#the only discourse I’ve seen is regarding the ex’s and ok I get it but GIVE ME MOREEEEEEEE

[jsvausvqbd]

I caved in and started reading Selfish romance on webtoon… needless to say I’m obsessed and in love with both Oh Hyeondo and Choi Yumin 🤧

[caustic-light]

Got it, no worries. There’s no need to address that topic specifically since I actually feel the same about other things.

I don’t know how to deal with having such fringe and widely despised opinions as being pro-youth rights, radical inclusionist, a proshipper, etc etc. Knowing that so many random strangers hate my guts because they misconstrue my positions & think I want harm to come to people is… really hard to deal with, mentally.

Idk who or what to turn to. I feel very isolated because I don’t want to compromise my values and befriend folks I disagree with (the only way would be to lie to them about my beliefs or not mention them, which I don’t vibe with). When you add all this up, it means the amount of people I’d feel comfortable interacting with incredibly tiny.

As my views got more “extreme”, I grew uncomfortable interacting with previous friends and acquaintances (for context, I’m an ex-anti), and stopped doing so. My social world is so small, and IRL interaction feels impossible, because obviously people aren’t going to just list their views like they might do online, and realizing that someone I’d started to befriend would hate my guts if they knew what I think about certain topics is enough to stop me trying to meet anyone new. Not to mention the risk of callouts online and social consequences in meatspace.

I realize all this sounds pretty unhinged, probably? Like I probably have some kind of trauma regarding all this but I dunno how to deal with it. I’ve been struggling with this for a very long time and simply don’t know where to reach out for help at this point. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I understand if you don’t have many answers for me, I don’t expect you to solve my problems or anything, but I thought you or your followers might have dealt with similar feelings and I wonder how you might cope with it. Thanks again.

Ok, so I’ll give a tldr in advance and it’s that my advice is to instead of trying to find communities, you should look for individual people who may not agree with all of your opinions but are generally chill as people. That is something that is kinda rare to come by wherever you go on the interwebz but they do exist and I promise you, you will feel so much more comfortable if you have like a handful of accumulated friends who are not poisoned by discourse and callout culture.

Longer answer (I promise I swear to make this as concise as possible but it probably won’t be, I’m very sorry in advance):

I know that feeling al too well. Without going into too much detail, I have experienced being in a community and developing views that the community would fucking hate if you voiced them. And what I noticed is that if you do voice them in an open way, even just an exploratory version of them, yeah you get shit for it, but you also find other people who are more afraid of voicing them openly and who may contact you privately about it. However, that is advice that only works if you can: 1. say things and have a level of reach in the space you’re in where people see you as a somewhat significant person and 2. if you’re able to overcome the fear of speaking about it. That is not easy and especially when you feel alienated, it gets a lot harder, so I’ll try to also give advice under the assumption that this won’t work.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to befriend people while lying to them. For me the most important part of that is to realize that not everyone is twitter discourse brained, even if it seems like it a lot of times. A lot of people are more open than you may give them credit for. That is mostly in private, though. I’ve been surprised especially at how many people who don’t really engage with discourse are receptive to my more radical ideas if I frame them right. It helps to set up a foundation of where you’re coming from, so views you have aren’t seen out of context. Start at the bottom and work your way up. In the process screen people for how they react. I have talked to people about child abuse prevention that actually works and have gotten “you sure think a lot about sex with children” as an answer and known that that person is not gonna be open, but at the same time I have said some very radical shit (like calling out the way anti zoo mentalities in furry are full of shit to a person who is very uncomfortable with zoophilia as a concept) and gotten a surprising amount of acceptance simply bc some people are just chill. Some people hear something controversial and instead of jumping to the attack, they keep listening. A lot of people are tired of the way discourse is turned into a life or death fight everywhere it occurs. You’re not alone there.

It takes time to find people who are genuinely cool. It takes time to find people who are genuinely open. Because despite there being a surprising amount of them, especially in the beginning it’s hard to find them. It’s hard to figure out what kind of mentalities and behavior to look for and how to differentiate between genuine red flags and things that look like red flags due to discourse induced hyper vigilance. If you do have trauma from your time as an anti, this is even harder, but I promise you it’s not impossible to learn.

At the same time, though, spaces can be genuinely cool, too. Usually it’s the smaller ones with more of a community feel. But you don’t really find them by just looking for spaces, you find them by finding people who can direct you towards them.

Personally in a lot of the friendships I have I have reached some equilibrium between “well I can’t just drop xyz oppinion and not expect some kind of off reaction” and “it doesn’t feel like lying to keep some stuff to myself because I’m not hiding anything, I’m just not seeking out an argument.”

One of my most important online friends has some opinions that violently clash with mine and we both kinda know it, but also have a mutual agreement not to discourse about some topics bc there’s nothing really to gain from that. Discourse makes them uncomfortable and some topics make them uncomfortable so they don’t go there and I respect that, and they respect that I have views that would make them uncomfortable but don’t go there bc they know me as a person and that I have my reasons for the way I think and am not gonna hurt anyone with it, even if they don’t get it. That can happen. I have another friend who doesn’t know a lot of my more controversial oppinions but knows a lot of my views that naturally lead to them and they also don’t do a lot of discourse, usually just watching me go off about a topic I am passionate about and being like “yeah, I don’t have anything to add, but yeah”, or “idk if I agree with that but I don’t have anything to add” at worst. Another friend I have who knows like 95% of my most baddest views and the other 5% are not an omission but things I just never really say all that often bc the topic rarely comes up in that way. They’re also very into discourse and have strong opinions that sometimes clash with mine in significant ways but we’re still friends and know where the other person comes from and that we’re not bad people for opinions the other disagree with.

Relationships like this happen and the more you learn to find them, the more you will realize that people are better than they look in big groups on the internet. But you also gotta know when to keep distance. I believe that every person has types of people who are good for them to be close to and people who are bad for them to be close to, even outside of a political context, just by the way different characters and even lives can interact. And learning what kind of people are good for you to be around is a skill. You have to experiment and learn how you do relationships. People you really like can be bad for you and you have to learn that, too. That sometimes it’s better to keep someone at an arms length despite really hitting it off. This applies to discourse as well. It’s a very fundamental part of how to build relationships in your life, but discourse adds another layer to it. Though I have found that personally people who are unnecessarily aggressive about discourse also don’t mesh with me as people to where I can let them get close without hurting myself in the process.

Irl it’s similar but also different. Generally it’s more difficult and scary to screen people irl and test out where they stand. You have to wait for opportunities a lot more, you have to spend more time on it. You have to deal with the fact that irl people know your real identity and are in your real life. But at the same time people irl act a lot more like people. They’re a lot less discourse poisoned. What you gotta keep in mind is that, yes they’re real and know your real identity and are in the meatspace with you, but all of that also goes the other way round. The needless aggression that permeates online spaces is partially a result of people not recognizing people they argue with as real people the same way. A person talking to your face irl will be constantly aware that everything they do and say affects a real person. And they will be aware that you are a human being, no matter what your views sound like to them if you present them in a text box on a screen. So it’s a trade off. I think it’s good for the personal wellbeing to talk to people irl to get a reality check on how far removed from the average person and the real world a lot of these discourses are. (Which is both a good and a bad thing by itself, but knowing specifically where irl people usually stand is definitely good to keep in mind.)

And also how much more lenient people are in irl, and how much more okay with disagreements. Especially if they know you as a person first. Somebody who has been your friend for years in real life will not react to an opinion they find objectionable the same way as someone who knows you fleetingly, be that online, or offline. But again… the stakes are higher, so you have to go really slow about it. And really try to read the other person and see how they respond when you screen them. Unfortunately your life situation plays a lot into your ability to find cool people and ads a big luck component to it. I have been very lucky in my life by having good people around me, but I recognize that not everyone has been born into a life that in that particular regard has been as good as mine. BUT. Idk if you’re an adult, but if you’re not I can tell you that once you leave school and gain more agency over your own life, more of a choice of who to associate with it becomes significantly easier and significantly more in your own control to chose who to associate with. And the more self reliant you become, the more that increases.

Lastly… It’s difficult to talk about some of these things in a format that is both anonymous and semi public. And idk if you know who I am, who I used to be on here, or on twitter, or still am elsewhere. Idk if you came here because you know who I am, or if you just found my tumblr and thought I seemed nice enough to not tear your head off. But if you dm me we can talk more in depth and I can possibly point you to some people and/or spaces to get an easier start. And in case it’s not clear, I promise that you can be as open as you want, I have heard some really wild stuff in my life and unless you’re gonna drop in my dm’s like “I murdered a person in the pale moonlight and I wanna do it again” I can tell you with certainty that you don’t have to worry about anything being too much for me. That is not hyperbole btw, that is actually what it would take to be the wildest stuff someone ever told me.

[interestray]

it’s always a good moment when I see a critical role episode with so many things happening that my adhd can’t help but develop a mind of its own, so now that my hyper-fixations have stopped beating the shit out of me theres a couple things I wanna bring up most of it theory stuff and the rest personal things. btw its a long post be warned.

SPOILER ALERT- I’m talking about ep 117 of critical role and its a doozy.

 I’ve doing my recent posts in a different format and I’m liking it so I’m gonna use it here. btw I gonna mention some ship stuff I want to make clear I have no hate for any ships mentioned but unless I say I like the ship just assume I’m indifferent.

1. I gonna say I called it because even if I’m wrong about about future stuff I was right that it’s not just Lucien in that body, even if Lucien is completely right about molly as the group knew him is gone forever Molly (which I don’t believe at all) is still a fragment of lucien’s soul. now past that I do think molly as a conscious being is still in there and trying to connect with his friends. why? because theres this weird disconnect with how lucien acts communicating with the m9 from a far vs in person, in person it seems like he had his guard way up but when they scry or message him the barrier is lowered a bit I think when his guard isn’t up Molly bleeds into his actions and mind more. I personally see Lucien at being 130% whole because Molly grew into his own thing.

2. regarding my predictions for this episode I’m gonna give myself 2 points (with 1 of the points being made up of half points) I was hoping for flirting and I think we definitely got some version of flirting between Lucien and Caleb so I get a half point for that, not gonna lie I was a little freaked out (in a good way) how fast Lucien zeroed in on Caleb, I hope if things don’t go pear shaped we get to see those two interact more.

3. Personal thing I really wanted to smack Fjord and Veth for most of the episode like they both had moments of being rational (fjord more so) but for the most part i just want to slap them.

4. it was kind of hilarious to see how freaked out Lucien was of the m9, like there was a little of the bad kind of freaked out feeling I think it was mostly like how Ludinus felt meeting Jester. like poor Lucien he’s just doing his thing and suddenly this group of puppies imprints on him and follows him around poor guy. Seems like Lucien has so distrust towards the tomb takers with the whole ‘we are one’ thing, it seemed to be a recent development. I’ve seen people talk about whether the tomb takers/Cree will backstab Lucien I think it’s possible.

5. I think some members of the m9 have realized Caleb’s not doing ok, most likely from the corpse scene and him talking over Beau (bad caleb bad). what they do with this info is gonna be interesting I personally think Cad should talk with him in private maybe have yasha there as well (also hugs please someone hug the sad wizard man him and Yasha both need it).

6. personal thing I don’t understand jester x Fjord as a possible canon ship at this point in the story like i got it in early campaign but I think they’ve both grown and changed to the point where a relationship between the two would end quickly after starting (whether in tears or not). the only times I like seeing their romantic interactions is when Laura and Travis bleed through and at that point its nots really jester and fjord. again no hate you do you I just don’t understand the appeal.

7. I’ve not watched campaign 1 for a few reasons yet but I’ve done research on some of the bigger events one of which was Percy’s resurrection where Taliesin watched how everyone was acting to decide whether to come back or not. I think Cad’s whole talk about what the rest of the m9′s goals towards Molly/Lucien is first Taliesin’s way of deciding whether Molly will be a npc after this arc or if he picks up playing him again (this all of course depending on whether the m9′s stupid actions don’t get Lucien killed), second I think this is Cad’s way of deciding whether his “debt” is payed and if it’s time for him to leave. To be clear I don’t think this was the final decision I think it was the first step to see whether anyone could say they want their friend back and we had two (almost 3) say yeah they do so I think it was a good start.

8. I can totally see Lucien kidnapping some of the m9. this sounds weird but stick with me, it looks like the tomb takers as a whole have a few important spots missing in their mission like they (probably) have a blood cleric in Cree the goliath and halfing seems more strength based I’m not sure about the human and Lucien is filling spot of a little bit of everything. Lucien has already pointed out Caleb as being curious and smart so I think out of the party is Lucien steals any of them it will be Caleb, if not Caleb tho I think Yasha could also be one that gets his attention (especially if Lucien ever sees them fight) I don’t he would kidnap anyone unprompted but if they go through with their stupid plan I’m sure he’ll want payback.

9. I get a full point for crying at both the Yasha clover scene and Molly’s card about Caleb. 

10. So my best friend is also a fan of critical role but he always works Thursday’s so he’s behind on actively watching the shows, but I can watch them so I take notes of all the funny, interesting, and weird shit that happens then I call when he gets off work to tell him everything that happened then we talk about what we think will happen next. why does this matter? because before the molly reveal when we first heard about them going to aore (I don’t know how to spell the ruin place) I said I had a feeling Essek would probably show up and run into the m9. well I was right so i’m supper happy, hearing floaty bois voice was awesome I hope Essek and Lucien meet at some point (hopefully not while trying to kill each other that would be sad).

11. Caleb’s eighth floor is so interesting like I hope we get to see all the rooms at some point, I think the room we saw this episode was his room at the asylum (mostly from it’s disarray and how drab it was) as for who he was talking to? I’ve seen a lot of people says its Essek or Astrid (I can smell the incoming discourse) I think it’s neither, it’s probably the simplest answer himself or more specificly Bren. I think he was talking to the Bren that spent years in that bed and chair wasting away.

12. wtf do you mean the big snow worm has a double reason for hunting the party Matt?! (I have no clue what that means).

13. the m9′s decision to try and get to A2 before Lucien and take whatever is there is such a shit idea, why did he kill Vess because she was a traitor she betrayed him what are they m9 about to do betray him even after the warning about straying from the path (which btw I think was molly warning them). If they actually go through with this plan I hope Cad is right on Lucien getting amused at them instead of fucking pissed. good news is that even if they get there before Lucien they could still salvage the thing with Lucien by saying they wanted unbiased answers. I get they’re grieving and in a bunch of pain but use the common sense I know you have and learn more about whats happening before fucking it all up. (also I get half a point from Lucien kicking Vess’s body)

14. I will say I mostly loved this episode (except for the ending) but them talking about possibly scattering Lucien to get Molly back no matter how brief did unsettle me a lot. no matter my feelings about Molly this is Lucien’s body when he was scattered molly did have the right to the body so I don't think any of his actions were wrong or bad but now that Lucien is whole again his bodily autonomy should not be violated just for a unsure chance Molly would come back. As it is Lucien seemed already uneasy and annoyed with stuff molly did (ex-tattoos).

15. I originally wasn’t gonna put this point but I think I should. when Taliesin said “he thought they would be on the other side of this” I think most people thought it was in reference to how it seems like Lucien is evil (I still don’t think he is) but what if he meant Molly’s arc. think of it wouldn’t it make sense for Molly’s arc to focus on his past coming back to meet him what if they always intended for Lucien to become whole again and it was suppose to be Lucien’s thoughts/feelings bleeding into molly’s. but Molly died so instead we’re getting the inverse Lucien has to come to terms with his past as Molly and the people Molly left behind coming into his life. I think it would be a good arc him learning that you can’t run from or ignore the past no matter how much you want to it can and will come bite you in the ass. would also make sense why Lucien and Molly both have that attitude towards their pasts (you know other than being pieces of the same person). 

[svpervixen]

I’m sorry this shit is happening to you. It hurts my heart to see.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out if anyone he associated with, someone he left scorn, or someone just trying to troll him 24/7 for the past 10 years has been behind all the harassment that I, you, and the others have received. His life has been chaos from the start so it’s difficult to keep track of everything; every possible “enemy”, every anonymous message, every text from text now, etc. I wish I could give you answers, I wish I could stop it. All I’ve been able to figure out without doubt thus far is that the only constant in all of this bullshit is him, and that he has pulled several sneaky tricks on others, as well as crafted some pretty huge lies that he had no issue doing whatever it took to make those he claims to love and respect believe them. I’ve seen it myself when I was with him, and literally every single other ex of his who agreed to talk with me, or reached out to me last year, have described painfully similar things. Im not saying he trashed your car, I’m just, thinking what you are, to an extent, I’m sure; someone involved in relationship drama was behind it. Right? As long as he’s in your life, drama will follow you. Whether or not he’s directly behind any specific random act, it doesn’t matter; drama will follow, and will end up effecting you much more than it will effect him. As long as he’s not owning up to how he’s spent the last 10 years of his life, as long as he still calls me crazy and a liar, as long as he’s still shifting blame, he’s not changing. And in the face of all this harassment, what steps is he taking to protect you? He’s not. He fucking aired out sexually explicit, harassing messages directed towards you to his followers, empowering the person who sent them, for what? To have a handful of randos DM him for pity and an ego boost? Ok. He’s not ready for a relationship, and you’re not ready for him, or all of his baggage. That’s not suggesting anything about you; no one is ready for him.

I know you’ve been conditioned to believe my merit is shit and that I’m an awful person, but if there’s one thing I could wish for in this situation (perhaps besides him finally taking accountability or you getting away from him), it would be that you would hear me. It wasn’t just me. I’m just the only one still talking about it publicly. I’m not doing this for fun. I’d much rather focus on my art, my family, and societal issues right now, but my conscious won’t let me walk away. Not because I’m bitter, not because I want to see him “go down”, but because I’m scared for you. A frightening amount of people keep telling me to walk away and let you learn on your own, but what fucking cost to you would that be??? I developed grey hairs, a year-and-a-half long addiction to alcohol, and Crohn’s disease because of the level of stress and trauma I endured by his hands, and through his influence. I almost killed myself because of him, and when I finally got away, so much internal damage had been done that I almost died from the lack of oxygen in my blood. Trust me, I’m not doing this for fun. I won’t go away because I’m terrified of anything like this happening to you. Every survivor I’ve talked to is terrified for you.

With that being said, should you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’m not your enemy here. I’m not trying to do anything besides arm you with the facts that I was deliberately deprived of by him, while I naively chose to believe in his chessboard of a life over my gut. I know I’ve acted bitchy before and I’m sorry for that, it’s just... this shit drives me up the wall, the way he continues to manipulate people and demonize his victims. I’ve seen it take form in the discourse we’ve had and I guess all I can say is if you were me, you’d understand. I just.. really don’t want you to be another me in regards to his life. You deserve better.

[freckliedan]

(for context, i made a post asking if this anon would b comfy telling me if she was a part of the lgbt community because i would be able to answer more quickly & with more nuance if i knew! my response would’ve been very different for the first ask if it had come from a cis/het person)

hi b!!!!!!!! ty so much for sending me this ask! this is a conversation i’ve had with friends a number of times & i think it’s really good to talk about so i’m really glad to have the chance to talk about it on my blog!

(under the cut because this got long)

i really feel you on this entire situation, tbh- i really hate to assume people’s sexualities, especially people who i don't actually know, bc doing that enforces gender roles & stereotypes so much of the time. especially when it's straight people doing the assuming? like, straight people talking about having good "gaydar" for me feels like them talking about being good at stereotyping people based on mannerisms etc and it makes me so fucking uncomfortable!

i'm 100% of the opinion that unless someone has the agency in telling people they're lgbt (like, they get to come out on their own terms, or they're so comfortably out that you'd maybe hear them referred to with pronouns besides he/she or hear about a same-gender partner when hearing about them in conversation)? nobody should be making a definitive assumption or trying to find proof or support of any perspective on their sexuality. people should get to be as closeted or as out as they're comfortable being, bc more than anything all lgbt people deserve to feel safe.

that said? i feel like lgbt ppl have actual "gaydar" but that it's not the same thing straight people say "gaydar" is. i think that for lgbt people, it has as much to do with being able to identify homophobic or transphobic straight or cis people (bc there are transphobic lgb folx, why do people. DO that) and being able to identify what straight/cis people are safe to be around as it does being able to find other lgbt people. it's more of a survival mechanism than a way of identifying people who are different, the way it functions for straight people.

so like? idk. over the past few years my concept of whether it's okay to speculate about a celebrity's sexuality has shifted a little? when i was in high school & recently out of it, i was more firmly against the idea that someone could tell if xyz celebrity wasn't straight, and super firmly believed that the only way you could know was if they said as much in words.

so what changed?

i experienced the world more, and i've learned so much about the lgbt community and about myself.

one of the big turning points for me was kristen stewart; i was never a super huge fan of hers, but i saw posts fairly often speculating that she and alicia cargile were together. not posts by like, news outlets or anything, posts by other wlw who were saying 'i see the way that kstew is dressing and acting and what she & alicia cargile are sharing of their relationship with the public and news articles keep calling them live-in gal-pals etc but that's exactly how i dress and behave and how my relationship with my girlfriend looks and how people treat our relationship when they're refusing to acknowledge the fact that we're lgbt."

also at the time i started seeing a lot of posts that were saying that the speculation was shitty, and for a hot minute i felt awful for seeing and reblogging posts & hoping/believing that they were girlfriends. the next wave of discourse tho was about how it was okay to speculate and hope if you were just an individual who was also lgbt, and how it was only shitty when it was invasive paparazzi and tabloids who had a platform that could actually disrupt her life and put pressure on her to come out. it was about power; one lesbian or bi or pan girl who was hoping a celebrity they looked up to was like them vs a business that doesn't have any investment in this besides to gain money/readership off of a celebrity's potential identity that had every right to keep their silence and privacy? it's two entirely different things.

i also went back to college in 2016, and realized that like. yeah it's shitty when straight people stereotype and assume things about people, but a lot of lgbt people don't want to be perceived as straight and intentionally dress and behave in ways that signal the fact that the're lgbt. i'm not a scholar on any of this; this is all from my lived experience. but i think it might be called flagging? i've seen the word a few times & just googled it & it seems right, even though i haven't read any of the articles for sure.

essentially it's a way of signaling to other lgbt people "hey i'm here and i'm also lgbt" without really having to disclose that info to all the straight people around you as well. and like, heteronormativity is a hell of a drug, you know? a lot of straight people are almost unwilling to pick up on the signals that someone's lgbt.

an example i can think of is like, lgbt people using non-gendered terms to refer to their significant other or any exes around straight people; it's not lying, and it leaves the opportunity for any other lgbt people present to maybe connect with the person who's doing the pronouns dance at a later point in time in a one on one setting.

another example would be like, butch and gender nonconforming wlw making their identity clear in the way they dress and behave? the song ring of keys from the musical fun home is about a young girl seeing a butch lesbian for the first time and going !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even without having the words. it's lgbt people broadcasting their identity for other lgbt people, not for straight people. it doesn't get seen or talked about as much because of that, but that doesn't make it any less real.

so how does this relate back to dnp?

i'm firmly of the opinion that the're like, doing this. they're living their lives without the complete self-censorship they used to have and because of that openness a lot of lgbt ppl see them, we see the ways in which dan and phil are quietly sharing the fact that they're not straight with us, and i think it's okay to accept that for what it is.

like? i genuinely am willing to argue that dan came out in his diss track. you look at that, and you look at him talk about labels in a liveshow (this video genuinely helped me a lot while i was going through the process of finding the right labels for myself) and you look at all of trying to live my truth or the fact that in dan's rebranding video part of the old branding that was going up in flames was gender rolls (i still have a screenshot of that on my phone). it's also in the countless ways he alludes to being attracted to men, and the ways he rejects a lot of the tenants of masculinity that society prescribes in the ways he dresses and presents himself to the world; that's not an inherently lgbt thing to do, but i think it's true that a majority of lgbt ppl experience gender more consciously than straight people do.​

i'm not going to lie and say i'm aware of as many specific details in regards to phil that indicate his sexuality-i do know less off the top of my head, but not because i don't love phil, just because dan means more to me personally in regards to my queerness and the ways i navigate my identities. phil also tends to share way less of himself with the internet than dan does? like, we know a lot of specifics about who dan is and who dan has been but despite knowing a lot of fluff about phil, we know less substantial information and that's super fucking valid and i love his double aquarius sagittarius rising enigmatic ass exactly as is. and i know i have things in my he likes boys tag about both of them, including (i think) at least one masterpost about phil.

which like, doesn't even bring us to the fact that i'm so sure they're together, too? it's not even like. things like the vd*y v*d, though that was still findable on tumblr when i joined the phandom in 2012.

i'm sure because i can look at dan and phil in the present, and the ways in which they function in eachother's lives, and the things they've said about their future together-the concept of a forever home, of getting a dog together,  the way that when either of them talks about a very old version of themself they talk about having kids & when you combine that with the idea of a forever home you kind of are left with only one implication- i look at all of those things and the ways they compare to my life, as a queer person in a long term committed relationship. and i know. i’m sure about them.

and i could go on. the thing that really gets me is how dan and phil, by all intents and purposes, hit all three sides of sternberg's triangle in his triangular theory of love; they've got the commitment of a shared life and they've talked about their shared future, they've got the intimacy of knowing and supporting each other for nine years and the close knowledge they have of each other is so great in volume that it's been the focus of what, two videos (the friendship test ones) and (spoilers, minorly) a section of ii? and in the way they look at each other, and in a lot of implications we've picked up on over the years, the passion is there, too.

they've fuckin got that good good consummate love, babeY.

they also constantly answer all of each other's bids, as per gottman's research/theories on successful relationships. i'm not gonna get too far into that, but it's what my like a sunflower tag is for.

and gosh, i've gotten rather off topic again. my apologies, b.

i guess the point is that like. as a queer person in a long term relationship, it's really easy for me to look at dan and phil and be sure that they're together. and i don't feel bad, anymore, thinking about that and speculating about it; i think it's ok for lgbt individuals to hope that the people they look up to are like them, and to talk about that hope.

and it would be nice, if dan and phil came out someday. stressful because of the fan reaction, i'm expecting a full meltdown if/when it happens (i'm leaning towards when, i think they want to get married someday).

but for me, i'm already sure. they've already given us so much and they don't owe us anything, we aren't entitled to them disclosing their identities, but i think they've already told us in subtle ways, a hundred times over. so my conscience is clear and my heart is sure, b. i hope yours can be too.