#the others besides kilo are relatively normal sized

[bearforceone3]

did some alien lanterns just to see how weird i’d get with their designs

[woozletania]

Rocket’s senses and general notes

Taste: Rocket's sense of taste is quite poor by human standards.  This helps him in his habit of being extremely omnivorous.  In the bad old days he sometimes ate spoiled food from trash cans and even today he's not shy about catching and eating bugs and small animals.  This is both for instinctual reasons (small moving things are probably food as far as a raccoon is concerned) and due to him nearly starving after escaping from the labs where he was created. Beggars can't be choosers and it was eat whatever was available or starve.  As a result it takes some mighty bad cooking before Rocket will complain.  Rocket does not like to waste food and will eat everything that is available, leading to the Guardians joking that he eats more than Drax.  (He doesn't). Luckily his creators built in a metabolic “switch” that keeps his weight from increasing too much or he'd get quite fat from the relatively good fare on board the Milano.  (Good by the standards of someone who used to live on garbage and rats, anyway).

Smell: A typical raccoon has a much better sense of smell than a human and Rocket's sense of smell is  better than that.  This was a modification made by his creators so their experimental supersoldier technology testbed (that is, Rocket) could identify food safe to eat and track down enemies.  His excellent sense of smell largely makes up for his rather poor sense of taste and if there's anything he is reluctant to eat, it's extremely spicy food whose odor burns his nose. He has the habit of first sniffing for danger, then looking, in addition to sniffing at strangers so he will know they are there later even if he can't see them.

Sight: Raccoons are habitually crepuscular (active at twilight) and lack good color vision.  But this, too, was augmented by his creators and his sight is superhumanly acute, especially at close range.  (Useful when tinkering).  Within about ten feet (3 meters) he can make out the most minuscule details in anything he can see, which among other things allows him to cheat at cards very effectively simply by looking for tiny imperfections in the card backs that nearly anyone else would miss.  Rocket's eyes possess a tapetum lucidum, the reflective layer that improves night vision in many animals by bouncing the light back through the retina after it is sensed once by his optic nerves.  This also means that if you shine a light on him at night you get “eyeshine”, as with a cat.

Hearing: Superior to a human's, but not as good as a dog's.  He can sense auditory frequencies both above and below those audible to humans.  It's not an especially useful ability but it does send him looking for problems with the machinery on board the Milano because it “sounds wrong”, at least to him.

Touch: Here we get to Rocket's truly superhuman sense.  Little modification was needed to upgrade his sense of touch.  Fine hairs above his claws sense objects even before he touches them and his awesomely sensitive and strong hands, along with the intuitive technical sense his creators imbued in him, allows him to take apart, modify and reassemble devices quickly and accurately, even blindfolded. He is also an expert at lockpicking. Rocket is rarely able to explain how he does what he does: he simply knows how to do things with his hands. In that little skull lies an implanted, genuinely superhuman technical skill, and if anyone besides the Guardians would accept him and give him the least respect he could make a very good living modifying weapons and gear. This was of course done to make him a better soldier, but the doctors at Halfworld captured lighting in a bottle and ended up with something far more than they expected. They would perhaps have been proud of their creation had he not gotten loose and killed most of them on his way to freedom.

If his insanely acute sense of touch wasn't enough, it becomes even more acute when his hands are wet.  Like a normal raccoon his hands are covered in a tough leathery hide and when soaked they become still more sensitive and flexible.  When working on extraordinarily delicate tasks he will keep a bowl of water to dip his fingers in or, when also exposed to hazardous shocks, he will wear watertight gloves with a bit of the fluid inside to keep his hands extra sensitive.

Balance: Rocket is equally comfortable on two legs or all fours and has a superhumanly acute sense of positional relationships.  This is mostly seen in his ability to shoot very accurately without looking down the sights. It also aids his programmed-in piloting ability, as he can sense the ship's movements very accurately even through the artificial gravity.  In a fighter-sized ship Rocket can do the most extraordinary maneuvers, up to and including aerial “circle strafing” or drifting his craft to circle the target while keeping the forward guns trained on it. Much of this is instinctive (or rather programmed-in) as his technical expertise and he would have difficulty explaining how he does it.  

General metabolism: His cybernetic implants make him approximately five times as strong as a normal raccoon, or easily as strong as the average adult human. His slight weight (usually around forty pounds or 18 kilos) means that despite his considerable strength he can be manhandled by a skilled fighter, but he can beat a man senseless if given the least opportunity and isn't shy about biting or clawing. His implant-reenforced bones also make him resistant to falling damage and impacts, but he is hardly invulnerable. His implants are metabolically powered and as a result he needs about twice as many calories in food as a normal creature his size.

Rocket's little raccoon brain has a number of computational implants that make him far more intelligent than any common animal. The majority of the implants are there to provide his nearly magical technical, piloting and marksmanship abilities.  As what amounts to a furry tech demonstrator who was slated to be euthanized when the experiments were done language and social skills were anything but a priority so he comes across as crass, easily angered and uninterested in the niceties of language, but underestimating his intellect is a very bad idea.  The last two people who thought he wasn't worth worrying about were Ronan and Ego and they paid for that mistake.

Rocket's pelt varies in thickness with the season and even on a climate controlled ship he sheds twice a year.  In his summer coat he appears noticeably thinner and in winter coat much fluffier, and despite the metabolic “switch” he always puts on several pounds of winter weight as fall approaches.  While the other Guardians certainly don't complain about a cuter, fluffier Rocket (especially since he sometimes lets them pet him now), there is always a bit of grousing about the “hair everywhere”.

[inhalareexhalare]

The Dean Team and the Victim Reflex

...Ms. Charree expected me to join them for lunch! I was happy to join. She seems to like seeing me become more social and more emotionally open. I also decided to tuck my slightly over-sized collared shirt today, since upon looking at a mirror, I saw the imbalance in my visual appearance; I always loved wearing cardigans, but loose shirt plus dangling cardigan is a shapeless creature. 

Coincidentally, Ms. Charree had been egging me on to wear crop-tops since yesterday, and I got reminded of that when she smiled, seeing that I’m making an effort now, even just a bit.

I worry if she thinks I’m lying when I tell her that I eat with my old org-mates for lunch sometimes haha. Ms. Dianne also worries about that, but I think she won’t tell me. They’re both worried that I’m hiding from social interactions. They’re half-correct.

This time, I got to eat with Ms. May too! There were four of us, with Ms. Bel. Ms. May doesn’t talk a lot. More because she’s a bit older than any of us three. I’m going 23 this year, Ms. Bel is probably in her late 20s, MS. Charree alse in her late 20s. Ms. May seems to be in her late 30s. She usually can’t relate unless it is about habits or discipline or kids haha. In general she isn’t very talkative either but blends well with people, much unlike me when I first joined them.

Ms. Charre is... how do I put it. She’s crazy hiding under elegance. She isn’t even hiding the crazy part haha. She just looks so ladylike when she’s in a neutral mood. I can still see her teen-rebel self even now. She becomes irresponsible when paired with Ms. Bel.

Ms. Bel is a health-conscious environmentalist. Although she doesn’t want to be considered any of those things because she still has trouble having a completely zero-waste lifestyle. More like, it’s impossible haha. But I love her passion when she talks about these things. She fights for what she believes in, but knows her boundaries and won’t force you to subscribe in what she stands for.

It’s been fun! Too bad I can’t hang out with all of them at once. The other big group (Ms. Len and the gang) is too many for one room and inviting these three people would create chaos and smaller space for individuals to shine.

I want to hagn out with all of them in moderation (since I still haven’t built up good social stamina), but if I’m going to have to choose, I’ll go with Dean’s for now (we’re secretaries under the Dean, Ms. Charree, Ms. Bel, and Ms. May)

I guess I’ll call the other group the Big group haha.

Comments? 

Weakness: 

(1) I unconsciously grab my phone and open PDFs to read when I hear dead air. The problem is, it breaks my attention from my social goals. And, it helps me ignore my share of responsibility in the group dynamics/atmosphere. I didn’t get to read though, thank goodness. But opening it is already a no-no.

(2) My thought to tongue translation still needs work, so that I can express context and content clearly to people I speak with.

Strength: 

(1) I don’t write journal entries in the moment anymore. As I said in the previous paragraph, it breaks my attention. 

(2) I have more initiative to ask now too, despite still lacking good thought translation. 

(3) There is a bit more comfort in what I call the sufficient-frequency of eye contact now. (too much or too little are both no-no’s!) I observed that Ms. May opened up more in different topics when I initiate a dialogue with her when I share my opinions while making sure to match her eye contact timing.

plus bonus long rant:

I’m also gonna post my tucked-in shape here, for the sake of exercising a bit of shamelessness. I’ve always been fine with my body type, but other people having different perspectives sort of encouraged me to be more doubtful of my body image. I’m severely underweight. For most of my life from elementary. My mom said I was heavy at birth, but I haven’t really weighed myself again until elementary at PE and discovered I was, yes, severely underweight.

Also, it doesn’t help that my arms are naturally proportionally longer than they should be compared to my somewhat long legs. But I’m not so tall. I’m just 5��2 feet tall. So don’t imagine a slenderwoman just yet. I mean relatively long. Longer arms make my arms look even thinner bwahaha This was why my official pen-surname is Armslong. Lobo Armslong. HAHA

I don’t get sick a lot. Besides when I lack sleep for consecutive days, my immune system is actually pretty good on its own, without vitamins and shit. Though my attention problem during eating when I was from the age of ~4 until ~9-ish years probably contributed to me developing a small body, my bones are actually also really thin (dense?) as you might have seen from the little pictures I post. Wrists don’t enlarge. That’s just bone size. Also, my mom was as thin as me for most of her life (she had my body when she got married. She was real pretty though! So beautiful she was, even in her last moment alive in this world with her socially acceptably “normalized” body), until she reached around the early 40s and gave birth to us siblings. (She had trouble forming a child.)

I eat double the amount that my peers do, and healthier food too, and the most I’ve gained in years is 2 kilos. It normalizes back. I am stronger than most of the girls I know (except a few extreme exceptions, like martial arts practitioners). I do have some slightly more developed muscles and they show now, but it’s like it’s the only flesh I got; I have no fat.

I was worried for Karu and I and our potential child/children since I do consider the possibility that this is unhealthy even if my body is working just fine and actively. What if my body can’t take it? And what if my body is incapable of giving enough nutrients? Typical practice in the field of medicine is that the life of the mother comes first. But I don’t want to waste opportunities and time and resources and tears and blood just to cause someone else pain. But it seems this is normal... Waste analysis (feces and urine) shows that my digestion is pretty okay. Nothing weird.

But doctors keep telling me to eat better and buff up some muscles. I strengthen my body with work-outs and dance, and with Karu around, I have the healthiest diet in my whole life since my mom, but my weight doesn’t change.

Anywayyy, nothing big. Just leavin’ this here. For myself, really.

wrist btw. 

2019-02-21 14:41 Philippines Thursday

I should be careful to balance some good time with myself.

It's been fun recently, but I must not let myself lose my way. Exciting things can be so intoxicating.

Balance, balance.

I wonder if Karu's at home today? I don't feel like I have to know, and I won't ask. But right now, I'm actually looking forward to, and getting excited planning what good time I'm gonna give myself!

If Karu wouldn't be home, what fun would I do?

And if he is, it'd be fun to experience being alone despite him being around!

2019-02-21 18:06 Philippines Thursday

Huh. Tonight's the first night I ever didn't compulsively look up to see whether there were people upstairs.

My body literally feels light. I have more confidence in the presence of more people now. Maximum of five now, in contrast to two before.

But I won't get sidetracked. I'm here for self time. Reflection.

2019-02-21 18:52 Philippines Thursday

So I had some awesome self time! I got to listen to my old music tastes for the sake of memories, I got to see my super old college original character designs (two of my best ones, Loki and Liam), finish three scribbles for the Peak posts, write my third poem of the day, and meditate in silence.

I took a nap to rest my eyes and to conserve energy. And I got to do this all without a shred of hate nor sadness towards anyone or anything. Despite it being so late, and despite Karu still being away, and despite not having dinner yet.

A pair of feet scrambling around woke me up, and there was Karu! I was overjoyed! I did my best to express that through my voice. I was so proud of being able to be comfortable on my own tonight, and there was balance between my social mission and my self mission, my day and night.

And then, Karu's voice started to sound too loud. He said I should go eat ahead of him. His adrenaline was clearly still pumping. He just got finished with his long errands. For some reason, he scared me. No, the phrasing is wrong: I was scared of him. All he did was give me a light tap to the cheek as a jest form of reprimand when I wanted to say that I had fun waiting for him tonight without panicking or blaming for the first time in a long time.

Then I cried. Quietly as I can. It was hard to breathe. I needed the open window.

And then Karu's energy calmed down amd he wondered what was going on. He did well trying to comfort me and be as safe as he can be even though he didn't know yet that I was afraid of him. But I got to tell him, after a few minutes of being mute. I know he was worried about me. He only really was doing what he can to take care of me.

But that's also why Ma used to beat me up when I was a kid. (I'm thinking now that maybe my childhood reflexes are related to this.) As a kid, I understood enough that she really loved me, and she only ever wanted the best for me. No one can be perfect. Everyone has flaws. One of my angelic mother's was poor anger management. (Even Karu's better at it now than she was before. But she recovered and improved A LOT before she died.)

Everyone has flaws. I wanted to be able to embrace hers. I wanted to understand her better. I wanted to make it work. And we did love each other a lot. But punches still hurt, that's the thing. A slap on the lips tear open the skin and blood comes gushing out. It all still hurts. So in some way, I had to develop my own way of defending myself. I would get destroyed if I didn't.

Fear. Fear became a new sensation. It protected me, and motivated me to keep away from harm, from damage my little body is not built to take. I began internalizing all the unintentionally hurtful things she started to say. I was wrong, I was stupid, I was useless, I was... Many things. All those things, she proved deserved pain.

(Please don't hate my mom. She didn't know how to cope well. We were four siblings, and she had to take care of all of us. In a traditional Chinese family, the dad only takes care of business. Moms hire helping hands but would still prefer to take care of all the children anyway.

It's not her fault. And it's also my responsibility to learn to take care of myself better.)

But now I should know better. I'll be okay.

I'm still learning.

Anyway, so when Karu became a potential threat in my mind, two things happened that led to a major thing:

(1) I got scared of him. I preferred to be inferior and quiet to him. I started to feel that I make wrong decisions and that I can't make decisions, and my feelings don't matter.

(2) I felt discouraged. I feel guilty about wanting to celebrate my latest self improvements.

...And my posture broke.

I'm not kidding. This is a major thing to me. I adapted to the dancer's upright posture, and it honestly gives me a good flow of energy. Having the posture gives me energy, and having energy gives me the posture.

But it broke. Unconsciously. I notice that my back is slouched when I feel depressed or weak or inferior or shit. So you know. Quite a big thing to realize.

Now, writing all these things and accomplishing one of my missions (putting thoughts into words a.k.a. Oral Thought Expression) were good. I told Karu my perspective of today and tonight.

And he gave me his. I've calmed down.

2019-02-21 23:03 Philippines Thursday

This part of my head must somewhat be rewired though. It's better to replace this reaction where I drop myself and roll into a ball (not literally, although I would hug my knees and break my posture so I guess the ball part isn't far off).

It's another thing to overwrite.

But how?

A raised voice isn't exactly a trigger though. I deal with those reactions "excellently" as people at work would say. I humble myself (but not belittle) and allow the other party to have time to cool down. Their favorite was that I​ don't hold any of it against them personally. Apparently I was good at handling prideful doctorate professors.

I am sidetracked. A raised voice does not suffice as a trigger.

Here are the noticeable requirements. They must all exist:

(1) raised voice (has to be directed at me, claiming the stress/problem is BECAUSE of/IS me whether or not it's true)

(2) physical contact/pain

(3) the source being someone I deeply love or highly respect

Sometimes number (2) is not necessary. Like my father's case. I immediately feel all the things he blurts out when he's desperate to be in control are true—ignorant, unbecoming, stupid, dumb, stupid, a waste of resources, a waste of time. I wouldn't give a shit if one of my highschool friends told me that, but because it's him, I instantly take the inferior position and join him in beating myself up mentally.

I'm not isolating this possibility to mere coincidence either. It's the same with my beloved sister Nynaeve who has never done anything particularly abusive to me. There were at least two instances when she snapped from so much stress and her words ripped though me. I took it to heart emotionally even though I knew the truth was that she was just stressed. I almost immediately assumed a surprising inferior position then, and almost cried, feeling like I'm going to be deprived of my sister's love forever. That was unusual because we always treated each other as equals, and I usually responded to her stress in a calm manner (so I guess the difference that made it was that the stress in those specific instances was directed at me).

Heck, when I was raped and physically beat up, I had full capacity to speak calmly and I even tried fighting back (when his skills were proven lethal, I resorted to calming him down. Instant victory/ escape weren't options).

His identity in my emotional aspect still freaked me out so much after the incident though, but less so now. I still don't think myself a victim. I don't give enough shit about him to be hurt, other than physically. In a way, you could say I'm only really actually hurt mentally/emotionally.

So now, what are the things I can do?

(1) Of course, communication is a must. Since this is the human condition that I have, it's important to let the other party know, while making sure they know they are not a monster and I am not a victim. I was just too used to feeling like one, so I now have this victim reflex (oh that's a good name)

(2) Take time off. It's necessary to have a quiet time to recover and assess the situation inside and outside properly. It would allow me to both (a) be reminded that it's just my victim reflex acting up, and (b) be available to empathize and understand more clearly the why of the other party's actions.

This ensures that I am in a proper state of mind before I choose my next moves.

2019-02-21 23:52 Philippines Thursday

[newtech2018]

Google Pixel 2 And Pixel 2 XL: Everything We Know So Far About Code Names, OEM, And Rumored Specs

Google Pixel 2 And Pixel 2 XL: Everything We Know So Far About Code Names, OEM, And Rumored Specs

The google pixel and pixel xl released last year are a few of the freshest smartphones in the marketplace, but anticipation is already constructing up for the subsequent-technology pixel 2 lineup.

Google is already operating on the brand new era of pixel smartphones and it by accident found out their code names these days, fueling hypothesis about what to anticipate.

To recap, google hardware boss rick osterloh showed on the cellular international congress 2017 earlier this year that a google pixel 2 and pixel 2 xl are in tow for a 2017 release. Osterloh mentioned that both upcoming pixel 2 handsets would hit the top class section of the phone market.

Google pixel 2 smartphones and code names

Greater recently, news surfaced that the google pixel 2 and pixel 2 xl are code-named "walleye" and "muskie," while a separate document also hinted at a capacity 0.33 google cellphone that could or may not be part of the 2017 pixel lineup. This 1/3 google telephone is purportedly code-named "taimen."

Android police spotted the "muskie," "walleye" and "taimen" code names on the android open supply undertaking gerrit way to google's treehugger automated update bot, similarly indicating that three smartphones are within the works for the google pixel 2 lineup.

Google's fishy tool code names

While there's little else to go on at this factor, these code names do provide some clues as to what to expect. For a few purpose google has a peculiar inclination in the direction of fishy code names - just like android iterations are named after sweets, nexus and now pixel iterations are code-named after fish.

As a reminder, the 4.7-inch nexus 4 from 2012 was code-named mako, the five-inch nexus five from 2013 turned into hammerhead, the 6-inch nexus 6 from 2014 became shamu, in 2015 the 5.2-inch nexus 5x changed into bullhead, and the 5.7-inch nexus 6p turned into angler, even as in 2016 we had the five.1-inch google pixel as sailfish and the 5.Five-inch pixel xl as marlin.

The sizes of the fish referenced within the code names presented clues concerning the dimensions of the gadgets, and going via that logic, we can get an idea of what to anticipate from the approaching pixel 2 circle of relatives of smartphones.

A walleye usually weighs about 241 pounds, a muskie is more or less 38 kilos, even as a taimen recommendations the scales at 220 kilos. With this in thoughts, the walleye pixel 2 might be the smallest of the bunch, the muskie pixel 2 xl could be barely large, whilst the taimen model could be the largest one, possibly launching as a pill in preference to a telephone. On that note, "taimen" might be regarding a new nexus 7/pixel tablet.

Google pixel 2 oem

Google signed a two-year settlement with htc for pixel smartphones. Htc already introduced the google pixel and pixel xl in 2016, and must offer the new pixel 2 handsets this 12 months.

Recent rumors also indicated that google is already looking beforehand toward the 2018 lineup and some of producers, such as htc, lg and others, are racing for the threat to make the pixel 3. Till then, but, the 2017 pixel 2 smartphones will come from htc.

Google pixel 2 rumored specs

Ultimately, there may be a fantastic deal of interest for the specifications the pixel 2 lineup might convey to the table. Even as not many details are available at this factor, the pixel 2 collection is expected to boast notable upgrades over the previous technology and that ought to translate to a few beastly offerings.

The google pixel and pixel xl already launched as powerful flagships with a slew of neat specs and capabilities, albeit their conventional design became deemed rather uninteresting and uninspiring. The pixel 2 should game a greater attractive layout, particularly since the glossy galaxy s8 series smartphones have raised the bar with their bezel-unfastened shows and premium normal design.

Some rumors additionally indicated that google would possibly switch to oled for the pixel 2, choosing a massive display that might cover most of the front panel. Since the pixels don't have physical home buttons besides, a big, oled and bezel-unfastened show for the pixel 2 would make sense.

The upcoming pixel 2 smartphones also are anticipated to be waterproof for added durability. The cutting-edge pixel and pixel xl do not come with water and dirt resistance, but their successors have to make up for it.

Different rumored specifications for the pixel 2 collection include 128 gb and 256 gb local storage configurations, 6 gb of ram, 10nm snapdragon 835 processors, and android eight.0 oreo out of the field.

The purported specs are still inside the rumor country at this factor and loads may want to exchange till the smartphones are ready to hit the marketplace, however one component's for positive: the google pixel 2 devices might be premium all around and will compete on the high stop of the smartphone marketplace.

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