#the only thing that matters is for me to be pleased with myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yoonia · 2 days ago

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— Dia’s tumblr wrapped 2024

I know it’s super late for me to share this, but just as many would say, it’s better late than never. Thank you so much for the lovely people who tagged me to do this: @beomcoups, @shadowkoo, @kingofbodyrolls ♡

2024 started off smoothly…until it didn’t. The final quarter of the year has always been a hard time for me and it wasn’t that much different this year. As you can probably notice that I’ve been mostly absent ever since the end of October and I deeply apologise for that. I also regret not planning things properly and for not keeping up with my goals this year but that only means that I'll be dragging my WIP list towards the next year.

Thank you so much for everyone who has been there for me this year, and those of you who have stuck by me despite my inconsistencies. I really appreciate your presence on my blog, whether it’s through your likes and kudos, your reblogs, your comments and replies on my contents, and the kind words you sent me through my ask box. You guys have made it worthwhile for me to be here even after all these years, and I don’t think I can thank you enough for that. Here’s to mark the end of our wild journey through 2024 and enter the new year of 2025.

OVERALL FIC STATS 2024

Number of fics posted: 4 (four) one-shots, 2 (two) ongoing series, 3 (three) ficlets

Number of fics revamped: 2 (two) completed fics, 2 (two) ongoing series

Number of words written: 448,057 words (dang, no wonder I felt so burned out lol)

Number of fics in progress: 32 (oh, boy…)

FIRST FIC OF 2024

❥ A Christmas Fix 01 & 02 — posted Jan 31st & Feb 1st | 1,926 & 1,226 notes

My thoughts: This was…quite a journey. It’s been a while since I wrote a rom-com story and I was pleased to have been given the chance to write this idea through a collab. The final outcome wasn’t too disappointing either, since I enjoyed writing it and reading it afterwards. I’m glad everyone loved this story as well.

MOST POPULAR FIC OF 2024

❥ The Stand-In (Revamped version) — posted Aug 13th | 4,267 notes

My thoughts: Okay, yeah…I cheated a little. But to be fair, this fic did get a lot of notes this year before and after the revamping process. I loved this story so much that I felt like it deserved a major makeover and I’m glad I managed to do it this year.

LONGEST FIC OF 2024

❥ The Bedroom Hymns — series, ongoing, last updated Sept 9th | 50k++ words | I’m too lazy to open each chapter to count the notes I’m so sorry lol

My thoughts: I know…I know, I need to update this one again. I had to take a break from this series because this fic literally became my main focus this year that a lot of my WIPs kept getting pushed back just so I could finish more of this. I had to stop at some point to finally set free my WIPs. I have to admit that I also lost my motivation to write this due to the lack of notes and responses that I got with each update no matter how much time I spent working on it (tacky, I know…but it is what it is). I still love and enjoy writing this, so more chapters are coming. I can see this fic becoming my main focus again in 2025 until I’m done with it.

LAST FIC OF 2024

❥ The Forsaken II: Tears of the Sea — posted Oct 24th | 712 notes

My thoughts: Holy hell…this fic. Who would’ve thought that I’d be revisiting siren!Taehyung this year after…3 years?? Thank you, whoever it was that sent this during my birthday event. I never expected to write a full fic for this to continue the original story and to answer a lot of your questions, but I’m glad I did!

Honorable mention:

❥ Our Imperfections — posted Oct 30th | 92 notes

My thoughts: This was the last thing I actually released before I dipped into the void but I couldn’t count this as a fic as this was considered a ficlet or, in a more common term, a drabble.

PERSONAL FAVOURITE FIC OF 2024

❥ Blooming Wallflowers — posted Sept 25th | 927 notes

My thoughts: I had one of those rare moments where I found myself enjoying the writing process of a story so much that things simply kept flowing until it became a full story. This one went twice the size planned (and commissioned) but I have no regrets. At all.

Honorable mention:

❥ Maps (revamped version) — series, completed, posted Sept 6th, 7th, & 11th | 1,4k++ notes (again, I’m too lazy to open each chapter lol)

My thoughts: I initially planned to release something else for DPR Ian’s birthday this year. But then I started revamping the graphics for his old fics instead and decided to revamp the whole series while I had the chance. This one has always been my fave work that I wrote for Christian, so diving back into this to do a makeover and give it a major upgrade felt absolutely fulfilling.

2024 SPECIAL EVENT

❥ 𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖉𝖊: yoonia’s 2024 birthday bash

My thoughts: Once again, I can’t thank you guys enough for joining this small event of mine. I promise that I’ll have another event in 2025 so please stay tuned! (see you in March!)

Fave reads of 2024

I have to admit that I haven’t been doing a lot of fic reading this year. But I’m happy that I got to dive back into reading some fanfics during my birthday event and found some lovely gems that I truly enjoyed

The Taste of Sin by @shadowkoo

Vignette: Duty by @cybrsan

The Athlete by @beomcoups

A Lover's Redemption by @writtenwhalien

Dandelion by @shina913

The Wood by @sailoryooons

Minted by @kithtaehyung

Mr. & Mrs. Yoon by @monamipencil

On The Ropes by @raplinesmoon

Top Ten Tracks of 2024

Loved — B.I

People — Agust D

Make You Mine — Black Violet

Gemini — Cheyenne

Close To Me — Mamie, Eloy, Trippy Bass

HUH?! — Agust D feat. J-hope

Love — Lana Del Rey

Reasons — COTIS

Watch Me Burn — Michelle Morrone

Die First — Nessa Barrett

GOALS FOR 2025

Write more. Tackle more WIPs each month.

Finally finish my old abandoned WIPs (About Time, Blood Moon Rising and the Shifters Series, Chance Encounter)

Finish writing and officially release my original stories/novel as a web-series

Try to do better with planning and scheduling and keeping up with them

Finish revamping Carousel and release the novel version on Ream

Read more. Both published books and released fics

Focus more on my personal health, mental and physical

Start job hunting again

I know I’m late for this, so I’m passing this over to the writers who are tagged on the list above (if you haven’t done this yet) and also tagging a few who come across my mind right now (only if you want to!): @ressjeon @lo1k-diamonds @pars-ley @minisugakoobies @inkedtae

And also tagging randomly anyone who feels inspired to create their own tumblr wrapped!

#2024 tumblr wrapped #fic wrapped #tagged #misc: fic talk

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syndrossi · 3 days ago

Note

Rhaegar telling Jon who the Knight of Stars really is, if you please.

"Just 100 words, or to the nearest closing sentence," she said foolishly. (I should know myself better by now.)

Look, I TRY to keep them to 100 words, but sometimes the setup takes a bit..

x~x~x

Jon’s heart had yet to calm, even after they had seen with their own eyes that Daemon was safe and whole and only slightly bruised from the melee, his arms around them strong and reassuring. Our idea, he thought, the horror of it still fresh. We risked his life because we thought it would be fun.

And it was only the sharp instincts of the Knight of Stars, who Jon had already decided was almost certainly an enemy, that had saved him.

They were escorted back to the holdfast, despite Jon’s vehement protests, while his brother walked in a silent daze. He knew that Daemon would be surrounded by Kingsguard, and that Ser Arryk would be back at his side, but that was not enough. He needed to know precisely who had made the attempt on their father’s life, and now more than ever, who the Knight of Stars was.

He could yet be an enemy. The attack could have been designed to earn their trust by giving the mystery knight an opportunity to prove himself in as dramatic a fashion as possible. But the melee, even as gentle as this one had been designed, had been chaos. It would have been no simple thing to coordinate.

Once the doors to their apartment had shut, with Ser Erryk on the other side, Rhaegar turned to him. “We must get to the small council chamber.”

He was still pale with shock, but there was an urgency in his voice that made Jon straighten. “What is it? What is the matter?”

Rhaegar glanced about, presumably to see if Rolen had returned yet from the tourney, but there was no sign of the servant. “The Knight of Stars, I saw his face.” His stare seemed to pass through Jon. “I know him. Knew him. From before.”

“Before?” Jon echoed, half in disbelief.

“What if there are others like us?” Rhaegar blurted. “Others who went to Summerhall, perhaps in search of us? What if my—” He cut himself off, but Jon knew the source of the painful yearning in his voice.

His mother. Jon’s mind went to the warlock’s first attempt at luring him, using his mother’s voice. Is this another trick of theirs?

“I know the Knight of Stars,” Rhaegar repeated firmly, seeming to recognize his sudden doubt. “He was one of my father’s Kingsguard, sworn to protect me, and he has reason to hide his face and name here. He is Ser Arthur of House Dayne.”

Jon forced his mouth shut. That name he knew, though he did not dare explain to Rhaegar how. The Sword of Morning. One of the greatest knights and Kingsguard, slain at the Tower of Joy. Slain defending my mother and me from my father—my uncle.

A needless death. Ned Stark would never have harmed his sister or his nephew. Jon had found himself wondering on occasion how different it might have been had the knight been at his father’s side instead, at the Battle of Trident.

He left his best to defend me, and kept so little for himself.

“Once they learn that he is Dornish, they will think that he was part of the plot,” Rhaegar said. “Or at best, refuse to allow him to join the Princesguard.”

I wonder if he has his sword—Dawn. Jon shook himself, forcing his thoughts to the matter at hand. Rhaegar was right. Their father was a suspicious man, and the attention that the Knight of Stars had paid to Rhaegar, which made sense now, would only have inflamed such suspicions.

But if the Knight of Stars truly was Ser Arthur Dayne, brought into this world by the same means that had stolen them away, then it would be madness not to gain him as an ally.

And there could be others.

“What do you propose?”

#resonant nye2025 ask game

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littlefankingdom · 2 days ago

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Kind of frustrating how many posts there are criticizing Bruce's parenting in Batgirl (2000), while Barbara is getting barely a slap on the wrist for her parenting.

The thing about Barbara and Bruce in Batgirl (2000) is that they both do something bad that is projecting yourself on your kid (no, Bruce doesn't see Cassandra as a weapon, stop saying that shit), however only Bruce is getting call out for this by y'all, and I think there's two reasons why:

Bruce is so easy to criticize. Everything he had ever done has been criticized to hell and back. Damn, he is criticized if he dares parent his kids and tells them no or something (literally read a fic where he was painted as the bad guy by the batfam, the writer and the reader for... saying no to another dog Damian decided to adopt without telling him) Somehow, he is always in the wrong with y'all. Even when he is nice or right it's "well, actually..."

The way Barbara is doing it is very normalized in western societies. Bruce isn't projecting something we are used to, he is projecting his crusade and how he dealt with his pain by kicking criminals' asses. Barbara is projecting ideas about womanhood and life that a lot of mothers do, but that doesn't mean it's not wrong.

"What is Barbara projecting on Cassandra?" Her sexuality and her interests. She wants Cassandra to go flirt and date boys, to dress more sexy, to love reading, even tho Cass doesn't want to. She forces Cassandra into situation she is very uncomfortable in (being viewed by men as sexy) because she enjoys it herself and misses it. There is NOTHING wrong with that last bit, but projecting it on Cass and ignoring it until Cass has a breakdown, that's not okay. (Cass keeps communicating she isn't comfortable in the bikini, and it's only when Cass runs away from the situation that Barbara accepts that Cass is uncomfortable) Cass tries to force herself to be more like Barbara to please Barbara, she puts on her suit and goes out, but she is so uncomfortable. Tim's comment about her body, and the heels, she can't. And then, there is the library scene, where Barbara yells and insults Cass for not knowing how to read. It is more difficult, as older as you get, to learn a new language. It is easier if you already speak multiple, but if you have never spoken ANY language before, and you just learned to understand one NOT EVEN A YEAR AGO, learning how to read is going to be hard. It is so ableist and unacceptable for Barbara to call Cass "stupid" for not knowing how to read. It doesn't matter if Cass hasn't been training enough, she literally should have helped and not let her do it alone (in the cases of children who, like Cass, didn't learn a language as a child because of their environment, they only improve with love and care in their teaching. If you give them a book and tell them to learn on their own, they will not succeed. Reading is a concept taught to you, not in you, and they need to learn it from another human.) And the reasons why Barbara gets so frustrated are just that, reasons, not excuses.

I'm going to be sincere, the reason why I'm criticizing Barbara is because I had a mother like this. I'm asexual and afab, and I was forced into uncomfortable situation because "girls are supposed to like flirting with boys". My mother got really frustrated after a couple of years because I never had a boyfriend, and that wasn't "normal". She would force me to see myself in a sexual way, to attract boys, because that's what "a normal teenage girl wants". And that was nightmarish for me. But also, my mother is a big reader, and I'm not for multiple reasons. My mother would often diminish my intellect because I don't read novels, and especially not as much, like her. Reading a lot was associated with intellect in our home, and it was extremely harmful to my self-esteem. They are different kind of intelligence, people aren't stupid if they don't read a lot. That's the classicism talking, because it was literally badly seen for working class folks to read not so long ago and so, only the rich did so only the rich were smart. And having an education, which I have, is not the same as being a reader.

This is also probably why I have seen queer afab folks identify with Cassandra, because we experienced the "you should be flirting with boys" pressure when you don't want to.

The other thing is that, not only is Barbara projecting herself on Cassandra, she is also living through her, which is bad. That's something you can hear a lot about for children stars, where their career and success is for mommy, who cannot be a star anymore. Barbara wants Cassandra to date boys and "have fun" because she thinks she can anymore because she's disabled.

And I'm sure a lot of y'all don't understand what is wrong with what Barbara is doing. But it is forcing amatonormativity and her sexuality on Cassandra, it is ableist, it is forcing Cassandra into uncomfortable situation because she would have enjoyed them. Cassandra doesn't want to wear a bikini, it's not ok for Barbara to force Cassandra to wear a bikini because SHE enjoys it.

In no way I'm trying to say that Barbara is a bad parent. What I'm saying is more that y'all are very hard on Bruce when both him and Barbara are doing the same thing. They both fuck up and learn to do better, because they love Cassandra. They are both wrong about Cassandra, but also right sometimes (example: Bruce is right about letting Cassandra fights because that's what she wants to do. Barbara is against it and she is shown she is wrong multiple times) Y'all are calling Bruce a bad parent to Cassandra in Batgirl (2000) and not Barbara because he's forcing on her his bad copying mechanism of sacrifcing your life to save others, and she is forcing on her amatonormative sexist and ableist norms of our western societies.

#barbara gordon #cassandra cain #bruce wayne #batgirl #oracle #batman #batfam #dc comics #my ramblings #Barbara fucks up hurt a lot as someone who went through that it hurts it's not okay #especially when she called her stupid for not knowing how to read I was so mad omg #no Bruce doesn’t view Cassandra as a weapon he literally offers her a birthday gift without knowing her birthday #Any writing of Bruce seeing someone as a weapon is wrong anyway especially a hurt child #I do have issues with Batgirl (2000) writing because Bruce believes in rehabilitation and infinite chances that is literally his thing #so no he would not see Cass as a criminal or murderer for ONE KILL she did as a child he would see her as a victim #especially BECAUSE SHE WAS A SMALL KID

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becomingthatgirl111 · 2 days ago

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The mindset of 2025

Happy New Year to all of you! I know I was inactive for a long time in 2024, but I'm going to start up again little by little. I have learned a lot of things during the year and when I feel inspired or ready to write about it I will.

I want to tell you that even if you didn't meet your goals one year it doesn't mean that they won't be met or that you are a disaster. Nowadays we are oversaturated with information and content from people who idealize their life to the maximum and although on one hand I think that is positive because it can help us to motivate us and learn new things on the other hand I feel that everyone's life is not the same and that each of us have different situations and sometimes we do not know how to handle them or we focus on the wrong thing and forget what we had planned or what we wanted to accomplish, but everything leaves us a lesson and something that I have learned this past year (the last few months especially) is to stop worrying and live life as you would like, no matter the circumstances, because the circumstances that you are going through right now, that which is preventing you from doing something you want to do will only keep you stuck in the same place.

Many times you don't have to do a thousand things or have a perfect routine but change the approach with which we see things, we worry about things that don't really deserve our attention and forget those that are important.

So for my part this year I want to develop a more stoic attitude towards certain situations and live for me, not for others. And I say this for many people who write me looking for advice, which I am grateful because you trust me but I always say it and I also apply it to myself because in the end we are people and there are things that bother us but do not give so much attention to those people or situations that you do not like, the solution will come, but trying to solve it or looking for a thousand answers you get nothing, better focus on what makes you happy or the goals you want to achieve.

What I want to say with all this is that for this new year it is no longer useful to continue suffering, to be bitter about people or things that we cannot change, when we change our attitude, when we stop giving so much attention to them, they will surely be resolved. and leave behind everything that you don't like and move forward, that's when you will see the real change.

Ideas for starting the year off right, manifesting and focusing

Write in your journal: ins and outs for 2025, the learnings you gained and look at them in a positive light, what you want to let go of, new habits you want to implement little by little, how last year made you feel and how you want to feel this year.

A meditation to kick-start the new year and visualise your goals or wishes.

Reorganise your space. Get rid of anything you have that no longer serves or pleases you, make changes in your room (or house) and make that space something nice that makes you feel comfortable to be in.

Start your plan. Set one main goal for this year and smaller goals that will lead you to achieve that goal in the end. A small habit you set today can lead to big results in the long run.

Nourish your mind with content that motivates you and helps you learn things to improve yourself. Not just personal growth but any area of your life that you think needs a boost. For example if you have problems with your relationships read or listen to podcasts on how to improve on that, positively influence others, learn about non-verbal language, that sort of thing.

And finally, don't wait for anything to change if you don't change yourself first. It's hard at first but change your mindset, act like an improved version of you. Think differently than you are doing now. Commit yourself to all your goals and if one of them is not achieved, it doesn't matter because you will have learned a lesson or you will have opened the door to something new and better, you never know. What has helped me the most to think differently have been the videos and podcasts about personal growth and other related topics. Because it opened up new ways of thinking that I didn't know about, and I was able to face things in a different way, but in the end you have to do the work yourself.

So I hope you have a good year and that everything goes well for you.

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aishangotome · 1 day ago

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Azel Radwan: Dramatic Ending Ch. 24

Dramatic Ending Ch. 23 Letter

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

With the end approaching, if I remained in Tanzanite, I would only hold Azel back.

I had braced myself for the bitterness, swallowed the pain, and initiated the farewell, yet Azel continued to grasp my hand without any intention of letting go.

Emma: …Is there something else you want to say?

Azel: ………… No.

Azel: .....

Azel: Yes, there is something I want to say.

His voice was firm, devoid of hesitation, as if he had resolved his worries and conflicts.

Azel: You are a kind-hearted person. Aren’t you worried about the 10,000 believers the apostle mentioned earlier?

(I can’t believe he brought that up.)

Emma: I am worried, but seeing how Prince Azel is acting, I thought maybe you had already taken measures.

Azel: Why?

Emma: Because you dislike the apostle, right?

Emma: You’re not generous enough to let someone you dislike have their way.

Emma: Either the matter has already been settled, or you’re going to settle it now…

Emma: Either way, I believe the helping hand of God will reach out.

(Before, Azel gave the maids who gave me the aphrodisiac nightmares.)

(While you have a compassionate side, you’re merciless to those you recognize as enemies.)

Azel: …It’s rather irritating when you're spot on.

Emma: I’d like you to praise my understanding of you, Prince Azel.

Azel: Would you please not get carried away?

Frowning, Azel tightened his grip on my hand.

Each time his strong will to "not let go" was conveyed, my heartbeat quickened excitedly.

Azel: There’s something I’d like you to help me with.

Azel: You, with your kind heart, can’t leave people in crisis alone, can you?

Azel: If you’re so desperate to save those 10,000 people, you’re welcome to come with me.

Emma: …I thought Prince Azel wanted to get us out of the country.

(Even though you were blocking our attempts to meet.)

Azel: I changed my mind, that’s all.

Azel turned away.

Azel: You seem to think you have value as a hostage, but you don’t.

Azel: But if we part ways like this, it’ll look like I’m worried about you being taken hostage, won’t it?

Azel: If I’m going to be misunderstood like that, I’d rather have your help, even if it’s annoying.

Azel: In the first place, I only kicked you out of the temple. It was Enis who urged you to return home.

Azel: Don’t get that wrong.

Emma: …So, in other words…

Emma: …You’re saying, “Don’t misunderstand, you idiot”?

Azel: Yes, that’s right. You’re an idiot––

Akatsuki: Oh?

Azel: …No, that’s not right.

(I actually understand.)

(…You probably just want to spend a little more time together.)

When Azel speaks rapidly, it’s when he wants to hide his true feelings, and when that happens, his eyes always fail to meet mine.

(If only the apostle’s problem is solved, I can still stay in Tanzanite.)

(I might be able to see Azel's wish through to the end.)

Squeezing his hand back, sadness outweighed joy, and pain surpassed happiness at his offer.

Emma: I want to stay with you too.

Azel: It’s not “too.”

Emma: Oh, come on. I haven’t spent time with Prince Azel for nothing.

Emma: I’ve become better at reading your thoughts compared to before.

Azel: .....

(But that’s why my heart aches so much…)

If we were going to spend time together anyway, I wanted to keep smiling until the end.

Emma: So the time has finally come to show off the swordsmanship the princes of Rhodolite taught me. I’ll do my best.

Azel: It hasn’t. That kind of muscle-brained solution isn’t my forte.

Emma: …Owner, is that alright?

The Owner, who had been silently watching us, quietly exhaled and nodded.

Akatsuki: It’s been a while since I’ve cut someone down.

Azel: No, I mean, were you even listening to me?

(Surely, the longer we spend together, the harder it will be to say goodbye in the end.)

(I know, but… I want to spend time without regrets.)

(Especially since Azel himself wished for it.)

Azel: Listen, you two. Resolving things with violence is what third-rate people do.

Emma: Then how are you going to save them?

Azel: That’s obvious.

His mystical eyes narrowed slightly, and a compassionate smile blended with the moonlight.

Azel: Allow me to show you what a nightmare shown by God looks like.

The place Azel headed to, avoiding the public eye, was the castle.

Emma: …This is strange.

Azel: It’s quiet, isn’t it?

(When the Owner and I left the castle, it should have been in chaos.)

There was no one around, and the eerily silent corridor was different from the scenery I knew.

Emma: Did Prince Azel clear everyone out?

Azel: No way. They deliberately moved aside so I could walk easily.

I knew who “they” were without having to ask.

(Azel said he had already taken measures, but this looks like he’s walking into a trap.)

(The apostle must have anticipated that you wouldn’t abandon the people… Perhaps it’s a battle of who can outsmart the other.)

God leisurely proceeded to the back of the castle and stood before a lavish room.

Without him doing anything, the door opened from the inside––

Woman: Oh, the Living God… It’s the Living God!

Man: You really came, Living God!

(This is…)

The sacred throne room was overflowing with people, so much so that it was suffocating.

Cheers erupted at Azel's appearance, the air and my eardrums vibrating violently.

(These must be the believers the apostle was talking about.)

The eerie silence was swallowed by the enthusiastic clamor, and Azel was instantly surrounded by people.

(…I-I can’t even move forward properly.)

Azel: Emma, don’t forget that the moment you leave my side, you’ll become prey to the crowd.

Emma: Then I’ll take your arm without hesitation!

As I clung to his arm so as not to be separated, the door closed behind us.

(Huh? What’s this smell?)

(…A sweet smell like incense…)

*flashback*

Clavis: Do you know what this is?

Silvio: Incense, right?

Clavis: Yes. This incense itself isn’t harmful, but it has a drug applied to its surface.

Clavis: When burned in an incense burner, it causes a mild state of intoxication.

*flashback over*

Emma: …Prince Azel!

Azel: Yes, it’s best not to inhale too much.

Azel: It’s not harmful, but if you’re not careful, your thinking will become paralyzed like these people.

(Even though I expected it, to think that he urged people to die for God while they were unable to think properly…)

(The apostle’s actions are unforgivable.)

Azel continued forward, unfazed by the crowd.

When he reached a certain point, the people parted neatly to the left and right.

(...!)

A path was formed, and the sight that appeared beyond it unconditionally filled me with rage.

Azel: …This is a bit much, isn’t it, old man?

Seated on the throne, illuminated by the beautiful and divine moon, was His Majesty the King.

His limbs were bound with shackles, and his limp body was tied to the throne.

Blood flowed from his head, dripping onto the throne, and I could feel Azel trembling slightly through his arm.

Emma: …What have you done to His Majesty?

The person standing beside the throne smiled without a hint of remorse.

Apostle: Please rest assured. Enis is alive.

Apostle: I didn’t want to resort to such violence, but His Majesty was a little out of his mind.

Apostle: When the soldiers were restraining him, they had no choice but to hit him on the head.

(His Majesty said he would cause a commotion to buy me time to escape.)

(If the apostle's trap had already been set since then…)

I glared at the apostle as if to vent my frustration.

Azel: I’ve heard enough of your pathetic excuses. Old man, I went out of my way to fall into your trap. State your business.

Apostle: Living God, you have always been merciful.

Apostle: I still remember how you cried and begged for Enis and that exile, desperately trying to stop me.

(…Is he talking about that time when your brother was tortured in front of you?)

I sincerely loathed the way he deliberately brought up topics that reopened old wounds.

But Azel wasn’t as openly emotional as I was; he was calm.

–Calmly, his mystical eyes filled with a cruel color that sent chills down my spine.

Azel: Is that a childish threat that Enis will be punished if I defy you?

Apostle: No, who would allow such disrespect as to threaten the Living God?

(…How hypocritical.)

Behind the apostle were armed soldiers.

Depending on Azel's response, it wouldn’t be surprising if those weapons were turned on Enis.

Apostle: However, everyone here shares my aspirations.

Apostle: They have gathered to protect the Living God from any harm.

Apostle: And Enis feels the same way, I’m sure.

Apostle: Please allow us to protect you, so that you won’t bring about the end and face eternal death.

Azel: How will you protect me?

Apostle: We will wipe out the scoundrels who oppose God and keep you in a safe place until permanent peace returns to the city.

Apostle: To that place where death cannot reach.

Azel: ......

Apostle: However…

His clinging, gentle gaze fell upon me.

Apostle: I didn’t expect Emma to be here as well.

Apostle: If you’d like, could you accompany the Living God?

Apostle: The place I’m about to show you is safe, but it’s also dark and cold.

(Is he planning to imprison God?)

We were surrounded by people, with no escape.

And with Enis held hostage, we had no choice.

The imprisonment he proposed was insane.

Emma: …Is this what the apostle, who serves God, does?

My voice naturally lowered.

(To protect God? Don’t make me laugh.)

Emma: Apostle, you refuse to acknowledge Prince Azel true intentions.

Emma: The God of Tanzanite isn’t an idol; he’s alive and here.

Emma: And yet, isn’t this absurd?

Emma: God has granted people the blessing of a promised reality, and yet you repay him with hostility?

(It’s infuriating… In the first place, Azel should be your flesh and blood, even before he’s God.)

Apostle: It may be difficult for you to understand. But this is also for the sake of the Living God.

Emma: If you truly believe that, then first listen to the Living God’s voice!

Emma: You just take the blessings he gives you… God is not your convenient tool!

Azel: .....

Azel: It’s useless. No matter what you say to this old man, it’s useless.

Azel: You’ll only exhaust yourself one-sidedly. He doesn’t live in the same world as us.

Azel: Do you know why Tanzanite is called the Land of Illusions?

Azel: It’s also satire for those who blindly believe in God and are trapped in their own dreams.

(…It seems like Azel has given up from the start.)

(How much suffering did you have to endure to reach this state of mind?)

If this kind of unreasonable violence has continued since childhood, the current reality might be a nightmare for Azel.

(To think that death is the only way to be liberated…)

When I hugged his arm tightly, Azel chuckled softly.

Azel: You don’t have to get so angry.

Emma: …But I can’t forgive him.

Azel: Even though it’s none of your business?

Emma: Even though it’s none of my business… yes.

Azel: Then, please rage on my behalf.

Azel: I’ve grown tired of even getting angry at that old man.

Emma: …Why do you sound a little happy?

Azel: Are you blind? Someone who can find this situation happy and enjoyable is as abnormal as the apostle.

Azel turned away again.

(…I wonder if there was no one else to get angry like this.)

(Even though you’re someone who should be cherished more than anyone else…)

Azel: Old man, time is limited, so hurry up and lead the way.

Azel: I won’t run away.

Emma: ..........................This has to be a joke.

(Impossible.)

(It’s impossible not to get angry at this.)

Separated from the Owner, I was led by the apostle and a large group of believers to a stagnant underground space.

It seemed they intended to confine God in this place buried deep within the sand, where even moonlight couldn’t reach, and the fact that these people considered it a “good deed” as a matter of course gave me goosebumps.

Emma: In other countries, this is called a prison.

Azel: Oh, is that so? This is actually another room of mine.

Azel: I was often confined here as a child.

Azel: Not only when I ran away, but also when my divinations didn’t go well or when I made childish mistakes.

Azel: According to the old man, he confines me out of love.

Emma: .............

Azel: You can make such interesting faces.

Emma: …I had my suspicions ever since I heard your story, Prince Azel…

Emma: This is what the world calls abuse!

My voice echoed off the stone walls and spread throughout the surroundings.

Everyone here must have heard it, yet they showed no reaction whatsoever.

(This isn’t a matter of having different fundamental values.)

(It’s like faith has paralyzed their hearts.)

Apostle: Emma, it’s not like I enjoy doing this.

Apostle: …It truly pains me.

Emma: Someone who is truly pained wouldn’t be able to smile like that!

Emma: You say you understand the Living God’s suffering, and yet you’ve been… you’ve been smiling all along!

(My emotions are about to burst.)

I tried my best to calm down, but I couldn’t suppress my raging heart…

Azel hugged me from behind as I clenched my fists tightly.

Azel: That smile of his is a kind of provocation towards me.

Emma: Provocation…?

Azel: I think you’ve already noticed…

Azel: The one who believes in God the least in this country is none other than the apostle himself.

Information that should have been shocking entered my mind smoothly.

Azel: In the first place, the apostle finds me to be a nuisance.

Azel: In the era when the Living God was absent, the apostle could wield his authority as God’s representative.

Azel: If it weren’t for me, he could have become God.

Emma: …That’s a chilling story.

Azel: Yes, I think so too.

Azel: Because the real one was born, the old man had no choice but to become a servant of God…

Azel: He may still be yearning for the divine throne with lingering attachment. How pitiful.

At Azel's provocative words, the apostle’s mask-like smile distorted slightly.

Apostle: I have never once harbored such a rebellious thought.

Apostle: My loyalty to God is as you know, Living God.

Azel: Has that loyalty ever been shown to me?

Azel: No, right? You’ve never once listened to my voice.

Azel: Everything you say as God’s will is far from my true intentions.

Azel: Old man, you’re mistaken in thinking you’re “God.”

Azel: How foolish and disrespectful a misunderstanding that is… I don’t need to tell you, do I?

I noticed at some point that my breathing had become shallow.

As Azel's words grew heavier, the dimly lit prison cell transformed into a sacred place of judgment.

The people gathered here also seemed to be consumed by tension.

(Azel was supposed to be the one caught in the trap, and yet, the one now standing on the platform of judgment is…)

Azel: I am the true God. You are nothing more than an ordinary person.

Azel: And for an ordinary person to defy God is an unforgivable act.

Azel: Now, all of you ordinary people… aren’t you being a little too arrogant towards me?

The moment the cold smile of God dominated the room, the people simultaneously fell to their knees and lowered their heads so deeply that their foreheads rubbed against the ground.

Only one person – the apostle – remained standing.

The “misunderstanding” Azel spoke of was exposed in broad daylight.

Azel: Oh my, why do you defy God’s words?

Azel: You, who should be serving me and believing in me more than anyone else…

Azel, who had moved away from me, approached the apostle and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Though his strength was by no means forceful, the apostle involuntarily fell to his knees.

(…Azel could have dominated people like this all along, he just chose not to.)

*flashback*

Azel: I haven’t done anything like burning a strange incense burner and brainwashing you without your knowledge.

Azel: In the first place, people can be controlled much more easily without resorting to such underhanded tactics.

*flashback over*

(The apostle is no match for him.)

Azel: Apostle, let me ask you.

Azel: Who do the 10,000 believers you gathered worship?

Apostle: …Why, the Living God, of course.

Azel: Then, they won’t ignore my divine will. Correct?

Apostle: Yes…

Azel: You said earlier that everyone shares the same aspirations…

Azel: The wise believers must already understand my wishes.

Azel: ––That’s enough. Thank you all for your hard work.

God clapped his hands.

As if it were a cue, the people rose as if awakening from a dream.

(…Wh-What’s going on?)

I couldn’t believe that their fanaticism towards God was an illusion; they exited as if they had planned it beforehand.

The apostle’s smile vanished.

Apostle: …Why…?

Azel: Why? Because I am the God they worship.

Azel: Didn’t you think it was strange?

Azel: Why I would condone such a harmful gathering that brainwashes people.

(…Gathering…)

*flashback*

Azel: ––…Is it that gathering again?

Kumushu: Yes, invitations have already been widely distributed. Moreover, it’s close to the date. This is troubling.

Azel: Unfortunately, I’ll have to remain a bystander this time.

Azel: However, please contact Shinan. There will likely be a considerable number of victims.

*flashback over*

(If the story I heard back then was referring to the apostle’s gathering…)

(Azel knew about it all along and had taken some measures.)

(Shinan is a doctor, so maybe––)

Azel: The answer is simple – to show you a terrible nightmare.

It was the most compassionate and gentle divine smile I had ever seen.

Azel: It was quite a task to catch the participants every time and detoxify their minds.

Azel: To protect Tanzanite’s faith, you sent invitations mainly to “those who were beginning to awaken from faith.”

Azel: The fact that the majority of Tanzanite’s people blindly believe in God is largely due to your efforts.

Azel: Using incense to brainwash and turn people into fanatics is your old trick.

Azel: So, I imitated it.

Apostle: …Imitated?

Azel: Yes. I had a doctor remove the effects of the drug you physically gave them…

Azel: …And I conveyed my true divine will to them.

Azel: On top of that, I had them continue to act as fanatics.

Azel: To punish the misguided commoners.

(In other words…)

Emma: The apostle’s gathering was a dream shown by Prince Azel?

Azel: Of course, not all of them. There are some true believers who were beyond help.

Azel: However, the majority, yes.

Azel: The people the apostle mistakenly believed to be his followers were actually my followers, that’s all.

(…I thought it would be alright since it’s Azel…)

(I never imagined the main character of the nightmare would change so dramatically.)

From Azel to the apostle.

Having lost his smile, the apostle suddenly looked many years older.

Azel: I told you before, Emma.

Azel: I can show people sweet dreams, or I can show them nightmares.

(There’s no one in this country who can harm Azel.)

When he beckoned me closer, I was led to the exit.

Azel: Cool your head here for a while, old man.

Azel: The next time you see the moon…

Azel: …An eternal nightmare will have begun.

When we stepped out into the corridor, the people who were supposed to have left were there to greet Azel.

Their expressions were uniformly somber, and I could hear the sound of sobbing.

(…I see. The fact that they know Azel's divine will means…)

(The people here know that the end is a “promised reality.”)

Azel: Thank you all for your cooperation.

Azel: You are my pride, having overcome the illusion of the “eternal kingdom of God” that the apostle offers.

Man: Living God… But…

Azel: Don’t be so sad. Certainly, death may be a kind of end…

Azel: …But it is also the beginning for you to weave history with your own feet.

(...)

Azel: Let us say our final farewells tomorrow.

Azel: You are the seeds I have sown in the wilderness. So that one day, many hopes will sprout in this barren land…

Azel: Please live up to that expectation. This is my divine will for you.

No one could say anything.

People with tears streaming down their faces, people stifling sobs, people with expressions of anguish, people covering their faces with their hands…

It was a sight that showed at a glance how much the Living God had been loved and revered.

(Tomorrow…)

(…It’s time to say goodbye.)

Dramatic End Ch. 24 Premium Story

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

#ikepri azel #ikemen translations #ikemen prince translations #azel #azel radwan #azel radwan main route #ikemen prince azel radwan #ikepri jp #cybird otome #azel radwan dramatic ending

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veren-cos · 2 days ago

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Having fun?

NSFW Sebastian (sdv) x reader

Begging, praise kink(?), porn with (a little) plot, established relationship. Oral (afab receiving), edging(?), P in v, afab but gender neutral reader

Let me know if I missed any tags, this is my first smut fic lol

Fic below the cut!

"Nghhh Sebastian, please! hahhh, It's been weeks. Please, Seb-ghh!" You panted, "seb...."

Here he was on top of you, three fingers deep as he was nipping and biting that sweet spot on your neck, leaving marks that were sure to leave the townsfolk chatting for days. "C'mon farmer, you asked for this.." the low groan that left his throat made you feel hot. "You know you like it, just feel how wet you are for me."

When did he learn to be this dirty? God you didn't even care right now, all you wanted was sweet release that he was refusing to give you. "Sebastiaaannn"

____________

Your head rested on his thighs, looking up as he played his switch. You didn't even care if it was blunt, but God damn, you needed to have sex with him again. Despite going out for months, there had never been what felt like a good time. Until early winter, that was..

The mood was right, the lights were low, and all you could focus on was how Sebastian felt inside of you. The low pants, the soft kisses. No matter how many times you touched yourself, it couldn't compare. So it went days... Then weeks. Which then turned into nearly a month without cumming, all because you couldn't get Sebastian out of your head.

"Sebastiannn" You sang.

He glanced from the game, "yeah?"

Crawling your fingers up his side, creeping under his shirt, his face burned bright red. "What are you up to?" You glided your nails back down, slipping to his hip, going just under the waist of his pants.

He sputtered, "ah! Uhm.." hastily putting the switch on the side table. "Not much.. are you. Mmmn.." You slowly moved your hand closer and closer to his.... "are you uh.." he cleared his throat, "having fun?"

"Hmmm I think I am." You smirked, "did you want to have some fun?" His eyes lit up. Your hand got so close, but you slowly drifted back to his waist, the fingers of your other hand tracing his jaw.

"What, ah, kind of fun are you talking about?" He isn't stupid, he knows just what you want.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" You teased.

Raising his eyebrows, he sensed an opportunity. "You know what, I think I am." He grabbed your wrists, stopping any teasing you were managing. And in one motion, he slipped out from under you, rotating so he was straddling your waist, pressing your hands above your head. Sebastian cocked his head, "What kind of 'fun' were you looking to have, farmer?"

Goodness this was different. His confident demeanor was turning you on. "I want to have sex. Okay?"

"That's just fine by me." He pushed his knee in between your thighs, opening up your hips as he leaned down to kiss you. He kissed so lovingly, slow and passionate. He moved his grip to your sides, slipping his hands down, creeping lower and lower. Until he hit your waist, "what do you say we get these off?"

Giggling, you said, "Hmmmm. Only if I can get *you* off."

"Hah!" He set his forehead on your chest. "Farmer I'm trying to be hot, why do you have to make me laugh!"

"We can be hot, and funny!" You cleared your throat. "No but seriously Sebastiannn. It's been weeks."

You could feel him tilt his head into your neck, his breath fast from being heated up. "What do you mean? I mean I know we havent done anything since last time, is that what this is about?"

You groaned, "noooo. Ugh this is embarrassingggg"

"It's only embarrassing if you make it! I do tons of embarrassing things all of the time."

"Ughhhhhhhhh" you pressed your cheeks to his face, whispering. "I haven't... gotten myself off. Since we had sex."

He turned to look at you. "Babe. Why is that embarrassing?? That wasn't even that long ago."

"No like. I *can't*" you just felt his confusion. "I've tried. I *cant*. I can't seem to compare to how you did it. It was amazing. And I haven't been able to cum for *weeks*.

Seb I need you." You shifted down against his knee, still in between your legs. "I need you."

"Oh!" You started grinding against his knee. He laughed, "Oh that bad, huh?" He pushed further against you, trying to match your pace. "Oh you poor thing. Just haven't been able to replace me, huh? What, do your fingers not feel the same? Toys not as good as the real thing?" He paused, the tension was becoming unbearable. "Well I can certainly help out with that." He took his leg away, standing up off the couch. "Get up."

"No, Sebastian, please.." You were so close to getting what you wanted. Why did he have to drag this out! Just a second ago you were laughing, what is with his mood change?

"I said get up." And so you stood. "Now take those off," he said, point at your clothes.

"What about you..?"

"We'll get there." A blush was creeping on his face. "Now, I said take off your clothes." You could feel his eyes looking at you up and down, taking you in. God you were glad he kept his room dim, this would have been too embarrassing in broad light.. "good job. Now lay on the bed."

He slowly followed after you, taking off his shirt and his belt as he did. Tossing them to the floor, you could hear the metal clasp clink on the carpet.

Your heart was beating so loud you almost thought he could hear it. Sebastian leaned in close, but not nearly closing enough. Too much time has been wasted, you grabbed his face and pulled him into a harsh kiss. You want to feel him, know him. You were so desperate, and it showed.

Although shocked, Seb quickly recovered and slipping his tounge past your teeth. He wanted to taste you, because god damn, you tasted good. He pulled your hands off his face, "no. You don't get to take the lead right now." He lowered himself, lifting your leg onto his shoulder. "Now, you are going to stay still, and be good, you hear? But don't be afraid to open that pretty mouth of yours, we have the house to ourselves."

He spread your legs open for him, and you could feel his breath, hot against your skin. It took all you could muster to stay still. You felt exposed, but you knew you were going to get what you wanted tonight. Suddenly, you felt his wet lips right on your clit, sucking on it harshly. You gasped, "Sebastian!" You went to grab his hair, but he swatted your hand away.

Pulling himself away from you, he spoke, "I said, Stay. Still. You've waited this long already, surely you can wait a little more, hm?" After teasing you he went back to lapping at your sensitive cunt.

God he was good. Just where did he learn this? When? "Nghhh Sebastiannn" You were gripping onto the sheets for dear life when you felt him drive a finger inside of you.

Even just one was driving you crazy, but it wasn't enough. "Sebastian please.. I want you inside me."

"Oh but I am, sweet thing. What, is this not what you wanted?" He slid another finger in. "God, you're so wet and I barely even got started. You really were all pent up for me, huh sweetheart?" He was slowly moving them in and out, dragging along your walls, all wille dragging out your sweet moans.

"Nghhh Sebastian, please! hahhh, It's been weeks. Please, Seb-ghh!" You panted, "seb...."

He stopped licking at your clit, only to start licking up your chest to your neck instead. All he could do was bit and nip at you, when shoving another finger inside you. "C'mon farmer, you asked for this." God he almost growled at the sight of you, so open for him. He never was one to be dominant, but he was starting to love the feeling of being able to do whatever he wanted with you. Pleasing you, making you his. "You know you like it. You're so close aren't you. Huh, sweet thing?" He pulled out, stopping any buildup you possibly had. "Well," he kissed up to your ear "too bad. I'm not done with you yet."

"God, please, seba-" You were cut off with a rough kiss. He had pinned you between his legs, and you could feel his cock so close to where you wanted it. So close..

And god he was so hard, but when he felt you grinding up against him he put a stop to it, harshly grabbing your hips. "I control when you move, not you, not today. I'll take care of everything, you just have to be patient." But he was taking so loooong. All you wanted was to feel him, to wrap yourself around his dick, squeezing every last drop of cum out from his as you screamed his name. God you felt perverted, if only he could hear your thoughts.

"Hasn't it been long enough? Please Sebastian. I'm begging you."

"Beg harder." He'd had enough. He was starting to feel your desperation, and was so close to giving in. Last time he was so gentle, but tonight. God, tonight was different. You felt him line up with your enterence, giving you almost no time to prepare before he shoved himself inside you. He didn't move further, giving you a split second to adjust to the feeling. "Is this what you wanted, huh?"

"Oh, God, yes. Please just.. ahhh, hah..." You felt so full, and God it was good. "Just please... please move."

"Hmm.." he pushed further in, so close to hitting the perfect spot inside you. "I want you to beg. Tell me how bad you want me. How badly you need me to move, to make you feel good. Then" He nipped at your neck, "and only then, will I give you what you want."

And you didn't even care if it made you seem pathetic. Didn't even care if anyone was home to hear, which luckily they weren't. Otherwise, they'd know just how much of a whore you were for your boyfriend. How desperate you were for his dick. "Sebastian, please! Please move. I want you," you groaned, trying to move against him, but being held back by his hands. "I need you to move. God, please, it's been so long, I need you. I'll do anything, just please, let me cum!"

And yet again you were cut off. Except, this time, it was from the sudden sensation of Sebastian slamming himself all the way in, as deep as this position could go. "Good pet. God you feel so good. I love hearing your pretty little moans." You finally could moved, grinding your hips with his in rhythm. A fast, harsh pace. One you were trying so hard to keep up with.

"You're lucky I'm generous. I told you I'd put in all the work, but I suppose this time I'll let it slide." He picked up his work on your neck, slowly kissing down your chest until he was leaving marks everywhere. "You feel so damn good. You're doing amazing sweetheart." He pulled out, just to slam all the way back in. The dirty, breathy moans you screamed were music to his ears.

You didn't think it could get any better. That was until he slid his hand down your waist. Down, down until his fingers circled your clit. Roughly, he pressed his thumb against your bundle of nerves.

You were close. So close. "Sebastian, Sebastian please. I'm going to cum, please just, nghh.. please don't stop, please let me cum" Your hands reached across his back, scratching in as you couldn't help it from the pleasure. You started loosing yourself to the feeling, babble nonsense as you felt the wave of pleasure crash into you.

Your cunt squeezed hard around his dick as you cam, making it so Sebastian shortly followed. His harsh pace against your clit kept your orgasm lasting so long. "You're doing so well, hahh.." This time he was running out of breath. He kept riding you out through both your highs, his spend leaking out where he was inside. The two of you stayed there, panting in each other's arms. You kissed up his chest as he pulled out of you.

"God that was..."

"Amazing?"

"The best." He laughed.

You caught your breath, not wanting to leave this moment. "Where did all of that come from? I mean. Hah. Don't get me wrong that was HOT. But damn Sebastian! Didn't know you had it in you!" You playfully smacked his chest as you laughed, lazing in the afterglow.

"I.." he huffed, "I have no idea. Damn." He let out a harsh laugh. "We are so doing that again."

"Yeah? You liked it rough?"

"Hmm I wouldn't say that." He hovered closer to say face, whispering, "I think I just like seeing you unravel for me. Knowing I was the one who made you moan so loud. Knowing I could drive you so crazy, you couldn't even cum without me."

"Ughhhh God you aren't ever going to let that go, are you?" You slinked down, rolling out from under him.

"Nope! And you can't make me." Sebastian laid next to you. "What do you say we get cleaned up? Get you some water. I wasn't exactly going easy on you."

"Yeah, let's." You smiled at him, but mentally groaned at the fact you'd have to deal with relentless teasing for who even knows how long! It's okay, though. You had a feeling this would happen a lot more frequently now.

Masterlist

#fanfiction #sdv #stardew valley #stardew valley x reader #sdv sebastian #sdv smut #sebastian sdv smut

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durgetavoc · 2 days ago

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It had been three months since he’d last seen her. Three months since she was presumed dead. Enver had always been a man who likes to plan things in advance., but nothing had prepared him for a life where she did not exist.

With a deep breath, he unfolded the scroll, his voice low as he recited the incantation. Magic shimmered in the air, pooling before him like liquid silver, then took shape.

She was there.

Her silhouette was exactly as he remembered—imposing yet elegant, her posture a perfect balance of regal confidence and quiet menace. Her eyes, gleaming like daggers, locked onto his, even though he knew they weren’t real. Even as an illusion, her presence was magnetic. His breath caught, and for a moment, it felt as though she might speak.

He leaned forward, his carefully maintained composure slipping as his voice broke the silence.

“You’re late,” he murmured, his tone a blend of bitterness and nostalgia. “I thought you’d be back by now. You always do.”

There was silence before he whispered to the magic, “Speak, please.”

The illusion shifted, tilting its head, the glint of amusement and menace dancing in her gleaming eyes. The voice was perfect, capturing the exact tone and cadence that had haunted his thoughts.

“Gortash,” she said softly, “have you grown lonely without me?”

Gortash let out a low, bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair.

“Lonely? I told myself I didn’t need anyone. I thought that was the point. Power, control. But you…” His voice softened. “You were the exception. You made all this chaos bearable. Thrilling, even. You… completed it.”

He stood, stepping closer to the illusion, his hand hovering near her face but never daring to touch.

“And now you’re gone. Torn from me by your recklessness, or by fate, or by damned Bhaal himself.” His tone grew sharp, laced with venom as he spat the name.

Gortash turned away abruptly, pacing as if to escape the weight of her gaze—though he had created it himself.

“You were supposed to be at my side.” His voice faltered briefly before hardening. “Ruling by my side. Do you have any idea what chaos you’ve left behind? The plans we built together—do you have any idea how fragile they are without you?”

The illusion didn’t flinch.

“Weakness, Gortash? That doesn’t suit you.”

Weakness? No. His expression hardened further as he turned back toward the illusion of Dark Urge, though a painful glimmer shone in his dark eyes. Especially as he realized the lack of expression in the assassin’s face, even in her voice.

“....”

No matter how perfect her image seemed, the illusion would never be her. She was nothing more than a distant echo now.

The illusion began to flicker, prompting him to take a step forward, hand outstretched.

“No. Stay.” It came out almost as an order, his fingers passing through her pale, hollow cheek. “I still have so much to say. And in just ten days… I’ll finally become Archduke, as planned.”

The illusion’s lips curved into a wry smile. She didn’t react, her image only shimmering. And yet, her smile softened into something softer—but it’s so unreal, so fake.

“I’m proud of you.”

She acted nothing like the Dark Urge he had loved. She was nothing like his nearest and dearest. And yet, Enver wanted to lose himself in this sweet illusion one last time. His arms passed through the phantom figure as he attempted to embrace her.

And the magical illusion slowly dissipated in his grasp.

The room fell silent, save for the faint crackling of the dying fire.

#don't mind me i had this sudden vision and i had to write it down #i wanted a bittersweet scene because like yeah the image of durge is perfect but it's just an illusion soooo it's not that perfect #anyway i love that headcanon hehe #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #durge!oc #bg3 dark urge #enver gortash #durgetash

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winchestersisterimaginessss · 2 days ago

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Request: hi hi hi!!!! Ugh your writing is so so so so good, it always makes me feel something I can’t explain omgomgomg. Can you maybe write one where she has also been to hell and when she comes back she’s not sure what’s real or what isn’t like she’s hallucinating and thinks the demons are going to take her back to hell to torture her so she fights against sam and Dean because she’s in a panic and she accidentally breaks her arm or something during everything and they have to comfort her?? THANKS!!

A/N: omg thank you so much?!?! I LOVE THAT. This is such a great idea and I hope you love it!! Requests are always open you can literally flood my inbox with them. I love reading every single one. I would love if you guys gave me feedback on whether you liked what I wrote or not so it helps me in the future. You can be totally honest it’s okay, but please comment and let me know!!

I was drowning. Drowning in darkness, in screams, in blood.

The world around me had turned to fire, and my heart was pounding in my ears, drowning out all reason. All I could hear were the voices—the twisted whispers of demons, mocking and tormenting. The air was thick with the scent of sulfur and rot, and I could feel their hands on me, dragging me through the inferno again. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t escape.

I was there again. In Hell. In that cold, suffocating cage, with my arms bound and burning, my chest torn open by the relentless torture. The voices of demons were laughing. They were everywhere.

“No, no, please—get away from me!” My breath was ragged, my hands trembling as I gripped the knife I had found somewhere in the darkness. The cold steel felt like my only weapon, my only hope, as I fought to hold it steady.

“Stay away, stay away!” I shrieked, my voice raw from the screaming, from the panic. The knife was shaking in my hand, the blade glinting in the dim light of the room. But I couldn’t see the room. All I could see were the flames, the charred bodies of the demons I’d fought so hard to escape. No, no, no. They’re still here. They’re still here. They’re coming for me again.

The cold metal of the knife felt like the only thing keeping me grounded, the only thing that kept me from falling back into that endless darkness.

But then there was a sound—loud, frantic footsteps—growing closer.

“Y/N!?” The door slammed open, and I heard Dean’s voice, full of panic. “Y/N, what the hell are you doing!?”

I whipped my head around, my eyes wide with terror. But I wasn’t looking at them. I was looking at them—the demons. They were standing in the shadows, their faces contorted in that sick, twisted grin.

“Get away!” I screamed again, the knife raised, the world a blur of distorted, nightmarish shadows. The room spun, the walls closing in. I wasn’t here with them. I was back in that place. I was back in Hell.

“Kid, put the knife down! You’re not there anymore!” Dean’s voice cracked with desperation. But the words didn’t make sense. They couldn’t make sense. They were demons. They were coming to drag me back. They were coming.

“I’m not going back!” I cried out, my voice trembling, panicked. “I won’t go back, please, please no more. Please, not again.”

“Y/N, listen to me! You’re not there anymore, kid!” Dean shouted, his voice stern but laced with worry. “You’re not in Hell. You’re with us, okay? You’re safe.”

But it didn’t matter. I was too far gone. I could see their faces in the dark corners of the room, their bloodshot eyes staring at me, the demon marks carved into their skin. They were circling me.

I swung the knife wildly, my breath coming in ragged gasps. I had to protect myself. I had to.

“Y/N, no! Stop!” Sam’s voice—so soft, so full of fear and understanding—came from the doorway now too. “We know, bug. We know what it feels like to be trapped. But you’re not there, you’re with us.”

But I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t hear anything but the maddening buzz of my panic. The darkness, the fire, the heat, the screams—they consumed me, and I needed to fight back. I was going to die in this place if I didn’t.

My hands were shaking, my eyes darting around the room. I couldn’t see them. I couldn’t see anything clearly.

I swung again. But this time—this time, I didn’t just swing at the shadows. I swung at them. At my brothers.

“Y/N! Stop!” Dean cried out, barely dodging the knife as I lunged forward, my body shaking with violent tremors.

But I was lost. I was lost to the hallucinations, to the burning, to the cold steel of the blade. I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t hear them. My head felt like it was splitting in two.

“Please! Please don’t hurt me!” I screamed. “I can’t go back. I can’t…”

They both rushed toward me at the same time, each of them trying to hold me back. Sam’s hands reached for my wrists, but in the chaos of it all—his hand slipped. In the scramble, trying to get the knife away from me, my body twisted and contorted in a way that sent shockwaves of pain down my arm.

There was a sickening crack, and everything came to a screeching halt.

I screamed in agony. The pain. It was like my whole arm was on fire. It was a sound I couldn’t control, an uncontrollable wail that came from deep in my chest. My breath caught as the excruciating pain took over.

“Y/N!” Dean’s voice cracked, filled with terror, and he immediately dropped to his knees beside me. “Shit, shit, kiddo, I’m so sorry…”

I didn’t hear him. The world was spinning. My wrist—my wrist—was broken. The bone was snapped, bent at a sickening angle, and I couldn’t stop staring at it, frozen in terror.

My heart raced. My head spun. The pain was unbearable, and I could barely understand what was real anymore. I was in Hell. I had to be. My wrist was twisted like it had been ripped off. It was like I could still feel the flames on my skin.

“Where am I? Where am I?” I sobbed, my voice broken. The words were coming out in gasps. “What happened? Please…It’s burning!” You cried out.

“You’re not in Hell,” Sam whispered softly, his voice calm but strained with worry. He was kneeling in front of me, his hands warm on my face, trying to pull me from the chaos in my head. “You’re not there, sweetheart. You’re with us. You’re safe, okay? You’re safe.”

I shook my head, tears pouring down my cheeks. “I’m not… I’m not…”

“Yes, you are. You’re not in Hell anymore, Y/N,” Dean added, his voice thick with emotion. He was holding my other hand now, his fingers wrapped tight around mine as he leaned over, trying to comfort me despite the terrifying look in my eyes. “We’ve got you. You’re not alone, kiddo.”

The world was still spinning. The pain was suffocating. The pain in my wrist, the broken, twisted bone was all I could focus on now.

“Please… please it hurts.” I whimpered, trying to pull my arm away. The reality of my injury was too much. It didn’t feel real. I was still in Hell. I had to be.

“Don’t look at it, bug,” Sam urged softly, his hand gently coaxing mine away from the broken wrist. “Just breathe, okay? Breathe with me.”

I tried to steady myself, but my body trembled so violently I could barely catch my breath. I was hyperventilating, each gasp feeling like a knife to my lungs. I felt like I was suffocating, drowning in my own panic.

“You’re okay,” Dean whispered, brushing his hand through my hair, his voice low and soothing. “You’re alright, kiddo. We’re here. You’re home.”

“Just breathe, sweetheart,” Sam whispered, his voice gentle, but firm, as he carefully took my wrist in his hands. “We’ve got you. We’ll fix this. You’re going to be okay.”

The pain in my wrist was still unbearable, but Sam and Dean were here. They were with me, and that made the terror in my chest start to subside—just a little. I was still shaking, still crying, but they were here. They weren’t leaving.

They would never leave.

“Please… help me… please,” I whispered, the tears coming faster. “I can’t… I can’t…”

Sam and Dean didn’t hesitate. Dean held my hand firmly, keeping me grounded as Sam carefully began to wrap my wrist, fixing it the best he could. He was so gentle, but every movement felt like another shockwave of agony.

“Easy, sweetheart,” Sam murmured, his voice steady as he worked. “You’re doing good, okay? Just a little more.”

I sobbed uncontrollably, my body trembling as the pain throbbed in my wrist. But Sam’s voice was steady, and Dean’s hand in mine was a lifeline.

I wasn’t alone.

“We’ve got you, kiddo. You’re safe now. We’re here,” Dean said, his voice full of raw emotion.

And despite the pain, despite the fear, I let myself believe them. Maybe I could be okay.

With them, maybe I could find my way back.

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brucebocchi · 1 day ago

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Ranking 2024 anime, Pt. 3: #30-21

hey, this post is also available on my ko-fi, so please check it out and consider tipping/donating as i do this for free and am currently between jobs. you can find part 1 of the list here and part 2 here. thanks!

We're chugging along. I'd say we're finally getting to the good stuff, and there is plenty of good at this point in the countdown, but I also just really like complaining.

Let's get it.

30. KonoSuba: God’s Blessing on This Wonderful World!, season 3

I have a tendency to refer to the more brainless and/or trashy anime I watch as “junk food.” You know the kind; the ones that don’t really add anything to your life and don’t stand up to the more fulfilling series, but still get the job done when you go into autopilot. I’ve found that, as a habitual (non-metaphorical) snacker, I tend to just reach for something when I’m bored so I have something to do. And looking at it objectively, I don’t tend to enjoy myself while doing it and I usually don’t feel good afterwards.

I feel much the same way about watching KonoSuba.

Not that I think it’s ontologically evil or anything, but KonoSuba often has just as much going against it as it does working in its favor. For every joke that hits, and some of them absolutely do hit, there’s another that makes me question why I’m even watching it. I’m not against dark or even occasionally offensive humor; I adore It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a show to which KonoSuba often draws comparisons. The issue is that, at its worst, KonoSuba defaults to either “this person is a pervert,” “this person is a pedophile,” or “this man got sexually assaulted.” My issue isn’t with the subject matter so much as the fact that they rarely rise above the level of base shock value and that they keep happening like that. It almost feels perfunctory, like the writers had quotas to meet.

It’s not all bad, though. Even having only gotten into KonoSuba in early 2023, I still found myself lamenting its hiatus, and An Explosion on This Magical World somehow only made the heart grow fonder for the party members that weren’t Megumin. I appreciate that Darkness plays a pivotal role in the third season, because Darkness is hilarious and terrific. This season had a couple of the best jokes and goofy facials in the series.

Overall, it’s a bit of a wash, but I can’t be too upset. It’s more KonoSuba, and it’s reached the point where that’s practically a value-neutral statement.

29. Wistoria: Wand and Sword

I don’t really have much new to say about Wistoria. It’s not the best magic school anime I watched this year and certainly not the best fantasy, but it looks terrific and it’s a fun enough time if you turn your brain off.

And turning your brain off is a necessity here because Wistoria’s story is as basic as it gets. It’s more or less Mashle if it wasn’t a comedy, and it’s such a transparent, dirt-simple power fantasy that it might as well be an isekai. Guy’s trying to keep a promise to his childhood friend, he sucks at the one thing everyone else does to the point of getting bullied left and right, but he’s super crazy strong in a his own special way. Actually, shit, I just described Kaiju No. 8.

Rule of cool wins out here, and this show does look phenomenal, but it might be better enjoyed via YouTube clips. I’m curious to see where the story goes from here, but I’m not completely sold yet.

28. Chained Soldier

Chained Soldier is horny isekai trash. Chained Soldier fucking rocks. We got big monsters, wild action sequences, unique and memorable character designs, casual femdom, solid comic relief, interesting (if predictable) twists, uncensored boobs, it’s got it all!

It’s not the best-looking show in some parts, but that’s forgivable. The production values were fine, all things considered, and the action sequences in particular were terrific throughout, but I’m really glad this series is changing studios for the second season. I’ve read ahead in the manga (don’t judge) and Passione is gonna do a bang-up job as the action and shameless fanservice both ramp up.

It’s early in the story and a teensy bit shaky, but Chained Soldier is already a fun time. I have reason to believe it’ll only get better as it goes. And not just because of the boobs.

27. Suicide Squad Isekai

You wanted an isekai starring the Suicide Squad, and by God did you get one. This is a perfectly serviceable series by Suicide Squad standards and a pretty middling isekai otherwise. Nothing about the world in which this series is set is all that interesting or groundbreaking, but you’re here for anime Harley Quinn (and a few other DC villains I guess), and this show delivers.

Fluid, expressive character animation (when the studio wants it), a terrific Japanese voice cast, and entertaining hijinks among Batman’s infamous rogues’ gallery combine for a plenty fun time that ultimately doesn’t have much staying power. If you liked the James Gunn movie, you’ll have a decent time here. No more, no less.

Between Uzumaki’s disastrous production, Lord of the Rings: War of the Rohirrim’s apparent mediocrity, and last year’s unwanted, execrable FLCL Grunge, I’m just glad that at least one recent anime production with Jason DeMarco’s fingerprints on it came out unscathed.

26. ‘Tis Time for “Torture,” Princess

I ended up watching so many discrete series during the winter season that it’s probably not a coincidence that my bottom four series on this ranking (and six of the bottom ten) all aired during that season. When you filter feed, you’re gonna take in a lot of garbage. Sometimes you need some stuff that’s “just fine” to clean the palate.

‘Tis Time for “Torture,” Princess is probably a bit better than even “just fine,” but it’s not gonna be a ready recommendation. The premise is pretty one-note on paper: Warrior princess got captured by demons, they try to coax intel out of her via temptation, she folds, the intel is worthless, and the cycle begins anew. But if a run of over 250 manga chapters and climbing is any indication, the series manages to keep it fresh. Time for “Torture” works because it isn’t beholden to its premise and instead decides to play hopscotch with its own framework. Gradually but noticeably, the unnamed princess and her inquisitors and “torturers” become friends, they all enjoy the spoils of her snitching together, and they really just keep it up because that’s how this stuff is supposed to go.

Nine months later, I still don’t know why I liked this show so much. It’s just the right amount of silly to me, and it’s cute as hell where it counts. Not the best thing I watched this year but far from the worst. If you want something dumb and weirdly wholesome that’ll make you chuckle here and there, it’s a good pick.

25. Jellyfish Can’t Swim in the Night

This is one I’m still agonizing over a bit. Jellyfish Can’t Swim in the Night is a terrific show on so many levels, but I still felt let down by the end of its run. It wasn’t even in the same ballpark of disappointment as Uzumaki or Metallic Rouge, thankfully. Like Uzumaki, it couldn’t live up to the promise of its all-timer debut episode, but on the flip side, Jellyfish largely maintained its high production value. Like Metallic Rouge, it felt like the narrative largely spun its wheels until the writers realized they only had two episodes left, but Jellyfish didn’t leave me feeling like I’d just wasted four hours of my life.

This series already had massive shoes to fill if it was going to be the best showbiz anime produced by Doga Kobo airing this year (“I’d have two nickels” and so on and so forth), but Jellyfish Can’t Swim in the Night unfortunately ended up getting outclassed on several fronts by shows that just did almost every element better. It looks terrific, it has a memorable cast, the music’s great, and it’s a welcome entry in the “Girls Doing Things” anime canon, but it was outclassed in its own broadcast season by Train to the End of the World, Girls Band Cry, and Yuru Camp. The real shame is that it seemed to have designs on being a tremendous LGBT show if it played its cards right, and instead opted to throw those cards in the air and walk away by the end.

I’d still recommend this show if you temper your expectations of any real narrative punch. There were some tremendous original series that aired this year, but Jellyfish Can’t Swim in the Night just didn’t reach those higher levels. There’s a whole bunch of good in there, but they couldn’t quite piece it all together.

24. Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation, season 2, part 2

I’m gonna be real here: I’m sick of writing about this show. It’s exceptionally well-made and, on balance, easily one of the best anime of the decade so far, but the subject matter can touch such controversial and uncomfortable territory at parts that I can’t recommend it to anyone.

The back half of Mushoku Tensei’s second season actually did a lot of work towards making up for a lot of the less-tolerable moments in the preceding ¾ of the show, even delivering a couple of the spring season’s best episodes, and then it gets weird again near the end. Not nearly as bad as it gets in the first season, nor in the worst moments of this season’s first half from 2023, but still off-putting, even for people who stuck with it for this long. I expect this to continue.

Mushoku Tensei is a great show. Don’t watch Mushoku Tensei.

23. Undead Unluck, second cour

David Production’s adaptation of one of Weekly Shonen Jump’s most inventive and ambitious action series continued into the start of 2024 as the story just continued ramping up and getting wilder.

Undead Unluck had an interesting, if occasionally uncomfortable start, with a fascinating power system and tons of secrets left to be revealed, and as it continued you could start to see the camera slowly pulling back. Midway through its second cour, shit completely hits the fan and any expectations you may have had fly out the window. Undead Unluck’s debut season was an amusing curiosity for most of its run, but the status quo is upended so effectively midway through the second cour that I was completely hooked. There were some infuriating pacing issues at those exact moments that were enough for me to dock it several spots on this list, but it’s still absolutely worth watching.

I decided to read the Undead Unluck manga a couple months ago and for as wildly as I thought the anime ramped up its scope by the end of this run, it turns out that the series as a whole goes to even crazier lengths than that. I’m completely sold now and cannot wait for more.

22. Kaiju No. 8

Counter to the series I just talked about, Kaiju No. 8 is one of Shueisha’s least innovative battle shonen series. And that’s okay! Nothing wrong with wanting to see people fight giant monsters and one who can turn into a giant monster himself, and maybe you don’t want to have to deal with Attack on Titan’s incoherent politics to get there.

There is fundamentally nothing special about Kaiju No. 8, but I do appreciate that the protagonist is an out-of-shape thirtysomething desperately clinging to his hopes and dreams. No particular reason. There’s some interesting worldbuilding early in the story, and although it does lend itself to protag Kafka’s strengths in battle (non-”turning into a monster” category), it all falls to the wayside when it’s time for monsters, guns, and explosions. And I’m fine with that stuff, but I was hoping for a bit more of a hook.

All in all, this is a very well-made show, if a little muddy-looking at times. I wouldn’t have chosen YUNGBLUD and OneRepublic for the opening and closing themes, but it didn’t hamper my enjoyment of the show. I just like complaining about that stuff. Looks good, sounds good most of the time, and endearingly dumb. Can’t go wrong with that.

21. Mashle: Magic and Muscles, season 2

I ranked this show’s first season pretty low on my 2023 list, but I was willing to stick it out for another season, and I’m glad I did. Mashle really finds its footing during the Divine Visionary exam arc and irons out a lot of the issues I’d had with the first season, primarily how little the comedy initially landed for me.

A series that initially had my eyes either rolling or glazing over quickly recovered my attention early in the second season. Creepy Nuts OPs are a cheat code, I swear. Even putting the killer music aside, Mashle looks a lot better as well and has a much more engaging story in its second season. You can really feel it gaining its footing and finding a bit of swagger as the season goes on. The fight sequences are much more engaging this time out, and sometimes you get all the satisfaction you need out of seeing an emotionless weirdo punch the shit out of a mean nerd. A bunch of the jokes even land this time around!

I’m glad I stuck this out. Mashle is, at the end of the day, a hilariously blatant Harry Potter send-up, and frankly has no good reason to hit like it does, but I’m finally sold. At the rate it’s been going, Mashle seems to be set to adapt the entire manga, and I’m looking forward to seeing all of it.

#anime reviews #konosuba #wistoria wand and sword #chained soldier #suicide squad isekai #tis time for torture princess #jellyfish can't swim in the night #undead unluck #kaiju no. 8 #mashle

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psycheetamore · 2 days ago

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Punish me (part 3 of 3): the story on how you became one of Feyd-Rautha’s concubines

Notes: He saw your reluctance. “Come here pet” he said with a honeyed voice. A voice like that, smoky, warm, manly – how could you compete against that? He knew exactly how to manipulate you. “You know you want it. You know you want to be my pet. Be caressed, be taken care of. Don’t lie to yourself. You want to be mine. Led by me. Fucked raw by me whenever I want, like the obedient cock-hungry girl you are.”

In all your emotions you draped yourself over his shoulders, laying your face against his neck and started to cry. A life worth of fear streamed from your body. Never, since you left the age of a toddler, had you dared to cry. But it did not matter anymore. You were at the true mercy of another person, not just nature. Whatever you did, it was not up to you to decide whether you would live or die.

Tags: MDNI, Feyd-Rautha is his own trigger warning, manipulative Feyd, talkative Feyd, dominant Feyd, physically imposing Feyd, humiliating Feyd, oral demanding Feyd (as a tool of near-daily conditioning), nutritious black cum giving/weaponizing cum Feyd, food depriving Feyd, attention depriving Feyd, powerplay Feyd, drugging Feyd, dubcon/noncon Feyd, no beta we die like duke leto. The author may actually start to have regrets looking at the tags - I trust I do not need to add ‘dead dove don’t eat’ with all these tags. Tbh, this is absolute fey foul filth no-one should read. Please note additional tags for this chapter: trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome invoking Feyd, possessive Feyd, permanent marks of ownership creating-Feyd (aka: scarring), violent Feyd, torturous Feyd

Word count: 4.3k

Link to Punish me (part 2 of 3) – Feyd-Rautha’s lessons for virgins

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As you proceeded to draw him in, every day more in tune with his desires, he continued to speak: “over the last couple of days I have saved myself for you.”

You looked up at him, to see his black teeth uncovered through a dark smile. You could not see his eyes, covered in shadows by the tilt of his head.

“Two of my other students turned out to be less perceptive than required” he said, with a daunting voice. You knew what had happened. You had grown familiar, but not – not yet – accustomed, to the sounds of last minutes of someone’s life passing, parted from you by just a door.

“Which means that if you do your best, I will give you more of my seed than you ever had before” came from his mouth, as his head tilted. “Would you like that?”

You knew only one answer would suffice: “I could not wish for anything else than such benevolence be bestowed upon me, lord Harkonnen.” Your heart truly skipped a beat. Your enthusiasm about this blessing could not be contained, as you nearly hopped on your knees while you put more effort in your attentions than anytime before. You knew that if you would follow his instructions, you would receive more praise, more mercy and more favours.

It felt as if his cock had never been as hard and girthy as now. How he greedily grabbed your head and pushed himself in. How he would not wait to allow you to do your task, but thrusted himself in you until his balls hit your lips. How he groaned and made noises like the satisfaction depraved man he was. He did not pace himself. He did not savour. He did not enjoy and take his time. All things he would otherwise do. Now he just pursued his high. He sought to find relief. He must have been exploding.

And exploding he did. He did not disappoint. His cum, spilled deep in your throat, overflowed into your mouth.

“Swallow, my dear. Swallow all of it. You have no idea how eager I am to fuck you after this.”

You closed your eyes shortly to signal you would. Of course you would. It had taken you months to learn to digest what he had given you while wrapping your lips tightly around him to simultaneously amass the last drops from deep within him. More than once he had suggested this was a skill not many of his female companions mastered.

As you wanted to stand up, he kept you down. “I have another gift for you” he said with a honeyed voice. You rested on your feet, hands on your lap, as he took a few steps back to fumble in his trousers. You expected him to crouch over you to fuck you, but he did not.

“Today, I will take you out of these quarters” as he presented a collar. “From this day forward, until the day you leave the palace, you will always keep this collar on.”

“Yes, lord na-Baron.” You didn’t think too much about it. A weird necklace, nothing more. It made him happy giving it, so only positive for you.

“Good, come here.”

By now you knew he wanted you to crawl. So that is what you did. On all fours, you crawled towards him in the Harkonnen dress made for servants, and presented your neck. Your neck was fitted with a black leather collar with a titanium ring to it.

Not only did he look pleased, he even took the effort of kneeling down to look at you at an equal height. The praise ensuing from this gesture filled your heart with warmth.

“You are starting to learn” as he added the constraint while seeing you glow from happiness. It apparently meant a lot to him, and therefore to you.

From his pocket he retrieved a leash, which he connected to the collar.

This did actually startle you. He had stripped you from large bits of your humanity, compelled you to do many things you never would have expected to do. But this was something else. Being reduced to a mere animal.

He saw your reluctance. “Come here pet” he said with a honeyed voice. A voice like that, smoky, warm, manly – how could you compete against that? He knew exactly how to manipulate you. “You know you want it. You know you want to be my pet. Be caressed, be taken care of. Don’t lie to yourself. You want to be mine. Led by me. Fucked raw by me whenever I want, like the obedient cock-hungry girl you are.”

He spoke the truth.

Within a minute he had broken down this resolve as well, as he leashed you.

Standing up again, he started to walk while holding the leash. You knew you needed to follow, and so you did. No questions, no discussion. Somehow feeling his attention like this, feeling connected to him; it made you feel things deep inside of you.

At one point you crawled in front of him, causing him to choke you by pulling back the leash. The shock made you fall and curl your back: “I am sorry lord Harkonnen. Won’t happen again” as you coughed to remove the sudden impact on your throat.

“Excellent” he said. The most complimentary he had been since you arrived.

His accolades had allowed you to overcome many constraints. You basked in this praise, which he must have seen, as you heard him mumble to himself: “this one may even turn out to be a nice pet.”

He walked you through hallways. It had been weeks if not lomger since you had seen another living soul, yet you were fearful you would encounter anyone. That this is how you would be seen, as an animal. But you would not meet another person.

It felt like you were crawling through endless hallways. He did not stop to allow your knees any rest.

To the contrary. Perhaps ten minutes in, your dress had started to curl up around your middle, removing any fabric that had protected your knees, leaving the flesh on your legs and on your behind exposed. As far as Harkonnen servant outfits went, no underwear was supplied, with no exception for you. You had already noticed this for a while, as a warm evening breeze graced your nether region. But it took him another 30 minutes or so to make the same observation, as he had been in front of you the entire time.

“Why didn’t my little plaything tell me she is all exposed?” he spoke with a soft voice. “All bare. The scars exposed for everyone to see. So that everyone will know she will never meet anyone who will fuck her as good as I do.” He hummed. “You know that you do not need to be coy about wanting my attention” as he took a few steps back to admire the view. “Come on, don’t be shy. Don’t rest on your buttocks, I want to see everything” as he tapped his booted foot under your behind to get you to get up on all fours again. “That is my girl. Sweet and obedient.”

He crouched down and moved in a bit closer. “It is so dark here. I cannot see whether you are wet. Tell me, are you? Are you ready to receive me?” he taunted.

“My lord na-Baron, I am always ready to receive you” you replied, while biting your lip. You were not though, as your knees had been hurting so much your entire brain was enveloped with discomfort.

“I have trained you well. You deserve this little trip” he said, as you heard him pull down his trousers and fall down to his knees. “You also deserve this” as he pushed his length inside of you. You howled in pain. His depth for your unprepared pussy combined with the added force on your knees, it was too much.

“I like how you lie to me. How you tell me what I want to hear. I know you are in pain. I see the blood trail.” He did not fall back, he did not hold himself in, he continued to push himself in you, driving your knees into the ground.

“Come on, tell me. Admit it. Admit to me you have been lying” as he forced himself through your dryness relentlessly.

“My lord” you squealed between thrusts, “my lord… I… I”

“Speak up girl” as he laid himself over you, increasing the weight resting on your legs even further.

“Please, I am sorry. I had been lying. It hurts. It hurts so much. My skin is open, sand has been collecting in it. It hurts so much. I am sorry. I am so sorry lord Harkonnen” you confessed.

A brutal slap hit your behind. “What…” followed by another hit “have” followed by more hits, separating each word “I told you?”

“I am sorry” as you fell to your elbows under his persistent pressure. “Feyd-Rautha, Feyd-Rautha” you howled, “I am sorry” as you started to sob, while he continued to throb into you.

“That is better” he said, after which he removed himself and slapped your cunt. “Now, continue to walk” as he stood up, pushed himself in his pants, grabbed a better hold of the leash and tugged you forward.

As quickly as his menace arose, as quickly did it subdue.

Feyd-Rautha walked you for another 5 minutes, to a balcony. There, he allowed you to stand up and, for the first time in weeks or perhaps even months, to oversee Carthag. It was beautiful. Still no person in sight, but you knew your friends were there. Somewhere under your gaze.

As you stood there, mesmerized to see that society had continued to live without you, acknowledging it felt it did not – in any case not for you, he found his place behind you. An arm wrapped around your waist to find your wrist, he moved your hair from your neck with his other hand, allowing him to taste you.

“I miss the taste of fear, my dear.”

Frightened you turned your head to look at him, but he had already started to topple you over the edge of the balcony, by swirling you around your core and lifting you up with his free arm to fall – all while he kept one of his hands securely around the leash.

Scared you look up your arm to see his growling teeth uncovered as he leaned over to look at you. The only thing keeping you from plummeting to your death was his hand held tightly on your wrist. If he would let it go, you would either fall to your demise or be hanged by the collar kept in his other hand which he had started to wrap around his hand.

“Tell me. If you needed to choose a way to die, would you want me to drop you, or should I break your neck on this noose?” he menacingly laughed.

“Please, please my lord, please my lord Harkonnen. I want to live. You have given me that insight. It is what I learned from you” you begged him.

“Although you look so pretty begging, that is not an answer, my sweet” as he loosened his grip a bit, to show you he set the rules to this game.

“Please, please” you screamed. “Please. I will do anything you want, please my lord” you cried.

“I need an answer” as he swung you slightly, causing the dry heat to wrap around your legs.

“By your hand. If I die now, if I must die, I want to die by your hand. Through the noose. Please let me live my lord” you pleaded.

“Hmm, I like this answer” as he curled over the balcony and looked at you. “Isn’t it a wonderful night, my dear?” he spoke sweetly. But that tone soon changed: “never forget that I saved your life. That I learned you to live” he growled.

“I promise my lord. I will remember that every day for the rest of my life” you spoke in fear, as he drew you up on the balcony.

As you were lifted on the balustrade, you threw your legs to the safe side, where he found his place in between. As if you were lovers and the event just now did not happen.

He pat your back and allowed you to drain yourself.

It was cathartic.

Feyd-Rautha allowed you to stay there for at least 15 minutes. Until all tears had left your body.

It was a soul-crushing experience, knowing you were so helpless.

After that he fucked you on the balcony for all of Carthag to see. Bend over the banister, looking down to where otherwise your body would have been, taking him deep inside of you as he pulled on your neck with his new method of control to increase the impact of each thrust. He finally had his taste of fear.

+++

From that day one, every couple of days, he would take you out on a walk in the late night, after you had emptied him. You would go to the library to gather some books, or be taken to the throne room to bask in its luxury. Once, he even took you to see the training grounds, where you learned you that if you could see his training, it was indeed meant as a reward for good behaviour.

Fear was always present in your sweat, you had learned the consequences if it wasn’t, and his actions made sure of it. With him, you were always on high alert to ensure you met all his rules, or otherwise sought to ask for forgiveness in the most elaborate of ways.

Sometimes he would end up fucking you at any moment during these trips, sometimes not. You learned to love both.

You especially learned to love being back in the relative safety of your little room.

+++

Three standard-months had past. But you did not know that, having lost track of time.

The same ritual ensued: you were ready to receive him, he emptied himself in your mouth and you gobbled it up.

Upon presenting the leash, you presented your collar to be hooked and started to go on a new journey with him.

During this walk, he did not speak. You did not want to invoke his wrath, risk to lose the privileges he had shared with you, so you did not ask.

After about 15 minutes of crawling, you entered a space more luxurious than anything you had ever seen. Walls and floor covered with white marble laced with gold. A smell consisting of traditional Fremen scents wrapped itself around you. He grabbed the hook connecting the collar and the leash and pulled you up.

“Strip.”

He had already beaten and manipulated any thoughts of resistance from your head, so you complied, immediately dropping your clothing to your feet.

“Because you have managed to follow all my instructions so swiftly, you will find a warm bath” as he pointed to a vessel in the middle of the room where you had entered.

You looked at him questioningly. “Ah yes, I keep forgetting. You Fremen do not know what baths are. Come, I will show you” as he took your hand to lead you.

Before you a large body of water was presented. You looked at him, fell to your knees as fear started to wrap around you. You asked reluctantly: “I… I apologise my lord. I cannot drink all of that, lord Harkonnen.”

He laughed and said: “silly woman. It is not to drink, it is to clean yourself. Step in while it still warm.”

You mouth opened. The amount of water was equal to some of the water storages placed in the smaller sietches. Never would anyone dare to do anything else with it, than to drink.

The response to your trauma kicked in.

Reluctance came over you.

You froze.

He must have felt that, as he stood behind you, placed his hands on your shoulders and whispered: “you now see the incredible wealth I live in. I have to offer. For me, this is worth nothing. I could throw it away without even blinking an eye.”

He knew that getting you into that bath was equal to stripping you from yet another layer of sacrilege. And more importantly: he knew that he was fighting against past injuries that had settled themselves deep inside your brain.

You were torn. Every fibre in your body desired to get out and run away. Every neuron in your brain knew you could not do that. You did not want to lose anything he had granted to you, so, however hesitant and through sheer willpower, you complied.

“Good, good girl, you made the right choice” he said, as you had placed one foot in the water. “Most Fremen women that come so far will not overcome their objections, and refuse to step in.” Continuing: “and I recall you have additional reasons to be afraid” he chuckled.

With a small laugh he said: “many nights have you heard what happened to them.”

As the warmth of the water surrounded your body, fear surrounded your gut. A seemingly small decision could have ended so differently.

There, in the water, it became how desperately you wanted to live.

“Yes, lord na-Baron. I heard. Please tell me what to do in order to live” you nearly pleaded.

“Very good, very good. At moments I had thought to give up on you and feed you to my pets, but you are proving to be quite acute” he said casually. He must have known what these words did to you. They instilled terror. Somehow, they removed the horror in your body for the water with horror for another scenario. In his own weird and twisted way, he started to help you take the first steps to overcome this fear you had been living with. After these thoughts had crossed your mind, you could not help but smile and truthfully say: “thank you, na-Baron.”

He crouched next to the bathtub, pushing the fabric hiding his right arm up, uncovering the pale flesh of his sculpted arm. Leaning on the side, he allowed his right hand to slide into the water. “Isn’t it nice and welcoming, this warmth? Have you ever felt anything like this, my little one?”

“No, my lord Harkonnen” you replied, still honestly, increasingly managing to overcome your fear, thanks to your mentor. You realised that you had started to trade identify for comfort.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

Without skipping a beat, you confirmed.

“Lay down in the water. Allow your hair to be covered” he suggested. He did not demand, he truly suggested.

You looked at him, placed your hand on his, and fell back in a controlled manner, while taking deep breaths. He placed his other hand on yours, as if to give you support.

“Good” he said, as your ears were getting covered by the water. “I know you can hear me. Stay. Breath.” His voice changing to something more sinister: “do not disappoint me.”

It was the push you needed, as you pushed your head back even further. Just enough for the tip of your nose to be fully emerged.

You did not stay there for long. You could no longer contain your trauma and the stress it produced. You gripped your one hand tightly on his hand, and your other hand on the tub to sit up straight, moving to your knees to hang your head over the bath tub.

Heavily breathing you came back to your senses.

You started to dread this action. You did not know how he would respond. How he would respond to this sudden unsanctioned movement. To this disappointment.

He looked at you, tilting his head. You could not read his face. Further fear came seeping into your body.

“Sir, sir, lord Harkonnen, I am sorry. I am sorry” you started to plead anxiously. “I am sorry.” Looking fearful at the water over your shoulder, you continued: “I will go back in.” You tried to control the speed of your breathing again, to allow you to fall back, but he stopped you in your tracks.

Without speaking, he stood up, placed his hands under your armpits, and carried you out of the bathtub as if you were light as a feather.

Shaking from the sudden cold, you stood there, your back bent. You were anticipating the worst and were contemplating how you could save your life.

As he walked away, the worst thoughts crossed your mind. You knew no other solution than to fall to your knees, repeatedly hit your head on the floor and repeat, as if a mantra: “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.”

You heard his footsteps coming closer, causing you to repeat the mantra quicker and exert more force.

You saw his feet under your eyes.

You stopped and closed your eyes.

Your judgement had come. His judgement had come.

You brought your arms closer into your body, getting ready for his judgement.

He kneeled in front of you.

A softness overcame you. He guided you to stand up straight.

One hand took a wrist, which he pushed through more softness. The other wrist was also pushed through more softness.

“Open your eyes” he said with a soft voice.

Slowly you complied.

He had placed a robe around you, as he fitted the belt, and tapped you to dry.

“You did excellent, my darling. You are ready” as he took your hand to guide you to the sitting area in his chamber.

There you found a decanter on the table, which he used to pour two glasses, after he had sat you properly.

You stared at him from the rim of your cup, seeing how he too drank. It was the first time you had shared anything. It had always been him or you eating or drinking. But now it was both.

You sat there, in silence.

This day could have been the day on which you made decisions that would have you killed, but you chose to live and were commended for it. You had clearly served your new master well. Feelings of happiness ran through your body, competing against the adrenaline from taking steps to overcome your shocking experiences from the past.

He had conditioned you well.

You considered his words. ‘You are ready’. Had this been the last test? You had not thought about how long you had been here for a while now. Perhaps this was the last test. This surely must the last test. His ultimate test. His ultimate claim on you.

Or so you thought. There was one last question. One very last step in the transition.

After you finished your drinks, he brought you in front of a mirror in a part of the bathroom you had not walked before. There, standing behind you, he uncovered your body to you by opening the robe.

There, you saw yourself for the first time in three months.

Your face had turned hollow. Your eyes had turned matt. Your skin had turned pale, graced with a red spot on the middle of your forehead. Your hair had turned thin. Your body had been littered with the remnants of inflicted injuries. Your muscle mass had turned into energy burned. Fat nearly visible. You looked fragile.

You knew it was you, but you did not recognise yourself.

You were shocked. You were truly shocked. If he would not have been holding you, you would have fallen backwards. You decided that you would no longer look at yourself. There was nothing you could do. Nothing you could change. There was no place for anything else than acceptance. Acceptance or death, and you did not want to choose the latter. You turned around, robe still hanging open, as he spoke to you: “you have atoned. You have also chosen life.”

You looked up at him, questioningly. “I will offer you one chance to leave, now your repentance has been completed. I will allow you to leave, now, with your old clothes and one day worth of water. You will receive your weapons and I will not hunt you down. Not before the day ends in any case. But you only get this offer now.”

You continued to look at him. His dark eyes. You felt longing. Longing from him towards you. From you towards him. He had tainted you. Stripped you bare from your Fremen values. He had broken and rebuilt you. You knew he needed you. You needed him. You had grown into each other. The question he effectively asked you, was whether you would ever be able to still, or again, fit in with your former friends and family. If they would learn what you had done to survive, their response would not be kind. Their response had already not been kind when you decided not to go in for the kill. What would overcome you there, was anything but certain.

You did not need to speak for him to know what your decision was.

As he removed the leash from your collar, he stated: “they always stay. Now, come meet my other darlings.”

+++

A penny for your thoughts:

+++

Notes: I told you not to read this… and if you have come this far and leave a like/comment, it will only mean I will be enticed to go further overboard… and we would not want that, would we?

+++

@kasagia : the last chapter

Shout out to the sources of neverending inspiration @faegoddessog / @peggyao3 as the OGs of Fey Foul Filth Feyd Fics - darkness surrounding tales on the depths of the depravity of our delicious lord na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen

#feyd rautha harkonnen #feral for feyd #feyd rautha smut #feyd rautha imagine #feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha x you #toxic #feyd rautha fanfiction #feyd x you #feyd x reader #feyd rautha #feyd imagine #feyd smut #feyd

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moonofmercury · 13 hours ago

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I generally respect you comes up with as meta, and I hope you'll forgive me the rudeness of inserting myself, but it makes me itchy when people are sort of talking past one another perhaps because of tone differences, so perhaps my weighing in may diffuse things somewhat? But also you both bring up some really interesting points. (below the cut because this post is already long without me being nosey)

- Neither @theheirofthesharingan or @please-read-the-manga said the uchiha deserve their fate, and neither are blaming Itachi or saying he's responsible and the original post was not addressed to readers who think so I'm not certain why this comes up at all. It seems like everyone is pretty settled on the side that Itachi acted as best he could at a very young age with limited support, or support that was not ideal and somewhat realistically flawed. Fugaku struggles between acting as a father and a clan head.

Manga is an incredible medium because it's a place where every inch of space (when done well) matters, and the chosen panels in this thread physically show Fugaku's struggle (facial expression which also may be interpreted differently by different people), unable to protect his son, unable to protect his clan. The cruel fact is that there are simply some parents who cannot be good parents while also pursuing the other things they want - in Fugaku's case being a clan head. I will happily bring up Itachi Shinden directly since I bought it and read it and say, while it may be only faintly implied in the manga, the light novel brings up what seems a logical possibility (told from Itachi's point of view and he is not happy about the push-and-pull) that Fugaku was struggling to reign in more aggressive and (presumably) respected/connected members of the clan from attacking the village earlier (the ones who confront Itachi after Shisui's death and Itachi does with Fugaku would take a stronger stand against them).

There's a Watsonian explanation that Fugaku mega failed by just not meeting with the elders, or that Danzo/other elders/Hiruzen pushed that meeting off on purpose, or a combination of both, and there's a Doylist explanation that Kishimoto just needed the massacre to happen so he made sure the meeting never happened (although I personally think it would have been more interesting if communication just broke down, I am not the writer.

I also don't think it's a simple case of Fugaku "didn't bother" to consider his family's fate if the Uchiha coup failed, which is a phrase that tends to tell people his actions were selfish only. While our modern society says this isn't correct, in the past (and even now) it's very typical for families to acknowledge they have power of life and death over their children. In EAsian media, it's not uncommon to see those who commit treason punished with obliteration of 9 or something other level of their relatives, basically a whole clan, thus killing the bloodline. It may be that Kishimoto didn't think to bring this up because it's implied. The only thing we know is that at some point Fugaku also thought a coup was the only way to change things, but as I believe both parties have brought up, many characters question this reality.

- I don't know why it's presumed that Mikoto is lying about Fugaku also talking about Sasuke when they're alone? We are actually shown scenes of Fugaku being excited about his children when they're born in the anime - they're very cute. I don't think I've encountered evidence of Mikoto lying about Fugaku in the manga, but it's been a while since I read this part (and she suffers from the author's typical approach to writing women, as in he gives them minimal action unless he needs them to act as a mouthpiece). I think it's more implied that she's softening reality for Sasuke. It's far more believable to the readers that Fugaku is focused on Itachi (because he's trying to get Itachi to act on the clan's side and Sasuke is a child, who isn't currently involved in the village politics because he's not a child-genius who garners that kind of attention. Sasuke interprets this as his lack of skill compared to Itachi meaning he earns less love, and although Itachi certainly garners more of Fugaku's on-screen, attention, there are reasons for this. Is it fair to Sasuke? No, but it's pretty well established that Fugaku isn't the best parent. He likely views going to Sasuke's ceremony as taking up time he doesn't have, because Fugaku more fits the Japanese trope mold of a business-minded father who therefore pays not-enough-attention to his children. Again, not fair, but when playing in media spaces, acknowledging these character molds helps understand their actions in context of the society they're based from/born from). I would expect the scene with Mikoto to be left up to the reader to interpret. We don't see enough of Fugaku to immediately agree with Mikoto that he's awkward, but we also don't see enough to immediately disagree. We know he doesn't tend to do well when put on the spot, which seems to support awkward, but again I think deciding that is at this point up to the reader, although I'm not sure she's outright lying.

Parents say things to comfort their children all the time that might not be fair. At that moment, Sasuke needs to hear that sometimes he's the favorite too, and it's good for children to learn there is more going on behind the scenes than they see. It isn't meant to imply that Itachi is less loved in general and she doesn't say to Sasuke that Itachi is only considered more useful - she can't anyway because it implies Itachi's missions have something to do with their father, or are commanded by their father, which Sasuke does not and is not supposed to know. However, because this is one of Mikoto's very few speaking panels, it's up to readers to interpret how her words are to be interpreted. I don't think @please-read-the-manga is entirely off the mark, but others might see her behavior in a more sinister light.

I personally like and play with the characterizations of Mikoto and Fugaku as both somewhat ineffective parents. But this doesn't make them objectively bad people, and I don't think it takes away from saying that they're interesting characters for some people, even if not to all readers.

- I am approaching things from the angle of a literary analysis that can color my personal writing but acknowledge it can also affect others too. From a literary analysis point of view, taking into account human interactions, I don't think Fugaku just went combing through metaphorical bushes for something he could use against the village. Unfortunately, the situation is set up that Fugaku hopes to trust Itachi implicitly because he's his son (erroneous assumption that may be).

I'm not sure which "he" is seldom present in Itachi's life. There's an anime arc with young Itachi and Shisui running a mission in the forest of death? And then he returns as an adult, although that may be an animated version of the shinden backstory. While it may not be right, and you may not agree, I think though that even if Fugaku is sending someone to spy on Itachi, it doesn't disprove that he loves him. It may not be loving his son as only his son, but also evaluating him as part of the clan and part of the village, and seeking to see whether his loyalty is closer to the clan or village. For some, this may not qualify in their perception of love, but my interpretation is that my understanding of love may not be always correct or reflect whether Fugaku believes he loves Itachi.

I would also like to point out that... based on Mikoto's statements in the referenced panel above, either Fugaku does spend all his time on Sasuke or he doesn't? Sasuke struggles being the youngest child during a time when everyone else in the house is involved with something extremely dangerous and highly illegal.

"whereas Fugaku didn't even bother to acknowledge that his decisions would bring a doom upon everyone, including his sons." or "Fugaku had enough sense to not drag Sasuke into the political mess, but hey, let's use Itachi."

As potentially unintentionally acknowledged Fugaku considers his children in some cases and other times doesn't think directly about then in context of the coup. My personal feeling is that Sasuke was not skilled enough to be a threat. He was very skilled for his age, but not enough to put him in danger for being a gifted young shinobi like Itachi, so Fugaku never had to manage him as an asset, but also didn't necessarily have a ton of extra time when he wasn't thinking about the coup, translating to Sasuke having to beg to spend time together. Again, doesn't necessarily make Fugaku a terrible father, but does make him an unfortunately stereotypical early 2000s one.

I love @please-read-the-manga bringing up the village's structure's failings, because part of that is built into the dissonance between responsibilities given to genin/chunin despite their ages. It wasn't fair or right that Itachi was adultified by the actual adults around him, but I agree that at its best, Naruto sticks to the original issues brought up in the first arcs - that the shinobi system was nominally created to protect people like Hashirama and Madara's younger siblings who died as child soldiers in endless war, that shinobi are treated as tools, something that horrifies the main trio because they were relatively shielded from this and tires their teachers because they grew up with this mentality.

Part of Itachi's suffering comes from needing the protection given to children while being saddled with adult responsibilities. Fugaku seems to feel this is hard but perhaps having honor in it (as Itachi is serving his clan), as well as being necessary and a given, which again if we are believing that the original throughline of shinobi equaling tools (and the narrative telling us this kills people in unjust and depressing ways), makes sense. It doesn't mean Fugaku isn't part of the problem in the village, what it is, is interesting because the Uchiha are both part of the village and apart from it, part of its ideology and suffering from it, which sits very well within the framework again of Naruto originally interrogating the justice and hypocrisy of the shinobi world.

- I don't think either person is accusing Itachi for not being able to find a better solution to the coup in this post. People with reading comprehension absolutely know that Itachi struggled through difficult circumstances. He also struggles between an author who needs certain events to happen regardless of "what-if's" (accounting again for Doylist analysis) and the large and invisible world shaped around him (Watsonian interpretation) which some people admittedly jump too far (insert meme about connecting dots and jumping jumped already jumped) but is not happening here.

- I disagree with the blanket statement that Fugaku doesn't stand by Itachi at all. The manga does show us that primarily Fugaku is one of the push-pull forces affecting Itachi, and no Itachi does not feel supported by Fugaku, which may be most indicative of all, but in that last moment, Fugaku does say that despite everything, he feels proud of Itachi.

Again, I will bring up the shinden, but only because it attempts to show us Itachi's feelings about Fugaku's handling of the coup, by which he is frustrated that Fugaku isn't taking a stronger stand against more aggressive clan members. He doesn't understand why and is (very understandably) upset by it. Again "why" could be because the author needs the coup to happen, and/or it could be because Fugaku actually believes the coup is the most effective way of restoring presence in the village. Fugaku is shown in the anime as walking closely with Itachi when Itachi was young, seemingly implying they had a closer relationship before.

Once again from a literary analysis interpretation, Fugaku's moment kneeling before Itachi is the last moment he knows he'll ever be able to speak to his son. This moment builds on past characters' interpretations of Fugaku. If he really is awkward, it makes more sense to me that in his last moments, he is choosing to be as honest and blunt as possible - pleading somewhat for the life of his other child and making sure that Itachi knows that his parents don't blame him, that this is just the end of the silent battle that has colored all of their other interactions. Even if they are words spoken out of guilt, does that mean they are not genuine? Is acknowledging that you have done something to be guilty of not mean that you acknowledge you could have treated someone better?

Is it wrong for him not to want to force Itachi to fight him, that Fugaku does not want to wound Itachi in their final moments? Fugaku is a shinobi too, this is a bit of a leap, but it makes sense to me that Fugaku would know the village would attempt to silence Itachi after the massacre to drown the truth in shadows and that he didn't want to harm Itachi's chance of an escape, of living, even though this life would be filled with the knowledge of having killed his family. No parents wants to kill their child.

I also don't think Fugaku threw Itachi away. We don't know that he "didn't mind". It's not as though Fugaku is unaffected by Itachi being pulled this way and that by the village, but it also isn't implied he knows Itachi was given a kill order as far as I recall.

- I would like to gently point out that, while there are "wrong" comparisons in media, I don't think @please-read-the-manga lacks sense when comparing Fugaku and Itachi. They just point out that they were both raised in the same shinobi system, Fugaku is one of Itachi's teachers (a very important piece of lineage in the Naruto world and Japanese culture at large), and Itachi (even in Shisui) did not have a great framework for how to make the person he loved most stronger - because once again following Naruto's overarching theme, loss and othering are taught as the way to build strength in shinobi, but is also acknowledged as damaging.

I don't even think the narrative questions whether Fugaku exposing Itachi to violence at a young age was correct, we have multiple in-world examples that would say this is in fact a very unnecessary thing to do. Similarly, the narrative doesn't question whether Itachi's early torture of Sasuke was correct, we see very quickly that it isn't. I do love how @theheirofthesharingan brings up how relatively gentle Itachi's later fights with Sasuke are. They're one of my favorite parts of the manga and anime because they show how much Itachi loves Sasuke, the whole battle is choreographed so carefully to make sure Sasuke is as safe as possible once it's over.

We thankfully do not have to make a decision about sacrificing someone for the sake of a nation that is our responsibility, but it doesn't make it less startling to hear, out-loud, and in that font haha, that someone is willing to kill people who are important to them (even their own child, and we do know that children can be more dangerous than adults in this world) for a country, which I agree does not share personhood.

The implications of these panels with Hashirama vs Madara very much are that Hashirama starts to think of the village as its own entity, rather than a framework to protect its inhabitants. He doesn't say "the people of the village", he says "the village". I know those things are used interchangeably and we can't know if the author considered using the former, but I believe that this moment is to be interpreted as the moment Madara realizes how much Hashirama has changed, and later sets up how the villages do not actually protect all the young and vulnerable inside their walls, but only some of them and sometimes.

(We don't know how much collateral damage was involved in Madara and Hashirama's later battles. If there was none, it's still wrong for Madara to threaten the village to get Hashirama to come out and play, and if there is some, then this solidifies the issue of Uchiha continually considering themselves as somehow separate from the village.)

Once you're a leader of the people, they're your responsibility. And if your family/friends cause any trouble and put the lives of thousands others you're responsible for on risk, you must choose

I'd also like to point out that this takes place for Fugaku on a smaller scale too. He fails at it, but it's interesting to look at the ways how. I don't think the coup is every framed as an extremely intelligent move, it's framed as a sort of mob mentality, done out of desperation, and avoidable from multiple fronts, which helps to establish it as a tragedy and failing of the village.

Danzo doesn't particularly care about the people of the village so much as he cares about the structure of it, the way in which villagers are a resource, and power is prestige, and conformity (to ideology or the "village vision") is key. The coup is also framed as a convenient excuse for his personal agenda.

- Ultimately, I really liked @please-read-the-manga's original analysis. The Senju and Uchiha are well-established foils but I haven't before seen Hashirama's and Fugaku's expressions of love directly compared. The Uchiha are framed in-world as the clan affected by hatred, and the evolution of the narrative showing they're the clan most strongly and physically affected by love is, I feel, not leaned into enough. It's a different frame of morality that someone might prioritize the people they love most over a larger portion of the population. I'm very well aware that some people consider it straight up wrong (and again most people don't have to make this real-life decision, and even if you do, it's not wrong or abnormal to live with severe guilt over choosing your person rather than more people but also have no regret it), and it's typically framed in narrative that people with this morality do not actually make good state leaders because they can't make that sacrifice to protect the inhabitants of the state, but to me, part of what makes Fugaku's plan ineffective is he can't decide until he has not more choice. This makes him a really interesting character even though it makes him kind of a crummy father. But even when he kind of knows Itachi isn't down with the whole "spy on the village" thing anymore, he never turns on Itachi. Even if he "should", as someone who is responsible for the lives of the whole Uchiha clan, by Hashirama's argument, deal with Itachi to stop him "betraying" the Uchiha, he doesn't. And yeah, I know this is an extremely low bar, but I think the comparison was interesting and something I hadn't seen before.

I think it's important again that in the panel with Hashirama, at least from what I remember, Madara isn't like, mad that Hashirama would kill him for the village's sake. I think he already knows this, but he's sort of? like it's alarming again to see Hashirama frame the village itself as priority over who the village was for. One could even argue in the context of that one sentence, that we need to ask again, what is being defined as "the village". If it's the people, that is one thing, but that panel frames the viewer as seeing Hashirama write people out of the village, and also maybe in that moment give up on Madara as part of the village (I know he's been exiled at that point, but part of me wonders in the context of their relationship, whether Madara expected Hashirama to chase after him? These are just musing thoughts, not serious replies now.)

Hm, been contemplating these panels lately and thinking about which character is constantly demonized within the fandom/fan works involving them and which is frequently viewed as the ultimate loving and moral person...

And:

One is a man bearing the supposed 'Curse of Hatred' who loves his children so much that he is continuing to parent and offer unconditional love to his son even after said son has already participated in the brutal state-sanctioned genocide of their people/culture and is about to end his (and his wife's - who, btw, is on the same page as him) life.

The other is a man from the supposed 'Clan of Love' who boldly holds the conviction that he would cease his compassion towards even his own child if they stood against him and his dream (the village), regardless of the fact his dream (the village) is a corruptible entity that does not maintain personhood.

Interestingly, I think there is something to be said for the fact both Fugaku and Hashirama are also shown struggling to understand Itachi and Madara (respectively).

Fugaku is actually quite honest regarding his issues in relating to Itachi and while we're not always privy to all the conversations they've had about the state of the clan/sentiment of the Leaf village towards their people, it's clear that those discussions have been had. While the panels where we do see more explicit conversations taking place show Fugaku reiterating to Itachi that his role in ANBU is to serve as a pipeline between the clan/village (which could be argued as an unfair burden foisted onto a child, in my opinion) there are also moments that indicate Fugaku is willing to defer to Itachi (at least on some topics) when his son offers a contradictory viewpoint (like attendance at Sasuke's entrance ceremony, for example).

Side note... this also reminds me of the very short (unfortunately) interactions we see between Madara and his father, Tajima. Tajima clearly respects his son as well and defers to him when Madara insists that they not fight Hashirama and his family on the river - Tajima accepts this from his son without pause.

Alternatively, we also see Madara trying to explain his perspective to a skeptical Hashirama before he commits to taking more drastic actions. Madara is trying to articulate his frustrations with what is happening in the village/how it is progressing with regards to his clan and (even though we never really get Madara's own unfiltered perspective on this time period) we are shown instances of Madara's grievances holding water (ie. Tobirama advocating for Madara not to be made Hokage, but instead pushing randomly for a democratic system that never seems to actually be cemented or made precedent within the village afterwards but absolutely benefits Hashirama/the Senju in the short-run, Madara 'overhearing' Tobirama's continued bias against the Uchiha in private conversations between the brothers, Hashirama continuing to scold his brother -someone who had ample power within the system of governance since its inception- for his bias against the clan even when they're brought back via the edo tensei, etc). Hashirama tries to (weakly, in my opinion) defend the village status quo/way it is progressing and seems to want to better understand Madara, but isn't willing or is unable to go that extra mile for his friend - and, perhaps in some ways, Madara too was unwilling/unable to articulate himself in a more digestible way once their divergence of opinion on their shared village came to this new crux.

Ultimately, I just find it interesting that Fugaku, this character who is often portrayed by fans as a demon of hatred and cruelty, would (in reality) stand by his son even in his darkest hour, even as he is unjustly slaughtering their family, and continue to reaffirm that he is proud of Itachi/loves him - and this is directly counter to Hashirama who asserts he would absolutely kill anyone (including a child) that stood between him protecting that which he loves the most (the village).

And, of course, we also have this to chew on lol...

Sasuke explaining to edo Hashirama that Itachi inherited his 'Will of Fire' jingoism.

Mandatory disclaimer that Fugaku is not infallible and all the characters here (but Fugaku and Hashirama in particular) are their own people/the circumstances do vary (especially as one relationship is framed in the context of father-son and the other as two friends/peers)... I should also note that I still enjoy Hashirama as a character, I just think his flaws are often under-examined and that the hypocrisy inherent to the 'Will of Fire' philosophy/the Leaf Village (and by extension the shinobi world) is equally neglected especially when it comes to this fandom's love of tearing down the Uchiha to their worst traits/moments. But, man, something about these two panels and character portrayals in particular have just been eating at me the past few days, so I figured I'd try to work out some thoughts on them.

#okay that's it #sorry again for inserting myself into conversation where i wasn't invited lol #but there were so many points #and I was a literature major #so my view on analysis is not particularly black or white unless someone is truly not lining up dots or pulling in information #that is not really in the text #this did lead me down the interesting search of finding out the “genin are shinobi adults” thing is a fanon thing #because originally i thought maybe fugaku is treating itachi like an adult because he is legally an adult #but this is incorrect #it's just that there's that weird area between “chunin often take on adult responsibilities and span teens to people in late adulthood”#so the way they're treated in society is correspondingly strange #also it is a shonen manga so everyone doing anything important is like 10-16 when they're doing the important thing #also i made sure to look up what Watsonian and Doylist thinking were which was illumination #uchiha fugaku #uchiha itachi #senju hashirama #messy naruto meta (from me)

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