#the moon whispers to me | nora koenig

[eleanoreunlocked]

Some moments felt more like opening a door into the past than being cemented in the now. Each stretched second between herself and Camille a reminder of that. As if a door opened before her, beckoning her to step through it. Did all things unfinished, unsaid, untouched feel this way? Nora wondered with a sinking feeling that she was some how being tricked. The soft lilt of Camille's voice a honeyed trap lulling her into a false sense of safety, a trap waiting to snap. Not everyone and everything is out to get you, Eleanore- she reminded, the voice of a therapist she stopped seeing long ago cementing Nora in the now. You can't go back. That's what she'd been told at least. Forward was the only way to exist, but time it was not linear. Healing, grief, love- existence none of it existed in a straight line of start to end. There was so much middle, so much time to account for and not all of it abided by rules. Nora stepped further into the kitchen, a way of cementing this tentative connection. If there was a way to exist here without her guilt and paranoia maybe she'd find it in the kitchen. Wine would have helped, "Chamomile tea sounds nice," but when you can't have what you want maybe the kindness thing to do for yourself is to take what you need.

the quiet hum of the kitchen was almost suffocating in its stillness, and camille could feel the weight of years between her and nora. it wasn’t that there was any animosity, far from it, but there was a tension that neither of them had ever quite addressed. a secret that hung between them, unspoken, and perhaps better left untouched for the time being. camille didn’t have the energy to revisit old wounds, especially not now. so instead, she kept her focus on the shelves in front of her, rifling through them.

when the silence stretched too long, camille spoke up, her voice lighter than it felt. "i'm sure there's a bottle around here if you're seriously needing it," she said, not looking back at nora, as if the words could distract them both from what they didn’t want to say. she paused, then turned her head over her shoulder to make sure the offer didn’t seem too cold. "but if there’s not, I can always make you something. chamomile? It’s been a long day." her eyes lingered on nora for just a moment longer than she meant to, soft but distant, as if she were trying to gauge the air between them without fully stepping into it.

[eleanoreunlocked]

Closed starter @gr0tesques

JULIAN & NORA arrival

Leading up to departure Nora had been restless, like a ballerina inside a music box that never shuts, never stops. Spinning from one thing to a next, checking their boarding passes excessively, distracting herself with making sure Julian had everything he needed. It was bordering on mothering and then she began to wonder where the hell she'd learned that skill? The air port provided her with a litany of distactions, books, over priced snacks and her endless theories on the real purpose of the TSA. She'd talked without pause and once they found their seats and boarded Nora insisted Julian start the same movie as her at the exact same time.

Then she spent the entire movie annotatating her book, giving her opinions on the movie to her brother. By the time they landed the novel she'd purchased with full of colorfully marked tabs and notes in every margin. She'd solved the thrillers mystery before the end by ever merit except who the culprit had been. It made her momentarily wonder about her ability to judge others. A thread that if she pulled may have left her unwraveled, so she gave the book to Julian and insisted her annotate it as well. Maybe she would have worn out of topics of conversation by then, but from rental car to coffee pick up Nora had found something to fill any possible silence with. Surely her brother was able to see through what she was doing. Surely she knew this, but for now it was not acknowledged.

Rental car secured Nora blasted all her favorites, skipping any song that reminded her of Jamie and not complaining if Julian wanted to choose the music. She sang to every song she knew like this was just any old trip. A vacation even. She sped through the interstate as if there hadn't been a pebble growing into a boulder inside her stomach making her feel sick. Acting...there was a reason she had the awards she did. There came a point as they neared that specific road that led to that very cabin that all her energy shifted. Her tongue a weight pressed to the roof of her mouth, her heart's beat pained her with every thud and the endless noise she'd perfected ceased. Her focus fixed, each breath measured to prevent triggering any memory. Or at least try.

They were early as the rental car was put into park. Nora didn't turn off the engine or look away from the looming cabin before them. Her knuckles blanched around the stirring wheel, "You don't have to wait for me," Nora's eyes flicked to Julian, the familiar shade of blue glossed behind a film of incoming tears. She hadn't wanted to cry, bit her tongue to distract herself and took a deep breath through her nose.

[eleanoreunlocked]

Nora shivered once Miki drew attention to the weather. The last time they had all been here it was warm and that was how Nora remembered this place in her mind. The feeling of summer sunshine, cool lake water washing over her. She turned her face towards the sun, another shiver and a fleeting frown. "It's cold," she replied almost as if she were realizing it for the first time. She shook her head as if she were waking from a dream, rubbing the memory from her eyes. "Julian is here too..." Nora added, looking around as if saying her twins name would make him manifest at her side. "Some where," she added, "we drove together," she added again. Nora pulled her arms around her, "How many bodies until its a graveyard?" she muttered aloud, too dazed in grief to correct herself. She merely nodded and followed Miki inside.

miki  hesitated  at  the  bottom  of  the  porch  steps,  nora’s  forced  smile  hitting  her  like  a  sudden  gust  of  wind.  she  could  see  the  faint  redness  around  her  eyes,  the  quick  way  she  tried  to  smooth  over  the  cracks,  and  it  left  miki  unsure  of  how  to  respond.  “yeah,  it’s…  nice,  a  little  cold  for  my  liking.”  she  said,  the  words  sticking  awkwardly  in  her  throat.  she  shifted  the  weight  of  her  bag  and  looked  past  nora  to  the  cabin  door,  its  worn  wood  a  stark  reminder  of  everything  they’d  left  behind  here.  “i  guess  it’s  just  us  for  now,”  miki  added,  trying  to  sound  casual,  though  her  own  voice  felt  thin  and  uncertain. what  she  really  wanted  to  say,  what  she  couldn’t,  was  i  get  it.  the  weight  of  everything  they  weren’t  saying  sat  between  them,  unspoken  but  impossible  to  ignore.  miki  glanced  down  at  her  boots,  scuffing  them  lightly  against  the  gravel,  before  stepping  up  onto  the  porch  beside  nora.  “guess  we  should  head  in,”  she  said  softly,  her  voice  trailing  off  as  she  reached  for  the  door.  “wouldn't  want  to  get  pneumonia,  and  die.”

[eleanoreunlocked]

Coming back to Still Water had crossed Nora's mind more times than she could sanely admit to anyone outside of maybe her twin. The number of times she had gotten in her car, gripped the steering wheel and found herself heading towards the last place she remembers feeling whole. It was a painful sort of wholeness, a sort that made a person feel too much, too full of everything. This excess of feeling felt as if she were coming a part at the invisible seams of her soul. All she was and wanted to be threatening to spill out of her, overflowing feelings onto the floor, over the shoes of everyone who knew her, knew of her. Had the misfortune of sharing this same sort of grief...this loss. She never made it back to still water. The day Jamie died all that heaviness sunk so deep sometimes Nora thought she would never reach it again. Maybe it was better that way. This catatonic sort of ache rather than the endless crying feeling it all would demand.

Then Harper died and it wasn't just about her anymore. It took her an hour of convincing herself to get out of her car before Nora was able to make her way towards the door. Avoidance. She wondered which parent had passed down that trait. Nora hadn't even noticed Matcha sitting there, self absorbency...that DNA marker was a toss up. She swallowed hard, the feelings she'd been avoiding for years rising like an over fed flame up her throat. Nora didn't speak for a moment, awkwardly moving to sit across from Match. Her posture stiff as she picked a place on the wall to stare at, "It feels liminal being back here," her voice cracked a squeak as she finally spoke still not looking directly at Matcha. "Like we're here now, but it's unchanged. Preserved in time." It felt right that it was like this. The whole world had moved on after Jamie died. It felt soothing that something other than the ghost of her feelings had stayed right here where they'd all left it.

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 : the main living room.

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 : 01 / 10 / 2025 , 2:40 p.m.

𝘸𝘩𝘰 : matcha & anyone.

𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘴 : 0 / 4.

🪡 : lake  stillwater  seemed  to  be  frozen  in  time.  everything  was  the  same... the  smell,  the  sounds,  the  eerie  feeling  matcha  felt  wash  over  her  when  left  alone  in  a  room.  a  less  rational  person  would  say  something along the lines of it feeling like someone had their eyes on her,  but  matcha  was nothing if not  rational.  currently  stationed  by  herself  in  the  large  living  room,  matcha seemingly was  just  sitting  and  enjoying  the  silence, her luggage still sitting next to her by the couch.

in  reality  everything  about  this  place  reminded  matcha  of  either  harper  or  jamie.  neither  reminder  offered  any  kind  of  comfort...  more  like  a  stinging  in  her  chest  she  couldn't  quite  shake.  matcha  felt  her  body  stiffen  before  she  could  actually  see  the  figure  out  of  the  corner  of  her  eye  as  they  entered  the  living  room.  ❝  you  can  sit, no need to hover.  ❞  matcha  offered,  kind  of  secretly  hoping  whoever  it  is  will  decide  to  sit  anywhere  but  near  her.

[eleanoreunlocked]

His sharp reply cut through the thunderous thoughts that came in like a rush of waves. Each one a bitter and cold memory that tugged her deeper beneath the fall of waves. The rest of the world was a dull murmur beneath the treachery of memory and longing. Maybe more feeling than Nora could pick up on, all of it mixing violently together. Her heart felt like waves rushing in and out, a threat of tsunami, a hurricane...a natural disaster. Was that what she was? Nora squeezed her eyes tightly, composure was typically an unnecessary requirement when it was just the two of them. This time it felt different. The two of them frayed ends of twin ribbon knotted in the middle.

Nora's eyes moved slowly to her brother, the aching in her chest compounded by the aching in her soul and maybe even deeper, maybe whatever it was that made people, people. That was what connected the two of them and she was reminded of it by the way his erratic and bruised appearance pierced through her like a blade of ice. Nora exhaled, eyes closing as she sunk back into the seat, her head sinking into the rest. She'd grow roots if she could, stay right here. Metaphorically she'd never left. Significant parts of herself stayed here the summer Jamie died. Still in the water like lotus making roots in river mud, or Ophelia, tragically doomed to a watery grave. She was here, even when she wasn't. Haunted by the ghost of loss and grief, regret and a hundred apologies she didn't thinks he could ever say.

Nora hadn't answered him, she didn't have anything good enough to say. Profound enough to make it better, to tether him to himself and keep Jules from drifting into the impossible ether or his own undoing. Her head shook right and left, a subtle and shaky 'no', an acknowledgement of her fear without saying it aloud. Nora's nostril's flared when he used the name only he did, Ellie. A two syllable life raft or maybe it was a reminder of her duty. Bound in blood from the womb, a split soul in two. She was her brothers keeper a job she would never turn away from, one she'd sink into. Like lotus roots in river mud, she needed the connection to survive.

Without lifting her head she turned, pressing her chin to her shoulder as she faced her brother, "I'm okay," she insisted, her attention shifting to the bruising with a frown, "I packed a first aid kit, but maybe we shy away from getting any more injuries this weekend," she gestured to his face as she spoke, a hollow smile held back an exhale. "Have you thought of coming back here at all over the years?" she asked when she could no longer hold her breath, finally uncurling her fingers from the grip on the stirring wheel and turning the ignition off- removing the temptation to drive head first into the front of the damned cabin.

‎ his mouth has been dry and his head pounding all day. he was nauseous and hadn't been able to keep down more than a few saltine crackers and some water since he'd woken up that morning in his sister's apartment, his shit tossed into one carry-on luggage knowing that ellie had packed the rest of the stuff they would need in her bags.

the coffee they picked up once they landed in minnesota helped somewhat with the headache and in keeping down the bile that has been threatening to come up his throat. and the music. the music helped. and ellie, her relentless talking offering a soothing, steady frequency that has been keeping his mind at bay for the last thirty years.

but today was different. no, the talking wasn't for him. it was for her. and he knew this, heard it in the way she scrambled to find something new to draw their attention to each time there was so much as a brief lull in the last six hours that not even the roar of the plane engine managed to win against her. not once was there a single mention of harper, or jamie, to that extent—a measured way in which ellie maneuvered around the memory of their friends.

but now, as they drove across the tree-laden path leading towards the cabin, there was nothing but the steady crunch of the tires against the cold asphalt and the faint gargle of the radio as the signal waned. behind the cabin, the lake waited for them, and suddenly the caffeine was starting to lose effect, the crackers threatening to come up and the pulsing in his temples regaining momentum.

he hadn't realized how silent ellie had gotten in the past few minutes until she spoke again, piercing through the nostalgic haze filling the car.

"the fuck you mean?" he glared at his sister. "no. i'm not going in there by myself." his eyes tracked towards her hands. she still hadn't let go of the wheel. if she was planning to bulldoze the cabin, he'd gladly stay in the car with her. but he was not stepping out there without her.

"ellie." he kept his voice firm, unwavering. he could tell she was starting to get upset. he ducked his head, trying to get her to look at him as she visibly tried to compose herself through her breathing. his face probably wasn't the most comforting sight right now—he sported a faint bruise on his left cheekbone, a cut on the bridge of his nose and on his bottom lip, bags under his eyes, his hair a mess of clipped curls—but he needed her to get herself together if they were going to get through the next few days, let alone out of the car.

[eleanoreunlocked]

The warmth felt a bit out of place in this space that held so much unresolved grief. Maybe, Nora wondered to herself as she absently explored, grief is meant to forever be unresolved. She wished she could ask Harper why here? Why did she want this place to be the last place she ever went? Had Nora somehow forgotten the good parts of that trip all those years ago? The sunshine cast into permanent shadow due to Jamie's death? She wanted to recall the days more fondly, to grab onto something sincere and soft to get her through this trip. The reality was she wasn't sure she was capable. Not here, not now. Every corner of this place reminded her something she had once that she would never have again. Crossing thresholds into memories that reminded her of how terribly her heart had broken. She'd wondered into the kitchen, half thinking some tea would soothe part of her, half hoping there was chocolate in the pantry. Nora stuttered in step, her sock clad feet tripping over nothing and her toe hitting the baseboard as she fumbled attempting to right herself. Quietly cursing under her breath, her plans to sneak away to avoid this, to avoid being alone with Camille had gone from pathetic to rude.

Nora held her breath, nodded her head and pushed into the discomfort she felt. She'd have done almost anything for Harper, once upon a time she thought there had been a future where they could have been sisters. Now Nora mourned, adding her memory to the small collection of loved ones lost too soon leaving much unsaid. She exhaled, her cheeks unsticking from her teeth as she nodded again in agreement. Nora wished it hadn't been here, but it wasn't a question of if she'd go, but how she'd planned to survive it, "What sort of tea do they have? And can it be wine?" Nora asked silently wishing for the floor to open up and swallow her now.

location: kitchen

when : january 10th, around 6 pm status ﹕ open to anyone. [0/4]

camille lingered in the kitchen, her fingers methodically arranging the teacup, the kettle, and the box of tea as if they were puzzle pieces she needed to solve. the cabin felt both familiar and suffocating, echoes of the past pressing against her like an unwelcome hug. the small laughter and chatter from the others filtered through the walls, but she chose to retreat here, away from the tangled web of memories and unfinished conversations. making tea felt like the only thing grounding her, a small act of control in the overwhelming swirl of emotions. she focused on the steam rising from the kettle, willing herself to feel something other than this dull, hollow ache. the sound of footsteps around the corner made her pause, her body tensing instinctively. she looks up, forcing a polite smile to cover her unease, her grip tightening slightly on the mug. the silence that followed felt heavy, but she couldn’t bear to let it linger. “I’m not surprised this many people showed up for harper,” she said softly, her voice steady despite the tightness in her chest. she wasn’t sure if she was saying it to fill the air or to remind herself that harper deserved this. either way, it was something—an olive branch extended to whoever had found her in her quiet moment of escape.

[eleanoreunlocked]

Nora stood in front of the cabin door, her bag loosely at her side. Her sight a kaleidoscope of warbling shapes and colors as she resisted the need to cry. Hearing a voice Nora quickly snapped out of it, took a deep breath, pressed her palm into each eye one at a time and as she turned Nora wiped the dampness of salty tears on her jeans and smiled in a way she hoped appeared effortless. She didn't want to admit how early she had been so she shrugged, "I might have been speeding a bit," she shrugged, "At least we're not last-" Nora suggested with a raise of her brows. She stepped at once away from the door "It's nice out here," Nora filled any short silence quickly not ready to face unpredictables such as what others had to say or could say. She wanted this weekend to be too many things, done now and endless all the same. No. What she really wished for was to be able to go back to before they lost Jamie. When Harper was still with them. When being here didn't feel both like attending a funeral and facing your own hauntings.

𝐰𝐡𝐨  :  miki  +  anyone  𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞  :  front  porch 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧  :  janurary  10,  2025  at  12:33  pm 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬  :  0/3  [  open  ]

miki  leaned  against  the  trunk  of  her  rental  car,  a  suitcase  at  her  feet  and  the  sharp  bite  of  cold  air  nipping  at  her  cheeks.  she  hadn’t  been  to  stillwater  in  over  a  decade,  yet  the  cabin  looked  exactly  the  same,  down  to  the  chipped  paint  on  the  shutters  and  the  vines  crawling  up  the  side.  she  had  purposely  planned  to  arrive  early  this  time,  determined  to  shake  her  reputation  for  always  being  the  last  one  to  show  up  ...  for  once,  she  wanted  them  to  see  her  waiting,  her  things  already  unpacked,  and  maybe  even  think,  wow,  miki’s  changed.  but  that  hope  deflated  when  she  spotted  someone  walking  up  to  the  cabin  door  ahead  of  her,  their  silhouette  unmistakable  in  the  dim  afternoon  light.  “hey,  wait  up!”  she  called  out,  grabbing  her  bag  and  breaking  into  a  light  jog  toward  the  porch.  her  boots  thudding  against  the  gravel  as  she  caught  up  to  the  familiar  figure,  “wow,  you're  early,  i  didn’t  think  anyone  else  would  be  here  already,”  she  said,  her  words  tinged  with  a  mixture  of  surprise  and  disappointment.  so  much  for  being  first.