#the last time grian felt trapped and confined was with the watchers. so theres some trauma there to be explored

[definitelynotshouting]

(About hunger au) Thinking about the gift fic Divergency you got from Raichett and rotating how it meshes with the current story

Thinking about how Grian could be doing this at least a little due to the guilt he has from being born the way he was

He didn't have a choice but to kill and cause pain when he was born and now he's using his control over his life to cause pain to himself and die. Oughhh

Raichett's fic is so near and dear to my heart, i'll never get over how incredible it was to receive that. Frankly, its canon to me-- that is exactly how it went for poor Grian. And the circumstances around his birth as a Watcher were so objectively tragic... i think the guilt honest to gods just eats him up inside. In his head he's sorta mentally separated them into the Good (past) Grian and then Himself (aka the Bad Grian), and now he just feels this constant weight about killing that original version of him. I think what he's doing now definitely has that desperate bid to atone in it, and not just for hurting his friends, but for killing Player!Grian as well.

Its genuinely heartbreaking tbh, like i know im the one doing this to him but i feel for him so badly about this in particular, because its such a horrible thing to be convinced you're a monster for something you had literally no control over at birth