#the more people who watch the show the greater the chance of someone funnier than me being able to capture their essence

[stellardeer]

I need Apple & Onion content, I don't even know what it is that I want, I am generally not that into fandom stuff, like I dont really do shipping or AUs, I think those quote posts are kinda lame, human versions are kinda cool but not really what I want to see, I don't even know what I need but I just need to see other people enjoying this show, I need everyone to go watch it right now and report back

[rochellespen]

Watching Doctor Who Season 37 (Series 11), Episode Four

Ok, I’m going to have to say it: Doctor Who has a checkered past in regards to spiders.

I mean, I understand the temptation to go with arachnid-like monsters. Spiders often creep people out, so giant, mutant spiders should have an even greater horror vibe to them. Unfortunately, it seems arachnids of all sorts never fare well when appearing in Doctor Who. 

Thus we have comically stiff spiders with goofy voices in Planet of the Spiders. We have genuinely threatening, but also drama-queen diva spiders in the meh  The Runaway Bride. And then you have  what could have been truly creepy spider-like creatures in Kill the Moon which were wasted by being featured in a dire episode like Kill the Moon.

So when I saw the title of this one, I had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes. And not just because we got another music pun/reference in an episode title (first Bowie and now the Sex Pistols...). I figured we could be in for some very first class cheese with this one.

All that said, I decided to give Arachnids in the UK a go with as open of a mind as possible.

As usual, spoilers from here onward....

Episode Thoughts

This episode went back to the season opener’s structure of having things happen that appear unrelated at first, but quickly fit together into a main plotline well before the episode ends. It’s a smart technique as it can help to cover any thinness to the plot. 

We start with Robertson, a guy who is suspiciously similar to another hotel-owning, multi-millionaire businessman with a crass, harsh personality who decided to run for president. Seriously, not since The Happiness Patrol have we been given such a painfully obvious reference to a real-life political figure on Doctor Who.

 And wait, is that Chris Noth? Why yes, yes it is. That’s something I seriously did not expect and it’s fun to see him in this. XD

Anyway, Citizen Robertson here rants about a possible threat to his political future and fires a random employee for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. This actually turns out to be not so random later on....

(Side note: They do name drop Trump later in the episode with Robertson mentioning that he can’t stand the guy. I guess that’s one way to deflect the obvious....XD)

Meanwhile, the Doctor actually manages to get her companions back to their correct time and place and soon appears to regret her efficiency. Fortunately for her, Yasmin is up for inviting everyone to tea which everyone immediately accepts.

After wonderfully awkward moments with Yasmin’s family and some poignant moments alone with Graham, we finally get to the spiders. Well sort of. We just get one spider to start out with, but there was plenty of foreshadowing before that to let us know that it won’t just be one spider.

Soon, the plot ties together when we realize that it was Yasmin’s mother who got fired and a neighbor of Yasmin’s family has a friend/co-worker/? who is a specialist in regards to spiders and who is worried that she hasn’t shown up for a few days. This eventually leads to a showdown in the lavish, recently finished hotel between humans and arachnids. 

Some more quick side notes....

The hotel they chose for the principal location is a good one. It has the right Overlook Hotel vibe to it which is perfect to accentuate the horror in this episode.

Ok, having Yasmin’s mom be the one who got fired by Robertson is a solid way to tie the plot together. Having an arachnid expert be friends with someone who lived in the same building as Yasmin’s family and having her show up just as the Doctor starts to investigate teeters dangerously toward deus ex machina territory.

But on a much funnier note, did anyone else notice someone (Ryan, I think?) making shadow puppets in the background while the Doctor and McIntyre were talking about Serious Spider Stuff in McIntyre’s lab? That’s the sort of offhand detail that I just love...

Now, back to the rest of the episode...

As can be expected with someone like Robertson, all of his employees are taken out by the spiders leaving the Doctor, her companions, Yasmin’s mom, Naija, and our new friend, Dr. McIntyre to find out that there’s is both abandoned coal mines underneath the hotel (which is niffty for the spiders to get around) and a toxic landfill that was very poorly managed.

Ok, at this point I need to stop to consider something that’s bothering me about the plot. 

I think we can all agree that Robertson is a terrible person and was horribly negligent in allowing the landfill to combine stuff willy nilly. But if we’re going to assign blame for the mutant spiders, shouldn’t some of it be placed on McIntyre and her lab? These scientist are manipulating spider DNA and apparently not being careful enough in making sure the specimens are dead before disposal. Even if Robertson didn’t have an unusually toxic landfill mutating these spiders further, those half-dead “super spiders” could have wrecked havoc on local ecosystems. Thus, I hardly think McIntyre should be acting like she’s on some sort of moral high ground compared to Robertson.

In the end, it’s decided that it’s more humane(?) to suffocate/starve all the baby spiders in Robertson’s panic room and drive the huge mother spider out of the hotel...to where, I don’t know. However, Robertson clearly wanted a chance to kill something and thus, shoots the giant spider before it can asphyxiate. 

This leads to another little issue I have. The Doctor and McIntyre were just going to watch that giant spider slowly suffocate and die. Robertson shot it once and put it out of its misery quickly. I guess I’m at a loss as to how Robertson’s solution in and of itself is crueler than a slow death. 

And the thing is, I think the writers missed an opportunity here. Having Robertson clearly show no remorse for what he did was chilling enough. But I think we could have added an even more sinister edge to his character if it was made clear that his decision to shoot the spider would be considered merciful and correct by many and that it wasn’t a black and white decision. 

That way, the horrifying aspect of his character would not have been what he did but instead the mindset and motives of why he did it. Few things are more evil that someone who hides their malevolence under the guise of good intentions. 

After that painfully abrupt ending, the Doctor prepares to leave and discovers, much to her surprise and delight, that Graham, Ryan and Yasmin aren’t ready to say goodbye to her and traveling through time and space. 

So did Arachnids in the UK avoid the usual trap of tacky spider themed episodes? Well.....

The thing is, there are several things this episode did right. The number one was a wonderful mix of humor and lowkey scares. We get moments like Ryan and Graham’s two man comedy act leading up to a terribly creepy shot of several giant spiders skittering toward them. The atmosphere of the hotel and some well placed jump scares are balanced by the hilarious sight of mutant spiders gravitating a energetic grime tune (actually listened to it again while writing this, and it really set the mood). 

The problem for me has to be the easy out the plot took. I get wanting to keep this an Earth-bound problem (and making an eco-statement). But the separating of the so-called “good guys” and “bad guys” wasn’t neatly done and the ending felt far too much like the writers couldn’t think of a good solution in the time they had left. 

Thus, this episode works far better as a showcase for humor, atmosphere and characterization than it does as a carefully plotted story.

Character Thoughts

So how about that characterization then?

Two things were well defined in this episode. 

The Doctor is going to continue to be socially awkward, high-energy goofball.

This Doctor is not one who wants to brood by themselves somewhere even for a few moments. She clearly is one of those Doctor who vastly prefers to travel with companions.

Continuing in the tradition of each Doctor often being a “reaction” to the previous one, Thirteen is certainly far less prickly and much more openly social than Twelve. She seems to thrive on the “family” environment a crowded TARDIS creates. The only Doctor I can compare that to is probably Five who also seemed very invested in traveling with a group although there is far, far more harmony on Thirteen’s TARDIS than there ever was on Five’s. 

Myself, I’m enjoying a return to the idea of the Doctor being warmer and more familial as I never thought being difficult and prickly were necessary solely to create a sense of “otherness” about the Doctor. Whittaker still manages this with Thirteen’s scattershot, quirky approach to experiencing new places, people and events.

A lot of the humor in this episode was pulled off nicely by Whittaker whether it’s the cringing moments of awkward around Yasmin’s family or her sudden thought that The Spider Mother in the Ballroom could be “the best novel Edith Wharton never wrote.” 

Meanwhile, Ryan and Graham also have some wonderful bits together as they (very reluctantly) keep having to go out on spider-related missions in the hotel. The two of them continue to be a fun team who are slowly trying to figure out this family “thing” they have been thrust into.

Funnily enough, while on the surface this could look like an episode that would focus more on Yasmin since we are spending time with her family....it really doesn’t. The most we get is some insight as to why she wants to travel with the Doctor: because she loves her family, but clearly doesn’t always get along with them that great. I think this is another opportunity the writers missed as we could have gotten a bit more insight into how her family played a role in the person she became. Instead, their presence seems to mainly service the plot (Naija) or try to add to the humor (the rest of her family). 

The Last Word

I’m afraid Doctor Who may never have a completely solid episode featuring spiders....even with this effort. This is episode is a fun ride most of the time with some great moments of humor and characterization, so it manages to not be truly cringe-y. However, it would have been nice if the writers had put more thought into how to end the main plotline and found more interesting ways to develop Yasmin’s family and by extension Yasmin herself.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch: 1X01 - Pilot

Who says you can’t go home?

The “Pilot” of Once Upon a Time is almost divine in how adored it is. I write this intro just as I prepare to press play on it, and I feel an undeniable tension in my heart. Is there anything that can be said about this episode that hasn’t been said a hundred times before? Am I able to say hello again so soon after saying goodbye?

Only one way to find out. *Presses play*

This gets a little long, so I’m going to be a good Tumblarian and stick my thoughts below the cut! Hope you give them a read!

-Press Release There’s no actual press release for the “Pilot,” but let’s be real, we know the deal. Emma Swan, a bail bondsperson has one hell of a 28th birthday when the son she gave up for adoption 10 years ago - Henry Mills - comes to her doorstep. A trip back to Henry’s hometown introduces Emma to an assortment of townspeople and an even more uncanny story of heroes and fairy tales. Meanwhile, in the past, we see Snow White and Prince Charming cope and fight for their love and family as the Evil Queen threatens them with a curse most vile.

-General Thoughts For a series that needs to weave a central theme around at least two separate plots, simplicity can be one’s best friend, and the “Pilot” is the epitome of that. The plots in and of themselves are simple - a war against a tyrant with a major threat in the flashback and a woman who has never had a family now dealing with one being thrown her way. However, it feels so much bigger, and that’s because hanging around our mains are characters and settings that you just know are going to grow in addition to our mains and transform these simple realms into something greater, something epic. Surrounding Snow and Charming during their discussion in the war room are a set of dwarfs, a fairy, and a cricket, and those same characters show up in our world and at the very least, Archie and Graham hold a promise of a larger role if for no other reason than their professions. We are being promised a more epic story without ever taking away time from the main story, and that’s simply incredible. I feel like there’s so much to gush about when it comes to performances, and because I don’t want this to be super long, I’m just going to highlight some of my favorite moments from each actor and actress in a single sentence. Jennifer as Emma walking towards Ryan like she was the God damned Terminator made me laugh hard and it characterized her as someone cool and confident, allowing for later scenes to paint more of her nuances by showing her vulnerabilities and desires for people in her life. Lana as Regina has a commanding presence during the wedding scene and shows off just what kind of threat she will be to all of those in her way going forward. Ginny as Snow giving up her baby and eternally coining the line “her best chance” is heartbreaking in such a profound way and allows the tragedy of their 28-year separation to subtly play out here and more overtly carry weight throughout the rest of the series. Jared as Henry’s pleas to Emma to listen to him convey a sense of innocence and vulnerability that can bring one back to the most frustrating moments of their childhood. Josh as Charming’s determination as he rides upon his steed in those opening moments allow the audience to feel every bit of intensity and immediately give his relationship with Snow - however obvious the turnout will be - some stakes. Finally, last but certainly not least, Bobby’s chilling performance as Rumple in the jail cell - from the movements of his long fingernails toe the sickly sweet way some of his lines come across - make him suo mysterious and scary as well as give Granny’s lines about him owning the town added weight. Finally, on a funnier note, I’m not gonna lie, but I always wanted an episode that would canonize the “prettier than I” line. Come on - throw Leopold in there, we get a bit more nuance into their relationship as well as see the effects on Regina of Leopold’s neglect for her needs over Snow’s and make a Regina/Snow present plot and there could’ve been something cool!

-Insights Here’s something I noticed during the wedding scene - The necklace Regina wears is the same one that Samedi brought to her in 7x12’s flashback. See “Flip My Ship” for my feelings on that, but I will point out that this gives us new insight as to when Facilier and Regina first met, although as she’s seen wearing it as the curse hits, it’s safe to say that at least one, if not both, of them could be replacements. Another thing I noticed shortly after that I just found funny was how during Regina’s speech to the Charmings, a lot of the guests weren’t cowering as much as gently averting their gazes. While watching the war scene, I couldn’t help but contrast it to the one in the finale. Snow lacks all manner of optimism in the one in the premiere, but by the finale, she’s the epitome of optimism! The wolf always seemed really weird to me, and now that I’ve seen its full schtick throughout the seasons, I gotta say, I’m not impressed. At first, it seems like the wolf was supposed to be a protector of Storybrooke, acting as an agent against Regina. But we’ve only seen it a handful of times and it’s acted like more of a MacGuffin than anything. And MacGuffins are fine, but this one was clearly supposed to mean something and it never really did, not even really in relation to what one would think would be its focal character (Graham).

-Arcs It’s hard to do a segment for arcs when a series has just begun because, well - every arc, in essence is beginning! And honestly, they’re all good, so I’m just going to write out the arcs that have been introduced here. Emma journey of belief Snow finding Charming The power struggle against Regina

-Favorite Dynamic Emma and Regina. I wanted to point this out somewhere, but the framing of their dynamic works so well. Parents who adopt children are more parents to a child than the parents who gave them up for adoption (Unless of course the birth parents died). This is something that we (should) fundamentally understand, especially in a case like this. Regina’s lines about changing diapers, enduring tantrums, and the like are true, and we - as well as Emma - sympathize and agree with that. Her position as mayor as well as the mother of a runaway boy also asks us to question our own feelings towards Regina throughout the episode. The animosity also doesn’t happen from the moment Regina and Emma meet. However, the conflict between them is not so simple. Due to both Regina’s harsh attitude and her actions in the Enchanted Forest, there’s an unease as we watch her, and while Emma’s situation in this matter is far from ideal on any level, we trust her and believe in the bond between her and Henry because while there is harshness there, there’s also an understanding. It’s such a nuanced conflict and knowing now where it has ended - in such a state where both mothers can co-parent Henry and enjoy each other’s company - allows for me to enjoy experiencing it again and appreciate the intricate steps taken making their relationship what it was.

-Writers As you all know, this was Adam and Eddy’s first episode, and it’s pretty freakin’ good! Unfortunately, until I’ve examine more of their episodes, I don’t have a lot to say here. The one thing I do want to point out is that - just like Regina in today’s episode - they are really good at making a strong entrance!

-Culture What made the “Pilot” of Once Upon a Time so popular? I didn’t watch this episode during its initial airing, but what I do know about the time it was released was that a lot of the dramas that were released tended to be gritty. There were exceptions like ABC’s Desperate Housewives, but it was a turn for the edgy in media. And then a show like OUaT came out, one that not only promised hope, but actually allowed for a payoff in the first episode, no matter how small it was in terms of plot. The score especially sells it. While there’s a tone of sadness to it, it’s overarching theme is hope, and that come off so clearly as it plays when the time on the clock changes.

-Rating How can I give it anything other than a Golden Apple? For those that didn’t read my intro, that’s essentially 10/10 with an * for it being truly something else. This episode is marvelous from top to bottom and its barely existent weaknesses are naught but nitpicks. Not only that, I feel like it left me with so much. I just wrote two and a half pages about this episode and I still feel like I’ve done a disservice to it. I didn’t talk about how just relatable and charming and magical everyone is. I touched upon performances, but there’s still so much to be said about everyone. How is it that Robert Carlyle wasn’t even on screen for five minutes and still left one of the biggest impacts of anyone, even some of those more featured than he was? I still have loads to say about Henry and Emma’s dynamic (I was tempted to cheat and put them up there too). I could talk into eternity about the parallels and the setups and the goofy moments in the background. I could speak to how even in episode 1, Storybrooke becomes more not of a place, but a character. I want to read all kinds of things into the line “There’s not a lot of things I’m great at in life.” This episode is so great that it makes me feel guilty for not glorifying it enough, and that’s what makes it worthy of a Golden Apple.

-Flip My Ship Shadow Queen - HE HAD HER PILOT NECKLACE!!!! OMG! MY SHADOW QUEEN SHIPPER HEART IS JUMPING FOR JOY! Snowing - Snowing’s connection throughout this episode was just awe inspiring. You feel the connection between them in every word they spoke and every exchange of expressions they held. It’s demonstrated the most clearly when Snow asks Charming to go and see Rumple. Just the way that she says “him,” and with a look, you just see how he gets it. At the same time, they’re not without conflict and distinctions between the two of them. They have disagreements and act on their own, but are still unmistakably meant for each other. There are many relationships on the show that attempt realism, and even Snowing itself in Storybrooke will encounter that, but moments like these paint Snowing as fantastical and paint a picture of romance here that becomes iconic. Swan Queen - I love me some FoeTP’s and their’s was one hell of a start! The ambiguity of Regina’s intentions and motives as well as sprinkles of selfishness and coldness with and on Emma’s part make their chemistry truly delightful! I reflected on what I liked about them above in my “Dynamics” section, but everything there works fully down here too.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

And that about covers my thoughts on the premiere! I promise you that future posts won’t be nearly as long (Fingers crossed. This took quite a few hours to put together). Hope you liked them and thanks once more to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting this rewatch together! Season Tally (10/220) Writer Tally for Season 1: A&E (10/70)

[praphit]

My Avengers Family vs my new Man Crush

10 years and 18 movies. Let me say that again - 10 (bleepin) years and 18 (bleepin) movies! - it has all led up to this INFINITY WAR.

We've been watching Thanos leaning back on his chair, and poking his head out of the shadows to threaten everybody for a while now. After all of these movies, the Avengers feel like family to me. Think about it - some of us have probably spent more time with The Avengers than our own flesh and blood. I thought about this even more as I was looking at their red carpet photos:

Uncle Tony Stark, the screw up. He was an asshole when we first met him, and now he's still an asshole, but he's our asshole. When he's not screwing things up, you kinda want to be just like him, right??

The Hulk - everyone has someone in the fam that has anger issues. You know?? - when you invite your friends around them, you have a list of topics that you hand your friend, so they don't bring it up. And your friend looks at your list and is shocked that it's a list of 35 topics. "Don't bring any of these topics up, and if he speaks any of these to you, RUN!" But, we've learned to admire his outbursts.

Captain America!

Capt is like the zealot in the family, who has his passions and beliefs fail him... only to rebel, grow out his beard and hair... and lurk in the shadows... lookin damned good while doing so. As I'm typing this, I realize that I have a lot in common with Capt. I always thought I was more like Black Panther, but... it might be Capt. How bout that??

 - Btw, can we still call him Capt? I mean he's a fugitive now and he's not a leader of the Avengers anymore, so... Mr. America? - though America has kind of betrayed him. He's simply Steve Rogers. *sigh* I do hope that before his story ends, we'll be able to call him Captain America again.

"Let's take a moment to remember earth's mightiest heroes:

Thor, God of Thunder!

The Incredible Hulk!

And... STEVE."

Black Widow.

I wonder if she is proud of her journey as a woman in this movie? There was just Black the beginning (who most simply viewed as sex object). Now, she has everyone's respect, she might be getting a movie (her character anyway), and all of these ladies are with her. Of course, it'd be funnier if she had a huge ego about it. "Hold up now! Hold the (bleep) up! Danai stole my scene again. I know you were a big deal on "The Walking Dead", but don't get cute, ok?? And that goes for all of you! I'm still Queen Shit around here! And don't you bitches forget it (with snaps on that last sentence)!"

Then there's Thor - I didn't like him at first, but he has grown on me too. As pretty as he is (and he is pretty. As far as the Marvel Universe is considered, he might be earth's prettiest hero), he was so arrogant and... just as much of an asshole as Iron Man when you think about it - he just speaks fancier.

They're all on the wrong side of the asshole spectrum when you think about it. Hmmm... But, I guess that's also like family. Nobody really changes. Every few years or so they repackage the same ol bs, and you do too.

Family is a beautiful thing.

Some other pics I thought were funny on the red:

Alison Brie, who will be playing Captain Marvel.

I don't know what her facial expression is saying. Either someone farted near her or she has a wedgie.

There's Angela Bassett, who looks lovely.

She also looks like she's being accused of something. "Me?" Maybe she's being accused of farting. 　

Although this pic below says "It was me (quiet evil laugh)."

Then of course my friends from Wakanda.

I've been thinking to myself, what if the top dog at Marvel (I'm thinking a stereotypically old, racist, white man who's stuck in his ways --- whenever I think of this type, I think of Colonel Sanders for some reason

... anyway) sat down to meet with the Marvel producers and said

"Look, I let you create that asshole Tony Stark. I was ok with that hippie Thor, and I even let you spend all that money animating The Hulk, but now you're empowering all of these women and negros - what hell are y'all doing?! Wait, they made us how much money? Well, alright then! Send them some complimentary buckets of fried chicken and some tampons, and tell them to keep making me that money!"

Aaaaaah I know that's messed up, and yet... :)

I know what you're thinking - "John Praphit, quit foolin around and get to the review!"

Ok, so I can't say much without spoiling anything, cuz there's a lot going on in this movie, and any little bit could give something away. But, I can talk about a few things:

First of all, the main character - Thanos!

It really is his movie. He's the the type of villain that will make you at least stop and think. He believes that his way is actually making things better for everybody; not unlike Magneto (let's get the upperhand on the humans while we can) or Killmonger (pretty much... let's kill everyone who poses a threat, especially whitey). Those two go too far in their execution, but they make some good points.

Thanos, not only makes good points, but his execution kinda makes sense too. Thanos looks at worlds and says, "These planets are dying and the people thereof are miserable due to increasingly limited resources, sooooo let's wipe out half of the people." It make sense... a lot of our probs are caused by overpopulation. I'm just sayin. I found myself conflicted in this movie. I know Thanos is evil. I know his plan is... you know... but is it?? I still don't know.

Plus, he's so glorious. The body of The Rock, the fighting intensity of Ronda Rousey, the boldness of Trump (just his boldness... I repeat JUST HIS BOLDNESS), the mind of Plato, and the showmanship of Diddy. It does sound like I admire him doesn't it?? - I know he's the villain, but...

...

What's easier - move to Mars? or wipe out half of the human race? Wow... that's awful. I really am confused. Let's move on.

That's the movie. Thanos and his plan vs The broken Avengers and friends.

There are two complaints I've been hearing on the streets:

#1 - there's too much going on in this movie

Personally, I disagree, but I see that side of things. This movie is 90% fighting, and there are so many characters (from all of the movies) to give shine to. If you haven't seen this movie yet, keep in mind that it's more of a climax to all of the movies than it is a movie on its own. There's not a lot of developement of characters or story, but that's because all of that was done in the last 18 movies.

It's like if you see two people in a bar fight, and all you know about them is that someone stole something of value from the other; that's all you need to know to understand to invest in the fight. You'd be more emotionally involved if you had more details, but you don't NEED it at this point, especially if you're simply a fan of action.

I, like others, wish the movie put more time into dialogue between certain characters and their issues, but I also understand that there's not time - the world is coming to an end. If you just found out that... idk, your mistress is pregnant... and is also a man... and also your... brother/... sister? - and then all of a sudden zombies break into your home - there's obviously a lot to unpack there ( and a good tv show I think), but there's no time; you've got to deal with the zombies first.

#2 - the ending is grim

Annnnnd it is. BUT, keep in mind that it's part 1 of 2. And honestly, what other ending would you expect? None of the Avengers and friends have ever faced anyone as powerful as Thanos, and they don't have time to think of a solid plan; not to mention there really is no "Avengers" right now. The whole time I'm watching the movie, I'm thinking to myself "They have no chance at all."

It would be like Lebron James playing basketball against toddlers (another great show idea). The toddlers have NO CHANCE. Lebron will just dunk and dunk and dunk some more; just shaking all of the toddlers off of him.

I LOVED this movie! I understand the complaints, but those points didn't bother me. Like I said, it's a whole lot of fighting, but these are some of the best fighting sequences that we've seen in these Marvel movies. We've also got all of the best from the other movies: the design of "Dr. Strange", the humor of "Guardians", the wit of "Iron Man", and straight up awesomeness of "Black Panther". Plus, like I said, it's family - the gatherings can be a literal fight and you never want to spend more than two to three hours with them, but at the end of the day, you think to yourself... "that was entertaining."

The CG is amazing, especially when it comes to Thanos. They got a great actor in Josh Brolin to make us feel for Thanos. The movie has a good bit of emotional moments in general. I think that the more invested a person is in these last 18 movies, the more that person will appreciate this movie. It's also marvelous that they could make all of these movies fit together, and have all of these characters come together at all.

Grade: A

I still can't figure out what I think about Thanos' plan. I know that my Avengers family is right, but... I just wish everybody could talk it out. Maybe this whole movie could have taken place in a Chipotle - Just burritos and deliberation.

I know it seems like genocide, but it could ALSO be looked at as a rapture - you blink and certain people will simply be gone. We "rapture" half of the planet for the greater good. It's kinda righteous, right?? No? I know. I don't know what's going on with me. Luckily, we have another movie coming our way for me to get my head right and I can't wait! 　

[the-desolated-quill]

Captain Britain Joining The MCU. Give Me Fucking Strength - Quill’s Scribbles

You know there are some points in my life where a person or a movie studio does something so stupid and moronic that my only response is... what the fuck are you doing?

DC, what the fuck are you doing?

Marvel, what the fuck are you doing?

Kevin Feige... what the fuck are you doing?!

Yes, apparently Marvel Studios are considering putting Captain Britain into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Something I’m sure every comic book fan in the land has been crying out for. Now I’m sure you’re wondering what I, a British person, may think of this. Do I feel patriotic? Proud that such a ‘beloved’ British icon is going to be part of the MCU?

Yeah, I can’t say I’m excited about the prospect and the reason is because... um... how do I put this?... Captain Britain is quite possibly the dumbest thing to ever come out of Marvel (and I’m including Howard The Duck).

Captain Britain was created by Chris Claremont and Herb Trimpe to be the British equivalent of Captain America. But whereas Captain America took off and became a relatively integral part of the American comics industry, Captain Britain never had quite the same impact with us Brits. In fact in contrast with Captain America, he’s actually a very obscure character. While he does have his fans (very few fans), most people have either never heard of him or, like me, can’t stand the fucking sight of him, finding the character to be more patronising than patriotic.

There’s a number of reasons why Captain Britain never took off, but first let’s quickly sum up his backstory. Brian Braddock (smirk) was born into an aristocratic family in Essex and educated at Fettes College In Edinburgh. Because his family were no longer rich enough to fraternise with their academic peers, Brian was a quiet and lonely child because he was too proud to fraternise with the lower classes (and I’m sure we in the lower classes were eternally grateful for that, you stuck up git). After his parents, Sir James and Lady Elizabeth (oh I do beg your pardon) die in a laboratory accident, Brian gets a job at a nuclear facility at Darkmoor. When this facility is attacked by a terrorist, Brian gets on his motorcycle (a motorcycle? Oh come now! Surely that’s far too lower class for him. Shouldn’t he be riding a horse and cart? Pip, pip! Tally ho chaps! We’ll give the ruffians what for!) and goes looking for help only to then crash and get seriously injured (you had one job! That’s you off the Queen’s Christmas card list). He is then saved by Merlyn (yes, that Merlin) and is offered the chance to become Captain Britain. He’s asked to choose between the Amulet of Right (pffft) and the Sword of Might (tee hee). Brian chooses the amulet and he transforms into the champion of Great Britain, fighting for Queen and country and all that is pre-shrunk and cottony... Oh no, wait. That’s from Captain Underpants. Have you ever read Captain Underpants? It’s a brilliant series of books. Very funny. Did you know that DreamWorks are doing a movie adaptation? I’m very excited! :D

Now you may have noticed that I wasn’t really taking this seriously. And really, how could I? It sounds more like a parody of Captain America. But no. Apparently we’re supposed to be taking this very seriously. So come on. Let’s be serious about this for a moment. No! Stop sniggering! Control yourselves, please! This could very well be the next big thing in the MCU.

As I said, there are many reasons why Captain Britain never really took off. The most glaring example being how stereotypical it is. He comes from an aristocratic family. He went to a boarding school. It’s incredibly painful. He’s one step away from spending Sunday afternoons playing croquet in the grounds and sipping tea in the gazebo before retiring to his four poster bedroom where his butler will give him a glass of port as a nightcap and remind him to get up early in the morning so he won’t be late for a spot of fox hunting with the chaps from Grantham House. I mean Jesus Christ!

Another big reason why Captain Britain doesn’t work is because we don’t really have the same relationship to our flag and our country as the Americans do. Oh sure we can be patriotic on occasion, such as on remembrance days or royal events, but America takes it to a whole other level. Americans love their country. They love their flag. They’re proud to be Americans. To the point where they even have laws dictating how you should take care of your flag. You can actually get punished for not cleaning your flag properly. In some states it’s illegal to wash your flag in a washing machine because it’s disrespectful. That’s insane! Like... it’s just a piece of cloth! Calm down! Brits, generally speaking, don’t have that kind of relationship. In fact kind of the opposite. We often mock our country and view it with a certain amount of disdain. The only people who feel truly patriotic about Britain are the royalists and other such nutters. People who passionately believe that Britain is the best country in the world, who love the Royal family and harken back to the UK’s glorious yesteryears (which never actually existed). While both Captain America and Captain Britain are both equally dumb ideas, I can see why Americans would be drawn to Captain America. An American patriot who stands for American ideals and wears the American flag across his chest with pride. Captain Britain on the other hand, with his Union Jack and his Amulet of Right, is more likely to produce snorts of laughter from us Brits.

But I’ll say one thing for Captain America. It may be a stupid idea and he may talk as though he has the Declaration of Independence shoved firmly up his arse, but at least he doesn’t act all high and mighty or try to lord it over everyone else. No. He fights for the common man and that’s largely because he was a common man himself. A wimpy kid off the streets of Brooklyn determined to become a soldier and fight the Nazis, wanting to protect his country from injustice. His inner strength, good will and patriotism is what made him a prime candidate for the Vita-Ray experiment and he represents an aspirational figure that kids can look up to. Captain Britain is precisely not that. In fact he represents what the majority of Brits actually hate. An overly privileged, upper class prick who has great power bestowed onto him despite the fact that he’s done very little to actually deserve it.

And that’s by far the biggest problem with Captain Britain. As a character, he just doesn’t appeal to us Brits. He’s above us and he sees himself as above us. We don’t want to see that. If we wanted to see that, we’d just watch BBC Parliament. Let me give you an idea of the kind of characters we in the UK love:

Derek Trotter, more commonly known as Del Boy, was the main protagonist of the hugely successful sitcom Only Fools & Horses and is arguably one of the most beloved characters in British culture today. A market trader and con man who sells hooky gear on the streets of Peckham and often gets into trouble due to his get rich quick schemes. 

Dave Lister, a vending machine repair man from the sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf. This lager drinking, curry loving slob ends up becoming the last surviving member of the human race and a Godlike figure to a new race of people that evolved from his pet cat. As the series progressed, he helped his robot Kryten break his programming and become fully independent, and it’s this that helps him to grow and mature to become the space hero he is now in the current series.

Victor Meldrew, from the sitcom One Foot In The Grave. A middle aged man forced into early retirement and having to find ways to pass the time, be it through peculiar hobbies or shouting at the weird events happening around him, much to the dismay of his wife Margaret.

Basil Fawlty, from the beloved sitcom Fawlty Towers, has become one of the most iconic characters in British culture. A traditionalist, right wing hotelier desperately seeking to raise his social status and to become successful, but is forced to work with people he absolutely despises, including his incompetent Spanish waiter Manuel.

Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) is the main character of the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. Housewife to her eternally suffering husband Richard, she’s a pompous snob desperately seeking to maintain the illusion that she’s wealthier and more socially important than she actually is. However her attempts to climb the social ladder are often ruined by her working class sisters or her senile father.

And finally, just to bring this back into the realm of comic books there’s:

John Constantine. The chain smoking, working class magician from Liverpool who fights dark supernatural forces on a regular basis and frequently has to make morally dubious choices, often resulting in the deaths of his friends and loved ones.

Now what do all of these characters have in common? They’re all underdogs. Working class. Losers. Idiots. Failures. Those are the types of characters we’re drawn to as a culture. The reason why I included so many sitcom characters is because I feel they perfectly demonstrate the difference between British and American culture. America is brimming with idealism and aspiration. The idea that anyone can become greater than their humble origins, and this is reflected in their culture. In most American movies and TV shows and comic books, the main character is often smarter, wittier, tougher and/or funnier than the audience, representing someone they can aspire to be like. Here in Britain, where our rigid class system is permanently ingrained into us at an early age, we mostly accept the fact we’re likely going to stay where we’re at for the rest of our lives and so our media reflects that by giving us characters that are in similar situations to us. The reason we identify with the likes of Constantine and Lister and Del Boy is because they operate on our level and share our problems and worries. They’re one of us. When Basil Fawlty and Hyacinth Bucket arrogantly disregard their working class roots and try to raise their social status, it’s funny when they fail because serve them right for looking down on us. But when Del Boy eventually becomes a millionaire at the end, we’re legitimately happy for him because we like the character, we want to see him succeed and we’re glad he managed to succeed without compromising who he is. And that’s why Captain Britain will never be accepted by us. He is above us and has power over us and we don’t like that. People with power and authority are to be mocked and shamed, not to be celebrated or aspired to be like.

The idea that Kevin Feige is even considering putting Captain Britain into the MCU for me proves what I’ve been saying about Marvel all along. That they don’t care about creating a coherent or entertaining universe, that they’re adding characters and storylines just for the sake of adding characters and storylines, and that Kevin Feige clearly doesn’t have the slightest fucking idea of what he’s doing. If he did, he honestly wouldn’t think Captain Britain would be a profitable or worthwhile project to pursue. I also feel extremely annoyed by all of this. Remember when Feige said we were definitely going to see an LGBT+ superhero appear in the MCU at some point in the next ten years? Or just recently when he said we were totes going to see Miles Morales’ Spider-Man show up in the MCU at some point in the future? All of these vague half-promises constantly pushed back to make way for more ‘important’ projects like an Ant-Man sequel, an Inhumans TV series or Captain fucking Britain.

Regardless of what your thoughts are on the state of the MCU right now, I think we can all agree that when you get to the stage when you’re seriously considering Captain Britain as a legitimately good idea... maybe it’s time to take a break and reevaluate just what the fuck it is you’re actually doing.

[shinewithalltheuntold]

So, I had the pleasure of attending the Once Upon a Time panel at Phoenix Comicon today.  Sean Maguire, Karen David, and David Anders.  I expected to be entertained.  I did not expect to almost ruin my makeup because they made me laugh so hard I cried.

Seriously, I cannot overstate how flipping funny these three were together.  And adorable and thoughtful and just...this was one of the best panels I have been to in a long time - which is saying a lot because I’ve been to some really good panels.

A few highlights Many highlights under the cut because OMG they were just so entertaining:

- Karen David trying to come up with a way not to spoil people in the audience who hadn’t seen the finale yet (the mod rightly pointed out that anyone going to a panel without having seen the finale of a show knows what they’re getting into.  Still, Karen was adorable about it.)

- David made a comment about Sean looking cooler with his bow and arrow than Stephen Amell and the audience all gasped.  David took mock offense because they were at a Once panel and not an Arrow one.  He then randomly dropped references to Stephen Amell for the rest of the panel.  So funny.

- Sean of course got asked about Robin’s death.  He said he was obviously disappointed about it, but emphasized that an actor’s job was to serve the greater story and that as a writer he understood that (didn’t know he was a writer so that was an interesting tidbit.)  He sounded more zen about the whole thing than the interviews I read at the time - understandably so.

- He then made joking references to Robin’s death off and on, including that if Robin had been in the musical episode the only thing he could have sung about was being in a box.  This led to David Anders singing a Robin Hood theme song.

- David Anders can sing. Both he and Karen sang during the panel.  Sean sort of halfheartedly sang at one point, but he deferred to the other two.  Karen serenaded us with a Galavant song. It was glorious.

- Karen and David would have loved to be in the musical episode, but Karen pointed out that the regular cast has a lot of talented people and they should take center stage over recurring characters.  Sean would not have wanted to be in the musical episode, but was happy it was well-received and that his castmates did well.

- Karen enjoys teasing Colin.  He apparently tried to get her to crack at various points and she took that as a challenge so now it’s a bit of a thing with them. (She apparently tweeted a picture of a ham to him at one point.)  Also, apparently someone tweeted “#pantydropper” to Colin once and it makes him turn red whenever it’s mentioned. So Karen makes sure to mention it.

- Oh, and in the finale scene where Hook calls Snow ‘mom’, the first few takes apparently Colin played it all over the top sexy just for laughs.

- David enjoyed working with Sean on the couple of scenes they had together.  He was impressed with Sean’s ability to cry (holding Peanut) and not break character even when dealing with cheesy lines.

- Sean finds that the more serious a scene is, the more he wants to joke around (which I so relate to).  He made a comment about that possibly being the reason he was let go.

- Karen was really excited to with Ginnifer Goodwin in her first episode.  She shared a care package her dad sent to her with Ginny.  And then gave little care packages, including tea, to her castmates a lot.  She stopped when she realized how expensive it was going to be.  She apologized to Sean because she stopped it before he came back.

- She talked about what a pro Lana is and how when she’s playing the Evil Queen she is totally into it.  But in the diner scene where the Evil Queen is force choking Jasmine, Karen made this really weird, loud choking noise that she broke character and apologized for.  Lana cracked up, and Karen said she had to be looking away in the rest of the takes so she wouldn’t laugh.

- When asked about props or stunts that were memorable, Karen said she absolutely loved the flying carpet stuff.  And working with Joanna.  She is totally in love with being a Disney princess; she referenced it a lot.  It was too cute.  Sean talked about riding the fake horse in the streets of “New York” and how ridiculous he looked and how the people watching the filming looked at him like he was nuts.  He also talked about how sometimes the arrows he used were CGI because “apparently the producers didn’t want him accidentally shooting his castmates.  Or the crew.  Or random citizens of Vancouver.”  David joked that the heart he used in his scenes was real, donated by someone named Doug who died and donated his organs to Once.

- They all love Eduardo and his costumes and what he did for their characters. Sean talked about how it helped him find the character.  Karen said Eduardo told her she’s be on a liquid diet to fit into her costume so she loved when wore the cape because she got to eat that day.  David loved the steampunk look to his costume.

- Someone asked what spinoff they’d like to do for any of the roles they played.  David said there had been talk of a Sark spinoff for Alias at one point.  Sean said he’d love to play the version of Ian Fleming he played in Timeless in a spinoff.  Karen just said she wanted more Galavant - maybe a movie or a musical.

- All three of them geek out whenever they get the chance to act with Robert Carlyle. They all think he’s amazing.

- David doesn’t know how to play anything but villains.

- David and Sean were fucking savage about Trump.  Sean did an impression of him that I’m pretty sure was the start of my tearing up from laughing, and when asked which real life hero or villain he would be he said he would be Trump so that he could shoot himself in the head.  Then at the end when they were asked who they’d take a magic carpet ride with, David said Trump so that he could push him off.  Sean said that David stole his answer verbatim and then looked out and said that they might as well do it right so he would take Pence on his carpet ride.

- Sean’s favorite thing to do besides acting is napping.  A highly underrated pastime. (Clearly a man with a small child.)  Karen likes going into the studio to make music, and is learning golf.  David agreed to help teach her.

- Karen is moving into Sean’s neighborhood.  Sean is helping her move.  Karen joked that she just wanted to see Sean in a tank top and then Sean talked about as actors how they’d all have the perfect “moving day” outfits and that if his clashed with Karen’s husband he’d have to go home and change.

- David moved recently as well into a “cooler” neighborhood and apparently someone wrote something about hipsters not being welcome in the neighborhood.  He left it up because it amused him and was actually kind of cool looking. He referenced Banksy in describing what it looked like.

- Sean liked doing Once Upon a Time in Wonderland because it let him develop his character a bit more.  And because getting two paychecks is always good.

- Now that I’m thinking about it, Karen did reference wanting to do a spinoff called “Once Upon a Time in Agrabah.”  She said she would take the magic carpet with Hook, and pick up Robin and Whale on the way because after spending the weekend with Sean and David she was bummed that she never got to have scenes with either of them.  (Seriously though, they seemed to have hit it off really well.  They were having a great time together and were really comfortable with each other.)

- A gentleman talked about how his wife had been battling cancer and Once was a godsend to her because it helped keep her mind off the pain of chemo and he was really grateful to the show for being so important to her.  Sean said something really lovely about how he thought he spoke for all the cast that being able to create something that was so meaningful to so many people and to hear stories like that was what made their jobs worthwhile.

- Karen talked about her parents and how inspirational they were to her.  They weren’t allowed more than $20 when they emigrated first to England and then to Canada.  Her dad framed the $20 to remind her and her sister of how important it was to work hard to achieve your goals and how supportive and awesome they were.

- She also talked about being bullied growing up and dealing with racism and how seeing Disney princesses like Jasmine and Mulan and Pocahontas helped her to recognize that those things she was being bullied for were what made her special.  When she was done talking, David leaned over and gave her a hug.

I’m sure there’s more stuff that I’m missing because the panel was pretty much an entire hour of amazing and I am so so glad I went.  Karen David is sunshine personified, Sean Maguire is witty and sweet and charming, and David Anders is so much funnier than I was expecting (and also had moments of sweetness.) I highly recommend attending any panel any of them do, separately or together.  But especially together because it was just truly delightful.  (And I am really bummed that I missed the chance to do the photo op with the three of them together now.  Alas.) 

[anthonybialy]

Left from a Left Turn

We are calmly headed toward the joyous people's republic socialist ideal that embodies if only voters are wise enough to embrace communal decency. This will be the time it works.

Liberal maniacs ensure they'll have enough rage fuel for another term by helping Donald damn Trump get reelected. All the rather boastful president will have to do is belittle his opponents' drive to copy the most optimistic goals of the Sandinistas. Thanks to those who help him in his lifelong goal to avoid listing accomplishments.

Pushing Democrats to embrace daft semi-communism causes a chain reaction which will keep their enemy in place so they can keep condemning him. To be fair, whining is way more fun than governing. Hmmm, it's almost psychological.

Please don't demean pinkos by comparing them to the Democratic field. Statist presidential hopefuls don't want to completely replicate East Germany, as they hate walls. And said enmity is not even for the right reasons, as keeping people from leaving is kind of the opposite of keeping people out. Stripping America's wealth in order to fuel class warfare fantasies is one way to keep illegal immigration low.

The alliance between reparations fans and Electoral College enemies is not electable, but at least it’s for sinister reasons. Awful ideas are the only way to lose to an awful candidate.

The biggest chance for Democrats to take over in awhile is being provided by a reality show buffoon who compensates for his lack of sales by bragging that he's the best at sales. But wholly calm dissenters can only shriek how they hate the president more than Hitler, which they justify by claiming he's the ruder modern incarnation. Such a histrionic strategy is as bad as their platform, so at least they can manage consistency.

Seeing Trump as an opportunity to offer contrast is wise. Inflicting Medicare on everyone is just a bit too much. Disregard how often an ostensible Republican spends as government fans wish.

Preposterous debt used to be something the alleged pro-business party pretended to fight. But better management of an unwieldy federal government isn't thrilling. Instead, the opposition guarantees they'll give us an economy to make Venezuela proud. Now, there's a country that cares about fighting childhood obesity and large carbon footprints.

Every issue is on steroids. The Democratic lust for gun confiscation is almost as fervent as trusting a Godzilla-style government with your health. The real problem is you’re allowed to keep money that belongs to all of us. Stop being greedy and hand over what you earned to everyone else. The contempt for success may seem un-American, but that's the price of strangling the economy until everyone can't breathe equally.

The ceaseless freakout is helping the man they hate most stay in office. Hillary already did her part, which is one of the only amusing things about enduring a Trump presidency. It's important to avoid lessons if you're certain you are never incorrect. Present politics don't inspire any feeling greater than relief someone even worse fails to access power. I remain a crazy dreamer who hopes someday to have a leader so competent that we forget the person exists from day to day.

Let's not use a pompous buffoon's reign to learn to limit power. Trump's enemies promise to use the same government they say gives him too much authority to make life pleasant. It's different when they are granted authority because they're responsible about believing a president can micromanage nationally. They don't want to use their worst enemy abusing power like it's his mandate to prove liberalism's perils.

Change the names if you want the other side cheering. Tariffs will be cool again if, say, someone as wise and decent as Woke Joe Biden gets the chair. Those who shriek about how the incumbent does everything as crudely as he does foolishly may have a point, but they don’t have to govern.

Yelling that you're doing it wrong is easier, which is why most people enjoy watching sports. Trump wishes he didn't have to quarterback anymore, which may be the same reason he sunk the USFL. Building a vertical surface on the southern border when the congressional majority was ostensibly from the same party would've meant so much work.

Emboldened Trump-loathing Democrats are unabashed in their demands to keep you from doing anything you want, especially if that involves a bigger paycheck. Like Fox turning into a hardcore sex channel so gradually that viewers don't even notice, Democrats lust to seize authority in little steps. The incremental assault was either so the shift was imperceptibly gradual or because those bits were all they could grab at once. Voters can decide which invasion strategy is better.

You notice if all your cash is gone in a way you won't if one bill disappears at a time. Confiscating more of what's yours before you even noticed what's missing was the only thing Democrats did well. Sneakily taking small steps got the government sort-of in everything like they wanted. But now they lurch for the rest. Have they gone insane or are they just more honest about it?

The government will care for you, according to those who hate the head of state more than cancer. The opposition party is as good at reading the electorate as they are human nature. Sure, it's possible to win some votes and even many elections by promising that unlimited free junk is obtainable if we just believe hard enough. But mathematics does not succumb to peer pressure.

The only thing funnier than thinking government is good at anything is figuring the most successful will continue to toil to keep the federal furnace stoked with currency. Our only consolation is the hope that shrieking socialism is unpalatable to enough voters even if appeals to a disturbing sliver of ironically greedy voters.

The self-styled resistance is so emotional about Trump's presidency that they forget to pretend they don't want to control every aspect of our lives. They're just letting him win again, which is sure to make them happier.

[bigbrotherorre]

FINAL EPISODE: “DENNIS IS SUCH A KING” - ALI THE REST OF THE GAME.

WEEK 13 

if someone who doesn't love me wins this week then bye bye ashvika 

annoyed that sammy nominated me because i kept him safe last week whereas i could have just as easily flipped to keeping alivia and he could've left...but more than that, i'm annoyed at his speech. i dont think he should've used "you nommed me" as an excuse bc that's lame and he was the first to nom me and i nommed him back so we were even, and then i let him have veto pick when he was nommed and i made sure he got taken off. also conversation is a two way street and i dont see him trying to make a conversation with me either, he could have just said the real reason....i love hearing about how good of a player he thinks i am.... the worst case scenario is if bryce or zeezo win, i think even if the noms stay the same that i have a good chance of staying? granted that autumn and ali don't decide to turn on me and evict me 

why is bryce spreading lies :( i didn't tell ali to nominate sammy.... 

ive made a lot of mistakes this game and there all coming at me now.. my position in the game is terrible and i can blame it on ppl playing not to their win condition or on just the wrong ppl winning comps at the wrong time, but ultimately i could have tried harder convincing ppl to see the light or to do better in challenges so ultimately its on me. feeling really hopeless this week even tho i avoided being a preveto nom i think ill be a post one if literally anyone but me wins veto. and i flopped veto (cwl). i cant wait for after the game for ali to admit that he did tell me that ashvika pushed for sammy to be nommed. order in which id vote ppl zeezo- always worked with me and if she makes it to the end she truly DID THAT ashvika- really took control of the game with her hoh win and after jose left smartly picked up the goats and became the biggest threat randy- a king love us working with/against each other throughout the game and even tho he was voted out im not one to discredit buyback winners autumn- never spoke to me but guess she didnt need to KASDHFK ali- fakest person ive ever met dennis- knows how to get to f2 at least sammy- ignores obvious facts and always makes the wrong move  but good at comps so wooh (me teas too tho...)

somehow i didnt get nommed but like so sad what the heck zeezo is going home like why is everyone so jealous that shes prettier and funnier than them :( why cant we all be her goats <3 i guess its good bc like i cant win with zeezo in the game and i can vote to keep her still, but honestly if i lose in f2 with zeezo itd still be fun bc she has had my back all game :] I AM SO SAD UGHHHH GOD HATES GAYS AND HES TAKING MY TWO WOC QUEENS BACK TO BACK. Now i have ashvika who is a queen but not my queen!! And autumn yikes hates me always :(

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE!!! I did one video confessional for Week 11 and just like never posted it lmao but I will haha and that's all behind me. But anyway I just have so many feelings. Live  night is about to begin, me and Zeezo's war is finally concluding, IM STILL TRYING TO GET MY FIRST COMP WIN, and I'm trying to protect my allies at all cost. Some cracked shit is about to go down and I'm so excited and so so glad I took a nap before this cause I'm ready for anything wooo

RANDY: WIN SAMMY: ... ALI: FAKEST PERSON IVE EVER MET MAYBE TALKS A BIG GAME AND SAYS HES SUPER NICE AND EMOTIONAL BUT SUDDENLY CAN TURN THAT OFF. HE WOULD BE A GOOD VILLAIN BUT HE ACTS NICE AND DOESNT OWN IT AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC ITS SO SOON BUT I HOPE HE CHOKES AND HAS HAYFEVER FOREVER! WHAT EVEN IS HAYFEVER??? HORSE BOY AUTUMN: NEVER SPOKE TO ME BUT NICE DENNIS: FORGOT TO PUT SOMEONE ON THE LIST, KNEW HIS WAY TO F2 AND IF HE DOESNT TAKE CREDIT FOR THINGS ICON AND ID VOTE FOR HIM.

AFTER THE TRIPLE EVICTION...

OK BUT DAT TRIPLE DOE http://media2.giphy.com/media/xUA7aViRhBQPzXNAAM/giphy.gif It was dramatic, over the top, emotional, satisfying, show stopping, gut wrenching- literally everything you want out of a triple. I... don't feel bad for Breezo lmao, not after all the messiness they've caused. But doing Ashvika dirty is literally the hardest choice I've had to make in Orre. Sis I am so so sorry. I should've thrown you a vote but you know how Randy is and you really know how Dennis is. I just--- that was something I like wasn't prepared to ever do, break Ashvika's heart. But like in my beautiful dark twisted mind? It was perfect because I knew I couldn't go to the end w/ Ash but I was never going to nominate her. So here we are rip ALSO LAB AND BREEZO ALL SITTING IN JURY??? BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/zcAii7T9JXezS/source.gif If you're reading this, you know I sure did say I would wipe that whole group out and send them to jury and it really did come to pass. John sure did gas all of them up to win and I sure did tell him in my Week 10 goodbye message that they were all bout to walk in behind him. So in the spirit of prophesizing, let it be known that Auli aka Ali and I will make Final 3 because we are the strategic dynamic duo y'all slept on. Like correct me if I'm wrong: we've been on the right side of all 8 "merge" votes (there's no word for like opposite of pre-jury lmao), we ain't been on block since Week 6/7 and it's now Week 14, and we've downplayed our iconicism left and right so we're the last duo standing at Final 5, and no one wants to take a shot at us. BUT YALL STILL SLEEP CAUSE THE MIST IS THAT STRONG. That's ok though! When Randy and Sammy walk into jury next y'all will see Also I'm  dead at how much jury hates Ali hahaha. Deadass he has to stay in the game for safety reasons. Like soooo many jurors wanna kill him. That's my ride or die though so I can't let that happen. Anyway I still feel like shit for obeying Randy, which hurt Ashvika, made Dennis cry, and further dragged Ali's corpse. But the good news is woooo it's Final 5 and these boys all want to take Auli to the end. So do I NEED to win this HOH? No not really. Am I still praying and pleading with God like I do before every comp? Absolutely https://media1.tenor.com/images/1a11748f0c7ce30ab4afd057fab66751/tenor.gif?itemid=5677211

Me when I shocked the nation and won HOH and finally had power in the house after 13 weeks https://78.media.tumblr.com/2a8c6d7cc298da364a847f8f9d767c7c/tumblr_opiih6Z7tB1ub3fcfo1_500.gif Me then using said power to target my baby Randy for the greater good https://media.giphy.com/media/hic9t15zsdwfC/giphy.gif And now me that I'm selling my entire family, land, soul, and wig collection to get Dennis to keep me and kill Sammy so that I'm not Ika Wonged because I know for a fact Ali would take me to F2 and Dennis would be a dumbass not to take me too. AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED IF I WENT UP A FOURTH TIME THAT WOULD BE THE TIME I GO UP ON THE BLOCK AND DONT COME BACK DOWN SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DENNIS BE STRATEGIC AND KEEP ME https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/53/9d/23539d4ab6c13adab50940426d73ed6e.gif

[AFTER F4 EVICTION]

WAIT WHAT HOW AM I ALIVE?? https://media.giphy.com/media/TZ388aYpsLMcM/giphy.gif AND HOW THE FUCK DID I MAKE FINAL 3??? https://yiaelxzosjw9p4bs-zippykid.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/happy-crying.gif Pray for me if I win Final HOH cause fun fact: I, the strategic legend, have no clue who to fucking take to the end and that's the biggest gag of the entire season BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN OUT THIS FAR GODDAMMIT AND I WISH I HAD. Ok that's not entirely true- I knew I should either sit next to Dennis or Ali because ya know contingency plans matter. BUT NOW??? Bitch ion know I just wanna win

CLICK HERE & HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

i've never seen a better reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that is my mental state than these two being filmed less than 12 hours apart jasldfa

CLICK HERE AND HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

okay i have lots of post finale thoughts but i need to type them up tomorrow. i just hope the jury knows how sorry I am if I ever upset them, because I love them all so much and would never want that :(

time for my post finale wrap up and.... whewie. This is so upsetting because, I just did this for all stars. Like it's looking like my track record is LITERALLY going to be 2nd 9th 2nd 2nd 2nd, I CANT COME 2ND AGAIN. I really can't take this. Here is the bigger problem though and this is why Orre will be my last game whether I win or not. I can't keep playing these games when I upset so many people. Like it honestly broke my heart yesterday hearing how much I upset people like Bryce & Ashvika, people I love SOOOOOOO much. I don't want to upset people. Like... what upset me about finale is I don't think the jurors realise that.... I didn't just upset people for the sake of it and ahhh. Honestly, I'm really upset, like not even that I'm coming second but that I upset people. So with that said, I really apologise to the jurors. I got the impression that I hurt you all so bad that you are giving me 2nd as like.... punishment? And while I hate that, if I hurt you all that bad I really owe you all an apology. Anywho, since this is definitely my last game, I've played 183 days worth of games to just come 2nd, and that's just too much. I'm too flawed of a person and player to continue playing these games and just keep coming 2nd. Like it just hurts. so yeah, i'm sad but mainly because this is deja vu. I'm so proud of Dennis for winning, he is such a sweet genuine guy and when he was complimenting me during the finale, it was the nicest thing I've ever heard and I'm so greatful. No matter my game or his, I'd be happy to see Dennis represent our season.

Can I just say... Dennis is such a king. What a kind-hearted, genuine guy. A true king.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okay so I lost.... and I'm weirdly at peace with it. I know I answered the jury questions terribly and I had... some jurors that would never have it in them to vote for me and would actively campaign against me. Dennis is a king, and in a cast with toxicity and SUCH bitterness, I think he is a phenomenal representation for the season. Otherwise, I am really honoured to get Ashvika's vote, she is such a deserving POTS, and to get POTS' vote is always an honour. Autumn and Jose are amazing friends and I am so happy to have got to work with them, John is a player with SUCH potential and he is WINNING BOTS & Zeezo I'm really honoured to get her vote too! For the others, Bryce is a KING and so is Blake (they both seemed really upset by me so I hope we can be friends). Lynn I never spoke to and seems... very bitter about the season's result, but I hope she gets over it because she is also a QUEEN. Randy is a funny one and I'm starting to worry all his friend talk was just him playing into my emotional side, but he is a good egg really I know it. Sammy is a ghost king. I kinda want to end on Alivia. Alivia is a person whose personality is obviously very different to mine and the way she speaks to me and others really upsets me a lot of the time. However, her bitterness against me is understandable and I hope she gets over it, because she defines herself by anger and bitterness when she is such a funny and likable person and doesn't need to do that. but woo... to wrap stuff up, I'm so grateful for Nicholas & Julia for casting me, Owen & Emily for being amazing.... OH, I forgot what I wanted to say. Autumn is a queen, a legend and amazing. She is honestly soo soo amazing, like... someone I really admire and see as a rolemodel? she is inspirational, a queen and a legend. Dennis is the nicest, most well intentioned guy ever SO sweet and really just a genuinely nice guy. I have made lasting friendships with some members of this cast and I'm so happy. so yeah.... i'll probably do another one of these in like a day or so, but if not.... ali out woo

we love coming to jury and being told about my ""showmance""".... wanna die jadfkl. my only showmance was to snakery, my way of life. blake was robbed but also is a broccoli. last words? autumn and dennis are my faves, best F3 ever.

FINAL CAST ASSESSMENT

[legit9ja]

Rachel Lindsay's boozy #Bachelorette premiere; complete with hot lawyers, shady men + A pen!s-obsessed creep

As the world keeps on plummeting into turmoil and we rationally plan to promise fealty to our new overlord, this shining sphere, there's just a single thing all Americans appear to concede to: that we have no clue what the heck is going on. Given the greater part of this disorder and disarray, watchers are actually swinging to the one thing in this world that still bodes well—discovering intimate romance on national TV. The U.S. may be partitioned, yet Bachelor Nation has never been more energized or in a state of harmony. That is on account of The Bachelorette is at last back to divert us for two hours each Monday. All the more imperatively, this season will be helmed by a fair to-god champion, Rachel Lindsay, a lady who has surmounted bigotry and Nick Viall to wind up noticeably The Bachelor establishment's first historically speaking dark bride-to-be. If it feels like only months ago when we first met Rachel Lindsay, that’s because it was. The 31-year-old Texan attorney debuted on Nick Viall’s otherwise atrocious season and immediately stood out. Rachel had it all: shiny hair, a beautiful smile, and a real job that wasn’t made up by a random word generator. In fact, her only flaw was that she appeared to be genuinely interested in Nick Viall, an unemployed software engineer with all of the charisma and charm of an unemployed software engineer. Nick’s season was almost universally deemed underwhelming—so underwhelming that, in an unprecedented move, ABC started hyping Rachel’s upcoming stint in the bachelor mansion before she was even kicked off the show. In other words, the network spoiled its own show. Even more unexpectedly, host Chris Harrison decided to spring an early surprise on Rachel during Nick’s “After the Final Rose” special, bringing out four of her would-be boos. It was all very rude. Luckily, ABC eventually smartened up and gave Rachel the lavish two-hour Bachelorette premiere that she, and we, so desperately need and deserve. As always, we know that this season will end in an engagement. But unlike last season, in which we plumbed the emotional depths of a relatively uninteresting white Wisconsinite for two hours every week, it seems like Rachel is actually going to have fun on her way to the finish line. Chris Harrison, a man who has witnessed more mismatched couples and messy breakups than your average divorce attorney, introduces Rachel’s season by describing the new Bachelorette as a “skeptical woman” who “questioned everything” when she first started out in the competition. Harrison seems visibly irked that someone who had the audacity to question a two-time Bachelorette contestant’s romantic intentions will now be starring on her own season. Either that, or Harrison is justifiably terrified of being caught on camera next to someone who’s innately likable. Just how likable is Rachel Lindsay? In her pre-competition montage, the Bachelorette even manages to make playing basketball in full makeup look relatable. Viewers will doubtlessly find themselves thinking, “Wow, now that’s a girl I could really see myself putting on a full face of makeup to fake exercise with.” Even at her corniest, like when Rachel professes, “It’s hard to take off the lawyer hat and put on the love one,” it’s almost impossible to make fun of this woman. Watching her give a fake opening statement in a fake courtroom is already 100,000 times more entertaining than watching Nick Viall start to tear up in a series of increasingly chunky sweaters. While this episode is technically an ode to Rachel Lindsay and whichever former world-class figure skater is in charge of her wardrobe, it’s really about the contestants. The Bachelorette is, at its best, a parade of hunky dudes in fancy suits. This season, the bros come in all different colors, and Rachel and I are not complaining. Harrison introduces this rainbow of suitors by explaining that they are “some of America’s most eligible bachelors.” The video introductions that follow are a fascinating window into the heart of American mediocrity. Our eligible bachelors include a professional wrestler, a man who thinks that he is funny, and a guy who must be smart because he owns a Rubik’s cube. There’s also a sneaker head, a startup founder, and a personal trainer who makes a great first impression by insisting, “Many women have told me about the amazingness of my pen!s.” Of course, with so many dicks and so little time, there’s nothing like a good edit to help us separate the men from the boys. It’s immediately clear that Josiah, an Assistant State Attorney, is being highlighted as a potential frontrunner. In under two minutes, we learn that Josiah witnessed his brother’s suicide when he was just seven years old, and was arrested for a burglary at 12. He turned his life around in order to work in the very same courthouse where that judge gave him a second chance. We know that Josiah is good at his job, or at the very least good at memorizing and delivering lawyer-type phrases into what is doubtlessly a disconnected telephone. We also see him with his shirt off. Say what you will about The Bachelorette production team (they are geniuses and artists), but who else can take you from Lifetime movie to Playgirl cover shoot in just under three minutes? Rachel arrives at the mansion to prepare for her big night. Surprise! Her fellow contestants from Nick’s season are already there to greet her, and, don’t you know it, they’ve been drinking. Corinne and co. are an important reminder that while only one Bachelor loser gets to be the next Bachelorette, every single contestant wins a lifetime supply of floral rompers. When some of the ladies try to warn Rachel about a potentially shady contestant, she counters that she doesn’t want to discriminate based on people’s “different reasons” for coming on the show—all that matters is whether or not they’re open to love. Rachel’s maturity and sweetness is quickly rewarded when she’s introduced to her first batch of suitors. There are, and I do not say this lightly, some serious sparks. Lindsay’s diverse season might be a bit of a departure for the uber-white franchise, but if this episode proves anything, it’s that protein shakes are prevalent in many cultures. While some of the contestants seem content to make Lindsay blush or smile, others can’t resist making a big entrance. Blake, the guy who thinks his dick is big, bursts onto the scene with an entire marching band, like someone who definitely isn’t overcompensating. A man named Adam brings his ventriloquist dummy, who is named Adam Jr. Later on in the episode, Adam Jr.—a doll—is given his own plot line in which he pines over Rachel in a language that appears to be French, which is the kind of surreal weirdness that’s usually reserved for Bachelor in Paradise. In fact, this entire premiere is a little funnier, a little raunchier and a little ballsier than your average Bachelorette episode—it’s not on the level of a Bachelor in Paradise pants-shitting, but it’s still seriously entertaining. A man in a penguin costume says, “Rachel makes me feel dignified.” A man who says his personal catchphrase more than ten times over the course of this episode is confronted by a man named Blake, who insists he is on The Bachelorette for all the right reasons. During one particularly strange outburst by catchphrase man, we hear an off-camera contestant exclaim, “What the fuck is happening right now?!” While Rachel takes one-on-one meetings with her aspiring husbands, the boys amuse themselves by talking about how gorgeous, smart, and nice she is. When that gets old, they revert to everybody’s favorite activity: shitting on Nick Viall. While many of these introductory conversations are adorable, a contestant named Bryan—sorry, Dr. Bryan Abasolo—quickly pulls away from the rest of the pack by speaking in Spanish and telling Lindsay that he’s “good with my hands.” The level of sexual energy between Lindsay and Abasolo is one missing bikini top short of Nick and Corinne in the bouncy castle. Unsurprisingly, Bryan walks away with the first impression rose, and manages to make out with Rachel not once, but twice—and these are some steamy make out sessions. Good for you, Rachel Lindsay, and better luck next week, Assistant State Attorney, big dick guy, and ventriloquist doll. Click to Post