#the one academic book i won't talk about was a required reading that took me a year to finish i'll not elaborate further

[khaleesiofalicante]

Some time ago someone sent an ask talking about how much they admire Magnus’ strength in tlnd for being able to finally remove himself from toxic environments and knowing his limits.

I’ve been think about that since i read tlnd for the first (of many) time.

It must’ve hurt so bad and I can’t help but envy Magnus for being able to do that…

Just over a year ago I met someone who came to mean SO much to me in such short time. We got too close too quickly and I truly care about her from the bottom of my heart. She isn’t a saint or an angel or some incredibly good person but I loved her so much. The thing is that we aren’t good for each other. We both knew our relationship would end up hurting us both but we still continued. Keep in mind we never dated… we weren’t even “talking” we were just friends but it always felt like there was something more between us (at least to me).

We had an argument. It was a simple disagreement but she took it too far because she thought that’s what I was doing as well. I told her we’re done. She was sad. I felt confused… i wasn’t sad but I wasn’t particularly happy. After about one week of no contact I sent her a note asking if she’d tell me what’s on the test (she had it on that day and I had it the day after). She said she would in exchange of being friends again and that was that. When she told me the stuff she was nice about it but I couldn’t help but be bitter. She had told everyone and was openly bitter while I had to keep it all to myself. That made her mad. Tonight we’re going to talk and I think I need to fully breakup with her for good.

We arent good for each other. She is hurting me in more than one way and I can’t let her get in the way of my academic success. I’m tired. She got so many unnecessary people involved and never listens. I know I’d be doing the right thing but I’m so fucking scared. We have a lot of mutual friends (that she has been bad mouthing me to) and I don’t wanna lose all of them. As hard as that is to admit, I don’t wanna be alone at school. It’s scary. I can’t believe I ever loved her. She totally led me on.

Wanting to explain our entire relationship will be way too long (and painful) but I don’t know if I should do it. Just because I know it’s the right thing for me doesn’t make it any easier to do. I don’t want to go back to being friends and pretending like nothing happened. I was open to doing that because I thought she was getting close to crossing a line but I think she has already crossed it.

Oh my love. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Getting your heart and trust broken by someone you loved dearly is literally the worst thing ever. I'm sending you a lot of love.

I'm so happy (and so fucking proud) to see you so self-aware. This kind of self-awareness often comes from trauma and pain. But if you are learning how to be and do better from books (from Magnus!) and from the world around you, that's amazing. Good for you.

It's never easy to walk away from something. Whether it's good or bad. Walking away requires strength. Walking away from something you want to hold onto requires even more strength.

I won't lie to you and say it's gonna feel better. You know it won't. It's bullshit. But we do it not because it will make us feel better but because we don't have to regret it in the future.

I know you are scared of losing your friends and your social circle. I hope they will go easy and will be empathetic. You absolutely don't have to say the 'whole story' or 'explain yourself' to retain your friends. If these friends choose someone who likes to badmouth, then that's their choice.

PS - telling someone 'i will help you if you will give me what i want' is a big red flag. bad mouthing and shit talking someone the moment they set up boundaries and call out your bullshit is even a bigger red flag. I'm glad you can see through it.

i hope the talk goes well. i'm here if you want to rant or scream or cry x

[onceuponastarryeye]

books i read in 2021 (a growing list)

beachcomber - karen robards (3/5)

vicious - v.e. schwab (5/5)

the silent patient - alex michaelidis (5/5)

caraval - stephanie garber (3/5)

legendary - stephanie garber (4/5)

red river - amy lloyd (3/5)

verity - colleen hoover (5/5)

the invisible life of addie larue - v.e. schwab (5/5)

six of crows - leigh bardugo (5/5)

crooked kingdom - leigh bardugo (5/5)

close to home - cara hunter (4/5)

dead man's folly - agatha christie (5/5)

shadow and bone - leigh bardugo (4.5/5)

seige and storm - leigh bardugo (4.5/5)

the one academic book i won't talk about.

ruin and rising - leigh bardugo (5/5)

the handmaids tale - margaret artwood (3.5/5)

the hunting party - lucy foley (3.5/5)

king of scars - leigh bardugo (5/5)

rule of wolves - leigh bardugo (5/5)

the monogram murders - sophie hannah (5/5) rr

the spanish love deception - elena armas (5/5)

you are my glory - gu man (5/5)

shatter me - tahereh mafi (4/5)

destroy me - tahereh mafi (5/5)

the winter garden - kristin hannah (5/5) rr

unravel me - tahereh mafi (4/5)

fracture me - tahereh mafi (3/5)

ignite me - tahereh mafi (5/5)

beach read - emily henry (4/5)

restore me - tahereh mafi (4.5/5)

shadow me - tahereh mafi (5/5)

defy me - tahereh mafi (5/5)

reveal me - tahereh mafi (4.5/5)

imagine me - tahereh mafi (4/5)

romeo and juliet - william shakespeare (3/5)

northanger abbey - jane austen (5/5)

the cheat sheet - sarah adams (2/5)

persuasion - jane austen (10/5)

kulti - mariana zapata (5/5)

untold night and day - bae suah (3.5/5)

the love hypotesis - ali hazelwood (5/5)

the other people - cj tudor (3.5/5)

the ex hex - erin sterling (3.5/5)

emma - jane austen (4.5/5)

one of us is lying - karen mcmanus (5/5)

the atlas six - olivie blake (4/5)

belive me - tahereh mafi (5/5)

pride and prejudice - jane austen (5/5)

one of us is next - karen mcmanus (3.75/5)

to love jason thorn - ella maise (4/5)

sense and sensibility - jane austen (4.5/5)

finale - stephanie garber (4/5)

murder on the orient express - agatha christie (5/5)

the wrath & the dawn - renée ahdieh (4.5/5)

the rose & the dagger - renée ahdieh (4/5)

jane eyre - charlotte brontë (3.75/5)

love and friendship - jane austen (4/5)

the fine print - lauren asher (4/5)

the cheerleaders - kara thomas (4.5/5)