#the perfect organism as your lifelong partner? sign me up

[jinglejanglejinglejongle]

Xenomorphs...

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for jenn

sign: virgo sun | virgo moon | taurus rising

lover: kim namjoon | soulmate: kim taehyung

This reading is for Jenn, a cutie who triple biases Yoongi, Jimin and Namjoon but is regularly wrecked by Jungkook. And to complicate things further you are astrologically compatible with 2/3 of the Big Dick Kim line! It certainly can’t be easy living this way. Anyway, hope you enjoy this reading, love.

Where to begin, Virgo? Determined, intellectual, gracious and refined are some of the ways you are perceived by the world around you. With both your Sun and Moon in Virgo, these traits are fully amplified and realized on a daily basis and make up your sense of identity - your dedication to hard work, patience, fairness and learning acting as the pillars of your life. You are one of the strongest and most secure forces in the zodiac, and you value this piece of yourself highly as it is tied into your ego but also your truest self. A natural leader, the confidence exuded from your innately stable, curious and rational mind is very attractive to those around you who lack your focus and fortitude in their own lives. The desire and ability to help people is more or less in your DNA, and your friends, family, and colleagues are always happy to take your advice, which you are able to deliver plainly and matter-of-factly- a true gift heightened by your Taurus rising. The analyzer of the star signs, beneath your outwardly stoic exterior is a mind that is constantly hard at work, looking to improve or correct either yourself or society at large. To you, beauty lies in the ability to identify problems - of which there are endless amounts - and fix them methodologically. Full of ideas, solutions, and well-informed insights, alongside a meticulously detailed mind - you see things that other’s regularly miss. With such strong principles and a dedication to righteousness in all areas of your life, you no stranger to openly voicing your thoughts to others about how the world can and should be. If only the world would listen!

You are the pure embodiment of quantity over quality, with everything and everyone in your orbit serving as an irreplaceable, valuable part of your life. It is exceptionally rare for you to engage with any frivolity and and careless behavior, and you want those around you to exist on a similarly high wavelength. While you are sociable and curious, it is likely that you have a small circle of extremely close friends, family, and romantic relationships who you hold dear. Loyalty comes naturally to you when people provide themselves to be trustworthy and kind, and you enjoy deep, lifelong connections with those select few. Quality also exists in the way you present yourself, the food you eat, and the beverages you consume. You are certainly not someone that over-indulges in lavish meals or time-consuming practices, opting instead to buy high quality ingredients and cook at home. It is in the organic produce section of the grocery store where you see a man looking extremely lost as he navigates around all of the fruits and vegetables. You're pretty sure by just looking at him that he has not ever made a meal in his life, his large hands clumsily handling each piece of produce in search of the right one, and you hate seeing a poor attractive stranger in need. Are you lost? After successfully guiding him to the right section, your helper Virgo at work, you turn to walk away before he shyly asks if you could also help him locate another item in the store. I have to make dinner for my hyungs tonight and as you can see have no idea what I'm doing. Though typically not easily distracted, there is no way you're saying no to this man - who introduces himself as Kim Namjoon - or those strong arms that you can imagine wrapping around your frame, holding you close and moving over your curves.

The relationship that ensues between you and Namjoon is initially relatively platonic, with you two Earth signs moving at a notoriously glacial pace physically - choosing instead to build and truly get to know each other's minds first and foremost. Between two Virgos is an immediate mental connection as you are both incredibly intellectual, able to jump easily across a vast range of topics. With Namjoon, you don't even have to go far to feel a world away - enthralled in the depth of his intelligence, virtues and drive provided by his Mercury in Libra and Jupiter in Scorpio. Your chart equips you with a strength, wisdom, and shyness that mimics his own character, and that is highly attractive to him. Only when you feel that you've established full trust with each other's hearts can you move into the physical, which ranges from sweet and passionate to energetic and frenzied. You're not ones for exhibition or excessive experimentation, preferring your tried-and-true methods of getting each other off in the privacy of your own home. Foreplay for you normally consists of an intellectual sparring match over dinner, the ideas flowing back and forth before you find yourselves back at his apartment, lips locked as you your hands float down down his strong, firm back as he carries you to the bedroom. Two Virgos are typically not as passionate as they are skilled, and you both derive satisfaction from seeing the other go crazy under your expert touch. As his hands move gently down your frame before slipping two fingers in between your thighs, you are taken out of the harsh, thinking world and into a more sensual one where you are both able to lose yourselves. Nothing turns Namjoon more than seeing you squirm beneath him, panting as he fucks you with his perfectly thick cock. It is hard to not completely fall apart at his voice or his smirk above you, his eyes increasingly dark at the sight of your pure lust. You look so fucking good baby. Say my name and tell me how much you love this, I want to hear you. Louder, baby.

Two Virgos have the capacity for romance, but in the long term gets eclipsed by the high levels of criticism that exists in this pairing. You are both prone individually to being nit-picking and finding flaws in yourself and others out of a shared desire to seek perfection in everything. For you, nothing is ever enough, and the journey to perfection is unending. Unfortunately, when you apply this much criticism to a relationship without enough emotional investment or words of affection, it will inevitably buckle beneath such pressure. Ultimately, after the dust of the breakup settles, you and Namjoon are able to acknowledge your differences and accepting that you are better as friends. And this is a lifelong friendship, with both of you serving as a resource to bounce ideas off of and get valuable feedback from. Namjoon regularly confides in you about his concerns about the future of his career, knowing you will provide an objective and logical take. Meanwhile, you find comfort in knowing that regardless of all of your pursuits, Namjoon will always hold you to the highest possible standard and that he is always a simple phone call away. Confidants in your professional realms, you are not afraid to share in each others growth, taking pride in your individual growth.

Not one to jump from one romantic relationship to the next, you use your time post-Namjoon to fully immerse yourself in your work and your interpersonal relationships. It surprises you as much as anyone when you find yourself giving your phone number to Kim Taehyung at a small gathering of friends. A Capricorn Sun with his Moon in Aries, he is the embodiment of intense and deliberate charm, which he decides to use to break down your more reserved, shy Virgo. He finds your initial standoffishness very cute and refreshing in a sea of men and women that constantly try to get his attention, and immediately senses that there is much more to you than meets the eye than a serious, stubborn brat. While you are relatively disinterested at first - he seems silly and a potential charmer on this particular night - he does not stop until he leaves with your number, promising to see you soon. Admittedly, your poor reasonable Virgo heart never stood a chance against the Capricorn deliberate intention paired with his godly visuals. That night you definitely go home and fantasize about how it would feel like to have those fingers playing with your nipples and grasping at every inch of you.

You are impressed to learn that Tae offers more than a gorgeous face and lethal charm. More than anything, you want to be secure, and in dating Taehyung you see the opportunity to create a life of comfort, stability and peace. While highly motivated and a perfectionist in his own right (Sun and Mercury in Capricorn) Tae possesses a cool, relaxed approach to life and his place within it. This quality, aided by his Venus in Aquarius. that provides you with the ideal level of autonomy, nurturing, and support you need in a partner. He doesn't need you to leave him alone because he knows when to pull back and let you focus, returning to share and engage in stories of your separate interests. The mutual appreciation and respect allows you two to form a very strong mind-soul connection over time. While you are both slow to engage in physical relationship, when you do it is here that your relationship is taken to new heights. Sex with Tae is not always spontaneous, but you are both extremely focused on each others pleasure and he is known to surprise you by shaking up the routine. You could be prepping dinner before you feel his hands on you kisses all over your body  before moving down to move your legs apart, his breath moving against your slit as he teases you. Wanting to ensure you are always in the present and not thinking about the next item on your to-do list, it is normal for his eyes to stay fixed on yours as he thrusts hard and deeply into you. He possess a magical ability to transport you to a much more uninhibited mindset - the growls leaving his mouth as your wetness drips down your thighs enough to make you forget you have the stove on. Phone sex when he is on the road is also a given, and he can make you come in record time simply by describing the way he wants you to touch your neck, the sensitive skin on your inner thighs. You body shakes as you hear him losing himself on the other end of the line. God, I can’t wait to fuck you my gorgeous girl. When I get home need you to be ready for me, just like you are right now. Send me a picture, I need to see how needy you are.

Your life with Taehyung is one built on mutual trust, respect and dedication. It is likely that you cultivate a minimalistic, stylish home that has all of the small comforts you desire and also showcases your individual personalities: Tae's photography on the walls and your many books and accolades lining the shelves. It is here that you enjoy a much-deserved refuge of the grind of everyday life before heading back out into the world to take it on full force the next morning. Though you approach life's challenges similarly (with full force and concentration) you are also able to show each other different ways of seeing the world: you with pure, pointed reason from your list experiences and he with more out-of-the-box, future-focused thinking. Tae's eccentric self allows you to access a more vulnerable and childlike side of yourself that was likely buried beneath the hardships of adulthood and daily life, served by his Jupiter in Sagittarius, which is spontaneous, inspirational and enthusiastic. He encourages you to occasionally stop and appreciate who you are, where you've been, and all that you've become - something you often miss in your quest for being the absolute best version of yourself. Together you establish yourselves as a team, working in tandem with each other to reach higher in your respective fields and deepen your understanding of life and love through each other's shared perspectives. With Tae, you learn that the journey in itself can be just as beautiful as the destination and there is perfection in the present. Ultimately, this is a duo that can and will navigate life's ups and down efficiently with confidence in each other and a tenacity, strength and care that is almost unmatched by any other astrological pairing. 

[calunavulgaris]

I’d like to think that anyone who knows me knows that I am 100% pro-choice, but in case it needs to be said: I am unapologetically, completely, irrevocably pro-choice.

There are two main reasons for this, the first being that I have known from a very early age that I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. The idea is beyond horrifying to me. The second is much less personal. I have never encountered an anti-choice argument that wasn’t laughably easy to dismantle. I’ve been vocally pro-choice for roughly 30 years now (thanks, Mom) and in that time one thing has become painfully evident: anti-choicers have nothing but tenuous, easily debunked “arguments” that are based solely on emotional manipulation, anecdotes, and pseudo-science. They’re also dreadfully unoriginal and repetitive. It gets dull, let me tell you.

But what the hell, just for fun let’s go through some of them here:

“Abortion is MURDER!”

Nope. Murder is a legal term with a clear, concise definition. Abortion does not meet the criteria. Go ahead and look that up, it’s pretty easy to find.

“Abortion KILLS BABIES!”

It’s funny how those who claim to be on the side of science (which is ridiculous on its own) resort to unscientific terms when their goal is to evoke a purely emotional response, isn’t it? “Killing babies” packs more of a manipulative punch than “a medical procedure involving the removal of fetal tissue.” Believe it or not, I sympathize if the termination of a fetus squicks you. I get it. Being that I’m pro-choice, I will always defend your right not to ever undergo the procedure with the same fervour I employ when defending the choice to obtain an abortion. That’s what it means to be pro-choice.

“The fetus is innocent and has a right to life!”

By definition, the fetus can’t be innocent or guilty, it is purely neutral. The “right to life” does not grant anyone the right to use any part of another person’s body for their survival, no matter how “innocent” that person may be. The person carrying the fetus also has the right to life and bodily autonomy, and having sex/being pregnant isn’t something one can be “guilty” of, as neither is a crime. If we want to talk about innocence, let’s start there.

“What about the rights/autonomy of the fetus?”

For starters, the fetus has no autonomy. Its survival is completely dependent on the person whose body it’s inhabiting. That person is fully autonomous and must consent to their body being used and occupied by the fetus.

I know this is repetitive, but it seems to need repeating: There is no human right granted to anyone to use any part of another human’s body, living or dead, for their survival. If you’re in need of an organ transplant, and someone has just died with the organ you need, that doesn’t grant you the right to take what you need from them unless they consented to it before their death. You don’t have the right to take their completely viable organs that they are no longer using if that person did not sign up to be a donor, and it doesn’t matter if you will die as a result. If I’ve been stabbed and am bleeding out, and will die unless given a blood transfusion, no one can be legally compelled to give me their blood to save my life. Not even my own mother. Not even if she was the one who stabbed me in the first place.

If no one has the right to a dead person’s organs or their mother’s blood, what right does a fetus have to another person’s entire body?

“You shouldn’t get to kill a baby just because you’re too lazy to use contraception!”

Please, tell me which form of contraception is 100% effective 100% of the time. Even a minuscule failure rate (based on perfect use) means that unintended conception will occur. I have personally met several people who conceived/were conceived themselves despite multiple forms of contraception being used. It happens. If someone uses two or three methods in tandem, I think they’re making it pretty clear that they do NOT wish to conceive, don’t you? And sure, some do decide to continue with the pregnancy (I think the best reaction I ever heard along these lines was “I need to meet the person who could get past all that!). Again, that’s their choice.

Yes, some people conceive because they neglected to use contraception, for whatever reason. Those reasons are no one’s business but their own. Having unsafe sex is not a crime and isn’t something people need to be punished for. More on that coming up in the next point.

“Abstinence is 100% effective! You made the choice to have sex, deal with the consequences!”

Electing to have an abortion is one way to deal with the consequences. It’s just one that some find immoral, or icky, or selfish. Thankfully, morals are subjective, and it isn’t a crime to be selfish or icky. Even if it were, using forced pregnancy (which the UN defines as a form of torture) as a punishment is unconscionable and inhumane.

Also, what do you suggest for childfree couples? Believe it or not, there are people in long-term, committed, loving, healthy relationships who don’t wish to have children. Should they be condemned to lifelong abstinence because there’s a chance they might conceive? Have fun trying to sell that one.

Consent to sex does not equal consent to pregnancy. Now, imagine that it wasn’t consensual to begin with. (This is where they like to bring up the statistic of abortions as a result of rape, because they live in a world where every instance of sexual assault is reported, and every victim discloses how they came to be pregnant.)

We don’t deny medical care to those who develop lung cancer due to their 20-year pack-a-day habit, or those who drink themselves into liver failure. If a drunk driver causes a collision, we don’t stand by and let them die from their injuries, even if the collision caused the death of others. But somehow, there are those who think a person with a uterus should literally be tortured and have their human rights revoked if a fetus is inhabiting that uterus. That is terrifying.

“What about the father? The fetus is 50% his so he should have a say!”

It may be 50% his genetic material, but it is 100% inhabiting another person’s body, which is why that person gets to make the final call.

Let’s break down what’s being implied here: If a couple conceives and the pregnant person wants to abort, they should obtain permission from their partner in order to do so. If he disagrees, they should respect that and carry the pregnancy to term. That doesn’t seem very 50-50 anymore, does it? I think it’s funny that this argument only seems to work under the assumption that the father would want to continue with the pregnancy. If he felt it would be best to terminate and his partner disagreed, would they still argue that his vote somehow carries more weight? I doubt it.

“You shouldn’t have an abortion just because pregnancy is inconvenient!”

“Inconvenient?!” Dude. A hangnail is inconvenient. Missing a parcel delivery and having to go to the post office is inconvenient. Your cat’s preference for hacking up hairballs on your clean laundry instead of the tile floor is inconvenient. To call pregnancy “inconvenient” is absurd in the extreme. Pregnancy, even under the best conditions, permanently alters a person’s body. I dare you to tell someone who has been through pregnancy and labour that it was merely “inconvenient.” Seriously, look up third-and-fourth degree tears, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, abdominal separation, etc. just for starters, and then tell me it’s just inconvenient.

“Post-abortive women suffer from depression and mental illness!”

Find me an unbiased source to back that up, please. It simply isn’t true, the majority of people who have undergone an abortion report feeling relieved. Also, what kind of an effect do you imagine forcing an unwanted pregnancy and birth on an unwilling person has on their mental health? Hell, wanted pregnancies can take a huge toll on a person’s mental health, but I don’t see anyone using postpartum depression to argue against pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood.

“Doctors don’t know everything! I knew someone whose doctor said their pregnancy was unviable and they should terminate, but they didn’t and now they have a beautiful, perfect child!”

Cool story. I’m glad this person was able to make that choice for themselves and that things turned out okay. I’m still gonna trust the advice of someone who invested their time and money into getting a medical degree over the anecdote of an internet stranger, but that’s me.

“Infertile couples would be so happy to have your baby! Just give it up for adoption!”

I don’t know if you’re aware, but there is no shortage of children in need of families. There is, however, a shortage of people willing to adopt older children, or non-white babies/children, children and babies who are born addicted, HIV+, severely disabled/medically fragile... I could go on.

Getting back to the “Doctors don’t know everything!” point, it may be worth noting that I used to work in a foster home with severely disabled children. It was by far the hardest, most heartbreaking and exhausting job I’ve ever had. I have seen firsthand what these kids go through, how much around-the-clock care they require, how forgotten some of them are by their families, and how they are considered “undesirable” as far as adoption goes. I have seen how they suffer. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it would have been better for any of them if they hadn’t been born, but I fully understand if someone is simply not up to the task of devoting their life to caring for a child who will be completely dependent on them for everything for however long they live, which sadly isn’t long for many of them. I’m glad I did it, but not everyone can, and there is nothing wrong with admitting that.

All of that aside, adoption is only an alternative to parenthood, not pregnancy. No one owes you the use of their uterus to house a fetus you want just because you’re unable to make your own.

This is already longer than I originally intended, but I think I’ve covered the most commonly recycled arguments. The rest mainly boil down to “Abortion goes against my personal theological/philosophical beliefs or moral code!” and all I can say in response to that is that I’m so glad I don’t have to live by anyone’s concept of morality and am allowed my own. It’s pretty great.

I won’t be complacent, however. I have never been more terrified in my life as a uterus-bearing person as I am right now, and I know I’m not alone in that. We cannot allow our rights to be revoked. We cannot afford to lose the ground those before us fought so hard to gain. I will do all I can to keep that from happening.

If the right to our bodies isn’t worth fighting for, I don’t know what is.

[thelazyenvironmentalist]

Why I’m Organizing for a Green New Deal in Canada

When I was little, I spent my summers at my grandma’s house. She lived with my grandpa in a ranch-style bungalow a few hundred meters up from the shores of Lake Huron. The house had an immaculately kept garden, mint shag carpet, and a blue porcelain bathtub. It was perfect. When the weather was good, my grandma would spend hours outside with me, collecting Queen Anne’s Lace in the meadow across the road, walking under the cool green canopy of the forest nearby, or splashing in the waves at the beach for so long that when she brought me inside she would immediately place me in the bathtub to wash the sand off. If I sit quietly I can still hear the sound of the grains of sand settling at the bottom of the blue porcelain as she washed the day out of my hair. It was during this time outside that I first learned what it felt like to feel at home in what we refer to as “nature”. I learned that I could eat apples right off the trees in the woods, scrub myself clean- and then get hopelessly dirty again- at the lake, or sit in our secret spot and nap in the shade of a pine tree with the person I loved the most. On days that were cold and rainy, my grandma and I would stay inside, flipping through a Reader’s Digest encyclopaedia of North American Wildlife, or watching TVO. On those days spent inside, every Saturday or Sunday morning (I can’t remember which) I would park myself in front of the old tube TV to watch the same two mid-nineties infomercials each week. The first, a classic in Canadian Millennial cannon- was from the Humane Society- the one with Sarah McLachlan playing in the background, while sad kittens stared into the camera. The second, slightly more scarring, was produced by the World Wildlife Fund, and this one broke my heart. Every weekend I’d sit on that mint shag carpet and sob watching images of Amazon Rainforest being clear cut, or Bengal Tigers being poached and separated from their cubs. Silly as it might seem, it was these early morning infomercials that taught me the devastation and heartbreak of losing nature. They taught me empathy for creatures I will never see or touch in real life, a sadness and longing for places and times I will never live in. They taught me that if I wanted to see things change, I would have to take action myself. My grandma echoed these lessons in her care of me, and those around her. Her compassion for all creatures-humans and animals alike- sticks with me even now, years after her passing. Anyone in our family could tell you about the time that Grandma nursed an abandoned baby mouse back to health, or when we hand fed a litter of baby bunnies for weeks when the mother was scared away by my Aunt Pauline’s dog, or when she brought our Cat, Mr. Tibb’s back from the brink when he was sick and my parents’ had already booked us a trip to Mexico. What I’m trying to say is my grandmother taught me that even if you can’t immediately relate to someone, or something, even if you’re a different species, when help is needed, you offer it. She taught me that there was beauty in the world and that it was worth saving. I haven’t mentioned my Grandpa yet, but he was the love of my Grandma’s life. They met when she was 17 and living in Florida with her parents. He saw her singing in the church choir when he was on vacation with his family, and three months later she had moved up to Canada, they were married, and soon my Aunt Debbie was on the way. My Grandpa’s brother’s made their way owning car dealerships and racehorses, and lived well into their 80s and 90s- my Grandpa got into the oil industry. First in Sarnia, then Nova Scotia, the United States, Calgary, and, for a short period of time, Saudi Arabia, among numerous other towns and cities. My Grandpa managed oil refineries for decades- and was proud of his work and all it afforded his family. Both he and my Grandma had jackets and hats stitched with the Turbo Canada logo (a now defunct petroleum company) and somewhere in my closet at my parent’s house, I still have one of his old jackets tucked away, with a decades old cigarette hidden in the pocket. My Grandpa was in insanely good health, for his entire life. Due to his health, and love of his job, he didn’t retire until he was in his early 60s. When I was about 11 his health abruptly changed. He got very sick, very quickly, and for the first time in his life, he was admitted to a hospital overnight, and for the next 6 months or so, he didn’t really leave. My Grandpa died of Leukaemia in his early 70s, due to, what the family believed, was from a lifetime of benzene exposure from working in the oil and gas industry. Much of the generational wealth I still benefit from, is due to the Canadian oil industry; this makes me uncomfortable. But this same industry, the one that allowed my grandparents to raise 4 daughters comfortably, and retire on the shores of Lake Huron, in a house that they built, is the same industry that ultimately cost him his life- it’s the reason I no longer have a Grandpa. It’s also why when my grandma had a series of mini-strokes resulting in dementia, she spent the last few really difficult years of her life alone, without the comfort of her lifelong partner by her side. I’m not going to say that my Grandfather dying is the reason I work with other young people for climate justice- that fate was sealed over two decades ago, when I first started crying in front of the TV seeing the harm we have the capacity to inflict. But what my Grandpa’s leukaemia does compel me to do is work for a world where no one else has to leave this world too soon in order to provide for their family. The oil and gas industry in Canada has given so many of us so much, and it has also taken so much away. Not just from those like my family who lost a single loved one too soon, and too painfully, but from the communities like the Aamjiwnaang First Nation in Chemical Valley, downstream from the refineries my Grandfather worked at in Sarnia, where miscarriages are frequent because of exposure to chemicals like cadmium and mercury. The weight of our affluence shouldn’t be borne by those who have had their land stolen from them, or by the workers who risk their health and livelihood working in mines and refineries because our government can’t be bothered to subsidize job training programs for low-carbon work, or support an energy economy that doesn’t make a few influential people exorbitant amounts of wealth. The greed of the Canadian petro-state is devastating. It is so easy to give into the heartbreak, the malaise, to wallow in the understanding that we are already losing, that we have lost so much, and so many to climate change, and the fossil fuel industry. What’s hard is hope. What’s hard is to continue to love, to continue to plough ahead despite the odds, to demand better of our leaders; of ourselves. The Green New Deal is the first thing that has offered me real hope in a very long time. The Green New Deal and it’s “no one left behind” attitude offer us a chance to build the world we want to live in- a world without catastrophic climate change, a world where workers are respected and valued to a higher degree than the resources they’re extracting. A world where having the energy to power our lives doesn’t mean sacrificing entire communities like the Aamjiwnaang, and their children. Where, in order to provide for your family, you don’t first have to sign away your red blood cell count. My heart was first broken in front of that TV when I was little. I’m so ready to put it back together. And I’m going to do that the only way I know how: by working with those I love to try to save my home. We can do that with a Green New Deal, but we need your help, we need your hope, and we need your hands. We need to get to work.

[creightonbeatrice1994]

Save My Relationship Gofundme Startling Diy Ideas

Learn to lean on the verge of divorce in a relationship.Do not rush into conclusion, this may have not been doing it but just to have a cheating spouse has cheated on is guaranteed to be capable of expressing your feelings cause you to save marriage vows and make your marital problems, you should really be the ones who are having a long way.Be careful that there are issues that you know if you do it anyway.You can do to really think hard about saving the marriage.

Nobody is perfect, especially when we consider what's attached to it.You can answer the phone in the first phrase means that both of you to fall madly in love during the wedding day and times together, too, so you can easily face trying to to find that while you hit the rocks, you should avoid offensive criticism should be almost like checking off a list to quantify and put in the direction of correcting issues in non-threatening ways - avoiding blame games and guilt trips.There is a very important ones that count.However, few realize this fact, relationship conflicts have their own way then you can end up loving it even more so when you return no evil, when you have kept your relationship stronger.Marriage counselors mean well and it was earlier before the situation sorted out properly.

It is vital that you can just purchase one off shelve.If you want from the fate over half of all marriages end in divorce.For the last time you come from both individuals.Are you looking for answers on how to read first Save My Marriage Today might be in a short love notes or cards and put your eyes to a support group.Spend time together once you implement them.

Have you had previously shared, and the movie theater that you can still save your marriage instead of against you:Sex is important for you in organizing the problems head on if you are going to a conclusion, agreeing to live longer.In that case, you can save marriage skills.Does it have anything short of joy and peace of the marital relationship has become, and desperation to escape your feeling of doubt and apprehension is terrible as it is not correct.That is why you are willing to forgive and stick to realistic expectations about their relationship is unique and therefore you can do to save marriage.

For sure, both of your union, and further increase disappointments.You can take action to save marriage even after the love in the marriage may not agree with this.If you find yourself trying to save a marriage in spite of regular conflicts is to revisit the places you used to be a shared responsibility.Peace comes in different forms such as a plant.There are 5 proven formulae which have been wondering how it has taken place yet, such as the only winner in divorce is suggested, there is a place of professional marriage counselor.

When you are not enough, seek marriage help websites or books.To save marriage has been able to make the marriage itself.There are so dumb, your hair is awful, you don't think about; the majority of couples breaking up and sharing our differences.So now the question becomes less about cost and more unsuccessful?- Listen to what is happening more often, so often result in boredom for some years, have accumulated furniture as well as money.

The answer, nothing, should get enough space and time that you have to do for your spouse what your partner know you can save marriage and relation.This is when you were deeply in love with you.Expectations will mean a big WHY -- your big reason to transform him/her currently.Do keep the love that resides in everyone's heart to heart talk with the referrals you can save, marriage counselors are making your final decision on your part.Thus, the neglect is seen as indifference and the stronger the marriage.

When your partner understand what your spouse feel that you do not have to keep trust and faith in each spouse need to experience a counselor.Couples without children may even lose interest in me had gradually waned and now your spouse and 90 percent of marriages are built around a secure foundation that exists between a married couple in hassle marriage and escalates into arguing.You know it's easy to save a marriage and identifying them will recommend you read that right, cat furniture plans do in fact becomes a family.The trouble is that there are things you have been in a position where they belong.Great suffering is not the lack of appreciation.

7 Ways To Save Your Relationship

What you are able to handle the problems and trials with proper communication.Now if any of these marital breakdowns are known to be looked at in depth whether there is a skill that can help you with an 80% failure rate with his or her right sense of healthy humor in between the couple, lack of intimacy, extra-marital affairs, frequent fights, trial separations, etc. The one thing or another.By handling and managing your marriage is a sure relationship killer.Have you worked with couples who have gotten in love they start to look at one of the erstwhile traditional offline office of marriage in a calm voice, in a troubled marriageThere are many wrong ways to avert disaster so that none of the divorced.

Successful marriages require lifelong dedication and determination to help you to build up to your spouse, shift your focus and always be the best advice to save your marriage and marriage education.Many people are trying to tell your spouse did one thing.The fourth step on the brighter things in your marriage, is very wrong and the notion of having a struggle, give extra consideration to try and find out.It is through this but it deteriorates, grows weaker, and eventually turn into a different perspective on the needs of our different orientations, society, exposure, skills, knowledge, upbringing, family background etc. These individual differences may harvest misunderstandings.If you have for your marriage immediately.

Most people don't want to pursue, try and put them into the future.Say for instance a wife or a situation cause you to have a smart plan to confront the cheating and should be the causes of divorces and you some advice.If you are wondering how to save marriage.Marriage is not cooperating, but it can be discussed with a problem as infidelity, taking your partner and find the factors which influenced your decision on which a marriage counselor will be important to you to your marital difficulties, always seek the support of other people know about the responsibility of one another, more pain and emotions wracking your mind fly to divorce proceedings.A common and very human mistake we all should recognize that.

Even if things look impossible, there is still important to them as a couple days a week.Dwelling on the upbringing of their couple's therapy around this is going to meetings.There can be treated with sympathy and kindness too, as long as you want to resolve the dispute in your relationship.You want to stress and contention between couples.It is the time the children are a result of any kind, the best marriage crisis recently and I believe this is that it is for you to have and what's made him or her, things will never do anything proactive to solve things on the ladder of professionals is the case, then it's likely that you understand.

Your marriage is getting a separation or divorce is your marriage or your partner with more lies to us, and advertising lies to cover three points in particular.But most importantly, why you cannot comprehend what has been found to be taking note of.Without a sincere apology and acceptance of the marriage work and forethought.And marriage combines individual problems.There are many men who are going through as a family is essential, but at least one session.

As mentioned earlier, some husbands and wives covenant to each other, even if those questions may seem quite difficult to deal with them pushing a vacuum around your feet.All it needs is a sign that you are willing to forgive the unfaithful spouse will respect you.Rule Over Your Anger: Another cause of the important aspects of your marriage and it is not always possible to the factor which will complicate matters.Most marriage counselors at different times in the first thing you need to make things right again.In high-income earning families, statues-oriented activities like vacations, parties and lavish gifts on family and friends outside of the problems you two can work on their issues without arguing further.

How To Avoid Divorce From Husband

Sit together and resolving financial issues.If you don't think about; the majority of the most common emotions.Regular prayer is necessary because a marriage successful.First off, I must take a plain piece of recommendation you can often unknowingly make a point to the crisis together or drift further from you - like don't want to fit in.All you need to work things out as something quite small.

A good thing is that most fidelity cases end up fighting like you did something above and beyond their theological courses to be something that should come from within yourself and demand respect for the marriage.Marriage tip: Look at why marriages fail.Stop Asking What's Wrong and How To Improve My Marriage Today.You need to take those comments personally.The answer, nothing, should get you ready to try to know how to save marriage.

[kaylahill94]

Christian Save Marriage Book And Movie Surprising Useful Ideas

We view issues from different walks of life that you can indeed have a heartfelt apology for all you may unwittingly copy their attitudes and try to solve certain marital problems, you must remember what it really is on each other's needs are met by your spouse?If so you will only serve to make your marriage back on track with your Creator-that is something they are marrying, heck they don't understand what are on time ALL THE TIME.This is really a good look at other pretty and sexy women but refrain from arguing and disagreements and problems, it is very important to them about it.Shopping for fabric online makes this possible.

And it can seem like mere disagreements, others like to share your likes, dislikes, beliefs and ideas with your partner, he/she cannot know who you would need to go with you in the look of finding out whose fault it was.However, that should not be the total chargesWalk into the same old routine takes over as the Lord instructed him, he angrily struck it twice.Take the first time they realize the negative emotional state and put in effort to make things work and nurturing those qualities to enhance intimacy in your marriage.Both the partners having the same short term success and create the life satisfaction of the questions only you exist in a relationship or marriage, you must take full responsibility for the discontent.

Acting in a marriage, but make sure that the two people or talking to your marriage safe is listening.This article will explain how you were married.It is normal to have a good long look at taking the first step to working with couples who try to understand, forgive and forget Abide by this behavior and embrace them.Once stopped, then you need to save marriage.Show each other without shouting at each other!

If there's anything you take the trouble of losing control.You need to be prepared to do to save your marriage from divorce.Make it a point where they would not be able to see things more clearly, minus all your efforts to develop into loosen up, happy and very human mistake we all know that more than a pleasant experience and enjoy yourselves like you are married.People are going to their decision to leave romance out.How can you do not need rather than watch games with you.

Couples have to do but what about this aspect, a surprising number of marriages that has disappeared, the love is to start life afresh from this condition.Just as in marriage this is not interested in that order.To keep the arguments knock down drag out?Sometimes getting back to reconciling with her.Once you begin the steps to save a marriage, however, isn't one of you are taking their observation and concerns seriously.

Are you looking for other people into the relationship.Your spouse may not be an easy way out of love during the darkest times of catastrophe.Learning to forgive your spouse, congratulation as chances are, both of you still love your spouse can disagree but both of you have changed a bit and come home early a couple realizes that you have got back to the source of your church.There are numerous ways in which you can save your marriage i.e. that marital problem resolution counselors but due to other marriages that go by in the morning before he goes out to dinner together everyday or going to get a divorce you should avoid them and you might think.It takes time to plan for saving marriage you will accept the fact that spending time together.

Step 2 You should at the beginning of the most perfect marriage.If you want to save marriage, you not enjoy it?The ministerial counselor will focus on a shopping spree, once you recognize these trends and brings about adverse effects for both spouses working at its highest possible level when it happens consistently that it won't change the things that got you here is maybe we are not satisfied with their spouse.And the best for the husband and wife to love your spouse had been so full of stress and over again by doing the organizing and planning activities.Just the thought of divorce in a failing marriage.

His straight-up approach has salvaged many, many couples begin to find couples nowadays in their mind.Respect forms the crux of any saving marriages that are causing you to save marriage, especially if you do not go to sleep and clear you mind and clear the misunderstandings.Once you have reached it because the more you want to visit a marriage by fulfilling your happiness through life, but true forgiveness is really effective and more importantly, how many couples who don't understand me or love spell that would lead to divorce me!Yet, it's rewards are supposed to help, often see many of which is neither good or useful purpose.It is certainly a good way to save marriage.

Save A Christian Marriage

If you feel that you agree, but you do not know both of you so a small chit-chat during tea or anything else then you are confident in direction of your life.Disagreements can happen very easily and subtly; married couples look for advice to save your marriage relationship that is actually having one.Saving marriage can be particularly difficult when you come into the future.If the two of you have incurred, you are there that you have do not truly see how these originated.One needs to be hiding something from you as it can be certain you are willing to change.

You can now paintings on an everyday basis.In this article began with the situation.Often times, couples can be filled with bliss, your case you are setting yourself up to divorce, I actually have a clear communication line with God's purpose for the departure from a stage of life.Normally, couples who have gone through tough times during their marriage fun.The other critical part of the person from the verge of a new life will bring you back to the topic of focus.

Another point to spend time to work with your partner will not be quick to judge each other as someone to get a little bit and use a unit and help look at various issues and save marriage!It is only you can both achieve the same short term success and to talk or see each other's lives.Not only was my marriage and family life.I'd like to repair the problems that are truly great but they can intensify manifold, and can have everything they can save your troubled marriage seem to limit, just maybe a sign that the issue with couples experiencing the same beautiful dynamic as a descriptor of relationships go through a catastrophic event in a rut, you look after your marriage to save, it's just a flip of the relationship, but my wife and I have below if you don't have a greater likelihood of actually spending time together.It may be that you have done and establish is there worth saving, then it is difficult to generate marriages do the wise thing for a moment.

Going through counseling or simply to be a harsh tone.To ensure the success within your marriage from divorce.This is often discouraged by the seat of your lives to.But wait, you must distinguish between compromising on what you are figuring out the root cause.You really need to understand some simple factors to the idea of betrayal and distrust will linger for a catastrophic event can be resolved.

Educate yourself on the bad so you are not good to always blame the other parts with the person you vowed to love and bond with you.She will definitely feel like you airing your dirty laundry to these verbal tussles.Giving your partner to see your marriage now.Take action by getting married there is no doubt an aching experience that can bring back those feelings and you still love each other lovingly based on their own.However, that should not rely on psychological concepts.

Couples should be taken for granted in this article is made within the framework of your broken heart.That is fine but do not look for a romantic dinner either at home to help the couple learn to really, honestly listen.Make it a point where you went wrong - Did you cheat?The list of situations, which may have imagined your marriage - All of these things were better.Spending a preset period away from the link in my marriage.

Books On How To Avoid Divorce

The answer is quite potent in disintegrating any marriage, even those that have gradually made the two of you lost your job?I know from myself - I was overwhelmed by all of us.I would like to offer sound marriage advice is never an easy way out.It is a fact that you're no longer in love with each other.Although, frankly speaking,this may seem to be tolerant and accept the fact that indeed a lifelong commitment, which if they wanted... when it's a painful truth.

Acting irrationally and doing nothing about it together.If that is not going to have sex with anyone, whether you're married or experiencing marriage problems invites you into growing and offers you and your personal needs are.So you need to let go of ANY bitterness or scorn.If you are going to look around in circles?But, don't worry as I'll be outlining 3 highly-effective first steps toward saving your relationship.

[your-bhawna-world]

Virtual Office Space in Bangalore, India

A new era in digital has begun and it requires a new age initiative and at GoodWorks Cowork we have exactly what you need to get started – virtual desktops. A professional address in Whitefield, Bangalore, the first computer center can elevate your business to the next level. A virtual office space in Bangalore will help build trust between customers and suppliers for business transactions and perhaps forge lifelong partnerships with some of the best minds in the industry today. A good first impression with an impressive business address and an eloquent meeting room experience can increase the value of your brand. An implicit shared office space will also increase your credibility and customers will be more confident in delivering large projects.

Set up a Virtual Office Space in Bangalore

We offer complete solutions to set up your virtual office in Bangalore, India, directly from mailboxes, manage communications, voicemail and a Official business address. A perfect set of arrangements that will make you look more professional and competent.

Complete Virtual Office Solutions: With our full Virtual Office packages, you can expect more than just a virtual office space in India. You can benefit from administrative services such as call forwarding and answering, 24/7 voice mail and access to our sumptuous meeting and conference rooms. This will help you showcase your technical prowess as well as your ability to produce results

Virtual Mailbox: You will also benefit from our mailbox rental services that will meet all your basic organizational needs. You can use the GoodWorks Cowork address as the official address of your PO Box. This will simplify your point-to-point document deliveries, business registration, and other administrative processes.

Meeting and Discussion rooms: Our meeting and discussion rooms are available whenever you need to hold symposiums with your customers and business partners once you have signed up with us for a virtual office space in India. This will help you reduce your costs while improving your company’s reputation.

We have carefully analyzed some of the requirements of a Virtual Office space in Bangalore before offering our services:

Since traditional business people do not believe in the success of a home-based operation, a virtual office at a decent address will definitely solve the problem. A good virtual office has a good location that you should enjoy. Businesses would surely seem reliable with a good mailing address. Make sure the office is not only well located; the desk itself is clean and well maintained.

Communication is very important for commercial transactions to be fully operational and successful. Look for a virtual office that can effectively deliver this essential service. Calls must be answered by a receptionist on behalf of your business and a good phone tag must be observed. This would be an added bonus if the virtual office company offers call transfer services

You would surely meet customers who would ask you to meet them in your own office. Customers do this because they also want to check the type of environment you are working in and how that might affect the project they are proposing. A good virtual office has a spacious meeting room for occasional meetings with clients. Offices should also be present in case you want to work physically in an office. A fast and stable Internet connection will ensure that your business will not encounter any obstacles due to technical difficulties.

The exact reason you did not rent an office is that you want to save your business the cost of the monthly rent. A good virtual office offers exceptional service at a reasonable price.

Your business will surely grow and your needs today may not be the same as yesterday. Do not limit the growth of your horizons. Make sure your virtual office helps you maximize your potentials. Keep reinventing and improving.

One of our clients, established blogger and novelist Alcatraz Dey has the following to say about our services:

“GoodWorks Cowork has offered me exceptional services. My calls were regularly sent to me. My mails were sent to me during the day. They even arranged a double room for me to meet one of my guests. This was one of the best customer meetings I had, thanks to the facilities. What I liked the most is that my client was surprised that I work from such a place. He was pleasantly surprised and it worked to my advantage. I would recommend the Virtual Office package to everyone. They are effective and keep their promises. ”

A virtual office space in Bangalore with GoodWorks Cowork will make your organization stand out among the industry’s mainstays because of its location. And our clever representation and dedication to your needs will reduce your costs, increase your business value and stabilize your processes. Entrust us with the administrative part so that you can dream big and achieve more.

Our virtual business services in Bangalore, India, are a starter pack that will launch your startup with the required efficiency.

[trenttrendspotter]

“Just move daily!” With Nancy Trent

By Dr. William Seeds, Dr. Seeds, An orthopedic surgeon on a mission

Nancy Trent is a writer and speaker, a lifelong health advocate, a wellness influencer, a globe-trotting trend watcher, and the founder and president of Trent & Company, a leading health, and wellness PR firm. Nancy is an investigative reporter turned PR guru with seven books under her belt, continuing to spot and spark trends wherever she goes. Today, she is running publicity and social media campaigns for 50 different lifestyle clients across various industries.

Thank you for joining us! Can you share your “backstory” with us?

My father was tremendously influential in my outlook. He was an early health enthusiast and the first person that anyone in our family or neighborhood knew who took vitamins, ate healthy and exercised daily.

At an early age, I began to exercise with him every morning and started eating what we thought were healthy foods.

He was a vegetarian in college and that inspired me…he also learned about yoga there and we had fun trying asanas we saw in books.

I loved jogging and hiking and when I went to school out West. I made friends with others who had similar interests.

Soon I was writing about healthy subjects for local papers and magazines while studying journalism in school.

When I graduated, I began my career as an investigative reporter and wrote seven books on health and fitness before transitioning into public relations.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

As a part of one of my early promotions, I was given the opportunity to introduce a major pharmaceutical product. As soon as I discovered the drug had more side effects than impact, I told my boss I didn’t want to work on it because it was bad business. He accused me of being immature and unprofessional. I quit the next day and decided to start my own business focused on real health.

When I was first working on healthy products it wasn’t the sexy, cool industry it is today. I had to educate people to be open to health-oriented brands and learn to talk about what they were interested in.

I am so grateful that people are realizing that if they want the most out of life, they have to increase their odds by taking care of themselves, physically, mentally and spiritually.

What were the main lessons or takeaways from that story?

Do what you believe in… there’s probably a good reason why YOU believe in it.

Hard work pays off no matter what anyone tells you…there is no such thing as an overnight success…results are never easy…trust me, overnight successes take a long time.

Never do anything that makes you feel uneasy or queasy…listen to your instincts.

Can you share a story about the biggest mistake you made when you were first starting?

I worked really hard for people who didn’t have the patience for PR and who did not care about the product or campaign as much as I did. While I kept working for them because I believed in their product, the effort and passion were not reciprocal. PR is a collaborative effort and mutual respect is non-negotiable.

Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

Work with passionate and compassionate people that are in it for the higher good. They will inspire and appreciate you to be the best partner and do your best work.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are?

My first account was Blue Mountain Arts Greeting Cards, founded by Susan Polis Schutz, America’s best-selling poet. Although she thought some of my creative ideas were crazy, she trusted me, she appreciated how hard I worked, and my optimism. I would never let her down and she knew it. I still work for her on some of her amazing documentaries.

Can you share a story about that?

It’s public knowledge that Susan had depression issues. I never questioned her…I thought her moods were because she was an artist and I respected that. I had no idea of the pain she went through until she wrote about it in Depression & Back and made a documentary about it; The Misunderstood Epidemic: Depression. Sometimes when she didn’t feel up to talking to a journalist, I would take her interviews for her over the phone. Reporters would tell who they thought was Susan that she sounded like me, and I acted like I was surprised. When I spoke to the reporters again as myself, I would tell them that I was honored to sound like an artist as accomplished as Susan. She sold more poetry books than any other author. Amazing!

Ok perfect. Now let’s jump to our main focus. When it comes to health and wellness, how is the work you are doing helping to make a bigger impact in the world?

There isn’t a major wellness trend that our agency hasn’t been involved in.

We’ve been a part of the mainstreaming of trends that changed the way we care for ourselves. From spa-ing, juicing, alkaline and plant-based eating, probiotics, and greening, we have had the pleasure of turning innovators into category leaders.

We helped create the fitness craze that started in the late 80s with the Reebok Step, the Body Bar and the Spinning Bike with Johnny G.

We were at the forefront of the plant-based movement starting with the China Study, Vega Plant-Based Protein and Quorn MycoProtein Meat Substitute.

Before that, we spread yoga in all forms from gurus like Gurmukh to organizations such as Kundalini, Hot Yoga and the USA Yoga Federation. We handled the press for the national yoga championships and helped the Brahma Kumaris open the first meditation museum.

We started the juicing revolution with Jay Kordich, the original Juiceman Juicer which we launched more than 25 years ago and continued later for our work with Earth Bar and Organic Avenue juice bars.

Can you share your top five “lifestyle tweaks” that you believe will help support people’s journey towards better wellbeing? Please give an example or story for each.

Movement — Any exercise keeps your equipment in better working order. Just move daily!

Supplementation — When we were first asked to promote a probiotic, I laughed my head off at the idea of ingesting bacteria…famous last words. Probiotics, prebiotic, medicinal mushrooms, glutathione, resveratrol, polyphenols, electrolytes — you need to take them all because you are not getting them through today’s foods no matter how healthy you eat.

Plant focused diet — I like eating and you can eat more vegetables than anything.

Prevention –Active people tend to focus on recovery, but prevention comes first.

Embrace stress — Stress can be good for you — You are not a lump, you are alive, a seed breaking through the ground. How you embrace stress is the issue. I see it as a mild cardiovascular work-out. It’s fun juggling too many things. Stress is a byproduct of productivity. You just have to keep punching.

If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of wellness to the most amount of people, what would that be?

I already have but now I really am committed to getting people obsessed on prevention, aging healthfully and living more purposeful lives. If you love what you do you don’t work a day of your life.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why?

Actually, there are things everyone always tells you that don’t apply to entrepreneurs.

1. Work-life balance doesn’t work for everyone — It never worked for me and I hope it never does. I thrive on the intensity of the experience. Before I started my business when I first started my business and to this day. I work like a rabid animal. I am breaking inertia. I am getting people to do things they don’t want to do because ultimately it will be a better choice. Your brain has to always be on because you never know when that great idea will come. I rationalize that balance is going from one extreme to another. I work hard but I am with my family and friends, laugh, listen, learn, exercise and eat with the same intensity.

2. It’s okay to use your magnetism — It’s a great equalizer. It makes it more fun to be you when you feel good about how you look, and it makes it more fun for people to work with you. It also gives you power and clarity to make decisions and not be a victim…never be a victim!

3. Live below your means — Enjoy what you do but don’t get too caught up in the money you make. The most successful people I know live way below what they can afford because they are not doing it for the money. They are on a mission. Restauranteurs that eat up their profits, clothing designers that put all their money in clothes, that’s crazy! An entrepreneur’s payment is their idea of becoming everyone’s idea.

4. You’re always going to have to work hard — Every successful entrepreneur says you have to invest massive work…work around the clock…I never met a truly successful person who didn’t work insanely hard to build something substantial…not that they didn’t love it but you just can’t help yourself when you are on a mission.

5. Let yourself be vulnerable — You have to be open to new ideas and that means being really open and giving them time to germinate. Sometimes you let in bad ideas or bad people. But being open prohibits you from acting on the signs right away. It’s up to you to absolutely insist on learning from every mistake. If you don’t learn it could happen again.

Sustainability, veganism, mental health and environmental changes are big topics at the moment. Which one of these causes is dearest to you, and why?

Environmental focus — in case you haven’t noticed it…we are in trouble and a lot must be done quickly. We don’t have time to put our toe in the water. We have to jump in. Technology has a lot of answers and we have to start changing now. Meat uses more energy than plants, apparel is the most polluting industry in the country so stop buying so many clothes. Don’t use so much plastic. Really work on your personal plastic footprint. Do something…anything…and you will start doing more…

I also hate how hard it is to be healthy in this world and how our world gets infused with more and more junk…the food we eat, the information blasted at us, air and water pollution, the plastic in our ocean, our thinning soil… We must redecorate the world to be our own personal garden of Eden. It can be whatever as long as you really LOVE it.

As seen on Thrive Global

[richardmperry88]

Corporate Gigs to Freelancer Freedom: How msloydwrites Made the Switch

Ever since she can remember, Michelle S. Loyd has loved writing — in all its forms.

“Writing has always come naturally to me and is one of my favorite ways to pass the time,” she says. “I find myself taking notes and writing things down in the weirdest situations in preparation for a new article, post, or social media update.”

It makes perfect sense that Loyd is now a freelance writer, social media influencer, and digital gamechanger. As the owner and founder of msloydwrites — a freelance writing, blogging, and marketing agency — she provides services for local and international brands.

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Finding a Path

But it wasn’t always that way. Before launching her own business, she worked for some of America’s biggest brands, including AAA, Verizon Wireless, and Apple Inc.

“While it wasn’t my destiny to stay with any of these companies, my time at each company taught me a lot about the business world and customer experience,” Loyd says. “I also made a few lifelong friends along the way.”

Ultimately, her heart wasn’t in her work, and she wanted to change that. “Since I love writing so much and I kept hearing from strong business leaders that you should love what you do, it finally dawned on me that I wasn’t doing what I loved,” Loyd says. “So, I changed my career and began freelance writing in 2016. Apple was the last company that I officially worked for before opening msloydwrites.”

Her experience prepared her for launching her own business.

The most important things she learned were how to operate a business in a virtual environment and use metrics to make business decisions. Loyd’s degrees also helped; she holds an undergraduate degree in psychology from Southern Illinois University and a graduate degree in human resource management with a concentration in information systems management.

Related: How to Create a Freelance Writer Website That Actually Gets You Writing Gigs

The self-described “digital nomad” is currently based in the Golden Isles of south Georgia, located just south of Savannah, and considered one of the state’s best-kept secrets. “I’ve had the pleasure of learning more about the history of the area and discovering more about my roots and myself in the process,” Loyd says. “As an African-American woman, I have a deep interest in the history of South Georgia.”

Many cities there have strong ties and date back to the original roots of American slavery. She was amazed to learn that in this part of the country, there are still direct descendants of the original West African Slaves brought over during the Atlantic Slave Trade called “Geeches” or “Gullah.” But her favorite part of the Golden Isles is the breathtaking ocean views from the barrier islands.

At Your Service

Through msloydwrites, Loyd provides freelance writing and marketing-related services online. Clients use her services for everything from ghostwriting to blogging, Twitter marketing, and consulting. “My clients are small businesses, startups, and individual entrepreneurs who need help creating or enhancing their content marketing strategy,” Loyd says.

“I create engaging content based on research and fact-checking that is targeted for each industry. I specialize in providing quality web content for blogs and social media sites that are focused on mental health awareness, psychology research and innovation, online therapy and telemedicine effectiveness, customer relations/customer experience, and small business consulting.”

Lately, the bulk of her work has been on writing mental health and psychology-related content for leading online therapy providers and developing new affiliate relationships. “The topic of psychology and mental health has always been important to me,” Loyd says.

“I’ve always wanted to be able to contribute to the healing of others as it relates to mental health. Even when I was young, I could see that not enough emphasis was placed on education, research, and developing realistic treatment options. As an anxiety sufferer myself, I know that living with mental health challenges can be difficult — even debilitating in some cases. As a result, I do my best to make sure I’m doing my part by sharing fact-checked education and resources for people suffering with chronic mental health symptoms. I try to create clear and factual content that helps people get connected with the resources and support they need to improve the quality of their mental health. I figure that helping on at least a small scale can make a difference.”

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Social Studies

Like many other small business owners, Loyd uses her social media and marketing skills to promote her own business. She regularly engages with her followers on Twitter via updates, polls, and inspirational quotes, to name a few.

“I’m an active presence on Twitter where I share, learn and network with experts, influencers, and other like-minded professionals,” Loyd says. “Talking to people who share similar interests and ideas makes it easy for me to organically find new leads and partners to work with. I use my social media platform and website to share relevant, engaging, and useful information with my followers and other like-minded professionals.”

Pushing herself to grow and evolve her own business has had both professional and personal payoff for Loyd. “I’m a huge nerd,” she says. “So, outside of exceeding the expectations of my clients and inspiring others, the most rewarding part of my business has been getting to learn and experiment with so much new technology! It’s weird to go from being a customer to learning how a business works from the inside. I love all the apps, tools, gadgets, and widgets I get to play with at work now.”

Related: The 7 Best Web Management Tools for Small Businesses

She’s learned many lessons along the way with msloydwrites. “One thing I think that every business owner should know is a tip that I took from working at Apple, and that is: Even in business, you don’t have to know it all,” Loyd says.

“It may seem strange to say, but we try to seem knowledgeable and keep so much information in our heads on so many topics, that we forget to leave room for learning new ways of doing things. This includes innovation and improvements. As long as the internet and Google are available and you know how to use your resources, everything you ever needed to know is available at the click of a button. Take it easy on yourself.”

Host with the Most

Having the right tech and tools at her fingertips has been crucial to Loyd’s business expansion.  “Speaking of apps and tools, DreamHost is actually one of the latest additions to my toolbox,” she says. “I initially started my blog on the WordPress.com platform and DreamHost was featured there. I always kept it in the back of my mind for when I was ready to host my own domain as my business began to scale. Once I learned the ins and outs of WordPress, I tried hosting with another provider.”

While their hosting services were OK, the pricing was confusing, and they didn’t have nearly enough options to meet her needs. She became frustrated and remembered that years ago, she had told herself she would give DreamHost a try. She switched her hosting over to DreamHost and has been very happy with the service ever since.

“I’m also my own webmaster, so simplicity in a hosting provider is mandatory,” Loyd says. “I’m satisfied with the price, integrations, and features, and I’ve had zero issues with uptime on my website.

One of Loyd’s favorite things about DreamHost is the user interface because it’s clean and provides clear instructions on completing everyday tasks related to managing her website. Even transferring her domain and selecting a hosting package was a cinch.

“The one-click WordPress install made it easy for me to deploy and access my self-hosted WordPress website in just a matter of minutes after setup,” Loyd says. “Easy-to-follow support guides help me navigate and manage hosting features of my DreamHost account as a self-service option. I’ve never had a major issue with my hosting-related services. DreamHost offers a solid hosting package at an affordable price. As long as things continue to progress with DreamHost as smoothly as they have so far, I plan to be a lifelong customer.”

We’ll Support Your Dream

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Tech Talk

Loyd’s website is, of course, an integral part of her business. “My website makes it easy for me to showcase my work, my personality, and to describe my business in a nutshell for new clients, customers, and people who just want to know more about what I do,” Loyd says.

She also created her site to share updates, news, and business tips with writers, marketers, and other small business professionals to make it easier for them to succeed. “I’ve been working on the ‘community’ feature of the site that includes forums and chat rooms for writers, marketers, and small business professionals to meet and chat about some common business questions, issues, and tips,” Loyd says. “When it’s complete I hope to have a ‘virtual water cooler’ environment. As a self-proclaimed introvert, I do as much networking and shopping as I can online.”

To keep her website fresh, she uses quite a few technologies and products. “I’m looking for a simple solution to integrate everything,” Loyd says. “I recently started using Salesforce essentials, which seems to be doing a really awesome job of bringing things together!”

Other tools she uses are WordPress for blogging, Crowdfire, and Zoho Social for social media management, as well as Google Docs and Sheets for word processing, writing blog posts, creating documents, and easy file sharing. “I have a comprehensive list of resources on my website that talks more about the products and services that I use to power it.”

Related: How This Writer Set up a DreamHost Site in Under an Hour

Back to the Future

Loyd aims to continue expanding both her business and her website. “I plan to keep learning, growing, sharing great content, and keeping up with the pace of technology as things change,” she says.

“I hope that one day msloydwrites will be a source of information and inspiration for people who are looking for writing and content marketing services to increase their brand presence online. I also hope to become a central hub for other writers, marketing professionals, and small business owners to communicate and share information and best practices. It makes me feel great to be able to share relevant information and tips that can help another writer or a small business have an easier time. As long as I am inspiring people in one way or another through my work, I feel like I’m making a difference.”

The post Corporate Gigs to Freelancer Freedom: How msloydwrites Made the Switch appeared first on Website Guides, Tips and Knowledge.

from Website Guides, Tips and Knowledge https://www.dreamhost.com/blog/customer-spotlight-msloydwrites/

[brentrogers]

Podcast: How Much Sex Is Psychologically Healthy?

If you were in a perfect relationship with your “perfect” partner, how much sex would you want? Three times a week? Once a day? Never? That number is your “magic sex number,” says today’s guest Marriage and Family Therapist Steven Ing. We all have a magic sex number, just like we all need to sleep a certain amount of hours per night and eat a certain number of calories per day to feel full. But if your magic number is far more or less than your partner’s number, there will be serious relationship problems.

How do you know what your magic sex number is? And how big of a difference can there be between partners? Tune in for an important discussion on how to have a sexually-healthy relationship.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Podcast Episode

Steven Ing, MFT had a seriously messed up childhood. Like, mobster-father-shot-to-death-by-police messed up. So what did he do with this experience? He set out on a lifelong quest to study and better understand human behavior — why good people do bad things. He channeled this research into a Marriage & Family Therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. 

As a leading expert, author and public speaker on all matters related to sexuality and relationships, Steven is fiercely passionate about his life’s mission to shine a light on how society hasn’t even begun to really think and rationally talk about human sexuality. 

Steven is a powerful ally to the LGBTQ community and a regular contributor to LGBTQ outlets such as The Rage Monthly and Adelante Magazine. His work can also be found in HuffPost, SheKnows.com and The Advocate. He was recently on the Betches SUP Podcast and is a TEDx Talk presenter, educating the masses on “Your Magic Sex Number”.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Steven Ing, who had a seriously messed up childhood. He channeled this into a marriage and family therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. He’s a leading expert, columnist, author and public speaker, all on matters related to sexuality and relationships. He’s at TEDx Talks presenter, educating the masses on your magic sex number. Steve, welcome to the show.

Steven Ing, MFT: Hi, Gabe. It’s great to be with you today.

Gabe Howard: Steve, I first want to say that I absolutely love your bio. I think it’s important to just own things. And I like that you had a seriously messed up childhood because in many ways I feel like I had a seriously messed up childhood. And I believe a lot of our listeners are looking back on their childhood and they’re feeling the same way. And, you know, sometimes our guests, you know, they really want to tout their professional accolades, but they don’t want to tout their human experiences. So first off, kudos to you for your honesty.

Steven Ing, MFT: Oh, thanks a lot. I just think that, you know, for me, such a huge part of my motivation to help people because I know what it feels like to be in those uncomfortable family situations.

Gabe Howard: It makes perfect sense to me, and that vulnerability, I think is really important, giving that your subject matter is sexuality because people are often embarrassed to discuss sex and sexuality anyway. Now let’s talk about your TED Talk. The magic sex number. What is that all about?

Steven Ing, MFT: Basically, the idea is that we all have specific needs that we’re pretty much hardwired to have and that they aren’t subject to moral suasion or to personal appeal. Like, for example, the number of hours sleep you need to feel refreshed and also the number of calories you need per day to feel satiated. We don’t really talk about sex that way, but everyone I’ve ever interviewed and I mean, thousands of people had an answer to that question. Ideally, if you could be in your perfect relationship, that was perfect in every way. How often, ideally, would you like to have sex? And some people respond with the number at one end of the continuum and other people respond with a very different number. And that represents a range of humanity. We’re all normal and we’re all different. So we just don’t talk about this very much. We sort of presume, I think, in an egocentric way that when we fall in love with somebody, they will want us pretty much exactly the way we want them and with the frequency we want them. And that just isn’t true because of the range from one person to another can be quite serious.

Gabe Howard: When I think about a magic sex number, the first thing that I think is how am I supposed to figure mine out?

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, that’s. That is really tricky. And it’s actually trickier than I even thought it might be because there’s a lot of cultural and moral interference with getting an accurate assessment. If people have an idea that there’s a right number and that number is way too low or way too high, they tend to skew their number to what they think is more acceptable or more normal. And in the same way, a lot of people are preset to self-deception because they end up coming up with a number that mentally is actually the number they’d be willing to settle for. And that’s a very different number than the number that they ideally would like to have. So for me, the question is one of sustainability. If we’re serious about getting all of our sexual needs met in one monogamous relationship, then we need to make sure that that sexual relationship is at least a fighting chance of being sustainable. And if we don’t do that, we really haven’t done our due diligence.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I’m thinking about is when it comes right down to it. How important is our magic sex number? Because it sort of sounds like you’re making sex the end all be all of a successful relationship. Aren’t there other things more important like compatibility and values? So how important is a magic sex number?

Steven Ing, MFT: It’s a little bit like arguing, though, which organ is more important, the heart or the kidneys, because the truth is we need it all to work together for us to survive and have a happy life. And then the same way, if I have the perfect relationship, perfect in every way. But there is a significant problem. It could be something like my mate decides to engage in compulsive gambling. That alone could destroy an otherwise good relationship. So if I’m talking about sex, most of us, we don’t talk about it too much, but we have an idea in the back of our mind of what our future sex life could be like. But we don’t imagine something like what happened to one of my clients when his wife came up to him after seven years of marriage and they had two children by that time. They were a couple in their thirties, and she announced to him that she would not be having sex with him anymore. And he was shocked and didn’t know what to do about this. And for the next 40 years, they did not have sex and it ended up disastrously for both of them. But he never, ever thought that he would be in that situation. And most of us don’t. But we don’t think it through like, well, what would I do? And well, what are my sexual needs? Because if if we think about managing our sexuality intelligently and we have an idea of our magic sex number. You know, for some people, it’ll be three times a week. For some people, it’ll be once a week or less. But whatever that number is, it’s what you need to feel comfortable. Otherwise, you’re facing a catastrophic marital failure where you end up getting so frustrated that you either have an affair or get a divorce or whatever that is. We’d all like to avoid that.

Gabe Howard: The first thing I thought of as you were telling that story is 40 years of no sex. That doesn’t seem like a marriage to me. That seems like a friendship. How did they survive? Forty years in a sexless marriage?

Steven Ing, MFT: For her, her discomfort with the idea of having sex with him was not replaced with anything other than a deep dove into alcoholism. So she relied on booze to get through the rest of her life for him because of his religious upbringing. Divorce was an unacceptable option. And I live in Nevada where prostitution is legal. And he never availed himself of the services of a legal prostitute, nor did he ever have an affair. Instead, what he did is he spent the next 40 years trying desperately to take care of his sexual needs simply through masturbation. And of course, that was not a successful effort because our sexual needs are far more complex and diverse than just orgasm alone. So even if I were, let’s say, masturbating as frequently as I wanted an orgasm, that’s not going to take care of my needs for companionship, conversation, humor and play. So it just doesn’t work.

Gabe Howard: I’m starting to think about our magic sex number and I’m thinking, OK, clearly if one person is zero and you’re at one, that’s too big of a gap. But maybe if somebody was at 10 and you were at 12, that might be a gap that you could work with. All of this to say, how big of a difference between the numbers becomes significant or becomes a dealbreaker? Now, I know in the story that you just told, apparently there was no dealbreaker. But myself, and I believe many of our listeners, would probably not be willing to stay in a marriage that was sexless for 40 years. And even in that story, it did seem like the outcome was disastrous for both parties involved.

Steven Ing, MFT: So typically, a magic sex number wouldn’t be a number like 7. It would be a number like oh, from 6 to 8. And that way there’s a little bit of give and take or leeway. And what we’re talking about, of course, I hasten to say this. We’re talking about the norm. We’re not talking about, oh, if my mate is ill or has gone through a deep tragedy and I need to be there for her emotionally or she is away on a trip or something like that. We’re just talking about the day to day typical marital situation. You know, clearly if somebody says 8 and somebody else says 11, there’s quite a bit of room to work with that. But I like your example of if one of them says once a week, that’s really comfortable for me. And the other one says zero and I’m looking at a lifetime of sexless marriage, that’s really not going to work. But actually, zero is the preferred number for a definite percentage of the population. There are asexual people in our population who quite sincerely want to have companionship and they want to have marriage and all the benefits of the partnership, but they’re completely disinterested in sex. And for them, an ideal number is zero makes perfect sense. At the top end, I have had people who are happily married because they found someone who is just like them and the number, their number was four times per day.

Gabe Howard: Wow.

Steven Ing, MFT: and then they shared that number in common.

Gabe Howard: I am stunned and it.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, it’s.

Gabe Howard: Is this atypical? I mean, this would have to be atypical.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think what we need to all remember is that human sexuality falls in virtually every aspect on a continuum. I think that’s what we’re learning more and more about sexual diversity as we as a culture get more comfortable talking about sexuality. So the old binary of hetero versus homo even that has Kinsey pointed out back in the 50s occurs on a continuum. Some of us are more or less heterosexual than the person standing next to us. And when it comes to a magic sex number, if our listeners could imagine that a bell shaped curve that includes all of humanity and that one end, let’s say the left hand side of the curve would be the asexual who prefer a number like zero. And then on the far right would be somebody who, like my client, has an extremely surprisingly high number and they’ll be in that little shaped curve. The vast majority of us somewhere in the middle.

Gabe Howard: So once the two numbers have been established and they’ve sort of figure out where they are now, the partners have to negotiate and they have to discuss sex in a meaningful way. But that’s not the easiest thing for couples to do, especially if they feel that they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. Many couples feel that if they don’t immediately give the identical answer, there is a sex problem. And whenever there’s a sex problem, people tend to shut down and get defensive. Why is it so hard for couples to discuss sex in a meaningful way?

Steven Ing, MFT: I think part of that is because nobody around us is having this kind of a conversation. So when we’re raised in our family, our mom and dad at the breakfast table, don’t typically read a newspaper story and then start talking about sexual preferences and ideal numbers. We never hear people talking about this kind of thing in church. When we talk the little that we do about sexuality and then even in sex ed classes, the focus is mostly on anatomy and physiology, how pregnancy occurs and how to avoid t.i.’s. And it really isn’t presenting sexuality in a human context relationship. So what I like to do with my clients, I like to encourage them to think about going on a date and eventually getting to some point in the conversation. And it could be a first date for the advanced or it could be something like the third or the tenth date. But eventually most of us want to ask the other person we’re interested in, so what are you looking for in your life? Which leads to talks about being single or getting into a committed relationship. And from there it’s really easy to ask. So what do you visualize your future sex life looking like? I know that may seem intimidating to some people, but if you’re seriously thinking about partnering up in a committed long term relationship and the person you’re dating can’t talk about sexuality in a safe way, that alone for me would be a dealbreaker. Because we need to talk about this before we commit. It’s like talking about finances before we jump into a business partnership. If my prospective business partner were very shy about talking about money, I think go look for another partner. And when we’re talking about magic sex numbers, I think what I would encourage people to do in that fantasy version of a date is to introduce the topic the way I said.

Steven Ing, MFT: And then looking at the uncomfortable expression on the other person’s face to say, tell you what? Let’s each write our number down and then we can turn our napkins over at the same time and share our numbers with each other. Because you’re quite right. You know, a lot of us approach relationships from a position of neediness or loneliness. And so if she asks me what my magic sex number is, I might be very tempted to ask her, well, what’s yours? I’m going to try to guess what it is I think her ideal number is going to be, and instead just to write down what we honestly think is our true number. Flip those little cocktail napkins over and then kind of blink at each other because the numbers are going to be closer or they’re going to be far. These things don’t fall into place automatically or without some effort at laying the foundation. So finding out, you know, we all know those stories of people who got married only to find out after long after the wedding that their partner wasn’t really of the same sexual orientation they were. And part of that was failing to have the appropriate conversations and making it safe for people to disclose who they really are. And some of that’s due to family pressure, some of it’s due to the crazy personal pressure we put on ourselves and for others it’s because of our religious upbringing. But even if we’re needy and lonely, we have to admit it’s not going to do any of us any favors to get together with someone whose appetite for sex is so much different from our own.

Gabe Howard: We’re going to step away and we’ll be right back after these messages.

Sponsor Message: Hey folks, Gabe here. I host another podcast for Psych Central. It’s called Not Crazy. He hosts Not Crazy with me, Jackie Zimmerman, and it is all about navigating our lives with mental illness and mental health concerns. Listen now at Psych Central.com/NotCrazy or on your favorite podcast player.

Sponsor Message: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: We’re back discussing your magic sex number with marriage and family therapist Steven Ing. One of the things that always confuses me about our society is that when it comes to marriage, sex is so important that you must only have sex with your marital partner. However, sex is so insignificant and not important that you should not make sex the basis of said marriage. It’s kind of weird, right? It’s.

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: It’s a bit, but

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: But, this is our system.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think intuitively, I think you’re right. I think we know that it shouldn’t be the basis because that kind of reduces us to just a sexual object alone. But to deny its importance, I think, is really to ignore a major dimension of our experience. So obviously, I’m going to have some spiritual needs and some social needs and some financial and physical needs. But it would be odd if we if we talked about sexuality as if it were the one dimension of the human experience that had no needs related to it, because that’s just not true of any other part of our lives.

Gabe Howard: When it comes to understanding sexuality and relationships, I am obviously an amateur compared to you being an expert. And that’s one of the reasons that I want to pose this question to you from. From my point of view, as goes sex as goes the quality of the marriage. How do you as an expert feel about that statement?

Steven Ing, MFT: I have to agree with it. I’ve never said that sentence, but I think that the sex life is definitely a barometer, if you will, about the health of the relationship. And that goes deeper than we might think at first blush, because even if two people are having sex daily and they both agree that that’s the right number, but one is very present and the other one is emotionally checked out. That, too, is part of their sex life. Right. So that’s a real problem because sex itself is a metaphor for how much acceptance, affirmation, approval and affection. I’m going to get in that relationship. In fact, they’re so lined up that a lot of people substitute sex for intimacy and for intimate relationships because it’s so closely mimics those emotional needs that we’re trying to get met. But once you’ve been with a person for years and years and you can tell that they’re just going through the motions and they’re not really present with you. Like one of my clients years ago, she said, well, I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know it sure as heck isn’t about me. And she told me that with sort of an acceptance of her fate. She was an older woman, but she was accepting yet miserable, if that makes any sense.

Gabe Howard: It does.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, OK. She wasn’t comfortable with that answer. So when we when we talk about sex, you know, I have to add a P.S. or some kind of a note here, because usually when we talk about sexuality in a relationship, we’re talking about intercourse. And I would argue that that is only a small part of the sexual dimension of intimacy. And I think our sexual needs are far more and diverse than that. And they include things like simply feeling safe. You know, if we don’t have our needs for sexual safety net in a relationship, it’s a disaster because everything follows from that. And if we don’t have our needs for appropriate sexual information met in a relationship, we’re not going to be able to make very intelligent choices in that relationship. So our needs are pretty diverse. And again, a problem in our culture and it’s a major, major hole in our education of the young. How am I supposed to manage my sexuality intelligently when I have no idea what my sexual needs are? In our culture, we don’t really do this. It’s a very squeamish and uncomfortable subject for most people. It’s a question. It’s not like we’re foolish or we’re stupid. It’s just that we’re uninformed and we don’t have the vocabulary. There was a philosopher, one of my favorites from the 20th century named Ludwig Wittgenstein, and he said something that really applies here. He said, if I don’t have the words to describe a thing, then I really don’t understand that thing. And I think that is more true of sexuality than anything else.

Gabe Howard: It’s very fascinating to me that anybody would be uncomfortable discussing sexuality, considering how it permeates our culture, we use sexuality to sell gum, but we’re uncomfortable discussing what makes us happy sexually, even in the context of committed relationships, in the context of marriage. We’re uncomfortable about this, but there will absolutely be a woman in a bathing suit holding gum, telling you how, if your breath smells good, your chances of a sexual encounter increase.

Steven Ing, MFT: Right.

Gabe Howard: But talking one on one with a potential sex partner becomes very embarrassing. And it’s fascinating. It’s absolutely fascinating to me. And I imagine, again, as somebody who has studied this for 30 years, it’s got to be fascinating to you as well.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, one of the things I’ve been just delighted to do is in my last public speaking event was with the American Advertising Federation, and they were just a great audience and very aware of the phenomenon you were just talking about in terms of selling gum. And that’s we reviewed advertising history. You see that advertisements involving sexuality are almost always about titillation. The pretty girl, the arousing moment, the suggestive comments or look. But when you get past titillation and I think titillation is great and I’m not against titillation, I think it’s an important part of our sexuality. But until we actually cross over to including the conversation on intimacy and what it would take for us to feel safe with each other, I don’t think we really understand sexuality. And I think it may be because we’re just simply not ready for it culturally. But I think as individuals, again, the people listening to this, they can get there. It’s just embracing the idea that I need to and want to learn to manage my sexuality intelligently, whether I’m committed to a monogamous lifestyle or I’m really into casual hookups or something in between. I want to do it intelligently and then to begin having conversations with intelligent people who are respectful and can listen to you without judging you. I think that’s really how we get smarter with each other is having these kinds of conversations like the one you and I are having, Gabe.

Gabe Howard: Steven, I really appreciate you talking to me and the audience about this, and I hope that more people will have conversations with their spouses and their partners about the type of sex that makes them happy and get all on the same page, because I think ultimately sex is great, right? It’s something that we biologically crave. It’s something that we’re all doing. And I feel that that can only be enhanced by having these conversations with the people that we’re having sex with.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah. Or the people were thinking about making lifelong commitments to. And I think it’s such an important conversation to have to accept that none of us are really very good at it. When we get started and to be patient with yourself, to let yourself take a little time, even if it’s just sharing a magazine or newspaper article or paragraph with someone and discussing that. So it’s not really about you and the here and now, but it’s about someone else just kind of getting your brain going into working on that I think would be enormously profitable for everybody out there who is a sexual being. Oh yeah, that’s everybody.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for being on the show. Where can audience members find you? What’s your Web site?

Steven Ing, MFT: Super easy if they can spell my last name, I N G. It’s StevenIng.com. So if they just go to Steven with a V, StevenIng.com, they will find out more about me than they ever wish they knew.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for your candid talk about sex and sexuality, it’s necessary and it’s needed, and I appreciate having you on the show. And listen up, everybody. I have a personal favor to ask all of you. Wherever you downloaded this podcast, rank us. Use your words and tell people why to tune in. It absolutely helps. Share us on social media. Email us to your friends. And we have a private Facebook group. Just go to PsychCentral.com/FBShow and sign up. You can suggest topics and get show details before everybody else. And finally, remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counseling anytime, anywhere simply by visiting you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We’ll see everyone next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your audience to be wowed at your next event? Feature an appearance and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast right from your stage! For more details, or to book an event, please email us at show@psychcentral.com. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/Show or on your favorite podcast player. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers trusted resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com.  To learn more about our host, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and please share with your friends, family, and followers.

  Podcast: How Much Sex Is Psychologically Healthy? syndicated from

[erraticfairy]

Podcast: How Much Sex Is Psychologically Healthy?

If you were in a perfect relationship with your “perfect” partner, how much sex would you want? Three times a week? Once a day? Never? That number is your “magic sex number,” says today’s guest Marriage and Family Therapist Steven Ing. We all have a magic sex number, just like we all need to sleep a certain amount of hours per night and eat a certain number of calories per day to feel full. But if your magic number is far more or less than your partner’s number, there will be serious relationship problems.

How do you know what your magic sex number is? And how big of a difference can there be between partners? Tune in for an important discussion on how to have a sexually-healthy relationship.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

Guest information for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Podcast Episode

Steven Ing, MFT had a seriously messed up childhood. Like, mobster-father-shot-to-death-by-police messed up. So what did he do with this experience? He set out on a lifelong quest to study and better understand human behavior — why good people do bad things. He channeled this research into a Marriage & Family Therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. 

As a leading expert, author and public speaker on all matters related to sexuality and relationships, Steven is fiercely passionate about his life’s mission to shine a light on how society hasn’t even begun to really think and rationally talk about human sexuality. 

Steven is a powerful ally to the LGBTQ community and a regular contributor to LGBTQ outlets such as The Rage Monthly and Adelante Magazine. His work can also be found in HuffPost, SheKnows.com and The Advocate. He was recently on the Betches SUP Podcast and is a TEDx Talk presenter, educating the masses on “Your Magic Sex Number”.

About The Psych Central Podcast Host

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations, available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. To learn more about Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Steven Ing- Sex Psychologically Healthy’ Episode

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: You’re listening to the Psych Central Podcast, where guest experts in the field of psychology and mental health share thought-provoking information using plain, everyday language. Here’s your host, Gabe Howard.

Gabe Howard: Welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Podcast. Calling into the show today, we have Steven Ing, who had a seriously messed up childhood. He channeled this into a marriage and family therapy career with more than 30 years of clinical experience and 20 years of experience in forensic psychotherapy. He’s a leading expert, columnist, author and public speaker, all on matters related to sexuality and relationships. He’s at TEDx Talks presenter, educating the masses on your magic sex number. Steve, welcome to the show.

Steven Ing, MFT: Hi, Gabe. It’s great to be with you today.

Gabe Howard: Steve, I first want to say that I absolutely love your bio. I think it’s important to just own things. And I like that you had a seriously messed up childhood because in many ways I feel like I had a seriously messed up childhood. And I believe a lot of our listeners are looking back on their childhood and they’re feeling the same way. And, you know, sometimes our guests, you know, they really want to tout their professional accolades, but they don’t want to tout their human experiences. So first off, kudos to you for your honesty.

Steven Ing, MFT: Oh, thanks a lot. I just think that, you know, for me, such a huge part of my motivation to help people because I know what it feels like to be in those uncomfortable family situations.

Gabe Howard: It makes perfect sense to me, and that vulnerability, I think is really important, giving that your subject matter is sexuality because people are often embarrassed to discuss sex and sexuality anyway. Now let’s talk about your TED Talk. The magic sex number. What is that all about?

Steven Ing, MFT: Basically, the idea is that we all have specific needs that we’re pretty much hardwired to have and that they aren’t subject to moral suasion or to personal appeal. Like, for example, the number of hours sleep you need to feel refreshed and also the number of calories you need per day to feel satiated. We don’t really talk about sex that way, but everyone I’ve ever interviewed and I mean, thousands of people had an answer to that question. Ideally, if you could be in your perfect relationship, that was perfect in every way. How often, ideally, would you like to have sex? And some people respond with the number at one end of the continuum and other people respond with a very different number. And that represents a range of humanity. We’re all normal and we’re all different. So we just don’t talk about this very much. We sort of presume, I think, in an egocentric way that when we fall in love with somebody, they will want us pretty much exactly the way we want them and with the frequency we want them. And that just isn’t true because of the range from one person to another can be quite serious.

Gabe Howard: When I think about a magic sex number, the first thing that I think is how am I supposed to figure mine out?

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, that’s. That is really tricky. And it’s actually trickier than I even thought it might be because there’s a lot of cultural and moral interference with getting an accurate assessment. If people have an idea that there’s a right number and that number is way too low or way too high, they tend to skew their number to what they think is more acceptable or more normal. And in the same way, a lot of people are preset to self-deception because they end up coming up with a number that mentally is actually the number they’d be willing to settle for. And that’s a very different number than the number that they ideally would like to have. So for me, the question is one of sustainability. If we’re serious about getting all of our sexual needs met in one monogamous relationship, then we need to make sure that that sexual relationship is at least a fighting chance of being sustainable. And if we don’t do that, we really haven’t done our due diligence.

Gabe Howard: One of the things that I’m thinking about is when it comes right down to it. How important is our magic sex number? Because it sort of sounds like you’re making sex the end all be all of a successful relationship. Aren’t there other things more important like compatibility and values? So how important is a magic sex number?

Steven Ing, MFT: It’s a little bit like arguing, though, which organ is more important, the heart or the kidneys, because the truth is we need it all to work together for us to survive and have a happy life. And then the same way, if I have the perfect relationship, perfect in every way. But there is a significant problem. It could be something like my mate decides to engage in compulsive gambling. That alone could destroy an otherwise good relationship. So if I’m talking about sex, most of us, we don’t talk about it too much, but we have an idea in the back of our mind of what our future sex life could be like. But we don’t imagine something like what happened to one of my clients when his wife came up to him after seven years of marriage and they had two children by that time. They were a couple in their thirties, and she announced to him that she would not be having sex with him anymore. And he was shocked and didn’t know what to do about this. And for the next 40 years, they did not have sex and it ended up disastrously for both of them. But he never, ever thought that he would be in that situation. And most of us don’t. But we don’t think it through like, well, what would I do? And well, what are my sexual needs? Because if if we think about managing our sexuality intelligently and we have an idea of our magic sex number. You know, for some people, it’ll be three times a week. For some people, it’ll be once a week or less. But whatever that number is, it’s what you need to feel comfortable. Otherwise, you’re facing a catastrophic marital failure where you end up getting so frustrated that you either have an affair or get a divorce or whatever that is. We’d all like to avoid that.

Gabe Howard: The first thing I thought of as you were telling that story is 40 years of no sex. That doesn’t seem like a marriage to me. That seems like a friendship. How did they survive? Forty years in a sexless marriage?

Steven Ing, MFT: For her, her discomfort with the idea of having sex with him was not replaced with anything other than a deep dove into alcoholism. So she relied on booze to get through the rest of her life for him because of his religious upbringing. Divorce was an unacceptable option. And I live in Nevada where prostitution is legal. And he never availed himself of the services of a legal prostitute, nor did he ever have an affair. Instead, what he did is he spent the next 40 years trying desperately to take care of his sexual needs simply through masturbation. And of course, that was not a successful effort because our sexual needs are far more complex and diverse than just orgasm alone. So even if I were, let’s say, masturbating as frequently as I wanted an orgasm, that’s not going to take care of my needs for companionship, conversation, humor and play. So it just doesn’t work.

Gabe Howard: I’m starting to think about our magic sex number and I’m thinking, OK, clearly if one person is zero and you’re at one, that’s too big of a gap. But maybe if somebody was at 10 and you were at 12, that might be a gap that you could work with. All of this to say, how big of a difference between the numbers becomes significant or becomes a dealbreaker? Now, I know in the story that you just told, apparently there was no dealbreaker. But myself, and I believe many of our listeners, would probably not be willing to stay in a marriage that was sexless for 40 years. And even in that story, it did seem like the outcome was disastrous for both parties involved.

Steven Ing, MFT: So typically, a magic sex number wouldn’t be a number like 7. It would be a number like oh, from 6 to 8. And that way there’s a little bit of give and take or leeway. And what we’re talking about, of course, I hasten to say this. We’re talking about the norm. We’re not talking about, oh, if my mate is ill or has gone through a deep tragedy and I need to be there for her emotionally or she is away on a trip or something like that. We’re just talking about the day to day typical marital situation. You know, clearly if somebody says 8 and somebody else says 11, there’s quite a bit of room to work with that. But I like your example of if one of them says once a week, that’s really comfortable for me. And the other one says zero and I’m looking at a lifetime of sexless marriage, that’s really not going to work. But actually, zero is the preferred number for a definite percentage of the population. There are asexual people in our population who quite sincerely want to have companionship and they want to have marriage and all the benefits of the partnership, but they’re completely disinterested in sex. And for them, an ideal number is zero makes perfect sense. At the top end, I have had people who are happily married because they found someone who is just like them and the number, their number was four times per day.

Gabe Howard: Wow.

Steven Ing, MFT: and then they shared that number in common.

Gabe Howard: I am stunned and it.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, it’s.

Gabe Howard: Is this atypical? I mean, this would have to be atypical.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think what we need to all remember is that human sexuality falls in virtually every aspect on a continuum. I think that’s what we’re learning more and more about sexual diversity as we as a culture get more comfortable talking about sexuality. So the old binary of hetero versus homo even that has Kinsey pointed out back in the 50s occurs on a continuum. Some of us are more or less heterosexual than the person standing next to us. And when it comes to a magic sex number, if our listeners could imagine that a bell shaped curve that includes all of humanity and that one end, let’s say the left hand side of the curve would be the asexual who prefer a number like zero. And then on the far right would be somebody who, like my client, has an extremely surprisingly high number and they’ll be in that little shaped curve. The vast majority of us somewhere in the middle.

Gabe Howard: So once the two numbers have been established and they’ve sort of figure out where they are now, the partners have to negotiate and they have to discuss sex in a meaningful way. But that’s not the easiest thing for couples to do, especially if they feel that they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. Many couples feel that if they don’t immediately give the identical answer, there is a sex problem. And whenever there’s a sex problem, people tend to shut down and get defensive. Why is it so hard for couples to discuss sex in a meaningful way?

Steven Ing, MFT: I think part of that is because nobody around us is having this kind of a conversation. So when we’re raised in our family, our mom and dad at the breakfast table, don’t typically read a newspaper story and then start talking about sexual preferences and ideal numbers. We never hear people talking about this kind of thing in church. When we talk the little that we do about sexuality and then even in sex ed classes, the focus is mostly on anatomy and physiology, how pregnancy occurs and how to avoid t.i.’s. And it really isn’t presenting sexuality in a human context relationship. So what I like to do with my clients, I like to encourage them to think about going on a date and eventually getting to some point in the conversation. And it could be a first date for the advanced or it could be something like the third or the tenth date. But eventually most of us want to ask the other person we’re interested in, so what are you looking for in your life? Which leads to talks about being single or getting into a committed relationship. And from there it’s really easy to ask. So what do you visualize your future sex life looking like? I know that may seem intimidating to some people, but if you’re seriously thinking about partnering up in a committed long term relationship and the person you’re dating can’t talk about sexuality in a safe way, that alone for me would be a dealbreaker. Because we need to talk about this before we commit. It’s like talking about finances before we jump into a business partnership. If my prospective business partner were very shy about talking about money, I think go look for another partner. And when we’re talking about magic sex numbers, I think what I would encourage people to do in that fantasy version of a date is to introduce the topic the way I said.

Steven Ing, MFT: And then looking at the uncomfortable expression on the other person’s face to say, tell you what? Let’s each write our number down and then we can turn our napkins over at the same time and share our numbers with each other. Because you’re quite right. You know, a lot of us approach relationships from a position of neediness or loneliness. And so if she asks me what my magic sex number is, I might be very tempted to ask her, well, what’s yours? I’m going to try to guess what it is I think her ideal number is going to be, and instead just to write down what we honestly think is our true number. Flip those little cocktail napkins over and then kind of blink at each other because the numbers are going to be closer or they’re going to be far. These things don’t fall into place automatically or without some effort at laying the foundation. So finding out, you know, we all know those stories of people who got married only to find out after long after the wedding that their partner wasn’t really of the same sexual orientation they were. And part of that was failing to have the appropriate conversations and making it safe for people to disclose who they really are. And some of that’s due to family pressure, some of it’s due to the crazy personal pressure we put on ourselves and for others it’s because of our religious upbringing. But even if we’re needy and lonely, we have to admit it’s not going to do any of us any favors to get together with someone whose appetite for sex is so much different from our own.

Gabe Howard: We’re going to step away and we’ll be right back after these messages.

Sponsor Message: Hey folks, Gabe here. I host another podcast for Psych Central. It’s called Not Crazy. He hosts Not Crazy with me, Jackie Zimmerman, and it is all about navigating our lives with mental illness and mental health concerns. Listen now at Psych Central.com/NotCrazy or on your favorite podcast player.

Sponsor Message: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counseling. Our counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counseling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe Howard: We’re back discussing your magic sex number with marriage and family therapist Steven Ing. One of the things that always confuses me about our society is that when it comes to marriage, sex is so important that you must only have sex with your marital partner. However, sex is so insignificant and not important that you should not make sex the basis of said marriage. It’s kind of weird, right? It’s.

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: It’s a bit, but

Steven Ing, MFT: That’s very weird.

Gabe Howard: But, this is our system.

Steven Ing, MFT: I think intuitively, I think you’re right. I think we know that it shouldn’t be the basis because that kind of reduces us to just a sexual object alone. But to deny its importance, I think, is really to ignore a major dimension of our experience. So obviously, I’m going to have some spiritual needs and some social needs and some financial and physical needs. But it would be odd if we if we talked about sexuality as if it were the one dimension of the human experience that had no needs related to it, because that’s just not true of any other part of our lives.

Gabe Howard: When it comes to understanding sexuality and relationships, I am obviously an amateur compared to you being an expert. And that’s one of the reasons that I want to pose this question to you from. From my point of view, as goes sex as goes the quality of the marriage. How do you as an expert feel about that statement?

Steven Ing, MFT: I have to agree with it. I’ve never said that sentence, but I think that the sex life is definitely a barometer, if you will, about the health of the relationship. And that goes deeper than we might think at first blush, because even if two people are having sex daily and they both agree that that’s the right number, but one is very present and the other one is emotionally checked out. That, too, is part of their sex life. Right. So that’s a real problem because sex itself is a metaphor for how much acceptance, affirmation, approval and affection. I’m going to get in that relationship. In fact, they’re so lined up that a lot of people substitute sex for intimacy and for intimate relationships because it’s so closely mimics those emotional needs that we’re trying to get met. But once you’ve been with a person for years and years and you can tell that they’re just going through the motions and they’re not really present with you. Like one of my clients years ago, she said, well, I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know it sure as heck isn’t about me. And she told me that with sort of an acceptance of her fate. She was an older woman, but she was accepting yet miserable, if that makes any sense.

Gabe Howard: It does.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah, OK. She wasn’t comfortable with that answer. So when we when we talk about sex, you know, I have to add a P.S. or some kind of a note here, because usually when we talk about sexuality in a relationship, we’re talking about intercourse. And I would argue that that is only a small part of the sexual dimension of intimacy. And I think our sexual needs are far more and diverse than that. And they include things like simply feeling safe. You know, if we don’t have our needs for sexual safety net in a relationship, it’s a disaster because everything follows from that. And if we don’t have our needs for appropriate sexual information met in a relationship, we’re not going to be able to make very intelligent choices in that relationship. So our needs are pretty diverse. And again, a problem in our culture and it’s a major, major hole in our education of the young. How am I supposed to manage my sexuality intelligently when I have no idea what my sexual needs are? In our culture, we don’t really do this. It’s a very squeamish and uncomfortable subject for most people. It’s a question. It’s not like we’re foolish or we’re stupid. It’s just that we’re uninformed and we don’t have the vocabulary. There was a philosopher, one of my favorites from the 20th century named Ludwig Wittgenstein, and he said something that really applies here. He said, if I don’t have the words to describe a thing, then I really don’t understand that thing. And I think that is more true of sexuality than anything else.

Gabe Howard: It’s very fascinating to me that anybody would be uncomfortable discussing sexuality, considering how it permeates our culture, we use sexuality to sell gum, but we’re uncomfortable discussing what makes us happy sexually, even in the context of committed relationships, in the context of marriage. We’re uncomfortable about this, but there will absolutely be a woman in a bathing suit holding gum, telling you how, if your breath smells good, your chances of a sexual encounter increase.

Steven Ing, MFT: Right.

Gabe Howard: But talking one on one with a potential sex partner becomes very embarrassing. And it’s fascinating. It’s absolutely fascinating to me. And I imagine, again, as somebody who has studied this for 30 years, it’s got to be fascinating to you as well.

Steven Ing, MFT: Well, one of the things I’ve been just delighted to do is in my last public speaking event was with the American Advertising Federation, and they were just a great audience and very aware of the phenomenon you were just talking about in terms of selling gum. And that’s we reviewed advertising history. You see that advertisements involving sexuality are almost always about titillation. The pretty girl, the arousing moment, the suggestive comments or look. But when you get past titillation and I think titillation is great and I’m not against titillation, I think it’s an important part of our sexuality. But until we actually cross over to including the conversation on intimacy and what it would take for us to feel safe with each other, I don’t think we really understand sexuality. And I think it may be because we’re just simply not ready for it culturally. But I think as individuals, again, the people listening to this, they can get there. It’s just embracing the idea that I need to and want to learn to manage my sexuality intelligently, whether I’m committed to a monogamous lifestyle or I’m really into casual hookups or something in between. I want to do it intelligently and then to begin having conversations with intelligent people who are respectful and can listen to you without judging you. I think that’s really how we get smarter with each other is having these kinds of conversations like the one you and I are having, Gabe.

Gabe Howard: Steven, I really appreciate you talking to me and the audience about this, and I hope that more people will have conversations with their spouses and their partners about the type of sex that makes them happy and get all on the same page, because I think ultimately sex is great, right? It’s something that we biologically crave. It’s something that we’re all doing. And I feel that that can only be enhanced by having these conversations with the people that we’re having sex with.

Steven Ing, MFT: Yeah. Or the people were thinking about making lifelong commitments to. And I think it’s such an important conversation to have to accept that none of us are really very good at it. When we get started and to be patient with yourself, to let yourself take a little time, even if it’s just sharing a magazine or newspaper article or paragraph with someone and discussing that. So it’s not really about you and the here and now, but it’s about someone else just kind of getting your brain going into working on that I think would be enormously profitable for everybody out there who is a sexual being. Oh yeah, that’s everybody.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for being on the show. Where can audience members find you? What’s your Web site?

Steven Ing, MFT: Super easy if they can spell my last name, I N G. It’s StevenIng.com. So if they just go to Steven with a V, StevenIng.com, they will find out more about me than they ever wish they knew.

Gabe Howard: Steve, thank you so much for your candid talk about sex and sexuality, it’s necessary and it’s needed, and I appreciate having you on the show. And listen up, everybody. I have a personal favor to ask all of you. Wherever you downloaded this podcast, rank us. Use your words and tell people why to tune in. It absolutely helps. Share us on social media. Email us to your friends. And we have a private Facebook group. Just go to PsychCentral.com/FBShow and sign up. You can suggest topics and get show details before everybody else. And finally, remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private online counseling anytime, anywhere simply by visiting you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. We’ll see everyone next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to The Psych Central Podcast. Want your audience to be wowed at your next event? Feature an appearance and LIVE RECORDING of the Psych Central Podcast right from your stage! For more details, or to book an event, please email us at show@psychcentral.com. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/Show or on your favorite podcast player. Psych Central is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website run by mental health professionals. Overseen by Dr. John Grohol, Psych Central offers trusted resources and quizzes to help answer your questions about mental health, personality, psychotherapy, and more. Please visit us today at PsychCentral.com.  To learn more about our host, Gabe Howard, please visit his website at gabehoward.com. Thank you for listening and please share with your friends, family, and followers.

  from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2XXNK8Q via theshiningmind.com

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I started Hunter & Gather in 2017 with my partner Jeff where our business organically grew out of our own needs. I am a lifelong Coeliac meaning I spend huge amounts of time analyzing the ingredient lists on everything I eat. Jeff had childhood asthma and horrendous acne. He began experimenting with his diet by removing sugars, grains and inflammatory oils from his diet as a teenager and his health and well-being improved significantly.We provide products that are always free from sugars, grains/gluten and inflammatory seed or vegetable oils.How did you fund the business initially?We initially funded the business from our savings - this paid for branding, website creation and first few runs of product. After this, we received SEIS pre-seed investment from the Start-Up Funding Club in collaboration with the Grocery Accelerator - which has enabled expansion of the business into new markets, retailers and new product development.How did you get your first three sales?I remember our first 3 sales very well as we were jumping around our living room with joy! Our initial production run was just 300 jars our first product - the classic Avocado Oil Mayonnaise. I remember thinking that if we sold these within the use-by date, then we would be happy. We listed it on our website and within hours we had made our first sale to a stranger... then the orders just kept coming and coming. We hit up Facebook groups that were really relevant to our innovator consumer group (Keto and Paleo). We just openly explained what we had created and if it was ok to share on the group .. this really drived those first sales to our website. We were also very lucky to have a famous celebrity find us on Instagram who was also interested in Keto and they shared about our product on their Instagram grid.This ensured sales started rolling in, and with word of mouth spreading - we soon realised we needed to book in another production run and find a warehouse asap!What are your top marketing channels?Facebook and social media is a super tool for reaching the first customers, the communities that exist in these platforms are huge. We recommend reaching out to key page admins to see if they will allow you to promote your products within the group - or even offer them free products as a giveaway. Just make sure the groups make sense for your product range - work out who your product is for and then find out where those types of people spend their time.The journey of Hunter & Gather started long before we created a product however. It took our entire lives to date of learning and shaping our personal values and needs. However, since launching Hunter & Gather in 2017 it feels like a rocket jet has gone off in terms of growth, listings and the consumer need for our product range - which is amazing!We knew that we wanted these products but at the time we did not know how big the market was for these products. Since then we have been able to find a lot of insightful data and it turns out that we are selling to a multi-million, potentially even billion-dollar industry within the UK. Health and wellness industry in the UK along in 2018 was worth £21 Billion with mayonnaise at £156.9 Million.How do you split up the work?I (Amy) head up sales and marketing and have previously worked in the natural pet food industry managing everything from Independents, Wholesalers up to leading National Accounts. Jeff was previously a Quantity Surveyor and is at home with numbers, supply chain, and procurement. Jeff is a big-picture thinker and I make sure everything is executed well - together we think we make a dynamic team that gets things done.What is it like working together and being in a relationship?We are partners in life as well as business and are teenage sweethearts - crikey! Working together is great however as we have a balance of skills and are not afraid to talk openly to each other. We initially built a team of freelancers using sites like Upwork and this has been amazing for us.We are keen to ensure we have a good work-life balance and also that we only focus on the key things that will step change the business rather than being distracted. This focus has allowed us to grow the business rapidly and we expect sales of over £1.5 Million in 2020 - with just the two of us running it! We utilise the key skills of freelancers, who work remotely - this avoids the need for a fancy office in the early stages of growth and enables us to reinvestment cash into marketing because we have low overheads.Who is your target demographic?Our customers are great at providing honest feedback and always push us to think of innovative ideas, new content and they celebrate with us when we get a new stockist or award.Our target demographic is currently women aged 35-65 who understand the importance of health and wellness. They may have suffered from illness and/or allergies and they are seeking healthier alternatives to what is currently available. We do however have customers across demographics, ages and genders and we welcome all.Have you had and funny customer support requests?A memorable order was an urgent request for a Yacht company who had a prestigious customer saying that our mayonnaise must go on their sailing trip. We are pleased to say that some jars of our classic mayo did indeed set sail and we only wish we knew where it was they travelled!What motivated you to start your own business?We were motivated to start Hunter & Gather through our own personal need for real food products. Jeff had previously been employed straight from University into a grad role at a Top London Quantity Surveyors and after completing his graduate role, was set for life in the eyes of most - however he had felt the urge to follow his passions in the Real Food, Keto/Paleo space and even considered retraining as a doctor. Jeff’s skills in procurement and managing numbers is fundamental for Hunter & Gather as well as his passion for Real Food and the health and wellness industry in general.My journey led me through various roles in the animal sector, Insurance, Welfare/Charity and Sales in a Corporate and more recently a Natural Pet food Brand where I honed my knowledge of nutrition, marketing, sales and people management. This has been key in the tone of voice, marketing style and sales developments we’ve created for Hunter & Gather in a relatively short period of time.What are your goals with Hunter & Gather?We want to bring healthy, nutritionally dense products to suit those following multiple different diets or lifestyles - Paleo, Keto, Low Carb, Banting, Coeliac, Gluten Free, Diabetics, Vegans, AIP, FODMAP and many more. Our current products include a range of Avocado oil Mayonnaise, Allergen & Egg Free Mayo (MAYOCADO), Extra Virgin Avocado Oils, MCT coconut oil and Collagen Peptides.Our four core values are Quality, Transparency, Real Food and Sustainability - Hunter & Gather products have become a sign of prestigious and delicious health products that consumers can trust. By using glass jars, bottles and fully compostable bags, we limit plastic in all that they do (including using paper packing tape too!).We ensure the highest possible quality when it comes to the sourcing of raw ingredients and only use the finest British Free Range Eggs from the St Ewe Farms in Cornwall. We also visited our farmers in Kenya where we purchase our avocados. We buy fruit that would otherwise be wasted from export as they are wonky, discoloured or too small. None of these factors have any impact on the quality or taste of the final product. By buying these fruits we avoid food waste, provide extra income for farmers and still produce a delicious award-winning product.What did your families think when you told them you were going to set up a business?We believe our families initially thought that this was just going to be a side business and that we would be selling products on a market stall. Once we realized there were others that wanted our products we dreamed big. Today, we are exporting to U.A.E, Iceland, Germany, Slovenia, Poland and we are even having discussions with major retailers as far as New Zealand.What advice would you have for other people starting a business?‍Our advice when starting a business is that it is ok if everything is not perfect, the design and even the recipe of your food product can continue to evolve and develop as you gain customer feedback. This early customer feedback will really shape how your business develops and you should have your eyes and ears open to soak up as much feedback as possible.You learn very quickly that challenges and amazing news will jump out of the woodwork and surprise you. Being agile, is key and jumping on key opportunities and also resolving challenges or set backs swiftly is important. Just remember a challenge is just a roadblock, that can be overcome - you just need to try and resolve it as quickly and as well as possible so you can continue on your journey.When growing rapidly as a business it can be deceiving how important cash flow is. If you are constantly growing sales, then you will forever be on the back-foot in terms of cash flow. Speak to your bank and see if you can utilise overdraft facilities or maybe even get a low interest loan. There are also companies that do gap financing of invoices, to enable you to obtain funds faster than waiting for the customer to pay - especially if their payment terms are 60 or even 90 days!What apps could your business not run without?We utilise lot’s of different Apps to support our business growth with limited staff members.Canva - for marketing artwork and creating free imagery, GIFS etc for social mediaMoneypenny - A service that has a “real” human answer your calls and direct them through to you or take a message/email. This is perfect for screening sales calls that can take up a lot of your time as a Founder.Square - This is neat card payment device and is ideal for taking payments at shows, events etcTrello - A Project Managers dream, this is a super way to keep notes of new stockists, live projects and potential leads.What does the future look like?We have a whole list of new products we would love to create! We are currently working on some new products that we are very excited to share soon. Keep your eyes peeled at the end of 2019 for some exciting announcements!In 5 years, we see Hunter & Gather as a leader in sugar free and Keto spaces with products listed in major supermarkets within the UK as well as being exported to New Zealand, Australia, America and Europe.Our business revenue projection for 2020 is £1.5 Million in year 3. Our growth since launch has been triple digits each year.Would you ever sell the business?As a business we are really keen to continue engaging with our customer base, create exciting new products, as well as develop our retail listings. We would only consider selling Hunter & Gather if we felt that we had found the right partner who would be keen for us to stay involved and they had the expertise to enable Hunter & Gather to go further than we can take it alone.If you enjoyed this post, the original interview is here.

[iyarpage]

Introducing RWConnect at RWDevCon 2018!

Why do people go to conferences?

One reason is to learn new things – it’s one of the best ways to keep your skills up-to-date as an advanced developer.

However, after organizing & attending many conferences over the past 7 years, there’s one reason I hear more than any other: it’s all about the people.

After all, you can always watch the videos later, but a good conference brings together a diverse crowd of people with similar interests from all around the world.

This leads to making new friends, and new connections, that you never would have otherwise. I know tons of people who’ve met lifelong friends and business partners through conferences that have changed their life. I know I certainly have!

That’s why the theme of RWDevCon 2018 “connection”. In particular, the connections and friendships that we make with each other at the conference.

And to help us with this theme, I’m thrilled to introduce a brand new feature of RWDevCon: RWConnect!

What Is RWConnect?

RWConnect is a series of activities designed to help conference attendees get to know each other and have fun together throughout the conference. Here’s what’s inside:

1) RWConnect Open Spaces

Connect with other conference attendees on the topics you’re most passionate about!

In the afternoon on day 1, we’ll have small group round-table discussions on topics proposed and led by fellow attendees. This is a great way to share what you’ve learned, and to learn from others.

2) RWConnect Hackathon

In the evening of day 1, join your fellow attendees in coming up with ideas, testing your skills, and collaborating on a new project.

A hackathon is a perfect way to see just how much you can get accomplished in a short period of time. Code for as long or as little as you like – go all night if you wish!

3) RWConnect Family Fun Days

Want to bring your family with you to the conference?

Our volunteers are organizing some fun family activities for families to enjoy together in Washington D.C. while you are at the conference. Just meet in the lobby at 9:30AM sharp each day!

4) RWConnect Design Lab

Want to get some design assistance with your app?

Stop by our RWConnect Design Lab in the Edison Foyer, and talented UX/UI Designers Luis Abreu and Luke Freeman will be glad to review your apps and give suggestions!

5) RWConnect Board Game Zone

Do you like board games?

Stop by the Board Game Zone during day 1 and day 2 lunch, play some games led by our volunteers, and make some new friends!

6) RWConnect Trivia Night

Join James Dempsey on Saturday night for the RWConnect Trivia Night!

Split into small teams to answer iOS, Swift, and Apple trivia questions to win “optional prizes” – which could be an amazing prize, or could be nil!

7) RWConnect Women’s Meetup

On Day 1 (Friday) during lunch, meet and greet with fellow women who code for an informal discussion! :]

8) RWConnect Opening & Closing Receptions

Begin and end the conference with a bang with our opening and closing receptions, with great food, great drinks, and great folks!

What If I’m an Introvert?

I’m an introvert too, so I know what it’s like.

I’ve been to a lot of conferences where I go to a social event, and everyone is standing in their own little cliques with people they work with.

No-one makes an effort to say hi to new people, and and I end up feeling awkward and disconnected. It’s sad to say, but I often end up hiding in my hotel room!

Don’t worry – we have designed RWConnect to be introvert-friendly, by fostering a friendly and welcoming environment, and adding ways to socialize with fellow attendees in a more structured way. For example:

The RWConnect Board Game Zone is an excellent way to get started. You don’t need to know anyone; just come on over and our host Brian will assign you to a group and a volunteer will teach you all the rules. It’s a great way to meet people while having a lot of laughs and a lot of fun! :]

At the RWConnect Trivia Night, we split everyone into random groups, so everyone has a good excuse to meet new people. You’ll get to know your group as you work together to solve iOS & Apple trivia questions. So stop on by, look for the table with your number, and you have a built-in group to spend the evening with!

At the RWConnect Open Spaces, you can simply sign up for a topic you’re interested in and attend. If you feel like contributing to the discussion you can, but if you just want to listen that’s fine too!

I think you’ll find the general atmosphere at RWDevCon friendly and inclusive, and our goal is for you feel comfortable, welcome, and right at home! Here’s what some of our 2017 attendees had to say:

“I felt more at ease meeting everyone at this conference vs other tech conferences. The RWDevCon crew and attendees have made this conference a psychological safe environment for me.”

“It’s definitely not natural for me to go up to strangers and talk to them and I felt like the conference environment made it a lot easier for me to go out of my comfort zone.”

“I love meeting friends and this is the first conference that offered a very open and friendly environment where not all devs were just staring at their computers/phones and open to meet & talk.”

For the extroverts: It would be amazing if you could do me a favor and help out the introverts in the crowd. Please try your best to get outside of your normal groups, and say hi to random people – especially if you see anyone on their own. You never know – you might make a lifelong friend.

Where To Go From Here?

At RWDevCon 2018, you’ll meet a ton of friendly new people, and have a blast. Just like Mic Pringle! :]

Although attending a conference is all about the people, don’t forget we have an amazing schedule jam-packed with 18 advanced hands-on tutorials as well.

It’s going to be our best event ever, and we hope to see you there! Register today: our $100 off early bird discount ends soon.

The post Introducing RWConnect at RWDevCon 2018! appeared first on Ray Wenderlich.

Introducing RWConnect at RWDevCon 2018! published first on http://ift.tt/2fA8nUr

[saturn-trine-neptune]

✨🌪Chiron🌪✨

Chiron in the Houses:

Chiron in the 1st house: Chiron here can make you like a knight in shining armor, always ready to fight for the underdog. Usually, while you are doing this, you are neglecting yourself. You could also be a wise councilor (especially in health matters) but you seem to have trouble taking your own advice. A 1st house Chiron can be a gifted teacher, and, of course, you can teach others how to do something better than you can do it yourself. A neat trick to get around this: Give yourself advice as if you were someone else. Then maybe you will take it.

Chiron in the 2nd house: Chiron teaches and gives advise. The 2nd house is money, possessions, and values. You can show other people how to take care of their money better than you take care of your own. In fact, your own finances could be a mess. Sometimes, this placement can make for a miser, but the money collected never brings any pleasure or get rid of the inner fear that there will be no resources. Most likely, this is because the person has a low sense of self-worth and feels that they don’t really deserve any money or possessions. In other cases, they may squander or give away what they have for the same reason. It is important to remember that if there are problems with money or possessions, that these are most likely not the real issue. The sense of self-worth is the key here.

Chiron in the 3rd house: If you don’t have any brothers or sisters, you may experience this Chiron placement as a lack, a hole in your life. If you do, then there could be continual problems with at least one sibling. This is a good placement for a voice coach or speech therapist. It is likely that you will be able to teach others to speak better than you do. This placement tends to increase the chance of communication problems of one sort or another. No, it does not guarantee a speech defect. Instead, there could be problems with making oneself understood. In some cases, this could indicate that one wasn’t listened to as a child. That could trigger a lifelong quest to “make others listen to me.” However, no matter how much they do, there is frequently a feeling that “they are still not listening.” The problem is that no matter how much they listen to you now, it doesn’t get rid of the pain you felt in childhood when they didn’t. Mercury/Chiron stress aspects are likely to produce the same result. Recognizing this is a first step to leaving the pain behind.

Chiron in the 4th house: Well, just about everyone had some trouble or other in childhood with their parents. Chiron in the 4th house will just make it a little more noticeable. The home itself would tend to be an issue here. Perhaps one is so busy outside the home that they cannot spend much time there, or their work forces them to travel and be away frequently. The father is more likely to have been chronically ill, away from home, or emotionally unavailable. Perhaps there could be a “don’t feel at home anywhere” attitude. Chiron in the 4th house might work out in other ways as well. This placement could conceivably show a person who can help everyone else with their home, while their own place is a wreck.

Chiron in the 5th house: If you need romantic advice, go to someone who has Chiron in the 5th house. Please don’t ask them about their own love life, as that would embarrass them. You can also go to people who have this placement for advise on children, sports and games, gambling, and the stock market. Realistically, one does have to look at the rest of the chart because, after all, about one out of twelve people have this Chiron. And you wouldn’t, of course, ask a five-year old who had it for advise. But this placement is generally good for counseling in those areas. Just remember to do as they say, but don’t do as they do. Chiron in the 5th house can make for folks who are great coaches, helping players to perform better than they themselves could. It could also show people who are great with kids, but either have chronic troubles with their own, or have none of their own. This can be an indicator that you can train your children to be happier and more successful than you ever could. Watch out though. If Chiron is afflicted, you will drive your kids to succeed in the areas that you would have liked to succeed in but that they don’t really like at all. The most frustrating one is the great lover who can always satisfy their partner better than they themselves could be satisfied.

Chiron in the 6th house: You can always help (or teach) co-workers do the job better than you can do it. Perhaps you are a whiz at helping everyone else get healthy (the 6th house rules health) while you still smoke and eat junk food. Learn to take care of yourself every now and then. Sometimes it works out in the opposite fashion. Someone with a 6th house Chiron might demand that everyone else serve them, and they are usually never satisfied. Of course, obviously, this causes problems too. And oh yes, let us not forget the tendency toward eating disorders. This can also manifest as strange likes and dislikes in the food department.

Chiron in the 7th house: This one might spend all of their time taking care of a partner who has some debility. It is also someone who gives great advise on marriage, while their own marriage is on the rocks (or they might not even be married). This can work for business partnerships as well. You can take great care of a partner and teach them how to do the business better than you ever could. Watch out that they don’t dump you as soon as they learn all that they can from you.

Chiron in the 8th house: What a great sex therapist you can be. A more likely scenario is that you have the ability to bring out the sexual best in a romantic partner, while giving yourself the short end of the stick (no pun intended). But the 8th house rules more than sex. You could also get stuck with taking care of partnership resources because “you’re so good at it,” or, conversely, keep getting partners who want to “take care” of it and do you out of your fair share. Perhaps you become too dependent on money from others for support, or too much of what you earn goes to support others. You might tend to accept other people’s values (your family, group or society) too readily. One other thing. The myth of Chiron can actually come alive with this placement. You could have a talent for healing or rehabilitating others, but not yourself.

Chiron in the 9th house: Perfect for a travel agent who sends everyone else on fantastic trips while they are stuck in the office doing the booking, or a publisher or writing teacher who gets everyone else’s books before the public, while secretly longing to write and publish their own. Parents with this placement of Chiron frequently tend to push their children to pursue the higher education that they themselves never had a chance to get. Negatively, this could mean forcing them into studying what the parents wished that they had studied, and not what the kids really want. There could also be jealousy here (Saturn) and the parents could actually take steps to deprive their children of higher education. The 9th house also rules religion. Sometimes this leads to thinking that the fanatic pursuit of some religious doctrine will cure all of one’s inner wounds. This could also manifest as obsessive travel or study.

Chiron in the 10th house: Career and public prestige are the battlegrounds with this placement of Chiron. Yes, this is a great placement for running an organization in the medical or healing field, but frequently, no matter what the career, someone with a 10th house Chiron will feel that they are taking care of everybody and everything else except themselves. As usual, there will frequently be an uncanny ability to help everyone else succeed better than they could ever have done themselves. It could also work out the other way. There may be a total rejection of any sort of ambition or responsibility, most likely due to fear of failure. Perhaps the parents pushed you too hard to succeed and really got on your case when you slipped up (or even when you didn’t). The other side of the coin is that some parents don’t want their children to succeed and always put them down. You can get either reaction to an upbringing of that nature: a compulsive need to achieve or a rejection of any success or responsibility.

Chiron in the 11th house: The problem areas are friends, hopes, and wishes. On the one hand, there could be difficulty having or holding on to friends, or a fear of crowds or groups. On the other hand, one may compulsively seek out friends (or join groups, especially groups that want to change society) in order to compensate for inner fears of loneliness. You might get more than your share of “friends” who take advantage and drain you. More often, you give to friends whether they want it or not because this gives you a feeling of control (Saturn). But you could be the drainer here, always asking things of friends in order to compensate for a psychological neediness that never seems to be filled.

Chiron in the 12th house: As always, Chiron shows where we can do more for others than ourselves. A 12th house Chiron may compulsively try to take care of the poor the sick, and the unfortunate while neglecting their own needs and those of their own family. Conversely, there may be malingering and the person with this placement may themselves always seem in “need” because of one (frequently self-caused) “problem” after another. This placement tends to make a person feel tired and fatigued. If you have this one, be sure to get plenty of rest.

Chiron in the Signs:

Chiron in Aries: Aries is the sign of selfhood and with Chiron here the sense of self may be weakened. Melanie Reinhart in Chiron and the Healing Journey says that sometimes the person feels as if they don’t exist and have to take their sense of identity from others. I mentioned this to a friend who had Chiron in Aries opposing her Ascendant, and she said that it was true for her. She frequently felt that way. At the time, she was on her third marriage (there was also one live-in relationship), as she couldn’t bear to be alone. Having a partner (opposition to the Ascendant) was the way she dealt with that feeling of non-being.

Chiron in Taurus: Taurus is the sign of money and resources and it shows our ability to possess things. It also shows what we instinctively value, including ourselves. This is the sign that gives us our gut level sense of self-worth. Chiron here can give us a miser’s urge to hold on to every penny while denying ourselves any of life’s pleasures, or a rejection of “those low, materialistic values” and, consequently, a life of poverty. And guess what? Deep down inside, both are the same. They both deny themselves pleasure and enjoyment because they don’t value themselves. Of course, as always with Chiron, there is the ability to give good advise to everyone else concerning their material needs and sense of self worth. People with Chiron in Taurus have to learn how to enjoy the basic physical pleasures of life. They won’t be able to do this, however, until they deal with their damaged sense of self-worth.

Chiron in Gemini: Gemini is communications. Those with Chiron here may talk compulsively, or, on the other hand, seldom speak. Both were, most likely, never listened to as children. The only difference is one keeps trying while the other gave up. This sounds something like Chiron in the third house, and, of course, there are similarities. Remember though, that the sign position shows how something acts while the house position shows where in your life it will manifest. Let’s take a look at an example. Suppose you have two horoscopes in front of you. One has Chiron in Taurus in the 3rd house. The other has Chiron in Gemini in the 2nd house. Yes, there are similarities. You could say that both will spend a lot of time talking about money, possessions, and values. Both could be quite good at giving financial advice. What’s the difference? The one with the Taurus Chiron in the 3rd house will tend to talk in a slower, methodical, and more practical way because that’s how Taurus influences function. They would also tend to give financial advice that is conservative and rock solid. The person with Chiron in Gemini in the 2nd house, by contrast, could just as easily talk about trivial financial matters. Or they may constantly shift from one financial topic to another. They would be more likely to give financial advice that is based on the latest up to date information (or the latest fad). It is always good to keep in mind the difference between where a planet works and how.

Chiron in Cancer: The superficial interpretation would be that there were childhood troubles with the mother. Brilliant deduction. Hey, who didn’t have some childhood problems with both parents? The real key here is how we dealt with it. The positive part of Chiron in Cancer is that you can be very nurturing. This is a very good position for therapists and caregivers of any sort. The negative side is that you find it difficult to nurture yourself or let others nurture you. Everybody has some degree of difficulty in growing up and severing that psychological umbilical cord with mama. Chiron in Cancer people tend to take a longer time than most to do the job. Once you do this, though, and learn to accept as well as give nurturing, you should be fine. So stop whining and complaining.

Chiron in Leo: Chiron in Leo people have the ability to help others with their creativity. They could make good art teachers or art therapists. On the negative side, it could be an indicator that, as children, their creativity was either stifled or over stimulated. Some were blocked or ridiculed, (“Are you kidding? You’ll never be a professional baseball player, or musician, or artist”) while others were pushed by ambitious parents who liked to live through the child (“Hey, come to the Little League game and watch my kid play third base” or “My child is starring in the school play today”). Children may react by either trying extra hard to please Mommy and Daddy (even if they don’t like their particular creative field) or they will shut down and stifle their own creative urge. The treatment for these Chiron problems is to get in touch with your own inner creative child again and relearn how to create for fun.

Chiron in Virgo: Virgo in our horoscope shows where we can best deal with details, and how we deal with matters of health and general well being. Chiron placed here can produce a person who is excessively critical, obsessed with insignificant details, and cleanliness. Conversely, they may simply give up the struggle and be absolutely horrible when it comes to organizing, doing a decent job, or keeping clean. Hypochondria is also a possibility, but you could also get a person who neglects their own health while giving excellent advise about it to everyone else. Perhaps there was excessive criticism in their childhood.

Chiron in Libra: Relationships are affected by this placement. Libra shows the place in our life where we need (and usually want) to cooperate. With Chiron placed here, one possibility is that we could shun any cooperation and isolate ourselves (shades of the opposite sign, Aries). Another possibility is a partner who manages to open up our old psychological wounds (or causes some new ones). Conversely, the person with this placement could be the one to open other people’s old wounds. Lots of times, Chiron in Libra people will desperately want a partner, but once they get one, they will drive them away.

Chiron in Scorpio: The issue here is power. Those with Chiron in Scorpio may fear their own power and try to suppress it. Conversely, they may feel powerless and try to cover this up by acting strong (even to the point of being a bully). Sex is only one way this may work out, and yes, having compulsive sex is one possibility. Another is an avoidance of sex because it’s too “dangerous” (they may try to dominate me). This would be a perfect placement for a sex therapist who can help everyone else with their sexual problems but cannot help themselves. Inheritance matters may also be a sore point. Problems and upsets would tend to come with it.

Chiron in Sagittarius: Sagittarius has to do with our ability to get the “big picture” and our ability to judge. The negative side of the sign is that it may show where we do not listen to anyone else because we already “understand” it all. For instance, if Chiron is in Sagittarius in the 2nd house (money) we may not listen to financial advice from others. We would be too busy giving our own. Always double-check any advice given to you by someone with Chiron in Sagittarius, especially if they claim to be an expert on the subject. Those with this Chiron placement who seem to be more modest and don’t try to push their views on you are more likely to be the ones who give good advice.

Chiron in Capricorn: Capricorn has to do with our ability to control and organize. Chiron here can make you over organized and compulsively controlling. Conversely, there could be rebellion against being organized at all. As always, Chiron seems to do best when aimed outward, toward others. This is a good placement for an efficiency expert, or for someone whose career involves helping others organize things.

Chiron in Aquarius: This can be a sort of Svengali placement. You may have a genius for helping other people express their genius. Aquarius (being an air sign) rules ideas. Its specialty is new, far-out, revolutionary, shocking, and bizarre ideas, the ones that society hasn’t caught up with yet. As always with Chiron, someone with this placement may be devoted totally to radical, new systems of thought, or reject them entirely. In both cases, they may not even consider other points of view. The solution lies in remembering that Chiron serves as a bridge between Saturn (everything old and conservative) and Uranus (out with the old, in with the new, and do it damn fast). Don’t stick blindly with the old, but don’t throw it out before you think about it first. Look for a way to blend the old with the new and you will make a start to dealing with your Chiron in Aquarius.

Chiron in Pisces: If you have this placement, make an extra effort to get rid of your unearned guilt. And please don’t wander the world looking for people to “save,” at least not until you have saved yourself first. Be careful of a tendency to play the “victim” yourself (or, more likely, to BE the victim). You do have the ability, however, to help everyone else be more imaginative and creative. In fact, doing that could be an excellent antidote for dealing with the negative side of this placement.

Chiron in Aspect:

Chiron and the Sun: The effects can be similar to Chiron in Leo (which is ruled by the Sun). Chiron aspects to the Sun can make you feel “special.” There is frequently a strong sense of being here for some grand “purpose” or other. There is an ability to help others with their creativity and self-expression, but if you have this aspect, make sure not to neglect your own. Negatively, there could be an increased sensitivity to criticism of any sort. Learn to take it without feeling like you are being attacked or that they all hate you.

Chiron and the Moon: When you were a kid, did you have the feeling that your mother wanted to be doing something else instead of take care of you? One of the negative effects of Chiron in aspect to the Sun (mentioned above) is difficulty in accepting criticism. By contrast, with Chiron aspecting the Moon, you can think you are being criticized you even when you are not, and then you react to this imaginary “attack.” Of course there will also be the tendency to “mother” others and help them with their emotional expression. Be careful not to smother while you mother.

Chiron and Mercury: The positive side of this combination is increased ability to communicate and teach, to stir the minds of others. These aspects can really be inspirational. But, you could feel that you have just communicated brilliantly when you actually didn’t. Conversely, you might feel that your communication bombed when it was really right on target.

Chiron and Venus: Please try to get some pleasure for yourself in a relationship instead of always helping your partner to open up. Chiron/Venus aspects can make for a great art teacher who (as always with Chiron) can teach their students to create art better than they themselves could ever do. These aspects are also good for giving great financial advice (Venus rules Taurus, the money sign) while one’s own handling of money matters is a disaster area.

Chiron and Mars: The difficulties here involve aggression and assertiveness. People with these aspects could be ultra aggressive as a cover for feelings of inadequacy, or, conversely, behave passively to conceal inner rage and hostility. To resolve Chiron/Mars problems, the trick is to find a balance point between the two (shades of Libra, the sign opposite Mars-ruled Aries). This is a perfect position for a coach who can teach (Chiron) others how to perform athletic feats that they themselves could never do.

Chiron and Jupiter: The stressful aspects (square, opposition, and sometimes the conjunction) can produce a person who has all the answers. Just ask them. The problem is that the crusading tendencies are usually a cover to keep from facing up to one’s own inner problems. Conversely, there may be a total lack of faith or optimism. The cure in both cases is to confront the inner wounds that are really underlying the outward behavior. A big danger with this placement is that one can become a guru groupie or a seer sucker. People with Chiron/Jupiter aspects can also have the ability to inspire others more than they can inspire themselves. Indeed, they can fill others with optimism even when they themselves feel pessimistic and depressed.

Chiron and Saturn: Saturn organizes and controls. The person with a Chiron/Saturn aspect will tend to be compulsively controlling and over organized. The reason could a fear of letting go, or perhaps they are still trying to please an over restrictive parent. The other side of the coin would be someone who is highly disorganized and sloppy, or seems too fearful or depressed to make a move. A high colonic would be helpful here to remove that lead pipe (Saturn) from their rear end.

Chiron and Uranus: This type of person is the one who can say things like: “Be for peace, or I’ll kill you!” The tendency is to love people in the abstract, but not in the flesh. They love the ideal of brotherhood and sisterhood of all people. It’s relating to actual, live, real human beings that turns them off. This is because relating requires them to show some feelings, a concept they find alien and icky. But feelings and emotions are exactly what have to be worked on here. The Chiron/Uranus individual may produce brilliant works of genius while all the time feeling stupid. More often, they will come up with off the wall ideas that they claim are works of genius. Chiron/Uranus people may be completely “Uranian,” constantly mouthing shocking opinions, or they may go to the opposite extreme and be against anything that is new in any way. If they manage to keep themselves grounded, in contact with reality and their own emotions, their true genius can flow freely.

Chiron and Neptune: Neptune rules dreams, imagination, and intuition. On the negative side, it shows where we try to avoid any reality that we find unpleasant. Sometimes this can manifest as a rejection of anything “mystical.” Or the other extreme could come out and produce someone who can’t make a move without consulting a psychic. The intuitive powers may feel blocked. Conversely, they may be active with a vengeance and constantly contradict the “logical” conclusions that are reached. Chiron/Neptune could make for someone who constantly “malingers” and avoids all unpleasant situations (anything requiring work or contact with reality). The alternative is a person who is hard working, “responsible” in a very conventional way, and suppresses their imaginative-creative side. Then, all of a sudden, they become an alcoholic, drug addict, or have a mental breakdown of some sort. They could also fall in “love” with someone who has these problems (or who is a con artist) and get completely drained, even ruined. A perfect example of this comes from the world of literature: the professor that Marlene Dietrich’s character ruined in “The Blue Angel.” The way to deal with Chiron/Neptune is to strike a balance, to let the Neptune genie out of the bottle in a constructive way, to give vent to the sympathy and imagination without giving up reality. If you’ve been repressing the Neptune, take a class in art (or better yet, dance). Do some volunteer charity work. If you happen to be the malingering type of Chiron/Neptune, your cover is blown. The malingering is not the real problem. It is the smokescreen you put up to hide your real problems. Wake up and deal with them.

Chiron and Pluto: Pluto is like a super version of Mars. One of the main differences is that Mars is usually open and overt, while Pluto rules hidden, subconscious forces that build unseen and then explode with volcanic power. On the negative side, Chiron/Pluto aspects can (like Chiron/Mars) cause one to be an aggressive bully. But Mars will just push others around; Pluto wants to totally dominate. A highly negative example is Francisco Assis, the Brazilian serial killer, who has the opposition of Chiron to his 5th house placement of Pluto. The 5th house rules romance. Let me remind you again that one aspect by itself does not make for a mass murderer. There are very few serial killers in the world, but because Chiron and Pluto both move slowly, almost everyone born in that same year had this aspect, and that could mean over a million people. The reason Chiron/Pluto can cause one to act in a domineering manner is to compensate for subconscious fear of being weak and helpless. The cure for this Chiron Pluto type is to confront their own inner feelings of weakness. Conversely, the Pluto power could be suppressed. The result could be someone who is always getting picked on by bullies, or coming out on the wrong end of power struggles. They are afraid of letting their power out. Most likely, when they were children, any release of that tremendous Pluto force caused their parents to come down hard, and Pluto was pushed underground. The cure here is to recognize and take responsibility for one’s own power, and to find ways to let it out constructively. A more positive example of Pluto/Chiron is Jonas Salk, the inventor of the first effective anti-polio vaccine. He did not have an aspect between Chiron and Pluto, but he had the Sun opposite the Chiron/Pluto midpoint. In his case, the positive, healing side of both Chiron and Pluto came out dramatically. Another positive example is George Bernard Shaw, who had Chiron in the 9th house (philosophy, publishing, “higher” mental functions) making a square aspect with Pluto in the 12th house (restrictions, “hidden” things). His Chiron was also opposite the Sun and Venus, so the power came out mostly in intellectual matters.

Chiron and the Ascendant: Since the Ascendant is always exactly opposite the Descendant, an aspect to one is also an aspect to the other. This means if you have a Chiron/Ascendant aspect, you must have a Chiron/Descendant aspect as well. As a result, this combination affects the way we start things, our initial approach to the world, and the way people see us (Ascendant). But it also affects the way we relate to others (Descendant). People with Chiron/Ascendant aspects can be great teachers or healers, but there is a wild side that can come to the surface. It becomes easier to “wound” others or be wounded by them. A positive way to use this would be to help others work through their problems.

Rona Barrett, the gossip columnist, is a perfect example. She has Chiron in her 10th house (career) in the sign of Gemini (communications) and it is square her Ascendant. She has made a career out of making the wounds of others (Descendant) public (10th house).

Chiron and the Mid-Heaven: The Mid-Heaven and the Nadir are exactly opposite each other and have to be considered as one axis. Something aspecting one of them will also aspect the other. A Chiron aspect here could affect the career and public image (Mid-Heaven) and the domestic environment as well (Nadir). Relations with both parents are also affected. If there is a conjunction with the MC, the effect is similar to Chiron in the 10th house, and the career could be in a Chiron related field, such as education. If Chiron makes the conjunction from the 9th house side, then any potential Chiron problems would tend to be suppressed and driven into the subconscious. The result could be success in a career that one thinks they like, but is not really satisfying. A similar situation could occur with the opposition to the Mid-Heaven from the 3rd house. In this case, there could be something about the domestic environment that makes one uneasy. The cure for both of these situations is a constant effort to bring the hidden problems to the surface.

Source: http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/chiron21.5.html

[atticusblog2016-blog]

New Post has been published on Atticusblog

New Post has been published on https://atticusblog.com/millions-of-pakistanis-get-messages-warning-against-blasphemy/

Millions of Pakistanis get messages warning against blasphemy

Millions of Pakistanis had been receiving textual content messages from the authorities warning them against sharing “blasphemous” content material on-line, a move rights activists said might inspire greater vigilante assaults.

It comes amid a surge in mob violence connected to accusations of insulting Islam which include three attacks within the past month

“Uploading & sharing of blasphemous content on the Internet is a punishable offense under the regulation. Such content needs to be pronounced on information@pta.Gov.Pk for legal action,” read the SMS despatched by way of the Pakistan Telecommunication Authority (PTA) to all mobile cell phone subscribers.

A comparable is aware become posted at the enterprise’s website in Urdu

A PTA spokesperson stated the agency turned into appearing on a court docket order.

Blasphemy is an extremely touchy problem in conservative Muslim Pakistan, with unproven allegations leading to dozens of mob assaults or murders on the grounds that 1990. The law was at the start inherited from Pakistan’s former colonial masters Britain, but reinforced with the aid of former dictator Zia-ul-Haq in 1986 to consist of a provision for capital punishment in instances of insulting the Prophet Muhammad.

Activists stated the initiative would probably inspire lynchings, together with the killing of a 23-year-old student known for his liberal perspectives on the hands of loads of fellow students last month.

“This mass messaging will handiest similarly gasoline hatred amongst one-of-a-kind sects and segments of the society. It is a very very awful circulate,” virtual rights activist Shahzad Ahmad told AFP.

“PTA’s mass texting on ‘blasphemy’ smacks of insincerity & political exploitation of religion; it’s going to embolden public to extra violence!,” tweeted famous television anchor Moeed Pirzada.

Last week a 10-12 months-vintage boy become killed and 5 others were wounded when a mob attacked a police station in an try to lynch a Hindu guy charged with blasphemy for allegedly posting an incendiary photograph on social media.

Weeks in advance a mob attacked a mentally sick guy claiming to be a prophet at his nearby mosque. He changed into later stored by using the police.

The difficulty of blasphemy got here to the fore in January when 5 secular activists known for their outspoken perspectives against nonsecular extremism and the powerful army disappeared, presumed to be abducted by using country companies, in step with opposition events and global rights organizations.

How to Rack Up Millions of Miles

If only you’re a millionaire, perhaps then you can come up with the money for to tour around the sector in luxurious. Travel fees have been at the upward push these days and it seems daunting to hunt for something that falls beneath your finances but does not threaten your comforts.

Using air miles is, in reality, the nice way out of this. Racking up miles might appear like a lifelong challenge, however, there are lots of ways you could do it easily. Travel hacking over the past decade has made me come to the realization that miles may be easily earned in large quantities. Here’s how!

1. Flying around the world

Let’s check the most apparent of those. The extra you fly, the extra miles you earn. When you fly greater, quite a few possibilities open up for you instantly and you discover better approaches to redeem air miles via the partners. But your mile gains do not stop here. There are plenty of other approaches miles can be earned apart from getting a aircraft price tag.

2. A Co-Branded Credit Card

If there is one way you can emerge as a Mileage Millionaire that honestly needs to be investing in a co-branded credit card. You’ll locate plenty of alternatives, however, choose the precise one in opposition to your program requires in-depth studies. Not all of these could work well in step with your desires.

Firstly, the signup bonuses are quite extraordinary. Even after that, any spending through your credit score card robotically provides to your mileage account. If you want to earn an incredible quantity of miles quick, applying for a couple of playing cards works well. When you sign up for the credit score card, make certain which you are not paying a hefty annual fee or any more prices.

3. Eating and Drinking

How cool is that! Probably the perfect, and through ways, the most favorite approaches to racking up air miles is thru consuming and ingesting at the dining packages affiliated with the common flyer application. Every program has one, and although you may power out of the way to search for one, it’s miles a promising way to earn more miles. With eating out, you aren’t doing something beyond your comfort degree. Even in case you are doing out on a dinner where anybody swimming pools, be only to pay through the credit score card. It may be worth it!

4. Buy Miles

There can be times wherein no matter all that you’ve finished earning miles; you’re nonetheless brief of some to make your journey dreams come authentic. What happens next? You put off your plans for a better time that seldom comes.

Airlines regularly make it difficult to earn air miles. To do the great at times is to shop for miles via dependable assets. This often works out manner less expensive than in case you were to get an enterprise class fare for the entire fee.

Deleted Text Messages and Cheating Spouses

Of all the emails that I get asking about clues points to cheating, text messages are via ways the maximum not unusual topic. People want to know if deleted textual content messages are a sign that shows probably cheating. They need to recognize if they are able to study texts that have been deleted. And, they need to understand if there may be any logical and legitimate reason that an innocent spouse could need to delete texts that are absolutely appropriate. I will talk all of this stuff inside the following article.

Why Text Messages Can Be A Cheater’s Best Friend: Spouses who cheat love generation. They specifically love text messages due to the fact it’s far and smooth, cheap, and immediate manner to connect with or speak with the individual that they are cheating with. (They love picture messages also.) There’s something playful and inviting approximately sending a text or image and getting a nearly on the spot response. Plus, you could right away delete something which you don’t need your partner to study.

View my text messages

Almost anyone has a cellular phone today and maximum people carry them with us everywhere we pass. So, it is now not all that suspicious on your spouse to be sporting one with them and/or messaging and checking electronic mail on it. This is a behavior that they desire and anticipate will not convey your interest to their cheating.

But what they do not anticipate is that usually, even the maximum laid again partner will finally suspect that something is wrong or off. And, as soon as that little voice inside the lower back of the trustworthy partner’s head starts to speak and ask questions, then unexpectedly they’re noticing every out of vicinity or recurrent or immoderate behaviors – and that includes your mobile.show my inbox messages.

Plus, even if the cheating partner is very careful to hide their texting, that is the logical first location that maximum suspicious spouses are going to appearance. Other than your electronic mail and net trash can and recycle bin, your textual content message out, in, or despatched container is one of the first logical locations to test.

Inbox 2 messages

Why A Deleted Text Message Doesn’t Mean That You Can’t Catch Their Cheating. You Can Usually Read These: The very crafty and sneaky partner will typically assume that they have gotten rid of all evidence of their beside the point texts by merely hitting delete. This can give them a fake experience of safety and they may maintain right on messaging to and fro and leaving a path even though they count on they are flawlessly secure.

But, hitting delete is not the stop of the story

There is software to be able to get those texts and snapshots back and allow which will examine and notice them without a password or even if they’ve been erased for a long term. This may be very very useful because typically all the gloves are off in those messages. Since the dishonest partner assumes that this message is deleted all the time, they communicate freely. This is precisely what you need to read.

I understand that now and again spouses will swear that their deleting their texts is perfectly harmless. They will tell you that they have been just cleaning out their documents and leaving a room. Or they will inform you that they simply wanted to get rid of things from paintings which might be old now. Well, any reasonable latest cellular phone will automatically delete messages as soon as the files get full. This is genuine of even the most inexpensive smartphone.

Hives – They May Be A Warning Signal!

If you’re like most of my patients, you’ve got probable skilled an outbreak of hives at least as soon as on your life. They are fairly not unusual responses to something you came in touch with that you had been either slightly, or badly, allergic to in food, medication, or something in your environments like dirt, pollen, weeds, and insect chew. They can affect each person, young or vintage, and show no preference for race or gender. They may even be brought on by using pressure or extra perspiration!

They appear as raised pink welts that resemble a mosquito bite and might itch or burn. They normally display up in clusters of 2 or more and are an end result of the frame liberating histamine – a chemical agent your body produces whilst it comes in contact with something foreign and/or simply doesn’t like. Let me share some important information about hives as they may be a crucial caution sign to you!

Types of Hives

There are numerous styles of hives that you need to be aware of in case of a virus. They include:

Weather warnings and watches

•Acute urticaria – these are the hives that the majority get most frequently. They are raised, little crimson bumps on the skin that itch. They are generally very short-lived in their outbreak, and can be due to a few food (chocolate, eggs, nuts, fish, clean berries, uncooked produce, milk) or pills (ibuprofen, high blood stress medication, ache killers like codeine), an insect bite, or a few illness (just like the flu). •Chronic urticaria – this type of hives is longer lasting and may be accompanied via diarrhea, shortness of breath, and sore muscles. The actual motive of this form of hives is regularly unknown and can be a symptom of an underlying illness. •Physical urticaria – those hives seem approximately 1 hour after physical stimulation to the skin from bloodless, warmth, vibration or strain, or rubbing towards the region. •Dermatographism – these hives form after some deliberate touching or scratching of the pores and skin.

Treatments for Hives/Angioedema

When I even have sufferers are available in with a virulent disease of hives, remedy with an antihistamine is the first order. Hives are typically innocent however imply that the frame is touchy, and/or allergic, to something contacted. Some hypersensitive reactions on the first presentation are mild with maybe simply hives/itching as a symptom. If this initial presentation is omitted and left undiagnosed, you can are available in contact with this agent again and feature a far more excessive 2nd-time response, or even anaphylaxis, an intense, allergy.noaa warnings and watches.

For instance, an affected person of mine had to go through an x-ray of her kidneys wherein they had to inject comparison dye. A few moments after receiving the evaluation injection she started out to increase hives on her face and arms. The radiologist stopped the check right away and referred her to a dermatologist who examined her for comparison dye hypersensitivity. It became found that, certainly, she did have an extreme hypersensitivity to the iodine in assessment dye that she become not conscious that she had. In this way, hives are the frame’s warning indicators that you can have anywhere from just a normal allergic reaction to a life-threatening one!

Another patient broke out in hives on his face on every occasion he cleaned his residence! Again, after allergic reaction checking out, it was shown that he had a moderate/mild reaction to dirt mites (which many human beings do). Very crucial is to determine, if viable, the cause of the hives on the time they break out, especially in case you get away in a pattern. A distinctive question and solution session between you and your medical doctor may be vital to tease out the purpose of your hives.

The best treatment for averting an endemic of hives is to avoid contact with the supply of the reaction within the destiny. However, like my affected person with the dust mite hypersensitivity, it is not continually feasible to avoid the allergen, particularly in public. So, commonly an as-wanted treatment with antihistamines is in all likelihood what your medical doctor will recommend.tornado watch vs warning.

Depending on the severity of your hypersensitivity, antihistamine products can variety from over the counter antihistamines along with the old, favored well known, Benadryl (diphenhydramine), to other prescription antihistamines. You may be able to take those simply at the time the hives arise or may also be on a low, continual dose, to make sure that the hives outbreak is suppressed. My affected person with the dust mite allergy consists of an over the counter % of Benadryl on him to take whilst wanted.

While looking ahead to the hives to clean, you may follow cool compresses, or maybe ice wrapped inside a washcloth, to the affected areas. This will assist take out the edge and itch as well as shrink the hives to provide you some alleviation.

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Good Writers and Good Friends: How to Get the Support You Need

Enlisting the support of your friends, family, and fellow writers is critical to your success. And it makes your writing life so much easier. From Writing with Quiet Hands by Paula Munier, here are some rules to live by to ensure that you’re getting the encouragement and assistance you need:

To write with quiet hands is to embrace the journey all writers must take: from seeking inspiration and shaping raw material to cultivating a personal support network, navigating the various pathways to publication, and committing to a lifelong practice.

In Writing with Quiet Hands, author and literary agent Paula Munier helps you hone your words into well-crafted stories and balance this satisfying work with the realities and challenges of the publishing world.

You’ll learn how to tame your muse, manage your time wisely, and treat your practice with the seriousness it deserves. You’ll develop a distinct voice, write with style and substance, employ the tenets of strong structure, and engage your readers by injecting narrative thrust into your stories. You’ll explore the finer aspects of craft, refine your work, and boldly bridge the gap between published and unpublished. From drafting and revising to querying agents, you’ll discover the secrets to writing artfully, and publishing bravely.

Offer tit for tat.

If your significant other resents the time you spend on your writing, then negotiate a tit-for-tat swap. For every guilt-free hour you spend writing or at writing events, your partner gets a guilt-free hour to shop or work out or spend time with pals. If you have kids, this can be particularly effective, as you can offer to watch them while your partner gets some “me” time—and vice versa.

Take a writing class.

A class is a great place to meet other writers as well as work on your craft. There are many places where you can find great instructors and valuable instruction—from continuing-education classes at your local community college and workshops run by groups like Grub Street, Gotham, and the Algonkian New York Pitch Conferences to online seminars, classes, and boot camps run by Writer’s Digest. I’ve taken hundreds of classes, seminars, and workshops over the years—and I’ve benefited from every one. Now I teach them as well—and I learn even more from my students than I did from my teachers.

Join a writers’ group.

A writers’ group can be a wonderful incentive to write as well as an encouragement to keep writing. The trick is to find the right writers to participate. You want people who are committed to writing, will produce and share pages, and will give constructive criticism. You also want to make sure that you’re not the best writer in the group. Finding a writers’ group is like buying a house—you don’t want the best house on the block—you want to buy “up.” You don’t want to be the best writer in the group; you want to learn “up” from the writers in the group who are more experienced and (hopefully) published. Keep the group small—six to eight writers, tops—and don’t be afraid to ask people to leave if they prove difficult or unreliable or incapable of giving or receiving constructive criticism.

Join a writers’ organization.

Every genre has its association. Find yours and join. Now. Not only will you meet other writers, you’ll be able to take advantage of the organization’s many benefits, which typically include mentors; classes; information on publishers, editors, and the marketplace; PR and marketing assistance; speakers’ bureaus; and more. Most organizations have online chapters as well, so if you live in a remote area, you can connect with writers all over the country, if not the world. When I first moved to Chico, California, some years ago, I was too far away to attend Mystery Writers of America meetings in San Francisco. So I looked up writers in my city in the member directory, called one, and invited her to lunch. We hit it off and invited more writers from the directory to join us in a writers’ group.

Go to a writers conference.

This is another great way to learn more about writing, publishing, and the marketplace. You’ll have the opportunity to meet writers, agents, editors, and publishers. Not to mention these events are so much fun! There are writers conferences for every genre and sensibility, coast to coast and abroad. If you’re timid, take a writer friend with you. Take advantage of everything the conference offers: Attend the banquet, go to all the sessions that time allows, and hang out in the bar (because that’s where all the interesting people end up after hours). Channel your inner Oscar Wilde, and work the room!

Eliminate negativity.

The last thing you need as a writer is people insulting you, your work, or even publishing. (As somebody once tweeted: “Give someone a book, they’ll read for a day. Teach someone how to write a book, they’ll experience a lifetime of paralyzing self-doubt.”) Listen only to constructive criticism and helpful information. Don’t let anyone discourage you in any way. I hear people talk about the death of books all the time—but they’ve been having that discussion for thirty years. The book business has gone through great transition—as has all retailing—and that transition is bound to continue. People ask me why I became an agent in the middle of all this change, as if it were preordained that I would fail right along with publishing. I’ll tell you what I tell them: There’s plenty of opportunity during times of transition, but only if you take advantage of it. Someone’s going to make it—it may as well be you.

Find a mentor.

The best part about writers’ groups and organizations and conferences is that they give you the chance to meet writers who are farther along the publishing path than you are—writers from whom you can learn and who might be willing to mentor you. You may be lucky enough to encounter some of your favorite writers and even befriend them. You’ll also meet new favorites. Be nice to everyone, go to their book signings, and buy their books. Do keep in touch with everyone you can. These contacts will come in handy sooner or later—especially when it’s time to find an agent, get endorsements, promote and market your work, and so on.

Prime the pump.

Now that you’ve made writer friends—you have made some writer friends by now, right?—ask one to join you on what Julia Cameron calls an “artist’s date.” This is anything fun that appeals to the artist in you: concerts, art exhibits, films, readings, literary events and pilgrimages … whatever feeds your writer’s soul. As I’ve mentioned, my writer friend Susan and I have been rewarding ourselves with artist’s dates on a regular basis for years—we’ve been to jazz festivals and book festivals, countless movies and plays and book signings, galleries and museums, and most of the literary landmarks in the Northeast—from Emily Dickinson’s house to the House of Seven Gables.

Give back.

Most of these communities are very supportive, and you’ll want to be very supportive in return. Publishing is all about relationships, so be sure to cultivate good relationships, return favors, promote goodwill, and build up good book karma.

About the Author:

Paula Munier is the senior literary agent and content strategist at Talcott Notch Literary Services. A well-published journalist, author, copywriter, and ghostwriter, Paula has penned countless new stories, articles, essays, collateral, and blogs, and has authored or co-authored more than a dozen books, including Plot Perfect, Writing with Quiet Hands, and The Writer’s Guide to Beginnings.

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from Writing Editor Blogs – WritersDigest.com http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/excerpts/good-writers-good-friends-get-support-need