#the music kept fucking itself up and getting out of sync (both during the editing and the rendering) T-T but i'm too stubborn to quit lmao

[librathefangirl]

how do i say goodbye to someone who's been with me for my whole damn life?

psst! @zorria it is done 👀

[thatsnicebutimmarried]

So I watched Descendants 3 and I have Hot Takes TM

Yes I know, I am a good decade and a half older than the target audience of these movies, and no, they are not cinematic masterpieces but they also aren’t trying to be, and it’s 2019 and cringe culture is dead and we’re allowed to unironically like bad things now so just hush, okay? They’re not bad, they’re not fantastic, they’re fine, and there is entertainment value and I find them at least mildly entertaining but they leave me with Thoughts.

First off, again, they aren’t bad, but they also are not exactly something everyone needs to run out and watch. They’re all three Disney Channel Original Movies and that’s all they are really trying to be. They aren’t perfect and if you think too hard about them then they fall apart or get real weird so just don’t do that. It’s meant to be a fun colorful disney movie aimed primarily at kids and teens. They don’t have to be Oscar-worthy, they can be just fine. And they are. All three. This one is possibly my favorite of the three, actually. 

So hot take #1: yeah, the music is pretty good, but for the love of God, I wish they didn’t produce the music so much like a pop song that it sounds super out of place in what is supposed to be a movie musical. They’ve done this in all three movies and it annoys me in all of them. The music is great, but auto-tuned and electroniced and synthesized to the point that it really strains suspension of disbelief that they might actually be singing in the scenes instead of very obviously lipsyncing to something recorded in a studio and mixed and edited and slapped over the scene they’ve filmed. And given that suspension of disbelief is already pretty flexible in musicals, and I am someone who has always loved musicals and has worked in musical theatre, it is really saying something that this has managed to throw off the suspension of disbelief. I’m painfully aware of the lipsyncing, not because they are bad at it, because they aren’t, but because the vocals are so over-produced that it feels out of sync with the scene. And that sucks, given that so much of the music itself is fantastic. I think “My Once Upon A Time’ is the only song that didn’t make me feel like I’m watching someone lipsync to something that was recorded in a studio. Obviously that’s what you are watching in literally ANY movie musical, but a good one will trick you into thinking they are actually singing what you’re hearing. Even in some of the numbers where that should be easier to do, like in “Do What You Gotta Do”, where even the dialogue sounds prerecorded. It’s especially painful in what are otherwise knock-out numbers. Because ‘Queen of Mean’ is a fucking BANGER. LIKE YES QWEEN YOU TAKE THAT STAFF YOU TAKE YOUR REVENGE YOU GET YOURSELF SOME GOOD HAIR. Also “One Kiss”. Should be great, except that it’s clear that Sophia is lipsyncing.

Hot Take #2: Could Audrey not have kept her ‘evil’ hair? Because those pink to blue curls are SO MUCH BETTER than blonde with washed-out pink and blue streaks. Someone get Dizzy on this girl’s hair STAT. 

Hot Take #3: I have worked in costume design. I have a degree in fashion design. These movies both delight me and test my patience when it comes to the costume design. Everything is either hit or miss, or good in concept but not so great in execution. We continue to see just...too much leather. I mean, it’s okay I guess with the biker outfits, but with everything else, just chill a bit. ALSO, if you’re gonna have Mal rock a truer purple hair with cooler tones, then please stop putting her in warmer magenta and violet outfits. It just looks weird. Also wtf is her outfit in the opening? Way too much leather, and waaaaay too much green splatter. Like find a balance between her colors, please. 

Hot Take #4: Not really a hot take, but Cameron Boyce was probably the most talented out of all of them and I’m really fucking sad to hear about his death. He was a talented kid and too young and honestly probably the best thing about these movies, not gonna lie. I’m so heartbroken for his family and friends. Carlos continues to be a freakin cinnamon roll and he made a necklace for Jane with their goddamn ship name on it and that is the cutest fucking thing. 

Hot Take #5: God I forgot the dog fucking talks. Why does the dog fuckin talk

Hot Take #6: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: where is Evie’s frickin army of dwarf slave labor or little mice and birds and deer who help her do all this sewing? I sew for a goddamn living. You expect me to believe that one girl with a home sewing machine (what is that, a fucking Singer? Girl should at least have a Viking, a Bernina, or a Juki), no serger, no industrial straight stitch machine (how the fuck is she sewing all that leather without an industrial???) , is somehow responsible for her entire wardrobe, Mal’s entire wardrobe (at least for her numerous public appearances), special things for her guy friends, as well as the formalwear for the entire female population of Auradon Prep. And somehow still has time to like, go to school/have a social life/advocate for the kids of villains? Hell no. It takes me and my business partner working 60+ hour weeks just to get through all the alterations during prom season, but this one self-taught girl with a home machine makes all these clothes all by herself? Sure. There is some magic involved here. Why does this upset me?

Well when people come to your work and expect miracles because they see girls on tv making 30 formal dresses all by themselves and expect you to be able to completely overhaul their prom dress in two hours, then we’ll talk about whether or not I’m allowed to be bitter.

Hot Take #7: Look, you can have Harry flirt with girls all you want, but he is still exuding Big Queer Energy and there is no convincing me he is not at least bi. There is nothing straight about that boy, okay.  This is the hill I will fucking die on.

#8: Gil and Jay are also exuding some super queer energy. Like they go on that world sightseeing trip as friends and come back as boyfriends. I don’t make the rules, I just call the queerness when I see it. Gil is giving me major Soft Gay vibes. 

#9 “put your Vs up in the air” *deep breath* Did...did no one vet this? Did anyone, like, point out that, V can be short for...never mind. Okay.