#the irony of people still treating her like this after she literally addresses the player directly in the game to ask them

[blood-choke]

lord pls i just wanna kiss my wife without hana bitching and moaning about it

well, considering you just upended Hana's life and ruined her nearly 100 years-long relationship by coming back from the dead, you're going to have to deal with her "bitching and moaning," which i personally think she is entitled to.

i know this is probably a joke, but i don't know how you can read that conversation with Hana and then refer to it as "bitching and moaning." some of you are way too comfortable joking about Hana specifically in my inbox and it really rubs me the wrong way!

[briannaslist]

Riverdale, S1E6: Recap

Chapter Six: Faster Pussycats! Kill! Kill!

The best way to start the day is with an awkward breakfast. Betty invited Jughead over for breakfast as part of a crafty plan. He asks where the restroom is and Betty’s mom decides to show him; while they’re out of the room Betty sneaks into her mom’s purse to take a picture of her checkbook. This way she can figure out where Polly is being kept. I’m curious to know what plan B was if her mom didn’t do what they expected; I guess it’s good that her mom is overbearing.

At school, it’s time for the annual Riverdale Variety show auditions. This is apparently a big deal since this is a small town and there’s nothing to do. For whatever reason, these are open auditions. That can make sense since they’re all going to be performing in front of people during the show anyway, but it always seems strange. Anyway, Archie walks out there and immediately gets hindered by stage fright. It doesn’t help that Reggie and some other football players are there heckling him and Josie almost looks delighted by his failure.

Valerie tries to reassure Archie about the fact that every performer gets stage fright. Archie suggests that maybe it’s because he didn’t have his “team” up there and would feel better if she performed with him. But she reminds him that she’s in a band and they’re headlining the events. Headlining band for a high school talent show. What is Riverdale?

At lunch, Betty and Jughead decide to continue having a conversation about Polly; of course, this is a secret so they’re keeping to themselves at the table. They did some further investigating and found out that Polly is being kept in a home for “troubled youth”. Archie asks them what’s up and if he can help and Jughead immediately shuts down his offer because they need to be stealthy. Let’s start with not having private conversations in public. But also, Archie, Jughead is clearly interested in Betty; read the room. Luckily Veronica and Kevin come to the table so Archie can feel included in something. Since Kevin is the host/organizer for the Variety show, Veronica talked him into letting Archie have a spot in the show. And to put Archie at ease, Veronica also offers to sing with him.

Later, when Valerie is rehearsing with Josie and the Pussycats, things go awry. Josie is on edge, which puts Valerie on edge. So much edge they could be called Jughead. Josie is being a diva and Valerie says she doesn’t have this issue when she sings with Archie. Josie says Val either sings with them or Archie. So Valerie decides to quit. Which hurts Josie, clearly. But none of this would have happened if she wasn’t being such a bitch.

Meanwhile, at Andrews Construction, Hermione and Fred discuss the state of the finances at the business. It’s bad. Hermione suggests downsizing with the employees. But Fred says he can’t do it because the guys trust him and the last time he fired someone it didn’t go so well. (FORESHADOWING) So Fred tells her that he was actually hoping to talk to the mayor for some help in getting the contract for developing the land at the old drive-in theater site. Of course, the dramatic irony is that he doesn’t know the buyer is Lodge Industries. He asks Hermione to co-host with him and she agrees, also suggesting that they host dinner at her place. They’re standing all close and one thing leads to another and then they’re kissing in front of an open window. Which Veronica happens to see since she was coming to bring her mom a little plant for her desk.

Meanwhile, Josie is telling her mom about Val quitting (conveniently leaving out that her behavior is the reason why Val left). Her mom says it doesn’t matter because Josie is the most important member anyway, but she has to fix it soon because Josie’s dad is missing two concert shows to come and see her. Her mom tells her to find someone skinny and pretty, but not skinnier and prettier than her. And a woman of color – can’t forget their branding. And in case you were wondering why Josie is the way that she is, that was your explanation.

When Hermione comes home, Veronica confronts her about kissing Fred. So glad Veronica addressed this right away. She asks if Hermione is going to leave her dad when he’s released. Hermione says that it was the first time they kissed and it just kind of happened and that she can’t really say what’s going on because she doesn’t know.

So Veronica joins in on the edge the next day as she walks into the student lounge and sees Archie practicing with Valerie. He’s all excited to tell her that Val quit her band and is going to be performing with her, totally missing that Veronica feels slighted by this. And also how it’s not really great that Valerie had a fight with her friend and left her band. So Veronica yells at him about his lack of loyalty and he’s wondering why she’s so mad, and Veronica says that his dad kissed her mom. Archie tries defending the kiss by saying that it was his understanding from his dad that they were both into it. And Veronica says, “They’re married! To other people!” It’s Archie’s counter that really just drives his obliviousness home – his parents are separated and her dad is…incarcerated. He had a moment to back track and he decided to double down. Veronica reminds him that it’s only been three months since that happened to her dad and Archie finally realizes his mistake and then tries to offer her the part back. Incredibly this makes the entire situation worse because if she accepted then where does that leave Valerie and it leaves Veronica mad because she doesn’t want Archie to do her any favors.

Veronica goes for immediate revenge by responding to the flyers that Josie and Melody are putting up looking for a new band member. She walks down the hallway as a member of Josie and the Pussycats, right by Archie and Valerie, making sure that everyone feels slighted.

And now for a major storyline shift – Betty and Jughead go to see Polly in the home for “Troubled Youth”. Jughead has to wait in the lobby, but Betty can go see Polly. And she learns the real reason why Polly was sent away – she’s pregnant. But that was kind of obvious from the talk in the previous episodes. The real twist is what Polly tells Betty about July 4th:

Jason’s parents made them break up because a Blossom dating a Cooper was abhorrent to them. But then she told him about the baby and he was super happy and they planned to run away together.

Polly packed her bags and was going to meet him on July 4th, but her parents figured it out. They had the people from the facility take her away and board her at the home for troubled youth.

She still remembers where she was supposed to meet Jason. She tells Betty exactly where it’s parked.

She has no idea that Jason is dead.

Which leaves Betty to break the news. Talk about a reunion. Polly is distressed and they make Betty leave her.

But hey, who cares about that when we can see Veronica at band rehearsal. Josie is annoyed by Veronica’s distractions and Veronica says she’s just a little stressed. Josie tries to pull the “poor little rich girl” Pot meet kettle, Josie, daughter of the mayor and a prolific jazz musician. Veronica explodes for a moment about her problems but stops mid-sentence and just decides to let it go. Josie tells her she’s sorry about her dad.

Back to Betty – She’s being held in an office when her mom bursts in to get her. She tells Betty that she’s notified if Polly gets a visitor. She and Betty start leaving with Jughead trailing behind, when they run into Polly. Polly is distraught and angry that she wasn’t told about Jason before. Alice says, “Baby it’s for your own good!” and Polly yells back, “You always say that and it’s not true!” while she’s being dragged away. Can’t possibly be good for the baby. And seriously, what kind of stuff has been going on in the Cooper household?

Meanwhile, Archie and Fred are having dinner with Hermione and Josie’s family. It’s another awkward meal! Two in one episode, what a treat! Josie and her dad are both making snide little comments that are just unnecessary for a polite dinner. Josie’s dad finds out about Val leaving the band and is clearly unhappy because he thinks Val is “the real deal”. Doubt that helps Josie’s esteem. After dinner, when Fred gives his presentation, Josie’s dad decides to be condescending to him. When he doesn’t even have any actual influence or stake in this. He’s literally just there because it’s polite to invite the whole family. Josie’s mom says she likes the presentation and wishes she could help, but the buyer is already in the process of closing the deal and it would take two shareholders’ signatures to give Fred the contract instead. So this whole dinner was a complete waste of Fred’s time. And she and Hermione knew that.

Back at the Coopers, Hal and Alice are questioning why Betty even went to see Polly. It’s super stupid. She hasn’t seen her sister in months and they didn’t even give her a real, concrete reason why she was gone. Of course she would want to go. In fact, if they had been more forthright, this whole incident wouldn’t have happened. As if Betty would not eventually figure out that her sister is expecting a child. Betty wants answers and she says considering what she heard today and putting it with other information makes her think that Hal has a motive. She points out that he was also missing from major stuff happening while Sheriff Keller’s house was broken into and she wonders if he’s the one that stole the information. Which, spot on Betty. She asks him point blank if he killed Jason. Note: This is not an appropriate way to find out if anyone committed a crime. Hal just stares at her in disbelief while Alice laughs and says there’s no way someone as spineless as Hal could actually do that and that Betty is sounding crazy like Polly. They tell her Polly’s story is all fake.

Josie and Veronica hang out at Pop’s. Wait, where was Veronica during the dinner being hosted in her apartment? Everyone else had their kids there. Josie vents about how critical and demanding her dad is about the music. Veronica tells her about Hermione and Fred kissing – that strikes me as a bad idea. They had a brief bonding moment and don’t have any real issues with each other, but that’s kind of a big thing to share with someone you don’t really know. The least number of people should be hearing about that. Josie says that Veronica should be open hearing her mom’s take on some things.

So Veronica decides to talk to her mom. But her mom talks first and tells her that she wants to award Fred the contract and she needs Veronica to sign the document. See, when they took Hiram away, he made Veronica a legal officer of Lodge Industries, so she’s the second signature that they need. Veronica is very uneasy and she asks if her mom will stop seeing Fred if she signs it; her mom says she can’t do that, so Veronica says that she can’t sign it because she wants not part in rationalizing what Hermione and Fred are doing. She storms out and her mom just forges her signature instead. This may have been avoided if her mom just explained that the business is failing and Andrews Construction is an honest business unlike the people Hiram was trying to hire.

Archie tells Val that she should perform with the Pussycats; he says he does still want to sing with her at some point in the future, but she belongs up there with them. Plus, after meeting her dad, Archie can see why Josie is the way she is. Val didn’t know that Josie’s dad was in town, and she quickly sees why Josie has been so rude.

Valerie talks to Josie and asks her why she didn’t say anything about her father coming into town. They have their heart-to-heart and Val tells her she wants back in the band. Josie says, “I guess there’s always room for one more kitten in my litter box.” Terrible phrase, not cute at all. There must be something else with cats that can be used.

They perform “I Feel Love” by Donna Summer. Out of all the Donna Summer songs they do the one that had three lines and is super inappropriate to sing in front of your parents and peers at a high school show while wearing cat leotards. But their voices do sound nice, so I guess that’s something. I haven’t liked any of the covers that Josie and the Pussycats have done so far. As they’re performing, Josie’s dad gets up and leaves. Josie can see this from the stage and has to keep it together until the end. There are only like three decent parents in this town; it’s almost comical.

While all of this was going on, Jughead went to visit Betty. He decides to by-pass the awkwardness of ringing the bell by using a tall ladder to get to Betty’s window and knocking. Where did this boy get this ladder? And the window is to the front of the house, so it’s not like it’s sneaky or subtle. Betty lets Jug in and tells him that her parents are crazy and she has to wonder if Polly is crazy too considering how she was talking the other day. (I don’t think Polly’s crazy; she was excited and animated to share everything with her sister.) Betty then wonders if she’s crazy too. Jughead consoles her and says, “We’re all crazy Betty. We’re not out parents. We’re not our families. Also….” And he kisses her. It’s very cute. But it’s during this kiss that Betty remembers Polly telling her about where Jason’s escape car was parked. They decide to go check out the validity of this.

They find the car right where Polly said it would be. And the car is all packed up. Jason’s jacket is in there along with some bags and drugs. Jughead takes a video off the trunk and Betty says they need to get the sheriff and then they can get her sister. But they’re being watched during this whole thing. They get to the school to get Sheriff Keller while Archie is performing. They can hear him in the hallway over the speakers. The sheriff says he got their text and ask what’s going on. They tell him that Polly and Jason were going to run away together and they know where the car is. Betty chooses to go with them, but she acknowledges that she heard Archie singing.

So, quickly – before Archie went on, he and Veronica apologized to each other. He does a great job and people clearly love it. And while we’re here, following the show, Archie and Valerie kiss, Josie cries and is comforted by her mom, and Veronica finds out that Andrews Construction got the contract. From Fred. While she and her mom exchange super uncomfortable looks.

But while all this was happening, the police go to Jason’s car only to find it on fire. Of course, if they had used that phone that they texted the sheriff on to call him instead and just tell him like that, they may have reached the car in time. Betty and Jughead go to get Polly, only to find the window broken with blood on some of it and Polly gone. Though in hindsight, how was Betty going to get Polly out of there? Everyone is a minor.

Questions: Who was watching Betty and Jughead? And I didn’t mention this in the recap because it’s already too long and it just really didn’t fit, but Archie had two incidents where he was freaked out by a wolf mask and some of the football players in the mask – what is that about? I guess we’ll see.