#the latter was an excuse to have him slowly fade into obscurity which would literally kill him as a god

[ruckis--rookie]

this is one of those songs that I find myself heavily associating with Gera and it chokes me up every single time because it really accentuates how deep of a hole Gera's dug himself into and kinda shows the person he really is. he started out doing it because he wanted to, now its a matter of he thinks he has to.

What makes it even sadder? He's kinda right.

Because now not only does his life depend on it, but the lives of countless others he swore to protect and take care of. Because he vowed to take people who are down on their luck or who were dealt a poor hand in life under his wing so he could give them a life of comfort, hedonism, and luxury that he never had. So he can protect the messed up family that he had to make. He puts on this charade, this persona, because that's who people think he is. He puts on this evil tough guy act to mask his vulnerability, his soft side, because he thinks people will hurt him if he drops the act for even a second.

but god does he hate the cost it comes with. how many bridges has he had to burn? How many friendships has he lost? He doesn't care to count them anymore. He pretends it doesn't bother him to save face, but it hurts just as bad every single time. It's changed him forever in ways that make him unsure of who he even is anymore. He doesn't want to make decisions for himself, he just wants to play the caretaker role that he was never granted. Even if it hurts immensely because it happens at the expense of others in the name of setting an example. Just to ensure that the wrong people never mess with him or his friends, aka the only people he truly cares about and feels comfortable taking off that mask for.