#the notion of his su*cide a few months ago is so often on my mind
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#trigger warning: su*cide#i often think of this guy i didn't know that well but in 2014 or 15 we used to both be in group in which we commented GOT episodes#i saw him in real life a couple of times#he was a party animal very funny very sociable#i was young and thought he was very cool and back in the day i thought cool people were 'better' than the boring people i knew back at home#like they will also be better off in life because they were smart and fun and they will face problems as they come with a 'fuck it' attitud#the notion of his su*cide a few months ago is so often on my mind#of course it's a tragedy that this young man did this. but also i didn't know him that well. but also he represented something for me#but he never knew that. he never knew that to me he was a symbol of an attitude which was aspirational to me#and the bitter afterthought: if he can't face this life's hardships who can?#the notion that somebody who was so alive and so full of life and had such a full social life had so many friends threw so many parties#dead at 30#it's months i think about him since that happened. sometimes i look at his old pics on flickr.#i didn't know him well but the thought of him brings me to tears#we have never been friends we just used to put bets on GoT episodes when it was still a thing and we met at a few parties when I was a teen
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