards him, her eyes bright, “Is it too cliché to go to a cemetery on Halloween?”

Cassian shot her an amused look. “Is this your coy way of asking me to get dressed so we can go to a cemetery?” 

“I’m tired of watching movies,” was her reply.

Cassian gasped. “Did those words really just come out of your mouth?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Come on. I’m getting my boots, putting on my coat, taking a shot of whiskey, then we’re going.”

Cassian watched her as she stood up and got to work on that list. 

With a sigh, he followed her lead. If it involved Nesta Archeron and a shot of whiskey, he couldn’t say no.

Before leaving, he decided to take one as well, after looking up the closest cemetery not on private property.

Nesta had just pulled a knitted beanie with a big black pom pom on her head when Cassian walked out of their bathroom and snorted. “Real spooky, babe.”

She glared at him in the dresser mirror.

He held up his hands in surrender and said, “So there’s an old cemetery from the Great War about half a mile away from town, it’s behind that great big church on 4th Avenue.”

She turned, her eyes lit up. “So it’s super old?”

“That thought should not excite you,” he said, shaking his head. “Yes, at least five hundred years. And the people buried there died horrible, violent deaths.”

Nesta actually squealed. “Let’s go.”

She grabbed his hand and was dragging him through their apartment.

Cassian didn’t even bother to try and protest. Before he knew it, they were in his Jeep, driving quickly to the outskirts of town. 

Nesta was excited enough for both of them, and even though Cassian tried to match that excitement, he couldn’t stop himself from yawning as they drove through the dark night.

“I think it’s up there,” Nesta said, pointing to the iron gate coming up on their right. Cassian turned, and illuminated in the headlights were countless headstones. 

Before the Jeep was even put in park, Nesta was opening her door and jumping out. Cassian couldn’t help but chuckle at her excitement. Nesta rarely became excited about such things, but every Halloween, especially when it came to the creepy and spooky, it was like she was a kid on Christmas morning. She had endless joy thrumming through her bones.

He grabbed the couple of flashlights and spare batteries he’d thought to toss in his pocket on the way out the door and followed her. Sure enough, the gate was unlocked and Nesta was attempting to get it open when Cassian came up behind her. He flicked on one of the flashlights, helping her see the ancient patching mechanism and she turned around and blew him a kiss. With a heavy thunk!, the iron gate creaked open and Cass handed Nesta a flashlight.

It was like watching a kid with free rein in a candy store.

The headstones were in good shape, considering their age. They found quite a few where time and the elements had worn away the details of the person laid to rest there, but most were at least legible.

“Baby, look this guy died on Elain’s birthday!” She said, pointing her beam of light at the headstone. 

He did the mental math in his head and said, “Yeah, just five hundred and sixty four years before.”

She shoved him. “It’s a fun coincidence, hush.”

“Fun?” He asked, chuckling. “I love you, but you have a fucked up interpretation of fun.”

“Yeah, well-.”

They both froze as they heard a noise from deeper in the cemetery. Cassian couldn’t decide if it was a moan, weak scream, or growl. Honestly, he didn’t like the prospect of any of the three.

“What was that?” Nesta whispered, angling herself behind Cassian.

Cassian had stilled. “I...don’t know.”

He took a step forward but Nesta was grabbing him by the back of his shirt. “What are you doing?”

Cassian blinked. “What do you mean? I’m going to look at what’s making the big, scary noise.”

“Seriously?” Nesta hissed. “Have you never watched a horror movie?”

“Yes, many,” Cassian grumbled. “Thanks to you.” 

“Then you know not to go toward what’s making the noise,” she snapped.

Said noise sounded again, and Cassian and Nesta were back to going perfectly still. 

“Does it…is someone fucking in the graveyard?” Cassian whispered.

“What?” Nesta asked, quietly. She hadn’t even considered having sex in a cemetery and that was saying something. “Why would-?”

Again, they heard the noise and it seemed to be getting louder.

“That was definitely a moan, and it didn’t sound ghostly to me,” Cass said, forging ahead.

They followed the sound, passing another entrance to the graveyard, where they found a black car, with a crescent moon hanging from the rear view mirror. Cass shined his flashlight towards it. “Does that car look familiar?”

“It just looks like a black car, come on,” she said, looking around and tugging on his hand.

He paused and she turned to look at him. The smirk on his face was positively wicked.

“Are you scared, Nesta Archeron?”

“No,” she said, far too quickly.

“They’re fucking in a public space, I’m a cop, it’s my duty to do some ass-kicking,” he said, simply.

“And if they’re not having sex?” Nesta asked, a brow raised.

Cassian shrugged. “Then we die.” 

With that, he took another few steps along, dragging Nesta with him. They made it closer to the car, but no one was inside. 

The moaning came again and Cassian turned around, dragging a nervous Nesta toward the edge of the cemetery, toward a line of trees.

Where they saw two figures, one pressed up against the trunk of a tree, in quite the compromising position.

“Hey!” Cassian yelled. “Feet on the ground, hands up where I can see them!”

The man backed off the woman and looked over his shoulder.

Cassian froze.

“Cass?”

“Rhys?”

“Nesta?”

Nesta’s hands flew over her eyes, “Feyre, my gods!”

Cassian began to howl, while Nesta turned around and the other two resituated their clothing.

“What are you doing out here?” Feyre asked, her cheeks still tinged with pink, from what they were caught doing or out of embarrassment from what they were caught doing, she didn’t know.

“This one wanted to visit a cemetery on Halloween,” Cassian hooked a thumb over at Nesta, who looked like she wished she’d never made the suggestion.

“It’s Halloween?” Rhys asked, and Feyre elbowed him in the ribs.

“Yep, us too,” she said, quickly.

“You didn’t know it was Halloween?” Nesta asked, looking at the two of them. Rhys shrugged. “Then why were you have sex in a cemetery?”

“She was giving me road head on the way home from dinner and I didn’t want to wait fifteen more minutes to be inside of her,” Rhys explained.

“Rhys!” Feyre said, covering her face.

Nesta gagged. “I could have lived my entire life without knowing that fact.”

Cassian laughed even louder, his hands on his knees, unable to keep himself upright. 

“How funny would it be,” Cassian began, between bursts of laughter, “if I arrested you two, and hauled you in?” He was nearly crying. “I mean, that would be a damn good holiday.” 

Nesta rolled her eyes. “You can’t arrest my sister and her husband for being weird and kinky on a creepy holiday…no matter how horrified I am.”

“On that note, we’re gonna go,” Rhys smirked, wrapping an arm around Feyre. “We were kind of in the middle of something before we were so rudely interrupted-.”

“You’re in a public cemetery,” Cassian said, still laughing.

“We’ll see you at Az and Elain’s tomorrow night for dinner!” He hollered back, heading for the car.

“I’m texting him about this right now,” Cassian yelled, pulling out his phone.

Rhys just held up his middle finger as he closed Feyre’s door and rounded the car to his side.

By the time Cassian finished his text message, their taillights were nearly out of sight and he said, “Well, that was fun. Ready to head home?”

Nesta smirked and said, “Not yet.” She took his hand and led him back into the cemetery, walking just a little farther than they had when they finally figured out the noises.

“Would you really arrest someone for having sex in a public cemetery?” Nesta asked, sitting on a stone bench they’d stumbled upon.

“Of course, I would,” he said, turning to look around himself with the flashlight. “It’s illegal, Nes. Public indecency and all that.” This place was huge. The headstones went as far as he could see.

“Would you arrest me?” She asked from behind him.

“Of course not, baby,” he turned back around to face her. “But you’d never-.”

His mouth dried out as he found Nesta sitting topless on the bench. He hadn’t even heard her unzip her jacket, but there it was, piled up on the bench with her sweater and bra.

He groaned, his eyes lingering. “You’re going to make me break the law, aren’t you?” 

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” she crooned, flipping her hair over her shoulder so that her breasts were on full display. “I’m just sitting here, in the cemetery, with my husband...” 

“Is it possible to be completely freaked out while being equally turned on?” Cassian asked, taking slow steps toward her.

“On Halloween? Absolutely,” she said, her grin making his toes curl.

Cassian turned the flashlight off before plopping down next to Nesta and pulling her onto his lap. 

Unlike her sister and brother-in-law, no one interrupted them.

[basketballandtextbooks]

Bat how do you feel after watching the special

There are multiple levels to my thoughts.

On a satire level, they bungled a lot of the information. They were trying to take an “all sides are stupid stance” on an issue where people are dying daily and there are actual medical reasons for one stance to be factually incorrect so taking an “all sides” stance is... fucking tone deaf. To be fair to them, I enjoyed the amount of meta that informed their episode about knowing that their episode was doing more harm than good and using Randy as a tool for that particular satire was a smart and effective mood. That said, it was a mixed message that promoted a lot of misinformation. While the meta parts were funny, lamp-shading how poor your satire is doesn’t actually make your satire good. It just means you’re lamp-shading the issue. It was disappointing because I had hoped for better as they frequently write good satire. Stan’s character journey was the only cohesive one throughout the episode and while it was a good one, there was so much of the episode that was tone deaf to the severity of this issue. While I think it’s valid to bring levity to the issue and I was hoping they would, they missed the mark by a long-shot. That said, they usually don’t do well with medical issues. The last time they bungled their satire this badly was the vaccination episode. And they infamously bungle literally every trans-related episode. There were aspects of the episode that were poignant, well thought out, and well executed, but the majority was an under-researched in-cohesive mess. Which to some extent I think that’s what they were aiming for because they view the pandemic as an in-cohesive mess. The issue is that one of the reasons that pandemic is such a pervasive issue (especially in the states) is the mass spread of misinformation so when they spread misinformation to criticize the spread of misinformation... it’s just stupid.

However on a character level I very much enjoyed the episode. It was yet another Randy focused episode and as I’ve expressed on a few occasions I just don’t find him funny. Oh no, he jizzed on the weed, that’s sooooo surprising. Honestly Randy is a very one-note character. He does something horrifying, people are horrified, he faces no consequences, rinse, repeat. That all established, I think it’s important character information that he cheated on Sharon twice in China with no guilt whatsoever. He only wanted to hide his crime because “my wife is a bitch”. Also considering he cheated with non-human entities, I think this is strong proof of Rowelie’s viability so take that as you will Rowelie shippers. Also the fact that people grow Randy mustache’s if they ingest his cum and Sharon had a mustache at the end... I sort of hate that Randy took that as proof that she smoked his weed. Now, even if she had smoked it his behavior still is completely and disgustingly inexcusable but also... everyone in South Park is openly smoking so she could have very easily gotten second hand Randy-stache. Or just given her husband a blow job. Also it’s interesting information that within universe Randy’s cum has mutagenic properties. Again for the Rowelie shippers: you could use this as an excuse as to how Towelie turns into a human, Randy’s cum mutated him. Also I think it’s likely that microwaving his balls could be what caused his radioactive jizz. Or one of the times he was experimented on by aliens. Or both. Altogether Randy was a repulsive bastard within the episode who I find boring at best BUT the amount of meta information that he introduced will be very useful to inform my theories. (Also again, the fact that he so easily and guilelessly cheats on Sharon tells me that he that he has done it a multitude of times. My theory is that after he gave Gerald a handy in the hot-tub and was forgiven he just never stopped, basically assuming the permission to do it once was broad permission to do it forever) (oh and second note: this is the second time within canon that Randy has poisoned people’s weed so uh... that’s fucked up)

Freaked out a lot about Jimbo dying, I’m really scared they’ll kill Jimbo but also since they already killed Ned I wonder if the two of them can be happy in the afterlife together because no one can convince me that Jimbo and Ned aren’t canon. Also Randy’s blatant racism and lack of empathy for Jimbo’s illness was really yikes. I dunno guys, I’ve always had a soft spot for Jimbo. He’s a stupid stereotypical red-neck but he had a sort of charm to him and I thought he was funny. I miss when him and Ned were regulars on the show.

CARTMAN DANCING AND SINGING WAS ACTUALLY THE CUTEST THING EVER ON THIS FUCKING EARTH, FIGHT ME I LOVE THIS STUPID SELFISH LITTLE CRETIN also it’s yet another episode to add to the list of “times Cartman shows he can grow into a better person” and list of “times Cartman seems to show a special soft spot for Stan”. Cartman does tend to listen more frequently when Stan asks and less frequently for literally anyone else. So the Stanman was strong in this one. Also really enjoyed the Stutters. While yes, Stan was completely using Butters as a tool to project his own feelings of unease I think it really says something that he chose Butters for that role. I think to some extent he felt that Butters might be feeling the same mortality-panic he was feeling (whether it was true or not) and that kinship he felt with Butters led him to feel that Butters was also feeling the way he did. He was panicked and he thought out of all his friends that Butters was the one who might share his feelings. I enjoy that sort of subtle connection between them and it’s been a consistent thread within the show that Butters and Stan just treat each other a little different than they do literally everyone else. It’s worth thinking about.

I think Stan was also at his limit because he was already suffering from isolation issues due to Tegridy Farms from before the pandemic. He’s always been a social boy and this brought him to the brink of what he could handle.

THEY SHOT TOKEN AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV I THINK I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBORS i fucking knew it was coming too. The fucking SECOND they shoved those fucking corrupt ass cops in the same room as Token.... I fucking feared for his life. They’ve killed off fairly major background characters before and killing Token would be... topical. I will make it my mission to personally destroy every fucking cop in South Park (Barbrady gets a pass... BARELY). I hate them all. I’ve hated them all for a long time but they murdered several children (including Kenny, the bastards) and they SHOT MY BOY TOKEN I WILL RIP OFF THEIR FUCKING ARMS SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN SHOOT THEN YOU TRASH BASTARDS

Nothing big Kenny happened this episode, insert sad fanboy noises

There were some strong Kyman moments. Cartman went to Kyle’s house for help at the beginning of the episode, obsessed over whether or not he’d be in the same room as Kyle, tried to vomit on Kyle, AND THEN KYLE FUCKING JUMPED HIM AND BEAT HIS ASS DOWN, FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO INCORRECTLY THINK DIFFERENT KYLE IS A FUCKING DOMINANT TOP, HE DOESN’T TAKE IT, HE GIVES IT

Adding that to my long list of “episodes where Kyle shows he isn’t a pushover, is very violent, and can easily kick Cartman’s bitch ass” because every so once in awhile I have to break out that list when someone insists upon how submissive Kyle is. Bitttttttccchhhhhh, you haven’t watched the show if you think that. My favorite kid doesn’t take your shit

Very interested in Red’s new canon last name (McArthur) but I’m also unsure about it because in the scene’s where it’s shown I couldn’t quite tell if it was actually Red or Powder. She kept being shown from odd angles and her hair looked a little shorter than normal. That said, I’m happy if it is her because I’ve been wanting a canon last name for Red for a long-ass time. Even presuming you go by the cousin’s headcanon for Craig and Red, there’s no guarantee they would have the same last name.

Let’s see, I think I had some other thoughts but those were the main points

OH PAUSE THE SCREEN WHEN THE PARENTS ARE ON ZOOM it’s really cute/funny what the usernames are. For example Annie’s mom is totally just using Annie’s account so she’s probably not very tech savvy. There’s actually a lot of minor character detail that you can infer from those screen-names.

Yeah those are my major thoughts: Randy is trash, nothing new, Cartman was ADORABLE and also lots of good meta for him (I have some hcs that one of the reasons he adored the social distancing so much isn’t because he hates human contact because we know from previous seasons that he’s a bit of a lonely boy, but he likes the social distancing explicitly because it gives him an excuse to reject other people before they can reject him), good stutters moments, good kyman moments, good stanman moments, there were some style moments if you squint? Kyle was one of the people Stan consulted about his feelings of unease but since it wasn’t just Kyle that he consulted it didn’t really feel like that was a special personal part of their relationship, moreso that he wanted Kyle to kiss his booboo and make it better. Although further proof that Kyle is the dom in that relationship. Kyle was agitated over the situation but overall rational, Stan was flipping the fuck out. Stan came to him submissive, scared, and asking for Kyle to make him feel better. Kyle remained calm and logical. I swear to god if I read one more cutesy-innocent Kyle post I might flip a table. Literally Kyle’s canonical self is RIGHT THERE

OH YEAH MY BUTTERS THOUGHTS there’s nothing really new here but it continues the trend of Butters being a self centered prick. (I love him but he is) Instead of even trying to understand the number of people dying or the gravity of the situation, he’s just upset and throwing tantrums because he doesn’t get to play at Build a Bear. And it’s made explicit in the writing that unlike Stan he isn’t struggling with the nebulous fear of death (probably brought on by his uncle getting sick). Butters is just bitter that he doesn’t get to have special things. Also Stan was the only one who tried even a little to save Butters from getting taken by the guards. No one else tried to stop or warn Butters. So again, very cute Stutters moment where Stan is overtly worried for Butters’ well-being even when he’s throwing a bratty tantrum. (I don’t know how anyone perceives Butters as an altruistic person, he’s a selfish twat. he’s a lovable selfish twat, like Cartman, but he’s still a selfish twat. and none of his shitty behavior in this episode was even remotely related to Cartman so you can’t connect it to him. Butters, on his own and without anyone else’s influence, does and acts like a shit-head). There is the excuse that he’s only ten but literally everyone in that cafeteria is only ten. But Butters is the only one kicking other people’s food because he didn’t get his special prize.

This all sounds like I hate Butters. I love Butters, warts and all, I just get really annoyed when fandom ignores his warts because his warts are PART OF THE REASON I LOVE BUTTERS. Also it’s like... blatantly and observably canon that he’s selfish.

I’m going to happily ruminate on Stan feeling a strong pang of protectiveness towards Butters though. That was quite illuminating.

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

Heathens - Soulless Reader x Demon Dean (Short Series)

A/N: Part two! As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block.

Part One

Warnings: Harley/Joker kinda relationship. Unhealthy. Power driven. Smut.

Word Count: Roughly 2,200

“Moose!” His voice was all cheer and glee as he stared up at the towering, still human brother. Trying to ignore the demon-killing knife in the too strong hand. The deep, loathing scowl etched onto the human's face as he stared down the monarch.

Crowley had finally given up. He had no one else to turn to. There were no other beings that stood a chance at getting near the power couple. The two creatures he'd helped shape were raising literal hell on earth. It was time for desperate measures.

“Where is he?” Sam demanded thickly. Booming in rage. Not bothering with any sort of pleasantries. After all, Crowley had his brother for all he knew.

“Ah, yes. Dean-o.” The King's lips pulled back into a scowl. It was time to get to business. Before too much more damage could ensue. “For once, we want the same thing. Squirrel back to himself.” The younger Winchester's eyes narrowed in the low sunlight as he took in Crowley skeptically. “As we both know, your brother is a... changed man. And not for the better.”

“Funny,” Sam snorted. Face twitching as he refrained from colliding into the demon and ending it all. “Last I checked, you were parading him around like some kind of prize. What brought on the change of heart?” Ordinarily, Crowley enjoyed the Winchester sass. But, not then. His eyes rolled instinctively.

“Your brother has this annoying tendency to do as he pleases. I can't control him. I've tried.” The demon shrugged, not even slightly remorseful in his actions. “I might have had better luck if he hadn't run into Y/N-”

“Y/N? Y/N L/N? She's with Dean?” Crowley watched as stark fear crossed the giant's face. “Has he hurt her? God, she has to be terrified-”

“Unlikely.” The king of hell snorted. Too sore from his latest failure to use the hunter's terror for leverage. “The only thing that girl feels is hunger for power.” Bitterness welled inside of him at the thought. You'd not only destroyed his plans for Dean, but the ones he'd had for you as well. In a single swoop. Only needing to bat your eyes to get what you pleased from the knight of hell. Your soul was the only leverage Crowley had against you two, and your only interest was in its destruction. “If I were you? I'd fear more for Dean.”

Realization crossed Sam's face, “You did something to her.” And the anger followed, nostrils flared and all. “I swear to god-”

“No,” Crowley held up his finger as he corrected the hunter. “I only ordered her to be collected as part of a contract that one of my demons created. Simply business. Nothing personal.” The look on Sam's face made it clear. He didn't believe a word the demon was saying. Smart man. “The chit made it damned difficult. Killed my favorite hound. So, I sent demons.” He kept the story simple. Not going into detail about the way you'd fought your life. He didn't need the moose endearing to you anymore than he already was. “They pulled away her soul believing it would stun her enough to destroy her body. But, that's as far as they got.” A vial was pulled out of his jacket, containing the silver blue light that had been torn from your very being. “Turns out your little pet can be quite brutal when she wants to be. And that damned knife you gave her ended up being quite effective. Now? Now we have a soulless maniac on the loose who not only wants to rule the world. But doesn't give a damn who she has to kill to get it. And I'm sure your brother is going to end up on that list if he doesn't follow her orders.” The look on Sam's face said enough. “Don't say it. I know what you're thinking. But, the soulless chit is the problem of the moment. For the both of us!”

“Why not just let it go? Let it find it's way back? If she's not soulless, then-”

“Then, Dean will remove it himself without time counting against him. We'll have nothing to make them pause long enough to gather some control back. They'll be lost.” The King's face fell, just as his reign would if you two continued to skillfully wield your weapons.

You'd already put a large dent into his army. Had weaseled out information- according to the few survivors that crossed your paths- that could give you an advantage. Letting them live only to let Crowley know just how successful you'd been. To toy with his mind.

Harley Quinn and The Joker. Bonnie and Clyde. Or any other powerful duo that could be thought of. None of them compared to the twisted, effective, relationship that you two had. When you weren't covered in blood, you were covered with each other.

“Just when I thought this couldn't get any crazier.” Sam snorted, a bitter half laugh leaving his lips as his hand ran over his stubbled jaw. “Of course it turns into this.” The resignation on his face gave the king some hope.

“Welcome to the party, Moose.”  Crowley smirked, though he felt nothing more than vulnerable. You two were too close. There wasn't much time. He would be dead as soon as you two arrived in town, and he was powerless to stop it on his own.

–

“Harder,” You moaned out in pleasure as his hands bruised into your hips. Your nails digging into the rolling muscles of Dean's shoulder and back as you rode him. Breaking the skin along the way. Not giving a damn that he grunted at the feeling. Your eyes were shut. Head tossed back as you zeroed in on the way he filled you. Yet,  you could feel the warmth of those blackened orbs watching you as you straddled his lap. His grip moving your body along his solid length.

“Alright,” His lips kicked up arrogantly. Instead of just following your orders, you were flipped so that he was on top of you on the wrecked bed. Your empty E/C eyes were darkened with lust when you opened them. The large fists clenched into your thigh and arm hard enough to rebruise the damaged flesh. He slammed his hips faster, giving you exactly what you demanded and then some.

His teeth sank into the soft skin of your throat; drawing both a cry from your lips and pebbles of blood forward that he easily licked away as he thrust sharply. Leaving another mark on your skin with a growl as your claws sank into him deeper. Body clenching hard around his dick. The hot, slick tug of your body trying to hold him hostage. Taking what you needed from him greedily. He left one hand on your hip as he pulled away. Moving to gain more control. The other gripped the wooden frame. Giving him better leverage. The wooden headboard slammed into the wall roughly. Motel room pictures rattled. Other patrons yelled out their complaints. Drown out by the cries leaving your throat.

At one time, sex between you two had been slow and meaningful. There had been lingering kisses, touches, and emotion behind every action. Cuddles afterwards. Conversation about the future. Dissections of your feelings. It had been everything a girl could dream of before it had ended.

But now? You two used each other. It wasn't about getting closer. Simply about getting off. Sex was just another tool in the power struggle you were looked in. Used as a tool for manipulating the other. Abrasive and filthy every time. Primal in nature, much like the both of you.

You both were covered with lesions; branding each other as the other's property. Possessive? Simply because you needed the other to get where you wanted. Thrived off of how much control you could garner with the right look. A simple touch. There was nothing else to it. No love. Not an ounce of fluff to be found. And you two thrived in the mucked up relationship.

“That's it.” His low voice vibrated shock waves through your system as he coaxed you through your orgasm; watching as you fell apart around him. Hips rolling. Mouth open as the delicious sounds poured out of your lips. “Fuck, Y/N...”

Writhing erratically, he tried to get impossibly closer; losing himself inside of the tight hold. Your eyesight focused in time to see his flushed face contort in pleasure. In the past you would have thought he was beautiful. Would have gotten lost in his pleasure. Instead, you focused on the feeling him getting off gave you.

How he stretched you just right when he stopped moving. The warmth of his seed coating your walls. All of it giving you a final bit of a buzz.

“You didn't win,” You huffed, face grim in determination as you came down from one of the only highs you could still reach.

“Your plan is beyond crazy.” He grumbled, rolling off of you. Displeased that the sex hadn't ended the conversation. After all? That had been the point.

“Which is why it would work.” You insisted again, moving to rest yourself over him. The position giving you better access to his gaze. Eyes that were back to the darkened green. That showed the bit of humanity you'd discovered under the surface of 'Deanmon'. “You know he's gunning on Sam wanting to get us back to the emotionally wrecked shithole we were in before.” If you could've felt fear, he'd have said that's what crossed your face. Instead, desperation was a better fit. All wide eyed and tight lipped. “He wants your brother to stop us. He's scared, Dean. All we have to do is get ahold of him- and his bones- and the rest falls into place. Crowley knows that. But, we won't get there before Sam does whatever his part is in the counter plan.” Your fingers trailed through the short, sex mused locks on his head as your voice softened back into that deadly, convincing tone. “So... we have no choice. We have to put you in Sam's grasp. Have to take care of him. Or, everything we've done is for nothing.” He looked unsure, but he nodded grimly. “I know you have a soft spot for him-”

“I don't.” Dean bit out, his demon side taking completely over at the words. Green blackened. Exactly what you needed.

“But, there's a tiny piece of you that does.” Your voice lowered into the manipulative little timbre he'd come to expect when you set your mind to something. His hackles rose. “It's the same part that Crowley wanted to kill. The same part of you that felt the need to keep me alive.” Softly, you added another twist to the knife. “I'm glad that piece of you exists...Really.” Your hand slowly moved down his sweat coated skin, until you reached the warm mark on his forearm. “But, I- we need you to push past it. If my soul comes back? I'll forget all of this. I'll turn against you. We'll lose everything we've gained.” You traced the reddened flesh. Eyes locked wishfully onto the mark. Begging for it, silently. The power it held. “Even if you can rip it back out? We 'll be too far gone. They'll have the upper hand...we can't afford that kinda set back.” Your vacant eyes met his again in a way that made his skin prickle. “You said you didn't want to lose your demon side... I get that. And you won't. Not completely. I have every detail planned out. You just have to trust me, Dean.” Your lips pressed against the anti-possesion symbol that had been etched onto his chest. The similar mark you bore on your hip. As if it meant something to the two of you. Despite both of you knowing better. “Trust us.”

He had little doubt that you'd planned out every possible scenario. Your lack of humanity made it alarmingly easy to spot weakness in anything that had even the slightest bit remaining. To see where they would go. See how to cut past it effectively. Even in himself.

He'd witnessed the skill countless times over the coarse of three months. Against demons, witches, and humans. If anything got in the way of something you desired? You cut it down without blinking. His brother was simply next on the list.

“Fine,” He nodded. You were right. He didn't want to go back to the feeling. To the wretchedness his life had held before he'd gone dark. That much, he was certain on.. “We do this. We've come this far...” Your lips lifted in a sinister grin, making him almost regret agreeing to it right then and there.

Dean/Jensen: @akshi8278​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon​​ @supernaturalginger​​ @lilulo-12​​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @fanfictionismydeath​

[beesmygod]

this is what riverdale is about (part 3)

part 1

part 2

first, i have to start this description of the first season by begging you to stay with me for all 3 seasons; the first season is hilariously quaint in hindsight to whatever the fuck i just watched in season 3. the first season does deal with some weirdly heavy subjects for a comic that was at one point about getting a malt down at the shop with your best girl (for example, a plot point in season 1 is a predatory teacher/student relationship) but the third season is freaked out on pcp comparatively. the descent into madness this show demonstrates as time goes on should act as a warning to all who desire to write fanfiction: there but for the grace of god goes YOU.

anyway, my approach to doing this is that i will describe each episode of the season briefly. in some episodes, nothing of major consequence happens. in some, i will describe interactions i found especially bizarre or accidentally funny or iconic. you may want to keep the list of characters handy but i will try to explain the new, incidental ones as they pop up.

an odd side note: you will notice many of the episode titles are taken from movie titles. “riverdale” LOVES making references to movies. i mean hell, so do i, but you will notice some of the references are............on the nose.

images are from the riverdale wiki

SEASON ONE (PART 1):

the river’s edge: jughead, as the series narrator, describes a july 4th boating incident that led to the death of jason blossom, cheryl’s twin brother. cheryl is found by some off-brand boy scouts on the riverbank looking like a fabulous drowned rat. when the town comes to gawk at the spectacle, betty’s mother is hella pumped at the idea of jason being dead because he broke up with betty’s sister, polly (betty’s mom is later revealed to be prejudiced against all redheads, including archie). jason’s body is not recovered.

veronica and her mother arrive at riverdale to stay in a 5 star hotel that inexplicably exists in this podunk little shithole of a town. they discuss her father’s recent arrest for various financial crimes and decide to get a burger. betty, across town, is thinking the same thing...but love is on her mind...

betty wants to confess her feelings to archie, who she watches dress from the house next door. he is huge and beefy, having worked on his dad’s construction site during the summer. betty on the other hand, organized a toni morrison release party (?!), which she describes to archie as they catch up over a burger. archie wants to make music now. music is the ONLY thing that gives his life meaning (spoilers: he only feels this way for about half a season), except for football. betty is about to confess her feelings but veronica busts the door open and ruins everything.

there is an insane scene here where veronica meets kevin at school the next day and “concludes” he’s gay using her powers of deduction and also the fact that he talked to her about a gay bar in town (i cannot believe the riverdale gay bar has never come up again wtf). based on this information alone, she wants to be best friends. great stuff.

archie tries to join the pussycats and they tell him to fuck right off. josie gets a weird monologue about her cat ears. archie makes weird eye contact with the music teacher at riverdale high, ms. grundy (who is like 22 years old and hot now, instead of ancient and withered), who is revealed to have had a VERY uncomfortable sexual relationship with him. the visual coding of the flashback scene is bananas; she’s wearing the heart-shaped pink “lolita” glasses from the kubrick movie. 

through a flashback scene, it is revealed that one of archie and grundy’s sexual trysts that took place on the date and location jason died was interrupted by a gunshot. meanwhile, betty and veronica gay kiss to try to get on the cheerleading team but cheryl is unimpressed, commenting that it is SO 1990s. nevertheless, they make the team.

at the semi-formal, betty confesses to archie, who reacts like she handed him a dead fish wrapped in newspaper. cheryl thinks this is hella funny and sets up a scenario at her after party that gets veronica and archie together for a round of “7 minutes in heaven”. betty flees. jughead writes his novel in pop tate’s chocklit shoppe. kevin and moose (a closeted football player) try to fuck down by the murder river but the mood is ruined by jason’s body floating to the shore.

OKAY that’s the longest one. we had to establish a bunch of shit. stick with me now.

a touch of evil: archie confronts grundy about the gunshot they heard, now that it is certain that jason was killed by a gunshot to the head. betty and archie make up and become friends again, beginning the cycle of riverdale drama that wraps itself up in less than 12 hours. cheryl uses the school p.a. system to demand the killer reveal himself so they can put him in the chair. alice cooper pays off the mortician for information about jason’s corpse so she can run an expose about the murder in the front page of the local newspaper. jughead witnesses archie sharing a way too intimate hug with grundy. veronica’s mom works at pop tate’s and meets archie for the first time at work, commenting on how handsome he is, like his father. archie andrews is certified milf-bait for whatever reason.

betty invites cheryl to her house for mani-pedis to spite veronica. cheryl uses the opportunity to accuse betty’s sister of killing jason. betty responds by telling cheryl to get out or she’ll fucking kill her. normal stuff. meanwhile, jughead confronts archie about grundy and finds out pretty much everything, from the inappropriate relationship to the gunshot. he urges archie to go to the cops but archie won’t do it because *~what he and grundy has is sPeCiAl~*. jughead tells archie he’s a fucking idiot and brushes off archie’s attempts to threaten him.

betty asks about her sister, who is revealed to be in a mental hospital in a catatonic state as a result of the relationship breakdown between her and jason.

jughead gets brutally owned by jocks who call him “donnie darko” and “suicide squad” while implying he fucked jason’s corpse. archie defends jughead and they make up right before the pep rally. the heartless bastards at riverdale high inexplicably gave archie jason’s football jersey instead of retiring it and cheryl has a real meltdown about her brother’s death, fleeing into the girl’s locker room to sob her heart out. she confesses to veronica, the only person who goes to comfort her, that jason was supposed to come back.

the next day, the cops arrest cheryl in the middle of class and handcuff her. it turns out jason didn’t die july 4th, but a week after.

body double: despite confessing to being guilty at the end of the last ep, cheryl starts this ep by saying “let me clarify what i meant by guilty” which is the first of many times riverdale immediately recons its own writing for no apparent reason. cheryl confesses she lied about what happened the day of his disappearance; they weren’t simply having a little boat ride, but trying to facilitate jason’s escape to a farm away from the clutches of his family. he was supposed to contact cheryl once he got somewhere safe, but he didn’t. meanwhile, betty’s mom apparently didn’t get the “not guilty” memo and publishes a sensational article about jason accusing cheryl of being the murderer. through this, it is revealed to the audience that betty’s mom and dad own and operate the local newspaper. just them. no one else. cool.

archie finally tells the sheriff about the gunshot but lies about grundy’s existence. kevin comments offhandedly that everyone should re-watch “making a murderer” on netflix, making this what i think is the first plug of an irl property/brand in the show. from here on out they get more brazen and batshit. veronica reveals she has a date with the football coach’s son, chuck clayton, but everyone warns her he’s a player. betty re-opens the school newspaper to compete with her parents and get the REAL story out. she hires jughead to interview the kids who found cheryl the day jason disappeared.

okay, dear readers, please listen to me attempt to explain the next part of this episode. veronica goes on a chaste date with chuck which ends in some light making out. the next day, it is all over social media that chuck gave her a “sticky maple” which is, as far as i can tell, some maple syrup photoshopped onto a photo of her to replicate cum. this is impossible to explain via text, so please look at this helpful screencap.

the theme of this episode suddenly sidewinds from “we must solve jasons murder” to “we must avenge veronica being slut-shamed”. they consider going to the authorities briefly but decide to storm into the boys locker room which accomplishes nothing. this story line is briefly put on hold so jughead can unsuccessfully interview some not-boy scouts and cheryl can repay archie’s attempt to clear her name by setting him up with music lessons from josie and the pussycats.

ethel muggs, a slightly more unpopular and more dowdy girl who pops up from time to time in the plot over the course of the three seasons, reveals that she is one of chuck’s victims too. she tells of a “playbook” kept by chuck that details sex acts the football team engages in (presumably with girls and not each other). 

jughead successfully squeezes a not-boy scout into revealing that the scoutmaster (who is like a 15 year old boy) fired the shot everyone heard at the river, but he was just practicing on targets he set up. the scoutmaster is a hardcore survivalist (a fact that becomes vital in later seasons). so ultimately the gunshot meant nothing.

archie offers to write songs for the pussycats and josie tells him to shut the fuck up, white boy.

kevin, betty, veronica and ethel break into the school after hours to find the playbook. cheryl inexplicably shows up wearing red thigh high boots to help them. no one except for me, the audience, is excited about this development. the book they find reveals that jason had a sexual relationship with betty’s sister, implying a sort of pump and dump situation between the two. betty goes apeshit and pledges revenge against chuck.

okay. just. stay with me now.

betty puts on red lipstick and somehow successfully convinces chuck to have sex with her at ethel’s house while ethel and her parents are out of town. when chuck arrives, veronica is there, claiming that she and betty want to “share” chuck. i cannot believe he falls for this for real. betty then comes out wearing a uma thurman “pulp fiction” wig and lingerie.

betty then roofies chuck, who wakes up handcuffed to the hot tub. while veronica records the scene, betty threatens to boil him alive in the hot tub and waterboards him with maple syrup unless he confesses to his crimes, the crimes of jason and for “destroying her”. after torturing him for an uncomfortable amount of time, they take their evidence to the principal. why they didn’t just do this in the first place i’ll never know. anyway chuck leaves the school and cheryl says, out loud, “#justiceforethel”. 

meanwhile, archie gets a soundproof place in the garage to practice his music after spending the episode arguing with his dad. dilton doiley, the scoutmaster, tells jughead and betty he saw grundy’s car at the river the day of jason disappearance. episode END.

this turned out to be so much longer than i thought it would be, so i’m splitting it here. these are so long im sorry. god bless you and im sorry you had to read this. we still have like 10 eps left. i didnt know it would be like this but i need you to understand and believe how insane this series is.

thanks for readin

[8-bitgossip]

Quotations

Ambient Conversations:

“I fucking hate mosquitos. Can we get away from all of this stagnant water before we die of West Nile or some shit?”

“You know, there’s a really good hiking trail around here. If you just turn here…. And we’re going the other way. Nevermind.”

“Gotta love the wilderness, the sun, the rivers, the lakes, the idea that there could be a Chosen archer hiding in the trees just waiting to murder us.”

“...Yeah. Heights. This’ll be fun. Not. Can we uh -- get down. Like. Now.”

“So. Have you ever thought about what’s gonna happen when all this is over? People don’t even have homes to go back to anymore and what? Are we gonna hold hands and sing kumbaya and pretend this all didn’t happen? Like fucking hell.”

When Deputy Points a Gun at Them:

“Ah. So this is what betrayal feels like. Gotta admit I’m hurt Deputy.”

“Et tu, Brute?”

Holland Valley:

“Ah. You can almost smell John Seed’s entitlement from here. Or… maybe that’s just his cologne. Eau de Asshole.”

“The Spread Eagle. Did you know that Girl’s Night has karaoke? You’ll have to ask Grace to sing Man! I Feel Like a Woman! by Shania Twain. It’s a blast.”

“Ah yes. Open fields, straight roads, the perfect place for snipers to shoot at us while I can’t shoot at them. Let’s get a move on.”

“...you think that the general store ever got my shipment of books in before shit went south? No?” *sighs* “And I was so looking forward to finishing the last of Toni Morrison’s body of work.”

“Gotta admit, even though I don’t remember it -- one baptism was more than enough for me; evidently I cried the whole time. My childhood priest wouldn’t be pleased with me converting to some crazed religious cult. Catholicism is cult  enough for any one person.”

“You think we could convince some people to sneak speakers up by John’s house? And blast Oh John from their fucking radio station while he tries to sleep? It’ll be hilarious.”

After Being Captured By John:

1st Encounter: “Did you enjoy your dip in the bliss filled water? Was John everything you hoped for? Thank god for Pastor Jerome and getting you out of there before shit hit the fan.” 2nd Encounter: “God. John’s quite the drama queen isn’t he? Shouting for you over the loudspeakers, promising that God will lead him to you.” *snickers* “He’ll be sending you flowers and love poetry before you know it, Dep.” John’s Death: “Well, everyone in the Valley can breathe at least a little easier now… It’s just a damn shame about the lives lost in the process and all of the people displaced by the violence.”

Henbane River:

“Ah yes, just your good, old fashioned, brain melting hallucinogenic drugs that at the very least sends you on a bad trip and at worst, turns you into a fucking zombie. Just how I wanted to spend my Tuesday.”

“Oh good. I’ve been meaning to stop by and see Addie. I have to talk to her about the fucking alleged haunted house she sold me.”

“I swear officer! It wasn’t me! Don’t cart me off to jail!” *snickers*

“You know what fucking sucks the most about all of this? They blissed out all of the best swimming spots in the Henbane, so unless you want to get really high I don’t recommend it.”

“Do you have any idea how much I’d love to take a rocket launcher to that sanctimonious prick’s dick?” *pause* “On the statue, dumbass. Although… Now that I’m on the topic…”

“...Please tell me that you’re also seeing pink elephants and about a dozen Faith’s littering the sides of the roads. Oh god.”

After Being Captured By Faith:

1st Encounter: “You never take me anywhere nice, actually, I lied. Do not. I repeat. Do not. Take me skydiving off of that fucking statue. I will murder you.” 2nd Encounter: “Best be careful there Dep. The adrenaline can bring you back but… there’s always a cost. You gotta wonder what the cost of finding that Marshall and bringing him back is.” Faith’s Death: “It’ll take years for this place to get back to normal… All of that Bliss, in everything. It’s not just gonna go away, and we don’t even know the long term effects. What a fucking waste of life.”

Whitetail Mountains:

“I should stop by and see Will and Eli while we’re here… No one in that fucking Militia keeps themselves fed unless you bug them about it. Fully grown toddlers, I swear to god.”

“Guess I should be thankful that the Cult isn’t as concerned with book burning as other zealous religious groups -- I would storm the Veteran’s Center myself if Jacob tried to burn my books.”

“...Did you hear that howl? We should go. Before we end up as wolf chow. Or, we could stay and when the Judge’s come you stay there, and I’ll climb a tree and use you as a big, beautiful distraction.”

“So… You know that fucking eyesore of a Truck that Hurk Senior owns? A few months ago I dumped pink paint all over that shit. Hurk and Sharky thought it was funny… his daddy not so much. It was just detailed too. Such a shame, that.”

“For the record, if you’re planning on using helicopters to travel you can count me out, out of this county, out of this little group of yours, out of existence. There will be no heights for this woman in this or any lifetime.”

“Please tell me that you’re not actually going to get those records on the kid’s list. He has like, the WORST music taste. Literally give anyone else that job because I don’t know how much of What’s New Pussycat I can take.”

After Being Captured By Jacob:

1st Encounter: “Careful now, Dep. The mind is the one thing that’s really hard to un-fuck once you get it into a bad place so just… be careful. The reprogramming may not be so family friendly.” 2nd Encounter: “You ever think that people get tired of his whole, “I ate a man once”, shtick? Like. We get it, you’re the scary mountain gremlin who likes to murder people and train deadly wolves, we don’t need more than that.” Jacob’s Death: “...What happened was... unfortunate. But it’s over now. It’s all almost over.”

Intercompanion Dialog:

Nick

Nick: “Hey. So, Kim’s been meaning to ask you for that recipe you and Will brought to the last cookout.” Bridget: “The peach cobbler or the pudding shots?” Nick: “….Both. Definitely both. And make sure that you bring them both again next time. They were a lifesaver. Who the fuck brings pineapple pizza to a barbecue?” Bridget: “Evidently, the Seeds. As if we needed another reason to shoot them.” Nick: *laughs* “Right?” Bridget: “I’ll make sure to stop by the next time I have a chance, I’m sure that Kim would enjoy some new faces around.”

Grace

Bridget: “I managed to find a copy of Beloved for you if you’re still interested in reading it?” Grace: “Really? You found it before the Peggies lost their shit then?” Bridget: “Yeah, it was in the last shipment of books that came into the library before everything went post-apocalypse now.” Grace: “I’d love to read it, be nice to take my mind off of everything that’s going on.” Bridget: “Of course! I’ll bring it by 8Bit the next time we’re gonna meet up there for you to read. I promise you’ll love this one.” Grace: “You haven’t steered me wrong yet.”

Boomer

Bridget: “You know… I’ve always been more of a cat person myself….” Boomer: *whines* Bridget: “Don’t give me those --” *sighs* “Fine. Fine. You’re the only exception. Happy now?” Boomer: *happy bark*

Sharky

Sharky: “Hey so, Bridget. I have a question.” Bridget: “Hm?” Sharky: “Do you think that readin’ Shakespeare and Charles Dickens and shit would make me sound smarter?” Bridget: “Nope.” Sharky: “Seriously?” Bridget: “Sharky, it was like… the Simpsons of our times, people just like to act like it was smarter and better. Besides, you’re plenty smart by yourself and if anyone tells you different you can tell them to find me and I’ll beat the shit out of them with my twenty five pound Shakespeare anthology.” Sharky: *laughs* “Can and will do, ma’am.”

Adelaide:

Bridget: “So… About that haunted house you sold me…” Addy: “Ah, I was wondering when you’d figure that out -- technically no one’s ever died on the property and the hauntings are all just rumors that the town likes to tell.” Bridget: “It definitely explains why it was half of the price of every other house in Hope County.” Addy: “Darlin’ you always get what you pay for, and honestly, I think you and that man of yours got quite the steal on that place.” Bridget: “Uh-huh. Just know, that if I die, I have every intention of haunting you just so that you have to deal with those sort of shenanigans and whispers from the people in Fall’s End.” Addy: *laughs* “It’s a deal.”

Billy:

Billy: “So I say we just…” *inaudible whispering* Bridget: “Absolutely not! We are not going to panty raid the entirety of John Seed’s house and hang his silk underwear from his flag pole no matter how funny I think that is.” Billy: “Come on, think of the rage -- the pure unadulterated fury that he’ll have at seeing his glorious black silk boxers hanging from every available surface in the Valley.” Bridget: “Do not. It’s too fucking tempting.” Billy: “You know you want to.” Bridget: “You’re the absolute worst.” Billy: “That’s not a no.” Bridget: “Fuck you.”

Peaches:

Bridget: “Hey! You want some treats?” Peaches: *cougar noises* Bridget: “I talked to Chad and he gave me the scraps from the latest roadkill he’s gotten and I’ve saved it for my favorite kitty.” Peaches: *happy cougar noises* Bridget: “Yup! It’s all for the best murder machine in the Henbane.”

Hurk:

Hurk: “So you’re sure you’re not interested in Hurk’s Gate?” Bridget: “Nope. I’m pretty good where I’m at, plus, Jerome would be out a Youth Pastor if I did.” Hurk: “Well, I guess you could still stay with the Youth Pastoring thing, helping the youth and all of that is important, plus you could start recruiting them to Hurk’s Gate.” Bridget: “Still gonna pass.��� Hurk: “Huh. Gonna have to do the hard sell on you, huh? Well, what if I told you that there are tons of beautiful men and women who are --” Bridget: “Hurk, I’m gonna stop you right there. My grandmother was Irish Catholic, were I to convert to anything she’d come down from heaven just to beat the ever living shit out of me.” Hurk: “Respecting the wishes of your grandma I can get that. Yeah.”

Jess:

Jess: “Hey, thanks for letting me crash with you and Will for the last few months, it’s been… a lifesaver. Really.” Bridget: “We know how hard it’s been, I’m glad to see you getting back on your feet… Well, as back on your feet as you can get given the circumstances.” Jess: “It’s crazy, all this shit goin’ south with the Peggie’s is what it’s taken for me to get my life back in order… It’s almost surreal.” Bridget: “Well, if you ever need us, our door is open and the spare bedroom is yours.” Jess: “Thank you, Bridget.’

Ashlee:

Bridget: “So. When all of this is over, we’re having a party. A big one.” Ashlee: “Obviously.” Bridget: “My first thought is at the lake, but then I’m like, “but wait, we live in the middle of nowhere, our only sources of entertainment are drinking and shooting things” which means that I’d spend my time worrying about people accidentally ending up in the water and drowning.” Ashlee: “A fair point, but may I just say that they’re all fucking adults and should know better. We’ll grab some trucks to put along the waterfront to play music and block the way into the water and then people will have to think to get in.” Bridget: “An excellent idea. This is why I keep you around.” Ashlee: “And here I thought it was because I was attractive and intelligent company.” Bridget: “Always. Heart emoji” Ashlee: “Did you just---” Bridget: “Don’t.”

Cheeseburger:

Bridget: “Cheeseburger!” Cheeseburger: *bear noises* Bridget: “You know, every time we’re out here, I’m always surprised that the deputy hasn’t had a saddle made to ride you into battle like the majestic beast you are.” Cheeseburger: *bear noises*

[channelnewswire-blog]

The conclusive, best New Zealand music of 2018

For the very first and last time, Henry Oliver offers his conclusive account of The Spinoff's finest New Zealand music of 2018. Read it and get mad.

Here it is, my 10 best albums and ten best songs, all from Aoteroa, all launched in 2018. The one rule: appearance on one list disqualifies that artist from appearing on the other list. Okay? Okay.ALBUMS 1.

Chelsea Jade-- Personal BestChelsea Jade has constantly cultivated an

air of secret-- a mix of art school obfuscation, an inconsistent release schedule, and her fierce self-reliance in a category that usually counts on deep-pocketed labels to pay for the revolving churchgoers of authors and manufacturers we have actually all pertained to consider required. However this year, her stream of consistently impressive singles and EPs finally coalesced into a launching album and it cleared the high bar of expectation she had actually generated. Personal Best is whatever a listener might want out of this brand-new type of pop music that is

n't that popular(someone I was speaking with recently called it 'unpop '). It's catchy but weird, integrating nods to the category's leading lights(Robyn, Carly Rae Jepsen, and so on)with production flourishes of ASMResque coughs, clicks and gasps. Just as the music is made with an eager ear for detail, the lyrics are alive with social nuance and microscopic minutes. They check out more like little essays than poems.(Personal Best makes me want to write all the words I hate to be used to explain music like'clever'and 'literate '.)And all of it is covered in this look and vibe that differs from anything else in 2018. It's simple to ignorethe degree of trouble Chelsea Jade has actually set for herself. The images, the videos, the dances, the live show, the Instagramming, the'individual brand name

'-- it's such a small target she's been able to strike. A few degrees off and it all looks fucking ludicrous. However Personal Best-- and everything surrounding it-- struck the bullseye.2. Avantdale Bowling Club-- Avantdale Bowling Club The day'Years Gone By'came out, I was connected immediately. It's my most-played New Zealand tune of the year on Spotify and it's 7 minutes long! Its accomplishment is type of extensive-- a single personrecounting their life, practically year-by-year in seven minutes while still holding to a

rhyme scheme and something near to a song-structure. Those in-depth moments of childhood, the discomforts of growing up, his moms and dads fucking up, him getting screwed up, him getting semi-famous and after that getting reduced, him growing up, getting married, having a child. Numerous months and lots of plays later, I still get goosebumps when I hear the lines"And now I watch his eyes viewing mine/ Viewing life on rewind, too magnificent to define in one line." If you know, you know.Like Personal Best, among the things that stay so outstanding about Avantdale Bowling Club is how tough it is to do this well. Envision being a rap artist and telling your partners something like, "You understand A Love Supreme!.?.!? I wish to make a record kinda like that but a rap record."It's preposterous. It

's like saying,"Yeah, I wish to make a film like Citizen Kane, however a superhero movie." Yet, in some way he

pulls it off once again andagain.' Pocket Lint ','F (r)iends ','Water Medley','Home'-- all are filled with elaborate rhymes that so empathetically explain a particular New Zealand life, covering inequality, imagination , property, relationship, fatherhood, hope, hopelessness.3. The Beths-- Future Me Dislikes Me Emo lyrics, pop-punk guitar sounds, 60s harmonies, power pop hooks-- this is the recordI didn't understandI needed (and even desired)in my life in 2018. Future Me Dislikes Me is guitar pop songwriting at it's best. There is no guitar-based album in 2018, anywhere, as catchy as this one. You may prefer the Mitski record or the 1975 record or the Courtney Barnett record or the Snail Mail record, however none is as catchy as this. Because it's not empty catchiness

-- the lyrics are truthful(in some cases a little cringy even) and amusing

."Our category is hooks," guitar player Jonathan Pearce informed us a month or so earlier. And sure, hooks aren't whatever, however they make you wish to press play and after that press it once again and once again and again.4. Marlon Williams-- Give Way for Love There's no voice like Marlon Williams'. Not here, not anywhere. I can listen to it for hours. His voice might soothe the world. It must soothe the world. I like a record so specifically about a break-up, although it's been a long time since I might connect to any of it in the smallest. I like'Love Is A Horrible Thing'. I love 'Nobody Gets What They Want Any longer'. I like'The Fire of Love'.5. Fanau Medical Spa-- Fanau Day Spa If you want an album that might just have actually been made here, could only have actually been made in 2018, Fanau Health club is it. Building on the partnership behind Coco Solid's COKES mixtape, Fanau Health spa is a

fluid combination of Coco

Solid, Queen Kapussi, Joe Kori, Big Fat Raro, Xamiishi, Manu, Brown Boy Magik, TH1R § T3EN and Yumgod. There's literally nothing else like it.6. Unknown Mortal Orchestra-- Sex and Food Unusual how just months after its release individuals seem to be sleeping on this album. I suggest, to be fair, I hadn't listened to it that much after seeing them play Whammy Bar in the middle of the year, however going through it now, there are a lot of tunes on this

album. I was going to consist of'A

God Called Hubris 'on my songs list because A. I like it; B. it seems like what The Mint Chicks might now if they were still a band, and C. I believed it 'd be funny to include a 41-second song on my songs list. That would not be reasonable to'Not in Love','Break Yourself ','Everybody Acts Crazy Nowadays'. Not to point out'Hunnybee 'which isn't my favourite song on the album but is an undeniable feel-good disco banger.7. Julien Dyne-- Teal This is a mind-bending, toe-tapping, knee-drumming bursting-through-the-speakers rhythm bomb of an

album. You simply give yourself to it and not your head a little out of time.( Likewise, includes among my favourite tunes of 2017,' Hours'with Ladi6.)8. October-- Ultra Red Take bombastic commercial beats, sugary pop production, Jesus and Mary Chain fuzz guitars, grind it up, put it out and you have October's Ultra Red. I've stated it elsewhere but goth is having a moment in a bunch of different locations(anybody else psyched about those This Mortal Coil reissues? )and it's just a matter of time up until somebody determine how to combine it with forward-thinking pop and find their way into teenager's minds worldwide. There's no reason why it could not be October in a year or so.9. P.H.F.-- I Hate Myself P.H.F.'s I Hate Myself resembles the degenerate twin of The Beth's Future Me Hates Me.

Liz Stokes may dislike herself in

the future, however Joe Locke is method ahead of her. Like Future Me, I Dislike Myself is a hook-laden power-pop-punk affair however shrouded in static. It's a bit Weezer, a bit Smashing Pumpkins, a bit all those late-00s"shitgaze"bands. So good!(Yells to twitter power user

@m_h_lumber who tweeted this to me a variety of times throughout the year.)10. Princess Chelsea-- The Loneliest Girl I never thought 2018 would be a huge year for the Lil'Chief visual. The scene that kinda reached its peak they year (s) when The Brunettes, The Ruby Suns, The Reduction Agents, but produced two high-quality albums this year(see listed below for the other). Princess Chelsea's The Loneliest Girl is full of wit and sincerity. TUNES 1. Church & AP-- 'Ready or Not'It may be recency bias, but fuck it. If not now, when? Live for today, amirite? I imply, I liked their Thorough Bread record a lot, however still wasn't prepared for this bona fide radio-friendly HIT. Song of the year? Why not? Provide me a reason not to!"Savignon blanc? I saw that shit and I provided it to ma. "2. Hans Pucket--'Fuck My Life'I composed what I need to

state about this song in our reader's study post. In short: this tune is a hit and in any other time, in any other media landscape, this would be on the charts. Still ... 3. Tiny Ruins--'Just How Much'"On a lilo reading your letter, "is probably my preferred opening line of a New Zealand song in 2018. What a scene! I like that this song subtly expands the Tiny Ruins sounds without taking too

far into the psych-lite territory it might have easily gotten to. I just desire to reside in this

world all the time. And I'm giving reward points for the bass solo of the year.4. JessB--'Set It Off 'Play this next time your phone is plugged in at a celebration. Play this to your kids. Play this all summertime with your vehicle windows down. One of the live highlights of the overly-polite music awards is one of the highlights of the whole damn year.5. Delaney

Davidson-- 'Shining Day'I love this plodding

dirge

of a tune. Co-written with SJD,'

Shining Day' is the favorable affirmation you have actually been waiting on. Whatever it is you desire to do-- do not wait. Today's the day. This day. This is your shining day. 6. Drax Task--'Got up Late'I used to hate Drax Task. Maybe I still do, I don't understand. One day, my pal and employer Duncan Greive asked,"have you heard the new Drax single?" Of course

I hadn't! Weren't they those Wellington music school

kids who did covers of radio hits? Why would I stay up to date with their output? Well, in some cases the stars simply align. And this is it. The very best business radio struck to come from these islands this year. By far. No question. This ought to beon the soundtrack of every Hollywood teen movie

for the next two years.7. SWIDT--'No Feelings In The Wild 'SWIDT goes dark! There've been some difficulties to the crown this year (see # 1 above)however up until somebody comes out with a full-length as excellent as Stoneyhunga, SWIDT is still the rap group to beat. And while this year's EP wasn't quite as excellent, it suffices to hold the area.8. Death and the Maiden--'Wisteria'Before the time of writing, the last time I

listened to this song was driving over the hillsnorth of Dunedin en route to Moeraki. It was raining, foggy as fuck, and there was nothing that sounded as perfect as this song. I can recommend the experience.9. Jonathan Bree--'You're So Cool'I mean, I don't understand exactly what to believe

about this. Is this extremely earnest or incredibly paradoxical? Too

earnest or too cold? Does it matter? It's just such a well-crafted tune-- financial yet expansive, rich production. And the look! The video! 10. Carb on Carbohydrate--' It's Been a Rough Year'It definitely has. (Seriously-- I didn't know I wished to ever hear second-wave emo once again up until I heard this record. It's so good though

. It goes to many places I, as a listener, am not constantly keen to go. I enjoy it for it. ) So much of the music mentioned above-- songs and/or albums by Chelsea Jade, Marlon Williams, The Beths, October and more-- was made with the assistance of NZ on Air. We thank them.