#the most ungodly nefarious eye searing filth

[somedaytakethetime]

Watched a knitting designer I follow find out the gender of her wee baby, I follow several knit girlies (I like knitting, mind your business) that are all preggers right now, was just holding my baby niece and watching her play with a pack of tissues and giggle, my ovaries are in pain and well.... I have versatility too, you know? I'm not just a filthy slut, I like romance and mush too.. and given that there's no one else to word-vomit on to.... enjoy?

Notes and warnings: tooth rooting fluff? Do your ovaries hurt looking at babies at times even if you have no interest of actually owning one? Do you like the idea of your Imagined Hot Guy™ holding a baby in his Big Burly Arms™? Ever wanted to picture mush and possibly a family with said Hot Guy™? Stick around I guess..? 🤷🏻‍♀️😭

Word count: 2 740

You wouldn't say you're broody, not per se, but.. he does look good holding a baby. Unfairly good actually. Just a baby cousin, not your actual baby, but it's a precious baby still. Chubby and small, barely a month old. His older cousin just had her but you couldn't fly back to visit when she was at the hospital so you've popped in now to say hello and meet the wee bub. And she's so tiny. You nearly shook when his cousin unceremoniously plopped the baby in your arms, totally confident that you wouldn't just drop her precious, fragile child. It amazes you how adults just trust other adults blindly, especially because you barely remember holding babies, the last time you did it was years ago when your own cousins were small. You tried to appear calm but passed the baby along to him as fast as you could. And he took it right in stride. Sat down with all the confidence in the world, cradled that precious bundle in his arms, cooed at his newest, smallest family member with a warm smile. He's been sat there for a long time now, still holding her. Her tiny - tiny - hand wrapped around his finger, holding it in place. She's already small, but looks even smaller in his arms. He keeps looking down at her, as she peacefully falls in and out of asleep, completely comfortable and safe in his arms, smiles and coos softly at the mini human. You're sat beside him and feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach when he leans down so gently and presses the most tender kiss to that tiny head. She fusses a little and then sighs as if all the world's heaviness just left her tiny, adorable body because of that kiss alone. It amuses to think that you feel the exact same way when he kisses you too. Like all the problems have just disappeared and you're safe and whole again. You're watching them both, paying no attention to the conversation at hand at all, they speak too fast for you to understand them anyway. You've improved a lot but you still struggle with his language, especially when they all speak so fast. Looking at the tiny angel is better, she doesn't speak at all which makes it easy on you. Her soft and brilliant eyes open up to look into yours, a semblance of a smile appears on her tiny reddish face and you coo so very softly at her. Get closer to your boyfriend, one hand reaches out on instinct to rub at her chubby, soft tummy. She keeps looking at you with wonderous eyes, curious about all these new faces she's trying to focus on, her other tiny - tiny - hand reaches out and holds your index finger in place, on her tummy, and she does that semblance of a smile again. Biologically you know she can't smile genuinely yet, too small for that, but.. it doesn't matter. She's so precious, it warms your heart to see her coo softly, like a baby bird, and give you smiles. Holding both of yours and his fingers in her hands, you feel as if you've somehow been approved by the new baby. Even if you're still unsure, after all this time, if his family truly approves of you or not. Maybe you get teary eyed, maybe you don't, who's to tell? What you do know is that this baby is adorable, your hot boyfriend looks unfairly hot holding a baby, he's far too confident with children and... the smile he gives you, when you look up at him from looking at the baby, makes the butterflies in your stomach flutter more.

It always feels.. a little odd.. to be surrounded by his family. They've been incredibly gracious towards you since the start, always accommodate you, speak slower or switch to something you can understand more easily, pull you in to conversations, don't allow you to stand to the side, hiding in some corner, because of your shyness and feelings of otherness. His mother especially has been an angel. Drags you around to show you off to all her friends, speaks warmly about you as if you're not there, calls you 'darling' and 'sweet girl' when she refers to you. Asks for your help, is patient with you when you struggle or stumble over words, teaches you some too, and old expressions that have fallen out of disuse but are still funny. You like her most of all, because in a way she reminds you of your mother, friendly and comforting. But sometimes.. when you feel most insecure.. you wonder if they truly approve of you. If they want you as part of the family or if they would rather him still be with his ex-girlfriend. She's still friends with some of his distant cousins, but his closest family have cut ties. His grandmother in particular is very vocal about her dislike of that girl, which amuses you to no end, and you wonder if she does it to make you feel better.. she has incredibly strong character, so you think it's real emotion, but.. you still can't help but wonder if they're just all being nice. You're observing them all, as they interact and speak in that rapid fire way of theirs, sitting on the bench and picking at a cupcake a young cousin was extra excited to share with you, "For you!!!", a bright smile displaying his missing front tooth, and you melted just a little. He's still sat by you, playing with his toy cars. His smaller family members are your favourite. Because you know their emotion is real. They can't and won't lie, you know they love you because you play with them, and give them candy and buy them small toys to play with when you're babysitting them. They hug you warmly, rush to you, are excited for your presence at all of these family gatherings. You like their company too. They're clumsy with words, speak much slower than the adults, they're learning too. And they teach you what they learn, laugh joyfully at your goofy mistakes and always say that small, happy and childish, "Nooooo, not like that! Like this!" and repeat the words for you, encourage you and make you feel.. loved. Accepted. You're part of this little gang of kids he's related to, struggling along with a language that's hard, playing with toys and eating cakes while all the adults.. adult. He's adulting somewhere right now too, while you have toy cars driving up and down your legs, followed by happy car sounds from his cousin. You look up suddenly, and feel the butterfly flutters again. He's walking towards you, holding a small toddler. 'If he doesn't stop that...', your brain is broody when it sees him with children. And the number of children has increased exponentially in his family lately. These people have been multiplying like rabbits... but you get it.. when you see him with kids, you get why everyone has been pregnant left and right around these parts. "What are you up to?", he sits down, toddler on his arms, hugging her teddy, his little cousin smiles up at him, "Playing! Look at my new car!", he gets a tender smile for that, your boyfriend looks so proud of these kids, he adores them deeply, "That's so cool!! Who got you that?", his cousin is smiling up at you, you took him with you to the shops earlier for groceries and well.. he laughs as his cousin tells him that you took a long time to go over all the cars and pick the perfect one, "This one was the best! Wasn't it??", he looks at you and you nod, proud of his choice too, "It was the fastest. It has these flames on the sides to show how fast it is, you see?", small hands show off the details while you explain them all, your boyfriend's eyes are full of mirth, only you would get into the same child thinking as the kids..

You're watching the ocean rolling softly, the night sky reflected on the dark waves. Hands come up from behind you and wrap around your waist, a nose nuzzles your hair and soft lips place a kiss on your jawline. His body presses tightly to yours, he's warm and sturdy, still clouded with sleep when his rough voice says, "What are you doing out here? I woke up because I couldn't feel you in bed..", you take a breath, inhale the salty air, and relax into his embrace, "I woke up and just.. wanted to look at the ocean.". This house was the best purchase his parents ever made, the peace you feel here is unlike anything else, particularly at night when you can just watch the waves rolling and crashing against the rocks. You have a strange relationship with the ocean, it scares you deeply, yet it calms you like nothing can. The peace the waves bring you, the chill of the water, how purifying it feels.. nothing matches that. You look to the ocean when you seek out answers. When you're confused, or lost, even scared. It clarifies your jumbled thoughts, calms your worries, leads you in the right direction without a single word. You've been a jumbled mess inside. Insecure in the relationship, wondering about the future, confused over what you want. You want to speak to him but you don't know how to approach it, don't know how to put your messy thoughts into careful words. You wonder if he sees a future with you, wonder if you could get used to this place. Wonder if you would be here or somewhere else if things.. got deeper, more serious, more real. If you married.. started a family.. do you want a family? Does he want a family? You've come to realise that you've only mildly touched on this subject, you haven't been together for so long that it's a problem, but you've been together for enough time that you should start having these conversations. "Do you ever feel confused? Or lost? Or you wonder about the future and you don't know either to feel excited or scared about it?". You feel him tense up, he's silent for a moment before he answers. He's pondering too, trying to give you an honest answer that won't be hurtful nor confusing, "I do. I get scared a lot. I'm insecure and I feel really lost at times. About the future. About work. About us.", his arms tighten around you when you tense up too, he nuzzles you and says softly, "But then I think about what life was like without you in it.. what life would be like now, after I've met you, if I had to go back to not having you.. and I don't like how it looks. I feel more lost and scared without you around. With you here, I know I always have a place to come back to. I'll always have a home with you, wherever that may be. And that's comforting to me.", you watch the waves crashing in silence, think about his words, feel his fingers start to caress your skin and you relax, "I'm scared you'll leave. Or that your family hates me. I'm scared we don't want the same things for our life, and what that will do to us. I'm scared of having a family too, I don't know if I'll be good at that, but I'm also scared of not having the chance to have that with you because I can't imagine not. You're so good with the kids, they love you so much, it makes me think so much lately.. your family has been reproducing like they're part rabbit too..", he laughs softly in your ear, kisses your temple and says "We do have strong genes, you know? We're a family of very fertile people..", you turn around in his arms, brush his messy hair off of his forehead, look at how handsome he is even groggy from sleep and tussled up.. there's a deep fluttering in your stomach, you're very in love with this man. "Are you now?", he hums and nods, smirks a little deviously, "We are indeed... plus.. you don't know this but.. my mother has been asking me when we're having kids so..", he leans forward, grazes his lips over yours, "How about.. we get back inside.. and just practice some more for now?", the serious conversations can follow tomorrow, you know they will. For now? You can just enjoy your hot boyfriend..

The conversations do follow. And so does more. There's a ring, far sooner than you expected actually. And then some planning, and then two rings. His family adores you, it's hard to accept that somehow? Because you'll always feel like an outsider with them, but they're so genuine and kind to you, they truly are excited to have you as part of them. You adapt to their ways more and more, and you teach them yours too. His mother, bless her darling soul, is always eager and ready to adapt. Cooks things with you, that you make with your own mother. Joyfully shares it with her friends, is always gushing about 'my darling daughter-in-law' to everyone with ears. She says it so fondly 'daughter-in-law', a new title, complete with a new name too. He still gets choked up about it, his eyes get glassy and emotional thinking about your wedding. He rushed to marry. You weren't even expecting it, but his father keeps telling you, smugly, "He was dying to put some rings on your finger, you know? He'd been carrying that engagement ring around for months..", and he gets embarrassed every time, pretends his dad is a liar, but you know that's the full truth. It's nice. To be this loved and accepted despite the differences. Maybe he would have felt more similar with his ex, sure, but he feels at home with you. You feel at home with him too. You're unbelievably happy with the outcome of things, excited for the things to come.. you're watching him greet his best friend as they arrive. There's a huge party at your new house, to commemorate the purchase and your wedded bliss. There's laugher, all the darling kids are running around, happy to play in the enormous garden. You picked this house exactly for it: to have space for children to play. You've come to realise that, while it terrifies you deeply, you still want that with him. He's too good with kids, he's eager to be a father, he's been talking about it so much lately. It's cute, to see a man so excited for something, you didn't have that growing up. Fathers were never very present, nor very involved, with their kids from your cultural perspective. It heals your inner child, to know that your own children will have a deeply loving, kind and protective father. You love him so much. You're watching him hug his best friend's wife. She's heavily pregnant and you guess she's about to pop any day now. You smile to yourself as you watch his eyes grow excited when he touches her stomach, to feel the baby move. Your hand softly touches your own for one moment, thinking about it. He doesn't know yet, no one but you does. In this moment right now, while you watch a family that is now yours too mingle and laugh, joke around and play, in your own new house, ready for a new chapter, you stand at peace and full of love. This little baby is your little secret, that you'll joyfully share with everyone tonight. You can't wait to see his reaction, it makes the butterflies flutter inside you again. His eyes suddenly meets yours from across the garden, the smile on his face freezes because he notices you. He's seen you holding your otherwise flat stomach. He knows. And for a moment only the two of you exist. You didn't mean to give it away so soon, excitement and fondness got the best of you, but as he slowly makes his way towards you, looking almost hypnotised, eyes glassy and so full of hope, you already know you'll tell him the truth. You've waited for too long to keep it a secret now.