#the mental struggle od lwj wanting to love wwx as he should be loved but not letting himself beacuse this wwx isnt HIS wwx

[connectjump]

thinking about wangxian where lwj is unable to handle his injury after the BM and wakes up in the past. he makes it his goal to become wwx's friend, to make sure that he has a happy and full life.

to keep him safe, to keep him whole and himself until the very end. so lwj learns more about wwx, allows wwx into his space & just tries to hold onto wwx's warmth whenever he can. lwj shows a bit more of himself, a small smile or a joke here or there, anything that will make wwx smile, or laugh.

fast forward to just a moment where lwj gets to hold this worlds wwx close. to feel his warmth, to hear his breathing, see that boyish smile up close on those full lips (he could kiss him, lwj WANTS to kiss him so badly, but this time wwx will know it's him) and lwj freezes.

he's trying to save wwx, but this wwx isn't his wwx.

the wwx in his world wasn't even his.

he has no right to see this worlds wwx as his.

lwj tries to shove down the memory of the peony he has pressed in his last life, how he held wwx's hand trying to heal him, eyes burning while he admits his feelings.

self-restraint. lwj removes himself from wwx's space, missing wwx's warmth like the hopelessly in love fool he is and walks away.

lwj doesn't notice the look of absolute confusion, doubt and sadness that takes hold over wwx. nor does he hear the smack wwx settles across his cheek and the warbled tone of "he doesn't like you... nobody would like me."