#the man was genuinely integral to my recovery process between the coping through self insert
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You know, the funniest thing I can say on Pouf's birthday is that I'm much more open about the fact that I had a fictive of him for at least 2 years
#the man was genuinely integral to my recovery process between the coping through self insert#and him trying to communicate to me while half commandeering my brain#yeah he's a silly little guy but he's so dearly important to me even when I'm not really posting about him#that's why i settled on the tattoo of his wings; no matter what distance from the character i might get#i refuse to deny how he's a good portion of my recovery; of how i see myself in the world; of how i can see my own past#his arc is a lot of my own trauma reflected and exaggerated!! of course i clung to him#and he gave me so much in return.. it's like all the love i gave truly did come back to me#happy birthday pouf. I'm still amazed by you and will always be grateful to you. i love you.#shai speaks#i even named myself in his honor. and even after all this i still kept the name#it felt like a puzzle piece clicking into place when i first chose it and while it doesn't have that same feeling#it's more.. homely in a sense. it's the name my friends use for me. it's so tangled in my perception of and sense of self#that it only feels right to keep it
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