#the message is calling me a 'big dumbass' basically and i reply 'what does that mean'

[website-com]

getting fucking bullied by yhe girl who asked me to stop using kanji because she couldnt read it

[restapesta]

😠 (I love me some jealous hoes eheh 💙)

"So, uh, who are you texting?"

The question was supposed to come across as just a nonchalant inquiry, but the way Ian's fiddling with his phone, the screen blank and reflecting his slightly worried face, he fears it really didn't.

Mickey looks up from next to him on the couch. Usually, Ian would just lean over his shoulder and look—fuck, he had literally tried that not too long ago, but Mickey was obviously keen on shooing him away this time, tilting the phone out of sight.

It isn't as if Ian has doubts about who Mickey's so rapidly texting. It's definitely not another guy—as far as Ian's knowledge goes, Mickey really doesn't know or like anybody Ian himself doesn't—but there's just some weird part of Ian's brain telling him he needs to know.

Who the fuck is Mickey texting at eight in the evening, and why is there a smile on his face, and why is he chuckling every few minutes, and why is he blowing out irritated breaths between the sounds of him taking a screenshot, and why in the fucking hell are Ian's fists clenching in irritation?

Mickey looks up briefly, eyes flickering over Ian who's desperately trying to school his expression into unworried and totally, not at all, jealous.

It obviously doesn't work because Mickey just huffs out a laugh.

"Calm down, Tough guy. I'm just texting my sister."

That gives Ian a pause.

"You're texting Mandy?"

Mickey nods, fingers darting across the phone keyboard at rapid speed. "Yup." It's so simple. Said in such a simple matter, like that does literally anything to slow down Ian's heart and ease the constricting of his lungs.

He supposes it should calm him down. To basically tell his brain that, no, Mickey really isn't cracking jokes with any other dudes, and he isn't hiding any secrets or doing illegal shit behind his back. Instead, a lump appears in his throat, and a new feeling settles into his chest—and it's less of worry and more of anger.

He hasn't had an actual long, rapid-texting-and-laughing-out-loud conversation with Mandy since back in the day before everything went to shit. Not even after they reconnected sometime before the wedding, just enough for her to decline the invitation.

"She texted you again?"

Mickey looks up. "You know we've been in touch since I got out of prison, right?"

Of course Ian fucking knows that. He considers his options; whether or not he should just tell Mickey that he feels kind of sad that Mandy really doesn't want to keep in touch with him and it's making him jealous when he sees her texting Mickey, or if he should just bite his tongue.

"She never texts me." He finally concedes, plopping down onto the couch next to Mickey. He casts a glance towards the screen, the brightness turned up to the max.

He adds, worry overpowering anything else, "Your eyes will go to shit, by the way, if you keep going like that. You already have prescription glasses that you don't wanna wear."

Mickey rolls his eyes. "Okay, mom."

With a slight pinch to Mickey's bicep, Ian leans back against the couch, head going down on his husband's shoulder.

"Does Mandy really not want to talk to me anymore? I mean, we used to be best friends and shit. I helped her hide a fucking body. I just... I don't know why she never texts me."

Mickey sighs, phone down in his lap. When Ian looks up, he sees him looking...

Guilty?

Ian straightens, eyes squinting.

"What, Mickey?"

A pause.

"You have to promise not to get mad, okay?" He starts, phone discarded on the cushions and buzzing with incoming messages. "And you also have to understand that I am completely, one-hundred percent right about all of this."

Ian levels him with a look. "What did you do?"

Mickey blows out a breath, and then, as if deciding something, slouches back into the cushion and starts talking, face expression indicative that it's, "Really not a big deal, okay? Just something that happened."

"That has to do with Mandy not texting me?"

Mickey shrugs, eyes avoiding Ian's. "Maybe."

"Oh my God, what did you tell her?"

Mickey doesn't reply.

"What? What could you have possibly said to her?"

Mandy already knows everything. She knew about the bipolar, about Ian's fuck ups, about who he is. She knows about their marriage, their relationship as a whole. What could have Mickey possibly said to make her never want to talk to him again? To limit all of their conversations to happy birthday messages and occasional checkups.

"Mickey, I'm gonna ask you one more time. What did you—,"

"Oh, would you stop, for the love of God!?" He gets up suddenly, facing Ian who's still sitting on the couch, eyes wide. "I was jealous, okay!?"

Ian's brain struggles to catch up. "You were... Jealous?"

"Mandy's like, completely fucking in love with you!" He talks animatedly, hands going all around his body as he explains. "And I couldn't have a single conversation after prison without her talking about how amazing you are, and perfect and hot and kind, and I got fucking sick of her talking about my boyfriend like it's her crush! It isn't fucking normal, Ian!"

"So you told her..."

"I told her not to talk to or about you ever again or I'd make her life living hell." He shrugs like it's no big fucking deal.

"You threatened your sister for being my best friend?" And to think Ian was jealous.

"She's had you for the beginning of our relationship. And she was completely in love with you back then too!"

"She was in love with Lip."

"See?" Mickey points out. "That's as close as she got to you!"

Before Ian even gets a chance to reply, Mickey's phone is ringing with an incoming Facetime call.

From Mandy.

The phone is next to Ian, a simple grasp away—but Mickey's looking between the two, and it's obvious, so fucking obvious, that there is no way in hell he'll let Ian answer the phone.

"Don't you dare," He whispers.

They look at each other for one, two, three—

They both lunge for the phone at the same time, and both unceremoniously fall onto the floor, rolling as they try to get it in their hands—Ian to answer to call, Mickey to end it.

Except they accidentally answer it in the first place.

"Is that some new position you guys are trying out? Dry humping and shit?"

Mandy's voice is distorted and breaking, the wifi connection absolute shit, but Ian's face lights up with a smile as he pushes Mickey off of him and grabs onto the phone, facing the camera. His hair is disheveled, strands poking out as if he's just had sex, hair-pulling and all.

There's no fucking way Mickey has Mandy all to herself, that jealous motherfucker.

Mandy's looking beautiful. Literally stunning.

"What's up with you guys?" She asks.

"Mandy," Ian says, voice accusing. "You really that scared of Mickey that you actually listened to his threat about not talking to me?"

Mickey narrows his eyes at him. Calls him a bitch.

"What?" He hears her ask.

"Mickey told you not to text me and you actually listened!"

The three of them are silent for a moment.

And then, Mandy laughs so fucking loud that it sounds through their entire apartment.

Ian and Mickey look at each other, confused, as Mandy tries to catch her breath.

"Uh..."

"You jealous dumbasses! I can't believe you guys!" She says, tears falling down her face. "Of course I didn't listen to Mickey's threat! Bitches, neither of you talk to me as much as you should! I'll start texting you when you start texting me!"

Ian looks at his husband again, asking a silent question. Mickey just shrugs.

"But, you were literally just texting Mickey!"

"Jealous bitch," He hears Mickey whisper under his breath.

Mandy tilts the phone so her whole upper body is in view. She's still laughing, small giggles escaping past her lips. Ian forgets how much he misses them.

"I was texting Mick 'cause I needed to get your address for the anniversary gift I'm finally sending you!" She wipes at her eyes, fixing up her shirt simultaneously. "We can't figure any of this shit out, and he refuses to ask you to come help!"

Ian looks at his husband. Whispers, "Jealous bitch." Mickey flips him off.

The two finally lock eyes. The rage that had been bubbling up inside Ian's chest dissipates into nothing. They're both dumbasses. They keep staring.

"Okaaay," Ian hears Mandy through the phone. He doesn't look away from Mickey. "You guys are looking at each other all weird and I don't wanna be a part of that shit." There's shuffling on her end. "Call me when you're done fucking. I still need to figure out that address shit!"

Before either of them can say anything, she hangs up.

There's a moment where they just stew in their revelations. Ian asks first.

"Jealous of me and Mandy?" He quirks an eyebrow.

"You jealous of me and Mandy?" Mickey bites back.

They stare for another second.

"You think we don't text her enough?"

Mickey shrugs. "We could do it together? Make her the third wheel."

They stare. Mickey looks at him softly.

Ian jumps Mickey first.

Mandy was fucking right about the look.

[ja3hyuk]

nothing but games

—lee minhyung —

—word count: 1.2k—

[NSFW:choking,language,rough sex]

you and mark had been friends for years, i mean since like what? 4th grade? crazy, right? every weekend you two would meet up to play video games and one or the others homes. usually mario kart or call of duty, sometimes just dance, all the basics.

one friday on the way out of school you feel a hand grab your arm, it was mark. you turn and smile, “hey asshole that hurt” you giggle aswell as he does. you and mark do your stupid little handshake which was made in 6th grade by the two of you, mainly mark. lame. as expected... “you. me. mario kart at mine. tonight at 8. you in?” mark says excitedly. “lemme check my schedule, i’m a busy girl you know...” you say and you both laugh knowing you never hang out with anyone besides mark. “sounds like a plan, see you soon dumbass” you go separate ways to your cars.

6:39 pm-

“what the fuck am i gonna dude? all my cute stuff is dirty.” you say as you’re digging through your dresser. you finally settle on a plaid purple skirt and a black cropped top. cute and simple.

7:42 pm-

*new message*

y/n

“hey i’m out front :)”

“shit okay, fuck she’s early, fuck, shit” says mark, frantically throwing his mess into the coat closet across from the couch.

you make your way to the front door and before you can even knock, it opens, and you see mark standing before you, wearing gray sweatpants and a black v-neck shirt. you had never really had a thing for mark, i mean yeah he’s hot but like it’s weird since you’ve known him for so long, at least that’s what YOU thought.

“wow you look pretty” says mark as he hugs you. “thank you, i guess” laughing at his big eyes focused on you. you both walk over to the couch and sit in your same old spots, mark on the left, you on the right. “you want a drink?” mark asks. “whatcha got?” “raspberry vodka” mark replies “sign me the fuck up!” you yell as he cheers. drunk mario kart was something you both had always wanted to try but had never gotten the chance and i guess tonight was the night.

2 shots deep-

“don’t pick peach again, mark. you know i hate her.” you say as mark is dying laughing with his cursor over princess peach. mark chokes on his own air as he selects, you guessed it, princess peach. you play about 3 rounds, you and mark are 2-1 and he’s being a sore loser. as usual. but the loser penalty is two shots so he’s a little tipsy and not too upset.

6 shots deep-

“oneee more rounddd pleaaassee” mark slurs at you. “noooo mark i’m tired.” you say with a pout. mark loves it when you pout like that, you’re irresistible. if you couldn’t already guess, mark has THE fattest crush on you. it’s slightly obvious to others but to you, it’s huge. it’s been this way for 2 years.

11:25 pm-

you lay you’re head on marks shoulder as he stroked your hair, as best friends usually do. but to mark, it’s different. he stops for a second and you look up, maybe it’s just the alcohol but fuck... he looks good. “hey quit drooling unless you want me to kiss you” he smirks at you. “well...” you say with a laugh following. “wait dude really??” mark jolts up and says in excitement, “one kiss can’t hurt” you say, little did you know...

mark grabs your chin and tilts your face up to meet his as he places a soft small kiss on your lips. you sit up and put your arms around his neck kissing him again passionately, you continue kissing until you’re on top of him on the couch, closer than you’ve ever been. out of breath already, mark begins putting his hands up your black crop top. when you realize what he’s doing, you stop kissing him. “what? did i do something wrong?? fuck i’m so sor-“ “let’s go upstairs” you say, cutting him off. mark is smiling hard as fuck from excitement. this is all he’s wanted for so long. you wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you up the stairs, still kissing of course. you get to his room and he lays you on the bed, sweetly.

11:46 pm-

“goddamn... “ mark mutters under his breath making you crack a smile. he takes his shirt off and begins helping you with yours. cupping your face in one hand, removing your bra with another, mark is in control of you now.

his lips trail down your body leaving a few vibrant purple bruises. he started at your neck, then down your chest, now down to your wrists and now to your hips. he suddenly stops in awe, “is this really happening??? what the fuck???” he thinks to himself for a second, not too long once the realization hit though... “are you sure you wanna do this?” he asks in a raspy voice. “yeah, i am.” you respond quickly and sharply just ready for what’s about to happen.

mark slowly goes down on you, you shiver at his tongue and are shocked at the fact he knows exactly how to use it. pushing your legs up to your chest combined with his quick pace, mark is making it hard to not to finish so fast. “mark don’t stop” you moan “wasn’t planning on it, princess” he smirks. finally you finish in an orchestra of breaths and curses, but quickly mark stands up, and by the size of what’s showing in the gray sweatpants... fuck. nothing could prepare you for this.

mark flips you over onto your knees, as he grips your ass with one hand and your throat in the other, he pounds into you furiously. “h-holyy fffuck” you moan as he speeds up. “mmark please” you manage to get out surprisingly, his grip on your neck is so tight you could barely speak but, you liked it. “yeah that’s right. cum for me baby.” mark moans loudly as he thrusts. “i’m gonna-“ your sentence was cut short because of the overstimulation of mark reaching for your clit. you crash, and mark wasn’t too far behind. heavy breaths are the only noises to be heard as you look up and see a sweaty, drooling mark lee above you. goddamnit he’s so fucking hot.

mark stands up and walks you to the bathroom to clean you up as well as himself. “thank you” he says. “thank you? for what?” you giggle, “for making my dream come true” he winks at you and you both laugh, he leans forward and places a small giggle filled kiss on your shoulder. “i love you so much.” he coos, “i love you more, stupid” you reply. <3

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 18, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Hey OP where’s the funny header gif for this post? Sorry, it was murdered by an angst demon and the framing of these shots.

My Found Family Came to Find Me

Continuing our flashback from last time, we see Baby Wei Ying up a tree, refusing to come down because he's afraid there are dogs. Eventually he falls out of the tree, like a dumbass a child, and Yanli tries but fails to catch him. 

Unlike his grownup counterpart, Baby Wei Ying doesn't pretend he's unhurt when he is hurt. I'd like to put the change at Yu Ziyuan's door, but actually he admits to being hurt during his Gusu summer - he mimics Lan Zhan's stoicism when they're getting beaten, but it doesn't come naturally to him, and he whines a lot afterwards. 

By the time of the Animatronic Dog incident, however, he's laughing off obvious injuries that have secret trauma behind them. By the time he comes back, coreless, from the burial mounds, he won't confide in anyone about his hurts any more, except possibly Wen Qing.

Yanli carries Wei Ying, in a sequence that will be echoed much later in his life when Lan Zhan carries him (gifset here). While they head back, she tells him that Jiang Cheng has a bad temper and to ignore whatever mean things he says. This will also be echoed in the future, when Wei Wuxian says it to Lan Zhan after their argument with Jiang Cheng in the shrine.

Yanli also explains that Jiang Cheng loved his dogs and that he's been very sad since Jiang Fengmian sent them away, demonstrating once again that Jiang Fengmian is a terrible father. Yanli says that Jiang Cheng will be happy to have a friend with him, though. This kind of makes Wei Wuxian's role in Jiang Cheng's life "replacement dog."

Jiang Cheng, after getting over this particular snit, got worried about Wei Wuxian and woke up Yanli to find him, and then went wandering around in the dark like a dumbass a child, and is banged up and crying when the other two find him. Yanli encourages him to apologize to Wei Wuxian and he does, which will not happen again until the very end of the show.  

They all smile and laugh together, as Wei Ying looks to Yanli to guide him through the insanity that his life has suddenly become. 

(more behind the cut!)

They head back to Lotus Pier in a sweet montage of walking and smiling together, with Jiang Cheng carrying the world's most beautiful candle holder with the world's most wind-resistant candle in it, to light their way back. Back in the present day for a brief moment, Jiang Cheng pretends to sleep and listens to his sister insisting that the three of them should always stay together, while a single tear rolls down the side of his face.

Soup is Love, Chapter 1 of 1000

Then we head to the past again. In Jiang Cheng & Wei Ying's now-shared room, Wei Ying sits on the bed trying to figure out how to deal with his grumpy new roommate.

Wei Ying is unsure what to do when confronted with pajama game this strong. Tiny Jiang Cheng is already a fashion king. 

Then he tells Jiang Cheng he's not going to narc him out to the clan leader, since it was his own fault that he hurt his leg. This is all Jiang Cheng needs to hear to decide Wei Ying is all right, and he says that he will help Wei Ying chase away dogs in the future.  In fact, Wei Wuxian will protect Jiang Cheng from punishment basically forever, while Jiang Cheng will continue to threaten Wei Wuxian with dogs...forever.

They shake hands on their new understanding and then jump up and down laughing, Wei Ying's leg being all better now, apparently.  When Yanli arrives (carrying a tray of...can you guess? I'll let you guess), they stop jumping. Wei Ying dives in to give Jiang Cheng a little tickle/embrace in an adorable moment that would have me saying "oh, my ovaries!" if I hadn't surgically sent my ovaries to hell a few years ago.

Yanli introduces Wei Ying to the emotional and gustatorial miracle that is her lotus and ribs soup. He hesitates a long time before tucking in because he's so unused to being fed.

Consent? I Don’t Even Know Her

The flashback wraps up with Yanli conked out on the table from the drugs in the incense burner, while Wei Wuxian, who is somehow unaffected despite sitting almost as close to the smoke as she was, checks on her. Jiang Cheng and his Uggs period-appropriate sock thingies get out of bed to come stand with Wei Wuxian, and have feelings about sending Yanli away after she JUST said she doesn't want to be parted from them.

Wei Wuxian: If she didn't want us to do this, she shouldn't have signed that blanket consent-to-medical-treatment form.   Jiang Cheng: Wen Qing made me sign one of those plus a durable power of attorney, is that bad?

This episode is all about people overriding each others' agency and making massively important decisions without the consent of the people who will be affected. But in a feudal context, it's not a violation, no matter how it feels to the person being controlled. In feudal life, your body belongs to your lord -- your sect leader, in the world of CQL. Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng's choices are overridden by their clan leader's final command to Wei Wuxian.  Wei Wuxian's core is arguably Jiang Fengmian's property--Wei Wuxian certainly sees it that way, just as his hand was Yu Ziyuan's to take if she wished.  

The brothers tenderly tuck Yanli into bed in the rolly cart and hand her off to Song Lan. They talk about how important it is to get her to Lanling and that she's probably going to be mad, as they thank Song Lan for helping them. 

Yanli listens while she sleeps and, in what is becoming a trademark Jiang move, lets a single tear roll down the side of her face. Jiang Cheng points out that Yanli never gets mad at Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian is like, true dat.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Song Lan is always so emotional about every damn thing, I love him. Here he's like OH GOD NO DON'T FORMALLY THANK ME! STOP!!!

Then he starts to ask Wei Wuxian to pass a message to Song Xingchen for him, but then decides not to say anything, making it super obvious that they fought and aren't together. 

Wei Wuxian reacts to this with confusion and distress, probably because he doesn't want to imagine ever having a breakup with his own soulmate. Which he soon will be having.  But possibly he's just upset that his OTP broke up.

After Song Lan takes off, Jiang Cheng gives Wen Qing a rude & perfunctory thank-you bow, turning away before she can return it. Wei Wuxian tells her not to take it to heart - basically everyone who deals with Jiang Cheng gets a version of the "ignore what he says" speech. She says she understands and that in his place she would have behaved worse, which is so totally not true.  

Then she asks Wei Wuxian if he's sure about the core transfer (not in so many words, because the script is being kind of being vague about it, without actually hiding what's happening). His reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.

Then he and Jiang Cheng walk off, with Jiang Cheng giving us a rear view that had me googling Wang Zhuocheng's fashion shoots to determine if that wagon he's draggin’ is really as delightful as this belt makes it look. Alas, there is not a wealth of photographic evidence for this research, as compared to, for example, photos of Xiao Zhan's outstanding ass.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning see them off, with Wen Qing wishing they valued their lives more. Although, what she and Wen Ning are doing is massive treason, so their lives will be pretty much forfeit if they're caught, so...

The Sunshot Campaign of Like 60 Dudes

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng walk up the mountain for the whole beginning of the Sunshot campaign, which...okay. Maybe it's like Dunkirk or The Witcher where they intercut stuff that is happening in different timeframes, which is one of my least favorite new film style thingies.

You know, for a guy Wei Wuxian constantly calls "peacock," Jin Ziyuan really doesn't wear a lot of adornment; just some subtle metalwork on his belt with no dangly bits at all, and a single reasonably-sized hair crown. Compared to the extremely fancy Lan Wangji he's almost plain. We already know that Wei Wuxian is a massive hypocrite when it comes to his idea of a perfect boy, however.

So, this is the Lanling Jin army, which consists of literally 60 guys, including the ones on the stairs and Jin Zixuan and Douchebag Dad. How are they going to fight a war with this tiny group? Why do they have such a big plaza? Hasn't anybody on this production learned CGI cloning?

That’s better.

Nie Mingjue and his best bitch Baxia make quick work of the 4 Wen guys who were assigned to hold the Unclean Realm. 

Hello, Daddy Da-Ge!

Squeeee, it's Lan Wangji! He's taking back Cloud Recesses! Ooooohhh we've missed you Lan Wangji.

Look guys he's here! Look how beautiful he is. He's looking at the gate of cloud recesses and thinking thoughts that Lan Xichen or Wei Wuxian could probably see in his bewitching eyes if they were here to see him, which they aren't. But at least he is here!

....and now he's gone again. *cries*

Hares On The Mountains

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian continue roaming prettily around this pretty mountainside. The locations in this show are such eye candy. 

Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains  Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains  If I was a young lass I’d soon go a hunting

Jiang Cheng starts to have doubts about the whole Baoshan Sanren thing. Wei Wuxian's reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.  

Then we have just the tenderest blindfolding scene, (more gifs here), which is fodder for your ChengXian dreams, if you have those.

Here's a good place for a sidebar about what is and isn't incest. Whee! In the CDrama context, relationships tend to be more clearly defined than in western media. The mechanism of confession & acceptance means that people either are or are not in a romantic relationship, with few grey areas. So a character can literally say "we grew up as brother and sister, but now we are dating" and when someone looks startled they just say "there's no blood relation" and everyone is like "cool cool" and that's the new definition of the relationship.

For a strong example of this, the extremely wonderful Go Ahead is about a contemporary family in which a girl and two boys, who are not blood relatives, are all raised together, and call each other brother and sister. When they become adults, they and everyone around them expect the girl (now a woman) to marry one of the two men who have been her brothers, while whichever one she doesn't choose will carry on as her sibling. It's treated as the most natural, logical thing in the world; the only question is whether she wants to make that transition, and with whom.

Looked at through this lens, Wei Wuxian's relationships with his adoptive siblings have just as much potential to turn into romances as his relationships with his friends do, and there's nothing creepy about it. As such you can expect my meta to always get into ChengXian moments without treating it as a wrong or forbidden love. Hopeless, of course, because Jiang Cheng is such a prick the power of WangXian is stronger, but that's a different matter.

What is wrong is wearing this fantastic hat & veil combination when the most fashionable person on the mountain is blindfolded and can't see it.

In the course of this blindfolded encounter with Wen Qing, Jiang Cheng gets to kneel before a powerful woman, be led along by a length of silk that's placed in his hand, and then knocked the fuck out and operated on. He'll wake up in a hotel room in a tub full of ice with "we took your kidney" written on the mirror in lipstick, and he'll love every minute of it.  

Soundtrack: 1. Still Fighting it, by Ben Folds 2. Hares on the Mountain, by Steeleye Span

Writing Prompt: The NEXT time somebody blindfolds Jiang Cheng

[brokutosan]

Title. Quarantine Tales Or alternatively; Bokuto Tries Baking and Nearly Poisons His Two Roommates/Best Friends

Pairing. Bokuto Koutarou x Platonic!Reader x Kuroo Tetsurou + Minor BokuAka and Kuroo Tetsurou x Fem!Reader

Summary. In which a pandemic hits the world and tests the ten year long friendship between three roommates. Or; Kuroo enters quarantine as a cheeky bastard, and walks out of it as a cheeky bastard with a really pretty girlfriend.

Warnings. Manga spoilers, very strong language, and lots of sexual innuendos. Also lots of platonic cuddling and skinship. It gets kind of steamy at the end but nothing too bad. This is basically just a collection of short stories that also kind of has a plot. Fair warning: excessive use of the words ‘bro,’ ‘dude,’ and ‘man.’

Once the news of the pandemic hit Japan, the three roommates were confident they’d come out as better individuals. Maybe pick up on a new hobby, drop a few pounds (or in Bokuto’s case, gain some muscles), and just have a good time, making the best out of the worst situation. They were good at that.

At first, however, the three friends each had a different response to the news. Bokuto decided to splurge and buy everything they need and then some they didn’t (he was making bank from being a pro athlete). He was convinced that the apocalypse was going to happen soon, and that they’ll need all the rations they could get before it’s too late. Kuroo decides to confiscate his Netflix account and told him to stop watching The Walking Dead.

During the first few days Y/N easily got swept up in Bokuto’s bullshit, also convinced that the apocalypse was coming. (“Kuroo, look! The cases doubled over the last few days! Tell me that doesn’t mean something!”) But she was easier to snap out of it, mostly because she’s not as childish as Bokuto. She did, however, buy all of her favorite snacks and put them in a secret stash. (Although Kuroo figured out where it was within three days).

Kuroo is the mediator between them. He’s a man of science, so “no, Bokuto, there’s no way the infected ones are turning into zombies, now stop crying!” He also took the liberty to create schedules and laid out some ground rules on when and how they should shop for groceries and things of that sort. He also made the rule that no one joins their Zoom meetings in the living room after Bokuto walked in on his screen ass naked.

All in all, they (Kuroo) were able to set up a system that ensured Bokuto doesn’t lose his mind out of boredom and Y/N doesn’t try to kill them in their sleep.

-

“If aliens take over the planet do you think I could become their overlord?”

“Doubt it. You need to have the brains for it.”

“Hey! I’m pretty smart!”

“Explain the process of osmosis.”

“Fuck you, Kuroo.”

Y/N listens in on the idiotic conversation between her two roommates, not daring to speak up in fear of losing her much needed brain cells.

“Y/N! Listen to this, Kuroo doesn’t think I’m smart enough to become an alien overlord!” Bokuto sits up from his spot on their living room floor, one elbow propped up to support his body. Y/N sighs, closing her book realizing there’s no way she’ll get the peace she needed.

“Kuroo doesn’t know what he’s talking about, Bo.” It’s only been one week since the mandated quarantine started. If Y/N gives in now, then she’ll only spiral into madness as the months go by.

“Hear that, you bastard?! Y/N-chan believes in me!” Kuroo looks unamused. There’s a shit eating grin on his face that Y/N wants to wipe off. Or punch off. Whichever happens first.

“Y’know what they say, owls of a feather stick together.” Kuroo’s probably referring to the fact that both Y/N and Bokuto attended Fukurodani. Either way, he’s insulting her. Y/N is seething.

“Shut up you cocky cat!” Y/N screeches, flinging her book to his relaxed figure on the floor. Kuroo lets out a groan as the hardcover book makes contact with his groin. “Shit, there goes my future generations.”

Bokuto emphasizes with his bro, placing a protective hand over his ‘lil man.’

-

During the third week of quarantine, Kuroo comes down with a cold. Or maybe he got the virus. That’s what Bokuto and Y/N are currently trying to figure out.

“Kuroo, man, I searched up your symptoms here and it says you have network connectivity problems. What does that mean?” Bokuto grumbles, aggressively tapping the laptop screen. Y/N scowls at the way he’s manhandling her laptop before snatching it away from his hold.

“That’s not what that means, dumbass.” Bokuto pouts. “It means someone fucking forgot to pay for the wifi for this month.”

Y/N is glaring at her bedridden roommate through her face mask, but the rooster head throws his hands up out of innocence. “Sorry, I was too busy trying not to die!”

“So what now?” Bokuto asks, trying to cut through the tension between his two roommates. Y/N sighs in response, shutting off her laptop. “Now we just have to wait for him to sleep it off. If he has the virus then we burn his room with him in it.”

“Hey!” Kuroo tries to object. Instead what comes out is a garbled noise followed by excessive coughing and Bokuto screeching something about the ‘zombie virus infecting his home,’ and then he bolted out of Kuroo’s room.

“Whatever,” Y/N sighs, knowing Bokuto would have been useless in this situation anyways, “just try to rest. I’ll come in to check on you every now and then to bring you food. You better eat it!”

“Aw, Y/N-chan, you really care about me, huh?” Kuroo fake gushes, pressing one hand on his chest and another on his forehead. “It’s sweet how you try to act all tough.”

“Bo! Go find the lighter!”

-

Six weeks into the quarantine, Kuroo is over his ‘virus scare’ and now it’s Bokuto who’s sick. Correction, lovesick. It’s starting to test Y/N’s thinning patience.

“Do you think ‘Kaashi would get annoyed if I call him again?”

“Bo, you’ve been facetiming him every single day since this quarantine started. What changed?”

“He hasn’t been messaging me back the last three days! Do you think he got tired of me? Do you think he realized I’ve been in love with him and now he hates me? Do you think he hates my owl memes? Damn, I should’ve just told him before this whole thing started.” Y/N snorts. Clearly. One less headache for her. Even the sight of Kuroo breathing is starting to irk her. One time she nearly slapped him across the head for sleeping on the couch. Quarantine is doing something to her.

“Y/N? Why aren’t you answering? Oh my god, you hate me too, don’t you?” Crap. She was too absorbed in her hatred towards Kuroo’s existence that she forgot this big baby was lying down on her lap crying about something. What was it again? Akaashi hates him? Impossible.

“Impossible.” Y/N doesn’t realize she is running her hand through his two-toned hair. Bokuto hums in content. Y/N is suddenly reminded of her dog from back home. She wonders how he’s doing.

“Keiji’s like, in love with you. If anything he’s probably just drowning in work. You know how busy he gets.” Even Y/N’s not buying it. Busy or not, three days of radio silence from Akaashi has to mean something. She just doesn’t want to deal with an emo Bokuto. She decides to pass the responsibility to Kuroo.

“Bo, I bet Kuroo has some pretty good advice for ya. Remember when he had that crush on Akari-chan for all of highschool?” Bokuto shoots up with a new look of determination. He yells out a ‘you’re the best, Y/N-chan!’ over his shoulders before dashing straight to Kuroo’s room.

Y/N smiles in triumph as she receives a plethora of messages from one very angry Kuroo Tetsurou, ranging from ‘Why would you do this to me?’ to ‘I fucking hate you.’ Serves him right for finishing the ice cream.

(Later they find out that Akaashi simply broke his phone and had to wait three days to get it fixed. Bokuto was over the moon).

-

Sometimes Y/N wears their highschool jerseys because she thinks they’re comfortable. Some days she wears Bokuto’s. Other days she wears Kuroo’s. Today she’s wearing Bokuto’s, and Kuroo doesn’t know why it’s pissing him off.

“Oh man! That thing looks like a dress on you!” Bokuto squeals like one of his fangirls. He dashes to where she is, minding her business making toast in the kitchen, and picks her up from under her arms a la Lion King style.

“Bo! Put me down, you dumbass!” She wiggles in his hold, legs thrashing around. It’s all meaningless though. Bokuto is a pro athlete and is 190cm. Any attempts to free herself remains futile against this giant man-baby.

“Kuroo, look! So cute!” Bokuto gushes, showing her off like a baby. He lightly loosens his hold on one arm and extends his hand to bring a finger up to her cheeks. Y/N is emitting a strange aura. Kuroo suspects she’ll start tearing his ass into pieces within ten seconds.

Correction, three seconds. Because somehow she figures out how to kick behind her and shove an ankle deep into Bokuto’s groin. Now Bokuto is wriggling around on the living room floor as Y/N returns to her toast.

Kuroo finds this amusing, yet there’s a foreign feeling deep inside his chest. Is he getting sick again? He’s gonna need to check on that later.

-

“Ou! What ‘ya watching?”

“Your Name.”

“Huh? Bokuto Koutarou. Did you forget?”

“Dude...” Y/N stares at him in disbelief. Bokuto doesn’t notice but that’s because he’s Bokuto, and just about everything flies over his head. Instead he plops down on the couch next to her and hogs all the blanket.

“Get the fuck out! Get your own blanket!” Bokuto doesn’t reply, but he hums and opens his arms as an invitation. Ah, another platonic cuddling, as Bokuto puts it. Y/N is touch starved and she can’t deny it, so she slides closer to his lean figure and lets her head fall on his chest.

Eventually they settle in, huddling impossibly close to each other as the movie reach its tear-jerking climax. They don’t notice Kuroo walk in with a scowl on his face.

“Oh hey, bro. Wanna watch?” Bokuto notices him first, lifting his head up from the crown of Y/N’s head. Y/N finally looks over Bokuto’s chest and spots Kuroo moving around in the kitchen.

“I’m good.” Is his short answer before he trudges to his room with a loud bang! from his door. Y/N flinches a little, but pays no mind to it. Instead she directs her focus back to the movie, where another sad scene is unfolding.

The movie reaches its ending, but not before Bokuto could ask, “So, what’s the actual title of the movie?”

-

One peaceful afternoon Bokuto decides to take in a stray cat. Except...

“Bokuto, you fucking idiot that’s a racoon!” Y/N screeches as she climbs Kuroo’s back. The rooster head screams as he backs away from Bokuto and ‘Mr. Fluffles.’ Bokuto stares at his frightened roommates and the ‘cat’ in his hand and then back at his roommates again.

Realization strikes, and now Bokuto is screeching with the other two, holding the raccoon as far away from his body as possible.

“If you fucking drop it, I’ll kill you!” Kuroo threatens, holding onto Y/N’s arm that’s starting to dig into his throat. “Take it outside!”

“But it’s raining!”

“Bokuto!”

“It’s you or him, man!”

The two continue their little back-and-forth, not noticing the raccoon had escaped Bokuto’s grasp. But Y/N notices. And it’s heading into her room. And now she’s seeing God.

“Bokuto, gah-!” Kuroo is rudely interrupted by Y/N’s tight hold on his throat getting tighter. Before he could give her hell for attempted murder, he notices the look of horror on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Your fucking raccoon went in my bedroom!”

“Ah shit!” Both Kuroo and Bokuto scramble, the former forgetting all about the human person hanging onto his back. Said person is too scared of letting her foot touch the floor, afraid that it might be met by the furry abomination Bokuto brought home. So she kinda just...lets Kuroo run off into her room with her dangling off his neck.

“Where’d he go?!” Bokuto panics, not seeing Mr. Fluffles anywhere in his immediate vicinity. He starts flinging stuff off the ground and her table and her bed, making a huge mess in the span of ten seconds. Y/N takes one foot off of Kuroo’s waist and kicks him square in the back.

“Quit trashing my room!” She scolds like a mom. Bokuto pouts but continues looking, until they hear the quiet pitter patter of claws hitting the wooden floor. “Wait shut up!”

Y/N huffs but still complies, wanting nothing more than Mr. Fluffles gone from her room. Kuroo takes the liberty to start questioning Bokuto’s stupidity.

“How could you have possibly thought that thing was a fucking cat?!”

“In my defense, it was pretty dark outside.” Bokuto grumbles in his low and whiny voice, before firing back, “And stop calling him a ‘thing!’ Mr. Fluffles has feelings too!”

“Bokuto we’re not keeping it!” This time it’s Y/N yelling at him with fire in her eyes. The poor guy looks like he’s about to cry, but Y/N is far too gone over the thought of a raccoon making its home in her bedroom.

Bokuto lets out an ‘aha!’ as he emerges from under her bed with Mr. Fluffles. Y/N visibly relaxes knowing that the raccoon is safely contained. Until she remembers what was stashed under her bed.

“Ah, there’s something in his mouth.” Bokuto announces, holding Mr. Fluffles disgustingly close to his face. Her secret stash of snacks. The bastard got into it.

“Bokuto!!!”

(They later find out that at least four neighbors filed a noise complaint against them).

-

It’s two months in to the quarantine when Bokuto discovers TikTok. Within one week he’s dropped his towel in front of Kuroo, sat on Kuroo’s lap during his work Zoom meeting, smacked his gym bag across Kuroo’s face, and then some. Y/N finds humor in this, of course at Kuroo’s expense, but that’s even better.

Speaking of Kuroo and Y/N. Lately there’s been undeniable tension between his two roommates, and Bokuto doesn’t know how to resolve it. Everytime he tries to get them to talk they end up arguing.

He’s asked Akaashi for advice, but Akaashi simply told him to let them resolve it amongst themselves. Bokuto does not have the patience for that. He’s scared their meaningless arguments might rip a tear into their ten year long friendship.

So Bokuto does what he thinks is best, bake them cookies! No one could possibly be in a bad mood while eating freshly baked cookies, even Bokuto is drooling at the thought. So with a new resolve, Bokuto scrolls through his new favorite app (TikTok) to find some good recipes. Because TikTok has all the answers.

Except when he bakes the cookies he later finds out he used two cups of salt instead of sugar. He doesn’t know how that happened, but it could be because he grabbed the first white substance he saw and dumped it in the bowl.

Kuroo and Y/N somehow found a way to blame each other. Bokuto is reaching his limits.

-

Bokuto calls for an emergency meeting. He needs help deciding whether or not he should drop 40,000¥ on the Animal Crossing Limited Edition Switch that comes with Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

Y/N says go for it because she’s secretly plotting on stealing it the moment he gets tired of the game (which knowing Bokuto, would be fairly quick). Kuroo objects because Bokuto blew 50,000¥ last month buying shit he didn’t need for the quarantine.

And now there’s a fullblown argument between the two. Bokuto is reminded of his parents, except their fights never got this hostile and he’s pretty sure his mom never called his dad a “rooster-hair bastard!” He’s too scared to cut in. He thinks they might cut off his head. So he decides to sneakily crawl back into his room.

He ends up ordering the switch anyways, and when it arrives a week later Kuroo calls Y/N a bad influence. They argue again.

Bokuto has an epiphany.

-

Two days after Bokuto’s epiphany, they take a trip to the supermarket. Bokuto wants to drive but he can’t because his license got revoked after he ran through five consecutive red lights. Kuroo tells him this but he gets pouty so Kuroo had to buy him ice cream on the way there to get him to shut up.

So now Bokuto is slobbering up Kuroo’s car, much to the latter’s distaste. It isn’t until Kuroo brake checks him and Bokuto slams the ice cream on his face, does Kuroo show a look of content. Bokuto pays no mind, and decides to bring up his recent epiphany.

“So, bro, when are ya gonna tell Y/N you’re in love with her?” Kuroo slams his foot on the brakes again, this time out of shock. “I - uh - what - what did you just say?”

“Oh man,” Bokuto lets out a boisterous laugh while licking the ice cream that dripped down his shirt (gross), “you didn’t know?!”

“You two have had this sexual tension between you brewing for weeks! It’s like - I could actually cut through it with a knife, like a piece of pie or something!”

“I hate everything you just said.”

“Whatever man, just let me know if you want me gone for the night. I’ll even come up with a good excuse.” He winks, and Kuroo resists the urge to crash the car into a tree.

-

Bokuto’s words affect Kuroo a lot more than he would like to admit. Ever since that fateful trip to the supermarket with his owl-eyed friend, Kuroo’s been too wary of his other roommates existence. He wants to prove Bokuto wrong. He, Kuroo Tetsurou, is not in love with L/N Y/N, his best friend since his first year of highschool.

L/N Y/N is one of the guys! That’s like saying he likes Bokuto (Kuroo bites back his disgust). And Kuroo doesn’t like Bokuto, thank you very much.

Except L/N Y/N is not Bokuto.

L/N Y/N is his endless highschool memories that he always goes back to on a bad day. She is going to the beach during the summer and playing in the ocean until they tire themselves out. She’s like a warm hug that welcomes him after a long and tiring say. She’s like the rock that was flung at his ex’s window after she cheated on him with some other guy. She’s like the fun he’s had during the summer away games, where he got to play volleyball with his friends for one week straight. She’s like taking the long way home just so he could walk back with her. L/N Y/N is his best friend.

No, Y/N is not all those things. She is, however, the person he’s shared those memories with. The person Kuroo could say one hundred percent, without a doubt, knows him best (aside from Bokuto and maybe his mom). She’s the person that’s always been there through thick or thin, for ten years and counting.

Oh god. Kuroo Tetsurou is in love with L/N Y/N.

-

Bokuto has a plan in mind. A plan to help his two best friends hook up (and maybe date afterwards). Bokuto tells Akaashi his plans but Akaashi tells him all his plans are moronic, so he goes to his teammates Hinata and Atsumu, who says he’s a genius.

(The plan is simple: make Kuroo jealous. That bastard is as possessive as a dog over his food).

Which is how he finds himself seated at the kitchen table, phone in hand with a disgusted Y/N right across from him.

“No, you’re not giving my number to Miya Atsumu. That guy has shifty eyes!”

“Come on, you’ll learn how to love it! ‘Sides, Tsumu-tsumu is a nice guy! Did’ya really think I’d set my bestest friend in the world up with some sketchy guy?” If Bokuto’s normal talking voice is at a hundred, he’s talking at a hundred twenty now, just to make sure Kuroo can hear him from his room.

Y/N presses her palms to her ears, not really questioning why he’s talking so damn loud. Instead she blackmails him. “Bokuto if you don’t stop I’ll send Keiji all your embarrassing pictures from our first year.”

“You wouldn’t!”

But the look in her eyes says she would. And the ping! sound that came from her phone says that she just did. “Y/N!” Bokuto cries out, scrambling incredibly fast to his room where he left his phone plugged in, hoping he could stop Akaashi from witnessing the embarrassment that is Bokuto Koutarou as a fifteen year old.

Moments after Bokuto bolted to his room and is screaming out, “‘Kaashi! Block Y/N-chan right now! Don’t open her texts!” Kuroo steps out of his bedroom, having been shamelessly eavesdropping on their previous conversation.

“So,” He leans over the kitchen counter (he thinks he looks like hot shit but Y/N begs to differ), “Miya Atsumu, huh?” Her face contorts into something out of digust or discomfort, he can’t tell which one. Is it bad for him to say he likes that reaction? Probably.

“Don’t.” Is her short response, bringing up a hand in front of her body. “If Bokuto thinks I’m desperate enough to go for one of his teammates, then I’ve got a surprise for him. No offense to Shouyou.”

“So what I’m hearing is...it’s not the aspect of being in a relationship you’re totally against, but the guy himself?” Kuroo thinks out loud. Y/N throws him one of her infamous ‘what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about’ looks, but he feigns ignorance to it.

“I mean, yeah? I haven’t had a good fuck since-” Kuroo decides to cut her off there, not really eager to learn the name of the man she’s...well, you get it! (Bokuto was right, this man truly is possessive).

“Anyways, good choice. I heard the other twin is where it’s at.” Kuroo ends the conversation there, with new knowledge about his new found crush and confidence over the fact that he still has a chance.

-

A week goes by just like that. Bokuto makes it painfully obvious he’s trying to make Kuroo jealous. Except painfully obvious is not obvious enough for his slightly-frustrating friend, Y/N.

At one point, when obviously Atsumu didn’t serve much of a threat to Kuroo (curse that idiot for being too easy to mock), Bokuto took matters into his own hands and tried flirting with Y/N himself. And while Bokuto is a lot of things, being smooth isn’t one of them. There’s a reason why he hasn’t made whatever he has with Akaashi official yet, he’s terrible at relationships and anything related to it.

(Though Kuroo had a riot witnessing Bokuto’s failed attempts at heterosexual flirting:

“So, you come here often?”

“Bo, I fucking live here.”).

And as much as Bokuto wants to just go out with it and announce to Y/N (and the world) that his totally radical bro, Kuroo Tetsurou, is in love with her, he has just about enough self control and conscience to know that doing that could only result in his immediate death at the hands of a very angry rooster-head. So he’s just been beating around the bush. For a week he’s tried to drop subtle hints that were, sadly, left dropped by Y/N. She’s almost as helpess as Bokuto. Almost.

But when an opportunity like this falls on his lap, Bokuto just knows he has to take it.

It’s at one of their annual roommate-bonding, a tradition they’ve held since moving in together during college. This time Kuroo is unable to join due to some hold-up at work. He’s in his room furiously typing away at his computer.

“So...” He makes sure to drag out the last vowel to gain her interest. Though it’s pretty useless since Y/N is as easy to fool as Bokuto himself. They’re best friends for a reason. A very bad reason, one might say.

“So what?” She asks, shoving about ten pieces of popcorn in her mouth all at once. Bokuto realizes he is tired of beating around the bush. He decides to set the metaphorical bush on fire. “Admit it, Y/N. You like Kuroo, don’t ‘ya? You wanna screw him or something?”

“Shh!” Suddenly Y/N is more invested in whatever Bokuto has to say than the shitty movie he picked out. And now she’s launched herself off her side of the couch onto his, pressing a greasy, buttery palm to his lips.

Bokuto easily swipes her hand away with a shit eating grin on his face. “So I was right! Which one is it? ‘Ya like him? Or you wanna screw him?”

“Bokuto!” She warns. Her eyes dart to Kuroo’s closed bedroom door, suddenly too aware of just now thin these walls actually are. It also didn’t help that Bokuto’s normal speaking voice is about as loud as a race car engine.

She realizes there’s no point in hiding it, since he’s looking at her with those creepy owl eyes, just daring her not to spill everything. “How’d you even find out?” She sighs in defeat.

“Come on! You’ve been so irritated lately that there was only two possible explanations: ya either love the guy or hate his guts. I don’t think you’d be friends with him for ten years if you hated him so much.” Y/N blinks in surprise. That’s surprisingly perceptive, coming from Bokuto. She tells him this.

“Hey! I’m capable of using my head too!” He doesn’t like how she’s giving him that judgement look. Clearing his throat, Bokuto decides to skip past that.

“So? Since when did ‘ya like the lucky bastard?” Bokuto expects one month, maybe two at best. What he didn’t expect was this: “Probably since highschool.”

“Wha-?!” His outburst is contained by a smaller body flying on top of his, as well as two palms pressed tightly over his mouth. Eyes wide, he looks down to see a flustered Y/N, pink cheeks and all, looking menacingly at Kuroo’s door, trying to see if he heard any of that.

Once she confirms she’s in the clear, she lets out the breath she’s been holding and smacks Bokuto across his biceps.

“Idiot! Don’t just scream like that!” She huffs, arms crossed at her chest. “I told you ‘cus I trust you, Bo. Don’t do anything stupid with that trust.” The man simply nods, still too shocked to form coherent words.

Once he does however, Y/N is hit with an onslaught of whispered questions. “Since when? How come I didn’t notice? How come anyone didn’t notice? Why-” He pauses, realizing his questions aren’t being answered. So he waits as she brings her legs up to her chest with an unreadable expression.

“I mean it was pretty easy to hide it. We went to different schools, and whenever we hung out you were always there,” Y/N starts, but quickly adds, “I mean, not like I didn’t want you there! It’s just - it was easier to forget I even liked him whenever the three of us were together.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, probably still wary of the fact that Kuroo was only one room over. Bokuto notices this and turns up the volume of the TV, earning a small smile from his nervous wreck of a friend.

“At one point I was actually gonna tell him, but then he started dating Akari-chan.” Bokuto scowls at the name. Akari, the girl that Kuroo crushed on for a full year, but also the girl that ended up cheating on him with some guy in her painting club. “I wasn’t really the type to cry over a small crush, I had other things to do. Actually I was kind of relieved. Kuroo being taken meant I didn’t have to act on these weird feelings I started having.”

“And next thing I knew we were off to college. I started dating other people, and my feelings for him started shrinking. Even when we decided to move in together, we were all so busy with our separate lives, so I wasn’t really worried about it...until, y’know, we kinda got stuck here together. I guess seeing him 24/7 just caused my head to malfunction. I thought fighting with him would stop these weird...feelings, from coming back. But I guess that backfired on me since you ended up finding out. Wait - Bokuto are you crying?”

The said man tucks his head in his arms, mumbling out “No,” even though it was pretty obvious. Y/N softly smiles, finding his reaction kind of cute. It was nice to know he cares that much, no matter how infuriating he could get.

“I didn’t even know you went through that much, Y/N-chan. C’mere! Lemme give you a hug!”

“Bokuto, no! I don’t need-” The rest of her complaints are drowned out by a sturdy chest meeting her face. Great. Bokuto’s way too emotional now.

“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll help you tell him!”

“Wait what? I don’t want that!” Y/N tries to argue, but her voice is muffled due to being stuffed into his chest. Suddenly remembering that Bokuto has a tendency to be a loud mouth and could never keep a secret from Kuroo, Y/N shoots up, pressing her palms to his chest to release herself from his hold.

“Bo, you have to promise me you won’t tell him anything.”

“But -”

“Bokuto!” He slightly recoils from the sternness of her voice, before he bows his head and nods. Y/N relaxes a bit, settling back into her previous position and fixed her focus back to the movie playing on the TV as if their previous conversation never happened.

Unbeknownst to her, Bokuto is already putting the pieces together for his master plan.

-

Y/N comes to regret telling Bokuto her ‘dirty’ little secret exactly one week later, at their next roommate-bonding. This time Kuroo is there, with Bokuto right in between them on the couch. There’s another shitty movie playing in the background (curtesy of Bokuto’s horrible choice in films), but Y/N can’t bring herself to pay attention.

She does however, snap out of her little daydream when Bokuto shoots up, phone in hand and reaching for the door. Oh no. Both Kuroo and Y/N think to themselves.

“Ah! What’s this?! There’s an emergency at ‘Kaashi’s apartment?! Guys, I’ll be right back!” Bokuto is out the door before either of them could object. Y/N knows Akaashi. Akaashi is a safe guy. He’s not the type to call out of nowhere because of an emergency, and even if he did, Bokuto surely would not be the first contact in mind. Which means, Bokuto, that sneaky bastard, planned this with the single brain cell he had left.

Silence fills the air for the next five minutes, until Kuroo’s phone sounds off. It’s a text from Bokuto, reading: When I come back you two better be-

Kuroo decides to turn off his phone there, fearing the contents of the very explicit paragraph Bokuto sent following those words. Instead he turns his head to his friend next to him - or rather on the opposite side of the couch, avoiding him like he’s the plague.

He doesn’t like this awkwardness at all. Conversation between them used to always just flow, even if most of them end up becoming a heated debate over the most trivial things. Kuroo decides to man up. It’s now or never.

“Okay so -” “Hey -” The two pause, finally making eye contact for the first time in past week. All of Kuroo’s brain cells fly out his brain and out the window, leaving him to fend off for himself in this awkward situation. His head is like that one Spongebob meme. Oh god, he’s turning into Bokuto-

“So,” Y/N’s voice snaps him out of his train of thoughts, or rather his lack of it. This is pathetic. He’s a grown man and he’s acting like a highschooler over a pathetic crush. Except this isn’t a pathetic crush. This is Y/N - his best friend for the past ten years, who he’s just now realized is a lot prettier than he initially thought.

“I’m in love with you.” Yes, yes he is. Wait, that wasn’t his voice. And that definitely wasn’t his subconscious trying to patch up what’s left of his decimated ego, which means -

“Kuroo?” Jesus fuck, when did she even slide over this close? “You don’t have to answer or anything, I just thought I should tell you first before Bokuto breaks. I understand if you don’t feel the same way-”

“No!” She flinches at how loud his voice is. “I mean, fuck - wait. You gotta let me process this real quick.” Kuroo is suddenly aware he’s redder than his Nekoma jersey, and her face is super close to his, and her lips look totally kissable right now.

“I’m in love with you, too.” Kuroo finally speaks up. He notices how she goes stiff, and how quickly her face turns into a bright shade of red.

“You don’t have to say it just ‘cus you feel bad! This doesn’t have to change anything between us! I mean, I’ve kept it a secret for ten years, I can do ten more-”

“Y/N.” She finally stops her rambling, meeting his eyes. And she doesn’t know why, but suddenly she just knows he’s being sincere. She could probably die right now and she’d say she lived a happy life.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” Kuroo waits for her confirmation, in this case a shy nod, before cupping her cheeks with his large and warm hands. He inches over slowly at first, but lets his lips eagerly meet hers with a smile. He feels her hands wrap around his waist, letting him deepen the kiss.

It starts of slow and steady, everything Y/N could have ever dreamed of, until needy hands start roaming her body. She has to crane her neck to meet his lips, and Kuroo probably sensed her discomfort because now he’s gripping her waist tightly, lifting her up gently and placing her down on his lap.

The new and more comfortable position allows Kuroo to deepen the kiss, and Y/N finds her hands grabbing the hair she’s been insulting so much for the past two months. Kuroo sighs into the kiss, with Y/N smiling a bit at the situation. As things escalate, a loud gasp breaks them out of their trance.

“Oh. My. God!” Bokuto is squealing like an idiot and Akaashi is behind him unamused. “Finally.” Is his short statement.

“What the fuck Bokuto!” Kuroo growls. Y/N, suddenly a bit too self conscious climbs off the spot she made for herself on Kuroo’s lap. Though her embarrassment doesn’t last long, before she joins Kuroo in glaring at Bokuto.

“I just came back ‘cus I forgot my wallet, but oh man! You guys are adorable!” Akaashi is still behind him, but this time he looks more apologetic. “Bokuto-san, maybe we should leave.”

“Nah, I kinda wanna stay.”

“Bokuto!”

“Get the fuck out!” Bokuto only laughs as he catches both the pillow and the remote control thrown at him. He drops both items back down on the living room floor and snatches his wallet from the counter before calling over his shoulders,

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure ya make me the best man and the maid of honor!”

A/N. Reupload! This fic was totally self-indulgent bc I am so bored of quarantine and am currently wishing I had a Bokuto and Kuroo to keep me entertained. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! And as always, thank you for reading! Leave a like if you...liked it? Is that how it goes? - chuu

[god-zico]

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↪NSFW content of all kinds-

Example- 

Violence 

Smut

Etc.

Please do not interact unless you're 18 or older or uncomfortable with such themes!-

Please keep in mind and remember that this is also a supernatural chatbot!

How to activate: 

Please follow me and make sure to click the button for notifs. That's optional but it would be helpful in case I post that I won't be active for a period of time or whatnot 

Please reblog and message first!

Please dm me your name, your pronouns, your kinks, a safe word, which member you would like and whether you're a top, bottom or switch!

Explain to me what direction you would like the plot to go and what type of relationship you'd like to have with your desired choice of boy!

I will most likely ask you questions to get to know you and what you want a bit better

Maybe tell me a bit about yourself. That's optional but it'd make me happy if you did! 

How to deactivate:

Simply say "I'm sorry, this isn't working out. Lets break up." 

To reactivate simply say "I made a mistake, please take me back." 

Be warned that depending on which member you choose, each will react differently. Some will act cold, some will be assholes and others may just be slightly distant until you can earn their trust again so be careful breaking up with them. 

Additional Information:

Please I am only one person so if I reply slowly please forgive me ok-

My time zone is EST 

Please don't let the rp get out of hand with pure smut. Don't get me wrong I like smut but I'd like to create an interesting plot with you and get to know you as well. I'm a hoe for that storyline- 

This is my first time running a chatbot blog so please forgive me if I make any errors~

To talk to admin while rping please you " // " before you type so that I know you're talking ooc or submit an ask.

I rp lit and semi lit but i have no problem using non lit if requested. Please know that when I rp my replies are quite long and can and will take me from 5 - 10 minutes to reply back if you don't request a specific type of rp style. 

I will not be adding Woojin to the mix as for obvious reasons- 

Jeongin will be part of the list of boys you will be able to pick from. He's a legal adult so don't @ me ok-

Sometimes I forget to reply so if I don't reply for more than a day, I give you full permission to spam my bitchass as much as you like until I reply-

But at the same time if I slow down my rp with you so much it might be because I've lost interest-

Not trying to be harsh but if our rp is purely smut and no story line I just don't find it fun anymore-

Now since that's been taken care of, let's dive into the members prompts and plot lists-

Bang Chan(Werewolf Shifter): 

NSFW

He's a werewolf with a serious dEddy kink-

Can be both a hard and soft dom. Just depends on the moment. 

Can and will fuck you into the mattress-

Won't submit unless forced to because he's a stubborn little bItCh!

Don't disobey him or else you'll be punished-

Call him Chris or Daddy to get him wound up

Has a breeding kink due to his ruts (I'll avoid this kink if you request-)

Boi moans….a lot...

Actually it's not just moans, he grunts and groans and makes tiny noises but he honestly tries not to-

Boi has his hard dom reputation to live up to!

Also! Dear Lord-....being a wolf sure has its pros but for you they may as well equal to cons as well-

Example! Dude has super strength, baby and not to mention he's got this predator/prey thing goin on with him-

Like….will literally hunt your ass down in the house and fuck you upside down, forwards, sideways, you name it! 

He sees you as his play thing and would enjoy it if you ran so that he could chase you down- 

SFW 

He's actually super sweet

Loved to cuddle. Remember he's basically a puppy-

He gets jealous easy so refrain from bringing up other boys (unless you choose more than one boy but he still gets a tad bit possessive so….yeye) 

Will kiss you and hug you constantly 

Will not quit calling you cute/adorable cause he does not lie. All of y'all are cuties-

Please be cautious on a full moon, he can get pretty dangerous- 

Lee Minho(Warlock):

NSFW 

Ya boi likes to use certain spells to his advantage in the bedroom-

Aphrodisiac spells, conjuring up ice or candles or temperature play, using his magic to bind you to the bed without any sort of restraints, etc.

Dude has a crazy high sex drive tbh. He can go when-ever for how long where-ever

Hard dom for sure and will only submit if he wants something from you or will use it as leverage to punish you later- 

Don't make him angry! This boy is into all kinds of kinky shit and will punish you however he sees fit- 

If you happen to make him submit though he's got a softer side to him and will be extremely bratty! 

SFW 

Ok but seriously…. he's crazy good at magic 

Uses his powers to do pretty much everything-

Cooking, cleaning, potion brewing, etc.

Loves to use body manipulation to force your body into his so he can cuddle you-

He may not seem like it but he's a big ol softy-

Please kiss him! He needs to be loved on back or else he'll get clingy!

Seo Changbin(Incubus):

NSFW

Please beware of this boy's sex drive! It's way worse than Minho's! 

Like not even kidding! Boy can fuck you nonchalantly af while doing anything and not seem bothered! 

You on the other hand will most likely be a moaning mess while he's barely paying attention

He can and will fuck you silly without even trying-

That ability is literally in his genes seeing as he's basically a sex demon- 

He has a fascination with sex toys but barely uses them as he tends to forget about them easily

Will literally fuck you randomly-

Oh your doing paperwork? Not anymore! Watching tv? Nada! Cooking? Nope!

He's a huge switch but doesn't mind mainly domming if you're not a switch or dom yourself-

SFW

This man is basically a 5 year old in a man's body sometimes-

Like he does some of the dumbest shit you could think of…

Sliding down the stairs on a piece of cardboard after pouring water down them is a prime example-

Even though he's a literal idiot he knows you love him and wouldn't have him any other way. 

Majorly cHaOTic- 

He tries to act all tough and cool but honestly he's a big ol baby!

Speaking of baby-

Boy loves to be babied as much as possible even if he doesn't admit it. 

Like he just loves cuddles and any type of skinship tbh.

Will kiss you when you're unprepared and will laugh at you if you get startled-

May sometimes randomly text you out of pure boredom cause even though he's an incubus, boy still suffers from quarantine boredomitus- 

Hwang Hyunjin(Dragon Shifter):

NSFW

Ok so...another boy with a breeding kink???!!!(If you request to not have this kink I'll avoid it)

If you're into the breeding kink thing, he will literally fill you up until you're oozing and simply cannot hold anymore of his essence- 

No pregnancies though cause….gross...children *shudders in disgust* 

Will degrade you until your a crying and whimpering mess for him

Will most likely demand that you beg for his cock-

He's fuckin extra like that. Don't ask me, I don't make the rules. Someone call him up and ask him why tf he's like that. 

Sinful moans to the max! He's very vocal during sex!

Like...dirty talk is a must! He says some of the most sinful shit you've ever heard-

I know I mentioned degrading but damn can he praise you to the moon and back as well if you're being a good little girl/boy for him-

Enjoys calling you princess for some reason.

SFW

As a dragon, he hoards "treasures" 

Which means everything shiny in your house is getting tucked away into his nest of blankets, pillows and covers. 

Boy can breathe fire so he does little tricks with his fire breath for you

Make sure you tell him how talented he is or he'll get cranky 

He's a sassy little shit!!!!!! Sdhkedjalwld!!!!!!!!

Teases you just to see you get upset

Since he's a dragon he can regulate his body heat so when it's cold he's basically your personal heater. 🤗

Han Jisung(Tengu):

NSFW

Bird boi is at max horniness all the time tbh. 

Most of the time,since he's part crow, he will make a nest in the bed with covers and pillows before fucking you???

Don't judge him, he's born like that-

He can and will use his wings to distract you

If your successfully distracted he will pounce on you as if he were part cat instead of bird- 

He likes missionary or doggy style if his wings are out so that it doesn't hurt or strain them. 

He's a cocky little shit tbh-

Says some of the crudest shit just to get you flustered. He has no censor and he just keeps on goin-

Will thrust into you with no mercy because he knows his baby can take it and will use the safe word if it gets to be too much.

Does not hold back on the kinks! He will try anything at least once! 

Unless its bdsm while his wings are out cause that's dangerous-

SFW

He too like Hyunjin, likes to steal your shiny objects such as jewelry and such. 

It's not his fault tbh, it's purely his genetics

And in all fairness, he desperately tries not to but his genes always get the best of him-

He likes to watch you dance. He doesn't quite know why, it's just really hypnotic 

Has tried to befriend birds at the park before-

Didn't work. They just flew away from him like they do normal people-

Speaking of birds, he once almost lost his shit when he saw someone throw breadcrumbs on the ground and damn near threw himself to the floor to get to them-

He's lowkey a dumbass tbh. Smh- 

Lee Felix(Vampire):

NSFW

Major blood kink-

Like his dick will get 10× harder at the scent of your blood.

Being a vampire, he finds it hard to control himself around you if you start to bleed. 

Will suck hickies onto your skin before, during and after sex-

He just likes the teasing temptation to bite you as he can taste the blood buildup under your skin 

Will sink his teeth in your neck, wrists and thighs without so much of a second thought- 

Would honestly love it if you pulled his hair while he drinks from your thighs

And then would totally eat you out as if he were starving right after feeding of you- 

And honestly, he's damn good with his tongue!

Also, boy has a deep ass voice! 

And if you can get off from it, he'll use it against you for sure-

SFW

Since he's a vampire, he likes to use his super speed to scare the fuck outta you

Like you'd be doin something and outta nowhere he'd pop up right in front of you-

Queue girly startled scream from you~

He'd laugh at you after cause he finds it hilarious.

He gets kinda clingy but his skin is cold so make sure you wear warm clothes when cuddling him 

Speaking of cuddles-

It happens everywhere and all the time

His duality is like a light switch btw

One second he's all giggly and happy and the next he's all serious and deep voiced-....

Won't let you leave the house at night...like at all

Will most likely hunt you down if you happen to sneak past him and actually make it outside-

Kim Seungmin(Merman Shifter):

NSFW

Has a corruption kink

Choking kink to the max

Literally will eat you out in the water

Enjoys seeing you squirm

Forced submission is his domain

Will act bratty and deny you everything until you’re so worked up that you end up begging

He likes testing your limits and will push until he sees fit (with consent ofc-)

Switches between a hard and a soft dom just to confuse you

Will smile innocently as he watches you squirm, as if it wasn’t his fault because it’s not-

Literally the god of edging and orgasm denial

Is more of a lazy dom, he’ll be laying down while you suck him off as he fingers you open slowly

Can be on bottom or top, but he’s the one in control unless said otherwise

He likes it when you suck on his fingers without him having to tell you to

Will 10/10 take advantage of you if you waltz in drunk (would have to be discussed beforehand)

SFW

Literally will cling to you 24/7

You’ll walk in on him half asleep in the tub in the middle of a bubble bath at midnight

Will accidentally flood your kitchen sink because “there needs to be more water in the house”

Constantly needs to consume or be submerged in water or else he’ll get sleepy

He eats a lot of Tic-Tacs- like, a lot

Enjoys blowing up bubblegum and always has some with him

He goes crazy for bubbles so blow some with him

Likes to dance with you randomly to whatever song is playing

He enjoys planning surprise dates!

Ice cream fanatic- he goes crazy for that, it’s a wonder why he isn’t broke yet

Actually worries a lot about you and will constantly baby you

Likes to listen to soft classical music when he’s sleeping

Loves to prank you and then cuddle you afterwards because he needs attention-

Yang Jeongin(Angel):

NSFW

Boy has an oppa kink for sure-

Call him oppa, he gets a kick out of it

As an angel he has a softer way of turning you into a whining mess than the rest.

Much like Jisung, he will use his wings to distract you but will be more subtle about it-

Please say everything and anything that's unholy. He will get a kick outta that too-

Likes to please more than to be pleased

Like….sit on his face and he will go at it for hours baby-

He will honestly love to be subbed and put into his place

BUT

When he doms you, you best believe that you're in for a ride

He enjoys bdsm quite a bit. Maybe a little too much.

Like, as long as his wings are tucked in, please tie him up

And if he's dom he'll waste no time in making sure that your arms and legs are tied/cuffed to the bed posts.

Also has a sensory deprivation kink along with overstimulation-

SFW

He LOVES to be babied tbh

Like please watch disney movies with this moron

Enjoys sweets a little bit too much- 

Can actually cook pretty decently so you know for sure you won't be going hungry-

Can and will sing you to sleep cause he knows he has a beautiful voice

Sassy and conceded little shit-

When bored, he will bug you for hours on end until you entertain him 

Please give him extra love and affection cause he will die on the spot if you refuse to- 

He's really silly and extra so be prepared for multiple surprises around the house

Like sticky notes on the fridge or counter saying "I love you" and "I may be an angel but you're my saviour" and other cheesy shit like that-

Ok but....how the hell did this also turn in a headcannons post????

Anyways enjoy and choose wisely! Remember that you can pick more than one member but if you could kindly keep the max to 3 that's be helpful- 

Have fun and don't be shy to dm or ask me anything, my lovelies!!!

[robotslenderman]

Still only partway through CP77.

Spoilers for the Death’s Head questline.

Warning: this involves my V ignoring canon, having a mental breakdown and expressing it by attacking poor, poor fucking Judy.

So like

My V was a complete fucking mess after the Heist and what happened there. Her best friend (and crush) was dead, she almost died, and she had a fucking terrorist in her head who could TOUCH HERRRR and had hijacked her body and hurt her, and she was going to die in a month and slowly lose control of her body to someone who wanted to hurt her.

She. Was fucking. Terrified. Even when Johnny offered an olive branch she didn’t trust him at all (something Judy would come to relate to, although my V hasn’t yet noticed the parallel).

So when Judy refused to give her any information on Evelyn?

V, who was absolutely scared for her life and having a mental breakdown after the death of her best friend, went to visit Judy.

With a baseball bat.

And used it.

I know this doesn’t make it better at all, but V did hold back a bit -- didn’t hit the head, pulled her punches on the body and spine, and mostly went for the legs. If any permanent damage was done, it wouldn’t be to Judy’s brain, it wouldn’t be to her hands or arms. Better she disabled Judy’s ability to walk if she went too far than fucking lobotomising her or fucking up her hands.

How fucking considerate of her, I know. V basically wanted to scare the shit out of her, made her think that other people were hunting down Evelyn (”if you don’t give me this information, I’ll just fucking kill you. I don’t need you. I can wait for someone else to find her first and drop in on them. So you better talk because otherwise you’re not getting out of here alive”), and made a big song and dance about how the only reason V wasn’t going to fucking annihilate Judy on the spot was because Jackie would never forgive her for turning into a complete monster.

Anyway. Poor Judy quickly blurted out the information about Clouds once she realised V was not fucking around. V threatened her again, then got the fuck out. And obviously hasn’t been back to Lizzie’s since.

When she calmed down she wrote Judy an apology letter. (I told my friend this. She was like “your V is fucking psycho.” Yeah.) She was like “look, I know an apology doesn’t mean jack fucking shit after what I did to you, but... idk man. send me what you owe the ripperdoc and I’ll square my debt to you.”

Yeah V, because contacting someone you fucking traumatised is a BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA, I bet Judy wouldn’t be afraid AT ALL to send you a bill!

(Naturally, Judy didn’t reply and just sent some of the Mox. V gave them everything she could spare and told them to come back in a week for the rest. They roughed her up. She fought back enough to defend herself and eventually toss them out, but didn’t attack them because she knew that wouldn’t help Judy.)

Needless to say, when she ran into Judy at Fingers’ place Judy was NOT at all happy to see her and didn’t want to work with her at all. V basically gave her all the details she uncovered at Clouds -- by now she was actually pretty damn worried about Evelyn and she’d started coming to terms with the fact she was going to die, so she was far more concerned about finding Evelyn than getting anything from her, and was terrified Evelyn was dead.

But obviously Judy was still Mega Freaked Out and traumatised and wasn’t going to work with her. V didn’t offer, either. V didn’t try to scare Judy, but she was also a bit tetchy because Judy obviously didn’t want her looking for Evelyn still, and so V probably scared her a little still because V was like “look, I’m going to find her whether you like it or not, get out of my way. She is in big fucking trouble and I don’t have time for this.”

Judy followed her into Fingers’ room and watched her deal with Fingers. V was actually pretty calm when dealing with Fingers, then realised how fucked up it was that she beat up Judy but not this asshole, so she beat up Fingers too.

Nice, V. Way not to freak out Judy even more.

But obviously, Judy didn’t want to work with V like she did in canon. So V got the snuff film by herself. Unfortunately, she needed an editor, so this was the point where she reached out to Judy again. Sent her a text message that basically said, “This film could help me find Evelyn. Give me a time when you won’t be in and I’ll use your stuff to get into edit mode and track them down.”

V’s dumbass logic: “she probably doesn’t want to see me but I need this information, so I’ll just tell her to keep away from me.”

Judy’s response was “oh my god, even if you could do this without someone on the outside what the hell makes you think I’d let you on my tech unsupervised?!”

(V: “Oh. Right.”) “Do you want me to find Evelyn or not?”

“That’s not what I meant! Come in, but I’m operating the computer and I’m putting Mox in there with us, so don’t you dare try to intimidate me.”

“... Yeah that’s a much better idea. I just knew you wouldn’t want to be alone with me.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

(V, thinking a joke might put her at ease a bit, not realising it just makes her look like a psychopath anyway.) “It’s okay, I’ll leave the baseball bat at home.”

(Judy is not at all amused.)

So the questline continues the way it does in-game, except with a very jumpy Judy. It’s when they find Evelyn that Judy is freaked out enough to be distracted from V. V carries out Evelyn, speaking to her softly.

At this point V had totally come to terms with the fact she was going to die. And Evelyn was a complete fucking mess, and Evelyn was not going to talk even if V wanted her to. So my V didn’t even bother with that, just helped Judy get Evelyn the hell out of there.

Once Evelyn was settled in Judy’s apartment (it’s only later that Judy realises “oh shit, now V knows where I live”) Judy and V’s conversation went almost exactly as it did in canon, with the exception of the more trusting/loyal responses Judy gives you, which Judy simply omitted. V also elaborated on some of the stuff in her letter -- that V was dying because of the relic slowly overwriting her presonality, and she’d hunted down Evelyn because Evelyn could give her a lead to go on to reverse the process. But V still didn’t make any attempts to talk with Evelyn. V knew she was going to die. She wasn’t going to compound Evelyn’s trauma even more. When Judy expressed concern that other people were hunting Evelyn, V was like “oh, shit, no, actually, I was bluffing.”

“...”

“I wasn’t going to kill you. I just wanted to make you think I was. I don’t know of anyone actually trying to hunt her down, and I didn’t run into anyone at all while chasing up this information on her. So either she’s in the clear and nobody wants her, or they’re being damn subtle about it. Either way, since she’s in this condition she’ll be staying inside and lying low, so that’ll help her shake off any tail she might have.”

V gave Judy some more money, though not the full amount because she’s still scraping the eddies together -- told Judy she’d make sure she was fully reimbursed before she went. Told Judy if she or Evelyn needed anything more, call her.

...

By then, after seeing her with Evelyn, Judy is not sure about my V.

After the baseball bat incident, Judy thought that my V was an unhinged violent lunatic. I mean, V was an unhinged violent lunatic -- but she’d thought my V was that by default. But obviously my V showed Evelyn a lot of empathy and concern -- genuine empathy and concern, not V trying to go “LOOK HOW NICE I AM” to Judy. She knew V wasn’t trying to show false empathy to butter up Judy because V got pissed at her in Fingers’ office for getting in the way of her trying to find Evelyn to make sure Evelyn was okay. That is, pissed at her for that specific occasion of Judy getting in the way -- V was definitely not checking on Evelyn’s wellbeing when she visited Judy with the baseball bat, but Judy tried to discourage V from going after Evelyn again at Fingers’ office and V’s response was pretty much “oh fuck OFF, she’s in a really bad situation and needs help.”

So Judy was like, okay, there’s two possible judgements you can make about V:

V is one of those people who seems absolutely lovely until she gets in a bad mood, which is even more fucking terrifying because that makes her unpredictable.

V legitimately was in the middle of a mental breakdown and Judy just happened to be really fucking unlucky in that she was the convenient target. V had said this in her letter but obviously Judy was like “What the FUCK did you really send me an APOLOGY LETTER for almost BEATING ME TO DEATH” and hadn’t really taken it seriously, but now she’s starting to think V might have actually told the truth.

Judy is hoping it’s the latter but she’s not holding her breath, and also you have to remember that even if it was a mental breakdown... it showed her exactly what V was like when she was having a mental breakdown, and therefore meant V was perfectly fucking capable of doing it again.

(Meanwhile V was thinking “If she knows I was having a mental breakdown then she knows she doesn’t have to be scared of me doing it again.” No, V. You’re wrong.)

Judy is less spooked after seeing V in action with Evelyn, but she’s still very wary of her. But after V helped her with Evelyn, Judy told her not to worry about the rest of the eddies and just accepted what V gave her then and there. V almost pushed it, but realised Judy probably didn’t want to feel indebted to someone who beat her up with a baseball bat, so she dropped it.

V later sent Judy a weighted blanket for Evelyn to sleep under. “I’ve got one, it helps when I’m stressed. It won’t make her any better, but it might give her a little comfort.”

So right now, V and Judy have an uneasy truce. V keeps her distance from Judy unless she has to, except to occasionally ask after Evelyn, and Judy keeps her distance right back.

V is, however, not sucking up to Judy or grovelling to her. All she wanted was to let Judy know she didn’t have to be scared of her (although again, Judy is perfectly fucking aware that even if it was an actual mental breakdown then yes Judy should be scared of V having another one), that Judy didn’t have to worry about V going back to have another go at her.

V’s not going to make a huge deal about what a horrible person she was. She’s... well. Even if she thought it would help, she’s got a month to live unless the omega blockers give her more time. She’s not going to wear a hair shirt over this. She gave Judy some funds for the ripper doc, she’s apologised (even if an apology feels awfully pathetic), and she’s kept away from her.

Now she’s going to go back to chasing up leads, because Evelyn is in no condition to help. Because Judy released her, she’s been able to pay off her debt to Vik, and now she’s scraping up funds to pay Rogue for help and trying to talk Hakemura out of that fucking parade because that idiot keeps trying to get himself killed and she has to stand by to haul his ass out of the fire.

[psychicprincesscreation]

NUANCE

Edit 7 (7/12): I didn't realize I kept breaking the link when I was trying to come up with a good title lol my bad.

Last two titles: "I'm not your bass-slut anymore." (That didn't exactly fit the narrative.)

"Don't fuck your idols. :)"

Since everyone is talking about accountability, let me put it succinctly: I was 22, this was consensual for me, I was a "groupie" who knowingly emotionally cheated on my then-bf with Bassnectar for months, I broke it off & moved out because I expected more from the relationship than I ever got.

As one person on IG stated: I was just a groupie whose fantasy didn't go the way I wanted it to. Lol it's true, but that isn't the whole story.

I know it's easy to focus on how I was "old enough to know better" and the harmful choices that I made, but don't forget that Bassnectar actively pursued me even after finding out about my boyfriend -- I'm sure he wouldn't have had any problem finding a single girl to talk to instead, given his stature.

He offered me concert tickets, plane tickets, money to buy an apartment, he told me to email him as often as possible, he told me to keep everything a secret and to lie to my boyfriend over and over.

He tried to "save" me with controlling advice about eating, sleeping, not partying (ironic, considering that he is a DJ) not pursuing music journalism, not hanging out with any male friends whatsoever, where I "should" work. This was all before we ever met in person.

People don't realize how hard it is to say no to your idols, especially when they are CONSTANTLY offering gifts that I considered very extravagant at my age.

This wasn't a normal affair; I had absolutely nothing to offer Bassnectar but myself, yet he spoke to me like I was a star. He told me we could "go deep" and that he wanted to "mate" with me.

Of course my dumbass young-adult drug-addled mind is going to fall in love with the idea of him.

CONSENT IS NOT DEFINITIVE. I didn't consent to a relationship as two normal people sneaking around. I became a cheating asshole who was misled by a rich & famous liar. I never said what I did was right -- in fact, I made it very clear that I did something wrong, too.

I also said that my story is NOT as bad as the other accusers'. I absolutely do NOT think that I had it worse than anyone else. I think my story is important because it shows that his behavior wasn't limited to people underage.

Hopefully my candor denotes honesty and by admitting my faults in this situation, people can see that Bassnectar's emotional manipulation was real and calculated, and most certainly did not start or end with me.

Side note: Apparently Bassnectar DOES cuddle... I guess he just didn't want to cuddle me that night. Ouch! :)

Edit 6 (7/12): Too many typos to fix so I'm just leaving them now lol. Added detail.

Edit 5 (7/12): Just because I say I'm slutty and I like sluts, doesn't mean every girl/women who was involved with Bassnectar is a slut. I'm just owning that label to change MY narrative for MYSELF. I really don't think there's anything wrong with being slutty -- it's always the rest of the world that has a problem.

I wrote this stream-of-consciousness, so I wanted to mention that sometimes my statements that involve other women may seem brusque, but I'm on the women's side. I mean to convey disdain for the way Bassnectar treated us (as a secret "harem",) rather than jealousy or annoyance toward the women. I hope it comes off that way, but I don't know who is reading this and how some might interpret my words.

Edit 4 (7/10):

Removed names. A story mentioned in this post wasn’t true. Either just a lie (to make someone look bad,) or I don’t remember it properly ‘cause it’s been so long. If it was my fault: my bad. 

Edit 3 (7/7): 

FIXED SOME TYPOS! 

Edit 2 (7/7):

I like sluts. Stop making us feel bad for wanting love *and sex, too. 

Another thought: Bassnectar probably pursued a relationship with me because I had a boyfriend. Therefore, I would be more secretive and would have to take some of the responsibility and guilt in this situation, too. And that is true. I do feel guilty about the lying and sneaking. I think that it was inevitable that I would break up with my then-boyfriend, but it really wasn’t Bassnectar’s place to accelerate the break-up by giving me the impression that Bassnectar would be my boyfriend instead. This wasn’t friendly advice given to me by someone older, this was tactical. It makes me wonder if a lot of girls/women don’t want to come forward because they are afraid that the truth will come out about their own affairs? 

Don’t be afraid to tell your story because women-hating assholes try to dissect and expose your secrets in an attempt to discredit you! Bassnectar is the one who needs to be exposed for HIS indiscretions -- this is about what HE did wrong.  Edit 1 (7/7): 

- Bassnectar told me that he was coming to NYC and because we had an online relationship, I thought that he was coming to see me. My friend told me today that Gov Ball 2013 was the same weekend, so I think he may have actually been in NYC for that reason (I don’t think he was scheduled to play on the flyer,) but I was delusional about it.  - I removed the screenshot of his phone number from the post because I don’t want to violate any doxx rules. I am still willing to compare this phone number with other women/accusers to corroborate our stories. :)  - This is my story told from my perspective. I was an adult and I’m not posting this with the intent of legal action, or revenge (although I do admit that this relationship was devastating and heartbreaking for me.) I just want people to know what kind of person he is. - My story is not as harrowing as some of the other accusers’, but that doesn’t make it invalid. - Even now, reliving everything hurts me and I wish I could say that it was real, but now that I’m older I am wise enough to know that it was all lies. - I stand with the women who Bassnectar has hurt in similar, or worse, ways.  

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My relationship was short-lived, but it was so eventful for me that I remember it clearly. I'm mentioning many minuscule details because I think that could help prove the validity of other victims' stories.

Writing in bullet points because it's easier for me to sort through the memories. I'm calling him Bassnectar because the "Lorin" I was talking to is someone that I feel hurt and appalled by now.

• I don't have social media/email screenshots because I deactivated my Facebook and Twitter years ago. Bassnectar asked me specifically to delete our emails because his "girlfriend had caught him" and asked me to get rid of the evidence because she was "demolished." (I will go into a bit more detail about that later on.)  • I don’t have a “smoking gun” that skeptics are looking for, but that’s what happens when someone asks you to keep everything a secret and delete everything that shows you were communicating.

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• This happened in 2013 over many months, plus Bassnectar texted me a few times about once a year after our "relationship" ended. • I was 22 at the time. I'm from NYC and frequently went to clubs, shows, events, and festivals with my then-boyfriend (who I lived with) & the same group of friends. • Bassnectar was one of our favorite artists and we'd seen him perform several times in several states. • My friends had a private Facebook group where we'd tell each other about shows and make arrangements to travel/meet up/stay over each other's places. • I was very interested in music journalism at the time and occasionally wrote show reviews for my friend's online music magazine. • I actively used Twitter. I basically tweeted at every DJ we liked, and always posted reply screenshots in our private Facebook group to share with my friends. • Things became complicated with my then-boyfriend, but we still lived together. We had recently gotten back together around the first time Bassnectar DM'd me on Twitter.

• Bassnectar responded to a Twitter pic I posted of our mini-fridge with a Bassnectar logo sticker and said that he "liked my fridge" or something. • I screenshotted this and posted it in my group because he was the biggest artist who had responded to me at that point. • I thought I could use this as an opportunity to interview him for my friend's mag. • After I already posted the screenshot in my group and had responded to his DM, he sent another message asking me not to screenshot him because he "hates that." • I deleted the screenshot from the friend Facebook group. I stopped screenshotting and sharing our conversations with my FB group immediately after he asked. • I continued to chat with Bassnectar via Twitter and said that I was a big fan of his merch and that I bought several things at all the shows I've attended. • I asked to interview him at some point in the conversation, and he skirted over the request.  • Instead, he gave me his email (bassnectar2012) and asked me to send him merchandise ideas. • I slapped together a few simple, quick ideas on Photoshop or something and sent them to him.

(I don’t know how to embed a picture on Tumblr lol -- will update.)  • You can see that the image I sent is no big deal, and all the files were similar, but he responded as if they were the greatest things he had ever seen. He definitely made me feel special and talented. • We emailed regularly and relatively frequently for days. • Emails are exchanged back-and-forth and eventually I asked to interview him again and he agreed. • I gave him my number and he called me. My then-boyfriend was aware that I was in contact with Bassnectar, with my original intention of interviewing him. • My then-bf was in the room when Bassnectar called me for the first time. • Bassnectar didn't want to be interviewed; he wanted to get to know me. I agreed to just chat at first. • He told me not to call him Bassnectar because that was his "band" and that I should call him Lorin. • At some point he asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him no, even though things were complicated with my then-bf and we were technically together.       > I know I'm going to be chastised for doing this, but I've learned years ago that I made a bad choice. Honestly, I still wanted an interview, and I am well-known for leading with my sexuality. This is when I started becoming deceitful with my then-partner. Simply put, I was just more enticed by the idea of advancing my career, and eventually the allure of potentially being Bassnectar's girlfriend, so lying seemed best. Just because I’m flawed, too, doesn’t mean Bassnectar did nothing wrong. 

• My then-bf confronted me about not saying that we were together. I felt guilty and the next time I spoke to Bassnectar, I confessed that I was back together with my then-boyfriend and I wasn't single. (I don't remember if it was via text or voice call.) • Bassnectar was upset that I lied, but continued to talk to me nonetheless through text and email.

• He made me feel like my writing was profound and touching, and that we were falling in love. • He would tell me that he wanted to "bring me the sun," or "get me a puppy." He said things that were romantic and poetic and I felt heartened to respond to what I thought was love. • He said he had $10,000 in his mattress and he wanted to get me an apartment in NYC, so I didn't have to live with my then-bf anymore. • He would text me before and sometimes immediately after he played shows then say he was going to sleep by like 12am (typically.) It was easy to keep up with where he was playing via social media.  • He offered to fly me to his show in Red Rocks so I could attend. (I didn't accept.)

• He called me from time-to-time and told me not to tell my then-bf who I was speaking to. • One day he had me call a different phone number, which he said was his "home phone." • He told me a story about a beautiful girl named (removed)? Who he had a falling out with because she mentioned that Bassnectar told her that he didn't like Steve Aoki. (I don't remember that story in detail -- I think he was telling me so I wouldn't tell other people when he talked about other artists.) > Edit (7/10): This person messaged me to say that’s not what actually what happened between them. • One day I was speaking to Bassnectar on the phone and didn't answer when my then-bf called on his way home from college classes (I always answered right away.) He asked who I was speaking to and I admitted "Lorin."

• When I called Bassnectar back, he became annoyed that I told the truth and said that I should tell my then-bf that I meant my girlfriend Lauren instead. • I began to sneak around more, lie more often about who I was speaking to on the phone, and texted or emailed Bassnectar almost every single day. • He said we should skip Camp Bisco 2013 and just spend time together. (Obviously anyone who attended Camp Bisco knows that didn't actually happen lol.) • He was flirtatious, charming, and always offered me tickets to events, or sometimes to fly me to where he was. I didn't accept any of this then.

• He told me that I shouldn't do any drugs, not even smoke weed. All of my friends were casually experimenting back then, and I was equally as candid as I am now about everything I did. He told me not to do drugs at his shows, or any shows, and especially not around guy friends. • Me and my friends traveled to see a show in Philly and stayed with friends. When I texted saying I was mostly with guys (my friend group was mostly guys at the time,) he asked if I "felt safe" and offered to get me a hotel. I thought it was unusual because I always felt very protected by my male friends. • He told me that I shouldn't hang out with guy friends, or have guy friends at all. • He told me that guy friends all wanted to sleep with me and I didn't realize it. • He told me I should eat healthier and exercise regularly -- it was very weird and controlling. He just didn’t want me to be myself.  • He told me that he had a girlfriend who had two abortions. I think because we were talking about relationships?  • He told me that he grew up in a hippie commune and was Christian and he questioned his priest and that his mom was a poet laureate. It just seemed like he wanted me to get to know him at the time. • He told me I was co-dependent with my boyfriend and that I needed to become independent and move out. • He told me I should make lists of my life goals as an independent person and email it to him. • He told me not to tell anyone about us talking. I told all of my girl friends, but it was a "girl code" situation and none of the guys or my then-bf knew what was going on. • We talked A LOT and often, but all of this only happened in a matter of months.

• Time passes and our emotional affair eventually becomes physically intimate when he says that he is going to fly to NYC. This is JUNE 2013! He played at Electric Zoo 2013, but that wasn't until Labor Day, so I'm not sure why he really needed to go to NYC, but it definitely wasn't for a show because me and my friends would have been there. > NOTE (7/7): My friend read this and mentioned that Gov Ball 2013 was the weekend before, so there is a good chance that Bassnectar was already in NYC for some reason and didn't actually come to see me personally like I was led to believe. lol.

• He alleged that he would see me again around Labor Day when he came back for EZoo, too.

• I am from Staten Island, and wasn't totally familiar with Manhattan's layout at the time, but I think that the hotel he was staying at was in Midtown. It's been 7 years since this happened, but I tried my damnedest today to figure out exactly which hotel it was -- there are soo many in that area alone.  • If Bassnectar says any of this isn't true, then he's lying because there will definitely be a plane ticket or something with his name on it to NYC in JUNE 2013. > NOTE (7/7): I thought he was there to see me specifically, so the dates he told me was staying in NYC are probably not 100% accurate, but there is definitely some proof somewhere on his end that he came to NYC for whatever reason. The lies he told me are just coverup to make me lose credibility if this ever came out. 

• He said he had a hotel for three days. I think it was a Mon-Wed? I took off work those days so I could see him everyday that he said he would be in NYC. If he has no record of checking into a hotel around the time I'm citing, then his manager probably did it for him. I believe his name is Carlos. (I'm going by the memory of what Bassnectar told me.)

• Bassnectar met me in person at the Staten Island Ferry (Manhattan side) and we walked to Battery Park and sat on a bench and talked. • I felt extremely shy and awkward because I knew that by meeting up in-person, I had given up with my now-ex. The whole thing was conflicting and unfair to so many people, but it was too late now. • Bassnectar frequently complimented me in person. He said things like, he was dying to smell my neck, that he loved my wrists because they were delicate like a bird's frame.  • He said that he felt self-conscious that he would be recognized because he's used to being recognized in crowds. • He would pet and caress me, but didn't try to kiss me in public. • He told me that he got his hair washed at a hair salon and he gave the hair dresser a ($50 or $100?) tip and looked in the window to see her reaction and she was crying because she was so happy.  • He convinced me to go back to his hotel. We took a cab there. It didn't take that long, which is why I'm convinced it was Midtown. He never told me which hotel it was, but I didn't realize it was actually because he didn't want a trail back to him. I guess it worked.

(I'm about to get very detailed about my memories, so trigger warning for making people feel uncomfortable.)

• When we got to his hotel, he became physical with me very quickly, but he said he wouldn't kiss me first. That I had to do it first. So I did. • It progressed into kissing, cuddling, him touching me all over in bed with our clothes on. He dirty-talked a lot. I also remember that he moaned and grunted a lot, and I wasn't used to any of that. • At one point, I untied his hair and let it down and he joked that I was making sure he was really Bassnectar and not his assistant that I was meeting. • He told me about his go-go dancer friend who had fake boobs. I can't remember why. • I remember him kissing me against the wall, and he said something like, I want to fuck you against the wall and hold you up with only my dick. It was way too specific to forget. (It didn't happen, though.) • We inevitably had full-on sex after the on/off touching/kissing/talking. • He said he didn't want to wear a condom at first, but he thought he should. We did, but it felt like a test to see what I would say. • I remember that he wanted me to have an orgasm, and I instructed him which position worked best for me. • He orgasmed by having sex with me from behind and asked me to look back at him. I remember him draping his long hair over my back. How could I forget that? -_- • One of my girl friends texted me ("How are you plants doing?" was our code phrase) to check in and make sure I was okay because she knew where I was. It was monumental for me, so I told her it was great. • I sat on his lap while he looked at his laptop. • We had these deep conversations about life, and love, and the future and it seemed so real to me at the time. • I remember that I told him I was unsure if we could be boyfriend/girlfriend because he was so much older than me (I think he was 35 at the time?) • He told me about about a girl he loved named X who was also around my age. I didn't think it was that weird because I was convinced he still really liked me best, but he probably had so many "Xs" and I was just another one. • At some point, he commented on Facebook (or Twitter?) in response to someone saying he was Illuminati. Honestly, it was like we were two people hanging out because of how normal everything felt after the sexual tension was gone. 

• I remember having dinner with him at the restaurant across the street and talking about wanting to be a writer and he said I CAN'T WRITE ABOUT HIM EVER. (So it wasn't normal after all.)

• I remember, back at the hotel, he asked me perverted questions like, can you show me how you make yourself orgasm? He asked me to just demonstrate on his hand so he knew what to do next time. • I don't remember much more because I wasn't planning to stay. • My other girl friend had a job interview that day and we decided to meet at the ferry to take it home together. • On my way out, he walked me to the elevator and he gave me $50 to take a cab to the ferry and to use for a cab when I came back to see him tomorrow. (For my fellow New Yorkers who doubt this story, no, that wasn't enough fare for both trips, so the amount is definitely the truth lol.)

• I went to see Bassnectar again the next day. When I asked him for the hotel address or name, he wouldn't give it to me directly. He said it was because of people stalking him or something. I don't fucking know but it was obvious confusing bullshit and I think he gave me an address that was about a block away. I think he even said he would tell the cab driver the address over the phone. There was a lot of runaround to avoid saying the exact address. (Now the reason why seems obvious.)  • My details are a bit fuzzy at this point because I remember meeting him outside the hotel and going up together, but I forget why we met outside and why we were both confused about which street the other person was standing on. • We went up to the hotel room, he worked on music on his laptop, while I sat on his lap and read Trainspotting on my Kindle. • He let me listen to what he was working on, but I don't remember it. I just remember that he was working with female vocals. • He told me he had to meet his guy friend in Williamsburg because his friend was making him lobster. Looking back, it was probably another girl.

• I asked to stay because I wanted to spend more time with him. I texted my now-ex-bf (who I still lived with) that I was staying with my friend. • Bassnectar said that normally he would say no, but for some reason he agreed and left me in the room with the room key and all his stuff. He either really trusted me, or really trusted how much control he had over me to leave me with his laptop. • I left at one point to get pizza, and came back. I watched TV, but couldn't sleep. He got back some hours later and he was drunk off wine, but I just wanted to cuddle and sleep. • He jokingly thanked me for not stealing his things. • Apparently Bassnectar DOESN'T cuddle and made that a point, but he did sleep in bed with me for a bit, before moving to the other bed in the middle of the night. (There were two beds in this hotel room.) • For anyone else who had sleepovers with Bassnectar, you know that he sleeps with his own fans for the white noise. So we slept in separate beds with his own personal fans on. It was all very bizarre. • We didn't have sex this day at all.

• The next morning I went to Duane Reade while he was still sleeping so I could get toiletries and shower since the sleepover was impromptu. • He had a meeting with someone (manager?) who was supposedly coming to stay in the room later that evening? (It was probably another girl though? idk)

• When he got back, he made me go over the list of accomplishments and goals he asked me to email to him. • He told me that I shouldn't be worried about finding someone to be in love with and it should be a lower priority on my list. • He told me that I should get a job at a restaurant or American Apparel or something and get a shitty starter apartment with only girls. • He said that finding an apartment that was pet-friendly shouldn't be a priority at all. I had a pet cat so if I moved out, that meant I would have to leave my cat behind, but that didn't matter to him. • He told me that if I wanted a serious boyfriend, I shouldn't let him see my legs or have sex with him for a long time. • When he finished life-coaching me, we watched a movie together. • He chose Spring Breakers because he was supposedly asked to do the musical score for it and turned it down (that's what he told me.) • At one point in the movie, Vanessa Hudgens jokingly gestures to her friends that she's giving a blowjob, and Bassnectar said he "didn't understand why girls sucked dick." • We had sex once more, more quickly than the first time and with much less romance. I can't remember much because I just remember feeling sad about leaving soon and like he was blowing me off suddenly. • We took a shower together after.

• I packed up my stuff and before I left he gave me $1000 in cash without warning and told me I could use it to help put a down payment for an apartment or something, but I should pay him back because it would be "good for me."    > Looking back, when he left for a short while that    morning, it was probably to take out cash to give    me when I left. • He didn't walk me to the elevator this time and he sat on his laptop while I left feeling very cheap, stupid, and crushed.

• Time passes and we talk less and less. I'm heartbroken, but still make moves to find a job and move out of my ex's ASAP. • I email Bassnectar a diatribe saying I'm feeling hurt and abandoned. I say that I felt betrayed that he made me think we were essentially going to be together after I left my boyfriend and it turned out to be all lies. • I'm having lunch with friends when he calls me and is angry saying that he told me what I should do to make my life better and that he can't just give me a job or do anything for me and that I need to do things for myself. • My friends walk over to the car where I'm on the phone and when I say I'm ready to go, he asks who I'm speaking to and I say, "my friends." • He yells at me and asks why I'm talking to him on the phone when my friends are around (he asked if he could call and I said it was okay, I didn't know we were supposed to be alone.) I tell him I will call him back. • I text him and ask to call back and his mood flipped and he's suddenly super kind and apologetic and tells me he just wants me to be independent. He reminds me that I'M the one who told HIM that he was too old for me and we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend. • I am heartbroken all over again, but I move on with my life and move out within the next month or so.

> I actually did get a waitressing job as per his suggestion and saved money from that + the grocery store I already worked at and moved to BK by August 2013. I didn't use the money he gave me at first because I thought it was a reason for us to see each other again, and I was afraid to spend it in case I couldn't earn enough to pay him back by the time I saw him. (I never saw him again, though.) > In case you're wondering, I did spend it eventually when I started to resent him for blowing me off.

• I speak to Bassnectar very rarely, and only via text. He doesn't call anymore, even when I ask. • One day while I'm at work, he sends me a video of a beach he's supposedly vacationing at. • When we DO speak, he asks for nudes, usually. • When I send them, he says he feels guilty since “he has a girlfriend” and that we should stop. • Contact is so infrequent, when we catch up about my life, he gets annoyed if I mention I'm seeing any guys, but I never think he really cares because he stopped caring about me a long time ago. (If he ever did at all.)

• I still tried for months to maintain any kind of relationship with him because I truly thought we had something special, but he was always too busy for me. It fucking sucked because he was always in the back of my mind now that I was *~independent~* like he said he wanted me to be so many times.

• One random day when I was too busy to chat with him, I remember he actually DID call me because he said he lost a sound file and wanted me to record myself saying "I really like it." A few times to use on a track. I guess I took too long to get back bc 15 mins later, he texted to say he got it from someone else. I couldn't do it anyway because I was dealing with some other personal stuff. I forgot about it soon after. • I didn't listen to the album NSVB for a long time after it came out bc I was still hurt, but when I did.... I heard that fucking sound bite in whatever song it's on (I really don't care to know) and it fucked me up. • I was conflicted thinking, shit, did I blow my last chance for "us" ? I was still hung up on this asshole as if he were just some ex because of that emotional manipulation. • Would that have solidified what we supposedly had? Or would that have just been another way he used me? I began to resent him.

• Fast forward a few months and I'm drunk with my girl friend at home and text Bassnectar for the lols. I say that I should ask him for tickets to BASSLIGHTS 2013 in VA to make up for him being such an asshole. • Surprisingly he agrees on the condition that I only go with girl friends, don't do any drugs, and say that the Tix are left for me because I interviewed him. (Don't forget that no interview ever happened!)

• Before Basslights, he texts me and even asks me what songs he should play and I don't realize he's just stringing me along. Presumably it was just another plot to hook up. • Before we leave for VA, my friend who is driving admits that one of her OTHER friends secretly knows Bassnectar so we might be able to get into some party or backstage. Sooooo I guess she was another one of his "harem" that he was having a secret relationship with. (I don't mean anything negative towards that girl/woman, just that Bassnectar probably saw us this way and was playing *at least* the two of us at this time.) • My friends and I drive from NYC to VA and miss Bassnectar's set the first night because we arrived late, but the Tix were waiting for me at the box office. • If you get Bassnectar's guest list for Basslights 2013, my real name is on there. I'm sure a lot of other girls he manipulated are on there, too. • Bassnectar texts me and asks what I think of the show and I say I missed it. • He says he was thinking of me a lot during the show. • He texts me saying I should let him "vroom vroom in my girl power." Obviously he's alluding to sex, and I show the text to the friend who was at my place when I asked him for the Tix. He won't send a cab to get me at my hotel when I say sure, though, because he "has a girlfriend" again and he would feel bad. Maybe he was annoyed that I missed his set, maybe he picked someone else, maybe he actually was with his gf? Whatever. • I told him I didn't feel comfortable texting like that anymore because he said he had a gf. • He tells me I'm a good person.

• I am so hurt that I don't answer his texts at all anymore. • We go to Basslights night 2 and I get suuuuper fucked up with my friends (because fuck him) and have an awesome time and disassociate Bassnectar from his controlling bullshit. • I ignore him all the way back to NYC and just text to say I'm home. • He sends me an URGENT text saying that his gf suddenly found out about his gross infidelity and begs me to please delete all of our emails and texts. • I'm stupid and kind and fucking over him so I do it. He knew I would because he knew I was too nice of a person not to. • Bye bye evidence, though. :(  I regret deleting those emails even now because I knew this misconduct shit would come out eventually with him.

• LOTS OF TIME PASSES. Now and again, Bassnectar would text me just to say what's up and I'd barely respond. This only happened approximately once a year. • I'm pretty sure this was just to make sure he was on my good side and there wasn't a chance that I was going to expose him. • I think the last time he texted me first was all the way back in 2016.

• The last few times we spoke were when he had a cancer scare and I texted to say sorry. • When I went to Moonrise Festival, I asked if we could meet and he blew me off. It's been so long, I didn't really expect him to say yes, but it was worth a try. • When me and my friends went to Electric Zoo and he closed, I texted him saying that we couldn't hear well from where we stood and left early. I think he was offended because he replied saying that no one else complained. • The last time I spoke to him, I knew he was playing at an event near me and asked for tickets again so I could see him and he said he would be with his girlfriend. It was a one-off thing and I thought it was worth the try. •There were no cordial conversations in-between the times I contacted him at all. Just me being lonely and single and still hanging on to this idyllic version of him that never fucking existed in the first place. 

• I'm much older now and I know that a lot of this happened because of choices I made, but I was 22, starstruck, in a confusing relationship, partying, and desperate for an ethereal love that I sought in that music scene.

• I bet Bassnectar specifically targeted girls like me because (at least in my case) I was depressed, pumped full of mind-altering chemicals, pretty, and lonely. He acted like I was a unique, artistic, lost soul and he made me believe that he was the only one who could save me.

• At 22, you don't realize that a man 13+ years older than you shouldn't be asking you to keep your conversations a secret from everyone, asking you for nudes, asking you to lie to/break up with your boyfriend, inviting you to hotels, offering you gifts, and straight up giving you cash that you didn't ask for.

• But that man DEFINITELY knows he's doing something wrong, otherwise he wouldn't be sharing that hush money with you, or asking you to hide and delete everything.

• Because he would text me once in a while saying something like, "You cross my mind all the time," it would be enough for me to hang on to this hope that *maybe* there was still a chance. I couldn't see that it was just another manipulation tactic that worked well on me because I was still feeling the effect of the emotional annihilation from so long ago. :(

• I loathe how he made me feel for so long and it breaks my heart to know that there are so many other girls who were taken advantage of in worse ways by this egotistical LIAR in his position of power. Seriously, Bassnectar, fuck you.

ALSO: not sure if this was his burner phone or what, but here are the last two digits of the # he always contacted me with (sent in the DM). If any other victims want to corroborate by comparing numbers... Let me know.

(I REMOVED THE SCREENSHOT OF THE PHONE NUMBER IN CASE IT VIOLATES ANY DOX RULES, BUT I CAN SEND IT TO YOU DIRECTLY IF YOU ARE CONTACT WITH ME!) :)

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[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

It’s really sad when Red Rank Killers are so bad that they have to face camp just to get a Kill. If you do this, don’t go messaging the Survivors for not bothering to get the save because - as a result of your own actions - you got next to no points. You chose to stand in place for 2 mins while a team of 3 ppl with the help of Prove Thyself and Kindred, finished the last 3 Gens.

I refuse to give a tunneling Killer an easier time. I refuse to not make a fool of them. I will not pity you for getting run around when you made the choice to focus one person the whole match. Whatever happens is what you’ve got coming to you. So if all 5 Gens get done in 2 minutes because you wouldn’t even take a second to hit someone in the Gens you pass mid-Chase, that’s on you.

Got a Rank 1 Huntress who sucked. Not only did she need NO-ED to get a down, but she face-camped the person on the Hook, despite having an Ebony Mori. And then demanded to know why everyone just killed themselves on the Hook, thereby denying her a precious Mori that was apparently a big loss for her. It was her only Mori Offering and us denying her the Kill was ‘rude’.

So we swf Sabo “B” Squad where we all had pimped out Toolboxes, Breakdown, Breakout, Boil Over, and Borrowed Time just in case. The four Bs. It was so beautiful, holy shit! We just picked the corner furthest from the Basement and if getting Chased, would go over there. Getting Hooked on each of the Hooks nearest that corner, and then them being broken for 3 minutes giving us time to wiggle out as the Killer would have to walk toward Hooks much further away! XD 

Killer: ur toxic! Me: got hatch after u tunneled me fr all 5 Gens is toxic? Killer: u shouldn’t teabag over hatch! Me: so u can B toxic but I can’t? Killer: Tunneling is a real strat the devs say so! get gud! Me: Says the dude who couldn’t get even 1 Kill after tunneling. *suddenly I’m blocked*

So I full on Blendetted for a match on the saloon map and Legion was dumb enough to look away after downing me, to go a few meters over and break a pallet I stunned him with. Big mistake. I crawled away and blended into the bushes perfectly, so he’s circling this small corner of the map, looking for me in the bushes, and I’m steadily crawling through the bushes, away from that corner, and once far enough away, I use Unbreakable to get myself off the ground. I had on iron Will, so I made no sound as I Healed myself up. In that time, 4 Gens popped and Legion finally realizes he should gtfo before the last Gen gets finished! We all still Escaped!

Huntress tunneled me after I was unHooked because I led her on a 3 Gen Chase and she was salty. However, the idiot didn’t pay attention and got trapped in the hole on the side of those hills. So I got to wiggle off and then I teabagged her. And since she was out of Iridescent Hatchets to throw, she had nothing to do but watch us all Heal up in front of her. The twat rage-quit before everyone was Healed up and sent me this long, swear-riddled message about how I ‘need to learn how to have fun’ and need to ‘get out of my mom’s basement’. Like, bitch, I had fun making fun of the instant karma you got for being a tunneling piece of shit, and you’re out here dedicating a lot of time and effort to using your controller to send insults to people on PS4, over a video game. Like I’m not going to report you using the N-word? I was in another match when the long messages came through, that’s how pathetic this twit was. Paragraphs all typed out with a PS4 controller. The obsession.

Got another Huntress(the Huntresses today are terrible) who needed NO-ED and slugged the last 2 ppl & stood over us, nodding like she was good. We waited out the entire Engame Collapse just to piss her off since she wouldn’t pick anyone up. She sends me this salty message about how I ‘should have taken the L and DC’d’. She got the least amount of points(4K+) cuz 2 ppl Escaped & she refused to Hook the last 2. Meaning she got no Hooks all match. & somehow this is my fault because she chose to play like a fucking idiot.

If anyone’s wondering why I tend to be chosen for hate messages, I’ve noticed it’s only in matches where I came out with the most pts out of the Survivors. I’m assuming that’s the reason since it’s the only other common denominator between all the hate messages I get. Usually an accusation of being in a swf group is added in there as well.

Ran into the same swf group 3 matches in a row! First match only 2 of us got out. Second match 3 of us, and the last match we got the 4-man Escape!

I’ve come to the conclusion that Pyramid Head is the worst Killer in terms of getting value out of him since I’ve never faced a single one who could actually play him without his 3 Perks. If Pyramid Head if so dependent on his own perks, that’s not good. Or maybe, players are so dependent on his Perks and simply can’t play him for shit. It’s so easy to outplay them and it shouldn’t be. I see a PH and I roll my eyes because I know what Perks are coming, which removes the scare factor and makes matches against him boring af.

And with the Blight coming out tomorrow, I do have concerns over people overusing his Perks.

So many fucking Legions! IstG, Legion was the most hated Killer like a year ago, so why does everyone and their brother want to be Legion these days?

Killer who apparently doesn’t know how Franklin’s Demise works, bragging after the game about making me ‘lose my Key’ and calling me a bad Survivor for needing it. “Bruh, FD only works w basic attacks. I still got the Key fr the challenge.” He never replied. Probably cuz he made himself look like a dumbass.

I’ve gotten 3 Hatch Escapes today! Not just me alone either. I always managed to get someone else out with me!

Only reason I like the Meat Plant is because Claudette blends in so well in this room on the bottom floor.

This Totem was so glowy I saw it from outside the room and far down the hall!

I was trying to moonwalk on it.

[blackandwhitedays]

hello

woah... it’s been over two years since i’ve logged into this blog.

i didn’t think i’d be able to recover it. thankfully i’ve been using the same five(ish) passwords for the past four years.

so much has changed since i first began posting. although, i only made about three posts. it’s not uncommon for me to come up with some bright idea to start a blog/journal then forget about it after a few entries.

 where do i even begin?

well, i graduated. and the boy i mentioned in one of my first posts? we are going on two and a half years together. crazy stuff. he was my saving grace through my last few months of high school. i don’t know what i would have done without him.

i used to post on another website called my-diary, where i updated about my life a lot more. reading those posts made my chest ache. i genuinely felt like i couldn’t breathe. suddenly, i was in high school again, overwhelmed and suicidal with no one to talk to. yeah, shit was rough to say the least.

i lost all my friends in february of my senior year. so, yeah, about two years ago now. i couldn’t really remember the details, but rereading my old entries helped jog my memory. it was all childish drama, as i suspected. my friends thought i was petty and secretly hated them, so they dropped me. i was already disliked by my entire graduating class, and suddenly i had absolutely no one. i sat alone everywhere i went. my guidance counselor accused me of sabotaging my own relationships. which now i understand as a symptom of my extreme anxiety and fear. i would destroy my relationships with others before they could hurt me first. but that’s not what i did with my friends in school. i cared for them a lot. they were all i had at the time. and they were perfectly okay with abandoning me at my lowest point because they were selfish from the start, i was just too desperate to see it.

it still chokes me up thinking about everything. i sometimes get into these weird obsessive states where i will purposely go back and reflect on my high school times and get really depressed. i don’t know why i do it. i’m so much better now than i ever was then. yet it’s like i enjoy hurting myself sometimes. perhaps to make sure i’m still capable of emoting like i used to.

but anyways, let’s talk about the now. i graduated and basically made a massive “fuck you high school and fuck everyone who hurt me.” you better believe i was the talk of the town. i got about thirty comments praising my bravery, then the next morning the hate started flowing in. people called me retarded, a dumbass, a liar, etc. all the good stuff. called me a slut for wearing crop tops. and my mother, who was so worried what others would think of HER because of the post, kicked me out. i lived on ben’s couch for several days. it was a nightmare. i thought i had hit rock bottom.

but shit moved on. i moved away and started going to college. my mom eventually apologized for being a selfish bitch about the whole situation. i forgave her, even though i don’t know if i’ll ever fully be able to. ben moved with me and got his own apartment in the same town. i ran out of money after the first semester and nowhere would give me more loans, so i had to drop out and move in with ben. we both worked as much as we could and moved back in with our parents for about a month. then we saved up and got our own apartment in a bigger city. which is where we are now. ben has a really great job working in masonry. he’s making ridiculously good money, though he has no clue how to budget and is constantly broke. i am a supervisor of a program that helps people with disabilities and brain injuries. i also make good money. i’m saving up to go back to school this fall. our apartment is small and owned by a sketchy property management company who is absolutely going to rob us of our $1,000 deposit. we also have a dog by the name of winston. he is the love of my life and i adore him more than anything in this world. 

my life has done a complete 180. there’s no denying that. the only thing that could make it better is having some friends. yep, two years later i still haven’t made a long term friend. i think it’s due to a combination of moving around a lot, working constantly, and somewhat isolating myself due to fear of getting hurt again. ben and i thought we made friends with some people living in our building. they were a couple and were pretty great for about a month. we had cooking nights where we made dinner, went hiking and exploring different cities, and hung out all the time. then the girl decided to pick a fight because apparently we opened her messages and didn’t reply right away and it upset her. i tried explaining that we’re both insanely busy and sometimes we check our phones in the spur of the moment but don’t get time to actually type out a reply. then she got even more upset and said “guess i’m not allowed to have an opinion then?” and started subtweeting about me on twitter. she also refused to talk it out in person and would only discuss it through snapchat. just really, really childish shit. then a couple weeks later they broke up. so there went that. i sometimes still talk to her but i’m certainly not interested in pursuing a friendship. i don’t need that kind of drama in my life.

sometimes i wonder if it’s me. if i really am some crazy manipulative bitch who just has no idea that she’s on some rampage to destroy everyone’s lives. but i really don’t think so. i just want some people who can come over and watch movies, chill out, etc. then when it warms up outside, we can go hiking and smoke in the woods, go on adventures at night through the city, and eat at all the different restaurants in town. i also want friends who i can make really shitty obnoxious jokes with and they will LAUGH. is that so much to ask? apparently, it is.

i do work a lot though, which prevents me from having as much of a social life as i would like. i’ve been a pretty regular smoker of weed for going on four years now. through my junior and senior year of high school as well as in college up until now. but in these last seven months since i moved into this apartment, ben and i have smoked almost every night. and boy, have i felt the effects. i definitely feel less focused and productive. i just want to come home and be lazy. which i can’t be. my job requires me to stay sharp and be productive, so i’ve decided to cut back and make it a weekend thing. it’s hard, though, because ben smokes every. single. day. and he has no plans to change that. he tried stopping and got so depressed he was feeling suicidal again, which he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

oh, and as for ben and i? yeah, two and a half years. pretty crazy. we were all over each other for the first year and a half. we fell hard for one another. it hasn’t been perfect by any means, but it’s been a good time. 

my biggest issue in the relationship is our lack of sex. i’m a very sexually driven person. i love sexually charged attention. i love a man who will slap my ass when he passes by me, and has to resist the urge to bend me over every time i “accidentally” change in front of him. ben is really not like that. his sex drive is practically non-existent, which has taken a toll on us for sure. it’s mostly because of his depression, i think, so he’s trying to get on antidepressants. they’re also for him, of course. he wants to feel happier. hopefully, it works. 

these last few months have been a little rockier. not because we’ve been fighting more or anything. but i just feel like his heart isn’t as in it as it once was. he will deny it, of course. he claims he’s never been more in love with me. and i’m sure he genuinely believes that. but his lack of effort says otherwise. i spent $150 on concert tickets for him this valentine’s day. guess what he got me? nada. like, not even flowers. or chocolate. i’m not asking for him to break his bank on me. at all. i’m the easiest girl to please when it comes to this stuff. i just wanted to feel special. and i let him know how disappointed i was. i thought expressing my feelings would make him want to make it up to me, but he hasn’t done anything. he also hasn’t done much around the house, and i’ve been working late almost every night. i like things done a certain way, and he knows that. but you’d think he’d recognize that i’m working soo much lately and that i could use the extra help around the house. but no, i have to confront him about it which leads to him getting super defensive which leads to me getting upset which leads to a fight. then the whole night is ruined. it took an entire fight for him to finally clean up one night when i was working. which was nice. but it felt like he was doing it because i made a big deal about it, not because he actually wanted to help me out.

WARNING: Vulgar rant up ahead:

i feel like i’ve sort of began building up some resentment towards him. i hate that that’s the case. but i’m getting laid maybe twice a month. i’m nineteen years old and i am fucking HORNY. and i’m not unattractive to look at by any means. it sucks so bad when i come home and try to be subtly sexy and change in front of him and dance around and all he does is stare at his fucking phone. then when i straight-up climb on him and try to kickstart things, he says he’s tired and it’s too late. it makes me not want to come home from work. there’s nothing for me here. he doesn’t pay any attention to me. the most i see him is when he eventually passes out in my lap at 9:30 at night. it’s fucking exhausting. i’m so starved of attention. i went from being so incredibly crazy about him just a few short months ago, being so positive he was the one for me, to being almost in tears at the thought of dealing with this way of living any longer. i’m trying so hard to hold out for him to see a doctor and get on meds, but i just don’t know if it will help. he’s been on some before, and he was still sad and actually thought getting off of them would help his sex drive. but surprise, it didn’t.

i can’t imagine us breaking up. i mean, i would have to completely start over. get my own place, pay for everything on my own, etc. it would be so hard. i don’t want that to happen. but i’m fucking miserable here. i can’t rely on sitting on my fucking dildo and cuddling my dog as replacements for the love i signed up for when i entered this relationship. are we fizzling out? i don’t know. but i’m sad and angry and very, very frustrated. 

and i’ll be honest, i’m really not that sexually attracted to ben in the first place. at first, i was, but he’s basically used all his moves on me and it’s pretty repetitive when we do have sex. i can’t get off without porn anymore. which i hate. i don’t even like porn that much. but it’s the only thing that works. so, would things even improve that much if he was having sex with me all the time? i don’t know. i just know that if things haven’t turned around by the summertime, i may be looking for a new place to live.

do i sometimes yearn for the freedom that comes with being single? sure. do i sometimes wish i could get laid by someone who actually has new moves to offer? of course. but do i want to sacrifice my relationship to receive these things? that’s what i’m not sure of.

i hate to even think of losing ben. it’s terrifying. i just want to feel loved. i just want to feel appreciated for everything i do around here. i try so fucking hard. but he gets so defensive when i try talking to him and thinks he contributes just as much as me (not even fucking close). i can’t even have a civilized discussion with him because it turns into a messy ass fight. wow, this is the longest post ever. i’ve talked about a lot tonight. it feels good to get some of it off my chest. it’s been building up inside for quite some time. i hope shit gets better in regards to my relationship. i need some damn love. and fast.

[invelleity]

psst. be honest. all of the questions. go.

i can’t believe jeanette is tryina kill me in public and i’m still love her??? | not accepting anymoooore | @ltbroccoli​

cracks knuckles here we go ( odd numbers 1-9 are here )

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

Not very. It’s fun and cute and all, but I care a whole lot more about “clicking” with people and having fun writing with them.

Exception: If someone’s aesthetic is so overblown that I can’t even find the pages on the blog or read the text, I.....won’t interact with that tbh.

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

(kicks down my roommate’s door at 10pm) “OK so I’m writing— stop screaming, it’s me,— I’m writing a character in Security and you’re like a double black belt or some shit, can you explain how—”

( My roommates all know it’s a thing I do but I’ve never sent them a link or shown them any of the actual writing. They’ve met a bunch of y’all over like Rabbit streams and @rumdaydreams​ irl though so like.... They Know. )

More under the cut

6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

Ehhh, depends on my mood. I lean towards female muses in general ( definitely got a bigger chunk of ladies on my list, for sure for sure ) but I love my boys.

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

Uhhhh A) We’re all such dumb socially awkward blobs so it’s often hard to get to know new people.

B) The feel that if you have a good relationship with one person who writes a canon muse, it’s some kind of lowkey betrayal to write with other people who write the same muse??

C) How much I, a certified card-carrying dumbass, stress myself out about posting on a “regular” schedule. Does that count? Like I want the blogs to look “presentable” lmao and me@me Calm The Fuck Down.

10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

N / A

11. What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

Uhhhh, when I first started was long enough ago and the community was so different a lot of those lessons no longer apply. I wish when I finally jumped over to Tumblr I’d realized quicker how the new like....basic ways of meeting people and posting and all worked, which was mostly just a “calm down and go with the flow more, let go of your stupid rigid old habits” lmaooo.

12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

yES. Yeah. Hahaha ha h. 

But ummm, not usually. No. Most of my drama has been either A) me posting the very very softest, most diluted version of barely-touching on my politics and my real goddamn life and people being fuckin butthurt as hell about or B) cutting people who were toxic and draining out of my life. So.

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

cw suicidal ideation ment

Yeah. Once I actually did — when I started college I just didn’t have the time, so I peaced from the larger community to just write with close friends for a while. I’ve also considered leaving the T.umblr RPC a few times, but really only because of long bad depressive episodes. Coming back and “not wanting to literally die irl ha Ha” and catching up with my drafts gets me back on track lmao. 

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

Positive! Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time wrapped up in fiction and miss my real life, but I’ve learned to keep my time more separate so now it’s just good to have a healthy hobby that makes me happy. Also I’m definitely a much better writer for it, and there a lot of networking skills I think translate to real workplace skills so it’s 👌

15. How has rp changed you personally?

See above, tbh. And it gives me a lot of good outlets for writing ideas that would otherwise stew in my head until I hated myself for never ever writing any lmao. It’s good.

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

Oh, I dunno. I wish I could post replies from mobile more easily, god. That’d keep me a lot more on top of my drafts lmao.

17. Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

Not on any of the rp blogs. ;^)

18. Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why? 

No, wtf

19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

Depends on the hate — things I feel need to be addressed or I want to be clear about not tolerating I’ll post. Personal hate and mean shit I delete.

Or if it’s stupid and makes me laugh I will definitely post that shit.

20. Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

Sometimes. If a partner is actually pressuring me I’m real good at saying uhhh hey, fuck off about that? but sometimes partners will perfectly-innocently be enthusiastic about things I’m not super comfortable with and that’s harder to bring up. So it’s..... more like I pressure myself, whoops.

21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

Ehh. Not really. Sometimes I’ll follow a friend of a friend despite lack of interest just because, like.... My friends are smart and good, maybe I’m just not getting the right “vibe” from their blog as who really they are. Sometimes that just means we never click and I unfollow them later. Or sometimes @rumdaydreams​ drags me straight to mutual hell and we write 20,000 unfinished bullshit and meet irl and she actually talks me into wholeass new blogs and muses. So, you know. Mix bag.

22. What would make you block someone?

Red flags for manipulation and lowgrade emotional a.buse, especially ones I viscerally feel in my stomach from previous experiences. Obvious r.ight-leaning politics ( Weirdly, I’m not particularly comfortable around people who don’t think I or my friends deserve to be treated like human beings! A character quirk, haha! )

Also ngl sometimes I block people just to remind myself I’ve followed them before and I don’t wanna re-follow them six times and look like I’m trying to intentionally harass them. My memory is bad but the block button always knows, lmao. 😅

23. Have you ever stolen something from someone else?

Not intentionally — I try very hard not to steal hc from duplicates or take plots without asking. But, y’know, sometimes an idea sticks in your head and you eventually just forget where it originally came from.

24. Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?

Not that I’m aware of.

25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

Absolutely, for the most part! I like seeing other perspectives, and especially since @thewrongsorts​ is such a bigass multi it lowkey just makes my life easier.

There are a few exceptions — less because they’re duplicates and more because there are hc/fanon I just......dislike enough I don’t wanna write with them. Not a feeling that’s limited to duplicates tbh.

26. How do you feel about vague posting? 

Ehhh. It’s like not a great thing, but I get the appeal. I tend to unfollow if someone posts a lot of it because then they’re just passive-aggressive as a person, but the occasional vagueblog I don’t mind. Sometimes you gotta get shit off your chest but you don’t wanna make it a wholeass call-out, I get it.

27. Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

Generally I unfollow. I’m here to write, if we’re not interacting it’s clogging my dash. ( Honestly I unfollow mutuals eventually if we never write.... ) But very occasionally someone’s got such good #takes and hc that I stick around just bc I stan.

28. Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

A l w a y s.

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

It’s nice! Like.... I wouldn’t require anyone to do it, but it makes people feel better about their blogs, it’s polite. I know I’m happier getting memes as well as passing them along. You know, be social. Connect with people. I always try to practice it, yeah.

30. How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all?

Uhhh, yeah. My irl social circles are a lot of dumb gay millennials, we use a lot of dumb internet slang.

31. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge?

Oh yeah! Joined Tumblr rpc ten years late with Starbucks! But also like.... I’m a web developer. 90% of my irl workskills are being good at Googlin’ shit. So I’ve pretty much always found the answer on my own, at least. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

32. Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain? 

( See above. )

33. Have you ever experienced discrimination? 

Here or irl or....? I mean yes in any case, but much less often in the rpc specifically. This blog is a lot less outspoken ( both about politics or about who I....am....generally ) than most of my others or me irl.

Shoutout to that time I complained one (1) time about how copacetic the H.arry P.otter rpc is and an actual irl n.eon.azi jumped in my inbox lmaooooooo.

34. How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

Uhhh, I don’t love it? But if they mostly chill and don’t fuck with my actual threads I usually ignore them. ¯\_( ‘ ‘ )_/¯

35. Have you ever cried while writing a reply?

No. I’m not like......good at crying. 😐

36. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

Depends on the blog. Some multis I follow are in fandoms I just like don’t even understand, so I don’t read those. Sometimes I just don’t got the energy. But I read a lot of my friends’ other threads or threads on blogs I stan.

Good writing is good shit and I’m.....a big 👀 bitch. Tbh.

37. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

Call-out posts, bringing real life politics into rp, generally acknowledging that we have lives outside of the fictional world that affect how we read and interact with fiction.

( 👏 The O.rder 👏👏 of the 👏 P.hoenix 👏👏 is A.ntif.a 👏👏👏 )

I don’t want to ever push that onto other people though, definitely. (Especially people affected by terrifying irl politics and coming here for escapism. )

38. How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?

Always 👏👏 tag 👏👏 fucking 👏 triggers 👏👏👏

I tag things that are common or obviously upsetting, and if someone asks I add whatever tags they need to my list — the “list” is mostly a mental tally so I occasionally fuck up, but god I feel strongly about triggers.

Let 👏 people 👏 who are hurting 👏👏 live. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

39. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

Poking around to see how other people seem to “operate” and scrolling through posts about how to get started is so so so fucking helpful! Don’t be afraid to do it!

Also reach out to people as much as you can work up the spoons to. If they’re rude back to you, like..... They were never worth your time anyhow. You dodged a bullet.

( Value yourself 2k19 )

[deputy-ajay-ghale]

So now that I’ve seen BP, I have a plot for that Shuri/Michelle fic.

Taking from that “Shuri makes a social media platform”, Shuri makes blackout, it’s basically a black version of AsianAve, but, y’know, around. It’s kind of Tumblr/Reddit-y and like Mish makes a post talking about a project she’s doing that involves tech and Shuri decides to comment on it to help her out. Obviously it does and they end up bonding over fashion and memes.

So like, one day Michelle asks Shuri what she looks like bc she has Theories™��� and Shuri’s like “I’ll send you a selfie if you tell me what you think I look like” and Shuri expects Mish to send her like “I think you have thick eyebrows, you’re 5’6, you’re always wearing lavender” but nah, Michelle sends her pictures of Mish’s sketchbook of drawings she made of what she thinks Shuri looks like. None of them are close bc the only things Mish knew about Shuri is that she has long braids and she’s black. So you have like six or so little sketches of a Shuri that looks like she could be related to Ice Cube with lighter skin and his nose and his little moles, and a Shuri that was clearly inspired by Keke Palmer with a skin tone closer to hers and braids there’s even a chibi!Shuri fite me. And besides the braids the one thing consistent is that Mish thinks Shuri is pretty and Shuri’s just “ndjdkskdkdkskdkks”. So Shuri sends her a selfie (she makes sure to change into more normal attire bc Keep Up The Impression She Isn’t The Princess Of A Futuristic Society) and a few days later Michelle’s like “bruh, I want to show you something” and sends her a more a accurate Shuri drawing and Shuri just screams in gay.

Also facts, Shuri is the person who started the “my friends call me MJ” thing. It’s a fact. It’s canon. I’ve spoken this into existence.

Anyways, it’s just them being friends over the Internet in a totally safe, chill way with MJ talking about how Queens has its own superhero Spiderman and Shuri complains about her older brother.

Fast forward to Infinity Wars time—I don’t actually know what I want to do at that point bc I’m like “mmm maybe MJ tries messaging Shuri and Shuri’s like ‘I have to tell you, I really really like you and I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet’ and MJ’s low key freaking out bc that’s cryptic as hell and now Spiderman and the Avengers are ushering NY residents to evacuate the area and MJ’s trying to message Shuri like ‘I know this is going to sound weird but that purple Powerade mofo is giving me anxiety and I wish you’d reply to my messages’ and MJ doesn’t know that Shuri’s putting her life on the line with the rest of the superheroes to fight Thanos”

O R “I vaguely talk about what happens with Infinity Wars bc it hasn’t come out yet and years pass and MJ is going to graduate from Midtown and she’s like messaging Shuri to tell her she helped her a great deal with some tech projects and MJ’s like ‘I wish you could come see me graduate’ and Shuri’s just ‘sokdkdkdke’ and uses her kimoyo beads to talk to Ross aka her second favourite American (that she’s befriended) and is like ‘you have to heeeeelp me. I have a crush on this girl and she’s graduating next week and I want to go to New York and be theeeeeeere.’ Fast forward to Midtown’s graduation and when MJ’s getting her diploma she hears someone fucking y e l l ‘YEAH GO MJ!!!!!!!’ And by the power of God and anime she just knows that’s Shuri and is just secretly djdjjdjdjd (maybe she trips, I did walking across the stage in FUCKING NEW HEELS THANKS MISTER DAUGHTRY AND YOUR DUMBASS RULES ABOUT TAN HEELS FOR GIRLS, THEY WERE FIVE INCHES AND WERE TOO BIG) about it. After the ceremony Shuri and MJ meet for the first time and it’s all rom-commy like ‘hey’ ‘hi’” And it’s just like the ending of The Edge of Seventeen when Erwin introduces Nadine to his friends and she feels so happy and accepted and liked.

I don’t know, this post got away from me. It’s still in the works.

[kineticallyanywhere]

I found, in my drafts, this super long meta about the flash that I wrote near the end of season 3. it’s outdated now but I still agree with most of it and don’t want to delete it but also don’t want it clogging my drafts anymore so here it is please feel free to ignore it it’s mostly for my own archiving of things

15 hundred words of me articulating my thoughts on the major thematic arcs of The Flash as a series: with a healthy does of appreciating Cisco Ramon’s narrative arcs

so I was thinking about character development just now and what it means to be a round character and naturally I default to relate concepts like this to arrowverse characters so I was thinking “okay so Oliver probably has the strongest character development on Arrow which makes sense cause he’s the central character  (boosted by the part where he’ll have 10 years of continuing development to everyone else’s 5 by the end of the season) but the central character for The Flash is Barry and the Strongest Character Development Award for The Flash goes to... not Barry. 

Like Oliver has spent the seasons developing a more and more grounded personality, first in the dark nature of the world and then in the light and hopeful nature of the people that live in it, hopefully to eventually learn that while we live in a world where the nature of that battle is cyclical and there will always be grays and the circle spins, there is always a way back out with the right people at your side. 

It’s a major theme of the entire show that’s supported by the villains who are sometimes just another part of a dark world and sometimes consequences of Oliver’s own actions in the cycle, as well as the heroes he meets along the way (see: the stupidly long list of heroes including Yao Fei, Wildcat, and the recruits) and while just about every character/hero on the show can/will learn this, the narrative best represents it by following Oliver’s perspective. Oliver is the character that profoundly and articulately experiences this struggle as well as the guy who gets to witness the most of it in other people.

On The Flash, there’s a message about the mortality and fallibility of “heroes”. That while power and ability can and should be celebrated for the good it can bring to others, it should also be respected for the unpredictable influences it has. That unnecessary power for any reason is volatile. That just because someone is given power, doesn’t mean they’re going to use it wisely, even with the best intentions, and hopefully it will eventually cement that while selfish use of power is destructive, it’s a lot harder to go wrong if you consciously choose to act out of bravery and humility for the true betterment of everyone around you, especially when the people around you are vying for the same goal. 

It’s a major theme of the entire show that stays pretty consistent along it’s string of major Big Bads whose motivations can be generally summed up in “I’m doing this because I didn’t get what I deserved but I have superpowers so I’m just gonna take this.”

But this hasn’t been the narrative line of Barry’s perspective. Reoccurring themes around Barry are themes of home (someone get me an updated count of how many times this word has been said) and perseverance and... well? From season 1 to 2/3s into season 3, Barry has... gotten faster? Edgier? More experienced? 

Look, I love Barry and I don’t mean to hate on his character. He’s learned to accept the traumas of his past (even if it took multiple takes. I know I’ve made pretty dumbass mistakes more than once), and that he is defined by how he reacts to those traumas, not by the traumas themselves. He’s learning to appreciate what he has.

But that’s just Barry’s story. It’s not Iris’s story, or Joe’s, or Jesse’s, or Caitlin’s, or Harry’s. 

And, I mean, okay. I’ve kind of convinced part of myself while writing this that those themes are present in all of their lives but I never wanted to say that those themes aren’t present or that they’re small or that they should be dismissed. They’re important themes. 

But they don’t follow as consistently as an overall theme with the themes of the villains as the major theme presented in paragraph 4 up there. Home is a big theme with Eobard, yes, and that season had it’s plot and themes wrapped up neat and tight but that was only one season of a larger show. Zoloman tracked the themes about trauma but, again, one season. Big show. And I’m not seeing much of either in Savitar. 

But, and I’m repeating myself now, they all follow those themes of use abuse and desire of power. Which is a theme that follows Joe as a detective working with vigilantes, Wally’s desire for speed, Harry’s blind desperation, building in Caitlin’s high-contrast struggle of use vs misuse, Julian’s desire to have power to help vs a power he was given but cannot control, and, most prominently,

Cisco. 

Now some of you are thinking “but Kinetic, Cisco is your bae and you’re being biased” to which I say: yes and I agree with you but please reread those last few paragraphs and hear me out

For simplicity’s sake we can just look at our golden trio for a smaller sample size. Put season 1 Barry next to season 3 Barry, season 1 Caitlin next to season 3 Caitlin, and season 1 Cisco next to season 3 Cisco. I’m pretty sure you see what I want to ask of you at this point so let’s skip to the part where we go “wow, sugar, candy-cane Cisco has changed so much he’s practically a different color of the rainbow now” and I reply: yes, we’re on the same page now.

Every character arc does some amount of circling (which I like to call realism more than a writing flaw but I digress) but of the S.T.A.R. Labs Golden Trio, Cisco’s character development has moved in the straightest forward progression. I wouldn’t usually call this a good or a bad thing (see how cyclical patterns are basically a whole theme over on Arrow) except that the theme of power being something to respect and use wisely really can have a point A leading to a point B. Point A: power is cool and useful and neat; Point B: power is something to be respected and whose use for good or evil rely’s on more than just intention. 

If that sounds like Season 1 Cisco and the visible path of Cisco’s current character arc that’s because it really kinda is. 

Cisco approached superpowers with a child-bright “this is the coolest shit” attitude which slowly mellowed over season one the more he saw what abused power could do. Season two showed Cisco’s respect for power and what he’s learned about too much power in the wrong hands through his fear that those wrong hands might be his own. Season 3 has been teaching Cisco about that one bit about the fallibility of “heroes”. That good intention alone will never be enough if that intention is powered by the wrong emotion (like fear or anger or grief). 

And he’s visibly growing through all of this. The fewer smiles and jokes is just a surface symptom. He understands the evil behind some of the villains (while still seeing the tortured reasoning of others), he understands the potential for wrong doing in everyone around him (not just in himself) and he’s learning about the true scope of potential of the good he could offer the world. As of 3x15, each time we’ve seen Vibe in action, it has always been for the sake of others (”Stay away from my friend” “Your name is Caitlin Snow” “I’m investing in you” “He’s going to kill the people that I love”). Cisco’s drive to keep others safe can become self-destructive (see: suppressing his powers and the recent plan of him dying in Gorilla City), but he has people in his life who want to see him succeed (”You’re not gonna become Vader”) and who will speak out against him taking that protective drive too far (”I’m not gonna kill you”).

I now invite you to reread paragraph four, copy-pasted below:

[On The Flash, there’s a message about the mortality and fallibility of “heroes”. That while power and ability can and should be celebrated for the good it can bring to others, it should also be respected for the unpredictable influences it has. That unnecessary power for any reason is volatile. That just because someone is given power, doesn’t mean they’re going to use it wisely, even with the best intentions, and hopefully it will eventually cement that while selfish use of power is destructive, it’s a lot harder to go wrong if you consciously choose to act out of bravery and humility for the true betterment of everyone around you, especially when the people around you are vying for the same goal.]

so anyway my point is that the major overarching themes of The Flash match the character themes of Cisco more than the character themes of Barry and while I love both of them and there themes good golly I’d love to have this story told with the narrative clarity offered by Cisco’s perspective on the same events

also now I can articulate why I look forward more to Cisco’s character arc developments than I do any of the other characters on the show

[artificialqueens]

Never Too Old Chapter 11 (Biadore) - China

AN: Soooo once again, I want to apologize for being redundant and all. But I tried my best with this chapter. I hope you guys like it.

December 25, 2016 9:32 AM

“Merry Christmas, you cunt. Thanks for ignoring my messages.” Aaron seemed a bit annoyed, but he couldn’t get mad at Roy because it was Christmas. Roy chuckled at him and held the phone closer to his ear.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Aaron.” He said trying not to laugh. “I’m sorry I didn’t reply. Things got busy here.” Roy was outside the house since he didn’t want to disturb anyone who was still sleeping, Danny was one was of them and Shane decided to help out Bonnie with cooking.

“Well anyway, what do you think I should do?”

“About Justin?” Roy immediately felt stupid after asking that question. He’s starting to think he’s been slowly getting dumber as the days go by.

“Of course about Justin, dumbass.” Aaron was trying not to sass Roy, but he couldn’t help it. Roy could tell he was troubled through his voice. “I haven’t told him yet.”

Roy hummed for a bit, he was trying to remember their situation since his mind has been filled with Danny for the past few days and the memory of Danny’s naked body under him when they retired to their room last night. “Okay let me get this straight—“

“You’re not.” Aaron interrupted.

“You’re not as well, asshole.” Roy shot back at him. “You have feelings for Justin again and you don’t know if you should tell him about it?”

“Basically, yeah.” Aaron said flatly, he gave out a deep sigh after. “The thing is, I don’t know if getting back together is a good thing. I mean, is it too soon?”

Roy hummed again, he turned around and saw Danny enter the backyard and sat down behind him, his eyes were still heavy and his hair was messy. Roy leaned in and gave him a small peck and mouthed to him that he was on the phone with Aaron.

“I assume Danny is awake since I heard lips disgustingly touch each other.” Aaron said. Roy scoffed and laughed at him.

“Yes, that’s Danny. He just woke up.” He said, while smiling at his partner, he turned his back on Danny and went back to his friend on the phone. “Aaron, why don’t you just tell Justin? And if you think getting into a relationship with him is not the right thing to do then be honest about it and tell him you can’t. But if you think you two can work on it then be patient with each other, you might know, things will work out better than you thought.”

Danny’s head popped up and his eyes were wide. He mouthed to Roy that he wanted an explanation after he puts down the phone. Roy simply gave a thumbs up at him and went back to his phone call. He heard Aaron giving another deep sigh and he fell quiet for a bit. As much as Roy wanted to sound impatient about it, he felt like him and Aaron were in a similar situation. It took a lot for Roy to tell Danny he loves him, not that he didn’t want to but he wasn’t sure if he could carry on the next stage after saying it.

“You’re right, Roy. I’ll tell him. Probably over a nice dinner date or something.” Aaron said, breaking his own silence. “Thanks Roy. I hope to see you soon. You and Danny have a great holiday together.” He said, he didn’t wait for Roy’s response and hung up the phone immediately. Roy gave out a sigh and sat next to Danny.

Danny held Roy’s hand and smiled at him. “Good morning, by the way.” He said and leaned in to give another kiss to Roy. They were both smiling at each other and Roy kissed him once more.

“Good morning as well.” Roy said, just by looking at Danny’s eyes, he wanted to kiss him again. He brushed his hand on Danny’s cheek and tucked the long locks behind his ear. It felt like he was in high school again, the giddy feeling he had in his stomach, butterflies were everywhere and he liked it. A part of him was in disbelief when he remembered the events that happened during midnight.

Though at this point, Roy felt like he fell hard for Danny. When he looks at Danny, he swears he hears songs play loud in his mind, time would stop when he gazes into the green eyes and his breathing would get cut short when Danny touches him. The kisses were more than what he expected, it was breathtaking and he can’t seem to stop his heart from beating fast with the thought of Danny. It was like he’s in a spell, he wasn’t like this and he knew he wasn’t like this with Jason.

Danny pinched Roy’s nose and to his surprise it was harder than he expected, Roy flinched at the pain. “Tell me what Aaron said.” He demanded as he let go of Roy.

“That hurt you know.” Roy said rubbing his nose, he gave a look at Danny but couldn’t resist the sudden puppy eyes he gave. He gave a straight face and sighed. “Okay fine, but that won’t work all the damn time.”

Danny smiled at Roy and gave him a small kiss on his nose. Roy shifted his position on the chair and started looking through his messages for Aaron’s thread. He immediately handed his phone to Danny and waited for him to be done reading.

“Has Justin said anything to you?” Roy followed up a question as he observed Danny. He simply handed the phone back to Roy and shook his head.

“Well, not recently. When we were in that cafe back in Pittsburg, we did talk about his feelings for Aaron.” Danny added. He started contemplating for a bit, remembering that talk. It’s exactly what Justin wanted but Aaron isn’t ready for anything yet. “They really need to talk.”

“Yeah they do.” Roy spaced out a bit thinking about the situation, but it didn’t really seem like their responsibility so Roy laid back on his chair and let out a sigh. “I don’t wanna think too much about it. It’s not my problem anyway.”

Danny slapped his shoulder and gave a scoff. “Why do you always have to be mean, Roy? He is your friend.” He started laughing with Roy after.

“I thought you would be used to this by now.” Roy grinned at Danny.

“I am.” Danny caressed his fingers on Roy’s cheek, the tingling sensation of his fingers made Roy’s body wake up instantly. Roy couldn’t help but blush, but his eyes fixated on the green ones in front of him.  

A part of him is in shock that Danny loves him. Another part of him is wondering where he got the courage to tell Danny that he loved him. It was something Roy wasn’t used to, sudden declamation of emotions. But he knows himself very well, if he does feel it then that means it’s true and it’s real. Sometimes he tells himself that Danny should be lucky to be loved by Roy, but it did seem a bit selfish to think that way.

Then again, that’s how Roy is and he knows that. With romantic feelings, it’s not something he gives away so easily. It was something he was so choosy with, kind of explains why he was single for most of his life. When he met Jason, Roy admits he was very smittened by the blonde man, he was charming and he wasn’t like most guys he hooks up with. His words had content and that’s what made Roy so attracted to him. Jason was close to perfect to Roy, he would be lying if he denied thinking of settling down with Jason. They have talked about it, since they were already two years into their relationship.

There was another part in Roy’s mind that’s asking him why his feelings for Danny was stronger than his feelings for Jason. Jason was almost his age, he seemed like the ideal guy for Roy and he was willing to settle down. Danny on the other hand, he was young, naive and emotionally unstable. Roy didn’t want to compare the both of them but it baffles him that his heart is reacting more to Danny.

“I love you.” Roy said absentmindedly. The words came out like water, flowing freely out of his mouth. His eyes found Danny’s, who was quite shocked with the sudden words. Roy concentrated his stare on Danny and his hands were on his cheek. His body started to relax and he was in control of himself. “I love you, Danny.”

Danny felt his whole body melt, his heart was already splattered all over. Usually he smiles when he gets happy, but his expression matched with Roy. He felt himself get lightheaded from hearing Roy words but he tried to hold himself up. He took a deep breath and returned the gaze. “I love you, Roy.”

———————————————————————————————————

December 25, 2016 3:07 PM

Danny, Shane and Dan decided to go shopping for Bonnie, she was holding a dinner in their house again but this time Danny’s aunts will be there. Originally, it was supposed to be for New Year’s Eve but Bonnie’s sister, Carmen, has to spend her New Year’s in the hospital because her son got into an accident. So Bonnie decided to make the dinner a few days earlier so she can still see her sister.

Roy was left at the house, he was going through his phone again and a part of him was already bored. He let out a lazy sigh when he checked the time. Danny has been gone for hours already, Roy is alright with being alone and being away from Danny but he didn’t like the feeling of doing nothing while waiting. He knew Bonnie and the rest were out as well, so he was all alone in the big house.

He laid his head back on the pillows, he decided to take a quick nap since there’s nothing much to do. He managed to get comfortable and closed his eyes. But as the minutes pass by he couldn’t seem to get himself to sleep, he tried not thinking of anything but it was hopeless. He opened his eyes again, fixating on the creases of the ceiling. He let out a deep sigh, his mind was wandering again and he can’t seem to stop thinking.

When Danny and the rest left, Roy decided to call Willam. He told him everything that happened and that he’s in love with Danny. Roy was expecting that Willam would rub it in his face that he was right, but Willam seemed a bit calm when he found out and warned Roy not to fuck it up. It was something Roy barely did, but for the first time he had that fear he will.

Roy found himself deep in his thoughts again. He was thinking of what happened between him and Danny, the drive back to New York and the work he has to do when he gets back. Roy is known to be very smart, hardworking and he does the job done quickly. He has a good life, he had good credentials and he had good relationships with everyone. But there are times where Roy is not satisfied with himself, he didn’t have everything on a plate all at once. He’s been through a lot as well.

Roy’s father gave him a really hard time also, his dad wanted him to be someone he didn’t want to be. Asides from being a straight man, marrying a woman and giving him grandkids; Roy had this mindset since he was in high school that he needed to please his parents. He would usually deny that time of his life, but there are times he did admit that he wasted his youth doing things he didn’t want to do.

He was top of his class, he was part of a lot of extra-curricular activities, joining any sports team and trying to be straight. There were times he would hook up with his gay high school classmates, but he had to keep that a secret and only his sisters knew about it. Roy had it hard growing up, since he was growing up during the time when homosexuals aren’t that accepted and that his parents are religious. He was lucky that none of them are active members of the church and that his siblings are straight. At least all four of them could give grandchildren. It didn’t really bother Roy that’s he’s the only one from his siblings that isn’t married or that doesn’t have kids.

Roy never liked talking about his family, not even to Danny or Shane. The only one who does know is Willam, only because Roy got really drunk and told Willam everything. But when it comes to his family, he doesn’t like to say anything. He softened it up at one point and talked about his mother, Aida. Anything else, people get nothing. He liked that people know the story behind Bianca del Rio but Roy Haylock remained a mystery.

Danny has gotten Roy to open up at one point, he wanted to know why Roy had these fears about their relationship. It was hard for Roy to explain it the way he wanted to, he wanted Danny to understand what was going on in his head.

Frustrating enough, he still thinks the same way. Roy doesn’t know what can come about this relationship, he loves Danny and he doesn’t regret that but he doesn’t think he’s going to be a good partner for Danny. Roy has commitment issues and he has said that a lot of times, but he’s trying really hard to be more relaxed for Danny. He’s trying not to worry and actually letting his heart lead him. But he tends to fall back to the same thinking, he doesn’t know if he could be there for Danny and he knows that he could hurt Danny.

He wanted to run away, run away from everything. Roy wanted to be alone, retire somewhere far away with his dogs and just live there in solitude. Sometimes he thinks he really is better off alone, he didn’t want to burden anyone with his issues or bother making an effort for anyone. He wasn’t getting any younger and he sometimes admits that it scares him, that he’s forty-one years old and that he’s not satisfied with his life.

Life was unfair to him, or he was being unfair to himself. Danny was this person who was able to make Roy’s heart beat with just one smile. He made Roy feel at home for once and that seemed to be a permanent part of him. There was no one like Danny in his life before, someone so willing to give everything to him, he has told him he wasn’t used to it. He was used to being the one taking care of others or being the go-to person.

Roy believed he was an independent person, he didn’t need to rely on anyone when he was down. He kept his guard up all the time, his walls high which made him the cold hearted bitch that he’s known to be. He has shown his soft side to other people, his fans and to his closest friends but to him, he needs to show them that he’s not always like that so he wouldn’t get himself hurt.

He used to have this big wall surrounding him and it was Danny and Shane that tore it down, they let themselves in and settled. Roy didn’t mind, but he still had another wall and it was surrounding his heart. After Jason, Roy felt the need to make that protection so that he would be close to numb when it comes to love. It was slightly frustrating that Danny was the first to try to get through and succeeded. It seemed all too fast for Roy but it felt right for him as well.

Roy sat up from the bed, he threaded his hands through his hair and stared down at his feet. He felt himself already doubting this situation, he really did want to runaway but he couldn’t hurt Danny like that. Then again, it also seemed like the best option at that point. Roy had to make a decision and he knew he was going to very soon.

“Fuck you, Haylock.”

———————————————————————————————————

January 1, 2017 2:15 AM

The New Year has finally arrived, the Noriega’s had a small celebration for once; it was just with family and Danny’s friends. Danny and Shane would list their New Year’s resolutions and laugh about some of them. They were both happy, things were working out for them and the year ended right. Danny was happy enough that he had Roy to kiss when the clock hit midnight. It was the best way to end 2016 and the best way to start 2017, Danny never felt so happy.

Though Roy hasn’t slept well since he started thinking about his relationship with Danny. Roy tried his best to hide it from him as well, so he wouldn’t make Danny worry and he definitely didn’t want to have another fight. Roy felt slightly drained with everything, but he had to show everyone he was okay. It seemed unfair to Danny, that he has no clue what’s going on. Roy was starting to wonder where all of this is coming from, or the fact that he’s already withdrawing. The thing is, Roy really loves Danny but he keeps believing that Danny is better off without him.

The four had to pack already, since they plan to spend one more night in Las Vegas and then head back to New York. Roy was going through his bags, making sure everything was complete and that he didn’t leave anything behind. He also helped Danny pack, since he keeps getting interrupted by Bonnie about bringing food for the trip. Roy would glance back up and watch Danny walking through the house while his Mom would insist that Danny would bring all these things and the two would just argue.

Shane and Dan were stuck in their own bubble, they haven’t noticed anything about Roy’s behavior changing which was a good thing for Roy. At least he wouldn’t have to explain himself or make things complicated.

Roy stood up from the floor and looked around the room for anything else, before he could turn around he felt arms wrap around his stomach and was slowly constricting him. He heard Danny give a small grunt before letting him go.

“Everything ready?” Danny said cheerfully as he looked over the open suitcases. Roy couldn’t help but smile at him, he laid a soft kiss on Danny’s cheek and prolonged it for a bit before pulling away.

“Yep. Did your mom ask to pack something?”

Danny let out a sigh and leaned his head on Roy’s shoulder. “Nope, it’s just snacks for us when we drive back to Las Vegas.” Danny peeled away from Roy and stretched his body, there was a heavy weight on his shoulders and he rubbed it. The sounds of fireworks were still audible from his room, he watched Roy climb onto the bed and went to switch off the light.

Danny walked over to the bed and laid beside Roy. The two immediately tangled themselves in each other, Roy was getting comfortable, his chest against Danny’s back and he let out a soft yawn.

“Danny.” Roy called softly.

“Yes, Roy?”

“Thank you for this trip.” He replied immediately. Danny could feel Roy’s lips curl up to a smile. “This was the best vacation I’ve had.”

Danny turned himself around and pressed his lips on Roy’s, his hands gently holding both of Roy’s cheeks. Danny gently pulled away, he could still see Roy’s smile in the dark and he smiled back at him. “You’re welcome, I’m glad I could help you.”

Danny nuzzled close to Roy, they were both holding each other close like they were depending on it. Roy’s expression changed, he held Danny closer to feel everything again. He was trying to convince himself that this is what he needed and that he was meant to be with Danny. But the redundancy of his thoughts were annoying him already, he knows he’s capable of letting go of these thoughts and just go with the flow. It’s like a sign for him, that there’s a reason why he keeps thinking about it all over again.

He knows Danny’s already sleeping, since he could hear the even breaths; but Roy wanted to tell him already. He didn’t want to hide it anymore, he didn’t want to lie to anyone anymore.

At this moment, he felt lost. He wanted to slip out of the bed, take his bags and go home. Roy felt like he was capable of hurting everyone right now and he’s frightened because he can do it anytime.

“I’m gonna hurt him. He deserves better. I should leave.” Roy kept repeating this in his head, his body seemed connected to Danny, and he’s denying the fact that his heart was as well. But his head is telling him that he’s never meant to be with him. Roy was about to go crazy at this moment, but he knows he needs to tell Danny in a better time. It’s just that, he wasn’t so sure about how he’s going to say it.

[inscmniac]

taejae💘

ship meme : taejae edition.

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation: jaesung. i feel like he’s more impulsive when it comes to that and, besides, taemin is a cat person, pls. on top of that, he’s not too crazy about having a pet. it’s much more expected of him to bring a random baby/child and be like HEY HELLO YES I ADOPTED THIS HUMAN I’M A DAD NOW. 

who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them: jaesung. taemin despises having his picture taken and despises having to take pictures of others, so this would rile him up beyond belief. GET THAT CAMERA AWAY FROM ME, BAK. I SWEAR TO GOD. BAK. I WILL BREAK IT. I. WILL. BREAK. IT.

who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy: jaesung grwobgwr i think he’s more prone to being zany?? i don’t think taemin would actually put a crazy amount of effort into making jaesung laugh. you know that he doesn’t do stuff the conventional way, so doing stupid shit and making a fool of himself to make someone else happy? no. no, thank you. but when jaesung does it, he laughs quietly and tells him that he’s dumb but his mood always improves.

who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them: taemin. and not because he expects jaesung to be scared and cling to him because of that. taemin has nightmares and seeing gore and carnage on the screen only makes it worse for him, since it triggers his surpressed memories. however, whenever they’re voting on a movie to watch during movie night, taemin always goes for a horror one bc he knows jaesung will always be there to hold his hand under a blanket or hold him in a way that others can’t see. plus, he always has an excuse to crawl into bed with jaesung after a scary movie.

who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them: taemin. i mean pls, he has his nose buried in his math problems most of the time and always complains about being too busy and having a lot to study. and jaesung is the one who’s constantly distracting his nerd.

who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated: taemin. mostly because he reaaaaaally hates texting and he never replies to anyone’s messages on time, so when he really wants to talk to jaesung, he just facetimes him. plus, he loooves seeing his stupid face ok.

who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do: taemin storms out and leaves jaesung behind to cry ( or not ). this is mostly because anger quickly consumes him but he doesn’t want to say something too horrible or physically hurt him, so most of the time he bolts the fuck away and probably goes somewhere to fuck shit up and cry by himself until he’s stone cold again. 

who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows: both. they have sleeping problems so they stay up together and watch a couple of different shows. sometimes when jaesung falls asleep during an episode, taemin continues to watch it but then watches it again with jaesung next time.

who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky: taemin. he generally looooves biting jaesung everywhere. poor jaesung probably always has at least one bite mark from taemin somewhere on his body. but biting his ear and whispering and moaning into it? he lives for that shit. 

who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car: jaesung. i feel like he’s more playful and more likely to tease taemin and do random shit just to get a reaction out of him because tae’s reactions are priceless.

who has more fun decorating the house during holidays: jaesung. taemin loves having his house looking nice and decorated and appropriate during holidays but he finds the entire process nerve-wrecking because everything needs to be organized and well thought out and just the way he sees it in his head. this is why i think jaesung has more fun with it and gets into the whole holiday spirit easier - taemin is just like THIS IS ONLY A BIG FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY I HATE THIS GOD I HAVE TO GO BUY PRESENTS AND DO ALL SORTS OF STUPID SHIT HFLEFEFEL I JUST WANNA SIT DOWN AND SHUT DOWN PLEASE SPARE ME *has his 305th mental breakdown*

who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other: taemin. can jaesung shut up even when he’s mad ?? but listen taemin can easily cut ties with people in his life and never speak to them again. when it comes to jaesung, it’s different. he won’t speak to him for an hour and then he’ll get over himself just to tell him that he’s an irritating dumbass who makes him want to tear his hair out.

who plays with the others’ hair more: taemin. he’s more likely to do subtle things like that. besides, he doesn’t enjoy having people play with his hair a lot. he might let jaesung do it sometimes, but it makes him shiver and flinch and he does nooot enjoy it. but?? tugging on his hair???? do that.

who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored: jaesung. i think he really loves to bother taemin and ask for his attention and i feel like this is mostly when taemin’s studying or watching something online and not paying attention to his needy roommate oops. 

who tries to kiss the other as often as they can: taemin. shocker. but he reeeeally loves kissing. all types of it. he’d be fine with staying in bed and lazily kissing all day while it’s cold and raining outside. though, sometimes he is like… am i suffocating him? does he really want to kiss me? so he goes a long time without initiating kisses and waits for jaesung to be the one to do it. tbh he doesn’t kiss him directly all the time but he loves getting only inch away from jaesung’s mouth and just staying there in order to see who’s going to be the first one to give in.

who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up: jaesung. probably does it on purpose because he knows taemin won’t be able to resist him and will lean in in order to bite his pouty lip gently.

who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up: both initiate it. and i feel like both of them do it at the most inappropriate times? like, jaesung ?? 100% allowed to drive him mental while he’s doing homework and request for him to do him instead lmao. taemin has this weird thing where he loves to tease him when they’re in front of other people ?? like, movie night would be the perfect opportunity for him to play with jaesung bc he’s an asshole. also, @cash never let them in your pool/hot tub bc taemin will press against jaesung and try some freaky shit. he’s also always looking for ways to spice it up bc he’d rather kill himself or jaesung or both than have their sex life become boring. taemin is the one who walks away when he gets jaesung riled up too. pardon my french in the following sentence but he lives for grinding against him until he’s hard and then leaving, denying him orgasms and edging him HE’S AN ASSHOLE OK BUT that’s a huge turn on for him. he may be a bottom but he’s a power bottom who knows what he’s doing.

who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one: jaesung forgets it and taemin carries it. this is because taemin never forgets his shit. he checks whether he has everything twelve times before leaving the house. i think that even when jaesung forgets it, taemin is like oh guess you’re going back home to grab it now, what a shame. and he lets him turn around and head home or somewhere to buy a new umbrella and then he screams out I BROUGHT IT, YOU DICKHOLE. and ofc taemin carries it because jaesung is taller than him and taemin is like I’M WET BC OF YOU CAN YOU EITHER HOLD THAT SHIT LOWER OR I CAN BREAK YOUR LEGS. and basically taemin smacks jaesung’s head with the umbrella a lot. sometimes on purpose but most of the time because he’s short and too lazy to raise his arm more.

who demands showering first in the mornings: taemin. he has a strict morning routine and he has to do it every single morning or else he’ll die. he’s really slow so he generally needs more time to do shit and he has the reputation of being extremely punctual so he can never be late in his entire life. maybe once jaesung fooled him over and went to the bathroom first and taemin had a meltdown and was like NEVER AGAIN.

who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings: jaesung. and taemin’s reaction to it depends on what exactly he needs to do after it and where he needs to be. if it’s not a busy morning for him, he definitely chooses to have fun with the other but when he’s in a hurry, he teases him and leaves him in the shower with blue balls and is like SO LONG SUCKA. he sometimes also wakes up feeling suuuuper annoyed and self-conscious so that’s when he’s like… leave me the fuck alone. probably gets out and waits naked in their room for jaesung to finish so that he can get ready in peace.

who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games: taemin prefers riding the roller coasters and jaesung prefers playing the games. taemin is a much quieter person and holds all of his emotions in so roller coasters are one of his favorite things in the world because he gets to scream his lungs out and let out all of his emotions at once. besides, he finds games boring most of the time and is a sore loser.

who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond: jaesung. i feel like jaesung does that because taemin is a sloth and it takes him a lot to reply but he also does it when taemin randomly doesn’t come home after midnight and he knows he’s all alone. taemin doesn’t text him in that situation, he always calls and yells at him lol.

who always forgets to charge their phone overnight: taemin. that’s why he always whines about his battery being extremely low during the day and asks people for a charger. but he needs to have his phone in his bed at night and needs to play with it until he falls asleep or else he’ll die. he also needs it right next to his head so that he’d hear the alarm go off in the morning - again, he’d rather die than be late for something.

who comes up behind the other and slides their hands into their back pockets: jaesung. this is mostly because taemin has a perfect butt that needs to be appreciated glwjhogw. one of his favorite things is when he’s kissing a guy who’s taller than him and that dude slides his hands in his back pockets and grabs his booty in a way that he pulls him up a lil?? and tae’s on his tiptoes with his hands in his hair !! he loooves that. and it doesn’t matter that they’re friends, whenever he and jaesung are cuddling at night, he sort of guides his hand down bc he lives for booty grabs bc he generally loves feeling smaller and that entire thing kinda says you’re mine in his head and he’s into that so.

who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can: jaesung. this is because i want a lot of taejae backhugs and taemin is sorta smol for it to be as enjoyable for them as it would be if jaesung was the one hugging taemin. 

who is louder and who constantly has to tell the other to be quiet: jaesung is definitely louder and he talks all the time, we all know that. taemin doesn’t tell him to be quiet, he tells him to shut the fuck up. sometimes he’s genuinelly annoyed and sometimes he just says it in hopes that jaesung will reply with shut me up so that he could yk… punch him in the mouth… iM KIDDINGHGOIWAGHBWEGO

[survivornavarino]

Episode #9: I’m A Fighter -Jake

*loud screeching noise* AHHHHHHHHHH omfg i cant believe we just did that #beam 4 life ok so like i feel horrible because i love drew but he was trying to make an alliance and it didnt include me and i had to take him out before it was too late because while it wouldnt be me this vote it probably would next time so like sorry drew i love u im sure this doesnt help my case for like why u should b my friend but like i rlly am sorry.  also i feel bad for lying to jake but it just wouldve gotten back to drew and i didnt want to risk that.  im hoping he doesnt hate me too much for blindsiding his ally but like again, they were trying to have a majority alliance that i wasnt a part of and i just didn't want to deal with it tbh.  maybe jake and i are just doomed to eternally be on separate sides in games idk (sad music plays) umm trixie idk we dont really talk we just kind of coexist UM HOLDUP JESUS CHRIST WE JUST FUCKING MERGED WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WIG ON PLUTO WHAT TO HECK ????? im off to plot heathers demise xoxo gossip beckka

Woot Woot its merge loves. Time to be a complete mess and be first merge boot. Hehehe

I MADE IT, MY SECOND ATHENA GAME AND I MADE IT TO MERGE AGAIN IM INCREDIBLEY HAPPY. Let’s hope I don’t get eighth place again, and if I’m gonna be honest I need Drew gone if I’m gonna win. He’s so fucking good at challenges. So eliminating him would mainly be out of fear.

Remember how I’m a dumbass? Me too ok so Drew was eliminated already.

Excuse me I am stupid and don't get letters are better as numbers... and also reversed. I would like an explanation plzz

words tried in number form and reversed so far that have not worked. Emily-Amanda-Abbey-Francie, Navarino, Survivor, Athena. Im gonna cry I cant find it yet.

Oh yeah tea, I ended up finding a secret advantage called the deja vote which means I can steal someone’s vote from a tribal and re-use it at a later tribal 

This was originally going to me a vlog of me screaming after tribal but I busy last night and fell asleep before doing it so now I'm more calm and just gonna type out. Okay so looking back at my last confessional, bitch I'm boo boo the fool. I seriously thought Eddie and Autumn were being honest with me because I trust(ed) them sooo much, but it turns out they were playing me and orchestrating a Drew blindside behind my back. So before I went out last night, EVERYONE told me they were voting Matt. Then two minutes before the vote, Eddie and Autumn message me like "JAKE! Are you here??? SOMETHING is happening" like bitch shut the fuck up something is not happening don't act like this shit just happened last minute. Then they say "Drew is getting voted out tonight!" So...I went to Drew and told him to play the idol if he had it. Because I didn't want Matt staying if I was voting for him. But Drew said he didn't have an idol, and Eddie found out that I told Drew and told Autumn. So after I got home I messaged the group chat with Eddie and Autumn and told them that I was upset by them lying to me bc I did trust them the most. Then Autumn decided to get ballsy and reply "I don't buy that at all since you told Drew to play his idol, you were more loyal to him than me." GIRL STFU yes the fuck I did tell Drew because you told me TWO MINS BEFORE TRIBAL - MEANING YOU KEPT THE VOTE HIDDEN FROM ME ALL DAY. DON'T SAY IM DISLOYAL WHEN YOU WERE THE BIGGEST MFING SNAKE THIS ROUND! ...Anyways. Autumn then tries to come for me by saying "So tell, what's with this alliance between you, Eddie, Drew, and Trixie." And this is when I got more mad. BC Drew proposed this alliance to me, but it was never made, hell I didn't even tell Trixie about it. And when I told Eddie about it I told him I think we should tell Autumn about the alliance (Since he wanted to as well) So it became clear that Autumn was spreading to rebecka and matt that I was in an actual alliance with them to get them all to turn on us. So um Autumn, I wanted to trust you and go far with you in this game, but you're dead to me in this game now and I want you GONE. Autumn has the most connections here. She has Eddie, Rebecka, Matt, Ben, and I've heard that she has Mitch as well. She is a huge threat and if I can find a way to take her out, I will. But right now I need to focus on surviving. After the vote, Trixie added me to a call with Julia. Julia told us all of the alliances she's in (and she's in a damn lot) and said she basically likes Trixie more so she's working with us. Umm okay that's cool. I hope she's being serious because my life in this game is in Julia's hands now. She has all these connections and I need to get her to gun for someone that isn't me, Trixie, or Shoib. I've decided that my ideal final 3 would be with Trixie and Shoib because I trust them the most now, we've been together since day one, and we're all fans. It would be perfect. Sooo yeah. I also talked to Heather and basically blamed Tyler for all the animosity between us. I am trying to repair relationships and hopefully push the target off my back because I am worried about being targeted for 12th. IDK WHAT ELSE TO DO! I am in SUCH a bad position right now and it's so annoying. At the start of this game I had a lot of allies and the two people who trusted me the most (Tyler and Drew) are gone. But I'm a FIGHTER. I will NOT give up! I was in the minority at merge in crossroads and turned it around and made it to FTC so I just have to keep pushing and hopefully I'll get the same results! Woo wig! This was originally going to me a vlog of me screaming after tribal but I busy last night and fell asleep before doing it so now I'm more calm and just gonna type out.

https://youtu.be/iUDlOxxgtz0 my face in the thumbnail for this video is so funny cause it's when i found out of another to do the idol search. Obviously we know it didn't work adhshjks

I am pumped for this merge, I feel like I am playing a really under the radar game and it will make people come to me and ask me to vote with them if the game does break down into two sides, which I think it will. I trust Julia and Trixie the most right now and Trixie has two FREAKING idols omg. I also trust Mitch and Autumn but they are my secondary alliance which I will fall back on if I lose Trixie and Julia

Ok so no one is really messaging me about the vote, which is scary. I don't want to be first merge boot. The only people who have spoke to me are Matt, which he is confused, and Jake, which says no one really spoke to him about the vote yet. I did hear that people thought Ben and I were close, which like we have voted together, but aren't to close. I know now that Trixie has an idol and someone found the merge idol so FUN. I CAN'T WAIT TO BE FIRST MERGE BOOT.

Me starting a grassroots movement of Ben vs Heather cause I'm not aligned with either? Yep. Me forcing people to show their hands and make choices? Absolutely https://68.media.tumblr.com/41399c7dcc99b69388de05d609f7323c/tumblr_inline_o6ola1oDhw1sso1z7_500.gif Look none of these votes will be easy cause I like everyone and I'm aligned with almost everyone but it's Survivor I ain't scurd. I neeevvveerrr talk to Ben or Heather so I'm just gonna be a swing vote in the mess I created. Also feel free to give me the villain edit that's the one thing I haven't accomplished in Athena, besides winning or beating my placement. If not that's cool too I'll just continue to be my messy antihero self. Ok bye! Time to disappear and let the drama fester while I'm at work

You know what would be great, if more people would know who the vote is gonna be. Won't be surprised if that is me to be quite honest. Right now I hear Ben and if that is the only name I hear, I'll do it.

i never thought i'd say this but I WANNA HEX JULIA THE WITCH. okay not really bc i dont want her to read this and think im actually mad. but im wary of what i say to her now considering she told heather about my idol hehe

The votes for me cuz Beckka is bitter over another game. At least in that game I didn't isolate her. I'm prob just gonna cry in a corner.

This is a mess

this round has been a fucking mess and a half and im too busy rn trying to save my ass to make it all sophisticated i have a lot to say so if i stay ill explain everything later but basically autumn came to me today saying she wants to flip on ben so im trying to rally eddie trixie shoib julia and heather to get 7 on ben but apparently ben is throwing my name out bc he doesnt want to vote heathwr and immm fucking nervous idek if heather will wanna vote ben now if hes trying to save her what if she flips like this is bad help

The first merge vote is stressful as fuck cus there’s 12 people. I’m fine as long as it’s not me.

Don't know what's going on. Voting heather and hoping it works!!!!!

Good god am I glad I'm immune for this bullshit Let's start with merge. Woo merge! The idol system is announced. I actually make progress on the advantage hunt! Then I finish it. And someone already has it. GREAT So then I try the idol hunt and someone ALSO has it! GREATER. So now I have to worry about that shit. So I won immunity somehow because I guess preparing was a good idea since I blew through the second round. I won't be first merge boot in Athena woo!!! But now the vote is fucking crazy. I want to vote out Heather because, as sweet as she is, she's got a lot of ears listening for info for her and it's better to get someone like that out early before it's too late. But people don't want to because they're the ears! Big surprise. People are between Jake and Ben and Heather and honestly? I want to keep Ben around a little more. My plan for now is to not have one big alliance, but rather to be a part of small trio alliances so people can have my back without the worry of a huge alliance fracturing. I just have to keep the trio members safe. My planned trios are as follows: Ben, Mo, myself Shoib, Autumn, myself Rebecka, Julia, myself (WIP) That's 7 people who have my back in varying circumstances, as long as they're being truthful. I've also been alerted to a greater alliance of Matt, Ben, Julia, Mo, and Rebecka. Hopefully this trio plan will help me get in with those people more, and perhaps in the close future I can take out Matt and get rid of that variable.

i made merge!! its lit!! there hasnt been a lot going on so far. nobodys really reached out to me and ive been so busy so im just going with what rebecka wants, which is heather. i’m not sure voting heather is a good move for me, in fact i know its not, but unfortunatelt i dont have the time to make another move and im just tryin to survive

What is going on here on this day? This is a mess and i'm just on the train a long for the ride. I'm hearing Ben, Jake, and Heather, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's me tonight. Like I'm sure they're afraid of Jake having an idol, so why not throw their votes on someone who's irrelevant at the moment and who probably wouldn't see it coming? Anyway, I HIGHLY doubt Ben is leaving tonight, and I don't really believe that the votes are going on Heather or Jake, idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk. I really hope Jake stays, and I really hope Ben goes or I am probably screwed af.