#the only thing that matters is for me to be pleased with myself

[dark-wackademia]

Concerning the NI bit, as an INTJ, this is true to a point. If I feel like I can actually share openly, I'll keep getting more relaxed at being myself, sharing myself, getting longer and deeper with my texts and convos until I see something that tells me more of who you really are, and if that is not in alignment with essential parts of who I am. Usually, that’s eventually where the disconnect comes into play and shifts how I interact. Seeing this and allowing it to click makes me not give the same energy, not as a dig at them in any bitterness but in knowing they won’t get it. It’s like being in one place in development and trying to talk to someone that is nowhere near that place, you can’t knock 'em for being uncaring about the matters that they haven’t danced with as you have. I guess, for me, always finding out people are who they say they are still is something that I cope with in a grieving sense, being that I believe we are so much more than what we think we are.

Anyway, yeah, I'm an open book of the flux and flow I philosophize my way through but only with people that are receptive, show enjoyment and engagement with, and or get what it is I’m sharing. Otherwise, it feels like I'm being vulnerable in seeking a deeper, real connection and expression of authentically living and being, only to feel disrespected, disregarded, and undervalued—or, on a very soul level, rejected like they are rejecting the parts of themselves I’m trying to show them… but my answer is right there. I understand I’m just a mirror and what they reject of me, is just reflective of what they reject in themselves. It’s sad how many are unhealed to the extent of rejecting their possibility, especially in the aspect of healing, growing, and rebuilding themselves, of their power. If they’re rejecting parts of themselves, and not abiding by themselves, then how do I expect them to offer me a sliver of such a thing? Which I am learning to more quickly acclimate to, as an INTJ, despite my proclivities for holding out hope, since I just hate feeling like I'm wasting my time and energy. And it’s nothing against them for just not being there, but it’s still disheartening.

So, often I'll go back to concise and “normal” speech because I don't have the energy to share something that doesn't matter to them, that they’re not ready to do something with. What’s the point? I was just talking to my super spiritual sister in law who's some type of ExFx, I can't recall. But we do still get each other because she is proactive with her life/cycles and is always willing to face the truth and facts, however upsetting, however raw and brutally honest, to better work her way through it to heal. I relate with that. Which to me, is the BIGGEST part of knowing if a dynamic will work long term or not, for me. IDC how long you cycle in your loops, I’m the type that’s in control of my emotions enough to deal with any frustration of you not taking advice and it coming to fruition (ie. making a mistake) to keep helping you via hours upon hours, days upon days, forever, through your journey because I know THAT’S life. That is living. And I know we all have them, our own loops. I get that we’re all learning and relearning, dismantling and rebuilding, imperfect and trying. But, in this, we recognise the difference between saying and doing. She and I are doers. We love this death and rebirth cycle and chase that growth, changing for the better, no matter how hard the work ahead is. That is the main plus someone can have in my book. Courage, determination, and self-accountability for the things you say matter to you. A deeper consciousness that you do something with. Escaping the loop. But I thankfully am learning how to not people please and let go when I recognize something isn’t working for me and letting a relationship just be what it is. Sometimes, the best thing we can offer is the space and time for that person to decide on their own, who they are and what work matters to them in their life. I have to do the same, regardless, so sticking with that has been helpful. Which is to say, learning and relearning how to keep abiding by myself. Plus, doing something that makes me just feel further alone and misunderstood for the sake of others is people pleasing and the type of self-sabotaging/self-defeating behavior I've worked, and continue to work hard to not fall into. I have to do more of what makes me feel like I'm actually doing something of substance with my time and energy. I have to do what's right for me, and they, as well.

Acceptance is always the key though, and I’m finally really learning how to keep hold of that key in every situation, and in this, my peace, contentment, and embracing of all, as it is, while still accepting me and what is and isn't working for me.

MBTI Types & Texting Styles

Perceiving Functions

xNxP | High Ne: uses run-on sentences and parentheses (to maximize info-dumping and clarification via extraneous details, respectively)

xNxJ | High Ni: Short and simple sentences. It’s not intentionally “dry”, it’s just effective word choice.

xSxP | High Se: lowercase letters/free form sentences and p much any slang they wanna use bc its just texting and not deep enough for proper spelling and grammar

xSxJ | High Si: Breaking up responses to multiple topics into separate paragraphs.

It’s easier to keep track of what you’re talking about this way.

—

Judging Functions

xxFJ | High Fe: traditional/safe emojis and slang for effective communication ie. lol, brb, ☺️, 😅 periods in the middle are okay. Periods at the end are intimidating so it’s best to avoid those

xxFP | High Fi: Using creative combinations of emojis ( 🙏😩 | 👁️👄👁️ | 🥺👉👈) for the ultimate range of personal expression

xxTJ | High Te: Capital letters, and advanced punctuation; they exist for a reason. Big fan of the Oxford Comma.

xxTP | High Ti: Correct spelling and grammar is mostly a byproduct of autocorrect unless its absolutely necessary. it doesnt have to be perfext just understandable

[ohtobeleah]

Hi,girlll!!

I can’t seem to find anything for Jack Abbot that is like the reader getting jealous of him interacting with Samira (bc we all saw that) and she gets angst and they end up admitting feeling for each other, so of course I’m running to you <3

This is like nothing to go off of, so I’m not asking for a fic unless you really want to, but do you have any recommendations that you know of that are maybe similar to this??

with love!

To me it’s giving chameleon!reader. You hear about it as word travels of some…not so standard of care procedures. It drives you insane because you shouldn’t be feeling this way…not when you were the one that left. It was for your own sanity, safety and self respect.

But non of that stuff seamed to matter as Jack approached his car in the parking garage. The one you stood leaning against with a fed up expression smeared across your face.

“Look, I’m sorry about that hair—it looks good, really—“ Jack started on one of his tangents, the ones he gets on when he’s nervous. “I just didn’t recognise you and that’s why it—“

“If you’re going to flirt with someone, can you make sure it’s, at the very least, with the woman you’re legally married to?” You cut Jack off. Anger was present in every word that came out of your mouth.

He doesn’t immediately respond. Jack lets your question hang heavy around the both of you as the night encapsulates you both.

“I thought you didn’t like me?” Jack questions with a frown. “You know, you can’t call dibs on someone you tossed away like some stale bread.”

���That’s not what any of this is and you know that,” You sighed heavily, love prominent in your heart for a man who constantly broke yours. “And..I don’t hate you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Jack smirks. He’ll take what he can get as he comes to lean against his car beside you.

“For what’s its worth, yes, I did push some boundaries I maybe shouldn’t have in there.” Jack admits.

It burns your chest.

“But I only did it because she had it, she needed to know she was in charge of that situation like a pro.”

“You could have done that without looking at her like you were about to stick your tongue down her throat.” It was the eye roll that gave you away more than anything else.

Ah…You were jealous.

“You know what?” Jack knows he could push your buttons right now. He knows he could run with this and use it to keep you from falling out of love with him…But he doesn’t. “You’re right.”

“Sorry?” You nearly choke on your own saliva. “What!?”

“I could have done that better, I’m sorry, you’re right.”

“Why are you patronising me?”

“I’m not! No! No—you’re right, I should be flirting with my wife.”

Oh…oh fuck what have you done.

“No, god—Jack no, that’s not what I meant, all I said was that you can’t be flirting with residents while you’re wearing a wedding band and on the brink of—“

“Don’t say it,” Jack cuts you off with a plea. “Please, don’t say it.” It’s like he’s begging you not to say it out loud. If he heard you say it…then it was real. It was something he couldn’t ignore.

“I can’t hear about you doing things like that,” You admit softly, all the while keeping your eyes set of into the distance. “I can’t will myself to love you any less than everything, so when I hear about the way you act, the flirting, the banter, the affection I never knew you knew how to give, it all takes a-bit of me.”

Jack doesn’t speak. He listens and he processes and he lets you soak in the quiet. Until he responds.

“Why did you dye your hair?” He asks, looking at you with envy at whatever was lucky enough to have your attention. Your eyes were still off in the distance.

“To get your attention.”

[phantomwithbreakfast]

DANNYMAY DAY 08: Lost

Day 07 • Day 09

⟢ I failed. My brain just wouldn’t cooperate. So… I ended up with just a sketch/wip instead. Then my brain decided, “Hey, let’s animate it!” Sure—why not pile on more pressure? It’s been a rough, low kind of day, and—yeah. I’m really pushing myself with this challenge—for me. For my mental health. I need to do this. I almost gave up on everything—just dropped it all and walked away. From every fucking thing. But… I’m glad I’ve got a few good human beings around. The kind that somehow still make me smile like an idiot, even when everything feels like shit. (More under the cut)

Genre: Angst / Hurt / No comfort • TW/CW: PTSD — Depression — Suicidal Thoughts • Based on TUE

I lost everything.

The thought looped as Danny sat crouched before the gravestones—cold, silent markers of the only people who had ever mattered.

His hands trembled, the wind tucked at his T-shirt, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. His breath caught in his throat, thick and burning, and when a tear finally slipped free, it scalded his cheek.

The names stared back at him—Jack, Maddie, Jazz… Sam, Tucker.

Gone.

And it’s all my fault.

They’re gone because of me.

He sank lower, his knees hitting the earth as he let himself collapse the rest of the way. Dirt bit into his jeans. He didn’t care. The ache in his chest felt like something hollowed him out and left nothing but glass and ash behind.

They were supposed to be safe. He was supposed to protect them. That was the whole fucking point—being Phantom, being him. But he’d failed. Again. Always.

His shoulders shook, and a choked sound crawled up his throat—half sob, half breathless apology to the ghosts who could no longer hear him.

I let them die. I let them go. I didn’t safe them. I should’ve been the one buried here. Not them. Not my family. Not my best friends.

But he couldn’t die—death wouldn’t take him. He was already half-dead.

His fingers dug into the fresh soil as if he could tear open the earth and crawl in after them.

Please. Take me instead. They didn’t deserve this.

But the ground remained still. The world moved on.

And Danny was left behind—haunted, broken and utterly alone.

[elliespassagerprincess]

High enough by k.flay is sooo obsessive ellie with a reader who doesnt know she exists but gets mad when jesse or dina warn her about ellies behaviour

high enough- ellie williams x reader

hi anon! thank you requesting this!! I'm so suprised ive never heard of this song. This is so obsessive ellie coded. I hope you enjoy:)

This story is based off the song High enough by K Flay, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

requests are open, send me your thoughts:)

Warnings: obsession

Summary: In which you wanted her

Masterlist

You’d only been in Jackson a month when you first saw her.

She stood out—sharp jaw, freckled face, an intensity in her green eyes that made your chest clench. You noticed her on the patrol schedule, but she never said much. Just stared.

Sometimes you’d look up and catch her watching you across the dining hall. Not smiling. Just... looking.

It gave you chills. Not fear exactly—just something too heavy to name.

You didn’t know her name then. You would later.

“Hey,” Jesse said, sliding onto the bench beside you. “Word of advice?”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He glanced over his shoulder, then leaned in. “Stay away from Ellie.”

You laughed, confused. “What? I don’t even know her.”

He didn’t laugh back. “Good. Keep it that way.”

You frowned. “Why?”

“She doesn’t… do normal. Gets fixated. You don’t want that kind of attention.”

You rolled your eyes. “Is this some protective crap? I can handle myself.”

Jesse sighed and left it alone. But he wasn’t the only one.

Later, Dina caught you patching up a horse near the stables.

“You seen Ellie around?” you asked casually.

Dina froze for a second too long.

“Why?”

You shrugged. “She keeps popping up. Figured I’d say hi.”

Dina stepped closer. “Don’t.”

Your brow furrowed. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“She gets obsessed,” Dina said flatly. “And you—you don’t see it. That’s how it starts.”

You crossed your arms. “You don’t even know me.”

“I know her,” Dina said. “And she’ll chew you up.”

You didn’t listen. Because Ellie started showing up more.

Always just… there.

When you were in the garden, she’d pass by. When you went for patrol, somehow your name ended up paired with hers. Once, when a gate latch broke and you slipped, she was there—grabbing your wrist so fast you didn’t even hit the ground.

“You okay?” she asked, voice low and steady.

You nodded, stunned.

And when you looked up, her face was too close. Eyes full of something unreadable.

“Don’t scare me like that,” she muttered. Then walked off.

Your stomach flipped.

You were starting to dream about her now. Waking up with her name on your lips.

You didn’t see the danger—not really.

Not until she showed up at your cabin at midnight.

You cracked the door open. She stood on the porch, hoodie soaked from the rain, hands clenched.

“Ellie?”

“I heard you were with Jesse,” she said, no greeting, no smile.

“What?”

“At the bar. You were laughing. He touched your arm.”

You stared. “So?”

“So you’re mine.”

You blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I mean—fuck,” she hissed, dragging a hand through her hair. “I just—I see you. All the time. And it’s like I can’t breathe when you look at anyone else.”

You took a step back. “Ellie, we’re not even—”

“I know,” she snapped. “But I watch you and I know things Jesse doesn’t. Dina doesn’t. I see you.”

She stepped inside without asking, closing the door behind her.

“I can’t get high enough to not feel you,” she whispered. “You don’t even know I exist and it’s driving me insane.”

You stood frozen as she stepped closer.

“Do you want me to go?” she asked, voice trembling. “Tell me. I’ll go.”

You should’ve said yes.

But you didn’t.

You reached up, touched her jaw. And when she kissed you, it was feverish. Messy. Desperate.

Like she’d been dying for this. Like you were air.

You were hers after that. Not officially. Not publicly.

But in the ways that mattered.

Ellie’s hands on your hips. Her breath on your neck. Her knife tucked in your bag when she thought you’d forgotten one. Her voice soft in your ear—“Don’t ever leave without telling me.”

When Jesse looked at you too long, she knocked over his drink and didn’t apologize.

When Dina gave you that look—worry, warning—Ellie cornered her outside and came back with blood on her knuckles.

“You’re scaring people,” you said one night, whispering into her skin.

“I don’t care,” she murmured, pulling you tighter. “Let them be scared. You’re mine.”

It wasn’t until you caught her in your room—reading your journal—that it really hit you.

“Ellie?”

She didn’t even flinch. Just looked up with that same calm obsession.

“You wrote about me,” she said.

You stared. “That doesn’t mean you can—”

“I just wanted to know how you see me,” she said softly. “I think about you every second. I needed to know if it was mutual.”

Your chest ached.

It was mutual. That was the worst part.

You’d fallen for a storm in human form.

You stopped asking questions. Let her in.

Let her love you like wildfire—burning, dangerous, beautiful.

You knew it wasn’t healthy. Knew people whispered.

But when her arms wrapped around you, when she kissed you like you were the only thing that kept her sane—

—it didn’t matter.

Because you weren’t high enough to care.

[chihomichannel]

Ember's Roar | Geum Seongje

| pairing: geum seongje x f!reader | summary:  When you seem to not be meant for a normal life, further solidified when you got caught entangled in the web of Geum Seongje’s world.  | warnings: mentions of abuse (can be triggering, please read with caution), blood, physical fights, manipulation, minor mention of suicide, violence, mature themes, strong language | word count: 5.4k | a/n: It’s finals but the pull was too strong, I found myself writing after having not written for a long long time omg. Lee jun young makes me feral yall. Anyways, hope you enjoy and here’s to more geum seong je fics plsplspls

| note: Ma Seokhee (Hayden Ma) and Hwangmo are from the webtoon of weak hero./ cross-posted on my ao3 acc

The adults always said that you were so cheerful when you were younger. They often comment on how meek and quiet you’ve become now when you used to be such an extroverted child. Tales of you unabashedly making friends with strangers you meet in transportations, in malls, in parks, and in all kinds of places, stories of dancing and singing loudly in front of everyone’s eyes and affection, long passed and buried in the years since then that you’ve forgotten how different you were back then.

But what you do remember was your dad leaving and your mom becoming sad, bitter and angry. And then she began to hit you, harsher than the times she told you off when you made mistakes. Since then, no matter how much you tried to appease her, everything you did was a mistake. And with every mistake, a consequence follows. She told you it’s because she loves you, she wants you to become a good person and for that to happen, she needs to discipline you. And that she did day after day, years after years, until you learned how to be sly enough to convince her not to do so sometimes. But you aren’t always so lucky, it’s just that you are sometimes and you like to make sure to be one. And so you became compliant and quiet, because that way, the monster that holds your mother’s heart captive won’t awaken and find a reason to hurt you. 

So you like to keep your peace. You only mind your business and stay quiet. Only keep a few close friends and aim to achieve the average, no failing grades but just enough to pass your subjects. A wallflower, a person who’s there but purposely avoids the limelight. For the most part, no one paid you any mind. You’re the person in everyone’s periphery, no one significant. 

But when you reside within Yeongdeungpo and go to school in Ganghak, you should’ve known peace wasn’t an option you could keep. Or maybe you weren’t just meant to live a peaceful life outside of home now that during the class seating rearrangement, your lucky hands picked the paper that contained the number of the seat next to Geum Seongje. That was when you learned how funny envy can be and how quick it can turn things around with a snap of a finger. But you’ve known it for years, it’s just that now you realize that this is what happened to your mother, and you could only laugh that the same thing came back years later to bite you in the ass.

And now you found yourself outside, beads of sweat slid down the side of your face with the sun high up in the sky. Gone was the comfort of the cold breeze of the AC now that Jiyeon and her minions dragged you out of school grounds, in an alleyway just beside the school premises. It has been two weeks since the seat changes. You and Seongje don’t even interact, much less see each other. The guy doesn’t even go to school much, only three times since you became his seatmate. 

You were apprehensive at first, but upon seating next to him, you both kept to yourselves. It wasn’t like you gave him any reason to bat an eye on your business. You kept a respectful distance, not even letting your eyes land on the boy, what with the ever so famous three second rule you’ve heard about. You kept quiet and did not disturb the guy in any way at all. You just wanted to live your life and survive. 

But keeping quiet wasn’t enough. Geum Seongje, despite his notorious reputation, still had girls fawning over his feet. He’s handsome, and has a disturbingly sweet smile that contradicts his violent nature. It was exactly that handsome face that drove the girls in your class insane at the fact that you, a nobody, gets to sit beside him, albeit rarely with him absent most of the time. Still, it was enough for envy to boil hot in the guts of the girls in your class. Who are you to be deserving of such a place? A place you would willingly give if they just ask. But of course, violence and evil runs deep in the roots of everyone’s feet. It is in the nature of humans to resolve into violence the second they find a reason to perform such action, no matter how unreasonable it may be.

Your quiet outside life turned to slaps, humiliation, degradation, and violence, no longer different to the tense one you have at home. All of this just because you happened to sit next to their hopeless obsession. Oh how much it made your stomach sick to be quiet. To act exactly like at home now that you can’t live as carefree outside now that you’ve become their target. With each passing day, your head went to a mantra. Just a few more and it will be over soon, they’ll get bored. Just a few more and it will be over soon, they’ll get bored. Just a few more and it will be over soon, they’ll get bored. 

But it didn’t end. And your sanity was at its wits end. No matter where you went, there was someone waiting to hurt you. But what were you to do? What could you fucking do? In your mother’s case, you love her too much to fight back. But Jiyeon and her minions? They are a lot and you were only one. Your friends took their distance, too afraid to be caught on the net of Jiyeon’s wrath. And suddenly, you found yourself all alone but surrounded at the same time. Fear turns to sadness turns to frustration and turns to anger. What are you going to do?

Seongje took a puff of his smoke, arm perched upon the railing of the rooftop, hand covered with the blood of the boy who lay squirming on the ground. He heard Hwangmo drag the boy further away from him, cleaning up after his mess. The boy had been a transferee that was stupid enough to look at him for more than three seconds. Bloodthirsty and draggingly bored, it was only fitting that Seongje had to teach him a lesson. But it was uneventful as the boy did not give a fight. And Seongje hates boring things the most. So when his eyes landed on the scene below him, at the alleyway Jiyeon and her friends dragged you to, a chuckle leaves his mouth, the cigarette vibrating along his chapped lips. With another puff, Seongje turned his full attention to the scene unfolding below. It was amusing to him, how every girl he happened to sit next to in class fell victim to bullying just because of him. He liked it, his pride and ego filled.

He watched as the girls surrounded you, Jiyeon pushing you to the ground. Everyday she torments you to no end. Follows you home, follows you to the bathroom, follows you everywhere. It was like she’s obsessed with you, obsessed to hurt you just because Seongje does not give her the time of day.

Then Jiyeon straddles you, gripping a chunk of your hair.

A match enflames.

“Who the fuck do you think you are glaring at me like that, HUH?” Jiyeon screams in your face. You must have unconsciously let your eyes look at her dangerously. You realized it was weird, right now you didn’t feel fear. And what you do feel is a small burning fire churning in your stomach. 

Is this rage?

Jiyeon pulls your head upwards by your hair and slaps your cheek, spitting on your eyes.

The fire engulfs the match.

Suddenly, the heat was replaced by a stream of cold water, drenching your upper body as Jiyeon splashed the dirty water from the bathroom and onto your face. By this point, you aren‘t hearing what they were talking about, they were just a buzz of noise as your eyes filled with red with Jiyeon so close to your face.

The fire rages high and into your eyes, and in every cell of your body.

With all your strength, you thrust Jiyeon upwards, flipping your positions so that she is facing down with your legs wrapped around her head. Using their shock to your advantage, you swung your fist into her face, her nose making an audible crack as she cried in pain “yOU FUCK-“ You took the handkerchief in your pocket and slammed and pushed it into her mouth.

You stood up, turning around to face the other four girls. They stumble backwards at your glare, your eyes that refused to meet others now seemingly burn under the darkened glare as your eyes zeroed in on one of them, running and using that momentum to kick her in the stomach, making her fall and stumble backwards.

This seemed to awaken the others from their stupor as they began to gang up on you. Grabbing your arms and hair to stop you as you began to mount on the girl you had just kicked. Their collective strength pulled you up from the girl on the ground, your legs flailing in retaliation.

Fueled by adrenaline rush, you managed to get away from their grip, immediately giving a punch on the gut of the nearest girl. The velocity to which your fist came made her curl and fall to the ground.

With three down, your eyes locked on the next girl, running to her as she began to stumble out of your way, fear flashing her eyes at your sudden violence. You used your whole body to push her on the ground, making you both fall. You felt the other girl join in, trying to push you off her friend, kicking and punching your back. But you persistently locked the girl under you on the ground, not caring of the fist hitting your sides as you clutched her hair with both hands and slamming it up and down to the hard ground as the rage in your stomach continue to burn and rage, your mind losing itself into the fight, your goal only to hurt everyone in sight.

With last two slams of the girl’s head to the ground, you let out a pained angered roar as you transferred your attention to the girl who helplessly tried to pry you off her friend. The change in attention caused her to fall to her side when you turned around to grip her leg. She kicked her leg, screaming for you to let go but the rage, the adrenaline, and the desire for revenge made your grip tight like a cobra, unwilling to relent until you get what you desire.

As the girl tried to crawl away from you, you reached forward so that you could trap her legs into your arms, using your upper body weight to keep her in place as you punched and punched her leg, not stopping until her leg stopped flailing. Whimpers and cries filled your ears, but your eyes still raged fire.

Satisfied that the four minions are done, you stood up, dangerously walking towards Jiyeon who had now sat up, looking up at you in horror “I-Im s-s-sorry” she says, putting her hand up as a shield as you continue walking towards her “Fuck! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!” She screams. This makes you chuckle, grabbing a fist of her hair, slapping her face again and again, but no matter how much you slap her, the insatiable feeling never left. Unsatisfied, your hand curled into a fist, and with every rage in your body, your fists met her throat, making her let out a strangled cough. Before you could throw another punch, you felt a solid metal collide with your side, sending you flying. 

You felt a lump in your throat, coughing up blood at the sudden critical hit “You fucking bitch! How dare you fucking hurt Jiyeon like that, huh?!” It was Ma Seokhee, stalking towards you and landing a kick on your stomach. 

His kicks leaves you coughing more blood, but despite of crying, Seokhee grew unsettled when you began to laugh maniacally “Jiyeon won’t fucking date you, you turd”

This enrages Seokhee, using this distraction, you didn’t give him time to react as you kicked his leg with all your strength, making him fall to the ground. Swiftly, you grabbed his bat, wasting no time to bash it into his head. Have you not done so, you wouldn’t stand a chance. You give three more hits using his bat, stopping once he’s knocked out. 

Then you turned to Jiyeon, a hollowness circling your orbs that made Jiyeon shiver “We’re not done yet”

She cried in horror, standing up to run away when I began to stalk towards her. But your adrenaline was faster. You used the momentum of running, raising the bat high, jumping and hitting Jiyeon in the back, sending her flying as if she was the ball.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

The fire dies down, the match blackened and spent.

Someone whistles “I was so sure you were gonna bash her head” Seongje chuckles. You turned sharply at the sound of his voice, your breath ragged. Your blood turns ice cold at his gaze. The adrenaline has washed off, there was no way you would win against him. Your eyes fell to the ground as quickly as it met his. This caused Seongje to scoff slightly, taking a long drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the ground and crushing it with his feet “What, don’t wanna fight me?” he mocks.

Seongje takes his time, his feet slow and his eyes piercing you with an amused, curious glare. His feet stopped right in front of you. You felt him bend down to your ears, whispering “What will you do now? Tsk-” he leaned away, head beckoning to Seokhee who remained unconscious on the ground “No matter how retarted he can be-” Seongje sighs, head shaking slightly as his gaze fell back on you “this asshole is still part of the union” 

Your eye twitched, warm tingling dread crept up your nerves, engulfing every limb, every organ, and every cell, gradually building up in every crevice of your being. Then he chuckles, his voice so loud and ringing in your ear “You know what I'm talking about, right?” he says rather than asks, a finger harshly pulls your head up, holds it firmly to meet your gaze. And the dread in your stomach morphs into reality “I’m sorry-” though he does not mean it, not when his eyes burn predatorily as if his gaze can devour you entirely “-but we can’t just let you go now that you’ve hit one of us, can we?”

———

With your luck, you often question why you have to live that kind of life when everyone else has it normal. You just wanted normal, that’s all it was. But your life was worse than extraordinary, it was dreadful. You commend yourself for not killing yourself yet.

Since that day, Geum Seongje made it clear that you are within his turf now. He has ordered you to be around him, saying that he needs to keep an eye on you. But you both knew that was an excuse, you think he’s just interested that you managed to take six people down, one of them being his own men. You weren’t particularly strong, it was just the adrenaline and the pent up anger. Students in Ganghak found out about what happened, intrigued but stayed away now that Seongje “adopted” you in his little gang of minions.

Hwangmo was at least tolerable, but Seokhee wasn’t too keen with your presence, holding a grudge he swore he will someday make you pay for. Although that couldn’t be anytime soon now that Seongje made it clear to him that he must not lay a hand on you. It was jarring, how Seongje can be so malicious but he hasn’t laid a hand on you yet, waiting for the right time to bare his fangs into his prey like the wolf he is.

You swore he would jump at the chance to hit you, but he hasn’t yet. And you will make sure he won’t find a reason to. It was already unlucky that you managed to capture his gaze, you just need to be compliant just like you do with your mother. Seongje is a whole other strength that you wouldn’t be able to manage, all you could do for now is to be quiet. Maybe he’ll grow bored of you that way.

However, you shouldn’t have been so sure it would go as smoothly as you manage your mother’s anger. Seongje is a schemer. And with that, he will make you do what he wants you to do, directly or indirectly. He makes sure of it. 

“Y/N” he says quietly, arms crossed as his eyes remain on the teacher. It was one of the rare occasions he decided to come to class “I want you to drop by this address after school and get a package, bring it to me immediately. Just give this to the cashier and they’ll give you what I need. I will be waiting at the rooftop” Seongje slides a small paper across from his desk to mine, an address written messily. You nod wordlessly, worried that you might get home late to your mother and risk her wrath while also a bit glad to not go home yet. Either way, it’s bad, so you’ll just follow Seongje’s order.

As instructed, your feet dragged you along to the bus stop, hopped on the bus, and got off three stations later. Tired, you hadn’t noticed the watchful eyes of two boys who were waiting by the bus stop. You continued along your path to the address Seongje has asked you to go to, unaware of the two who hovered over your shadow, hiding behind posts, eyeing where you would go. They kept their distance, as ordered.

Finally, you reached the building. It was a sauna spa. Entering, you reached the counter, handing the cashier the paper Seongje had given you. With a curt nod, the cashier bent down and got up not less than a minute later with a bag in his hand. He placed it on the counter, eyeing you up and down “It’s just you?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“Just me” he looked at you skeptically but handed the bag anyway. It was heavy, a hunch on what it contained plagued your mind, but you ignored it. You don't need to know more details, just do what you have to do. With a small nod, you bid farewell and exited the spa shortly. It hadn’t been five minutes since you arrived. You couldn’t help but wonder if this is really just as simple as that.

The sun had begun to set and the quiet road was painted orange. The air starts to become cold with the sun beginning to hide away into the night. Suddenly, you heard a foot scrunch behind you. For a moment, your footsteps blundered to a pause, but almost as quickly, you resumed your pace. One step after another, the shadow behind you grew larger. Your steps hurried but the person behind you was quicker. Just as you were about to run, your feet abruptly halt at his voice “You’ve been way too boring, you know?”

With a sharp turn, you came face to face with Geum Seongje. He has his hands in his pockets, glasses perched up on his nose and his eyes sizing you up dangerously “Seongje?” you asked, confused at his presence. He chuckles, slowly walking towards you “I was thinking you could amuse me but you’ve been way too compliant-” he says, head tilting in disappointment “-its actually getting quite annoying” he tsk-ed, feet stopping at least two feet away from you, hands still in his pockets. His face contorted to that of annoyance, and suddenly, your confusion turned to fear. Why is he here?

“What are you talking about?” you ask, although your eyes do not meet his. You can’t, especially now that he radiates an intent to kill. Anxious, your hand gripped the bag tightly. Seongje sighs heavily, eyes looking around for any sign of an audience. Satisfied that you’re alone, he suddenly grabbed your arm “No hard feelings, just orders from above” his lips morphed into a grin, his smile reaching up to his ears. His smile was so sweet with his gums on display, but you could only feel horror at its sight. He dragged you along a closed alleyway, wincing at his hard, pressing grip “What?!” you couldn’t help but ask, trying to get away but his hold was too strong. It was like his hands were cuffs, unwilling and unrelenting.

When Seongje did let you go, it was when he smashed you onto the hard wall, the impact momentarily stealing the breath out of your lungs. Letting go of the bag, your hand gripped the wall for support, looking up at Seongje in apprehension “What was that for?” Still, he didn’t answer your question. The boy only gave you his shit-eating grin before hurriedly pouncing on you, his fists landing on your right cheek. You let out a pained gasp, your mind running miles per hour. Did you offend him? Disobey him? Did you look at him for more than three seconds? You were sure you didn’t. You meticulously made sure he would not find any reason to hurt you. So why…?

“Shit, I don’t usually hurt girls but you have to understand, Baekjin asked me to” he says as if he was sorry, but the chuckles that followed after that solidified that he was not. Na Baekjin? But why would he?

Before you could think, Seongje grabs a chunk of your hair and drags you again. But this time, he drags to the ground, pinning your arms down with only one of his, his other hand slamming into a hard punch to your stomach “Fight back, you fucking bitch. Fight back like you did, come on, I’m trying here!” he complains as he boredly throws punch after punch, warmth beginning to pool in your mouth at his relentlessness.

Triggered, the bottom of your feet meets his crotch in a hard kick. Seongje curls in pain, but he laughs. Annoyed, you slammed your forehead into his, making both of you groan in pain, Seongje backing away now that he was just hit critically twice. He laughs merrily, hand brushing his hair away from his face as I eyed him incredulously “What the fuck is wrong with you?” you couldn’t help but spit, making him even more amused. Your head still wringing from the impact of meeting his. You stumbly got on your feet, eyes never leaving Seongje. At this point, three seconds or not, it wouldn’t matter. He made it clear he wants to hurt you. So why should you comply, it’s not like he’s your mother. You held no affection for this boy, only anger.

He moans, tongue wetting his upper lips in anticipation “Yes, fuck–COME ON!” he yells, running towards you, hand curling into a fist as he goes to hit your sides. You yell in pain, arms curling around his trunks, letting him hit you as you ensured you clung on to him, using your nails to dig into his sides as you pushed yourself up to his neck, mouth finding his skin as you sunk your teeth into his flesh. Seongje lets out a pained scream, but his voice is still laced with a giddiness you couldn't understand. Your nails turned to fists as you hit his sides with all your might. You feel Seongje laugh at your futile attempts, successfully prying you off of him, throwing you back to the wall, putting some distance.

His hand found his neck, brushing it on his skin lightly and bringing his hand up to examine the blood “Damn” he says, laughing as he looked at you. Your eyes fell onto the bite mark you made on his neck, gulping as you began to realize the taste of his blood on your mouth. As he began to stalk towards you again, you got ready, expecting him to throw another punch but as you were about to hit his neck where you wounded him, his hands found yours, locking your arm with only one of his, feet locking yours as he pushed the both of you onto the wall, trapping you in his strength. You cried a pain of frustration, mouth grunting in pain when he threw a fast hard punch on your stomach then to your cheek. With you locked up, back pressed against the wall and Seongje trapping you in front with a strength you know you can’t fight against, there was nothing you could do “That all you can do?” he asks, face shoving itself in yours, forcing your eyes to meet his orbs. You chuckle, blood trickling down your mouth at the action “The fuck did you expect me to do? Beat you to a pulp?” you laugh, and this causes him to laugh too. The difference in strength was clear as day.

Seongje nods, throwing one last punch to your stomach that causes you to cough up blood. But he does not let you go, he still presses you onto the wall, hand brushing your locks behind your ear and whispers “I still have to knock you out though” and so Seongje wraps his hand around your neck, making you gasp for air. Your body helplessly flails, eyes glaring at the boy who is no longer smiling. Suddenly, you laugh, body vibrating “I-” you say, blood pooling in your mouth making it harder to speak, your hands finding his to pry it off your neck “Mom-” you choke, his eyebrows raising “What? Need your mom to save you?” 

That made you chuckle, but it seems that was one of the last few breaths you had in you. Your head began to feel lightheaded, the pain on your neck still as pressing and hard, your eyes was beginning to roll upwards when-

“Geum Seongje” Na Baekjin stands against the glow of the sunset, his face hidden in the contrast of light. He motions for Seongje to let go and instantly, his hands left your neck and backed away. You fall to the ground, gasping for air, coughing as you do so. 

Baekjin steps into the alleyway, grabbing the bag on the floor, and stopping a few feet away from Seongje. Baekjin examines him, eyebrows raised to see him bloodied when his opponent was just you “Why are you here? It’s not like you to go do the dirty job yourself” Seongje remarks, making Baekjin chuckle darkly.

“It’s just that-” Baekjin’s lips curled into a smirk as he sized up Seongje “-don’t you think it’s a bit too convenient that you were already here?”

Seongje laughs, his teeth and gums on display “Is it? I was the one who told you about this, of course I’d have my eyes on her too” You looked up, eyes darting between the two. What about you?

Baekjin’s eyes didn’t shy away of narrating his suspicions, glaring daggers into Seongje’s mirthful ones “And I told you, I already have my boys to go after her. So why is there a need for you to be here?” Baekjin’s voice held a dangerous growl “If this money had gone, you know what will happen right? Your fault or not”

The two continue to stare each other down. But you, it was then that everything clicked for you. Geum Seongje had fucking set you up.

Before Baekjin could prod further and before Seongje could implement his orchestrated plan, you spoke, not weak, not begging, but sharp “I needed the money”

The two men’s attention turned to you. Slowly, you got up from the ground, eyes hollowed as you looked up to meet their surprised and amused ones “It was easy money. I had always planned to leave, having that money would be incredibly useful” you say, chuckling slightly.

Baekjin’s eyes narrowed. He knows you didn’t, he knows you’ve been set up. But you’ve just rewritten the narrative, a factor Seongje didn’t account for in his plans. It was quiet, the silence heavy and charged. 

The silence was cut off by Seongje’s scoff, and Baekjin turned his gaze back to the boy in red blazers. Baekjin watched as the two of you stared down at each other. But whatever grudge there was between the two of you was not his business. All he knows is that you’ve just helped him mitigate the inevitable, and Baekjin recognizes this quality of yours. With a strained chuckle, Baekjin turns to you, getting your attention. “Is that so?” he nods, blinking slowly “Consider today a warning. Next time you get funny ideas, it’ll be me you’ll be dealing with”

With that, he turned and walked away.Then it’s just you and Seongje again, the air bloodied in tense silence. And when you begin to walk away, Seongje falls in pace beside you, both bloodied and dirtied up from the previous brawl “Why would you say that?” he asks.

“Why use me?” You stop, Seongje doing the same. He chuckles when you don't avert your eyes, it seems like you don’t care anymore. And that, Seongje prefers much more. 

“Was this to amuse you?” You pressed him “Or did you do this for another reason?” Seongje laughs, head looking down, lips pursed amusedly before looking back up to you “Do you want me to thank you?”

You scoff “No”

“Yeah?”

You stare at him, at his pretty smile and his condescending eyes “Wanna know what I think?” he raises his eyebrows at that, smiling “And what do you think?” his voice drawls into a smirk.

With a deep breath, you began “I think you want to run away. I think you don’t like being ordered around. I think you really hate being Baekjin’s dog because I think you want to do whatever you feel you want to do. But you can’t do shit as recklessly when you’re in the union. No, and so you want to anger Baekjin, you want to get excommunicated, you want out. But you’re also bored, but then I came along and your fucking pee brain thought I would be an easy chess piece in your own little game” Seongje’s smile widens, grinning dangerously as his eyes twinkled the more you talked. You who was meek and quiet, who kept to yourself, one day physically fought back and now even shit talks to him of all people, the person whose eyes you refused to meet, the person you were afraid of just minutes ago, the person you’re now insulting in front of his own damn face.

“You think you got me figured out?” He asks, voice laced in amusement and you scoff “Figure you out? Why the fuck would I want to do that you crazy psycho”

He bellows a laugh, looking around as if there were someone else seeing this right now “Mhm, and what? Did you think you did anything?”

“You think I didn’t?” you ask, lips curled into a condescending smirk “Yah, Geum Seongje, I lied to trap you here” His grin disappears, eyes dangerous as he stares back at you “You dragged me into this shit, so rot in it with me”

Then he laughs, much louder than the last, the loudest you’ve heard come out from him. What a waste of a handsome face, you thought as you watched him maniacally laugh “I have to say,” he starts, laugh beginning to die down as he gaze at you “I’m impressed” he chuckles, walking closer to you “You’ve become so blunt and unafraid” he curls a loose strand of your hair in his finger, making you flinch, to which he snorted “Or not?”

With a smirk, Seongje pushes your hair to the back of your neck, his calloused hands curling on your left cheek “I prefer this much better, you’re not so boring after all” he grins open mouthed, his tongue poking the side of his cheek, his thumb tracing along your jaw as he trapped your gaze in his eyes.

“It’d be fun to rot in this hellhole with you”

[whosyourmommy69]

Sugar and Sin Pt4

It was late. Too late for anyone to be knocking on your door.

At first, you thought you imagined it.

Then it came again.

Hard. Insistent. Almost frantic.

You sighed, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders as you shuffled toward the door.

But the second you opened it?

Your heart dropped.

Rafe stood on your porch, swaying slightly, his blue eyes glazed over and wild.

Drunk and probably high

And the worst part?

He looked like he’d been crying.

You froze.

"Rafe?"

His breath hitched.

"Shit," he muttered, stumbling forward. His hands gripped the doorframe like he needed it to hold himself up. "You-you look so fuckin’ pretty right now."

Your chest tightened.

"What are you doing here?"

He let out a breathless, almost broken laugh.

"I-I fucked up."

You swallowed hard. "Yeah. You did."

His face twisted in pain, like he physically felt your words.

"I didn’t mean it," he rushed out, desperate. "I didn’t mean any of it, I was just-I was pissed and, fuck, I don’t know-" He ran a shaky hand through his hair, yanking at the strands like he was trying to rip the regret out of himself. "I was being a fucking asshole."

You folded your arms.

"That’s not an apology."

Rafe’s jaw clenched.

Then his entire body slumped.

He took a step forward, and before you could react, he dropped to his knees right there on your porch.

Your breath caught.

"Please," he whispered, looking up at you like you were the only thing keeping him from completely falling apart.

You stared down at him, heart hammering, because this was Rafe Cameron.

Arrogant. Mean. Cruel.

And yet?

Here he was. On his knees. Begging.

Begging for you.

Your chest ached.

"You humiliated me, Rafe." Your voice was soft, but the weight of it hit him like a punch to the gut. "In front of everyone."

He squeezed his eyes shut.

"I know," he rasped. "I fucking hate myself for it."

You hesitated.

Was this real? Or was this just Rafe being Rafe, only wanting you when he thought he’d lost you?

But then he grabbed your hands.

Pressed his forehead against them, his grip tight, desperate, shaking.

"You’re all I fucking think about," he admitted, voice raw, broken. "I tried-I tried to forget, tried to let you go, but I can’t-I fucking can’t."

Your breath hitched.

Rafe looked up at you, his pupils blown, his expression wrecked and helpless.

"Tell me I didn’t lose you," he whispered. "Tell me I haven’t fucked this up completely."

Your heart twisted.

Because deep down, you knew this was the truth.

That he was obsessed with you. That no matter what, he would always come back.

Always.

So, the question wasn’t whether he wanted you.

It was whether you could ever truly walk away.

You exhaled shakily.

And then you reached down and touched his face.

Rafe let out a ragged breath, leaning into your touch like a man starved.

Like he needed you just to breathe.

You should have told him to leave.

You should have slammed the door in his face, let him sit in his own regret and watch you move on.

But when you saw him, on his knees, hands gripping yours like they were the only thing keeping him together

You knew you were fucked.

Because Rafe Cameron was your biggest mistake.

And yet?

You were still going to make him again.

Your breath was uneven as you crouched in front of him, forcing him to look at you.

"Are you going to hurt me again?"

His whole body tensed, like the thought alone made him sick.

"No," he whispered. "I swear."

You studied him, searching for a lie, for a reason to push him away.

But all you found was raw desperation.

Rafe Cameron, the same arrogant, entitled asshole who made you feel like you were nothing in front of his friends.

Looking at you like you were everything.

And you?

You believed him.

So, instead of pushing him away, you pulled him in.

Rafe sucked in a breath when your lips brushed against his, soft at first, hesitant, dangerous.

But then?

Then he snapped.

His hands were suddenly everywhere, gripping your waist, tangling in your hair, pulling you closer.

Like he was terrified you might disappear.

Like he was trying to crawl inside you, claim you, make sure no one else ever touched you again.

"Say it," he muttered against your lips, voice hoarse, demanding.

Your fingers dug into his shoulders, your whole body burning.

"Say what?" you breathed.

Rafe groaned, his forehead pressing against yours.

"That you’re still mine."

Your stomach flipped.

"Rafe-"

"Say it." His hands tightened on your waist, his voice cracking with something real. "I need to hear it."

You exhaled shakily.

And then, you gave in.

"I’m yours."

Rafe let out a broken sound, half relief, half hunger, before kissing you like he was starving.

Like he was terrified of losing you again.

And when he picked you up, carried you inside, and slammed the door behind him

You knew there was no going back.

Because no matter how much he hurt you, you would always let him back in.

Always.

[shradsmanifestt]

Hi,

I wanted to manifest things for two years before a deadline, but it never came. I tried so hard, and I even argued with my parents because our belief systems were different, which made me stand out and feel like a total loser. I need to manifest my desires before this afternoon, if I don't, my life will be ruined right before my eyes (ngl ), my mind keeps telling me this is a whole bunch of lies, but at the same moment, I believe this is real . crazy right? I am at a loss right now . i did every damn thing right i persisted for a month and made rules and kept repeating them myself .

I really want to get my manifestations ASAP, or I will be doomed, and I will become an idiot in front of my parents (I am crying ) please please help me as soon as possible

(P.S. your posts are great and I really need help right now, so please reply as soon as possible )

(Please don't mind my grammar, my native language is not English.)

You didn't do everything right because you're clearly stuck in the process of manifesting it. You're setting up yourself for failure by assuming how you'll become an idiot in front of your family and all.

If it's already done would you be thinking about all this? If it's already done would you be on a timeline?? You believe this is real yet you say you've been persisting for a month?? What are you doing? What confirmation do you want? You didn't do it right because you're just tryin to manifest it instead of accepting it's already done no matter what you see.

Accept it's already done. That's it. That's it girl.

(sorry for the tough love but it's the only way)

[arcriotwrites]

~𝒯𝑜 𝒮𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒮𝑜𝓊𝓁~

Anakin Skywalker x Female reader

Warning: ANGST, possible reader death (foretold in nightmare), angry Anakin, slight gaslighting, yelling, unhappy ending, this is heartbreaking

Authors note: I have returned! I know I say this in all of my fics but I want to try and write more regularly. I just got back into my Star Wars obsession so enjoy this. Yes I did find the Revenge of the Sith script online to get scene dialogue accurate, you’re welcome🤭

Word Count: 2.9K

He knelt so easily before the emperor, the submission of power coming to him like second nature. When it came to protecting you, it was like second nature.

You had been his light when the darkness seemed to pull him a bit too close. Those nights he was scared to sleep turned into soft laughs and whispered promises despite those persistent nightmares. Though his latest nightmare tugged at him like an insistent child.

He had seen it so clearly, you on the ground, slain by a saber. The look in your eyes was fear, that look now plastered forever in death. He knew his dreams could become reality and this one he had to heed the warning of, that much was clear. At first he had shoved it off as just another nightmare, his mind trying to stray his focus from his training. Sure, the Jedi Council had decided to not make him a Master and that irked him but he knew he’d get the position someday by continuing to grow in his skill and maturity. When that same nightmare kept coming every night, that image of your frozen, fearful face imprinted in his mind, he knew he had to make sure it never became reality, training be damned.

That’s what led him here, kneeling before Emperor Palpatine, begging to be taught the ways of the Sith to save your life from that dreaded nightmare. Never had he thought he’d want to learn these skills, not until your life came into play. He had to save you, no matter by what bounds that meant.

“Please… just help me save her life.”

His voice broke as tears welled up, his eyes bloodshot from those sleepless nights. He was desperate, his voice a whimper as his bottom lip wobbled. He knew this went against every oath he had ever taken, every promise he had ever made, except one.

I promise I will protect you, no one can hurt you now.

He remembers telling you that after there was an attack on your life a few months ago. It was the only promise that truly mattered to him now.

“I can’t live without her. I won’t let her die. I want the power to stop death.”

He felt weak, like he couldn’t move. He couldn’t move until he knew he could save you, Palpatine was his only hope to do so.

“To cheat death is a power only one has achieved, but if we work together, I know we can discover the secret.”

Palpatine’s voice was brittle, cracking like glass through the air. The broken window behind him blew his cape around him, only adding to the power he held. Anakin’s eyes lifted to meet the Emperor’s, pure desperation pouring from his gaze.

“I pledge myself to your teachings. To the ways of the Sith.”

The words fell from his lips like a plea, a prayer he had no idea how it would even be answered. He would turn to the dark side if it meant seeing your smile for the rest of his days. That smile he longed to come home to. The way your eyes glowed like Mustafar, a planet he had visited only once but he saw its beauty when no one else did. In a way, you had much in common with the planet. Your passion for justice burned like fire and you were always determined no matter what, not afraid to burn bridges when destruction was necessary.

“Good. Good. The Force is strong with you. A powerful Sith you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth…Vader.”

Palpatine’s voice crashed into his ears, the weight of his decision hitting him quickly. Had he really just done this? Pledged his life to the Sith? He was becoming the one thing he had sworn to destroy. This doubt and weight quickly dissipated when that fearful look on your face flashed in his mind. He couldn’t let that be his reality. A life without you was no life at all whether it was living for the dark or light.

Anakin looks up, his eyes burning with a new determination. He looked his new master in the eyes, power flowing through his veins. Every second you were apart was like torture for him, he needed to get back to you.

“Thank you, my Master.”

“Rise, Lord Vader.”

His master’s voice booms in the room, forcing Anakin to his feet with its power. He bows to Palpatine who nods to him with a small smirk. Upon his dismissal, Anakin turns on his heels, his feet heavy in the room as the doors open for him. He exits, his footsteps echoing in the large hall, the marble trembling from his new determination.

The great hall soon turned into secured sections and not quickly enough, senators chambers. He approached the door to the room you two shared and swung it open. He watched you as you sat on the curved sofa in the living room, your gaze going from the view outside to him. He watched your eyes widen and you shoot up, registering that it was him. You rush into his open arms and he embraces you, his hands feeling the soft silk that adorned your back. He buried his nose into your hair, inhaling your sweet scent. Alive. You were alive.

"Ani, what are you doing here? I thought you wouldn't be home for another hour?"

You question, the surprise in your voice making a smile creep onto his lips. He freezes for a moment, trying to find a response.

"I snuck out during recess. I didn't want to sit there for another boring hour when I knew you were here waiting for me."

It was technically the truth. He had snuck out of a council meeting in order to go talk to Palpatine which in turn brought him home to you an hour early.

He watched as you playfully rolled your eyes at him and lent up to place your lips on his. Every fear and anxiety he had felt the past few days seemed to melt away as he kissed you back. You felt his hands fist into the silk of your slip gown and you could feel his intensity grow. It was like him to deepen actions but this felt different. Something was wrong but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. You felt him pick you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he took the both of you back to the sofa. He sat down with you in his lap and you tried to shimmy to the side, only for his hands on your waist to tighten.

"Don't go running away from me now."

He said in that playful tone that always made your chest heat up. No matter how much time you spent together, he could still so easily fluster you with a few simple words. You were truly connected to him.

"I'm not running away, I just thought you'd want to sit and enjoy the view since you haven't been home all day."

You say with a soft smile, watching his lips curl into a soft smirk. Your weight in his lap seemed to ground him.

"Why would I want to look out there when what I have wanted all day is to look at you?"

He asks, his head tilting slightly. You could feel your blush rising up your neck and into your cheeks. You knew he saw it because his gaze dropped to your collarbones and followed the blush all the way until his eyes met yours again. He had that cocky smirk on his lips and that playful glint in his eyes, he knew exactly what he was doing.

That cocky expression soon faded and he found himself getting lost in thought. His chest felt tight, the realization of his choices hitting him like an X-Wing in hyperspeed. He didn't exactly regret his choices, more so mourning the decisions that would come with it. You would ask questions. He knew he couldn't tell you the truth. Everyday you fought in the senate to take down Palpatine and the Sith. He had just sworn an oath to the very group you swore to destroy. Would you ever understand? If he had the time and words to explain, would you find his actions stupid or romantic? He was trying to save your life after all. Though, knowing you, you'd rather die than watch him become what you hate.

"Ani, what's wrong?"

Please don't ask me questions, I can't lie to you.

His thoughts came to a halt as you spoke, his eyes sorrowful before he steeled his expression, plastering a smile on his face.

"Nothing. I was just remembering the meeting."

It wasn't a lie, he was thinking about his meeting with Palpatine and the choices he made. He hoped you would just let it go but he also knew you would worry for him.

"Something else is going on, what is it?"

You ask him, your head tilting a bit as your hand comes up to rest on his cheek. He lent into your touch for a moment. He had to give you something, make sure you didn't continue to dig for more.

"I've been having this same nightmare..."

He trails off, his voice barely above a whisper. The image of your fearful face flashes in his mind again, making him visibly pull away. That could not be his reality. He opened his eyes again to see you staring at him with deeper concern, waiting for him to continue.

"You... die in it. I can't let that happen."

He states hesitantly but firmly, his face now flooded in despair. His emotions were always so quick to change and you knew how to handle it but this time, you had never seen him so scared. You set your hands in your lap, him having moved away from your touch when he winced.

"Those are just nightmares, I am alive and well. You can't let them cons-"

"No! NO! They are not just nightmares and I will not let you die! We will save you. We have to!"

He interrupts you in a frantic ramble, overcome by the frustration of this nightmare. It had plagued him for weeks and he lived every second scared of it becoming reality. That was the thing he hated most about his nightmares, they never gave him a timeline. His frustration had boiled over, unable to live with this nightmare by himself anymore. It was real and he refused to believe it wasn't. His raised voice makes you jump to your feet, practically scrambling out of his lap. You take a few steps back, the initial shock of hearing his voice reach that volume starts to settle in. He never yelled at you or around you, it was something he made a point not to do. Your hands subconsciously grip at the sides of your gown, his words setting in.

"We? Who is we?"

He was hiding something and you knew it. He had just showed his hand and you were never one to let it go.

"Why does it even matter? I am trying to save you from a hell I have lived every night for weeks!"

His voice was still raised and he stood from the couch making you step back. You had never seen him like this before. It was like he was angry but his anger wasn't exactly placed so it was getting let out on everything.

"It matters because I need to know who you are plotting with and what is even being plotted! I don't like secrets, Ani. Why didn't you talk to me about this? I could have helped you!"

You stood your ground, not letting his current state intimidate you. When he got angry in general, that was the one way for him to truly understand his own feelings and how he was expressing them. He got closer to you, his hand reaching out to gently grasp your upper arm. His actions were a stark contrast to his harsh tone and if anything, that worried you more.

"You can't help me, not anymore."

His voice grew dark, his eyes getting shadowed by something else. Determination and sorrow flooded his gaze, making a chill run down your spine. What had he done?

"Anakin, what did you do?"

The use of his first name made his back straighten. You two quickly took to nicknames when you first got together. You only used his first name when things grew serious.

"I can't tell you, you'll hate me."

His voice was pained, his anger now focused on himself. He should have never let himself fall so deep into this obsession. He shouldn't have let himself focus on this nightmare. Maybe he shouldn't have even let himself focus on you.

"So you'd rather our relationship be built on secrets?"

Your voice cracked when you asked, your mind racing. Had he hurt someone or himself? What could he have done that would be this bad to the point he's convinced you'd hate him? He was truly ready to live like this all because of something he had done.

"I can't tell you."

His voice is quieter now, holding a firm tone that matched his grip tightening on your arm. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes. Was he really willing to to put your relationship in jeopardy all because he couldn't tell you this?

"I can't live without you. I had no other choice."

His voice breaks and you can see the tears and guilt in his eyes. You hesitantly reach your hand up, caressing his cheek. A tear slides down, matching your own. You had never seen him so distraught yet so set in his ways. He had always been stubborn but this was different, he was keeping something from you.

"Please, you can tell me. I need you to tell me."

The man who loved you with everything he had was harboring something so important from you and you couldn't even begin to understand why. Did he not trust you? You watch as your plea seems to weaken his resolve, his mind racing as he tries to figure out what to say.

"You can't harbor this by yourself. If my life has been put into someone else's hands but your own, I need to know. Please-"

Your voice cracks, a sob threatening to bubble up as worry floods you like a tidal wave you could have never been prepared for. He was destroying himself and you had no chance to stop it. You watch as he swallows hard, guilt riddling him as the true realization of his actions sets in.

"The Sith have a way of protecting someone from death..."

That was all you needed to hear, a sob wracking your body. You step out of his grasp, stumbling back until your pressed against a small vanity, your hand gripping the edge of it. He stayed where he was, his head bowed in guilt. Your hand clamps over your mouth, trying to stifle your sobs. He had chosen a path you couldn't follow, swearing his life to something you fought against everyday. He takes a step forward and you put your hand up, stopping him.

"Don't. Don't... I can't believe what I'm hearing."

You sob out, your vision clouded with tears. Your heart was breaking in two, this being the ultimate betrayal. You didn't even know what else to say, trying to process the weight of his words. He hadn't even fully said it but you knew the implications.

"It was the Chancellor, wasn't it? He can't save you Anakin and he sure as hell can't save me!"

Your voice rose into a shout as your sobs continue, your body shaking so bad that you were sure you'd fall over if you let go of the vanity. His expression darkens at the mention of the Chancellor, his anger reemerging.

"Don't you dare speak illy of him, he is giving me the power to save your life!"

His voice came in another shout but he didn't step closer. Your sobs continue, the realization of this all being way too much to bare. He was already more loyal to Palpatine than he was to you.

"Anakin, I'll never stop loving you but you have chosen a path that I can't follow."

Your heart shatters, this betrayal happening too quickly. His anger had mounted and he just stares at you, his eyes dark. You couldn't tell if it was sorrow in his eyes, your vision too fuzzy with tears.

"I did this for you..."

He whispers, his footsteps heavy as he walked towards the door. He pledged his life to the Sith to try and save you, yet the only outcome he got was losing you. He couldn't tell what you needed protection from now, death or him. The anger he felt was something unfamiliar and he knew he had to leave before he did something permanent. He was going to save you, whether you liked it or not.

[ysaefinn]

Suguru pinching and pulling on your cheeks because he just thinks ur too cute..

Also idk if you’ve written about this before but I’m so cat!reader pilled (probably brainwashed by chimikemo stsg artists)

Suguru helping you brush your tail and rubbing your ears yessss lord. He’d be so soft and gentle while ur just purring, and also just wrapping ur tail around him while cuddling alone is enough to put me on my knees

-🍒non

CHERRYNON THIS SCREAMS CUTENESS AGGRESSION TO ME AND I HAVE TO AGRER A BILLION GILLION PERCENT

HE DOES THIS!!!! he loves to pull your cheeks, especially dilfsugu!!! He's notorious for this TOT he does it so casually it's not even cuteness aggression, you can ask him to stop but he won't be able to ;v;

None-dilf suguru goes as far as to munch on your cheeks when he's having a particularly tough case of the aggression too!!!! Holds you super tight to his chest and shakes violently you get dizzy and go limp after a while (<- may have been what he was looking for <33) TOT go ahead and make it worse by whining or asking him to stop, only makes his heart swell even more (free you)

Cherrynon as a certified cat (I multi task) myself I felt this.. in my bones..in my bone marrow even.

I've been meaning to spam dash with hybrid kitty reader on my other blog for a long time now!!!!!!! It came at a terrible time i was NOT feeling up for it but the brain worms were festering and festering and festering i felt like a feral animal locked away for the safety of the public <///3

SO SUGURU AND KITTY READER!!!!! Honestly when i think about hybrids and general i don't really think of like...slavery and pet owners and such LMAO they're a minority if anything they have partners and jobs and go to schools yada yada yada this could very well be the world building parasite speaking on my behalf yet again BUT i don't like to put my readers as too much of a disadvantage no matter how safe you are in suguru's arms <///3 So suguru is just your loving boyfriend who sponsors your lazy cat lifestyle (dream life) he really does try to keep the petting and chin scratches to a minimum but please he just can't help it ffs!!!! Especially when he's back home from work, tired and beat and you're just lounging on the couch taking a nap, purring away without a care in the world, he's been deprived and touch starved for so so so long SO LONG (he saw you thus morning) can you really blame him of the first thing he wants to do is put you on his lap and sandwich your face with two big palms while kissing you silly and calling you his sweet baby cat????? You'd be digging your own grave if you start to purr while sitting near him, trust and believe HE IS scooping you up to play with your ears and give them long hard kisses :((((

I think the tail would be a bit much for him TOT you don't even have to communicate that he just automatically assumes it's sacred, that doesn't mean he's any less fixated on it tho....doesn't mean he's not suggesting you tie ribbons on the tip of it tho......doesn't mean he won't "jokingly" buy a little bell and beg you to put it on tho........ ALL IN GOOD FUN!!!!! suguru recognizes you as his PARTNER!!!!!! not a pet!!!! Promise :33333333ccccccc

[putschki1969]

2025/04/30 Blog post by Wakana みんな〜月末がやってきたよ！〜締切は、今日です！〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Everyone〜It's The End Of The Month！〜The Deadline Is Today！〜

Two years ago, I received an Agave Titanota 'Blue'🌵 from someone close to me. (The pot was purchased at a plant shop I visited for a newsletter feature.) I looked back on my Instagram post to see how tiny it was when I first got it... It's the one on the right😂 So small😂 By the way, the one on the left (a Sansevieria) has grown too! It's already so big... By the way, I measured the length of the "Mama Agave" (named by me) in the back🌲 It's 170cm!! A giant tree...🌲

I also looked back on Instagram to see the younger days of my "Altissima," which I've nicknamed "Resurrection Tree." This is what it looks like now🌳 It's grown so big...😭✨ There was a point where it had a really hard time but since then, it has made a triumphant comeback and is now growing at an explosive rate. (probably because it's spring...🌸) I measured it and it's now 132.5cm🌳 Just like a normal human...👫

My babies are growing rapidly, it's so much fun to observe them every day in spring‼ ︎＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

Hello, this is Wakana(0￣▽￣0)／

Sometimes my babies wither away, but I want to continue to grow them as long as possible, with a relaxed attitude, and with the tenacity to not give up just because they die once😊

Now, everyone! Here's the usual reminder about the submission deadline for my podcast, "Wakana's Talk Garden"! It's already the end of the month! 😱Time goes by so quickly😱 The next talk theme is: ・Everyone's memories of health checkups I had a checkup last month too... it was pretty rough😭 And a little fun😂 I want to tell everyone about it soon😂 I'm looking forward to hearing about your funny and bittersweet health check memories!! !

Finally, the other day I had a dinner party at home with some colleagues from work, here are some photos from that time📸 It was a sake party, so I made some bitter dishes that would go well with the alcohol😂 I often make a meat and potato stew, fried vegetables or braised chicken with veggies, especially before live performances. It's because those dishes are easy to make, you can adjust the flavours and you can keep the salt content low. But above all, those dishes tend to last a long time😌 I'm lazy, so I love making things in advance *laughs*!

I also made chirashi sushi because I wanted to eat it myself, but I misjudged the amount of water to cook the rice so the rice turned hard *laughs*

No matter how many times I look at this picture, the amount of potato salad at the bottom seems wrong. Looks like potato salad is my main dish, doesn't it? 😂 I kept harassing everyone with my potato salad, "please have some potato salad~ Do you want some more potato salad?" 🥔🥔🥔 I forgot to take a picture, but everyone brought all sorts of things so the table was filled with food! 🍚🍙🍚🍙 It was a fun and fulfilling party for the mind and body~＼(^o^)／

Well, that's all for today! Until next time~☆( *'▽'*)/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

2025/04/21 Instagram post by Wakana

(Source)

2025/05/01 & 02 Instagram post by Wakana

Recently, I went to the "Loewe Crafted World Exhibition" 🌟 I mostly went there to see the LOEWE x Ghibli collaboration works 🥳🎉 Being a Ghibli fanatic, I wore a Makkuro Kurosuke brooch, had a Totoro keychain, and shoved Teto in my bag 🫣♡ This exhibition was really amazing... 😳✨ The history of LOEWE was carefully exhibited, and there were also exhibits that showed the tools used at the time of the company's founding, the bag manufacturing process, collection looks, all of which were very interesting😻 But of course I was even more excited about the Ghibli-related exhibits ♡ I was surprised by how huge the "Howl's Moving Castle Bag" was! Part 2 will follow tomorrow 🌿

Continuing from yesterday, I'll share some photos from the LOEWE exhibition 🌿 The second photo is the face I made when I realised that there was a mushroom in the hole in the wall!! 🍄. In the room where Ghibli films were projected, various Ghibli collaboration works were on display💕 Everything was so lovely...😍 I want to try wearing everything😆 The giant Totoro sofa was cute🫣♡ The LOEWE exhibition was really amazing, I want to go again because I had such an exciting and happy time😳✨ I can't believe it's a free exhibition...!!! And tonight's Friday Roadshow is "How Do You Live?"📺️ I'm looking forward to it since the last time I saw it was two years ago at the cinema (that was so long ago!)♡

(Source 1 & Source 2 & Source 3)

2025/05/07 Instagram post by Wakana

How did you all spend your Golden Week? 🧚 I spent a very fulfilling week changing my wardrobe from winter to summer, doing some serious decluttering, going to concerts, going to the park, and seeing my family😊♡ Last year, my mother invited me to go to the festival, "La Folle Journée TOKYO". This year, my mother invited me to go again🤭 We watched several orchestra and piano performances. The charm of this music festival is that you can spend a wonderful time doing various things as you like🎹🎺🎻✨ There was an art exhibition in Hibiya Park, I ended up staring at a big hand that made me wonder how it was floating above the water surface... It's mysterious, isn't it...✋️ The roses🌹 and the sunset were very beautiful✨(Source)

[fluffyenergee]

(ordering like I'm in a drive thru) uhhhh can I get the uhhhh number five prompt...and uhhhh lemme get the...lemme get uh...can I get engineer absolutely destroying spy?

"Please, that is not even slightly original or funny for that matter."

Cigarette smoke curled around Spy and Engineer as the former observed one of the drawings on Engineer's cork board. Scout's drawing. Of Spy. And a frog with an exaggerated moustache. The two were kissing, the French flag drew proudly above them.

"You'd think at some point he'd get bored of drawing the same thing."

"Aw, c'mon," Engie spoke with barely contained amusement, if he was even trying, "let the boyo have a hobby. I like those, make workin' here easier. Ya gotta admit it's amusin'."

"Hardly."

"Not even gonna let out a small chuckle for me? Won't tell anyone, Texan's promise."

"I only "chuckle" when killing people by myself." Spy rolled his eyes. "This is real amusement, you should try it sometimes, laborer," As always, he emphasized the last word.

"Oh yeah? Well, ya should try laughin' more often. Could make others more willin' to interact with ya and maybe then you'd be less grouchy."

"In that case I definitely won't try it."

Spy knew Engineer would take that as a challenge. And he'd definitely enjoy the other try fruitlessly. Or so he thought.

“So, ya won't laugh no matter what?" Engineer circled to behind his companion. "Even if I do this…?” He put his hands on Spy's sides.

Spy barely flinched, but still enough for Engineer to feel it. To his credit, however, everything else about his body language remained intact.

"Engineer, take your dirty hands off of me," Spy scoffed. "Whatever it is you're planning it's a waste of time."

"Then it's good I have time to spare right now."

Spy gritted his cigarette when feeling a squeeze on his sides.

"Engineer-!"

"Nah."

Engie quickly took off both of his gloves and crawled one of his hands under Spy's clothes to wiggle at his tummy, while the gunslinger held onto Spy's hip, squeezing every now and then.

To Spy's absolute horror, this resulted in a snort escaping his lips.

"Aw, so ya can laugh!" Engie teased.

"T-That… wasn't a-a laugH!" Spy sputtered, his shaking hands moving to grab Engie's wrists. "Stop… it!" He was trying his best to keep his voice steady, really, he was, but it was impossible to feign lack of reaction in this situation.

"Guess that's true," Engineer agreed before his second hand also dived to tickle Spy's stomach, both of them accelerating now. "So maybe now?"

"Khh… ngh- AGH!" Spy was trembling like a leaf in the wind, the corners of his lips moving upwards but not quite there yet. "C-Cease that… now!" He felt laughter bubbling in his throat but managed to bite his lower lip just in time. Barely…

"Why? Ticklish? Didn't take ya for the type, good to know."

Spy wasn't entirely sure what the plan was, but even he had to admit thinking was hard in this situation, even if just to himself back in the back of mind that he would later deny. And then, when Engineer really started scratching at his stomach, causing his back to arch, he couldn't stop himself from cloaking.

"Oh? Well, that ain't gonna help." Engie chuckled in amusement as he now tickled seemingly nothing. "Gotcha trapped in my arms, spook." With that he decided that it was enough teasing. It was time to make Spy lose all his fancy schmancy flare.

With his hands still working under Spy's clothes he dragged the invisible mercenary to the chair, forced him to sit on it, and Engie himself? Straddled Spy's lap and tickled aggressively all over his tummy and sides.

Whoosh.

"AAAHAHAHAAH!" Spy returned to view with a vengeance.

"There ya are!" Engie cheered with exaggerated joy. "Well, would ya look at that. You can laugh just fine."

Now he just needed to make sure Spy had no chance of denying it. His hands scratched higher, now teasing his ribs, while he moved his face to Spy's neck, moved his balaclava up with his nose, and blew a raspberry.

Pffft!

"GAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA! E-ENGINEER!" Spy threw his head back while his mind scrambled for ideas to free himself and make sure absolutely no one found out about this. All he came up with however was to 1) hope it was a dream 2) push at Engineer with his hands. It didn't accomplish much.

Another raspberry.

"NAHAHAHA! I OHOHOHORDER YOU TO STOHOHOP!" Another snort when Engineer dug his fingers between Spy's ribs.

"Hmmm, let me think." Engineer hummed before blowing another raspberry. "Nah. You're laughin', that's good, told ya you could."

"MERDE-!" Spy hiccupped with laughter and threw his arm across his suspiciously wet eyes.

Engineer immediately took his chance and while the gunslinger remained taking care of those ticklish ribs his other hand moved to the outstretched armpit.

Spy positively screamed.

"KHAAAAA! BWAHAHAHA, N-NON!" His arm flew to his side but that only trapped Engie's hand under in his armpit which he eagerly utilized. Then, to Engineer's utter delight, Spy begged, "P-PLEHEHEHEASE, YOU PROHOHOHOVED YOUR POINT! STOHOHOHOP!"

"Oh, I'm never lettin' ya forget that." He smiled mischievously, his hands not stopping for even a second, his lips waiting close to Spy's neck.

"ENGINEER!"

"Yer awful cute like that, I can see you blushing even through that mask."

That was bad enough, but Spy could feel the blush spreading down his face. It was only a matter of time before it would be seen on his neck. Still, he was too busy writhing with laughter to fully comprehend that.

Even though Spy did admit that Engineer was right, that he could laugh, and indirectly to being ticklish, not that any admission was needed at this point, Engie didn't stop. Spy really was too cute like that.

Not a bad way of spending the afternoon, not bad at all.

-----------

You know, when I said I would write drabbles I meant that, as in 300 - 500 words or something like that, but so far all of those are coming out closer to 1000 words.

[twosnails4eva]

ramble in tags

[deoidesign]

I'll either succeed or I'll learn trying

[heapstone]

drs appointment to beg for meds today wish me luck 🤠

[junkartie]

I think the most crushing autism experience is friends/romantic partners eventually figuring out youre masking bcz if you keep it up long enough its also off-putting & unnatural and then insisting you act like yourself- only to realize they in fact do not like your real self and make comments about how annoying/different youre acting all of a sudden. ❤️🧎‍♀️

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible