#the jj maybank discourse it painful today

[lydiaas]

on the topic of jj being self-sacrificing, in the heist episode in s3, when he does his motorcycle cop diversion chase, kie says “oh he’s trying to get killed,” which struck me as something totally different than like “oh he’s going to get himself killed!” or something like that….tbh to me it sounded like she immediately clocked that he has gone to a self-destructive place and is doing what makes sense in his mind: treating his life as worthless in order to prove his love/loyalty/worth.

and not even just that, i think because she’s gotten so close to him and understands him so well, she realizes that it’s not just him recklessly/thoughtlessly throwing himself in harms way, this time it’s him actually purposefully trying to get killed. coming back to the island, facing how alone he is and his panic from 3x04, mike’s bullshit, kie finding the money clip, it’s all piled up in his mind, and this is where he has gone. and to me, that’s so much more devastating than him just feeling worthless.

Ooo this is an interesting take! I think that the line between JJ being reckless and actively trying to get killed is a thin one. So while I don't think he has any suicidal ideation I also think the idea of dying to give his friends the chance to escape isn't scary to him. It would be like fulfilling his purpose. Lara wrote an amazing piece about this here.

That's a great point about that line from Kie. You could definitely interpret it as more of a comment on his mental state at that moment. It's clear earlier in the episode that she recognises how he's spiralling and she's trying to get him to see that ("you're giving them a reason"). For him to do something so dangerous straight after that it's hard not to see how she wouldn't have been terrified that he's about to throw his life away. To have those two self destructive moments back to back is what causes her to finally say "don't ever do that again". Because we've seen Kie react to his actions before but it's never been in that way. It's a wake up call for him but also for her as well. Where she realises how deeply he would ruin himself if she let's him and how little regard he had for his own life.