#the mirror scene has me so down bad i can't even lie about it

[petit-etoile]

A drabble idea for thee! I always thought when Tav/the MC steps closer during the Mirror Scene with Astarion that they were going to very gently touch his face while they describe what they see to him and he'd be doing his very best not to break into pieces since he's never had someone do that for him, to touch him with so much kindness without expecting anything from him in return.

my  heart  (part  of  you  lives  here)

pairing: astarion/tav wordcount:  1,237 content warnings:  i had this song by mitski on repeat the entire time & i fear that it is a mandatory listen other tags:  canon compliant, introspection, character study, developing relationship, getting together, gender neutral tav, human!tav archiveofourown: here.

tag list: @azrielshadows1nger, @pandimoostuff, @faevi, @microskies, @foreverthemaraudersera, @queenofthespacesquids, @claryvoyantfray, @6doodlaang14, @anne-isnotokay, @itshimbotime, @yeeteth-the-raven, @sessils,@8-opossums, @worryknotdear, @abirdaboxandachippedcup, @ghosts-and-ink, @b4um3pfl4um3, @gunslingerorchid, @hypopxia be added to the taglist here

summary: 

‘What?’ Astarion asks, voice soft.

‘I see you,’ you tell him. ‘Let me be your mirror. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.’

You step forward and stare into his eyes, taking in every detail of his face. Astarion may not have aged physically since turning, but he certainly lives a life worth telling. You can see who he is by every detail that has been etched on his face by years of service. His pale, full eyebrows. His round, honest eyes. You must’ve caught him off-guard. He only looks like this when he’s caught unaware.

Carefully, without moving too quickly, you slide both of your hands over the shape of his cheeks, holding him still. You can tell he wants to run away  —  His eyes dart back and forth all over the place, looking anywhere but at you  —  but he stays still at your tender touch, eyebrows pulling together in concern. You rub your thumbs against his cheekbones encouragingly, tilting his head from side to side to appraise his features. You hum appreciatively and touch the mole near his eye tenderly.

‘What?’ Astarion asks, voice soft.

Astarion doesn’t mean to do it. He drops his haughty façade in exchange for something more vulnerable, chin dropping so he can meet your eyes. You slide your thumbs against the dark circles beneath his eyes and smile. He scowls immediately, but it doesn’t frighten you. Perhaps it should.

‘I see you,’ you tell him. ‘Let me be your mirror. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.’

Your voice shakes slightly. You both pretend it doesn’t.

‘  —  What do you see when you look at me?’ Astarion asks.

You’re a little distracted by how his teeth peek out from behind his lips when he talks, but you steady yourself for his sake. You wonder if you should move your hands away. You don’t want to. You like looking at him.

‘You have strong, piercing eyes,’ you say quietly. ‘When you’re not as hungry, they shine brighter. When you are, they’re darker.’

His lips press into a firm line. ‘What else?’

The words slip out faster than you can think about them. ‘You’re pretty.’

‘Pretty?’

‘Your eyes crinkle when you laugh,’ you say, swallowing. ‘Laughing suits you. It lights up your whole face. Laughing makes you look your age.’

Astarion snorts, but it isn’t derisive. For all his love of attention, the more you study his face, the reclusive he seems to get. His eyes aren’t so penetrative now, and they’re more round the more you indulge him in his vanity.

‘What else?’ he pesters.

You slide your hands lower until you’re cradling his jaw. You push your thumb beneath his bottom lip and watch as he pouts. You’re trying so hard to focus, but he smells so handsomely and he’s so intoxicating that you struggle to keep yourself grounded.

‘You have a dangerous smile,’ you tell him. ‘Sometimes when you grin, one side of your mouth lifts higher than the other. Your teeth show, but it’s not… scary to me. You have a nice smile and… and… your jaw is very nice.’

Astarion snorts again and rolls his eyes, but he no longer seems achingly desperate for a perfect description. He grabs your wrists and leans in closer, showing you one side of his face and then the other, preening for your compliments and attention. He draws you in without even intending to. You stumble closer, and now that you’re worried, you try to move your hands out of your intense fear they might get sweaty from you being so nervous. He holds you still.

‘You’ve practiced looking disheveled,’ you whisper, throat tightening. ‘Your hair is…’ You change your mind. ‘Do a spin for me. Let me see the whole picture. Please.’

Astarion laughs  —  a loud babbling brook kind of laughter that makes you dizzy. He releases you then in order to twirl for you demurely. He looks at you from beneath his thick eyelashes and flutters them, biting shyly at his lip. It’s so very rehearsed that you can’t help but laugh as well, looking away. You touch your own cheeks and nearly cringe at how warm they are.

‘You’re very beautiful, but  —  ’

‘But!’ he interrupts.

‘But,’ you insist, ‘you’re Astarion!’

He gasps and looks positively debauched. He presses a hand over his chest and pretends to be wounded, winding down to the chair next to his little table. He waves you over and insists that you join him on the floor, and then it’s his turn to lean forward inquisitively. One small mistake and your noses would bump into one another. You wish a foul wind would blow and knock him over so that you could kiss him without embarrassing yourself.

You cross your legs and lounge on his decorative cushion, stretching out your spine and failing to dislodge a rather painful knot you can feel forming in your lower back from all the climbing and roaming. You distract yourself with a loose thread on his rug and try to smooth it back down in the crevice where it goes.

‘Now what did you mean by that, my dear?’ Astarion asks, nudging you with his foot. ‘That I’m Astarion.’

You close your eyes. ‘Oh, you know that you’re pretty,’ you say, grabbing his ankle before he can flee. ‘I’ve seen you bloody and muddy, and wet and ragged, and you’re still very pretty.’

‘Prettier than Shadowheart?’

‘So you think Shadowheart is pretty?’

Astarion whines and jostles his leg free from your grip. ‘Forgive me if I fish for attention,’ he complains. ‘It’s been so long since I’ve had this much fun.’

‘I think you’re the prettiest,’ you say with a shrug. ‘Prettier than anyone else in camp, except maybe Withers.’

You’re grateful that Astarion’s mood seems to have turned over. He’s not the easiest to always get along with and sometimes he’s so broody that you’re not sure how to navigate his moods, but you’re learning.

You both talk and laugh for a little longer about whatever comes to mind  —  You talk about Shadowheart’s make-up and Karlach’s morning workout routine, and how Wyll always stretches during daybreak and that it’s cute Lae’zel tries so hard to join him in order to entice him, and that Scratch permanently chooses to wake up Gale before anyone else is relieving because it means you get to sleep for a few hours more. You only realize how late it is when you turn your head and notice everyone has snuffed out their lanterns and candles. You bite the inside of your cheek and mourn the fact that you must go so soon.

‘I should go,’ you say ruefully.

‘You should stay,’ Astarion disagrees. ‘Come, stay in my tent for the night. You should get to use my things since I’m the one who forced you to stay awake past your bedtime. That bedroll looks awfully uncomfortable from here.’

‘Where will you sleep?’ you ask, suddenly reserved.

‘Next to you,’ he says, ‘or outside if you’d prefer. I could keep watch.’

‘  —  next to me is fine,’ you tell him.

‘Good,’ Astarion says, smiling. ‘Let me be selfish if it means I get to look at you. I’ll return the favor, you know. Let you know about your eyes and smile next long rest. It’s the least I could do.’

You’re too nervous to sleep that night and he knows it. But come the next long rest, Astarion tells you every detail about your face and you understand, with overwhelming gravity, what you have done for him.

[aryxchse]

First of all... 🎉SO SO GLAD TO HAVE MY DELIGHT BACK!~ -I literally missed you🥺-

There has been lots of things I wanted hear your take on about. So I am pulling up my 'gotta share with my Delight' folder. And the first one I remembered is about when I was watching one of my obsession cartoon. There was this swimming competition scene and gUeSs WhO dId I tHoUgHt AbOuT?🤗🤭

-uh i know it's impossible to guess😒-

PERCY JACKSON -fangirl screams as if she is getting murdered🫠-

Headcannons or Blurb doesn't matter. Reader supporting him. Telling him to slow down or catch back up to help confused son of Posiedon.

Like that scene in Incredibles. Confused Percy trying to understand whether he should slow down because he is way to good or catch back up because he slowed down to much. Reader being supportive jumping and cheering while trying to hold her laughs because of how confused he is.

And then Percy comes out winning -duh-. Looking perfect after being in his element -🧎🏻‍♀️-

And ADORABLE celebration. Hugging, twirling fluffy stuff.

P.S.: Sorry I was keep getting lost at imagining it didn't know how to put into the words. I hope I am making sense. Very excited for your take on this one!

💋

winner takes it all. / percy jackson x female! reader.

a / n : oh my gods hi, im back 🤭

warnings : cursing and let me know if there's another

you were more excited than your boyfriend.

it was percy's one of important swimming competitions, and you were obviously there to watch it. you didn't had any doubts on your boyfriend winning, and it should be boring for you to watch him win his every single game at this point, but you can't help it. it makes you feel like a normal teenager again, watching your normal -totally not the son of poseidon- boyfriend doing his best to win his match.

before the game starts, you find him to have some chit-chat. little motivations that you're sure he doesn't need but loves it anyway. but then, you hear two guys speaking. you're not the type to eavesdrop on someone unless you're on some quest, but this was different. because even the first sentence made your blood boil.

"that jackson thinks he's some type of god," one of the boys scoffed. "there wasn't anyone professional enough to beat him, that's why. watch me carefully, because im gonna beat him so bad that he'll walk with shame." and two of them started laughing like they're some type of cartoon villians.

you leaved the changing room angrily but quietly, trying to find percy. he was on the bench with sally and paul, laughing about something estelle said. you smiled, seeing him so sure about himself made you calm.

"hey," you said, approaching to them. as percy's attention focused on you, sally and paul let you talk in private, giving their attention to poseidon. yes, he was here. he comes watching every match of percy's.

percy smile got wider. "hi sweetheart, i was wondering where you were." he said. "where were you, really?"

you shrugged, hugging him. "looking for you." you explained, not fully a lie but not the truth either. "so, what are your plans for today's match?"

percy paused to think for a second. "what do you say? im winning all the time, should i lose? oohh, that would make a huge scandal!" he said excitedly, smiling. you mirrored his expression, getting serious the next moment.

"no, you have to win this one."

your serious expression and even more serious tone made percy serious too. his smile dissapeared and he made a focused face, like he's talking to his coach, not his girlfriend. and you like that he take this seriously.

"why?" he asked, even though he was already ready to do what you say.

"because your rivals are shitty persons who thinks you're not good enough, just your previous opponents were bad." you explained. "i.. kinda heard them while i was looking for you in the change room."

percy gave you his famous smirk. "yeah? i'm becoming a bad influence for you, really. usually im the one who does the mischief."

you hit his arm playfully, but laughing. "hey! my intentions weren't bad, i was really looking for you. and im glad i heard them!"

percy laughed along with you. "so, what's the plan ma'am? should i go with the easy win, or?"

"the hard win." you smirked, pulling him close to you so that you could tell the plan.

🏊🏻‍♂️

as the game start, you cheered for percy, even though he wasn't going to hear you.

the plan was simple, he was going to give that fucker what he wanted until the last moment, that's why poseidon cursed when he saw percy got behind him.

"like he can't win!" he yelled, holding his head. sally put a hand on his shoulder to calm him, and it worked instantly.

the guy was about to win when percy suddenly speed up, passing him with no effort. the guy was so confused that he had to stop in the middle of the swimming, already losing his balance.

you screamed happily when percy got out of the water, and they announced that he was the winner. poseidon sighed, smiling and cheering for his son as well.

you went down to hug him, not caring if he or the floor was wet. sally and the others were behind you, following right after.

"percy!" you called, jumping his arms. you could already see the other boy walking to the eliminated place with full of shame, and you smirked with pleasure.

"did i do good?" he asked you, spinning you around with the medal on his neck. he took off the bonnet, shaking his head and making his hair fall to his face. it was a sight to watch, really.

"you did amazing!" you kissed his forehead, still in his arms. poseidon immediatly hugged him, or technically hugged you both, and cheered for his son. "that's my boy!"

percy had to put you down eventually to hug his family, but never once he took his eyes off of you.

[oswildin]

I think my thing with Marvel lately, Loki included, is that so many things have happened that make other moments harsher in hindsight. With Loki, it's hard to go back and watch the show knowing it's all leading to him being alone AGAIN. Like Lady Sif telling him he's gonna be all alone is something I can't even stomach now (I can't even watch the ending either except maybe Mobius and Sylvie's scene because I love that duo because it just makes me feel uneasy. I wish I could appreciate the beauty of it more.) And the Mobius telling Loki he can be anything even hurts too. (It's probs my favorite scene in the series.) I feel similarly about Spider-Man No Way Home's ending and some other stuff like WandaVision. Lotta Iron Man stuff too.

On a more positive note, I love the "I've been where you are..." scene just like you, and it's one of the things that first really endeared me to the Loki and Sylvie dynamic. Do you have any insights/headcanons about Sylvie's thought process during the show at all? Or any Mbius headcanons in general?

Yeah I totally get what you mean. I kind of like those moments though that lead up to the ‘tragedy’ so to speak, I love me a bit of foreshadowing. But I completely understand and agree that on rewatch it feels harsher because you know what’s coming.

I hated the Time Cell scene with Sif, I also hate how it was played off for laughs when she repeatedly kept slapping him and kneeing him in his glorious purpose (sorry I had to😭). Like, will I reblog or use the moment of him on his knees? Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think context of which he is on his knees for is horrible. It also goes to show more about Mobius’ character too, and I completely felt Loki’s frustration because I know how it feels to not be listened to, but I also can’t blame Mobius for his knee-jerk reaction of ‘he betrayed me’.

Sylvie’s thought process to me is a mirror to Loki’s during Thor 1/Avengers, obviously they have different reasons/goals, but S1 she is in that same headspace of being blind-sighted by her own ambition and need for vengeance. She is fighting for her freedom and nothing will stop her from achieving that. There’s some great parallels there between her and Loki, how Loki has stated multiple times his opinion of freedom and how it’s a lie, whereas Sylvie doesn’t seem to see it that way, and I think her perspective helps shift Loki’s (especially with the added context of the TVA/HWR).

Sylvie is like a wounded animal. She lashes out and is quick to react. She doesn’t think about the consequences. In S2 however, she is shown the consequences. And you can see how it begins to sober her up, makes her realise that whilst what she did was maybe the ‘right’ thing, it wasn’t as simple as right or wrong. Her and Loki are both selfish in different ways, but ultimately what it comes down to is their loneliness. She does the Loki thing and shrugs everything off as a mere inconvenience, thinking she knows best. Except, she truly has conviction. She really believes in what she says, what she stands for, which is something I feel Loki has struggled with. He didn’t know what he stood for, until he had to made the hard choice of sacrifice to ensure his friends and the many lives on the branches were safe. Then he found his conviction.

Sylvie does care, she just opts to act aloof because that’s all she knows, it’s how she protects herself. She had to build these defences after spending her whole life in apocalypses, on the run and raising herself. She’s going to have bad habits, morally grey thinking/beliefs, drastic behaviour and solutions because she’s only had herself to learn from. It’s like when you learn to drive from a parent and you pick up their bad habits, right? Except, she is the driver as well as the parent, and it’s a matter of nature vs nurture with her. The worlds she grew up in shaped her, they made her who she is.

I don’t really have any Mobius headcannons, but I think he would definitely be a great friend. Not a perfect friend by any means, but he would fight your corner when you needed him, challenge you to think differently and also let himself learn from you in return.

[godsfavoritescientist]

Bill Cipher: Lord of Hope (the homestuck classpect)

explanation for why I picked this classpect for him under the cut

First of all, a brief note on how I interpret classpects: I think classpect is heavily influenced by one's narrative role in a story. It's influenced by personality too, of course, but someone with the exact same personality could have a completely different classpect depending on how the story uses them.

Lord is an extremely powerful class reserved for the big-bad in homestuck. It means having unimaginable amounts of control over your aspect (which here is Hope). It's also a volatile, destructive, and self-serving class. It's also the mirror and opposite of the Muse class, which is equally powerful, but wielded passively for the benefit of others, often using methods more like setting up all the components of a rube goldberg machine behind the scenes, rather than the Lord's preferred method of steamrolling over things whenever possible.

Second note on my classpecting philosophy: Each aspect has an opposite, and I think these aspect pairs meaningfully influence each other by virtue of being on opposite ends of a continuum. You might even say they're opposite sides of the same concept.

Hope is the aspect of imagination, limitless possibilities, belief, and the literal meaning as well. It also has a ton of religious undertones. Its opposite aspect is Rage, which, other than the literal meaning, is all about doubt, skepticism, tearing down facades, and seeking the truth at all costs. It carries a deep disdain for the unfounded and the sugar-coated. Instead of living in a world of fanciful ideas, it cares about pushing past anything it sees as substance-less to uncover the way things really are, no matter how ugly the truth might be. They both need each other--without Hope, Rage becomes misery. Without Rage, Hope becomes completely disconnected from reality.

Which brings me to Bill. On the Hope-Rage spectrum, he's leaned so absurdly far towards Hope that he's convinced himself Rage doesn't even exist. In his reddit AMA, he literally says "lie until what you want to be true becomes true. Lie until you can't remember what's a lie and what isn't. Lie until you aren't lying anymore." I can't think of a better encapsulation of what it means to push the Hope aspect to its absolute extreme. He believes so much in the power of belief that he simply ignores any truths he doesn't like.

He embodies the Hope aspect in many other ways, too. Originally he was going to be more of a morally-neutral trickster character, whose whole purpose was just to show up randomly in Dipper's dreams and rattle off wild statements of questionable truth and conspiracy theories at him. The kind of things that people hope are true (sometimes to make the world seem more exciting and magical, sometimes for bigoted reasons, you know how it is with conspiracy theories), but the point is: Bill retains some of this in his canon personality. He tells Ford in the journal that the moon landing was fake. When he first meets Gideon, he says the whole "reality is an illusion" thing. He delights in sharing these kinds of things with people, and yeah, it's to fuck with them, but there's still something to be said about the fact that he accomplishes this through the use of things that exist as uncertain possibilities in people's minds, and things that some people have a strong belief in and/or hope to find proof of. He's wielding Hope as a tool, because that's when he's in his element.

Bill also preys on people's hopes and dreams, appearing to people literally inside their heads, and existing mainly in dreams and minds for billions of years--a place where you really can create anything you can imagine. He uses Ford's hopes of accomplishing something meaningful to get him to create a doomsday device. He also has Ford practically worshiping him, calling him a Muse with a capital M, calling his presence 'divine intervention'... the religious themes that often go hand-in-hand with the Hope aspect are definitely present. Of course a Lord would wield the Hope aspect to give himself worshipers who practically see him as a god.

And, speaking of doomsday devices, Weirdmageddon is the exactly what would happen in a world where the Hope aspect ran rampant without any laws or restrictions or concrete truths. In the codes of Journal 3, Bill says, "why should time only move forward, why must cause precede effect, who voted on the laws of physics - rules are perversions against all will, that's why I'm about to rewrite the whole system buddy, and no one is going to stop me."

We also get some insight into Bill's beliefs when we take a look as Mabel's dreambubble. He literally uses someone's hopes as a weapon against them, trapping her inside a twisted version of all the things that could've been true, if only the world was fueled by pure imagination, without any laws of physics or imperfect days or boring moments. Bill is so confident that this trap is infallible that he doesn't even bother to stop Dipper from trying to get her out once he makes it inside the dreambubble. Maybe the reason why Bill is so confident that this trap is inescapable is because he's pretty much trapped himself in a dreambubble of his own creation, where anything is possible and fantasy wins over reality every time (talking about the nightmare realm here), and was so intoxicated by the limitless lawlessness of the place that he spent billions of years trying to expand his little self-imposed prison to cover the rest of the multiverse, rather than ever stop to question himself or consider the consequences. Because with enough Hope, there are no consequences, only infinite possibilities limited only by your own imagination! ...right?

I could probably go on, but I think this is more than enough to support my case for Bill being a Lord of Hope. I'm always interested to hear about other classpect headcanons though!

[bells-of-black-sunday]

Okay S.ilent H.ill 2 remake beat—

I only died the 2nd time, because the games framerate issues rlly do be turning the final boss into a slide show sometimes and I didn't go into menus fast enough.

Anyway thoughts below—

Tl;dr: Not a bad remake, plenty of positives to point out, but there's certain design decisions that I think are really unnecessary and putting the focus on the game on combat when S.ilent H.ill as a series has always been more of a walking simulator feels not great™

Honestly I don't care that this is going to make it seem like I'm sad the sexual content is gone, because I really am. To me P.yramid H.ead is like the X.enomorph, sexuality is so important to him as a figure and monster that you cannot separate the two without it being something completely different. Sexuality in general is important to many core narrative themes and symbolism within S.ilent H.ill 2 and J.ames's guilt revolving around his wife, to remove those feels so cheap and just a move to keep T.witter from whining more than it did when the game was announced.

J.ames's objectification of his wife and treating her like an object he lost and has to retrieve is directly mirrored by how P.yramid H.ead uses and discards feminine creatures as he sees fit. Those scenes where he's fucking the mannequins and throwing them away like they mean nothing + making the lying figure give him head? Yeah, B.loober I know this might be shocking, but they're meant to make your uncomfortable. They're meant to be a direct reflection of J.ames's sexual frustration towards his dying wife, but amplified. It's why the two kill themselves when James realizes he doesn't need Maria anymore. It's why M.aria looks like younger more openly sexual version of his dead wife that he actively lusts after.

That's not even counting how they also toned down the sexual undertones in some of Maria's dialogue and made her less abusive, it makes her comment about how women are often the victims of unjust cruelty throughout history very vapid and unearned. They don't even show her getting stabbed. They imply it several times. That is part of the point of her statement is that she is a female figure who keeps dying over and over again for the simple fact that J.ames made her to get over his wife. That's not even counting it absolutely ruins the iconic imagery that is the dual P.yramid H.ead fight and M.aria getting stabbed when she gets trapped outside the elevator.

I'm really scratching my head over what was the purpose behind those design decisions? I really cannot fathom why they'd be so against showing one of the core themes of S.ilent H.ill 2.

Getting into combat though— Look. I enjoy the combat system. I really do. That being said, I fucking hate that you can't run past most enemies anymore. I hate that most of the enemies just become extremely annoying over time and make it not enjoyable to explore any tight corridors and look for collectibles. The mannequins not tripping your radio, because they lie in ambush was fun the first couple times, but going through an entire building where there's one in practically every room and often times around corners where you can't even see them until they're already attacking? Yeah I hate that.

Often times while playing this remake it felt like I was playing R.esident E.vil with how much combat I was forced to engage in. Don't get me wrong there are astutely times where you can just run past, but those are few and far between. Not even counting the absolute item bloat. I should not be leaving a boss with over 100 pistol ammo, 14 shot gun shells and 8 rifle rounds, 28 small health items and 10 large health items, but that was literally every boss. They'd load you up on everything especially in the over world where you can now break car windows to get items.

The combat is easy, I'm sure it's harder on harder difficulties, but the way they changed some of the boss mechanics were again just annoying. Why'd they make the a.bstract d.addy boss a fucking maze chase for most of it? I don't know, but it sure is annoying. Speaking of that boss that really lost any sense of subtly in it and it genuinely felt like B.loober just wanted to make a l.ayer of f.ear game again. We did not need the tvs yelling insults at you and spelling out everything about A.ngela's abuse.

That's a lot of what this game is missing from the first, subtly. It's like they don't trust their players to get it so they spell it out for you. No more obvious than how they changed the final boss dialogue. Instead of M.aria yelling at you for still getting her mixed up with M.ary and J.ames having his speech that way. No no, she has to pretend to be M.ary so she can say she can be better than her and be everything he needs then he can go on that speech which in my own opinion really robs a lot of M.aria of her character.

Gee it's almost like the entire symbolism of M.aria constantly verbally abusing J.ames is because he thinks he deserves it for what he's done and him standing up for himself helps complete his character arc. He can finally let the guilt go and accept what he did, he doesn't need her anymore. Again it's just design decisions I'm absolutely baffled by and while don't ruin the game for me, absolutely make it inferior story wise to the original for me.

All the negatives being said and before this turns into an essay, I'll shoot out the positives: The voice acting while definitely better, still captures that same stilted awkwardness of the original often dripping into uncanny especially with E.ddie and A.ngela, the combat is 10x better and feels way better, the game is absolutely beautiful, P.yramid H.ead got his ass back, the world building through objects is great, the smudges on the map from J.ames wiping away things is a really fun touch, and it's genuinely really fun to play and lose yourself in despite my gripes.

[klingykuroo]

Mirrors: Confession

Paring: Bokuto x OC

Genre: Angst, smut

Warnings: Aggressive behavior, anger, language, sexual themes, split personalities...+

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.  

My face is buried in my hands as I explain everything to the girls sitting with me.

I tell them how Bokuto offered to take me back to his place, admitting it was a trap as I do. I confess the electricity that sparked when he led me through the crowd and didn't dare to let go. I recount Bokuto and Sugawara's altercation and how surprised I was that Bokuto was willing to fight for me.

I share in-depth details about the session Bokuto and I experienced. I laid out all the praises and compliments he soaked me in as he moved against me. Lastly, I tell them how that night has all been washed away. I don't conceal the hurt on my face when I tell them that it seems like he's forgotten me.  

"Wow..." Monica gasps, slowly putting her back against her chair. "Just wow...."

Gabby's hand is over her lips while her eyes bulge out of their socket. "I didn't even know that side of Bokuto existed."

I tried not to cry but couldn't help it. I witnessed myself in a new light; reached an elated state that once was nonexistent to me. All for it to be snatched from me in a blink of an eye. I dry my now damp lashes before putting my chin in my palm and looking in Bokuto's direction. I let out a sigh as I think about what we could have been.

Maya adjusts the high ponytail butterfly locs on her head before sighing deeply. "You want us to beat him up?" I snap my head at Maya to see the seriousness in her eyes. "Cause I won't stand for you to be used like that."

"Yeah!" Monica perks up out of her seat. "Ain't nobody finna mess with my twin and not pay for it!"

I scowl at Monica. "Girl, sit down. It's not that big of a deal." I rush out before she makes a scene. Monica has always been the confrontational twin and has gotten into many fights on my behalf. She once gave a girl 16 stitches when she found out she bullied me.

"Nah, nah, nah." She ignores my plea. "I'm finna beat his a—"

"So you've been juked by him too, huh?"

Our heads turn to the stiff voice that cuts in. Maya's eyes immediately turn into rage and disgust when they land on the owner of the voice. Serenity Flores stands over the table wearing a somber expression. Once again, I don't know her personally but have heard a lot about her from Monica.  

Gabby's hand reflexively clutches Maya's to hold her back. "What do you want?" Maya seethes through her teeth. Serenity briefly looks down at her with unimpressed eyes. She ignores her and looks back at me.

"Bi–

"I couldn't help but overhear everything you said. I kn–"

"More like you can't mind your own business." Maya spits before Serenity can finish. "You just love to stick your fat nose in places it has no business being in. Get a life and stop trying to ruin others."

Serenity releases a breath and then sucks it back in. Maya isn't going to let her talk, and rightfully so. Back in sophomore year, Maya and Sugawara split. She had gotten together with a boy named Daichi Sawamura and they were a strong couple. Daichi always followed the rules and prompted Maya to do the same. I thought they'd stay together for a while before Serenity came in. She somehow divided them and split them up. Things got so bad that Daichi moved away to a different school district and far away from Maya. Now, Serenity and Maya can't stand to be in each other's presence.

"Maya, I know you hate me–"

"I despise you." Maya corrects.

"Yeah, yeah. But I'm not here to stir something up," Serenity focuses her coffee-colored eyes on me. "I'm just here to console you."

"And why would she need you of all people to console her!?" My stomach gurgles when Maya's raised tone gains some attraction. "All you do is lie and manipulate people!" There's hurt laced behind Maya's words. Losing Daichi clearly bothers her still and she won't forgive Serenity for it.

Serenity and Maya can fight on their own time, I don't care. But I am interested in what Serenity has to say. She could be lying but there's a chance there's some truth woven into it. That's the art of deception anyways.

"Maya," I call out. She pulls her raging eyes to me. I swallow my nerves and give her a gentle smile. "It's okay, I do want to hear what she has to say. Clearly, she must know something."

I don't wait for Maya's response and look back to Serenity. "This doesn't mean we're friends though. Say what you need to then leave."

Monica sits back in her chair and glares at the lighter-skinned. "Yeah, you aren't necessarily wanted."

Serenity slightly nods understanding that she's unwelcomed in our space.

"All I wanted to say is that you and I are the same, at least when it comes to dealing with Bokuto." She looks down as she starts fiddling with her fingers. The same somber expression she had before returns. "I went over to his house once. We had been talking for some time and he had invited me over. I remember everything about him was different. We had sex, obviously but not before he treated me like I was his world."

She glances at Bokuto with a yearning look in her eyes. It reminds me of the way I was looking at him only a moment ago. "He knew all my concealed secrets and forced me to accept them. He made me feel a different side of myself but then..." A deep frown forms on her lips. "The next time we saw each other, he ignored me." She shakes her head. "No, that's not right. He had completely forgotten the night we had. He went back to the immature boy he is now and the boy I witnessed that night was completely gone."

Her eyes suddenly snap back to me and she scowls. Maya goes on the offense when she sees rage pouring out from Serenity's eyes. "So don't go thinking you're special. You're just some chick he screwed and forgot about the next day."

Serenity turns on her heels and leaves me with a burning sting from her harsh but most likely true words.

"And you're just a whore who nobody loves!" Maya shouts after her. Maya grits her teeth and turns back to us. "I knew I should have just punched her the second she inserted herself. You don't believe her do you?"

I keep my lips sealed. Slowly, I curl into myself. "I do," I admit after the pregnant pause passes. "I believe everything she said."

"What?" Gabby shakes her head. "Serenity lies for fun. She probably just made that up after overhearing what you told us."

I cross my arms and stare at the table. Serenity is telling the truth but they'll never believe that. I'm confident she is. When she looked at Bokuto with that twisted look in her eyes, I knew she wasn't faking it. It takes a lot of skill and practice to mimic a face like that. It's an expression rooted in deep sorrow that many people aren't willing to show; almost like she was grieving something she never really had.

"How about this," Monica speaks up after my silence drags on longer than it should. She takes my phone and unlocks it with her face. A perk she loves to endorse for being my identical twin. "I'm going to give you Bokuto's number."

"And why would you do that, Moni?" Gabby questions, not hiding the disapproval in her voice.

"So she can get to the bottom of this." She answers as she types his number into my contacts. "If you really want to find out, text him. Let him know who you are and find out for yourself if he's forgotten you. I don't think he has."

Something in Monica's tone indicates that she's withholding information but she's too scared to share. I'd ask but I think I'm just as scared to hear what it could be.

"Here."

She thrusts my phone to me. His contact is open and my mind races as I stare at it blankly. For whatever reason my eyes can't drift away from the contact saved in my phone as Bokuto.

~~~

The crickets chirp outside creating the only sound in my room besides my heavy breath. It's past 10:30 and sleep refuses to come to me. My eyes stare at my bland ceiling and I rest the back of my palm on my forehead. A long, slow, and heavy sigh leaves my lips before I roll over to my side.

I look at the long paragraph I've typed but I'm too scared to press send. I don't know why I let Monica talk me into texting Bokuto when we got home. She even pulled Mama into the matter and she cursed him out in Spanish and English. After mouthing off, Mama told me I should give him a piece of my mind. It was two against one and I walked away as the loser.

I didn't cry as I typed my message. Even though my heart still aches, I didn't let it show in my text. I relayed all my anger and confusion to him. I made sure my words would leave him with guilt and regret. I purposely provoked him, calling him every swear word I knew, and just like Mama told me, I let him know that it was me.

But after exerting my frustration, I'm left feeling nothing. It's as if I'm a tall wine glass that is waiting to be filled with something intoxicating. My body is trembling on the inside waiting to feel that ecstasy it did with Bokuto. My heart is pounding in my chest, screaming at me as if I'm the one denying it's pleasure.

I'm a mess. Complete disarray is what Bokuto has left me in. All for him to have the audacity to forget about me as if I'm a soda can lying in the streets.

Yeah, screw that.

In a split second, I'm slamming my finger against the blue Send button. I block his number before powering off my phone and tossing it to the bottom of my bed.

Tears well in my eyes as I shove myself under my blankets. I hate sleeping under the comforter but tonight I want to feel suffocated. The heaviness feels minuscule compared to the weight pressing against my forehead. My head drowns in pain as I relinquish hot tears onto my pillow. I make a promise that this is the last time I'll cry over this boy.

I'll forget about Friday night, even if that means I'll have to operate on myself to cut the memory out.

~~~

A forceful sound shudders me out of my slumber. At first, I think going to sleep with a headache was a bad idea. I thought the pounding sound that woke me was my head telling me it needs some Aspirin. But when I struggle to sit up under the comforters, I realize that the thundering noise sounded a lot like knocking.

I reach for my phone, cursing myself for crying myself to sleep, falling asleep underneath the thick blanket, and throwing my phone so far away.

My phone is halfway through turning on before the blaring knock comes again. My shoulders convulse and I start to hear the drumming of my heart. Whoever is knocking is using their whole fist to create a deep but powerful base behind their knock. They're pissed and won't relent until someone opens the door.

11:54 PM

Who in the world is knocking so intensely at this time of night? Mama picked up a night shift at the hospital and Monica left to spend the night at Akaashi's. It's just me, which isn't unusual.

Mama has ambitious goals so she's picking up shifts wherever she can to accumulate the money to accomplish them. Monica is falling more in love with Akaashi as the seconds pass (her words not mine) and can't spend a second apart from him. It's starting to become a routine for me to be the only one at home. I'm actually starting to like it so whoever is knocking at the door can kiss my butt.

When the person continues to assault the front door, I groggily shift out from my bed. I slip on my fluffy cross-band slippers before leaving my room. The dimly lit hallway makes me feel like I'm the main character in a horror movie. It's like I'm slowly approaching my death and I'm too stupid to realize it.

I tug my plush lilac robe closer to my body like it'll give me extra protection–as if it gave me any to begin with. Maybe I should have just texted Papi and dealt with the knocking until he came. He'd shoot off the intruder's head and then make sure I was okay.

Sighing when I reach the bottom of the stairs, I inch closer to the front door. The intruder keeps slamming against the door, it's so intense that the door shakes with each knock. Poor door.

My breath starts to run rampant as I'm centimeters away from the door. I clutch my robe to steady my trembling fingers and curl my toes to recenter my balance. Everything is telling me that answering this door is a horrible idea but I can't find the will to turn around. I'm desperate to see who is compelling me to the door.

I let go of a shaky breath before standing on my toes to see through the peephole.

I choke on my own breath when I see the image of a familiar person through the convex lens. My chest tightens while my legs shake like a toddler trying to walk for the first time. I blink before double-checking to assure myself I'm not seeing things. Even then, I still can't believe who I'm seeing.

The muscle in my chest whimpers and demands that I open the door. My body listens and my quivering fingers unscrew the locks. The wind from how quickly I swing the door open nearly knocks me off my feet. My eyes bulge out of their sockets and my mouth gapes at the sight before me.

With his monochrome hair laying flat on his head, Bokuto stands on the opposite side of the door.

My throat turns into a desert. It's like what I realized the first time I felt his lips on mine, he owns and controls my every breath. He's consuming all the air around me and depriving me of the privilege of breathing. I can't hear anything but the ringing sound of my heart losing its freaking mind.

His starlight irises are glaring at me with his rosy lips turned into a scowl. His olive skin is flushed with red while a rivulet of sweat drips down the side of his face. His aura is different from the one I just witnessed at school today but it's the exact same as the one Friday night. He's panting slightly and his eyebrows start to pinch together when he sees me.

"I thought you'd never open the door." His sonorous voice is rich and it sends my senses into overdrive. I curse at myself for missing it. I have half a mind to slam the door right in his face but before I can, he's stepping inside forcing me to retreat back into the house.

I gag when he presses against my smaller body and his spicy scent invades my nostrils. He pushes against me, nearly knocking me off balance but before I hit the ground, he's snacking his arm around my waist and slams me against his broad chest. He grunts, forcing me to look into his wild eyes.

"W-w-what are you d-doing here?" I embarrassingly croak out. I had to search deep inside of myself to find the weakest and quietest voice to use against him.

A moment passes as he searches for something in my eyes. I have no idea what he's looking for but I know all he'll see is how terrified I am. Bokuto is 6'2 while I'm barely 5'4. This boy is larger than me in every possible way. I'm suffocating in his grasp and I'm petrified by the angry glare nesting in his eyes. All his rage is pouring onto me and I don't know why. Shouldn't I be the one pissed at him?

"What was that text message?" He finally asks keeping his voice lower but stiffer than a mountain. I can't find the words to say, for a second, I don't even know what he's referring to.

His fingers dig into my side. My vision blurs at the slight pain he's causing. He leans in close and an indescribable look of fury paints his voice and face.

"You can call me what you want, but you have lost your mind if you think I'm going to let you walk away." My mouth drops. Literally.

"We're over?" He quotes my words from the text with venom spewing from his lips. I flinch when he throws his back and his laughter echos off the walls. His laugh is deep and sinister, it's everything but joyful. It's nothing like the laugh he had with Mark today. I can feel it vibrating in his chest and I'm ashamed to admit that it awakens something in me. The folds between my legs instantly dampen with arousal.

I flinch again when he brings his head back closer than it was before. A pure evil grin plasters along his mouth and his royal eyes glimmer with wicked intent. "Oh, baby we've only just started and you better fasten your seat belt 'cause you're in for one hell of a ride with me."

My lips part and I moan.

I freaking moan.

I couldn't stop it from passing my lips. I've never felt such an attraction to something so powerful and wicked in my life. Whatever darkness he has is pouring onto me, entangling me into something I have no business being a part of. My body is being torn into pieces, screaming at me to let go but also to plunge in deeper.

His wicked grin widens when he hears my moan. "You sound so pretty, did you know that?"

I'm speechless but not for long. The image of him shrugging and forgetting about me reappears in my brain. Heat rushes to my face as my body twitches with anger. I place both of my palms on his chest and use every inch of energy I have to push him away from me.

His arm slips from around me and pure air starts to fill my lungs again. I gasp, desperate to breathe clearly, and turn away from him. I stumble over to the brown leather couch I've told Mama a million times to get rid of. I place my hands on its back and drop my head between my shoulders as I grasp for air.

Seconds pass before I regain all the breath I need. I look back at Bokuto who's standing there with an amused grin on his perfect face. I'm over here dying from the air he stole and he's smiling?

I narrow my eyes with fury burning beneath them. I lunge my body at him with my fist flying straight for his jaw. He doesn't flinch, instead, he grabs my wrist before impact and jerks me close to him.

"Feisty aren't ya?" His smirk and eyes widen with pleasure. He looks like a maniac. A sexy maniac.

"You jerk!" I spit at him. "Who do you think you are?" I jerk my wrist from his grasp but he's too strong. I groan in frustration before using my other hand to push against him. It's useless though, he stands like an indestructible wall.

Mama is going to come home to her house destroyed because when I get out of his hold, I'm throwing everything in this house at him.

"Who do you think you are!?" I holler again. "You ignored me! Forget about me!" I know I promised that I wouldn't cry over him anymore but hot tears start to spill from my eyes.

A mixture of frustration, anger, and pain is coated into my voice. His grip loosens as he hears it. "You made me feel like I could conquer the world! You made me reach a peak I didn't even know existed!" My voice lowers and starts to crack. "You made me feel loved and beautiful. I thought you wanted me!" I raise my voice again and let more tears slip out.

I watch his eyes turn from harder than nails to softer than feathers. He almost looks confused about why I am so angry which only fuels my rage even more. "All for you to act like I was nothing today! Like I was nothing more than just a body you slept with! Then you just storm in here like you didn't ignore me!"

It was just one night. One late September Friday night. Why am I getting all emotional over one night? It's because it's the best I ever felt in my own skin since forever. I thought I had something true and real, just for it to be stripped away from me. Just like every other thing in my life. I'm exhausted from losing things all the time.

These tears aren't just for him but he is definitely the main source right now.

He releases my wrist but I'm too hurt to find something to throw at him. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" I ask the same question repeatedly. "Why? Why? Why? Why? Wh..."

I repeat myself over and over until tears take over. I can't speak anymore as I wail and bawl in front of him. I want to know why everything is taken away from me and I want to know why he forgot about me so quickly.

He steps forward, he wraps his arm around my waist again but not as roughly as he did before. He's gentle and I feel a comforting heat radiating from him. I sink into him even though he's part of the reason why I'm crying. He tilts my head up and uses his thumb to catch my heavy tears.

His eyes are soaked in sorrow. He's hesitant and I don't know why. How has his whole aura shifted so drastically so quickly? Who is Koutaro Bokuto really?

"It wasn't me." He admits softly. His voice is so quiet I barely heard him. I see vulnerability flash through his golden eyes and it almost brings me to tears.

A small part of me is still angry though. That part of me scoffs at him. "Who do you think you are? Shaggy?" He's unaffected by insult. Another tear slips out and he flicks it away.

He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. He braces himself before letting go of one of his biggest truths.

"Do you know what DID is?"

I freeze, sucking in a huge breath. I nod after being stunned for a few beats.

"Yeah, I have it. I'd rather not talk about where I got it from or the years it took to be diagnosed with it but if you don't believe me, I have papers to prove it." His heavy voice sounds so quiet as he opens himself up. I can feel his nerves running wild; I get the feeling that I'm one of the few people who know about this. I shake my head to let him know I don't need to see any papers.

He sighs heavily before caressing my cheek with his thumb. "The guy you saw at school today, isn't the guy you see now. We're different and we can't stand each other." Resentment flashes in his eyes. "He's a complete idiot. He acts like he's the best and mindlessly flaunts himself when in reality he's pathetic and insecure. He runs from himself. He runs from me. I'm his true self but he shuts me out."

I nod, processing the information I'm being told even though my mind feels blank. "Does he not remember me?" I ask barely above a whisper.

"He has no reason to." He responds honestly. "You and him have no connection. Not like the connection you have with me."

"But you–he looked at me, almost like he did remember me but didn't know why." It was brief but that look of confusion meant something. It was like he wanted to remember me.

He nods, understanding what I'm trying to say. "When he's out, I'm forced to watch from behind the glass. I saw you. I wanted to reach out and hold you. I did what I could to help him remember you but he....doesn't like you."

He delivers the blunt truth with all the gentleness he could. It still hurts because that's what truths do. They freaking hurt.

I push against him gently before he can see the hurt in my eyes. I walk away and frantically enter the kitchen. I grab a red apple from the fruit bowl and take a harsh bite to stop myself from crying. A small part of me had a feeling Bokuto had split personalities but fear stopped me from entertaining the thought for long. It's what stopped me from asking Monica what was on her mind earlier. She probably suspected it from long ago but wanted to spare my feelings.

All these years of wanting him to like me, down the drain. All the hopes I had that he might have feelings for me dissipate into nothing leaving a sharp pain in my chest. It shouldn't matter though, his other side likes me that should be enough, right? Right?

I take another firm bite when I hear him come up behind me. I suck in air when he presses himself against my back as I lean over a counter. The weight of him is grave and I feel his crotch against my behind. He leans in inches away from my ear. His silvery voice whispers into my ear.

"But I love you."

He backs away as I gasp and nearly choke on the apple. There's no way he just confessed the sacred three words to me. I whip my head around to see him looking at me with a blissful expression. He's serious, like the plague serious.

"You–"

"He likes Monica, been crushing on her for years." I swallow the fruit so I don't choke. The truth burns through my heart. "He won't go for her though. Akaashi is his best friend and Monica would never return his feelings."

"And wouldn't." I mutter. Monica has told me how she never saw the appeal for Bokuto. He's too loud and arrogant for her liking. I never had to worry about her catching feelings for Bokuto.

"That's why Sugawara said what he said that night. Everyone knows he likes Monica but don't speak about it. It's like a taboo in the group." He shakes his head and looks off to the side.

He grimaces. "He's so stupid though. Why go for Monica when you're right here? You're perfect in ways I never imagined were possible. I've been watching you for years and fall more in love every time I see you. I've been complacent for years but I refuse to lose you because he wants to be an idiot."

My heart can't help but swoon at his confession. The elevated feeling from the praises he sang to me sinks back in and I can't stop my heart from wanting him. I want to reach out and pull him close to me but I'm hesitant. I'm obviously attracted to him but can I confidently say that I love this side of him? I only met him a few nights ago.

"I don't expect you to love me back right now. You just met me Friday night." He says as if he just read my mind. "But..."

His eyes snap back to me. Untamed desire pores from his golden hues and latch onto me. My breath is stuck in my throat and my muscles tense at the piercing glare he gives me. He takes two heavy steps before he's pressing himself against me. I drop the apple to the floor as his presence invades my space. The crushing feeling wraps around me again as he stares into my eyes.

"You're going to fall in love with me." His low and rich voice holds so much weight as he declares confidently. His hand grips the side of my neck. He presses his thumb against the start of my throat and I fight back the urge to gag. "I meant what I said, princess. We're just getting started. In time, you'll learn that you're bound to me. You can try to run but I'll find you. You're mine and mine alone."

That last line sounded like a threat. If he were to catch me with someone else, they'd be dead and I'd have to face his wrath alone. He's so dangerous but that danger has me salivating for him. There's still so much I want to ask. What triggers him to his other side? And what happened between him and Serenity?

I don't have time to think of any questions before he's lifting me onto the counter. I squeal at the sudden movement but slam my lips shut at the pure adoration flowing from his eyes. Does he...really love me?

He begins untwisting the bow keeping my robe close to me. A blush creeps onto my face when he sees that I'm not wearing much underneath. I'm dressed in a skimpy white spaghetti strap t-shirt with lacy scarlet panties hugging my waist. He curses when he sees my nipples poking from my shirt. There's no hiding that this side of him turns me on.

He moves his large hand to the back of my head and smashes our lips together. It surprises me but my body immediately falls into him. Our lips roughly press against each other as our bodies mold into each other. His hand buries itself in my wild curls and tugs at them. I slip out a moan which allows him to slip his wet tongue into my mouth. My thighs clench against him as I feel his hard crotch against my most sensitive muscle.

"So sweet," He murmurs. "I want to drown in you, Veronica." I groan at the sound of my name falling from his lips. "Drown me in your waves, baby," He plants a sweet kiss on my swollen lips. "But watch how I'll become the conqueror. Your waves will become mine and heed every command I tell them."

I whine feeling the pressure of him against him. I know what I want from him but my words are trapped in my chest. "I-I want to feel it," I manage to groan out. He looks at me intently waiting for me to finish my wish.

I swallow and find my voice. I look at him with all the confidence I can muster. "I want to feel your love for me."

His lips curl into an evil grin; something snaps beneath his eyes. I can tell I'm in for it now.

All the restraint he's been holding back withers away as he moves his hand to the sides of my hips. He grabs onto my panties and roughly pulls them down my legs. His nails roughly glide across my skin as he does. I weep for him as he tosses my panties onto the tile.

He spreads my legs and kneels before me, I could have an orgasm just by the sight. "Oh my gosh..." I breathe out when I feel his breath against me.

"I hope you're ready, darling." He drawls as he looks at me through his thick eyelashes.

His sultry voice vibrates against me making me release another whimper. His thirst for me seeps out as he stares at me through half-lidded eyes. "Because my love is strong and I don't plan to stop. Not even when you're begging and moaning. I'll keep going, I'll devour every drop of you and leave you screaming for more."

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.  

Previous chapter: Forgotten

Next chapter: TBA

[synesindri]

samifer for the ship ask game!

wouldn't it be funny if i just said "no" and walked away lmao. lordt. every few months i go through a phase of being like "YES it is my otp of all time, NO i don't ship it" but hell, i sure am shippin it

What made you ship it?

you have to imagine me sitting on a chaise lounge going "oh my word, i can't recall, it has simply been a part of me since the dawn of time, my dear!" which is such a fucking lie lmao. i don't remember, i know i was hooked on the dynamic instantly in 5.03 when they meet, and i was very like "oh wow" about how heart eyes lucifer was in every subsequent interaction they had that season...if i wasn't on board yet by the time the swan song mirror scene rolled around i definitely was by the time that ended. and then it CANNOT be understated how much the lucifer/samifer meta community of 2012-2014 gave me joy and a range of creepy-religious-romantic-awful concepts to play with and opportunities to stretch my media analysis wings. What are your favorite things about the ship?

you're the one who asked me about this knowing (i assume) full well how i am so i feel ok about getting dramatic about it but: i have literally never understood romance as well as i do when i think about this dynamic, and that's because it is NOT really a romantic dynamic to me but it taps into all the things that go into romance that i think matter in a way i can actually grasp and get invested in. these characters are the SAME character but they are absolutely NOT the same — they both have the best and worst of each other, and they both have things that COULD have been the best or worst of each other, if circumstances had been different. all of this gives them both unique perspectives and personalities, but the theoretical ability to understand each other and adapt (i do think being able to understand each other is inherent to the dynamic and not just something i have shipper goggles on to see...i won't get into that here but it's related to this). it's the sort of interplay between characters that HAS to be totally life-changing to both of them, in one way or another, while also deeply identity-affirming since they are created to be mirrors of each other. impossible to love the other without loving themselves more; everything good they could see in each other is something they almost have no choice but to recognize they themselves could become, under different conditions. they are destined, but the idea that these two characters who are so defined by rebellion would also choose each other is just. i don't know! i don't know

also the tone is just perfect for my sensibilities. like. idk it's a bad vibe it's a great vibe. it's creepy and weird and too much but distant and intimate and hypnotic and eerie and inhuman and tense and profound and fraught with miscommunication and full of potential and just. guh. i could not ask for more. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

other than just flat out ignoring everything late seasons, arguably my favorite cage hc is that sam and lucifer barely interacted at all down there. idk why even i just like it lol

[lu-sn]

i wonder if you have given any thought about what Vegas was doing or thinking during that scene when he had a meal for two after Pete escaped? how did he come to, clean himself up, and when did he decide to make a meal for himself and Pete? did he think "Pete will come back, and I should cook for him, make up for the noodles i wasted, he must be really hungry"? at what point did he start to think that Pete isn't coming back like the other time, that this time he fucked up so bad there's never ever coming back from this (what happened later at hum bar notwithstanding). but how he still tethered himself to that hopeless hope, until his guard came with news that shattered that hope to pieces. i just really love that scene.

oh god oh god. thanks for giving me a Very Important Reason to go watch ep13 again. i feel like i'm about to go on a very long ramble pls brace yourself 😂

let's say pete leaves around early lunchtime, gets back to the main compound by late afternoon, and noodle rice breakdown is a very late dinner. i think this is reasonable, and fairly well-supported by the show (though we can't say for sure).

so vegas has about ten hours or so to drop into a depressive spiral. hooray! that's plenty of time.

i think he wakes up, and he's dazed for a bit, because he's probably still in physical shock from having the living daylights punched out of him. and then he sees the open cuffs on the floor, and his heart drops into his stomach. he sits there for a moment, and then he bolts out the door.

and he's not really chasing pete - but he's looking for him. he is hoping so desperately that pete has just left the room, or something - that pete is still on the island somewhere, because this has happened before. pete has chosen to slip his cuffs, and pete has chosen to stay anyways. and if pete is still here, then vegas can fix this, dammit.

and he scours the whole island. he finds himself futilely checking the same places over and over again, even as it becomes starkly clear that pete isn't there. pete is gone.

i like to think that at this point? he's ready to chase. he's ready to risk it all, leave the island and hunt pete down, because vegas is still trying to salvage this. if he could just talk to pete, touch him so softly, vegas can convince him that everything is okay, that they can start over and set all of their pain aside.

but he rushes back into the house, to prepare to leave, and stops short, because he sees the food his dad flipped onto the floor. and he stumbles into the kitchen, and sees all of the food preparation that he knocked over in a blind rage.

and he limps into the bedroom, sees the noodles that he so deliberately poured out onto the floor, and this is when it really truly hits him. pete left for a very simple reason. it is because vegas wronged him. it is because pete deserves better than to stay.

putting the rest under a cut, oh god, why am i like this-

for the next few hours, my guess is that vegas oscillates wildly between having a mental breakdown and suppressing said breakdown to clean up. he seems like the type to attempt to enforce order on his surroundings when his life is falling apart. the whole while, he is also oscillating between hope and despair.

the urge to chase pete is gone, because pete deserved to leave. but the hope that pete might still come back? it's still there, because vegas is the best liar, and the best liars convince themselves that their lie is true. pete deserves to stay away, but pete will come back, because they saw each other. he hurt pete. but he's hurt pete before, and pete has come back. it might take longer this time, and he deserves that, but pete felt something for him, pete offered up his wrists and then grinned at him so contentedly. pete didn't promise he would stay, but pete also touched his cheek so gently before leaving. pete wants to come back, he does, he does, he will.

so vegas looks at himself in the mirror, shirt stained with pete's blood, and he screams. and then he rips off the shirt, stands under the scalding water in the shower and tells himself that he needs to be clean. he needs to clean up all of the food, show pete that he understands what he did wrong, that he is sorry, he's so sorry. he crouches on the floor, puts his head between his knees, breathes rapidly and shallowly. pete isn't coming back. he's alone again. the panic passes, and he gets up and starts cleaning again. if pete comes back, he needs to be ready.

and when he's done cleaning, he's crawling out of his own skin, but he also can't leave to go find pete, pete has to come back to him. that part is important. he doesn't quite get why, but he knows it is.

and he sees all of the remaining ingredients in the fridge after cleaning, and it's almost subconscious. i think that the urge to take care of pete properly, the way he should have, is eating vegas alive from the inside. (top drop, perhaps.) and so that's how he manages to cook a whole meal for two, arrange it so carefully, because if pete does come back - he'll be ready to give pete the whole world.

he sits there, and he waits, and the sun sets, and the food grows cold. and i think he knows, deep down. but by god, he wants it so bad that he can't convince himself it's impossible.

of course, eventually the guard reports back, and then he can't lie to himself anymore. it's over.

vegas sits down on the ground, starts to eat by himself, because there's no point in waiting any more. and then he stops eating, and starts crying, because there's no point in eating without pete there to eat the food vegas made for him.

[moonshineboyz]

[17:40]

Pairing: volleyball player!Juyeon × volleyball player! fem reader

Genre: Smut, enemies with benefits

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: swearing, unprotected sex, rough/hate (?) sex, usage of the word slut, mentions of choking and spanking, lowkey public sex, brief fingering

a/n: i know juyeon is not holding a volleyball but let's just pretend. i got this idea from listening to lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by panic! at the disco 🤠 i'm not sure if i like the ending but,,, (@annyeongffs enjoy bb)

masterlist ♡

“Okay guys, let’s wrap up for today. Both teams did great!” The coach called and everyone got out of their positions, stretching out the tense muscles and walking out of court. “Nuh uh, minus you two Juyeon and Y/N.” He called again making you stop in your tracks. “You’re gonna take the volleyballs and net to the equipment room and pump up the basketballs. That’s what you get for arguing and swearing at each other every five minutes even during practice.”

You cursed under your breath sending a death glare towards Juyeon, who just looked at you expressionless. ‘Stupid son of a bitch.’

The coach left the court with the remaining of your team mates that waved at you from afar. You waved back and went to collect the scattered balls letting the boy get the net, since he was taller.

“If you weren’t so annoying, I could be going to my dorm right now.” He said when you walked past him on your way to the equipment room. You thought in giving a rude reply but bit your tongue not to curse back at him, already feeling your blood boil. “I'm talking to you.” You turned on your heel to face him.

“What do you mean? It’s your fault! You were throwing the ball too far for me to catch it in time!” You snarled.

“Isn’t it the whole point? Make the ball touch the floor on your adversary's side? I think you're just complaining because you're not that good of a player." Juyeon had just finished getting the net out of the first pole and glared at you with a raised brow. He really was getting under your skin.

"For your information, I'm the second best in the female team. I just can't deal with bullshit coming from a jerk like you."

Fuming, you turned your back again, walking away to fight back the temptation of throwing one of the balls in your arms directly at his annoying handsome face. Juyeon knew exactly how to get on your nerves and you couldn't stand having to be in the same room with him for too long without getting annoyed or bickering.

You were looking into the lockers searching for a second air pump, since there wasn't any other way and you had to pump up the balls, the best option was to you two do it separately so you could go home as soon as possible. While you were at it Juyeon entered the equipment room bringing the net and you quickly thought of a way to get yourself out of that situation.

"Here, the air pump." You handed him the object, to which he accepted but kept looking at you puzzled. "I didn't find another one, so, you do it."

"And what you're gonna do?"

"Go home!? What else do you expect me to do? Blow out the balls like they're balloons?" Your eyes rolled at how he scoffed at you, arms crossing in front of your body.

"I mean, I know something else you'd like to blow." A cheeky grin grew on his lips and past scenes of his dick on your mouth flashed through your mind.

“Shut the fuck up, will you? You’re so fucking annoying.” You raised your voice taking the boy aback for a moment, your jaw clenched and brows furrowed. “I can’t even stand looking at y-"

The words died at your throat as Juyeon dropped the air pump to grab your jaw firmly, pushing you up against the nearest wall. He was close, his tall figure towering over yours as he looked down at you with dark eyes.

“If you want to yell at me so bad, then I'll give you a reason to do so.” He muttered through gritted teeth and you could feel he was getting mad as well.

“Fuck you.” You scoffed trying to masquerade the fact that your heart was beating fast.

“Oh, you just did on semi-finals night, darling.” Juyeon let go of your face to brush his knuckles against the skin of your cheek, trailing south till it reached the side of your neck. You wished you didn’t shiver at the light touch, making it obvious to him that you enjoyed it. “Speaking of which, where have you been these past weeks? Were you too busy with that asshole from the basketball team?”

You didn’t even notice when you started to hold your breath but you were already feeling intoxicated by the low tone of his voice, knowing exactly what he was implying. His longs fingers wrapping around your throat not helping at all, and you thanked the sound of your racing heart wasn’t audible.  

“Why? Jealous much?” It took everything in you to let that out in a disinterested voice, sticking to an attitude not to let him win in any circumstance.

“C'mon, doll, you know I'd never date you; this is just for the fun. You’re just someone to hook up with.” He took a step closer, few inches away to press his body against yours. His skin was still glistening from the after practice sweat and you could almost say he looked hot, even though your mouth told otherwise.  

“And that’s all you can get after all. You’re good in bed but you’re as charming as a rock. No surprise you’re single.” Juyeon quirked a brow, his eyes dark as ever.

“Aw, you’re not attracted to me? Yeah, keep lying to yourself, darling. This is the most fun you can have besides taking your clothes off, isn’t it?” His breath fanned at your lips as the grip on your throat tightened, making him chuckle when a small moan dared to scape you. “Gosh, I really missed your pretty little pussy swallowing my dick and you screaming my name.”

You hated Juyeon to the moon and back with your whole being. He was arrogant, full of himself and egocentric, but what you hated the most was the fact that he knew how to touch you and make you feel things in a way you’d never experienced before, and you’d never admit that out loud. You'd never admit to his face how you also missed him pounding into you while you hooked up with other guys.

It was hard to recall when or even how you two started having this type of relationship, an 'enemies with benefits' kind you could say, because you clearly weren’t friends at all. You would pay not to have to spend the practice time looking at his face, and Juyeon would rather die than bumping into you in the hallways.  

But both couldn’t deny the sexual tension, and maybe that’s what led you to it, or maybe that was only a tactic to release stress, and you just happened to be there for each other. What’s a better way to calm your nerves than fucking your enemy? The sex was great after all and you couldn’t name any other boy who has ever made you cum so hard. Perhaps the hate towards each other really did add fuel to the fire and made things more interesting, competing who could make the other orgasm the fastest.

"I hate you so much." You said trying not to moan again when Juyeon pressed his torso against yours, sneaking his knee between your thighs, to which you rolled your hips grinding down on it.

"It's reciprocal, I just like to fuck you dumb." His hands went to your waist, grabbing hard and pulling you more into him. You were already melting at the tip of his fingers and didn't think twice before crashing your lips together and tugged at his hair with force as he moved his leg to cause more friction on your core. His big hands roaming all over your body roughly and squeezing your ass. A hiss came out of Juyeon's lips when you scratched his back underneath the shirt, sure to leave red marks. "Don't start a game you know you're gonna lose."

Juyeon pulled you by the wrist to the old desk to careless bend you over it. You couldn't lie saying you didn't like how everything was rough with him, it made a shiver run down your spine every time he kissed you hard and pulled your hair as you cursed at him digging your nails into his skin. He never cared about whether or not he was leaving bruises on your hips, neck and inner thighs, but neither did you. You secretly enjoyed admiring them later in the mirror.

“Here? Really?”

“It’s not like we haven’t done this before. Plus, everyone left, you can scream all you want.” A hand came down hard on your right ass cheek making you yelp. Another smack on the left side and you winced in pain arching your back. “You look good in the team's uniform, but look even better when I'm filling you up.”

He massaged your ass before harshly pulling your tight shorts down to your ankles and you stepped out of them, feeling his hands travel up your legs and holding your hips to press his hard on on your clothed core. You sighed grinding against him, your mind already getting hazy.

The boy brought you up to leave hungry kisses down your neck and bit on the curvature. Your breath hitched when his short nails raked the skin of your belly and you let your head rest on his shoulder, closing your eyes lost in the sensations. “Now tell me, is it still me that makes you sweat? Did you think of me when you were in bed with them?” He growled in your ear biting your lobe, making you grind harder.

“Not even for a second, didn’t even cross my mind.” Lucky you your mouth worked faster than your body so you didn’t dumbly nod agreeing with him. “You’re good but not the best.” You weren’t even ashamed in lying.

Juyeon let out a dark chuckle and grabbed your throat while the other hand squeezed one of your breasts. “We both know I've got a hotter touch, a better fuck than any guy you’ll ever meet. Or else you wouldn’t be coming back begging for my cock whenever you feel horny.”

“You wish.”

“Then why are you still here?” He teased licking your neck and smirked when you shuddered.

“Didn’t you say you missed my pussy? Then fuck me already.” You huffed impatient to which his only answer was to rub circles in your clit over your damp underwear. Juyeon pushed you back to bend over the desk, quickly and roughly pulling your panties down that you’d had stumbled if you were standing straight. “You’re gonna rip my panties, you asshole.”

He scoffed, slapping you once again. “You didn’t complain the other times I did.” His hand palmed himself through the shorts while the other went to your core, fingers playing with your wet folds. You whimpered when he slid one digit inside and added a second right after already moving, making your back arch. “Think I need to remind you that you’re just a fuck toy, not some porcelain doll. They must’ve treated you so nicely, but you like it rough, don’t you?”

Juyeon removed his fingers from you and pulled his own shorts down just enough to free his member and teased your slit with the tip, making you bite your lip in anticipation. Your breath got cut short when he gripped your waist and pushed in in one quick thrust, his cock disappearing into your warmth and your pussy clenched at the feeling of every inch of him stretching you open.

He didn't give you time to even take a deep breath and started moving in a fast pace, grabbing your hips with force. You could feel your whole body getting hot, sweat starting to form on your temples, skin prickling. "How someone so annoying like you have a pussy so good?" He groaned giving a hard, sharp thrust making you gasp and lifted your right leg to put over the desk. You were there so open for him; bent over that he could do anything. And you enjoyed every part of it.

Breathy moans were leaving your lips mixing with obscene wet sounds from your dripping cunt and his hips slamming yours recklessly now, going deeper and deeper inside you. Juyeon was holding you so strong and digging his nails in your skin that you were sure it'd leave bruises. "F-fuck, Juyeon!" You screamed out when he pulled almost all of his length out just to pushed it back in with a quick motion. He smirked to himself and kept repeating it, just to see you writhe and lose your mind.

His hand pulled your ponytail to which you winced but couldn't contain a moan. Your knuckles were turning white holding onto the desk for dear life as Juyeon completely rammed into you. "Not so talkative right now, huh?" He grabbed both your arms, pinning them behind your back with his own hands. "Look at you clenching so desperately. Gonna cum on my cock like a good slut?" His voice was low, watching your whole body shake as you approached your high, loud and breathy sounds escaping your lips.

You came crying out his name, shaking violently and trying to roll your hips back to get more of him. Juyeon pulled out slowly, feeling your walls fluttering and you whimpered at the emptiness. Even though you were sensitive, Juyeon's dick was so good that it never failed to make you want more and more.

A last sigh left you before you got pushed to your knees facing his cock. "Now be the good little slut and you are and put this mouth to a better use."

[alessabriel]

Moments like those were unique with characters from tokyo revengers.

I'm really loving the Tokyo Revengers manga and I couldn't help but write about some characters, when I go later in the manga I will write about even more characters and I hoped to get it right. Take good care of yourselves, drink water and eat well, it is important to.

Anyway Byebye ✨

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

➡️Draken | Ken Ryuuguuji

The sun filtered through the window with lilac curtains giving the room a slight glow illuminating the scene within it; a tall young man with blond hair sat on the floor on the black carpet with a noticeably smaller girl behind him.

There was no one else with whom he could let his guard down like this.

Draken despite the cold shower, knowing that he has rested well and that he should not be sleepy, your soft hands combing him make him drowsy, lethargic and with heavy eyelids, he could hardly see your reflection in the mirror in front of him. He, concentrated on his braid and there was nothing better in the world than you being so close that he could feel your warmth, your soft caresses.

With care and gentleness you manage each blonde strand between your fingers, intertwining little by little. You did not see the mirror, they only saw blonde locks that slipped between your fingers, he had beautiful and well-groomed hair. Almost finalizing the braid was when you directed your gaze towards the mirror in front of you; Draken seemed to be nowhere near falling asleep again from the way he nodded slightly.

"Are you sleepy Ryu?"

A denial was the answer clearly but you only laughed at the obviousness of his lie, he was so cute when he was so helpless and vulnerable with you. They were unique moments and by how he snuggled between your legs he said that he only wanted to spend a few more minutes like that, together.

In the morning when even their paths did not separate, Ken Ryuuguuji could allow himself moments of vulnerability where you would cradle him carefully, smiling at all times and he did not need to have his eyes open to know that your face only showed love, he had already gone through a long stage of doubts, denial and self-inflicted pain that knowing who you are, his partner, that you are by his side and that you do not have any doubt in loving him as he is, with everything included only makes him feel more secure. Draken didn't doubt his love for you, he never could.

"I just want to stay like this for a few minutes"

"All you wish Ryuu"

The "I love you" were in the air and were received by both, they knew that love was mutual ...

━━━━

➡️Mikey | Sano Manjiro.

The days you left school were naturally late thanks to the extra classes, the club, and other activities. It was normal to walk through the hallways of the school meeting only a few students from grades above who gave tired greetings, it must be difficult to be anywhere from leaving you assumed.

The silence was comforting as something cold.

Once with your outdoor shoes on, you left school seeing how your boyfriend was on his motorcycle with his cell phone in hand distracted, a clumsy idea emerged from the depths of your head and you executed it without thinking twice; you covered his eyes with your hands feeling the seconds how his hands touched yours, it was difficult to hold the laughter.

Mikey only limited himself to smiling without you seeing him, from the moment he felt your warm presence he knew it was you and only as confirmation the sweet aroma of your perfume invaded the air making it comforting, you were warmth, affection and home. You were so smiling, sweet, attentive and funny that sometimes he thought how you had noticed him.

As if you had a detector for his pessimism, you kissed your boyfriend on the cheek when you discovered his eyes showing your remarkable pout openly.

"You are bad guessing love" you accused fun catching your partner's face in your hands, you held between your little hands a mysterious, beautiful and so enigmatic world called Sano Manjiro "It will be that I am very good and I take you by surprise. What if? "

Mikey could only smile and let himself be carried away by your beautiful voice, you seemed to have a sixth sense for when he was just getting into negative thoughts about his relationship and he felt grateful for it, you were so special and irreplaceable.

"Aha, of course" accepted the blond amused, receiving another kiss with pleasure but this time on the lips. Mikey loved the feel of your smooth lips against his own, he could taste the taste of your gloss directly from your lips and it was the best feeling in the universe. "Come on I'll take you home."

The words died from the moment you got on the motorcycle behind your boyfriend, clinging with both arms to his waist and hiding your face from the wind that you knew would impact on your face that you still did not get used to. The soft roar of the motorcycle lulled you, the aroma of fabric softener, sun and sweets coming from your boyfriend only made you feel even more comfortable that it was inevitable not to rub your cheeks against his back, love overflowed from your heart .

"I love you Manji" you whispered softly, without the intention of making you listen but because of a red light one of Mikey's hands was caressing yours, you knew that he had heard you.

"I love you even more S / o-chan"

The green light on the traffic light sealed the rest of the trip in a pleasant and sweet silence, where they knew they were safe.

━━━━

➡️Hanagaki Takemichi

It was late when they finally managed to get out of the game room, both laughing at monumental losses in silly games but with a more than happy smile on their lips. Takemichi couldn't help but smile and feel the constant pounding on his chest as your fingers were intertwined with his own, it felt good.

"I had a lot of fun today Michi" you said once you were both waiting for the train at the station, your gaze fixed to the front and then looking at your side hoping to find him looking elsewhere but you met his unmistakable bright eyes that made you blush "We should go out like this more often, I say if you don't have more meetings with Touman "

"I think the same! We won't have any meetings at the moment so you will put up with me longer, ”Takemichi joked laughing.

"I like spending time with Takemichi-kun so it wouldn't be to put up with it, it would be spending quality time with my boyfriend"

You refuted by giggling when you heard that he was choking on his own saliva, so you let go of his hand to gently hit his back helping him out of his stupor. Takemichi could only try to stop coughing and when he did he felt you closer, one of your arms behind his back surrounding him and how you leaned against his. It was instinct and perhaps the feelings of him speaking for him since he left a kiss on your head, he could smell the fruity aroma of your shampoo and the unmistakable essence of your perfume.

Little did you know that your Takemichi could only think of a way to save you, never to lose your smile and treasure each new memory.

You were his first and only love ...

━━━━

➡️Atsushi Sendo | Akkun

The journey from his school to your school was about half an hour, but it was worth every tiny second for Atsushi who, like every Friday, had separated from his other friends to pass by you. Even though they had been going out as boyfriends for more than two and a half years, he still felt the nerves all over his body and the butterflies flying in his stomach that multiplied when he saw him leave the main doors laughing at something that your friends said, you looked beautiful with the glow of the sunset making you the center of their world. It was ridiculous how just by seeing you could make him fall in love more. Trying to regulate his nerves I wait for you when he saw you say goodbye to your friends and jog the rest of the way towards him. Was it even allowed to look this good and attractive in a school uniform? He did not know.

"Did you take too long Atsu?" you questioned your boyfriend smiling.

The other people ceased to exist the moment you approached him, the moment he could see your bright eyes and catch the sweet aroma of your perfume in the air.

"Not at all I just arrived a few minutes ago, how was school?"

With a remarkable pout you started with your remarkable anecdote of this day without even knowing that Atsushi was looking at you as if you were hanging the sun, the moon and the stars in the sky. Akkun only listened and commented from time to time, until it was his turn to tell about his day at school. Neither of them noticed when their hands clasped, it was natural.

━━━━

➡️Tachibana Hinata

The dark sky above their heads only gave more seriousness and intimacy at the moment, with her nerves on the surface Hinata could only see how the wind moved your hair and carried in it, the scent of your shampoo or perhaps your perfume. perfume that I gave you on your birthday a year ago?

"The moon is beautiful tonight" you said to the air.

Hinata did not take long to detect the message behind your prayer, endless nights watching k-dramas, anime and watching movies xianxia by your side made her understand the references, she loved how you expressed yourself so casually by dropping messages of your unconditional love.

"If the moon is beautiful S / o"

When Hinata thought that silence would fill the air, your voice was heard again but this time in front of her. Hinata could only swallow hard to see you standing in front of her, so she could see the difference in heights between the two and how the elegant beauty accentuated your being, you were so pretty and attractive that it could not cross her mind that you corresponded her feelings but there they were; in the park late at night on a romantic getaway that consisted of a motorcycle ride and talking in a park where they had confessed.

"But I can't help but think that I'm lucky to be able to call you my girlfriend Nat."

"It is not worth it! You always know what to say and you leave me like a fool in love looking at you. You're unfair S / o-chan! "

Before her words continued Hinata felt your lips brush against hers, your kisses were so soft and gentle that she felt so fragile in your arms, so loved and desired.

"I love you so much Nat"

The kisses continued gentle, soft and in order to communicate love, one more memory that the couple would engrave in her memory.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

✨ Here is the end, comments are welcome and if not has in the same way thanks ✨

💕

[stcveskent]

his comfort ; andy barber

warnings: fluff, some old trauma idk?

pairings: Andy Barber x Reader

requested by cevansmarvel

----------

you were working on some papers, when you heard your phone ring, you sighed and looked for your phone, and looked at the contact name, Andy💞

A huge smile on your face as you pressed the green button, and placed it on speaker.

"Hey Good Morning!!" His cheerful voice made you chuckle.

"Good Morning to you too, Andy, how are you doing?" You asked as you continued talking and doing your work at the same time.

"I'm great, now that i heard your voice." He flirted, typical Andy . You mocked him on this one and he laughed, at how funny you sounded. Andy's been your everything since you were 5. You went to same kindergarten, to same school years later, and your friendship never changed into anything. You were always with him, no matter what. Your mothers, both were great friends, and had kinda similar pasts, but other than Andy's dad, your father abandoned you and your mother because he didn't wanted both of you.

But Andy, was always there for you, and you were there for him too. He always loved seeing you, at his place, anywhere. During college, Andy met a girl, Laurie , who he eventually fell in love with and got married too. It hurt you a lot, because you were in love with him since your 6th grade, but never told him. Laurie, started being friends with you first, and then started her plan of stealing Andy from you.

When he got married, you've never felt that broken, ever in your life, and he forgot you later. You never married, never dated never did anything, because you felt that if you too, would get married, then you couldn't give him the love he deserves in your life.

Everything turned upside down, when on work you were talking to your colleagues while they randomly switched on the T.V and randomly pressed the news channel number, and the news stated something which shocked you.

Jacob, Andy and Laurie were displayed on the screen, and it showed some murder news, Jacob could ever do that? you were shocked, and you saw  Andy after millions of years....the look on his face showed how broken he looked, and you wanted to rush towards him right now. Your collegues started to call you, at how shocked you looked.

You walked out of your office, right then, and started driving towards his place, which he hasn't changed since the time he got married. You knocked on the door, feeling uneasy, but he needed you, and you too needed to see his face. Just a minute later, a sad Andy opened the door, and his eyes widened at the sight of yours.

"Y-y/n?" He stuttered, and you passed a small weak smile, and he hugged you. The warm feeling of his, hugging you, and your burying your face in his chest, just comforting for both of you.

"I-i missed you, so so much." He confessed, a smile over your face as you kept hugging you.

"I missed you too, Andy, so much." You replied and he smiles pressing a kiss on your forehead.

"Come in." He says and you walk in with him, you two got comfortable, and he started talking about how he felt, and started talking about Jacob's case, you felt bad for that man, he looked so broken, as he talked. He even told you about how him and Laurie were not the same anymore. Just then you heard Jacob and Laurie get in the house.

"Y/n? After so many years?!" Laurie asked and you smiled, and she hugged you before she excused herself to go upstairs, and there comes Jacob.

"I remember you." He said and you chuckled.

"Me too, Jay!! How are you doing?" You asked and he smiles before answering.

"good actually." He says and goes upstairs to his room, later, you and Andy talk about olden times..and then you leave the place..and try to always stay in contact with him, since then.

It was four years ago. Jacob, died in a car accident, and Laurie, its wasn't a surprise that they filed for a divorce and also, got married the next month with someone.

Since then you always visited Andy, and never left his side.

"Can you spend the night at my place? Movie nights just like the old days?" He asked and you smiled, only if he saw how happy he made you.

"Yes, i'll be there. See you tonight!" You said and he greets again before you hang up. Your smile wasn't leaving you the whole day, and everyone has noticed it. Well, you then got into shit load of work and concentrated, and got of work as soon as possible.

As soon as you stepped at your place, you knew what you were going to be looking like, natural. And so you did, and drove to his place.

You met Andy, and he gave you the biggest hugs as possible, and all your stress would just leave, and then he plays some series on the T.V. You two are focusing on how the two lovers are trying to tell how much they love each other, but don't know how to talk. A smile on your face as your head on the pillow.

"What're you smiling at?" He asked, getting closer, sipping, a glass of soft drink, because you're non alcoholic and he always backs away from alcohol near you.

"Two people, so much in love, can't express how they feel." You replied and he chuckles.

"Romantic, Y/n, i missed the girl." He confessed, and everytime he mentioned something like that would make you go red. He would do it often, lets say, Andy loves getting flirty with you.

"God that smile!" He says and you hit him playfully before pulling the blanket a little bit more closer, and he noticed it why you did that, and pulled you closer to him, that you were on top of him.

"What're you doing?" You asked as you laid on him comfortably, and he pulled the blanket on both of you.

"Giving you more warmth, you feel cold always." He says and you smile before concentrating on the scene again.

An hour later, you were asleep, soft snores made him smile, he was feeling something, he wasn't sure of and later, his head rested on yours, sleeping.

"You could've saved me, Dad, but you didn't."

"I tried my best! Jacob, i love you."

"You're a liar Dad, a big liar!" Jacob points his finger and Andy's tears falls, at the sight of his son, being so angry, that he couldn't solve it.

"I hate you Dad!"

"Jacob no—"

and just then Jacob is hit by a truck, making Andy scream in horror.

He wakes up gasping sweat on his forehead and he looks at you, sleeping peacefully. His hand on his chest, as he tries to calm himself down. He moves you gently and walks to the bathroom.

He stares in the mirror, he looked awful, he missed his son so much, he was having nightmares about him, only if Laurie didn't do that years ago.

You woke up, loss of warmth woke you up, and looked around, to see no one there, but you heard sniffles, and you knew whom it was.

You walked in the bedroom, as the bathroom door was open and he cried, burying his face in his hands, not gonna lie, that sight broke you into millions of pieces, and you stayed strong, walking in, lowering your voice, so it would be calming for him.

"Andy?" You softly called and he wiped his tears looking at you.

"You're awake? Sorry if i woke you—"

"You saw it again?" You asked and he nodded, tears forming in his eyes again, you felt worse. He hugged you, burying his face in your neck, you were his comfort, he never told anyone about.

"It's okay, its okay." You said as you rubbed his back.

"My son hates me." He says, stuttering.

"No! Andy that's not true at all, Jacob loves you, you were the best dad, Andy you and I both know what happened and what killed him. You knew his last words, he said he loves you, forever." You spoke, and every of that word was right, and he nods.

"But what if i could've save him? He would be with me—"

"You didn't know that, its not your fault, Jacob always loved his father, because his father never lost his trust in him. Jacob loved his Father, because he made him feel like he mattered in the world and no one else, Jacob loves his father very much." You said, and he nods before hugging you again.

"Thank you, you really are the best!" He spoke and kissed your cheek.

"I get that a lot, from you honestly." You said and he chuckled before you kiss his forehead. He loved these little small gestures you did. Now you brought him to bed, and he starts to talk to you, and you get involved in the conversation.

"Come on Andy, now you really need to sleep." You said and he nods, you stoof up before he questions.

"Hey where are you going?"

"Couch?"

"No we're sharing our bed, come on you'll get cold." He teased and you rolled your eyes.

"I want you to sleep comfortably, you won't be able to sleep with me."

"We've shared beds many times y/n, come on, I won't hurt you." He said making you laugh as you join him.

While talking both of you fall asleep, your head on his arm and his other arm, pulling you closer. Maybe if you and Andy were together this would be so normal for you, to feel it every day, but you felt like you lost your chance there, with the love of your life.

------

hope you like it 🥺💞

[wickedw3asleys]

MINEFIELDS - Pt. 3

George x reader

-> Part 1 , Part 2...

WARNINGS: emotional scenes, mentions of depresion, ptsd... george and y/n had had a hard time basically

AN: sorry for posting these so quickly, for once i had them written in advance and i want to post a part every day :) aLSO VERY SORRY ABOUT DEAN HE'S AN ANGEL AND I LOVE HIM I PROMISE TO DO HIM BETTER IN THE FUTURE :(

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You woke up too a silent house, the moonlight shyly entering your window and resting on your face. You were feeling a little better now, more rested and ready to enter your new journey at the Burrow.

You were feeling peaceful, feeling the sheets in between your fingers and listening to the old house creaking and breathing in the wind that was calmly brushing it's walls; but your peace was quickly interrupted by the thought of George. He had told you that he wanted to talk to you, and now seemed like the moment to do so.

Looking at the clock on the wall in front of you, you were afraid of the current time of night, but as a fortunate surprise, it was only 2 a.m., meaning that George would probably be still awake, or at least, not deeply sleeping.

You got up from the bed, instantly feeling the cold floor under your feet; put a sweater and made your way to the door.

No one was awake anymore, not one light was peeking from under the doors, not even from the living room, so you thought George would still be in his room.

You shyly knocked, not too hard, afraid of Angelina waking up fuming rage, but hoping it would still be loud enough for George to hear it. You waited outside his door for a while and you actually were actually ready to go back to your room and let him sleep when he quietly opened the door.

"Sshh...", he put his finger on his lips. You looked over his shoulder and saw Angelina's back on the bed.

"Okay...", you smiled.

George closed his door and smiled at you, "Let's go then..."

You followed him downstairs, where the fireplace automatically lit up the moment you stepped in the living room.

"This has always amazed me...", you chuckle.

George continued smiling; he warmly took your hand and you both sat on the couch.

For a while you kept looking at the fireplace, still feeling George's gaze on you.

"It's rude to stare...", you tell him without looking at him.

He softly chuckles, shaking his head, "Sorry... I'm still processing the fact that you're here"

"Me too, actually..."

You felt his body relax next to you, his back now on the back of the sofa.

"I don't really know how to start this conversation...", you admit, looking at him.

"Me neither... I want this to be calm and with no rush... Like we used to talk..."

"These were the best talks...", you smile at the thought.

"Okay, sorry for being so direct and shitting on the "no rush" part, but... why did you leave, Y/N?", he asks after a few seconds.

"Going right in, I see...", you chuckle, "After everything, I thought it would be better for me to disappear from everyone's life... I thought it would be better for your family, for me... And for you... I thought it would help us heal quicker..."

"No offense, but... That's bullshit...", George chuckles, making you laugh too.

"Fuck you! Everything I did was to protect and help you!", you pushed his arm.

"Ouch! No need to get aggressive on that one!", he laughs, "But really... Why did you leave?"

Your smile slowly faded away, not totally sure how to say it. "I wasn't sure if I would have been able to look at you ever again...", your voice breaks.

As sad and selfish it sounded, it was the truth. It is terrible and literally the worst thing someone could ever say but you couldn't lie to him, not anymore, not like that.

"I felt the same for so long...", George answers, "And because I know and understand that feeling, I can't be mad at you for that..."

"George..."

"It's true... I mean, it's normal... I don't have any bad feelings towards you for that... It's just-

"I don't know how to justify or explain myself... I truly don't, but I promise, George, that it is not like that anymore... I see you, my friend, my Georgie. I was just afraid... I don't know how to explain all of that...", you started to feel you throat getting sore and dry, not knowing how to continue, "I-I... I was afraid to see him in you, and not being able to see you anymore... Does that make sense...?"

"It does... I get it... Promise...", he warmly smiles, "I was feeling exactly like that at first... I was afraid to forget about me and only seeing... Fred... And the first time I looked through a mirror I... I couldn't do it...", George lowered his head.

"Y/N... You loved him, right?", he asks after a few seconds of silence.

You nodded as you felt your eyes fill with tears again, "I'm sorry, George... I should have told you..."

He gently took your hand in his, locking his eyes with yours again, "I knew... Don't worry about that...", he softly smiled, "I've always thought you two would have ended up together, y'know?"

You let out a shaky breath you didn't know you were holding. For all these years spent with the twins, you have found yourself wondering the same thing too, and hoping for it to be true. You truly loved Fred. More than a friend. Always.

"But it's okay now...", you smile between tears, "He was still my best friend after all, just like you... I forgot about these feelings... I just miss him as him, as my best friend..."

George sighed, but never let your hand go, "Me too..."

"I didn't want to leave you, George... I want you to know that... What I did was stupid and impulsive... But I never wanted to do it..."

"I know, darling... I know...", he smiled at you, "But I needed you..."

"I know, I'm sorry...", you felt your eyes burn with tears, "I swear leaving was the biggest mistake in my life..."

"Like I said, you're here now... That's all that matters...", he says, tightening his grip on your hand.

"And what about you? You and Angelina, huh?", you tried to calm the situation.

"Uhm... Yeah...", he smiled, "It's... a long story..."

"That's why we're here, right?"

He chuckled again, "Well... I've had a... pretty bad time after... Fred's death...", his voice broke, "And I needed someone to be there for me... And she was there... She was writing to me almost every day, asking about me and how I was holding on... And when I told her that every day got worse and worse, that I wasn't even able to look at myself in the mirror... She came here... And she never left..."

"She helped you get better...", you say, faking a smile.

"Sort of... And one thing led to another and well... We've been dating for 3 years now..."

"I'm happy for you"

"No, you're not...", George laughs, making your

mouth open in fake annoyance.

"W-what do you mean? Of course I am! You're my best friend! I'm happy you had someone like her during these difficult times..."

"You're happy I wasn't alone... You're not happy for that person to he her...", he winked at you. He definitely knew you too well. It was true, you would have hoped George to have anybody else by his side but her.

"She wasn't very nice to me in school... I've always thought she hates me or something...", you awkwardly rubbed your forehead.

"Oh she does, she definitely does..."

"George!", you laugh loudly.

"What? You stole us from her since day one!", he laughed with you, "First Fred, then me... You were always first..."

"It's that true...?", you ask, looking at him in the eyes.

"Of course...", you could see him gain nervousness as he started looking at the fireplace, "It was always you... For everything... For Fred and for me..."

"W-what do you-

"Don't ask, you know what it means...", he looked down, as if he was ashamed of his answer.

You were completely in shock by his confession, paralyzed; not knowing what do say or even how to form words.

"Come on... You're going to tell me that you didn't know?"

"I-I... No... I didn't know...", you put your hand on your mouth, not believing anything, "You mean... You and Fred?"

He didn't say anything, he just smiled and nodded.

"Oh..."

"Sorry, Y/N..."

"It's o-okay... I just... I don't know...", you felt your heart beat quicker and quicker every second.

George chuckled and pulled you into a hug,

"Don't say anything, you don't have to if you don't want to... It's alright", he whispered to you.

It's not that you didn't want to say anything, you actually had a lot to say, but you didn't know how, and words refused to leave your mouth, fearing to say something bad when you didn't mean it. So you just stayed there, in his arms, breathing in his cologne and enjoying the warm feeling of his body against yours.

"And about you... How's it going with Dean?", he asks, breaking the silence.

"You know about Dean?", you were surprised by the question, you'd never thought he would know.

"Huh? How do you know I'm with him?"

"Hermione snitched last year...", he chuckles, "I'd never thought he was your type, though..."

"Come on, you just don't like him for breaking your sister's heart...", you smile.

"That's... not entirely false...", he says, making you laugh.

"I needed someone too... He was there when no one was..."

"Did he heal you?", George asks.

You take a moment to think about your answer. Has Dean really helped you? Did you heal thanks to him? You really appreciate him, and cherished every moment he stayed with you when you couldn't sleep or eat. He helped you ease your mind and find a little peace in your life. He was there when no one was.

He fed you, held your hair up when your stomach couldn't handle the food, when you woke up hysterically crying at 4 a.m., when you totally dissociated from reality...

"I would like to say yes, because he was there, always... At any time of the day and night... But I know he couldn't give me what I needed... And I know he tried his best, he has spent the last 4 years taking care of me, basically... Without asking anything in return...", you sigh, "But deep down I know he's not what I needed..."

"And what do you need?"

"I don't know yet..."

Once again, you let the silence install between you and George, not really knowing what to say, just thinking about everything.

But quickly, your thoughts got interrupted by the sound of the family clock hitting 4 a.m.

"We should go back to our rooms...", George says, helping you stand up with him.

"Yeah... I'm sorry for keeping you up, you have to sleep too"

"Don't worry, it was my idea after all...", he smiles.

You exchanged a quick smile and glance before going up the stairs together through the darkness of the house.

"Good night, Y/N..."

"Night, Georgie...", you took his arm and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, petting his hair on the way.

"Thank you for coming back, I truly mean it..."

"Thank you for not hating me...", you smile. And with that, George smiles and go back to his room, quietly closing the door behind him. You copied his actions and got back to yours, thinking about the conversation you had with George. You knew that lots of things were still needed to be said and talked about, but you didn't have the heart to ask more of it. You didn't want to rush things or pressure George to talk about the past or his feelings, so you thought it would be a good idea to go slowly but surely; letting George take his time and talk to you whenever he feels like it. After all, as selfish as it would sound, you were there mostly for him. You were happy to see the others, especially Molly; but you knew George was the most affected by everything, and you wanted to stay with him.

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tag-list:

@28cnn , @lindsaytriestowrite , @jenniweaslee , @amityyyjade , @dracossimp01 , @themoonwithprophets , @hufflepuffflowers , @georgeweasley19 , @mendesdelight

[pixie-cocaine]

Down A Peg

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Businessman!Brat!Jinyoung × Dominatrix! Reader

Warnings: Pegging, slight mistress kink, dirty talk, Jinyoung cries lol, pretty harsh punishment (rough caning. don't worry tho, the after care makes up for it. Probably.), mentions of breaking skin from caning wounds and bruising 😬, slapping, hair-pulling, strapjob, fingering (m receiving), nipple play, degradation, just pure filth man 💀

Requested: months ago, but yes

Note: Jinyoung has a key at some point and it disappears, but you're not gonna say shit about it. Also it gets lazy near the end, excuse the grammar mistakes.

Word Count: 6.3K (pls don't let this flop, I am exhausted 🤩)

The last thing Jinyoung thought he’d be doing, was going to a professional Dominatrix session. If anyone had even dare mentioned the idea, say a month beforehand, he’d give them the nastiest grimace manageable and avoid them like the plague, not that he didn’t do that to anyone who tried to weasle their way into his private life anyways. It made even his own subconcious howl with laughter at the position Jinyoung had put himself in now.

So much for trying to s tay away, huh?

He didn’t even think something like this could happen. Hell, one minute he was filing more stacks of papers as his assistant talked his ear off, which he had vehemently told her not to do, and the next he found himself bored, and scrolling through a Domme website the night that followed.

But here he was; standing outside the neat black building with his phone in one hand, and a hand cupped in his pockets as he raised an eyebrow before going in. Past the glass doors, he found his surroundings consiting with soft shades of brown. A mahogony reception desk sat to the front of him against a wall, a long hallway next to the desk, and neutral white lights giving the atmosphere a professional look. His legs moved on their own accord while he focused on stabalizing his breathing, not used to the clamminess now making his palms sweat against his sides, and before he knew it, he was standing at the front of the office. 

A woman in her early-to-mid twenties sat before him, smile sweet and chestnut brown hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. Her eyes were soft, almost inquisitive as they assessed Jinyoung’s appearance and outfit, which consisted of a beige turtleneck and black dress pants. She seemed pleased with the effort he put into his looks if her satisfied hum was anything to go by. 

“Hello, are you here for an appointment?”

Her voice was cheery, like the chime of a bell, and her face beamed with a radiance that Jinyoung wouldn’t think someone who worked in her place of job would exude. He cleared his throat, “I am, yes.”

“Your name?”

“Park Jinyoung,” she nodded and typed something into the computer to her left.

“And your mistress for the night is Madame Black, correct?”

Jinyoung felt odd with how casual this was going. He’d expected.. something else? No, that was a lie一Jinyoung didn’t know what he expected. Maybe a bad experience, he guesses. He just wasn’t used to the way this was such an open transaction, as if he was going to the doctor’s for a checkup or something. It left him confused as he thought of a couple of his previous encounters with people he trusted on his sex life. The way they scrunched their faces in a disapproving frown when he said he wanted to try subbing, only to backpedal at his embarrasment. The rest just flat out didn't know what they were doing. It was almost laughable how little they knew. But this... This seemed like a whole new ballgame.

“Yeah,” He shook his head in confirmation, the sudden movement making him look like an overenthusiastic dog. The woman laughed at the new show of excitement and leant over the console so she could murmur to him despite the space being completely empty, save for both of them, of course. 

“Third door down the hall, you’ll know it’s hers when just standing outside of it makes you wanna piss your pants. Don’t forget to change into one of the robes in the room just to your left. Oh! And just a heads up, Jinyoung,” She smiles with a mischevious glint in her eye and reaches out to drop a black key into his awaiting hand, “She may seem nice, but Madame is not one who tolerates brats. Do go in with the knowledge that she’s not afraid to bite.”

Jinyoung raises a brow at her tease, but smiles back at her nonetheless, "Who says I'm afraid of being bitten?"

With a jerk of his head in what he hoped was a nod, he fought not to not scurry down the hall in his newfound anticipation, smirking to himself at the knowing face of the desk worker. 

Jinyoung was jittery with each step that brung him closer to his destination, which now stand a couple feet from him, the deep ebony-shaded door looming with a question that made Jinyoung have second thoughts despite thinking it through for hours; ‘Can I handle what’s behind this door?’

Jinyoung rakes a shaky hand through his hair, trying to take deep breaths as he pushes the cold metal of the key into the lock, twisting it to the right until he hears the telltale Click! Of the latches unslotting while he turns the handle and pushes the inlet open, taking a moment to survey the room before him, then kicks the door closed after he steps inside. Of course he can. If the voice in the back of his head said anything, it probably wouldn’t even be a good experience much different to the other ‘dom’s’ he’s had sex with.

Almost immediately, the tart scent of lavender wafts into his nose. The room was spacious, dimly lit by the soft golden glow of candles occupying the corners which cast shadows across the silky wine carpet, and the delicate shades of a peachy pink had consisted of the walls surrounding him. A king-sized bed with fluffy red covers sat against the back wall, a plush pink chair facing it, and you perch right at the bottom of the bed. Jinyoung feels his heart shake at the sight of you.

Just the way you sit with your legs crossed over one another had his cock stirring behind the silk black robe that curtains his naked frame. You wear a gorgeous tan lingerie set, the top is a thin see-through camisole which stops just above the curve of your upper stomach, displaying the supple mounds of your breasts over a sheen of lace, and the bottoms are a simple high-arch panty, the same fabric and look of the top, but with a skirt-like covering which flutters around the curves of your hips whenever you move. The fact that the set shown your bare body in such a delicate show of wispy materials was what made Jinyoung even more worked up. Your position was relaxed as you sat, holding a glass of champagne, and you cocked your head to the side slightly upon Jinyoung’s arrival. You offer a smile.

“Why hello there!” You gleam, and at the sheer enthusiam which you eminate, Jinyoung finds himself mirroring the smile without his own accord. Something about you just dusts away all of Jinyoung’s previous nerves.

“Hey,” Jinyoung sifts through his head to find the right words, “Madame Black?”

You giggle at the way he says it, obviously giving away that he wasn’t fully aware of what he was about to get himself into, “Yes, that’s me. You must be Park Jinyoung, I’m assuming?”

A nod was your answer.

"Don't be shy, take a seat," you nod towards the chair before you, and Jinyoung obliges, smiling at you as he goes to sit himself down in front of you.

"First of all, I would like to discuss boundaries, even if I’ve already gone over the form you filled out," you begin with a wink, "what’s your opinion on rimming and ass-play in general?”

Jinyoung feels his eyes bug out slightly at the way you so seamlessly jump into it. Shameless, aren’t you? But he isn’t complaining.

He clears his throat and, suddenly unable to look you in the eye, settles his gaze on his lap as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, “I’ve dabbled in it by myself but never really experienced proper ass-play things with somebody else,” mustering up his courage to flick his eyes back to yours, he smirks, “I’d like to try it with you if possible.”

You nod, “how about being rough with you? Hair-pulling, slapping, throat-fucking, etcetera?”

He seems to strongly approve if the fast dipping of his head means anything, and if that weren’t enough to give you a gist to how much he liked the idea, he isn’t afraid to say so.

“Anything that will leave me sore, I’m completely into. I like seeing the after effects.”

“Cum-eating and degradation?”

“Very eager to try.”

“Alright, anything else you’d like to add into the mix?”

Jinyoung muses, then shakes his head, to which you hum at. 

“Now, Jinyoung, I’m going to ask you a question, and you’re going to answer with a very well thought-out response,” you raise an eyebrow at the brunette, eyeing him down like the first meal you’d seen in days, “Are you sure you want to do this?

Jinyoung can feel his heart thrum against his ribcage, like the hard beat of a drum, when he hears your words. You were definitely experienced in this, even someone with half a brain could tell. He could feel his lips stretch into a smile, an idea coming to mind as you gently set your champagne glass on the floor a couple steps away from your feet, then sit back up to cock your head to the side. 

“If I’m being honest, Madame,” He scorns the name out, mocking your authority, “I don’t think you’ll be any better than the self-proclaimed ‘dom’s’ that I’ve been with.”

"Huh."

"I mean—look at what you're wearing—how am I supposed to believe that this is a dominatrix scene and not a sub session where I can easily just knock you around?"

Wow.

You can’t quite bite back the loud, boisterous peals of laughter that bubble up frrom your chest fast enough when you finally register his words after staring at him for a couple seconds, vacantly blinking at the brunette and trying to figure out if you heard him right. You wipe a tear from your eye, still tittering, “And what makes you think that just because I'm wearing delicate and frilly lingerie doesn't mean I can't fuck your guts out, Mr. Jinyoung the powerful CEO?”

Jinyoung frowns, “How do you know that I’m a CEO?”

God, this was getting more interesting by the moment.

Shaking your head, you rake your eyes up the sultry expose of his hardened calves and legs, slowly meeting his eyes once more, and grinning as you do so, “You must think I’m dumb. You act like that smug little face of yours isn’t plastered all over the city. Regardless..,” You lean forward, "Yes or no, Jinyoung? I promise, I'm well worth the money."

Jinyoung thinks for a moment, still in shock from the mention of his job, even if he already knows his answer before he says it. This was his chance to experience what he'd always wanted. Maybe. You already knew his kinks due to the form he had to fill out, as well as the little transaction, so he had no doubt that you knew which buttons to press, but he wanted to know if you could take him beyond his limits like he's always hoped for. If you knew how to press those buttons just right, or if you were just another let-down with a more professional look and platform. This was it, and he was going to make you work him over as much as you could.

"Yes, I'm sure I want to do this."

Jinyoung feels a shudder wrack his shoulders at how smoothly your facade transitioned to one of pure intimidation and stony expressions. The smile that once graced your seemingly sweet attributes was now wiped away and replaced with a carefully adept mask of indifference.

You keep his stare whilst you bend down to retrieve a big, black wooden box from beneath the bed, setting it beside you as you stand from your spot and lift the lid from the case to pull out a leather clasping, as well as a thick and textured blue dildo which was, admittedly, one of your biggest straps. You look to Jinyoung as you began attaching the proper clippings and belts in order to fasten it around your hips.

“On your knees.”

Taking his bottom lip between his teeth, Jinyoung slowly pushes himself away from the chair and sinks down to his knees, mouth watering at the authority in your tone of voice, and blood beginning to heat underneath his skin as you secure the harness and move to close the distance between the both of you. Deft fingers trace the sharp lining of Jinyoung’s jaw, trailing a line to the dip of his chin before taking it between your thumb and forefinger with a force that worries the bone slightly. 

He's pretty, you think. One of the prettiest men that have ever occupied your time as a dominatrix, with full lips and features that would deem him model-worthy. You smile. You would have fun making a mess of him.

“Safeword?”

Jinyoung is taken aback for a moment, allegedly in a daze to the golden view from below you. “Hm... 'Promotion'?" He smiles at his own small joke.

You hum, grabbing the ribbed silicone that stare back at Jinyoung, and pressing the tip to the seam of his mouth with short, prodding impels.

“Open,” you murmur.

He obeys, albeit after frowning slightly; letting his lips part to engulf the width of your strap, wasting no time in stooping his head lower so he could stop midway on your cock, his throat constricting around the foreign object now lodged in his passage. You moan down at him with a hand raking through the soft tresses of his hair in appreciation at his eagerness. 

“Suck.”

And he does.

Jinyoung started out strong at first; bobbing his head as he craned his neck this way and that to really go in on you without hesitation, hollowing his cheeks and looking up at you with a determinbed look, but after a while of swallowing your cock like he had one chance to impress you, he makes a rasping sound in the back of his throat, vaguely like the creaking of bed springs, followed by a lewd slurping noise before he goes to pull away. You catch the back of his head with a hand, raising an eyebrow as you shove him back down to where he’d stopped previous.

Jinyoung gags, a beautiful, surprised chuck of sound that makes you sigh at the way he sought for purchase at your thighs, a poor attempt to steady himself when you were already pulling back to drive your cock back down his throat with a fist-full of his hair. A range of noises that originate from Jinyoung bounce off the walls of the room, mostly different variations of kecks and physical strains on his trachea, but some being choked-off whimpers and half-strangled gasps of which he could actually get in between you fucking into his face and withdrawing. 

You finally slow your pace to more shallow strokes, and looking past the pretty shine of Jinyoung’s now tear-stained face, you can see the tent in the flap of his robe. You favor him with a devilish grin, one that he sadly can’t see due to staring down at where you had your cock in his mouth.

“Look at me, whore,” the stern demand comes out in a throaty growl as you use your hand, still laced within the damp tresses of his hair, to yank his head back and up at you, resulting in both a muffled yelp and the back of Jinyoung’s neck popping at the sudden movement.

The sight was immoral in every sense of the word. His swollen lips, which were wrapped around the pink cock strapped to your hips, were left hanging open with obvious smears of glistening drool, still seeping from the corners, his cheeks streaked over with it in some places and mixing the stream of drying tears falling from his wide eyes. You can hear him begin to gag around the strap, considering he is shoved down to the hilt, but you only push his head down and keep him there. Instead, staring in amusement at the way he sputters and coughs, wanting to savor how his face begins to turn a lovely shade of red. When you are certain he can’t breathe, you pull him off and let him drink in desperate gulps of much needed air, the soft peach color returning to his face when his lungs begin to relax. 

Stunning, you think.

Jinyoung gasps when you force him up to his feet by his hair, practically stumbling when you turn the two of you around so you can then proceed to to shove him onto the bed, ignoring the groan of the springs due to the impact. His head is a mess from the influxion of air he experiences. Only the ache between his legs keeping Jinyoung tied to this world as he softly pants, laying on his forearms with glossy eyes locked on yours and how you follow suit; crawling onto the bed and taking place hovering right over him. Jinyoung moans lowly when you lean in to press open-mouthed kisses, hot and wet, against his jawline, your hand snaking down the expanse of his hidden body to pull at the tied robe sash, and you treat yourself with a peek down at how it falls open to reveal everything he had to offer. Smoothing your fingers along the breathtaking show of defined muscle and healthy flesh, you curse.

“Of course such a little brat would have a fantastic body...”

Jinyoung lets out a complacent laugh at your subtle annoyance. He knows he has a good body, and he knows he's attractive, which makes you all the more irritated, considering he is perfect in every way, and you have no doubt in your mind that he uses it to get what he wants. 

“You sure are taking your time,” He gripes out, hoping to stir your anger.

You snicker at him, and without thinking too much of it, strike him across the face, not waiting for his head to fully turn to the left before you grab his cheeks, force him back to you, and slap him again. 

Once. Twice. Three times.

You feel his cock twitch against your thigh, and his mouth parts in pleased shock as he breathes.

“Say it again, bitch"

"I said, you sure are taking your—Ah!"

He's momentarily shocked into silence when you immediately shove your hands under his waist to hoist Jinyoung's legs behind his head, essentially folding him in half and displaying his exposed bottom, which is just as gorgeous as everything else about him. That's saying something, because an asshole, dick, and balls shouldn't even be in the same sentence as 'gorgeous.'

Jinyoung doesn't have time to protest, because as soon as he opens his mouth to fuss, he feels a strong, harsh slap land right on his hole. He yelps, kicking his feet out the best he can until he cries out again upon registering the next three smacks that rain down on the same spot.

"Rude, rude, boy. Has nobody ever taught you that you shouldn't speak back to your Mistress?" You growl, blowing cool air over his fluttering rim before patting his ass gently, "Stay like this or else I'm shoving an inflatable plug up your ass and stretching you until you rip."

Shaky and wanting, Jinyoung let's out a breath, doing as you say and hooking his hands into the back of his knees in order to press down and stay in said position. It unfortunately does put a strain on his lower back, but as much as he likes punishment, he's not betting on having his poor butt mercilessly torn open like you promised.

"What's your favorite color?"

The question half-startles him, "Red...?"

"Good choice," You chirp, and like that, you're holding his legs in place again; dangling a bottle of reddish-tinted lube over him as you happily squirt the cool gel onto his hole and two of your fingers. You tease him—gently running your hand up the soft skin of his left leg whilst you push the pad of your digit against his entrance, letting it breach slightly before pulling back to do it again.

"Tell me you want it."

He groans, "I want it..."

"Yeah?" You lie your cheek on his thigh, staring down at him with narrowed eyes. You love how exposed he is right now. Vulnerable to your gaze, and letting you touch him in such lewd ways. You always liked these parts of your sessions—where you could see the raw arousal in their faces. Letting your hand slide from Jinyoung's thigh to his cock, you begin simultaneously stroking him and, finally, pushing your fingers into his ass. He suddenly jerks upwards the best he really can with his legs behind his head, and you already know that both the sensations combined feel odd for him.

"Does it hurt?" You ask, half-wanting him to say it does so you can see the look on his face when you add another finger. But he doesn't, thankfully, and you whisk away the sadistic thoughts that you don't really want there. Instead, he shakes his head with a weak noise of slight discomfort.

"It doesn't hurt, but it feels... Weird?" Jinyoung doesn't seem so sure of himself when he actually says the words out loud. The confused frown knitting his eyebrows together mimes that of someone who was deciding on whether they liked something or not.

"Mm. Give it a minute."

And he does. He breathes heavily at the still-going stimulation to his cock, furrowing his brows everytime you move your fingers in a strange way as you try and find a pace, then, like clockwork as your digits graze upwards of his walls, he gasps, loud and surprised.

"Oh? Did I find it?" You grin, raising an eyebrow whilst continuing to abuse that spot inside of him. You revel in the way he moans. It's actually very melodical, everytime he reaches a high note it sounds like he's about to start singing, and it catches you off-guard when he keens before letting his lower body fall against the bed.

You tsk and shrug, "I was gonna be nice but it looks like you're just itching for punishment."

"Well what the hell did you expect when you put me in a painful position like-"

Thwap!

You give him another good slap to the face, then, almost too aggressively, force him to the edge of the bed so you can bend him over.

"Don't look at me, keep your eyes on the floor or I'll make it worse," you murmur, and with a mischievous smile, you walk over to the large black closet to the side of your bed. You can hear Jinyoung's heavy breathing reverberating throughout the room the entire time it takes to fetch your trusty cane and take position back behind Jinyoung.

The cane is long, about the height of a relatively high-standing desk, and decorated with accents of blood red while the rest is tinted a ravishing mulberry purple. It's thick at the top which makes it easy to hold onto, and it begins to slight as it reaches the the tip, which is skinny and carefully rounded.

"So, here's what we're gonna do," you begin, running your fingers up and down the polished rattan, "I am going to hit you with this cane as hard as I can, and you are going to count each and every stroke that I put on your thighs and backside. Do you hear me?"

Jinyoung sucks in a breath, but nods his head nonetheless.

"Come on, you know better. I need you to say it."

"Yes, I hear you."

"Hear you, what?" You lean forward to whisper into the shell of his ear, enjoying the way he lets out a small whimper and pushes his ass back against you.

"Yes, I hear you, Mistress..."

"Good Boy. Now, spread your legs a bit, and when you feel the cane, begin counting."

Jinyoung does as told easily enough; widening the space between his feet until his legs stand out in a small 'v' shape, and waiting in anticipation for you to begin the punishment. He can hear the blood rush in his ears.

Shwoop- thwack!

The pain that surges in a line against both cheeks is nothing short of winding. He thought it'd sting a bit at most but fuck, he had trouble keeping his legs from wobbling.

"One!" He shrills.

Shwoop- thwack!

"Two!"

Shwoop- thwack!

"T-Three!"

It feels like it goes on for forever if he's being honest. It's the same pain, but it gets worse with each swing and cut. It doesn't help that your cane had broken skin and drawn blood every couple strokes to both the backs of his thighs and cheeks, and you kept on hitting the same wounds.

"Twenty... twenty-one.."

"My good boy.. you did so, so well," You all but coo, dropping the cane to the floor with a thud as you lean forward to drape yourself over his back, careful not to make contact with his injuries whilst you trail your fingers between his legs so you can continue stroking his cock, grip loose and barely touching him with each swipe over his shaft.

"It hurts...!" Jinyoung's voice wavers, and you can finally hear the submission in his tone. You like hearing him like this; on the edge of breaking down, sobbing out his pain and pleasure, and all for you.

You smile, tightening your fist around his tip and holding it there just to savor the way he cries out and reaches down to try and stop your administrations, "But you like when it hurts, don't you? You like seeing how bad of a boy you'd been, and you like feeling those repercussions wear off even more, no?"

"N-no..."

"Mistress doesn't like liars, baby. Say you're sorry and maybe I'll make the pain feel better," You hum, only the slightest of touches ghosting against Jinyoung's nipples, butterfly kisses on the back of his ear.

"I'm sorry.. I-I'm sorry..!"

"Move up the bed. Hands and knees, still."

He's crying as he carries out your command, you realise. Tears, shiny, like the first drops of rain, run in flexuous tracks down his cheeks, and a blush dusts the ball of his nose. He makes no noise, but you can see the stutter of his chest and the way his breath hitches everytime he tries to take in a full inhale.

"See what happens when you don't listen to your Mistress? She has to hurt you, and she doesn't quite like hurting you to the point of drawing blood," you sigh and can't help but frown at the marks left on his body, especially the way you can identify the blooming bruises, which range from pretty shades of red to slowly darkening purples. Not to mention the many long cuts that litter just above the bruises.

"I-I'm sorr-sorry," Jinyoung involuntarily hiccups, and the way he reaches back and out for your top, tugging at the hem to get you to come closer, undoubtedly makes your mask slip a bit.

"Don't-.. don't look at me like that.."

But he keeps doing it. He keeps looking at you with those eyes. Those eyes that plead and beg in only the ways that make your body light aflame with desire to see him break completely under your touch.

"Fuck me... Please fuck me," He whispers, still looking at you from over his shoulder and holding onto your camisole.

"I bet you do. You've had that look in your eyes ever since you walked through the door. Don't worry, though. I'll fuck you. I'll fuck you hard enough to make your mind go blank, and I'll fuck you good enough that everytime you touch yourself, you'll wish it was my hands instead of yours," you crawl onto the mattress and keep direct eye contact as you do so. You want him to take in the fire in your eyes, and know that you mean everything you say.

And from the way he whines upon your hand encasing his throat when you take place behind him, lining yourself up with his entrance with your breath hot on the back of his neck, he gets the memo.

"Have you ever had a cock inside you, Jinyoung?"

"Only finger-ers," He gasps out, still catching his breath to make coherent sentences as his crying dies down.

You nod into his shoulder, "We're gonna take this part slow, then, okay? Deep breaths.. I'm pushing inside, now."

The stretch is slow and, admittedly, overwhelming; the way your strap's textured shaft tenses his walls around the thickness of it's outer layers has him clutching and the sheets and making all sorts of noises, from groans to whimpers, from low-tones to high-notes, then finally, you bottom out. Your hips meet the plush skin of his ass, which he yelps at, and you take a moment to massage the column of his neck, trying to get him to relax as much as possible. It is his first time with a dick up his ass, after all, and he'd just taken a brutal punishment with, from the looks of it, painful consequences.

"What's the traffic light say, Jinyoung?"

He knows what it means, and when he's actually asked the question, it sparks a sort of satisfaction in him. He means wow, someone who actually checks in with him during sex and doesn't just do whatever they want without making sure he's ok with it.

"Green. Just go slow, please? It still hurts a bit."

He's surprised when you actually listen to him, and begin pacing yourself slower; careful movements of your hips, barely even registered as thrusts, and soft brushes over the hardness of his nipples once again as a distraction from any lingering uncomfort.

"Is it ok to go faster?"

He nods, and turns his face to the side so he can look at you properly. He looks so good like this; watery eyes and a needy expression painted on his face like glass.

It's then that you find yourself kissing him.

It catches him off-guard, obviously, but he leans into it nonetheless, and damn did you know how to kiss. Your lips were sweet against his, mouth moving in tune with his own and it was quite easy for you to take control of things. One squeeze to his throat and he was putty.

You don't even notice that you're thrusting into him too fast until he grabs at your hip from behind and whines into your mouth, which makes you want to go all the more faster, but you don't. You groan, nibbling his lip before you pull away with a grin, and weave your hand into his hair so you can gently push his face into the covers. His arch is gorgeous. Just like the rest of him, you think.

"Jesus, you're a sight.. you know that?"

From the neat curtain of bangs, you can faintly see Jinyoung smile, "Do you like it?"

"Baby you know I like it," You curse as you smooth a hand down the sultry slope of his back, all muscled and strong yet delicate in a way that you find hard to explain.

He moans, loud and clear for you, "Then show me, mistress. Please?"

'Showing him' would be an understatement of what you did. It was like you were possessed; one moment he was on his hands and knees, looking back at you with that fucking face, and the next, you had him flipped over on his back, drilling into him like your life depends on it. You don't know how long you fuck him, but you know that you were in a daze as you snap back to the present.

It's brutal, the way you pound into him. Rough, animalistic, and downright cruel. He's trying his best to stay tethered to this world, but you make it extremely hard with the way you bull his knees into his own chest and stare at him, long and heavy, with each other's foreheads touching and a hand jerking him off at a rapid speed. He wails and cries out every couple seconds, his voice now strained in his throat and wearing thin like the threads of an old spiderweb.

"Is this what you fucking wanted? Huh? Well here it is so fucking take it, bitch. Take it all and don't you dare waste it or else I swear you'll regret it," You growl, your teeth clenched hard enough to put pressure on your gums as you unhook your arm from under his left knee and instead use it to choke him. He struggles at the lack of blood going to his brain, but nods regardless.

"I-I'm c—oh my god please—I'm cumming! I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna-"

"Then fucking cum, you filthy whore. Do it, all over your stomach. Make Mistress proud, hm? Make her proud of her good little fuck doll, I know you can do it, baby."

Letting go of Jinyoung's throat has more of an effect than you anticipated. The influx of air and blood, paired with his approaching orgasm, quite literally throws him headfirst into his climax. His mouth falls open in a silent scream as he writhes and twitches, spilling white on his lower abdomen, and one shot even glances him on the collarbones.

It's silent for a moment as he catches his breath, still shaking, and that's when you make the decision of discarding your strap-on into the basket near your closet with a single toss. Jinyoung, on the other hand, is on cloud 9. He feels like he's floating in a golden sea of bliss, which clouds of cotton candy hanging overhead, and he barely registers it when he feels your fingers on his body once again.

He looks down, "Hm..?"

"Pfft holy shit, look at you," You bring your palm to your mouth as you giggle at the man's euphoria, "Yeah.. Oh yeah, you're definitely feeling it, huh? Told you I was worth the money."

"No shit. That was... Jesus, that was insane."

"Mm thanks, pretty. Sit still, I'll be right back."

You hop up off the bed with another quick glance at Jinyoung before you disappear behind a misty glass door. While you're doing.. whatever you're doing, Jinyoung takes the time to sit up and try and find a comfortable position because of course it's now that everything finally settles in.

"Ow, fuck!" He hisses at the pain of trying to sit on his ass with all the cuts on it.

"Yeah, about that, put your butt up for a moment?"

He frowns, but upon seeing the tube of ointment in your hand as well as baby wipes and a lollipop, sighs and reluctantly bends over.

"I know, I know, but don't worry, it'll only sting a bit. Also, make sure to apply some Neosporin or disinfectant on the backs of your thighs and bottom until they begin to scab up." You drone on about how to take care of the injuries whilst applying the salve, the basics on how to not exercise while they're still open because the sweat can cause an infection, the usual things. When you're done both rubbing the medicine on him and giving him a jog through cautions, you finally twist the covering on the tube of ointment and reach for the wet wipes before meeting Jinyoung's eyes again.

"Roll on your back, please. Feet up in the air and spread your legs so I can see everything."

"Why?"

"Because," you smile, already nudging him to move into position, "You're all messy. I need to clean you up, don't I? Now come here, I even have a lollipop for you since you did so well."

It's soft how you take care of him, Jinyoung thinks. The mood switch is completely different from what you were like when you were fucking him like you hated him, because now, you're so concerned about whether you're pressing the wipes too hard onto his skin as you swipe the cold sheet between his legs and rear end.

"I'm sorry," you say, slowing down on cleaning him to snort at how hard he sucks on the light green candy, admiring how at peace he looks with the warm expression he wears.

"For what?"

"I probably went a little too hard on you. This was your first actual time with an experienced domme, and I'm afraid that I could've ruined it for future references."

"Oh no, don't feel bad. I liked it."

"You did?" Your eyebrows shoot up.

"Of course. This is probably the best I've felt in literal months."

And he smiles. He smiles genuinely one of the most breathtaking smiles you've ever seen, with a slight fan of creasing around his eyes from the rise of his cheeks, and a laugh like pure beauty. You return it.

"Well, I'm glad I could help, Jinyoung. Now, I think it's about time for you to go, considering the session is officially over, and you most likely have a lot of work in the morning," You wink and stand from your spot on the bed.

Jinyoung allows you to help him back inside his robe, even rub the dried tear tracks off his cheeks, and before he knows it, he's slowly walking away from your assigned room, looking back at you as you stand in the doorway with a hand on your hip.

"Goodbye, Madame Black."

"Goodbye, Mr. CEO. Come again sometime, I'm sure you'd love to be taken down another peg."

[yamanaka-shin]

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" There is an overt worried tone to his voice.

"Yeah, completely fine. Why?" They shoot him a confused look but don't make an attempt to downplay his concern.

"Have your eyes... always been that light?"

"Huh?" Now they're perplexed. Thankfully there's a mirror behind the counter so they quickly turn and trot over to it to examine what had him nervous. "Guess I haven't noticed it before. But, no, I don't think so."

When they come back to their spot behind the shop counter, standing opposite him on the customer side, Kouta is visibly uneasy. Clearly that's not what he wanted to hear. But Shin still has no idea what's going on and is not eager to cause a scene while pulling a shift for their brother who's taking care of business outside the village. They allow Kouta to lean in closer, him placing two fingers above and below their right eye to open it further, trying not to flinch so he can work.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong? This doesn't just happen, you know..."

"I've never felt better, actually. Maybe it's just an age thing. Or something else benign. You don't have to worry about me, I promise." They make sure to speak with gentleness that does not invalidate his concern.

"You're only 40. I think we should have Kabuto take a look at this later just in case. If he can't figure out what's wrong, I'm going to call the optometrist." He's already made a plan in his head so as to keep himself calm and focused, voicing it out loud to make sure they understand what page he's on.

"If it'll help, that's okay with me. Maybe you're right and I'm just unaware of something that's going on. Maybe it's nothing. We'll just have to wait and see, huh?"

Kouta nods, still a little stiff, but accepts the plan of action now that they both see eye to eye well enough. He doesn't want bad news. But he also knows he cannot control the outcome of something he didn't even see coming. Still. It's all he's going to think about for now until the two of them get to the bottom of it. Kabuto most likely wouldn't be specially skilled enough to look into this the way it needed to be. Couldn't hurt to try there though. At the very least he's dependable enough to go to with such odd predicaments.

"I have to head over to the Academy now to speak with Shino Sensei about something. You got everything here, right?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'm sure Ino will be back soon enough anyway and then I can get out of here. Meet me later at Thunder Burger for lunch?"

"Sounds like a good plan. I can ask Minoru along too if you'd like."

"If he's not busy then sure. Even if he is, drag his ass out of the office for a bit. Sure he could use the change of environment."

"Too bad Kabuto is probably busy right now or I'd bring him along too."

They shrug, keeping an easy smirk. "His loss. Though we'll catch him later for drinks. That's a threat."

"Don't tell him that." Kouta pushes his worry down just enough to give them a small smile. "I'll see you in a couple hours. Behave."

"No promises. Sai knew what he was getting into when he asked me to cover for him today." And with that, they lean over the counter and quickly kiss him.

He's hesitant to leave then, but he's got important business to attend to that can't wait. They'd be fine. He just had to trust in their word and from history he knew they tried never to lie to him. This was an easy job and they didn't get easily riled up even when customers were difficult. In the off chance an incident did pop up, he knew they could handle it easily enough. So he left the shop with his head held just high enough to carry him through his afternoon.

[thatmotleygirl]

Being a serial binger, I'm never really astounded by my ability to consume content or the fact that I sometimes watch an entire season or more in a day.

That being said, I FINISHED 9 EPISODES Y'ALL !!!!!

Suffice to say, Home WRECKED ME and I might need a tiny lil break. Just till I pick up the pieces of my shattered soul and piece it back together.

So I actually took a small break after Phantom traveller, solely because of the below scene

Source

It's just so.....Dean. My baby deserved more cool badass scenes like this one.

So. Here lie my thoughts (without the writing of which, I will go insane. So sorry y'all. Feel free to scroll on by😅).

1x05- Bloody Mary

Dean smashing the mirror. *Chef kiss*

Dean Winchester is the goodest brother

Dean says Sammy and my heart goes bloop

SIR STOP BREAKING MORE MIRRORS!

600 YEAS OF BAD LUCK? Boy you have no idea

Ohmygosh. Soft. Pillowy lips

😭😭😭😭😭😭

1x03- Skin

Shape shifter bby Dean. so hot

Tucumcari (he just looked so adorable saying that)

Sammy said "Big brother" 🥺

Dean can't say no to Sammy

That eye CGI tho

I've missed them doing research and detective work. Lil fetuses racking their Brains.

Grumpy sleep deprived Dean. But also, so smart 💙

Sammy is so smol

Dean saying "Son of a Bitch"🥺

I see a throwing star. I cry. Those be the rules from now on😭😭😭😭

"I know I'm a freak. And sooner or later everybody is gonna leave me" 💀

Okay Shapeshifter!Dean saying all that Dean want's is for someone to love him, is just 💔

See Dean! Shapeshifter framing you, Warrant out for your arrest, stepping on a puddle! I told you not to break the mirror!

Samuleett

You've been tangled up with the law since 2005. How'd you do anything boi?

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

1x07- Hook Man

Baby looks so beautiful

Awwww Rock salt bullets. Bby boi so smart

Yes sweetie. You 👏🏼 are 👏🏼 a 👏🏼 genius 👏🏼

I miss foetus Dean

Dean so proud of himself for talking the Sheriff down

Dean honey, parking tickets are meant to be paid

Okay, please tell me that people acknowledge and appreciate Jensen's acting. Especially his facial expressions. Cause this man doesn't need to speak to show what he's thinking!!!

Our first on-screen salt and burn. *Cue nostalgia*

😭😭😭😭😭

Dean lookin out for Sammy and saying "We could stay"

Just stay. Be happy. Avoid old barns and rebars.

1x08- Bugs

Just need to get through this episode

Dean watches Oprah

Okay it's over

He also loves the shower. Such a smol bean

Dean's face when Sam tells the kid to be happy about leaving his family

1x09- Home

Oh no. This episode is gonna kill me (again)

Dean can never go back home...

Oh no. He made the call to John. Deeeeaannn nuuuuu. *Ugly sobbing*

Oh god that face was heartbreaking

"I carried you through the front door"

You can do this Dean. You're the strongest boi

Baby Sammy has the cutest smile

Hey Missouri! I always liked her!

Oh. My. Jack. Dean's face when he saw Mary. He was a 4 year old again 💔

Source

That "Mom?", when Mary disappear. Stab me in the gut a couple a times. It'll HURT LESS!!!

GODDAMNIT JOHN WINCHESTER!!! IT'S LIKE YOU DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THAT VOICEMAIL!!!!

😭😭😭😭😭

WHY IS THE WORLD NOT TALKING MORE ABOUT JENSEN ACKLES ?!?!?!? THIS EPISODE WAS 15 FUCKING YEARS AGO AND YOU SEE THE ACTING CHOPS ON THIS DUDE???? THE EXPRESSIONA ON HIS FACE WERE ENOUGH TO CONVEY THE AMOUNT OF PAIN THAT DEAN WAS GOING THROUGH!!!!! THIS MAN DESERVES ALL THE AWARDS!!!!

So, clearly ^^^THIS^^^ is how I'm coping. I fear for my future self, when she reaches season 3.

[transkholins]

hey uh, throwback to 2019 when i made a rand fanmix. posting it because it can't hurt, but note that the track descriptions and song choices are all unedited.

. BLACKOUT — frank turner

but it’s not enough anymore

we can’t turn just around and close the door on the world

it’s asking uneasy questions

this one’s for winternight and the eye of the world. it’s the start of the world going to hell and being overwhelmed by the shadow (“are you afraid of the darkness?”), and it’s essentially rand against the world. he can’t just walk away from it— his house is attacked by trollocs, and the only option he has is to go with moiraine. he doesn’t really know what he’s up against, only that he’s up against something bad.

. HERO — family of the year

let me go

I don’t wanna be your hero

I don’t wanna be a big man

I just wanna fight with everyone else

this song’s all about not wanting to be a part of something big, just wanting a simple and easy life. at the beginning of the great hunt, rand really does not want to be the dragon reborn— I mean, who would? but it’s a role that he’s forced into, nonetheless. at his heart, he’s just a farmboy who wants to go home. moiraine kind of forces his destiny on him, not letting him postpone it or shove it aside. but at this point, he just doesn’t want to be a hero. the song itself is very soft (and acoustic to boot), which I think nicely represents the simple life that rand wants.

. UNUSUAL — typhoon

get your pitchforks out

the crowd is coming and they’ve named you

why, gentle mother, must you wring your hands and weep?

tide brings you a sword, sword will cut you free

dead demands a tribute in the hour of our need

blood be the river to wash the ledgers clean

oh, it took so much self-restraint to not put more than two songs from this album on this playlist. offerings is just so good AND highly existential, so if you’re wanting more sad rand hours, go listen to it. I think this song best fits rand’s start of really being the dragon reborn, around (you guessed it) the dragon reborn. the world is kind of a mess, and he doesn’t really know what to do, so he just does what he thinks he should do. he’s chosen by the pattern— the world demanded a dragon to save the world, and he was the unlucky soul born on the slopes of dragonmount. you know, his blood on the rocks of shayol ghul and all that. this song, like the one preceding it, is softer— rand hasn’t hardened himself like he will in later books. however, around halfway through, it gets louder and brings in more drums. tdr is the start of rand’s transition from farmboy to dragon reborn, in both good ways and bad.

. KIDS — mgmt

we like to watch you laughing

picking insects off of plants

no time to think of consequences

this song focuses a lot on the idea of self-control/self-restraint— not doing more than you have to, good or bad. it reminds me a lot of rand’s earlier experiences with channeling and being ta’veren. saidin is dangerous, what with the taint and all, and drawing too much of either half of the one power has severe consequences. he’s not as in control of his ta’veren-ness as he will be in later books— like his channelling, it’s a bit all over the place. the quote at the beginning of the music video (it’s friedrich nietzsche, not mark twain, but whatever) also ties in with this idea— if you’re not careful, you can become the very thing you were fighting against.

. LOUDER THAN EVER — cold war kids

I was carrying my cheek

I was digging my strange

I was taking you for granted

you were holding the reins

but I can hear you louder than ever

whisper to me, help me remember

I can’t see you but we’re still together

I can hear you louder than ever

moiraine’s “death” is a tipping point for rand— he feels like he could’ve prevented it, even though moiraine literally tells him that he couldn’t, and that what happened was the best possible outcome. after she passes through the portal, rand realizes that he took her presence for granted. her advice was good, if often unwelcome, and after her death rand just ends up going off the rails in so many different ways. when she returns in a memory of light, he realizes how helpful she was to him.

. SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT WITH ME — cold war kids

something is not right with me!

something is not right with me!

something is not right with me!

I’m trying not to let it show

the taint on saidin is just really like that, huh? rand can tell that something’s wrong, with lews therin’s voice in his head. the thing is, he doesn’t let anyone know because he’s 1) scared of showing weakness and 2) sane people don’t normally hear voices. this song is fast, but not in an upbeat way— it feels chaotic, panicked, and just barely in control. the singer is almost shouting the lyrics instead of singing them, contributing to that feeling. I think it embodies most male channellers’ experiences with the taint— it isn’t smooth or calm like saidar, it’s a raging river of fire.

. DREAMS OF CANNIBALISM — typhoon

unhand me, I am not a criminal

but I’ve played a guilty part

in the modern sense that one pretends their life is original

I wrote a book and I will call it something cynical

the story’s slow, the hero does not change

and if he can, then he won’t anyway

instead his foes and lovers all become identical

this song ends with the line “soon enough you will be dancing at my funeral,” and I can’t come up with something that encompasses rand-as-the-dragon more. people are terrified of him— hell, even he’s terrified of him. the world doesn’t want a dragon, but they got one anyways. the second set of verses above is a more textual examination of rand at this point— a crown of swords through crossroads of twilight is incredibly slow, and rand doesn’t change much throughout those books (hence why this song covers 4 books). he could make a change in his life if he tried, but he doesn’t, since he thinks he needs to shut others out to protect them. the whole song seems to be conveying the idea of being stuck and not going anywhere, but running from yourself, which, to be fair, is very close to what rand experiences in his own head in these books.

. GHOSTS THAT WE KNEW — mumford and sons

so lead me back

turn south from that place

and close my eyes to my recent disgrace

so give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

’cause oh, that gave me such a fright

but I will hold on as long as you like

just promise me we’ll be alright

I picked a soft song for the softer scene in the gathering storm where min and rand are talking about how cold he’s become. he realizes that he doesn’t have to fake an uncaring and unemotional nature— to be human is to feel, and it’s not bad to be human. the song is about going through something that’s wearing you down (a common interpretation is depression), and knowing that you have someone helping you through it. min sticks with rand during almost everything that happens from lord of chaos to the end of the series. she’s a support for him, and too stubborn to ever leave him, no matter what.

. DARKER — typhoon

I tried, you know, just to toe the line

love all the neighbors and live in the light

sure, I stumbled sometimes

self-contained; a convenient lie

every source of pain, every sting of pride

had to come from the outside

you won’t even fight me fair

wait for the darkness, catch me unaware

yeah, you pull me close

then you twist the knife

of course, that happy, warm feeling can’t last, because that scene is followed by semirhage being sadistic and deciding that now is the perfect time to use this new torture device. because of that, rand ends up shutting himself off even more than before. he’s suspicious and cruel, and thinks only for himself. it’s scary, frankly. darker, like all the songs on the album that it’s from, is very existential, though this song is, fittingly, darker than the others. it’s filled with the sense of impending death and strong suspicion that characterizes rand at this point in his life. he tried to open up, and look where it got him. this quick change is mirrored by the sharp musical contrast between the quiet, acoustic ‘ghosts that we knew’ and and the more drum-heavy, electric, and distorted ‘darker.’

. MOUNTAIN AT MY GATES — foals

I see a mountain in my way

it’s looming larger by the day

I see a darkness in my fate

I’ll drive my car without the brakes

through lanes and stone rows

black granite, wind blows

fire lake and far flame

go now but come again

dark clouds gather ’round

will I run or stand my ground

oh, when I come to climb

show me the mountain so far behind

yeah, it’s farther away

its shadow gets smaller day after day

the obvious scene for this song is the events leading up to rand’s epiphany on dragonmount. I mean, ‘mountain’ is in the song’s name. I think that this song works well to represent the weight and lack of direction he feels in the days building up to that. something that works especially well about this song is how it builds, both lyrically and musically. the song starts with a hopeless and dark tone to the lyrics, and stays that way for a while. the bridge (second set of lyrics above) is where the tone starts to change. the bridge also uses a lot of imagery that one can tie to the buildup— the streets of ebou dar, the rocky and windy peak of dragonmount, the belly of fire in the mountain itself and tar valon, the city that the peak looks over. the song then crescendos into its final segment, where the singer sings “give me my way/give me my love/give me my choice/give me my fate/give me my lungs/give me my voice.” to me, these represent rand’s realization that the reason the wheel keeps turning is so that people can live again and love again.

. COLORFUL — jukebox the ghost

we're just getting started

take your fears and let them go

for the lovers and the broken-hearted

I! love! this! song! I haven’t found another song that captures that feeling of hope in darkness: when everything around you has gone to hell, but you keep going because the darkness isn’t all there is. that’s how veins of gold ends— with rand realizing that there’s something worth fighting and living for. the gathering storm literally ends with rand laughing without bitterness for the first time in months, if not years— he’s finally looking on the bright side of life again.

. BEAUTIFUL LIFE — the collection

you do not have to be good

even the best of us have been misunderstood

so get up onto your feet

the sun is shining repentance through the leaves

its rays will wash you clean

this one’s for the end of a memory of light, when rand decides to leave and live the rest of his life on his terms. he wants to explore the world, without the pressure of his past and who he was weighing on him. he has a chance to slow down and appreciate this “beautiful life,” instead of rushing through it towards tarmon gai’don. and that’s what this song is about, i think. it’s not super peppy, and neither is rand at this point. it’s more of a quiet and peaceful acceptance.

. ALL THESE THINGS THAT I’VE DONE — the killers

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go

you know, you know, no, you don’t, you don’t

I wanna shine on in the hearts of men

I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

over and in, last call for sin

while everyone’s lost, the battle is won

with all these things that I’ve done

first of all, the wheel of time series takes place over the span of two years, and rand does so much within that time. within this playlist, I don’t think of this song as an ending, rather a summary of rand’s life through the books. I specifically want to talk about the iconic refrain of “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier.” it serves as a bookend to rand’s arc as a character— initially he refuses his role as the dragon reborn (even though he’s suited for it, due to his heritage and upbringing) because he doesn’t want to fight in that way. during the bulk of the series, he embraces a role as a fighter, even though he doesn’t have the soul for it. and finally, he realizes that he isn’t a weapon, and that he never was. on another note, the line “these changes ain’t changing me/that cold-hearted boy I used to be” hits a bit too close to his character.