#the job is done i can do cool things when im like. sane . and rational. things i think i may not be right now
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okay this isnt anything special but i successfully exorcised the art demons. now i can rest
#my art#isat#isat loop#id love to do something cool but i spent 30 minutes staring at a black canvas and i think there was nothing in my head#the job is done i can do cool things when im like. sane . and rational. things i think i may not be right now
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YOUR TAGS ON MY SIS POST??? IMMACULATE
I will include my tags again but only because i cant get enough of myself and not to sound like im tooting my own kazoo but this is the one time in my entire life that ive been objectively correct in every way
Lengthy and unrelated thing under the cut:
Let me talk about canon bro for a second 😌 even though its barely and tangentially related to this and you dont have to read it <3, in fact i would encourage you not to read it i just wanna run my mouth. People love to use him as a cheap villain in their dave angst fics which is like... hilarious to me. Like i get it, since hes abusive he must also be misogynistic and homophobic and transphobic and also genuinely hates dave and revels in his suffering right? Lmeow no, hes just some guy and despite everything he is in fact trying his best. Hes naturally intense and aggressive and this doesnt translate well to child rearing, especially since his one goal is to make dave strong enough (physically and mentally) to Survive whats coming. The random sneak attacks ? The traps littered around the house ? To keep dave on his toes and buff his spatial awareness. The cameras ? To monitor his progress (if hes not up to standard then we’ll just up the “training”) and / or film some puppet snuff (puff ? Snupp?) so he can keep running his dumb website and like provide for them or some shit , or ig to buy random crap and throw it around the house. Who cares if the kid sees the porn anyway its just puppets, plus hes seen way worse at that age and turned out fine (no he didnt). Dave has to be resourceful , he has to be creative and think on his feet , lets have impromptu rap battles and scrabble games. He has to know numbers like the back of his hand (idk why this is even a phrase do any of you memorise what the back of your hands looks like) to effectively utilise his sylladex.... actually nobody even uses that shit idk why bro was so insistent on it. Dave is his protege, his charge, dave is NOT his friend and hes not gonna let him forget that. He teaches him all he knows, in the way he knows. Making comics, mixing music, ironic jokes, being cool and getting shit done. Actually its GOOD that the kid is terrified of him, if hes the scariest thing in the room then dave wont fear anything else. Lets spar then, if dave wins then hes trained him well. If dave loses then hell become resilient. Either way he has to be strong or else hell die, training is necessary. Its either this or failure and failure equals death. Do your own laundry, ration your own food, become independent as fast as possible because i wont be around to take care of you forever
Nothing bro does is without reason, neither is it “sadism”, its all very logical to him despite being horrific to any sane person because his only friend is the mansplain-manipulate-manspread puppet that raised him and he has awful coping mechanisms that barely stretch past beating himself 1. up 2. off. Like he kept his baby alive to the point where it could keep itself alive (kind of alive) and thats a win to him.
That was my thesis on why bro is not a bigot like ,, he makes porn of fucking smuppets, that gives him zero chance to fetishize The Ladies. I doubt he has porno mags littered around the house its just endless plushie dicks and asses (and the two puppets handcuffed together were legit kinda funny like Why). So why would dave have internalised homophobia if it did not stem from his brother ??? Acting as if his only friends werent exuding anti gay vibes, like christ, john “im not a homosexual” egbert, him and rose’s competitive flirting gag (before they found out they were related >.>), just generally the three of them accusing each other of being gay, yknow, as kids do (jade is exempt from the argument we love jade here). Things were just more homophobic back then and its not like bro and dave had a sincere talk about gender and sexuality in the 13 or so years they lived in the same house like why would you even come out to your younger sibling if you could just not !!! Lol !!! I could be getting all this info wrong lol so correct me if im wrong but bro has this cute comic artstyle and it was about someones charge (? Sibling?) straight up dying and the saw guy makes an appearance the end , like there was no sex or gore or whatever but if you look at sbahj the second page literally has an incest sex joke like where does dave even get his material from , which online sites has he been trawling , well haha its not bros job to monitor his kids search history lets ignore it and move on if the kid wants to be gross and make dumb jokes who is he to judge , spread your problematic wings and soar into the cancel clouds little guy
Anyway heres a disclaimer: if youre gonna clown on this post and tell me im an abuse apologist or some shit just understand that i have a lot of free time and love being a huge asshole when provoked but like youre so welcome to add to the discussion i love bullying my favourite character bro strider by steamrolling him we’ve talked about trans rights for too long now is the time for trans wrongs
#//1#sorry for airing my grieviances on your ask addie Q_Q i hope you do not mind </3#Bro strider#sometimes i do want bastard trans rep like we cant all be purrfect#Heres more bastard trans guys in homestuck: eridan cronus sollux karkat equius gamzee caliborn hal
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2016: The Year In Review by Matt Payton
These are my top ten lists for the year. I was going to write something about each entry, but then I got distracted by digging through the Wikileaks archive.
I decided to paste e-mails from the DNC leak that mention the titles of everything on this list. The following e-mails are what came up for each title search on the DNC server.
They keep up on a lot of pop culture so that they can use it in more innovative ways to lose elections. Let’s see what they were talking about in 2016!
THE BEST 10 ALBUMS I HEARD IN 2016
1. Kanye West The Life Of Pablo
From: [email protected]
Subject: Music
Hey, have you heard the new Kanye album? It’s really great and patched together in the best way possible. Speaking of which, I’m really excited about how the campaign is being ran this year. I’m so glad we’re not wasting time in Wisconsin. If there’s anything voters there aren’t susceptible to it’s populism!
2. The Julie Ruin Hit Reset
From: [email protected]
Subject: Tonight
Hi honey, I’m going to be a little late tonight so don’t wait up for me. Also, could you pick up a copy of Hit Reset by the band The Julie Ruin? I heard some youngsters here at the office listening to it and the melodies get stuck in your head something fierce. Also, if you ever need to get into my e-mail for whatever reason my password is HiHackers,FeelFreeToDownloadWhateverYouNeed1.
3. The Sun Days Album
From: [email protected]
Subject: A Little Help
John, I was just listening to The Sun Days and thinking about how every song seems to be kissed by the sun when I realized that I need to send you guys the questions to tonight’s debate in advance to make sure that your candidate seems as rehearsed as possible. The audience really responds to comeback one-liners that seem like they have been focus-grouped.
4. Radiohead A Moon Shaped Pool
From: [email protected]
Subject: So do I just type
here whatever I want and then the postman comes and picks it up and delivers it to the person I write in the receivership box? That’s pretty good actually. I want egg salad for lunch, who I do talk to about...hey young person in their 40s, you left a copy of your compact disc here. Mind if I give it a listen? Oh these strings are pretty. What’s that? I have to talk out loud to have a conversation with you in person? Let me put this computation device down for a second...
5. AJJ The Bible 2
From: [email protected]
Subject: Formality
Hi everyone, so excited for a tight primary race tomorrow. I think some good competition makes us all stronger candidates. I appreciate the party providing such worthy opponents like the dude from Maryland and that guy who wears shirts. I’m linking to a song by AJJ, which I’ll admit I accidentally stumbled on while going on a Steely Dan wild goose chase on the internet.
6. Ty Segall Emotional Mugger
From: [email protected]
Subject: Wooohooo!
John, I’m getting all pumped up for tonight’s VP candidate debate by listening to the new Ty Segall album and all his excellent out put of garage/psych rock. I’m thinking of drinking 8 pots of coffee beforehand and interrupting my opponent the whole time, thus making him look sane and rational by comparison. I don’t know, just spitballing here. E-mail me back in 20 seconds if you don’t want me to go in that direction, otherwise I’ll assume that’s cool with you.
7. A Tribe Called Quest We Got It From Here... Thank You 4 Your Service
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Wooohooo!
Hey Tim, just read your e-mail a few minutes ago so I missed the cutoff but I think that’s a great idea! My only advice would be to turn up the smug as high as possible when talking about your opponent’s supporters. We’ve been working hard on this throughout the campaign and I think it’s really going to pay off in November. Just be as consistent as these new bootleg Tribe tracks I'm listening to right now. The new album is going to be really good. Phife Dawg will be missed.
8. Japanese Breakfast Psychopomp
From: [email protected]
Subject: All yours
Hey baby, I got someone else to accept the major strings attached money from foreign governments for the foundation for the next few months, so I can give all my focus to the campaign. I’m going to be like this new band, Japanese Breakfast: hunker down on one thing and do it well. Are there any black candidates you’re running against like last time so I can imply that the country won’t elect one of them at campaign rallies? Or should I come up with some new stuff?
9. Mark Wynn Singles - But They're Not Really Singles, I Just Sent Them to the Screen and Said They Were Singles
From: [email protected]
Subject: Luckily no one will ever read this
I can’t help but notice that you’ve lost some momentum in the primary race. Far be it from me to give one candidate advice over the other as I must stay impartial, hahahahahaha! sorry, but your opponent’s whole Jewish atheist thing is just sitting there ripe for the pickin’. Also, check out the new Mark Wynn album. It’s wordy and weird as hell. You’ll hate it.
10. DIIV Is the Is Are
From: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Happy to help
Ms. Clinton, thank you so much for sending over the new DIIV album, does this qualify as shoegaze? Neo-shoegaze? I don’t know, I just like it. Anyway, I was just going over some policy papers and had some ideas about the Earned Income Tax Credit that I’d love to discuss with you in person later. Also, at tomorrow’s rally shall I squirt whipped cream out of my tits or just lick some off of a phallic symbol? Ohians love it when celebrities endorse politicians, we’re going to set that place on fire!
THE BEST 10 SONGS I HEARD IN 2016
1. The Sun Days “Don’t Need To Be Them”
youtube
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals
Just me here, another fellow lady listening to the best song of the year by The Sun Days and taking some pictures of my naked body. Want to share yours with me so we can compare and complain about cankles and what not? I definitely don’t let my husband or anyone else in the house use this computer so...
2. Animal Collective “FloriDada”
dailymotion
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...sorry about that, the UPS guy came to the door and my wife, I mean husband, definitely didn’t just walk by and I had to slam the laptop shut real quick. The UPS guy heard I was listening to Animal Collective and we talked for a minute. He was really cute, let’s talk about what qualities in men we find attractive in the most vivid detail...
3. Ty Segall “Candy Sam”
dailymotion
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...had to close the damn laptop again. I wish I had some more privacy...here at the Clinton campaign headquarters in...Brooklyn? I think that’s right. I’m about to film my self dancing topless to “Candy Sam” by Ty Segall. Anyone want to join? Just be sure to film in widescreen and...
4. The Julie Ruin “Rather Not”
youtube
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...ugh, sorry for all the interruptions. If you’re looking for more of a feminist flavor to shake your buns to might I suggest something from the new Julie Ruin album? “Rather Not” is a great track. Hey, that kind of sounds like “great rack,” do any of you...
5. Michael Kiwanuka “Black Man In A White World”
youtube
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...have one of those? I sure do and boy let me tell you how much of a pain they are. Let’s talk about it together over IM, but later tonight after our annoying families have gone to bed. I like to wear nothing to bed and listen to new soul music like “Black Man In A White World.” What do you like to wear to bed and/or listen to at night? If you only can answer one make it the first...
6. Japanese Breakfast “In Heaven”
youtube
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...but now I’m listening to a dreamy song called “In Heaven” and it makes me think of my husband, Anthony. He’s real dreamy himself. Do any of you think so? I’d love to hear any fantasies you’ve had about him along with your area code...
7. Kanye West “Real Friends”
youtube
From: [email protected]
>
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...sorry about all these interruptions, I think it would be easier if we could have some sort of video chat instead of e-mail. I’d love to see your faces but my camera is on the fritz at the moment so I’ll just have to use a picture of my face instead. I can play you my favorite Kanye track of the new album...
8. American Wrestlers ”Vote Thatcher”
youtube
From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...I think I could be a DJ on the side. It’s not like I have much going on these days, I mean I totally have a full-time job working for Hillary and am not talking about my husband. I also totally trust him with my son during the day. He plays him music like “Vote Thatcher” by American Wrestlers and the keyboard riff gets stuck in his head. Speaking of, where is that little shit get off to...
9. Weezer “Do You Wanna Get High?”
youtube
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...found him taking a nap on the floor, so I can’t get in trouble for that. Not that I get in trouble for things. I’m Huma Abedin, not Anthony Weiner using her computer and e-mail address. That would just be silly. That would be like asking a Supreme Court justice, “Do you wanna get high?” which is something no one in our family has ever done while trying to pick up Sandra Day O’Connor...
10. Sioux Falls “3 Fast”
youtube
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hey gals (Cont’d)
...anyway, if anyone wants classified government information I’d be happy to pass it along for pictures of your underwear. I’m buying some new ones tomorrow for our Sioux Falls trip and I need at least 3 pairs fast. But I want to know what’s popular and this is the only way to browse that makes sense.
THE BEST 10 MOVIES I SAW IN 2016
1. American Honey (Andrea Arnold)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Movie?
Hi mom, I’m going to the movies to see American Honey tonight. It’s supposed to be a real lived-in character study that really nails its setting. Do you want to go? It’s about people who live on the margins, so not exactly our demographic but it might be fun to see how the other 3/4ths live before swimming at the Goldman Sachs private pool tomorrow. Let me know. Love you!
2. Moonlight (Barry Jenkins)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Screening
John, we’re screening Moonlight at Camp David this weekend if you want to come check it out. If you need any more copies of that picture of Hillary sitting in the room when Bin Laden was killed so you can keep implying she was on the microphone telling them where to shoot, let me know. I think the voters are really buying that. Can’t wait for the blowout election results this fall! Well, gotta go appear on 52 more talk shows!
3. The Lobster (Yorgos Lanthimos)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Remember to pick up
- eggs
- milk
- pruning shears
- a copy of The Lobster
- shit to plant hedges with
4. The Handmaiden (Chan-wook Park)
From: [email protected]
Subject: This is silly
Hi Debbie, I’m sorry I even have to ask but did you pour sugar in my gas tank the night before I was scheduled to make a speech about the dangers of the big banks? My neighbor said he saw someone who looked exactly like you in my driveway that night on his way out to see The Handmaiden. He said it’s a great whodunit!
5. Hail, Caesar! (Ethan & Joel Cohen)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Brexit
I’m sure you all saw the news this morning about the Brexit vote and how this along with many other political movements might be indicative of some sort of worldwide trend toward populism. I wouldn’t worry about it and keep doing the same things we’ve always done and just assume people hate change and are happy with their lives for the most part. In fact, take the rest of the day off and go see the delightful new Cohen brother movie Hail, Caesar! I’m going to check out Rikki and the Flash, it will probably be better.
6. Green Room (Jeremy Saulnier)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Happy to help
Hillary, I’m happy to campaign for you anywhere you need me. I couldn’t help but notice that the election is in two days and you haven’t called me yet so hopefully you know I haven’t changed my number. You know, I enjoy nothing more than getting out there and talking energy policy with the folks! Anyway, see you in the green room at one of your big campaign events or at the victory party. I’ve cleared my schedule over the last two years just in case you need anything!
7. Everybody Wants Some!! (Richard Linklater)
From: [email protected]
Subject: You’re not even trying
You guys know we’ve been in here for a year, right? You don’t even make it hard for people. With all the people talking about how sensible you are on TV wearing horn-rimmed glasses you’d think one of them would be a tech nerd. We know what you’re having for breakfast every morning, we know you saw the new Richard Linklater movie last night and loved it. I even know that 90% of you won’t even read this e-mail unless it has the latest poll numbers in it and the other 10% will think it’s a message from Julian Lennon looking to volunteer as a poll worker. At least make your system a little hard to get into!
8. Paterson (Jim Jarmusch)
From: [email protected]
Subject: What the hell?
I’m at a fundraising event in Paterson, NJ right now and these weapon manufacturers keep coming up to me asking the next invasion Hillary plans on pushing strongly for. I told them that was the old Clinton mentality and they all just laughed and winked at me while pointing at their cufflinks and saying, “Daddy needs a new pair.” If you guys keep sending me to these things I’m bringing back the bangs.
9. Love & Friendship (Whit Stillman)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you
I just want you to know I really appreciate all the love and friendship I got from you this week at the convention. I have really high hopes for this election. Doesn’t it just feel right when we run the candidate who has waited their turn instead of a brash, young upstart? People love voting for the person whose turn it is. That’s what Walter Mondale, Bob Dole, Al Gore, John Kerry, John McCain and Mitt Romney all told me!
10. Midnight Special (Jeff Nichols)
From: [email protected]
Subject: No big thang
Hey, don’t feel too bad about this e-mail scandal. Hell, I used a private server at the State Dept. and one of the biggest things I’m known for is using disingenuous intelligence for a flimsy excuse to take the country to war for 10 years. Pointing your finger at others and saying they did the same thing when you get caught breaking the rules that you don’t think apply to you is a time-honored strategy. I call it the old midnight special. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to e-mail someone else about you and the campaign, all in glowing terms, of course.
Honorable Mention:
Indignation (James Schamus)
Loving (Jeff Nichols)
Julieta (Pedro Almodóvar)
Hell or High Water (David Mackenzie)
Maggie's Plan (Rebecca Miller)
THE WORST 10 MOVIES I SAW IN 2016
1. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Glenn Ficarra & John Requa)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Strategy
Hey John, I’m thinking of using the success of my husband’s presidency to run on but then when people bring up the bad parts of those years I’ll just say my husband’s not running. Thoughts?
2. Café Society (Woody Allen)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Strategy
That sounds great, kid! Also be sure to talk about leftist economic ideas like they’re pie-in-the-sky dreaming while most of them are just protections we had in place 50 years ago that worked for working people. Back in the days of Café Society, did you see that movie yet?
3. Passengers (Morten Tyldum)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: Strategy
I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m excited for it as I only like Woody Allen movies from the 2000s on, like anyone with great taste. Hold on, Bill sees a passenger on a private jet next to us and is going to go talk to her. Oh! It’s attorney general Loretta Lynch who it technically investigating me right now. This should be fine.
4. Ghostbusters (Paul Feig)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: Strategy
Oh great! Tell her hi for me. For the rallies later in the campaign I can’t get the guy who sang the Ghostbusters song but I can probably get Madonna. She’s from Michigan so that ought to nab us a few thousand out of work voters there.
5. Finding Dory (Andrew Stanton & Angus ManLane)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: re: Strategy
Perfect. Oh, before I forget I’m going to be unreachable on Saturday afternoon for a while because I’m taking my grandchild to see Finding Dory. I’m not sure what snacks to bring for it. Do kids still enjoy eating plums and chestnuts at the cinema?
6. The Secret Life Of Pets (Chris Renaud & Yarrow Cheney)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: Strategy
I don’t know, I haven’t interacted with someone born before 1967 since I saw The Big Chill. One of our donors said he just paid the cast of The Secret Life of Pets $500,000 each to do a live reading of that movie for his grandkid and they waited a whole 12 seconds before they said, “I hate you. What else do you got?”
7. Money Monster (Jodie Foster)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: Strategy
These kids don’t appreciate all the money we’ve worked so hard for. Now the little monsters are bitching about the price of college, as if they can’t make a few speeches when they’re older to make up for it. Speaking of which, is it too early to talk about some more banking deregulation? Because Wells Fargo really has their head between their legs and we should do something for them.
8. Southside With You (Richard Tanne)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Strategy
We’ll get them some green visors and those bands old timey casino employees used to wear around their upper sleeves for when they bet on firefighter pensions. Don’t forget about the Illinois primary next week. I’m going with you to the event on the south side.
9. Captain Fantastic (Matt Ross)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Strategy
Fantastic! Be sure to remind me to put hot sauce in my purse before we go to a restaurant there so people will believe that’s a thing I actually do and it will somehow endear me to them. I gotta go now, but thanks again for being the captain of this ship and running such a well-oiled machine of a campaign! I really appreciate all your hard work.
10. A Hologram For The King (Tom Tykwer)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: Strategy
You’re very welcome, ma’am. I look forward to the inevitability of our win. Some things in life are just guaranteed like us winning this election, the Cubs never winning the World Series and Tom Hanks being a solid box office draw in movies that are good. Speaking of which I’m off to see his new one, A Hologram For The King. I don’t even need to know anything about it ahead of time, I know it will be great!
Previous Years In Review
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