#the nhw has harmed me once more

[suckinitup]

ir read thsi earlier and i keep trying to reread to respond but theyre. theyre so. waauaghg. whgagahgah. gbg.

Hi here to ask nhw quastion again :3 ik ashe and the wards have Problems once ashe gets detrickstered because theyre all triggering each other and dying horribly and messily and its miserable but ! microphone emoji. do you have thoughts about how that would work specifically between virion and ashe

- @suckinitup

(also ik i havent rbed the other thing yet so yee the suck tag works for now akdhskdh i am Between Internet Names atm. and ofc i chose a url thats hard to nickname 😔)

HI!! GOD. YEAH MAN. YEAH I FUCKING DO. literally their dynamic post trickster is something i think about so much. awesome question to ask me. augh. okay. bullet pointing this for now bcos i'm on my phone....

>post-muse ashe & virion have a shared understanding of both.... enacting & witnessing close violence? in a way that nobody else really does. dakota and wibby have been through some fucked up shit!!! they have seen and been victim of and done some incredibly awful things. of course they have. they still don't understand it on as personal a level as virion does-- virion, hiding and watching his family die one by one, virion, killing capes with their own powers. (whenever i think abt virion's stint as a vigilante i think abt taylor saying it's more personal to kill a cape with her power than with a gun. perhaps it's even more personal to kill a cape with their own powers.) the intimacy of violence & the feeling of being nothing except a vessel for it & not being really sure who or what you even are anymore is something that. ashe struggles so much with, & virion Gets. he isn't, like... sympathetic? they're not wailing and crying and virion isn't pitying him. he's just... easier to talk to, sometimes. he isn't.... loudly emotional. he gets it.

>virion also is very quiet and always moves deliberately and with intention. he is like..... as opposite the trickster as possible, in terms of physicality. this-- ashe is triggered easily. wibby's eternal taut vibrating anxious energy, dakota's quick movements n loudness & such... the body language there is. similar, sometimes. it's bad when he catches it out of the corner of his eye, or feels it behind him. virion is absolutely nothing like the trickster. it's calming just being around him. (well. when you're someone he likes.) & being able to relax that constant tension that ashe still has. leading into:

>ashe doesn't touch his hair for weeks, months, maybe, after he gets back. because of. obvious reasons. (i don't remember if an actual post got made abt it but we came to the conclusion that while the trickster loves styling ashe's hair & playing with it like doll hair he does Not have the commitment or attention span for taking care of long hair. frequently he makes him do that part himself. drops his control every so often & throws him a brush & is like. clean it. ashe getting jerked back to awareness sitting very very very scared and alone and small and brushing dried blood and meat out of his hair & braiding it with shaking fingers knowing that he's only lucid as long as it takes to do this. every time it happens he's in a different place and wearing something different.) so like.... when he gets back. he has a really hard time taking care of his own hair. and also obviously a very hard time letting anyone else touch it. it gets tangled and matted and greasy & he's ashamed of it & can't do anything about it & can't bring himself to cut it off and lose one more thing that brought him joy to the trickster. it's virion who eventually helps him with it. it takes so long-- both of them sitting fully dressed in the shower for hours, ashe trying so hard not to shake apart virion going through most of a bottle of conditioner to carefully tease the knots out. virion who doesn't like talking a lot and is always quiet trying to keep up a soft running one-sided conversation the whole time so ashe knows who's behind him. (they tried mirrors and mirrors didn't go well. the trickster had a lot of mirrors.) u know. it doesn't get done in a day or even a couple weeks & sometimes virion accidentally brushes the shell of an ear or the base of his neck in a way that sets off bad sensory memory & they have to take a panicking badly break.

>re: their Problems specifically. another reason why they click like this post-muse is because. virion isn't worried about him hurting him. he and ashe are on a level playing field, when it comes to powers. like, obviously he doesn't. think. anything would happen. & ashe absolutely refuses to use his power anyway. but there's an equality there that lets ashe breathe a little easier too. and muse never hurt imprint the way that he did will or dakota. so virion's hangups when it comes to ashe are 1. he fucking Looks Like Muse. even though his body language is different and he looks like a different person with his hair back down in loose black layers & he doesn't have those orange threads around him. virion sol most paranoid guy alive. he tenses seeing him out of the corner of his eye sometimes & wakes up to see the silver mess of his hair spilling out from under the covers (u know ashe sleeps 100% under the blankets. how is he breathing under there.) & has to breath slowly for a couple minutes and watch the rise and fall of the ashe blanket lump's breath and run through every scenario in which this is muse under the comforter and not ashe and why and how it's incredibly unlikely that this would be muse etc. 2. he is afraid that. ashe/muse will hurt william and dakota. it's irrational. he's spent the past year afraid that muse will hurt william and dakota. he's paralyzed sometimes because he thinks if i leave the room and i leave will and ashe alone in there i'll come back and he'll be dead. & then also especially in the first couple months back there were. a handful of instances when virion was startled and caught off guard and ashe is up against the wall with an arm across his throat or caught in a lock before either of them realize. & it is bad for Both of them because holy shit ashe is panicking and frozen and not breathing at being manhandled like that and he's going to blame himself for this so badly in an hour because obviously it's his fault and he should have known better and of course he's a threat to them. & of course virion has to drop the grip and run away and lock himself in the bathroom out of horror because holy shit he almost just hurt ashe he almost just killed him. he would have killed him. (he wouldn't have.) he hurt him.etc etc. etc.

>ashe knows how v thinks abt him sometimes & understands it & it doesn't make him feel Very miserable because he does get it.but it makes him a little miserable sometimes. but virion's still the one who bumps their hands together so he can copy his power and float the remote over. before the trickster, ashe used to play games on his switch on the couch & virion would sit on the couch back and watch him (v hasn't really played games since his trigger event. all the ones he used to like are covered in the Ooze now.) & it would be their weird quiet bonding thing. and now virion's the one who sits near ashe on the couch and starts up animal crossing & ashe watches him play. (it takes a while for him to get his fine motor control back. he's shaky.)

>givingthis one its own bullet point because it's important post-muse ashe has a really fucking big mental block w/ using his power. he's terrified to he refuses to he Will Not. he doesn't want to hurt anyone again. virion keeps stealing his power & using it for the same shit he always uses (mundane daily little tasks) in a very pointed look. see? it's not inherently evil. it's okay. i'm not feeling threatened by what u can do right now. see? way.

[suckinitup]

I KNOW I LITERALLT ASKED BUT FUCKING. H E Y !!!!!

"who's mark. my son calls me mark but he's not fucking here right now is he" <<<<<<< THIS DEMOLSIHED ME. MY SON CALLS ME MARK..... ITS NOT EVEN LAYERS OF WAVELENGTH < MARK < DAD. MARK AND DAD ARE THE SAME. HES NOT A VILLAIN HES JUST A DAD. weak little thumbs up.

ALSO. MARK TALKING TO MUSE LIKE HE DID WITH ASHES BREAKER STATE. AND IT WORKING??? IT FHCKINF WORKED?????? dude my eyes actually teared up thats EVIL. that's FUCKED UP. apologizing for losing the fucking jacket oh my god that's. :( thanks for this thanks for all of this every new paragraph was another stake thru my fucking heart

AND THE ART. I ALMSOT FORGOT ABOUT THE ART BUT I ACROLLED BACN UP AND SAW IR AGAIN AND GRINNED!!!!! ohhhhhhhh dude the expression you gave him 😍😍😍 mark winters content little smile two million dead one billion injured!!!!!!!!!

hii mac hi hi hi. I'm here to ask. About mark winters nhw edition. How the Fuck is he doing after ashe gets mused. Does he track the news. Does he think about overlord and having shit forcefully done to his body via evil lizard science and does he think about the trickster and ashe's clothing and piercings and his whole body language changing. Does mark Not Think about the blood staining both of them but Jesus fucking Christ at least overlord never told him to eat a guy at least he *could* say no when asked to hurt a baby. I don't fjcking remember how long the chatacter limit for asks are but mark winters who went to inane (wave)lengths to try to protect his kid waking up and learning the fucking. Events that lead up to ashe disappearing. It's bad enough in canon that mark was in the same room but God im thinking about about the next time he sees ashe and it takes a second for him to even recognize him under all that glitz and pizazz. anyway sorry yeah 🎤 what's your thoughts about mark winters during the muse period

- @suckinitup

GODDDD SUCK YOU HAVE WONDERFUL TIMING I literally justttt finished sketching him for my halloween art... here u can have a preview Just For You because I rlly rlly like how his face turned out . also putting all of this under a cut because holyyyyy shit I love to talk about this guy

<< this is NOT nhw mark but like. still counts. hes wearing a costume <3

anyway. hello. spins around ominously in my big tall villain chair and puts my hands on the table. beloved mutual suckinitup. you have asked me a wonderful question :)

BAD. THE ANSWER IS BAD. HES DOING BAD. HES DOING REALLY BAD !!!!!!!!!!!

<< i dont think tide would text him but if he did it would look like this.

he wakes up from overlord mutations not knowing how to use half his body and his vision and balance are all fucked up but that doesnt fucking matter because ashe is missing! and he doesnt have to worry about overlord anymore apparently because hes been turned to soup! by ashe! hes doing BAD man! hes worried and hes paranoid and hes fucking scared and hes mad at basically everything (at ashe for leaving, at the wards for taking him in, at tide for not protecting them, at HIMSELF for not protecting him, at overlord for the everything, at the simurgh for causing all of this in the first place!) and. literally the only other person he has in the entire world killed a guy badly and went missing so mark does not have a need to go around in civilian clothes anymore. hes not mark right now hes wavelength. whos mark. my son calls me mark and hes not fucking here right now is he. he OBVIOUSLY does not work with the wards in trying to find ashe, but i think they try to talk to him. because they feel bad, because theyre scared too, because they want his help. he doesnt listen to them.

aaand then they get the note from trickster and they actually see ashe and they see trickster use his powers and take him back to Amity and i think theyre just too... overwhelmed and angry and scared and worried to even think about mark, whose last interaction with them was telling them to fuck off because they nearly got his son killed. so they dont tell him. so he doesnt know until he sees the news, probably like. maybe a week or two after the wards find out (trickster needs time to practice using his powers :) and find him silly little outfits :)

uhhhhh. yeah. fuck. undecided WHERE mark is when he sees the news, i think it would be awful if he was just. like. u know how in movies or cartoons sometimes someone will be walking by a store window thats just full of tvs all on some dramatically appropriate news channel. maybe its like that. and the worst part is i dont think he recognizes ashe at first. like. as much as muse Does Not cover his face and his identity is PLAINLY in the open... i think theres juuuust enough of an uncanny difference with the hair and the outfit and the makeup that if youre not looking closely its easy to miss who he is. because hes SO MUCH not like ashe. (and i think the fact that he didnt recognize him immediately also eats away at mark. how could you not recognize your own son idiot!) but like. as soon as the pieces click and he realizes it like.... oh he has to fucking break down. i think he just like. freezes eyes glued to the screen watching ashe rip apart a city block with his powers and laughing about it, but then he kind of snaps out of it and is just so fucking overwhelmed with rage and grief and a billion other emotions that he smashes the fucking tv. just puts a fist straight through it. hes lucky he cant really be electrocuted. and then he IMMEDIATELY regrets that because now he needs to find a different place to see the news because he Cant Not Know whats happening.

this whole time btw there is this huuuuuge overwhelming looming fear of the confirmation that THIS is the thing simurgh marked them for. he thought it was the overlord thing but this is So Much Worse. (this is. not true. simurgh didnt actually mark either of them for anything. he doesnt know that though). so in marks head it all comes crashing down like. oh god oh fuck everything ive done our whole lives meant absolutely fucking nothing because it all happened anyway. and i think he should feel awful about that. he kept ashe literally locked away for his whole life for nothing. but at the same time theres a tiny part of his mind that just wants to go I TOLD YOU SO because the Moment he let ashe go even a little bit. this happens. hes very conflicted about this.

anyway yeah he obsessively tracks the news every time there is a new muse sighting he goes there but hes not Fast Enough a lot of the time (because hes stubborn and wont ask for help) so a lot of the time he just has to sit there in the wreckage and realize that his boy is the one that did that (except its Not his boy. i dont know if he knows that yet though)

speaking of which. man i gotta talk to ros about this. how the hell does mark figure out whos controlling ashe. i mean. like. he KNOWS that thats Not Ashe ever since the beginning. bc his kid wouldnt do that or dress like that or talk like that or laugh like that. but when does he actually figure out its the trickster? i think we need to force him into having a conversation with the wards. i think failsafe should punch him so hard his mask cracks and they should tell him hes being fucking stupid . and then they tell him about the trickster. and mark probably does all this research into amity and the chaos zone and shit. but he Cannot get into amity, especially not by himself. so hes stuck in the cycle of just following the muse news (hehe fun rhyme)

i dont remember if ive ever made a post about this or if it was just in one of mine and ros back and forth in the replies on a post thing. however. i think mark should get to talk to muse once and its a relallylly really really good parallel of when ashe first triggered. beacuse mark Knows this is him in his breaker state and the only thing he knows to do to get ashe out of breaker state is to just. sit there and talk to him until he calms down. so i just have this image of like. muse all fucked up and bloody and emotionless just staring at mark who is. on the opposite side of a roof or an alley or something and he takes off his mask and hes just Talking. about everything about nothing about random shit hes just talking. and the thing is like... it works. a little bit. muse sort of kind of drops out of breaker state just a little, just enough for tricksters hold to slip on him the tiniest bit, and trickster isnt in the immediate vicinity right now so he doesnt notice right away. and suddenly its ashe crying and delirious and hes jsut. apologizing for losing marks jacket. but he doesnt move he doesnt get any closer and when mark runs forward toward him he flinches so hard it snaps him back into breaker state and suddenly hes muse again and mark gets thrown back with. feathers detached from muses costume that suddenly have the density of bricks. and muse is gone. (simurgh parallels here btw . and if tide was here he would see parallels to elle and it would hurt so bad. but tide is busy with the wards so he doesnt see that.)

(i was on the pinterest board earlier so this is the costume insp im imagining him wearing at the time hehe i love simurgh parallels)

[suckinitup]

^ me when mark winters hugs his son

absolutely unrelated to the dreadful little polycule BUT. hey mark was there at deadwood right. like in canon. what do u think post-muse ashe and mark even Look like. i feel like. there's no way they could be normal after that. not that they can in canon but even Less after what ashe knows mark's seen him do. also GOD how does. tidalwave mark coming over to deadwood mark dragging tide with him happen..... one second im still thinking about the dreadful little polycule u know ill always talk ur ear off Abt them!!!

this ask has been cooking in my inbox for WEEKS because thinking about post-muse mark and ashe makes me so fucking sick dude. god. okay. fucking huge ramble about them under the cut

not going to answer the tidalwave thing yet because we NEED 2 discuss what happens to tide instead of depowering him bc that would fucking kill him and we CANNOT kill our dad. i know we mentioned him taking an armsmaster style retirement/thinly veiled house arrest but. thats a conversation for later hehe

ANYWAY. FUCK . POST-MUSE ASHE MY POOR LITTLE BOY. god. this is all going to be hypotheticals and questions honestly. but like. god. thinking abt the scene like. IMMEDIATELY after the trickster lets him go. the trickster lets go of him and ashe just fucking slumps to the ground like a (pun very much intended) puppet with his strings cut. hes not unconscious, hes awake, but the last time he was free and aware he had to watch himself rip william in half! lol! i think that all hits him at once and he just like. falls to his fucking knees!!! and like. mark pov. thats his son his son is free hes had to watch all of this in shock and horror but now ashe is free after so fucking long and all he wants to do is rush forward and hug him (pick him up, bundle him in his arms like he did when ashe first triggered, carry him in the car as they speed out of the quarantine zone hoping nobody is following them-) and i think he gets as far as. falling to his knees next to ashe, but as soon as his hand makes contact i think ashe flinches so hard its almost like the touch hurt him. hes just. staring at his dad with these huge eyes and shallow breaths and hes shaking and crying and its a fucking MESS and mark doesnt know what to DO and the wards are standing in a loose semicircle behind him and ashe does NOT like all of these eyes on him. he knows these are people who love him but he doesnt know ... what the fuck theyre going to think of him. after. all of that.

i think it would be fun (/evil) if for..... a little while after he's free ashe is just CONSTANTLY waiting for the other shoe to drop. he knows trickster has mal now, he believes that was real, and mal can make illusions. so . whats to say this isnt just all. fake. one of these days hes going to wake up covered in blood and gore and new piercings stinging and aching and . ashe winters will just be the empty aftermath of muse again. i cannot IMAGINE a world in which mark would let him out of his sight again... maybe not in the same completely suffocating way he did when ashe was a kid but like. he definitely insists on ashe living with him again. just. theres a sort of nervous hesitance that wasnt there before. mark is so much more Present now that he doesnt have to work for overlord anymore. he's at home. he makes breakfast and dinner and his footsteps are still loud and heavy but theyre cautious and the way he knocks on ashes door is a lot more gentle than it used to be . i just think theyre both like... scared of each other. ashe scared to relax because he thinks that everything could be fake and he doesnt know what anyone really thinks of him anymore (he is so full of shame and guilt over what he did as muse- i dont think anyone would directly Tell Him but i think . he would probably look up the news, just to *know*). and mark is scared because he doesnt know what to do. he doesnt want to make anything worse. he lets the wards and tide visit whenever they want (because he trusts them) because familiar faces and voices might help ashe feel normal again, but hes still. just. so full of paranoia that something else could go wrong.. and all he wants to do is just. put ashe in a vault or something that could keep him safe from anything that could ever hurt him again. but also he knows thats exactly what the trickster was doing to him (and what mark did to him his entire childhood) so he doesnt.

this is . entirely self indulgent and maybe ooc a little bit but i really really REALLY want the first step of them like... healing. is for mark to be doing something maybe in the kitchen or the living room and ashe slowly trudges into the room feet dragging, hair tangled and hanging in his face OBVIOUSLY not touched at all, nervous energy twitchy at everything like he has been for weeks, but instead of sitting himself in the corner or with his back against a wall he just... comes up next to mark and bumps his forehead into his back/arm/whatever. and he doesnt say anything and mark freezes up bc he doesnt want to make any sudden moves and scare him but then after like. a couple long seconds of stillness and silence ashe hugs him. mark asks (voice really quiet) if hes okay, and ashes shakes his head (which is more just like. sideways rocking his forehead without breaking contact) and mark asks if he can hug him back (nod this time) and they just kind of. sink to the floor and theyre crying and hugging and they dont talk about it later but i think thats when it clicks in ashes brain like. huh okay maybe this is real.