#the losers club as songs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sunstream7 · 14 days ago

Text

Then tell me why we’re both still on the line

>1972 words

>Oc x Canon

>The companion to this drawing. Ayla struggles with naming a feeling that any semi self-aware person would call 'heartache.'

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Six years.

Well. Six years on and off. Probably three if she was being generous. But still. It was the principle of the matter. Ayla was the best at many things. The best skater of her generation (in the state of california at least, anywhere else she was just one of the best.) the best academically (Not counting Nate, and only when she really tried, and not in math class) and the best pick. The number one choice of many people.

Not Everett Gray.

She knew she wouldn't be his best friend- she had no desire to be (and was pretty sure Nate would actually blow a blood vessel at the implication. Everett too, maybe) but she was that best choice. She had been since they were thirteen. They were good together. Even their parents thought so.

The only real kicker was that they weren't together. And they never had been.

Some; read as ‘Nate Lawson’; would argue that they were. And she supposed it made sense. But why bother making it something official. Everett had frozen up the one time she mentioned it at the end of their freshman year, and upon talking it over with her sister, Aileen (and some unneeded input from her mother) Ayla decided that it was fine the way it was. Platonic affection and physical attraction. Someone you could kiss sometimes but who would also spend three hours on the phone with you talking shit about anyone and everyone. The best of both worlds.

Ayla was not a violent woman, but she really wished she wasn't five foot four. It would make punching that rat bastard new boy in the jaw just a little easier.

She wouldn't actually. One- she chose life. He was jacked and a little bit terrifying. And Two- it wasn't directly his fault that Everett was acting like a total douchebag! Yeah yeah, crushes are fun and all, and half the time they could check out guys together, but it had been two WEEKS and he hasn't texted or called her ONCE! This wasn't the same as the usual fights and petty altercations they got into. Those would blow over after they'd both had anywhere from an hour to a weekend to cool off, and it's like it never happened. A predictable, repetitive cycle.

And apparently- tall, dark, and brooding, with that goddamn eyebrow piercing was a big enough wrench.

It was a struggle to articulate why it hurt. They both had their types. Quiet, tall, good shape, long hair, not pasty, nice brows, piercings. Now that she had laid it all out, it hit. Ayla was not the rule, she was the outlier. Sure, she had good muscle definition, and her hair was… somewhat long, but not all of it. She was short and loud and pale and her ear piercings had healed over from not wearing them enough.

God, she wished she could hate Pran for just existing. Ayla was no stranger to petty grudges- she knew her sister took her favorite pair of pants when they were twelve, that her history teacher lost one of her essays and had her rewrite it, and that Bae owed her three mechanical pencils he borrowed and then lost. But it was hard to hate Pran when she saw how viscerally he loathed the attention. It was a little funny at first- Eve following him around like a lost puppy, chatting Pran’s ear off while he silently stewed, and reading the spams of text messages complaining about how someone dares to be attractive in his vicinity.

She slowly stopped getting those texts.

Conversations that lasted all night slowly drifted into just during the boring classes, and then just during the passing period before classes started, and then just sporadically, asking about homework and due dates and other academics that he didn't want Nate to lecture him on. He was still on his phone just as much though. It wasn't hard to put together who he was texting, although Ayla had her doubts that Pran was responding.

That was why it hurt.

That constant, nagging feeling. Ayla was the best. She had two close friends- only one of whom she wasn't related to. She would legitimately rather die than admit any vulnerability, but so would Everett. It's what made it… nice. Being able to spend hours lounging in each other's dorms just talking. A lot of shallow stuff, sure, but personal gripes. He was the only one who knew she couldn't ride a bike, or that she had never learned long division and has just been brute forcing it since, or that she was deeply and inescapably terrified that she was a one-trick pony, and that as soon as she aged out of competing, she would have nothing.

That was also the one time he’d ever seen her cry.

And for that little moment in time- those three hours that they’d never speak of, tucked up under his arm, the top of her head slotting in perfectly against his neck, right under his jaw- Ayla knew she wanted Everett in her life; the way, shape, or form didn't matter; and she’d never admit that she needed him, but thats what was nice. That unspoken, unshakeable bond.

Unshakable be damned. She’d been thrown out the second he had some new fixation.

She couldn't even be mad! She knew it would happen eventually (she had been told it would happen if she didn't make an official move, she just thought she knew best and didn't believe that it could actually happen.)

This is what she got for being vulnerable for once in her goddamn life! She got dropped in favor of the next new fun novelty! You know how awful it feels to be making out with the guy that you’re considering taking a shot at an actual relationship with and he says someone ELSE'S NAME?! That was the ego blow of the century, and Ayla had fallen during a broadcasted program and became a meme on twitter for three days!

The worst part was that she could handle not being romantically involved. If he had been a reasonable damn person and said ‘hey, i don't want to do this anymore’ it would have sucked, but she would've gotten over it. What she wouldn't get over is that sting of being replaceable. She had never felt that… interchangeable before. Her parents loved her even though they had twin daughters. Aileen loved her even though she was biologically almost the same person. She had thought she wasn't replaceable like that to everett. She’d spent years hearing ‘that's my girl’ after scoring particularly well, and if he wasn't with Nate, he was likely with her. Until now.

Ayla was replaceable. And it sucked. If she was less spiteful (and had stronger will when it came to Everett), she’d break down into tears the second the door to her dorm room closed. She would have a good cry, complain to her sister, and then block his sorry ass.

Unfortunately, that text tone that only he had was like a hit of dopamine straight to the brain.

And, like a fool, she was fixing her eyeliner and reapplying that token red lipstick. It would be the first time they’d hung out in months, meeting at that little cafe on the corner that they’d been going to since they were old enough to ditch without being pegged as students immediately (they’d tried when they were eleven. The baby face had not helped their case at all.)

That sting got worse when she learned that they were only going out because his infatuation had gotten fully shut down, and he wanted to complain to someone who wouldn't try to lecture him (Nate) or comfort him (his mother). So, Ayla was once again the default choice. She could sit and listen perfectly well, chiming in occasional mean comments, everetts distress slowly moulding into spite and anger.

That was more normal.

It was easier to let her mind wander just a bit. They still had the whole summer, but there had been a rumor going around about a school-mandated group thing. If it had been this time the year prior, she would've sneered at the idea. But right now, it didn't seem so… awful. Maybe, just maybe, she could expand her horizons a bit. Graduation was an increasingly looming threat, and having already gone through the scouting process, she had everything made up. But that plan would involve her leaving Cali. And her family. And her friends.

It wouldn't be hard to make at least some shallow connections. Her only real requirement is that they don't challenge her in any way, shape, or form. She knew it was conceited, but it kept that facade of untouchability intact (not to mention her own ego.) But Ayla was going to do some networking or whatever soon to be adults were supposed to do. There were two new transfers coming in, and ideally one of them would be competent.

Junior year wasn't the ideal time for a fresh start, so it wouldn't be a total redo. But there were a few… tweaks she could make.

That evening, Ayla was back in her dorm- her sister was out with her girlfriend, letting her listen to whatever music she wanted, and not get any input from the peanut gallery, who had witnessed her two week long crash out over some guy with stupid glasses. With her hair scissors serving as a microphone, she trimmed her fiery tresses back to their correct shoulder length, careful not to botch it (she didn't need a repeat of third grade picture day.) She let out a swear as that familiar text tone interrupted her song. Checking the notification, that gave her a second order of business. He’d had the same contact since they'd gotten phones. Another quick change that was… surprisingly painless. A simple ‘Evvygreen’ to ‘Everett’. It was like clockwork. An ‘r u busy?’ becoming putting him on speakerphone as she finished cleaning the bathroom.

It had become almost normal again, but for once in their little roller coaster, Ayla wasn't initiating. She had been busy the whole summer. With her family, skating, and college stuff. To put it simply, there was no room left for extra time devoted to the stupid boy who was just jerking her around. They could still be friends, she supposed, she was awfully fond of that stupid boy, especially when he wasn't being a problem. If she lingered too long on it, her heart still hurt.

Luckily, feeling deeper emotions was outside of her budget for this year. She’d earned the reputation of a vain, man eating, self absorbed, absolutely awful woman for a reason. And now wasn’t the time to be putting up with nonsense. Short words and easy redirections back to other topics- shallow topics. School and family and whatnot. Anything more meaningful gets nipped in the bud. Emotional probation, if you preferred. Ayla may have been absolutely stupid for Everett, but she was not a stupid woman. She knew that any time with him had come and gone. She wasn't willing to cut him out of her circle, but she was willing to cut him off, no matter how much he pouted about wanting to hang out because Nate would be out of the dorm for a while.

She would still be his friend. Of course she would- no need to go scorched earth because he was acting immature, and she wasn't lying about wanting him in her life, but she would do everything in her power to not feel that stab of pain in her heart; writing it off as a long-gone crush, a lapse in judgement. She wasn't writing off romance as a whole, just with a certain dorky hipster wannabe.

#oc: ayla #xoxo droplets oc #look at this loser #she's joining the 'punked by everett gray' club #these two are 'it gets worse before it gets better' in action #i already court assigned them other lc! songs #so depending on how i feel they might get more emotional damage #i want to do at least one from ev's pov #i just write in a way that. isnt conducive to keeping people in character

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