#the july 31st entry is fvcking wild
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scoups4lyfe · 2 years ago
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Journal Entries. (2)
These are all mood journal entries (so super short / concise) of mine; where I chart my daily moods over a period of time.
These chronicle the time right before I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist (March) and when I started medication (antidepressants) for my depression / fatigue.
NOTE: These don't contain any long thoughts, literally just mood observations. But I think it does a pretty good job at showing just how inconsistent and sudden mood episodes / switching can be, and why they're so debilitating for trying to live a normal everyday life. I added some gifs / pictures for rando visuals LOL. Truly complete the reading experience 🤪.
Part: [1], [2], [3], [4] Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]
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March 27th, 2021
Slept: 4am. Woke: 4pm
Mood: 2/10 Energy: Neutral (Maybe a 2/10)
I just feel empty. Like I need to go hibernate/go back to sleep. I’m not hungry. I’m not particularly motivated, and I kind of wish my sister would sit down and watch Hannibal with me and my mom, so it bums me out that she continues to put that off/ignore it.
I’m tired, man. It’s 8:21 pm, and I’m already thinking about going back to bed. When my family hangs out, I can be mindless and just let their good mood and entertainment take over. Other than that, I don’t feel particularly interested in doing anything, though I know I should. I have things to do. I don’t even feel bad about not doing anything. Just empty. Just ready to sleep.
March 28/29th, 2021:
:(
NOTE: Visual reference of what I looked like during this time
March 30th, 2021:
Bed: 6:30 pm. Woke: 4:30 am
Mood: -1/10
My mood can be directly related to how many gluten free brownies I’ve eaten today. (Thee ONLY thing I’ve eaten too might I add.) (it’s 5pm)
[Started taking meds]
Tuesday July 6th 2021 (6:03 pm) (12th)
NOTE: The number next to the date is the number of days since I started taking medication
took meds (YES)
I was kinda so depressed from the doctor’s visit and loss of money that even with the meds, it couldn’t stop me from sleeping. LOL.
Thursday July 8th 2021 (12:10 pm) (14th)
took meds: yes
I had enough energy to watch [my niece]
I had enough energy to have a mental breakdown.
Tuesday July 13th 2021 (19th)
took meds: yes (4:44 pm)
I feel so tired…fatigued….
Thursday, July 15th 2021 (21st)
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took meds: yes (2:47)
Slept four hours
Overall energy: 3/10
Mood:4.5:10
Napped for three hours, had dinner + caffeinated tea and I feel shaky-awake.
Bruh I did not sleep (for the 16th) at all 💀💀💀.
Friday, July 16th, 2021 (22nd)
took meds: yes (12:06pm)
Haha going to bed right after I took my meds 😛🤷
Friday July 23rd, 2021 (31st)
took meds: yes (11:12 am)
This week idk. It’s been weird? Like tired and then also hyper fixated on nonsense =DD.
Why (2:40 pm) am I so tired? Don’t want to do anything.
(Currently Saturday morning, 6;22 am and I can’t sleep. I’m NOT tired. But I want to sleep.)
This is the WORST.
Saturday July 24th, 2021 (32nd)
took meds: 7:21 pm
I feel wired and tired and just like I can’t do anything even tho I have the energy to
Sunday July 25th, 2021 (33rd)
took meds: yes (11:26 am)
I know I woke up at 8pm today, but man I really don’t want to do SHIT. (And after drinking that nasty ass fiber supplement, I’m feeling tired =o. When will this insanity end?)
Tuesday July 27th 2021 (35th)
took meds: yes (10:04 am)
Mood (10:07 am): 7/10
Energy (10:07 am): 6.7/10
Wednesday July 28th 2021 (36th)
took meds: yes (4:23pm)
Literally went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 4:15 pm. Wtf? (I slept 16hrs LOL)
Mood (6:03 pm): 6.5/10
Energy (6:03 pm): 7.2/10
Today was a good day, I got more work done than yesterday :)).
(3:19, Thursday am): laid down and tried to sleep but now I feel more awake than ever.
Thursday July 29th 2021 (37th)
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took meds: yes (4:29 pm)
Went to bed last night at 8am, woke up at 4:33 pm. (I hate not being able to fall asleep. Is it because I slept for 16 hrs the previous night? #sucks.)
Mood (7:44 pm): 7.5/10
Energy: (7:44 pm): 6.4/10
Friday July 30th 2021 (38th)
took meds: yes (8:15 pm)
I almost forgot to take them today ahhhhhh
Mood: 6/10
Energy: 6.7/10
Saturday July 31st 2021 (39th)
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I have plenty of energy (I haven’t taken my meds yet) and yet I feel like I’m going insane. I. Can’t do anything right. Why why why why why must I continue to be a failure? I had something good going for me wtf is wrong with me? I don’t want to wake up anymore
Took meds: yes (11:44 am)
(Slept till 9pm, it’s 8:22 am Sunday and I’m still awake. But on the plus side I’m not careening dangerously into another mental breakdown.,,yet)
Sunday August 1st 2021 (40th)
took meds: yes (12:17 pm)
I haven’t slept yet today
General mood: hmmm 5/10 (12:18pm)
I do feel a little tired but that’s probably because I’ve been up since 9pm.
Generally tho I’m feeling pretty okay. (Guess we’ll see how the rest of today goes lol.)
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