#the muppets present: chess the musical

[the-muppets-present]

The Muppets Present: Chess the Musical

Chess the Musical is an underrated gem, and we absolutely love it. The concert version, considered by most to be the definitive version, can be found on youtube in this playlist, which has nearly the entire complete concert (part 12 has been removed, but the only song missing is "The Deal (No Deal)") and I highly recommend you give it a listen, because the music is honestly top tier. The concert version is what we will be referencing here, since all the various stage versions are so different from each other (this show really suffered from over workshopping). If you're new here, take a moment to review our rules for casting. NOW, onto the show.

The Show

Chess the Musical is the story of the chess world championship tournament in 1979. The cold war is raging, and the two world champions are from the US and Soviet Union respectively. The story focuses on these two players and their personal lives and dramas set against the backdrop of the political strife between the east and west, as they are unwillingly used as pawns in the conflict.

The show has a core cast of seven characters and an ensemble with a few interesting standouts who can be filled out by muppets and humans alike. These are the key players:

Anatoly Sergievsky - "The Russian": The champion from Soviet Russia—a troubled husband and father who despises the propaganda and politics of the tournament.

Freddie Trumper -"The American": The champion from the United States—a self-absorbed, fame-and-fortune-seeking, short-tempered bad boy.

Florence Vassy - Freddie's strong-willed second and possible paramour, who is strained by Freddie's brashness and begins to feel a pull towards Anatoly as the tournament progresses.

Alexander Molokov - Anatoly's conniving second who is also a manipulative KGB agent and a major force in the political games being played behind the scenes.

Walter - A financial administrator in Freddie's delegation and in some versions a secret CIA agent who serves as a political counterpart to Molokov.

The Arbiter - The coldly objective, no-nonsense referee of the championship tournament and also the president of the International Chess Federation. He is essentially the narrator, the Voice of the chorus.

Svetlana Sergievskaya - Anatoly's estranged wife who, under Molokov's machinations, must persuade Anatoly to return to his homeland and family in the second act.

The Cast

Anatoly = Kermit. Kermit usually isn't the protagonist in Muppet adaptations, because the type of character he is just doesn't fit that role as neatly, but he's the perfect fit for Anatoly. Anatoly is competent in his own work, but is really out of his depth in the situation at large, and struggles to be true to himself amidst what he feels to be his duty. An arc that Kermit himself has played out in many a muppet film. Really, the only muppet who could adequately pull Anatoly off is Kermit himself.

Freddie = Gonzo. Freddie is bombastic, abrasive, quick to speak and slow to apologize, and overall extremely selfish. He walks into a room and his personality demands the spotlight immediately. I don't think I really need to give any other reasons why Gonzo should play this character, but I'll give one anyway: imagine Gonzo banging out "One Night in Bangkok" with Camilla and the Hens as the backup singers bawking out the chorus.

Florence = Miss Piggy. Yes, she's the only female muppet of note (who can speak english, sorry Henrietta), but also she'd genuinely be a good Florence. Florence is driven, a strong independent woman who don't need no man, but that doesn't mean she don't want one, and the fact that Anatoly is played by Kermit....well, you see where I'm going with this. Also, she and Freddie have an increasingly antagonistic relationship through the show that would be great to watch with Miss Piggy and Gonzo. Again, imagine her singing "The Model of Decorum and Tranquility" and getting more and more frustrated and gravelly in her delivery. And don't forget to picture Kermit in place of Josh Groben in that scene too...again, the dynamics are top tier here.

Svetlana = Miss Piggy. I'm invoking rule 5, not only because again, the lack of other english speaking female muppets, but because I love the idea of two Miss Piggies both singing for Kermit's attention and lamenting that he'll never see her the way she sees him, that his attention will always go to his work first. "I Know Him So Well" is a duet between the two women about Anatoly, and imagine two Miss Piggies singing this in duet with each other, each knowing that the other has something to offer that she doesn't have, but also knowing that even that isn't enough, that Anatoly (Kermit) will never be able to commit to her the way she wants to to him.

Molokov = Uncle Deadly. Honestly I don't have a lot to say about this choice, it's just Perfect. Molokov already borders on cartoonishly evil, he is an immediately untrustworthy character and everyone knows it, he's the world's worst spy. Uncle Deadly is a shoe in for the role and I'll hear nothing else about it. (Also, while generally irrelevant in casting muppets in a musical, since you can re-key as needed, Uncle Deadly already fits Molokov's voice type)

Walter = Sam the Eagle. While Walter is not as overtly patriotic as Sam, in adaptation, there should be a muppet who is equally as enthusiastic for his country as Molokov is for the Soviet Union. Walter is in some ways the least emotionally complex character aside from the Arbiter, he exists to serve the plot and the ways the plot creates character conflict for Anatoly, Freddie, and Florence, so Sam (who is generally a one note patriot character) fits the role nicely. Also, just like Uncle Deadly, he fits the voice type perfectly.

The Arbiter = Daniel Craig. I call upon the power of the One Human Celebrity. Daniel Craig would be perfect for a muppet adaptation of The Arbiter, he is the type of human actor who could be surrounded by muppets and you'd 100% believe it. The Arbiter's songs require some gusto, but Craig can carry a tune and if you give him a vocal coach and 6 weeks (and re-key his solo), I think he'd be great. However, this casting ONLY works if there are NO OTHER HUMANS in the chess federation. Daniel Craig must be surrounded by muppets at all time. Just look at his solo, and tell me that it wouldn't be the best thing ever to watch Daniel Craig do this while flanked by dancing muppets.

Additional Bit Parts:

Statler and Waldorf as The Consulate. When Kermit's Anatoly is speaking to them about defecting to the UK, imagine them having this exchange. You could either rewrite the song to be a duet OR have two Statlers and two Waldorfs to fill out the quartet.

Non-Celebrity Human as The Soviet Machine. This must be a big, nondescript burly man who can sing one glorious falsetto note. He must stand stoically as evil muppets dance around and sing the Soviet Machine. Moopets can fill out the Soviet chorus line.

The Ensemble: Merano and Bangkok both have human backup dancers and chorus members as well as muppet, because these are location setting songs, and you want to establish that humans are here in this world. Mike Tyson can have a celebrity cameo in Bangkok for old time's sake.

Chess Dancers: the Hens and the Penguins supplement the human chess dancers that take stage during the two chess matches.

Reporters: a mix of humans and muppets, but no cameos during this scene, it's Gonzo's first big solo and the spotlight needs to be on him.

Fozzie Bear as the governer of Merano and as an authority figure in Bangkok: his presence in Bangkok is commented on and he loudly says "Oh no, you must be thinking of my brother!"

And that's The Muppets Present: Chess the Musical!

What other celebrity cameos would you add to the show? We'd love to read your thoughts! Also let us know if you have another musical or movie you'd like to see a muppet fancast of, we love doing these!

[365days365movies]

March 11, 2021: The Seventh Seal (1957) (Part One)

Well, I did Cocteau this month already, so...time for another big boi director, I guess.

I’m sorry for me, too, because this one scares me a little more than Cocteau.

Ingmar Bergman. One of the greatest directors of all time, and the only prominent Swedish director that I’ve ever heard of. Also someone whom I’m DEFINITELY not qualified to judge, but here we are anyway.

Best known for Persona, Fanny and Alexander, and...one more movie, Bergman was an EXTREMELY prolific director, and far more influential on global film than you or I know. Seriously, dude influenced everyone from Martin Scorcese to Terry Jones to Peter Hewitt in one way or another. He’s passed away, as of 2007, at the age of 89. And speaking of Death...

There have been a LOT of incarnations of Death in media. Hell, we literally looked at one two movies ago, in Orpheus. You could argue that Ugetsu also revolved around death, but I’m talking about Death, the physical embodiment of the concept.

Now, the most common incarnation seen is the Grim Reaper (pictured above), but there are MANY other well-known versions. Here, have a few different versions, just for taste.

Yeah, that’s a lot. Kudos if you knew all of them! But that last one...I mentioned Peter Hewitt earlier. He directed Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, and in it, the two meet that films version of Death, a Swedish-accented ghoul. And if you’ve ever wondered about that, or about this joke from the opening song of Muppets: Most Wanted:

...Well, keep reading. Like I said, Bergman was influential, and perhaps NONE of his films was quite as influential as The Seventh Seal or Det sjunde ingelet. Welcome to a show about Death.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

ONCE AGAIN, The Criterion Collection logo brings us in, followed by the opening credits and music from that should accompany a Dark Souls boss, followed by a quote from Revelation 8:1-6, about the opening of the Seventh Seal. Roll credits?

Well, no. Instead, on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean, we meet a knight, resting there and praying to God, as his horses drink from the salt water. This is Antonius Block (Max von Sydow), a knight who is resting here with his squire, Jöns (Gunnar Björnstrand). As Block takes out his chess set, he is joined by...

ALREADY?

Holy shit, I didn’t expect this scene to happen FOUR MINUTES IN??? Dear Lord, if this is happening now, what the hell is the rest of this movie? I am afraid of that answer now.

Anyway, yes, this is Death (Bengt Ekerot). And yeah, dude is indeed a CREEPY motherfucker. He’s been at Block’s side for a long time, but has now finally come for him, at last.

However, Block, ever clever knight that he is, capitalizes on rumors that he’s heard about the character, and challenges him to a game of chess. They start, with Block playing white and Death playing black.

But as they’re about to begin, we cut to Block and Jöns leaving the beach. Huh. OK then, I guess we’ll get back to that, huh? Jöns speaks of ill omens, and they see a pair of corpses, rotted after a long time dead. As their journey continues, we shift focus from them to a small group of actors in a caravan.

One of these actors - Jof (Nils Poppe) - sees a vision of a woman walking with her infant child, as angelic music plays in the background. He runs back to the caravan, where he wakes the sleeping Mia (Bibi Andersson), his wife. He tells her that this was the Virgin Mary and her baby boy, Jesus. Um...wow. Holy shit, my man.

Mia takes her husband’s vision as his active imagination, while he takes it as pure fact. Apparently, he’s very prone to having these kinds of visions. Mia warns him to tamp those visions down, or people will think him a fool. All of this rouses both fellow actor Jonas Skat (Erik Strandmark), and Jöns and Mia’s infant son Mikael (a cute chubby baby).

The troupe is on their way to Einsmore, performing for a group of priests. They will perform in a play about Death, once again making me think about Beetlejuice the Musical, which is really need to watch.

Block and Jöns arrive at a church, where real-world painter Albertus Pictor (Gunnar Olsson) is painting a Danse Macabre. Jöns asks why paint something so...well, macabre, and Pictor notes that it’s not a bad thing to remind people that they will die. This is especially as the Black Plague sweeps across Europe. YUP. IT’S THAT TIME PERIOD.

The two speak more on the absolute HORROR of the Bubonic Plague, a topic that clearly bothers Jöns. Meanwhile, Block goes to pray in a confessional, where he reveals that he doesn’t truly understand the point of prayer in this world. He’s clearly struggling with his faith, which must be HELL for a knight. And he delivers these confessions to his ever-present companion: Death.

Block wants God to speak to him directly, and questions whether or not God truly exists. He wants to do one last, meaningful thing before he meets his inevitable end. Block hasn’t yet realized that he’s speaking with Death, and openly talks about the chess game they began that morning. Death replies that they will continue their game in a nearby inn. This is how Block intends to prolong his own life.

He goes back out to meet Jöns, who’s still speaking with the painter, and the two leave the church. Directly outside, a woman is in the stocks, and is preparing to be burnt at the stake for learning carnal knowledge of Satan. She’s also being blamed for being the cause of the Black Plague itself. Just gotta say, big if true, goddamn. Black wants to know if she’s met the Devil himself, but she’s not quite all there.

Block and Jöns continue their journey, making their way from farmlands. Jöns goes into one of the barns in a village, where a dead body lies. He then hides as another man enters, and steals jewelry from the woman’s corpse. This is Raval (Bertil Anderberg), and he’s quickly caught in the act by a mute woman (Gunnel Lindblom).

However, before he can do anything to this poor girl, he’s stopped by Jöns, who recognizes him from the seminary, ten years prior. He tells him to shove off, and offers the mute woman a place as his housekeeper. And, uh...yeah, Jöns is kind of a dick, but more of a cad, y’know? He’s not likeable, but he also isn’t hateable.

In town, the actors’ troupe is performing, and the leader of the troupe - Skat - is seduced by a woman during the performance, and they have sex in the bushes behind the stage. As all of this is happening, the performance is interrupted by a group of flagellants, extremist priests that whip themselves and parade through the town, showing their extreme devotion to their faith. Fuckin’ yikes, this is a thing that ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

And as these people, devoted in their faith and pain, march through the town, the townspeople are moved to tears by this act. And this act has real blood, sweat, and tears poured into it. The head priest of the parade then gives a fatalist sermon to the townsfolk, noting that death will come for them all with the plague, and berating them for their seeming ignorance of their fate.

And dude is MEAN. He mocks people’s appearance, and screams to all of them that they’re doomed, and will die painful deaths. Watching on is not only the actors’ troupe, but also Block, Jöns, and the mute girl (yeah, she never gets a name, goddamn it). The pain parade moves on, singing their solemn hymns all the way. And I’m not gonna lie...it’s intense. Especially knowing that this shit actually HAPPENED? Damn.

Once they pass, Jöns notes his disbelief at this display, never believing how far people will go, or the stories that they’ll tell. He’s interrupted by blacksmith Plog (Åke Fridell), who’s looking for his wife. Meanwhile, inside, a group of townspeople talk about the spreading plague, and wonder if this is the end times indeed. Plog comes in and asks Jof where his wife is. He also doesn’t know, but it’s revealed that this is the woman that Skat ran off with in the bushes. The conversation is joined by thief Raval, who outs Jof as an actor, and a friend of Skat.

Raval and Plog both threaten him for information on Skat and Lisa’s whereabouts, and humiliate him in front of the entire tavern. It’s actually quite hard to watch as well. This poor, poor guy, who seems like a nice enough dude, is essentally tortured for the transgressions of his asshole friend. But it’s interrupted by Jöns, who stops Raval in his tracks, and slashes his face, which he said he’d do if he ever saw him again.

Excellent spot for Part 2, I think! See you there!