#the people think flash is bruce wayne is a fanon thing i've seen in several places before

[fialleril]

Oh man I would watch the SHIT out of all of those JLA/JLU sequel shows you pitched. But I have to know: will John Stewart's terrifying landlady be making an appearance? (Also you reminded me of just how much I desperately wanted J'onn's human wife's backstory. Or like, even a name?)

(Original post is here for those just joining in.)

John’s terrifying landlady would be a recurring character. At least once per season she would get to wail on a supervillain or five, but there would also be a running gag where she keeps beating on other members of the Justice League. At one point John even introduces her to Flash, but she still whacks him over the head with her broom the next time he comes by and John isn’t home. Once she even beats up Batman.

I keep thinking that J’onn’s wife was named Ming, and then remembering that was just fanon… But yeah, I would really love to know the story of how they got together. I’m imagining a situation where they’ve been dating for months and J’onn has been agonizing over how to tell her the truth about who he is and finally after some harrowing adventure or other he just kind of blurts out, “I’m an alien,” and to his shock she just pats him on the hand and says, “I know, dear.”

Other things that definitely happen at some point on these hypothetical shows:

Remember the Flashmobile? Wally’s…very expressive van? Yeah. Wally, John, and Shayera absolutely go on a road trip in the thing. John complains about the van the entire time. Shayera genuinely likes the leopard print cushions. At some point Wally installed a karaoke machine, and John very much lives to regret this. Shayera sings death metal, which honestly isn’t that surprising. Wally also sings death metal, which…kind of is. John insists that he doesn’t sing, but eventually the other two wear him down and he does a decent riff on Ray Charles.

One time Queen Audrey is taken hostage by a Kasnian nationalist group that wants to see the country leave the World Assembly and rebuild their military might. Diana for some reason can’t get to her for most of the episode, so the plot is just Audrey playing her captors to keep herself and the other hostages alive until Diana can show up and punch some fascists.

Shayera still gets a lot of hate and distrust as a result of the Thanagarian invasion, and although she tries to ignore it, sometimes it still gets to her. In one episode she’s sunk particularly deep in self-hating thoughts, so Wally decides that she’s gonna spend the day with him in Central. She’s not really interested in socializing but he’s insistent and weirdly excited about the idea and it’s kind of impossible to say no to that puppy face, so she goes along. And then the whole episode is just about how the people of Central City absolutely love Shayera. Like they’re stopping her on the street to say thanks, asking for selfies and autographs, kids are shyly giving her pictures they drew of her looking badass and saving the day. It’s wild. Finally she just straight up asks a woman why everybody is being so nice, and the woman looks at her like she can’t imagine why they would be anything but nice and just says, “Well, you brought Flash back from that vortex, after all that business with Brainiac. Of course we love you.”

One time John gets called back to Oa for a couple of weeks and the Guardians send Guy Gardner to cover for him on Earth. It’s a two part episode and half of it is John being a badass and fighting off an invasion of Oa, and the other half is just…people on Earth dealing with Guy Gardner. Like nothing momentous happens on Earth at all. It’s just…Guy Gardner.

The Glorious Godfrey tries to make a big TV comeback by announcing that he’s discovered the Flash’s secret identity. Wally spends half the episode worrying about this but there’s not much he can do. Then Godfrey’s big moment comes and he reveals that the Flash is, in fact…Bruce Wayne! The evidence is all there. They’re both fun-loving playboys, and the fact that Wayne lives in Gotham obviously wouldn’t be an obstacle for the fastest man alive. Wayne’s vast wealth would also explain how the Flash can afford to keep himself fed with that outrageous metabolism, and as the Flash is a founding member of the Justice League, that also answers the question of how the League could afford to build not one but two incredibly advanced space stations, not to mention all the other tech they have. And, says Godfrey, it explains why the other founders continue to hold Flash as an equal even though he’s clearly not on their level - because he’s bankrolling them!

Batman is completely disgusted by this entire production. Wally assumes it’s because Bats feels insulted, and Bruce lets him think that, but tbh he’s most annoyed that Godfrey would say Flash isn’t on the same level as the rest. He will never admit that, though.

Wally, meanwhile, finds the whole thing absolutely hilarious, and gleefully tells Bruce that there’s an obvious corollary here: Batman’s secret identity must be Wally West! After all, he is a detective.

In one episode of John and Shayera’s show, there actually is an alien that sucks out people’s brains. It’s finally stopped by John’s landlady and her broom.

About a week after J’onn finally settles into an identity and an apartment for good, Agent King Faraday moves into the apartment just down the hall. It’s an open question for the whole of the show’s run whether Faraday knows J’onn’s true identity or it’s just a really wild coincidence. This question is never resolved. King Faraday and Jon Jones become friendly acquaintances and every now and then they stop to chat in the hallway about their respective days. Faraday talks about what J’onn knows to be his work with the League as if it were a humdrum office job. J’onn talks about his retirement as if he had retired from an equally dull office job. Neither is ever sure if the other knows they’re lying.

There’s a Batman and Flash crossover episode in which the Joker and the Trickster team up to do something nefarious, so Flash and Bats have to stop them. Flash doesn’t seem at all worried about it, though, and Bruce knows Wally well enough by now to get curious rather than annoyed. In the end it turns out that Trickster was working with Flash all along, solely for the joy of seeing Joker’s face when he reveals the trick.

Aquaman appears for a cameo once per season on every show. Every time he’s riding on the back of an increasingly enormous and terrifying sea monster. He says something suitably badass, and then returns to the ocean.

Diana takes Audrey home to Themyscira to meet her mother and sisters. Audrey is suitably impressed with everything except the party scene, which is pretty nonexistent. She sets about fixing this. Hilarity ensues.

Lex Luthor somehow gets out of his happy fun anti-life adventure time with Darkseid and is pretty pissed about once more being denied godhood. He shows up in Central looking for revenge on Flash for the Brainiac incident (not to mention that time they switched bodies). But it turns out Flash isn’t even home, and the whole episode is just the residents of Central kicking Lex to the curb.

Several old Cadmus files that were meant to be destroyed are stolen and sold on the black market, and there’s a massive crossover finale where all of our heroes have to team up with Amanda Waller to get the data back and undo as much of the damage as possible. Aquaman shows up at the climax riding on the world serpent.

[graaaaceeliz]

Is the first Aquaman cameo just Arthur with a starfish stuck to his leg.

The second he has a pretty average sized trout in his arms,

Then a jump to like a huge tuna,

Then a shark,

Then a whale,

And it just gets more and more concerning from there and Batman is the only one who ever looks concerned about the increasing size and improbability of these creatures. Also, the starfish is always somewhere on Aquaman's body. It is never commented on. He gives it to J'on in the finale for reasons undisclosed.

Oh man I would watch the SHIT out of all of those JLA/JLU sequel shows you pitched. But I have to know: will John Stewart's terrifying landlady be making an appearance? (Also you reminded me of just how much I desperately wanted J'onn's human wife's backstory. Or like, even a name?)

(Original post is here for those just joining in.)

John’s terrifying landlady would be a recurring character. At least once per season she would get to wail on a supervillain or five, but there would also be a running gag where she keeps beating on other members of the Justice League. At one point John even introduces her to Flash, but she still whacks him over the head with her broom the next time he comes by and John isn’t home. Once she even beats up Batman.

I keep thinking that J’onn’s wife was named Ming, and then remembering that was just fanon… But yeah, I would really love to know the story of how they got together. I’m imagining a situation where they’ve been dating for months and J’onn has been agonizing over how to tell her the truth about who he is and finally after some harrowing adventure or other he just kind of blurts out, “I’m an alien,” and to his shock she just pats him on the hand and says, “I know, dear.”

Other things that definitely happen at some point on these hypothetical shows:

Remember the Flashmobile? Wally’s…very expressive van? Yeah. Wally, John, and Shayera absolutely go on a road trip in the thing. John complains about the van the entire time. Shayera genuinely likes the leopard print cushions. At some point Wally installed a karaoke machine, and John very much lives to regret this. Shayera sings death metal, which honestly isn’t that surprising. Wally also sings death metal, which…kind of is. John insists that he doesn’t sing, but eventually the other two wear him down and he does a decent riff on Ray Charles.

One time Queen Audrey is taken hostage by a Kasnian nationalist group that wants to see the country leave the World Assembly and rebuild their military might. Diana for some reason can’t get to her for most of the episode, so the plot is just Audrey playing her captors to keep herself and the other hostages alive until Diana can show up and punch some fascists.

Shayera still gets a lot of hate and distrust as a result of the Thanagarian invasion, and although she tries to ignore it, sometimes it still gets to her. In one episode she’s sunk particularly deep in self-hating thoughts, so Wally decides that she’s gonna spend the day with him in Central. She’s not really interested in socializing but he’s insistent and weirdly excited about the idea and it’s kind of impossible to say no to that puppy face, so she goes along. And then the whole episode is just about how the people of Central City absolutely love Shayera. Like they’re stopping her on the street to say thanks, asking for selfies and autographs, kids are shyly giving her pictures they drew of her looking badass and saving the day. It’s wild. Finally she just straight up asks a woman why everybody is being so nice, and the woman looks at her like she can’t imagine why they would be anything but nice and just says, “Well, you brought Flash back from that vortex, after all that business with Brainiac. Of course we love you.”

One time John gets called back to Oa for a couple of weeks and the Guardians send Guy Gardner to cover for him on Earth. It’s a two part episode and half of it is John being a badass and fighting off an invasion of Oa, and the other half is just…people on Earth dealing with Guy Gardner. Like nothing momentous happens on Earth at all. It’s just…Guy Gardner.

The Glorious Godfrey tries to make a big TV comeback by announcing that he’s discovered the Flash’s secret identity. Wally spends half the episode worrying about this but there’s not much he can do. Then Godfrey’s big moment comes and he reveals that the Flash is, in fact…Bruce Wayne! The evidence is all there. They’re both fun-loving playboys, and the fact that Wayne lives in Gotham obviously wouldn’t be an obstacle for the fastest man alive. Wayne’s vast wealth would also explain how the Flash can afford to keep himself fed with that outrageous metabolism, and as the Flash is a founding member of the Justice League, that also answers the question of how the League could afford to build not one but two incredibly advanced space stations, not to mention all the other tech they have. And, says Godfrey, it explains why the other founders continue to hold Flash as an equal even though he’s clearly not on their level - because he’s bankrolling them!

Batman is completely disgusted by this entire production. Wally assumes it’s because Bats feels insulted, and Bruce lets him think that, but tbh he’s most annoyed that Godfrey would say Flash isn’t on the same level as the rest. He will never admit that, though.

Wally, meanwhile, finds the whole thing absolutely hilarious, and gleefully tells Bruce that there’s an obvious corollary here: Batman’s secret identity must be Wally West! After all, he is a detective.

In one episode of John and Shayera’s show, there actually is an alien that sucks out people’s brains. It’s finally stopped by John’s landlady and her broom.

About a week after J’onn finally settles into an identity and an apartment for good, Agent King Faraday moves into the apartment just down the hall. It’s an open question for the whole of the show’s run whether Faraday knows J’onn’s true identity or it’s just a really wild coincidence. This question is never resolved. King Faraday and Jon Jones become friendly acquaintances and every now and then they stop to chat in the hallway about their respective days. Faraday talks about what J’onn knows to be his work with the League as if it were a humdrum office job. J’onn talks about his retirement as if he had retired from an equally dull office job. Neither is ever sure if the other knows they’re lying.

There’s a Batman and Flash crossover episode in which the Joker and the Trickster team up to do something nefarious, so Flash and Bats have to stop them. Flash doesn’t seem at all worried about it, though, and Bruce knows Wally well enough by now to get curious rather than annoyed. In the end it turns out that Trickster was working with Flash all along, solely for the joy of seeing Joker’s face when he reveals the trick.

Aquaman appears for a cameo once per season on every show. Every time he’s riding on the back of an increasingly enormous and terrifying sea monster. He says something suitably badass, and then returns to the ocean.

Diana takes Audrey home to Themyscira to meet her mother and sisters. Audrey is suitably impressed with everything except the party scene, which is pretty nonexistent. She sets about fixing this. Hilarity ensues.

Lex Luthor somehow gets out of his happy fun anti-life adventure time with Darkseid and is pretty pissed about once more being denied godhood. He shows up in Central looking for revenge on Flash for the Brainiac incident (not to mention that time they switched bodies). But it turns out Flash isn’t even home, and the whole episode is just the residents of Central kicking Lex to the curb.

Several old Cadmus files that were meant to be destroyed are stolen and sold on the black market, and there’s a massive crossover finale where all of our heroes have to team up with Amanda Waller to get the data back and undo as much of the damage as possible. Aquaman shows up at the climax riding on the world serpent.