#the new people who’ve never seen this god creature before are terrified

[awyanno]

Hanahaki disease but it’s Q!Maximus & his feelings for Q!Forever

[eldritch-essor]

the Christmas Switch

Prompt: Satan gets Christmas letters from kids who misspell Santa’s name. 

It’s one strange day in Hell indeed when someone dares to interrupt Satan’s afternoon nap. 

“Ex-Excuse me, Sir—” Satan cracks a single eye open, studying the postman in front of him who’s somehow managing to simultaneously sweat like a broken water fountain and tremble at the near frequency of an electric toothbrush. Rather understandable, the Devil thinks, considering that the poor man’s standing in Hell, directly within blasting range of the ruler of said land. 

“Yes?”

The postman jumps at his voice, lower than usual from his recent nap and twice as menacing, though Lucifer would probably just dump a cup of water onto him. Trembling even harder, he involuntarily retreats a few steps away. Not like it would help him in any way. 

Satan sighs, rubbing at his temples with a clawed hand to ward off the incoming migraine that’s sure to set in sooner or later. 

“What brings you to my domain?” he asks slowly and clearly, making sure not to move too quickly lest the postman gets a heart attack. 

“I— There’s a— no, I mean—” the man starts, stumbling over his words as he frantically roots through his satchel, spilling several letters in the process. Satan raises a single eyebrow as he watches. The postman finally manages to produce a neatly stacked set of envelopes of varying sizes and colours, and Satan vaguely muses at how miraculous it is that he hasn’t dropped any of the letters into the pond of lava right next to him yet. Clearing his throat, the postman starts again, proffering the stack towards Satan with a hand that’s trembling so hard he’s actually amazed the man hasn’t managed to shake the words right off the paper itself. “I mean to say, you have— your post, S-Sir.”

Satan nearly chokes on his drink. 

Letters? He wonders, internally backtracking. And for me, of all people? It’s only when the postman replies that he realises he said it out loud.

“Yes, Mr. Sa— I mean, sir.” The postman tentatively takes a step forward, eyes honed onto the Devil for any sign of movement that would presumably send him running like the wind. After detecting no threat — or at least, as minimal of a threat as one such as Satan could pose — he quickly lays the letters down at Satan’s feet, holding out a clipboard and pen towards Satan gingerly. “N-now, would you please sign here to declare that y-you’ve received your mail?”

The second Satan manages to scrawl what should resemble a signature onto the space indicated — it’s not as if he’s ever needed to write, that’s Lucifer’s job as the accountant — the postman snatches everything back and disappears in literal seconds. Satan watches the man’s rapidly receding back and contemplates how he made his way into Hell in the first place.

After he’s certain the postman’s long gone, Satan picks up the stack of letters thoughtfully wrapped in a length of twine string. “Letters for me, huh.” he mutters as he picks apart the knot, dumping the five envelopes onto his lap.

For lack of a better term, they were all covered with the brightest colours that a crayon could conjure. And they were all labeled in the shaky handwriting of children who have just mastered how to write their first letters. 

tO sAtAn, the envelopes proudly declared, in various colors. Unable to hold back his curiosity, the Devil slit open one of the envelopes with a pitch-black fingernail and glanced at the letter within.

dEar saTan, the letter starts. mY name iS EmiLY, aNd i am 6 YERs Od. (It took a few moments to adjust his eyes to the assorted sizes of the letters. ivv bEN a GOOd GIRL THis YER, aN i wOULd ReeLy LUvE a pupy fR CRissmass! pRETTY pLEasE?  YOU COULd COmE OvER aNd pLay wiTH HER, two!   Satan finds his lips cracking into a smile as he decides the brown coloured blob on the bottom of the page is most probably a drawing of a dog. 

Picking up the other letters, he opens them more eagerly, devouring the content within like a man who’s been deprived of water for a long time. Except, he doesn't exactly need water to survive (demon and all) but that’s beside the point. Timmy would like an action figurine (whatever that was), Ann wanted a new teddy, and the other two letters were written in penmanship that the Devil simply couldn’t decipher, even when he took out his reading glasses and squinted at the crayon scribbles so intensely the letter nearly went up in flames. 

And no, the Devil certainly did not accidentally singe a hole into one of the letters in the process. 

“LUCIFER! I DEMAND YOU READ THIS FOR ME, THIS INSTANT.” 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Out of everything he’s put up with over the past few centuries — not that Santa would ever admit that he was ancient — getting ambushed by a cloud of ash and sulphur was definitely a first. And that was saying something, considering how often he’s been tripped up by a devious string of bells wrapped around the kitchen in a childish attempt to catch him out during the job. And just don’t mention the cookies and milk. Santa didn’t know who started the ridiculous notion that he’d like twenty million cups of milk and double the amount of chocolate cookies during one night, considering how they’d forgotten one crucial fact: he was lactose intolerant. Also, who in the world in their right minds would think one man would be able to stomach enough cookies to sustain a small army in one night? Ridiculous.

Well, there was a reason why Santa didn’t sneak into houses via the chimney anymore. Not that Satan seemed to care, that is.

Santa blinks. Wiping the soot off his glasses to the best of his ability, he squinted hard at the figure in front of him, internally wincing at the scolding Mrs. Claus would definitely give him for getting his suit dirty again. That was Satan, all right, with an innocent ‘deer in the headlights’ look that had no business being on his face. 

“What are you doing here, Satan?” he asks, furiously wiping his glasses, as if he’ll be able to banish the sight of the Devil in a crude mimicry of his own outfit. Satan shrugged nonchalantly, with a grin so big Santa half expects to be eaten whole. It certainly looked… ominous. The barely disguised, unadulterated glee behind was even more so.

“I’ve been asked to deliver some Christmas presents!” he chirps, and Santa swears, if Satan’s smile was creepy, Satan chirping was horribly terrifying. Had he managed to overthrow God or something? He should just— wait. 

What?

“Little Emily has specifically requested for me, so you can just move along,” Satan says smoothly, leading Santa to the door. 

Santa finds himself standing next to his reindeer — who are coincidentally having a staring match with Cerberus and Hades, who are somehow perched on the roof — when he finally processes what’s going on — oh no. 

Immediately, he runs back into the house, making sure not to wake up the inhabitants of the house when he proceeds to have a whispering match with the Devil.

“Look, Satan,” he starts, trying his best to be reasonable. “You don’t have to strain yourself like this. I’m sure I can manage to cover the five kids who’ve accidentally written your name on their letter on my rounds. How about you just head back to Hell and, I don’t know, take a dip in one of your lava pools?” He was interrupted by a barely suppressed growl and oh, that was why people don’t usually like Satan; he mused as he was confronted by a rapidly reddening face and glaring red eyes. 

“She wrote to me, Santa.” Satan hisses, waving a piece of paper that’s somehow singed in a corner and covered with crayon but the word ‘sAtAN’ is vaguely distinguishable in the top left corner. “Me.” Satan puffed his chest out in childish triumph. “Not you.”

Santa sighs, pinching his nose with a still soot-covered hand. Of course, this would happen.

“This happens every year, alright?” he says in an attempt to pacify the beast. “Some kid misspells my name, and the post office is usually smart enough to redirect it my way. One of them must have slipped up this year, and that’s why this happened.” 

This, however, seems to be the wrong thing to say, as steam metaphorically — or is it literally? — starts pouring out of the Devil’s pointed ears.

Santa quickly decides that he’s not paid enough to deal with Satan on top of delivering presents to another couple million houses before dawn — and that’s already five minutes he could’ve used to get that done wasted — and so he just roughly jerks the basket out of Satan’s hand before ruffling through his sack — a little girl would probably love a doll or something — when sharp needle like teeth latch onto the hand that was holding the basket.

Satan watches calmly as Santa frantically pries the teeth of the small creature off his finger.

“Down, pup.” he says once he’s decided Santa has had enough punishment — the insolent brat — and the creature obediently lets go, diving back into the basket before Santa can see what it is.

“It’s just a puppy,” Satan says soothingly. “Nothing wrong with that, right?”

“I suppose.” Santa concedes as he bandages his bleeding finger. “Now, no giving them anything inappropriate, alright? Or I’ll make sure never to let a single letter reach you again, no matter how many typos there are. Deal?”

Santa’s never seen the Devil grin so widely before. And so, he reluctantly allows Satan to leave his present at the Christmas tree. He supervises as Satan carefully leaves wrapped presents that look somewhat safe — a plastic sword, a teddy bear, a few figurines — under others. 

At last, all the houses have been visited and dawn is peeking across the horizon. Santa lays sprawled across a particularly overgrown roof as he watches the sunrise with his reindeer — and never in a million years would he ever imagine — Satan, Hades and Cerberus, who’s still staring at Rudolf, growling.

“This was a good year,” he says, satisfied with his work. After all, he managed to deliver all the presents, and on top of that, Satan didn’t burn anything down! It was an accomplishment in itself. “Next year, if you want, I’ll teach you how to make gifts, so you don’t have to buy them from stores.”

“Buy gifts?” Satan looks at him quizzically. “Why would I have to do that? I’ve practically got everything they could ask for stowed away somewhere in Hell. A sword was just plain easy. I did have to bribe Hephaestus to make some of the figurines, but it’s pure luck that Cerberus’ kit had pups this year.”

Santa feels a sinking sensation in his stomach as he processes this. 

“You did WHAT?!”

-vrei.essor

[vorthosjay]

Let’s Talk About Hour of Devastation

It’s finally here: Hour of Devastation by Ken Troop. This story has a lot of baggage to work through, being the pivotal moment that shifts the Gatewatch from their ‘Phase 1′ to ‘Phase 2′. If you’ve ever wondered if Wizards realized the problems inherent in the Gatewatch, this story should settle all doubt.

It’s fun. We certainly get better insight into Nicol Bolas than any time in the last ten years, but if you were looking for resolution to any lingering plot threads, they’re not here. And that’s kind of disappointing.

This is a LONG one, people, so settle in.

Hour of Devastation by Simon Dominic

Either he would have deaths, screams, and blood, or he would, perhaps, have something better.

Okay, so the first thing we have to get out of the way is that we don’t have resolutions to those lingering Bolas threads between Alara and Amonkhet. On that front, this story is very unsatisfying.

This is the first of the new mysteries that we’ll be tracking going forward. Why does Bolas want the Gatewatch broken and in the wild? I have enough faith in the post-Origins team setting up for the long term that I think there’s something planned there... but will it be satisfying when it pays off?

They fancied themselves The Gatewatch. As though for some bizarre reason there were gates scattered throughout the Multiverse. That deserved watching.

And here is the beginning of Bolas disassembling everything about the Gatewatch. Bolas is exposing those obvious flaws in the Gatewatch.

Why does Bolas want heroes out in the wild? What possible reason could it serve?

The heroes, Nicol Bolas thought. Bless them, each and every one.

I didn’t know Nicol Bolas was from the south.

No matter. There were others, if need be.

Who? The Takewatch, maybe :D

His roar echoed the cries of countless other predators throughout the eons, predators who have no more need to be silent. Over the long years, Nicol Bolas knew it served him poorly to be too much the dragon. But it was no fun to be the dragon too little.

This is so relatable.

Oh, they probably had a plan. A plan, charitably, could consist of kill the dragon. Or, you burn it, you zombie it, you elemental it, you illusion it, you block it. These were all, given enough leeway, plans. And plans of similar competence had served them well enough in their recent escapades. Nicol Bolas could appreciate efficiency. Why bother being smart when the Multiverse so conveniently conspired to keep your idiocy alive?

This story is more or less Bolas reading directly from the storyline forums.

He wondered how much it would crush their spirits if he applauded. Metaphorically, of course. His talons did not clap together well.

Look, for all that I wished we’d have learned some whys in this story, Bolas is great. He chews exactly how much scenery I would expect him to. He is both witty and terrifying.

More than several, ideally, but unless you are a brilliant elder dragon archmage planeswalker, several would suffice.

That’s a heck of a creature type.

They were children of a civilized and gelded age, these planeswalkers, this Gatewatch. They had no idea of the dangers lying in wait, ready to kill them . . . or worse. Their lack of actual power had somehow protected them from all the ways they could have died.

Catch that he says gelded, not gilded? I missed it the first time and it was John Dale Beety on twitter that made me notice it.

He’s referring to the relative safety of the post-Mending era. How things have seemed to be calm because evil god-like planeswalkers aren’t being constantly created (or evil just-a-guy planeswalkers).

Nothing about this day had gone as planned.

The irony of this comment, multiplied by all the Gatewatch members who’ve expressed it, is great when juxtaposed with what Bolas thinks of their planning.

We hit him with everything we've got. He will fall, Gideon thought back at him. 

No, this is a bad idea and I’ve been telling you for a while Gideon is a terrible leader and just keeps doing dumb things that will get people killed.

Jace had never encountered a mind so impenetrable, except for . . . the merest moment of a memory surfaced of a mind as smooth and dazzling as a wall of crystal. But even as the thought entered his mind, it erased itself, and he could not remember where he had seen such a thing—or even what kind of thing it was.

What . . . Jace shook off the sudden fugue that had overtaken him. It hadn't seemed to come from Bolas, but rather from inside himself. What was I thinking about? But he could not recall. Bolas's mind still loomed in front of him, closed and locked, as he futilely sought purchase.

Here’s our Jace story hook. Before Jace’s mind is wiped, we get a hint that his old memories are still there. This is clearly a reference to Alhammarett

He did not move to attack them, merely continuing to fling a helpless Gideon against the wall.

Look, the idea that all Bolas had to do against Gideon was keep flinging him against a wall with his tail is amazing. His over-reliance on his aura has always been a mistake. Where is Gideon’s hieromancy? Why wasn’t he summoning magic chains to bind Bolas?

Without conscious thought, he began planeswalking away blindly, not knowing or caring where. He had to avoid that darkness.

He felt himself being pulled across the Blind Eternities as the wave of darkness struck, and then he knew nothing at all.

Okay, so as we enter Ixalan, Jace is playing the part of the amensiac castaway. Will this lead to an alliance with Vraska?

Find out Monday on my first look at Ixalan!

"That was your mind expert, I believe? Do you have a spare? I can wait, or I promise not to listen if you shout at each other."

I thought Nicol Bolas was an Elder Dragon not a Troll.

Nicol Bolas lingered on each word, his voice rumbling through the open plaza, punctuated only by the continued thwaps as he bounced Gideon off the wall.

I giggled every time. I might be evil.

You have never been such a fool as to think you can win this battle, Liliana, whispered the Raven Man.

Raven Man with the sage advice. I don’t want to comment to much about the Raven Man piece here. I don’t believe Nicol Bolas is the Raven Man, but how the Raven Man views Bolas is interesting.

You alone amongst them know what true power can be again.

Can be... again? What does that mean? Might Bolas actually be looking to undo the Mending, as I’ve speculated in the past?

The dragon continued in his smooth voice. "Do you know, Liliana, how to use the Chain Veil so that it doesn't rupture your skin or drain you of life? Do you know how to make the spirits of the Onakke serve you as their master instead of seeking the destruction of your soul and body? I do, Liliana. I do."

He lies! screamed the Onakke in her head. Interloper! We will crush him!

You know he speaks truth, Liliana. He can help you. The Raven Man.

In case you were wondering, the Raven Man and the Onakke are clearly not on the same side.

That each of you has lived so long is merely a function of how useful you can be to me.

This is also what I’ve been saying for a while.

Nicol Bolas looked down at the planeswalkers and smiled. "And then there were three. I didn't want to annoy your dear departed necromancer, but between us, I admit I know a fair bit of necromancy. Do you have an opening in your Gatewatch? Is there some type of application process?" 

IS there some kind of an application process?

Why is it that a 30,000 year old Elder Dragon has to be the one to suggest? Do the Gatewatch have bylaws? Honestly, I’m as surprised as Bolas that they’ve lasted this long.

Her fire was blinding white, coruscating rivers of flame that lashed the dragon. Bolas's eyes narrowed, and he was forced backward for the first time in the fight, letting Gideon drop to the ground as the dragon retreated.

Blinding white fire, eh? And all of a sudden, Bolas needed to avoid her flames?

Remember when I said it would be cool if Chandra learns to cast the Purifying Fire, like she learned to cast Ghostflame? Both could have served her well here, and I think that might be something we see in the future.

The Purifying Fire cover art by Michael Komarck

"Chandra Nalaar. You had so many useful characteristics. Powerful. Emotionally unstable. Easy to manipulate. Refreshingly predictable unpredictability. I really wanted to make this work." Bolas's voice boomed through the empty air. I am not easy to manipulate, she thought, her anger revving up. Her flames lit up the night sky.

Is... is Bolas complaining about Millennials, here?

I mean, I totally feel his point. ADHD caricature Chandra is frequently disappointing, but still. Wag a walking stick at her, too, Bolas.

Wow, that's a lot of pain.

Look, I have some problems with Chandra’s immature characterization sometimes, but at least this girl keeps it real.

She had thought her destiny to be different on this world, had thought her time in Kefnet's temple opened up possibilities previously unimagined . . . but no. Kefnet and the other gods lay dead in the streets, their threads cut short, their uses unexplored.

GDI Ken Troop. Now that he knows we know to hunt for meaning in his articles, he’s throwing red herrings into the mix.

Nissa had never questioned the purpose of the Gatewatch before. There was always an immediate need, wrongs to be righted, evil to be overcome. And it had worked. For so long it had worked. Until now. Until a dragon of immense power and intellect had shown the errors of coming in unprepared and underpowered.

Perhaps there was a better way.

Such musings occupied her as she fought to regain control of the land. If she were to have any chance in this fight, it would be through the earth.

I’m curious to see where Nissa goes with this. I think we’ll be seeing her explore that tentative connection with Emrakul more as time goes on.

All of Gideon's invulnerability had proven little worth against an opponent with the size and strength and mass of the dragon.

OK. Nicol Bolas is big... but Gideon went toe-to-toe with this.

Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger by Michael Komarck

"Gideon Jura, you are very bad at analyzing reality. I have fought against thousands of generals, thousands of tacticians and strategists and battle masterminds. You might be the worst. Let me help you. Ignoring obvious reality is a fatal flaw in our line of work. By all means, I understand the importance of . . .aspirations, but being able to accurately assess the facts in front of you is an essential skill in the trade."

Thank you, Bolas. It’s funny, Bolas is giving each member of the Gatewatch exactly what they need to hear. Is this narrative convenience, the author dissembling this for us, the reader? Or is Bolas purposefully trying to turn them into more useful tools?

"I could kill you, Gideon, anytime I want. But I suspect you would not mind dying, the way you play so carelessly with your life. And the lives of others." Gideon thrashed his head back and forth, desperate to escape. 

Gideon was shocked to realize that a part of him yearned to stay. To no more feel the guilt of losing Drasus, Olexo, all his Irregulars. All the people he had seen die on Zendikar. He didn't want any more death on his hands. He could just . . . let go.

GIDEON WANTS TO DIE. @sarpadianempiresvol-viii​ has been calling this for a long while now, and I agree. It’s nice to see it confirmed.

He willed his body through the Blind Eternities, the hole the dragon left in his shoulder only the most visible of his wounds.

Looks like Gideon still has his arm, folks.

"No, master, I did not doubt. I was . . . delayed. You defeated them as quickly as you predicted." He glanced around the plaza, looking for bodies of planeswalkers that weren't there. "I can seek to find where—"

"No. It does not matter. This was better than blood."

Tezzeret looked at him quizzically, but knew he would offer no more explanation.

"Master, I should update you on . . ."

Okay, a few things. What delayed Tezzeret? Or is he just lying (probably). What does he need to update Bolas on?

Why is this better than blood? I’m legitimately kind of tired of vague Bolas plot set-ups. After around ten years later, the old Bolas fatigue is setting in again.

"Later. Go and tell Ral Zarek to come to me. His progress is too slow."

Okay, what the hell. Is Project Lightning Bug actually Nicol Bolas’s deal? Is it some other project? Was this actually planned? I’ve got to go back and re-read a whole lot of Ral stories to see if this secondary master was ever hinted at.

Homing Lightning by Slawomir Maniak

[tumblunni]

NEW STEVEN UNIVERSE AND BUNNI RANTS THOUGHTS ABOUT IT

* i love zircon and i feel so sorry for zircon aaa And even for Other Slightly More Smug Rival Zircon! I mean, they’re both just doing their job and it was merely a stroke of fate that the blue one got assigned to steven’s side of the trial. Rival Zircon barely even got two lines of dialogue so we dont even know if she was remotely evil or just like.. well, a smug office rival. It was a really nasty shock that yellow diamond just poofed both of them! I hope they’re okay when they reform, i hope they dont get blamed for what happened and shattered or something!! steven plz come back and rescue the endearing neutral office gems along with the more clear ally ones and stuff * I’m not quite sure if Zircon was right, though... I mean yellow diamond being 100% super bad and having framed rose for killing pink diamond would probably be in-character but it wouldnt be revealed so soon if it was what actually happened, right? What I took from this instead is that maybe Pearl was actually pink diamond’s pearl, and she’s the one who betrayed her instead? OR... possibly whenever we finally get white diamond revealed, she’s the one who’s the big evil boss who did it all? at least we saw some sort of statue of her so we can confirm she has the crazy cool goku hair, lol * I LOVE THE OFF COLOURS AAAA * I kinda love that its now canonical that conjoined twins can happen with gems, I mean its always nice to know that your favourite fictional characters could be like you which is why I think its great the show has all these different disability metaphors. Also I did not know that that kind of strange shape is actually possible with Rutile gems! * also, as predicted, I ADORE CENTIPEDE GRANDMA!!! and apparantly she’s a fusion of like.. the most gems ever. Polyamory grandmas! Combined into the ultimate grandma!!! did anyone else picture that ‘ariel needs legs’ comic tho ‘seven fusions... maybe more. imagine.’ * I think it’s spelled Paradshvana? No, its parashivana, I think. I hope she gets mentioned in a book or a comic or something so I can make sure I have the correct spelling of her name. But I love her! I like that the writers picked a type of sapphire that has such an interesting name, it helps set her apart from the blue one we all know and love. * LARS IS STEPPING UP!! aaaaa I’m actually kinda liking lars A LOT, he’s had so much character development and for once is actually keeping it between episodes and showing self awareness of his problems and providing actual reasons for why he’s doing them, rather than just sitting there refusing everyone else who keeps trying to help and support his salty ass. I wish we’d seen actual signs of this a lot earlier though, tbh it feels more like theyre rewriting his character rather than revealing something that was always there. * I didnt expect that humans would actually have an advantage against gem tech that only recognises gems! that was a cool way to have lars actually be able to make an impact when he gets his character development and decides to fight back. It was pretty badass! * okay, I’d seen so much speculation about the lars death thing and then i got spoiled for him being revived by steven’s magic somehow, so it didnt have as much of an impact. but it still hit my heart a little even as someone who knew it was coming and someone who ABSOLUTELY HATED LARS until like right this exact episode when he finally showed some character depth. But still, even if it succeeded at being sad, it kinda suffered a lot from the show’s usual rushed pacing. Like.. even in a ‘one hour special’ it seemed like every episode was still forced to work as a standalone and squish every plot point into 15 minutes. We BARELY got actually meet the off colours before we moved on to this next lars death plot, and like.. he died SO FAST, and it had barely a moment to breathe before he’s suddenly back. You couldnt even really tell what killed him, he just fell off the exploded robonoid and was dead immediately. And like.. with no clear wounds except one small face scar, so it seems like it did indeed run on harmless cartoon explosion rules. And I guess he just fell too far and hit his head or something.I mean I know they couldnt show a guy realistically covered in burns with limbs missing or whatever, but could they have at least had him covered in shadow or something so the nature of his wounds is left up to out imagination? When it all goes by so fast it seems almost unintentionally comical that he died by just falling over a little too hard.I mean, characters have survived way longer falls in this show even if in real life you obviously wouldnt... And SERIOUSLY give us more than FIVE SECONDS to believe he might be really dead, before reviving him with a never foreshadowed new magical power. Clearly it actually was planned out a long time earlier in the show, but somehow it still feels like a bit of a cop out? I just hope this faux death revival magic has some sort of further plot effects, and could be like a catalyst for Lars’s character development or something. Cos its clear that he didn’t just come back the same as before, it seems this magic comes with some kind of cost to it.. * IMMEDIATELY WE SEE SEVERAL COSTS TO IT * okay lars is LITERALLY A ZOMBIE * a CANDYFLOSS ZOMBIE * what the FUCK * steven how did you somehow never notice lion had a weird zombie heartbeat * wait i guess steven must have assumed lion was a gem creature of some sort * WAIT LARS IS LIKE A GEM HYBRID MUTANT ZOMBIE * he isnt even hungry or tired?? suddenly?? that must be?? REALLY FRIGHTENING?? WHAT THE FUCK?? * why is this episode SO RUSHED, why are you throwing terrifying existential horror and then just immediately lars is left trapped on homeworld and thats the end, and we dunno how long we’re gonna have to wait for the next episode or if it’ll actually address this or anything!!! * GAHHHH * also in retrospect WE DIDNT SEE ANY OF HOMEWORLD DURING THIS ARC. We still know practically nothing about their culture, aside from a mild bit of hope that the gems they persecute are at least able to escape and have a small sort of rebellion here rather than all being destroyed. But seriously there must have been millions who’ve been slated for shattering and only this tiny group managed to keep hidden long enough to meet steven... gahhh how many friends has centipede grandma seen die... * but okay seriously LARS IS A GEM ZOMBIE THING * and this means LION IS ALSO DEAD * LION HOW DID YOU GET HURT AAAAA * oh god so rose must have rescued him and then he had to see his whole lion family die and sit around for ages waiting for rose to come back and now all he can do is try and protect her son. poor loyal pet... poor hachiko: kitty edition... * WTF LARS IS DEAD AND HE’S STUCK ON A PARALLEL WORLD AND HE CAN NEVER EAT AGAIN AND HIS WHOLE FUCKING JOB AND HOBBY WAS COOKING and AAAA he’s the one out of everyone who was most hung up on like.. Normal Human Society Things. of all people, this is the most torture for him! god, the only consolation is that the off colours chose to stay there and protect him, and maybe it’ll help him work out his issues to be away from it all and have some close friends he can relate to. Cos like.. we all know steven and co are always trying to be his friends, but he had that weird inferiority superiority complex that kept him from accepting the friendship. At least we know here that he feels he’s able to be equals with these gems, and they’ll all be able to protect each other and learn from each other in different ways. But still DEAR GOD POOR LARS I thought you were an asshole but I didnt want you to GET TRAPPED IN SPACE AS AN ADORABLE ZOMBIE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA * steven could you like.. throw the ube cake through the portal. i mean he cant even enjoy eating it anymore but it might still help him feel better. * steven can you throw rebecca sugar through the portal so everyone can throw legos at her for writing such torturous fates for all her characters then throw her back cos i mean its not like anyone’s gonna get a happy ending to the show if it ends on this cliffhanger, lol but still LEGOS * steven can you throw the ube through the portal to me and I’ll eat it and write a review for lars and maybe send him a small plush doll of himself * rebecca sugar can you open like a mailbox to all your characters where I send them letters encouraging them to keep going even though the world is cruel as fuck ok thanks bye * I STILL REALLY LOVE CENTIPEDE GRANDMA THOUGH * and zircon had better be okay! please tell me she escapes and ends up joining the off colours or something * also can we have the same for topaz + topaz thanks * this is just the arc of introducing fifty new characters and not being able to save any of them and also one already introduced character is also LITERALLY FUCKING DEAD * aaaaa

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Last week was very short as I managed to squeeze two days off into it. These have largely been spent outside in my garden office sorting and tidying LEGO. It’s very time consuming and satisfying, but does leave me slightly wondering where the time has gone. With a very warm and sunny Friday and Saturday I moved my watching of Agents of SHIELD outside along with dismantling and washing the LEGO Detective’s Office set. It’s a lovely little thing, but it had become very grubby. I’m now trying to rebuild it with a tray overflowing with parts. Inevitably, it’s becoming a quicker process the more of it I’ve built. Feels kinda exponential, as if by the end it will be assembling itself… Marilyn and I have also finally begun a shared build, the LEGO Brick Bank, which has been languishing on my “to be built” shelf for some years now… It’s pretty ace, and is a fine accompaniment to season two of Elementary.  

A busy day…

Brick Bank ground floor

  In dismantling the Detective’s Office, I re-remembered that I’d built a little half-modular some years ago, but they’ve been joined together for so long I’d somewhat forgotten that it wasn’t part of the set. I snapped a few pics from it before I dismantled it, for posterity, or whatever. The concept was a coffee shop on the ground floor and a bottle shop above. I’d do almost all of it differently now, of course, but I think it did look pretty good. I was very happy to use the Indiana Jones poster tiles to good effect!

On the right is an impostor

Never finished the roof…

Good banister though

Indy!

Booze

Coffee shop action

Alcove!

We’ve started to enjoy strolling around Beeston late at night. I adore the peace and quiet (I’ve been watching bats in our garden!) and I’m in urgent need of more exercise. I’m looking at you, beer… We’ve met up with a couple of our pussy cats pals too, which has been especially lovely. Given the utter clusterfuck of Bojo’s latest update on the UK’s progress with coronavirus, I suspect I’ll be working from home, getting fat, and taking late night walks for some weeks yet.

Hopper’s Beeston

Foxy Loxy

Despite the week’s brevity, I seem to have taken part in two podcast recordings and read some books! Victory all round. 

Watching: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D season 3

Fuck me, I love this show more and more. We’re finally getting into the stuff I remember a little better. It’s getting so hard to summarise… I guess this season is properly focused on the fallout of the Inhuman explosion and on the truly epic and dark history of Hydra! First we have to recover Agent Simmons from the creepy monolith that whisked her away from Fitz’s arms at the end of season two. Turns out its part of an ancient Hydra tradition, who’ve been feeding the terrifying alien entity within on fresh young Hydra enthusiasts for centuries. Their ultimate aim is to unleash the monster on the world! The team do manage to rescue Simmons, but doing so reveals to Hydra that the doorway can indeed be bridged. There are some pretty tense moments, and Daisy/Skye gets to assemble her own team of Secret Warriors, comprised of some of the Inhumans now emerging. The first half of the season focuses on Hydra getting into the alien planet, with former agent Ward becoming the host of the Inhuman ancestor. That’s bad news for everyone… and gives us the second half, in which Ward sets about subsuming other Inhumans and advancing a plan to dominate the whole world. Bad guys with big plans! Mostly though, my heart continues to beat for FitzSimmons, and for Coulson and Agent Mae. Honestly, it’s hard to make any sense of this season if you haven’t seen the previous two, but if you have it really is a gift: long form deepening of relationships, expanding on the major MCU story threads from Civil War, and getting into the backstory of Hydra to a massive extent.

  Doing: The Improv Boost “Happiness” podcast

All round lovely fella, David Escobedo, one of our It’s A Trap: The Improvised Star Wars Show cast members, and rabid user of social media for promoting improv in all its forms, invited me to join him and a few friends for a very short podcast talking about things we feel passionate about. The challenge was to narrow it down to a specific thing to expostulate on for eight minutes. LEGO would be too broad, as would Star Wars, so it sent me down a little rabbit hole of figuring out what I do especially enjoy, rather than the general everything of science fiction and stuff. One of my gateways into SF, or at least one that has cast a lengthy shadow, is the work of the great John Wyndham. Picking The Day of the Triffids was an easy next step. That’s why I read both the abridged US edition then the UK/Penguin edition in a week. The latter is about 10% longer, and just has a little more depth. It’s startlingly apt for our current situation, and I’d recommend it for anyone who finds reassurance in someone else’s words managing to neatly sum up existential and ethical crises. Also, triffids are ace, and plainly the ancestor of all zombie fiction. 

Alas, whatever software David was using to stream Zoom into Facebook fucked us over and we lost the last five minutes. Which means you get all of Jac’s enthusing about calculus (whatever the hell that is… :-} ) but lose Vanessa’s final thoughts on our topics which neatly wedded our themes together. Essentially (I think) we’re both talking about aspects of community and how people deal with the situations they find themselves in. Enjoy!



Reading: The Chrysalids by John Wyndham

Having cheerfully chugged down a double dose of The Day of the Triffids I moved straight on to what’s generally regarded as his “best” novel. It’s not my most favourite, but it’s quite a read. Far future post-apocalypse, humanity is struggling to rebuild itself after what appears to be nuclear catastrophe with radioactive fallout causing widespread genetic mutation. As a result, a renewed fervour for purity and the importance of the human (and all other creatures and crops) matching the design laid down by God / government. The consequences of deviation from the norm are severe: death, destruction, banishment to the badlands. None of it’s very appealing.

Our viewpoint is David, a perfectly normal boy: somewhat lazy, chafing a little under the religious intensity of his father and the demands of being in a small farming community in the newly reclaimed lands of Labrador. Only… he’s telepathic, and that makes him a very serious deviation indeed. In the novel we find a lot more of the social awareness and interest in community and individualism that Wyndham show’s in all of his work, and it’s very thought-provoking while being beguiling easy reading. It’s quite a neat trick to cover abominations and socially-mandated murder with such a breezy and familiar writing style. Ultimately, of course, David and his friends have to go on the run from their peers and family. When his younger sister, Petra, who turns out to be an incredibly powerful telepath makes contact with someone in “Zealand”, the whole of David’s world (and ours, since he’s our only view of it) is turned upside down. Moments of bleakness and fear fight with equally delightful epiphanies and hope for true acceptance. It’s great! Read it! 

Doing: We Are What We Overcome podcast Special Episode #3 Self Care

Our fortnightly Facebook Live podcast recordings continue to catch me unawares! Mondays are not a good evening for me to have my brain in gear, but I’m trying. Last week we talked about self-care some more. It’s really important to look after yourself at the moment. Divorced of much meaningful in-person human contact, I think we’re all fraying away at the edges. We talked about some of the things that frustrate the act of self-care, and some of the tools we use to keep ourselves as sorted as we can be.

Doing: MissImp’s Virtual Improv Drop-In: Duncan Carty – Artist’s Eye for the Improv Guy

This week we got a really special and different take on improvisation and creativity from our Duncan Carty, combining artistic expression, y’know, like drawing, with how we take inspiration for our scenes and performances. It’s a very good workshop, and I implore you to get out your crayons and walls and go at it. Phew, that’s the eighth improv workshop Emily has wrangled onto our website, and it looks we’re gonna be providing them for the foreseeable future. Enjoy!  

Last Week: Sunday 10 May 2020: lots more LEGO, John Wyndham, two podcasts and general bumbling around… podcast fun with We Are What We Overcome and @improvboost talking about Day of the Triffids! #tv #podcast #improv #books https://wp.me/pbprdx-8Ed Last week was very short as I managed to squeeze two days off into it. These have largely been spent outside in my garden office sorting and tidying LEGO.