#the only time i'll ever draw kiara

[stargirlmaybank]

camgirl // jj maybank

y/n turns up in new clothes and jj figures out how she can afford it

MDNI !!! 18+

Word count: 3.2k

a/n: hi so this is my first ever smut and of course it had to be with jj maybank so let me know what you think!

warnings: smut, fingering, oral (m&f receiving), penetration (f receiving), choking, dirty talk, overstimulation, daddy kink!jj, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), filming sex

"are those new clothes?" you hear the voice of kiara. you look down at my new denim levi's shorts and white crocheted crop top. they were new, you'd gotten them today and couldn't wait to wear them for the first time. you shrug your shoulders slightly as you settle myself into a chair around the fire, in between jj and kie, "oh, yeah i got them today. um, had some good tips this week". it wasn't technically a lie, working at the country club where the kooks went brought in some decent money, but definitely not enough to afford splurging on clothes, so your spending money came from other ventures. kie seems to glance at the outfit for a moment before dropping the subject and turning over to listen to pope. 

you take in your surroundings after getting situated, looking at the group of pogues you spend all my time with. your eyes settle on jj, who is looking at the new clothes with an unreadable expression on his face. when he realises your staring, he draws his gaze up to meet yours. you tilt your head a little and raise your eyebrows slightly as if to say 'what's up' without saying anything at all. he returns the look with a shrug and tears his eyes away to concentrate on his beer bottle as he lifts it up to his lips to take in a drink. you briefly take note of his behaviour, before eventually chalking it up to him being buzzed. 

the group end up spending a couple hours of the evening out in front of the chateau, chatting and drinking, trying to forget about losing the cross of santo domingo to rafe. it seems to be all they do lately, the dream of going "full pogue" slipping through their fingers time and time again. this is what spurred your decision to make an onlyfans account; the extra money. it'd only been a few weeks since you started up your account, but it's been growing steadily as you post more and more, from photos to videos. that's where your clothes came from, not that you could tell kie that. your friends wouldn't judge you and you knew that, but it's still not the most casual topic. 

glancing at your phone, you spot the time reading just past midnight. you know you have content to film and edit tonight and it'll take you a while, so you'd better start heading back. since luke disappeared, you've been staying at jj's in the spare room, so now is the best time to film while he's still here. "'m gonna head out guys, before i fall asleep in this chair," you mutter, stretching your legs and standing up. your friends say goodbye, but not before john b offers to let you stay at the chateau. "nah it's alright, but thank you jb. you coming home tonight jayj?" you turn to jj. he flicks his eyes up to you, stopping for a moment to think. "uh, yeah probably. not sure when i'll be back though," he replies nonchalantly, to which you offer a small nod and smile in response. walking away from your friends, you head back to jj's on your bike.

after getting back home, you set up your phone on the tripod in front of your bed, and change into some lacy blue lingerie. the room was dark, apart from the soft warm glow of the bedside lamp, and the dim tripod ring light illuminating your body. you set the camera to record, then get settled on the bed in the lens view. your hands trail down your body, stopping to give attention to your tits as your fingers circle your nipples over the lace of your bra. letting out a short sigh, you reach around your body to unhook the clasp behind your back, before sliding the material off of your body. your hands quickly returning to your chest, swirling and pinching your hardened nipples as your breathing becomes more shallow.

you let your right hand stop and slowly trail down your abdomen, the feather-like touch causing your stomach to twitch. as you reach your panties, you let your fingertips slip underneath to graze at the skin under the waistband before peeling them off your body at a torturous pace, teasing the camera. you slip your legs out of the thong before tossing it aside and opening your legs wider to reveal your glistening pussy, already slick with your arousal. your hand glides down your inner thigh before settling on your entrance. bringing your middle finger up, you collect your wetness, stopping at your sensitive clit. you rub lazy circles, sending a jolt through your body, and drawing out breathy moans from your mouth. 

you increase the pace of the circles on your clit as you drag your left hand away from your boobs and placing your middle finger just at the entrance of your hole. "i know you want me, daddy," you whine to the camera, pushing in your middle finger with a loud moan and setting a brutal pace. adding a second finger, you slam into your pussy, the sounds of your wetness and your moans filling the room. "god, you fill me up so good daddy," you whine as you continue pleasuring yourself, the familiar knot slowly creeping into your stomach. you don't slow down, desperately chasing your high, muttering 'fuck' and 'god' under your breath as the sensation grows stronger. your mind starts going hazy, focussing purely on the pleasure you're drawing out of yourself.

and that's why you didn't pick up on the opening and closing of the front door, or the footsteps inside the house. all you heard was your moans, and the pounding of your pussy. and that's why you don't notice your door slightly opening, or the body standing in the gap as your vision goes black while your orgasm rips through you for the first time tonight. you let go all over your fingers, their movements slowing down but not stopping to prolong your high for as long as possible. you desperately try to control your rapid breathing as spots of vision begin to trickle into your eyes. that's when you spot him. jj, stood in the doorframe, darkened eyes trained directly on your soaked hands. 

"fuck," you gasp desperately trying to cover yourself up, away from his gaze as the video rolls on. his face has a smug expression all over it as he leans on the doorframe and crosses his arms. "so this is why you left early. and why you were parading around in new clothes," he glances to the tripod before returning back to you. you go to speak, but stutter miserably, sitting up with your knees pressed into your body. "jayj-" "no need to explain, i see what's going on here," he chuckles lowly. "i knew you weren't getting money from new clothes from that country club. you've been showing off your pretty pussy to get some money. it's okay baby, i get why they'd pay to see it. i mean, i would." your cheeks burn in embarrassment of getting caught, eyes darting around the room for something to put on. jj shuts the door and settles himself in a chair across the room. "don't stop on my account. i'd be happy to hear your pretty little moans as you fuck yourself with your fingers. unless..." he trails off. "unless what?" your words come flying out, earning a breathy laugh in response. "unless you really want to give them a show hm? show them what sounds come out of you when you're filled up on cock."

you nod slightly, and within a second, jj crosses the room and connects his mouth to yours in a bruising kiss, his hands flying to your body, settling one on your hip and one on your tits. you moan into his mouth as he digs his fingers into your hip. slipping his tongue into your mouth he takes control as you reach for the belt looped into his shorts. with shaky hands from adrenaline, you unto the buckle, followed by the button of his shorts, desperately trying to strip him of his clothing until he's at your level. his hands leave your body only to push down his shorts and lift his shirt over his head, the clothing joining the pile on the floor where your underwear landed. 

your hand falls over the outline of his cock through his underwear, taking in a sharp breath as you feel the size of him under the material. this earns you a grin from jj as he kneels onto the bed at the side of you. "'m gonna fill you up princess. gonna pound into you until you can't take it anymore and beg me to stop," he taunts, pulling you up onto your knees, sideways to the camera. teasingly, he pulls down his underwear to the bottom of his thighs to reveal his cock, already painfully hard at the sight of you. he's huge, with prominent veins snaking up the sides from the base to his blushing tip. 

he strokes your head before grabbing a handful of your hair. "think you can take me in your mouth baby? put those pretty lips around my cock," he guides your head down by your hair until you're face level with his cock. you spit on it, wrapping your hand around the base and sliding up and down to cover it. you start slowly jerking him off while you dart your tongue out to lick the beads of precum off of his slit. you hear him groan, then feel his hand roughly grab your jaw. "don't tease me princess. open your mouth" he spits out, letting go of your jaw to grab your hair tighter. you open your mouth, placing your lips around his tip and softly sucking. he takes a sharp breath at the contact, before thrusting his hips forward and pushes his cock further into your mouth while he holds your head still by his hair. you splutter around him at the unexpected movement, earning a moan from his lips. 

"that's it. fucking take it y/n. that's my little slut," he sets a fast pace, roughly fucking your mouth as his tip hits the back of your throat. you place your hands on his thighs to balance yourself, your nails leaving crescent indents in his skin. spit covers your face from your mouth, falling down to cover your tits. you moan around his cock, sending vibrations through that causes a deep groan from his throat. he glances to your phone recording, watching the side view of his cock go in and out of your mouth as he slyly grins. "look at how pretty she looks, choking on my cock," he talks to the camera, the shallowness of his breath evident in his tone. his moans get louder, your name spilling from his mouth like a prayer. he pulls your head back with your hair, disconnecting your mouth from his cock. 

he pushes your body back until your back reaches the mattress then shifts himself downwards. "wanna taste you pretty girl," he mutters before diving into your pussy, his tongue licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit. you jolt, your clit still swollen and sensitive from your earlier orgasm. jj blows cool air onto your slick cunt, causing you to shiver and grasp at his hair. looping his arms around your thighs, he locks you into place as he begins his assault on your clit. he wraps his lips around it, sucking and swirling his tongue on your bundle of nerves. you cry out loudly, "that feels so good, don't stop daddy." your mind short circuits for a moment when you realise what you called him as he pulls his face away for a second and locks eyes with you. you go to apologise before he beats you to it "fuck you're so hot. that's right, daddy's gonna take care of you," he grins before assuming his previous position. you let out a moan and arch your back off of the bed, gripping his hair tighter and pushing his face closer. your hips grind against his tongue as pleasure shoots through your body. 

jj pulls back one of his hands and without warning, slips two fingers into your pussy. he sets a fast pace, curling his fingers upwards to your sweet spot. your cries get louder as you rut your hips faster, desperate for your second release of the night. jj feels your walls clenching around his fingers as he continues to stimulate your clit with his tongue. "that's right baby, i know you're close. want you to come around my fingers, cover my face with your cum," he pleads, his grip on you hip tightening, certain you'll have bruises in the morning. you feel the pit in your stomach growing, inching towards the release. "daddy, 'm gonna- gonna cum- fuck" you cry, finally falling over the edge as euphoria spreads across your body, your muscles contracting causing you to shake uncontrollably. jj doesn't slow down, guiding you through your high to the point of overstimulation. you feel so sensitive it almost hurts, trying to push his head away from your pussy. 

he finally pulls away, your cum spread across the lower half of his face, glistening in the low light. pulling his fingers out of you, he brings them up to your mouth, which you gladly open to allow him to slip his digits inside. "taste yourself princess, you taste so fucking sweet," he croons, trying to even out his breath. you swirl your tongue around his fingers, tasting yourself as you clean your slick off of him. he pulls his body up to tower over you, shuffling until his body is in between your thighs. with his other hand, he grabs his member and pushes it between your slit, coating himself with the cum dripping out of you as the head nudges your hypersensitive clit. you moan around his fingers at the contact. he drags his fingers out of your mouth, settling his hand around your neck and applying light pressure to the sides. it's not enough to hurt, but enough for you to feel your heartbeat in your neck more prominently as your brain clouds slightly. "now what do you say? you think i should give you my cock? fill up your greedy little pussy for everyone to see?" he asks, slapping your pussy with his cock before lining his tip up with your entrance. you nod furiously, "give it to me daddy, please. i wanna feel you inside me." you beg. 

pushing his tip in, you both gasp in unison as he stretches out your entrance with the size of him. he stills his hips, allowing you both a moment to adjust and catch your breath. you look up at him and lock eyes, nodding after a moment to show you're ready. he thrusts his hips forward, snapping his hips to yours as you let out a sharp gasp. he pulls out again slowly, before quickly pushing back in. he continues this slow but rough pace as your walls grip him, his tip brushing past your sweet spot each time. "fuck baby, you're so fucking tight around me. your pussy feels so good i never want to get out of it," he moans, gripping your neck as his other hand pulls your leg over his shoulder, changing the angle. he slowly starts increasing the pace, causing your tits to bounce up and down with the force of his thrusts. 

you turn your head to the side to glance at the view in your phone, watching as his cock disappears into your pussy, focusing on the space where both your bodies meet. you notice how fucked out you look, with your hooded eyes and swollen lips, still shiny with spit and your juices. jj joins you in looking towards the camera, grinning at the same sight. "look at how good you look, taking me so well princess. your subscribers are going to love this huh?" he drags his gaze back in front of him. you slide your hand down to meet your clit, rubbing light circles, trying to avoid overstimulation. jj takes note of this and lets go of your neck to move your hand out of the way, replacing it with his own and a harder pressure. a whimper falls out of your mouth at this, your hand gripping his wrist to try to pull his hand away. "please, i can't take it. it's too much," you beg, your pleading eyes meeting his hungry ones. he shakes his head at you "aw poor baby, come on you can take it. be my good little slut, wanna feel you cum around my cock," his thumb draws rough circles on your clit, the pace of his thrusts never faltering. you feel his balls hit against your ass with every thrust, the sound of your wetness and skin making contact meeting your ears along with both of your moans. 

for the third time, the knot of pleasure appears, increasing faster than before. with your orgasm quickly approaching, you feel jj's hips falter slightly, falling out of rhythm as his breaths grow more ragged. "you gonna cum for me? i can feel you clenching around me, 'm not gonna last," he manages to spit out in between breaths. you nod as you feel your legs begin to shake. "where do you want my cum baby? want daddy to fill up your pussy, hm?" he asks, with a nod of your head in response. "give me your cum, daddy. please," you breathe out. within moments, your orgasm crashes over you like a tidal wave, causing you to scream out and writhe in pleasure, your pussy clenching around jj. his orgasm immediately follows, his cum spilling out inside of you as he slows his thrusts, riding out both of your highs as he pumps into you.

he leans down to plant a kiss on your lips, slowly bringing his hips to a stop, leaving his cock still inside of you. he peppers kisses around your jaw and neck as you try to control your breathing and your shaking body. his cock slips out and you whine at the loss of contact, jj pulling away to look down at your pussy. he smirks and walks over to the end of the bed where your tripod is. grabbing your phone, he carries it over to give a view of his cum dripping out of you to the camera. "look at how fucking hot that looks. my cum dripping out of you, hm?" he takes his finger and pushes it back into you, fucking the cum back inside. he tilts the camera upwards, capturing how fucked out you look, your body shining with sweat as your eyes drop closed with exhaustion. 

he ends the video, dropping your phone onto the bed before grabbing his shirt off of the floor to clean you off with. you whine as it makes contact with your clit, and he chuckles and mutters an apology. he finishes cleaning you up and flops onto the bed beside you. "so," he begins, "feel like giving the viewers what they want and doing this more often?" he asks. you giggle, snuggling up to his body and give him a nod. "i'd be happy to."

[confused-pyramid]

Damage is Done

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary: You and Rafe hooked up when you first moved to the OBX, and he hasn't been able to get you out of his system ever since.

word count: 8.6k

warnings: SMUT, slight dub-con, p in v, fingering, overstimulation, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), hair pulling, choking, dark!rafe, toxic relationship, drinking, vague discussions of mental health

The air feels hot and humid even as the sun sets on the first day of summer. The annual start of summer bonfire is just getting underway, and you can already feel yourself starting to perspire. Not even your bikini top and denim shorts are small enough to keep the heat away tonight.

"Where the hell is JJ with my beer?" you grumble as Kiara takes a seat on a log next to you. "I'm melting over here."

Kie, who hasn't even started to glisten, just laughs. "That's what you get for being from out of state. All of us locals are used to the heat by now."

You feign a laugh and shove her shoulder. "You're hilarious. I've been living in the OBX for two years now, when are you guys gonna stop giving me shit for being from Boston?"

"When you're no longer from Boston."

You look up to see JJ and Pope, the first of whom hands you a full cup of metallic beer. The first time you tasted beer from a keg, you spat it out after a single sip. Since then, you've grown to love the taste of metal.

By the time you down your cup, the party raging around you finally starts to get exciting. You spot John B dancing with some girl who's clearly here on vacation, and watch as Pope stares longingly at Kie...who is staring at JJ.

Shaking your head, you stifle a smile and head over to the keg to fill your cup again. When you arrive, the line seems to go on forever, so you turn around, looking for something different, or a bit stronger.

"Looking for something?" a voice calls from next to you. You turn your head to see a shirtless Rafe Cameron holding up a bottle of whiskey. "Hey, Boston. I'll pour you a finger if you ask nicely."

Perfect. Just who I need to see today.

"Just give it to me, Rafe," you grumble, reaching out to grab the bottle. Humor dances in his eyes and you gulp, hating the fact that you are still affected by his bare skin.

He pulls it away at the last second, making you stumble forward slightly. He's much taller than you, and you have to tilt your head back to meet his eye, but that's how he likes it.

"I said nicely," he grins, holding the bottle out again.

Rafe can see the anger growing behind your eyes, and it builds the excitement in his own. He's only seen you mad on a few occasions, but that was when you were the most fun.

You roll your eyes, tossing your empty cup at his feet and shaking your head. "Whatever, Cameron. I'm not playing this game with you."

You turn and start walking across the sand to your friends, when a hand grabs your wrist and spins you back around. "Rafe, what the fu-"

"We need to talk," he mutters under his breath as he leans in close - too close.

You take a step back and put on what you hope is your most menacing look. "We are never talking about what happened, okay? Ever."

This time when you storm off, he lets you, and you make your way back to your friends, hoping they didn't see any of what just occurred. When you sit back down on the log next to Kiara, JJ's spirited recounting of a time when he stole a six-pack lets you know that you're in the clear.

***

You are waiting for JJ to finish his shift at the docks when you see Rafe again. He is grabbing something from his yacht when he catches your eye, and you look around for a moment before deciding that making a break for it would draw too much attention.

He takes his sweet time walking over, and you squint against the bright sun as he finally stands in front of you.

"Finally stopped avoiding me?" he taunts, his voice low over the heavy breeze.

You laugh humorlessly. "I'm not here for you, Rafe."

"You're on my side of the island."

Of course that's how he would see it. The separation between Kooks and Pogues is something you still have a hard time wrapping your head around, but each interaction has made it clear that you may be the only one.

"I'm not doing this with you," you sigh loudly, turning to see if JJ has appeared yet. "Just go back to your fucking yacht and let me live in peace."

Your words are laced with malice, but he can sense the tension hidden under your tone. He gives you a once-over, taking in your skimpy tank and shorts, and frustration flares behind his eyes as he realizes just how much you have started to look like all the other Pogues you hang out with.

"So it's about the money," he says, his voice slowly ramping up as he speaks. "If the only reason you can find to hate me is my money...then maybe try a little fucking harder."

"I don't fucking care about your money, Rafe," you gape, appalled by the fact that he could boil it down to something so small. "You're not a good person. All you do is bring out the worst in people."

Something that looks like hurt crosses his face for a split second before it turns into a frightening air of pride. "Like I did with you?"

You blanche, glaring at him even as your face flushes with embarrassment. "I didn't hear you complaining."

He wipes the corner of his lips with his thumb, glancing behind you for a moment, before leaning down to your level. "My mouth was a little preoccupied."

Heat sizzles through your veins and you feel a gush of wetness as his breath tickles the shell of your ear. There's a ghost of a smirk on his face, but there's also a flare of irritation in his eyes that sets off a nervous excitement inside of you. You don't know what it says about you that you like the fact that he looks like he wants to tear you apart just to put you back together again.

Your eyes fall shut for a moment, before you regain your senses and shove him away. "Fuck off, Rafe."

"Leave her alone, Cameron!" JJ's voice suddenly calls from behind you.

Fuck. Of course he saw JJ, he's just trying to get a rise out of you in front of the Pogues.

You close your eyes for a beat, and when you open them again, Rafe is wearing an amused expression.

"See you around, Boston," he salutes before spinning on his heels and walking away.

You paste a smile on your face when JJ comes up behind you, and when he asks if Rafe was bothering you, you don't know why you end up saying 'no'.

***

Before you know it, the Midsummers party is around the corner. Kiara's family makes her go all out for the celebration, and John B has been sneaking off to meet up with Sarah Cameron, still pretending that they all don't already know what's been going on between them.

When John B finds out that Pope and JJ are both working at the event, he approaches you with a plan to get in, but you decide that simply asking Kie to be her plus one may be a simpler solution, for you at least.

When the evening of the party finally arrives, you find yourself in Kiara's room, getting ready for an event you have never seen the likes of before.

"What's with all the flowers and stars and shit?" you ask as she hands you a flower crown that looks like hers, but slightly smaller.

She shrugs, placing her crown over her hair. "Don't ask me. I've just been dragged to this party every year since I was 13."

You would never admit it, and especially not to Kie, but you're actually pretty excited for Midsummers. Ever since your family packed up and moved out to Kildare, you've only really gotten to experience the Pogue life, and while your friends were everything you wanted and more, a taste of Kiara's upbringing wasn't entirely unwelcome.

She may complain about the Kook life, but there was something to be said about having everything you needed at your fingertips...and that something spoke to you.

The country club is decorated beautifully when you arrive with Kiara and her family, and you take a moment to soak in the warmth of the torches and the scent of flowers that waft around you.

It smells...expensive, for lack of a better word. And you don't hate it.

Rafe notices you the moment you walk in. He doesn't even bother trying to tell himself that his eyes were just wandering, because ever since he found out the Carreras had added a plus one, he hadn't stopped looking for you. He half-expects you to turn your nose up at this event, just like Kiara always had, so he's taken by surprise when he sees the wistful expression that crosses your face.

You like it here. The thought brings a small smirk to his face and he takes a sip of champagne to hide his glee. He doesn't have to hide for long, because his expression immediately falls the moment your waiter friend comes by and pulls you into a spinning hug.

Rafe turns away from the scene and tunes back in to the conversation he was having with Topper and Kelce.

"I feel like Sarah's been avoiding me," Topper continues miserably, and Rafe resists the urge to roll his eyes.

Of course she's avoiding you. She can't handle being committed to anyone, let alone a spineless prick like you.

He has had just about enough of Top's complaining for tonight, so he downs his glass in a hefty gulp and walks out onto the dance floor to get some air.

That's when you notice him. His pale blue suit makes him look soft under the waning sunlight, but you know better. Even if you sometimes wish you didn't.

You watch as he grabs a champagne flute from a waiter's tray and takes a long swig. Memories of his lips trained somewhere else send a shot of heat through your abdomen, and you press your legs together under your dress.

His throat bobs as he swallows the bubbly liquid, and you don't realize you've been staring until Rafe's eyes meet yours.

Your eyes widen and you turn away immediately, but it's too late. You don't have to look to know that he's coming up to talk to you, and before you can formulate an escape plan, he is standing beside you.

Rafe can feel the tension wafting off of you, and while he does love to agitate you, he definitely doesn't want to cause a scene and embarrass his family.

He leans over by a fraction of an inch and his bicep glances against your shoulder. He is fully ready for you to shove him aside or start another outburst, so when you don't move, he can't help but lose his breath.

"I thought you were too cool to party with the kooks."

You scoff, looking at something out on the horizon. "I'm only here to keep Kiara company."

"You just keep telling yourself that."

He always did know how to say just the right thing to get a rise of you.

"What do you want from me, Rafe?" you ask, finally looking at him. "Just tell me what you want, so we can stop this asinine charade we've been playing for a year."

He almost doesn't know what to say now that you have finally addressed the growing tensions, but when the words form, he can't hold them in. "I want you to admit that you haven't stopped thinking about what happened that night...because I damn well know that I haven't."

It takes you a few moments to fully understand his words, but once you do, your body involuntarily takes a step back.

You would be lying if you said that you hadn't thought about what happened between you two. If you said you hadn't pictured his mouth when you slid your fingers between your thighs late at night.

Everything about that night had been a surprise, but nothing more than how Rafe Cameron had made you feel when you finally slipped under his sheets.

You can't even say you were drunk, because the expensive liquor had been too much for you and you hadn't touched your cup since arriving at the Camerons' end of summer house party.

It was your first summer on Kildare, and the Pogues had just accepted you into their ranks. You weren't sure if you would be able to fit into their tight-knit group, so you took a chance and went to a Kook party.

The drinks had been too heavy and the music too loud, but everyone was having fun, so you tried your best. However, if you had been honest with yourself, you would've known that you had come to this party for one reason. One person.

Instead, you pretended this was a way to explore the island, and when you needed a break from the party, you had gone up the stairs and sat in the first empty room you could find.

When Rafe found you there, sitting on his bed, he almost didn't seem surprised.

"I've seen you around," he had said, setting his cup on his desk, "hanging with those Pogues."

"What is with the fucking names around here," you had mumbled under your breath, until you heard his quiet chuckle. "I just don't get why you guys have divided the island like it's fucking Battleship or something."

"What's your name?" Rafe asked then, his eyes trained on yours like a hawk. "Where are you from?"

You weren't sure what you wanted out of tonight, so you stuck with a simple answer. "Boston."

He laughed again, shutting the door behind him and taking a seat on the chair opposite you. "What are you doing in my bedroom, Boston?"

You jolt out of the memory as Rafe's head dips down to look at you.

So yes, it would be a lie to say that you hadn't thought about him since. But lying to him was easy, especially when the truth had the power to tear your life apart.

"I can't," you whisper, leaning in like you have a secret. "I can't admit it, because it's not true."

His lips part with shock, and you take this second of confusion to rush down the stairs and onto the dance floor, where Kiara is waving you over.

"Was Rafe giving you trouble?" she asks as you take her hand and follow her out onto the lawn. "I would say I'll tell the guys, but my parents would kill me if I created a scene."

You laugh lightly, shaking your head. "No trouble. He was just asking what I was doing here."

She still looks concerned, so you pat her hand and cock your head over to where Pope is working with his dad. "Let's go say hi."

"I hate to say it, but the kooks really know how to throw an event," Pope muses when you approach him. "Don't tell JJ I said that."

Kie starts to laugh but it quickly turns to a cough when she points to the veranda off to the side of the party. "I guess John B found his way in."

You follow her line of sight to find John B pulling Sarah Cameron into a tight hug. When you look past her, you notice that Topper and Kelce are getting dangerously close to spotting them.

"Guys," you whisper-yell, getting their attention, "we need to buy him some time."

Kiara frowns. "I got Topper."

"I guess I got Kelce," Pope sighs as they disperse.

You glace around the party for a few moments before deciding that your efforts may be better spent inside. Pushing past all of the couples swaying on the dance floor, you walk into the country club, catching onto the railing when you stumble over your heels.

Other than a few stragglers and couples making out in the corner, the club is basically empty, most people favoring the festive pavilion. You're about to head back outside when a familiar voice calls to you from across the hall.

"If you want me to leave you alone, you gotta stop following me around everywhere."

You suck a breath in, spinning around to see Rafe sauntering over to you. "I'm starting to think you might be stalking me, Boston."

You make an undignified noise, your eyes taking in his tall form. His hair is falling into his face and you begrudgingly admit that he looks good - really good - but this isn't the time. You're supposed to be helping John B.

"Give me a break," you scoff. "Why would I be stalking you?"

Rafe shrugs, striding forward so he's a step away from being face to face with you. "That's what I'm trying to figure out, seeing as how you don't think about me."

He takes another step, his breath fanning over your temple. Your face burns as you try to avoid looking at him, but with his lips so close to yours, it's nearly impossible.

When you finally look up, his eyes are piercing, and your mouth dries up like the room has been turned up a 100 degrees.

"Now," he whispers, his eyes never leaving yours, "I'm gonna go back to the other kooks."

He takes a step around you, and you almost let him, before you remember what you're doing here in the first place: distracting him.

Running on pure instinct, you grab his arm and pull him back toward you until his lips meet yours.

Rafe can hardly believe what is going on, but your mouth is hot and sweet and he would be remiss to let you get away when he's finally gotten you back. You smell like gardenia and he takes a deep breath in as his hands grip onto your waist, pulling you closer to him under the dim light of the club.

You can taste the champagne bubbles on his tongue when he kisses you back, and you gasp against his mouth when his hands tighten on your waist and push you against the side wall, away from the view of the party.

Your back hits the wall with a thud and you almost laugh at the fact that he wants to hide this as much as you do, but it feels so good and it's been so long, that you allow yourself a second to stay in the moment. With him.

When his hands come up to tug your hair back, the sharp sting sends a shot of heat through your core and you bite down on his bottom lip for good measure.

Rafe pulls back with a wince, but he doesn't look mad. The opposite, if anything.

He presses his thumb against his lip and the sight of his blood sends you flying back to reality. Reaching forward to wipe a bit of your lip gloss off the corner of his mouth, you flash him a grin and stalk back into the party.

When your conscience comes back to haunt you later that night, you tell yourself it was all just to distract him.

***

After the party, Rafe screws his eyes shut as the girl kneeling in front of him takes him in her mouth, her lips gliding up and down his length at a maddening pace.

His head falls back and he resists the urge to grip her hair and pound up into her, even though his body is begging for a release. He doesn't want to touch her or taste her or even open his eyes, because then he'll remember that she's not you, and that's exactly what he needs tonight.

You're what he needs every night, but when he saw your blond friend tuck his face into your hair as you left the party, he had seen red and needed an immediate reprieve.

His cock twitches in the girl's mouth and he allows himself a single moment to imagine it's you instead. To picture your soft lips and wide eyes and -

A groan tears through his throat and he spills into her willing mouth.

***

It doesn't take long for Sarah to insert herself into the Pogues, but once she and Kie figure out their shit, you find that you don't mind having another girl around.

She was fun to hang with at the Chateau, and she was a great surfing buddy, so when John B recruits the gang to break her out of her house late one night, you don't question it.

As usual, the plan is pretty much to go with the flow, but once you make it to the Cameron property, the risks of what you're about to do finally hit you all.

"Okay, fuck this," Kie sighs, holding her hands up. "We need an actual plan this time. I say John B and y/n sneak up to her room to get her, while JJ, Pope, and I create a distraction out back."

You nod, fist bumping John B and saluting the rest of the group. "Let's do this."

Once you find an open window at the back, the plan goes into motion, with Kiara and the guys lighting a pillow on fire while you and John B hide behind curtains on the first floor.

When Ward and Rose run out back, you both hightail it up the stairs before slowing to a tiptoe on the top floor.

"I'll get her from her room," John B whispers to you as he sneaks along the wall of the hallway, "you keep a look out."

He slinks off down the hall as you backtrack, being careful not to make any noise. You hear a few excited whispers from Sarah's room, but you don't notice anything else until a hand clamps over your mouth and pulls you back into a room off the hall.

You stop trying to scream when the door shuts and you realize you're in Rafe's bedroom. Peeling his hand away, you shove him off, glaring at him as he smirks back.

"Now I really think you're stalking me," he grins, pushing his hair back from his face. "What are you doing here, Boston?"

"That's none of your business," you spit, turning on your heels to leave.

You don't make it to the door before Rafe's hands spin you back around and push you against the wall. There's a small thud as your back makes contact, but no pain comes until he presses his hand to your throat, keeping you in place.

"Actually," he licks his teeth, "seeing as how it's my house, I think it is my business. Now spill it, Pogue."

"I can't say anything while you're choking me," you grit out, your voice just barely constricted by his hand.

He barks out a laugh, his hand tightening on your throat until it actually hurts. "You call that choking? When I'm really choking you, you'll know...because you'll be begging for more."

Against your every instinct, heat floods your core, and you know he's right. You know that whatever this is, whatever dark, animal urges he is running on, so are you.

He must notice the shift in your eyes, because his face dips down and your chin involuntarily tilts up to meet him halfway when a voice whisper-yells from the hall.

"Y/n!" Sarah calls out, "where are you?"

You use this moment of distraction to push him off and slip through the doorway before he can make himself seen.

You meet the group at the bottom of the stairs, where they are all waiting.

"Where the hell were you?" Pope asks, concern tinging his impatience.

You wave away his confusion, following them out of the house. "I thought I saw someone, so I hid in one of the spare rooms."

It's not the truth, but it's close enough that you allow yourself the omission. The part of you that wanted a person like Rafe; the part that was drawn to the darkness, instead of running from it...that part of you needed to stay hidden, even if it meant lying to the people you loved most.

***

Every Friday night, you guys would all have a 'Pogue party' at the chateau. This always consisted of drinking, smoking, and playing stupid games until everyone passed out for the night, and tonight was no different.

The air was sticky with heat and John B had left his door open to let whatever fresh air there may be in.

You're already a couple of shots in when JJ finishes his joint and starts to get paranoid, like he usually did.

"We need to figure out how we're gonna get back at the Kooks for what happened at Midsummers," he commands, his hands gesticulating wildly. "They can't get away with treating us like shit."

"I actually agree with him," Pope nods, taking a sip of his beer. "We need to retaliate so they know we won't take their shit lying down."

Kiara lets out a small laugh as she hops up to sit on the arm of the couch JJ is lying on. "What do you propose we do then? Set fire to their backyard? Already done."

You don't even register that it's you talking when you blurt out, "What if we just let it go."

You blink when the rest of them gape at you, only then realizing what you said. "That was a joke."

"Good," JJ squints, a small frown coloring the edges of his mouth. "So anyway..."

You stand up from your spot on the couch and head into John B's kitchen with some lame excuse about getting another drink. You have no idea where your comment came from, but if you had to guess, you think it may have something to do with the growing presence Rafe has had in your life recently.

You grab a bottle from the counter and take a long swig that burns your chest from the inside out. The flavor just reminds you of the whiskey on his tongue from the night you got together, and the bottle almost falls from your grasp.

It takes you almost an hour to get your bearings again, but when you head back into the living room, the rest of the gang is asleep.

Sighing, you lay down on one of the couches and close your eyes.

***

An hour later, you're no closer to falling asleep than you were when you first closed your eyes. Your mind keeps wandering to memories that you have kept locked away for a long time - too long.

The sound of a soft breeze hitting the wind chimes out front lulls you into a quiet trance and for once, you finally let yourself succumb to the memory.

"What are you doing in my bedroom, Boston?"

"I got lost," you said simply, shrugging. You both knew you were lying, but that's what made it more fun.

He had flashed you a sly smile and you had wanted so bad to just reach out and trace the seam of his lips with your fingertip. He looked so pretty under the soft moonlight, and you were the kind of girl who knew how to get what she wanted.

You knew that was probably why you had been so infatuated with Rafe since coming to the island. Because of the challenge. Because he's a Cameron, and you're practically a Pogue, and something about getting a taste of the darkness excited you more than you'd care to admit.

"Why don't I believe that?" he asked, his voice coming out like a breath. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, and you had to exercise all of your self control to keep from staring at the way his biceps strained in his button-down. "I know about you, Boston. I've seen you watching me."

"Oh yeah?" you had smirked, pressing your feet into the ground and inching your legs apart. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Your eyes fly open and you sit upright, your breaths coming out in short spurts. This was too much to bear, even without the other Pogues sleeping all around you.

Taking a deep breath, you carefully step over JJ's sleeping form, making sure to avoid the creaky floorboards on the way to the door. You slip through the open doorway and out into the trees, feeling more and more reckless, the farther you get from the chateau.

It's a long walk to the Cameron mansion, but the fresh air doesn't help clear your thoughts. You're a long way from the girl you were when you first moved to the OBX, but Rafe keeps finding a way to prove that you still have the desire for pain and discomfort. For danger.

When you get to their front porch, you allow yourself one moment to pretend that you're here to get Sarah, but when Rafe pulls the door open, you can't deny it any longer.

He must be able to see it on your face, because his mouth curves up into a slow grin that makes your eyes dance with relief.

"Is Sarah home?" you ask, maybe somehow still hoping for one last chance at a reprieve.

He shakes his head. "She just snuck out."

You nod once, glancing behind him. "Can I come in?"

He leads you out to the back balcony that has a small patio setup and a beautiful view of the ocean. "I'm assuming you don't want anyone to know you're here, so this is the farthest we can get from the bedrooms."

You press your lips together, taking a seat on one of the couches. The wind brings a slight chill, and you shiver, prompting him to hand you his hoodie.

The waves are crashing quietly against the shore, and they look like black ink under the night sky. When Rafe takes a seat next to you, you glance over at him, watching his jaw twitch as his hair rustles in the breeze.

He looks almost wistful under the dim lighting, and your brow scrunches as you try to fathom how this boy could have fallen so far. 

"You hurt my friends," you whisper once the silence starts to become unbearable.

"I know."

You pause for a beat. 

"You hurt me."

His eyes flicker down. "I know that too."

You run a hand through your hair, your breath coming out like a scoff. "I don't understand what you're doing, Rafe. Please, just help me understand it all, because I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to come up with excuses for you."

That gets his attention. "I never asked you to make excuses for me."

Your face contorts and he closes his eyes for a long moment. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, Boston."

"Don't you think I know that?" you cry, before bringing your voice down again. "I've just never had the best judgment when it comes to you."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

Rafe stood up from his chair, his eyes impossibly dark in the dim light of his room. "You sure you know what you're getting into?"

You nodded, your tongue darting out to wet your lips. "Do your worst."

His eyes flashed and he pushed your knees further apart, sending you falling back onto the bed. You were prepared for him to lift your dress and tear your panties off without a warning, so when all you felt were his fingers trailing up your thighs, you were almost upset.

But then he ran his cool finger down your glistening slit and you gasped loudly, turning your face into the sheets bunched up around you.

"So wet for me," he mused, sticking his finger into his mouth. "Sweet too."

Without another word, he pushed two fingers into you, sinking all the way in as you squirmed over the covers. It took a second for you to get acclimated to the feeling, but once his mouth came down to join in, waves of heat had already begun spreading through you.

You practically whined when he lifted your ankles over his shoulders, diving back in to run his tongue over your sensitive clit. Your hands came down to grip onto his hair as he continued his pleasurable assault to your dripping cunt. The sharp tug made him groan, which only sent more vibrations up your abdomen.

"Fuck, I'm close," you moaned as he pressed his hands into your stomach to keep you from rising off the bed. "Don't stop!"

Instead, he did exactly that.

"Asshole," you spat as he grinned back at you, his chin glistening with your slick.

"We're not done yet," he said simply, lifting your legs off of him and pushing you back further on the bed.

Rafe began undoing the buttons on his shirt, so you lifted your dress off, chucking it onto the floor beside his clothes. You couldn't help but watch as he slowly pulled his pants down, his thick cock springing out of his boxers.

Saliva flooded your mouth and you instinctively reached forward, hoping for a taste, but he batted your hand away. Climbing over you, he grabbed a condom from his drawer and slid it on, pumping his dick a few times for good measure.

"It's not gonna fit," you whispered as he lined himself up with your cunt.

"I thought you said you could handle it."

His smug expression sent a flare of anger through your brain and you wrapped your legs around his waist, pushing him down and inside of you.

The stretch was a perfect mix of pain and pleasure and you both moaned in tandem, his low groan blending with your sharp gasps. He pushed a bit further until he was all the way in, before starting to move.

His thrusts began slow and shallow, allowing you a few moments to get used to his size, but the moment you began to squeeze around him, he changed his pace.

"Rafe, fuck, yes," you gasped, your hands lifting up to press into his back.

His thrusts sped up, hitting the same perfect spot inside of you as the coil in your stomach wound tighter and tighter. It only took a few more seconds for the coil to snap, and you cried out, digging your nails into his shoulder blades as you spasmed around him.

Once your orgasm had finally begun to abate, he pounded into you a few more times, before spilling into the condom and pulling out.

You were lying next to him, your breaths finally starting to slow, when you saw him turn to you out of the corner of your eye. "Wanna go again?"

The sounds of the water pulsing below is all you can hear for a long time. You're so focused on the sound that you almost don't hear it when Rafe speaks again.

"I don't have an answer for you," he murmurs, his voice carrying just barely above the breeze whistling by your ears. "You said you wanted to understand me, but I don't even know what's going on inside my head half the time."

Your brow furrows and you place your hand on the couch between you two. His movements seem unconscious as he slides his fingers over so that they press against yours.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?" you ask, turning to look at him.

"That night," he says, stumbling over his words. "Our night."

It would be so easy to lie, just like at Midsummers, but this time feels different. Lying now feels like a betrayal, and even after everything he's done, you can't bring yourself to cross that line.

"No," you sigh, pressing your hand on top of his. "I don't regret it."

***

When you get back to the chateau, Sarah is sitting on the porch.

"There you are," she pouts, standing up and giving you a hug. "Everyone's asleep inside, and JJ's sprawled out over the whole floor, so there's nowhere to step."

You laugh lightly, hoping the night's exploits aren't written all over your face. "I was just out looking for you, actually."

"Huh, weird," she frowns. "You'd think I would have ran into you on the way here then."

You shrug, hoping she'll drop it, and walk past her to get the door. You haven't even reached the knob when she grabs your arm and pulls you back, somewhat forcefully.

"Y/n," she whispers, her voice low and warning, "why are you wearing Rafe's sweatshirt?"

Your eyes widen and you yank it over your head. "Sarah-"

"What have you gotten yourself into?" she asks, her voice sounding genuinely concerned.

You look at the hoodie for another second, before tearing your eyes away from it and handing it to her. "It was nothing. It was stupid, and it won't happen again."

She takes it and ties it around her waist before shooting you a sidelong glance. "This is different. I've seen you around guys you hooked up with. This isn't like that."

You open your mouth to speak but she lifts her hand up, cutting you off. "I won't tell Kie or the guys, but you need to figure out what the hell is going on in your head."

Tears flood your vision. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I can't even imagine what you must think of me."

"Hey, don't apologize to me," she whispers, taking your hand. "I mean, I still love him after everything...what does that say about me?"

You blink the tears away and let Sarah Cameron loop her arm through yours. Maybe everything would be okay again.

***

You don't see him again until he and Barry ambush your friends at the airplane hangar. The altercation turns violent too fast and before you know it, Pope and JJ are on the ground, throwing around punches faster than you can keep up.

When Barry goes for JJ, you rush into the action, but Rafe manages to snag your arm, shoving you out of the way. You stumble back, bumping your hip painfully into the boxes beside you.

Anger and hurt fills your vision and before you can understand what you're doing, your hand flies up to slap him across the face.

He barely flinches, his teeth gritting against the pain. "That the best you got?"

Tears sting your throat, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction. "I don't even know you anymore."

Your whispered words are harsh, but Rafe is having a hard time focusing on anything other than the fact that the stinging in his cheek means you're here. But your hair is disheveled, and you have a nearly feral look in your eyes, so when Barry comes flying out of nowhere, he rushes forward to grab you.

Wrapping an arm around your waist, he lifts you up easily, even as you claw at his back, before walking out of the hangar and throwing you onto the ground. 

Your palms hit the grass hard, and you smack the ground with an angry yell as Rafe rushes back inside. He knows you're going to hate him, and he knows he didn't have to be so harsh with you, but lately he hasn't been able to stop himself. 

"Stay down!" he orders as you clamber to your feet. "If you come back inside, I won't be so gentle."

He thought it was bad when he wasn't able to see you, but now that he has, it's somehow worse than ever. Every time you're within reach, he has to fight between the urges to rip you apart and crush you into himself, so you never leave.

Later, when he talks to his father about what he's been feeling inside of him, the response isn't what he wants or needs. When he finally admits that he may not be okay, that he doesn't think he can control the thoughts in his head anymore, Ward's instructions to "man up" go straight to his head, where nothing is truly safe anymore.

He thought he was obsessed with getting the gold, but when it was actually in reach, something still felt missing. The more he thinks about it, the more he finds himself fixating on one person.

***

"What happened earlier?" JJ asks you when the whole group returns to the chateau that night. "When Rafe carried you out?"

The question catches you off guard and you feel Sarah's apologetic gaze on you as you open your mouth to respond. "I have no idea."

JJ doesn't look convinced, and when Sarah tries to change the subject, he bulldozes over her. "I just don't get what's going on between you two. First, he's talking to you at the boardwalk, and then he's pulling you out of fights?"

It's not a question really, but the implication is startlingly clear. 

"What are you asking, JJ?" Pope warns, his eyes glancing between you two. "I don't think you're thinking this through. It's fucking Rafe we're talking about here. He's a monster, why would she have anything to do with him?"

His words ring through your ears like alarm bells and you can barely hear their argument over the noise. The sound gets louder and louder until you have to resist the urge to cover your ears.

"He's right."

It takes you a moment to realize those words came from you, but now that it's out, there's no going back.

Sarah says your name cautiously, but you shake your head, silencing her words.

"The guy I hooked up with my first summer on the island was Rafe," you say, your voice slowly growing in strength. "He's the guy I was talking about. And it wasn't just then."

Everyone except Sarah is looking at you like they've never seen you before. The shock and disgust on their faces mirrors what you felt the first time Rafe tried to hurt your friends, but with it being thrown back, you can't handle the pressure.

Tears blur your vision and you stalk out of the house, your feet taking you anywhere but here. The sound of voices yelling gets louder behind you, but you keep walking, your destination slowly becoming clearer the farther away you get.

Rafe is pulling into his driveway when you step onto the Cameron's property, and he throws his door open as soon as he notices you walking up.

"What's going on?" he asks as he slams the door shut and ushers you into the house. "Are you okay?"

You can't help but laugh, even as a few tears slip down your cheeks. "They know."

He knows what you're referring to without you having to explain, and he hesitantly steps forward, pulling you into a hug when you don't flinch. Your face presses into his hard chest and you glide your hands up his back, clutching the fabric of his tee shirt as you let out a small sob.

"They think I'm a monster," you whisper with a sniffle when you finally let go of him. 

He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "They're wrong. You have to know they're wrong."

"What if they aren't?"

He looks at you then, and that spark in your eyes starts to flicker again. "What are you trying to say, Boston?"

"I'm saying..." you start, dragging your words out, "that if they think I'm a monster, I might as well prove them right."

He frowns, following you into the living room. A large part of him is ready and willing for whatever piece of yourself you will give him, but a new, even larger part wants something else for you. Something better.

"Y/n," Rafe warns, his voice dangerously low, "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Something akin to betrayal flashes across your eyes and your mouth presses into a line. "I thought you liked- I mean, I thought you-"

"I do," he states simply. "But you're so much better than me. You know that."

"I'm not," you shake your head, stepping forward. Your hands come up to rest on his chest and his breath hitches. "So shut up and fuck me."

He considers it for a moment but his mind makes the decision for him. His hands tangle into your hair and pull you forward, his lips attacking yours harshly.

He glides his tongue across the seam of your lips, but you pull back before he can go any further.

"Upstairs," you order, before pushing past him and heading up to his room.

You get to his bedroom right before he does, but when the door shuts behind you, he shoves you onto the bed, a snarl curling his lips. "You think you can order me around in my own house?"

You shrug as he climbs over you, his hands pressing into the bed beside your face. "Watch me."

Before he can lean down and kiss you again, you latch your legs around his waist and flip him over, so you're straddling him. He lets out a breathy chuckle that dies in his throat as soon as you begin grinding onto his lap. His cock has already started to harden, even with layers and layers of clothing between you two, and you use this momentary lapse in concentration to push him back onto the bed.

Before he can stop you, you undo the button on his pants and yank them down to his ankles. Reaching onto his bedside table, you grab one of the embroidered bracelets sitting on top and use it to pull your hair back into a ponytail.

His eyes darken with lust as you sink to your knees and take his cock in your hand, your fingers unconsciously gliding up and down the shaft.

You can't help but smile as you watch him lean back, his eyes already falling closed. "My turn."

His cock is sturdy in your hand, and you run your tongue up the shaft, taking your time now that you finally get to taste him. You loosen your fingers around him, swirling your tongue over the head, before slowly taking him into your mouth.

You can feel his eagerness as Rafe's hand runs over your hair, gathering it in his fist.

When he starts to push your head down, you lift your lips off his cock and shake your head. "Look who's impatient this time."

He snarls, tightening his grip on your hair. "Just fucking take me like a good girl."

"I thought you wanted me to be bad."

You slowly run your tongue up the thick vein on the underside of his cock, fluttering your eyelashes up at him, and he almost passes out from the sight. You look so innocent beneath him, and he wants to commit this image into his memory forever, but then you hollow your cheeks around him and every thought leaves his brain.

Your mouth is so warm and wet and he only opens his eyes again when he feels you moaning around him. Glancing down, he sees your hand disappear into your shorts, and he curses, his cock twitching between your lips.

He knows he won't last another minute like this, so he pulls back up, his hand letting go of your hair. He lifts you onto the bed, taking his time to take off your tank top and unbutton your shorts.

"You're beautiful," he states when you're finally bare in front of him, as though it's simply a fact.

His eyes meet yours in the darkness and you are suddenly struck with the desire to make this night last. You know this is the last time you will get to do this, and it doesn't escape you that he's been trying to savor each moment as well.

You take your time as you undo the buttons of his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders once you've reached the bottom and laying it gently on the floor.

Rafe leans you back down and grins as he presses a kiss to your jaw. "Aren't you sweet."

"Shut up," you snipe, running your teeth over his lip as he comes back up to steal a kiss.

"So that's how you want to play this," he smirks, sucking a bruise into your neck.

His fingers still feel soft and gentle against your skin, and you wish you could get it into his head that even though this is probably the last time you will get to have him like this, you don't want it to be sweet. You want it to hurt. 

"I thought I told you to fuck me."

He chuckles into your skin, before sliding his hand under your knee and lifting your leg off the bed. Without any warning, he thrusts into you, forcing you to grit your teeth to avoid making a sound.

"You're so ready for me," Rafe smirks, his calloused hands gripping your waist, "and I've barely even touched you."

You gasp, your head falling back as the pressure becomes almost too much. "It's been a while."

"No, that's not it," he taunts, his body leaning down as his lips find yours. "You just haven't been fucked right since last time."

You hate that he's right. You had tried to get your fix by hooking up with the tourists during the summers, but it had done nothing to assuage the growing frustration in your gut. Because the only person on this island who can make you feel good is the one who brings out the worst in you.

He continues thrusting into you with a pace much faster than you're used to, bottoming out each time. He reaches down to sling an arm under your waist, lifting you up off the bed to change the angle, and a sharp cry escapes your throat against your volition.

"You gotta be quiet," he grunts, lifting you further to press his forehead to yours, "or you don't stop finishing until I say so."

Your brow furrows in confusion, but then he uses his other hand to grab the headboard and starts thrusting into you even faster than before. You tilt your head up, pressing a harsh kiss to his mouth in an effort to quiet the noises trying to escape, but when your release slams into you, you can't help the gasp that flies out.

Your legs clamp around him and he uses his strength to hold you up as your body melts from the pleasure overcoming you.

Your aftershocks haven't even slowed before he spins you around, so you're straddling him, and starts pounding up into you again. Your sensitive cunt spasms helplessly around him, but he doesn't stop, even as you hiss between your teeth.

"Rafe, please, it's too much," you gasp as he holds you up so you don't back onto the bed. "I can't-"

"I told you to stay quiet," he teases, his voice growing darker as he ups his pace again. "You knew the consequences."

Even as the bed shakes from the force of his motions, the pain eventually turns to pleasure again, and you can feel your next release sneaking up on you.

He wraps your hair around his fist, giving it a quick tug for good measure, but the way your pussy squeezes around him makes him pause. "You like that, don't you?"

His grip tightens and you nod slowly, bringing your eyes back to his. His pupils darken and you feel another gush of wetness start to drip down your thighs. Your scalp stings, but you relish the pain, letting it mix in with the pleasure between your legs.

Rafe can already feel you tightening around him again, and he lifts his head to watch as your eyes screw shut, overcome by the feeling of his cock driving into you.

You look heavenly as you near the edge of the abyss, and he slides his hand down between your bodies, his thumb finding your clit. It only takes a few tweaks before you fly off the edge again, your mouth falling open with a silent scream.

Your body shakes from the force of the second orgasm and he can't hold off any longer. Pressing his face into the crook of your neck, he lets out a gasp as he finds his own seemingly never-ending release. All of the energy leaves his body as he watches you fall apart under him, and he finds that he can no longer lie to himself about how he feels.

Reality quickly comes crashing in, and you realize that you don't have any idea how to move forward. Whatever you feel for him will never be enough, no matter how hard you may try to convince yourself otherwise.

Rafe watches you get dressed, his eyes trailing over the bare expanses of your skin, as if committing it to memory. He wasn't raised like his siblings, and the voice in the back of his mind that tells him to never let you leave reminds him of a childhood he never quite managed to unlearn.

He never did learn how to do what was right, but if he is going to do right by one thing, that might as well be you.

[hyzenthlayroseart]

So I came across these Tumblr posts about TLK 2 yesterday (https://waeirfaahl.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20lion%20king%202%20simba%27s%20pride) and they got me thinking about how even though I doubt I'll ever be able to hate the sequel due to being so deep into the Lion King fandom since childhood, the plot makes no sense the more you think about it. There's no way Zira and her cubs could fit anywhere in the original film's timeline, all the Prideland lionesses shown in the first film were against Scar, there's no reason any of them would be on Scar's side, Scar's a loner and his only allies were the hyenas until they realized he never cared about their hunger and was just using them to gain power…yeah I could go on.

Well just for shits and giggles I decided to try and think of my own plot for a sequel, one that doesn't involve Scar as motivation for the conflict. The drawings here are based on early concept art I found on that blog and on the Lion King Wiki.

So, before the events of this hypothetical movie, Zira was the queen of a different kingdom that was once prosperous but was slowly going through a famine. Zira's husband was a good and benevolent king who tried his best to keep his kingdom flourishing through the hardship, but eventually the once strong king became skin and bones and passed away from hunger. This left only Zira as the ruler, and while her husband was a gentle soul, Zira was cold and strong-willed. She loved her husband but her grief at his death eventually turned into resentment towards him being "soft" and "naive" for thinking he could continue living prosperously in a dying land. This lead to her deciding not to make the same mistakes he did by hoping the famine would pass and instead lead the pride to search for better land.

Before the king died he and Zira had one young cub named Nuka, but it was clear he would be unfit to become the heir to the throne due to being born malnourished from the famine, but Zira still held hope about having an heir due to her being pregnant (obviously meaning she and her husband mated again before he died lol).

Zira and her pride eventually come across the Pridelands and are thrilled to find a land with no famine (at this point it's now right after the events of the first movie and the famine during Scar's reign has passed, Simba is the king and Kiara is a newborn). Over at Pride Rock, Simba is informed via Zazu that a pride of strange lionesses are on their lands, so Simba runs over to investigate wether these strangers are a threat. Once confronted by Simba, Zira tells him that she's the former queen of a dead kingdom, her husband the king is dead and now it's just her, her son and unborn cubs and her subjects. Simba takes pity on the starving pride and concludes that they're not a threat so he invites them to join his pride.

While Zira had successfully played the part of a poor defenseless damsel simply in need of sanctuary, she was secretly hoping this king would take her as his mate so she could become queen once again. To her dismay, she discovered that this kingdom not only already had a queen but an heir. She did her best not to show her anger, as even though becoming queen clearly wouldn't be as easy as she thought, she and her pride were still starving, not to mention she herself was pregnant, and she knew she would be a fool to leave a place teaming with enough food to fill her entire pride.

Eventually Zira gave birth to two cubs, Kovu and Vitani. While her daughter still looked a bit malnourished, it was clear that her son was born strong thanks to her new life in the Pridelands. It was then that she decided this one was to be her heir once she came into power. Unbeknownst to her, her firstborn Nuka had thought this whole time that he was his mother's heir, and when he heard her cooing to his newborn brother about one day being a king, his heart shattered and he was immediately filled with hatred for his new brother.

While Zira, her children and her subjects were all at this point members of Simba's pride, they all mainly kept to themselves, only interacting with Simba's lionesses while hunting. Still, life was peaceful, with the only conflict happening on Zira's pride's first day as Pridelanders when they mistook Timon and Pumbaa for prey and tried hunting them, only to have Simba explain that the meerkat and warthog were members of the pride (much to Zira and her pride's confusion).

Despite the seemingly peaceful co-existence, Zira was secretly plotting how to overthrow Simba and Nala to become queen. One night when the Pridelanders were asleep, Zira and her lionesses took the oppurtunity to attack, including trying to kill baby Kiara. Thankfully the Pridelanders were able to overpower their attackers because even though Zira and her pride had grown slightly stronger due to having a healthy amount of prey, they were still the weaker lions. This was the moment that lead to Simba banishing Zira and her pride to the Outlands, where they were once again living in famine.

So now skip forward to when the "movie" plot begins, and it starts out pretty similar to the actual movie where older cub Kiara wanders off, bumps into Kovu, they get into a situation, they try to play but are separated by their parents and taken back to their respective homes, blah blah blah. Some differences are that now when Zira and Simba come face-to-face once again, Scar is never mentioned since he has nothing to do with her, and also when Kiara returns to Pride Rock we see that she has two newborn sisters, Chani and Aisha (when I was thinking this whole thing up I couldn't decide if I wanted to keep Kiara's name or go with one of her original names, and eventually I thought "What if she had sisters with those names?")

Also like in the movie, the scene of Simba scolding Kiara for being disobedient and putting herself into danger is presented in a loving way with Simba of course being mad at her but also telling her how worried he was for her and turns into a loving lesson, while Zira scolding Kovu is done in such an angry, verbally abusive way that he ends up scared of his mother. And like in the movie she ends up getting her epiphany about how Kovu could be her key to taking over the Pridelands by having him gain Simba's trust by befriending Kiara.

So skip forward again to Kiara and Kovu now as young adults (and as a side-note, Chani and Aisha are now the age Kiara was in the previous paragraphs when Kiara and Kovu met). Kiara goes on her first hunt while Nuka and Vitani create a forest fire, Kovu saves her, is allowed into Pride Rock, you know how it goes.

Now in this version Rafiki still gets told by Mufasa's spirit that Kovu and Kiara should get together, but here it's specifically clarified that Zira is too clouded by hatred and a need for power to be trusted. However, her children and her subjects truly just want a normal life where they can escape famine once and for all. Zira may have successfully trained her children to be deadly assassins, but on the inside they're still children who never knew what it was like to have a loving family.

In order to help the two fall in love, Rafiki recruits Timon and Pumbaa (why'd he do this instead of just telling Simba and Nala what Mufasa told him? Idk. Insert reason here. Mainly I just wanted Timon and Pumbaa to actually have something to do in this version). So Kovu ends up barely having enough time by himself to secretly plot how to kill Simba and Nala because Timon and Pumbaa keep hilariously creating reasons for Kovu and Kiara to be in the same area together, while not so subtly dropping romantic innuendos. Of course this irritates the hell outta Kovu and leads to Kiara getting flustered, but eventually when they spend time together Kovu softens and he's reminded of how it felt when they briefly played together as children, the one time he felt like a normal child, even if for a brief moment. Once he starts purposely spending more bonding time with Kiara, he's also swarmed by her two little sisters who constantly want to play with him. Pretty soon Kovu's plan to overthrow Simba and Nala is basically forgotten as he learns what it's like to be in a loving family, as he not only bonds with Kiara and her little sisters but Nala also treats him with kindness and the type of maternal love he's never felt before.

Meanwhile, Simba still can't let go of the fact that the son of the lioness who wants to overthrow him is living with his pride. Due to this he's mainly been isolating himself in the cave plagued with worry, and when Timon and Pumbaa notice how stressed their adopted son is they encourage him to come out of his isolation and see how much Kovu has changed. When Simba walks out of the cave he's met with the site of Kovu and Kiara playing with Chani and Aisha while Nala watches and laughs, and he comes to realize that Kovu shouldn't be blamed for the sins of his mother and ends up forming a fatherly bond with Kovu.

Unbeknownst to all of them, Zira, Nuka and Vitani have secretly been spying on Kovu. They're outraged that Kovu has become soft and forgotten the plan, so decide to take matters into their own hands. One day Kovu and Simba decide to go on a walk together where Simba tells Kovu that he's noticed that he and Kiara seem to have developed feelings for each other, and while Kovu reacts with shock and embarrassment, Simba assures him that he can now see that Kovu is not his mother and is just a lonely child who longed for a family. The mention of his mother causes Kovu to suddenly become full of guilt over his real reason for coming into the pride, but he's too afraid to confess. Simba starts to continue his speech, intending to reveal to Kovu that he gives him and Kiara his blessing, but is unable to finish as the two of them end up surrounded by Outsiders. Of course like in the movie, Simba assumes Kovu betrayed him and led him into an ambush, a fight breaks out, Simba escapes which leads to Nuka getting killed (I don't know if I want Kovu to still get scarred by Zira in this version, because here the symbolism would make no sense), and in the next scene Kovu is banished.

Kiara ends up sneaking out and reuniting with Kovu who tearfully explains that the wildfire during Kiara's hunt was no accident and was just his mother's plan to get him into Simba's pride so he could overthrow Simba and Nala and take over the kingdom and tells her she needs to stay away from him if she wants to be safe. She assures him that she knows he's changed and he isn't the killer his mother trained him to be, and tells him that she loves him, to which he confesses he loves her too.

Meanwhile, Zira finally comes to her breaking point after the betrayal of one son and the death of another, and decides the time for plotting is over and she and her pride need to go to Pride Rock themselves to kill every last Pridelander. Back at Pride Rock, Simba and Nala panic over Kiara's disappearance and decide to start a search party. Simba initially wants to lead it but Nala, Timon and Pumbaa remind him that he's in no condition to search as he still needs to recover from the ambush attack. It's then decided that Nala will lead the search party with Zazu and several other lionesses while Simba, Timon and Pumbaa remain at Pride Rock to watch over Chani and Aisha. Unfortunately, Zira and her Pride are on their way to Pride Rock.

When the search party finds Kiara and discovers that she's with Kovu, Nala angrily tells him to stay away from her family and threatens to kill him if he doesn't leave. Kiara begs and pleads with her mother and tries to explain that the ambush wasn't his fault, but this conflict is interrupted by none other than Vitani running towards them in clear distress. Nala recognizes her as the daughter of Zira and threatens to kill her too, but Vitani tearfully reveals that not only is Pride Rock under attack, but Chani has been murdered. Nala and Kiara fall to the ground and let out primal screams of agony, while Vitani tearfully tells her shellshocked brother that this conflict has gotten out of hand and she wants to put an end to her mother's tyranny. Kovu suddenly felt that murderous rage that had been trained into him by his mother come back, but this time it wasn't for Simba, it was for his mother. Kovu didn't hesitate to run in the direction of Pride Rock, causing the still-shocked search party as well as Vitani to follow.

Once they arrive, they find Simba, now even more severly injured due to this second ambush, standing over a terrified Aisha while Timon and Pumbaa are behind him guarding Chani's body. Opposite of Simba is Zira, taunting Simba that he might as well surrender now that he's too injured and heartbroken to fight back, as well as telling him that now they're even since Simba lead to one of her children being killed and now she's killed one of his. Simba responds to this by asking "You mean the son you didn't even love?"

This enrages Zira and she lunges to strike a killing blow but is pinned down by none other than Kovu. Simba's shocked to see Kovu attack his own mother and instantly puts the pieces together that Kovu wasn't responsible for the ambush. Zira throws her son off of her and into the cave wall where he's briefly knocked out but before Zira can lunge at Simba again she ends up being overpowered by Nala, Kiara and the other lionesses. Her attention changes form trying to kill Simba to trying to fight off all the lionesses attacking her. While trying to fight them all off she commands her subjects to help, but to her bewilderment they end up not fighting against the Pridelanders but WITH them. Zira's horrified by this betrayal and for the first time in her life, she's scared.

She continues getting attacked left and right, until Simba commands everyone to stop. Everyone turns around to see Simba standing tall despite his injuries while letting the still-dazed Kovu lean against him, while in the back of the cave Timon and Pumbaa are comforting Aisha. Simba declares that while Zira's penalty for her crimes should be the death sentence, he will instead banish her because enough blood has been shed already and, to paraphrase what he once said to his uncle, he's not like her. Zira laughs at him for being too weak to kill her even when she deserves it, calling him soft and weak like her husband was. This leads to Kovu trying to lunge at her despite still being weak, but Simba holds him back. Zira gets up, albeit weakly due to her severe injuries, and pretends to limp away, but at the last minute tries lunging at Kiara to push her over Pride Rock to fall to her death, but ends up getting struck by lightning mid-air which leads to her dying instantly as her limp body falls off the edge. Kovu and Vitani's immediate reaction is grief over their mother's death, which is quickly overpowered by relief at being free.

The next day, Chani is buried and given a funeral, and once the funeral is over, Kovu declares that his family has caused unspeakable grief to Pride Rock and he and his subjects will leave them, but Simba declines, telling Kovu that he and his pride were just being used by his mother and he knows that that isn't who they really are, and he finally tells Kovu and Kiara that he gives them their blessing, followed by Nala declaring the same.

So after the grieving period has passed, Kovu and Kiara are married, Aisha gains a fun new brother-in-law as well as a cousin or two in the future (wink wink), Vitani falls in love with a Pridelander lioness, no one ever goes hungry again and they all live happily ever after. Roll credits.

And yes I know Zira absolutely deserved the death penalty but this is a Disney movie, I wanted to keep up the trope of the hero not killing the villain because they're not like them and all that crap. And I couldn't have her commit suicide either because once again, Disney movie, but also her doing that in the context of the deleted scene from the actual film makes sense because she'd rather remain loyal to Scar even in death than accept help from the daughter of her sworn enemy, but here…who would her loyalty be to? Again, she and Scar being together isn't a thing here. So I thought of lighting being a cool idea since having it storm during the final showdown would be a nice callback to the first film.

Also a small detail I wanna point out because it might be hard to notice is that I gave Zira heterochromia where she has one green eye and one blue eye, because even though Zira has red eyes in the official sequel I wanted to give her eyes to match Vitani but then I gave the red eyes to their father which made me wonder where Kovu's green eyes came from, so I decided to give both blue and green eyes to Zira. And I know that in the official sequel Kovu's green eyes were obviously just to help make him resemble Scar more despite not being his son but even though there's no Scar link in my version I still gave him green eyes cuz I just like him with green eyes.

Damn this ended up long, I'm sorry lol.

[pizacat72]

what are your thoughts on tlk1, tlk2 and tlg? how much do you like each of them?

ooh good question!!! lemme see here. putting this under a keep reading bc it long

TLK is definitely far and away the best out of all of em. God the visuals!!! Each shot is a definite masterpiece. Each scene vitally important to the film as a whole. The best scenes in the movie imo are Mufasa and Simba roughhousing and Mufasa's ghost speaking to Simba. Each emotional beat in those scenes just hits me in the feels every fucking time. Oh, and the music. It's simply impossible to discuss TLK without the music! Each song number is catchy and fun. The Circle of Life sets my soul on fire every fucking time. I Just Can't Wait to Be King and Hakuna Matata are my fucking anthems. Can You Feel the Love Tonight is sweet and romantic, with the funny bits with Timon and Pumbaa being the cherry on top. Even tho Be Prepared is my least favorite song in the movie, that doesn't mean it's a bad song. It's only my least favorite bc I don't resonate with it as much but it's still one hell of a banger. Also this movie arguably has the most recognizable leitmotifs ever. Mufasa's leitmotif is grand, majestic, and tragic when he dies. Simba's leitmotif is hope filled, inspiring, and awesome, especially at the end of the movie. The musical score is amazing. We Are All Connected, Kings of the Past, and The Rightful King are easily my top 3 movie score pieces of all time. I just. There's so much to unpack and I just aaaaaaaa it's my very favorite movie of all time!!!

While TLK2 obviously isn't at quite the same level, it's still a worthy sequel in its own right. The animation is still pretty good, the characters are fairly solid and the music is still mostly catchy as hell (that said, Upendi is definitely the cheesiest song in the whole movie and I definitely could do without it). I think Adult Simba's characterization is the strongest without a doubt here. Matthew Broderick's enraged shout of "Exile!" gets me every time. He's still wrestling with being like his father. Oh and Kiara is arguably my favorite TLK female character of all time and is probably my second favorite TLK character next to Cub Simba. Her compassion and wisdom really draw parallels with that of her grandfather and I headcanon that she sort of felt his presence guiding her as she fell in love with Kovu. Oh, He Lives in You and We Are One are my favorite songs of the movie. There's a spirituality to them that I really can't ignore (i'm a bit reluctant to go into my spiritual beliefs on tumblr bc of religious trauma and also i think i'll probably get lambasted haha).

TLG is a mixed bag for me. The chemistry between the characters in the first two seasons was pretty solid. The music is excellent as always, Zuka Zama being my favorite. The antagonists were pretty awesome too, especially Reirei. God, I love her. I also really appreciate that this show doesn't forget about its side characters and most of them make at least two appearences in the show, which I do appreciate. I also liked the little parallel shot references to TLK (in a youtube video seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s0EYqMIR58&t=13s). However, Simba's characterization here really bugged me. Especially in the Savannah Summit episode where he basically tells Kion that he ruined it. He feels more like Kion's boss than his father. While I am able to headcanon that as him throwing himself into his royal duties to protect his family, I do wish he had at least a slight bit of chill. I also was bugged about Kiara wanting to be queen, which kind of skewed her desire to not be queen in TLK2 but honestly, I kind of chalk that up to writers forgetting her previous characterization briefly. Oh and ZURI. I fucking hate Zuri. Whose fucking idea was it to give a lion cub eyeshadow? She's irritating, unbearable, and simply unlikeable. I used to hate Tiifu but The Underground Adventure redeemed her in my eyes so she's cool with me now. Also, not a huge fan of Kion talking to Mufasa so easily. I just think it kind of ruins the whole mystique and majesty about the Lions of the Past. Season 3 was also pretty rough but I think I've complained about TLG too much already so I'll stop for now.

(gonna make a separate post about TLK 1.5 bc that movie is probably the best TLK sequel imo but yeah haha)

[obxologies]

𝘚𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘖𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩  𝘚𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘩 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯

warnings: none

requested?: no

author's note: the amount of times i rewrote this imagine...anyways lol. voting for next imagine will be in a few.

Sarah Cameron didn't have good luck when it came to relationships. The boys she had gotten involved with had never been the nicest. They usually only wanted to get into her pants or earn status points for being seen with the Kook princess. Most of the boys she never even actually dated. She had only ever had two real boyfriends.

Her first boyfriend, Gabe, only seemed to date her because his friends thought it was a good idea. He acted like jerk to her most of the time, and he never once made an effort to seem interested in anything she had to say. They dated for five months. Sarah wasn't sure she liked him either if she was being honest, but all of her other friends had boyfriends. It only felt like she needed one, too.

Her second boyfriend, Topper, was friends with her older brother, Rafe. He was always nice to her and started conversations with her any chance he got. When he asked her out she said yes. He was the only who had ever been nice to her and not seem to want to get in her pants on the first date. Their relationship started out perfect. They were the prince and princess of Figure Eight, but soon enough Sarah realized what his plan had been all along. He wanted to be seen with her. With Sarah Cameron by his side he was bound to draw attention.

Sarah had thought that she just wasn't destined to find someone who loved her for her, but then she met, y/n, a Pogue who was friends with Kiara Carrera.

y/n y/l/n was everything Sarah had dreamed of. She loved Sarah how she had always wished to be loved. y/n wasn't interested in her for her body or for the attention she received. She liked to listen to Sarah talk. She could sit in front of Sarah and watched her ramble on for hours; something Sarah had never really experienced before. It was all sort of surreal.

"Come on, Sarah!" y/n exclaimed in a whisper tone. "It's gonna be fun. Please, come with us." She begged.

"Fine." Sarah sighed grabbing her jacket and slipping it on while y/n smiled and gave the Pogues below them a victorious thumb's up.

"Be careful coming down." y/n told Sarah as she moved to jump back to the ground while Sarah carefully climbed out of the window and quietly pulled it down.

"I've done this a thousand times." Sarah stated with a roll of her eyes. She climbed down to the ground with ease. "I can't be gone too long."

"We'll just go for a couple of hours." y/n promised.

"My dad will ground me all over again if he finds out I snuck out." Sarah explained.

"I know, Sarah." y/n stopped them and pulled her closer. She gently grabbed her face in her hands. "I just want to be with you. You've been locked up in your house all week. I missed you."

"I missed you, too." Sarah smiled placing her hand over y/n's.

"I'll have you back before you're dad notices, promise." y/n kissed her cheek. "If we take too long JJ will blame us for missing all the good waves."

"I'm gonna go join the boys." Kiara said standing up from her spot in the sand.

"Have fun." y/n waved as she jogged out to the water to go swim with the boys. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Sarah nodded keeping her head on y/n's chest.

"You're quiet." y/n pointed out.

"I'm just thinking." Sarah shrugged.

"About?" y/n asked. Sarah sighed and pushed herself off y/n's chest. "Sarah?"

"Did you bring me out here just sit in the sand?" Sarah asked.

"I mean we can get in the water if you want." y/n chuckled. "Why?"

"No other reason?" Sarah quirked an eyebrow. "You just wanted to hang out?"

"Yeah," y/n laughed. "You're my girlfriend. Why wouldn't I wanna hang out with you?"

"It's just different." Sarah said softly. "People I've dated in the past, they always had another motive."

"Like to sleep with you?" y/n said.

"Yeah," Sarah nodded, "Or to be seen with me. But you don't seem to want anything from me."

"All I want is to spend time with you, Sarah." y/n grabbed her hands in hers. "I don't care about being seen with you. I just wanna be with you. And I don't want to do anything until we're both ready to move forward that way."

Sarah's lips quirked up and she leaned forward wrapping her arms around y/n. She hugged her tight, burying her face in her shoulder.

"I love you." Sarah whispered.

"I love you, too."

[klappert-art]

Goodbye summer~

[g-lbertblythe]

Television Heaven // Rafe Cameron

Summary: As the each day passes, you fall for Rafe Cameron solemnly and irretrievably.

A/N: This song made me think of Rafe. Actually, I was thinking of Rafe then I started to listen to this one. Anyway, I was planning on something different but it got out of control. So it has really nothing to do with the song. Hope you enjoy anyway.

It might contain grammar and spelling mistakes cuz it's not my native language.

Every move you made, you made after long considerations, with caution. You questioned every little detail, calculating every probable outcome so strictly, sometimes you end up missing the chance to carry it into action. Just because you didn't want to find yourself in a situation that would make you embarrass and hurt yourself or just would make you feel something, you always choose the right and short way to do things. The logical one but the one no flowers grow. You held yourself back when you encountered with something so beautiful that may change your life, you just refused it, ignored it because you wouldn't know what to do with it. You ran away from anything in sight that may make you an idiot for doing it or make you weak, helpless; therefore you stayed away from anything unsolvable, complicated even. You didn't know everytime you ran away, you come closer the edge of falling apart. You've lived your life so guardedly, you've actually never lived. You come to understand that you never made any effect on your life, never pushed the buttons of the controlling panel of your life although you always tried to keep everything on your control. You didn't make things happened, things only happened to you. The day you became aware of this ugly truth, you also discovered a hole inside you. A hole which you use to suffocate any heavy, intense sensation you might feel. Now, it was the one taking control of you.

Lately, everyone around you was able to notice that something's wrong with you. Changed, you looked like you were fading away. You were disappearing more and more, the each day you realize the things you didn't do or things you wanted to say but never said. Because any time you don't say what you wanna say, you die a little. And you died very. Reminiscing the moments you stole from yourself pushed you an edge and you were standing the very edge, unsteady. One day you lose your balance, you start falling and you've been falling since.

The strong liquor on your lips never dried, you kept sipping one after another. You were never drunk on life before, you might actually get drunk at least. You were tired of filling your glass constantly, you left the glass on Camerons' table and head for the bottle.

"Are you okay?" Kiara asks hesitantly. She noticed something was off recently but she didn't think it will last this long. Normally nothing would affect you so long. But now, something in your eyes was missing and she didn't know what was it. She wanted to help you but didn't know how because you never needed any help before.

"Yeah, " you smiled to her slightly so she could see you can still do it and it was okay. The problem was your lips and your eyes didn't match. "You?"

She just nodded as an answer but the suspicions she had was still there. She didn't want you to be alone so when you refused to hang out at the beach with the rest of the gang, she came with you to the kitchen. But you knew, she wanted to be out there so you should gett her off the hook.

"Hey, " you said to draw her attention. "Let's head outside. I am bored here sitting."

"You sure?" She asked. "You wanted to come inside?"

You smiled, forcibly, lately every smile you gave was like that. "Yes. It turned out to be a bad idea. "

"Okay, " she said when she got up, you had to also. She was ready to walk away before you stopped her. "I'm going to hit the bathroom first. You go. "

She looked at you unsurely. "I'll wait."

You laughed, you were a little lightheaded from standing up swiftly but you didn't drink enough to get drunk yet. But she thought you were. You wished you were too. "I can pee just okay without you waiting, Kie. Tell them I'm coming and determined to drink whatever out there."

Eventually, she ended up leaving you and as soon as she was gone, you let yourself fall on the sofa again. You just needed few minutes before you head outside.

The Pogues have started becoming the huge part of your life not so long ago. You think the awareness hit you just after you met them because they were the most animated people you've met. They were full of spirit although some of their lives weren't always bed of roses, still they managed the find attraction and beauty in other things. You admired them before, now you envied.

The cold hit you as soon as you stepped outside but you liked feeling the breeze on your bare arms. The cold was all you feel anyway. You knew exactly where your friends at, before worrying Kiara any longer, you made your way to them before you saw of a guy that one beer bottle in his hand and the other hand in his pocket. Watching your friend from afar. You pushed the urge of considering if you should go near him or not. You were going because you didn't go so many times before.

"Hey, " you let him know of your arrival. His upper body moves to face you only to see you looking at him with your unfinished bottle on your hand. He turned back to keep watching his sister and the junk she brought along with her. He never ever liked them and he never will but he had to behave because his father told him to. Rafe could only behave himself to a certain extent. He tried to stop himself making their life like hell but failed so many times that you forgot how many times you had to stop himself from hurting your new friends. He was mad at Sarah bringing them into your lives and he was mad at you for joining in this quest and defying him about this matter. You knew Rafe felt like the Pogues were the ones blame for everything that goes wrong in his life and almost anything he does and and he has goes wrong. Yet he was almost sure they were guilty of everything that happened. He had a temper and an addiction that makes it worse. He was confused and lost in so many ways, he was all over the place. Regarding the fact he wants do right by his family, friends and by you, he always and always ends up doing the worst of there is. Rafe's choices was never right and until that moment, you couldn't picture yourself being jealous of him because still, he had a say in what he had done with his life. The kind of life you regret having maybe, however with the pills mostly, he thinks nobody has it right but him.

Rafe was angry at his father, at himself and at you. He was angry at everything. He no longer knew what has left for him anymore. He has never received anything from his father but the disappointment he caused him. The things used to be his now was taken over by others. His part of the island, his so called values, his friends even and you too. Rafe knew you for so long although you were almost distant with everybody, you shared a huge deal of time together. Mostly because you had close family relationships and Kooks hanged out together all the time until his little sister violates that rule.

"Your new friends turned you into an alcoholic, huh?"

He said coldly as possible, still bitter about you stood between him and JJ Maybank and chose him over him. Well, he didn't expect you to be on his side because you would never. You had principles or some kind of shit he lacks, however he didn't expect you to be on his side too.

"My oldest friends couldn't turn me into an crackhead, I thought I might as well try this one." You said, trying to sound as cold as him but you couldn't make it last so long. "You look like you hadn't drown yourself in snow."

He faced you. "Yet."

You smiled looking at the ground and it was a real one. Rafe was frustrated to so many and sometimes to you but you like to talk to him sometimes. All the time, probably. You didn't know exact amount because you started avoiding being around him for too long after sometime in your life. Because you felt your heart pounding in your chest in a way that so weird as he talks to you and looks at you a little too long. You couldn't take the risk of acknowledging that feeling and letting it grow.

"No lectures about how I shouldn't do it?" Rafe asked you surprisedly. Because he wouldn't hear the end of it generally.

"Would you take them seriously?" You said. Somehow, you felt like grinning like a idiot and you didn't stop yourself from doing it. You asked him, one brow lifted up, playfully. Not like the times you fake being playfull. For real.

As you talk to him, he was about to forget he was mad at you. He grinned at your way. "Nah."

And the way he smiled it was so deadly, but he felt so heavenly just like that.

"You see, I've learned my lessons." You say to him and he just shrugges.

Rafe wasn't the type to approach people with an passive aggressive attitude. He would go with full active. But tonight, what he felt the most was so sickening feeling like sorrow but not, destructive one like hatred which he usually feels most. Therefore he looked calmer outside but the war was going inside his mind and his chest. Yeah sometimes even he had one of those melancholic days.

You felt uneasy as he wasn't even looking at your way to answer. It was like you didn't get what you came here for. He just stood there, making you wondering what he was thinking of at the moment.

Your eyes caught JJ, looking worried as his eyes searched for you in the crowd then they found you. He paced towards to you, seeing Rafe, he thought you might need to be saved from him. "Hey, where've you been?" He asked you after he sent brief glares to Rafe and he recieved the same ones in return. "We were waiting for you."

Rafe felt so regarded before by everyone else, he knew you would have gone. Again.

"You coming?" JJ had to ask as you didn't say anything.

"I think I'll stay here for now. " You sounded so clear that although Rafe was surprised that you wanted to stay, he didn't think he heard you wrong.

"Are you sure?" He said and couldn't stop himself from looking at Rafe. Rafe hated that look and the way he was being protective of you like he would hurt you.

"She said she'll stay, didn't she? Beat it."

JJ turned to Rafe, his jaw clenching in anger. "I don't remember talking to you man. " He sounded hostile as possible.

As Rafe took a step towards to him, JJ was also ready to pick up another fight so he didn't hold himself back.

"Hey, hey!" You had to step in and pushed them away from each other but it was hard because they were always so willing to beat each other up.

"I'm tired of doing this again and again. " You left your hand on Rafe's chest but didn't move the one on JJ's, the one also holding the bottle. He didn't have much common sense either but still was better than Rafe. "I'm sorry to ditch you guys but I need to talk to Rafe."

JJ had seconds thoughts but he left you eventually. Rafe went back to being silent and didn't even ask you what was you wanted to talk him although he wondered.

"You had to be the alpha, didn't you?" You asked just to hear him answering.

"This is my house, I am the fucking alpha here." He spits nearly. He tried his everything to not make a scene but it was a hard battle he had fought inside. You couldn't keep your eyes off of him, the way he's so annoyingly silent and the way he looks so mad but hurt at the same time was confusing you. You couldn't know you either hate him or hug him so tightly that he should never feel broken again. You knew all he did, he did it to make everyone around you to love him.

"Are you angry with me?"

"Is this what you wanted talk about?" He stares at you, answering your question bothers him so he doesn't.

"No." You said. No use of him confirming his anger, it was obvious.

"Just cut the to chase then. Your boyfriend waits for you."

You reached for the cup in his hands and it took him by surprise. "He's not my boyfriend." You said as his eyes widened by the sudden move from you, trailed your hand until you threw the cup to the ground. Then they turned to see your expression to figure out what you up to. You were a little too close.

"What are you doing?" He asked slightly angrily, slightly astonishedly. His pink, soft lips moved so beautifully, you had hard times focusing on his eyes.

"I want you to be sober for this."

You smiled as you grabbed his hand that held the cup the seconds ago. He was baffled by your soft touch, something was different about you tonight.

You pulled him with you and he didn't move at first as he tried to make sense of what you are doing. This was as strange to him as it was to you because your remember how many times you avoided being close to him. When you were talking to him casually or you were fighting with him, you felt so uncomfortable when you get too close to him. He was like this stunning and mesmerizing thing you felt his energy all over you but if you touched him or stay too close, you would get burned. How many times you wanted to hug him, hold his hand, pat his shoulders but you just didn't...

"What are you doing?" He asked, you had a loose grip on his hand and as you two moved swiftly, he was scared that it might break off. "Where are we going Y/N?"

"Be patient just for once."

And he had to be, however he never liked not knowing what's coming for him.

"Are you drunk?" Rafe said as soon as you stopped in front of him, making it to your destination. His eyes wandered around the balcony to see If there's something he sould notice but he's missing. But there were only you and him.

You rolled at your eyes the fact everyone's assuming you're drunk when you never felt so sober and wide awake before until now.

"No, Rafe. I am not." You even left your bottle at the beach.

"Why did you bring me here?"

You had to let go of his hands but your eyes never left his face. There was something with him that you could never understand before. You look at him and never want to see anything else. You could watch him for hours and days and still wouldn't want to look away. How foolish you would sound if you said these out loud.

Rafe waited for an answer but all you did was stare at him blankly.

"Why are you being weird Y/N? You high?"

You walked towards to the edge and left him behind you but turned away to see him, leaning back on the parapets. You had this idiotic smile on your face that just can't go away when you see him. You kept it hidden all this time but no longer fight the feeling.

"No. I am not drunk. I am not high. How many times I have to repeat myself?" You didn't sound sarcastic or angry, on the contrary Rafe found your tone extremely cheerful and it left more confused with the the situation.

"But you don't seem that way. " He admitted. The girl he knows was earnest, restrained and would do what what expected from her. It was annoying to him time to time because you were perfect example people-his father- gives when how he should be like. You were decent and kind, type of person who knows what to say to the people older than you. You were more relaxed and fun when you were with close friends. He liked that you could do it many ways but he always found you hard to get to. You would only let people in -or only him to the some point and would just go ice after that point. You were sharp with your words too If you wanted to and would know where to hurt when you want to hurt somebody but you only did to him once or twice. Probably they were the only times you actually went so cruel with anybody and Rafe was the only person could enrage anyone despite of how calm this person is. Rafe thought you had a side that you kept in secret and he was aware and impressed by that.

Now, you stood there, your hands on the parapets and your head tilted to your side with a small smile on the corner of your lips. You didn't look that weird but the energy you radiate was most peculiar.

He looked up and down. "You seem different."

The way he sound was like a melody. "How come?"

He only shrugged his shoulders and watched you giggle, breaking the silent night with it. You didn't know why you did it, it just got out of you.

Rafe took a step towards you, his eyes squinted with worry. "Are you okay?"

"Oh my God, could you just stop it? I am fine Rafe. "

"Then speak. Why did you bring me here? You're acting insane as fuck." He was impatient now and you were a little upset he thinks you are insane. So being out of your character just for a night and even he thinks you're insane. Your mood was spoiled.

"You can leave If you want. I didn't bring you here to fight. "

You sounded hurt and he couldn't comprehend how did you get too sensitive. You would scream at each other and you wouldn't even fling.

"Okay," he said to ease the tension. "Just tell me why are we here."

His words didn't bring your cheerful attitude back but you still continued. "Do you remember the summer two years ago? You and Sarah stayed here when Rose and your dad went to Caribbean's along with Wheezie?"

Rafe nodded slowly, wondering about why the hell you were bringing this up. "Yeah, we threw the biggest party this island has ever seen." He said little proud with himself.

He hoped the way he chuckles would make you all giggly again but you kept a straight face.

"It had started as fancy party at first. Sarah and I really wanted it to be like Midsummers because we wanted to feel like grownups in our fancy clothes." You smiled softly with remembering all of this. "And Topper was down with the idea because he wanted attention from Sarah. We even convinced you to it."

"And I remember we end up trashing the house at the end of the night though. "

"It was a mess." you said with a small smile that was gone so quickly. You approached to him slowly, with a serious look on your face that finally resembles to your normal self. "Do you remember you put on your dad's tuxedo and it was short for you because you became a giant that year?"

Rafe nodded firmly he was nervous of your serious expression. Now, you were only a step ahead of him and you were searching for something in him that he had no idea what. "I do." He brows squinted. "I had to take it off."

" You put on your ball cap when everyone wore a bow-tie." You smiled sadly, when you remember it hurt how good he looked that night. You'd remember him like that way forever.

"You were too drunk that night. I don't think you remember and it probably didn't matter to you," you cleaned your lips with your tongue. "We were here, alone, and you told me I looked beautiful in my sundress that night."

You felt a warn sensation on your cheek and your vision got blurred before you realize you are crying. You didn't know why because you finally felt so relieved you got this out of your chest. "And I couldn't forget that moment how much I tried to. "

Tears kept falling from your eyes, not matter how hard you tried to keep them in. You were tired from deceiving yourself about Rafe and pretending like you don't feel the way you do. Keeping this hidden from him and yourself. And you hated that you're crying and being so emotional and vulnerable now.

You wiped the tears and able to stop yourself although when you finally managed to look at Rafe, your vision wasn't all clear.

He looked at you as If you are not real. When you didn't get any reaction from Rafe, you were ready to drown yourself in bottles. You couldn't believe how stupid and naive you became in a week. This was the reason you never told him. This was the situation you didn't want to put yourself in. Just like that, a tear warmed your cheek again.

Rafe reached for your cheek, cupped it in his hand hesitantly. His heart shattered when you cried. And it was because of him. His hands left you naked, staring at him and wishing you were dead.

"How can you like me?" He asked, the words didn't almost make it out of his mouth and you weren't able to see his blurry blue eyes because of your own.

You cried a little more to his words. It hurt you how he thought he was unlovable. Yes he was mean, confused and a total mess but he was so much more. Maybe he didn't knew what to say or what to do all the time, maybe everything he did was wrong but he had good intentions. He was damaged and wounded by so many places. He was chaotic, problematic and it was probably wrong to mant to like him. Yes it was hard to love him but you did love him with every inch of your body and soul. You put your hand on his cheek and his skin underneath your palm was the smoothest things you ever touched before.

"You're beautiful, Rafe." You said and you just didn't know how to explain the way you feel. It was too much, too powerful.

"No." He stepped back, shaking his head side to side. He just couldn't believe you. You... of all people, knew how bitter he is and liked him? You were amazing and breathtaking in so many ways, you could do so much more and deserve so much better. And he was wretched soul, not even his father loved him. How could you possibly do?

"Don't fuck with me, okay?" He was angry at you playing with his mind like this. You were being cruel again, hitting where it hurts. "You don't." He said it like it is impossible for someone to love him because somehow, it was for everybody around him.

"I do."

He looked at you like you committed an unspeakable crime. Like you were trying to deceive him into that he has what he always seeked for. "Don't fucking lie to me. You don't." He said and a tear fell from his eyes. "You.." he had to take a deep breath to continue. You... A creation that is above him. "You can't."

If he only knew how he made you feel. If he knew how many times you pushed back the thoughts of him when they suddenly came to you and made your days unbearable. How you convinced yourself that he doesn't mean anything to you and felt sick in your stomach when you saw him with another girl and wished it was you instead. He had a possession in your heart without his knowledge and today was the day that part declared its freedom.

"But I do, Rafe. I spent so much thinking that it's nothing, thinking it is wrong, but I just do. I don't care if it is anymore, Rafe. I always tried to do what's right, it got me nowhere. If this is wrong, then I don't wanna be right."

You brushed his hair back and he was breathing heavily in your face. "Don't push me away." You whispered. "Please."

"I might never be this brave again." You kissed him, slowly made your lips as one. His skin burned you when his lips felt like heaven. When he gently kissed you back, you felt like nothing in this world could make you feel better than this.

Although you needed him more than the air your lungs lacked, you had to pull away. Your breaths melded with each other and now you got a taste of it, you didn't want to stop. Your lips once more was intertwined with his and they danced softly on yours. As your movements became more passionate, he followed you replacing his hands on both of your cheeks and pushing himself closer to you as if that was even an option, If it were, you'd do it sooner.

You wanted more and more. The scary truth that's been invading thoughts had no chance of fighting with the desire you were burning with. Him not loving you back as you do love him would kill you tomorrow but tonight you were born again.

[musicallisto]

Hello, may I request a male ( to be matched with) matchup please & thank you from play choices Royal romance, decor and decorum and red dead redemption 2? LINK -  The first part is infoship2 (.) tumblr (.) (com) (without the parentheses). You can take as much time as you need to, I don’t mind being patient & waiting. If the information is too long, let me know and I'll shorten it if necessary. If you don't want to write for some of them, I hope it would be alright if I chose another one.

I ship you with...

Ezekiel Theron

Ezekiel, out of all the nobles at court, is the one who's most comprehensive of your love of animals, your introversion, and your mental conditions, especially anxiety and OCD. I think he'd be the best match for you because he's a soft-spoken yet passionate and loving person, and he'd be undisputably devoted to you and to your relationship.

He appreciates that you are such a good listener, but I think he is, too. Sometimes when you've had a horrible day and you just need to unwind, you'll sit together on the couch and he'll listen to you ramble about whatever is pissing you off and how bad of a day you just had while he rubs your shoulders comfortingly.

(In these moments, you swear that for a little instant every worry in the world ceases to exist and you are finally at peace with yourself, your mind, and your surroundings)

You witness him veritably thrive once he finally opens his veterinary clinic; he's happier than you've ever seen him. Visiting him at work always cheer the both of you up, because he sees your cheerful face and his mood is lifted, and because you observe him in the environment he's most comfortable in, taking care of the animals with such gentleness that it makes you swoon

(When a dog who's just had a heavy surgery has to spend the night at the clinic, you get to pet and cuddle the little, tired patient after closing hours, when darkness and quiet have fallen on Castelsarraillan, and it's like having your own little family with Zeke)

You both are not the most outspoken people, that much is clear - actually, Kiara jokingly wonders out loud what you can talk about when you're together, since you are very reserved and keep to yourselves a lot when you're in social situations. But she fails to see how comfortable you are in each other's presence, and how well you know each other, to the point that words are both natural and unnecessary. Communication, love, trust, and your ever-growing friendship are all held by little gestures, affections, that anyone else would not notice, but you do.

(Such affections include the time Zeke took you to a botanical garden in Castelsarraillan to watch the colorful butterflies burst into bright waterfalls inbetween the leaves, because he thought it would be a calm date that you would appreciate. He was nervous about it at first, fearing you'd find that stupid. Judging by the kiss you gave him at the end of the visit, you did find it anything but stupid.)

Viscount Harry Foredale

As strange as it may sound, you'd both bond thanks to the fact that you have felt cheated by love, or that you simply will not, and have no interest, in looking for it anymore. You both have been through a lot and have resolved not to let down your walls for anyone, fearing it might lead to hurt. And yet, after being friends for quite a long time, you can't help but be touched by Harry's kind soul, and he starts to consider you as more than a friend once he discovers gentle sides of your personality that he had not imagined before.

He knows that you don't particularly like balls and other fancy gatherings - to be honest, neither does he. You have to put on a lot of makeup, long, restraining and uncomfortable dresses, show yourself to the world and make small talk with snakes who are more than eager to cross you. As Viscount, he can't avoid attending some, especially the ones thrown at Edgewater, but he'll always find a way to whisk you somewhere private where you can dance freely and only be watched by the stars and the fields.

(One time, much to his surprise, you were the one who asked him to get away for a little while, by a sudden burst of initiative. He happily followed you through the gorgeous gardens of some Count's mansion in the English countryside, smelling the flowers and telling childhood stories. For the first time, you did not care how your laugh sounded, you just let it dissolve in the night sky.)

Something that he won't admit, but is true nonetheless about him: he's insecure about his scars. He thinks they're the most noticeable feature on his face and he hates them, feeling it makes him more of a monster and less of a human. To you, on the other hand, they are a sign of his strength. When he tells you the tales of his adventures in France, you make it a point to remind him how courageous you think he is. He blushes and fumbles with his words everytime.

(After a few times, he makes it a point, too, to remind you how courageous he thinks you are. You're not sure why he thinks so, and even why he would tell you this, but when you look into his earnest eyes you are absolutely sure that he is not lying.)

Afternoons spent sketching on the sunny parlor of your estate, with a fuming cup of tea right in front of you, and your dog snoring at your feet, are your favorites. You sometimes hear the old wood tiles creak under Harry's feet upstairs - he spends hours working and writing in his office, but sometimes he comes downstairs and gives you a quick kiss on the forehead. Curiously, you're not ashamed to show him what you've been drawing - most times it's a landscape, or your dog.

(Once or twice, though, he's come into a empty room salve for the pen and paper left on the table, and he's felt his cheeks redden and his chest fill with love and pride when he recognized that you were drawing him, with scars and all, proper in his horseriding suit, judging the observer with an unmistakable glint in his eye.)

Arthur Morgan

I highly doubt you'd be part of the gang - it really isn't the kind of ruthless, cruel and deceptive life that you would choose to follow. No, I rather think that you would be a seamstress, working with the Saint-Denis tailor, having made of your love for sewing a living. When Arthur comes in for the first time to buy his clothes for the ferry job in Saint-Denis, he's enraptured by you. You're discreet, but there's this magnetic pull about you that makes it so difficult for him to take his eyes off of you. He watches you work in the back of the shop, and he notices how gently you handle the fabrics, and the care that you put in each of your movements. Quite frankly, he's rarely seen anyone so absorbed and focus on their work, and especially not a work of such quality; he doesn't understand a single thing about sewing and clothes, but at that precise moment he's already sworn to himself that he will try to see you again and get you to talk with him.

He forgets that he's a big, bad outlaw, and that he can't properly talk to anyone, let alone ladies - he's pretty much the polar opposite of what a delicate girl like you would want. But when he comes back to your shop a few days later, then the day after and the day after that, you think you understand his intentions. You're not sure - you're still damn oblivious to flirting and romantic interest, but it definitely looks like he has taken a liking into you.

(You are not entirely sure until the day Arthur explicitly confesses, rubbing his neck and blushing slightly, that he has not liked anyone in a long long time and he doesn't know how to deal with it. And even then, after you start going out together, you're not quite sure that it is real.)

Your "dates", if you may be as bold as to call them that, are rare, but always immensely pleasurable. Sometimes you just like to take a stroll in the city near the docks, because breathing the sea air does you both good. Other times, you decide to leave Saint-Denis altogether for a little while, and although Lemoyne is not your favorite place - too hot, too humid, too many people and too many alligators -, you like it better than the moisty city covered in soot. Arthur teaches you how to ride a horse, and you both trot down the path that leads to Rhodes, near Caliga Hall, talking about your hopes and dreams, your fears, and admiring the little birds take flight from their nearby nests. You are positively sure that Arthur is the only person who you feel one hundred percent comfortable around, and with whom you don't maintain your facade of vague happiness and contentment. He takes you as you are, and you dive head first into his embrace, uncensored.

(The first time he tried to teach how to ride, near the abandoned train tracks in the outsides of Saint-Denis, you almost fell off your horse, and he managed to catch you by the waist before you hit the ground, securing you with his deep, comforting voice and rough and steady hands. You had to admit, you were glad he had jumped in at that moment, but also his touch made you feel some kind of nervousness that you did not know before, and haunted you for the first of the trip.)

He would sooner die than introduce you to the gang, to his life, to his ways. It's not that he doesn't like them, or you, enough - it's just that you're so pure in his eyes, that seeing the horrid reality of what he does, what abysses he's strayed to, would change you, corrupt you, and most probably break you in a way that he could never forgive himself for letting happening. His childhood, his upbringing is just running and lies and deception and betrayal, and he doesn't want you to be killed by that. It's better if you remain his secret, and so you do. Sometimes, in the bad days, the aura of mystery that surrounds him is enough to make you question. Does he love another? Is he courting and feeding the same lies to every other woman? But when he holds you close to his chest and murmurs that he's missed you more than the sun, you feel his heartbeat ring true, with unspeakable love and adoration, and you allow yourself to melt.

(Because what the gang life has told him too is loyalty, and loyalty is the most important thing to him as well as you. He is not a man of many promises, but you are absolutely sure that when he makes one, he will fulfill it if you give him enough time. That's why, when he swears, looking you dead in the eye, that he will save you from this misery and buy you a little cottage up in the mountains so you can draw the wildlife, read novels and solve puzzles all day long, at peace with him, you shiver with anticipation, tears already brimming in your eyes as you mutely nod your head. This is the first day of the rest of your life.)

get your ship now!