#the merkins slay

[silverior968]

I'm feeling like yapping because I slept very poorly last night, so: Here's the story of that human Ratchet cosplay and why I'm lowkey convinced it's cursed

Start planning cosplay months in advance for a school event

See the perfect belt for it while in Rhodes with my family. It's the only one left, and I later find that the type of belt is referred to as a ratchet belt. This is a sign.

Need to locate white heavy-duty trousers and a white padded parka jacket

Finding them at thrift stores takes a little longer than expected, no biggie. End up with a white parka that I removed 2 pockets from and someone's old slalom trousers

Both articles of clothing end up being synthetic fabric, which means they need a specific kind of fabric paint

Crafts store is specifically out of red synthetic fabric paint, unsure when they'll get the next shipment

In the meantime I buy my wig. I have no previous experience styling wigs

I end up having to cut large parts of the wig away, and hairspray doesn't stick as well to synthetic hair as I hoped

Attempt to stick the bangs (the wig had bangs) back with a hairdryer

This would have been a great idea if it wasn't for the fact that this was my mom's old hairdryer from the early 2000s or earlier that doesn't have the heat listed anywhere

Turns out this thing lets out air hot enough to literally burn the bangs off. Oops

Color in the ginger streaks with an alcohol marker: a surprisingly effective method

Attempt to find crepe hair for the facial hair, end up having to order it from Denmark because the only finnish store that sells that stuff only sells it in 10cm pieces

Attempt to follow a tutorial I found online for reusable crepe hair facial hair. The hair doesn't stick to the tull, result looks like a merkin. End up deciding to just glue the hair straight to my face

Shoes: I have old winter boots that were worn through the bottom to the point that they can't be used as proper winter shoes anymore. They're black in color which would actually have fit into the design nicely

But the human design I made had white and red boots with steel toes. Attempt to recreate that.

The fabric is very hard (kuoma boots) so my first attempt is spray paint. Believe it or not, spray paint doesn't take well to fabric

Start applying acrylic paint to shoes. The paint job takes several layers but actually turns out really beautiful

Make prop blade with two cardboard pieces glued together and a shit-tonne of duct tape on top. Thing ends up weighing about 2 kilos by my estimate

Paint job is decent for a first time prop-maker

Back to the clothes: I locate red synthetic fabric paint at an online store. At this point the even is less than a month away

Buy two large bottles

Wait for them to arrive

Package says "primary red"

The paint is pink

Like the most hot neon magenta pink color you've ever seen. Nothing like the photos. I say out loud "he slays but not that much"

Send one bottle back, order big bottle of orange and small bottle of brown to hopefully mix the perfect red

By the time it arrives time is running out

In the meantime I have embroidered a small Autobots logo on the breast of the jacket. This went without a hitch and was completed in one 5 hour sitting

2 days left. Finally get to paint the jacket. Think to myself "Why don't more cosplayers use fabric paint?"

The answer is because fabric paint is of the devil

Start painting the clothes in my parents' shower room. I've placed trashbags on the floor to protect it.

One thing about fabric paint is that it dries very slow. So slow in fact, that moving the jacket around caused stains on the plastic bags, which then stained parts of the jacket that were meant to stay white. Jacket that was supposed to be 40% white ends up with just the front breast remaining white

You'd think that the slow drying would make it easy to get wet paint stains out. You'd be incorrect.

Spend OVER 7 HOURS in one sitting painting the jacket and pants

Cry. but get the job done. Leave the clothes to dry at my parents house.

Return next day. Paint that was evenly colored the previous evening has dried splotchy

Well, nothing I can do about that. If nothing else it makes the jacket look suitably weathered, and some of the darker stains look like dried blood

Iron the clothes thoroughly, take them home to sew on the reflective strips.

By now it is the night before the event. I need to wake up at 6.30

Get home at around 7-8 pm. Immediately start cutting out the pieces

Hand sewing is a lot harder than I remembered, especially when sewing onto a premade garment. I have to sew blind at a few points because I can't see very far down the pant leg

These were also garments with linings and padding. This is very bad for sewing shit onto something that you can't take apart

My hands start getting shaky, I'm sleepier than I can ever remember being. Have to push through. I keep pricking my fingers

At some point I scribble down a poem: "In the lamplight I see the needle's halo / Set against the reflective fabric / Like all things holy it requires a sacrifice / I prick my fingers once more"

At 3.30 am I stop looking at the clock. I have to downsize the amount of reflective strips I'm going to sew on. Only the most important ones remain. My stitches are sloppy

I've accidentally ended up method-acting the character: I am suddenly struck by the thought "I spent so much effort and time on this, but no-one else will see that. They'll only see the terrible result"

Shove that aside. I've been waiting for this day since I was 7. I will not let my perfectionism ruin it for me. I will have fun or I will cry and have fun

Finally get to sleep

Wake up to my alarm, somehow feeling totally refreshed

Eat breakfast, start applying make-up. I have not had any time to practice the make-up or putting on crepe hair

It, surprisingly, goes without a hitch

I put on my outfit and surprisingly, it looks great if you don't look at the messy stitches!

Head to school. It's february and very slippery outside, so I put on my normal winter shoes for the way. I have to leave the prop sword at home (school doesn't want even pretend weapons on site, I get that) I take my rainbow flag with me instead

Get to school. Try to switch on my cosplay shoes, find out that the paint cracks and leaves a tiny mark on the floor. I quickly switch back to my normal shoes

Get my bag of candy, participate in school events, get ready to get on top of a lorry truck

It's -20C (-4F) outside. Mom makes me swear I'll put on extra layers under my outfit before I head outside.

Go to bathroom, put on an extra layer of wool clothing between my pre-existing 3 layers of clothing. Knitted socks on top of my normal socks in my shoes, mittens on my hands on top of my gloves, hat between my wig cap and wig.

45-60 minute lorry ride goes well, by the end of it my face and feet are frozen. My face is as red as my outfit

Afterwards one other student recognizes my character. Nearly jump out of excitement. The student's friend gives me a candy

Go to meet my friend at a cafe, but while removing the hat I notice something peculiar

My wig cap is gone. Like fully gone. Not in the hat, not in my clothes. It's gone.

Spend some wonderful time with my friend at the cafe, but after a few hours I start nodding off. Friend recommends I go home.

So, that was the first time I wore the cosplay. Some of it was pure bad luck, but most parts were a result of me biting off way more than I could chew. I don't know how i pulled it off. The second time, however:

Enroll in a small local cosplay contest.

Start fixing the cosplay so it's presentable. I end up having to take off all the reflective strips to re-sew them better. In the process I find that one of the leg strips' stitches have snapped and that I accidentally sewed two parts of the lining on the back together

No idea how that didn't rip

New stitches end up really nice, sew them on over several days in 2-3 hour sittings

Wig is kind of a mess, try to spike it with glue.

Practice the make-up several times

Contest day comes: make-up takes way longer than the first time. Almost run out of time with the crepe hair. The eyebrows don't end up great, but the make-up is the best it's ever been

Start walking towards the bus stop, it takes me some time to orient myself to where the stop is, but I realize it's closer than I thought. I'm a fast walker, I'll have time to stop by the store

Go in, buy two chocolate bars. I already had one soda (BRIGHT green in color). I have not eaten breakfast.

Forget my fucking credit card number. Already stressed. I have enough coins to pay, thankfully

Apologize to the cashier, say "Nothing has been going according to plan today" she laughs, which is nice. I imagine a 50yo looking man with the fashion sense of a Pokemon gym leader and the voice of an afab teenager ( a particularly bright and high-pitched voice at that) is not something you see every day.

Remember my credit card number the fucking second I step out of the store

Cashier said she hoped my card didn't get locked. Get a juice from a different store. Card thankfully works. Drink the juice while waiting for the bus.

The bus I'm waiting for isn't on the timetable, but it shows up online. Oh shit.

Double check that the stop name is correct, start panicking.

Oh wait! The name is correct, the number isn't. There's another bus stop 20 meters away. Thank goodness.

My friend from the cafe was supposed to come with me, but fell ill. It's my second con, and I'm alone. Determined to make the best of it regardless.

Realize that I've once again method-acted. I am suitably pissed about the obstacles I dealt with

It's august, I'm wearing winter clothes. You see the problem.

Get to the contest, have more free-time than I expected. Don't really have anything to do except wait. Run into a friend later that day, catch up

Go to the store to buy a soda that isn't room-temperature. Eat one of the chocolate bars, too nervous to eat anything else.

Go to meet the judges, it goes pretty okay. I didn't say nearly as much as I should have, though, but that's neither here nor there

Wait for the contest. Walk on stage and make the most of it. Even if I don't place, this is my moment to shine

Don't place in the contest, and neither does mine and my friend's entry for the photoshoot contest. Hey, that means we can enroll it in different contests!

Hang around a little bit longer: All I really wanted was for someone to recognise my costume. Give up after a while, start heading to bus stop

Younger kid (11-13?) runs up to me, asks if they can take a picture with me. I say "of course!" I'm happy as a clam because someone recognized my cosplay or at least liked it enough to want a picture.

Find bus stop. Random person asks me what series I'm cosplaying from, in case they recognize the character. I say Transformers Prime. I, for some reason, don't say which character I'm cosplaying. They don't seem to recognize me

Different person shows up, asks if I'm wearing a Transformers jacket. I tell them I'm wearing a whole transformers cosplay. I, once again, don't say which character I'm cosplaying. Also tell the person I competed in the contest. They ask me where I got my wig, I say I styled it myself, show before and after pics. They seem impressed

We lament the lack of a transformers fandom presence in finnish cons together

They get on a different bus

Had made plans to meet up a friend in the city, but they can't make it after all

I go to the city centre. My sister is having her birthday party at the apartment where I live, so I'll go to my parents. Want to get some food first. Stop by the local game store on the way just to check if they have transformers stuff, not this time

Go to the counter with some candy. Cashier asks me if I'm coming from the con. I say yes. They pull up their sleeve to show that they have a huge autobots logo tattoo. I'm awestruck, compliment the tattoo, they compliment my cosplay

I once again forget to specify my character

Want taco bell fries, it's now over 6pm and I have eaten a total of: small juice box, one chocolate bar, and about 0.6 liters of soda.

Find out taco bell doesn't offer "just fries". Decide to just go home in hopes my parents will have something I can eat

Hop on the bus. The trip takes a little less than an hour. 7pm.

Get home. Parents immediately want me to change and shower. I say I can't take my makeup off yet because I don't have my spirit gum remover with me. They insist.

I try to peel my facial hair off as gently as I can. I lose 20% of my eyebrows, the one part of my face that I like the most. I feel like Snorkmaiden when her beautiful golden hair got singed by lightning

My parents say you can barely tell. You can definitely tell.

Dad takes me to get pizza

Finally eat an actual meal.

Thankfully notice that most of my eyebrow hairs that look "gone" are actually snapped near the bottom, not completely pulled out

Finally get pictures of the cosplay taken by my dad. Find out my wig looked fucking atrocious from the back

Thankfully it was a cheap wig, so replacing it and re-styling it won't be too expensive, this wig can be my stunt-wig now

Notice that the paint has started coming off the sword

This I was very sad about, I really like that prop blade. I will try to find a way to save it.

Like the second time just feels like pure bad luck through and through. I have plans to enter at least one more contest with this cosplay after I've updated the wig, so we'll see how that goes

[ghostface-babe]

JUST A PSA: ghostface is getting a solo video for the Merkins and I’m so fucking ready. saved the best for last 🔪 e boy fuckboi is coming to tease everyone on screen

[intothestarkerverse]

Gold, Red, and Blue - Starker Week (Day Three)

Summary:    For @starkerweek Day Three’s prompt:  Gold, Red and Blue, I bring you a Fairy Tale AU with a human prince, a merprince, and of course...starker.

Work Text:          

Once, long ago, in a world far away, there were two kingdoms.  One of the land.  One of the sea.  The land was ruled by the Red King.  Monarch of the race of man, he was a hard-hearted king who cared only for wealth and power.  He coveted everything of value and strove to raise his son to follow a similar ilk thereby increasing the power and influence of man long after his death.

Prince Tony was not like his father, however.  He was a tender-hearted lad who hid a sensitive soul behind sarcasm and wit.  He disguised his own anguish at his father’s disappointment behind a seeming desire to draw his disapproval.  None was the wiser, and that was how the prince preferred it.

The kingdom of the sea was ruled by the benevolent Blue Queen.  Though she was not regent by birth, she had been named thus such the death of the previous King and Queen until such a time as their only son, and the crown prince, came of age.  She had not been instructed in how to rule a kingdom since her youth as most monarchs, though her desire to listen to even the most lowly of citizens and their concerns whilst serving the needs of all made her a much beloved Queen and allowed the the kingdom of the sea to prosper.

There was never peace between land and sea.  

King Howard was always envious of the gold and jewels that were found aplenty beneath the oceans.  He believed the Merkin who dwelt beneath the seas were magical and that their bodies could be used to prolong his life and provide him with much coveted power.  He placed bounties on their heads and rewarded any and all citizens who brought forth wealth stolen from the depths of the sea.

For a time, the sea did not retaliate.  The Queen was anxious to avoid conflict and the loss of life that would accompany it..but lives were being lost nonetheless and she feared that there was no way to end the feud between land and sea without slaying the Red King.

Warriors were dispatched and the full force of the ocean kingdom rained down upon the land, felling Stark Tower and forcing the Red King to retreat further inland.  Furious at his loss, he swore revenge and promised to wipe the Merkin from the seas once and for all.

The Red King did not notice the absence of his prince for a number of days.  He did not finish combing the wreckage of the Tower for a senight.  Only then did he and his advisers come to the startling conclusion that the Red Prince had been taken captive by the Merkin.  They had a hostage, and no matter how much King Howard detested his disappointment of a son, he could not allow his legacy to be destroyed by his greatest enemy.  He would get the Prince Tony back…even if that meant painting the blue seas red with blood.

The merkin knew that the King’s vengeance would be swift and brutal, they knew that he would spare no effort in finding his lost prince.  So, they hid the young man on a secluded island many leagues from the land where no boat of man had ever traveled.  He was guarded by flanks of mermen armed to the teeth and prepared to kill him if he proved to be as dangerous as his father.

Prince Tony was also accompanied by the crown prince of the seas.  It had been Prince Peter who begged his aunt to spare the other royal’s life and bring him back as a prisoner of war.  “King Howard will never give us peace, May.  As long as he’s alive, he will target us…but if we can reach his son, than there could still be peace for generations to come…”

May had been unconvinced, but her nephew was fast approaching the day that he would mature into the crown and her days of ruling would be behind her.  She though to let him have this one boon to test his readiness and his ability as a king.

Determined not to fail, Prince Peter was dispatched a diplomatic envoy to the island prison of the Red Prince to attempt to broker peace between land and sea…

~~~~

Peter paced the beach, enjoying the feel of sand between his toes.  He had never had legs before and he was intrigued by their mechanics, by the sensations, by the ungainliness of them.  Walking seemed much slower than swimming.  It lacked the grace of the water.  On land he felt heavy, in the sea he felt buoyant, weightless, free.  He failed to understand what had intrigued men so about the land.  

Periodically, his gaze traveled to the figure asleep beneath the temporary structure the guards had erected to provide him with shelter.  The Red Prince rested on a bed of palm fronds woven by Peter’s own hands, and slept fitfully only because he had been drugged upon his capture.

Bored, Peter began to test the limits of legs.  He balanced on his toes, rocked back to his heals.  He jumped.   Fell.  And then jumped again.  He twirled across the sand, attempted the same flips and somersaults that came so easily beneath the seas, and discovered that they were not impossible with legs just…slightly more difficult.  It was only after he had managed to land a flip and was celebrating in a spinning dance across the sand that he caught sight of the Red Prince propped up on his elbows watching Peter intently.  “Oh, you’re…you’re awake.”

“Is this the afterlife?”

Peter giggled, “No, no no, not the afterlife.  Just an island.”

Tony sat up fully, press a hand to his forehead for a moment before he nodded.  “How did I get here?”

“You were brought here.”

“By?”

“My guards.”

Tony quirked an eyebrow at him.  “And who are you?”

Peter squared his shoulders and attempted to make himself taller.  It was funny, beneath the sea he did not feel short, but on land…he feared his stature was not very impressive to behold. “Peter, Crown Prince of the Merkin.”

Peter noted the emotions that flashed across the Red Prince’s handsome features.  He looked surprised, amused, and finally intrigued.

“Well, Peter, is there any particular reason that you and I seem to be alone on this island?”

“Oh, we’re not alone.  There are guards.  Quite a few of them actually.   They’re…nearby.  Should I need help or should anyone come looking for you..you’ll see them.”

“And…I’m on an island with you because…”

“You’re my…”

“Prisoner?”

“I was going to say guest.”

That made Tony laugh and Peter paused, enjoying the rich sound that seemed to fill him with warmth to the tips of his newly acquired toes. “Aren’t guests usually invited, Peter?”

The Blue Prince blushed deeply, sputtering softly before he spun to face the sea and muttered a soft, “You wouldn’t have come if I’d invited you.”

“Oh, I think you might be surprised what I’d do for you if you asked.”

That comment drew a look of surprise and curiosity thrown over Peter’s shoulder back in Tony’s general direction.  The corners of his lips twitched into a small smile and the boy crossed the distance between them, falling to his knees in the sand beside the Red Prince.  “What if I asked you for peace between land and sea?  An end to the war and the murder and the pillaging.  What then?”

Tony reached out, running the backs of his fingers along the jaw of the Blue Prince.  “I think…if I could be convinced, Little One, you’d be the one to do it.”

~~~

Tony would never admit it aloud, but he was enjoying his captivity.  Life on the island was simpler than it had been on land.  He no longer had to contend with his father.  For the first time in his young life, he was free of expectations and his father’s looming shadow.  It did not hurt that his only companion was the delectable prince of the Merkin.

Peter was unlike anyone he had ever met.  Shy at first, he stumbled over his words and flushed under Tony’s gaze so much that it made the young man note, “I think if someone met us and knew nothing of our kingdoms, Peter, they’d be much more likely to think you were the Red Prince and not me.”  He reached up to brush his fingers over the boy’s brilliant cheeks which had just grown a deeper shade of red at Tony’s comment.   “It’s all right, Peter.  It’s cute.”

He was cute.  Darling, really.  He seemed enamored with legs and spent much of his free time dancing and tumbling across the beach.  He ran for the sheer delight of running, and after the drug had worked it’s way from his system, Tony joined him.  They ran until their lungs burned and they could run no further, than the collapsed on a new expanse of beach, laying on their backs and staring up at the endless blue sky over their heads.

Tony hoped if he never gave the boy what he wanted that they might stay there forever.  Of course, he knew that was a dream that would never come true.

“That cloud looks a little like a dog,”  Tony pointed to a puffy cloud overhead and turned to see the look of confusion on Peter’s face.  “Oh, never seen one have you?”

Peter shook his head.  “Maybe…when you return home, when there’s peace, you could show me what the land is really like.  I’d…I’d really like to see it.”

Tony nodded, his gaze distant now.  “I suppose I can’t ask to the see the sea, can I?”

Peter laughed, “Oh, but you can!  We aren’t as different as you think, Tony. You could live beneath the sea if you wanted to, you’ve just forgotten how.  My people tell the story of how long, long ago a group of Merkin grew tired of sharing the seas and took to land to claim it for themselves.  There was so much unclaimed land that those Merkin stayed on land for generations until they forgot they were Merkin at all.  But you are, you know?  Just like me.  You all are.  You just…need to be taught to remember how.”

Tony’s dark eyes were shining as he stared at the beautiful boy beside him.  “Not so different, huh?”

“No, you have as much magic as me or any of my people…you always have.  I could…I could show you if you wanted.  I could teach you.  If…if I knew there was going to be peace.”

“Peter, I’ve got no interest in going to war with you and your people.  I promise you, when Howard is gone…the war is over.”  The smile Peter gave him was so bright that Tony wished he could offer the boy something better than peace.

~~~

Peter began by teaching Tony to swim.  They laughed and splashed in the shallow ocean water, Peter displaying amazing patience as he taught the other man things that most Merkin were born knowing.  The first few days Tony was a spluttering, choking mess, and every night he dragged himself onto the beach and collapsed with his chest heaving.  Still he smiled and promised to return to his lessons the next morning to please Peter.  Always to please Peter.

Holding his breath proved to be extremely difficult, and even Peter’s patience was tempted by the man’s lack of confidence.  “If you can’t even hold your breath, how are you going to ever learn to breathe underwater?”

Tony glared playfully at the boy over their dinner of oysters, shaking an empty half-shell at him.  “You’re beginning to sound like Howard.  You sure that’s a place you want to be?”

Peter grimaced, “I don’t really sound like him, do I?”  Tony had told the boy tales of the Red King and he had no doubt that Peter was not keen on being compared to the man that Tony despised more than any other.

“A little bit, but…I know something you could do to make a clear distinction between the two of you?”

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

Peter’s mouth opened in a surprised little gasp, “I…”

“You’re telling me you don’t want to?”

“No…no…I didn’t say that…”

Tony cocked his head expectantly.  “Than why are your lips all the way over there, huh?”

With an embarrassed little giggle, Peter crawled closer across the beach, bracing the palm of his hand against Tony’s chest as he slowly leaned in.

“Do Merkin not kiss?”

“Oh no, no, we definitely kiss.  In fact, I think we kiss better than man…”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Tony seized Peter, fingers nesting in his salt water curls as he pulled the boy forward into his lap and nearly consumed him in a kiss.  The tension had been building for weeks as he watched the boy cavort across the island on his legs and swim in the ocean waves.  He was so damn graceful, so beautiful, so sweet and innocent and good.  He was everything Tony’s life had been missing, and the kiss only proved it.

“Why do we want to stop at peace, Peter?”  Tony asked the question breathlessly, his forehead pressed against the Blue Prince’s forehead.  “You say our people were the same once, why can’t they be the same again?  Unite the land and sea into something new…well, old, but new to us.”

“How…”

“Marry me.  You’re going to be king beneath the seas soon.  My father isn’t going to live forever.  He’s lost Stark Tower, he’s weak, now and when he’s gone…the Red Kingdom will follow me.”

Peter was flushed again, straddling Tony’s lap, hands resting at his chest and breath dancing over Tony’s lips in warm puffs as he considered his words.  “Do you really think we could?”

“Wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think we could.”

“What…what would we call it?”

This made Tony pause as he considered.  “Not Red or Blue.  Those colors are divisive.  We want to bring our people together.  Gold. Gold because what we want to do is priceless to everyone in both of our kingdoms.”

“And we would both be king…”

“Yes.”

“And we would live…”

“On land and sea.  Equally.  Just like our citizens could if they chose.”   Tony captured Peter’s hand in his own, entwining their fingers.  “Say yes.  I know there are things we still need to work out, like who our successors would be since we couldn’t have children of our own…”

“We could, though.”

“What?”  Tony paused, drawing back slightly.  “We could what?”

“Have children.”  Peter giggled.  “More magic man has forgotten.”

Tony stared at the boy for several long seconds before he cleared his throat.  “Well, then, there really is nothing stopping us…but you.”

“Oh, I’m not stopping us…but you really are going to have to work harder on your swimming lessons, Tony.  A Merkin wedding takes an entire lunar cycle to perform…”

“What?!”

Peter giggled, shifting to press his lips to Tony’s ear.  “Don’t worry, most of it requires us to be alone in a bed chamber consummating the vows…”

Tony nearly dumped him from his lap in his haste to stand.  “What are we waiting for?  I feel up for a swim, don’t you?”

Peter’s laughter could be heard ringing through the island as he chased Tony down the beach to the water’s edge…