#the parents were. not coping with their grief well. and amity came bounding up to them to ask where teo was so they could play | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cannibalisticskittles · 1 year ago

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amity, during an astarion romance, is eventually going to reach a point where they're being more genuine (or, well, he's being more genuine; amity has been pretty genuine this whole time) and he makes a complimentary remark abt her offhandedly and she's like "haha yeah. you remember you don't have to do that anymore right"

"do... what?" he asks

"you know," she says, "pretend i'm..." she waves a hand in the air, vaguely gesturing to herself. "...nice to look at. you don't have to do that anymore. it's okay."

and no matter what he says, he's. not going to convince her otherwise. not tonight. not tomorrow. not for a long time.

the most she can concede the point is to say that it's kind of him to say so. but she still doesn't think it's true, even a bit

amity's childhood fucked up her self-image BAD. children can be cruel. the patriar are, as a rule, quite cruel and callous. and patriar children?? woof. awful. and she is the tiefling bastard child of a new money noble -- one who got that money through merchant work, how gauche. so she was subsequently on the receiving end of... a substantial amount of unkindness. general distrust, at best, from those who weren't outwardly cruel, but quite a bit of outright cruelty

sorcerers, of course, do not learn their spells the traditional way, but more through desire. and amity learned the disguise self spell early, born out of an intense and desperate desire to Be Literally Anyone Else.

she has learned at this point in time that she has qualities that others may appreciate -- which was a hard-fought battle in and of itself, and is still a relatively recent revelation for her. but those qualities are still tied to what she does. her capacity to be kind, her ability to be helpful.

but her appearance? hahahahaha fuck no

#amity has a little round scar on her left shoulder #from where she tussled with a kid who jammed a stick there hard enough for the resulting wound's scar to still be visible two decades later #why? something about being some uppity demonspawn #which she took offense to. because demins have nothing to do with her.#(her mother is a devil which is VERY DIFFERENT. none of these kids know anything about that. they just made guesses.)#she had one (1) friend her own age as a kid #and he had to be extra pushy to convince her that they really were friends and he wasn't teasing her #and then he fucking DIED #and her caravan route was the one that was SUPPOSED to fix it. those healers were SUPPOSED to find out what illness was plaguing the town #but they weren't fast enough to sort it out before people died. + even tho she was a kid at the time. she still felt like it was Her Fault #the parents were. not coping with their grief well. and amity came bounding up to them to ask where teo was so they could play #and they... displaced some of that grief onto her. lashed out.#which cemented her guilt and the feeling it was her fault #maybe she slowed the caravan down and he would've lived if they'd been faster... maybe she jinxed them and the illnesses are her fault...#maybe she is an ill omen. a burden.#amity tag #bg3 blogging

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